December 15, 2024 • 48 mins
What if turning 40 wasn't just a milestone, but a profound moment of reflection on life's journey? Join me, Carlene, and our guest Ashley Newport, editor for INSAUGA, as we unravel the complex tapestry of emotions that accompany this significant age. We share our stories, discussing the intricate balance between caring for young children and aging parents, alongside the heightened awareness of health that marks this stage of life. Together, we paint a candid picture of how the paths we've chosen in family and career shape our perspectives on aging and the cultural perceptions that come with it.
As the conversation unfolds, we delve into the seismic shifts brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic, exploring how personal events like loss and new beginnings have redefined our lives. We recount the challenges of navigating a world turned upside down, reflecting on shifting family dynamics, career changes, and the resilience needed to forge ahead. Through personal anecdotes, we contemplate the lasting societal impact of the pandemic, acknowledging the trauma and upheaval it has left in its wake.
We also take a fascinating journey through the landscape of technological advancements that have shaped our generation, considering the role of media influence and the internet in our lives. From the rise of social media echo chambers to the transformation of employment and information access, we discuss the double-edged nature of technology. Join us as we explore these themes and more, enriched by Ashley's insightful contributions and our shared reflections on aging, parenthood, and life's transitions. Let's connect and keep the conversation going on Instagram @diva_tonight.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Bruce Hayward (00:05):
diva tonight.
Glamour for your ears.
This is 40 a female perspective, with carlene humphrey.
Our guest is ashley newport,the editor for in saga hi, I'm
carlene and this is Diva.
Carlene (00:22):
Tonight, on this episode, we are actually doing a
focus on a milestone birthdayturning 40.
I turned 40 in April.
My colleague turned 40 not toolong ago.
We are talking about what itmeans to turn 40.
And, without further ado,ashley Newport, how are you?
(00:45):
I'm good.
How are you?
I'm not too bad, actually.
Thanks for asking.
I appreciate you taking thetime to be on the podcast and
share with us, on Zoom, yourexperience with the milestone,
or just even your thoughts.
What are your thoughts on 40,like turning 40?
It's been hard.
Ashley (01:05):
I did not want to turn 40.
I didn't want to, you know, die, which is the alternative
either.
But it's shocking to me.
Sometimes I walk around or I'mjust like working, or I'm just,
you know, I'm going to bed atnight and I'm like I'm 40.
Like I'm 40.
Because 40 is kind of that agethat when you're younger, as
might recall, you know, whenyou're in your 20s, 40s old,
(01:25):
like you're like, oh, 40, you,you know 40s, like you know your
mom.
Mind you, your parents mighthave been older than that when
you were in your 20s, I don'tmind more, but it's, it's quite
something.
And it's weird now because I'm40 in October, uh, and I have a
three-year-old.
Like so many people, I had, youknow, a child late in life.
He was born three days beforemy 37th birthday.
(01:46):
So I often think about how, youknow it's crazy, but when he's
like, starting high school, I'mgoing to be 50.
Whereas, like, when I was instarting high school, my mom was
like, not, I think my mom wasjust turning 40.
Wow, and I was going into highschool.
So that's, like, you know,crazy to me.
Another thing I was talking toanother friend of mine recently
(02:06):
who's turning.
She's turning 40 in January andI was saying like I think
there's a lot of talk about howyou know it's never too late.
And that's true, it's never toolate.
You know people haven't, youknow, settled down yet, whatever
that means for them, and theystill want, you know, marriage,
or they still want kids or theystill want to do.
You know, whatever People say,you know it's never too late,
like that's that's true.
But one thing that's kind ofinteresting about starting a
(02:29):
family, at least closer to 40,is it's a weird time in your
life because you're kind ofyou're approaching, or you're,
in, middle age, you're goinginto, like you know,
perimenopause.
Like you know you're kind oflooking at your like change of
life in the face and you're alsodealing with other things like
aging or sick parents.
Like you know, I lost my dad afew years ago.
(02:49):
My mom's alone now.
So you have, like you know,different responsibilities,
whereas you know it kind of usedto be.
You know you'd be in your 20s,you'd have a kid, your parents
might have been, you know, likeyoung and help you, but now you
kind of have like multipledifferent caretaking roles, be
those like physical or emotional.
Carlene (03:06):
Yeah, that's so true, though.
I think a lot like some people.
Like, when they have their,their kids young, they get to
grow with their kids andexperience life in a different
way, whereas when you have yourkids later on in life, it's like
the path to get there, right.
And then you have me where I'm40 and I don't have a child, you
(03:27):
know, and you get reminded thatyou're not getting any younger,
and you know, I even had theconversation about kids with my
dad and I'm like, when, whenwere you thinking about all this
?
Like you know, I'm surprised,because my dad never pressured
me or anything or said anything,right, and so 40 is that time.
You're right, though, becauseit makes you think about all
(03:49):
these things, and if you weren'tthinking about it, your doctor
is going to remind you becauseI've had so many appointments,
right, and so for you it's kindof like.
I guess it's a reminder ofwhere you are in your life too,
right.
Ashley (04:03):
Yeah, yeah, and the medical thing is really
interesting too because, likenot interesting, it's scary,
right, because not that peoplewho are young can't get sick,
they can.
But once you hit 40 and it'sreally been very something I've
thought a lot about is your riskof all the illnesses goes up
right, like it's like oh, youknow you're 40, you could,
you're more likely to get thesecancers you're more likely to
(04:23):
have.
You know you have to be morecareful about your heart and
your blood pressure, and you'rethis and you're that.
So being middle-aged comes withlike an increase in like health
issues which I haven't reallyaddressed yet or really like dug
into, because but it's alwaysin the back of my mind I've
always had like major healthanxiety, like always.
So that's one thing too is likeyou know, when you're 26 and
worried about your health, likeyou know that the odds are in
(04:44):
your favor, that it's notanything serious, whereas you
know, when you're 46, whichwe're not there yet, but you
know the odds of there being,you know that lump being
dangerous, or you know thoseheart palpitations being more
serious is much higher than itwas do you think that maybe
because you had your son laterin life, you were were focused
(05:05):
on your I need to have a familyat third?
Carlene (05:07):
you know what I mean.
Like I remember when we had ourconversation about school and
like how you got to yourposition in Saga right now.
You know what I mean.
It's it's one of those thingswhere I feel like what was
important to you at a certain,at certain stages in your life,
you know.
Ashley (05:23):
It wasn't really about making this versus that.
Actually, it wasn't like, oh,I'm going to prioritize like
this over that.
It just kind of happened.
Bruce Hayward (05:30):
Right right.
Ashley (05:31):
And how things worked out for me.
After I finished school, as youknow, we went to school
together.
I met someone and we dated foralmost six years, but then, when
I was 29, we broke up.
So I had expected thatrelationship to, like you know,
last forever and get married,and it's good that it didn't.
But I found myself at 29,having to kind of start over,
and so it wasn't like, oh, I'm30.
(05:52):
Do I have a child or do Ipursue a career?
It was just like I'm 29.
And this is where I'm at, like,currently single, and the
career thing also just kind ofhappened.
Naturally, at the time I was,like you know, 20,.
That's kind of a good you knowbenchmark.
It was 2014, or we broke up theend of 2013.
So, beginning of 2014, I wasworking at my dad's office, I
was freelancing on the side, Ifinally moved out of my parents'
(06:14):
house and I lived at home untilI was 29.
So, like you know, 2014 waslike a big year in that sense.
I like got a condo, because youcould actually get one.
Then it wasn't outrageous, likeit was like a challenge, but it
was like a doable thing andaround that time I think it
might have been a bit later 2015, where I had been freelancing
(06:35):
for Insaga and then thepublisher said you know, I think
I can bring you on full-time.
So I accepted.
So you know that just kind ofhappened.
And then it was just like itwas.
It was crazy, it was awhirlwind.
It was, it was crazy, it was awhirlwind, it was really
demanding, but I pushed throughand we have like a bigger team
now.
So it's a whole differentexperience, but you know, that
just kind of is how it happened.
So I started kind of growingwith, like you know, in that
role and then, right before thathappened, in 2015, I met my
(06:58):
like current husband.
We like met online but it was,like you know, easy to hit it
off because we'd had mutualfriends.
Funny story is that he went tohigh school with a good friend
of mine.
So, 2013, I'm single.
2014, I finally get my ownplace.
2015, I meet my now husband.
2016, I start the job that I'mat right now.
(07:20):
And then my husband and I we gotengaged after dating for two
years, which I think is like akind of standard, normal time
for like people in their 30s,because we started dating when
we were both 30, got engagedwhen we were 32, got married a
year later, 33.
And then we didn't want to havekids right away, we just kind
of wanted to, you know, enjoy.
We like bought a condo downtownso we were living in like a
(07:42):
building at like right up frontin Jarvis, a condo downtown, so
we were living in like abuilding at like right up front
and jarvis, and we were just,you know, enjoying like our
lives downtown.
We were going to like lots ofwe've talked about this we were
going to lots of tiff movieswhen tiff was in town.
We would go to like jfl when itwas in town.
We weren't big like partiers,like we're going to like clubs
and stuff like that, unless itwas like a special occasion, but
we were just like enjoying life, like the festivals and the
events and like the freedom.
And then, you know, once wewere both 35, we thought, you
(08:05):
know, okay, now is probably agood time to start, you know,
thinking about kids and COVIDhit.
Carlene (08:11):
Right, right, right yeah.
Ashley (08:13):
COVID hit.
It was just a crazy time.
Everyone was just like at home,doing nothing, not knowing what
was going to happen when thiswas going to end.
You know, you know my dad gotsick.
That was a big, huge, massive,monumental, horrible change in
my life and that you know.
So that was a really like justtough and terrible, terrible
(08:35):
time.
And then you know happenstance,like shortly after he passed
away, he died in January of 2021.
I found out I was pregnant.
There was like some planninginvolved, of course.
Right, like you know.
You know, okay, we're 35.
Maybe we should start tryingfor like a baby, see what
happens.
But a lot of the stuff itwasn't really, you know, like,
oh, I'm gonna not date becauseI'm going to do this instead.
Or, oh, I'm going to put offthis so I can do this instead,
like this is just honestly howit kind of both, and I feel like
having that family dynamic isimportant to to who you are as a
(09:13):
person.
Carlene (09:13):
You know what I mean.
But listening to you talk aboutyour timeline and listening
back to you, I can think aboutmyself, like every stage of your
life.
What was happening Like at 29,I think I just finished school
and I was in Humber.
Yeah, I just finished.
Humber, and then I was in myfirst apartment on my own.
(09:34):
I mean I had roommates and thenI moved on my own and then I
tried to find work in radio butdidn't.
So I got a construction, a job,working reception and then I
was at Ikea and so stuffhappened then.
But yeah it's.
It's kind of one of thosethings where listening back to
you I feel like the hallmark tothe stepping stones to your life
and maybe even your decisionsis maybe the people in your life
(09:57):
like your parents and like howthey brought you up and what
your role models are, or justwho you are as a person.
You know what I mean Like weboth grew up in different
household dynamics and evenlistening to you talk about it,
like we've talked about otherthings and the fact that we both
know each other from YorkUniversity and even at York.
(10:18):
You know your experience at Yorkwas different than my
experience at York.
You know what I mean.
I got into York, took out astudent loan, had some drama
happen along the way, where atone point for me it was like Ooh
, I don't even know if I'm goingto finish Like I had a moment
like that.
So it's like listening back toyour experience is so amazing at
(10:38):
the timeline and you know,things always happen in life
that we're not prepared for andI think I have to go back to you
and what you said like dadpassed away.
I'm sure that was hard right Tobe like I'm pregnant and I'm
going to have a baby and mydad's not.
Ashley (10:54):
Yeah, it was obviously just like a terrible time
because obviously, like you know, the death of anyone close to
you and your family, who youlove, is obviously a horrible
thing.
But it was just an especiallyweird time because it was covid.
There was, like you know, hugerestrictions in place.
You know, people were told,like you know, not to leave
their houses, not to do anything.
So you know, the whole time hewas sick, it was like, you know,
you're not supposed to comehere and then, of course, like
(11:15):
his last like 10 days were he'sin the hospital before he passed
away.
Like no one was allowed to gothere except for my mother.
It just felt awful, like it's,you know, a terrible memory and
a terrible time.
But you know, there was a lotof distraction at that time too,
because you know, the died andthen it was kind of like okay,
like the worst scenario has likeoccurred, like it's happened,
like he's gone.
(11:36):
But then I was pregnant, so Ihave to, you know, look forward.
So we moved that year not far.
But you know we were in a condoat the time and I was like I
don't think I want to have ababy in a condo, like I mean,
people do that.
That sounds terrible.
People do that.
It's totally fine.
So we moved to a house.
Our house is not large.
Carlene (12:10):
It's a little bit of a fixer upper, but at least gave
during COVID too.
Oh, where'd you end up?
Moving to Brampton?
Yeah, I moved from likeScarborough to Brampton after
Christmas.
Oh my gosh.
Moving December 27th, oh my god, 2020 brutal.
Ashley (12:20):
What made you decide to move to Brampton?
Carlene (12:23):
I was working actually in Mississauga at BMO at the
time, and so that was thetransition Don't move close to
work, you know and so I movedthere because of that.
But I also moved there becauseof like my friend referred to
the landlords.
So it kind of worked outbecause I got the place way
(12:44):
earlier.
But, like you, it was likeCOVID happened.
Then I got laid off.
So 2020 was a roller coastertoo.
Yeah, like oh my goodness.
So hearing you say you weremoving and then you have to help
your mom move and then you'reoh my goodness.
I think 2020 is a period in ourlives that, even though we move
forward, we still think aboutit.
Ashley (13:06):
It does.
It casts a long shadow.
It casts a long shadow.
I think we don't like to talkabout the intricacies of it,
like the political debates atthe time and the you know should
you wear this mask or shouldyou do this Like?
I don't think anyone wants totalk about or dwell on that
anymore I certainly don't.
But just the upheaval it had inpeople's lives, I think is
(13:30):
quite something and I think wesee a lot of trauma from that
era still just in the.
This is kind of a bigger topicthan this, but you know what
we've seen the past few yearslike in, you know, society writ
large.
We've seen, you know, massiveincreases in homelessness.
We've seen huge increases in,or appear to be large, you know,
significant increases.
I think that's been percolatingsince before, but COVID didn't
help.
You know mental health andaddiction issues.
We still see, you know, a lotof upheaval with the economy.
High prices, house and rentalprices are, I'm sure, as you
(13:51):
absolutely know, justinsurmountable, just insane.
Carlene (13:54):
Just, oh yeah, I, I mean, I'm paying double what I
was paying.
I totally feel it.
Ashley (14:01):
And yeah, oh, yeah, yeah , and it's's one of those things
too where you can say OK, youknow like speaking, you know
pivoting a little to housingstuff.
You know if somebody livesright downtown especially if
they purchase a home right, youknow you buy an old Victorian in
the annex or something likethat you can expect the price to
be high.
Carlene (14:18):
You know it's the biggest city in the area A
Victorian in the annex now, likein the.
I mean the annex is not likerichmond hill or richdale farm,
like that's a really nice areawhere downtown toronto, where oh
, like your farm, like cabbage,oh yeah, yeah, cabbage, I love
that area.
Ashley (14:35):
Yeah, I love.
Carlene (14:35):
Yeah, I actually rented a.
I, I had an apartment.
I lived there for a year.
Oh, cool.
Ashley (14:41):
Yeah, uh, we take our son to riverdale farm.
Sometimes it's like, uh, wedrive to it Places you would
expect it to be really expensive, right, yeah, but I mean Barrie
and Bowmanville, oh my goshLondon.
Carlene (14:53):
We've been to Bowmanville but I keep hearing
about it.
Bowmanville Is it booming, youknow?
Ashley (14:57):
these are, you know like far these places are, you know,
hundreds of kilometers awayfrom Toronto, and it's
unbelievable and unfair thatpeople who grew up in these
communities or who you know arelooking for something more
affordable, you know are stillseeing you know million dollar
price tags for townhouses.
You know, maybe not that high,but you know even, oh, I believe
, that it's probably close toyeah, oh, yeah.
So it's just, you know, insaneand you know this obviously puts
(15:19):
a lot of pressure on people.
We know this from work.
We write about, you know, crimeall the time.
We have a lot of reporters whoyou know work closely on, you
know, not like with police, but,you know, with police materials
.
I guess you could say you knownews releases, press releases,
interviews, going to, you know,press conferences, reading the
reports and stuff like that.
I mean crime is up likeparticularly car thefts, right,
(15:40):
and like home invasions, likewe're all kind of dealing with
post-COVID trauma in a lot ofways, just because it was a
crazy time and we fought a lotduring that time, because there
was, you know it was a very, Imean it should have been, you
know, kind of simple, likethere's this, you know it's a
virus.
We're going to work on this,but it was very political.
You know people.
You know you should think of itthis way or you should.
(16:01):
You know you should not do this.
You should do this more.
Carlene (16:03):
People took sides it was yeah, there was a divide
when you said, like it should be, it should have been simple.
Sars was simple.
I think, like SARS didn't hitas hard because, I mean, even
though SARS was happening andthen people were, some people
were affected by it, we werestill, the city was still
running, whereas when ithappened.
The city wasn't running, youknow.
We went into lockdown and thenwe thought, oh yeah, after how
(16:27):
long the first lockdown was, oh,we're going to go into lockdown
again.
Yeah, I can't, I can't go intolockdown again.
Ashley (16:34):
No, no, and there was a lot of people who are very
puritanical about it, who werelike but it's, you know, it's
what's right and it's what'snoble, and it's what's best and
it is your duty andresponsibility to not leave your
house for however long.
I say you shouldn't leave yourhouse, and I think it.
You know what kind of is at theroot of the matter is that we
don't have as much control overthese things as we would like to
think we do, because this, youknow, and it was you know these
(16:55):
restrictions were applied reallyhaphazardly, right, Like, oh,
you couldn't shop at a smallstore, but you could shop at
Walmart.
You couldn't eat in therestaurant, but, you know,
kitchen staff could come in andwork at the restaurant, right?
Carlene (17:07):
So a lot of it seems silly, and it was silly.
I guess we have to makereference to your job
description and what you do fora living because, in hindsight,
you are a writer.
You know what I mean.
And Ashley Newport, who I'vebeen speaking to now.
We're talking about Milestone,but also about you know what I
mean.
And, um, ashley Newport, um,who I've been speaking to now.
(17:28):
We're talking about milestone,but also about you know just
everything that happened all inone self-encompassing so in saga
is where you spend most of yourday other than your family life
, right, and you know how longyou've been working at in saga
yeah, 2016.
Ashley (17:41):
Uh, I to say but I've been like freelancing for them,
Started off freelancing and Iwant to say that started in 2012
, 2013,.
I want to say yeah, butfull-time.
Yeah, eight years.
It'll be eight.
It was eight years in September, which is crazy to think.
Carlene (17:53):
Okay, well, congrats, you know, you're a veteran now.
Ashley (18:03):
Yeah, I've now.
Yeah, I've been doing this fora long time, so it's it's local
news.
We actually started a uh, maybethis is the wrong word for it,
but kind of a sister site, ifyou will uh, called your city
within, which is just alifestyle site dedicated to
pretty much all of southernontario, but primarily toronto,
which is weird because in sagadoesn't really touch toronto
because it doesn't really needto.
It's always meant to kind of bea news resource for the suburbs
.
Carlene (18:25):
You know we focus on Mississauga, of course.
Brampton Mayor Hazel McCallionand now the new mayor of
Mississauga.
What's her name?
I don't know.
Ashley (18:31):
So she won a by-election recently.
Carolyn Parrish, if you'rethinking of Bonnie Crombie, who
left to become the leader of theLiberal Party- Right, right,
let's not go into too muchpolitics, but your role there
has obviously advanced.
Carlene (18:46):
You've been promoted and you've worked your way up.
Do you feel like you didcertain things to move your way
up?
You know they say, if you wantto move up, you gotta be nice.
I'm very nice, I'm super nice.
Okay, I believe it.
I believe I mean I've told youstuff from your our York days,
you know together, and before wego further, I got to tell you,
(19:08):
ashley, talking to you now it'sbeen so long, but even from our
last interview I feel like youare so more outspoken, so more
opinionated vocally, like you'vealways been very quiet, you
still talk, but like when wewere at York together, it's like
talking to you now is like, ohmy gosh, this is the Ashley and
(19:29):
you, like our York days, likeit's so like night and day.
It's amazing and it's a good,it's a good thing.
You know it's awesome, yeah.
Ashley (19:36):
Yeah, no, I mean it's just been a long time.
It's just been, you know, many,many years.
But I'm always like very nice,too nice.
But honestly, the biggest thingwas just the learning that I
had to do a lot of it kind of onmy own, because when I first
started I had never reallywritten a ton of hard news.
To be fair, like I wasn't to.
You know, I had to learn writingup police press releases and
cop stuff.
Where to find information,where to find out?
(19:58):
You know about where crimeswere happening, who to contact
city hall.
You know covering like you know, council meetings and you know
reading agendas and you knowreal estate.
That was a big thing.
I've learned a lot aboutwriting about real estate, just
because it's a big issue and hasbeen for many years.
Actually, like pre-COVID, evenhouse prices were getting quite,
quite high.
So this isn't, you know, it hasnot gotten better.
(20:19):
I mean, the trend is moving inthe wrong direction, if you will
, but it's been an issue forquite some time.
So, just like I've been able tojust kind of teach myself stuff
, naturally, I guess.
And then, as our team hasexpanded and grown, we've
actually gotten some morereporters, like you know people
who've been, you know, workingat local news organizations over
the years that have shut downor moved.
(20:41):
A lot of them have, likethere's been a lot of small
newspapers that have, you know,closed up shop.
Carlene (20:49):
I've learned a lot from them because they have some of
them have, like a lot moreexperience than me actually.
Right, I mean, we're goingdigital in every aspect and you
know the paper newspaper, like Imean, you became a writer for
In Saga, which was just at theprime time to come out with a
digital newspaper.
At that time, especially forMrs Saga, which Toronto had
(21:10):
various newspapers, but this isobviously really smart, like
when it came out, right.
But even to touch on what yousaid, like doing your own
research and like doing gettinga lot of information and
becoming really good atresearching things, right, and
you're.
Ashley (21:25):
And when you started off , yeah, it's the biggest
learning curve.
And then you talk to more.
The more you write, the moreyou make connections and you
talk to more experts.
So you can like get certainpeople on the phone and they can
tell you about bird flu or theycan tell you about housing, or
they can tell you about artsrecovery or opera.
I did a, I did a feat, I didlike a feature about opera, like
opera in mississauga, becauseevery year I don't know if
(21:47):
everyone knows this, but aboutonce a year now, and this has
been going on for a few yearsthe break for covid, of course,
at the living arts center inmississauga they stage a full
opera once a year, usually justa two-night run.
So you don't have an arm and aleg to like see an opera.
So if you want to see an opera,just because you know it's an
opera, because a lot of peopleyou know they might, they
probably don't listen to opera,music in their spare time.
(22:08):
That's very niche.
But if you're one of thosepeople, that's just like I've
never been to an opera and Ikind of want to go.
I've never been to one.
Yeah, it's accessible, it's notthat expensive.
Very nice theater, obviouslyincredibly talented cast.
But I was kind of curious.
I was like, how does this kindof work, like, how is this
sausage made?
So I reached out to like thesymphony, like the guy who does
(22:28):
like comms for like the symphony, and he put me in touch with
like the maestro and had, likeyou know, a good phone
conversation where he like toldme a lot of stuff about how you
know operas don't, how they'refunded and how are they funded?
Uh, grants, for the most partgrants, because they don't they
cost a lot of money to put on,not like millions or anything
like that, but like quite a bitof money.
And the talent is rare,especially like in canada,
(22:50):
because it's, like you know, bigcountry but small population.
So, like, how many trainedopera singers are there?
Right, you don't really thinkabout this?
Not many.
So you know you have yourtalent.
They can't perform a ton ofshows because it's hard on their
voice.
So you know there has to be,like you know, rest in between.
So it's, you know it's very,it's very niche.
So you will, you know, funny,you sell tickets, of course, so
(23:10):
you know you might get, like youknow, a full house or an almost
full house.
But I just like, learned a lotfrom this conversation and now,
if any, it just sometimes Ithink about.
Just it's funny.
If someone were to say you, youknow, why is there not more
opera?
I'd be like well.
Carlene (23:23):
Oh my gosh, You're the kind of person like me, just
full of information, because I Ithink we learned this from
university I don't take whatpeople say for value.
I will be like, really, wheredid you get that?
What's your source?
And I will still go andresearch.
Really, where did you get that?
What's your source?
And I will still go andresearch it.
(23:44):
That's just the book theBookwormin, where you've had the
opportunity to interview peoplebased on what you're writing
about.
So that's so cool.
You know what I mean.
Ashley (23:51):
It's been good.
It's like you learn a lot andpeople might tell you things
that you have doubts about.
Actually, funny story.
I won't say who he was becausehe actually is no longer with us
.
He died.
Is this a musical artist?
No, he's not musical, but hewas well enough known because he
(24:11):
started a fairly successful.
He started a fairly successfulfast food franchise in the early
2000s.
So, anyways, I ended upinterning at a media company
that ran two trade publicationscalled Food Service and
Hospitality and Hotelier, and Idid.
And then, after I finished thatinternship, I actually worked
with them.
I worked there, for I did acontract I want to say it was a
year and a half, maybe a littlebit less than a year and a half.
(24:32):
I did like some writing thereand learned a lot from them too,
and I did a profile on this manthat he founded a very
successful fast food franchise.
I don't know if it is outsideof Canada I don't think it is
but there's multiple locationseverywhere.
So, but he's not a householdname by any stretch, but I was,
you know, asking him your, your,your usual boilerplate
(24:54):
questions.
You know, like, what inspiredthis?
What was your story?
And he told me a very elaboratestory about a skydiving
incident and it was a reallychallenging thing because I did
not believe him like I thoughthe was making it up and I don't
have any proof that he did ornot.
But it was one of those weirdmoments where I was like I don't
want to include any of this inthe story because I think it's a
lie and I have no way tocorroborate this or prove this
(25:15):
didn't happen so was it that gutfeeling that you felt like he
wasn't?
telling you the truth.
Yes, I had a gut feeling.
I don't think he was telling mea lie to like be impressive.
I think he was like screwingwith me.
Like I think he thought it wasfunny, like I think he was like
oh, is this person dumb?
Can I make them print somethingridiculous?
Carlene (25:31):
I think that's what he was doing, like I felt like,
because you were you, you wereyoung at the time.
I guess you thought maybe notyou, right, yeah?
Ashley (25:37):
like I am.
But like you know, there's butI don't.
Carlene (25:41):
But you always, it's always in your gut where you're
like, and we always ignore thatgut feeling sometimes.
So how did you end up writingthe story, did you?
I don't recall.
I don't recall.
I think I did a play.
Ashley (25:52):
I think I just kind of said something very much kind of
you know, putting the onus onto like him be.
You know, he claims that likean accident led to this.
Like I just kind of reallyglossed over it, very vague,
nonspecific, because, like thedidn't believe the intricacies
of the story and I think he wastelling it to me not to make
himself sound better.
Like I said, I think he wasmessing with me, like I think he
thought it was funny, so thatwas like a tough one.
(26:14):
And then later on, anyways,like I said, he, he passed away
recently, which is unfortunate,he was not very old.
Wow, what did he do?
You know?
Sorry, I think it was a healthissue.
I, oh, you don't know, he wasonly when I can recall I think
he was only in his 50s, like hisearly 50s, not that much older
than us a lot of people arepassing away, like my co-worker
(26:34):
just told me today that his dadpassed away suddenly.
Carlene (26:37):
Everything happened so fast.
I was like what?
Like you know, I saw I wastalking like life happens at the
flip of the switch, Like youknow.
You just never know.
Ashley (26:47):
Oh yeah, anything can, anything can happen.
I've always like thought ofthat too, because I'd heard like
of instances over the years ofyou know things happening
suddenly which like scares me alot as I get older and, like I
said, you know my son's three,so I think about how you know me
and his father are, like youknow, 40.
And I, you know, I often havelike dark moments where I'm like
what if something?
Of course you worry about yourchild and what if something
(27:08):
happens to them?
Like that's a foregoneconclusion.
You worry about that constantly, all the time.
But sometimes there's otherdark moments.
You're like what if somethinghappens to my husband?
What if one of us has a heartattack?
Like what if?
Like what would?
Carlene (27:21):
what's going on.
What happens, though, whenyou're a parent, though?
Like, you think about thosethings, even though you don't
want to think about them?
Yeah, wow.
I'm not a mom and, I think, alot of people, the people I know
, who are parents like you areright, because you're it's not
just you anymore, you'rethinking about someone else,
it's very important, yes, andlike so vulnerable and you know
(27:41):
they, they love you so much,like their pains.
Ashley (27:44):
You know like they, they want to be independent, they,
you know they're so free though,Right?
Carlene (27:47):
Isn't he just so free Like it's like that burst of
energy, right, Like you're sofree to do whatever like and say
things and not really thinkabout it, and and it's that part
of like discovering life, right?
Ashley (28:00):
oh yeah, they're so funny at this age.
They say whatever, they repeata lot, but it's really funny how
they like apply their knowledgeis it annoying that he asks you
a lot of questions.
Carlene (28:10):
I find, like when my siblings were younger, it's
always like I'm like I justanswered that and another
question like what you know.
But I think, like you as a mom,you have to be so patient too.
But sometimes, you know, youhave to be like strict a little
bit.
So out of the two of you, youand your husband, who's the
who's the strict parent andwho's the more okay?
Ashley (28:29):
archer, yeah, it depends .
That's a good question.
There's times where I'm morepermissive about certain things,
like I'm not as married toroutines.
Of course my husband's verymuch like routines, you know.
Like this is bedtime and youknow this is like you turn off
the tv and like this is that I'mnot as a stick, I'm not a big
stickler about that, but I wouldhave to say my husband has
immensely more patience than Ido, like I'm more likely to get
(28:50):
like frustrated and yell than heis.
So, even though there's certainthings like I don't care as much
about, like I'm like okay, ifwe end up going to bed a little
bit later tonight, like noworries, I'm not concerned.
Like okay, if you want to watchan extra song, like I don't
care, it's fine.
Whereas he'll be like no, no,no, you know we have to stick to
our routine.
Same with, you know, when he'slike playing with his like
friends at the park and stufflike that, like I won't
necessarily like hover, likeI'll, you know, kind of stand
back a bit.
Try to give him like some space.
(29:11):
That kind of thing would makemy husband more, you know, not
listening or having tantrums orbeing crazy, like I'm the one
who's definitely more likely tobe like I can't do this anymore
Like, whereas, like he has a lotmore patience for that.
So it's kind of an interestinglike mix.
(29:33):
Like he's definitely more, youknow patient with him and like
you know, able to kind of, like,you know, sit through more, but
he's more of a stickler aboutthe routines.
Like this is bedtime.
You know able to kind of, likeyou know, sit through more, but
he's more of a stickler aboutthe routines.
Like this is bedtime.
You know this is when the TVgoes off.
Carlene (29:46):
Yeah, yeah, oh my goodness, yeah, oh my gosh.
There's so much to talk about,but I think what I want to ask
you is this when you turn, whenyou had your birthday, how did
you feel?
Ashley (30:03):
Oh, scared Like being 40 is scary, I think, because I I
I could be wrong and I thinkwe'd have to talk to more people
who are a lot older than usabout how they felt about
different birthdays and I thinkyou know their perspective would
be very different becausethey've just lived more life so
you think I should talk to otherpeople who turn 40, but also
people who are reflecting backto I mean maybe, like, if you
wanted to, like, you know, maybepeople in their 60s or would
have, you know, would be likekind of like different.
(30:24):
But you know, culturally we'vealways been obsessed with youth,
like always.
I think that's, that's historic, I don't think that's new.
You know, we've always triedforever to find ways to look
younger.
But I feel like, and I could bemisremembering, but I remember
being in elementary school andand I think this is just by
virtue of being a child andmaybe you felt the same way, but
like your parents and yourfriends' parents, when you were
a little kid, they looked andfelt old to you, right, like you
(30:46):
know, they had this kind oflike matronly or, you know,
older gentlemanly quality tothem.
Like maybe the moms had, likeyou know, that kind of like
uniformly short haircut that youknow is very utilitarian, you
know, very easy to maintain.
Maybe everyone's like dad hadlike a mustache, you know they
wore, you know, big blazers andyou know they felt like.
(31:07):
They felt like, you know, old,right, you know, like you know,
not like that old kind ofstereotypical, like grandma, but
they felt, you know, like old.
And then I think that somethinghas changed and I think it's a
good thing because I think evennow you see people who are older
than that, people in their 60sand 70s, who still look really
youthful, really put together.
You know, and I see a lot ofpeople, you know our age that I,
(31:32):
you know, grew up with, went toschool with, and I might not
see them like in person so muchanymore, just because you know
the way life goes, but you canlike, you'll see their pictures
on like Facebook or Instagram orwhatever, and I feel like
people look young and we feelyoung.
Like even though we're no,we're 40, like I still don't.
I don't feel 40.
Like I know I'm 40, but I stillfeel the same as I did 10, 12
years ago.
(31:52):
I wish I looked exactly thesame as I did Like.
I look back at those picturesand I'm like oh my God, it was
so beautiful.
Like, why am I complaining?
Right?
Carlene (32:03):
Oh my gosh, so true.
I can relate to that and I I'vehad people be like I thought
you were in your twenties.
I'm like you're so good for myego.
My body doesn't feel like early, like mid twenties, but it's
true, the back ache pains andnot being so agile, you know.
But let me tell you you're right, but when I heard you talk
(32:23):
about you know that generation,like when we were growing up,
and then now you know we, ourgeneration, is looking younger.
I think we are doing things alittle bit different and we were
that generation that played inthe schoolyard and got in
trouble for staying past my timeto come back home playing
basketball with the boys at thecommunity center Wallace Emerson
(32:45):
Community Center at GalleriaMall Like I lived in Toronto and
my mom coming to get me andfully embarrassing me in front
of my friends because I had tocome home and I'm just like, why
are you wearing a mask?
But it's just, you know.
Ashley (32:58):
Memories.
But you know she's like, you'recoming home, Like what?
Carlene (33:02):
are you doing?
Cause I think I, oh I was withmy sister Lena.
I took my siblings with meeverywhere, like you know what I
mean, if, like, obviously, Itook care of my siblings a lot,
like I had to figure outcreative ways to find activities
for us, right?
And so, listening back to youto our time when we were nine,
10, 11, 12 and parents at thattime, it's like flashback and
I'm I have a memory, like arandom memory of like this one
(33:29):
girl in my class and her parentswere a lot older and I'm you
just ignited that memory.
I don't even know where thatcame from, it was so random, but
yeah.
Ashley (33:34):
Oh, it was rarer than you know like to have like older
parents Like my dad.
Actually, my dad was olderbecause my dad was previously
married, like before he met mymother.
He was married, had two boys,my two older brothers.
They divorced Then he likeremarried my mom and me and my
younger brother.
So me and my older brothershave a pretty big age difference
.
My oldest one is 12 years olderthan me.
The other one is 10 years olderthan me and they lived with
(33:57):
their mom.
They would come over onweekends and stuff like that,
but they were like they livedwith their mom in toronto,
whereas like my, you know, myfamily lived in like mississauga
and, uh, their upbringing waslike so different from mine.
Like just the shift in likejust that one generation was
massive because they werelatchkey kids, yeah, yeah, you
know, very independent, you know, going everywhere on their own,
whereas, like me and my brother, like you know, born just, you
(34:19):
know, a few years later in the80s, were very much kind of like
the first, like helicopter,like with parents who kind of
hovered, who, like you know,drove us to and from school for
a really long time.
Carlene (34:33):
I know every like you know dynamic is like yeah,
Hearing you say that, oh my God,your parents are helicopter
parents, whereas I'm the kidthat was like walking to and
from school, and that's the,that's the time where I think
(34:55):
your parents were beinghelicopter, because I think
eventually there was that timewhere, oh, now we can't walk the
kids to school because I think,I don't know, I think it
happened when we were that ageLike when we were 12, where the
first kidnapping happened orsomething happened to change
that that scared everyone,because it was a 24 hour news
cycle that really made peopleafraid of kidnappings.
Ashley (35:08):
Because there actually hasn't and there's a lot of like
.
I can't give you like the statsoff the top of my head, but
there's actually quite a bit ofdata on this and there has not
been an increase in kidnappingsin recent years.
In fact they've gone down.
I think they peaked, and we'reat their height in the seventies
and since then they've gonedown or stayed low.
But there's been more highprofile cases Paul Bernardo is
probably the one you're thinkingof.
(35:28):
That was a big one in the 90s,1994, I believe.
Yeah.
Carlene (35:32):
And then I mean it just came up in the news again, but
there was another girl Iremember because I live close to
it and I think we put a pictureof her because she was missing
for a while, but because I grewup at Dundas and Bloor area and
I think it was just one of thosethings where you can't forget
when someone got kidnapped soyoung and you can't forget.
Ashley (35:54):
It really sticks in your mind because, even though
something is, like statisticallyunlikely to happen to you,
knowing that it happened tosomeone else will always strike
fear to your heart, right Likeknowing that someone was in a
fire.
Knowing that someone, yes, waskidnapped, knowing it's, it's
impossible not to think about itand be scared.
But actually it's funny becausethis is going to about it and
be scared but, um, actually it'sfunny because this is going to
sound really strange,considering, like my, my whole
(36:15):
livelihood.
But 24 hour news made parents alot more afraid that there was
more crime and there was morepedophiles and there was more
rapists and there was moreattackers and uh, stuff like
that, when, when technicallythere there weren't you know
there's always a nothing's everrisk-free right.
You know everything.
You could get hit by a car, youcould, you know anything could
happen.
But there was kind of a shift inpeople's mentality and it's
(36:37):
gotten worse instead of better,and I think a lot of it now has
to do with, like, how much newswe consume and how much social
media we consume.
We're terrified and scared allthe time.
We're also more polarized.
We don't believe things that weknow to be true anymore, which
is really strange, like thingsthat were kind of set in stone
facts of life.
You know, the earth is round,you can eradicate a disease by
(36:57):
doing this, this, and thatPeople are like, no, that's not
true.
That's not true Because of youknow these weird online echo
chambers that people get in.
Carlene (37:03):
What is an echo chamber ?
What is that?
Ashley (37:06):
It's like, you know, when you go online, let's say,
and you just talk to people whobelieve what you believe, so
you're not being exposed toother perspectives.
So when people disagree withyou or don't feel the same as
you, you, you you're moreaffronted by, you're like, oh my
God, this person is, you know,an idiot.
Like I hate them.
Um, so it's funny, you know,cause, like I make a living
writing online.
I would not have this job ifnot for the internet, like the
(37:27):
internet's know the only reasonI'm employed at this particular
juncture.
But sometimes and I joke withmy younger brother about this
all the time, as I was like Ithink, you know, the internet
has now become like the worstthing we've ever done as a
society and I think we shouldget rid of it.
Carlene (37:39):
I know I, my old co-worker, said this to me.
He's a lot older, like you said.
I think he's in his 60s andhe's like you know, the internet
is going to kill us.
Ashley (37:49):
It's going to kill people.
No, no, I believe it.
I believe it, Like not to getinto it.
Carlene (37:53):
Because he's older and we're in our 40s, like we're
both 40.
But we've seen a two sides ofthings, because the one thing I
wanted to say quickly before weend our conversation is that we
were born at the start of theinternet.
So 1984, I actually thoughtthis was interesting to bring up
(38:14):
as a game changer, becausewe're talking about, you know,
2024, the 40th year of our lives.
But in 1984, there are a lot ofremarkable things that happen
Apple unveiled the Macintoshpersonal computer,
revolutionizing the techindustry.
The space shuttle Discovery hadits maiden voyage mark, marking
(38:36):
a significant achievement inspace exploration.
Sony and Philips introduced thefirst commercial CD players,
changing music landscape forever.
And so the list goes on.
But we were born at the age ofthe beginning of technology,
ashley.
So we're seeing the, we saw thebeginning of it and, like,
(38:58):
obviously we're seeing thechangeover.
Ashley (39:01):
Yeah, we are like we kind of came of age.
It's all true, and in highschool we started using instant
messages, right Like there waslike MSN Messenger.
Carlene (39:09):
Oh my gosh, I never even got into that, but that was
a big thing.
I remember, yeah, big thing.
So that was like but we stillsaw, you remember?
Oh my gosh.
I want to say well, do youremember zoo ass, do you?
I?
I remember, I don't know if youremember zoo ass.
It was like no I don't websiteyou go on.
It was.
It was something like yahooyahoo chat, but it was another
thing I got into from a friend,but it was.
(39:30):
It was like at that time youwere doing a lot of Internet
like chat, like the start ofthat you know, but you said
Messenger, so you had Messenger,obviously, right.
Ashley (39:39):
Yeah, and I only spoke to people on Messenger who I
think, like I knew like in reallife, high school or whatever.
But Facebook didn't come outuntil we were further into
university.
I want to say I got my firstFacebook account first only.
I want to say I got my firstFacebook account first only.
I want to say it was basicallymy first social media.
I guess I want to say I startedmy Facebook page in 2006.
I want to say I feel like itwas like 2005, 2006.
Carlene (39:59):
Yeah, I think I did the same thing, like when we were
at York at some point.
Like people were like you don'thave Facebook.
I'm like no, shut up.
Ashley (40:07):
Oh yeah, it was the thing, and like everyone has it.
But I just feel like thingshave gotten much more toxic with
social media.
Like you know, people live likeI said, they live on Echo, Like
they live in these echochambers on like Facebook, on
Twitter Twitter probably beingone of the worst offenders, but
like a really small thing whenyou become a younger generation
or like.
Carlene (40:24):
I've heard, overheard them saying like Instagram's
trash, like I, like I was on thetrain and this girl was like
it's trash, tiktok's like mything.
Ashley (40:36):
And I'm like, wow, oh yeah, there's things that, yeah,
they move ahead for sure, butthere's been a lot of like, just
it's, it's made us more.
Did you ever watch a movie onNetflix?
It was a show, like amockumentary kind of show,
called American Vandal.
They had two seasons.
Do you remember?
Carlene (40:47):
I've heard of it, I remember it, but I didn't watch
it.
Ashley (40:49):
I think my friend, my friend oh, OK, it's really good,
but there was the second season.
There's this part in one of thelater episodes where they're
talking about social media lifein general, particularly for
teenagers, and saying how, eventhough people have never been
more like exposed, like neverhad their lives more broadcast
Right Through apps, like they'vealso never been more dishonest.
(41:11):
Um, which like is 100 true, butpeople live these online lives.
What's paradoxical is, like themore information we have at our
fingertips.
I feel like the dumber we'veactually become because we can
hand information that kind oflike feeds into our biases,
right, uh, yeah, and it's just,uh, I think it's just.
I think it's like it's been badfor us.
Like I make my livelihood onthe Internet, like I also for my
(41:33):
job, but I think we shoulddestroy it.
Carlene (41:35):
Destroy it.
You can't go.
I mean we've gone too far.
We've gone too far and like evenGeorge's or George Orwell's,
1984.
There's so many books on thefuture of now, like they already
created it before we even gotthere.
So I don't even know how wecould have prevented it, because
so many movies, books madereference to the future that
(41:57):
we're living in now.
So I don't even know.
But that's another conversation, yes, another idea.
So, ashley Newport, thank youfor sharing your experiences and
your stories.
I do want to say this Ifthere's anything that you are
hopeful of in this year, the2024, and next year in the
(42:20):
milestone, do you think that youknow?
What are you happy with now,like how it turned out, like in
life, in my own life.
Ashley (42:28):
I'm just In your own life, yeah, In my own life I'm
like happy with sort of howthings have worked out, like for
me right now, like it's adifferent.
I'm actually glad I was sayingthis too.
Like you know, there's there'sdifficulties with having a child
a bit later in life your ownhealth and your own mortality.
You think about that a lot morebecause you know yeah, not that
you can't get sick or die whenyou're younger, but you know
(42:48):
things are more likely to happenthe older you get.
You're also at, you know, aweird stage where you know your
parents are, like, you know,aging or dying or you know
whatever.
But I think that I'm happy tohave had him, like when I did,
because it won't ever.
I won't ever be like, oh, youknow, I spent my whole this or
that this decade or that decade.
You know cleaning, you knowdoing laundry and you know
(43:13):
raising a child, like right now.
Like I've done a lot of likethe fun things that I wanted to
do and I can continue to do themNot as much, and that's OK, but
I feel happy and I'm a luckyperson.
There's things in my life thatwere not at all my doing, that I
just benefited from.
But I was able to, you know, goto school.
I was able to like have a goodgroup of friends.
(43:33):
I was able to do some traveling, meet people and have a good
time and by the time like hecame along, I was, I felt, super
ready for him.
So, you know, I look forward toseeing, like how parenthood
grows, I guess, like how itchanges as he gets a little bit
older, and I look forward to,like you know, connecting with
more people through him.
Like it's hard to another likehole at their topic, like making
(43:54):
friends.
As an older person you get theharder it gets to make friends.
But kids actually open up awhole new community for you
because, you know, once you havekids, you know they're in
school or they're in sports orthey're in the arts or they're
in something, and like throughthis especially when this, you
know, tapers off, of course, asthey get older and kind of take
themselves to and from you knowwherever it is they're going.
But when they're really reallylittle, you know you're kind of
(44:16):
in, you know contact with youknow other, like parents, and
this is like a really great wayto like kind of build community.
Because one thing that I think,too, has kind of been lost with
an internet age and exacerbatedby COVID, is people kind of in
silos, you know, sitting at homeon their computer all day
watching Netflix or doomscrolling on their phone.
You know things, I do yeah, yeah, yeah, things I do too.
(44:36):
Don't get me wrong, but kidsreally force you to get out of
the house.
They they'll destroy your houseIf you just try to stay home.
They'll destroy it, they'llthey'll ruin it.
They'll take every piece ofcutlery out of the drawer.
They'll get under the carpet,they will.
You know, they're littlefireballs Like they.
They need to move.
Carlene (44:53):
That is so adorable yeah.
Ashley (44:56):
They need to move.
So you know you kind of get outthere.
So you're like, okay, you know,how can I, how can I fill our
time?
Right, Like, how can I, how canI fill our time?
Especially like coming up.
Like my son's daycare takes atwo week break at Christmas,
which is weird because it'sdaycare, but you know it's
actually a great daycare.
Other than that, he absolutelyloves it, Loves it, loves it,
loves it, and the teachers arewonderful.
But you know, you start lookingfor things to like fill your
(45:16):
time with kids.
Like you know, should we goswimming, Should we do a play
date?
Should we, you know, enroll inthis class or whatever?
And through that you reallylike build community.
And if there's one moreimportant than having a good
community of people, Like youneed it, you just need it.
You need people you can lean onand you need to be there to
like have people lean on you.
Yeah, Like the song lean on me.
Carlene (45:37):
Yeah, yeah, I think, I think, I think you're right For
sure.
The one thing that I realizedwhen I had my birthday dinner is
that the people who weresupposed to be at my birthday
dinner were there and yeah, yeah, it was a, it was a good
experience.
So, listening to you talk aboutyour family, like you're having
(45:58):
your son, and seeing whatyou're happy with, I think over
the years, like you know, youhave your community for sure, it
is very important, it's soimportant.
Ashley (46:07):
It's so, so important.
So you know, like it's good tokeep the people from the past,
like if you can do that that'samazing.
But they might not live asclose to you.
People kind of, you know,spread out a little bit as they
get older.
So there's people who you couldhave called on or seen every
day, every other day or everyweekend at least when you were,
you know, in high school anduniversity and stuff like that.
That goes away, as you know.
Carlene (46:25):
Oh, yeah, two of my friends I mean I met you at y
but, ashley, two of my closefriends I met at York and
they're both in the West Coast,one's in Calgary, the other
one's in Halifax, that's far.
Yeah, but it's a journey.
And yeah, I think, like yousaid, it is harder to make new
friends at this age, but I thinkit is possible, it is possible.
Ashley (46:46):
It's 100 percent possible.
And now one thing that's reallycool again.
Well, the topic especially forpeople trying to date later in
life, because I have a lot offriends now or not a lot, but I
have friends who are like stilldating, either because they're
divorced or single or just likehaven't found anybody yet, like
I have friends who are stilldating, and again, that's a
whole other thing.
Online dating is like not whatit was.
It is worse, it is so bad?
Carlene (47:09):
I have.
I have good dating stories, badstories and even stories you
know, like meeting people, I metsomeone at McDonald's, but yeah
, it's like I digress.
But yeah, I love your story andI hope to hear more stories.
I hope you'll come back on onthe show.
I'm Carlene.
This is Diva.
Tonight we're talking aboutthis is 40 with Ashley Newport
(47:32):
of In Saga, and you know many,many other roles that you have.
But thank you for making thetime to be here.
Thank you for having me.
Bruce Hayward (47:41):
Diva Tonight with Carleen will be back.
New season, new ideas and greatguests.
Send us a message on Instagramat Da underscore tonight.
diva tonight.
Glamour for your ears.
This is 40 a female perspective, with carlene humphrey.
Our guest is ashley newport,the editor for in saga hi, I'm
carlene and this is Diva.
Carlene (00:22):
Tonight, on this episode, we are actually doing a
focus on a milestone birthdayturning 40.
I turned 40 in April.
My colleague turned 40 not toolong ago.
We are talking about what itmeans to turn 40.
And, without further ado,ashley Newport, how are you?
(00:45):
I'm good.
How are you?
I'm not too bad, actually.
Thanks for asking.
I appreciate you taking thetime to be on the podcast and
share with us, on Zoom, yourexperience with the milestone,
or just even your thoughts.
What are your thoughts on 40,like turning 40?
It's been hard.
Ashley (01:05):
I did not want to turn 40.
I didn't want to, you know, die, which is the alternative
either.
But it's shocking to me.
Sometimes I walk around or I'mjust like working, or I'm just,
you know, I'm going to bed atnight and I'm like I'm 40.
Like I'm 40.
Because 40 is kind of that agethat when you're younger, as
might recall, you know, whenyou're in your 20s, 40s old,
(01:25):
like you're like, oh, 40, you,you know 40s, like you know your
mom.
Mind you, your parents mighthave been older than that when
you were in your 20s, I don'tmind more, but it's, it's quite
something.
And it's weird now because I'm40 in October, uh, and I have a
three-year-old.
Like so many people, I had, youknow, a child late in life.
He was born three days beforemy 37th birthday.
(01:46):
So I often think about how, youknow it's crazy, but when he's
like, starting high school, I'mgoing to be 50.
Whereas, like, when I was instarting high school, my mom was
like, not, I think my mom wasjust turning 40.
Wow, and I was going into highschool.
So that's, like, you know,crazy to me.
Another thing I was talking toanother friend of mine recently
(02:06):
who's turning.
She's turning 40 in January andI was saying like I think
there's a lot of talk about howyou know it's never too late.
And that's true, it's never toolate.
You know people haven't, youknow, settled down yet, whatever
that means for them, and theystill want, you know, marriage,
or they still want kids or theystill want to do.
You know, whatever People say,you know it's never too late,
like that's that's true.
But one thing that's kind ofinteresting about starting a
(02:29):
family, at least closer to 40,is it's a weird time in your
life because you're kind ofyou're approaching, or you're,
in, middle age, you're goinginto, like you know,
perimenopause.
Like you know you're kind oflooking at your like change of
life in the face and you're alsodealing with other things like
aging or sick parents.
Like you know, I lost my dad afew years ago.
(02:49):
My mom's alone now.
So you have, like you know,different responsibilities,
whereas you know it kind of usedto be.
You know you'd be in your 20s,you'd have a kid, your parents
might have been, you know, likeyoung and help you, but now you
kind of have like multipledifferent caretaking roles, be
those like physical or emotional.
Carlene (03:06):
Yeah, that's so true, though.
I think a lot like some people.
Like, when they have their,their kids young, they get to
grow with their kids andexperience life in a different
way, whereas when you have yourkids later on in life, it's like
the path to get there, right.
And then you have me where I'm40 and I don't have a child, you
(03:27):
know, and you get reminded thatyou're not getting any younger,
and you know, I even had theconversation about kids with my
dad and I'm like, when, whenwere you thinking about all this
?
Like you know, I'm surprised,because my dad never pressured
me or anything or said anything,right, and so 40 is that time.
You're right, though, becauseit makes you think about all
(03:49):
these things, and if you weren'tthinking about it, your doctor
is going to remind you becauseI've had so many appointments,
right, and so for you it's kindof like.
I guess it's a reminder ofwhere you are in your life too,
right.
Ashley (04:03):
Yeah, yeah, and the medical thing is really
interesting too because, likenot interesting, it's scary,
right, because not that peoplewho are young can't get sick,
they can.
But once you hit 40 and it'sreally been very something I've
thought a lot about is your riskof all the illnesses goes up
right, like it's like oh, youknow you're 40, you could,
you're more likely to get thesecancers you're more likely to
(04:23):
have.
You know you have to be morecareful about your heart and
your blood pressure, and you'rethis and you're that.
So being middle-aged comes withlike an increase in like health
issues which I haven't reallyaddressed yet or really like dug
into, because but it's alwaysin the back of my mind I've
always had like major healthanxiety, like always.
So that's one thing too is likeyou know, when you're 26 and
worried about your health, likeyou know that the odds are in
(04:44):
your favor, that it's notanything serious, whereas you
know, when you're 46, whichwe're not there yet, but you
know the odds of there being,you know that lump being
dangerous, or you know thoseheart palpitations being more
serious is much higher than itwas do you think that maybe
because you had your son laterin life, you were were focused
(05:05):
on your I need to have a familyat third?
Carlene (05:07):
you know what I mean.
Like I remember when we had ourconversation about school and
like how you got to yourposition in Saga right now.
You know what I mean.
It's it's one of those thingswhere I feel like what was
important to you at a certain,at certain stages in your life,
you know.
Ashley (05:23):
It wasn't really about making this versus that.
Actually, it wasn't like, oh,I'm going to prioritize like
this over that.
It just kind of happened.
Bruce Hayward (05:30):
Right right.
Ashley (05:31):
And how things worked out for me.
After I finished school, as youknow, we went to school
together.
I met someone and we dated foralmost six years, but then, when
I was 29, we broke up.
So I had expected thatrelationship to, like you know,
last forever and get married,and it's good that it didn't.
But I found myself at 29,having to kind of start over,
and so it wasn't like, oh, I'm30.
(05:52):
Do I have a child or do Ipursue a career?
It was just like I'm 29.
And this is where I'm at, like,currently single, and the
career thing also just kind ofhappened.
Naturally, at the time I was,like you know, 20,.
That's kind of a good you knowbenchmark.
It was 2014, or we broke up theend of 2013.
So, beginning of 2014, I wasworking at my dad's office, I
was freelancing on the side, Ifinally moved out of my parents'
(06:14):
house and I lived at home untilI was 29.
So, like you know, 2014 waslike a big year in that sense.
I like got a condo, because youcould actually get one.
Then it wasn't outrageous, likeit was like a challenge, but it
was like a doable thing andaround that time I think it
might have been a bit later 2015, where I had been freelancing
(06:35):
for Insaga and then thepublisher said you know, I think
I can bring you on full-time.
So I accepted.
So you know that just kind ofhappened.
And then it was just like itwas.
It was crazy, it was awhirlwind.
It was, it was crazy, it was awhirlwind, it was really
demanding, but I pushed throughand we have like a bigger team
now.
So it's a whole differentexperience, but you know, that
just kind of is how it happened.
So I started kind of growingwith, like you know, in that
role and then, right before thathappened, in 2015, I met my
(06:58):
like current husband.
We like met online but it was,like you know, easy to hit it
off because we'd had mutualfriends.
Funny story is that he went tohigh school with a good friend
of mine.
So, 2013, I'm single.
2014, I finally get my ownplace.
2015, I meet my now husband.
2016, I start the job that I'mat right now.
(07:20):
And then my husband and I we gotengaged after dating for two
years, which I think is like akind of standard, normal time
for like people in their 30s,because we started dating when
we were both 30, got engagedwhen we were 32, got married a
year later, 33.
And then we didn't want to havekids right away, we just kind
of wanted to, you know, enjoy.
We like bought a condo downtownso we were living in like a
(07:42):
building at like right up frontin Jarvis, a condo downtown, so
we were living in like abuilding at like right up front
and jarvis, and we were just,you know, enjoying like our
lives downtown.
We were going to like lots ofwe've talked about this we were
going to lots of tiff movieswhen tiff was in town.
We would go to like jfl when itwas in town.
We weren't big like partiers,like we're going to like clubs
and stuff like that, unless itwas like a special occasion, but
we were just like enjoying life, like the festivals and the
events and like the freedom.
And then, you know, once wewere both 35, we thought, you
(08:05):
know, okay, now is probably agood time to start, you know,
thinking about kids and COVIDhit.
Carlene (08:11):
Right, right, right yeah.
Ashley (08:13):
COVID hit.
It was just a crazy time.
Everyone was just like at home,doing nothing, not knowing what
was going to happen when thiswas going to end.
You know, you know my dad gotsick.
That was a big, huge, massive,monumental, horrible change in
my life and that you know.
So that was a really like justtough and terrible, terrible
(08:35):
time.
And then you know happenstance,like shortly after he passed
away, he died in January of 2021.
I found out I was pregnant.
There was like some planninginvolved, of course.
Right, like you know.
You know, okay, we're 35.
Maybe we should start tryingfor like a baby, see what
happens.
But a lot of the stuff itwasn't really, you know, like,
oh, I'm gonna not date becauseI'm going to do this instead.
Or, oh, I'm going to put offthis so I can do this instead,
like this is just honestly howit kind of both, and I feel like
having that family dynamic isimportant to to who you are as a
(09:13):
person.
Carlene (09:13):
You know what I mean.
But listening to you talk aboutyour timeline and listening
back to you, I can think aboutmyself, like every stage of your
life.
What was happening Like at 29,I think I just finished school
and I was in Humber.
Yeah, I just finished.
Humber, and then I was in myfirst apartment on my own.
(09:34):
I mean I had roommates and thenI moved on my own and then I
tried to find work in radio butdidn't.
So I got a construction, a job,working reception and then I
was at Ikea and so stuffhappened then.
But yeah it's.
It's kind of one of thosethings where listening back to
you I feel like the hallmark tothe stepping stones to your life
and maybe even your decisionsis maybe the people in your life
(09:57):
like your parents and like howthey brought you up and what
your role models are, or justwho you are as a person.
You know what I mean Like weboth grew up in different
household dynamics and evenlistening to you talk about it,
like we've talked about otherthings and the fact that we both
know each other from YorkUniversity and even at York.
(10:18):
You know your experience at Yorkwas different than my
experience at York.
You know what I mean.
I got into York, took out astudent loan, had some drama
happen along the way, where atone point for me it was like Ooh
, I don't even know if I'm goingto finish Like I had a moment
like that.
So it's like listening back toyour experience is so amazing at
(10:38):
the timeline and you know,things always happen in life
that we're not prepared for andI think I have to go back to you
and what you said like dadpassed away.
I'm sure that was hard right Tobe like I'm pregnant and I'm
going to have a baby and mydad's not.
Ashley (10:54):
Yeah, it was obviously just like a terrible time
because obviously, like you know, the death of anyone close to
you and your family, who youlove, is obviously a horrible
thing.
But it was just an especiallyweird time because it was covid.
There was, like you know, hugerestrictions in place.
You know, people were told,like you know, not to leave
their houses, not to do anything.
So you know, the whole time hewas sick, it was like, you know,
you're not supposed to comehere and then, of course, like
(11:15):
his last like 10 days were he'sin the hospital before he passed
away.
Like no one was allowed to gothere except for my mother.
It just felt awful, like it's,you know, a terrible memory and
a terrible time.
But you know, there was a lotof distraction at that time too,
because you know, the died andthen it was kind of like okay,
like the worst scenario has likeoccurred, like it's happened,
like he's gone.
(11:36):
But then I was pregnant, so Ihave to, you know, look forward.
So we moved that year not far.
But you know we were in a condoat the time and I was like I
don't think I want to have ababy in a condo, like I mean,
people do that.
That sounds terrible.
People do that.
It's totally fine.
So we moved to a house.
Our house is not large.
Carlene (12:10):
It's a little bit of a fixer upper, but at least gave
during COVID too.
Oh, where'd you end up?
Moving to Brampton?
Yeah, I moved from likeScarborough to Brampton after
Christmas.
Oh my gosh.
Moving December 27th, oh my god, 2020 brutal.
Ashley (12:20):
What made you decide to move to Brampton?
Carlene (12:23):
I was working actually in Mississauga at BMO at the
time, and so that was thetransition Don't move close to
work, you know and so I movedthere because of that.
But I also moved there becauseof like my friend referred to
the landlords.
So it kind of worked outbecause I got the place way
(12:44):
earlier.
But, like you, it was likeCOVID happened.
Then I got laid off.
So 2020 was a roller coastertoo.
Yeah, like oh my goodness.
So hearing you say you weremoving and then you have to help
your mom move and then you'reoh my goodness.
I think 2020 is a period in ourlives that, even though we move
forward, we still think aboutit.
Ashley (13:06):
It does.
It casts a long shadow.
It casts a long shadow.
I think we don't like to talkabout the intricacies of it,
like the political debates atthe time and the you know should
you wear this mask or shouldyou do this Like?
I don't think anyone wants totalk about or dwell on that
anymore I certainly don't.
But just the upheaval it had inpeople's lives, I think is
(13:30):
quite something and I think wesee a lot of trauma from that
era still just in the.
This is kind of a bigger topicthan this, but you know what
we've seen the past few yearslike in, you know, society writ
large.
We've seen, you know, massiveincreases in homelessness.
We've seen huge increases in,or appear to be large, you know,
significant increases.
I think that's been percolatingsince before, but COVID didn't
help.
You know mental health andaddiction issues.
We still see, you know, a lotof upheaval with the economy.
High prices, house and rentalprices are, I'm sure, as you
(13:51):
absolutely know, justinsurmountable, just insane.
Carlene (13:54):
Just, oh yeah, I, I mean, I'm paying double what I
was paying.
I totally feel it.
Ashley (14:01):
And yeah, oh, yeah, yeah , and it's's one of those things
too where you can say OK, youknow like speaking, you know
pivoting a little to housingstuff.
You know if somebody livesright downtown especially if
they purchase a home right, youknow you buy an old Victorian in
the annex or something likethat you can expect the price to
be high.
Carlene (14:18):
You know it's the biggest city in the area A
Victorian in the annex now, likein the.
I mean the annex is not likerichmond hill or richdale farm,
like that's a really nice areawhere downtown toronto, where oh
, like your farm, like cabbage,oh yeah, yeah, cabbage, I love
that area.
Ashley (14:35):
Yeah, I love.
Carlene (14:35):
Yeah, I actually rented a.
I, I had an apartment.
I lived there for a year.
Oh, cool.
Ashley (14:41):
Yeah, uh, we take our son to riverdale farm.
Sometimes it's like, uh, wedrive to it Places you would
expect it to be really expensive, right, yeah, but I mean Barrie
and Bowmanville, oh my goshLondon.
Carlene (14:53):
We've been to Bowmanville but I keep hearing
about it.
Bowmanville Is it booming, youknow?
Ashley (14:57):
these are, you know like far these places are, you know,
hundreds of kilometers awayfrom Toronto, and it's
unbelievable and unfair thatpeople who grew up in these
communities or who you know arelooking for something more
affordable, you know are stillseeing you know million dollar
price tags for townhouses.
You know, maybe not that high,but you know even, oh, I believe
, that it's probably close toyeah, oh, yeah.
So it's just, you know, insaneand you know this obviously puts
(15:19):
a lot of pressure on people.
We know this from work.
We write about, you know, crimeall the time.
We have a lot of reporters whoyou know work closely on, you
know, not like with police, but,you know, with police materials
.
I guess you could say you knownews releases, press releases,
interviews, going to, you know,press conferences, reading the
reports and stuff like that.
I mean crime is up likeparticularly car thefts, right,
(15:40):
and like home invasions, likewe're all kind of dealing with
post-COVID trauma in a lot ofways, just because it was a
crazy time and we fought a lotduring that time, because there
was, you know it was a very, Imean it should have been, you
know, kind of simple, likethere's this, you know it's a
virus.
We're going to work on this,but it was very political.
You know people.
You know you should think of itthis way or you should.
(16:01):
You know you should not do this.
You should do this more.
Carlene (16:03):
People took sides it was yeah, there was a divide
when you said, like it should be, it should have been simple.
Sars was simple.
I think, like SARS didn't hitas hard because, I mean, even
though SARS was happening andthen people were, some people
were affected by it, we werestill, the city was still
running, whereas when ithappened.
The city wasn't running, youknow.
We went into lockdown and thenwe thought, oh yeah, after how
(16:27):
long the first lockdown was, oh,we're going to go into lockdown
again.
Yeah, I can't, I can't go intolockdown again.
Ashley (16:34):
No, no, and there was a lot of people who are very
puritanical about it, who werelike but it's, you know, it's
what's right and it's what'snoble, and it's what's best and
it is your duty andresponsibility to not leave your
house for however long.
I say you shouldn't leave yourhouse, and I think it.
You know what kind of is at theroot of the matter is that we
don't have as much control overthese things as we would like to
think we do, because this, youknow, and it was you know these
(16:55):
restrictions were applied reallyhaphazardly, right, Like, oh,
you couldn't shop at a smallstore, but you could shop at
Walmart.
You couldn't eat in therestaurant, but, you know,
kitchen staff could come in andwork at the restaurant, right?
Carlene (17:07):
So a lot of it seems silly, and it was silly.
I guess we have to makereference to your job
description and what you do fora living because, in hindsight,
you are a writer.
You know what I mean.
And Ashley Newport, who I'vebeen speaking to now.
We're talking about Milestone,but also about you know what I
mean.
And, um, ashley Newport, um,who I've been speaking to now.
(17:28):
We're talking about milestone,but also about you know just
everything that happened all inone self-encompassing so in saga
is where you spend most of yourday other than your family life
, right, and you know how longyou've been working at in saga
yeah, 2016.
Ashley (17:41):
Uh, I to say but I've been like freelancing for them,
Started off freelancing and Iwant to say that started in 2012
, 2013,.
I want to say yeah, butfull-time.
Yeah, eight years.
It'll be eight.
It was eight years in September, which is crazy to think.
Carlene (17:53):
Okay, well, congrats, you know, you're a veteran now.
Ashley (18:03):
Yeah, I've now.
Yeah, I've been doing this fora long time, so it's it's local
news.
We actually started a uh, maybethis is the wrong word for it,
but kind of a sister site, ifyou will uh, called your city
within, which is just alifestyle site dedicated to
pretty much all of southernontario, but primarily toronto,
which is weird because in sagadoesn't really touch toronto
because it doesn't really needto.
It's always meant to kind of bea news resource for the suburbs
.
Carlene (18:25):
You know we focus on Mississauga, of course.
Brampton Mayor Hazel McCallionand now the new mayor of
Mississauga.
What's her name?
I don't know.
Ashley (18:31):
So she won a by-election recently.
Carolyn Parrish, if you'rethinking of Bonnie Crombie, who
left to become the leader of theLiberal Party- Right, right,
let's not go into too muchpolitics, but your role there
has obviously advanced.
Carlene (18:46):
You've been promoted and you've worked your way up.
Do you feel like you didcertain things to move your way
up?
You know they say, if you wantto move up, you gotta be nice.
I'm very nice, I'm super nice.
Okay, I believe it.
I believe I mean I've told youstuff from your our York days,
you know together, and before wego further, I got to tell you,
(19:08):
ashley, talking to you now it'sbeen so long, but even from our
last interview I feel like youare so more outspoken, so more
opinionated vocally, like you'vealways been very quiet, you
still talk, but like when wewere at York together, it's like
talking to you now is like, ohmy gosh, this is the Ashley and
(19:29):
you, like our York days, likeit's so like night and day.
It's amazing and it's a good,it's a good thing.
You know it's awesome, yeah.
Ashley (19:36):
Yeah, no, I mean it's just been a long time.
It's just been, you know, many,many years.
But I'm always like very nice,too nice.
But honestly, the biggest thingwas just the learning that I
had to do a lot of it kind of onmy own, because when I first
started I had never reallywritten a ton of hard news.
To be fair, like I wasn't to.
You know, I had to learn writingup police press releases and
cop stuff.
Where to find information,where to find out?
(19:58):
You know about where crimeswere happening, who to contact
city hall.
You know covering like you know, council meetings and you know
reading agendas and you knowreal estate.
That was a big thing.
I've learned a lot aboutwriting about real estate, just
because it's a big issue and hasbeen for many years.
Actually, like pre-COVID, evenhouse prices were getting quite,
quite high.
So this isn't, you know, it hasnot gotten better.
(20:19):
I mean, the trend is moving inthe wrong direction, if you will
, but it's been an issue forquite some time.
So, just like I've been able tojust kind of teach myself stuff
, naturally, I guess.
And then, as our team hasexpanded and grown, we've
actually gotten some morereporters, like you know people
who've been, you know, workingat local news organizations over
the years that have shut downor moved.
(20:41):
A lot of them have, likethere's been a lot of small
newspapers that have, you know,closed up shop.
Carlene (20:49):
I've learned a lot from them because they have some of
them have, like a lot moreexperience than me actually.
Right, I mean, we're goingdigital in every aspect and you
know the paper newspaper, like Imean, you became a writer for
In Saga, which was just at theprime time to come out with a
digital newspaper.
At that time, especially forMrs Saga, which Toronto had
(21:10):
various newspapers, but this isobviously really smart, like
when it came out, right.
But even to touch on what yousaid, like doing your own
research and like doing gettinga lot of information and
becoming really good atresearching things, right, and
you're.
Ashley (21:25):
And when you started off , yeah, it's the biggest
learning curve.
And then you talk to more.
The more you write, the moreyou make connections and you
talk to more experts.
So you can like get certainpeople on the phone and they can
tell you about bird flu or theycan tell you about housing, or
they can tell you about artsrecovery or opera.
I did a, I did a feat, I didlike a feature about opera, like
opera in mississauga, becauseevery year I don't know if
(21:47):
everyone knows this, but aboutonce a year now, and this has
been going on for a few yearsthe break for covid, of course,
at the living arts center inmississauga they stage a full
opera once a year, usually justa two-night run.
So you don't have an arm and aleg to like see an opera.
So if you want to see an opera,just because you know it's an
opera, because a lot of peopleyou know they might, they
probably don't listen to opera,music in their spare time.
(22:08):
That's very niche.
But if you're one of thosepeople, that's just like I've
never been to an opera and Ikind of want to go.
I've never been to one.
Yeah, it's accessible, it's notthat expensive.
Very nice theater, obviouslyincredibly talented cast.
But I was kind of curious.
I was like, how does this kindof work, like, how is this
sausage made?
So I reached out to like thesymphony, like the guy who does
(22:28):
like comms for like the symphony, and he put me in touch with
like the maestro and had, likeyou know, a good phone
conversation where he like toldme a lot of stuff about how you
know operas don't, how they'refunded and how are they funded?
Uh, grants, for the most partgrants, because they don't they
cost a lot of money to put on,not like millions or anything
like that, but like quite a bitof money.
And the talent is rare,especially like in canada,
(22:50):
because it's, like you know, bigcountry but small population.
So, like, how many trainedopera singers are there?
Right, you don't really thinkabout this?
Not many.
So you know you have yourtalent.
They can't perform a ton ofshows because it's hard on their
voice.
So you know there has to be,like you know, rest in between.
So it's, you know it's very,it's very niche.
So you will, you know, funny,you sell tickets, of course, so
(23:10):
you know you might get, like youknow, a full house or an almost
full house.
But I just like, learned a lotfrom this conversation and now,
if any, it just sometimes Ithink about.
Just it's funny.
If someone were to say you, youknow, why is there not more
opera?
I'd be like well.
Carlene (23:23):
Oh my gosh, You're the kind of person like me, just
full of information, because I Ithink we learned this from
university I don't take whatpeople say for value.
I will be like, really, wheredid you get that?
What's your source?
And I will still go andresearch.
Really, where did you get that?
What's your source?
And I will still go andresearch it.
(23:44):
That's just the book theBookwormin, where you've had the
opportunity to interview peoplebased on what you're writing
about.
So that's so cool.
You know what I mean.
Ashley (23:51):
It's been good.
It's like you learn a lot andpeople might tell you things
that you have doubts about.
Actually, funny story.
I won't say who he was becausehe actually is no longer with us
.
He died.
Is this a musical artist?
No, he's not musical, but hewas well enough known because he
(24:11):
started a fairly successful.
He started a fairly successfulfast food franchise in the early
2000s.
So, anyways, I ended upinterning at a media company
that ran two trade publicationscalled Food Service and
Hospitality and Hotelier, and Idid.
And then, after I finished thatinternship, I actually worked
with them.
I worked there, for I did acontract I want to say it was a
year and a half, maybe a littlebit less than a year and a half.
(24:32):
I did like some writing thereand learned a lot from them too,
and I did a profile on this manthat he founded a very
successful fast food franchise.
I don't know if it is outsideof Canada I don't think it is
but there's multiple locationseverywhere.
So, but he's not a householdname by any stretch, but I was,
you know, asking him your, your,your usual boilerplate
(24:54):
questions.
You know, like, what inspiredthis?
What was your story?
And he told me a very elaboratestory about a skydiving
incident and it was a reallychallenging thing because I did
not believe him like I thoughthe was making it up and I don't
have any proof that he did ornot.
But it was one of those weirdmoments where I was like I don't
want to include any of this inthe story because I think it's a
lie and I have no way tocorroborate this or prove this
(25:15):
didn't happen so was it that gutfeeling that you felt like he
wasn't?
telling you the truth.
Yes, I had a gut feeling.
I don't think he was telling mea lie to like be impressive.
I think he was like screwingwith me.
Like I think he thought it wasfunny, like I think he was like
oh, is this person dumb?
Can I make them print somethingridiculous?
Carlene (25:31):
I think that's what he was doing, like I felt like,
because you were you, you wereyoung at the time.
I guess you thought maybe notyou, right, yeah?
Ashley (25:37):
like I am.
But like you know, there's butI don't.
Carlene (25:41):
But you always, it's always in your gut where you're
like, and we always ignore thatgut feeling sometimes.
So how did you end up writingthe story, did you?
I don't recall.
I don't recall.
I think I did a play.
Ashley (25:52):
I think I just kind of said something very much kind of
you know, putting the onus onto like him be.
You know, he claims that likean accident led to this.
Like I just kind of reallyglossed over it, very vague,
nonspecific, because, like thedidn't believe the intricacies
of the story and I think he wastelling it to me not to make
himself sound better.
Like I said, I think he wasmessing with me, like I think he
thought it was funny, so thatwas like a tough one.
(26:14):
And then later on, anyways,like I said, he, he passed away
recently, which is unfortunate,he was not very old.
Wow, what did he do?
You know?
Sorry, I think it was a healthissue.
I, oh, you don't know, he wasonly when I can recall I think
he was only in his 50s, like hisearly 50s, not that much older
than us a lot of people arepassing away, like my co-worker
(26:34):
just told me today that his dadpassed away suddenly.
Carlene (26:37):
Everything happened so fast.
I was like what?
Like you know, I saw I wastalking like life happens at the
flip of the switch, Like youknow.
You just never know.
Ashley (26:47):
Oh yeah, anything can, anything can happen.
I've always like thought ofthat too, because I'd heard like
of instances over the years ofyou know things happening
suddenly which like scares me alot as I get older and, like I
said, you know my son's three,so I think about how you know me
and his father are, like youknow, 40.
And I, you know, I often havelike dark moments where I'm like
what if something?
Of course you worry about yourchild and what if something
(27:08):
happens to them?
Like that's a foregoneconclusion.
You worry about that constantly, all the time.
But sometimes there's otherdark moments.
You're like what if somethinghappens to my husband?
What if one of us has a heartattack?
Like what if?
Like what would?
Carlene (27:21):
what's going on.
What happens, though, whenyou're a parent, though?
Like, you think about thosethings, even though you don't
want to think about them?
Yeah, wow.
I'm not a mom and, I think, alot of people, the people I know
, who are parents like you areright, because you're it's not
just you anymore, you'rethinking about someone else,
it's very important, yes, andlike so vulnerable and you know
(27:41):
they, they love you so much,like their pains.
Ashley (27:44):
You know like they, they want to be independent, they,
you know they're so free though,Right?
Carlene (27:47):
Isn't he just so free Like it's like that burst of
energy, right, Like you're sofree to do whatever like and say
things and not really thinkabout it, and and it's that part
of like discovering life, right?
Ashley (28:00):
oh yeah, they're so funny at this age.
They say whatever, they repeata lot, but it's really funny how
they like apply their knowledgeis it annoying that he asks you
a lot of questions.
Carlene (28:10):
I find, like when my siblings were younger, it's
always like I'm like I justanswered that and another
question like what you know.
But I think, like you as a mom,you have to be so patient too.
But sometimes, you know, youhave to be like strict a little
bit.
So out of the two of you, youand your husband, who's the
who's the strict parent andwho's the more okay?
Ashley (28:29):
archer, yeah, it depends .
That's a good question.
There's times where I'm morepermissive about certain things,
like I'm not as married toroutines.
Of course my husband's verymuch like routines, you know.
Like this is bedtime and youknow this is like you turn off
the tv and like this is that I'mnot as a stick, I'm not a big
stickler about that, but I wouldhave to say my husband has
immensely more patience than Ido, like I'm more likely to get
(28:50):
like frustrated and yell than heis.
So, even though there's certainthings like I don't care as much
about, like I'm like okay, ifwe end up going to bed a little
bit later tonight, like noworries, I'm not concerned.
Like okay, if you want to watchan extra song, like I don't
care, it's fine.
Whereas he'll be like no, no,no, you know we have to stick to
our routine.
Same with, you know, when he'slike playing with his like
friends at the park and stufflike that, like I won't
necessarily like hover, likeI'll, you know, kind of stand
back a bit.
Try to give him like some space.
(29:11):
That kind of thing would makemy husband more, you know, not
listening or having tantrums orbeing crazy, like I'm the one
who's definitely more likely tobe like I can't do this anymore
Like, whereas, like he has a lotmore patience for that.
So it's kind of an interestinglike mix.
(29:33):
Like he's definitely more, youknow patient with him and like
you know, able to kind of, like,you know, sit through more, but
he's more of a stickler aboutthe routines.
Like this is bedtime.
You know able to kind of, likeyou know, sit through more, but
he's more of a stickler aboutthe routines.
Like this is bedtime.
You know this is when the TVgoes off.
Carlene (29:46):
Yeah, yeah, oh my goodness, yeah, oh my gosh.
There's so much to talk about,but I think what I want to ask
you is this when you turn, whenyou had your birthday, how did
you feel?
Ashley (30:03):
Oh, scared Like being 40 is scary, I think, because I I
I could be wrong and I thinkwe'd have to talk to more people
who are a lot older than usabout how they felt about
different birthdays and I thinkyou know their perspective would
be very different becausethey've just lived more life so
you think I should talk to otherpeople who turn 40, but also
people who are reflecting backto I mean maybe, like, if you
wanted to, like, you know, maybepeople in their 60s or would
have, you know, would be likekind of like different.
(30:24):
But you know, culturally we'vealways been obsessed with youth,
like always.
I think that's, that's historic, I don't think that's new.
You know, we've always triedforever to find ways to look
younger.
But I feel like, and I could bemisremembering, but I remember
being in elementary school andand I think this is just by
virtue of being a child andmaybe you felt the same way, but
like your parents and yourfriends' parents, when you were
a little kid, they looked andfelt old to you, right, like you
(30:46):
know, they had this kind oflike matronly or, you know,
older gentlemanly quality tothem.
Like maybe the moms had, likeyou know, that kind of like
uniformly short haircut that youknow is very utilitarian, you
know, very easy to maintain.
Maybe everyone's like dad hadlike a mustache, you know they
wore, you know, big blazers andyou know they felt like.
(31:07):
They felt like, you know, old,right, you know, like you know,
not like that old kind ofstereotypical, like grandma, but
they felt, you know, like old.
And then I think that somethinghas changed and I think it's a
good thing because I think evennow you see people who are older
than that, people in their 60sand 70s, who still look really
youthful, really put together.
You know, and I see a lot ofpeople, you know our age that I,
(31:32):
you know, grew up with, went toschool with, and I might not
see them like in person so muchanymore, just because you know
the way life goes, but you canlike, you'll see their pictures
on like Facebook or Instagram orwhatever, and I feel like
people look young and we feelyoung.
Like even though we're no,we're 40, like I still don't.
I don't feel 40.
Like I know I'm 40, but I stillfeel the same as I did 10, 12
years ago.
(31:52):
I wish I looked exactly thesame as I did Like.
I look back at those picturesand I'm like oh my God, it was
so beautiful.
Like, why am I complaining?
Right?
Carlene (32:03):
Oh my gosh, so true.
I can relate to that and I I'vehad people be like I thought
you were in your twenties.
I'm like you're so good for myego.
My body doesn't feel like early, like mid twenties, but it's
true, the back ache pains andnot being so agile, you know.
But let me tell you you're right, but when I heard you talk
(32:23):
about you know that generation,like when we were growing up,
and then now you know we, ourgeneration, is looking younger.
I think we are doing things alittle bit different and we were
that generation that played inthe schoolyard and got in
trouble for staying past my timeto come back home playing
basketball with the boys at thecommunity center Wallace Emerson
(32:45):
Community Center at GalleriaMall Like I lived in Toronto and
my mom coming to get me andfully embarrassing me in front
of my friends because I had tocome home and I'm just like, why
are you wearing a mask?
But it's just, you know.
Ashley (32:58):
Memories.
But you know she's like, you'recoming home, Like what?
Carlene (33:02):
are you doing?
Cause I think I, oh I was withmy sister Lena.
I took my siblings with meeverywhere, like you know what I
mean, if, like, obviously, Itook care of my siblings a lot,
like I had to figure outcreative ways to find activities
for us, right?
And so, listening back to youto our time when we were nine,
10, 11, 12 and parents at thattime, it's like flashback and
I'm I have a memory, like arandom memory of like this one
(33:29):
girl in my class and her parentswere a lot older and I'm you
just ignited that memory.
I don't even know where thatcame from, it was so random, but
yeah.
Ashley (33:34):
Oh, it was rarer than you know like to have like older
parents Like my dad.
Actually, my dad was olderbecause my dad was previously
married, like before he met mymother.
He was married, had two boys,my two older brothers.
They divorced Then he likeremarried my mom and me and my
younger brother.
So me and my older brothershave a pretty big age difference
.
My oldest one is 12 years olderthan me.
The other one is 10 years olderthan me and they lived with
(33:57):
their mom.
They would come over onweekends and stuff like that,
but they were like they livedwith their mom in toronto,
whereas like my, you know, myfamily lived in like mississauga
and, uh, their upbringing waslike so different from mine.
Like just the shift in likejust that one generation was
massive because they werelatchkey kids, yeah, yeah, you
know, very independent, you know, going everywhere on their own,
whereas, like me and my brother, like you know, born just, you
(34:19):
know, a few years later in the80s, were very much kind of like
the first, like helicopter,like with parents who kind of
hovered, who, like you know,drove us to and from school for
a really long time.
Carlene (34:33):
I know every like you know dynamic is like yeah,
Hearing you say that, oh my God,your parents are helicopter
parents, whereas I'm the kidthat was like walking to and
from school, and that's the,that's the time where I think
(34:55):
your parents were beinghelicopter, because I think
eventually there was that timewhere, oh, now we can't walk the
kids to school because I think,I don't know, I think it
happened when we were that ageLike when we were 12, where the
first kidnapping happened orsomething happened to change
that that scared everyone,because it was a 24 hour news
cycle that really made peopleafraid of kidnappings.
Ashley (35:08):
Because there actually hasn't and there's a lot of like
.
I can't give you like the statsoff the top of my head, but
there's actually quite a bit ofdata on this and there has not
been an increase in kidnappingsin recent years.
In fact they've gone down.
I think they peaked, and we'reat their height in the seventies
and since then they've gonedown or stayed low.
But there's been more highprofile cases Paul Bernardo is
probably the one you're thinkingof.
(35:28):
That was a big one in the 90s,1994, I believe.
Yeah.
Carlene (35:32):
And then I mean it just came up in the news again, but
there was another girl Iremember because I live close to
it and I think we put a pictureof her because she was missing
for a while, but because I grewup at Dundas and Bloor area and
I think it was just one of thosethings where you can't forget
when someone got kidnapped soyoung and you can't forget.
Ashley (35:54):
It really sticks in your mind because, even though
something is, like statisticallyunlikely to happen to you,
knowing that it happened tosomeone else will always strike
fear to your heart, right Likeknowing that someone was in a
fire.
Knowing that someone, yes, waskidnapped, knowing it's, it's
impossible not to think about itand be scared.
But actually it's funny becausethis is going to about it and
be scared but, um, actually it'sfunny because this is going to
sound really strange,considering, like my, my whole
(36:15):
livelihood.
But 24 hour news made parents alot more afraid that there was
more crime and there was morepedophiles and there was more
rapists and there was moreattackers and uh, stuff like
that, when, when technicallythere there weren't you know
there's always a nothing's everrisk-free right.
You know everything.
You could get hit by a car, youcould, you know anything could
happen.
But there was kind of a shift inpeople's mentality and it's
(36:37):
gotten worse instead of better,and I think a lot of it now has
to do with, like, how much newswe consume and how much social
media we consume.
We're terrified and scared allthe time.
We're also more polarized.
We don't believe things that weknow to be true anymore, which
is really strange, like thingsthat were kind of set in stone
facts of life.
You know, the earth is round,you can eradicate a disease by
(36:57):
doing this, this, and thatPeople are like, no, that's not
true.
That's not true Because of youknow these weird online echo
chambers that people get in.
Carlene (37:03):
What is an echo chamber ?
What is that?
Ashley (37:06):
It's like, you know, when you go online, let's say,
and you just talk to people whobelieve what you believe, so
you're not being exposed toother perspectives.
So when people disagree withyou or don't feel the same as
you, you, you you're moreaffronted by, you're like, oh my
God, this person is, you know,an idiot.
Like I hate them.
Um, so it's funny, you know,cause, like I make a living
writing online.
I would not have this job ifnot for the internet, like the
(37:27):
internet's know the only reasonI'm employed at this particular
juncture.
But sometimes and I joke withmy younger brother about this
all the time, as I was like Ithink, you know, the internet
has now become like the worstthing we've ever done as a
society and I think we shouldget rid of it.
Carlene (37:39):
I know I, my old co-worker, said this to me.
He's a lot older, like you said.
I think he's in his 60s andhe's like you know, the internet
is going to kill us.
Ashley (37:49):
It's going to kill people.
No, no, I believe it.
I believe it, Like not to getinto it.
Carlene (37:53):
Because he's older and we're in our 40s, like we're
both 40.
But we've seen a two sides ofthings, because the one thing I
wanted to say quickly before weend our conversation is that we
were born at the start of theinternet.
So 1984, I actually thoughtthis was interesting to bring up
(38:14):
as a game changer, becausewe're talking about, you know,
2024, the 40th year of our lives.
But in 1984, there are a lot ofremarkable things that happen
Apple unveiled the Macintoshpersonal computer,
revolutionizing the techindustry.
The space shuttle Discovery hadits maiden voyage mark, marking
(38:36):
a significant achievement inspace exploration.
Sony and Philips introduced thefirst commercial CD players,
changing music landscape forever.
And so the list goes on.
But we were born at the age ofthe beginning of technology,
ashley.
So we're seeing the, we saw thebeginning of it and, like,
(38:58):
obviously we're seeing thechangeover.
Ashley (39:01):
Yeah, we are like we kind of came of age.
It's all true, and in highschool we started using instant
messages, right Like there waslike MSN Messenger.
Carlene (39:09):
Oh my gosh, I never even got into that, but that was
a big thing.
I remember, yeah, big thing.
So that was like but we stillsaw, you remember?
Oh my gosh.
I want to say well, do youremember zoo ass, do you?
I?
I remember, I don't know if youremember zoo ass.
It was like no I don't websiteyou go on.
It was.
It was something like yahooyahoo chat, but it was another
thing I got into from a friend,but it was.
(39:30):
It was like at that time youwere doing a lot of Internet
like chat, like the start ofthat you know, but you said
Messenger, so you had Messenger,obviously, right.
Ashley (39:39):
Yeah, and I only spoke to people on Messenger who I
think, like I knew like in reallife, high school or whatever.
But Facebook didn't come outuntil we were further into
university.
I want to say I got my firstFacebook account first only.
I want to say I got my firstFacebook account first only.
I want to say it was basicallymy first social media.
I guess I want to say I startedmy Facebook page in 2006.
I want to say I feel like itwas like 2005, 2006.
Carlene (39:59):
Yeah, I think I did the same thing, like when we were
at York at some point.
Like people were like you don'thave Facebook.
I'm like no, shut up.
Ashley (40:07):
Oh yeah, it was the thing, and like everyone has it.
But I just feel like thingshave gotten much more toxic with
social media.
Like you know, people live likeI said, they live on Echo, Like
they live in these echochambers on like Facebook, on
Twitter Twitter probably beingone of the worst offenders, but
like a really small thing whenyou become a younger generation
or like.
Carlene (40:24):
I've heard, overheard them saying like Instagram's
trash, like I, like I was on thetrain and this girl was like
it's trash, tiktok's like mything.
Ashley (40:36):
And I'm like, wow, oh yeah, there's things that, yeah,
they move ahead for sure, butthere's been a lot of like, just
it's, it's made us more.
Did you ever watch a movie onNetflix?
It was a show, like amockumentary kind of show,
called American Vandal.
They had two seasons.
Do you remember?
Carlene (40:47):
I've heard of it, I remember it, but I didn't watch
it.
Ashley (40:49):
I think my friend, my friend oh, OK, it's really good,
but there was the second season.
There's this part in one of thelater episodes where they're
talking about social media lifein general, particularly for
teenagers, and saying how, eventhough people have never been
more like exposed, like neverhad their lives more broadcast
Right Through apps, like they'vealso never been more dishonest.
(41:11):
Um, which like is 100 true, butpeople live these online lives.
What's paradoxical is, like themore information we have at our
fingertips.
I feel like the dumber we'veactually become because we can
hand information that kind oflike feeds into our biases,
right, uh, yeah, and it's just,uh, I think it's just.
I think it's like it's been badfor us.
Like I make my livelihood onthe Internet, like I also for my
(41:33):
job, but I think we shoulddestroy it.
Carlene (41:35):
Destroy it.
You can't go.
I mean we've gone too far.
We've gone too far and like evenGeorge's or George Orwell's,
1984.
There's so many books on thefuture of now, like they already
created it before we even gotthere.
So I don't even know how wecould have prevented it, because
so many movies, books madereference to the future that
(41:57):
we're living in now.
So I don't even know.
But that's another conversation, yes, another idea.
So, ashley Newport, thank youfor sharing your experiences and
your stories.
I do want to say this Ifthere's anything that you are
hopeful of in this year, the2024, and next year in the
(42:20):
milestone, do you think that youknow?
What are you happy with now,like how it turned out, like in
life, in my own life.
Ashley (42:28):
I'm just In your own life, yeah, In my own life I'm
like happy with sort of howthings have worked out, like for
me right now, like it's adifferent.
I'm actually glad I was sayingthis too.
Like you know, there's there'sdifficulties with having a child
a bit later in life your ownhealth and your own mortality.
You think about that a lot morebecause you know yeah, not that
you can't get sick or die whenyou're younger, but you know
(42:48):
things are more likely to happenthe older you get.
You're also at, you know, aweird stage where you know your
parents are, like, you know,aging or dying or you know
whatever.
But I think that I'm happy tohave had him, like when I did,
because it won't ever.
I won't ever be like, oh, youknow, I spent my whole this or
that this decade or that decade.
You know cleaning, you knowdoing laundry and you know
(43:13):
raising a child, like right now.
Like I've done a lot of likethe fun things that I wanted to
do and I can continue to do themNot as much, and that's OK, but
I feel happy and I'm a luckyperson.
There's things in my life thatwere not at all my doing, that I
just benefited from.
But I was able to, you know, goto school.
I was able to like have a goodgroup of friends.
(43:33):
I was able to do some traveling, meet people and have a good
time and by the time like hecame along, I was, I felt, super
ready for him.
So, you know, I look forward toseeing, like how parenthood
grows, I guess, like how itchanges as he gets a little bit
older, and I look forward to,like you know, connecting with
more people through him.
Like it's hard to another likehole at their topic, like making
(43:54):
friends.
As an older person you get theharder it gets to make friends.
But kids actually open up awhole new community for you
because, you know, once you havekids, you know they're in
school or they're in sports orthey're in the arts or they're
in something, and like throughthis especially when this, you
know, tapers off, of course, asthey get older and kind of take
themselves to and from you knowwherever it is they're going.
But when they're really reallylittle, you know you're kind of
(44:16):
in, you know contact with youknow other, like parents, and
this is like a really great wayto like kind of build community.
Because one thing that I think,too, has kind of been lost with
an internet age and exacerbatedby COVID, is people kind of in
silos, you know, sitting at homeon their computer all day
watching Netflix or doomscrolling on their phone.
You know things, I do yeah, yeah, yeah, things I do too.
(44:36):
Don't get me wrong, but kidsreally force you to get out of
the house.
They they'll destroy your houseIf you just try to stay home.
They'll destroy it, they'llthey'll ruin it.
They'll take every piece ofcutlery out of the drawer.
They'll get under the carpet,they will.
You know, they're littlefireballs Like they.
They need to move.
Carlene (44:53):
That is so adorable yeah.
Ashley (44:56):
They need to move.
So you know you kind of get outthere.
So you're like, okay, you know,how can I, how can I fill our
time?
Right, Like, how can I, how canI fill our time?
Especially like coming up.
Like my son's daycare takes atwo week break at Christmas,
which is weird because it'sdaycare, but you know it's
actually a great daycare.
Other than that, he absolutelyloves it, Loves it, loves it,
loves it, and the teachers arewonderful.
But you know, you start lookingfor things to like fill your
(45:16):
time with kids.
Like you know, should we goswimming, Should we do a play
date?
Should we, you know, enroll inthis class or whatever?
And through that you reallylike build community.
And if there's one moreimportant than having a good
community of people, Like youneed it, you just need it.
You need people you can lean onand you need to be there to
like have people lean on you.
Yeah, Like the song lean on me.
Carlene (45:37):
Yeah, yeah, I think, I think, I think you're right For
sure.
The one thing that I realizedwhen I had my birthday dinner is
that the people who weresupposed to be at my birthday
dinner were there and yeah, yeah, it was a, it was a good
experience.
So, listening to you talk aboutyour family, like you're having
(45:58):
your son, and seeing whatyou're happy with, I think over
the years, like you know, youhave your community for sure, it
is very important, it's soimportant.
Ashley (46:07):
It's so, so important.
So you know, like it's good tokeep the people from the past,
like if you can do that that'samazing.
But they might not live asclose to you.
People kind of, you know,spread out a little bit as they
get older.
So there's people who you couldhave called on or seen every
day, every other day or everyweekend at least when you were,
you know, in high school anduniversity and stuff like that.
That goes away, as you know.
Carlene (46:25):
Oh, yeah, two of my friends I mean I met you at y
but, ashley, two of my closefriends I met at York and
they're both in the West Coast,one's in Calgary, the other
one's in Halifax, that's far.
Yeah, but it's a journey.
And yeah, I think, like yousaid, it is harder to make new
friends at this age, but I thinkit is possible, it is possible.
Ashley (46:46):
It's 100 percent possible.
And now one thing that's reallycool again.
Well, the topic especially forpeople trying to date later in
life, because I have a lot offriends now or not a lot, but I
have friends who are like stilldating, either because they're
divorced or single or just likehaven't found anybody yet, like
I have friends who are stilldating, and again, that's a
whole other thing.
Online dating is like not whatit was.
It is worse, it is so bad?
Carlene (47:09):
I have.
I have good dating stories, badstories and even stories you
know, like meeting people, I metsomeone at McDonald's, but yeah
, it's like I digress.
But yeah, I love your story andI hope to hear more stories.
I hope you'll come back on onthe show.
I'm Carlene.
This is Diva.
Tonight we're talking aboutthis is 40 with Ashley Newport
(47:32):
of In Saga, and you know many,many other roles that you have.
But thank you for making thetime to be here.
Thank you for having me.
Bruce Hayward (47:41):
Diva Tonight with Carleen will be back.
New season, new ideas and greatguests.
Send us a message on Instagramat Da underscore tonight.
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