SHOW #80! Season 3, Episode 11: Welcome to the disSOLViNG fear podcast! The mission here is a world where fear doesn't run the show, YOU do. You can face the uncertainty of life with courage and creativity! I am here to help you every step of the way.
- Miss Alissa
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IN THIS EPISODE, you are in for a treat!
Hilary Russo has been featured on news channels including Great Day Live, NBC Studio 4, and the Las Vegas Morning Blend. Now she's here with us, talking about one awesome way to self-soothe and regulate your nervous system anywhere you go. It's a simple, neuroscience-based technique called "Havening."
Learn more about Hilary, health, healing, Havening Techniques,® and the HUG it Out® Method at www.hilaryrusso.com/
We talk about:
Nervous System Regulation
The HUG it Out® Method
Havening Techniques®
Pleasant Distractions
Delta Brain Waves
Positive Thoughts
Neuroscience
Gratitude
Humor
Music
Share this episode with anyone in your life who could benefit from learning a calming technique that you can use anywhere, anytime - even in line at the airport! Hilary actually shares a neat story about an airport at the end of this interview. So fun.
Hilary Russo is a trauma-informed holistic mental health practitioner and health/wellness journalist. Globally, she is one of only 50 Certified Havening Techniques® Trainers. Havening is a neuroscience-based touch therapy that rapidly rewires the brain, builds resilience, and de-encodes trauma.
Learn more about Havening Techniques® at
Hilary is also an international speaker and health/wellness TV guest expert who has been on stations around the US. Her globally top-rated (top 1.5%) podcast, HIListically Speaking® is inspiring conversations of trauma to triumph through health, healing, and humor. Her signature HUG it Out® Method motivates you to find self-healing through humor, understanding, and gratitude with clarity, confidence, and calm.
Register Now for One of Hilary's FREE Havening Happy Hours:https://www.hilaryrusso.com/events
Train with Hilary to Become a Certified Havening Techniques® Practitioner:https://www.hilaryrusso.com/training
SOCIALS AND WAYS TO CONNECT WITH HILARY
https://www.instagram.com/hilaryrussohttps://www.hilaryrusso.com/podcasthttps://www.youtube.com/hilaryrussohttps://www.linkedin.com/in/hilaryrusso/
Thank you for being HERE at disSOLViNG fear.
Fear doesn't run the show, YOU do!
Much Love, Alissa
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the Dissolving Fear Podcast, where we can all be a
little more fearless and free starting today.
The mission here is a world where fear doesn't run the show.
You do. Fear doesn't run this show.
I'm your host, Alyssa, and I'm acreative entrepreneur on a
mission to help people face the uncertainty of life with courage
(00:20):
and creativity. I'm offering proven tools to
dissolve stress and I'm sharing inspiring interviews with
amazing guests. Follow this podcast.
You'll love the results. Loving life is what we're all
about here on the podcast and atmissalyssa.com.
Enjoy the show. Hilary Russo, welcome to the
podcast. I love what you're doing,
(00:42):
Alyssa. Thank you for having me.
You're a journalist, a holistic health coach and a
self-proclaimed chief of Hugs. You've been featured in the
news, including Great Day Live, NBC Studio Four and the Las
Vegas Morning Blend. Usually when I start off my
guest interviews, I might ask how did you get to where you are
(01:03):
today living your best life? But actually I want to dive
right in to how you help other people improve themselves and
their lives. You teach people self havening
techniques as well as your signature hug it out method.
And I'd like to I'd like you to explain what these methods are.
But first let's review the basics of nervous system
(01:26):
regulation. What are some signs of a
dysregulated nervous system and how can we tell when somebody
feels regulated? I'm sure you see this all the
time when you help people. They might come to a workshop
feeling dysregulated and they leave transformed for the
better. So what are some signs if we're
looking at our own body? Yeah, I think that's the best
(01:49):
place to start is look at yourself.
Like I always say, you got to bea detective of your own mind.
When I'm supporting people, whether it is a one to one
client, whether it's group, whether I'm training because I
also train havening practitioners for the future,
like the future generation of havening practitioners or even
like just being with friends or family.
You know, the, the most important person you have to
(02:10):
think about is yourself and understanding your own body and
mind. You know, so the one thing I
think that's really important when we're talking about
regulating our nervous system isbeing aware, being that
detective and what's coming up for you in that moment.
You know, the first step to any change is awareness that a
change needs to happen. So if you feel your heart start
racing or your mind starts just going and just thinking about
(02:35):
things that aren't positive and racing, or your hands get clammy
or you start getting sweaty, allof these are signs that your
body is telling you something right, And it's dysregulated.
And you know, there are a numberof different techniques that you
can use to regulate your nervoussystem.
We live in the sympathetic nervous state, which is, you
(02:58):
know, go, go, go, do, do, do it.It's how we stay alive and safe.
We'd we'd love to live more in the parasympathetic state, which
is rest and repair. But the beauty of the work that
I do is it gives you the tools, puts the healing in your hands
so that you can self regulate and self soothe for self-care.
So self havening puts the healing into our own hands.
(03:19):
Let's talk about self havening. What is it exactly?
Sure. So the beauty of the work that
is called havening techniques isthat you can self apply it and
self soothe and self regulate for self-care.
You don't have to. There's three different kinds of
havening approaches. Actually, there is the self
havening that we can talk about,which is putting the tools in
your hands. There's also facilitated self
(03:41):
havening. So that would be like if I was
doing a session with you and, or, or I was just supporting you
and I was guiding you while you were self havening.
And then there's also facilitated havening, which is
if I was actually doing the havening touch on you.
But havening is a neuroscience based approach that uses touch.
There's three different types oftouches.
It's like you're washing your hands or giving yourself a
(04:02):
gentle hug from your shoulders down to your elbows or even on
your face. And we call these the Hevening
touches. Those are the three main
hevening touch approaches when you pair this touch together
with a positive thought or a pleasant distraction.
And Alyssa, that can be anythingthat could be counting to 20.
That could be visualizing your favorite vacation spot, that
(04:24):
could be humming a tune or singing a song because that
activates the vagus nerve. It could even be looking outside
if you don't, if you aren't unable to visualize and watching
the cars go by or the birds in the trees.
Anything that's pulling you awayfrom the upset is the positive
or pleasant distraction. When you pair that with the
hevening touch, what happens is you release oxytocin, which is
(04:45):
the love hormone, right? You're kind of hugging it out
with yourself. You are releasing serotonin and
dopamine, the happy hormones andGABA, and then you're also
producing more delta waves. Delta waves are your slowest
moving brain wave. That's where you go when you are
in sleep and restore, repair. That is your sleep state and it
is the slowest moving brain waver there is.
(05:06):
We tend to live in like gamma and alpha, like, which are Doo
Doo Doo, whereas delta is kind of like BBB.
So you're producing more of those delta ways that you can
bring yourself to a state of calm.
You are building resilience and you're just reminding your
amygdala that it's safe, that it's OK.
You know, all is well. That's where the word haven
(05:27):
comes from. It's a safe haven.
It's a transitive verb for the word haven, which is a safe
place. So the three focus points are
rubbing your palms together as if you're washing your hands.
Gently washing your hands, whichwe do that enough, right?
Yes. And for everyone listening, if
you can't see what we're doing, Hillary's kind of just like
(05:48):
moving your hands back and forth.
Yeah, it's almost like a pendulum back and forth,
whatever is comfortable to you. I have people that go over their
hands almost like they're they're doing a nice lather.
You can also do it from your shoulders down to your elbows.
You want to go in a downward motion and crossing your arms
like you're doing a nice hug on yourself.
(06:09):
And then there's also gently caressing your face.
And if you cross your arms over,it almost feels like someone is
touching you. Them like gently touching you.
It's a little different. You almost feel like
butterflies. But any or all three of those
touches, there's no choreography.
When you do those, that's where you put your brain more in a
production of delta waves, releasing those happy hormones.
(06:31):
And it's what we call CPR for the amygdala because your
amygdala is designed to keep youalive and safe.
That's its one job. So when your amygdala is in
fight, flight, freeze or fawn, what you're doing is you're
creating a safe space for that part of your brain that is just
designed to keep you alive and safe.
It wants to go to the negative. Negative will keep you alive
(06:51):
because it's a lazy brain. What you're doing is you're
creating new neural pathways andallowing the amygdala to know
that it's not in danger. One thing I love about this too
in the age of technology is it'sa movement break.
If you look out the window and you start havening with your
hands and stroking your arms andyou know I'm crossing my arms
(07:14):
and then from the shoulders downI'm stroking down on my arms
when we're looking out the window or just breathing, it's a
nice little movement break. And from what I know, when you
cross the midline, when you crisscross your hands and haven
yourself crossing the midline isreally good for our brains too.
Absolutely, right. The hemisphere of the brain.
But it's such a simple approach and a lot of people will say it
(07:38):
just seems so simple, but that'syou creating new neural
pathways. And the more you create those
pathways, more likely you are and you're training your brain
to go that direction, right? So it's so simple.
So we need soothing, we need touch.
Touch is connection. It is.
It is something that is absolutely vital for our just
(08:00):
human existence. So what better way to self
regulate than to self soothe andself touch and self apply so
that you can nurture yourself when you're feeling
dysregulated? Yeah, I'm telling you, I've been
hevening this whole time that you're talking and I'm just
relaxed. It's like I can't even focus on
(08:20):
my next question, which never happens.
But I understand because the hevening seems to like, signal
to your body, like take the easyway, take the easy street route
and enjoy it. Just relax a little bit in your
mind, you know, like things don't have to be hard and
stressful all the time. It's like a nice break.
It is. And the other thing about the
amygdala that a lot of people don't realize, that part of your
(08:42):
brain in the limbic system, and we're talking about a very old
part of your brain, right? It is designed, like I said, to
keep you alive and safe. But one other thing about the
amygdala is that it doesn't knowtime or space.
So this kind of goes back to what you started the
conversation with, with how do you know if you're dysregulated?
And The thing is, is that the amygdala responds like that.
(09:03):
It is much faster than your thinking brain.
So when something is presented to you and it looks dangerous,
even if it's not real or you're just thinking about it, maybe
you're watching a movie on TV. What happens?
You jump back sometimes your heart gets raced, it starts
racing. These, this is your amygdala in
action and in your body, the cognitive part of your body, the
(09:23):
somatic part, the emotional part, all of those parts of your
body are going to react and showyou signs that it's in danger.
Almost like a ring system in your home, right?
Like the ring, you can dial it up so it's super sensitive.
It even goes off even when a leaf blow blows by.
Or you can dial it down to whereit's not going to go off unless
some physical body or shape is near your door.
(09:45):
So the amygdala needs to be designed.
It needs to be told it's safe and it's OK.
And by doing the havening touch,you're basically allowing those
those fires and wires to just not react as much.
Right. And that it's a very easy thing
to do, yeah. So self havening helps us dial
(10:08):
it down into the RNR, out of thefight or flight, into the rest
and relaxation. Tell us about your signature hug
it out method that you teach. Yeah, So what I love about Hug
it Out is that it does incorporate havening into the
method, right? And it's, it's just interesting
that it happens to be involving the word hug, right 'cause we're
(10:30):
self hugging. But Hug It Out is actually an
acronym for in the healing You have H you have humor.
Because sometimes we, we look back on things that we got
really upset about or really triggered by or even if they
were a pretty big deal at some point in our lives.
When we work through our healing, when we're doing the
healing process, we can look back on it and, and laugh
(10:50):
sometimes and find the humor in the healing.
It's so important. Then there's the understanding.
That's the you. The you is where you have an
understanding for who you are and how you're showing up in
this world. What are your core values?
How are you presenting yourself?Who do you want to be?
And that's really important as we grow and we learn and we
become better human beings, right?
(11:10):
And then of course, there's gratitude.
I mean gratitude as we know scientifically proven.
There have been so many studies about how gratitude is so
important in our everyday, but we tend to think about the
gratitude of things outside ourselves, right?
I'm grateful for my family, my friends, the house I live in,
the things around us. The more we bring gratitude back
to self is where that is truly like the exclamation point on
(11:34):
how you hug it out with yourself.
South how often and when is the last time you sat there, Alyssa?
And you said, I'm grateful for being a really good friend or
I'm grateful that I'm an exceptional cook, or I'm
grateful that I'm taking care ofmy mind and body and learning
about different approaches and sharing that with people on my
podcast. This builds a much more
(11:55):
resilient landscape in your brain and it reminds yourself
that you have this unbelievable sense about yourself.
So that's how you hug it out with yourself in the everyday.
Havening is just one tool that you can do to hug it out.
You can meditate, you can journal, you can just enjoy a
good meal. Do self-care, use affirmations,
(12:16):
whatever it might be for you. How do you choose to hug it out
in your everyday is really what the method is about.
Well love it. So the age is for humor, EU is
for understanding yourself and Ggratitude for yourself.
I'm just happy to be alive. So I'm guess I'm hugging it out
pretty good over here because I have you're hugging it out being
(12:37):
alive. Absolutely.
That's so important. Like just sometimes waking up is
the hardest thing that people can do.
Some days are like that. And when you can just wake up
and say, I'm grateful that I'm still here.
I'm grateful that I'm putting myfeet on the floor and taking a
chance today in this brave new world.
That in itself is building resiliency.
(12:59):
That in itself is choosing to hug it out, looking in a mirror
and just saying, I'm really happy for who I am.
You know, I'm really proud of myself for doing that thing.
I I'm really just, I'm just happy to be just be if that's as
simple as it is and you know, I am is one of the most powerful
statements there is. I am.
(13:19):
It's what follows it that matters the most.
You can go to positive or negative with that statement.
So perhaps choosing to hug it out is making a positive
statement out of something that might have been a negative self
talk statement. Yes, whatever comes after, I am.
You are, So choose those words carefully.
(13:40):
In a perfect world, we all had parents who might have havened
us and hugged us and gave us that safe place to soothe
ourselves. But even if you didn't have
nurturing parents as a child, you can parent yourself with the
self havening. It seems like, and in a variety
of other ways. It's actually essential that we
learn to parent ourselves, love ourselves, support ourselves.
(14:03):
How did you end up where you aretoday, Hillary?
What came first, the chicken or the egg, the health or the self
havening or the career in journalism?
What is your story? Well, that's a great, that's a
great question. I get asked this a lot.
So I actually did not plan this.And as they say, if you want to
make God laugh, tell him your plans, right?
(14:24):
I mean, I always had a love for therapy and I thought maybe in
a, in another world, I would be a therapist or a lawyer.
Those are the two things. But I've been a journalist for
over 30 years. I mean, that's been my my
passion. And I walked into the field of
journalism in college, right after college was a news anchor
was on here during 911. And I think 911 was kind of an
(14:44):
opening and awakening for me because I was presented with and
with as we all were, we were, wewere, we were pushed into this,
this unknown, the uncertainty ofwhat 911 really was.
But I happened to be covering itand I happened to be a young
journalist not even knowing whatwas happening.
But then more importantly, I didn't know how to process it
(15:07):
after I left The Newsroom. You know, that's secondary
traumatic stress. And I didn't even know what that
was, right. So that's one of the areas that
I focus on pretty deeply when I'm working with people is
secondary traumatic stress, vicarious trauma, things that
are impacting somebody because they're they're, they're
impacted by the duress that somebody is going through first
(15:30):
hand. So that could be watching what's
happening on the news. You're not experiencing it, but
you can be impacted by it. And you're, again, the brain
doesn't understand time or space.
So it could feel like it's impacted by that.
And so the journalism field was,is still really important to me.
And but from covering stories like 9/11, COVID, the opioid
(15:53):
crisis, to everything in betweenthat I've done over the years, I
kind of moved into the health and Wellness space about 10
years ago and was supported by ahealth coach myself when I was
on a show called Daily Burn 365.It was a live streaming fitness
show that I was on. And I was on it from the
beginning in our beta testing till the time we stopped
(16:14):
recording live and even beyond that.
But I had a health coach that was supporting me during that
time. And I thought, well, this is a
really cool industry. And it was one health coach who
was relatively young. But even when I was doing that,
I actually was also still doing work with a organization or the
integrate. The Institute for Integrative
(16:36):
Nutrition had hired me, which isthe largest health coaching
school in the world. And they hired me to come in and
do educational modules for them.And I thought, wow, this place
is really cool. And I'm doing the kind of
journalism, the kind of hosting I want to do, you know, I want
to talk about health and Wellness.
So all of that led to me gettingcertified with them as a health
(16:57):
coach. And then, you know, Havening
kind of fell in my lap, believe it or not.
And it's kind of a fun story because this isn't really how it
probably happens for a lot of people.
But I walked into a bar and I met the CEO of Havening and we
just started got to chatting andshe said can and I show you what
(17:18):
it is. And she did and she asked to, to
do Havening on me. And basically she just havened
me there in the bar. And I said, I don't know what
you just did to me, but I want more of it.
And within, I don't know, a couple months, it must have been
a month or two later, I was in the two day workshop that I now
train and teach people. And within 5 or 6 months I was
(17:41):
certified and found my way to London to get my certification
from the doctors. And the rest is history, you
know. That's awesome because I feel
like sometimes if we don't know what our purpose is and we're
trying to find it, it oftentimesdoes land in our laps.
I really that, yeah, you're getting guided to all of the
(18:03):
fitness journalism. Right.
And I didn't even realize that like I've done some hardcore
news. Like I was a consumer reporter
and I covered financial and I cover, I mean, I covered every
beat known to mankind. And some of them I was like,
just Get Me Out of this. I don't want to do this anymore.
I want to talk about happy news and good news and things that
make people well. But even when you're talking
(18:24):
about things that help people bewell, you have to do the other
side, right? And part of my journey was also
being a college professor of journalism and communications at
a rather prestigious university in New York.
And I was really fortunate to have that experience for over a
decade where I was teaching tomorrow's compassionate
journalists. And many of them today are, you
know, winning Pulitzers or they're out there working for
(18:47):
big name, you know, media companies and like really doing
beautiful work. And just seeing that just makes
my heart sing because I know that just being able to touch,
move and inspire them in some way to be the right kind of
journalist. Because we're seeing a lot of
the wrong kind of journalism happening.
As long as they're out there telling authentic, honest
stories that's and and holding space for people to share
(19:08):
theirs. That's really, that's really
what it's about. And we were chatting about this
before the episode started. I don't know if you want to
bring this up, but you're writing a book you just
mentioned. I am.
I am. It's the Hug it Out book.
It's the Hug it out method. And I'm really fortunate the
book is already the proposals already out there.
I actually won honorable mentionwith Hay House Publishing.
(19:30):
So the next step is just finishing it.
But it's it's I want this to be a companion guide for people to
learn different techniques and tools that they can hug it out
in the everyday. That's the whole point of the
book. And I wish it was, it's a book I
wish I had when I was going through different things in my
(19:50):
life. We all experience some traumas
in some way, big tease, little tease and just everyday upsets.
And so when you have that, you can flip to a page and be like,
OK, today I'm going to do this, this, this is how I'm going to
hug it out today, right? And of course, havening is
always a part of my life. I do it everyday morning when I
get up in the morning to when I fall asleep at night.
(20:11):
So of course havening is a part of it, but it's not the only
thing. Because I want to give people a
variety of tools that they have in their little brain candy jar
that you can pull out anytime you need.
Whether you want a piece of chocolate or caramel, that brain
candy jar is going to hold a number of different things that
you can use to find the sweetestways to be kind to your mind and
how to hug it out with yourself.Yeah, I love how you were
(20:35):
talking about like secondary trauma, because I think
sometimes I'm a teacher. And so sometimes when I would
teach these methods to my students, you know, like if I
taught them Havening as a way torelax, they would probably love
that. I probably need to do that, but
sometimes I think that students think I'm teaching them how to
dissolve fear and stress becauseI think they're stressed out or
(20:58):
I've labeled them in some way. But secondary trauma is a thing.
We can watch the news and feel empathy and trauma just watching
bad things play out on the news.And if somebody tells us a
story, like I'm sure lots of therapists and counselors, they
need a way to sue themselves after they've been giving
sessions all day and listening, listening to everyone else's
(21:19):
trauma and so. It it a lot it who's who's
healing, the healer, who's holding space for the ones who
are holding space for others. And those are the kind of people
that I find that I wind up training.
Like I've trained doctors and therapists and nurses, coaches,
teachers to use this in their own lives so that when they need
it to step away from the noise to be able to self regulate
(21:41):
themselves, then they can go back and be 110% for who they're
supporting and serving. We're seeing more caregivers
getting certified and we are seeing Havening more in schools
and we're seeing that more teachers are actually getting
certified so that they can use it in the classroom.
And that's like more than 10,000schools are being are are using
(22:02):
Havening in the classroom to where they're just giving a
child the ability to be in touchwith their emotions, even if
they don't know how to process it or talk about it.
Because the beauty of Hevening is that while it can also be
self applied to self suit and self regulate it, there doesn't
have to be content. They don't have to share like
you would with traditional therapy.
(22:22):
You know, there's different kinds of well-being.
There's obviously there's psychopharmacology, which is the
medications that we might use tosupport well-being.
There's psychotherapy, which is talk therapy.
And then what Hevening is a psychosensory.
So you're using a senses as a way of being able to regulate
the nervous system and no information really needs to be
(22:43):
shared. So if you have a student that's
feeling their feels and you justsit there and you start singing
their favorite song with them, they're self regulating and they
don't even know it. They don't need to know that
they're actually doing havening.It's cool when they do, but you
know, for a child's mind compared to an adult's mind,
it's, it's still, it's still a self soothing technique that can
(23:07):
be really beautiful to use no matter what age you are.
Yeah, if you're a parent, you can just tell your child, go
ahead and pretend like you're washing your hands.
I had a, well, he's now probablyabout 8:00 or 9:00, but when I
first started working with a young man, he was five and he
loved Broadway and I love Broadway.
I mean, part of my background isbeing in theater.
(23:28):
So one of the things I would do,knowing that that was a really
pleasant distraction for him, iswe would do during sessions, we
would just do some cool Broadwaysongs that he loved.
He loved Disney Broadway and he would just sit there and he'd be
singing the song and he'd be self regulating and his mom
would occasionally he sent me like a video of him walking
(23:49):
around the house singing his little Disney probably songs,
havening on his own. And I'm like that, that's that.
Thank you. That's all it takes.
That's what I want to see are well adjusted children turning
into well-rounded adults. You know, if we had those tools
back when we were kids, if we had the ability to know what
(24:10):
self regulation meant and that we should be in touch with our
feelings. Because it's not about getting
rid of, it's about building a relationship with, it's about
building a relationship with that part of your brain and that
mind that might feel scared or unsafe.
And you're just saying, you knowwhat?
I feel this right now. And I'm I'm present with it,
(24:30):
whatever the emotion might be. And allowing yourself to park it
aside for a moment and then takeyourself somewhere else, like a
first class ticket wherever you want to go.
You know active imagination is abeautiful thing and when you
pair that with self soothing touch which is so essential for
(24:51):
our well-being, the possibilities are endless.
So as you as you said, self havening is CPR for your brain.
It regulates your nervous system.
And I love that analogy because I think sometimes we think of
nervous system regulation. I was like, I'm going to chill
out and I'm going to zone out. But it actually helps us come
(25:11):
alive. Like it's CPR because it gives
us energy and the anxiety isn't draining us of all of our
energy. After a session, do your clients
usually feel calm or energized or both?
I would say calm is a big word. Calm is a big word when you
start a session and if you're feeling very dysregulated, being
(25:35):
able to down regulate and createand produce more of those delta
waves, you're basically turning that chaos into calm.
So words like calm or, or relaxed or peace, those are big
ones that come up never projecting.
I never, I never say are you feeling this?
It's really like how it's what'sa word that's coming to mind
right now? Those tend to be big words, but
(25:57):
then there are other words that like resilient, empowered, and
it really just depends, depends on what they were feeling before
and where they, as a detective in their own mind, are taking
themselves. That's really what it is.
There's no cookie cutter. Every session, even if it's with
the same person, is going to be different.
Every workshop, every experience, if you're just doing
(26:17):
it yourself, is going to be different from the day before
because your life experiences are different.
So it's just being open to the possibilities that you have the
ability to change the brain, youhave the ability to change your
thoughts, your moods, your behaviors, your habits.
And when you know that that is in your control, that's when
you're building a resilient mind.
(26:39):
And so you encourage people to pair the havening touch with
pleasant affirmations, the I am empowering, I am statements.
Do you incorporate breath work or any specific breathing
practices? I do.
I do like using breath work. I do a lot of the box breathing.
Sometimes I do Pamayama, which is the 478, and sometimes I even
(27:00):
have people that I work with that already have their own
breathing patterns because maybethey're singers.
I work with a lot of professional performing artists.
Maybe they are yoga professionals, you know, or
maybe they just have their own type of breathing that feels
comfortable to them. It's never forced.
But we do know just from those practices that certain types of
breathing do help and breath work is very important.
(27:22):
Is it, is it required and is it considered part of Hevening?
No, the Hevening technique is basically the touch and the
positive thought pleasant distraction.
So it's 1 + 1. It's teaching ourselves to calm,
to find the calm and the chaos, to take deep breaths, to bring
awareness to the breath. That's even a distraction right
(27:44):
there. Being aware of your breath,
breathing in, breathing out, youknow, so it's really whatever
you want to do. But I, I'm a big fan of, of
breath work. Absolutely.
How often do you recommend practicing self havening?
You said you do it like sun up to sundown.
Is there a specific number of times that we should practice it
(28:04):
in order to rewire our brains for more serenity and to go down
that path of calm versus the fight or flight?
So I'm going to say while I do it numerous times a day, and
I'll tell you why, if you're going to choose one time to do
it, I would say start it first thing in the morning before you
even put your feet on the floor.And here's why I share this
(28:26):
study a lot. And this goes back to the hug it
out and the gratitude. There's this scientific study
that was done by the Harvard Research Review on the benefits
of gratitude. And if you start your day with
two minutes of gratitude compared to 3 minutes of picking
up this device and scrolling andlooking at the news or doing
whatever you do or just go, go, go and do do do, do.
(28:48):
Rather than just sitting there in bed for for two minutes, you
actually have a 27% more likelihood of having a good day
6 to hour 6 to 8 hours later. So what if he were sitting there
doing self gratitude or just humming a song or just thinking
about the things that the day isgoing to fill you with or the
great day you had before or justtaking yourself on the little
(29:09):
adventure in your mind for two minutes before you get out of
bed. Give yourself that time for
self-care. You are actually working on the
rewiring right there. And that lends the day that lens
that that paces your day. So I would absolutely say try to
start it in the morning. If you're feeling any
anxiousness throughout the day, If you are, you know, brain fog
(29:32):
or you know, you're working on aproject and you're, you're
feeling like I, I can't do anymore.
Sit back and do a little havening for a minute.
Hum a song. Step away from the computer
every once in a while, you know,And then the other time, I would
say really powerful is before bed, because what you're doing
is you're producing more of the delta waves.
Again, we're attached to this device all the time and you are
(29:53):
not allowing your brain to go produce more of those delta
waves. When you are focused on looking
at a little screen, you're goingto be in a much higher brain
wave. So if you step away from the
device and give yourself a chance, like imagine yourself
sleeping on a bed of clouds or yes, count sheep.
That's actually scientifically proven because it's a
distraction. Anything you can do to self
(30:14):
regulate and down regulate will will bring more of those delta
waves around and help you find that calming state.
And look, with the amount of people that have sleep issues in
this world, I'm one of them. I'm diagnosed with sleep apnea.
I have to down regulate at nightbecause it actually calms my
mind. And you know, this month in
(30:36):
March is World sleep day. We have World Sleep day this
month. This is a perfect time to start
working on better sleep health habits, and havening is a great
way to do that. I love it.
I love how you talk about brain candy and like we all have a
little candy jar and we can pickout what we're in the mood for,
what we want to consume. Basically.
(30:57):
I think you're a fan of hypnosis.
I think I was looking at your social media and I noticed.
What's your personal experience with that and how has it helped
you? Because I'm a huge fan.
I do hypnosis audios about public speaking, improving your
memory, improving your focus andactually my last episode was a
hypnotic meditation from manifesting.
(31:19):
I like that. Yeah, so tell me about your
experience with hypnosis. Well, I'm actually certified,
but I am certified in hypnosis. And that certification actually
came after Hevening and it was just adding another tool to my
toolbox, right? Another brain candy to the great
brain candy jar. But what I find is that
sometimes I'm blending my Hevening and hypnosis together,
(31:42):
but I found that Hevening is just so unbelievably powerful
and positive that most people come and see me for that.
Most people are looking me up and want to work with me and do
Hevening. Most people are getting
certified with me to become Hevening practitioners or even
(32:03):
just to take the two day workshop just to have the
neuroscience, the history and the fundamentals of Hevening in
their pockets so they understandit and they can use it with
their family and their friends, right?
Maybe not in a professional setting.
So I just find that Hevening is like the mental health secret
that not enough people know about.
(32:24):
You know, more people are talking about it, though.
We are definitely hearing like the Doctor Gabor Mate and Doctor
Daniel Ayman. And there's so many people out
there that are starting to really give it attention where
attention is deserved because it's been around for 25 years.
You know, the Doctor, Steven RonRudin really developed a
beautiful practice. And they come from a heart
(32:46):
space. And these men I've known for,
you know, 8 to 10 years now, andthey've been a real important
part of my life. And being able to train with
them personally has been a gift.And you know that their whole
idea is they want to put active emotional well-being in the
world's hands and that that's a heart centered space.
(33:09):
Yeah, I love havening. I feel like it's very accessible
to people of all ages. You can do it like in the
moment. If you're stressed, you can do
it in the moment while you're waiting in line at the post
office or whatever. Well, you're such a wealth of
information. I feel like this interview could
have lasted twice as long as it has.
I'd be fascinated to hear more if you could share and
(33:31):
experience a story that we haven't heard that you want us
to tune into, or just a few words of wisdom with my audience
here at Dissolving Fear. What would you tell everybody
right now as some advice? Well, I'd love to share a little
story, and this one's kind of fun because this happened to me
when I was actually coming home from the Havening conference
(33:51):
back in 2019. I traveled to London for the
conference, and then I traveled on a little bit about Europe and
came back through France. And if you've ever been to
Charles de Gaulle airport or anymajor airport, you know, it
could be a hot mess. You're waiting to go through
security, you're waiting to go through all the lines, and you
don't even know where you are sometimes in the lines.
(34:11):
It's almost like being at one ofthose like big amusement parks
where you're like, you think you're there and then you make
another turn around a corner. And everyone in this line at
Charles de Gaulle was not happy.And they were all going back to
New York. So they also had an attitude
because they were all flying back to Newark, Newark Airport,
where I was living in New York at the time.
(34:34):
And everyone was like complaining and trying to get
everyone's attention. And you know that misery loves
company and people want to complain together.
But just as much as people want to complain together, they can
also find joy together. So here's what happened in that
experience. I was on cloud 9.
I had a great trip. I traveled to four countries in
12 days. I got my got to see, you know,
(34:56):
Doctor Ron and Doctor Steve and all my havening colleagues and
I'm coming back on that trip andI'm in a really good state.
I was not happy to have to standin line for three hours, but
that's a different story. But when people are trying to
engage with me, I just put my headphones on and I played some
like great music and I started just self havening just with my
(35:17):
hands because this is easy to doeverywhere.
People likely already do this and don't even realize they're
doing it. And I just was like kind of
humming along to the song in my head and everyone's Bah Bah,
Bah, Bah Bah complaining around me.
And I turn and I look, I don't know where they were in the Rose
section, but because going like a zigzag.
But I turn and I look to my right and I noticed there was a
(35:38):
whole group of Buddhist monks that were on my flight and they
were the only other people that were calm.
And I just remember looking at them and I'm havening and I see
one of them just gently nod at me and I'm like, oh.
And I was just like, yeah, I like they weren't doing
(35:59):
havening, whatever they were doing to find their self
regulated self. They did.
But I was doing mine. And I just felt like I was in
the presence of, like, pure energy, and nobody around me
mattered. It just didn't matter anymore.
So like, that just shows you howpowerful a technique like this
can be, no matter where you are in a full airport full of angry
(36:22):
New Yorkers to being in traffic.You know, if you're sitting in a
stoplight, sometimes I'll just haven just to say I'm going to
get there safely. If you're getting ready to board
a flight and you're, you're afraid of flying, it's a really
great tool to use to just remindyourself you're safe or trying
to go to bed or even waking up in the morning and every hour in
between. That's where you are making a
(36:44):
conscious choice to put the power in your own hands because
choice is powerful. And when you realize that you're
aware of something and you want to make a change and you choose
to change, well, that's, that's the magic right there.
That is the brain candy, that's you hugging it out.
And you have that ability to make that change and live the
(37:06):
life that you choose to live. I love that.
It's like we're bringing the light into our own hands, into
our bodies and minds. And light attracts light.
When you look over at the monks,they notice your light, you
notice theirs. And we can spread it.
You know, maybe one day at the airport, it'll be like 5050.
Half the people are freaking outand half the people are havening
(37:27):
and chill. In a perfect world, right?
That would be great. I can't tell you how many times
I've sat next to someone on the plane that was really nervous
about flying and I would just show them havening.
And I'm like, that's the gift right there.
Just being able to share it withthem and show them that you can.
You can tell your amygdala, we call her Amy.
You can let Amy know she's OK and she's safe.
(37:48):
You know, it's up to you to build that beautiful
relationship with Amy the amygdala, and be kind to your
mind. Love it.
Well, tell us about your Hevening happy hour and some
other things you're offering. And thank you so much for being
here today, Hillary. Thank you, Alyssa.
So every month, and this is something I've done since the
first week of the pandemic in 2020, ioffer a free online
(38:10):
Hevening happy hour. It's a group experience where
people from all over the world will come online.
And I guide you in a Hevening experience.
You can choose whatever you wantto focus on that, whatever that
might be. It's your journey.
You don't have to share it, but then we do do some habiting.
We use the little music, maybe alittle movement.
And then at the end we do a nicediscussion and AQ and A.
(38:33):
And it's a beautiful experience to do this every month.
And I pick a theme. So like the theme for March,
we're focusing on like spring and rebirth.
And that one will be March 17th at 3:00 PM Eastern Time.
And it's really easy just to register and sign up.
And you can sign up for every month as they come because I do
the monthly. Like I said, I haven't missed 1
yet. And then I also have Havening
(38:54):
trainings coming up. I have one later in March, which
is March 22nd and 23rd. And that's a really great
opportunity if you're looking tolearn more about the
fundamentals of Havening, the history, the neuroscience, use
it with friends and family. But even take it one step
further and know that you're mentored by someone like myself
and get certified so that you can use this in your practice.
(39:14):
You know, if you want to bring it into your professional
practice, if you're a doctor, nurse, teacher, therapist,
coaches, anyone that is just looking to better themselves,
it's a really beautiful tool to put into your jar.
Awesome. Well I will put those links in
the show notes. Are your monthly happy hours
always at the same time? I'm just curious.
(39:36):
They are not. And part of that is because I
tend to have people from all over the world and I don't ever
want to make it unfair to like my, my friends over in the UK
that if I had it at 7:00 every Wednesday, they they're not
going to stay up till 2:00 AM, right?
So I try to change it. And while that's not showing
consistency, that's really because I want it to be a gift
(39:59):
to all. So sometimes I'll do it at 3:00
in the afternoon on a Monday. Sometimes I'll do it a Wednesday
at 7:00 PM. This one just happens to be 3:00
on on. On March 17th at Eastern Time.
Awesome. Well, thank you so much for
being here. That completes our episode.
If this podcast content felt true for you, please leave a
(40:21):
rating and review on Apple Podcast and follow the podcast
today so that you can keep exploring your favorite ways to
dissolve fear and make some roomfor your best life to unfold in
fun and miraculous ways. Catch you next time.
Welcome to the Dissolving Fear Podcast, where we can all be a
little more fearless and free starting today.
The mission here is a world where fear doesn't run the show.
You do. Fear doesn't run this show.
I'm your host, Alyssa, and I'm acreative entrepreneur on a
mission to help people face the uncertainty of life with courage
(00:20):
and creativity. I'm offering proven tools to
dissolve stress and I'm sharing inspiring interviews with
amazing guests. Follow this podcast.
You'll love the results. Loving life is what we're all
about here on the podcast and atmissalyssa.com.
Enjoy the show. Hilary Russo, welcome to the
podcast. I love what you're doing,
(00:42):
Alyssa. Thank you for having me.
You're a journalist, a holistic health coach and a
self-proclaimed chief of Hugs. You've been featured in the
news, including Great Day Live, NBC Studio Four and the Las
Vegas Morning Blend. Usually when I start off my
guest interviews, I might ask how did you get to where you are
(01:03):
today living your best life? But actually I want to dive
right in to how you help other people improve themselves and
their lives. You teach people self havening
techniques as well as your signature hug it out method.
And I'd like to I'd like you to explain what these methods are.
But first let's review the basics of nervous system
(01:26):
regulation. What are some signs of a
dysregulated nervous system and how can we tell when somebody
feels regulated? I'm sure you see this all the
time when you help people. They might come to a workshop
feeling dysregulated and they leave transformed for the
better. So what are some signs if we're
looking at our own body? Yeah, I think that's the best
(01:49):
place to start is look at yourself.
Like I always say, you got to bea detective of your own mind.
When I'm supporting people, whether it is a one to one
client, whether it's group, whether I'm training because I
also train havening practitioners for the future,
like the future generation of havening practitioners or even
like just being with friends or family.
You know, the, the most important person you have to
(02:10):
think about is yourself and understanding your own body and
mind. You know, so the one thing I
think that's really important when we're talking about
regulating our nervous system isbeing aware, being that
detective and what's coming up for you in that moment.
You know, the first step to any change is awareness that a
change needs to happen. So if you feel your heart start
racing or your mind starts just going and just thinking about
(02:35):
things that aren't positive and racing, or your hands get clammy
or you start getting sweaty, allof these are signs that your
body is telling you something right, And it's dysregulated.
And you know, there are a numberof different techniques that you
can use to regulate your nervoussystem.
We live in the sympathetic nervous state, which is, you
(02:58):
know, go, go, go, do, do, do it.It's how we stay alive and safe.
We'd we'd love to live more in the parasympathetic state, which
is rest and repair. But the beauty of the work that
I do is it gives you the tools, puts the healing in your hands
so that you can self regulate and self soothe for self-care.
So self havening puts the healing into our own hands.
(03:19):
Let's talk about self havening. What is it exactly?
Sure. So the beauty of the work that
is called havening techniques isthat you can self apply it and
self soothe and self regulate for self-care.
You don't have to. There's three different kinds of
havening approaches. Actually, there is the self
havening that we can talk about,which is putting the tools in
your hands. There's also facilitated self
(03:41):
havening. So that would be like if I was
doing a session with you and, or, or I was just supporting you
and I was guiding you while you were self havening.
And then there's also facilitated havening, which is
if I was actually doing the havening touch on you.
But havening is a neuroscience based approach that uses touch.
There's three different types oftouches.
It's like you're washing your hands or giving yourself a
(04:02):
gentle hug from your shoulders down to your elbows or even on
your face. And we call these the Hevening
touches. Those are the three main
hevening touch approaches when you pair this touch together
with a positive thought or a pleasant distraction.
And Alyssa, that can be anythingthat could be counting to 20.
That could be visualizing your favorite vacation spot, that
(04:24):
could be humming a tune or singing a song because that
activates the vagus nerve. It could even be looking outside
if you don't, if you aren't unable to visualize and watching
the cars go by or the birds in the trees.
Anything that's pulling you awayfrom the upset is the positive
or pleasant distraction. When you pair that with the
hevening touch, what happens is you release oxytocin, which is
(04:45):
the love hormone, right? You're kind of hugging it out
with yourself. You are releasing serotonin and
dopamine, the happy hormones andGABA, and then you're also
producing more delta waves. Delta waves are your slowest
moving brain wave. That's where you go when you are
in sleep and restore, repair. That is your sleep state and it
is the slowest moving brain waver there is.
(05:06):
We tend to live in like gamma and alpha, like, which are Doo
Doo Doo, whereas delta is kind of like BBB.
So you're producing more of those delta ways that you can
bring yourself to a state of calm.
You are building resilience and you're just reminding your
amygdala that it's safe, that it's OK.
You know, all is well. That's where the word haven
(05:27):
comes from. It's a safe haven.
It's a transitive verb for the word haven, which is a safe
place. So the three focus points are
rubbing your palms together as if you're washing your hands.
Gently washing your hands, whichwe do that enough, right?
Yes. And for everyone listening, if
you can't see what we're doing, Hillary's kind of just like
(05:48):
moving your hands back and forth.
Yeah, it's almost like a pendulum back and forth,
whatever is comfortable to you. I have people that go over their
hands almost like they're they're doing a nice lather.
You can also do it from your shoulders down to your elbows.
You want to go in a downward motion and crossing your arms
like you're doing a nice hug on yourself.
(06:09):
And then there's also gently caressing your face.
And if you cross your arms over,it almost feels like someone is
touching you. Them like gently touching you.
It's a little different. You almost feel like
butterflies. But any or all three of those
touches, there's no choreography.
When you do those, that's where you put your brain more in a
production of delta waves, releasing those happy hormones.
(06:31):
And it's what we call CPR for the amygdala because your
amygdala is designed to keep youalive and safe.
That's its one job. So when your amygdala is in
fight, flight, freeze or fawn, what you're doing is you're
creating a safe space for that part of your brain that is just
designed to keep you alive and safe.
It wants to go to the negative. Negative will keep you alive
(06:51):
because it's a lazy brain. What you're doing is you're
creating new neural pathways andallowing the amygdala to know
that it's not in danger. One thing I love about this too
in the age of technology is it'sa movement break.
If you look out the window and you start havening with your
hands and stroking your arms andyou know I'm crossing my arms
(07:14):
and then from the shoulders downI'm stroking down on my arms
when we're looking out the window or just breathing, it's a
nice little movement break. And from what I know, when you
cross the midline, when you crisscross your hands and haven
yourself crossing the midline isreally good for our brains too.
Absolutely, right. The hemisphere of the brain.
But it's such a simple approach and a lot of people will say it
(07:38):
just seems so simple, but that'syou creating new neural
pathways. And the more you create those
pathways, more likely you are and you're training your brain
to go that direction, right? So it's so simple.
So we need soothing, we need touch.
Touch is connection. It is.
It is something that is absolutely vital for our just
(08:00):
human existence. So what better way to self
regulate than to self soothe andself touch and self apply so
that you can nurture yourself when you're feeling
dysregulated? Yeah, I'm telling you, I've been
hevening this whole time that you're talking and I'm just
relaxed. It's like I can't even focus on
(08:20):
my next question, which never happens.
But I understand because the hevening seems to like, signal
to your body, like take the easyway, take the easy street route
and enjoy it. Just relax a little bit in your
mind, you know, like things don't have to be hard and
stressful all the time. It's like a nice break.
It is. And the other thing about the
amygdala that a lot of people don't realize, that part of your
(08:42):
brain in the limbic system, and we're talking about a very old
part of your brain, right? It is designed, like I said, to
keep you alive and safe. But one other thing about the
amygdala is that it doesn't knowtime or space.
So this kind of goes back to what you started the
conversation with, with how do you know if you're dysregulated?
And The thing is, is that the amygdala responds like that.
(09:03):
It is much faster than your thinking brain.
So when something is presented to you and it looks dangerous,
even if it's not real or you're just thinking about it, maybe
you're watching a movie on TV. What happens?
You jump back sometimes your heart gets raced, it starts
racing. These, this is your amygdala in
action and in your body, the cognitive part of your body, the
(09:23):
somatic part, the emotional part, all of those parts of your
body are going to react and showyou signs that it's in danger.
Almost like a ring system in your home, right?
Like the ring, you can dial it up so it's super sensitive.
It even goes off even when a leaf blow blows by.
Or you can dial it down to whereit's not going to go off unless
some physical body or shape is near your door.
(09:45):
So the amygdala needs to be designed.
It needs to be told it's safe and it's OK.
And by doing the havening touch,you're basically allowing those
those fires and wires to just not react as much.
Right. And that it's a very easy thing
to do, yeah. So self havening helps us dial
(10:08):
it down into the RNR, out of thefight or flight, into the rest
and relaxation. Tell us about your signature hug
it out method that you teach. Yeah, So what I love about Hug
it Out is that it does incorporate havening into the
method, right? And it's, it's just interesting
that it happens to be involving the word hug, right 'cause we're
(10:30):
self hugging. But Hug It Out is actually an
acronym for in the healing You have H you have humor.
Because sometimes we, we look back on things that we got
really upset about or really triggered by or even if they
were a pretty big deal at some point in our lives.
When we work through our healing, when we're doing the
healing process, we can look back on it and, and laugh
(10:50):
sometimes and find the humor in the healing.
It's so important. Then there's the understanding.
That's the you. The you is where you have an
understanding for who you are and how you're showing up in
this world. What are your core values?
How are you presenting yourself?Who do you want to be?
And that's really important as we grow and we learn and we
become better human beings, right?
(11:10):
And then of course, there's gratitude.
I mean gratitude as we know scientifically proven.
There have been so many studies about how gratitude is so
important in our everyday, but we tend to think about the
gratitude of things outside ourselves, right?
I'm grateful for my family, my friends, the house I live in,
the things around us. The more we bring gratitude back
to self is where that is truly like the exclamation point on
(11:34):
how you hug it out with yourself.
South how often and when is the last time you sat there, Alyssa?
And you said, I'm grateful for being a really good friend or
I'm grateful that I'm an exceptional cook, or I'm
grateful that I'm taking care ofmy mind and body and learning
about different approaches and sharing that with people on my
podcast. This builds a much more
(11:55):
resilient landscape in your brain and it reminds yourself
that you have this unbelievable sense about yourself.
So that's how you hug it out with yourself in the everyday.
Havening is just one tool that you can do to hug it out.
You can meditate, you can journal, you can just enjoy a
good meal. Do self-care, use affirmations,
(12:16):
whatever it might be for you. How do you choose to hug it out
in your everyday is really what the method is about.
Well love it. So the age is for humor, EU is
for understanding yourself and Ggratitude for yourself.
I'm just happy to be alive. So I'm guess I'm hugging it out
pretty good over here because I have you're hugging it out being
(12:37):
alive. Absolutely.
That's so important. Like just sometimes waking up is
the hardest thing that people can do.
Some days are like that. And when you can just wake up
and say, I'm grateful that I'm still here.
I'm grateful that I'm putting myfeet on the floor and taking a
chance today in this brave new world.
That in itself is building resiliency.
(12:59):
That in itself is choosing to hug it out, looking in a mirror
and just saying, I'm really happy for who I am.
You know, I'm really proud of myself for doing that thing.
I I'm really just, I'm just happy to be just be if that's as
simple as it is and you know, I am is one of the most powerful
statements there is. I am.
(13:19):
It's what follows it that matters the most.
You can go to positive or negative with that statement.
So perhaps choosing to hug it out is making a positive
statement out of something that might have been a negative self
talk statement. Yes, whatever comes after, I am.
You are, So choose those words carefully.
(13:40):
In a perfect world, we all had parents who might have havened
us and hugged us and gave us that safe place to soothe
ourselves. But even if you didn't have
nurturing parents as a child, you can parent yourself with the
self havening. It seems like, and in a variety
of other ways. It's actually essential that we
learn to parent ourselves, love ourselves, support ourselves.
(14:03):
How did you end up where you aretoday, Hillary?
What came first, the chicken or the egg, the health or the self
havening or the career in journalism?
What is your story? Well, that's a great, that's a
great question. I get asked this a lot.
So I actually did not plan this.And as they say, if you want to
make God laugh, tell him your plans, right?
(14:24):
I mean, I always had a love for therapy and I thought maybe in
a, in another world, I would be a therapist or a lawyer.
Those are the two things. But I've been a journalist for
over 30 years. I mean, that's been my my
passion. And I walked into the field of
journalism in college, right after college was a news anchor
was on here during 911. And I think 911 was kind of an
(14:44):
opening and awakening for me because I was presented with and
with as we all were, we were, wewere, we were pushed into this,
this unknown, the uncertainty ofwhat 911 really was.
But I happened to be covering itand I happened to be a young
journalist not even knowing whatwas happening.
But then more importantly, I didn't know how to process it
(15:07):
after I left The Newsroom. You know, that's secondary
traumatic stress. And I didn't even know what that
was, right. So that's one of the areas that
I focus on pretty deeply when I'm working with people is
secondary traumatic stress, vicarious trauma, things that
are impacting somebody because they're they're, they're
impacted by the duress that somebody is going through first
(15:30):
hand. So that could be watching what's
happening on the news. You're not experiencing it, but
you can be impacted by it. And you're, again, the brain
doesn't understand time or space.
So it could feel like it's impacted by that.
And so the journalism field was,is still really important to me.
And but from covering stories like 9/11, COVID, the opioid
(15:53):
crisis, to everything in betweenthat I've done over the years, I
kind of moved into the health and Wellness space about 10
years ago and was supported by ahealth coach myself when I was
on a show called Daily Burn 365.It was a live streaming fitness
show that I was on. And I was on it from the
beginning in our beta testing till the time we stopped
(16:14):
recording live and even beyond that.
But I had a health coach that was supporting me during that
time. And I thought, well, this is a
really cool industry. And it was one health coach who
was relatively young. But even when I was doing that,
I actually was also still doing work with a organization or the
integrate. The Institute for Integrative
(16:36):
Nutrition had hired me, which isthe largest health coaching
school in the world. And they hired me to come in and
do educational modules for them.And I thought, wow, this place
is really cool. And I'm doing the kind of
journalism, the kind of hosting I want to do, you know, I want
to talk about health and Wellness.
So all of that led to me gettingcertified with them as a health
(16:57):
coach. And then, you know, Havening
kind of fell in my lap, believe it or not.
And it's kind of a fun story because this isn't really how it
probably happens for a lot of people.
But I walked into a bar and I met the CEO of Havening and we
just started got to chatting andshe said can and I show you what
(17:18):
it is. And she did and she asked to, to
do Havening on me. And basically she just havened
me there in the bar. And I said, I don't know what
you just did to me, but I want more of it.
And within, I don't know, a couple months, it must have been
a month or two later, I was in the two day workshop that I now
train and teach people. And within 5 or 6 months I was
(17:41):
certified and found my way to London to get my certification
from the doctors. And the rest is history, you
know. That's awesome because I feel
like sometimes if we don't know what our purpose is and we're
trying to find it, it oftentimesdoes land in our laps.
I really that, yeah, you're getting guided to all of the
(18:03):
fitness journalism. Right.
And I didn't even realize that like I've done some hardcore
news. Like I was a consumer reporter
and I covered financial and I cover, I mean, I covered every
beat known to mankind. And some of them I was like,
just Get Me Out of this. I don't want to do this anymore.
I want to talk about happy news and good news and things that
make people well. But even when you're talking
(18:24):
about things that help people bewell, you have to do the other
side, right? And part of my journey was also
being a college professor of journalism and communications at
a rather prestigious university in New York.
And I was really fortunate to have that experience for over a
decade where I was teaching tomorrow's compassionate
journalists. And many of them today are, you
know, winning Pulitzers or they're out there working for
(18:47):
big name, you know, media companies and like really doing
beautiful work. And just seeing that just makes
my heart sing because I know that just being able to touch,
move and inspire them in some way to be the right kind of
journalist. Because we're seeing a lot of
the wrong kind of journalism happening.
As long as they're out there telling authentic, honest
stories that's and and holding space for people to share
(19:08):
theirs. That's really, that's really
what it's about. And we were chatting about this
before the episode started. I don't know if you want to
bring this up, but you're writing a book you just
mentioned. I am.
I am. It's the Hug it Out book.
It's the Hug it out method. And I'm really fortunate the
book is already the proposals already out there.
I actually won honorable mentionwith Hay House Publishing.
(19:30):
So the next step is just finishing it.
But it's it's I want this to be a companion guide for people to
learn different techniques and tools that they can hug it out
in the everyday. That's the whole point of the
book. And I wish it was, it's a book I
wish I had when I was going through different things in my
(19:50):
life. We all experience some traumas
in some way, big tease, little tease and just everyday upsets.
And so when you have that, you can flip to a page and be like,
OK, today I'm going to do this, this, this is how I'm going to
hug it out today, right? And of course, havening is
always a part of my life. I do it everyday morning when I
get up in the morning to when I fall asleep at night.
(20:11):
So of course havening is a part of it, but it's not the only
thing. Because I want to give people a
variety of tools that they have in their little brain candy jar
that you can pull out anytime you need.
Whether you want a piece of chocolate or caramel, that brain
candy jar is going to hold a number of different things that
you can use to find the sweetestways to be kind to your mind and
how to hug it out with yourself.Yeah, I love how you were
(20:35):
talking about like secondary trauma, because I think
sometimes I'm a teacher. And so sometimes when I would
teach these methods to my students, you know, like if I
taught them Havening as a way torelax, they would probably love
that. I probably need to do that, but
sometimes I think that students think I'm teaching them how to
dissolve fear and stress becauseI think they're stressed out or
(20:58):
I've labeled them in some way. But secondary trauma is a thing.
We can watch the news and feel empathy and trauma just watching
bad things play out on the news.And if somebody tells us a
story, like I'm sure lots of therapists and counselors, they
need a way to sue themselves after they've been giving
sessions all day and listening, listening to everyone else's
(21:19):
trauma and so. It it a lot it who's who's
healing, the healer, who's holding space for the ones who
are holding space for others. And those are the kind of people
that I find that I wind up training.
Like I've trained doctors and therapists and nurses, coaches,
teachers to use this in their own lives so that when they need
it to step away from the noise to be able to self regulate
(21:41):
themselves, then they can go back and be 110% for who they're
supporting and serving. We're seeing more caregivers
getting certified and we are seeing Havening more in schools
and we're seeing that more teachers are actually getting
certified so that they can use it in the classroom.
And that's like more than 10,000schools are being are are using
(22:02):
Havening in the classroom to where they're just giving a
child the ability to be in touchwith their emotions, even if
they don't know how to process it or talk about it.
Because the beauty of Hevening is that while it can also be
self applied to self suit and self regulate it, there doesn't
have to be content. They don't have to share like
you would with traditional therapy.
(22:22):
You know, there's different kinds of well-being.
There's obviously there's psychopharmacology, which is the
medications that we might use tosupport well-being.
There's psychotherapy, which is talk therapy.
And then what Hevening is a psychosensory.
So you're using a senses as a way of being able to regulate
the nervous system and no information really needs to be
(22:43):
shared. So if you have a student that's
feeling their feels and you justsit there and you start singing
their favorite song with them, they're self regulating and they
don't even know it. They don't need to know that
they're actually doing havening.It's cool when they do, but you
know, for a child's mind compared to an adult's mind,
it's, it's still, it's still a self soothing technique that can
(23:07):
be really beautiful to use no matter what age you are.
Yeah, if you're a parent, you can just tell your child, go
ahead and pretend like you're washing your hands.
I had a, well, he's now probablyabout 8:00 or 9:00, but when I
first started working with a young man, he was five and he
loved Broadway and I love Broadway.
I mean, part of my background isbeing in theater.
(23:28):
So one of the things I would do,knowing that that was a really
pleasant distraction for him, iswe would do during sessions, we
would just do some cool Broadwaysongs that he loved.
He loved Disney Broadway and he would just sit there and he'd be
singing the song and he'd be self regulating and his mom
would occasionally he sent me like a video of him walking
(23:49):
around the house singing his little Disney probably songs,
havening on his own. And I'm like that, that's that.
Thank you. That's all it takes.
That's what I want to see are well adjusted children turning
into well-rounded adults. You know, if we had those tools
back when we were kids, if we had the ability to know what
(24:10):
self regulation meant and that we should be in touch with our
feelings. Because it's not about getting
rid of, it's about building a relationship with, it's about
building a relationship with that part of your brain and that
mind that might feel scared or unsafe.
And you're just saying, you knowwhat?
I feel this right now. And I'm I'm present with it,
(24:30):
whatever the emotion might be. And allowing yourself to park it
aside for a moment and then takeyourself somewhere else, like a
first class ticket wherever you want to go.
You know active imagination is abeautiful thing and when you
pair that with self soothing touch which is so essential for
(24:51):
our well-being, the possibilities are endless.
So as you as you said, self havening is CPR for your brain.
It regulates your nervous system.
And I love that analogy because I think sometimes we think of
nervous system regulation. I was like, I'm going to chill
out and I'm going to zone out. But it actually helps us come
(25:11):
alive. Like it's CPR because it gives
us energy and the anxiety isn't draining us of all of our
energy. After a session, do your clients
usually feel calm or energized or both?
I would say calm is a big word. Calm is a big word when you
start a session and if you're feeling very dysregulated, being
(25:35):
able to down regulate and createand produce more of those delta
waves, you're basically turning that chaos into calm.
So words like calm or, or relaxed or peace, those are big
ones that come up never projecting.
I never, I never say are you feeling this?
It's really like how it's what'sa word that's coming to mind
right now? Those tend to be big words, but
(25:57):
then there are other words that like resilient, empowered, and
it really just depends, depends on what they were feeling before
and where they, as a detective in their own mind, are taking
themselves. That's really what it is.
There's no cookie cutter. Every session, even if it's with
the same person, is going to be different.
Every workshop, every experience, if you're just doing
(26:17):
it yourself, is going to be different from the day before
because your life experiences are different.
So it's just being open to the possibilities that you have the
ability to change the brain, youhave the ability to change your
thoughts, your moods, your behaviors, your habits.
And when you know that that is in your control, that's when
you're building a resilient mind.
(26:39):
And so you encourage people to pair the havening touch with
pleasant affirmations, the I am empowering, I am statements.
Do you incorporate breath work or any specific breathing
practices? I do.
I do like using breath work. I do a lot of the box breathing.
Sometimes I do Pamayama, which is the 478, and sometimes I even
(27:00):
have people that I work with that already have their own
breathing patterns because maybethey're singers.
I work with a lot of professional performing artists.
Maybe they are yoga professionals, you know, or
maybe they just have their own type of breathing that feels
comfortable to them. It's never forced.
But we do know just from those practices that certain types of
breathing do help and breath work is very important.
(27:22):
Is it, is it required and is it considered part of Hevening?
No, the Hevening technique is basically the touch and the
positive thought pleasant distraction.
So it's 1 + 1. It's teaching ourselves to calm,
to find the calm and the chaos, to take deep breaths, to bring
awareness to the breath. That's even a distraction right
(27:44):
there. Being aware of your breath,
breathing in, breathing out, youknow, so it's really whatever
you want to do. But I, I'm a big fan of, of
breath work. Absolutely.
How often do you recommend practicing self havening?
You said you do it like sun up to sundown.
Is there a specific number of times that we should practice it
(28:04):
in order to rewire our brains for more serenity and to go down
that path of calm versus the fight or flight?
So I'm going to say while I do it numerous times a day, and
I'll tell you why, if you're going to choose one time to do
it, I would say start it first thing in the morning before you
even put your feet on the floor.And here's why I share this
(28:26):
study a lot. And this goes back to the hug it
out and the gratitude. There's this scientific study
that was done by the Harvard Research Review on the benefits
of gratitude. And if you start your day with
two minutes of gratitude compared to 3 minutes of picking
up this device and scrolling andlooking at the news or doing
whatever you do or just go, go, go and do do do, do.
(28:48):
Rather than just sitting there in bed for for two minutes, you
actually have a 27% more likelihood of having a good day
6 to hour 6 to 8 hours later. So what if he were sitting there
doing self gratitude or just humming a song or just thinking
about the things that the day isgoing to fill you with or the
great day you had before or justtaking yourself on the little
(29:09):
adventure in your mind for two minutes before you get out of
bed. Give yourself that time for
self-care. You are actually working on the
rewiring right there. And that lends the day that lens
that that paces your day. So I would absolutely say try to
start it in the morning. If you're feeling any
anxiousness throughout the day, If you are, you know, brain fog
(29:32):
or you know, you're working on aproject and you're, you're
feeling like I, I can't do anymore.
Sit back and do a little havening for a minute.
Hum a song. Step away from the computer
every once in a while, you know,And then the other time, I would
say really powerful is before bed, because what you're doing
is you're producing more of the delta waves.
Again, we're attached to this device all the time and you are
(29:53):
not allowing your brain to go produce more of those delta
waves. When you are focused on looking
at a little screen, you're goingto be in a much higher brain
wave. So if you step away from the
device and give yourself a chance, like imagine yourself
sleeping on a bed of clouds or yes, count sheep.
That's actually scientifically proven because it's a
distraction. Anything you can do to self
(30:14):
regulate and down regulate will will bring more of those delta
waves around and help you find that calming state.
And look, with the amount of people that have sleep issues in
this world, I'm one of them. I'm diagnosed with sleep apnea.
I have to down regulate at nightbecause it actually calms my
mind. And you know, this month in
(30:36):
March is World sleep day. We have World Sleep day this
month. This is a perfect time to start
working on better sleep health habits, and havening is a great
way to do that. I love it.
I love how you talk about brain candy and like we all have a
little candy jar and we can pickout what we're in the mood for,
what we want to consume. Basically.
(30:57):
I think you're a fan of hypnosis.
I think I was looking at your social media and I noticed.
What's your personal experience with that and how has it helped
you? Because I'm a huge fan.
I do hypnosis audios about public speaking, improving your
memory, improving your focus andactually my last episode was a
hypnotic meditation from manifesting.
(31:19):
I like that. Yeah, so tell me about your
experience with hypnosis. Well, I'm actually certified,
but I am certified in hypnosis. And that certification actually
came after Hevening and it was just adding another tool to my
toolbox, right? Another brain candy to the great
brain candy jar. But what I find is that
sometimes I'm blending my Hevening and hypnosis together,
(31:42):
but I found that Hevening is just so unbelievably powerful
and positive that most people come and see me for that.
Most people are looking me up and want to work with me and do
Hevening. Most people are getting
certified with me to become Hevening practitioners or even
(32:03):
just to take the two day workshop just to have the
neuroscience, the history and the fundamentals of Hevening in
their pockets so they understandit and they can use it with
their family and their friends, right?
Maybe not in a professional setting.
So I just find that Hevening is like the mental health secret
that not enough people know about.
(32:24):
You know, more people are talking about it, though.
We are definitely hearing like the Doctor Gabor Mate and Doctor
Daniel Ayman. And there's so many people out
there that are starting to really give it attention where
attention is deserved because it's been around for 25 years.
You know, the Doctor, Steven RonRudin really developed a
beautiful practice. And they come from a heart
(32:46):
space. And these men I've known for,
you know, 8 to 10 years now, andthey've been a real important
part of my life. And being able to train with
them personally has been a gift.And you know that their whole
idea is they want to put active emotional well-being in the
world's hands and that that's a heart centered space.
(33:09):
Yeah, I love havening. I feel like it's very accessible
to people of all ages. You can do it like in the
moment. If you're stressed, you can do
it in the moment while you're waiting in line at the post
office or whatever. Well, you're such a wealth of
information. I feel like this interview could
have lasted twice as long as it has.
I'd be fascinated to hear more if you could share and
(33:31):
experience a story that we haven't heard that you want us
to tune into, or just a few words of wisdom with my audience
here at Dissolving Fear. What would you tell everybody
right now as some advice? Well, I'd love to share a little
story, and this one's kind of fun because this happened to me
when I was actually coming home from the Havening conference
(33:51):
back in 2019. I traveled to London for the
conference, and then I traveled on a little bit about Europe and
came back through France. And if you've ever been to
Charles de Gaulle airport or anymajor airport, you know, it
could be a hot mess. You're waiting to go through
security, you're waiting to go through all the lines, and you
don't even know where you are sometimes in the lines.
(34:11):
It's almost like being at one ofthose like big amusement parks
where you're like, you think you're there and then you make
another turn around a corner. And everyone in this line at
Charles de Gaulle was not happy.And they were all going back to
New York. So they also had an attitude
because they were all flying back to Newark, Newark Airport,
where I was living in New York at the time.
(34:34):
And everyone was like complaining and trying to get
everyone's attention. And you know that misery loves
company and people want to complain together.
But just as much as people want to complain together, they can
also find joy together. So here's what happened in that
experience. I was on cloud 9.
I had a great trip. I traveled to four countries in
12 days. I got my got to see, you know,
(34:56):
Doctor Ron and Doctor Steve and all my havening colleagues and
I'm coming back on that trip andI'm in a really good state.
I was not happy to have to standin line for three hours, but
that's a different story. But when people are trying to
engage with me, I just put my headphones on and I played some
like great music and I started just self havening just with my
(35:17):
hands because this is easy to doeverywhere.
People likely already do this and don't even realize they're
doing it. And I just was like kind of
humming along to the song in my head and everyone's Bah Bah,
Bah, Bah Bah complaining around me.
And I turn and I look, I don't know where they were in the Rose
section, but because going like a zigzag.
But I turn and I look to my right and I noticed there was a
(35:38):
whole group of Buddhist monks that were on my flight and they
were the only other people that were calm.
And I just remember looking at them and I'm havening and I see
one of them just gently nod at me and I'm like, oh.
And I was just like, yeah, I like they weren't doing
(35:59):
havening, whatever they were doing to find their self
regulated self. They did.
But I was doing mine. And I just felt like I was in
the presence of, like, pure energy, and nobody around me
mattered. It just didn't matter anymore.
So like, that just shows you howpowerful a technique like this
can be, no matter where you are in a full airport full of angry
(36:22):
New Yorkers to being in traffic.You know, if you're sitting in a
stoplight, sometimes I'll just haven just to say I'm going to
get there safely. If you're getting ready to board
a flight and you're, you're afraid of flying, it's a really
great tool to use to just remindyourself you're safe or trying
to go to bed or even waking up in the morning and every hour in
between. That's where you are making a
(36:44):
conscious choice to put the power in your own hands because
choice is powerful. And when you realize that you're
aware of something and you want to make a change and you choose
to change, well, that's, that's the magic right there.
That is the brain candy, that's you hugging it out.
And you have that ability to make that change and live the
(37:06):
life that you choose to live. I love that.
It's like we're bringing the light into our own hands, into
our bodies and minds. And light attracts light.
When you look over at the monks,they notice your light, you
notice theirs. And we can spread it.
You know, maybe one day at the airport, it'll be like 5050.
Half the people are freaking outand half the people are havening
(37:27):
and chill. In a perfect world, right?
That would be great. I can't tell you how many times
I've sat next to someone on the plane that was really nervous
about flying and I would just show them havening.
And I'm like, that's the gift right there.
Just being able to share it withthem and show them that you can.
You can tell your amygdala, we call her Amy.
You can let Amy know she's OK and she's safe.
(37:48):
You know, it's up to you to build that beautiful
relationship with Amy the amygdala, and be kind to your
mind. Love it.
Well, tell us about your Hevening happy hour and some
other things you're offering. And thank you so much for being
here today, Hillary. Thank you, Alyssa.
So every month, and this is something I've done since the
first week of the pandemic in 2020, ioffer a free online
(38:10):
Hevening happy hour. It's a group experience where
people from all over the world will come online.
And I guide you in a Hevening experience.
You can choose whatever you wantto focus on that, whatever that
might be. It's your journey.
You don't have to share it, but then we do do some habiting.
We use the little music, maybe alittle movement.
And then at the end we do a nicediscussion and AQ and A.
(38:33):
And it's a beautiful experience to do this every month.
And I pick a theme. So like the theme for March,
we're focusing on like spring and rebirth.
And that one will be March 17th at 3:00 PM Eastern Time.
And it's really easy just to register and sign up.
And you can sign up for every month as they come because I do
the monthly. Like I said, I haven't missed 1
yet. And then I also have Havening
(38:54):
trainings coming up. I have one later in March, which
is March 22nd and 23rd. And that's a really great
opportunity if you're looking tolearn more about the
fundamentals of Havening, the history, the neuroscience, use
it with friends and family. But even take it one step
further and know that you're mentored by someone like myself
and get certified so that you can use this in your practice.
(39:14):
You know, if you want to bring it into your professional
practice, if you're a doctor, nurse, teacher, therapist,
coaches, anyone that is just looking to better themselves,
it's a really beautiful tool to put into your jar.
Awesome. Well I will put those links in
the show notes. Are your monthly happy hours
always at the same time? I'm just curious.
(39:36):
They are not. And part of that is because I
tend to have people from all over the world and I don't ever
want to make it unfair to like my, my friends over in the UK
that if I had it at 7:00 every Wednesday, they they're not
going to stay up till 2:00 AM, right?
So I try to change it. And while that's not showing
consistency, that's really because I want it to be a gift
(39:59):
to all. So sometimes I'll do it at 3:00
in the afternoon on a Monday. Sometimes I'll do it a Wednesday
at 7:00 PM. This one just happens to be 3:00
on on. On March 17th at Eastern Time.
Awesome. Well, thank you so much for
being here. That completes our episode.
If this podcast content felt true for you, please leave a
(40:21):
rating and review on Apple Podcast and follow the podcast
today so that you can keep exploring your favorite ways to
dissolve fear and make some roomfor your best life to unfold in
fun and miraculous ways. Catch you next time.
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