June 21, 2023 • 57 mins
Welcome to Disrupting Burnout - a podcast where we beat burnout so that you can love your career again!
This week on Disrupting Burnout, I’m joined by Evelyn LeVasseur, a Woman Who Defines Disruption by helping women recognize the greatness of who they are from within.
Evelyn is an Anti-Diet Wellness coach and transformational speaker. She guides clients in shifting the focus from chasing a perfect body, to healing their relationship with food, re-learning to trust their instinct and intuition, and laying a solid foundation of health for generations to come.
It’s Time To Disrupt Burnout:
04:45 - From Fear To Freedom
11:00 - Evelyn’s Transformation To Truth
18:10 - From Chasing To Knowing
31:05 - Trust Yourself & Show Yourself Compassion
46:10 - Find Health Your Way
Learn to Trust Yourself Takeaways
● “If we sat in a room together, the two of us, in silence, that’s enough.” - Evelyn LeVasseur
● “Just show up, just be you.” - Evelyn LeVasseur
● “I cannot want more for my daughters than I want for myself.”
● “The more that I fall deeply in love with myself, the easier I am to love.” - Evelyn LeVasseur
● “Any change done in fear cannot last. Love is the source of true transformation.” - Evelyn LeVasseur
● “Your character is your legacy.” - Evelyn LeVasseur
● “Focus on who you want to be and live today, like her.” - Evelyn LeVasseur
● “Every word that I speak is a seed.” - Dr. PBJ
● “Recognize the good when it hits you.” - Evelyn LeVasseur
● “A good coach doesn’t give you the answers, they help you find them.” - Evelyn LeVasseur
Connect With Evelyn:
Instagram: @itsevelynlevasseur | https://www.instagram.com/itsevelynlevasseur/
Website: https://evelynlevasseur.com/
Work with Evelyn: https://evelynlevasseur.com/apply
Counseling Resources:
● https://openpathcollective.org/
● https://therapyforblackgirls.com/
● https://www.psychologytoday.com/us
● The Potter’s House Center for Counseling and Behavioral Health
○ 1-214-333-6483
○ counselinginformation@tdjakes.org
○ Offers free virtual counseling resources to more than 30 states within the US. Contact them for more information.
Let’s Connect
● To connect with Dr. PBJ, go topatricebucknerjackson.com
● Need a dynamic transformational speaker? Dr. PBJ is ready to serve. Check outDr. PBJ Speaks | https://www.patricebucknerjackson.com/speaking
Upgrade to Premium Membership to access the Disrupting Burnout audiobook and other bonus content: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1213895/supporters/new
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
the more that I fall deeply in love with myself, the
easier I am to love, and that'swhat I want.
That's what I want for my girls.
I mean, i know that people sayconstantly I will die for my
children.
But I'm gonna ask you are youliving for them?
["Darkness"].
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Hey, hey, hey everybody, I'm Dr Jackson, But
you can call me PBJ.
Welcome to another episode ofDisrupting Burnout, where we are
meeting another powerful womanwho defines disruption, Y'all.
It's one thing in particularthat I've learned in this season
of my life, and that is we werenot created to do life alone.
(00:49):
I have been blessed to walkwith phenomenal women It's
almost like I don't have anappropriate adjective to
describe these women connectingwith women who are like-minded,
like-hearted, who truly, trulycelebrate each other and want
(01:12):
each other to win, but also wefeel and experience the power
from each other.
It has transformed my life Andtoday I have the opportunity to
introduce you all to another oneof my sisters, another
phenomenal, powerful woman thatI have had the honor of walking
(01:35):
with and getting to know andbeing impacted by, And I want
you all to experience this powerEvelyn Lavassa.
She is an anti-diet warrior, amama, a wife, just a powerful
woman, And it is my honor tointroduce Evelyn to you all
(01:58):
today.
Evelyn, welcome to DisruptingBurnout.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
I am so incredibly excited to be here.
And after that introduction,let me tell you you got me
floating a little bit.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
I'm a woman.
Listen, it's the truth.
It's the truth I want you toknow.
Every time you speak, everytime you show up, there's a
power that you bring to the roomAnd it's hard to describe, but
it's almost like there's ashaking that happens when you
stand up and when you speak upfor us and with us in our groups
(02:29):
and in our chats and in ourconversations, and I just need
you to know how powerful you areand how transformational you
are, and just by sharing spacewith you, my life is better And
I'm so grateful.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
I mean, what a beautiful thing, right?
What a beautiful thing to hearsomeone speak about you Being
someone who never saw that aboutmyself, who didn't recognize it
, who questioned everythingabout myself, to hear you say
(03:08):
that, just, it just continues tobreathe life into me.
And it's funny, even when Istarted to recognize a little
bit of how I can impact andstart to recognize the way.
Now I can say that I see how Ican see women sit a little
taller when we talk.
(03:28):
I can see them walk awayfeeling a little bit better
about who they are, because Irecognize that one of my gifts
is just allowing people to bezero judgment, zero expectation,
just see you, love you, feelyou and know that we're
(03:51):
connected.
Right.
But once I recognize that, Ieven can say that for a long
time I feared it because therewas a piece of me that felt like
my mental and emotionalelevation was happening so
quickly that I was afraid toleave behind the life that I
built Like wow, to just feelinsignificant, to feel so
(04:19):
significant that both ends ofthe spectrum excuse me, spectrum
like cast fear on me.
But also recognizing now thatthat fear, regardless on which
end I was in, was all rooted inmy disconnect.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Oh my gosh.
Okay, hold on.
Hold on, because we're in herenow.
We're in here now, Okay.
So you just identified a couplethings that I have to highlight
.
First of all, having the spaceto just be, just be.
Not to perform, not to achieve,not to be a certain thing or a
(05:09):
certain person or in a certainway, but just to be, just to be
and be good enough and be lovedand be celebrated and be honored
just because you're present.
That's it, that's just.
Our culture has not taughtwomen in particular, that we can
(05:31):
just show up to be.
We have to show up to engage,we have to show up to serve, we
have to show up to act, we haveto show up to achieve.
We have to show up 10 timesbetter.
So to have a space in a personwhere you can just be, that's a
gift.
It's priceless.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
It feels like a gift and I fully recognize that it is
my gift, because it is exactlywhat I needed.
I'm able to provide that toother people because I know what
it feels like to not have it.
Just to recognize that we alllisten.
If we sat in a room together,the two of us in silence, that's
(06:15):
enough.
You don't have to say a word,you don't have to act a certain
way.
Just show up, just be you likethat.
Just be you And that's enough.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
And that's enough.
That brought tears to my eyeswhen you said if we were just in
a room together and not sayinga word, we don't know how to
just be.
We've been conditioned toperform.
We've been conditioned to havethe right words, the right thing
to do, the right thing to say.
(06:52):
So in this conversation, weencourage all of you just to be,
just be.
Evelyn, you also spoke about thefear of transition.
You spoke about feelinginsignificant and very
significant at the same time,and I need to honor that.
(07:15):
I need to pause there and honorthat, because you don't expect
right, like if you haven't beenin this place.
You're not quite sure what thatfeeling is, but you beautifully
articulated when you weretransitioning specifically into
living in purpose, when you werestarting to recognize who God
(07:39):
created you to be and the giftson the inside of you and how you
impact the world.
There is this dichotomy of I amnobody and, oh my gosh, this
thing is powerful.
There's this.
It's almost like a dance, youknow, a bridge that you're
(08:00):
holding on to what you thoughtyou were, your thoughts of who
you were before, and thenreaching towards what you see
now, and both of those thingscan bring fear.
That's powerful.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
And that small, small voice in your mind that's
always questioning like who doyou think you are?
Like you think you seegreatness, Where does that come
in from?
Who told you that?
But that's the disconnect,right.
That's the fear, that's themessaging, that's other people's
(08:43):
thoughts, that's other people'sfears, that's other people's
stories that I was carrying.
Because, the truth is, if I wasable to shut all that noise down
, what was left was me and whoGod told me I am.
You know, if I could stopexpecting people to see me a
(09:08):
certain way, stop being attachedto how they receive me, stop
being attached to what theiropinions may be, stop comparing
myself to who someone else isand just sit in silence.
I didn't know how to do that.
I didn't know how to just Sitwith myself, sit with my
(09:31):
thoughts, not other people'sthoughts, because sometimes,
even when you're sitting insilence, what's floating through
your mind is other people'sthoughts, other people's
opinions and expectations.
Finally, learning to ask myselfin every situation is this
thought even mine?
Where did that come from?
(09:52):
Learning to do that and trulyconnect with me, it takes you
from fear to freedom.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
That's good.
That's good.
So, stopping to investigate thethought, not just to accept it
because it came, not to continueto give it power right, because
it's a thought but analyze thethought, investigate the thought
.
what is the root of this?
What is the source of this?
(10:28):
Is this my thought and is ittruth?
Because that's two differentthings One, did it come from me?
One, and even if it did comefrom me, is it truth?
Is it truth?
And then that takes you fromfear to freedom.
Evelyn Lavasser oh no let's justpause for a minute because I
(10:51):
need you to tell the people whoyou are.
We just hopped in.
This is already good, but theyneed to know who you are.
Please tell your story.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
All right, i am Evelyn Lavasser and I am a
certified nutrition coach,personal trainer.
For a very long time I didspecifically nutrition and
personal training coaching.
I will tell you, as a child Iwas that kid who got really good
grades, was very athletic inbuild and that's what I was
(11:29):
complimented on.
It didn't matter that I was agreat person, it didn't matter
that I was a great student.
I constantly got drilled intomy head, specifically by women,
that I was lucky to have a smallwaist, i was lucky to have a
small frame And even though as alittle girl it kind of didn't
make sense, right When I wasn'treally exposed to the outside
(11:50):
world and I didn't really know,like what the heck does it mean
to have to be lucky, there wasstill a connection being formed
in my mind that in order toreceive those accolades I needed
to maintain that frame right.
So when I went away to collegeand I gained that freshman 15, i
felt like who am I If I don'thave that body?
(12:14):
who am I?
And that kind of started myspiral in dieting, because of
course, i didn't recognize atthe time that my outsides were a
reflection of my insides.
I just thought, let me followwhat somebody tells me to eat.
If PBJ tells me to eat this,this is what I'm doing because I
can trust her, but I can'ttrust me right.
(12:36):
So, diet after diet after diet,constantly thinking there's
something wrong with the food,there's something wrong with my
self-control.
I have no discipline, all thethings.
Until I married my husband at 27years old truly my best friend
on the planet And he wanted kidsimmediately.
(12:56):
I was a little hesitant atfirst, but once we made that
decision, becoming a mother wasvery difficult.
I suffered loss after loss.
One was very late in mypregnancy, almost midway, and
not only did that send me into anegative mental and emotional
(13:20):
spiral, it furthered thedisconnect.
Like I felt my body changed.
I felt the baby move right Andthen there was no baby.
So, along with having to gothrough trying to reconnect with
my body, trying to figure outwhat was happening without
(13:42):
taking all the blame, trying tomake sure that my marriage was
okay, during that time, therewas also the peace of me that
felt so strongly that I wasmeant to be a mother, and I
remember praying to God andsaying if you grant me this
blessing, i will not just be agood mother, i will be an
(14:03):
exceptional one.
I will make sure to raise mydaughters to feel the things
that I never felt.
I will give them the power andsecurity and love of self.
And when I had my baby girl in2009 and she cried, it was like
(14:26):
I was breathing for the firsttime in nine months.
It was like that I held mybreath through that pregnancy
And when she actually cried, myheart said she's real and thank
you.
So it was that that started mytransformation mentally, because
(14:48):
I started to recognize thatstrong, self loving women would
not be bred from my insecurityAnd I needed to do some serious
internal work if I wanted toraise these women to be who God
called them to be.
So my transition started there.
My mental transition startedthere in recognizing that I
(15:09):
cannot want more for mydaughters than I want for myself
.
I cannot expect them to grow upliving true to who they are if
I refuse to do that for myself.
How can I say to them I trustyou, i love you, you can be
anything you want to be, but Ican't, i can't breathe life into
(15:31):
them and then suck it out ofmyself.
If I want, if I want all thethings that I want for them,
then I damn well better bewilling to live it, show it and
prove to them that this is howyou live not survive, not exist,
not be according to otherpeople's expectations, but
(15:55):
really live.
And I just just yesterday,honestly I had this thought that
the more that I fall deeply inlove with myself, the easier I
am to love.
And that's what I want, that'swhat I want for my girls.
I mean, i know that people sayconstantly I will die for my
(16:17):
children, but I'm gonna ask you,are you living for them?
And I know that I finally am.
So my work, my life, my faith,my relationship with my children
, my relationship with myhusband and my relationship with
myself is, for the first timein my life, rooted in connection
(16:39):
with myself, connection with mygut instinct, connection with
my God-given intuition, with noexpectation of the outcome.
And that's what I now do.
I don't do nutrition, coachingand personal training anymore.
I help women instead stopchasing that smaller version of
(17:01):
themselves and start recognizingthe greatness they already are.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Okay, oh my gosh.
You said the more I fall inlove with myself, the easier I
am to love.
So many of us are willing todie for our children, but are we
willing to live for them?
Evelyn?
(17:30):
how do we start to make thattransition?
If we have lived a lifestyle ofdistrust in ourselves, if we
have lived a lifestyle ofhanging on the words of every
other person and doing all thethings well, first of all, let's
just say that following otherpeople will have you going in a
(17:54):
million different directions,because everybody has something
different to say And there areplenty of people who are ready
to tell you what you need to dowith your life, right?
So what is the first step ofmoving away from that chasing to
the knowing?
Speaker 1 (18:15):
The very, very first step is recognizing that your
gut is telling you that there'ssomething more for you.
When you start to get thatlittle nudge that says this
doesn't feel right, this doesn'tfeel like enough, i'm exhausted
, i'm burnt out, i amoverwhelmed.
(18:37):
I like that.
That is your nudge, that isyour body.
Your body is screaming to youdo something different.
We need something different.
That's the first nudge.
Even recognizing that, just therecognition starts to change
the way you're thinking.
Because the thing is, this iswhat we don't recognize When we
(19:02):
think change is gonna happenquickly and we're gonna get to
this end goal and we're justgonna feel great.
But the truth is that our mind,our heart and our body are
always speaking to us, alwaysspeaking to us, and just that
nudge in and of itself, is theseed you need to take the next
step.
So first recognize the nudgeright And then start asking the
(19:25):
questions.
What feels off?
What feels different?
If I had no rules in the worldand I would never feel like I'd
let anybody down what would bedifferent?
What could I possibly?
what do I even want?
What do I even need?
What do I desire?
Do I even know what I like?
(19:47):
Or am I living according towhat everyone else needs?
Do I even know myself?
And I think asking thosequestions can open up a can of
worms.
A can of worms, but I thinkthen you know, you recognize the
disconnect, you recognize thatsomething is different.
(20:08):
You start asking yourself thehard questions and I think the
next steps are to get support.
And I don't mean necessarilysome people will say you know
therapy is expensive and Iunderstand that it is expensive
But also, if you're not readyfor a financial investment in
yourself, like a therapist or acoach or a community like you
(20:29):
and I are in, if you're notready for that, start by
listening to podcasts, start byreading books.
Like investments don't alwayshave to be hugely financial, but
the thought of you waking up inthe morning and listening to a
podcast that makes you feel goodinside, that gives you some
actionable steps to make changein your life, the connection you
(20:53):
are making with yourself can'tbe turned off, and not to
mention, just doing somethingsmall like listening to a
podcast helps you start to buildthat trust muscle.
Like look at me.
I want different.
I'm taking action for different.
Look at me showing up formyself.
(21:15):
And I think there's anotherlevel to that, in that there's
so much of us that questionseverything about ourselves and
our thoughts And when you reallyget into it and you really
start analyzing your life andanalyzing your choices, you will
see that you have way moreexamples of how you are
(21:37):
trustworthy than how you're not.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Yeah, yeah.
So let's, let's take it back,because I want to walk through
these steps, and you mentionedthe first step.
Is that nudge right, thatdiscomfort, that that?
so your soul is crying out toyou here in the heart work
strategies.
We call that your tail.
Tell, what is your tail?
(22:01):
How is your body, your mind,your heart, the heart that beats
with the heart, that feelsrelationships, and your
environment speaking to you Andthe whole speaks to you and,
just like you said, like ourbodies are miracles, they have a
way of giving us a warning sign.
(22:23):
It's like red lights flashing,like this is not working.
This is not who you werecreated to be.
You are forcing yourself into aspace that was not created for
you.
This is not in alignment.
This is not a fit.
Our bodies have a way.
I speak to women who walk aroundwith lower back pain all day
(22:44):
long, or tension, headaches ormigraines, or they can't eat, or
they eat too much, or theycan't sleep, or they sleep too
much, and we push those nudgesaway.
I don't have time to deal withthat.
I don't have time to go to thedoctor.
I don't have time.
Well, the doctor didn't knowwhat it was, so I don't have to.
(23:04):
I just got to push through, ijust got to take the medicine or
I just got to.
We keep a pharmacy in ourpurses When it that is not what
your body is telling you.
There is no pain relieverthat's going to relieve that
pressure, because it's notphysical.
It's a physical manifestation,but the source is not physical.
(23:27):
The source is your body isspeaking to you, Your whole soul
is speaking to you, screamingat you, crying, asking you to
please pay attention.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
That speaks so clearly to that disconnect that
we're constantly trying to findthe answer outside of ourselves.
And I equate that.
I literally equate that towould you buy a home, a house
that is crumbling at thefoundation, and ignore that and
(24:07):
hire an interior decorator and alandscaper Like why would you
invest so much time and energyto a house that's going to fall?
Where?
if you are going to the gym andyou're going to the pharmacy
and collecting all yourmedications, like again, these
(24:29):
are outside sources.
If you're following theaccounts online that are telling
you all the changes that youneed to make outside of your
body, you may see some change inthe short term, but you'll
always end up back at square one, because it is the foundation
that is screaming for your help,not the exterior.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
Evelyn, you said something to me a couple of
weeks ago that I haven't beenable to let go of.
I was talking about my ownjourney towards health and
wellness And you said and thisis not exact phrase, but you
said something to the fact ofany change done in fear cannot
(25:15):
last.
You said only only love.
Love is the source of truetransformation.
Tell us more about that, and Iprobably jacked it up, but tell,
tell us more about that,because I haven't been able to
let that go.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
I think I know you paraphrased perfectly.
The fact is that so many of usstart trying to make change
physically to our bodies becausewe hate what we see right, that
immediately there is takingaction in hate, in loathing, in
(25:50):
disgust, and those feelings willnever be met with positive
change, because anytime youdon't meet a goal, however
realistic it may be, you willfeel like a failure And that
just perpetuates that feeling ofnegativity and disgust and
distrust and disconnection.
It is when you start to stopfocusing on what you look like
(26:13):
and really put some clout in whoyou are and start recognizing
that your character will yourcharacter will shine on Your
character.
Is your legacy right?
That will outlive your body.
Any day.
When I leave this earth, i knowthat my body will not be
(26:37):
mentioned.
Nobody cares about that, butthey certainly care about how I
make them feel, they certainlycare about how I show up.
So when you start recognizingthat who you are is way more
important than what you looklike, you start to make
decisions for yourself becauseyou know you deserve it.
(26:57):
You start to make decisionsknowing how great you wanna feel
.
You start to make decisionsslowly, steadily and sustainably
, instead of being rooted inhate and saying I need to lose
40 pounds because I'm gross.
You start to say to yourselfI'm gonna have this delicious
(27:23):
salad with chicken and chickpeas, or whatever it may be, for
lunch today, because, wow, thisis delicious And I really feel
good.
When I finish eating this, mybody feels light but comfortable
.
I feel like I wanna go for awalk.
I feel like I can handle goingfor a walk right.
(27:44):
So it is taking away thatlong-term disgust and the goal
totally rooted in who you don'twanna be and focusing on who you
want to be and living todaylike her Come on, come on, Focus
on who you want to be andliving today like her, that's
(28:06):
right.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Not waiting until one day when you get to blah blah.
No, i'm her today, that's right.
I am healthy today.
I am strong today.
I am capable today.
I am bold today.
I'm full of purpose today.
What does a purposeful womanlook like?
Yes, how does a purposefulwoman live?
Because that's who I am.
Mm-hmm, oh my gosh.
(28:30):
Listen, i know it's been a whilesince I came to you in this way
, but I've got something toshare with you.
You all know that I'm in theprocess of writing this book and
as I'm doing this, there arestrategies and ideas and
thoughts that are coming to methat I've never had, and I'm so
full.
I can't wait to get it to you,and the book is coming this year
(28:51):
, but I can't wait until then.
I'm seeing the evidence in mylife and in the lives of folks
that I'm coaching one-on-one,and God has laid it on my heart
to create something for folkswho may be interested in
one-on-one coaching, but youcan't afford it.
It doesn't fit into your budget, or maybe you're curious about
coaching, but you've never hadthat experience before.
(29:14):
This is for folks who feel likeyou're marching in place, like
you're putting in all the effortbut you're not moving forward.
You feel buried and you'reready to move into brilliance.
I'm ready to share.
I've got some strategies.
I've got some things to workthrough with you.
Listen, friends, this is notgonna be fancy.
There's no fancy sales page,there's no course platform.
(29:37):
This is gonna be us needing,once a month, through Zoom, for
me to pour out to you what Ihave and to support you in your
journey.
That's it.
That's it.
This is 40, not 40,.
This is 30, 30 bucks a month,and there has to be some kind of
investment, or I've learnedthat people don't show up right,
(29:58):
but at that level, you deserve$30 a month.
You can find $30 a month.
So if you have wanted to workwith me but just couldn't find
it in your budget, if you'vebeen curious about coaching and
just not sure if it was a goodfit for you, jump in on the
Heartwork Academy 2023.
(30:18):
I have, even if we workedtogether before a friend, you
ain't seen this yet.
You haven't seen this yet.
I am so ready, i'm so full andI'm ready to share with you and
I'm ready to support you.
Okay, so listen, if you'reinterested, join with the link
here.
Fill out the form, Join us inthe Heartwork Academy.
(30:39):
We'll kick off in May.
We'll meet once a month on ZoomAnd we're gonna walk this thing
out together.
Nothing fancy, but let's justget it done.
It's time for you to live inbrilliance.
You need to know what it meansto show up in purpose every day,
and I'm ready to help you.
All right, i can't wait to hearfrom you and I'm excited to
serve you.
I'll see you soon.
Bye, y'all.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
I used to judge my younger self, right.
I used to be mad at her, almostsaying, like how did you get to
this point?
You know, when you're, my bodyis heavier.
Even now, today, my body isheavier than it has been in a
long time.
I will preface that by saying Ihad a major surgery a year and
(31:28):
a half ago, But I will also saythat even though I had a very
muscular frame and right now itis soft, I feel nothing about
that.
Come on, I feel I feel beautiful, I love me, I love this body, I
love this vessel, right, But Iused to judge myself and I used
(31:51):
to think like you were at acertain point how could you let
that go?
Why would you do that toyourself?
Now?
look at all the work that youhave to do, right, Yeah, But I
can finally say, oh gosh, I holdso much compassion for Evelyn
15 years ago.
That woman, that woman survivedso that I can thrive, And if I
(32:18):
can show her compassion, then Ihave to show me compassion And I
actually can shift myperspective and start to think.
If Evelyn 15 years ago pavedthe way for this woman that I
love today, imagine what Evelyntoday is doing for Evelyn five
(32:40):
years from now.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
And I am excited for her.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
I am excited for her.
So it is literally thedisconnect, the expectation, the
living, the way other peoplewant us to live that keeps us
feeling so horribly aboutourselves when, really, if you
can start to get even an inklingof the power that is within you
(33:05):
, that power feels so strongthat those other feelings have
to drop off.
They have to.
They can't sustain themselvesin your body because you are so
full of love and light andacceptance.
Those negative feelings mayoccasionally pop up, but they
can't take root anymore.
(33:25):
They can't.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
That's Bible.
That's Bible.
The Bible talks about you cantell a tree by the fruit of
bears, right?
So whatever we sow, that's whatwe're going to get.
So earlier, when you weresaying if I start with, i'm
going on type because I hatethis body and I hate where I am
in my life and I'm so angry withmy younger self that I didn't
(33:48):
make, how did I get here?
Ba ba, ba you.
Those are the seeds that you'replanting.
So you can only get you canonly get a harvest of hate,
because that's what you sowed.
So the outcome is secure.
You know what the outcome isgoing to be.
But if I go out into my gardentoday and I sow an apple seed,
(34:09):
there is no need for me toexpect oranges, right?
So I sowed apples, right.
So we've got to recognize and Ithink that's one of the things,
one of the most powerful shiftsthat I'm making in my life I'm
recognizing that every word thatI speak is a seed Everywhere,
even to me, not just to otherpeople, but to me.
(34:32):
Every word that I speak is aseed And I cannot expect a
different harvest if I'm sowingthe wrong thing.
So I have to consider what I amsaying to and about me.
To and about PBJ 15 years ago.
To and about PBJ yesterday.
(34:54):
To and about PBJ today.
To and about PBJ 10 years fromnow.
I love the way that yourecognize and I need to say it
so that people hear it Whoeveryou were 10 years ago got you
here today.
That's right, you are stillhere And they did the best that
(35:16):
they could with the informationthat they had.
I had Tanya Bailey-Jones, one ofour sisters, on the podcast and
she talked about how hertherapist told her not to use
the wisdom of 50-year-old Tanyaagainst 17-year-old Tanya.
That's powerful.
That's not fair.
(35:37):
That's not fair.
That's like me looking at mybaby girl who's 20-something
years younger than me and sayingyou should do better, you
should know what I know.
I would never do that to herBecause I recognize she's in a
different stage and she'slearning and growing in her
wisdom.
I would never expect her torespond the same way I do right
(36:01):
now.
So why would I expect that of20-year-old PBJ?
20-year-old PBJ.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
I mean.
what you're literally saying isthat you're removing
expectations and allowing her tojust be, And I hope that you
recognize the mother that youare and the gift that you're
giving her and teaching her tojust trust her instinct above
all else, even yours.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
Yeah, yeah.
Can we talk about giving ourbabies the freedom to trust
themselves?
Talk to us a little bit aboutthat.
Speaker 1 (36:47):
I feel like this one is a.
This conversation is somethingthat is very near and dear to me
, because doing the work onmyself has taught me about the
living and breathing and lovingand accepting that I want for my
daughters.
(37:07):
But I had to recognize also, asparents, when we try to kind of
push our kids in a certaindirection or we try to get them
to make decisions the way thatwe do, that is still our fear.
Being in the driver's seat, ourfear for what could happen to
(37:28):
them, our fear and I get it likethose are very valid fears,
yeah.
But also we have to make achoice at some point to put our
fears aside and to teach themthat they are worthy of that
acceptance.
They are worthy of listening towho they already are.
(37:52):
I talk to my daughters.
I talk to them very plainly andvery clearly.
My 14 year old is going to highschool this year and when she
brings things up to me which Ilove that I've created the space
that she can do that, both ofthem.
But I will say to her listen,yes, i was 14, right, i was 14
(38:13):
once.
Because so many parents saylike, don't try to pull one over
on me, i was 14 once, but I wasnever the mother to a 14 year
old before.
So when you're going throughsomething, i need you to give me
some grace and patience too,because I'm figuring this out
with you.
That's good.
I've never done this before.
I am new to this.
I am new to this, so I thinkthat This is my ultimate lesson
(38:42):
for myself.
I used to think that I had to doeverything to ensure that my
children would have the bestchance of fighting in life.
Right, yeah, to arm them withall the things I thought that
they needed, but ultimately, mygoal has to be to raise them to
(39:08):
not need me to raise them totrust their instinct over
everyone else's, because I won'tbe here forever And I can't fix
things for them forever.
Self-trust is something that youand I have had to work hard at,
(39:31):
yeah, but imagine the leaps andbounds they could make in their
life if they grow up with it.
Yeah, they don't have tounlearn our lessons If they
don't have to try and reconnectwith their intuition, because we
allowed them to do so.
That is a gift, and I feel likethat is literally what will
(39:52):
cause that wave in other women.
Our children will be disruptors.
Our children will help otherwomen see themselves.
Our daughters are going to stepout into this world as the
light that they are, anacceptance of who they are, and
they're going to give otherwomen permission to do the same.
So it literally shows that thework that we're doing is
(40:16):
impacting generations.
The work that we're doing onourselves is leaving a mark on
women that we will never know.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
Yeah, so let's keep walking through it.
So I recognize the nudges, irecognize in my body, in my mind
, in my heart, like the signs,the tells right, and then I
start questioning those where isthis coming from?
(40:45):
What is this about?
What is the source of this?
How am I speaking to myself?
And then I get some support, soa coach or a counselor, or a
pocket.
And let me just say this becausecounseling can be expensive,
but it doesn't have to be,because oftentimes our insurance
(41:05):
from work will cover therapy aswell.
And if you don't have thatprivilege, there are some
agencies that offer a slidingscale and they're even free
resources And we will put somein the show notes.
But I just I don't want you topass on it, assuming, because
(41:28):
that's what I did for 20 years,i just assume, well, i can't
afford that right now, i'll doit later.
I can't afford that right now.
And when I did it, i didn'teven have to pay a dime.
Beautiful, because my insurancecovered it, but I just assumed
that it would be too expensive.
So I just want to say that youneed support, you need a
(41:49):
community, you need a coach, youneed a therapist.
So to help through this,because if you've thought this
way, if you have had distrust ofyourself all of your life 20,
30, 40, 50 years then it's notgoing to go away overnight.
You're relearning.
(42:09):
Yes, having some support inthat relearning process is so
important.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
I think it's important to recognize also I
apologize To recognize also thatI feel like we have this idea
that we need support when we'rein struggle, when sometimes or
not sometimes.
It's also important torecognize that you still need
community and you still need thetherapist and you still need to
continue to just pourpositivity into your mind, even
(42:42):
when you're winning.
Don't just reach for help andlook out for other people when
you're struggling.
Do it when you're smiling, doit when you're feeling amazing,
because the more that you exposeyour mind and heart to the
beauty that life is, the moreyou attract that.
(43:02):
I literally see growth.
I see growth as a repellent tothe things I don't want in my
life and the natural attractionto the things that do.
The more that I pour intomyself, the less the negativity
comes to me.
Or if it does, i don't know,maybe I'm like oil it slides
(43:23):
right away And the good thingsthey just keep coming.
They just keep coming at me AndI have to also recognize that.
You have to be able torecognize the good when it hits
you.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
Yes, yes, and it keeps evolving.
So the good.
and when you started withnutrition coaching and that
wasn't wrong, like you weren'twrong You were doing exactly
what you were supposed to do inthat season.
And now you are transitioningto a different level of coaching
(44:02):
and a different space ofcoaching, and this is not wrong
either.
This is appropriate for theseason that you're in and the
people that you're called toserve.
And as you are evolving aspurpose is evolving, you need
that community around you whereyou can come and say hey, i'm
(44:22):
having this thought And yourcommunity is like yes, yes,
ma'am, that's it.
Yep, you're right where you'resupposed to be Because, first of
all, we weren't created to livein isolation.
We're human beings, we arepacked creatures, we were
created to protect each otherand to grow together and support
(44:44):
each other.
But also, when you're byyourself, our coach says all the
time you can talk your way inand talk your way out, talk your
way in and talk your way out.
So you need a community, as youare evolving and as you are
moving through, to support youas you become the next version
of you And the next version ofyou, and knowing that none of
(45:06):
those versions are wrong.
Speaker 1 (45:09):
I think there's such a big fear, too, of reaching out
for community because there'sthe fear of judgment, there's
the fear of I don't want to letpeople down Or I don't want them
to see the real me.
They won't like what they seebecause I don't like what I see.
But I think that in being incommunity and finding people
(45:33):
that share your heart, you startto see that, regardless, our
stories are all different, butour pain is the same And there
is sisterhood in that.
Just knowing that someone feelswhat you feel makes you feel
covered, like the communityfeels like a hug, it feels like
(46:00):
a blanket, it feels like you'regoing to be OK and I got you.
Speaker 2 (46:05):
Yeah, that's so good And it's so important.
So, evelyn, how do you helpwomen begin?
So I've paid attention to thenudges.
I know that I need to be inalignment.
I know I need to make thistransition.
How do you help women starttrusting and paying attention to
(46:25):
their own intuition and theirown bodies, and what's inside as
opposed to external?
Speaker 1 (46:33):
When I work with my clients, we're doing both things
simultaneously.
We're starting to I guide themthrough asking those difficult
questions and coming up with thedifficult answers.
I do a lot of questioningbecause I really believe a good
coach doesn't give you theanswers.
They help you find them becausethat's where you get your trust
(46:55):
, that's where you get yourconnection.
So I ask lots and lots ofquestions.
We're going to get to the rootof these things that you're
struggling with and alsorecognize that you're always
going to need to be asking morequestions.
We're not here forall-encompassing transformation
that never has to be touchedagain, like we're elevating, and
(47:17):
that requires continued growth.
But then, with that mentalaspect is also the physical
aspect.
I start teaching them tools andtricks for their daily lives to
start making those physical,mental and emotional connections
, to reconnect their mind andtheir bodies.
(47:37):
Because when you're able torecognize my body is saying this
this is actually what I need,this is what makes me feel good,
then the mental and physicalshifts happen simultaneously.
That's what I do more thananything is help women make that
connection to their instinctand intuition and find health
(48:02):
their way.
Speaker 2 (48:04):
So good To give some examples I recognized through
coaching.
I recognized that I wasn't evenpaying attention to my own
hunger cubes.
I was taught to finish yourplate period, Like there are
starving children somewhere inthis world and you need to
(48:26):
finish everything on your plate.
And here I am in my 40s, stillfinishing everything on my plate
, because that's what I wastaught to do.
And through coaching I becamemore aware of my own hunger
cubes And when my body was trulysaying either I'm thirsty or
I'm hungry, and then we're good,we're full, that's enough.
(48:50):
Another example is maybe you'rein a meeting or you're thinking
about starting a project or acollaboration and your body,
like, all of a sudden you loseyour voice or you get a headache
or you get tension.
Your body is telling you thisain't it, friend, this is not
for you, this is not a fit.
But we have not been taught topay attention, We've not been
(49:16):
taught And the opposite, we'vebeen taught to distrust.
Like, take something to get ridof the headache, straighten up
your body so that the pain goesaway.
But it's literally your bodytelling you this is a yes, this
is a no, this does not feel good.
So I just wanted to give somespecific examples of how our
(49:41):
body speaks to us on a dailybasis and how we might be
missing those cues and thoseanswers because we're not paying
attention.
Speaker 1 (49:54):
Yes, i think yeah, And you said it perfectly that
we were trained to distrustourselves.
We were trained to disconnectbecause, also, i feel like
health and connection, physicalconnection, are an issue for
everyone, but I feel the waythat the disconnect is ingrained
(50:16):
in women is very, verydifferent.
Not only were we taught todistrust our body cues and our
gut instincts, we were taught tosilence them.
We were taught that even whenthat alarm is going off in your
head, you need to shut it downin the name of being accepted,
(50:36):
in the name of not causing anissue for other people.
We were taught to embrace ourdiscomfort as long as other
people weren't uncomfortable.
My goodness.
We were taught that theultimate show of love toward
other people is to completelyneglect ourselves.
Speaker 2 (50:59):
Come on.
Speaker 1 (51:00):
Like if I am doing everything for my husband and
I'm taking care of my childrenand I'm driving myself crazy
taking care of this house andworking full time, if I am burnt
out and exhausted and bonetired, then I'm doing it right.
Those lessons were not handeddown to men.
(51:22):
Those are ours.
But also I always feel likewhen I recognize the lessons
that don't serve me, i feelempowered in knowing I get to do
something different.
It's as easy as making a choice.
Yeah, this is not for me.
(51:42):
I'm gonna do it differently.
Speaker 2 (51:45):
That's so good, that's so good.
I was with a group of womenlast week doing a workshop.
We were working through burnoutand they identified as they
were telling their tales.
I asked them I said do yourmale colleagues experience the
same consequences?
And it was an overwhelming no.
(52:06):
No, they don't.
And I'm sure men have their ownstruggles.
But for our conversation today,you are right.
There are lessons that havebeen passed down to women in our
culture that are literallykilling us.
Speaker 1 (52:24):
Yes, yes, literally stress is a killer And we wear
it like a cape.
Speaker 2 (52:33):
Like a badge of honor .
The more busy, the morestressed I am, the better woman.
That's a lie from the pits ofhell.
We're not having.
That We're not having.
You are too valuable.
When you think about what'svaluable in your life, you
protect that right.
(52:54):
Like there's some jewelry thatI have.
It's cute, but I'll just put itin an armoire, i'm not worried
about it.
There's some jewelry that Istill have the box it came in,
that I have the insurance, thatI have the paperwork, that I put
it in a specific place when Itake it off because it is
valuable.
Anything that is valuable to you, you protect And we've got to
(53:18):
learn how to protect ourselves.
Okay, evelyn, we've got to letthe folks go, but this is so
good.
Can you give us one practicalthing?
So for the woman who'slistening right now and says,
hey, i didn't even realize.
I haven't been trusting myself,i don't pay attention to me,
(53:42):
all of my attention is externalAnd I don't pay attention to me,
can you give us just onepractical thing that that woman
can do today to start learningto?
Speaker 1 (53:55):
trust herself.
I think she should pull out herjournal and ask one question,
and this question is who am I?
And just free right, just free,right.
who am I?
No judgment, no judgment ofwhatever comes out in that pen.
But then keep answering ittomorrow and keep answering it
(54:20):
two days from now.
Even if you did that seven daysin a row, you will start to
recognize a narrative and adisconnect, simply in your
writing.
And when you're ready for thenext step, change that question
and ask who do I want to be?
Speaker 2 (54:37):
Come on, Ooh, evelyn, this was good.
This was good, and I'll saythis I can't tell you how many
professional accomplishmentwomen I've met who don't know
how to answer that question, whohave never paused to answer
(54:57):
that particular question.
I hope you will, friends.
I hope you will.
Our goal today is to awakenyour heart.
We want to awaken thatintuition that you've been told
should lie dormant, should nothave a voice, should not speak
up.
that you should be grateful.
(55:18):
We want to poke and prod andset fire to what's on the inside
of you, so that you can starthearing your own voice again.
Never drowned out again.
Never drowned out again.
Evelyn, please let folks knowhow they can connect with you,
how they can hear more from you,how they can work with you.
Speaker 1 (55:41):
Oh, PBJ, you just lit my whole heart up.
I can be found atevlynlevassercom or evlynfitcom
both go to the same site.
I am on Instagram and Facebookas Evelyn Levasser And I'm
actually opening up my new groupcoaching program And it's
(56:02):
called Girl, Mind Your Business.
Speaker 2 (56:03):
Come on now What.
Speaker 1 (56:05):
I mean by mind.
Your business is let go ofeverybody else's thoughts and
expectations and their storiesand start connecting to your own
.
We're going to literallydisrupt the industry.
Stop chasing the outside,smaller version of ourselves and
start showing up in all ourgreatness.
I did just.
I want to just say that youmentioned something about
(56:27):
gratitude And I hope thateveryone understands that you
can be grateful and still honoryour desires.
Those things do not have to bemutually exclusive.
I can be grateful for what Ihave and still want more, and
that's okay.
Speaker 2 (56:42):
Okay, i'm done.
We're just gonna leave it.
Just that's it.
That's it.
Everything that you need toknow about evlyn will be in the
show notes.
Listen, y'all need to get intoGirl, mind Your Business.
It's time.
You've been taking care ofeverybody else, you've been
(57:05):
loving everybody else, you'vebeen listening to everyone else
and nobody knows what you need,like you.
That's right, because you gottastart learning how to listen to
you.
So all of the information willbe in the show notes.
Friends, and as always, evelynand I want you to know you are
(57:25):
powerful, you are significantAnd you are loved.
Love always, pbj.
Bye y'all.
Picture棧 Elmo.
the more that I fall deeply in love with myself, the
easier I am to love, and that'swhat I want.
That's what I want for my girls.
I mean, i know that people sayconstantly I will die for my
children.
But I'm gonna ask you are youliving for them?
["Darkness"].
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Hey, hey, hey everybody, I'm Dr Jackson, But
you can call me PBJ.
Welcome to another episode ofDisrupting Burnout, where we are
meeting another powerful womanwho defines disruption, Y'all.
It's one thing in particularthat I've learned in this season
of my life, and that is we werenot created to do life alone.
(00:49):
I have been blessed to walkwith phenomenal women It's
almost like I don't have anappropriate adjective to
describe these women connectingwith women who are like-minded,
like-hearted, who truly, trulycelebrate each other and want
(01:12):
each other to win, but also wefeel and experience the power
from each other.
It has transformed my life Andtoday I have the opportunity to
introduce you all to another oneof my sisters, another
phenomenal, powerful woman thatI have had the honor of walking
(01:35):
with and getting to know andbeing impacted by, And I want
you all to experience this powerEvelyn Lavassa.
She is an anti-diet warrior, amama, a wife, just a powerful
woman, And it is my honor tointroduce Evelyn to you all
(01:58):
today.
Evelyn, welcome to DisruptingBurnout.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
I am so incredibly excited to be here.
And after that introduction,let me tell you you got me
floating a little bit.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
I'm a woman.
Listen, it's the truth.
It's the truth I want you toknow.
Every time you speak, everytime you show up, there's a
power that you bring to the roomAnd it's hard to describe, but
it's almost like there's ashaking that happens when you
stand up and when you speak upfor us and with us in our groups
(02:29):
and in our chats and in ourconversations, and I just need
you to know how powerful you areand how transformational you
are, and just by sharing spacewith you, my life is better And
I'm so grateful.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
I mean, what a beautiful thing, right?
What a beautiful thing to hearsomeone speak about you Being
someone who never saw that aboutmyself, who didn't recognize it
, who questioned everythingabout myself, to hear you say
(03:08):
that, just, it just continues tobreathe life into me.
And it's funny, even when Istarted to recognize a little
bit of how I can impact andstart to recognize the way.
Now I can say that I see how Ican see women sit a little
taller when we talk.
(03:28):
I can see them walk awayfeeling a little bit better
about who they are, because Irecognize that one of my gifts
is just allowing people to bezero judgment, zero expectation,
just see you, love you, feelyou and know that we're
(03:51):
connected.
Right.
But once I recognize that, Ieven can say that for a long
time I feared it because therewas a piece of me that felt like
my mental and emotionalelevation was happening so
quickly that I was afraid toleave behind the life that I
built Like wow, to just feelinsignificant, to feel so
(04:19):
significant that both ends ofthe spectrum excuse me, spectrum
like cast fear on me.
But also recognizing now thatthat fear, regardless on which
end I was in, was all rooted inmy disconnect.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Oh my gosh.
Okay, hold on.
Hold on, because we're in herenow.
We're in here now, Okay.
So you just identified a couplethings that I have to highlight
.
First of all, having the spaceto just be, just be.
Not to perform, not to achieve,not to be a certain thing or a
(05:09):
certain person or in a certainway, but just to be, just to be
and be good enough and be lovedand be celebrated and be honored
just because you're present.
That's it, that's just.
Our culture has not taughtwomen in particular, that we can
(05:31):
just show up to be.
We have to show up to engage,we have to show up to serve, we
have to show up to act, we haveto show up to achieve.
We have to show up 10 timesbetter.
So to have a space in a personwhere you can just be, that's a
gift.
It's priceless.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
It feels like a gift and I fully recognize that it is
my gift, because it is exactlywhat I needed.
I'm able to provide that toother people because I know what
it feels like to not have it.
Just to recognize that we alllisten.
If we sat in a room together,the two of us in silence, that's
(06:15):
enough.
You don't have to say a word,you don't have to act a certain
way.
Just show up, just be you likethat.
Just be you And that's enough.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
And that's enough.
That brought tears to my eyeswhen you said if we were just in
a room together and not sayinga word, we don't know how to
just be.
We've been conditioned toperform.
We've been conditioned to havethe right words, the right thing
to do, the right thing to say.
(06:52):
So in this conversation, weencourage all of you just to be,
just be.
Evelyn, you also spoke about thefear of transition.
You spoke about feelinginsignificant and very
significant at the same time,and I need to honor that.
(07:15):
I need to pause there and honorthat, because you don't expect
right, like if you haven't beenin this place.
You're not quite sure what thatfeeling is, but you beautifully
articulated when you weretransitioning specifically into
living in purpose, when you werestarting to recognize who God
(07:39):
created you to be and the giftson the inside of you and how you
impact the world.
There is this dichotomy of I amnobody and, oh my gosh, this
thing is powerful.
There's this.
It's almost like a dance, youknow, a bridge that you're
(08:00):
holding on to what you thoughtyou were, your thoughts of who
you were before, and thenreaching towards what you see
now, and both of those thingscan bring fear.
That's powerful.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
And that small, small voice in your mind that's
always questioning like who doyou think you are?
Like you think you seegreatness, Where does that come
in from?
Who told you that?
But that's the disconnect,right.
That's the fear, that's themessaging, that's other people's
(08:43):
thoughts, that's other people'sfears, that's other people's
stories that I was carrying.
Because, the truth is, if I wasable to shut all that noise down
, what was left was me and whoGod told me I am.
You know, if I could stopexpecting people to see me a
(09:08):
certain way, stop being attachedto how they receive me, stop
being attached to what theiropinions may be, stop comparing
myself to who someone else isand just sit in silence.
I didn't know how to do that.
I didn't know how to just Sitwith myself, sit with my
(09:31):
thoughts, not other people'sthoughts, because sometimes,
even when you're sitting insilence, what's floating through
your mind is other people'sthoughts, other people's
opinions and expectations.
Finally, learning to ask myselfin every situation is this
thought even mine?
Where did that come from?
(09:52):
Learning to do that and trulyconnect with me, it takes you
from fear to freedom.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
That's good.
That's good.
So, stopping to investigate thethought, not just to accept it
because it came, not to continueto give it power right, because
it's a thought but analyze thethought, investigate the thought
.
what is the root of this?
What is the source of this?
(10:28):
Is this my thought and is ittruth?
Because that's two differentthings One, did it come from me?
One, and even if it did comefrom me, is it truth?
Is it truth?
And then that takes you fromfear to freedom.
Evelyn Lavasser oh no let's justpause for a minute because I
(10:51):
need you to tell the people whoyou are.
We just hopped in.
This is already good, but theyneed to know who you are.
Please tell your story.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
All right, i am Evelyn Lavasser and I am a
certified nutrition coach,personal trainer.
For a very long time I didspecifically nutrition and
personal training coaching.
I will tell you, as a child Iwas that kid who got really good
grades, was very athletic inbuild and that's what I was
(11:29):
complimented on.
It didn't matter that I was agreat person, it didn't matter
that I was a great student.
I constantly got drilled intomy head, specifically by women,
that I was lucky to have a smallwaist, i was lucky to have a
small frame And even though as alittle girl it kind of didn't
make sense, right When I wasn'treally exposed to the outside
(11:50):
world and I didn't really know,like what the heck does it mean
to have to be lucky, there wasstill a connection being formed
in my mind that in order toreceive those accolades I needed
to maintain that frame right.
So when I went away to collegeand I gained that freshman 15, i
felt like who am I If I don'thave that body?
(12:14):
who am I?
And that kind of started myspiral in dieting, because of
course, i didn't recognize atthe time that my outsides were a
reflection of my insides.
I just thought, let me followwhat somebody tells me to eat.
If PBJ tells me to eat this,this is what I'm doing because I
can trust her, but I can'ttrust me right.
(12:36):
So, diet after diet after diet,constantly thinking there's
something wrong with the food,there's something wrong with my
self-control.
I have no discipline, all thethings.
Until I married my husband at 27years old truly my best friend
on the planet And he wanted kidsimmediately.
(12:56):
I was a little hesitant atfirst, but once we made that
decision, becoming a mother wasvery difficult.
I suffered loss after loss.
One was very late in mypregnancy, almost midway, and
not only did that send me into anegative mental and emotional
(13:20):
spiral, it furthered thedisconnect.
Like I felt my body changed.
I felt the baby move right Andthen there was no baby.
So, along with having to gothrough trying to reconnect with
my body, trying to figure outwhat was happening without
(13:42):
taking all the blame, trying tomake sure that my marriage was
okay, during that time, therewas also the peace of me that
felt so strongly that I wasmeant to be a mother, and I
remember praying to God andsaying if you grant me this
blessing, i will not just be agood mother, i will be an
(14:03):
exceptional one.
I will make sure to raise mydaughters to feel the things
that I never felt.
I will give them the power andsecurity and love of self.
And when I had my baby girl in2009 and she cried, it was like
(14:26):
I was breathing for the firsttime in nine months.
It was like that I held mybreath through that pregnancy
And when she actually cried, myheart said she's real and thank
you.
So it was that that started mytransformation mentally, because
(14:48):
I started to recognize thatstrong, self loving women would
not be bred from my insecurityAnd I needed to do some serious
internal work if I wanted toraise these women to be who God
called them to be.
So my transition started there.
My mental transition startedthere in recognizing that I
(15:09):
cannot want more for mydaughters than I want for myself
.
I cannot expect them to grow upliving true to who they are if
I refuse to do that for myself.
How can I say to them I trustyou, i love you, you can be
anything you want to be, but Ican't, i can't breathe life into
(15:31):
them and then suck it out ofmyself.
If I want, if I want all thethings that I want for them,
then I damn well better bewilling to live it, show it and
prove to them that this is howyou live not survive, not exist,
not be according to otherpeople's expectations, but
(15:55):
really live.
And I just just yesterday,honestly I had this thought that
the more that I fall deeply inlove with myself, the easier I
am to love.
And that's what I want, that'swhat I want for my girls.
I mean, i know that people sayconstantly I will die for my
(16:17):
children, but I'm gonna ask you,are you living for them?
And I know that I finally am.
So my work, my life, my faith,my relationship with my children
, my relationship with myhusband and my relationship with
myself is, for the first timein my life, rooted in connection
(16:39):
with myself, connection with mygut instinct, connection with
my God-given intuition, with noexpectation of the outcome.
And that's what I now do.
I don't do nutrition, coachingand personal training anymore.
I help women instead stopchasing that smaller version of
(17:01):
themselves and start recognizingthe greatness they already are.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Okay, oh my gosh.
You said the more I fall inlove with myself, the easier I
am to love.
So many of us are willing todie for our children, but are we
willing to live for them?
Evelyn?
(17:30):
how do we start to make thattransition?
If we have lived a lifestyle ofdistrust in ourselves, if we
have lived a lifestyle ofhanging on the words of every
other person and doing all thethings well, first of all, let's
just say that following otherpeople will have you going in a
(17:54):
million different directions,because everybody has something
different to say And there areplenty of people who are ready
to tell you what you need to dowith your life, right?
So what is the first step ofmoving away from that chasing to
the knowing?
Speaker 1 (18:15):
The very, very first step is recognizing that your
gut is telling you that there'ssomething more for you.
When you start to get thatlittle nudge that says this
doesn't feel right, this doesn'tfeel like enough, i'm exhausted
, i'm burnt out, i amoverwhelmed.
(18:37):
I like that.
That is your nudge, that isyour body.
Your body is screaming to youdo something different.
We need something different.
That's the first nudge.
Even recognizing that, just therecognition starts to change
the way you're thinking.
Because the thing is, this iswhat we don't recognize When we
(19:02):
think change is gonna happenquickly and we're gonna get to
this end goal and we're justgonna feel great.
But the truth is that our mind,our heart and our body are
always speaking to us, alwaysspeaking to us, and just that
nudge in and of itself, is theseed you need to take the next
step.
So first recognize the nudgeright And then start asking the
(19:25):
questions.
What feels off?
What feels different?
If I had no rules in the worldand I would never feel like I'd
let anybody down what would bedifferent?
What could I possibly?
what do I even want?
What do I even need?
What do I desire?
Do I even know what I like?
(19:47):
Or am I living according towhat everyone else needs?
Do I even know myself?
And I think asking thosequestions can open up a can of
worms.
A can of worms, but I thinkthen you know, you recognize the
disconnect, you recognize thatsomething is different.
(20:08):
You start asking yourself thehard questions and I think the
next steps are to get support.
And I don't mean necessarilysome people will say you know
therapy is expensive and Iunderstand that it is expensive
But also, if you're not readyfor a financial investment in
yourself, like a therapist or acoach or a community like you
(20:29):
and I are in, if you're notready for that, start by
listening to podcasts, start byreading books.
Like investments don't alwayshave to be hugely financial, but
the thought of you waking up inthe morning and listening to a
podcast that makes you feel goodinside, that gives you some
actionable steps to make changein your life, the connection you
(20:53):
are making with yourself can'tbe turned off, and not to
mention, just doing somethingsmall like listening to a
podcast helps you start to buildthat trust muscle.
Like look at me.
I want different.
I'm taking action for different.
Look at me showing up formyself.
(21:15):
And I think there's anotherlevel to that, in that there's
so much of us that questionseverything about ourselves and
our thoughts And when you reallyget into it and you really
start analyzing your life andanalyzing your choices, you will
see that you have way moreexamples of how you are
(21:37):
trustworthy than how you're not.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Yeah, yeah.
So let's, let's take it back,because I want to walk through
these steps, and you mentionedthe first step.
Is that nudge right, thatdiscomfort, that that?
so your soul is crying out toyou here in the heart work
strategies.
We call that your tail.
Tell, what is your tail?
(22:01):
How is your body, your mind,your heart, the heart that beats
with the heart, that feelsrelationships, and your
environment speaking to you Andthe whole speaks to you and,
just like you said, like ourbodies are miracles, they have a
way of giving us a warning sign.
(22:23):
It's like red lights flashing,like this is not working.
This is not who you werecreated to be.
You are forcing yourself into aspace that was not created for
you.
This is not in alignment.
This is not a fit.
Our bodies have a way.
I speak to women who walk aroundwith lower back pain all day
(22:44):
long, or tension, headaches ormigraines, or they can't eat, or
they eat too much, or theycan't sleep, or they sleep too
much, and we push those nudgesaway.
I don't have time to deal withthat.
I don't have time to go to thedoctor.
I don't have time.
Well, the doctor didn't knowwhat it was, so I don't have to.
(23:04):
I just got to push through, ijust got to take the medicine or
I just got to.
We keep a pharmacy in ourpurses When it that is not what
your body is telling you.
There is no pain relieverthat's going to relieve that
pressure, because it's notphysical.
It's a physical manifestation,but the source is not physical.
(23:27):
The source is your body isspeaking to you, Your whole soul
is speaking to you, screamingat you, crying, asking you to
please pay attention.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
That speaks so clearly to that disconnect that
we're constantly trying to findthe answer outside of ourselves.
And I equate that.
I literally equate that towould you buy a home, a house
that is crumbling at thefoundation, and ignore that and
(24:07):
hire an interior decorator and alandscaper Like why would you
invest so much time and energyto a house that's going to fall?
Where?
if you are going to the gym andyou're going to the pharmacy
and collecting all yourmedications, like again, these
(24:29):
are outside sources.
If you're following theaccounts online that are telling
you all the changes that youneed to make outside of your
body, you may see some change inthe short term, but you'll
always end up back at square one, because it is the foundation
that is screaming for your help,not the exterior.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
Evelyn, you said something to me a couple of
weeks ago that I haven't beenable to let go of.
I was talking about my ownjourney towards health and
wellness And you said and thisis not exact phrase, but you
said something to the fact ofany change done in fear cannot
(25:15):
last.
You said only only love.
Love is the source of truetransformation.
Tell us more about that, and Iprobably jacked it up, but tell,
tell us more about that,because I haven't been able to
let that go.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
I think I know you paraphrased perfectly.
The fact is that so many of usstart trying to make change
physically to our bodies becausewe hate what we see right, that
immediately there is takingaction in hate, in loathing, in
(25:50):
disgust, and those feelings willnever be met with positive
change, because anytime youdon't meet a goal, however
realistic it may be, you willfeel like a failure And that
just perpetuates that feeling ofnegativity and disgust and
distrust and disconnection.
It is when you start to stopfocusing on what you look like
(26:13):
and really put some clout in whoyou are and start recognizing
that your character will yourcharacter will shine on Your
character.
Is your legacy right?
That will outlive your body.
Any day.
When I leave this earth, i knowthat my body will not be
(26:37):
mentioned.
Nobody cares about that, butthey certainly care about how I
make them feel, they certainlycare about how I show up.
So when you start recognizingthat who you are is way more
important than what you looklike, you start to make
decisions for yourself becauseyou know you deserve it.
(26:57):
You start to make decisionsknowing how great you wanna feel
.
You start to make decisionsslowly, steadily and sustainably
, instead of being rooted inhate and saying I need to lose
40 pounds because I'm gross.
You start to say to yourselfI'm gonna have this delicious
(27:23):
salad with chicken and chickpeas, or whatever it may be, for
lunch today, because, wow, thisis delicious And I really feel
good.
When I finish eating this, mybody feels light but comfortable
.
I feel like I wanna go for awalk.
I feel like I can handle goingfor a walk right.
(27:44):
So it is taking away thatlong-term disgust and the goal
totally rooted in who you don'twanna be and focusing on who you
want to be and living todaylike her Come on, come on, Focus
on who you want to be andliving today like her, that's
(28:06):
right.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Not waiting until one day when you get to blah blah.
No, i'm her today, that's right.
I am healthy today.
I am strong today.
I am capable today.
I am bold today.
I'm full of purpose today.
What does a purposeful womanlook like?
Yes, how does a purposefulwoman live?
Because that's who I am.
Mm-hmm, oh my gosh.
(28:30):
Listen, i know it's been a whilesince I came to you in this way
, but I've got something toshare with you.
You all know that I'm in theprocess of writing this book and
as I'm doing this, there arestrategies and ideas and
thoughts that are coming to methat I've never had, and I'm so
full.
I can't wait to get it to you,and the book is coming this year
(28:51):
, but I can't wait until then.
I'm seeing the evidence in mylife and in the lives of folks
that I'm coaching one-on-one,and God has laid it on my heart
to create something for folkswho may be interested in
one-on-one coaching, but youcan't afford it.
It doesn't fit into your budget, or maybe you're curious about
coaching, but you've never hadthat experience before.
(29:14):
This is for folks who feel likeyou're marching in place, like
you're putting in all the effortbut you're not moving forward.
You feel buried and you'reready to move into brilliance.
I'm ready to share.
I've got some strategies.
I've got some things to workthrough with you.
Listen, friends, this is notgonna be fancy.
There's no fancy sales page,there's no course platform.
(29:37):
This is gonna be us needing,once a month, through Zoom, for
me to pour out to you what Ihave and to support you in your
journey.
That's it.
That's it.
This is 40, not 40,.
This is 30, 30 bucks a month,and there has to be some kind of
investment, or I've learnedthat people don't show up right,
(29:58):
but at that level, you deserve$30 a month.
You can find $30 a month.
So if you have wanted to workwith me but just couldn't find
it in your budget, if you'vebeen curious about coaching and
just not sure if it was a goodfit for you, jump in on the
Heartwork Academy 2023.
(30:18):
I have, even if we workedtogether before a friend, you
ain't seen this yet.
You haven't seen this yet.
I am so ready, i'm so full andI'm ready to share with you and
I'm ready to support you.
Okay, so listen, if you'reinterested, join with the link
here.
Fill out the form, Join us inthe Heartwork Academy.
(30:39):
We'll kick off in May.
We'll meet once a month on ZoomAnd we're gonna walk this thing
out together.
Nothing fancy, but let's justget it done.
It's time for you to live inbrilliance.
You need to know what it meansto show up in purpose every day,
and I'm ready to help you.
All right, i can't wait to hearfrom you and I'm excited to
serve you.
I'll see you soon.
Bye, y'all.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
I used to judge my younger self, right.
I used to be mad at her, almostsaying, like how did you get to
this point?
You know, when you're, my bodyis heavier.
Even now, today, my body isheavier than it has been in a
long time.
I will preface that by saying Ihad a major surgery a year and
(31:28):
a half ago, But I will also saythat even though I had a very
muscular frame and right now itis soft, I feel nothing about
that.
Come on, I feel I feel beautiful, I love me, I love this body, I
love this vessel, right, But Iused to judge myself and I used
(31:51):
to think like you were at acertain point how could you let
that go?
Why would you do that toyourself?
Now?
look at all the work that youhave to do, right, Yeah, But I
can finally say, oh gosh, I holdso much compassion for Evelyn
15 years ago.
That woman, that woman survivedso that I can thrive, And if I
(32:18):
can show her compassion, then Ihave to show me compassion And I
actually can shift myperspective and start to think.
If Evelyn 15 years ago pavedthe way for this woman that I
love today, imagine what Evelyntoday is doing for Evelyn five
(32:40):
years from now.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
And I am excited for her.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
I am excited for her.
So it is literally thedisconnect, the expectation, the
living, the way other peoplewant us to live that keeps us
feeling so horribly aboutourselves when, really, if you
can start to get even an inklingof the power that is within you
(33:05):
, that power feels so strongthat those other feelings have
to drop off.
They have to.
They can't sustain themselvesin your body because you are so
full of love and light andacceptance.
Those negative feelings mayoccasionally pop up, but they
can't take root anymore.
(33:25):
They can't.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
That's Bible.
That's Bible.
The Bible talks about you cantell a tree by the fruit of
bears, right?
So whatever we sow, that's whatwe're going to get.
So earlier, when you weresaying if I start with, i'm
going on type because I hatethis body and I hate where I am
in my life and I'm so angry withmy younger self that I didn't
(33:48):
make, how did I get here?
Ba ba, ba you.
Those are the seeds that you'replanting.
So you can only get you canonly get a harvest of hate,
because that's what you sowed.
So the outcome is secure.
You know what the outcome isgoing to be.
But if I go out into my gardentoday and I sow an apple seed,
(34:09):
there is no need for me toexpect oranges, right?
So I sowed apples, right.
So we've got to recognize and Ithink that's one of the things,
one of the most powerful shiftsthat I'm making in my life I'm
recognizing that every word thatI speak is a seed Everywhere,
even to me, not just to otherpeople, but to me.
(34:32):
Every word that I speak is aseed And I cannot expect a
different harvest if I'm sowingthe wrong thing.
So I have to consider what I amsaying to and about me.
To and about PBJ 15 years ago.
To and about PBJ yesterday.
(34:54):
To and about PBJ today.
To and about PBJ 10 years fromnow.
I love the way that yourecognize and I need to say it
so that people hear it Whoeveryou were 10 years ago got you
here today.
That's right, you are stillhere And they did the best that
(35:16):
they could with the informationthat they had.
I had Tanya Bailey-Jones, one ofour sisters, on the podcast and
she talked about how hertherapist told her not to use
the wisdom of 50-year-old Tanyaagainst 17-year-old Tanya.
That's powerful.
That's not fair.
(35:37):
That's not fair.
That's like me looking at mybaby girl who's 20-something
years younger than me and sayingyou should do better, you
should know what I know.
I would never do that to herBecause I recognize she's in a
different stage and she'slearning and growing in her
wisdom.
I would never expect her torespond the same way I do right
(36:01):
now.
So why would I expect that of20-year-old PBJ?
20-year-old PBJ.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
I mean.
what you're literally saying isthat you're removing
expectations and allowing her tojust be, And I hope that you
recognize the mother that youare and the gift that you're
giving her and teaching her tojust trust her instinct above
all else, even yours.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
Yeah, yeah.
Can we talk about giving ourbabies the freedom to trust
themselves?
Talk to us a little bit aboutthat.
Speaker 1 (36:47):
I feel like this one is a.
This conversation is somethingthat is very near and dear to me
, because doing the work onmyself has taught me about the
living and breathing and lovingand accepting that I want for my
daughters.
(37:07):
But I had to recognize also, asparents, when we try to kind of
push our kids in a certaindirection or we try to get them
to make decisions the way thatwe do, that is still our fear.
Being in the driver's seat, ourfear for what could happen to
(37:28):
them, our fear and I get it likethose are very valid fears,
yeah.
But also we have to make achoice at some point to put our
fears aside and to teach themthat they are worthy of that
acceptance.
They are worthy of listening towho they already are.
(37:52):
I talk to my daughters.
I talk to them very plainly andvery clearly.
My 14 year old is going to highschool this year and when she
brings things up to me which Ilove that I've created the space
that she can do that, both ofthem.
But I will say to her listen,yes, i was 14, right, i was 14
(38:13):
once.
Because so many parents saylike, don't try to pull one over
on me, i was 14 once, but I wasnever the mother to a 14 year
old before.
So when you're going throughsomething, i need you to give me
some grace and patience too,because I'm figuring this out
with you.
That's good.
I've never done this before.
I am new to this.
I am new to this, so I thinkthat This is my ultimate lesson
(38:42):
for myself.
I used to think that I had to doeverything to ensure that my
children would have the bestchance of fighting in life.
Right, yeah, to arm them withall the things I thought that
they needed, but ultimately, mygoal has to be to raise them to
(39:08):
not need me to raise them totrust their instinct over
everyone else's, because I won'tbe here forever And I can't fix
things for them forever.
Self-trust is something that youand I have had to work hard at,
(39:31):
yeah, but imagine the leaps andbounds they could make in their
life if they grow up with it.
Yeah, they don't have tounlearn our lessons If they
don't have to try and reconnectwith their intuition, because we
allowed them to do so.
That is a gift, and I feel likethat is literally what will
(39:52):
cause that wave in other women.
Our children will be disruptors.
Our children will help otherwomen see themselves.
Our daughters are going to stepout into this world as the
light that they are, anacceptance of who they are, and
they're going to give otherwomen permission to do the same.
So it literally shows that thework that we're doing is
(40:16):
impacting generations.
The work that we're doing onourselves is leaving a mark on
women that we will never know.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
Yeah, so let's keep walking through it.
So I recognize the nudges, irecognize in my body, in my mind
, in my heart, like the signs,the tells right, and then I
start questioning those where isthis coming from?
(40:45):
What is this about?
What is the source of this?
How am I speaking to myself?
And then I get some support, soa coach or a counselor, or a
pocket.
And let me just say this becausecounseling can be expensive,
but it doesn't have to be,because oftentimes our insurance
(41:05):
from work will cover therapy aswell.
And if you don't have thatprivilege, there are some
agencies that offer a slidingscale and they're even free
resources And we will put somein the show notes.
But I just I don't want you topass on it, assuming, because
(41:28):
that's what I did for 20 years,i just assume, well, i can't
afford that right now, i'll doit later.
I can't afford that right now.
And when I did it, i didn'teven have to pay a dime.
Beautiful, because my insurancecovered it, but I just assumed
that it would be too expensive.
So I just want to say that youneed support, you need a
(41:49):
community, you need a coach, youneed a therapist.
So to help through this,because if you've thought this
way, if you have had distrust ofyourself all of your life 20,
30, 40, 50 years then it's notgoing to go away overnight.
You're relearning.
(42:09):
Yes, having some support inthat relearning process is so
important.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
I think it's important to recognize also I
apologize To recognize also thatI feel like we have this idea
that we need support when we'rein struggle, when sometimes or
not sometimes.
It's also important torecognize that you still need
community and you still need thetherapist and you still need to
continue to just pourpositivity into your mind, even
(42:42):
when you're winning.
Don't just reach for help andlook out for other people when
you're struggling.
Do it when you're smiling, doit when you're feeling amazing,
because the more that you exposeyour mind and heart to the
beauty that life is, the moreyou attract that.
(43:02):
I literally see growth.
I see growth as a repellent tothe things I don't want in my
life and the natural attractionto the things that do.
The more that I pour intomyself, the less the negativity
comes to me.
Or if it does, i don't know,maybe I'm like oil it slides
(43:23):
right away And the good thingsthey just keep coming.
They just keep coming at me AndI have to also recognize that.
You have to be able torecognize the good when it hits
you.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
Yes, yes, and it keeps evolving.
So the good.
and when you started withnutrition coaching and that
wasn't wrong, like you weren'twrong You were doing exactly
what you were supposed to do inthat season.
And now you are transitioningto a different level of coaching
(44:02):
and a different space ofcoaching, and this is not wrong
either.
This is appropriate for theseason that you're in and the
people that you're called toserve.
And as you are evolving aspurpose is evolving, you need
that community around you whereyou can come and say hey, i'm
(44:22):
having this thought And yourcommunity is like yes, yes,
ma'am, that's it.
Yep, you're right where you'resupposed to be Because, first of
all, we weren't created to livein isolation.
We're human beings, we arepacked creatures, we were
created to protect each otherand to grow together and support
(44:44):
each other.
But also, when you're byyourself, our coach says all the
time you can talk your way inand talk your way out, talk your
way in and talk your way out.
So you need a community, as youare evolving and as you are
moving through, to support youas you become the next version
of you And the next version ofyou, and knowing that none of
(45:06):
those versions are wrong.
Speaker 1 (45:09):
I think there's such a big fear, too, of reaching out
for community because there'sthe fear of judgment, there's
the fear of I don't want to letpeople down Or I don't want them
to see the real me.
They won't like what they seebecause I don't like what I see.
But I think that in being incommunity and finding people
(45:33):
that share your heart, you startto see that, regardless, our
stories are all different, butour pain is the same And there
is sisterhood in that.
Just knowing that someone feelswhat you feel makes you feel
covered, like the communityfeels like a hug, it feels like
(46:00):
a blanket, it feels like you'regoing to be OK and I got you.
Speaker 2 (46:05):
Yeah, that's so good And it's so important.
So, evelyn, how do you helpwomen begin?
So I've paid attention to thenudges.
I know that I need to be inalignment.
I know I need to make thistransition.
How do you help women starttrusting and paying attention to
(46:25):
their own intuition and theirown bodies, and what's inside as
opposed to external?
Speaker 1 (46:33):
When I work with my clients, we're doing both things
simultaneously.
We're starting to I guide themthrough asking those difficult
questions and coming up with thedifficult answers.
I do a lot of questioningbecause I really believe a good
coach doesn't give you theanswers.
They help you find them becausethat's where you get your trust
(46:55):
, that's where you get yourconnection.
So I ask lots and lots ofquestions.
We're going to get to the rootof these things that you're
struggling with and alsorecognize that you're always
going to need to be asking morequestions.
We're not here forall-encompassing transformation
that never has to be touchedagain, like we're elevating, and
(47:17):
that requires continued growth.
But then, with that mentalaspect is also the physical
aspect.
I start teaching them tools andtricks for their daily lives to
start making those physical,mental and emotional connections
, to reconnect their mind andtheir bodies.
(47:37):
Because when you're able torecognize my body is saying this
this is actually what I need,this is what makes me feel good,
then the mental and physicalshifts happen simultaneously.
That's what I do more thananything is help women make that
connection to their instinctand intuition and find health
(48:02):
their way.
Speaker 2 (48:04):
So good To give some examples I recognized through
coaching.
I recognized that I wasn't evenpaying attention to my own
hunger cubes.
I was taught to finish yourplate period, Like there are
starving children somewhere inthis world and you need to
(48:26):
finish everything on your plate.
And here I am in my 40s, stillfinishing everything on my plate
, because that's what I wastaught to do.
And through coaching I becamemore aware of my own hunger
cubes And when my body was trulysaying either I'm thirsty or
I'm hungry, and then we're good,we're full, that's enough.
(48:50):
Another example is maybe you'rein a meeting or you're thinking
about starting a project or acollaboration and your body,
like, all of a sudden you loseyour voice or you get a headache
or you get tension.
Your body is telling you thisain't it, friend, this is not
for you, this is not a fit.
But we have not been taught topay attention, We've not been
(49:16):
taught And the opposite, we'vebeen taught to distrust.
Like, take something to get ridof the headache, straighten up
your body so that the pain goesaway.
But it's literally your bodytelling you this is a yes, this
is a no, this does not feel good.
So I just wanted to give somespecific examples of how our
(49:41):
body speaks to us on a dailybasis and how we might be
missing those cues and thoseanswers because we're not paying
attention.
Speaker 1 (49:54):
Yes, i think yeah, And you said it perfectly that
we were trained to distrustourselves.
We were trained to disconnectbecause, also, i feel like
health and connection, physicalconnection, are an issue for
everyone, but I feel the waythat the disconnect is ingrained
(50:16):
in women is very, verydifferent.
Not only were we taught todistrust our body cues and our
gut instincts, we were taught tosilence them.
We were taught that even whenthat alarm is going off in your
head, you need to shut it downin the name of being accepted,
(50:36):
in the name of not causing anissue for other people.
We were taught to embrace ourdiscomfort as long as other
people weren't uncomfortable.
My goodness.
We were taught that theultimate show of love toward
other people is to completelyneglect ourselves.
Speaker 2 (50:59):
Come on.
Speaker 1 (51:00):
Like if I am doing everything for my husband and
I'm taking care of my childrenand I'm driving myself crazy
taking care of this house andworking full time, if I am burnt
out and exhausted and bonetired, then I'm doing it right.
Those lessons were not handeddown to men.
(51:22):
Those are ours.
But also I always feel likewhen I recognize the lessons
that don't serve me, i feelempowered in knowing I get to do
something different.
It's as easy as making a choice.
Yeah, this is not for me.
(51:42):
I'm gonna do it differently.
Speaker 2 (51:45):
That's so good, that's so good.
I was with a group of womenlast week doing a workshop.
We were working through burnoutand they identified as they
were telling their tales.
I asked them I said do yourmale colleagues experience the
same consequences?
And it was an overwhelming no.
(52:06):
No, they don't.
And I'm sure men have their ownstruggles.
But for our conversation today,you are right.
There are lessons that havebeen passed down to women in our
culture that are literallykilling us.
Speaker 1 (52:24):
Yes, yes, literally stress is a killer And we wear
it like a cape.
Speaker 2 (52:33):
Like a badge of honor .
The more busy, the morestressed I am, the better woman.
That's a lie from the pits ofhell.
We're not having.
That We're not having.
You are too valuable.
When you think about what'svaluable in your life, you
protect that right.
(52:54):
Like there's some jewelry thatI have.
It's cute, but I'll just put itin an armoire, i'm not worried
about it.
There's some jewelry that Istill have the box it came in,
that I have the insurance, thatI have the paperwork, that I put
it in a specific place when Itake it off because it is
valuable.
Anything that is valuable to you, you protect And we've got to
(53:18):
learn how to protect ourselves.
Okay, evelyn, we've got to letthe folks go, but this is so
good.
Can you give us one practicalthing?
So for the woman who'slistening right now and says,
hey, i didn't even realize.
I haven't been trusting myself,i don't pay attention to me,
(53:42):
all of my attention is externalAnd I don't pay attention to me,
can you give us just onepractical thing that that woman
can do today to start learningto?
Speaker 1 (53:55):
trust herself.
I think she should pull out herjournal and ask one question,
and this question is who am I?
And just free right, just free,right.
who am I?
No judgment, no judgment ofwhatever comes out in that pen.
But then keep answering ittomorrow and keep answering it
(54:20):
two days from now.
Even if you did that seven daysin a row, you will start to
recognize a narrative and adisconnect, simply in your
writing.
And when you're ready for thenext step, change that question
and ask who do I want to be?
Speaker 2 (54:37):
Come on, Ooh, evelyn, this was good.
This was good, and I'll saythis I can't tell you how many
professional accomplishmentwomen I've met who don't know
how to answer that question, whohave never paused to answer
(54:57):
that particular question.
I hope you will, friends.
I hope you will.
Our goal today is to awakenyour heart.
We want to awaken thatintuition that you've been told
should lie dormant, should nothave a voice, should not speak
up.
that you should be grateful.
(55:18):
We want to poke and prod andset fire to what's on the inside
of you, so that you can starthearing your own voice again.
Never drowned out again.
Never drowned out again.
Evelyn, please let folks knowhow they can connect with you,
how they can hear more from you,how they can work with you.
Speaker 1 (55:41):
Oh, PBJ, you just lit my whole heart up.
I can be found atevlynlevassercom or evlynfitcom
both go to the same site.
I am on Instagram and Facebookas Evelyn Levasser And I'm
actually opening up my new groupcoaching program And it's
(56:02):
called Girl, Mind Your Business.
Speaker 2 (56:03):
Come on now What.
Speaker 1 (56:05):
I mean by mind.
Your business is let go ofeverybody else's thoughts and
expectations and their storiesand start connecting to your own
.
We're going to literallydisrupt the industry.
Stop chasing the outside,smaller version of ourselves and
start showing up in all ourgreatness.
I did just.
I want to just say that youmentioned something about
(56:27):
gratitude And I hope thateveryone understands that you
can be grateful and still honoryour desires.
Those things do not have to bemutually exclusive.
I can be grateful for what Ihave and still want more, and
that's okay.
Speaker 2 (56:42):
Okay, i'm done.
We're just gonna leave it.
Just that's it.
That's it.
Everything that you need toknow about evlyn will be in the
show notes.
Listen, y'all need to get intoGirl, mind Your Business.
It's time.
You've been taking care ofeverybody else, you've been
(57:05):
loving everybody else, you'vebeen listening to everyone else
and nobody knows what you need,like you.
That's right, because you gottastart learning how to listen to
you.
So all of the information willbe in the show notes.
Friends, and as always, evelynand I want you to know you are
(57:25):
powerful, you are significantAnd you are loved.
Love always, pbj.
Bye y'all.
Picture棧 Elmo.
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