March 2, 2023 • 36 mins
In this episode Laura Crozier and SHV educator Chrissy talk about their own experiences of finding help after being sexually assaulted in high school. Both Chrissy and Laura speak about the vital role of the welfare teams at their schools and the difficultly in disclosing abuse to parents.
Resources:
Laura works for Youth Affairs Council Victoria. Hear more of Laura’s story on Growing Up Clueless. Sexual Assault Service Victoria is the peak body for specialist sexual assault services and harmful sexual behaviour services. For more information about SHV @ shvic.org.au.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
This podcast was created on the lands of the Wurundjeri people.
(00:03):
This episode contains discussion about sexual assault which people of any age might find distressing,
Welcome to doing it.
This is a podcast made by the everybody education team at sexual health victoria.
We run a whole lot of education programs for communities and medical professionals across victoria.
We also run sexual health clinics in the city and Box Hill in Melbourne.
(00:26):
My name is Anne and I'm part of the S.
HV.
Schools and community team.
We go to schools and run classes for all year levels on bodies growing up,
puberty,
sex,
reproduction,
consent relationships.
This podcast is for parents and carers of school age Children so we can share what goes on in a relationships and sexuality education class and help support these sorts of conversations at home.
(00:50):
Today's guest is Laura Crozier.
Laura is the affirmative consent project officer at Youth Affairs Council victoria.
She also co hosts a podcast called Growing Up clueless,
in which she and her co host discuss issues young people face that aren't commonly spoken about in mainstream education like relationships and sexuality education.
(01:12):
In a recent episode,
Laura shared her story of experiencing sexual assault in secondary school.
This episode is a conversation between laura and chrissy who is one of our schools educators at S.
H.
V.
Like Laura Christie also experienced sexual violence as a young person.
While they won't be sharing every detail about their stories.
(01:35):
They will be discussing more broadly how they manage different challenges relating to their experiences of sexual assault as young people,
I'm really interested to hear what supports were available to them,
What they found to be unsupportive and if they were able to easily disclose to their parents,
Laura,
(01:55):
thank you for being here uh to start off our conversation.
I wanted to ask you as someone who experienced sexual violence at a young age,
what was your experience like in school specifically?
Yeah,
it was it was very difficult like being a young woman and like who's been through something so traumatizing and then having to like relive it every day.
(02:19):
Especially Yeah,
especially for me because the person who assaulted me was like in my ear level um and I wasn't in a position to like leave school or anything like that,
like change schools not because like I wouldn't have been allowed to have asked,
but like I just it wasn't something that I could fathom at the time,
(02:41):
but it made it a really difficult experience like navigating high school being like continuously thrown into spaces that I was really uncomfortable with.
Like I did my very best and like my my um like teachers and like you level coordinators,
they were great,
they were really helpful in like helping me avoid situations that they knew would be difficult,
(03:05):
Like um like avoiding being in the same classes as him.
Yeah,
it was it was a really stressful um a few years and it's yeah,
it's definitely made like healing harder because I had to relive my trauma every single day that I like bumped into him in the hallways and things like that.
(03:25):
Do you mind me asking what year it was that you experienced violence like your school?
So you mentioned that your your level coordinator was helpful changing class schedules and everything like that.
So would you say that the administration welfare team,
all that they were supportive or was there any documentation they required before giving these accommodations to you or anything like that?
(03:49):
No,
like I like the welfare team at my school was amazing.
Um and I was so supported through them,
which was really helpful,
like if I ever didn't feel comfortable like disclosing to a teacher um myself,
they would like set up a meeting with them and let them know like,
like this is something I've experienced and I like as a student would appreciate your help navigating that having different actions in place to help me through it overall.
(04:17):
Like I was really lucky every,
every year I had a really great coordinator um and people were really open to helping me especially I think because I was so honest and like forefront with it um which obviously not everyone can do.
Like I had like had mental health issues prior to being assaulted.
So I I already knew myself quite well in that sense like of like what's helpful for me in like navigating my mental health.
(04:47):
So I was quite good at being like open with people about my needs.
Not everyone would ever like would be in that position and that's completely okay,
but I think it definitely helped me to be able to to be able to do that and be honest with my teachers about it so that I could ask for the support that I needed.
(05:08):
Like if people don't know,
they can't help you,
but then it's also such a tricky conversation to have.
So it's like a double edged sword because no one really wants to go in and like openly talk about their trauma.
But if someone doesn't know you have trauma,
then how are they meant to help you?
And then I think that like that aspect of like you don't know what baggage someone else is carrying.
(05:30):
So maybe people should actually just start making adjustments regardless and being more open to um just helping people for the sake of helping people without needing a back story.
Yeah,
absolutely.
It sounds like you were unfortunately if you will well versed and advocating for your needs,
but when we think about like you were a young person and young people are already navigating a lot and adults are meant to be there to support them.
(05:57):
Like it is,
it's asking a lot of any victim or survivor,
let alone a young person.
I hear a lot of similarities between what you're saying and what I experienced,
which is I find,
I mean not surprising but interesting I guess in the sense of,
you know,
our experiences were not only years apart,
but oceans apart,
but the experience in that secondary school setting where my welfare team similarly offered me an accommodated schedule.
(06:24):
I did have to kind of provide them with a court order,
but that was,
that's the United States.
But then things like school assembly,
you know,
I have a vivid memory of one day just kind of,
you know,
last year of high school people are a bit more free in their schedules and then all hanging out in the courtyard and then he walks in.
(06:48):
But it's kind of this,
you know,
common space,
but he's really close to me and I felt uncomfortable,
but it's like,
what can you do?
Yeah,
exactly.
It's like,
you don't want to make a big deal out of something that for everyone else in the room is not a big deal.
Like someone walked into a room.
Gosh,
everyone like under the tables like on the floor,
but like for you,
(07:09):
like,
your heart's pounding and your hands are sweaty and you don't actually know how you're meant to cope in that scenario,
You know,
no one else knows what's going on.
So how did you find the support,
if any,
from your peers,
it's a,
it's one of those things where it's like,
yeah,
like my friends were great,
but then it's also like,
(07:30):
as I've grown up,
like been out of high school for a few years now,
I I think I have a really different view on that.
Like,
especially like my friends that were friends with him and as I've kind of like the last few years done a lot of like thinking about the relationships that I keep and you know,
(07:54):
the company that I keep.
It's kind of like,
why why did I think it was okay for these people to like,
be my friends and be people that like supposedly loved me and cared for me and bye,
you know,
support me.
But then they still could accept his behavior because he said he was sorry to them.
(08:17):
Like,
that's actually not okay.
But yeah,
when you kind of look back on it,
you're like,
gosh,
like that's actually a bit a bit dodgy of you to have claimed that you care about me and then hung out with him,
like,
and then still hang out with him to this day,
(08:37):
despite the fact that,
you know how much he hurt me and because it's not just like physically what this person has done as the emotional damage that comes with that.
Um And if and if like,
your friends see that and I think that's what I struggled with most,
is that like,
my friends could see how emotionally damaged I was by that.
(08:57):
Like,
they watched me cry,
they watched me like,
break down like,
my inability to attend classes.
Um like even to walk past the classroom that he was in to get to my own,
like,
it was really difficult.
I,
because as you know,
I,
I go into schools and do sex ed now and a big driving factor for me personally,
(09:20):
is my experience as a young person because I feel like I'm not saying there's no hope or no restorative justice for people who perpetrate violence,
but kind of what I see,
we can actually do in schools is reach those peers,
reach those peers to believe victims victims and survivors and hold people accountable for their violent actions because we know from statistics and research sadly that most of the people who perpetrate violence or repeat offenders and I again,
(09:51):
the similarities is a bit haunting between what you're saying and what I experienced of people saying,
oh,
you know,
uh,
he didn't mean it.
Oh,
you know,
he's not that bad of a guy.
I had someone,
I will never forget this too and I went back home when I was in uni,
I'm like a school break and someone said to me,
(10:11):
you know,
he's really changed.
He has a fitness instagram now,
like,
oh my goodness.
It's amazing.
Yeah,
wow,
amazing very much.
It's really everything is huge.
My trouble,
that's all I needed to hear.
(10:32):
I'm all good.
Yeah,
it's,
it's very,
it's very interesting and I feel like when you're in that situation,
you can actually like see kind of how like crappy it might be and then kind of,
yeah,
you look back when you've had some time to process and like be out of that um that scenario and you're just like,
(10:54):
wow with the support from your peers,
your friends,
that the ones that you still want to hold company with now,
what do you think stood out that made that support actually meaningful,
believing me and showing through their actions that they believed me?
Like,
if someone confides in you and you're like,
(11:16):
oh my gosh,
I'm so sorry that you've been through that.
Like,
I had no idea that he was capable of that and then actually go to show that like,
you don't support that person anymore because of what he did.
So like being understanding that,
you know,
sometimes I might be okay if I walk past him in the hall,
(11:36):
but then other times it might be really jarring for me to walk past him in the hall,
you know,
the people that truly supported me understood that and supported me through all the ups and downs of my journey when I look back and then same as you,
the people from high school who are very few that I still talk to now.
It was those who didn't make me feel like I was the inconvenience,
(12:00):
yes,
that's because of what happened to me,
like,
oh we need to know,
they can't be at the same party or things like that and it was like,
well I didn't choose this Yeah,
exactly.
I remember like,
like hanging out with a friend of mine and like we were quite close and anyway,
he was like thinking about having a party and he like showed me the list and then he kind of realized halfway through that he probably shouldn't have shown me that list because he had my name and then slash the name of the person who assaulted me.
(12:33):
Like it's like one or the other and it's like,
how is that even a question,
Are you serious?
That was actually the moment that I was like,
I like I accepted you hanging out with him in high school,
like your friend group was his friend group.
I get that like whatever,
I'm gonna let that slide because I care for you as a person.
But then like,
(12:54):
that was like the last year for me,
I was like,
I actually don't think I can go back after this.
Like,
you're clearly not someone that actually supports me.
I'd say the people that I still hang out with now,
they showed that kind of unquestioning loyalty and it's not like going and begging his house.
(13:14):
It's just like not hesitating who would be invited,
right?
Not having a slash if you're comfortable,
could you share a bit about how you told your parents you were assaulted and how that experience was for you.
It was not something that I felt comfortable doing.
I'll preface that,
but one of the reasons I felt so uncomfortable doing it was because our families were like,
(13:39):
best friends,
like they,
like,
we grew up next door to each other,
and so it was not something that I was prepared to do or that I felt was going to go down well.
Um I had a school counselor already um that I saw regularly because as I said,
I already had some mental health issues that I was working through um and so he was the first person that I told,
(14:02):
and I just I did not have the ability to say like,
this has happened to me.
I actually had to be like,
I had to tell it as like,
a story of like,
it happening to someone else,
and then he was like,
did it happen to this person is in like,
one of my friends,
and I was like,
no,
it happened to me,
and he's like,
oh,
like,
(14:22):
shoot don't he's like,
does your mom know?
I was like,
no,
I have no idea how to tell her.
So he actually called my mom and asked her to come into the school for a meeting um and he helped me tell her and my mom was so supportive,
and so I was really lucky in that sense,
like she was just amazing and she supported me and made sure that I felt safe and everything.
(14:47):
The tricky thing with my um disclosure to my mom was that there was alcohol involved,
and I chose not to tell her that there was alcohol involved because I was so sure that the alcohol would become the issue,
not the assault.
I was terrified of that.
(15:07):
Then like,
a few weeks later when,
like,
you know,
his parents then knew and there was like,
discussions happening about how we were to move forward.
Um and he was saying that he couldn't remember,
my mom was like,
why can't I remember,
like,
was he drunk?
And then I was like,
yeah,
like,
he,
well,
he wasn't drunk,
but he's saying he was drunk,
(15:28):
but you know,
And she's like,
were you drinking?
And I said yes,
and then that like,
that then became an issue and it's like,
looking at it with hindsight.
Like,
I it's one of those things because like,
as that 15 year old girl,
I was like,
exactly what I was worried about did happen.
(15:48):
The alcohol became the issue and I was punished.
But then would the alcohol have been the issue if I hadn't been honest with her from the start,
because like,
it was the lying,
that was the issue for her,
not the alcohol.
And so it's like one of those things,
it's like,
if I if I hadn't been honest,
maybe things would have been better,
but then I wasn't and I was proven right,
(16:10):
but neither of us were right,
neither of us were wrong and we probably both would have handled it differently if we had the knowledge that we have now,
regardless of the fact that like my mom was obviously disappointed in me for drinking,
she was still extremely supportive,
Like forever,
forever grateful to her for being someone that I can always confide in.
(16:32):
So my parents,
my parents are divorced,
it's fine,
they're just,
they're just not together,
but I didn't tell my dad at all until I think maybe a year or two years ago.
Um So yeah,
my dad didn't know for probably 44 years until after it happened.
He knew that we didn't see that family anymore,
(16:53):
but he never knew why he reacted exactly how I thought he would react,
which was I'll kill him.
Like,
and and that's exactly why I didn't tell him in the first place because I needed it to be about me and I needed it to be about my healing journey and how I was going to recover from that instead of it being about how angry it made other people and I knew that my dad wasn't emotionally mature enough to handle it at the time.
(17:25):
I decided wasn't wasn't for him to know until I was ready for him to know it.
As you're talking about this.
I'm honestly blown away at your emotional maturity that you showed as a young person.
I think I was forced into a situation where it had to be really emotionally mature because otherwise I don't know how I would have come out the other side I I made the right decision that like the right decision for me and not telling my entire family when it happens.
(17:53):
Um And yeah having having that time to process and heal myself and then you know later on in life like it's still emotional when people find out but it's a conversation that I feel more prepared for if they have questions and that like you can just lead to those nice moments of like us both understanding that like it was it was a really hard time for me and it's probably something they need to process and we can just both cry about it together if we need to.
(18:21):
Yeah and instead of you and excuse this made up word but instead of you having to thera pies them kind of like you decide when it's best for you as opposed to and then needing to hold all this space for them.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Yeah.
No it's really nice.
So it sounds like it when you told your mom she wasn't like okay we need tell X.
(18:45):
X.
X.
And X.
We need to,
everyone needs to know but what she said,
it sounds like she was respectful on who you did and didn't want to know.
Yeah.
Yeah she was.
She um like we like made a plan with my school counselor to like eventually when I was ready like have a chat with his family as well.
(19:06):
Um Yeah like there was one day like I actually told his mom myself and that was something that I felt a little bit pressured into but by someone else.
Yeah,
she blamed me.
Um which you know,
I guess I expected but was still a really difficult thing to hear and then once she knew that's when things kind of like just,
(19:34):
it was like an avalanche,
like there was like meetings with like his parents,
my house,
there was meetings with like his mum and the counselor,
There was meetings with me and him with the counselor.
Like it was just like all these things and like trying to like figure out like what the next steps were and like when it first happened,
I was like,
(19:55):
he's my best friend.
Like we can work through this.
Like I want to get to a place and eventually like I can be his best friend again,
that was naive.
Um yeah,
that never happened.
Obviously.
I think that was just like the initial response was like,
I want to forget that it ever happened,
but obviously that's not something that I was willing or able to do,
(20:16):
I've had to go through that and similarities of mother of assault or not really responding well parents,
I should say not just his mom and also when I had the help of a counselor to,
to tell my parents and then it was the avalanche,
like I don't,
I don't mean this against my parents,
(20:37):
but they kind of thought that then everyone needed to know and yeah,
so it's snowballed as soon as I told my parents and again,
they thought they were doing the right thing.
That's not anything against them.
But I can't imagine your experiences of with his family and then all the different iterations and yeah,
(20:59):
I will never forget like the amount of anxiety I had,
like waiting for them to come over that night and like have a discussion about it.
It was like the worst.
I don't know whose idea that was,
it was freaking and was he with them with the parents know?
So it was just his,
yeah,
his mom and dad and then my mom and I,
when I reflect back on my experience and I'm curious to obviously the actual event of the assault was horrific,
(21:27):
but I find most of my trauma and what happened after yeah,
how it was handled,
you know,
those terrible conversations with whoever they were,
you know,
those run ins in school?
No,
I totally agree.
Like obviously the assault itself was awful and like,
that's where like a,
(21:47):
like a whole lot of the trauma sits.
Um and like that's kind of like,
where like,
now,
like if I'm struggling with it,
like that's kind of what the,
you know what the nightmares and all that are about.
But um Like a lot of my trauma came from what happened after and like the ongoing drama was because of the actions of like his family afterwards.
(22:15):
Um like I remember it would have been like a year 18 months later and my mum had gone to work and my mom's,
my mom has like a cleaning business,
so she cleans other people's houses and one of the um people's houses that she cleans was like a mutual friend and like this mutual friend one day was just like,
(22:39):
oh my God,
like um this person's like so and so which is the mom of the guy,
She's like,
like this happened at his brother's like party and you know,
this like woman got him drunk and then cried rape.
They like this family had just completely changed the story.
(23:02):
Um and they made it seem like it was like an older woman,
so that kind of protected my identity in a way.
I obviously didn't tell anyone,
like I didn't go around and tell and tell all our mutual friends because we did run in the same circles.
Like I didn't go and tell them like,
oh you can't hang out with this person anymore because their son did this.
Like,
I was like,
no,
like it's it's not their burden to bear,
(23:24):
like I'm and I'm fine with that.
So I wasn't trying to get people to take sides.
Like my mom came home that day and told me that and I was like,
oh my God and that broke me.
Like my mom actually ended up saying to that person because they were like,
telling her the story.
Like my Mom said to her,
she's like,
actually that's not the case.
What happened was he did this and he did it to my daughter.
(23:48):
And like,
she was just like,
oh my God,
like I'm so sorry.
And she's like,
that makes so much more sense now because like,
this and this didn't add up when like,
so and so was telling me um and yes,
so my mom was like,
honest with me about that and that broke me.
Like,
I was like,
shaking as my mom was telling me,
and I was like,
I just like,
I need to go have a shower and like,
(24:10):
just like,
clear my head.
And I remember I got in the shower and like,
I put music on,
I was playing as loud as I can as I could.
And my mom like,
I could still hear me sobbing like,
over the shower.
Like I was in the shower and I just like,
broke.
I like,
fell to the floor.
I was just sobbing and I couldn't breathe and my mom had to come into the shower with just like,
(24:32):
pick me up and make sure that I was okay because like,
that trauma of knowing that like they could twist the story so much and make me sound like an awful person when I was the one that was like,
protecting them still like because I loved them so much.
Like because they were like,
my other family,
I loved them so much that I protected them until that day until that day that I found out that they had been changing the story and trying to make me look like an awful person.
(25:01):
So yeah,
after that I just stopped caring and that's yeah,
that that trauma of knowing that Like they could claim that they cared about me for like 15 years,
like treat me like a daughter and then just like change because I told them the truth is just like heartbreaking.
I just my heart is breaking for you and thank you for being so vulnerable and open with these parts of your story and I really want to shake these adults,
(25:30):
these adults who were not caring and protecting and being kind to you as a young person and like you said,
a young person they had known for so long.
Yeah,
and it's not like I expected them to like be okay with like me anymore,
but like I didn't expect them to like make up lies,
(25:50):
you know that that was what really hurt when I see sexual violence in the like TVs and movies,
but then in real life when it happens to someone,
the people around them kind of twisted into this tv show movie drama to gossip about or something.
It's just it's not actually an entertaining thing.
(26:12):
I know right?
But then like,
and then I look at it and I'm like,
this would make great tv sounds like it came straight from it because the way that they treated and like the way that they twist it,
they make it like a tv show,
if you could,
what advice would you give to schools supporting student victims or survivors?
(26:33):
I think the main thing I would say is like,
actually ask victims survivors,
like if they've disclosed to you,
like ask them to think about what they need,
like don't assume that something might,
you know,
work for them,
ask them to have a good hard think about what they might need and accommodate that as best you can,
like for me,
(26:54):
some of those things were like going over the class lists,
but then it was also like my like lock up position in relation to his,
like I made sure that his was like as far away as possible.
Um and like,
even when it came to like exams and stuff,
like choosing my seating was a big one,
(27:15):
like I made sure that I sat at the very back corner where the door was because then it like in my mind tricked me into thinking that I had an escape,
which I technically did.
Um but then I also knew that he was a very opposite corner.
Um So yeah,
like things like that were really helpful for me,
(27:37):
but then I think that schools also just need to be better at listening um in general and understanding that there might be dynamics like that within their institution and that,
you know,
it is up to them to protect their students as best as they can.
So making those accommodations shouldn't be a big deal for me.
I found it so impactful to know that I could go to the counseling office whenever and I was lucky to have a couple of really good counselors at school who understood for example,
(28:09):
for me,
when I would get in a space during the school day where I just needed a break,
I would walk in and the receptionist knew to just hand me a coloring pack and I would go and sit in my little spot in color and that was really helpful for me and like,
it's great to have that in the well being space,
but then also having teeth which is aware,
like we had this little system at school that people who utilized the well being space a lot and then like did have,
(28:34):
if they needed to leave class in order just to calm down,
um like to get some fresh air or to like to go to the well being space.
We had like a card,
like just a little lemonade ID card that we could like show the teacher Yeah,
that's great.
So then it's that clear communication to them without needing that verbal explanation on,
(28:54):
it's not like that,
not needing that.
Like,
hey,
can I talk to you outside for a minute and then like crying in front of like,
and then all the students in your class,
being able to see through the windows and being like,
what the hell,
what advice would you give to parents and carers supporting their Children,
Their young people who have experienced sexual violence.
(29:15):
Listen,
trauma is trauma responses are different for everybody.
Um so like the way that I've reacted,
like the way that you've heard me speak about my reactions and everything and how my traumas impacted me maybe totally different for somebody else.
Like listen to what they're saying,
listen to their needs and allow them to have whatever reaction they need to have in order to get through it.
(29:41):
If they need to just like cry and break down and just like let all their emotions out.
If they need to just keep on keeping on occupy themselves,
allow them to do that if they need to like find something that they can like fixate on like going for a run or coloring or something,
(30:01):
allow them to respond however their body is telling them to respond because it is like a physical thing as well as just emotional where possible,
really respecting their agency who they're comfortable telling like you said what they need in that moment.
I think that's a huge thing.
Like when someone is assaulted their yeah,
(30:26):
their agency is taken away,
the control is taken away.
Um so allowing them to control the next steps is really important.
Don't make a police report.
Don't go and tell the school,
allow them to control when those things happen.
If it is like a school based thing,
walk with them about the possibility of like telling your your level coordinator or something don't just do it for them because you think it's what's going to be best for them allow them to be a part of that decision making process.
(30:57):
Um Actually I think it is important to touch on the police scenario.
Don't force someone to go to the police about it.
That person will do it if they think it's right for them.
There's no like statute of limitations or anything like that.
So there's no rush.
So yeah,
don't pressure anyone into that situation either.
I think that kind of clearly shows what safety looks like for different people after an assault and with young people,
(31:22):
I myself as someone who goes into cool,
I have mandatory reporting obligations but um you know,
I think for parents and cares that's something that as the adults they can explore but not anything.
Yeah,
not force and if certain things need to happen for the safety of that young person involved,
(31:43):
a young person let them know what's happening.
Don't just do on their behalf.
That aspect like mandatory reporting is really interesting like when you talk about it in this in this way,
like obviously you know it's mandatory like you have to report that but there's also still the chance to include the young person and I think that's really important for like youth workers and anyone who has to do mandatory reporting that it's important that you inform the young person that that's what's going to happen because if there ever like shocked by that they'll never trust anyone again.
(32:22):
Yeah I couldn't agree more when you commented on how you and your mom have kind of reflected on how you telling her went down and then her finding out about the alcohol.
I first told my parents about a party with alcohol so then I was grounded and then later they found out about the assault I guess for the adults and the parents and carers kind of not just excusing to not get the young person in trouble but I guess remembering what the main point is that the young person has experienced the trauma,
(32:52):
it's very very interesting to look back on my experience with my mom because for so long I was so angry at her because I was like So frustrated is like why I was punished like wasn't I punished by my decisions like for my decisions enough by being assaulted like that was my view as like 15 year old traumatized Laura um but then like looking at it now I'm very aware of how terrified my mom was you know like her her baby had been assaulted.
(33:25):
Like and I think that's one thing that I never took in to account was that my assault wasn't just a trauma for me.
It was a trauma for my mom.
Her response was also a trauma response.
If you are a parent,
allow yourself to admit that it's a trauma response for you too.
If you don't,
then you'll probably make some decisions that are a bit rash,
a bit triggering for your child might lead to some resentment.
(33:48):
Very similarly.
My assault was a trauma for my parents that I found out years later.
You know,
let them into their own therapy sessions and things like that.
But I think like by talking about these things,
talking about my experience and I think like those conversations about the dynamic with telling people and you know how people respond.
(34:09):
Like it's it's a really interesting conversation,
but it's also a really important one to have to try to reduce trauma for victims survivors but also like their family members and the people around them.
A trauma doesn't always just affect one person and that's a huge thing to take out of this conversation,
laura.
I really want to thank you for your honesty,
(34:29):
your vulnerability and for your insight and I am sorry you had to be so emotionally mature as a young person.
Thank you so much.
It's been a real,
real special thing to be able to jump on here today and talk about my experience,
but I also just wanted to thank you for 12 sexual health victoria for giving me the space,
but also you chrissy um for sharing your story as well.
(34:52):
Thank you so much.
Thank you to both Laura and chrissy for using their stories to provide insight on how we can better support young people who have experienced sexual violence,
key things which stood out for me in this discussion.
Both chrissy and Laura spoke of how lucky they were to have a great welfare team at their school.
(35:17):
All parents and carers could benefit from knowing who the support team is for their young people.
Disclosing to parents and carers is difficult,
particularly if it involves disclosing about behavior that a parent or carer would disapprove of.
Like drinking.
Let young people have agency in how their trauma is managed.
(35:42):
Laura works for Youth Affairs Council victoria.
I'll link to that in the show notes,
they do lots of great work advocating for young people.
Laura tells more about her experience on her podcast growing up clueless.
I'll put a link for that.
Also,
Sexual assault service victoria's a is the peak body for specialist sexual assault services and harmful sexual behavior services.
(36:05):
I'll put a link for them also,
for more information about sexual health victoria,
you can go to dot org dot au.
You can follow s HV on instagram facebook or twitter or linkedin contact us directly at doing it at S H vik dot org dot au.
Subscribe to the podcast like it.
If you like it,
(36:25):
Thank you so much for listening.
This podcast was created on the lands of the Wurundjeri people.
(00:03):
This episode contains discussion about sexual assault which people of any age might find distressing,
Welcome to doing it.
This is a podcast made by the everybody education team at sexual health victoria.
We run a whole lot of education programs for communities and medical professionals across victoria.
We also run sexual health clinics in the city and Box Hill in Melbourne.
(00:26):
My name is Anne and I'm part of the S.
HV.
Schools and community team.
We go to schools and run classes for all year levels on bodies growing up,
puberty,
sex,
reproduction,
consent relationships.
This podcast is for parents and carers of school age Children so we can share what goes on in a relationships and sexuality education class and help support these sorts of conversations at home.
(00:50):
Today's guest is Laura Crozier.
Laura is the affirmative consent project officer at Youth Affairs Council victoria.
She also co hosts a podcast called Growing Up clueless,
in which she and her co host discuss issues young people face that aren't commonly spoken about in mainstream education like relationships and sexuality education.
(01:12):
In a recent episode,
Laura shared her story of experiencing sexual assault in secondary school.
This episode is a conversation between laura and chrissy who is one of our schools educators at S.
H.
V.
Like Laura Christie also experienced sexual violence as a young person.
While they won't be sharing every detail about their stories.
(01:35):
They will be discussing more broadly how they manage different challenges relating to their experiences of sexual assault as young people,
I'm really interested to hear what supports were available to them,
What they found to be unsupportive and if they were able to easily disclose to their parents,
Laura,
(01:55):
thank you for being here uh to start off our conversation.
I wanted to ask you as someone who experienced sexual violence at a young age,
what was your experience like in school specifically?
Yeah,
it was it was very difficult like being a young woman and like who's been through something so traumatizing and then having to like relive it every day.
(02:19):
Especially Yeah,
especially for me because the person who assaulted me was like in my ear level um and I wasn't in a position to like leave school or anything like that,
like change schools not because like I wouldn't have been allowed to have asked,
but like I just it wasn't something that I could fathom at the time,
(02:41):
but it made it a really difficult experience like navigating high school being like continuously thrown into spaces that I was really uncomfortable with.
Like I did my very best and like my my um like teachers and like you level coordinators,
they were great,
they were really helpful in like helping me avoid situations that they knew would be difficult,
(03:05):
Like um like avoiding being in the same classes as him.
Yeah,
it was it was a really stressful um a few years and it's yeah,
it's definitely made like healing harder because I had to relive my trauma every single day that I like bumped into him in the hallways and things like that.
(03:25):
Do you mind me asking what year it was that you experienced violence like your school?
So you mentioned that your your level coordinator was helpful changing class schedules and everything like that.
So would you say that the administration welfare team,
all that they were supportive or was there any documentation they required before giving these accommodations to you or anything like that?
(03:49):
No,
like I like the welfare team at my school was amazing.
Um and I was so supported through them,
which was really helpful,
like if I ever didn't feel comfortable like disclosing to a teacher um myself,
they would like set up a meeting with them and let them know like,
like this is something I've experienced and I like as a student would appreciate your help navigating that having different actions in place to help me through it overall.
(04:17):
Like I was really lucky every,
every year I had a really great coordinator um and people were really open to helping me especially I think because I was so honest and like forefront with it um which obviously not everyone can do.
Like I had like had mental health issues prior to being assaulted.
So I I already knew myself quite well in that sense like of like what's helpful for me in like navigating my mental health.
(04:47):
So I was quite good at being like open with people about my needs.
Not everyone would ever like would be in that position and that's completely okay,
but I think it definitely helped me to be able to to be able to do that and be honest with my teachers about it so that I could ask for the support that I needed.
(05:08):
Like if people don't know,
they can't help you,
but then it's also such a tricky conversation to have.
So it's like a double edged sword because no one really wants to go in and like openly talk about their trauma.
But if someone doesn't know you have trauma,
then how are they meant to help you?
And then I think that like that aspect of like you don't know what baggage someone else is carrying.
(05:30):
So maybe people should actually just start making adjustments regardless and being more open to um just helping people for the sake of helping people without needing a back story.
Yeah,
absolutely.
It sounds like you were unfortunately if you will well versed and advocating for your needs,
but when we think about like you were a young person and young people are already navigating a lot and adults are meant to be there to support them.
(05:57):
Like it is,
it's asking a lot of any victim or survivor,
let alone a young person.
I hear a lot of similarities between what you're saying and what I experienced,
which is I find,
I mean not surprising but interesting I guess in the sense of,
you know,
our experiences were not only years apart,
but oceans apart,
but the experience in that secondary school setting where my welfare team similarly offered me an accommodated schedule.
(06:24):
I did have to kind of provide them with a court order,
but that was,
that's the United States.
But then things like school assembly,
you know,
I have a vivid memory of one day just kind of,
you know,
last year of high school people are a bit more free in their schedules and then all hanging out in the courtyard and then he walks in.
(06:48):
But it's kind of this,
you know,
common space,
but he's really close to me and I felt uncomfortable,
but it's like,
what can you do?
Yeah,
exactly.
It's like,
you don't want to make a big deal out of something that for everyone else in the room is not a big deal.
Like someone walked into a room.
Gosh,
everyone like under the tables like on the floor,
but like for you,
(07:09):
like,
your heart's pounding and your hands are sweaty and you don't actually know how you're meant to cope in that scenario,
You know,
no one else knows what's going on.
So how did you find the support,
if any,
from your peers,
it's a,
it's one of those things where it's like,
yeah,
like my friends were great,
but then it's also like,
(07:30):
as I've grown up,
like been out of high school for a few years now,
I I think I have a really different view on that.
Like,
especially like my friends that were friends with him and as I've kind of like the last few years done a lot of like thinking about the relationships that I keep and you know,
(07:54):
the company that I keep.
It's kind of like,
why why did I think it was okay for these people to like,
be my friends and be people that like supposedly loved me and cared for me and bye,
you know,
support me.
But then they still could accept his behavior because he said he was sorry to them.
(08:17):
Like,
that's actually not okay.
But yeah,
when you kind of look back on it,
you're like,
gosh,
like that's actually a bit a bit dodgy of you to have claimed that you care about me and then hung out with him,
like,
and then still hang out with him to this day,
(08:37):
despite the fact that,
you know how much he hurt me and because it's not just like physically what this person has done as the emotional damage that comes with that.
Um And if and if like,
your friends see that and I think that's what I struggled with most,
is that like,
my friends could see how emotionally damaged I was by that.
(08:57):
Like,
they watched me cry,
they watched me like,
break down like,
my inability to attend classes.
Um like even to walk past the classroom that he was in to get to my own,
like,
it was really difficult.
I,
because as you know,
I,
I go into schools and do sex ed now and a big driving factor for me personally,
(09:20):
is my experience as a young person because I feel like I'm not saying there's no hope or no restorative justice for people who perpetrate violence,
but kind of what I see,
we can actually do in schools is reach those peers,
reach those peers to believe victims victims and survivors and hold people accountable for their violent actions because we know from statistics and research sadly that most of the people who perpetrate violence or repeat offenders and I again,
(09:51):
the similarities is a bit haunting between what you're saying and what I experienced of people saying,
oh,
you know,
uh,
he didn't mean it.
Oh,
you know,
he's not that bad of a guy.
I had someone,
I will never forget this too and I went back home when I was in uni,
I'm like a school break and someone said to me,
(10:11):
you know,
he's really changed.
He has a fitness instagram now,
like,
oh my goodness.
It's amazing.
Yeah,
wow,
amazing very much.
It's really everything is huge.
My trouble,
that's all I needed to hear.
(10:32):
I'm all good.
Yeah,
it's,
it's very,
it's very interesting and I feel like when you're in that situation,
you can actually like see kind of how like crappy it might be and then kind of,
yeah,
you look back when you've had some time to process and like be out of that um that scenario and you're just like,
(10:54):
wow with the support from your peers,
your friends,
that the ones that you still want to hold company with now,
what do you think stood out that made that support actually meaningful,
believing me and showing through their actions that they believed me?
Like,
if someone confides in you and you're like,
(11:16):
oh my gosh,
I'm so sorry that you've been through that.
Like,
I had no idea that he was capable of that and then actually go to show that like,
you don't support that person anymore because of what he did.
So like being understanding that,
you know,
sometimes I might be okay if I walk past him in the hall,
(11:36):
but then other times it might be really jarring for me to walk past him in the hall,
you know,
the people that truly supported me understood that and supported me through all the ups and downs of my journey when I look back and then same as you,
the people from high school who are very few that I still talk to now.
It was those who didn't make me feel like I was the inconvenience,
(12:00):
yes,
that's because of what happened to me,
like,
oh we need to know,
they can't be at the same party or things like that and it was like,
well I didn't choose this Yeah,
exactly.
I remember like,
like hanging out with a friend of mine and like we were quite close and anyway,
he was like thinking about having a party and he like showed me the list and then he kind of realized halfway through that he probably shouldn't have shown me that list because he had my name and then slash the name of the person who assaulted me.
(12:33):
Like it's like one or the other and it's like,
how is that even a question,
Are you serious?
That was actually the moment that I was like,
I like I accepted you hanging out with him in high school,
like your friend group was his friend group.
I get that like whatever,
I'm gonna let that slide because I care for you as a person.
But then like,
(12:54):
that was like the last year for me,
I was like,
I actually don't think I can go back after this.
Like,
you're clearly not someone that actually supports me.
I'd say the people that I still hang out with now,
they showed that kind of unquestioning loyalty and it's not like going and begging his house.
(13:14):
It's just like not hesitating who would be invited,
right?
Not having a slash if you're comfortable,
could you share a bit about how you told your parents you were assaulted and how that experience was for you.
It was not something that I felt comfortable doing.
I'll preface that,
but one of the reasons I felt so uncomfortable doing it was because our families were like,
(13:39):
best friends,
like they,
like,
we grew up next door to each other,
and so it was not something that I was prepared to do or that I felt was going to go down well.
Um I had a school counselor already um that I saw regularly because as I said,
I already had some mental health issues that I was working through um and so he was the first person that I told,
(14:02):
and I just I did not have the ability to say like,
this has happened to me.
I actually had to be like,
I had to tell it as like,
a story of like,
it happening to someone else,
and then he was like,
did it happen to this person is in like,
one of my friends,
and I was like,
no,
it happened to me,
and he's like,
oh,
like,
(14:22):
shoot don't he's like,
does your mom know?
I was like,
no,
I have no idea how to tell her.
So he actually called my mom and asked her to come into the school for a meeting um and he helped me tell her and my mom was so supportive,
and so I was really lucky in that sense,
like she was just amazing and she supported me and made sure that I felt safe and everything.
(14:47):
The tricky thing with my um disclosure to my mom was that there was alcohol involved,
and I chose not to tell her that there was alcohol involved because I was so sure that the alcohol would become the issue,
not the assault.
I was terrified of that.
(15:07):
Then like,
a few weeks later when,
like,
you know,
his parents then knew and there was like,
discussions happening about how we were to move forward.
Um and he was saying that he couldn't remember,
my mom was like,
why can't I remember,
like,
was he drunk?
And then I was like,
yeah,
like,
he,
well,
he wasn't drunk,
but he's saying he was drunk,
(15:28):
but you know,
And she's like,
were you drinking?
And I said yes,
and then that like,
that then became an issue and it's like,
looking at it with hindsight.
Like,
I it's one of those things because like,
as that 15 year old girl,
I was like,
exactly what I was worried about did happen.
(15:48):
The alcohol became the issue and I was punished.
But then would the alcohol have been the issue if I hadn't been honest with her from the start,
because like,
it was the lying,
that was the issue for her,
not the alcohol.
And so it's like one of those things,
it's like,
if I if I hadn't been honest,
maybe things would have been better,
but then I wasn't and I was proven right,
(16:10):
but neither of us were right,
neither of us were wrong and we probably both would have handled it differently if we had the knowledge that we have now,
regardless of the fact that like my mom was obviously disappointed in me for drinking,
she was still extremely supportive,
Like forever,
forever grateful to her for being someone that I can always confide in.
(16:32):
So my parents,
my parents are divorced,
it's fine,
they're just,
they're just not together,
but I didn't tell my dad at all until I think maybe a year or two years ago.
Um So yeah,
my dad didn't know for probably 44 years until after it happened.
He knew that we didn't see that family anymore,
(16:53):
but he never knew why he reacted exactly how I thought he would react,
which was I'll kill him.
Like,
and and that's exactly why I didn't tell him in the first place because I needed it to be about me and I needed it to be about my healing journey and how I was going to recover from that instead of it being about how angry it made other people and I knew that my dad wasn't emotionally mature enough to handle it at the time.
(17:25):
I decided wasn't wasn't for him to know until I was ready for him to know it.
As you're talking about this.
I'm honestly blown away at your emotional maturity that you showed as a young person.
I think I was forced into a situation where it had to be really emotionally mature because otherwise I don't know how I would have come out the other side I I made the right decision that like the right decision for me and not telling my entire family when it happens.
(17:53):
Um And yeah having having that time to process and heal myself and then you know later on in life like it's still emotional when people find out but it's a conversation that I feel more prepared for if they have questions and that like you can just lead to those nice moments of like us both understanding that like it was it was a really hard time for me and it's probably something they need to process and we can just both cry about it together if we need to.
(18:21):
Yeah and instead of you and excuse this made up word but instead of you having to thera pies them kind of like you decide when it's best for you as opposed to and then needing to hold all this space for them.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Yeah.
No it's really nice.
So it sounds like it when you told your mom she wasn't like okay we need tell X.
(18:45):
X.
X.
And X.
We need to,
everyone needs to know but what she said,
it sounds like she was respectful on who you did and didn't want to know.
Yeah.
Yeah she was.
She um like we like made a plan with my school counselor to like eventually when I was ready like have a chat with his family as well.
(19:06):
Um Yeah like there was one day like I actually told his mom myself and that was something that I felt a little bit pressured into but by someone else.
Yeah,
she blamed me.
Um which you know,
I guess I expected but was still a really difficult thing to hear and then once she knew that's when things kind of like just,
(19:34):
it was like an avalanche,
like there was like meetings with like his parents,
my house,
there was meetings with like his mum and the counselor,
There was meetings with me and him with the counselor.
Like it was just like all these things and like trying to like figure out like what the next steps were and like when it first happened,
I was like,
(19:55):
he's my best friend.
Like we can work through this.
Like I want to get to a place and eventually like I can be his best friend again,
that was naive.
Um yeah,
that never happened.
Obviously.
I think that was just like the initial response was like,
I want to forget that it ever happened,
but obviously that's not something that I was willing or able to do,
(20:16):
I've had to go through that and similarities of mother of assault or not really responding well parents,
I should say not just his mom and also when I had the help of a counselor to,
to tell my parents and then it was the avalanche,
like I don't,
I don't mean this against my parents,
(20:37):
but they kind of thought that then everyone needed to know and yeah,
so it's snowballed as soon as I told my parents and again,
they thought they were doing the right thing.
That's not anything against them.
But I can't imagine your experiences of with his family and then all the different iterations and yeah,
(20:59):
I will never forget like the amount of anxiety I had,
like waiting for them to come over that night and like have a discussion about it.
It was like the worst.
I don't know whose idea that was,
it was freaking and was he with them with the parents know?
So it was just his,
yeah,
his mom and dad and then my mom and I,
when I reflect back on my experience and I'm curious to obviously the actual event of the assault was horrific,
(21:27):
but I find most of my trauma and what happened after yeah,
how it was handled,
you know,
those terrible conversations with whoever they were,
you know,
those run ins in school?
No,
I totally agree.
Like obviously the assault itself was awful and like,
that's where like a,
(21:47):
like a whole lot of the trauma sits.
Um and like that's kind of like,
where like,
now,
like if I'm struggling with it,
like that's kind of what the,
you know what the nightmares and all that are about.
But um Like a lot of my trauma came from what happened after and like the ongoing drama was because of the actions of like his family afterwards.
(22:15):
Um like I remember it would have been like a year 18 months later and my mum had gone to work and my mom's,
my mom has like a cleaning business,
so she cleans other people's houses and one of the um people's houses that she cleans was like a mutual friend and like this mutual friend one day was just like,
(22:39):
oh my God,
like um this person's like so and so which is the mom of the guy,
She's like,
like this happened at his brother's like party and you know,
this like woman got him drunk and then cried rape.
They like this family had just completely changed the story.
(23:02):
Um and they made it seem like it was like an older woman,
so that kind of protected my identity in a way.
I obviously didn't tell anyone,
like I didn't go around and tell and tell all our mutual friends because we did run in the same circles.
Like I didn't go and tell them like,
oh you can't hang out with this person anymore because their son did this.
Like,
I was like,
no,
like it's it's not their burden to bear,
(23:24):
like I'm and I'm fine with that.
So I wasn't trying to get people to take sides.
Like my mom came home that day and told me that and I was like,
oh my God and that broke me.
Like my mom actually ended up saying to that person because they were like,
telling her the story.
Like my Mom said to her,
she's like,
actually that's not the case.
What happened was he did this and he did it to my daughter.
(23:48):
And like,
she was just like,
oh my God,
like I'm so sorry.
And she's like,
that makes so much more sense now because like,
this and this didn't add up when like,
so and so was telling me um and yes,
so my mom was like,
honest with me about that and that broke me.
Like,
I was like,
shaking as my mom was telling me,
and I was like,
I just like,
I need to go have a shower and like,
(24:10):
just like,
clear my head.
And I remember I got in the shower and like,
I put music on,
I was playing as loud as I can as I could.
And my mom like,
I could still hear me sobbing like,
over the shower.
Like I was in the shower and I just like,
broke.
I like,
fell to the floor.
I was just sobbing and I couldn't breathe and my mom had to come into the shower with just like,
(24:32):
pick me up and make sure that I was okay because like,
that trauma of knowing that like they could twist the story so much and make me sound like an awful person when I was the one that was like,
protecting them still like because I loved them so much.
Like because they were like,
my other family,
I loved them so much that I protected them until that day until that day that I found out that they had been changing the story and trying to make me look like an awful person.
(25:01):
So yeah,
after that I just stopped caring and that's yeah,
that that trauma of knowing that Like they could claim that they cared about me for like 15 years,
like treat me like a daughter and then just like change because I told them the truth is just like heartbreaking.
I just my heart is breaking for you and thank you for being so vulnerable and open with these parts of your story and I really want to shake these adults,
(25:30):
these adults who were not caring and protecting and being kind to you as a young person and like you said,
a young person they had known for so long.
Yeah,
and it's not like I expected them to like be okay with like me anymore,
but like I didn't expect them to like make up lies,
(25:50):
you know that that was what really hurt when I see sexual violence in the like TVs and movies,
but then in real life when it happens to someone,
the people around them kind of twisted into this tv show movie drama to gossip about or something.
It's just it's not actually an entertaining thing.
(26:12):
I know right?
But then like,
and then I look at it and I'm like,
this would make great tv sounds like it came straight from it because the way that they treated and like the way that they twist it,
they make it like a tv show,
if you could,
what advice would you give to schools supporting student victims or survivors?
(26:33):
I think the main thing I would say is like,
actually ask victims survivors,
like if they've disclosed to you,
like ask them to think about what they need,
like don't assume that something might,
you know,
work for them,
ask them to have a good hard think about what they might need and accommodate that as best you can,
like for me,
(26:54):
some of those things were like going over the class lists,
but then it was also like my like lock up position in relation to his,
like I made sure that his was like as far away as possible.
Um and like,
even when it came to like exams and stuff,
like choosing my seating was a big one,
(27:15):
like I made sure that I sat at the very back corner where the door was because then it like in my mind tricked me into thinking that I had an escape,
which I technically did.
Um but then I also knew that he was a very opposite corner.
Um So yeah,
like things like that were really helpful for me,
(27:37):
but then I think that schools also just need to be better at listening um in general and understanding that there might be dynamics like that within their institution and that,
you know,
it is up to them to protect their students as best as they can.
So making those accommodations shouldn't be a big deal for me.
I found it so impactful to know that I could go to the counseling office whenever and I was lucky to have a couple of really good counselors at school who understood for example,
(28:09):
for me,
when I would get in a space during the school day where I just needed a break,
I would walk in and the receptionist knew to just hand me a coloring pack and I would go and sit in my little spot in color and that was really helpful for me and like,
it's great to have that in the well being space,
but then also having teeth which is aware,
like we had this little system at school that people who utilized the well being space a lot and then like did have,
(28:34):
if they needed to leave class in order just to calm down,
um like to get some fresh air or to like to go to the well being space.
We had like a card,
like just a little lemonade ID card that we could like show the teacher Yeah,
that's great.
So then it's that clear communication to them without needing that verbal explanation on,
(28:54):
it's not like that,
not needing that.
Like,
hey,
can I talk to you outside for a minute and then like crying in front of like,
and then all the students in your class,
being able to see through the windows and being like,
what the hell,
what advice would you give to parents and carers supporting their Children,
Their young people who have experienced sexual violence.
(29:15):
Listen,
trauma is trauma responses are different for everybody.
Um so like the way that I've reacted,
like the way that you've heard me speak about my reactions and everything and how my traumas impacted me maybe totally different for somebody else.
Like listen to what they're saying,
listen to their needs and allow them to have whatever reaction they need to have in order to get through it.
(29:41):
If they need to just like cry and break down and just like let all their emotions out.
If they need to just keep on keeping on occupy themselves,
allow them to do that if they need to like find something that they can like fixate on like going for a run or coloring or something,
(30:01):
allow them to respond however their body is telling them to respond because it is like a physical thing as well as just emotional where possible,
really respecting their agency who they're comfortable telling like you said what they need in that moment.
I think that's a huge thing.
Like when someone is assaulted their yeah,
(30:26):
their agency is taken away,
the control is taken away.
Um so allowing them to control the next steps is really important.
Don't make a police report.
Don't go and tell the school,
allow them to control when those things happen.
If it is like a school based thing,
walk with them about the possibility of like telling your your level coordinator or something don't just do it for them because you think it's what's going to be best for them allow them to be a part of that decision making process.
(30:57):
Um Actually I think it is important to touch on the police scenario.
Don't force someone to go to the police about it.
That person will do it if they think it's right for them.
There's no like statute of limitations or anything like that.
So there's no rush.
So yeah,
don't pressure anyone into that situation either.
I think that kind of clearly shows what safety looks like for different people after an assault and with young people,
(31:22):
I myself as someone who goes into cool,
I have mandatory reporting obligations but um you know,
I think for parents and cares that's something that as the adults they can explore but not anything.
Yeah,
not force and if certain things need to happen for the safety of that young person involved,
(31:43):
a young person let them know what's happening.
Don't just do on their behalf.
That aspect like mandatory reporting is really interesting like when you talk about it in this in this way,
like obviously you know it's mandatory like you have to report that but there's also still the chance to include the young person and I think that's really important for like youth workers and anyone who has to do mandatory reporting that it's important that you inform the young person that that's what's going to happen because if there ever like shocked by that they'll never trust anyone again.
(32:22):
Yeah I couldn't agree more when you commented on how you and your mom have kind of reflected on how you telling her went down and then her finding out about the alcohol.
I first told my parents about a party with alcohol so then I was grounded and then later they found out about the assault I guess for the adults and the parents and carers kind of not just excusing to not get the young person in trouble but I guess remembering what the main point is that the young person has experienced the trauma,
(32:52):
it's very very interesting to look back on my experience with my mom because for so long I was so angry at her because I was like So frustrated is like why I was punished like wasn't I punished by my decisions like for my decisions enough by being assaulted like that was my view as like 15 year old traumatized Laura um but then like looking at it now I'm very aware of how terrified my mom was you know like her her baby had been assaulted.
(33:25):
Like and I think that's one thing that I never took in to account was that my assault wasn't just a trauma for me.
It was a trauma for my mom.
Her response was also a trauma response.
If you are a parent,
allow yourself to admit that it's a trauma response for you too.
If you don't,
then you'll probably make some decisions that are a bit rash,
a bit triggering for your child might lead to some resentment.
(33:48):
Very similarly.
My assault was a trauma for my parents that I found out years later.
You know,
let them into their own therapy sessions and things like that.
But I think like by talking about these things,
talking about my experience and I think like those conversations about the dynamic with telling people and you know how people respond.
(34:09):
Like it's it's a really interesting conversation,
but it's also a really important one to have to try to reduce trauma for victims survivors but also like their family members and the people around them.
A trauma doesn't always just affect one person and that's a huge thing to take out of this conversation,
laura.
I really want to thank you for your honesty,
(34:29):
your vulnerability and for your insight and I am sorry you had to be so emotionally mature as a young person.
Thank you so much.
It's been a real,
real special thing to be able to jump on here today and talk about my experience,
but I also just wanted to thank you for 12 sexual health victoria for giving me the space,
but also you chrissy um for sharing your story as well.
(34:52):
Thank you so much.
Thank you to both Laura and chrissy for using their stories to provide insight on how we can better support young people who have experienced sexual violence,
key things which stood out for me in this discussion.
Both chrissy and Laura spoke of how lucky they were to have a great welfare team at their school.
(35:17):
All parents and carers could benefit from knowing who the support team is for their young people.
Disclosing to parents and carers is difficult,
particularly if it involves disclosing about behavior that a parent or carer would disapprove of.
Like drinking.
Let young people have agency in how their trauma is managed.
(35:42):
Laura works for Youth Affairs Council victoria.
I'll link to that in the show notes,
they do lots of great work advocating for young people.
Laura tells more about her experience on her podcast growing up clueless.
I'll put a link for that.
Also,
Sexual assault service victoria's a is the peak body for specialist sexual assault services and harmful sexual behavior services.
(36:05):
I'll put a link for them also,
for more information about sexual health victoria,
you can go to dot org dot au.
You can follow s HV on instagram facebook or twitter or linkedin contact us directly at doing it at S H vik dot org dot au.
Subscribe to the podcast like it.
If you like it,
(36:25):
Thank you so much for listening.
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.