February 12, 2025 • 24 mins
In today’s episode, I share how middle schoolers can build strong academic and life skills to set themselves up for success—without rushing into college prep. From reading and executive function to healthy habits and mentorship, I’ll walk through practical ways to support your child’s growth and confidence. Plus, I’ll offer tips for parents on working with teachers and knowing when to seek extra help. Tune in for actionable insights to help your child thrive!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Sheila Akbar (00:00):
Does two things.
(00:00):
It exposes them to potentialinterests, hobbies, career
(00:02):
paths, you know, whatever, butit also predisposes them to
action, to trying something andreflecting on it. And that skill
of reflection, I'll talk aboutthis more in a minute, is so
vital for these young people whowill, before you know, it be
young adults.
(00:36):
Hi folks. Welcome back to thepodcast. I want to acknowledge
that 2025 has been a rough yearfor a lot of people so far, and
it can feel very overwhelming.
And if you are a parent like Iam, I'm sure you feel like your
concerns are double, becausethere is the moment we have to
live through. And then there arethe impacts to the future that
(00:57):
we worry about, that our kidswill have to live through. And
so I just want to acknowledgethat at the top, I know that it
is a tough time, and I hope thatlistening to me ramble about
these topics related toeducation and college admission
can either help you take yourmind off of things, or give you
(01:17):
some peace of mind around someof the things that you may be
wondering about in terms of, forexample, today's topic, how do
we prepare our middle schoolers,or younger for what's to come in
high school and the collegeprocess. Now a caveat, I don't
want you to think, if you have achild who is in middle school or
(01:39):
even younger, that there issomething that you need to be
doing immediately to preparethem for high school or the
college process. I wanted tospend today's episode talking
about this topic, because thisis a question I get a lot
families know that at mycompany, we only work with high
school students and older.
(02:02):
Nevertheless, at my free monthlyevents, I get a lot of parents
who have fifth graders or secondgraders. When I meet new people,
and they learn what I do. Theystart asking me questions about,
How can we prepare our 10 yearold for X, Y or Z? And I happen
to spend the weekend with a verydear friend of mine who has two
(02:23):
middle schoolers who are reallywonderful, sweet kids. And you
know, she and her her husbandare wonderful parents, but she
is also wondering, what do I doto get my kids ready for this?
And I do have some ideas toshare. So I thought some of you
with younger kids may beinterested to hear what I have
(02:44):
to say on this. And if your kidsare in high school, these things
that I'm talking about willstill be relevant to them. These
are just general perspectivesand priorities that research has
shown and that I think a lot ofus know through common sense,
are really great things forevery child to be working on and
(03:05):
to hold as priorities. I'm goingto talk you through kind of a
rough outline that I've got hereabout how to prepare younger
kids for high school and thecollege process. Now, again,
there's nothing that parents ofyounger kids you know
specifically need to do orcomplete or a milestone they
need to hit to get their kidready. Here, these are general
(03:28):
principles. We are going to talka lot about building the
underlying skills and mindsetsfor success. And if you've been
listening to this podcast, youknow, I define success really
broadly, and honestly, everybodyshould have their own definition
of success, because it may lookone way for one student and a
(03:49):
totally different way foranother student. And both of
those definitions are valid, soit's worth you as a parent,
thinking about what does successmean to me, and how can I help
my student develop their owndefinition of success and then
help them move towards it. So weare going to talk about academic
(04:10):
skills, executive functionskills. We are also going to
talk about exploring hobbies andinterests, developing healthy
life habits like sleep hygiene,you know, balanced physical
activity and rest and socialtime and just alone time, which
everybody needs. Buildingmentorship relationships with
other trusted adults in theirlives is a really important
(04:33):
thing, and can help them developself advocacy and self
confidence and help them exploresome of those interests they may
have, and all of this culminatesin building their sense of self
confidence. We really want themto be able to know that they can
hand. Any challenge that comestheir way, and that's not only
(04:54):
through building the skills likewe've just been talking about,
but it's also through buildingup their knowledge of self,
their knowledge of theirstrengths, and their confidence
in their ability to build skillsand improve on areas that may
need a little bit of work, orthings that they're not very
(05:15):
good at, naturally, that if theywork at it, if they seek help,
if they practice, they can getbetter at things, and that
knowledge that they can learnhow to handle things or handle
them with the skills theyalready have. Can take them so
far. All right, I'm going tostart with the more kind of
concrete things that you knowmay be a little bit obvious, but
(05:39):
one of the things that you canwork on with your younger
students is their academicskills, these would be
foundational skills likereading, writing, math, critical
thinking. These might also bethe skills that help them learn
more effectively, which would bethings like how to take good
notes, study strategies fordifferent subjects, keeping
(06:02):
things organized, things likethat. And theoretically, these
are things that they arelearning in school. Some schools
I know have very explicit andfocused Academic Skills type
courses where students actuallylearn a variety of note taking
and organizational strategies,time management strategies and
(06:22):
things like that. In otherplaces, in other contexts,
students are going to have tolearn this on their own. And
then in those cases, you know,some students get it pretty
quickly, and some students aregoing to need a little more
focused attention. So this is aplace where you know you want to
kind of take a look at what areyour students instincts around
(06:46):
these things, and if you'renoticing that they struggle with
their handwriting, theirorganization, understanding you
know what's due when, andmanaging their time so that they
can finish things in a timelymanner, if you're noticing that
it's worth digging into theunderlying skills to see if
there is something that you maybe able to demonstrate for them,
(07:10):
help them figure out on theirown, or learn something new with
them about a note taking method,or how to use a particular type
of Journal or to do list. Thereare lots of books on these sorts
of things and lots of methodsout there, and I always say the
best method is the one that isgoing to work for your child,
(07:32):
the one that they're actuallygoing to do right is not one
planner that I recommend foreverybody. I myself don't use a
planner, but I am veryorganized, and I have a whole
bunch of tools that I have overtime figure it out work for me,
and I use them veryconsistently. Without them, I
feel completely lost. But ifsomebody had just given me a
(07:55):
planner and said, use this, Iprobably would have thrown that
planner back in their face. Sokeep that in mind. It may not
look like what you would use,but we want a solution that is
going to help your kid with thethings that they need to do, and
in a way that they're going towant to do it, that this is
(08:15):
going to be a consistent habit,that they use this tool or this
method because they see how muchit helps them, and then you're
not continually having to remindthem to do X, Y or Z, right?
It's a self sustaining habit.
And remember that there, therewill be some trial and error
here, and you should also thinkabout who else can help you with
(08:36):
this, right? So, for example,sometimes a younger sibling may
want to emulate what an oldersibling does if they use a big
whiteboard in their room to keepthings organized. Maybe that's
what the younger kid wants totry first, and we'll see how
that works for them. If they'restruggling with some academic
(08:57):
skill, it's really importantthat you talk to their teachers
and see what they're learning inschool, see what the teacher has
noticed, and collaborate withwith the teacher to see what you
can do from home to help themdevelop those skills. And this
is where also, you know, ahomework help, sort of tutor,
(09:18):
executive function Coach, can bevery, very useful. They'll work
with your child to identifyareas for improvement and then
introduce strategies and toolsand routines and systems to help
them strengthen those areas. AndI do want to say I've said this
in other episodes, but executivefunctioning skills can be
(09:39):
developed. They actuallynaturally develop through
exposure and experience. So themore frequently your students
can have to write papers. So thebetter they're going to get at
writing papers. They're going tofigure some things out for
themselves. You can help themalong that journey with
strategies that will address thechallenges that they're facing
(10:02):
or the things that they hateabout reading or writing or
doing math, right once youunderstand what their feelings
are towards these skills ortheir awareness level of their
skills or their need to developthose skills, then you can kind
of intervene with what they mayneed. So I start with sort of
(10:23):
these academic and executivefunctioning skills, because they
really do underlie a lot ofsuccess that you know, we'll
want our students to have astheir classes get harder, as
they take on moreextracurricular commitments, and
their free time becomes less andless, and then they start
managing a complex process likethe college application process.
(10:46):
Building these skills early canreally, really be a game
changer, and it's the firstplace I would start with any
student, because usually it'sgoing to bring them a sense of
understanding and selfconfidence, and it's going to
put out some fires, right? It'sgoing to have some immediate
impact on their experience ofschool. Now, the next thing I'm
(11:10):
going to chat about here arethese healthy sort of life
habits that also really fuelsuccess in school that we don't
often think about, but can be socrucial for our students. So
obviously, getting enough waterand eating well is really
important to fueling your bodyand your brain, enabling
(11:30):
students to concentrate andabsorb information efficiently
and maintain some impulse andemotional regulation while they
are at school. But just asimportant would be sleep
physical activity. Rest, right,even not sleep, but rest time
for hanging out with friends,time for being alone. Of course,
their mental health is a bigpart of this, understanding
(11:53):
stress levels and what they cando to cope, making sure their
screen time is at a, you know,healthy level, and they've got a
healthy relationship to theirtechnology all follows
underneath this. Because, youknow, if kids aren't sleeping,
if they are over stimulated bysocial media, they're not going
(12:13):
to be learning at their best,and that is what we really want.
So building these healthy habitsnow while your kids are younger
is going to be so important forthem as they move into their
teenage years, and high schoolclasses get more stressful, and
then there's all the personaldrama that goes along with it,
(12:34):
right? So build those healthyhabits earlier, and they can
keep them for a lifetime. Allright, another thing I chatted
with my friend over the weekendabout was just exploring
interests and hobbies and justallowing your kids to luxuriate
in the things that they enjoy.
(12:55):
Now I know the first thing a lotof parents tell me is like,
well, they only enjoy playingvideo games, and of course,
those things are designed to bevery enjoyable, even addictive,
for young brains. But the otherthing I will say is, the more
you can expose your student, themore you can expose your kid to
(13:16):
a variety of interests andhobbies and activities, the more
chances you're giving them todiscover the things that light
them up. And it might be youtake them to a cooking class, or
you just cook dinner with them,or you introduce them to an old
friend of yours who lives acompletely different lifestyle,
(13:36):
and maybe is an artist or raisesanimals, or, you know, who knows
what, but the more they see, themore they can imagine. Maybe
that's my life, or maybe that'sa part of my life, or that's a
thing that I would like to trynew sports, school clubs, seeing
art, movies, music, building avideo game, you know, learning
(13:57):
how to code physically, buildingthings with their hands, whether
that's a model airplane or Ijust got, I love doing This. We
just got a little papersculpture kit where I can make
these very colorful littleinsects. My son and I really
love doing these thingstogether, so just introducing
them to a variety of things,instilling that idea of like,
(14:21):
let's try something once, and ifyou don't like it, we don't have
to do it again. But if you dolike it, let's do more of it
right? Does two things. Itexposes them to potential
interests, hobbies, careerpaths, you know, whatever, but
it also predisposes them toaction, to trying something and
reflecting on it, and that skillof reflection also. Talk about
(14:45):
this more in a minute. Is sovital for these young people who
will before you know it, theyoung adults, having that
ability to reflect on somethingand make a choice based on their
reflection is such an amazinglifelong skill, and this is one
way to help them build it is toask them, What do you like about
(15:06):
that? What excited you aboutthat? What didn't you like about
that? What made youuncomfortable? And then, based
on what they say, you couldsuggest something else. You
could decide never to do thatthing again, or you could try it
again. But in a differentcontext, maybe it was a big
group cooking class, and theyreally liked it, but would have
(15:29):
loved to have more attentionfrom the chef. Well, maybe the
two of you can work through acookbook together and then it's
all one on one. Or, you know,maybe they do smaller group
sessions or join a cooking clubat their school, and they're
cooking with their friendsinstead of with you or with with
(15:49):
other adults, right? There arelots of ways to create
variations that they may enjoymore, and you want to just keep
pulling that thread. If theyenjoy something, let's try to
find ways for them to explorerelated things. Do more of this
thing, understand why whateverthis thing is that they like,
(16:09):
why they like it, why it'smeaningful to them. And
eventually, at some point, youwant to think about how can we
share this interest with otherpeople, maybe with other people
who would never otherwise beexposed to this thing. Can this
interest lead us to a skill orsome sort of contribution to a
(16:29):
community that we care about?
Can we volunteer in this area ina way that helps other people,
right? And so this hobby andinterest starts to become the
foundation of a lot of otherthings that they do. And I'm not
saying, you know, those of youwho are interested in, you know,
the college strategy. I'm notsaying that whatever this thing
(16:50):
is that they find that they likebecomes their purpose in life or
the cornerstone of their collegestrategy. No, not at all. As
humans, we need things thatbring us joy. And I think
modeling for your young childrenand encouraging them to protect
their joy in some kind ofinterest, I think, is so
(17:11):
important. So help them carvethat thing out. It doesn't have
to be something that isproductive, that's going to win
them awards, or, quote, unquote,look good on a college resume.
It should absolutely besomething that lights them up
inside. You want them to havethat in their life, and it will
probably come back around to bean outstanding future in their
(17:34):
college profile. But we don'twant them doing things just
because they might look good ona college application. We want
them doing things because theytruly enjoy it, and that true
enjoyment is going to shinethrough, right? So stay focused
on that aspect of it, and not onthe college resume. So the next
(17:55):
thing I'm going to talk about isbuilding mentorship
relationships. Of course, wewant our young children learning
social skills and developingfriendships. That's wonderful.
It's also important for them tobuild mentorship relationships
with adults. This is going tohappen naturally with teachers,
(18:15):
maybe with sports coaches orsomebody who leads an
extracurricular that they'reinvolved with. But it can also
happen with older cousins, yourfriends, people in your network,
family members, things likethat. And it's so important,
because as your kids get older,they're going to want to listen
to you less and to other peoplemore. So you want to fill their
(18:39):
lives with people that you trustthat they are going to enjoy
interacting with and learningfrom, right? So it's a great
time to start thinking about,what are the mentors in my kids
life, and how can I help themfind mentors in things that
they're curious about, or aperson that they really admire,
(18:59):
and have them spend more timewith that person, it's going to
help them learn how to ask forhelp. And that is a skill that a
lot of us have lost touch withas we've grown older. And you
know, it's a little discouragedin our society, we like to
pretend that we're selfsufficient. We don't need
(19:20):
anybody else. We can do it onour own, and in some cases,
learning to struggle throughsomething on your own is an
important experience, but it'sjust as important to know how
and when to ask for help andwhom to ask for help. And so
mentorship can really helpstudents build their self
advocacy skills and theserelational skills, and of
(19:42):
course, can also lead them toother interests and knowledge of
other things that you may nothave been able to expose them
to. And then finally, the lastthing I will talk about today is
the importance of. Of buildingself confidence. Now this is the
thing that I talked about mostwith my friend over the weekend.
(20:03):
We actually did a cooking class.
We were in New Orleans, and itwas a really lovely cooking
class, and our chef was tellingus about how he got into
cooking, and it was a totalaccident for him. And I think
one of the most impressivethings that he told us was that
(20:23):
when he started cooking, hevowed that he would learn
something new every day. Andhe's done that, and sometimes
it's because someone like measks a question about, what does
this word mean, or where didthis technique come from, or
sometimes he gets curious abouta recipe or a smell that he's
he's sensing, and he'll go andlearn about that. But one of the
(20:47):
things I pointed out to him andmy friend actually, because we
were just having thisconversation about how to help
her kids build confidence inthemselves, one of the things I
think was so impressive aboutour chef, besides him being an
excellent cook in teacher, wasthat when he said, I promise to
(21:07):
learn something new every day,he also had the confidence in
himself that he could learnsomething new every day, right?
And so he had the confidence toknow that he could find the
answer to whatever question hewas asked, or whatever he
happened to be curious aboutlearning. And that confidence
that you could set a goal foryourself and that you can
(21:31):
achieve that goal, I think, issuch a gift to a young person to
an old person too, frankly, andthat is what we want to build in
our kids. And the way that weimplement this, we encourage
this at Signet, is by helpingstudents get a good sense of
themselves, right? And some ofthis is going to mean we're
(21:51):
going to have to talk them outof some, you know, fear of
failure, or some self doubt orinsecurity that they have
developed over time by helpingthem learn something and
practice it and showing themtheir own progress, celebrating
that progress with them, so thatthey can see that they can do it
and that they can rewrite someof those scripts that may be
(22:15):
holding them back from tryingnew things, but it's also about
helping them understand whattheir strengths are and what
their values are, what kind ofperson they are and that they
want to be, and building areally clear picture of who they
are right now, not just whothey'll be In you know, five
years or 10 years or somethinglike that, but who they are
(22:39):
right now and what strengthsthey bring to any situation they
come into can really help themlean on those strengths to solve
problems and build thatconfidence based on real,
tangible things, right? And alot of that self knowledge has
to come from reflection. Andencouraging reflection is
something that you know, parentshave to do. Can model, can ask
(23:03):
these really great, open endedreflection questions. Can have a
routine during dinner or mayberight before bed that prompts a
student to reflect. Maybethere's some journaling
involved, but the morereflective you can be as an
adult, the more reflective yourchild will be as well. And of
course, I'm just sort of spewingsome advice at you. I'm not
(23:27):
really telling you how to do anyof this, but for me, these are
the most important things forstudents to work on before they
get to high school. So to recap,academic skills, executive
functioning, we said healthyhabits. We talked about
exploring interests, buildingmentorship relationships, and
(23:47):
finally, building a strong senseof self, which comes along with
self confidence. Okay, sotoday's episode was really in
response to a bunch of questionsthat I've gotten over the last
couple of weeks, and of course,this experience over the weekend
with a friend of mine. I hopeyou found it helpful, and I
(24:07):
really hope that you'll continuesending in your questions. You
can email them in, you cansubmit them on a form. You can
call the office and leave yourquestion for the podcast. And at
least once a month, I'm going todo one of these episodes just
responding to those kinds ofquestions that we're getting.
(24:28):
And I hope you'll find ithelpful, and I hope you'll share
this episode with otherlisteners who might have younger
kids who are wondering aboutthese things as well. All right,
that's it for today. We'll seeyou next time, everybody. Thanks
for listening.
Does two things.
(00:00):
It exposes them to potentialinterests, hobbies, career
(00:02):
paths, you know, whatever, butit also predisposes them to
action, to trying something andreflecting on it. And that skill
of reflection, I'll talk aboutthis more in a minute, is so
vital for these young people whowill, before you know, it be
young adults.
(00:36):
Hi folks. Welcome back to thepodcast. I want to acknowledge
that 2025 has been a rough yearfor a lot of people so far, and
it can feel very overwhelming.
And if you are a parent like Iam, I'm sure you feel like your
concerns are double, becausethere is the moment we have to
live through. And then there arethe impacts to the future that
(00:57):
we worry about, that our kidswill have to live through. And
so I just want to acknowledgethat at the top, I know that it
is a tough time, and I hope thatlistening to me ramble about
these topics related toeducation and college admission
can either help you take yourmind off of things, or give you
(01:17):
some peace of mind around someof the things that you may be
wondering about in terms of, forexample, today's topic, how do
we prepare our middle schoolers,or younger for what's to come in
high school and the collegeprocess. Now a caveat, I don't
want you to think, if you have achild who is in middle school or
(01:39):
even younger, that there issomething that you need to be
doing immediately to preparethem for high school or the
college process. I wanted tospend today's episode talking
about this topic, because thisis a question I get a lot
families know that at mycompany, we only work with high
school students and older.
(02:02):
Nevertheless, at my free monthlyevents, I get a lot of parents
who have fifth graders or secondgraders. When I meet new people,
and they learn what I do. Theystart asking me questions about,
How can we prepare our 10 yearold for X, Y or Z? And I happen
to spend the weekend with a verydear friend of mine who has two
(02:23):
middle schoolers who are reallywonderful, sweet kids. And you
know, she and her her husbandare wonderful parents, but she
is also wondering, what do I doto get my kids ready for this?
And I do have some ideas toshare. So I thought some of you
with younger kids may beinterested to hear what I have
(02:44):
to say on this. And if your kidsare in high school, these things
that I'm talking about willstill be relevant to them. These
are just general perspectivesand priorities that research has
shown and that I think a lot ofus know through common sense,
are really great things forevery child to be working on and
(03:05):
to hold as priorities. I'm goingto talk you through kind of a
rough outline that I've got hereabout how to prepare younger
kids for high school and thecollege process. Now, again,
there's nothing that parents ofyounger kids you know
specifically need to do orcomplete or a milestone they
need to hit to get their kidready. Here, these are general
(03:28):
principles. We are going to talka lot about building the
underlying skills and mindsetsfor success. And if you've been
listening to this podcast, youknow, I define success really
broadly, and honestly, everybodyshould have their own definition
of success, because it may lookone way for one student and a
(03:49):
totally different way foranother student. And both of
those definitions are valid, soit's worth you as a parent,
thinking about what does successmean to me, and how can I help
my student develop their owndefinition of success and then
help them move towards it. So weare going to talk about academic
(04:10):
skills, executive functionskills. We are also going to
talk about exploring hobbies andinterests, developing healthy
life habits like sleep hygiene,you know, balanced physical
activity and rest and socialtime and just alone time, which
everybody needs. Buildingmentorship relationships with
other trusted adults in theirlives is a really important
(04:33):
thing, and can help them developself advocacy and self
confidence and help them exploresome of those interests they may
have, and all of this culminatesin building their sense of self
confidence. We really want themto be able to know that they can
hand. Any challenge that comestheir way, and that's not only
(04:54):
through building the skills likewe've just been talking about,
but it's also through buildingup their knowledge of self,
their knowledge of theirstrengths, and their confidence
in their ability to build skillsand improve on areas that may
need a little bit of work, orthings that they're not very
(05:15):
good at, naturally, that if theywork at it, if they seek help,
if they practice, they can getbetter at things, and that
knowledge that they can learnhow to handle things or handle
them with the skills theyalready have. Can take them so
far. All right, I'm going tostart with the more kind of
concrete things that you knowmay be a little bit obvious, but
(05:39):
one of the things that you canwork on with your younger
students is their academicskills, these would be
foundational skills likereading, writing, math, critical
thinking. These might also bethe skills that help them learn
more effectively, which would bethings like how to take good
notes, study strategies fordifferent subjects, keeping
(06:02):
things organized, things likethat. And theoretically, these
are things that they arelearning in school. Some schools
I know have very explicit andfocused Academic Skills type
courses where students actuallylearn a variety of note taking
and organizational strategies,time management strategies and
(06:22):
things like that. In otherplaces, in other contexts,
students are going to have tolearn this on their own. And
then in those cases, you know,some students get it pretty
quickly, and some students aregoing to need a little more
focused attention. So this is aplace where you know you want to
kind of take a look at what areyour students instincts around
(06:46):
these things, and if you'renoticing that they struggle with
their handwriting, theirorganization, understanding you
know what's due when, andmanaging their time so that they
can finish things in a timelymanner, if you're noticing that
it's worth digging into theunderlying skills to see if
there is something that you maybe able to demonstrate for them,
(07:10):
help them figure out on theirown, or learn something new with
them about a note taking method,or how to use a particular type
of Journal or to do list. Thereare lots of books on these sorts
of things and lots of methodsout there, and I always say the
best method is the one that isgoing to work for your child,
(07:32):
the one that they're actuallygoing to do right is not one
planner that I recommend foreverybody. I myself don't use a
planner, but I am veryorganized, and I have a whole
bunch of tools that I have overtime figure it out work for me,
and I use them veryconsistently. Without them, I
feel completely lost. But ifsomebody had just given me a
(07:55):
planner and said, use this, Iprobably would have thrown that
planner back in their face. Sokeep that in mind. It may not
look like what you would use,but we want a solution that is
going to help your kid with thethings that they need to do, and
in a way that they're going towant to do it, that this is
(08:15):
going to be a consistent habit,that they use this tool or this
method because they see how muchit helps them, and then you're
not continually having to remindthem to do X, Y or Z, right?
It's a self sustaining habit.
And remember that there, therewill be some trial and error
here, and you should also thinkabout who else can help you with
(08:36):
this, right? So, for example,sometimes a younger sibling may
want to emulate what an oldersibling does if they use a big
whiteboard in their room to keepthings organized. Maybe that's
what the younger kid wants totry first, and we'll see how
that works for them. If they'restruggling with some academic
(08:57):
skill, it's really importantthat you talk to their teachers
and see what they're learning inschool, see what the teacher has
noticed, and collaborate withwith the teacher to see what you
can do from home to help themdevelop those skills. And this
is where also, you know, ahomework help, sort of tutor,
(09:18):
executive function Coach, can bevery, very useful. They'll work
with your child to identifyareas for improvement and then
introduce strategies and toolsand routines and systems to help
them strengthen those areas. AndI do want to say I've said this
in other episodes, but executivefunctioning skills can be
(09:39):
developed. They actuallynaturally develop through
exposure and experience. So themore frequently your students
can have to write papers. So thebetter they're going to get at
writing papers. They're going tofigure some things out for
themselves. You can help themalong that journey with
strategies that will address thechallenges that they're facing
(10:02):
or the things that they hateabout reading or writing or
doing math, right once youunderstand what their feelings
are towards these skills ortheir awareness level of their
skills or their need to developthose skills, then you can kind
of intervene with what they mayneed. So I start with sort of
(10:23):
these academic and executivefunctioning skills, because they
really do underlie a lot ofsuccess that you know, we'll
want our students to have astheir classes get harder, as
they take on moreextracurricular commitments, and
their free time becomes less andless, and then they start
managing a complex process likethe college application process.
(10:46):
Building these skills early canreally, really be a game
changer, and it's the firstplace I would start with any
student, because usually it'sgoing to bring them a sense of
understanding and selfconfidence, and it's going to
put out some fires, right? It'sgoing to have some immediate
impact on their experience ofschool. Now, the next thing I'm
(11:10):
going to chat about here arethese healthy sort of life
habits that also really fuelsuccess in school that we don't
often think about, but can be socrucial for our students. So
obviously, getting enough waterand eating well is really
important to fueling your bodyand your brain, enabling
(11:30):
students to concentrate andabsorb information efficiently
and maintain some impulse andemotional regulation while they
are at school. But just asimportant would be sleep
physical activity. Rest, right,even not sleep, but rest time
for hanging out with friends,time for being alone. Of course,
their mental health is a bigpart of this, understanding
(11:53):
stress levels and what they cando to cope, making sure their
screen time is at a, you know,healthy level, and they've got a
healthy relationship to theirtechnology all follows
underneath this. Because, youknow, if kids aren't sleeping,
if they are over stimulated bysocial media, they're not going
(12:13):
to be learning at their best,and that is what we really want.
So building these healthy habitsnow while your kids are younger
is going to be so important forthem as they move into their
teenage years, and high schoolclasses get more stressful, and
then there's all the personaldrama that goes along with it,
(12:34):
right? So build those healthyhabits earlier, and they can
keep them for a lifetime. Allright, another thing I chatted
with my friend over the weekendabout was just exploring
interests and hobbies and justallowing your kids to luxuriate
in the things that they enjoy.
(12:55):
Now I know the first thing a lotof parents tell me is like,
well, they only enjoy playingvideo games, and of course,
those things are designed to bevery enjoyable, even addictive,
for young brains. But the otherthing I will say is, the more
you can expose your student, themore you can expose your kid to
(13:16):
a variety of interests andhobbies and activities, the more
chances you're giving them todiscover the things that light
them up. And it might be youtake them to a cooking class, or
you just cook dinner with them,or you introduce them to an old
friend of yours who lives acompletely different lifestyle,
(13:36):
and maybe is an artist or raisesanimals, or, you know, who knows
what, but the more they see, themore they can imagine. Maybe
that's my life, or maybe that'sa part of my life, or that's a
thing that I would like to trynew sports, school clubs, seeing
art, movies, music, building avideo game, you know, learning
(13:57):
how to code physically, buildingthings with their hands, whether
that's a model airplane or Ijust got, I love doing This. We
just got a little papersculpture kit where I can make
these very colorful littleinsects. My son and I really
love doing these thingstogether, so just introducing
them to a variety of things,instilling that idea of like,
(14:21):
let's try something once, and ifyou don't like it, we don't have
to do it again. But if you dolike it, let's do more of it
right? Does two things. Itexposes them to potential
interests, hobbies, careerpaths, you know, whatever, but
it also predisposes them toaction, to trying something and
reflecting on it, and that skillof reflection also. Talk about
(14:45):
this more in a minute. Is sovital for these young people who
will before you know it, theyoung adults, having that
ability to reflect on somethingand make a choice based on their
reflection is such an amazinglifelong skill, and this is one
way to help them build it is toask them, What do you like about
(15:06):
that? What excited you aboutthat? What didn't you like about
that? What made youuncomfortable? And then, based
on what they say, you couldsuggest something else. You
could decide never to do thatthing again, or you could try it
again. But in a differentcontext, maybe it was a big
group cooking class, and theyreally liked it, but would have
(15:29):
loved to have more attentionfrom the chef. Well, maybe the
two of you can work through acookbook together and then it's
all one on one. Or, you know,maybe they do smaller group
sessions or join a cooking clubat their school, and they're
cooking with their friendsinstead of with you or with with
(15:49):
other adults, right? There arelots of ways to create
variations that they may enjoymore, and you want to just keep
pulling that thread. If theyenjoy something, let's try to
find ways for them to explorerelated things. Do more of this
thing, understand why whateverthis thing is that they like,
(16:09):
why they like it, why it'smeaningful to them. And
eventually, at some point, youwant to think about how can we
share this interest with otherpeople, maybe with other people
who would never otherwise beexposed to this thing. Can this
interest lead us to a skill orsome sort of contribution to a
(16:29):
community that we care about?
Can we volunteer in this area ina way that helps other people,
right? And so this hobby andinterest starts to become the
foundation of a lot of otherthings that they do. And I'm not
saying, you know, those of youwho are interested in, you know,
the college strategy. I'm notsaying that whatever this thing
(16:50):
is that they find that they likebecomes their purpose in life or
the cornerstone of their collegestrategy. No, not at all. As
humans, we need things thatbring us joy. And I think
modeling for your young childrenand encouraging them to protect
their joy in some kind ofinterest, I think, is so
(17:11):
important. So help them carvethat thing out. It doesn't have
to be something that isproductive, that's going to win
them awards, or, quote, unquote,look good on a college resume.
It should absolutely besomething that lights them up
inside. You want them to havethat in their life, and it will
probably come back around to bean outstanding future in their
(17:34):
college profile. But we don'twant them doing things just
because they might look good ona college application. We want
them doing things because theytruly enjoy it, and that true
enjoyment is going to shinethrough, right? So stay focused
on that aspect of it, and not onthe college resume. So the next
(17:55):
thing I'm going to talk about isbuilding mentorship
relationships. Of course, wewant our young children learning
social skills and developingfriendships. That's wonderful.
It's also important for them tobuild mentorship relationships
with adults. This is going tohappen naturally with teachers,
(18:15):
maybe with sports coaches orsomebody who leads an
extracurricular that they'reinvolved with. But it can also
happen with older cousins, yourfriends, people in your network,
family members, things likethat. And it's so important,
because as your kids get older,they're going to want to listen
to you less and to other peoplemore. So you want to fill their
(18:39):
lives with people that you trustthat they are going to enjoy
interacting with and learningfrom, right? So it's a great
time to start thinking about,what are the mentors in my kids
life, and how can I help themfind mentors in things that
they're curious about, or aperson that they really admire,
(18:59):
and have them spend more timewith that person, it's going to
help them learn how to ask forhelp. And that is a skill that a
lot of us have lost touch withas we've grown older. And you
know, it's a little discouragedin our society, we like to
pretend that we're selfsufficient. We don't need
(19:20):
anybody else. We can do it onour own, and in some cases,
learning to struggle throughsomething on your own is an
important experience, but it'sjust as important to know how
and when to ask for help andwhom to ask for help. And so
mentorship can really helpstudents build their self
advocacy skills and theserelational skills, and of
(19:42):
course, can also lead them toother interests and knowledge of
other things that you may nothave been able to expose them
to. And then finally, the lastthing I will talk about today is
the importance of. Of buildingself confidence. Now this is the
thing that I talked about mostwith my friend over the weekend.
(20:03):
We actually did a cooking class.
We were in New Orleans, and itwas a really lovely cooking
class, and our chef was tellingus about how he got into
cooking, and it was a totalaccident for him. And I think
one of the most impressivethings that he told us was that
(20:23):
when he started cooking, hevowed that he would learn
something new every day. Andhe's done that, and sometimes
it's because someone like measks a question about, what does
this word mean, or where didthis technique come from, or
sometimes he gets curious abouta recipe or a smell that he's
he's sensing, and he'll go andlearn about that. But one of the
(20:47):
things I pointed out to him andmy friend actually, because we
were just having thisconversation about how to help
her kids build confidence inthemselves, one of the things I
think was so impressive aboutour chef, besides him being an
excellent cook in teacher, wasthat when he said, I promise to
(21:07):
learn something new every day,he also had the confidence in
himself that he could learnsomething new every day, right?
And so he had the confidence toknow that he could find the
answer to whatever question hewas asked, or whatever he
happened to be curious aboutlearning. And that confidence
that you could set a goal foryourself and that you can
(21:31):
achieve that goal, I think, issuch a gift to a young person to
an old person too, frankly, andthat is what we want to build in
our kids. And the way that weimplement this, we encourage
this at Signet, is by helpingstudents get a good sense of
themselves, right? And some ofthis is going to mean we're
(21:51):
going to have to talk them outof some, you know, fear of
failure, or some self doubt orinsecurity that they have
developed over time by helpingthem learn something and
practice it and showing themtheir own progress, celebrating
that progress with them, so thatthey can see that they can do it
and that they can rewrite someof those scripts that may be
(22:15):
holding them back from tryingnew things, but it's also about
helping them understand whattheir strengths are and what
their values are, what kind ofperson they are and that they
want to be, and building areally clear picture of who they
are right now, not just whothey'll be In you know, five
years or 10 years or somethinglike that, but who they are
(22:39):
right now and what strengthsthey bring to any situation they
come into can really help themlean on those strengths to solve
problems and build thatconfidence based on real,
tangible things, right? And alot of that self knowledge has
to come from reflection. Andencouraging reflection is
something that you know, parentshave to do. Can model, can ask
(23:03):
these really great, open endedreflection questions. Can have a
routine during dinner or mayberight before bed that prompts a
student to reflect. Maybethere's some journaling
involved, but the morereflective you can be as an
adult, the more reflective yourchild will be as well. And of
course, I'm just sort of spewingsome advice at you. I'm not
(23:27):
really telling you how to do anyof this, but for me, these are
the most important things forstudents to work on before they
get to high school. So to recap,academic skills, executive
functioning, we said healthyhabits. We talked about
exploring interests, buildingmentorship relationships, and
(23:47):
finally, building a strong senseof self, which comes along with
self confidence. Okay, sotoday's episode was really in
response to a bunch of questionsthat I've gotten over the last
couple of weeks, and of course,this experience over the weekend
with a friend of mine. I hopeyou found it helpful, and I
(24:07):
really hope that you'll continuesending in your questions. You
can email them in, you cansubmit them on a form. You can
call the office and leave yourquestion for the podcast. And at
least once a month, I'm going todo one of these episodes just
responding to those kinds ofquestions that we're getting.
(24:28):
And I hope you'll find ithelpful, and I hope you'll share
this episode with otherlisteners who might have younger
kids who are wondering aboutthese things as well. All right,
that's it for today. We'll seeyou next time, everybody. Thanks
for listening.
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