January 21, 2025 • 43 mins
Have you ever wondered if turning 40 could be just as exciting as the teenage years, but far more empowering? Join us for a riveting conversation with Karen Eldad, renowned coach and author of "Gilded," as she unveils the notion of a second adolescence at midlife. We tackle the cages of ambition and the relentless pursuit of perfectionism, discovering how reaching this milestone can herald a golden era of self-discovery and authenticity. Through inner work, we explore transforming fear into deep appreciation and reverence for life.
Unlock the secrets of manifestation and the immense power of self-belief with engaging insights from music and theater. We promise you'll rethink your limitations as we reference popular culture icons like the Backstreet Boys and the musical Wicked. Karen shares her personal journey through the creative process, underscoring the importance of persistence and learning from setbacks. By understanding our origins, we can truly appreciate the journey towards success and fulfillment.
High achievers, this one's for you! Conquer the challenges of people-pleasing and perfectionism by embracing mindfulness practices that enhance not only professional success but also personal well-being. We cover cornerstone habits like meditation and the revolutionary "pause principle" to help transform reactive responses into thoughtful actions. As we wrap up, we express our excitement about Justin Bieber's much-anticipated track "Gilded" and celebrate the impactful contributions of Karen Eldad. Don't miss out on this empowering episode that's all about reclaiming authenticity and championing personal growth.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Voice Over Bruce Hayword (00:05):
diva tonight a series turning 40, new
season, new ideas and greatguests hi, I'm carlene and this
is diva tonight.
Carlene (00:18):
I'm excited to have with me on zoom karen eldad, and
she is a coach and now anauthor, right Added to her
resume.
She's a TED speaker, and youknow what A little aside, we are
talking about 40, becausethat's the series that we're
(00:41):
talking about.
But just tell me more aboutthis exciting new book, like how
did it come about?
Keren Eldad (00:48):
Well, you know that I'm like the midlife crisis
queen.
My last TED talk was called whyyou Should Pray for a Midlife
Crisis.
The themes of Gilded mimic thethemes of the midlife crisis, so
we're still talking about 40.
And the subline of the bookGilded is breaking free from the
cage of ambition, perfectionismand the relentless pursuit of
the book Gilded is breaking freefrom the cage of ambition,
perfectionism and the relentlesspursuit of more.
(01:09):
What happens to us after the ageof 40, I like to think, is like
adolescence.
And I'm not the first person tothink about this, by the way,
carl Jung was way ahead of me.
But it's sort of likeadolescence in the sense that
when, in adolescence, we becomephysically large enough to stand
up to our parents, in our 40swe become metaphorically large
enough to stand up to life.
And this is when you actuallystart asking big questions like
(01:30):
why am I relentlessly pursuingmore?
Do I actually need to do thingsthis way?
Does everything need to beperfect?
We really start to challengethe beliefs that we've had that
have hindered us thus far.
So I'm super excited to talk toyou about dropping all that
behind and moving into an eralike no other.
Carlene (01:47):
A golden age, if you will, I like it.
The golden age, the golden era,so many things with that.
So what does 40 mean to you?
Like?
When you turn 40, did you feellike, oh my gosh, I'm going
through a midlife crisis?
Or, oh, I'm embracing it?
Keren Eldad (02:05):
I actually was already past the first crisis,
so I was fine.
Like it hit me in my late 30sand then it's kind of a rolling
thing.
It'll come back in differentiterations, you'll see.
Anyway, you're up for a lot offun stuff in your 40s.
But what 40 means to me isauthenticity and really
beginning to be much more of whoyou really truly are, because
(02:29):
you stopped giving a tiny rat'sass about everyone else's
opinion of what you should be.
And this only gets better withage, technically speaking,
especially if you're willing todo the inner work to really
break free and start honoringyour worth and your preferences,
it just becomes clearer to you.
(02:51):
That's what 40 means to me.
I feel like until I turned 40,and especially since I had the
crisis where I was like doingwhat everybody else does right,
which is I haven't achieved whatI wanted to achieve and I'm
definitely not where I want tobe.
This is where you can start tostart to have meltdowns and
freak out and also startbecoming essentially more
confronted by your own mortalityand freak out and also start
becoming essentially moreconfronted by your own mortality
.
Once I passed that hurdle, Istarted to really think in
different terms Instead ofthinking, wow, I guess I'm not
going to be here forever.
(03:12):
I thought, wow, I'm not goingto be here forever, I'm going to
have some fun.
I'm going to really enjoy this.
I'm going to make the most ofthis.
It wasn't scary, it wasreverential.
You see the difference itwasn't scary, it was reverential
.
Carlene (03:26):
You see the difference?
Yeah, I do, I do for sure.
I feel like it's kind of likeyou're in your own comfort zone
now and you're accepting who youare, and that's when things
start to come to you, like Ithink even at 39, I started to
finally understand, and I thinkwe get clarity in different
stages in our lives.
Understand, and I think we getclarity in different stages in
(03:47):
our life.
Some people, like, already knowwhat their gift is or what
their passion is.
And I'm sure for you, likeyou've been an entrepreneur now
for eight years, as you statedright, and so was, I mean, the
book itself.
Was that a goal too?
Was that something that?
Keren Eldad (04:05):
no, it was something I always wanted to do,
of course, but to drive thebusiness, but it only came to be
when I had a real message.
I really wanted to createsomething that was to serve my
clients.
It wasn't about goal, it wasabout service.
I think very few people,carlene, are like Justin Bieber,
where they know when they're 12, what their mission in life is,
what their purpose is.
I think most of us come into itin our 40s and I'm pretty sure
(04:27):
data backs me up, even though Idon't have any research off the
top of my head.
But the reason is because,until we're in our 40s, we
really are climbing a ladder.
We really are doing what'sexpected of us, whether we see
it or not.
(04:47):
We're trying to line up withwhat society wants for us, what
our parents wanted for us, whatwe've learned from our culture
around us.
At the age of 40, around the ageof 40, for most people, the
midlife crisis, by the way, is35 to 55, academically speaking.
I know a lot of people werelike, oh my God, demi Moore is
like such a great representationof midlife.
She's 62.
So, unless she expects to liveto be 124, not technically
midlife, be 124, not technicallymidlife.
(05:07):
The midlife crisis for most ofus is really when we start to
challenge all of what got ushere, because we don't want to
take it with us anymore and weunderstand that where we really
want to go, this will not standanymore and, unfortunately, the
only way to get out of it is tobreak everything, and that's why
it's called a crisis.
It's literally the death of anidentity, so that a new identity
, a more authentic identity, canemerge.
(05:29):
Are you already starting tofeel that?
Carlene (05:31):
Yeah, it's like it's a lot.
You know what I mean.
It's like, yeah, you've said alot and so in my mind, I think a
lot of things are clear to youwhen you start doing work on
yourself, like I mean, we'realways working on ourselves, but
I think, when I started doingmindfulness practice and
(05:53):
meditation, that you know you're, you're accepting of, like your
mistakes and who you are andtrying to break free of, like
that negative self-talk and Ithink a lot of us do that.
You know what I mean.
Keren Eldad (06:07):
Yes, and that's exactly it.
That's why this is souncomfortable.
That inner work that you'redescribing, which I hope you're
tempting everyone with, is hard.
I love that my cover of my bookis so glamorous and beautiful
and I hope that a lot of peoplereach for it because it's
gorgeous.
But the work itself is hard.
It is not light, it is hard andit's worth it too.
(06:27):
It's January 2025.
So I still have wicked fever,even though I've watched it
three times since it launched inNovember, and I keep thinking
about how many of us resonatewith the idea of defying gravity
.
But in order to really breakfree and rise into who we're
supposed to be, rise into ourmission in life, be our most
(06:47):
authentic self, like Elphabadoes in Wicked, you have to
break some stuff up.
You have to really have courage.
You have to go really deep.
You have to start challengingall that negative self-talk and,
in order to find true love foryourself, start asking yourself
whether it's true.
That's what the book hopes tohelp people do, to really give
(07:07):
them practical ways to do thisand also to line your path with
strategy that will allow you todo something after you've
shattered those demons, so thatthe rest of your life can be the
best of your life.
Does that make sense?
Carlene (07:22):
Yeah, it makes sense.
So the book title Gilded why?
Why did you name your book thatI know?
Keren Eldad (07:31):
Yeah, you know what Gilded means.
Gilded means covered in gold,not real gold, and the reason is
I wanted people to see thateverything in their life that
looks so perfect and polishedand shiny is actual garbage, and
they usually know it.
My subtitle was going to be whyyour life doesn't feel as good
as it looks on Instagram, and Ithink that sort of says it all,
(07:51):
and that's also why the coverimage is a gilded cage.
You know, we we essentially aretrying to convey with this book
that you are trapped in a cageof your own making and you've
locked it from the inside, andit is my hope that everybody who
starts to truly wish for a lifethat feels good to them, for
results that actually go thedistance, understand that the
(08:14):
first thing they need to do isunlock themselves.
Free their mind, so the restcan follow.
Free your mind and the restwill follow and that's uh salt
and pepper I don't know, I don'tthink it was actually wait a
minute.
No, that's not salt and pepper,no, free, free.
Carlene (08:32):
Your mind was not salt and pepper, no, no, I'm even
older than you no, I don't knowwhy that, why I thought that was
no, vogue yeah and Vogue right.
Oh my gosh, I love thereferences to music.
I watched one of your videosthat you created for us to
(08:54):
manifest things you know for thenew year and I love that you
reference the Backstreet Boys inthat video.
Keren Eldad (09:02):
Yeah, I mean, you know, what's really sad for me
is all my references are frombefore the year 2000.
Like that's how super sad andold I am.
But many people in my defenselove the Backstreet Boys, so
they're going to get it Right.
Carlene (09:15):
Yeah, I love the Backstreet Boys.
I finally got to see thembefore COVID happened and I was
a great show.
Oh yeah, I would definitely gosee them again and it was a
great reference.
And I think a lot of peopledon't understand what
manifesting means.
But getting back to what you'resaying in the cage, like your
cage, do you know what I mean?
I think you have to believethat you have to unlock things,
(09:39):
that you have to figure it out,like you're going down the wrong
path, like if you're doing,they say, the definition of
insanity is doing the same thingover and over again and
expecting a different result.
Right and so, and by the way.
Keren Eldad (09:52):
That's the biggest problem with manifesting.
Let's talk about manifestationfor a second.
I'm a huge law of attractionjunkie and I like to say that
you should listen to me becausetechnically, I have gotten
everything I've wanted Knock onwood.
That doesn't mean I'm going tokeep it forever, but that
definitely means that I've gotsomething going on.
I've got some understanding.
The main understanding thathappened to me around that
(10:12):
midlife crisis, around thebecoming of the real self, was
letting go of all the defenses,the hard work, the perfectionism
, the overachieving attitudethat I had.
That was actually blocking mymanifestation.
All of us think if we workreally, really hard, we'll
create great lives.
This is not true.
By the time you're 40, youreally have to know that that's
(10:33):
not true.
That's clearly not true.
With due respect, Jeff Bezos isnot working 10 trillion times
harder than I am.
Clearly he's got something elsegoing on.
So if I can start to bust thatmyth, I can start to bust that
myth.
I can start asking myself well,what does manifest?
What does create themanifestation of my dreams?
And the first thing is mybeliefs.
I have to unlock myself frombeliefs that are actually
(10:56):
antithetical to what I want tomanifest.
If you want.
Let's say that you want amillion dollars.
A lot of people want a milliondollars, right, but you don't
believe that you're worthy of amillion dollars.
You don't believe that you canhave a million dollars.
You only think that having amillion dollars is very, very
hard and it's going to make youwork to the bone and it will
involve selling your soul.
You're never getting it.
(11:17):
Never going to get it, Nevergoing to get it.
I think that was also on Vogue.
Never gonna get it.
Anyway, if you can start tounlock these patterns within
yourself, if you can startunblocking these chains, these
weird covenants you made beforeyou came to real consciousness
about who you are, you willstart to see in your life
(11:38):
absolute miracles.
Carlene (11:39):
Yeah, I think it's all in your mind, though, and
wanting to do that.
I think it's all in your mind,though, and wanting to to do
that.
I think it's like you said,believing in yourself.
I think that's where it allcomes from, because if you don't
believe in yourself, no oneelse will, and I think, like, we
want other people to help usget there, but we have to get
there, right?
That's right and it's not.
Keren Eldad (11:59):
it's not just that no one else will.
Let's again manifestation theuniverse won't.
If you don't believe inyourself, the universe won't
either.
That's it.
It's that simple Cause andeffect.
So you have to dance with theuniverse If you really want to
defy gravity.
You got to get on that broom,you got to believe that that
broom is going to fly.
I'm sorry for continually goingback to Wicked, and if anybody
(12:20):
out there has still not watchedit.
Carlene (12:22):
You got to watch Wicked .
Go see Wicked.
Too great, too great.
So the process how long did ittake you to write the book?
Keren Eldad (12:34):
Oh so this was a nightmare.
I wrote a newsletter about myliterary purgatory no-transcript
.
It took me seven years, therewere at least five iterations of
this book before five draftsand they were just not landing.
And I think I had three or fouragents before actually landing
(12:56):
the agent who got me, the editorwho got me and the publishing
house who made the right offer.
I think a lot of authors willencounter this right Like.
It's a very tough process, butI'm very grateful for that.
I'm grateful that it happenedthis way because, honestly,
Carlene, they weren't all thedrafts before, they weren't the
book that I was supposed tobirth into the world.
(13:18):
They weren't the right servicefor people around the world with
the message I really want toshare with the world.
This one is.
So I'm kind of glad that I gotbeat up a little bit because it
made the work better and, youknow, I think a lot of us can
look back at all of our livesthat way, right, Like, instead
of thinking I can't believe thatcrap took so long and happened
(13:39):
so badly and instead think itreally made this cake a lot more
delicious.
Carlene (13:44):
Yeah, I think.
What did she say?
I forgot the actress's name,but she's like there's no
elevator to success.
Unfortunately, you have to takethe stairs.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah, and so I guess it tookyou seven years to create the
book that you had envisioned,and it's like all the steps that
(14:04):
it got to get there right andlike, yeah, you know.
The one thing I think wehaven't spoken about is like you
in order to get where you are,we have to know where you came
from.
So, like you as a person wheredid you grow up?
What was your?
Keren Eldad (14:20):
well, listen, I'm not a therapy person, so so
coaching is rather different.
I like to say there's noblaming mommy here.
We really want to think whatyour state of mind is now where
you want to go for that, yeah,but I do think that it's helpful
to look back, not in order torelive and not in order to
(14:42):
relitigate, but in order tolearn.
That's the only thing that'svery useful about the past.
I grew up in a very, very nicehome with loving parents.
I won the lottery, in thatsense, in life.
At the same time, I also grewup, like almost everyone else,
in a culture that told me whatwas the right way to live and
what was the not ideal way tolive, and because I'm very sweet
and very pleasing, I chose toconform.
(15:04):
So all my life I did check andcheck and check the right thing,
which I detail in the book.
I went to the right schools.
I married a tall guy which, aswe all know, is the holy high
grail.
I had a job in a corporationand then later an executive
position in a corporation.
I had the big house, all of it,until at 31 or 32, I really
(15:27):
started collapsing in a deepdepression.
I became suicidal, and this iswhen I start asking myself what
is happening Now.
There were a few things thatwere truly happening.
I was in an abusiverelationship because I just
wanted to get married, so muchso that I didn't disappoint my
parents, who believed that itwas very good to be married,
that I married a terrible,terrible person and I was
(15:48):
terrible with finances because Ihad very low self-confidence,
and a whole bunch of other stuffwas really wonky.
But what had truly happened,carlene, was I had pursued a
path that was not my path.
Like so many other people, Ichose to live a life that is
appropriate instead of a lifethat is good, and that's again
why I called it Gilded.
It looked real good from theoutside, nobody could tell that
(16:10):
anything was wrong, but in theinside it was just garbage.
It felt terrible and I wantedout.
So then, luckily, by the timeI'm in my mid thirties, I decide
to take a match and burneverything to the ground not
physically, metaphoricallyspeaking OK, ok, and one by one,
I got divorced.
I actually did lose all mythings in a fire.
(16:31):
I guess the universe has asense of humor.
I moved back to New York fromZurich where I was living.
I rebuilt my career not yetcoaching, but I started to go on
a deep inner journey and then,in time time, I discovered who I
really was and what I trulywanted to do, and here we are
here we are.
Carlene (16:50):
I feel like is there a song that goes with that one?
I don't know.
Yes, there is.
Keren Eldad (16:55):
I've never been to me, or any song by Alanis
Morissette is very appropriatefor my life.
Carlene (17:02):
Oh, alanis Morissette, I love her.
Think about it.
Keren Eldad (17:06):
She has a song for everything she really does.
Carlene (17:09):
Yeah, yeah.
There's a lot of referencesthere.
I can't pinpoint something, but, oh my God, right now I'm
thinking about Thank you,remember, thank you India, yeah,
thank you Clarity.
Oh my gosh, my friend wouldlove you.
He loves Alanis Morissette.
I love, I like her too.
She's great and your story isgreat.
(17:36):
And I think it's importantbecause without your story, like
we don't know who you are, andlike it's important to know the
person behind the message,behind the book and behind the
journey there.
Keren Eldad (17:44):
Yeah, I always say you should like, whenever you're
looking for a teacher, look tosomebody who's who's really been
through it.
I don't think that peoplewho've really been through it
can teach.
But I've really been through itand I think also, unfortunately
, my story is pretty common.
I think a lot of us get trappedin a life that we thought we
were making conscious choices inbut we were not making
(18:05):
conscious choices in and then weend up waking up at 45 going
the fuck am I doing here?
And that's that's usually avery positive moment.
It just doesn't feel very goodin the moment.
Carlene (18:14):
Yeah, or like you're just going through the motions
and like thinking, and then wheneverything just stops right
Cause like listening to youmakes me think of like my year
for like 10 years, like I wasworking not 10 years, sorry, 10
months, I was working a job andit slowly started to like the
job was toxic and it started toaffect my whole like mentality,
(18:39):
everything.
And you don't realize it untillike everything, like you said,
crash and burn.
Keren Eldad (18:44):
Literally like and that's why I say trauma is very
useful, because most of us won'tmove until something terrible
happens, Like you just said.
You're sitting there in a toxicenvironment for 10 months, not
having the thought I feel like Ishould leave, but then
something traumatic happens andyou go.
Okay, I have to leave.
This is actually a good thing.
Carlene (19:03):
Yeah, yeah, no, it is a good thing it is.
It took me a while, like youalways go through those emotions
in life.
You're like upset at yourself,like you said the whole high
achiever and what your storyjust makes me think of like just
various periods in our liveswhere we have that moment where
we're like, okay, I have tochange my path Right and like
(19:25):
rethink everything Right and it,yeah, I think everything Right.
Keren Eldad (19:27):
And it's a wonderful time to do so.
The last chapter of my book Ithink it's the last chapter is
called Pray for a Shitstorm.
And many people are like do youwish trauma upon me?
No, but I am telling you thatwhen it comes to your door, you
really should start thinkingthere's a reason this is
happening.
And if you can think that way,and if you can even think it
isn't happening to me, this ishappening for me, you are on the
(19:49):
verge of glory.
Yeah, it's what set my lifefree.
It really is.
Carlene (19:54):
I'll set your life free .
It's like that song, nellyFurtado, I'm like a bird, I'm
like a bird on a highway.
Keren Eldad (20:03):
I don't know where my soul is.
Okay, that's another very oldreference.
Carlene (20:10):
You know what Whoever's listening will get the
references.
Keren Eldad (20:14):
I really hope so, Because if there's like a Gen Z
listening test, they're gonna belike these are sad old people
Okay well, make up more.
Carlene (20:24):
Well, I hope I can think of a retro like something
more.
I have a really good one, the.
Keren Eldad (20:29):
Biebs.
Justin Bieber, who, as you know, is my best friend, wrote a
great song that actually startedme thinking about this angle
for the book.
I swear he really inspired it.
It's called Lonely.
He produced it with BennyBlanco and it goes what if you
had it all with nobody to call?
Maybe then you'd know me, and Iliterally thought about how
(20:49):
many of my clients look likethey have everything, look like
they have it figured out, butthey're actually alone.
They're actually lying abouthow good things are.
They're lying to themselvesabout how good things are.
They're not sleeping properly,they're trying to maintain
appearances, they're in jobsthat are not the right ones for
them or careers that are notright for them.
(21:09):
They're in situations thatthey've chewed all of the flavor
out of.
Then what Then?
What Then?
Who do you talk to?
That's why I created at leastthe book, if not coaching, so
that you understand you're notalone.
There's a lot of people goingthrough this and we can help.
Yeah.
Carlene (21:27):
And then you know if they're like your clients, like
they're in the wrong job,they're in like how do you help
them start over?
Or the change.
You know what I mean.
That's the hardest thing is tochange.
It is yeah.
No, you know what I mean.
That's not the hardest thing atall.
That's not the hardest thing atall.
Keren Eldad (21:43):
And, by the way, it can also be the wrong marriage
and it can be both, which iseven harder.
What's really the hardest partis admitting that you have a
problem.
It's not the actual change.
The actual change is bupkiscompared to admitting that you
have a problem.
One of the best books I've readin the last 10 years is called
12 Steps, 12 Traditions, andit's the book that helps people
in Alcoholics Anonymous.
(22:04):
I like to say that Gilded isthe book I wrote for Workaholics
Anonymous, another type ofaddiction, and it's also a
couple of steps to break free.
But the first step is identicalto the Alcoholics Anonymous one
, and it's step one admit thatyou have a problem.
Most addicts, most people whohave been in a toxic workplace
for 10 months and have justgotten used to how bad things
(22:24):
are, don't see it as bad anymore, and you know that happened to
you too, right, like there weremoments where you're like I can
handle this, I can deal withthis.
All addicts do the same thing.
If you talk to an alcoholic,they say I can control my
drinking, I've got this, I havethis under control.
And most people think they havetheir life under control too.
They're like listen, I thinkthis is an ideal.
But who has an ideal careersituation, who has an ideal
(22:48):
marriage?
This is fine.
I can live with this.
They're making a bargain withGod to buy themselves some time,
but what they're really doingis lying.
They're lying to themselves andthey're lying to other people.
And that's why I say somethingunbeknownst to you and under no
control of yours will intervene.
There will be trauma andsomething will break this.
(23:08):
Hopefully, instead of that,you'll just choose to go into
coaching and say, karen, I don'tknow what to do, can you help
me?
And then I can help you.
And, by the way, the solutionis not necessarily divorce or
change the career.
I like to say different places,different faces, but unless you
change, nothing really will.
You'll just manifest differentcircumstances.
(23:30):
The coaching work is not aboutchanging your circumstances.
It's about changing you from apeople-pleasing, compromised
perfectionist who is workingagainst themselves to a person
who is genuinely free.
Carlene (23:43):
People-pleasing.
That is definitely somethingthat I think a lot of people can
identify with.
I'm one of them especially ifyou don't Recovering people
right here.
Right, Because it just you'rejust like OK, if I just agree,
just do what they want, thenthere's less argument, less
(24:03):
controversy.
I don't want to start anythingrustling.
Keren Eldad (24:07):
Yeah, yeah.
And that's also why youcontinue to lie, because, think
about it, if you have toconfront the fact that your
marriage is broken, you have togo through a whole fight and
maybe a divorce, and I mean,nobody wants that level of
discomfort, right?
So you just go, it's fine.
It's fine.
It's just fine.
It doesn't matter that wehaven't had sex in seven years,
(24:32):
it's fine.
This is not fine.
This is not no, this is notfine.
And so that's what I'm what I'mtrying to say and what I tried
to say in my last season of thepodcast.
My podcast is called coached isit's not OK, and you shouldn't
live like this.
You deserve to be happy, youdeserve to feel good, your life
should feel good to you, and Ireally hope that.
Maybe not everybody will hearthat, maybe not everybody will
believe that, but some peoplewill and they'll make a decision
, like I did, that will changetheir life.
Carlene (24:53):
Those are some powerful words, miss Eldad.
I feel it, I feel the energycoming from that.
It's very profound in that way,and so my book comes out this
month in just two weeks.
Oh, that's why.
That's why when I go on thesite, it says pre-order,
(25:14):
pre-order.
That's right, pre-order, OK.
So two weeks Wow, this isexciting, exciting.
I mean 2025,.
You're starting things on ahigh note here, how much higher
can you go?
I really don't know.
It's January Right now.
It's January.
So, I don't know, I reallydon't know.
Keren Eldad (25:33):
But I'll tell you what I've learned.
That, just like because you andI were talking about the
wildfires in LA today, rightbefore we went on.
I think what I've learned isnot to think that this is going
to be a good year or a bad year,just to understand that, no
matter what happens, I'm ready.
That's literally.
The only thing that we can dois I'm okay and I will be ready,
and so the universe can do itsthing.
Carlene (25:56):
It certainly can.
We just don't know.
It's like one day at a time.
That's all we do yeah, wereally never know.
Yeah, yeah, that's crazy whenyou think about it.
Yeah, how this year?
Keren Eldad (26:09):
I mean, we probably have, god willing, at least 40
good more years, and that's whyI really want everybody to think
about what I just said, whichis why would you just have an OK
life if you can have afantastic one?
We only get one shot around,and I think we don't think about
it enough.
We don't think enough about,like, how important it is to
really have a good time.
Carlene (26:30):
Oh my gosh, you just said the words.
Do you want me to sing thatsong?
Keren Eldad (26:33):
Let's do it.
Carlene (26:34):
OK, are we thinking the same thing?
I don't think we are.
No, I'm thinking about an oldie.
Ok, we're here, for I think I'mgoing to mess up the words here
for a good time, not a longtime.
So have a good time.
The sun can shine every day.
What?
Keren Eldad (26:54):
were you thinking?
What were you thinking?
I was thinking about Kool andthe Gang's celebration.
Celebrate good times.
Come on, anybody who islistening to this.
We really are having a seriousconversation.
Carlene (27:06):
We just happen to be lacing it, peppering it with
songs of the 80s and 90s oh mygosh, karen, I love you ever
since you told me you love Tina,tina Turner, years ago, I was
just like she loves music too.
It's amazing.
The journey right.
And so in two weeks, what areyour plans for the book launch?
(27:30):
Tell me about that.
Keren Eldad (27:31):
It's going to be big.
It's a lot.
So, pivoting back to business,yeah, and that's another thing
that happens when you turn 40,you start getting real serious
and you stop worrying aboutother people underestimating you
because you're 40, bitch, soget out of my way.
We have a real plan in place.
We have a lot of publicitygoing on at the moment.
We have all the social mediaetc.
(27:52):
Campaign, but I'm going on abook tour that is going to be in
like three or four differentcities every month for the next
six months.
Wish me luck.
I hope all of them show up,have a good time and buy some
books.
Carlene (28:06):
Amen, amen Sounds good.
I'm happy for you.
Keren Eldad (28:10):
Thank you.
Carlene (28:10):
Okay, so we didn't talk about where you are, so I'm
here in Toronto, canada, andKaren is.
Yeah, I'm freezing my butt off.
It's super cold Minus 17, withthe wind chill.
I'll send you a copy of Gildedto warm your heart.
Thank you, thank you, I'mlooking forward to that.
Thank you, I appreciate it soTexas.
Keren Eldad (28:35):
Yeah, I'm in Austin , Texas.
Actually, I said to you beforethis happens to be the coldest
day in history of the Texas, butit's still not freezing, we're
fine.
Carlene (28:45):
Yeah, you can go outside and you can still feel
your face.
Keren Eldad (28:48):
Yeah, you can I mean you can go outside in a
light jacket and you'll still beabsolutely fine.
You know what I mean.
So yeah, but that's that's oneof the things that I like.
It's the temperature isrelatively mild here, unless
you're here in August, in whichyou literally feel like you're
on the sun.
Everything in life is a bit ofa trade off, and this one's mine
literally feel like you're onthe sun.
Carlene (29:07):
Everything in life is a bit of a trade off, and this
one's mine, yeah.
So, speaking of business andyour career and the fact that
you're a coach and you helpthose who are high achievers,
when you say that, are wetalking about the athletes of
the world, the entrepreneurs,like?
When you say high achievers,what do you exactly?
Keren Eldad (29:31):
Well, yes, we do mean athletes and we talk about
entrepreneurs and there are alot of founders in my programs
but what I really mean is peoplewho are intensely wired.
They like to get shit done,they're fast paced, they're
decisive and they're slightlyobsessive.
And you know who you are.
You know who you are.
Some people are obsessive aboutgrowing tulips.
I don't particularly care whatyou're obsessive about, but you
are wired to do work.
You really really like to dowork and you can overwork.
(29:51):
Those people usually have thesymptoms or the issues that I
deal with anxiety, overwhelm,perfectionism, of course,
beating yourself up very, veryhigh standards, punishingly high
standards, relentless pursuitof more.
It's never enough, it's neverenough.
So that's always what we'retrying to mitigate, because,
believe it or not, thosetendencies are not working for
(30:12):
them.
It's actually ruining theirsuccess.
It's hindering the amount ofsuccess they can have.
Once we help them to relaxtheir beliefs and relax these
tendencies, they become way moresuccessful and relaxed too.
So it's a real nice doublemammy.
I hope that that's what youfind in the next decade.
I hope that in your forties yousay I'm not only going to be
(30:33):
more successful, I'm also goingto be more relaxed.
That's, I think the way itshould be.
Carlene (30:36):
Yeah, overwhelm anxiety , that is.
I think a lot of us deal withthat.
And like those breathingexercises oh do I do those a lot
you know, like when you reallywant to say like, yeah, it
really is helpful, but you know,so important, yeah, so
important.
Keren Eldad (30:53):
It's so important to meditate.
Carlene (30:54):
Oh yeah, you know what I realized?
Like a lot of things go hand inhand, like meditation and
routine, and like determination,like drive, like people who are
successful.
I have to ask you because Imean, you obviously made a plan,
you stuck to it and you arehere now and you've written this
(31:15):
beautiful book right.
Lots shiny cover, like thatshiny cover that we have on
Instagram.
Our life looks so perfect, butit's really not.
So what do you believe it is tobe successful?
How are you?
How is Karen successful?
How so?
Keren Eldad (31:32):
I believe it.
I believe that success is aboutbeing able to sleep at night
with your soul at peace.
That is what real success feelslike.
Success for most people has todo with achievement.
You talked about habits before,but the most important habits
are the habits of peace, thehabits of ease, the habits of
relaxation, and the reason whythey all go hand in hand with
each other meditation, breathing, morning discipline, morning
(31:54):
routines right, they're very,very common to overachievers is
because they tend to be knownwhat's known as cornerstone
habits.
Cornerstone habits are a habitthat affects every other habit
in your life.
For example, in studiespublished in a really wonderful
book called the Power of Habitby Charles Duhigg, he found that
people who give up sugar sugarCarleen tend to actually also
(32:18):
become much better at budgeting.
Even their budget is affected,and that's because they're
watching one thing and then theybecome more mindful, naturally,
of other things.
It's exactly the same when westart to take time in the
morning to breathe, to meditate,instead of reaching for our
phone.
The next thing we do is alsomore mindful, and the next thing
we do is also more mindful.
Everything trickles down.
(32:39):
These become, and the nextthing we do is also more mindful
, Everything trickles down.
These become cornerstone habitsand, as a result, it's no
coincidence that I've had thissuccess.
I don't think it's just luck.
I do think it's some luck.
Of course, luck is part of life, but I also think it's habits.
It's just really really solidhabits and really being mindful
of staying in a positive, asmuch as possible mind space.
Carlene (33:01):
So for those who don't know what mindful is, want to
care to elaborate.
Yes, I'd love to.
I'd love to.
Keren Eldad (33:08):
Mindfulness is what changed my life.
The act of mindfulness, allmindfulness exercises are aimed
at one thing, and they're aimedat turning your about to have a
reactive response to somethinginto a response that is measured
and thoughtful.
That's why it's called mindful,not like the cool TikToker
mindful demure.
That's not what it means.
(33:29):
It means turning an about tohave an aggressive reaction into
a mindful response.
The way to do this is by Aaddressing a challenge by doing
are you ready for it?
Nothing.
B taking 17 seconds of absolutenothing to literally think
through what you're about to do.
And I'd like to offer youraudience three steps in those 17
(33:51):
seconds.
Number one ask yourself is theway I'm about to react a bigger
problem than the problem itself?
Spoiler alert it's always worsethe way you're about to react.
If you're about to land onsomebody.
It's always worse.
The way you're about to reactif you're about to land on
somebody.
It's way worse than whateverthey did to you.
Number two is there any otherway?
I can see this.
Anybody applying a tiny iota ofthought will immediately
(34:12):
realize that every situationthat looks bad to you can be
seen in seven different, atleast most cases, for example,
short of grief.
And number three.
If you can get through questiontwo, start asking yourself
what's the opportunity here?
What's the opportunity?
And that's how you turn thingsfrom happening to me, which will
make me move into attack mode,to happening for me, which will
(34:32):
have me dancing with theuniverse and manifesting what I
really want.
I hope that's helpful.
That's that's called the pauseprinciple.
I teach it.
It's in my book Gilded.
I literally ask people to startto practice this all day, every
day.
Carlene (34:45):
Wow, yeah, you know what the first thing you
mentioned is like thinking aboutit, because we often don't.
When you actually react in themoment, that's when you regret
it after you're like maybe, yeah, sometimes, whenever I used to,
when I was dating people and Itexted them immediately.
Keren Eldad (35:05):
I almost always regretted it, like, literally,
ask yourself to take some timealways, especially if you're
about, especially if you'reangry, if you're angry like, one
of the things that used to pissme off the most was people said
sleep on it.
No, I want to resolve it.
Now I have learned that sleepon it is the best advice you can
give anyone.
Literally, give yourself amoment.
The way you're about to respondis usually volatile and not
(35:26):
conducive to what you want.
Relax, think about it and thenrespond.
It's called being a grownup.
You're going to love it.
Carlene (35:33):
I don't want to grow up , I'm just kidding.
I'm kidding, it's too late forus.
I can't go back to Neverland,no no, it's too late for us.
Keren Eldad (35:44):
And here's the best part.
The best part is when you startentering perimenopause and
suddenly your body's like you'reold now and there's nothing you
can do.
Carlene (35:51):
Yeah, it's the way, it's the way of life there's.
There's just a yeah, it's theway of the world.
Yeah, we're just understandingeach other.
So, as someone who is enteringinto the new year, what advice
do you have for someone who is40 and they're going through,
(36:13):
you know, the changes of life?
I mean, we're talking about themilestone, right, and I love it
.
Keren Eldad (36:18):
I love this question.
So here's what I recommendabsolutely anyone who's entering
the middle of the years.
Number one take your mindsetand your life and your life
depends on your mindset Very,very serious.
Invest super heavily in yourmindset.
That's something that I onlystarted to do when I was 38,
investing in coaching, readingthe self-help books, the
development books, listening topodcasts like these.
(36:39):
It's changed everything for me.
It's a return on investmentlike you would not believe and
it's the most important thing Ican do.
And the second thing that Iwould say about anybody entering
their 40s is start to mind yourcommunity and your vibe around
you.
We really do become the peoplewe hang out with, and at 40 is a
really good time to startchecking your environment and
(37:01):
seeing if it's still the rightenvironment for you.
If you really want to level up,if you really want to become
rich, if you really want tobecome successful, if you really
want to become happily married,the people around you should be
happily married, should besuccessful, should be rich.
It's very simple we really dobecome what we see too.
So don't just invest in yourmindset.
Also curate your company.
(37:22):
Be very diligent with yourcompany.
Yeah, there's a saying thatgoes with that, but I can't
think of it at this moment.
Most of us become the averagesum of our top five friends, and
that is so, so true, so true.
Carlene (37:37):
Yeah, you know what?
I think it's a lot of change,right?
You know, like when you'relooking at yourself and your
life and the people that yousurround yourself with, because
it's like if you've known peoplefor a very long time, it's hard
to let those people go, likeyour friends or your family too,
and making those toughdecisions, you know, is hard
(37:59):
yeah.
Keren Eldad (37:59):
Fortunately, and you want different results,
you're going to have tounderstand that.
I started to plug intoentrepreneur organizations, for
example, because I wanted to bearound other people who are
really interested in buildingthis, and that's not just so
that I could be around peopleunderstood me but so I could
level up.
It's been very, very useful.
When I wanted to get marriedand to be very happily married,
I started hanging out withhappily married people.
(38:20):
I had a really nice examplearound me all the time and, as a
result, you also become happy.
Carlene (38:25):
It's just the way we are.
How are those like?
What did you learn from thosehappily married people?
Keren Eldad (38:31):
I learned that a happy marriage is possible.
That was really important forme as someone who'd been in an
abusive relationship and hadseen a lot of miserable
relationships and single peoplearound me.
It was really nice to see thatsome people genuinely like their
spouse, genuinely enjoy beingmarried, can really do something
glorious.
And the second thing that Ilearned was how to communicate
(38:51):
how to communicate well, whatreally good communication looks.
And here we are, here we are.
We really do learn these things.
We learn these habits.
You watch how they think, youwatch how they speak and, as a
result, you start to identifywhat to do and what is right,
what works.
Carlene (39:09):
Yeah, communication.
I feel like you're veryarticulate, like you know what's
coming next, what to say next.
So is it come with practice?
Because I read somewhere thatyou know being a good
communicator also has to do withreading a lot as well, do you
think?
Do you think, but no?
Keren Eldad (39:27):
Okay, I think what really makes you a good
communicator is knowing yourshit.
I've seen a lot of people whoare very, very good at seeing
very talented writers even, butthey actually don't know the
material very well, so it's veryhard for them to answer real
questions.
They're not listening first ofall for your real question and
they're not as and they're notable to really give you a
coherent answer.
I just really know the materialvery well and, in this
(39:49):
particular case, can't do it.
If, however, you decided totalk to me about stuff I don't
care about, like dogs or, rightnow, us politics, I wouldn't be
so articulate and I wouldn't bethat interested in having the
conversation.
Does that make sense?
Carlene (40:04):
Yes, it does make sense .
You know experience.
It's its own teacher, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Keren Eldad (40:10):
It's always about interest and fluency in the
material.
That's, I think, what makespeople truly articulate.
Carlene (40:17):
On a last note, what would you like to share with
someone who's listening?
What do you think is importantfor 2025?
What are your?
Keren Eldad (40:27):
Well, here's what I'd love to share with for
anybody who had a tough year in2024.
And that's what why 2025 is soimportant to them.
For many of us, 2024 was atough year, was a year of great
uncertainty, was a year in whichmany patterns in the world were
starting to seem to us to beunfair and more difficult than
usual.
And for those of us who aremaking the transition into our
(40:49):
40s, there's a lot ofuncertainty ahead.
My message to those people isthis year and the decade ahead
will be as good as you make it.
Make the decision.
Make the decision to raise yourstandards, make the decision
that this will be better thanbefore, and then follow it up
with action, any action ReadingGilded, listening to more
(41:11):
podcasts like these, making thedecision to sign up for a
coaching program, doubling downon your dreams in any other way,
leveling up your skills.
And it will be.
It will be a great, great year.
My parents always say there areyears that ask questions and
there are years that answer.
I think that 2024 was a yearthat asked questions, and I
(41:32):
believe that 2025 will have theanswer.
So let's go in, and let's go inwith that spirit.
Carlene (41:37):
I love it.
Oh my gosh, bless your parents.
Wow, that's a beautiful quote.
Like I love that.
That's amazing.
Thank you, karen, for sharingyour insight, and you know just
your experience.
And the book Gilded comes outJanuary 21st 2025.
I'm excited.
Keren Eldad (42:05):
I'm sure Justin Bieber will be releasing his
Gilded track soon.
Carlene (42:06):
I hope he does.
I really do.
I'm a.
Bieber right.
Keren Eldad (42:11):
Wouldn't that be crazy, are you like?
Carlene (42:12):
writing it out I'm a.
Keren Eldad (42:14):
Belieber yes.
Carlene (42:16):
I am too.
I'm fully admitting it, eventhough it's been a secret, like
my friend knows.
But you know I'm a believer, Itotally am.
Yeah, so your social media.
Keren Eldad (42:29):
And Karen is spelled with two E's, as you
know.
So at Coach, karen is the bestway to follow us, the best way
to reach us, and the podcast weposted there it's called Coached
Podcast.
We posted there, it's calledCoached, and if anybody would
like to schedule a clarity callor learn more about me, it's
Karen Eldad dot com, which isK-E-R-E-N-E-L-D dot A-D dot com.
Even if you're in Toronto andeven if you're freezing your ass
(42:50):
off right now.
Carlene (42:53):
That's right, I'm Carlene, and this is Diva
Tonight with the lovely KarenEldad Yay, thank you so much,
thank you.
This is Diva Tonight with thelovely Karen Alden Yay, thank
you so much, thank you, thankyou for sharing Diva Tonight
with Carlene will be back.
Send us a message on Instagramat diva underscore tonight.
diva tonight a series turning 40, new
season, new ideas and greatguests hi, I'm carlene and this
is diva tonight.
Carlene (00:18):
I'm excited to have with me on zoom karen eldad, and
she is a coach and now anauthor, right Added to her
resume.
She's a TED speaker, and youknow what A little aside, we are
talking about 40, becausethat's the series that we're
(00:41):
talking about.
But just tell me more aboutthis exciting new book, like how
did it come about?
Keren Eldad (00:48):
Well, you know that I'm like the midlife crisis
queen.
My last TED talk was called whyyou Should Pray for a Midlife
Crisis.
The themes of Gilded mimic thethemes of the midlife crisis, so
we're still talking about 40.
And the subline of the bookGilded is breaking free from the
cage of ambition, perfectionismand the relentless pursuit of
the book Gilded is breaking freefrom the cage of ambition,
perfectionism and the relentlesspursuit of more.
(01:09):
What happens to us after the ageof 40, I like to think, is like
adolescence.
And I'm not the first person tothink about this, by the way,
carl Jung was way ahead of me.
But it's sort of likeadolescence in the sense that
when, in adolescence, we becomephysically large enough to stand
up to our parents, in our 40swe become metaphorically large
enough to stand up to life.
And this is when you actuallystart asking big questions like
(01:30):
why am I relentlessly pursuingmore?
Do I actually need to do thingsthis way?
Does everything need to beperfect?
We really start to challengethe beliefs that we've had that
have hindered us thus far.
So I'm super excited to talk toyou about dropping all that
behind and moving into an eralike no other.
Carlene (01:47):
A golden age, if you will, I like it.
The golden age, the golden era,so many things with that.
So what does 40 mean to you?
Like?
When you turn 40, did you feellike, oh my gosh, I'm going
through a midlife crisis?
Or, oh, I'm embracing it?
Keren Eldad (02:05):
I actually was already past the first crisis,
so I was fine.
Like it hit me in my late 30sand then it's kind of a rolling
thing.
It'll come back in differentiterations, you'll see.
Anyway, you're up for a lot offun stuff in your 40s.
But what 40 means to me isauthenticity and really
beginning to be much more of whoyou really truly are, because
(02:29):
you stopped giving a tiny rat'sass about everyone else's
opinion of what you should be.
And this only gets better withage, technically speaking,
especially if you're willing todo the inner work to really
break free and start honoringyour worth and your preferences,
it just becomes clearer to you.
(02:51):
That's what 40 means to me.
I feel like until I turned 40,and especially since I had the
crisis where I was like doingwhat everybody else does right,
which is I haven't achieved whatI wanted to achieve and I'm
definitely not where I want tobe.
This is where you can start tostart to have meltdowns and
freak out and also startbecoming essentially more
confronted by your own mortalityand freak out and also start
becoming essentially moreconfronted by your own mortality
.
Once I passed that hurdle, Istarted to really think in
different terms Instead ofthinking, wow, I guess I'm not
going to be here forever.
(03:12):
I thought, wow, I'm not goingto be here forever, I'm going to
have some fun.
I'm going to really enjoy this.
I'm going to make the most ofthis.
It wasn't scary, it wasreverential.
You see the difference itwasn't scary, it was reverential
.
Carlene (03:26):
You see the difference?
Yeah, I do, I do for sure.
I feel like it's kind of likeyou're in your own comfort zone
now and you're accepting who youare, and that's when things
start to come to you, like Ithink even at 39, I started to
finally understand, and I thinkwe get clarity in different
stages in our lives.
Understand, and I think we getclarity in different stages in
(03:47):
our life.
Some people, like, already knowwhat their gift is or what
their passion is.
And I'm sure for you, likeyou've been an entrepreneur now
for eight years, as you statedright, and so was, I mean, the
book itself.
Was that a goal too?
Was that something that?
Keren Eldad (04:05):
no, it was something I always wanted to do,
of course, but to drive thebusiness, but it only came to be
when I had a real message.
I really wanted to createsomething that was to serve my
clients.
It wasn't about goal, it wasabout service.
I think very few people,carlene, are like Justin Bieber,
where they know when they're 12, what their mission in life is,
what their purpose is.
I think most of us come into itin our 40s and I'm pretty sure
(04:27):
data backs me up, even though Idon't have any research off the
top of my head.
But the reason is because,until we're in our 40s, we
really are climbing a ladder.
We really are doing what'sexpected of us, whether we see
it or not.
(04:47):
We're trying to line up withwhat society wants for us, what
our parents wanted for us, whatwe've learned from our culture
around us.
At the age of 40, around the ageof 40, for most people, the
midlife crisis, by the way, is35 to 55, academically speaking.
I know a lot of people werelike, oh my God, demi Moore is
like such a great representationof midlife.
She's 62.
So, unless she expects to liveto be 124, not technically
midlife, be 124, not technicallymidlife.
(05:07):
The midlife crisis for most ofus is really when we start to
challenge all of what got ushere, because we don't want to
take it with us anymore and weunderstand that where we really
want to go, this will not standanymore and, unfortunately, the
only way to get out of it is tobreak everything, and that's why
it's called a crisis.
It's literally the death of anidentity, so that a new identity
, a more authentic identity, canemerge.
(05:29):
Are you already starting tofeel that?
Carlene (05:31):
Yeah, it's like it's a lot.
You know what I mean.
It's like, yeah, you've said alot and so in my mind, I think a
lot of things are clear to youwhen you start doing work on
yourself, like I mean, we'realways working on ourselves, but
I think, when I started doingmindfulness practice and
(05:53):
meditation, that you know you're, you're accepting of, like your
mistakes and who you are andtrying to break free of, like
that negative self-talk and Ithink a lot of us do that.
You know what I mean.
Keren Eldad (06:07):
Yes, and that's exactly it.
That's why this is souncomfortable.
That inner work that you'redescribing, which I hope you're
tempting everyone with, is hard.
I love that my cover of my bookis so glamorous and beautiful
and I hope that a lot of peoplereach for it because it's
gorgeous.
But the work itself is hard.
It is not light, it is hard andit's worth it too.
(06:27):
It's January 2025.
So I still have wicked fever,even though I've watched it
three times since it launched inNovember, and I keep thinking
about how many of us resonatewith the idea of defying gravity
.
But in order to really breakfree and rise into who we're
supposed to be, rise into ourmission in life, be our most
(06:47):
authentic self, like Elphabadoes in Wicked, you have to
break some stuff up.
You have to really have courage.
You have to go really deep.
You have to start challengingall that negative self-talk and,
in order to find true love foryourself, start asking yourself
whether it's true.
That's what the book hopes tohelp people do, to really give
(07:07):
them practical ways to do thisand also to line your path with
strategy that will allow you todo something after you've
shattered those demons, so thatthe rest of your life can be the
best of your life.
Does that make sense?
Carlene (07:22):
Yeah, it makes sense.
So the book title Gilded why?
Why did you name your book thatI know?
Keren Eldad (07:31):
Yeah, you know what Gilded means.
Gilded means covered in gold,not real gold, and the reason is
I wanted people to see thateverything in their life that
looks so perfect and polishedand shiny is actual garbage, and
they usually know it.
My subtitle was going to be whyyour life doesn't feel as good
as it looks on Instagram, and Ithink that sort of says it all,
(07:51):
and that's also why the coverimage is a gilded cage.
You know, we we essentially aretrying to convey with this book
that you are trapped in a cageof your own making and you've
locked it from the inside, andit is my hope that everybody who
starts to truly wish for a lifethat feels good to them, for
results that actually go thedistance, understand that the
(08:14):
first thing they need to do isunlock themselves.
Free their mind, so the restcan follow.
Free your mind and the restwill follow and that's uh salt
and pepper I don't know, I don'tthink it was actually wait a
minute.
No, that's not salt and pepper,no, free, free.
Carlene (08:32):
Your mind was not salt and pepper, no, no, I'm even
older than you no, I don't knowwhy that, why I thought that was
no, vogue yeah and Vogue right.
Oh my gosh, I love thereferences to music.
I watched one of your videosthat you created for us to
(08:54):
manifest things you know for thenew year and I love that you
reference the Backstreet Boys inthat video.
Keren Eldad (09:02):
Yeah, I mean, you know, what's really sad for me
is all my references are frombefore the year 2000.
Like that's how super sad andold I am.
But many people in my defenselove the Backstreet Boys, so
they're going to get it Right.
Carlene (09:15):
Yeah, I love the Backstreet Boys.
I finally got to see thembefore COVID happened and I was
a great show.
Oh yeah, I would definitely gosee them again and it was a
great reference.
And I think a lot of peopledon't understand what
manifesting means.
But getting back to what you'resaying in the cage, like your
cage, do you know what I mean?
I think you have to believethat you have to unlock things,
(09:39):
that you have to figure it out,like you're going down the wrong
path, like if you're doing,they say, the definition of
insanity is doing the same thingover and over again and
expecting a different result.
Right and so, and by the way.
Keren Eldad (09:52):
That's the biggest problem with manifesting.
Let's talk about manifestationfor a second.
I'm a huge law of attractionjunkie and I like to say that
you should listen to me becausetechnically, I have gotten
everything I've wanted Knock onwood.
That doesn't mean I'm going tokeep it forever, but that
definitely means that I've gotsomething going on.
I've got some understanding.
The main understanding thathappened to me around that
(10:12):
midlife crisis, around thebecoming of the real self, was
letting go of all the defenses,the hard work, the perfectionism
, the overachieving attitudethat I had.
That was actually blocking mymanifestation.
All of us think if we workreally, really hard, we'll
create great lives.
This is not true.
By the time you're 40, youreally have to know that that's
(10:33):
not true.
That's clearly not true.
With due respect, Jeff Bezos isnot working 10 trillion times
harder than I am.
Clearly he's got something elsegoing on.
So if I can start to bust thatmyth, I can start to bust that
myth.
I can start asking myself well,what does manifest?
What does create themanifestation of my dreams?
And the first thing is mybeliefs.
I have to unlock myself frombeliefs that are actually
(10:56):
antithetical to what I want tomanifest.
If you want.
Let's say that you want amillion dollars.
A lot of people want a milliondollars, right, but you don't
believe that you're worthy of amillion dollars.
You don't believe that you canhave a million dollars.
You only think that having amillion dollars is very, very
hard and it's going to make youwork to the bone and it will
involve selling your soul.
You're never getting it.
(11:17):
Never going to get it, Nevergoing to get it.
I think that was also on Vogue.
Never gonna get it.
Anyway, if you can start tounlock these patterns within
yourself, if you can startunblocking these chains, these
weird covenants you made beforeyou came to real consciousness
about who you are, you willstart to see in your life
(11:38):
absolute miracles.
Carlene (11:39):
Yeah, I think it's all in your mind, though, and
wanting to do that.
I think it's all in your mind,though, and wanting to to do
that.
I think it's like you said,believing in yourself.
I think that's where it allcomes from, because if you don't
believe in yourself, no oneelse will, and I think, like, we
want other people to help usget there, but we have to get
there, right?
That's right and it's not.
Keren Eldad (11:59):
it's not just that no one else will.
Let's again manifestation theuniverse won't.
If you don't believe inyourself, the universe won't
either.
That's it.
It's that simple Cause andeffect.
So you have to dance with theuniverse If you really want to
defy gravity.
You got to get on that broom,you got to believe that that
broom is going to fly.
I'm sorry for continually goingback to Wicked, and if anybody
(12:20):
out there has still not watchedit.
Carlene (12:22):
You got to watch Wicked .
Go see Wicked.
Too great, too great.
So the process how long did ittake you to write the book?
Keren Eldad (12:34):
Oh so this was a nightmare.
I wrote a newsletter about myliterary purgatory no-transcript
.
It took me seven years, therewere at least five iterations of
this book before five draftsand they were just not landing.
And I think I had three or fouragents before actually landing
(12:56):
the agent who got me, the editorwho got me and the publishing
house who made the right offer.
I think a lot of authors willencounter this right Like.
It's a very tough process, butI'm very grateful for that.
I'm grateful that it happenedthis way because, honestly,
Carlene, they weren't all thedrafts before, they weren't the
book that I was supposed tobirth into the world.
(13:18):
They weren't the right servicefor people around the world with
the message I really want toshare with the world.
This one is.
So I'm kind of glad that I gotbeat up a little bit because it
made the work better and, youknow, I think a lot of us can
look back at all of our livesthat way, right, Like, instead
of thinking I can't believe thatcrap took so long and happened
(13:39):
so badly and instead think itreally made this cake a lot more
delicious.
Carlene (13:44):
Yeah, I think.
What did she say?
I forgot the actress's name,but she's like there's no
elevator to success.
Unfortunately, you have to takethe stairs.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah, and so I guess it tookyou seven years to create the
book that you had envisioned,and it's like all the steps that
(14:04):
it got to get there right andlike, yeah, you know.
The one thing I think wehaven't spoken about is like you
in order to get where you are,we have to know where you came
from.
So, like you as a person wheredid you grow up?
What was your?
Keren Eldad (14:20):
well, listen, I'm not a therapy person, so so
coaching is rather different.
I like to say there's noblaming mommy here.
We really want to think whatyour state of mind is now where
you want to go for that, yeah,but I do think that it's helpful
to look back, not in order torelive and not in order to
(14:42):
relitigate, but in order tolearn.
That's the only thing that'svery useful about the past.
I grew up in a very, very nicehome with loving parents.
I won the lottery, in thatsense, in life.
At the same time, I also grewup, like almost everyone else,
in a culture that told me whatwas the right way to live and
what was the not ideal way tolive, and because I'm very sweet
and very pleasing, I chose toconform.
(15:04):
So all my life I did check andcheck and check the right thing,
which I detail in the book.
I went to the right schools.
I married a tall guy which, aswe all know, is the holy high
grail.
I had a job in a corporationand then later an executive
position in a corporation.
I had the big house, all of it,until at 31 or 32, I really
(15:27):
started collapsing in a deepdepression.
I became suicidal, and this iswhen I start asking myself what
is happening Now.
There were a few things thatwere truly happening.
I was in an abusiverelationship because I just
wanted to get married, so muchso that I didn't disappoint my
parents, who believed that itwas very good to be married,
that I married a terrible,terrible person and I was
(15:48):
terrible with finances because Ihad very low self-confidence,
and a whole bunch of other stuffwas really wonky.
But what had truly happened,carlene, was I had pursued a
path that was not my path.
Like so many other people, Ichose to live a life that is
appropriate instead of a lifethat is good, and that's again
why I called it Gilded.
It looked real good from theoutside, nobody could tell that
(16:10):
anything was wrong, but in theinside it was just garbage.
It felt terrible and I wantedout.
So then, luckily, by the timeI'm in my mid thirties, I decide
to take a match and burneverything to the ground not
physically, metaphoricallyspeaking OK, ok, and one by one,
I got divorced.
I actually did lose all mythings in a fire.
(16:31):
I guess the universe has asense of humor.
I moved back to New York fromZurich where I was living.
I rebuilt my career not yetcoaching, but I started to go on
a deep inner journey and then,in time time, I discovered who I
really was and what I trulywanted to do, and here we are
here we are.
Carlene (16:50):
I feel like is there a song that goes with that one?
I don't know.
Yes, there is.
Keren Eldad (16:55):
I've never been to me, or any song by Alanis
Morissette is very appropriatefor my life.
Carlene (17:02):
Oh, alanis Morissette, I love her.
Think about it.
Keren Eldad (17:06):
She has a song for everything she really does.
Carlene (17:09):
Yeah, yeah.
There's a lot of referencesthere.
I can't pinpoint something, but, oh my God, right now I'm
thinking about Thank you,remember, thank you India, yeah,
thank you Clarity.
Oh my gosh, my friend wouldlove you.
He loves Alanis Morissette.
I love, I like her too.
She's great and your story isgreat.
(17:36):
And I think it's importantbecause without your story, like
we don't know who you are, andlike it's important to know the
person behind the message,behind the book and behind the
journey there.
Keren Eldad (17:44):
Yeah, I always say you should like, whenever you're
looking for a teacher, look tosomebody who's who's really been
through it.
I don't think that peoplewho've really been through it
can teach.
But I've really been through itand I think also, unfortunately
, my story is pretty common.
I think a lot of us get trappedin a life that we thought we
were making conscious choices inbut we were not making
(18:05):
conscious choices in and then weend up waking up at 45 going
the fuck am I doing here?
And that's that's usually avery positive moment.
It just doesn't feel very goodin the moment.
Carlene (18:14):
Yeah, or like you're just going through the motions
and like thinking, and then wheneverything just stops right
Cause like listening to youmakes me think of like my year
for like 10 years, like I wasworking not 10 years, sorry, 10
months, I was working a job andit slowly started to like the
job was toxic and it started toaffect my whole like mentality,
(18:39):
everything.
And you don't realize it untillike everything, like you said,
crash and burn.
Keren Eldad (18:44):
Literally like and that's why I say trauma is very
useful, because most of us won'tmove until something terrible
happens, Like you just said.
You're sitting there in a toxicenvironment for 10 months, not
having the thought I feel like Ishould leave, but then
something traumatic happens andyou go.
Okay, I have to leave.
This is actually a good thing.
Carlene (19:03):
Yeah, yeah, no, it is a good thing it is.
It took me a while, like youalways go through those emotions
in life.
You're like upset at yourself,like you said the whole high
achiever and what your storyjust makes me think of like just
various periods in our liveswhere we have that moment where
we're like, okay, I have tochange my path Right and like
(19:25):
rethink everything Right and it,yeah, I think everything Right.
Keren Eldad (19:27):
And it's a wonderful time to do so.
The last chapter of my book Ithink it's the last chapter is
called Pray for a Shitstorm.
And many people are like do youwish trauma upon me?
No, but I am telling you thatwhen it comes to your door, you
really should start thinkingthere's a reason this is
happening.
And if you can think that way,and if you can even think it
isn't happening to me, this ishappening for me, you are on the
(19:49):
verge of glory.
Yeah, it's what set my lifefree.
It really is.
Carlene (19:54):
I'll set your life free .
It's like that song, nellyFurtado, I'm like a bird, I'm
like a bird on a highway.
Keren Eldad (20:03):
I don't know where my soul is.
Okay, that's another very oldreference.
Carlene (20:10):
You know what Whoever's listening will get the
references.
Keren Eldad (20:14):
I really hope so, Because if there's like a Gen Z
listening test, they're gonna belike these are sad old people
Okay well, make up more.
Carlene (20:24):
Well, I hope I can think of a retro like something
more.
I have a really good one, the.
Keren Eldad (20:29):
Biebs.
Justin Bieber, who, as you know, is my best friend, wrote a
great song that actually startedme thinking about this angle
for the book.
I swear he really inspired it.
It's called Lonely.
He produced it with BennyBlanco and it goes what if you
had it all with nobody to call?
Maybe then you'd know me, and Iliterally thought about how
(20:49):
many of my clients look likethey have everything, look like
they have it figured out, butthey're actually alone.
They're actually lying abouthow good things are.
They're lying to themselvesabout how good things are.
They're not sleeping properly,they're trying to maintain
appearances, they're in jobsthat are not the right ones for
them or careers that are notright for them.
(21:09):
They're in situations thatthey've chewed all of the flavor
out of.
Then what Then?
What Then?
Who do you talk to?
That's why I created at leastthe book, if not coaching, so
that you understand you're notalone.
There's a lot of people goingthrough this and we can help.
Yeah.
Carlene (21:27):
And then you know if they're like your clients, like
they're in the wrong job,they're in like how do you help
them start over?
Or the change.
You know what I mean.
That's the hardest thing is tochange.
It is yeah.
No, you know what I mean.
That's not the hardest thing atall.
That's not the hardest thing atall.
Keren Eldad (21:43):
And, by the way, it can also be the wrong marriage
and it can be both, which iseven harder.
What's really the hardest partis admitting that you have a
problem.
It's not the actual change.
The actual change is bupkiscompared to admitting that you
have a problem.
One of the best books I've readin the last 10 years is called
12 Steps, 12 Traditions, andit's the book that helps people
in Alcoholics Anonymous.
(22:04):
I like to say that Gilded isthe book I wrote for Workaholics
Anonymous, another type ofaddiction, and it's also a
couple of steps to break free.
But the first step is identicalto the Alcoholics Anonymous one
, and it's step one admit thatyou have a problem.
Most addicts, most people whohave been in a toxic workplace
for 10 months and have justgotten used to how bad things
(22:24):
are, don't see it as bad anymore, and you know that happened to
you too, right, like there weremoments where you're like I can
handle this, I can deal withthis.
All addicts do the same thing.
If you talk to an alcoholic,they say I can control my
drinking, I've got this, I havethis under control.
And most people think they havetheir life under control too.
They're like listen, I thinkthis is an ideal.
But who has an ideal careersituation, who has an ideal
(22:48):
marriage?
This is fine.
I can live with this.
They're making a bargain withGod to buy themselves some time,
but what they're really doingis lying.
They're lying to themselves andthey're lying to other people.
And that's why I say somethingunbeknownst to you and under no
control of yours will intervene.
There will be trauma andsomething will break this.
(23:08):
Hopefully, instead of that,you'll just choose to go into
coaching and say, karen, I don'tknow what to do, can you help
me?
And then I can help you.
And, by the way, the solutionis not necessarily divorce or
change the career.
I like to say different places,different faces, but unless you
change, nothing really will.
You'll just manifest differentcircumstances.
(23:30):
The coaching work is not aboutchanging your circumstances.
It's about changing you from apeople-pleasing, compromised
perfectionist who is workingagainst themselves to a person
who is genuinely free.
Carlene (23:43):
People-pleasing.
That is definitely somethingthat I think a lot of people can
identify with.
I'm one of them especially ifyou don't Recovering people
right here.
Right, Because it just you'rejust like OK, if I just agree,
just do what they want, thenthere's less argument, less
(24:03):
controversy.
I don't want to start anythingrustling.
Keren Eldad (24:07):
Yeah, yeah.
And that's also why youcontinue to lie, because, think
about it, if you have toconfront the fact that your
marriage is broken, you have togo through a whole fight and
maybe a divorce, and I mean,nobody wants that level of
discomfort, right?
So you just go, it's fine.
It's fine.
It's just fine.
It doesn't matter that wehaven't had sex in seven years,
(24:32):
it's fine.
This is not fine.
This is not no, this is notfine.
And so that's what I'm what I'mtrying to say and what I tried
to say in my last season of thepodcast.
My podcast is called coached isit's not OK, and you shouldn't
live like this.
You deserve to be happy, youdeserve to feel good, your life
should feel good to you, and Ireally hope that.
Maybe not everybody will hearthat, maybe not everybody will
believe that, but some peoplewill and they'll make a decision
, like I did, that will changetheir life.
Carlene (24:53):
Those are some powerful words, miss Eldad.
I feel it, I feel the energycoming from that.
It's very profound in that way,and so my book comes out this
month in just two weeks.
Oh, that's why.
That's why when I go on thesite, it says pre-order,
(25:14):
pre-order.
That's right, pre-order, OK.
So two weeks Wow, this isexciting, exciting.
I mean 2025,.
You're starting things on ahigh note here, how much higher
can you go?
I really don't know.
It's January Right now.
It's January.
So, I don't know, I reallydon't know.
Keren Eldad (25:33):
But I'll tell you what I've learned.
That, just like because you andI were talking about the
wildfires in LA today, rightbefore we went on.
I think what I've learned isnot to think that this is going
to be a good year or a bad year,just to understand that, no
matter what happens, I'm ready.
That's literally.
The only thing that we can dois I'm okay and I will be ready,
and so the universe can do itsthing.
Carlene (25:56):
It certainly can.
We just don't know.
It's like one day at a time.
That's all we do yeah, wereally never know.
Yeah, yeah, that's crazy whenyou think about it.
Yeah, how this year?
Keren Eldad (26:09):
I mean, we probably have, god willing, at least 40
good more years, and that's whyI really want everybody to think
about what I just said, whichis why would you just have an OK
life if you can have afantastic one?
We only get one shot around,and I think we don't think about
it enough.
We don't think enough about,like, how important it is to
really have a good time.
Carlene (26:30):
Oh my gosh, you just said the words.
Do you want me to sing thatsong?
Keren Eldad (26:33):
Let's do it.
Carlene (26:34):
OK, are we thinking the same thing?
I don't think we are.
No, I'm thinking about an oldie.
Ok, we're here, for I think I'mgoing to mess up the words here
for a good time, not a longtime.
So have a good time.
The sun can shine every day.
What?
Keren Eldad (26:54):
were you thinking?
What were you thinking?
I was thinking about Kool andthe Gang's celebration.
Celebrate good times.
Come on, anybody who islistening to this.
We really are having a seriousconversation.
Carlene (27:06):
We just happen to be lacing it, peppering it with
songs of the 80s and 90s oh mygosh, karen, I love you ever
since you told me you love Tina,tina Turner, years ago, I was
just like she loves music too.
It's amazing.
The journey right.
And so in two weeks, what areyour plans for the book launch?
(27:30):
Tell me about that.
Keren Eldad (27:31):
It's going to be big.
It's a lot.
So, pivoting back to business,yeah, and that's another thing
that happens when you turn 40,you start getting real serious
and you stop worrying aboutother people underestimating you
because you're 40, bitch, soget out of my way.
We have a real plan in place.
We have a lot of publicitygoing on at the moment.
We have all the social mediaetc.
(27:52):
Campaign, but I'm going on abook tour that is going to be in
like three or four differentcities every month for the next
six months.
Wish me luck.
I hope all of them show up,have a good time and buy some
books.
Carlene (28:06):
Amen, amen Sounds good.
I'm happy for you.
Keren Eldad (28:10):
Thank you.
Carlene (28:10):
Okay, so we didn't talk about where you are, so I'm
here in Toronto, canada, andKaren is.
Yeah, I'm freezing my butt off.
It's super cold Minus 17, withthe wind chill.
I'll send you a copy of Gildedto warm your heart.
Thank you, thank you, I'mlooking forward to that.
Thank you, I appreciate it soTexas.
Keren Eldad (28:35):
Yeah, I'm in Austin , Texas.
Actually, I said to you beforethis happens to be the coldest
day in history of the Texas, butit's still not freezing, we're
fine.
Carlene (28:45):
Yeah, you can go outside and you can still feel
your face.
Keren Eldad (28:48):
Yeah, you can I mean you can go outside in a
light jacket and you'll still beabsolutely fine.
You know what I mean.
So yeah, but that's that's oneof the things that I like.
It's the temperature isrelatively mild here, unless
you're here in August, in whichyou literally feel like you're
on the sun.
Everything in life is a bit ofa trade off, and this one's mine
literally feel like you're onthe sun.
Carlene (29:07):
Everything in life is a bit of a trade off, and this
one's mine, yeah.
So, speaking of business andyour career and the fact that
you're a coach and you helpthose who are high achievers,
when you say that, are wetalking about the athletes of
the world, the entrepreneurs,like?
When you say high achievers,what do you exactly?
Keren Eldad (29:31):
Well, yes, we do mean athletes and we talk about
entrepreneurs and there are alot of founders in my programs
but what I really mean is peoplewho are intensely wired.
They like to get shit done,they're fast paced, they're
decisive and they're slightlyobsessive.
And you know who you are.
You know who you are.
Some people are obsessive aboutgrowing tulips.
I don't particularly care whatyou're obsessive about, but you
are wired to do work.
You really really like to dowork and you can overwork.
(29:51):
Those people usually have thesymptoms or the issues that I
deal with anxiety, overwhelm,perfectionism, of course,
beating yourself up very, veryhigh standards, punishingly high
standards, relentless pursuitof more.
It's never enough, it's neverenough.
So that's always what we'retrying to mitigate, because,
believe it or not, thosetendencies are not working for
(30:12):
them.
It's actually ruining theirsuccess.
It's hindering the amount ofsuccess they can have.
Once we help them to relaxtheir beliefs and relax these
tendencies, they become way moresuccessful and relaxed too.
So it's a real nice doublemammy.
I hope that that's what youfind in the next decade.
I hope that in your forties yousay I'm not only going to be
(30:33):
more successful, I'm also goingto be more relaxed.
That's, I think the way itshould be.
Carlene (30:36):
Yeah, overwhelm anxiety , that is.
I think a lot of us deal withthat.
And like those breathingexercises oh do I do those a lot
you know, like when you reallywant to say like, yeah, it
really is helpful, but you know,so important, yeah, so
important.
Keren Eldad (30:53):
It's so important to meditate.
Carlene (30:54):
Oh yeah, you know what I realized?
Like a lot of things go hand inhand, like meditation and
routine, and like determination,like drive, like people who are
successful.
I have to ask you because Imean, you obviously made a plan,
you stuck to it and you arehere now and you've written this
(31:15):
beautiful book right.
Lots shiny cover, like thatshiny cover that we have on
Instagram.
Our life looks so perfect, butit's really not.
So what do you believe it is tobe successful?
How are you?
How is Karen successful?
How so?
Keren Eldad (31:32):
I believe it.
I believe that success is aboutbeing able to sleep at night
with your soul at peace.
That is what real success feelslike.
Success for most people has todo with achievement.
You talked about habits before,but the most important habits
are the habits of peace, thehabits of ease, the habits of
relaxation, and the reason whythey all go hand in hand with
each other meditation, breathing, morning discipline, morning
(31:54):
routines right, they're very,very common to overachievers is
because they tend to be knownwhat's known as cornerstone
habits.
Cornerstone habits are a habitthat affects every other habit
in your life.
For example, in studiespublished in a really wonderful
book called the Power of Habitby Charles Duhigg, he found that
people who give up sugar sugarCarleen tend to actually also
(32:18):
become much better at budgeting.
Even their budget is affected,and that's because they're
watching one thing and then theybecome more mindful, naturally,
of other things.
It's exactly the same when westart to take time in the
morning to breathe, to meditate,instead of reaching for our
phone.
The next thing we do is alsomore mindful, and the next thing
we do is also more mindful.
Everything trickles down.
(32:39):
These become, and the nextthing we do is also more mindful
, Everything trickles down.
These become cornerstone habitsand, as a result, it's no
coincidence that I've had thissuccess.
I don't think it's just luck.
I do think it's some luck.
Of course, luck is part of life, but I also think it's habits.
It's just really really solidhabits and really being mindful
of staying in a positive, asmuch as possible mind space.
Carlene (33:01):
So for those who don't know what mindful is, want to
care to elaborate.
Yes, I'd love to.
I'd love to.
Keren Eldad (33:08):
Mindfulness is what changed my life.
The act of mindfulness, allmindfulness exercises are aimed
at one thing, and they're aimedat turning your about to have a
reactive response to somethinginto a response that is measured
and thoughtful.
That's why it's called mindful,not like the cool TikToker
mindful demure.
That's not what it means.
(33:29):
It means turning an about tohave an aggressive reaction into
a mindful response.
The way to do this is by Aaddressing a challenge by doing
are you ready for it?
Nothing.
B taking 17 seconds of absolutenothing to literally think
through what you're about to do.
And I'd like to offer youraudience three steps in those 17
(33:51):
seconds.
Number one ask yourself is theway I'm about to react a bigger
problem than the problem itself?
Spoiler alert it's always worsethe way you're about to react.
If you're about to land onsomebody.
It's always worse.
The way you're about to reactif you're about to land on
somebody.
It's way worse than whateverthey did to you.
Number two is there any otherway?
I can see this.
Anybody applying a tiny iota ofthought will immediately
(34:12):
realize that every situationthat looks bad to you can be
seen in seven different, atleast most cases, for example,
short of grief.
And number three.
If you can get through questiontwo, start asking yourself
what's the opportunity here?
What's the opportunity?
And that's how you turn thingsfrom happening to me, which will
make me move into attack mode,to happening for me, which will
(34:32):
have me dancing with theuniverse and manifesting what I
really want.
I hope that's helpful.
That's that's called the pauseprinciple.
I teach it.
It's in my book Gilded.
I literally ask people to startto practice this all day, every
day.
Carlene (34:45):
Wow, yeah, you know what the first thing you
mentioned is like thinking aboutit, because we often don't.
When you actually react in themoment, that's when you regret
it after you're like maybe, yeah, sometimes, whenever I used to,
when I was dating people and Itexted them immediately.
Keren Eldad (35:05):
I almost always regretted it, like, literally,
ask yourself to take some timealways, especially if you're
about, especially if you'reangry, if you're angry like, one
of the things that used to pissme off the most was people said
sleep on it.
No, I want to resolve it.
Now I have learned that sleepon it is the best advice you can
give anyone.
Literally, give yourself amoment.
The way you're about to respondis usually volatile and not
(35:26):
conducive to what you want.
Relax, think about it and thenrespond.
It's called being a grownup.
You're going to love it.
Carlene (35:33):
I don't want to grow up , I'm just kidding.
I'm kidding, it's too late forus.
I can't go back to Neverland,no no, it's too late for us.
Keren Eldad (35:44):
And here's the best part.
The best part is when you startentering perimenopause and
suddenly your body's like you'reold now and there's nothing you
can do.
Carlene (35:51):
Yeah, it's the way, it's the way of life there's.
There's just a yeah, it's theway of the world.
Yeah, we're just understandingeach other.
So, as someone who is enteringinto the new year, what advice
do you have for someone who is40 and they're going through,
(36:13):
you know, the changes of life?
I mean, we're talking about themilestone, right, and I love it
.
Keren Eldad (36:18):
I love this question.
So here's what I recommendabsolutely anyone who's entering
the middle of the years.
Number one take your mindsetand your life and your life
depends on your mindset Very,very serious.
Invest super heavily in yourmindset.
That's something that I onlystarted to do when I was 38,
investing in coaching, readingthe self-help books, the
development books, listening topodcasts like these.
(36:39):
It's changed everything for me.
It's a return on investmentlike you would not believe and
it's the most important thing Ican do.
And the second thing that Iwould say about anybody entering
their 40s is start to mind yourcommunity and your vibe around
you.
We really do become the peoplewe hang out with, and at 40 is a
really good time to startchecking your environment and
(37:01):
seeing if it's still the rightenvironment for you.
If you really want to level up,if you really want to become
rich, if you really want tobecome successful, if you really
want to become happily married,the people around you should be
happily married, should besuccessful, should be rich.
It's very simple we really dobecome what we see too.
So don't just invest in yourmindset.
Also curate your company.
(37:22):
Be very diligent with yourcompany.
Yeah, there's a saying thatgoes with that, but I can't
think of it at this moment.
Most of us become the averagesum of our top five friends, and
that is so, so true, so true.
Carlene (37:37):
Yeah, you know what?
I think it's a lot of change,right?
You know, like when you'relooking at yourself and your
life and the people that yousurround yourself with, because
it's like if you've known peoplefor a very long time, it's hard
to let those people go, likeyour friends or your family too,
and making those toughdecisions, you know, is hard
(37:59):
yeah.
Keren Eldad (37:59):
Fortunately, and you want different results,
you're going to have tounderstand that.
I started to plug intoentrepreneur organizations, for
example, because I wanted to bearound other people who are
really interested in buildingthis, and that's not just so
that I could be around peopleunderstood me but so I could
level up.
It's been very, very useful.
When I wanted to get marriedand to be very happily married,
I started hanging out withhappily married people.
(38:20):
I had a really nice examplearound me all the time and, as a
result, you also become happy.
Carlene (38:25):
It's just the way we are.
How are those like?
What did you learn from thosehappily married people?
Keren Eldad (38:31):
I learned that a happy marriage is possible.
That was really important forme as someone who'd been in an
abusive relationship and hadseen a lot of miserable
relationships and single peoplearound me.
It was really nice to see thatsome people genuinely like their
spouse, genuinely enjoy beingmarried, can really do something
glorious.
And the second thing that Ilearned was how to communicate
(38:51):
how to communicate well, whatreally good communication looks.
And here we are, here we are.
We really do learn these things.
We learn these habits.
You watch how they think, youwatch how they speak and, as a
result, you start to identifywhat to do and what is right,
what works.
Carlene (39:09):
Yeah, communication.
I feel like you're veryarticulate, like you know what's
coming next, what to say next.
So is it come with practice?
Because I read somewhere thatyou know being a good
communicator also has to do withreading a lot as well, do you
think?
Do you think, but no?
Keren Eldad (39:27):
Okay, I think what really makes you a good
communicator is knowing yourshit.
I've seen a lot of people whoare very, very good at seeing
very talented writers even, butthey actually don't know the
material very well, so it's veryhard for them to answer real
questions.
They're not listening first ofall for your real question and
they're not as and they're notable to really give you a
coherent answer.
I just really know the materialvery well and, in this
(39:49):
particular case, can't do it.
If, however, you decided totalk to me about stuff I don't
care about, like dogs or, rightnow, us politics, I wouldn't be
so articulate and I wouldn't bethat interested in having the
conversation.
Does that make sense?
Carlene (40:04):
Yes, it does make sense .
You know experience.
It's its own teacher, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Keren Eldad (40:10):
It's always about interest and fluency in the
material.
That's, I think, what makespeople truly articulate.
Carlene (40:17):
On a last note, what would you like to share with
someone who's listening?
What do you think is importantfor 2025?
What are your?
Keren Eldad (40:27):
Well, here's what I'd love to share with for
anybody who had a tough year in2024.
And that's what why 2025 is soimportant to them.
For many of us, 2024 was atough year, was a year of great
uncertainty, was a year in whichmany patterns in the world were
starting to seem to us to beunfair and more difficult than
usual.
And for those of us who aremaking the transition into our
(40:49):
40s, there's a lot ofuncertainty ahead.
My message to those people isthis year and the decade ahead
will be as good as you make it.
Make the decision.
Make the decision to raise yourstandards, make the decision
that this will be better thanbefore, and then follow it up
with action, any action ReadingGilded, listening to more
(41:11):
podcasts like these, making thedecision to sign up for a
coaching program, doubling downon your dreams in any other way,
leveling up your skills.
And it will be.
It will be a great, great year.
My parents always say there areyears that ask questions and
there are years that answer.
I think that 2024 was a yearthat asked questions, and I
(41:32):
believe that 2025 will have theanswer.
So let's go in, and let's go inwith that spirit.
Carlene (41:37):
I love it.
Oh my gosh, bless your parents.
Wow, that's a beautiful quote.
Like I love that.
That's amazing.
Thank you, karen, for sharingyour insight, and you know just
your experience.
And the book Gilded comes outJanuary 21st 2025.
I'm excited.
Keren Eldad (42:05):
I'm sure Justin Bieber will be releasing his
Gilded track soon.
Carlene (42:06):
I hope he does.
I really do.
I'm a.
Bieber right.
Keren Eldad (42:11):
Wouldn't that be crazy, are you like?
Carlene (42:12):
writing it out I'm a.
Keren Eldad (42:14):
Belieber yes.
Carlene (42:16):
I am too.
I'm fully admitting it, eventhough it's been a secret, like
my friend knows.
But you know I'm a believer, Itotally am.
Yeah, so your social media.
Keren Eldad (42:29):
And Karen is spelled with two E's, as you
know.
So at Coach, karen is the bestway to follow us, the best way
to reach us, and the podcast weposted there it's called Coached
Podcast.
We posted there, it's calledCoached, and if anybody would
like to schedule a clarity callor learn more about me, it's
Karen Eldad dot com, which isK-E-R-E-N-E-L-D dot A-D dot com.
Even if you're in Toronto andeven if you're freezing your ass
(42:50):
off right now.
Carlene (42:53):
That's right, I'm Carlene, and this is Diva
Tonight with the lovely KarenEldad Yay, thank you so much,
thank you.
This is Diva Tonight with thelovely Karen Alden Yay, thank
you so much, thank you, thankyou for sharing Diva Tonight
with Carlene will be back.
Send us a message on Instagramat diva underscore tonight.
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