March 26, 2025 • 24 mins
"The question is not if you can do it. The question is, what is it costing you to do it?" This powerful challenge from Dr. Patrice Buckner Jackson (PBJ) forms the foundation of a transformative conversation about sustainable success for high-achieving women.
For those accustomed to powering through, your remarkable ability to handle multiple responsibilities might actually be your greatest vulnerability. You're absolutely capable—but at what price? Your strength, intelligence, and resilience have gotten you this far, but they may also blind you to the signals your body sends when you're approaching burnout.
Dr. PBJ delivers practical wisdom for resetting your rhythm even amid chaos. Whether facing work demands, caregiving responsibilities, health challenges, or educational pursuits, waiting until life calms down to implement rest practices isn't realistic. Instead, she introduces the STOP plan for incorporating micro-breaks into your daily routine, emphasizing that rest isn't what happens after everything else—it's a priority that makes everything else possible.
Through real-life examples including completing her dissertation while working full-time and observing a friend navigate a devastating diagnosis, Dr. PBJ illustrates how accepting your current season and adjusting expectations accordingly isn't weakness but wisdom. The powerful "big rocks" analogy reminds us that rest deserves prime position in our planning, not whatever space remains after filling our lives with smaller obligations.
As Dr. PBJ powerfully states, "Overwhelm is the whisper, burnout is the demand." Your body will eventually force you to stop if you don't choose to do so intentionally. Click the link to grab your STOP plan and learn how to honor your nervous system before it demands attention in ways and at times not of your choosing.
Upgrade to Premium Membership to access the Disrupting Burnout audiobook and other bonus content: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1213895/supporters/new
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
And let me say this as well this is not about your
ability, because you can say,pbj, I can do it and I believe
you, I know you can.
The question is not if you cando it.
The question is, what is itcosting you to do it?
So many professional women thatI speak to, because you have
(00:23):
the ability, because you areintelligent, because you are
strong, because you've beenthrough trouble before, because
you know how to navigate it, youthink that you can continue to
take on the weight that you takeon, just because you can.
And I'm here to tell you I knowyou can.
Yes, I believe you, you'reright, but the question is not
(00:47):
can you?
The question is, what are youwilling to pay?
Hey, friend, welcome to anotherepisode of the Disrupting
Burnout podcast, where we aregiving you the strategies for
pouring out purpose withoutcontinuing to live through the
consequences of burnout.
Friend, I am Dr PatriceBuckner-Jackson and you can call
(01:09):
me PBJ, and it is my honor toserve you.
Listen, if you're watching, ifyou normally listen, these
episodes are up on YouTube aswell.
If you're watching, you may sayPBJ, where are you?
That is not your normalbackground.
And you're watching.
You may say PPJ, where are you?
That is not your normalbackground, and you are right, I
am on the road.
(01:30):
Right now, I'm in Syracuse, newYork.
Today I'm serving in Oswego andthen tomorrow I'm serving in
Syracuse, and then I go home thenext day.
So, yes, this is not my normalspace.
This is not my normal studio.
Okay, I'm not at the house, butI just want to make sure that I
(01:52):
keep these episodes going, nomatter where I am.
So welcome to the road tripwith me.
I'm glad you are here, friend.
Today I want to spend a littlebit more time talking to you
about what it practically lookslike to reset your rhythm.
I know that we've already hadan episode where I gave you tips
(02:14):
on what you can do, but I wantto give you some real life
examples today and show you how,in the midst of everything, you
can still stop, you can stillhave a micro break, you can
still have a purposeful pause.
So let's get into it.
I want to give you some realexamples today, and I want to
(02:37):
start with.
We could call it the bad news,if that's what you want to call
it.
Friend, we're not going toescape this chaos.
Whatever the chaos is aroundyou, you can name it, friend,
name it.
We're not going to escape thischaos.
We're going to have to walkthrough this and it won't last
forever, and I truly believe.
(02:59):
I know it.
I'm holding on to hope and I'mholding on to joy that trouble
don't last always and everythingeventually is going to be all
right.
But while we are in the midstof chaos, I want you to know
that you've got to learn how tolive and thrive even in the
midst of it.
You cannot wait until it's over,and everybody's chaos is a
(03:23):
little bit different.
Your chaos may be differentdemands at work, changing
pressures at work, or changingexpectations, or having to prove
that you do your work.
Your chaos may be the sicknessof a child or a spouse, and now
you are a caregiver on top ofeverything else.
(03:44):
Your chaos may be your owndiagnosis and something that you
did not expect.
Your chaos may be that you'retrying to complete a degree on
top of working, on top of takingcare of family, on top of
having friends.
Your chaos may be you're takingcare of aging parents and we
don't have that conversationenough, I know.
(04:05):
For me I don't feel like I hadthat conversation enough of when
your children have moved on,but you still kind of take care
of them.
And also now your parents arein a stage of life where they
need you more.
There's a whole lot of chaosgoing on.
Maybe you have lost a job, orthere are threats that you may
be losing your jobs, or freezesor cuts.
(04:27):
Friend, this is not a chaosthat we're just going to escape.
You can go to a different joband still be in chaos.
You can move to a differentcity and still be in chaos.
So the answer right now is notescape.
We have to build a muscle, wehave to build strategy, we have
(04:48):
to have tools for how to walkthrough the chaos, and that is
what I want to talk to you abouttoday, pbj.
I can't stop.
I don't have time to stop.
If I stop, all of this fallsapart.
We're short-staffed.
I don't have anybody that cantake my place at work.
(05:09):
I don't have support at home orat work to stop.
Friends, if any of thesethoughts come to mind when you
think about taking a break, youare the person who needs to stop
the most.
I want to offer you our stopplan Simple.
(05:30):
I want you to use the samestrategies and wisdom and skills
that you use at work and I'mgoing to guide you to using
those strategies to plan microbreaks.
I'm not talking about a month'ssabbatical, but can you
incorporate micro breaks intoyour life as a regular rhythm of
(05:51):
rest so that while you areserving, while you are giving,
you can have moments of revival,so that you can live the life
you're living sustainably?
Friend, you need to grab thisstop plan.
Make sure to click the link inthe show notes or wherever
you're watching or listening tothis, so that you can get what
(06:14):
you need right now.
It can't wait.
I know you do a wonderful job,but people don't know what it
costs you to be you, and youknow what the cost has been.
It's time to stop.
Grab the plan today.
And let me say this as well thisis not about your ability,
(06:37):
because you can say PBJ, I cando it and I believe you.
I know you can.
The question is not if you cando it.
The question is what is not ifyou can do it.
The question is what is itcosting you to do it?
So many professional women thatI speak to because you have the
ability, because you areintelligent, because you are
(06:59):
strong, because you've beenthrough trouble before because
you know how to navigate it.
You think that you can continueto take on the weight that you
take on, just because you can,and I'm here to tell you.
I know you can.
Yes, I believe you.
You're right.
But the question is not can you?
The question is what are youwilling to pay?
(07:21):
Because you do have the ability, but it is costing you to serve
the way that you serve.
So this is not about throwingaway all of your
responsibilities.
There are some things that youprobably need to trim, and
that's just the reality.
You can have it all, but youcan't have it all at the same
time.
There are some things that youprobably need to trim, but even
(07:45):
after trimming, your hands willstill be full because you are
that person, you are that girl,you are that woman, you are that
person.
You will always have your handsfull.
That's who you are.
So I want you to consider howyou're carrying the weight.
How are you carrying the loadof your life and your
(08:11):
responsibilities?
You have to change the way youare carrying the weight.
If you've been in a workshopwith me or you've seen me post
on social media when I do, thisexample of carrying our baggage
and all of the bags represent adifferent responsibility in our
lives and how we're walkingaround with all this weight all
(08:31):
the time and how it's wearing usout and tearing us up and
causing us to be in the throesof burnout.
It's not about throwing awaythe baggage, but it is about
choosing the priority of themoment, putting everything else
down, picking up the priority,focusing on that priority.
(08:52):
Then, when it's time to switch,you switch priorities and you
don't feel guilty about it.
And rest is when you put all ofthe baggage down, to pause, to
take a mini break, not exchangea heavy bag for a lighter bag.
We talked about task switching,but real rest is when you lay
(09:15):
all your burdens down for amoment just to allow your body,
your brain, your mind, yournervous system to recover.
So let's talk about how toadjust our rhythm, how to reset
our rhythm when we're in themidst of it and everything is
(09:36):
happening.
I want to give you a fewexamples just to show you and
these examples may not be yours,but just a few examples in real
life of what this might looklike.
I thought about when I wascompleting my doctoral degree
and writing my dissertation, andI've shared with you before how
(09:59):
sometimes that was staying upall night, because that was the
time that worked for me, right?
So I'm not suggesting thatanybody else do that worked for
me, right?
So I'm not suggesting thatanybody else do that, but that's
what worked for me big chunksof time where I could write,
because I was dedicating bigchunks of time to writing,
because I had a full-timedemanding job, because I had a
(10:19):
family to take care of.
There was not a whole lot ofother things in my life during
that season.
There wasn't a lot of hangingout, going out, showing up at
this place, eating out, goingshopping all of that at that
time because my capacity, thecapacity was limited because of
the big project, because of theseason that I was in.
(10:43):
So I want you to think aboutwhat is your capacity right now,
how is your capacity being usedand what do you have to set
aside in order to incorporatethe things that really matter?
There's this idea, this theoryabout putting the big rocks in
(11:04):
first.
I don't know who to attributethis to, but I've heard it over
and over about.
When you're trying to manageyour time.
I want you to think abouthaving a jar and you've got some
big rocks and then you've gotsome little pebbles, and the big
rocks are the bigger projects,the bigger priorities, and then
the little pebbles are the otherthings that you're called to
drawn to pulled to right.
(11:25):
And the theory is that you'recalled to drawn to pulled to
right and the theory is that youput your big rocks in the jar
first, because if you fill thejar with the little pebbles,
your big rocks are not going tofit in there, so you put the big
rocks in first and then you fitin pebbles where you can.
So if we think about putting ourbig rocks in first, I want you
to know that rest and recoveryis a big rock and it should
(11:50):
always be a big rock.
And I'm not saying that ittakes up an absorbent amount of
time.
What I am saying is it is apriority, it is necessary, it is
critical, it is vital for youto prioritize rest.
So resetting your rhythm lookslike in the midst of this busy
(12:13):
time, in the midst of trying tocomplete this degree, how am I
going to fit in?
I'm not going to try to putrest in.
After all, the little pebblesare already in.
No, if you are a full timestudent, I got this work that
I'm doing, I got this familythat I'm doing and I got this
job that I'm doing and I gotrest and everything else.
(12:34):
If it fits can fit around that,but if it doesn't fit, it's not
happening right now.
So there are a lot of thingswhen you are, when you're
pursuing a further education,when you are working on a big
project at work, maybe you'redoing research.
(12:55):
If you're a faculty member,maybe you are going after a
grant.
There are a lot of littlepebbles Doesn't mean you don't
care about those pebbles, butthere are a lot of little
pebbles that you have to setaside because there's just no
room for them in this season.
As I continue to think throughthis, I thought about having
busy times at work, right?
So you all know that mybackground is in higher
(13:18):
education, specifically studentaffairs, and it's always busy in
student affairs, right, it'salways busy, but there are
significantly busy times, right?
So August move-in start ofschool is a significantly busy
time.
Spring move-in all of ourmove-outs commencement time,
(13:39):
specifically in housing.
There are times where you'reinterviewing the RAs for next
year and you're takingapplications for students who
want to live on campus andyou're interviewing people to
add to your team professionalpeople and you've got all these
deadlines and programs andthings happening.
When you're in the midst of allof that, what does resetting the
rhythm look like, pbj?
(14:01):
Well, resetting the rhythmlooks like embracing progress
over perfection andunderstanding that everything is
not going to be top-notch.
Hit, hit it out the park.
And I'm not saying do a halfjob at work.
I'm saying be realistic and youneed to let some things go.
Maybe that program didn't.
(14:22):
It wasn't executed to the levelthat you would like.
Maybe, um, the the way thatyou're engaging with friends
right now is not what you desire.
You're going to have to acceptprogress over perfection.
It reminds me of when I waswriting my book and as I began
(14:43):
the writing, I had such a hardtime writing because I was
trying to edit it as I waswriting.
I wanted it to be perfect firsttime on the page and it stopped
me in my tracks.
My thoughts could not be clear,they could not flow because I
was trying to perfect it as Iwas writing it.
But as soon as I embracedprogress over perfection and I
(15:05):
just wrote I mean foolishness,just whatever, whatever.
And I just wrote.
I mean foolishness, justwhatever.
Whatever came out just wrote.
I didn't think about editing, Ididn't think about grammar, I
didn't think about voice, Ididn't think about none of that.
I just got it out of me andbefore I knew it I had 12
chapters of a book and that gaveme the opportunity.
Now I can go back and read itfor editing.
(15:26):
Now I can share it out withsome beta readers so that they
can give me some feedback and Ican edit some more.
Then I read it again, edit somemore.
Then I work with a professionaleditor.
By the time you all got it, ithad been edited several rounds.
I had read it.
I can't even tell you thenumber of times I read that book
.
I was so sick of it by the timeI gave it to y'all and I love
(15:48):
it, but I was sick of it.
I was sick of reading itbecause we had edited it so many
times and y'all even when yougot it.
It's not perfect.
Even when I'm reading it now,I'm like dang, I missed that
word right there, or I missedthat punctuation right there.
But I tell you it's changinglives.
I know it is because you'retelling me it is and it didn't
(16:10):
have to be perfect to do thatwhen I stand before an
organization or a group ofpeople to share.
My presentations aren't perfect.
Sometimes I'm stumbling over mywords, sometimes I forget to
say something significant.
It's not perfect, but it neverfails for somebody to come up to
me in tears and say thischanged my life.
I've had people come back andsay this saved my life today,
(16:36):
and that's no credit to me.
That's all God.
But I want you to know it's inmy imperfection that is
happening.
It's not in me trying to crossall the t's and dot all the I's,
but it's in me being willing,being willing to just show up
and do my best.
So sometimes you got to giveyourself the grace to show up
(16:57):
and do your best.
And in the midst of the crazy,you've got to find moments to
stop, know when your body, whenyour nervous system, is telling
you you're overwhelmed.
I call them tails.
What are your tails?
The headache, the muscletensions, the system issues, the
digestive issues, the inabilityto sleep, the all I want to do
(17:20):
is sleep.
The crying or the need to cry,but you can't let it out.
These are all tails.
Recognize the heart beatingfast.
Recognize when your body issaying oh, we are overwhelmed
right now and stop.
Stop for five minutes, 10minutes, 15 minutes, half a day,
(17:43):
whatever you can do, but stop.
The only thing you can do tointerrupt, to disrupt that level
of overwhelm is to stop.
That is the answer and you havegot to embrace the stop,
especially, not just even in,especially in the chaos.
(18:05):
You got to stop, you got tostop.
I'll give you one more exampleand then I'm going to let you go
.
I have a very good friend whoreceived a devastating diagnosis
the day after Christmas.
This person went from livingtheir life to life interrupted,
(18:28):
life disrupted, and they arewalking through treatment right
now.
Life disrupted and they arewalking through treatment right
now.
And what I am learning from myfriend, as they are walking
through this, is you have to getto a point where you accept the
season you are in.
The longer you fight it, thelonger you grieve over it, and I
(18:56):
believe the grieving isnecessary.
I do, I do.
I believe the grieving isnecessary, but I do believe you
can grieve too long and you canremain in grief and it will add
to the weight of your season.
It will add to the weight ofyour season, but the sooner you
(19:18):
accept.
Oh yeah, it's crazy right nowand it's going to be crazy for a
minute.
So I need to adjust my life likeI'm living through a crazy
season.
I can no longer pretend thatthings are normal.
Whatever normal is today, Icannot pretend that things are
normal anymore.
I have to accept that I'mliving in the midst of a crazy
time and because I'm living inthe midst of a crazy time, I
(19:41):
have to adjust my rhythm.
I have to adjust the way thatI'm approaching life.
My friend is a mom, my friendis a wife, my friend is a
minister, my friend is a wife,my friend is a minister, my
friend is a business owner, myfriend is normally physically
active and all of those thingshave had to adjust because of
(20:04):
this new season that they are inand I have watched how they
have walked through the angerand the frustration and the
overwhelm and the grief and nowwalking into a season of
acceptance and adjustment wherethey were preparing for a
marathon.
Now walking two laps is a winand they get up and they do it
(20:30):
as many days as they can and onthe days that they can't, they
release it and say it's nothappening.
Today we're going to all thechildren's events, the dance
competitions and the baseballgames and the football games and
all the things was regular life.
Now this person is allowingtheir community to support them
and they go when they can andwhen they can't, they honor
(20:53):
their body.
Friend, I don't know what seasonyou're in, I don't know what
your chaos is, but you're goingto have to accept the fact that
you're in chaos, that you'rewalking through change, that the
pressure is heavy right now,that your load is heavy right
now and you've got to adjustyour life to honor the season
(21:15):
you are in.
There is no award or badge forpowering through.
There is no pat on the back forpushing beyond what you can do.
We're not doing that anymore.
We're not in a season where wecan.
If we don't choose, our bodieschoose.
(21:37):
For us, overwhelm is thewhisper, burnout is the demand.
You will stop and it will be ina way and in a time that is not
convenient for you and not theway you want.
Honor the season you are in.
(21:58):
Reset your rhythm, incorporaterest as a priority.
Trim everything that is notneeded, friend.
I'm talking conversations thatare not helpful, friendships
that don't help you grow, mediathat's causing you anxiety.
I'm talking about fear that istormenting you.
(22:19):
I'm talking about readinganything that is not helpful and
nourishing to you.
Trim everything that is nothelpful.
Trim everything that is holdingyou back, that is holding you
down, that is costing you morethan it's worth.
Trim it.
This is not the season to holdon to foolishness.
(22:40):
Let it go.
Let it go.
Find the place where you candig your heels in and you can
stand and sustain through thechaos.
And that's not going to happenwithout a regular rhythm of rest
.
That's not going to happen withyou carrying the weight of
(23:04):
perfection.
It's only going to happen byyou resetting your rhythm,
listening to your body, honoringyour nervous system and doing
the things that are assigned toyour hands right now, and
releasing everything else,because that's where we are,
(23:25):
that's where we are All right,friend, that's what I have for
you.
I could not avoid giving youthis message today, so I hope
you got what you needed, asalways.
As always, you are powerful,you are significant, you are
brilliant and you are loved.
(23:47):
There's nobody else like you.
You are specifically anduniquely created and there's no
replacement for you.
We need you, so I need you toprotect yourself.
All right, I'll see you nexttime.
Bye, bye.
And let me say this as well this is not about your
ability, because you can say,pbj, I can do it and I believe
you, I know you can.
The question is not if you cando it.
The question is, what is itcosting you to do it?
So many professional women thatI speak to, because you have
(00:23):
the ability, because you areintelligent, because you are
strong, because you've beenthrough trouble before, because
you know how to navigate it, youthink that you can continue to
take on the weight that you takeon, just because you can.
And I'm here to tell you I knowyou can.
Yes, I believe you, you'reright, but the question is not
(00:47):
can you?
The question is, what are youwilling to pay?
Hey, friend, welcome to anotherepisode of the Disrupting
Burnout podcast, where we aregiving you the strategies for
pouring out purpose withoutcontinuing to live through the
consequences of burnout.
Friend, I am Dr PatriceBuckner-Jackson and you can call
(01:09):
me PBJ, and it is my honor toserve you.
Listen, if you're watching, ifyou normally listen, these
episodes are up on YouTube aswell.
If you're watching, you may sayPBJ, where are you?
That is not your normalbackground.
And you're watching.
You may say PPJ, where are you?
That is not your normalbackground, and you are right, I
am on the road.
(01:30):
Right now, I'm in Syracuse, newYork.
Today I'm serving in Oswego andthen tomorrow I'm serving in
Syracuse, and then I go home thenext day.
So, yes, this is not my normalspace.
This is not my normal studio.
Okay, I'm not at the house, butI just want to make sure that I
(01:52):
keep these episodes going, nomatter where I am.
So welcome to the road tripwith me.
I'm glad you are here, friend.
Today I want to spend a littlebit more time talking to you
about what it practically lookslike to reset your rhythm.
I know that we've already hadan episode where I gave you tips
(02:14):
on what you can do, but I wantto give you some real life
examples today and show you how,in the midst of everything, you
can still stop, you can stillhave a micro break, you can
still have a purposeful pause.
So let's get into it.
I want to give you some realexamples today, and I want to
(02:37):
start with.
We could call it the bad news,if that's what you want to call
it.
Friend, we're not going toescape this chaos.
Whatever the chaos is aroundyou, you can name it, friend,
name it.
We're not going to escape thischaos.
We're going to have to walkthrough this and it won't last
forever, and I truly believe.
(02:59):
I know it.
I'm holding on to hope and I'mholding on to joy that trouble
don't last always and everythingeventually is going to be all
right.
But while we are in the midstof chaos, I want you to know
that you've got to learn how tolive and thrive even in the
midst of it.
You cannot wait until it's over,and everybody's chaos is a
(03:23):
little bit different.
Your chaos may be differentdemands at work, changing
pressures at work, or changingexpectations, or having to prove
that you do your work.
Your chaos may be the sicknessof a child or a spouse, and now
you are a caregiver on top ofeverything else.
(03:44):
Your chaos may be your owndiagnosis and something that you
did not expect.
Your chaos may be that you'retrying to complete a degree on
top of working, on top of takingcare of family, on top of
having friends.
Your chaos may be you're takingcare of aging parents and we
don't have that conversationenough, I know.
(04:05):
For me I don't feel like I hadthat conversation enough of when
your children have moved on,but you still kind of take care
of them.
And also now your parents arein a stage of life where they
need you more.
There's a whole lot of chaosgoing on.
Maybe you have lost a job, orthere are threats that you may
be losing your jobs, or freezesor cuts.
(04:27):
Friend, this is not a chaosthat we're just going to escape.
You can go to a different joband still be in chaos.
You can move to a differentcity and still be in chaos.
So the answer right now is notescape.
We have to build a muscle, wehave to build strategy, we have
(04:48):
to have tools for how to walkthrough the chaos, and that is
what I want to talk to you abouttoday, pbj.
I can't stop.
I don't have time to stop.
If I stop, all of this fallsapart.
We're short-staffed.
I don't have anybody that cantake my place at work.
(05:09):
I don't have support at home orat work to stop.
Friends, if any of thesethoughts come to mind when you
think about taking a break, youare the person who needs to stop
the most.
I want to offer you our stopplan Simple.
(05:30):
I want you to use the samestrategies and wisdom and skills
that you use at work and I'mgoing to guide you to using
those strategies to plan microbreaks.
I'm not talking about a month'ssabbatical, but can you
incorporate micro breaks intoyour life as a regular rhythm of
(05:51):
rest so that while you areserving, while you are giving,
you can have moments of revival,so that you can live the life
you're living sustainably?
Friend, you need to grab thisstop plan.
Make sure to click the link inthe show notes or wherever
you're watching or listening tothis, so that you can get what
(06:14):
you need right now.
It can't wait.
I know you do a wonderful job,but people don't know what it
costs you to be you, and youknow what the cost has been.
It's time to stop.
Grab the plan today.
And let me say this as well thisis not about your ability,
(06:37):
because you can say PBJ, I cando it and I believe you.
I know you can.
The question is not if you cando it.
The question is what is not ifyou can do it.
The question is what is itcosting you to do it?
So many professional women thatI speak to because you have the
ability, because you areintelligent, because you are
(06:59):
strong, because you've beenthrough trouble before because
you know how to navigate it.
You think that you can continueto take on the weight that you
take on, just because you can,and I'm here to tell you.
I know you can.
Yes, I believe you.
You're right.
But the question is not can you?
The question is what are youwilling to pay?
(07:21):
Because you do have the ability, but it is costing you to serve
the way that you serve.
So this is not about throwingaway all of your
responsibilities.
There are some things that youprobably need to trim, and
that's just the reality.
You can have it all, but youcan't have it all at the same
time.
There are some things that youprobably need to trim, but even
(07:45):
after trimming, your hands willstill be full because you are
that person, you are that girl,you are that woman, you are that
person.
You will always have your handsfull.
That's who you are.
So I want you to consider howyou're carrying the weight.
How are you carrying the loadof your life and your
(08:11):
responsibilities?
You have to change the way youare carrying the weight.
If you've been in a workshopwith me or you've seen me post
on social media when I do, thisexample of carrying our baggage
and all of the bags represent adifferent responsibility in our
lives and how we're walkingaround with all this weight all
(08:31):
the time and how it's wearing usout and tearing us up and
causing us to be in the throesof burnout.
It's not about throwing awaythe baggage, but it is about
choosing the priority of themoment, putting everything else
down, picking up the priority,focusing on that priority.
(08:52):
Then, when it's time to switch,you switch priorities and you
don't feel guilty about it.
And rest is when you put all ofthe baggage down, to pause, to
take a mini break, not exchangea heavy bag for a lighter bag.
We talked about task switching,but real rest is when you lay
(09:15):
all your burdens down for amoment just to allow your body,
your brain, your mind, yournervous system to recover.
So let's talk about how toadjust our rhythm, how to reset
our rhythm when we're in themidst of it and everything is
(09:36):
happening.
I want to give you a fewexamples just to show you and
these examples may not be yours,but just a few examples in real
life of what this might looklike.
I thought about when I wascompleting my doctoral degree
and writing my dissertation, andI've shared with you before how
(09:59):
sometimes that was staying upall night, because that was the
time that worked for me, right?
So I'm not suggesting thatanybody else do that worked for
me, right?
So I'm not suggesting thatanybody else do that, but that's
what worked for me big chunksof time where I could write,
because I was dedicating bigchunks of time to writing,
because I had a full-timedemanding job, because I had a
(10:19):
family to take care of.
There was not a whole lot ofother things in my life during
that season.
There wasn't a lot of hangingout, going out, showing up at
this place, eating out, goingshopping all of that at that
time because my capacity, thecapacity was limited because of
the big project, because of theseason that I was in.
(10:43):
So I want you to think aboutwhat is your capacity right now,
how is your capacity being usedand what do you have to set
aside in order to incorporatethe things that really matter?
There's this idea, this theoryabout putting the big rocks in
(11:04):
first.
I don't know who to attributethis to, but I've heard it over
and over about.
When you're trying to manageyour time.
I want you to think abouthaving a jar and you've got some
big rocks and then you've gotsome little pebbles, and the big
rocks are the bigger projects,the bigger priorities, and then
the little pebbles are the otherthings that you're called to
drawn to pulled to right.
(11:25):
And the theory is that you'recalled to drawn to pulled to
right and the theory is that youput your big rocks in the jar
first, because if you fill thejar with the little pebbles,
your big rocks are not going tofit in there, so you put the big
rocks in first and then you fitin pebbles where you can.
So if we think about putting ourbig rocks in first, I want you
to know that rest and recoveryis a big rock and it should
(11:50):
always be a big rock.
And I'm not saying that ittakes up an absorbent amount of
time.
What I am saying is it is apriority, it is necessary, it is
critical, it is vital for youto prioritize rest.
So resetting your rhythm lookslike in the midst of this busy
(12:13):
time, in the midst of trying tocomplete this degree, how am I
going to fit in?
I'm not going to try to putrest in.
After all, the little pebblesare already in.
No, if you are a full timestudent, I got this work that
I'm doing, I got this familythat I'm doing and I got this
job that I'm doing and I gotrest and everything else.
(12:34):
If it fits can fit around that,but if it doesn't fit, it's not
happening right now.
So there are a lot of thingswhen you are, when you're
pursuing a further education,when you are working on a big
project at work, maybe you'redoing research.
(12:55):
If you're a faculty member,maybe you are going after a
grant.
There are a lot of littlepebbles Doesn't mean you don't
care about those pebbles, butthere are a lot of little
pebbles that you have to setaside because there's just no
room for them in this season.
As I continue to think throughthis, I thought about having
busy times at work, right?
So you all know that mybackground is in higher
(13:18):
education, specifically studentaffairs, and it's always busy in
student affairs, right, it'salways busy, but there are
significantly busy times, right?
So August move-in start ofschool is a significantly busy
time.
Spring move-in all of ourmove-outs commencement time,
(13:39):
specifically in housing.
There are times where you'reinterviewing the RAs for next
year and you're takingapplications for students who
want to live on campus andyou're interviewing people to
add to your team professionalpeople and you've got all these
deadlines and programs andthings happening.
When you're in the midst of allof that, what does resetting the
rhythm look like, pbj?
(14:01):
Well, resetting the rhythmlooks like embracing progress
over perfection andunderstanding that everything is
not going to be top-notch.
Hit, hit it out the park.
And I'm not saying do a halfjob at work.
I'm saying be realistic and youneed to let some things go.
Maybe that program didn't.
(14:22):
It wasn't executed to the levelthat you would like.
Maybe, um, the the way thatyou're engaging with friends
right now is not what you desire.
You're going to have to acceptprogress over perfection.
It reminds me of when I waswriting my book and as I began
(14:43):
the writing, I had such a hardtime writing because I was
trying to edit it as I waswriting.
I wanted it to be perfect firsttime on the page and it stopped
me in my tracks.
My thoughts could not be clear,they could not flow because I
was trying to perfect it as Iwas writing it.
But as soon as I embracedprogress over perfection and I
(15:05):
just wrote I mean foolishness,just whatever, whatever.
And I just wrote.
I mean foolishness, justwhatever.
Whatever came out just wrote.
I didn't think about editing, Ididn't think about grammar, I
didn't think about voice, Ididn't think about none of that.
I just got it out of me andbefore I knew it I had 12
chapters of a book and that gaveme the opportunity.
Now I can go back and read itfor editing.
(15:26):
Now I can share it out withsome beta readers so that they
can give me some feedback and Ican edit some more.
Then I read it again, edit somemore.
Then I work with a professionaleditor.
By the time you all got it, ithad been edited several rounds.
I had read it.
I can't even tell you thenumber of times I read that book
.
I was so sick of it by the timeI gave it to y'all and I love
(15:48):
it, but I was sick of it.
I was sick of reading itbecause we had edited it so many
times and y'all even when yougot it.
It's not perfect.
Even when I'm reading it now,I'm like dang, I missed that
word right there, or I missedthat punctuation right there.
But I tell you it's changinglives.
I know it is because you'retelling me it is and it didn't
(16:10):
have to be perfect to do thatwhen I stand before an
organization or a group ofpeople to share.
My presentations aren't perfect.
Sometimes I'm stumbling over mywords, sometimes I forget to
say something significant.
It's not perfect, but it neverfails for somebody to come up to
me in tears and say thischanged my life.
I've had people come back andsay this saved my life today,
(16:36):
and that's no credit to me.
That's all God.
But I want you to know it's inmy imperfection that is
happening.
It's not in me trying to crossall the t's and dot all the I's,
but it's in me being willing,being willing to just show up
and do my best.
So sometimes you got to giveyourself the grace to show up
(16:57):
and do your best.
And in the midst of the crazy,you've got to find moments to
stop, know when your body, whenyour nervous system, is telling
you you're overwhelmed.
I call them tails.
What are your tails?
The headache, the muscletensions, the system issues, the
digestive issues, the inabilityto sleep, the all I want to do
(17:20):
is sleep.
The crying or the need to cry,but you can't let it out.
These are all tails.
Recognize the heart beatingfast.
Recognize when your body issaying oh, we are overwhelmed
right now and stop.
Stop for five minutes, 10minutes, 15 minutes, half a day,
(17:43):
whatever you can do, but stop.
The only thing you can do tointerrupt, to disrupt that level
of overwhelm is to stop.
That is the answer and you havegot to embrace the stop,
especially, not just even in,especially in the chaos.
(18:05):
You got to stop, you got tostop.
I'll give you one more exampleand then I'm going to let you go
.
I have a very good friend whoreceived a devastating diagnosis
the day after Christmas.
This person went from livingtheir life to life interrupted,
(18:28):
life disrupted, and they arewalking through treatment right
now.
Life disrupted and they arewalking through treatment right
now.
And what I am learning from myfriend, as they are walking
through this, is you have to getto a point where you accept the
season you are in.
The longer you fight it, thelonger you grieve over it, and I
(18:56):
believe the grieving isnecessary.
I do, I do.
I believe the grieving isnecessary, but I do believe you
can grieve too long and you canremain in grief and it will add
to the weight of your season.
It will add to the weight ofyour season, but the sooner you
(19:18):
accept.
Oh yeah, it's crazy right nowand it's going to be crazy for a
minute.
So I need to adjust my life likeI'm living through a crazy
season.
I can no longer pretend thatthings are normal.
Whatever normal is today, Icannot pretend that things are
normal anymore.
I have to accept that I'mliving in the midst of a crazy
time and because I'm living inthe midst of a crazy time, I
(19:41):
have to adjust my rhythm.
I have to adjust the way thatI'm approaching life.
My friend is a mom, my friendis a wife, my friend is a
minister, my friend is a wife,my friend is a minister, my
friend is a business owner, myfriend is normally physically
active and all of those thingshave had to adjust because of
(20:04):
this new season that they are inand I have watched how they
have walked through the angerand the frustration and the
overwhelm and the grief and nowwalking into a season of
acceptance and adjustment wherethey were preparing for a
marathon.
Now walking two laps is a winand they get up and they do it
(20:30):
as many days as they can and onthe days that they can't, they
release it and say it's nothappening.
Today we're going to all thechildren's events, the dance
competitions and the baseballgames and the football games and
all the things was regular life.
Now this person is allowingtheir community to support them
and they go when they can andwhen they can't, they honor
(20:53):
their body.
Friend, I don't know what seasonyou're in, I don't know what
your chaos is, but you're goingto have to accept the fact that
you're in chaos, that you'rewalking through change, that the
pressure is heavy right now,that your load is heavy right
now and you've got to adjustyour life to honor the season
(21:15):
you are in.
There is no award or badge forpowering through.
There is no pat on the back forpushing beyond what you can do.
We're not doing that anymore.
We're not in a season where wecan.
If we don't choose, our bodieschoose.
(21:37):
For us, overwhelm is thewhisper, burnout is the demand.
You will stop and it will be ina way and in a time that is not
convenient for you and not theway you want.
Honor the season you are in.
(21:58):
Reset your rhythm, incorporaterest as a priority.
Trim everything that is notneeded, friend.
I'm talking conversations thatare not helpful, friendships
that don't help you grow, mediathat's causing you anxiety.
I'm talking about fear that istormenting you.
(22:19):
I'm talking about readinganything that is not helpful and
nourishing to you.
Trim everything that is nothelpful.
Trim everything that is holdingyou back, that is holding you
down, that is costing you morethan it's worth.
Trim it.
This is not the season to holdon to foolishness.
(22:40):
Let it go.
Let it go.
Find the place where you candig your heels in and you can
stand and sustain through thechaos.
And that's not going to happenwithout a regular rhythm of rest
.
That's not going to happen withyou carrying the weight of
(23:04):
perfection.
It's only going to happen byyou resetting your rhythm,
listening to your body, honoringyour nervous system and doing
the things that are assigned toyour hands right now, and
releasing everything else,because that's where we are,
(23:25):
that's where we are All right,friend, that's what I have for
you.
I could not avoid giving youthis message today, so I hope
you got what you needed, asalways.
As always, you are powerful,you are significant, you are
brilliant and you are loved.
(23:47):
There's nobody else like you.
You are specifically anduniquely created and there's no
replacement for you.
We need you, so I need you toprotect yourself.
All right, I'll see you nexttime.
Bye, bye.
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