December 12, 2024 • 16 mins
In this special replay, I’m diving back into the topic of early application notifications—acceptances, denials, and deferrals—and how to handle them. These moments can feel overwhelming, but they’re just a step in the process. Join me as I share insights on what these decisions mean and how to guide your child through them with clarity and confidence. Let’s tackle this pivotal time together!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Sheila Akbar (00:00):
We want to remember, this is a system by
(00:03):
which colleges meet theirinstitutional priorities. These
are like business goals for acollege where they want to grow
their tuition, or increase theirfoothold in a certain area of
the country, you know, maybe getmore students into a certain
program that they've justlaunched.
(00:40):
Okay, fam, early decision andearly action notifications are
coming out this week, mayalready be out for some of your
schools or are coming in thenext few days. So I wanted to
drop in episode here on how doyou handle this? And what does
it all mean? And even if you didget in, what are your next
(01:03):
steps? And more important than Ithink that sort of like
tactical, right, how do we takethis feedback and integrate it
into whatever our next stepsare, I want to spend some time
talking about the emotionalimpact and roller coaster that
you're sure to experience asthese notifications start to
come out. And it's a goodpreview of what's going to
(01:25):
happen in March when the regulardecision notifications come out,
as well. So you can back up toyour previous episode on what's
early decision, what's earlyaction, and what are the
benefits, etc, etc. But if yoursenior has applied early
decision, early action, singlechoice, early action, any of the
(01:45):
variants of these earlyapplication programs, most of
those notifications are going tocome out in early mid December.
Now, a number of early actionprograms have shifted their
notification date to January,even February, after the regular
decision deadline. And thatthrows a wrench in things. But
(02:08):
just so you know, you canusually look on the college's
admissions deadline website, andthey'll tell you what the
notification date is. If it'snot there, you can look them up
on their Twitter's slash xaccount or their Instagram
account. And you might see adate there. So you know what to
expect. Now, just in terms ofgetting ready for the day, if it
(02:29):
hasn't happened for you yet, Iwould say have a conversation
with your kid about when theyare going to look at the
notification. Usually, an emailwill pop up that says there's a
message waiting for you in ourapplicant portal, you have to go
log in somewhere else and seewhat the actual answer is. Or
(02:49):
you just log in at the time, youknow that the notification
decisions are about to come out.
You know, there's been amovement over the last couple of
years for colleges to not dothis in the middle of the school
day, or not even do it duringthe school week, maybe do it on
a Friday after school is out sothat it's not as challenging a
moment, it's not a distractionfrom school, if they didn't get
(03:10):
in, they're not you know, intears at school, or let's say
they do get in which is awesome.
But maybe many of their peersdidn't. And so then there's just
like this kind of awkwardnessthat they want to avoid. Now,
not every college has done that.
What we've seen in years past isthey'll come out on a Friday or
maybe a Thursday evening.
(03:32):
Because sometimes when they getthat decision, they the kids
want to go talk to their collegecounselor about well, what do I
do? How do I do this? Right? Andif they have to wait till
Monday, you know, that can bereally hard for some kids,
though, there is virtue andlearning how to be patient with
those things, of course. Soyeah, emotionally, it's a lot.
(03:52):
Have your students think aboutwhen they are going to look at
that, around whom they want tolook at that. And what do they
feel comfortable sharing withtheir friends? What do they feel
comfortable with their friendssharing with them is, you know,
of course, we can't protect ourchildren from every kind of
disappointment. But if we go inwith clear boundaries, and clear
(04:15):
expectations, hopefully we havean easier time managing our
emotions around whatever theanswer may be from the college.
I think it's also reallyimportant throughout this
process to plant those seedsthat just because you don't get
into a college, it doesn't meanyou're going to be a failure. It
doesn't mean people don'tbelieve in you. It doesn't mean
(04:35):
you're not good enough. And thatis you know, I need to say that
because that is really wherekids go with these answers and
sometimes where parents go. Andobviously that's not the truth
at all. We want to remember thisis a system by which colleges
meet their institutionalpriorities. These are like
(04:58):
business goals. For a collegewhere they want to grow their
tuition, or increase theirfoothold in a certain area of
the country, you know, maybe getmore students into a certain
program that they've justlaunched. And they want to
continue to develop, they haveall kinds of different
(05:19):
priorities. They do change fromyear to year, there are usually,
you know, five year plans thathave more long term priorities.
But at the end of the day, theyare selecting for two things.
One, can the student handle therigor of that college? Will they
be successful, they're in termsof their grades and things like
(05:41):
that. And, and this is the realbig filter, do they fulfill some
priority for the college. Andthat one's a hard pill to
swallow, because we don't knowwhat those priorities are. But
if you remind your student andremind yourself that there are
(06:01):
some priorities we're just notaware of. And just because you
didn't get in doesn't meanyou're not, quote unquote, good
enough or smart enough, or youwon't be a success somewhere. It
just means that this collegedidn't think you were a fit for
whatever their priorities happento be. And yes, it will still be
difficult. But I do encourageyou to put that perspective
(06:24):
forward. And then, you know,we'll talk about what the
different decisions might be injust a moment. But I do think
just on the emotional side ofthings, it's important to know
how you, as a parent, plan togive your child the space and
support that they may need. Ifthey get a decision. That is not
(06:45):
what they were hoping for. Howare you going to help them stay
focused, help them put thisdecision in perspective, and
just help them know that theymatter, and that you care about
them, that you love them, thateverything will work out? In the
end? How are you going to dothat. And in order for you to do
(07:07):
that, you also have to believethose things. So hopefully, it's
one of the reasons you're tuninginto this episode to understand
all of this and get thatperspective on what did these
decisions mean. But I do thinkit's important for parents to
set the tone, we've onlyscratched the surface of how to
emotionally support your childthrough this, but you know, your
(07:28):
children best. And remember thatthere are other people in their
circle, who can also supportthem, whether that's teachers,
mentors, coaches, family,friends, and their college
counselor at school. But also,we need to give them the space
to process these feelings andreally, you know, sit with them
(07:50):
and manage them in a healthyway. But you may also need to be
looking towards those regulardecision deadlines, which
depending on when you get yournotification are probably only
two, two and a half weeks away.
So we can't sit in our negativefeelings for too long before we
need to take some action. Right?
(08:12):
So have a plan. Now on to whatare the decisions? And what do
they mean, with any earlyapplication, there are three
potential decisions, you have anacceptance, you have a denial,
you have a deferral. Soacceptance, pretty
straightforward, you got in,that's fantastic. If this was an
(08:34):
early decision school, you havecommitted to going there, they
usually give you a short periodof time to kind of confirm, and
you'll need to also withdrawyour applications to other
schools, right. And rememberthat you signed an agreement,
when you submitted your earlydecision application, your
(08:55):
counselor signed it, yourparents signed it, the student
signed it. And you really wantto abide by those terms, because
not only might it burn bridgesfor you, you know, it's
unethical. And also it mightburn bridges for your school. To
summarize, if it's earlydecision, and you get an
acceptance, accept your spot,communicate with the school as
they require you to and withdrawyour other applications. If it's
(09:18):
early action, you don'tnecessarily have to take action.
You can wait until you hear fromany regular decision schools you
want to apply to. You don't haveto make a decision until May 1.
But if you know that youdefinitely want to go to this
early action school, putyourself out of your misery and
(09:39):
go ahead, commit to them andwithdraw your other applications
or don't file any otherapplications and you're done.
Congratulations. It's it'sawesome. Now, if you get a deny
from a school, it's a bummer.
For sure kids feel rejected theyfeel as I was saying earlier,
not Good enough. But here, youwant to take this information as
(10:03):
some kind of feedback. Becauseif you were denied early, you
will have to file regulardecision applications. So what
can we learn from that denial?
And as a parent, you know, don'trush into this stage, unless
your child is ready to go there,give them a couple of days. But
(10:23):
what can we learn from thatdenial?
Does it mean we were aiming fortoo selective of a university
where your grades, test scores,you know, leadership,
extracurriculars, all of thatstuff doesn't really match up to
the typical freshman admitted,if there's something that you
feel you want to emphasize moreor framed differently, you know,
(10:49):
it doesn't hurt to take a lookat those essays. And think about
what you might want to do alittle bit differently. And you
may also want to look at whichschools you're really putting
your energy into, for example,if you got a denial from a
school that you thought was inyour target range, meaning, you
know, your profile is right onthe mark, with the typical
(11:11):
student that they kind ofexcept, well, maybe there's
something to think about,they're in adding more target
schools to your list or notstretching so much for the reach
schools, right. So it's a littlebit of feedback there. It's
important that you put forwardreally strong applications to
your regular decision schools,and make sure those are the
right schools for you. Now, thedeferral is the one that can be
(11:33):
the most confusing, bothemotionally and sort of
tactically, like, what are yousupposed to do with this? So
deferral means they looked atyour application, they didn't
see anything in it that theydidn't like, so they don't feel
like they want to deny you. Butat the same time, they're not
(11:54):
sure they can admit you, theywant to see what the regular
decision applicant pool lookslike, before they give you an
answer. And now this is wherethose institutional priorities
come in. Basically, if you'vebeen deferred, in most of the
cases, it means they think youcould handle their school, and
that you might actually be agood fit for their school. But
(12:16):
they are waiting to see if anapplication comes in, that fits
their priorities even betterthan yours does. So in that way,
it's kind of like not a judgmenton you, I do encourage my
students to see this as apositive sign, right, at least
we weren't rejected. So with adeferral, what happens then is
(12:36):
your application is put into theregular decision pool. And they
look at you all over again, whenthey're reading all of the other
applications. And they do allowyou to submit some additional
material. Now often this is justyou know, a short letter,
sometimes they give you a wordcount, like 300 words, they may
(12:56):
ask for additional grades, ifyou've won any, you know, awards
or had any significantaccomplishments in the time
between, you know, November 1,when you submitted your early
application, and January 1, orfifth or whatever it is
deadline, for regular decision,you can submit that as well. And
I highly recommend that you do.
And these these letters, theseupdates may take the form of
(13:21):
kind of a short essay,oftentimes, it's a very sort of
factual, here's what's new. Andhere's why I continue to love
your school. Right, maybe you'velearned something new about
them, or you learn something newabout yourself that makes the
school even a better fit. Thoseare the kinds of things that can
help an admissions officerevaluate whether you really are
(13:44):
a fit for their school. Theemotional challenge with the
deferral is that you're just inlimbo, right? It doesn't
necessarily mean anything about,you need to change your essays
or change your school list. But,you know, it's always wise to
consider that. And thensometimes it's not about the
(14:07):
student at all. It's about arelationship with the students
school that they want tomaintain, or, you know, a
relationship with an alum orsomething like that, and they
think of it as like a softletdown. Now, to kind of close
this out, I just want you toremember that it all feels very
high stakes, and it's allextremely emotionally charged.
(14:28):
And the better prepared you as aparent or a caretaker are to
support your student throughwhat these decisions mean and
what needs to happen next, butalso give them the space to
process their emotions willdetermine a lot about how this
goes. And to those listening,for hearing. Maybe you're afraid
(14:51):
of what kind of D day this isgoing to be for your child who
maybe is Uh, you know, junior orsophomore or something like
that. This is why it's importantto start cracking on some of
those regular decisionapplications before you hear
back from your earlyapplications, because it's hard,
it's really hard to starttalking about why you love this
(15:17):
other school when you've justgotten a you know, deny from a
school that you really put a lotof hope into and a lot of work
into. And we have a compressedtimeline. And it can be very
hard to process those emotionsand put your best riding
forward. And also, you know,we're coming into winter break,
(15:39):
where students don't need abreak, they need a rest, and
really don't want them to bescrambling over winter break to
get all of these applicationsin. So please plan ahead, and if
you need help with that, youknow where to find me. Thanks,
everybody. We'll see you nexttime.
We want to remember, this is a system by
(00:03):
which colleges meet theirinstitutional priorities. These
are like business goals for acollege where they want to grow
their tuition, or increase theirfoothold in a certain area of
the country, you know, maybe getmore students into a certain
program that they've justlaunched.
(00:40):
Okay, fam, early decision andearly action notifications are
coming out this week, mayalready be out for some of your
schools or are coming in thenext few days. So I wanted to
drop in episode here on how doyou handle this? And what does
it all mean? And even if you didget in, what are your next
(01:03):
steps? And more important than Ithink that sort of like
tactical, right, how do we takethis feedback and integrate it
into whatever our next stepsare, I want to spend some time
talking about the emotionalimpact and roller coaster that
you're sure to experience asthese notifications start to
come out. And it's a goodpreview of what's going to
(01:25):
happen in March when the regulardecision notifications come out,
as well. So you can back up toyour previous episode on what's
early decision, what's earlyaction, and what are the
benefits, etc, etc. But if yoursenior has applied early
decision, early action, singlechoice, early action, any of the
(01:45):
variants of these earlyapplication programs, most of
those notifications are going tocome out in early mid December.
Now, a number of early actionprograms have shifted their
notification date to January,even February, after the regular
decision deadline. And thatthrows a wrench in things. But
(02:08):
just so you know, you canusually look on the college's
admissions deadline website, andthey'll tell you what the
notification date is. If it'snot there, you can look them up
on their Twitter's slash xaccount or their Instagram
account. And you might see adate there. So you know what to
expect. Now, just in terms ofgetting ready for the day, if it
(02:29):
hasn't happened for you yet, Iwould say have a conversation
with your kid about when theyare going to look at the
notification. Usually, an emailwill pop up that says there's a
message waiting for you in ourapplicant portal, you have to go
log in somewhere else and seewhat the actual answer is. Or
(02:49):
you just log in at the time, youknow that the notification
decisions are about to come out.
You know, there's been amovement over the last couple of
years for colleges to not dothis in the middle of the school
day, or not even do it duringthe school week, maybe do it on
a Friday after school is out sothat it's not as challenging a
moment, it's not a distractionfrom school, if they didn't get
(03:10):
in, they're not you know, intears at school, or let's say
they do get in which is awesome.
But maybe many of their peersdidn't. And so then there's just
like this kind of awkwardnessthat they want to avoid. Now,
not every college has done that.
What we've seen in years past isthey'll come out on a Friday or
maybe a Thursday evening.
(03:32):
Because sometimes when they getthat decision, they the kids
want to go talk to their collegecounselor about well, what do I
do? How do I do this? Right? Andif they have to wait till
Monday, you know, that can bereally hard for some kids,
though, there is virtue andlearning how to be patient with
those things, of course. Soyeah, emotionally, it's a lot.
(03:52):
Have your students think aboutwhen they are going to look at
that, around whom they want tolook at that. And what do they
feel comfortable sharing withtheir friends? What do they feel
comfortable with their friendssharing with them is, you know,
of course, we can't protect ourchildren from every kind of
disappointment. But if we go inwith clear boundaries, and clear
(04:15):
expectations, hopefully we havean easier time managing our
emotions around whatever theanswer may be from the college.
I think it's also reallyimportant throughout this
process to plant those seedsthat just because you don't get
into a college, it doesn't meanyou're going to be a failure. It
doesn't mean people don'tbelieve in you. It doesn't mean
(04:35):
you're not good enough. And thatis you know, I need to say that
because that is really wherekids go with these answers and
sometimes where parents go. Andobviously that's not the truth
at all. We want to remember thisis a system by which colleges
meet their institutionalpriorities. These are like
(04:58):
business goals. For a collegewhere they want to grow their
tuition, or increase theirfoothold in a certain area of
the country, you know, maybe getmore students into a certain
program that they've justlaunched. And they want to
continue to develop, they haveall kinds of different
(05:19):
priorities. They do change fromyear to year, there are usually,
you know, five year plans thathave more long term priorities.
But at the end of the day, theyare selecting for two things.
One, can the student handle therigor of that college? Will they
be successful, they're in termsof their grades and things like
(05:41):
that. And, and this is the realbig filter, do they fulfill some
priority for the college. Andthat one's a hard pill to
swallow, because we don't knowwhat those priorities are. But
if you remind your student andremind yourself that there are
(06:01):
some priorities we're just notaware of. And just because you
didn't get in doesn't meanyou're not, quote unquote, good
enough or smart enough, or youwon't be a success somewhere. It
just means that this collegedidn't think you were a fit for
whatever their priorities happento be. And yes, it will still be
difficult. But I do encourageyou to put that perspective
(06:24):
forward. And then, you know,we'll talk about what the
different decisions might be injust a moment. But I do think
just on the emotional side ofthings, it's important to know
how you, as a parent, plan togive your child the space and
support that they may need. Ifthey get a decision. That is not
(06:45):
what they were hoping for. Howare you going to help them stay
focused, help them put thisdecision in perspective, and
just help them know that theymatter, and that you care about
them, that you love them, thateverything will work out? In the
end? How are you going to dothat. And in order for you to do
(07:07):
that, you also have to believethose things. So hopefully, it's
one of the reasons you're tuninginto this episode to understand
all of this and get thatperspective on what did these
decisions mean. But I do thinkit's important for parents to
set the tone, we've onlyscratched the surface of how to
emotionally support your childthrough this, but you know, your
(07:28):
children best. And remember thatthere are other people in their
circle, who can also supportthem, whether that's teachers,
mentors, coaches, family,friends, and their college
counselor at school. But also,we need to give them the space
to process these feelings andreally, you know, sit with them
(07:50):
and manage them in a healthyway. But you may also need to be
looking towards those regulardecision deadlines, which
depending on when you get yournotification are probably only
two, two and a half weeks away.
So we can't sit in our negativefeelings for too long before we
need to take some action. Right?
(08:12):
So have a plan. Now on to whatare the decisions? And what do
they mean, with any earlyapplication, there are three
potential decisions, you have anacceptance, you have a denial,
you have a deferral. Soacceptance, pretty
straightforward, you got in,that's fantastic. If this was an
(08:34):
early decision school, you havecommitted to going there, they
usually give you a short periodof time to kind of confirm, and
you'll need to also withdrawyour applications to other
schools, right. And rememberthat you signed an agreement,
when you submitted your earlydecision application, your
(08:55):
counselor signed it, yourparents signed it, the student
signed it. And you really wantto abide by those terms, because
not only might it burn bridgesfor you, you know, it's
unethical. And also it mightburn bridges for your school. To
summarize, if it's earlydecision, and you get an
acceptance, accept your spot,communicate with the school as
they require you to and withdrawyour other applications. If it's
(09:18):
early action, you don'tnecessarily have to take action.
You can wait until you hear fromany regular decision schools you
want to apply to. You don't haveto make a decision until May 1.
But if you know that youdefinitely want to go to this
early action school, putyourself out of your misery and
(09:39):
go ahead, commit to them andwithdraw your other applications
or don't file any otherapplications and you're done.
Congratulations. It's it'sawesome. Now, if you get a deny
from a school, it's a bummer.
For sure kids feel rejected theyfeel as I was saying earlier,
not Good enough. But here, youwant to take this information as
(10:03):
some kind of feedback. Becauseif you were denied early, you
will have to file regulardecision applications. So what
can we learn from that denial?
And as a parent, you know, don'trush into this stage, unless
your child is ready to go there,give them a couple of days. But
(10:23):
what can we learn from thatdenial?
Does it mean we were aiming fortoo selective of a university
where your grades, test scores,you know, leadership,
extracurriculars, all of thatstuff doesn't really match up to
the typical freshman admitted,if there's something that you
feel you want to emphasize moreor framed differently, you know,
(10:49):
it doesn't hurt to take a lookat those essays. And think about
what you might want to do alittle bit differently. And you
may also want to look at whichschools you're really putting
your energy into, for example,if you got a denial from a
school that you thought was inyour target range, meaning, you
know, your profile is right onthe mark, with the typical
(11:11):
student that they kind ofexcept, well, maybe there's
something to think about,they're in adding more target
schools to your list or notstretching so much for the reach
schools, right. So it's a littlebit of feedback there. It's
important that you put forwardreally strong applications to
your regular decision schools,and make sure those are the
right schools for you. Now, thedeferral is the one that can be
(11:33):
the most confusing, bothemotionally and sort of
tactically, like, what are yousupposed to do with this? So
deferral means they looked atyour application, they didn't
see anything in it that theydidn't like, so they don't feel
like they want to deny you. Butat the same time, they're not
(11:54):
sure they can admit you, theywant to see what the regular
decision applicant pool lookslike, before they give you an
answer. And now this is wherethose institutional priorities
come in. Basically, if you'vebeen deferred, in most of the
cases, it means they think youcould handle their school, and
that you might actually be agood fit for their school. But
(12:16):
they are waiting to see if anapplication comes in, that fits
their priorities even betterthan yours does. So in that way,
it's kind of like not a judgmenton you, I do encourage my
students to see this as apositive sign, right, at least
we weren't rejected. So with adeferral, what happens then is
(12:36):
your application is put into theregular decision pool. And they
look at you all over again, whenthey're reading all of the other
applications. And they do allowyou to submit some additional
material. Now often this is justyou know, a short letter,
sometimes they give you a wordcount, like 300 words, they may
(12:56):
ask for additional grades, ifyou've won any, you know, awards
or had any significantaccomplishments in the time
between, you know, November 1,when you submitted your early
application, and January 1, orfifth or whatever it is
deadline, for regular decision,you can submit that as well. And
I highly recommend that you do.
And these these letters, theseupdates may take the form of
(13:21):
kind of a short essay,oftentimes, it's a very sort of
factual, here's what's new. Andhere's why I continue to love
your school. Right, maybe you'velearned something new about
them, or you learn something newabout yourself that makes the
school even a better fit. Thoseare the kinds of things that can
help an admissions officerevaluate whether you really are
(13:44):
a fit for their school. Theemotional challenge with the
deferral is that you're just inlimbo, right? It doesn't
necessarily mean anything about,you need to change your essays
or change your school list. But,you know, it's always wise to
consider that. And thensometimes it's not about the
(14:07):
student at all. It's about arelationship with the students
school that they want tomaintain, or, you know, a
relationship with an alum orsomething like that, and they
think of it as like a softletdown. Now, to kind of close
this out, I just want you toremember that it all feels very
high stakes, and it's allextremely emotionally charged.
(14:28):
And the better prepared you as aparent or a caretaker are to
support your student throughwhat these decisions mean and
what needs to happen next, butalso give them the space to
process their emotions willdetermine a lot about how this
goes. And to those listening,for hearing. Maybe you're afraid
(14:51):
of what kind of D day this isgoing to be for your child who
maybe is Uh, you know, junior orsophomore or something like
that. This is why it's importantto start cracking on some of
those regular decisionapplications before you hear
back from your earlyapplications, because it's hard,
it's really hard to starttalking about why you love this
(15:17):
other school when you've justgotten a you know, deny from a
school that you really put a lotof hope into and a lot of work
into. And we have a compressedtimeline. And it can be very
hard to process those emotionsand put your best riding
forward. And also, you know,we're coming into winter break,
(15:39):
where students don't need abreak, they need a rest, and
really don't want them to bescrambling over winter break to
get all of these applicationsin. So please plan ahead, and if
you need help with that, youknow where to find me. Thanks,
everybody. We'll see you nexttime.
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Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show. Clay Travis and Buck Sexton tackle the biggest stories in news, politics and current events with intelligence and humor. From the border crisis, to the madness of cancel culture and far-left missteps, Clay and Buck guide listeners through the latest headlines and hot topics with fun and entertaining conversations and opinions.