April 23, 2025 • 27 mins
Some days in education leave scars on our hearts that never fully heal. On the tenth anniversary of a tragic accident that claimed the lives of five nursing students, I'm taking you behind the scenes of crisis leadership on a college campus.
When I was serving as Dean of Students at Georgia Southern University, I couldn't have known that an urgent summons from our police chief would plunge me into one of the most challenging experiences of my career. From the frantic moments of identifying victims to the heart-wrenching task of notifying families and supporting a grieving campus community, this episode offers an intimate look at the realities of campus crisis management.
Beyond sharing memories of our five nursing students - Caitlyn, Morgan, Emily, Abbie, and McKay - I'm opening up about what I wish someone had told me about caring for myself while caring for others. Crisis leadership exacts a toll that many administrators silently bear, often at great personal cost. Drawing from my experience across multiple campus tragedies, I share critical wisdom about establishing your foundation before crisis hits, knowing when to take essential breaks during the chaos, building trustworthy teams that can withstand pressure, and why seeking professional help afterward isn't optional.
Whether you're an administrator, counselor, teacher or leader who has faced tragedy or wants to be prepared when it comes, this conversation offers both practical guidance and permission to acknowledge your own humanity. Crisis may be part of our work in education, but it doesn't have to cost us our wellbeing.
Have you supported others through crisis? I'd love to hear what helped you navigate those difficult waters. Share your experience or reach out for support - we're stronger when we acknowledge that even the helpers need healing.
Upgrade to Premium Membership to access the Disrupting Burnout audiobook and other bonus content: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1213895/supporters/new
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Good thing I had to drive across campus and that
gave me a few minutes for me topray, like that gave me a few
minutes.
Lord, I don't know what I'mwalking into, I don't know
what's going on, but you knowand I trust you Y'all work with
me today.
Okay, hey friend, I am DrPatrice Buckner-Jackson, but you
(00:23):
can call me PBJ.
Hey friend, I am Dr PatriceBuckner-Jackson, but you can
call me PBJ.
Welcome to another episode ofDisrupting Burnout, where we are
giving educators the strategiesfor pouring out purpose without
burning out.
Friend, I got to tell youtoday's episode is going to be a
little bit different.
So, before I even get started,I want to encourage you to take
(00:43):
care of your heart, decide whenand if you want to hear this
episode, have this conversationwith me.
Today.
I need to talk about the crisismanagers, the leaders that are
faced with crisis and tragedy onour campuses, at our schools,
(01:04):
and the things that I've learnedas a crisis manager that you
need to do for yourself.
So I want to encourage you,especially if you were my
colleague or my student atGeorgia Southern University, if
you have faced or dealt with atragedy recently or any time in
your life I'm thinking of mycolleagues and the students at
(01:27):
Florida State University and therecent shooting on their campus
and two lives lost and peoplerecovering and I can't even name
them all which is a tragedy initself.
So I want you to take care ofyour heart, take care of
yourself, but I feel compelledto share and I appreciate having
(01:49):
this space with you that I canshare not just my knowledge, not
just my research, but where Ican share my heart.
So let's get into it.
Today is April 22nd 2025.
Today is April 22nd 2025.
And I tell you the date becausetoday marks 10 years since the
(02:13):
most.
I want to be careful how I saythis, because let me just tell
you what happened and then I'llcome back and share why I had to
take that pause.
If you're wondering, sorry.
(02:33):
If you're watching, you're likePBJ, where are you Sorry?
So I'm in Las Vegas, nevada,today.
I am giving a keynote in a fewhours to the National WIC
Association Women, infants andChildren, and it's an honor to
serve them.
But I wanted to come and sharewith you first, so that I can be
(03:00):
free to share with them laterwhat I need to tell them.
So I'm in, I'm in my hotel room.
So welcome, welcome on the roadwith me.
So 10 years ago today I wasserving as Dean of Students at a
university I've already saidGeorgia Southern University.
(03:22):
So I was serving as the dean ofstudents at Georgia Southern
University and on thisparticular day I was responsible
(03:42):
for meeting with liaisonbetween the students and the
university administration to tryand serve them.
So I had blocked my wholecalendar.
I scheduled the meeting.
I scheduled the meeting foraway from the office suite so
hopefully we would not have anydistractions and these students
(04:03):
would know that I was there totruly hear them and be there
with them.
We were not far into thatmeeting maybe just a few minutes
, literally just a few minuteswhen there was a knock on the
door of the conference roomwhere we were meeting and
outside that door it was a cleardoor so I could see I could Ms
(04:23):
Kim from my office, my executiveassistant.
So I knew it had to besomething critical, because
everybody knew this is where Iwas going to be today.
When I stepped outside, ms Kimsaid Chief says she needs to see
you right now.
And I said do you have any ideawhat it is?
She said I don't know, but shesaid she needs you right now.
(04:46):
Well, my chief of police didn'tplay around like that.
If she said she needed me rightnow, I knew it was right now.
So I went back in that room,apologized to the students.
Can you imagine how they felt?
What they felt?
I couldn't tell them why,because I didn't know why, but I
(05:07):
knew I had to go.
So there's still some guiltevery now and then of that
moment where I walked away fromthem to go to something else.
That's a part of this right.
We're always, always having tochoose the priority of the
moment, and it doesn't mean thateverything else is not
important, but it means that youhave to discern what is the
(05:29):
priority of this moment.
Where do I need to give myenergy?
Right?
So I had to detach myself fromwhat was going on in that room
with those students and I had totransition.
So a good thing.
I had to drive across campus andthat gave me a few minutes for
me to pray, like that gave me afew minutes, lord.
(05:50):
I don't know what I'm walkinginto.
I don't know what's going on,but you know and I trust you
university police department andI was ushered into a back
conference room and when Iwalked into that conference room
(06:12):
it was a wall to wall policeofficials, so I knew it was
pretty bad, but I didn't knowwhat it was.
I saw our chief of police.
I'm so grateful, I'm sograteful to her.
Laura, I don't know if youlisten to these, but I love you
and I'm grateful for you.
(06:33):
But she was busy.
She was engaged with otherfolks, so I just came in and I
sat down and waited until shecould come over and waited until
she could come over.
When she came over, she gave mea list of names and she said I
just need you to try to find outif these people were in class
(06:53):
today.
I knew it was not time to askany questions, so I opened up my
laptop, pulled up our studentinformation system, went to work
, pulling schedules, findingprofessors, finding their phone
numbers, doing all the things,trying to call people, get
information, all the things.
And if you are an administrator, you know how tough it is.
(07:16):
You call a faculty member yes,I'm calling to see if so-and-so
was in your class today.
Well, who are you and why doyou need to know and friend all
the things right.
So I did the best that I couldto get information.
At some point we moved the wholeoperation over to our College
of Nursing because that littleroom was just not enough space
(07:36):
for us to do what we needed todo.
We went from crafting a messagewith our communication folks
trying to figure out how in theworld are we going to tell our
campus community what happened,to identifying folks,
identifying the five nursingstudents that died that day in a
(07:58):
tragic accident and the two whowere critically injured and the
two who were critically injured.
And I want to say this Everyyear we pause to remember our
five nurses.
There are memorials in thespace where they died.
It was all over the news.
(08:21):
Our whole community, not justour campus community, but our
whole community and adjacentcommunities were impacted.
And there are two women whosurvived and that's important.
There are two women who lefttheir apartments that morning
with their friends, headed tothat last day of nursing.
(08:45):
Clinicals did not make it tothat last day and when they woke
up five of their friends weregone and their life was changed
forever.
So I want to pause and honorthose two women.
I won't say their names, I wantthem.
It is not my place to do that,but I just want them to know
(09:11):
that somebody's thinking of themtoo.
And as we honor the lives ofthe women who passed away, we
also honor the life that theystill live.
I had the honor of reconnectingwith one of those women.
Just randomly.
I walked into a meeting tospeak and sat down beside her,
(09:32):
not even recognizing who she was.
She helped me to recognize herand I've been able to connect
with her and talk to her andwalk with her, and I'm grateful.
So I just want to pause in this.
And while we are honoring thelives of our five nurses who we
(09:52):
lost that day, I want to alsohonor the two who lived and
continue to live and had to livethrough that tragedy.
So we work to put a messagetogether to share with our
community.
(10:13):
We at some point had to notifyparents.
That was one of the hardestthings I've ever had to do.
We left that space to go intoan auditorium full of nursing
(10:35):
students and faculty to, for thefirst time, read the names of
the women who died that day andthe two women who were fighting
for their lives.
We left that space and we wentto Greek Row and each of those
five women who passed away wereconnected to a different
sorority.
So we went from house to housejust sitting with them.
(10:57):
House to house, just sittingwith them, confirming yes is
true, and just being there withthem.
I remember my friend, ourdirector of counseling, jodi I
love you walking with me.
She held my hands while I readthose names for the first time
(11:24):
and she visited each one ofthose houses with me.
I remember my friend, vinceMiller, who was working in our
vice president's office.
He's a vice president now,walking Greek.
Roll with us.
In the coming days we planned amemorial, held that memorial, we
(11:45):
met with parents and friendsand loved ones and sorority
sisters.
And this kind of tragedycontinues after the news cameras
are gone, after the newspapersare no longer taking pictures.
I had a good colleague who hadbeen at Virginia Tech on the day
(12:07):
of their tragedy and thatcolleague came to me and said
Patrice, you're going to have tofigure out what to do with the
stuff.
And I was so confused Stuff,what do you mean?
You got to figure out what todo with the stuff.
Friends, people sent angels,they sent cards, they wanted to
(12:28):
do.
Everybody felt the need to dosomething.
I'm talking all over the world,not just in our little town,
but all over the world.
Everybody felt the need to dosomething, so they sent stuffed,
animals and things that theymade with their own hands and
(12:49):
all kinds.
I mean, I can't even we had tofigure out.
You know, ask the families doyou want these things?
Can we give them to you?
If you don't want them, how dowe honor them?
It was.
This is something.
We're 10 years out.
We're 10 years out and theimpact is still very real.
(13:10):
The impact is still very real,as you can imagine, and when I
started this story, there was apause, and the reason for the
pause is because these fivenursing students were not the
first students that I lost andthey were not the last, and
(13:31):
every year, as this anniversarycomes around, I also think about
the other mamas and the otherdaddies and the other siblings
that have lost students thatwere on campuses where I was
serving, that were connected tome in any way, and I want you
all to know that I don't forgetyour babies either.
(13:55):
I know that this tragedy,because of its impact, got a lot
of attention, continues to getattention, and I'm not saying
that it shouldn't, but I wantthose other folks who I know
throughout the years, who havelost their students, who have
lost their loved ones connectedto a school or a college campus.
(14:18):
We remember your family membertoo.
We remember your person too andwe honor them.
Nothing can prepare you forthis.
Let me just speak to the crisismanager, to the leader, to the
administrator, to the principal,to the AP, to the guidance
(14:39):
counselor, to the therapist on acampus, to the dean of students
, to the vice president ofstudent affairs, to the
superintendent, to the facultymember.
Nothing can prepare you forthis.
You for this, Not for not aclass, not a graduate class, not
(15:11):
a textbook.
But there are a few things thatI want you to consider.
There are a few things that Iwant you to consider, and this
is from my personal experience.
I was so focused during thetragedy of serving right.
(15:31):
These were not my children,even though deeply, I felt
deeply connected to all of themin their death and in their
suffering through this.
They're not my children, right.
I was not their sibling, I wasnot their partner, I was not
their best friend or theirroommate.
So I was very, very focused onthe people who were directly
(16:06):
impacted by their passing, bythis tragedy.
What I didn't realize at thetime is the impact on my heart.
And even as I'm talking to younow, when I tell this story you
know this is the opening chapterof my book and even as I was
writing it, I felt like, shouldI be telling the story?
I know this is not just mystory.
Should I be telling this story?
But, friend, it's important foryou to recognize that it's your
(16:29):
story too.
Your perspective is different.
You're not grieving your child,you're not grieving your loved
one, your family member, but youare grieving.
You are grieving.
So it is very important that,as you are walking through the
tragedy, but also in the daysafter, because they don't end
(16:52):
quickly People get back to theirlives as they should, but you
will continue to face what needsto be done to support everybody
involved.
When you are in the tragedy,it's the small things, like
walking outside to get a breathof fresh air, drinking water.
(17:13):
Make sure you eat something,water.
Make sure you eat something.
I know it seems soinsignificant, but you can't
allow your body to break down inthe moment.
You got more moments to come,maybe before you are carted off
to the next place or the nextthing you tell folks give me a
minute, I just need a minute,I'm fine, but give me a minute,
(17:37):
let me collect my thoughts.
I'll go back before the tragedy.
If it wasn't for my faith, Idon't know that I would have
been able to do it.
And what I'm saying is you needa foundation before the day of
the tragedy.
You need something bigger thanyou that you can lean on.
(18:01):
There are going to be a lot ofpeople leaning on you.
You need a foundation, you needa rock, you need something
unwavering that you can stand on, that you can go to, that you
can lean on and it doesn't haveto be fancy or deep.
That little prayer, lord Idon't know what I'm walking into
(18:21):
, but you know and I trust you,that little prayer carried me.
It carried me and it continues,and it wasn't just that day.
So having a stronghold on myfaith was the foundation of what
who got me through.
(18:41):
What is your foundation?
What can you stand on?
Lean on hold on to wheneverything is happening, when
you are the leader, when you arethe crisis manager, folks will
be depending on you.
You don't have an unendingsource or just in and of
(19:05):
yourself.
You need to be dependent on asource.
So what is your rock?
What is your foundation?
What can you hold on to wheneverything is shaking?
What is your foundation?
What can you hold on to wheneverything is shaking?
So my foundation of faith waseverything and is everything and
(19:27):
has been throughout all of thecrisis and the tragedies that
I've had to work through andsupport folks through.
So you need your foundation offaith.
Then, when you're walkingthrough the tragedy, you need
micro bricks, you need moments,you need moments.
You need moments.
You need moments to collectyour thoughts, you need moments
to breathe, you need moments toattend to your own body.
You have to stop just for aminute, five minutes.
(19:50):
You have to stop in order tothink clearly, but in order to
just keep going right.
So you got to have thosemoments.
And then, who's on your team?
So who are the folks that youwill work with, walk with, hold
hands with through this, andwhat have you all done to build
(20:14):
up the trust in your team?
We got through that day ChiefMcCullough, our Director of
Counseling, jody, our VP'soffice, our President's office,
our communications folks.
We got through that day as ateam.
Everybody did what they weresupposed to do and, because it
(20:37):
was not our first rodeo, rightLike this was.
We were all just wiped Likethis, just it came.
We didn't expect this, wedidn't know this was coming, and
we had worked together beforein things that were more
day-to-day, in other situations.
(20:59):
So we had disagreed with eachother, we had confronted each
other, we had celebrated eachother, we had given each other
hugs, we had checked on eachother.
Our team was strong, we had aconnection, we trusted each
other and we trusted each otherbefore the tragedy.
Keep in mind, I always tell youcrisis is a mirror.
(21:19):
It is not a maker.
Crisis doesn't make you a goodteam.
It's just going to show you whoyou are.
So the day of the crisis is notthe day to try to come together
as a team.
You need to come together as ateam before the day of the
crisis.
Every day, you work together.
You're practicing building yourtrust.
You're practicing workingtogether.
(21:41):
You're practicing this dance ofwhat we need to do when things
really come down on us.
So you need your team and youneed to be building trust in
your team.
You need to be learning how tolisten to each other.
Not just listen to respond, notjust listen to snap back, but
(22:01):
you need to learn how to listen,truly hear each other and work
towards the best outcome thatyou can get to in every
situation.
Those day-to-day situationsbuild you for the day of the
crisis.
You need your team.
You need your team.
So you got to have a foundation.
(22:21):
For me, that's a foundation offaith.
Without the Lord, I would notbe able to do this.
You got to take care ofyourself in the middle of the
tragedy Not just this tragedy.
I think about hurricanes thatI've been through concerning my
students, other student deathsituations.
You've got to take a momentjust to breathe or your brain
(22:44):
cannot help you get through thatday.
You need your team.
It's not just you, even ifyou're the person gifted for the
crisis, right, so I've sharedwith you all.
I have brilliance in crisis.
I just know what to do next andmy heart, my mind, just aligns
and I'm just.
(23:04):
It flows freely from me and Iknow that there are pieces that
I can't do and they don't belongto me.
It's not mine, and that's whenI lean on my team.
None of us do this well alone.
None of us.
You're not here to be the hero.
You're not here to wear a cape.
(23:27):
You're not here even to getaccolades.
You're not here for the thankyous or the pats on the back.
You are here to get yourcommunity through this, and you
cannot do that by yourself.
You need your people.
You need your people Beyondneeding your team.
This is what I should have done.
(23:48):
I should have gone tocounseling.
I should have gone to therapy.
I should have gone to therapy.
After this tragedy, after anyone of the tragedies that I
walked through, I should havegone to counseling.
I should have gone to therapy,because trauma continues to
(24:09):
impact the way you show up, theway you behave, the way you work
, and I did not see it as mytrauma.
I saw my role as helpingeverybody else.
But now I'm wise enough to knowand understand how, not just
this day August 22nd in 2015,not just this day, but all of
(24:30):
the traumas that I have walkedwith students and with their
families and my communitythrough, all of those have
connected themselves to me and Iremember them.
I remember faces, I rememberconversations, I remember
moments.
I remember all of them, and itis irresponsible of me to think
(24:52):
that it does not have an impacton my heart.
I should have gone tocounseling.
Y'all know I'm a strongbeliever in therapy.
Now, baby, like I'm in therapyand will be.
You know, according to what Ineed in the moment, I should
have went, I should have went.
Then I should have went.
Then.
I didn't know, I didn't knowthe impact that it was having on
(25:18):
me until it all compounded inAugust 2019 in a burnout
incident.
Take care of your heart.
You need support too.
So who do you go to?
Who do you talk to?
I know you have good friends.
I know you've got good familymembers, and that's healthy,
(25:41):
that's good.
But I want you to consider ifyou've been through major
tragedy whether it was yourtragedy or somebody else's
tragedy that you supported themthrough you need to talk to
somebody about that, somebodywho's trained and equipped to
help you walk through it in yourmind and your heart and settle
(26:02):
with that thing.
You've seen a lot.
You've heard a lot.
You've had to hug mamas as theycry.
You've had to reassure teachers, professors and staff when your
own heart was fearful.
You've had to stand andrepresent your school at
funerals and at gravesides.
(26:24):
You've had to face the mediaand answer hard questions.
You've been through a lot and Iwant you to recognize the cost
of your service, not to give up,not to quit, but you do need to
heal.
You do need to heal.
(26:44):
So thank you for allowing me tohonor.
Thank you for allowing me tohonor our five nursing students
Kaitlyn Baggett, morgan Bass,emily Clark, abby Deloach and
(27:18):
McKay Pittman.
We will never forget you, andto the two women who lived
through this tragedy andcontinue to live, we pray for
you and we don't forget youeither.
Alright, friend, that's all Igot for you.
(27:38):
Thank you for making space forme this day.
As always, you are powerful,you are significant, you are
brilliant and you are loved.
Love always, pbj.
Good thing I had to drive across campus and that
gave me a few minutes for me topray, like that gave me a few
minutes.
Lord, I don't know what I'mwalking into, I don't know
what's going on, but you knowand I trust you Y'all work with
me today.
Okay, hey friend, I am DrPatrice Buckner-Jackson, but you
(00:23):
can call me PBJ.
Hey friend, I am Dr PatriceBuckner-Jackson, but you can
call me PBJ.
Welcome to another episode ofDisrupting Burnout, where we are
giving educators the strategiesfor pouring out purpose without
burning out.
Friend, I got to tell youtoday's episode is going to be a
little bit different.
So, before I even get started,I want to encourage you to take
(00:43):
care of your heart, decide whenand if you want to hear this
episode, have this conversationwith me.
Today.
I need to talk about the crisismanagers, the leaders that are
faced with crisis and tragedy onour campuses, at our schools,
(01:04):
and the things that I've learnedas a crisis manager that you
need to do for yourself.
So I want to encourage you,especially if you were my
colleague or my student atGeorgia Southern University, if
you have faced or dealt with atragedy recently or any time in
your life I'm thinking of mycolleagues and the students at
(01:27):
Florida State University and therecent shooting on their campus
and two lives lost and peoplerecovering and I can't even name
them all which is a tragedy initself.
So I want you to take care ofyour heart, take care of
yourself, but I feel compelledto share and I appreciate having
(01:49):
this space with you that I canshare not just my knowledge, not
just my research, but where Ican share my heart.
So let's get into it.
Today is April 22nd 2025.
Today is April 22nd 2025.
And I tell you the date becausetoday marks 10 years since the
(02:13):
most.
I want to be careful how I saythis, because let me just tell
you what happened and then I'llcome back and share why I had to
take that pause.
If you're wondering, sorry.
(02:33):
If you're watching, you're likePBJ, where are you Sorry?
So I'm in Las Vegas, nevada,today.
I am giving a keynote in a fewhours to the National WIC
Association Women, infants andChildren, and it's an honor to
serve them.
But I wanted to come and sharewith you first, so that I can be
(03:00):
free to share with them laterwhat I need to tell them.
So I'm in, I'm in my hotel room.
So welcome, welcome on the roadwith me.
So 10 years ago today I wasserving as Dean of Students at a
university I've already saidGeorgia Southern University.
(03:22):
So I was serving as the dean ofstudents at Georgia Southern
University and on thisparticular day I was responsible
(03:42):
for meeting with liaisonbetween the students and the
university administration to tryand serve them.
So I had blocked my wholecalendar.
I scheduled the meeting.
I scheduled the meeting foraway from the office suite so
hopefully we would not have anydistractions and these students
(04:03):
would know that I was there totruly hear them and be there
with them.
We were not far into thatmeeting maybe just a few minutes
, literally just a few minuteswhen there was a knock on the
door of the conference roomwhere we were meeting and
outside that door it was a cleardoor so I could see I could Ms
(04:23):
Kim from my office, my executiveassistant.
So I knew it had to besomething critical, because
everybody knew this is where Iwas going to be today.
When I stepped outside, ms Kimsaid Chief says she needs to see
you right now.
And I said do you have any ideawhat it is?
She said I don't know, but shesaid she needs you right now.
(04:46):
Well, my chief of police didn'tplay around like that.
If she said she needed me rightnow, I knew it was right now.
So I went back in that room,apologized to the students.
Can you imagine how they felt?
What they felt?
I couldn't tell them why,because I didn't know why, but I
(05:07):
knew I had to go.
So there's still some guiltevery now and then of that
moment where I walked away fromthem to go to something else.
That's a part of this right.
We're always, always having tochoose the priority of the
moment, and it doesn't mean thateverything else is not
important, but it means that youhave to discern what is the
(05:29):
priority of this moment.
Where do I need to give myenergy?
Right?
So I had to detach myself fromwhat was going on in that room
with those students and I had totransition.
So a good thing.
I had to drive across campus andthat gave me a few minutes for
me to pray, like that gave me afew minutes, lord.
(05:50):
I don't know what I'm walkinginto.
I don't know what's going on,but you know and I trust you
university police department andI was ushered into a back
conference room and when Iwalked into that conference room
(06:12):
it was a wall to wall policeofficials, so I knew it was
pretty bad, but I didn't knowwhat it was.
I saw our chief of police.
I'm so grateful, I'm sograteful to her.
Laura, I don't know if youlisten to these, but I love you
and I'm grateful for you.
(06:33):
But she was busy.
She was engaged with otherfolks, so I just came in and I
sat down and waited until shecould come over and waited until
she could come over.
When she came over, she gave mea list of names and she said I
just need you to try to find outif these people were in class
(06:53):
today.
I knew it was not time to askany questions, so I opened up my
laptop, pulled up our studentinformation system, went to work
, pulling schedules, findingprofessors, finding their phone
numbers, doing all the things,trying to call people, get
information, all the things.
And if you are an administrator, you know how tough it is.
(07:16):
You call a faculty member yes,I'm calling to see if so-and-so
was in your class today.
Well, who are you and why doyou need to know and friend all
the things right.
So I did the best that I couldto get information.
At some point we moved the wholeoperation over to our College
of Nursing because that littleroom was just not enough space
(07:36):
for us to do what we needed todo.
We went from crafting a messagewith our communication folks
trying to figure out how in theworld are we going to tell our
campus community what happened,to identifying folks,
identifying the five nursingstudents that died that day in a
(07:58):
tragic accident and the two whowere critically injured and the
two who were critically injured.
And I want to say this Everyyear we pause to remember our
five nurses.
There are memorials in thespace where they died.
It was all over the news.
(08:21):
Our whole community, not justour campus community, but our
whole community and adjacentcommunities were impacted.
And there are two women whosurvived and that's important.
There are two women who lefttheir apartments that morning
with their friends, headed tothat last day of nursing.
(08:45):
Clinicals did not make it tothat last day and when they woke
up five of their friends weregone and their life was changed
forever.
So I want to pause and honorthose two women.
I won't say their names, I wantthem.
It is not my place to do that,but I just want them to know
(09:11):
that somebody's thinking of themtoo.
And as we honor the lives ofthe women who passed away, we
also honor the life that theystill live.
I had the honor of reconnectingwith one of those women.
Just randomly.
I walked into a meeting tospeak and sat down beside her,
(09:32):
not even recognizing who she was.
She helped me to recognize herand I've been able to connect
with her and talk to her andwalk with her, and I'm grateful.
So I just want to pause in this.
And while we are honoring thelives of our five nurses who we
(09:52):
lost that day, I want to alsohonor the two who lived and
continue to live and had to livethrough that tragedy.
So we work to put a messagetogether to share with our
community.
(10:13):
We at some point had to notifyparents.
That was one of the hardestthings I've ever had to do.
We left that space to go intoan auditorium full of nursing
(10:35):
students and faculty to, for thefirst time, read the names of
the women who died that day andthe two women who were fighting
for their lives.
We left that space and we wentto Greek Row and each of those
five women who passed away wereconnected to a different
sorority.
So we went from house to housejust sitting with them.
(10:57):
House to house, just sittingwith them, confirming yes is
true, and just being there withthem.
I remember my friend, ourdirector of counseling, jodi I
love you walking with me.
She held my hands while I readthose names for the first time
(11:24):
and she visited each one ofthose houses with me.
I remember my friend, vinceMiller, who was working in our
vice president's office.
He's a vice president now,walking Greek.
Roll with us.
In the coming days we planned amemorial, held that memorial, we
(11:45):
met with parents and friendsand loved ones and sorority
sisters.
And this kind of tragedycontinues after the news cameras
are gone, after the newspapersare no longer taking pictures.
I had a good colleague who hadbeen at Virginia Tech on the day
(12:07):
of their tragedy and thatcolleague came to me and said
Patrice, you're going to have tofigure out what to do with the
stuff.
And I was so confused Stuff,what do you mean?
You got to figure out what todo with the stuff.
Friends, people sent angels,they sent cards, they wanted to
(12:28):
do.
Everybody felt the need to dosomething.
I'm talking all over the world,not just in our little town,
but all over the world.
Everybody felt the need to dosomething, so they sent stuffed,
animals and things that theymade with their own hands and
(12:49):
all kinds.
I mean, I can't even we had tofigure out.
You know, ask the families doyou want these things?
Can we give them to you?
If you don't want them, how dowe honor them?
It was.
This is something.
We're 10 years out.
We're 10 years out and theimpact is still very real.
(13:10):
The impact is still very real,as you can imagine, and when I
started this story, there was apause, and the reason for the
pause is because these fivenursing students were not the
first students that I lost andthey were not the last, and
(13:31):
every year, as this anniversarycomes around, I also think about
the other mamas and the otherdaddies and the other siblings
that have lost students thatwere on campuses where I was
serving, that were connected tome in any way, and I want you
all to know that I don't forgetyour babies either.
(13:55):
I know that this tragedy,because of its impact, got a lot
of attention, continues to getattention, and I'm not saying
that it shouldn't, but I wantthose other folks who I know
throughout the years, who havelost their students, who have
lost their loved ones connectedto a school or a college campus.
(14:18):
We remember your family membertoo.
We remember your person too andwe honor them.
Nothing can prepare you forthis.
Let me just speak to the crisismanager, to the leader, to the
administrator, to the principal,to the AP, to the guidance
(14:39):
counselor, to the therapist on acampus, to the dean of students
, to the vice president ofstudent affairs, to the
superintendent, to the facultymember.
Nothing can prepare you forthis.
You for this, Not for not aclass, not a graduate class, not
(15:11):
a textbook.
But there are a few things thatI want you to consider.
There are a few things that Iwant you to consider, and this
is from my personal experience.
I was so focused during thetragedy of serving right.
(15:31):
These were not my children,even though deeply, I felt
deeply connected to all of themin their death and in their
suffering through this.
They're not my children, right.
I was not their sibling, I wasnot their partner, I was not
their best friend or theirroommate.
So I was very, very focused onthe people who were directly
(16:06):
impacted by their passing, bythis tragedy.
What I didn't realize at thetime is the impact on my heart.
And even as I'm talking to younow, when I tell this story you
know this is the opening chapterof my book and even as I was
writing it, I felt like, shouldI be telling the story?
I know this is not just mystory.
Should I be telling this story?
But, friend, it's important foryou to recognize that it's your
(16:29):
story too.
Your perspective is different.
You're not grieving your child,you're not grieving your loved
one, your family member, but youare grieving.
You are grieving.
So it is very important that,as you are walking through the
tragedy, but also in the daysafter, because they don't end
(16:52):
quickly People get back to theirlives as they should, but you
will continue to face what needsto be done to support everybody
involved.
When you are in the tragedy,it's the small things, like
walking outside to get a breathof fresh air, drinking water.
(17:13):
Make sure you eat something,water.
Make sure you eat something.
I know it seems soinsignificant, but you can't
allow your body to break down inthe moment.
You got more moments to come,maybe before you are carted off
to the next place or the nextthing you tell folks give me a
minute, I just need a minute,I'm fine, but give me a minute,
(17:37):
let me collect my thoughts.
I'll go back before the tragedy.
If it wasn't for my faith, Idon't know that I would have
been able to do it.
And what I'm saying is you needa foundation before the day of
the tragedy.
You need something bigger thanyou that you can lean on.
(18:01):
There are going to be a lot ofpeople leaning on you.
You need a foundation, you needa rock, you need something
unwavering that you can stand on, that you can go to, that you
can lean on and it doesn't haveto be fancy or deep.
That little prayer, lord Idon't know what I'm walking into
(18:21):
, but you know and I trust you,that little prayer carried me.
It carried me and it continues,and it wasn't just that day.
So having a stronghold on myfaith was the foundation of what
who got me through.
(18:41):
What is your foundation?
What can you stand on?
Lean on hold on to wheneverything is happening, when
you are the leader, when you arethe crisis manager, folks will
be depending on you.
You don't have an unendingsource or just in and of
(19:05):
yourself.
You need to be dependent on asource.
So what is your rock?
What is your foundation?
What can you hold on to wheneverything is shaking?
What is your foundation?
What can you hold on to wheneverything is shaking?
So my foundation of faith waseverything and is everything and
(19:27):
has been throughout all of thecrisis and the tragedies that
I've had to work through andsupport folks through.
So you need your foundation offaith.
Then, when you're walkingthrough the tragedy, you need
micro bricks, you need moments,you need moments.
You need moments.
You need moments to collectyour thoughts, you need moments
to breathe, you need moments toattend to your own body.
You have to stop just for aminute, five minutes.
(19:50):
You have to stop in order tothink clearly, but in order to
just keep going right.
So you got to have thosemoments.
And then, who's on your team?
So who are the folks that youwill work with, walk with, hold
hands with through this, andwhat have you all done to build
(20:14):
up the trust in your team?
We got through that day ChiefMcCullough, our Director of
Counseling, jody, our VP'soffice, our President's office,
our communications folks.
We got through that day as ateam.
Everybody did what they weresupposed to do and, because it
(20:37):
was not our first rodeo, rightLike this was.
We were all just wiped Likethis, just it came.
We didn't expect this, wedidn't know this was coming, and
we had worked together beforein things that were more
day-to-day, in other situations.
(20:59):
So we had disagreed with eachother, we had confronted each
other, we had celebrated eachother, we had given each other
hugs, we had checked on eachother.
Our team was strong, we had aconnection, we trusted each
other and we trusted each otherbefore the tragedy.
Keep in mind, I always tell youcrisis is a mirror.
(21:19):
It is not a maker.
Crisis doesn't make you a goodteam.
It's just going to show you whoyou are.
So the day of the crisis is notthe day to try to come together
as a team.
You need to come together as ateam before the day of the
crisis.
Every day, you work together.
You're practicing building yourtrust.
You're practicing workingtogether.
(21:41):
You're practicing this dance ofwhat we need to do when things
really come down on us.
So you need your team and youneed to be building trust in
your team.
You need to be learning how tolisten to each other.
Not just listen to respond, notjust listen to snap back, but
(22:01):
you need to learn how to listen,truly hear each other and work
towards the best outcome thatyou can get to in every
situation.
Those day-to-day situationsbuild you for the day of the
crisis.
You need your team.
You need your team.
So you got to have a foundation.
(22:21):
For me, that's a foundation offaith.
Without the Lord, I would notbe able to do this.
You got to take care ofyourself in the middle of the
tragedy Not just this tragedy.
I think about hurricanes thatI've been through concerning my
students, other student deathsituations.
You've got to take a momentjust to breathe or your brain
(22:44):
cannot help you get through thatday.
You need your team.
It's not just you, even ifyou're the person gifted for the
crisis, right, so I've sharedwith you all.
I have brilliance in crisis.
I just know what to do next andmy heart, my mind, just aligns
and I'm just.
(23:04):
It flows freely from me and Iknow that there are pieces that
I can't do and they don't belongto me.
It's not mine, and that's whenI lean on my team.
None of us do this well alone.
None of us.
You're not here to be the hero.
You're not here to wear a cape.
(23:27):
You're not here even to getaccolades.
You're not here for the thankyous or the pats on the back.
You are here to get yourcommunity through this, and you
cannot do that by yourself.
You need your people.
You need your people Beyondneeding your team.
This is what I should have done.
(23:48):
I should have gone tocounseling.
I should have gone to therapy.
I should have gone to therapy.
After this tragedy, after anyone of the tragedies that I
walked through, I should havegone to counseling.
I should have gone to therapy,because trauma continues to
(24:09):
impact the way you show up, theway you behave, the way you work
, and I did not see it as mytrauma.
I saw my role as helpingeverybody else.
But now I'm wise enough to knowand understand how, not just
this day August 22nd in 2015,not just this day, but all of
(24:30):
the traumas that I have walkedwith students and with their
families and my communitythrough, all of those have
connected themselves to me and Iremember them.
I remember faces, I rememberconversations, I remember
moments.
I remember all of them, and itis irresponsible of me to think
(24:52):
that it does not have an impacton my heart.
I should have gone tocounseling.
Y'all know I'm a strongbeliever in therapy.
Now, baby, like I'm in therapyand will be.
You know, according to what Ineed in the moment, I should
have went, I should have went.
Then I should have went.
Then.
I didn't know, I didn't knowthe impact that it was having on
(25:18):
me until it all compounded inAugust 2019 in a burnout
incident.
Take care of your heart.
You need support too.
So who do you go to?
Who do you talk to?
I know you have good friends.
I know you've got good familymembers, and that's healthy,
(25:41):
that's good.
But I want you to consider ifyou've been through major
tragedy whether it was yourtragedy or somebody else's
tragedy that you supported themthrough you need to talk to
somebody about that, somebodywho's trained and equipped to
help you walk through it in yourmind and your heart and settle
(26:02):
with that thing.
You've seen a lot.
You've heard a lot.
You've had to hug mamas as theycry.
You've had to reassure teachers, professors and staff when your
own heart was fearful.
You've had to stand andrepresent your school at
funerals and at gravesides.
(26:24):
You've had to face the mediaand answer hard questions.
You've been through a lot and Iwant you to recognize the cost
of your service, not to give up,not to quit, but you do need to
heal.
You do need to heal.
(26:44):
So thank you for allowing me tohonor.
Thank you for allowing me tohonor our five nursing students
Kaitlyn Baggett, morgan Bass,emily Clark, abby Deloach and
(27:18):
McKay Pittman.
We will never forget you, andto the two women who lived
through this tragedy andcontinue to live, we pray for
you and we don't forget youeither.
Alright, friend, that's all Igot for you.
(27:38):
Thank you for making space forme this day.
As always, you are powerful,you are significant, you are
brilliant and you are loved.
Love always, pbj.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.