DLUTI 215 - Ken M and a Disney Vacation

This week we take a peak at more strange things we found on Reddit and revisit the legacy of an internet legend.

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_03 (00:16):
Don't look under the internet.

SPEAKER_01 (00:25):
Uh-uh.
You didn't hear anything, Mike.

SPEAKER_02 (00:28):
Hello, everyone.
Welcome to Don't Walk Under theInternet.
The podcast where I'm gonna eatthis last bit of furola and
Jason's gonna say his name.
That's Jason.

SPEAKER_01 (00:38):
Fuck you.
For making me say, hi, I'mJason.

SPEAKER_02 (00:43):
That's Matt.

SPEAKER_01 (00:45):
Fuck Doug.
Doug's not here.
I hate I this my my myaudiophilia is going fucking
insane right now.
I'm done, I'm done.

SPEAKER_02 (01:03):
But yeah, it should be Mike.
Doug's not here today.
But I am.
And really isn't that all thatmatters?
Me.

SPEAKER_01 (01:14):
Yes, Mike.
Yes.

SPEAKER_02 (01:18):
Why you don't know?

SPEAKER_00 (01:19):
You're all that matter, Mike.
Why didn't we just wait thefucking five extra minutes and
just because we finished eating?

SPEAKER_02 (01:29):
Because that's not the show.
I also enjoy, so I don't mean tolaugh at my jokes as much as
much as I do.
But um I'll say a joke, andapparently it just doesn't land
because sometimes neither of youor n or none of you three will
laugh at it.

(01:50):
And so I laugh to cut thetension because I feel awkward
that I tried being funny and itfailed.
Yeah, I get that.

SPEAKER_00 (01:57):
I'll say things that I don't think that I don't
actually believe are that funny,and then I'll laugh because
yeah.
That's my that's also myreaction to things that are
uncomfortable and awkward isjust laughing, which has gotten
me in trouble before becauselike when things when like
uncomfortable things happen, II'm basically that bare naked
lady's song.
Yep.

(02:18):
How can I help it if I laughlaugh at a funeral something,
something?
That's me.

SPEAKER_02 (02:24):
It happens.

SPEAKER_01 (02:25):
I'm glad different ways.
Like funerals.
Yeah, everyone copes withfunerals differently.
Some people cheese about it.
What are we doing here, dudes?
What are we doing here?
The same thing with you everynight, Pinky.
Try to take over Reddit.

SPEAKER_02 (02:44):
Do a heroin and be really upset a couple days
later.
That's gonna stick with itdoesn't go as planned.

SPEAKER_00 (02:49):
That's gonna stick with you, isn't it, Mike?

SPEAKER_02 (02:52):
Yeah, I uh that that hurts.
That hurts.

SPEAKER_01 (02:55):
I just I still can't get past the logic of you know
what?
He doesn't have one gram ofweed.
I have to buy a cave.
So I'll do heroin.

SPEAKER_00 (03:05):
Yes, I don't want I don't want to do that much weed.
Let's do heroin.

SPEAKER_01 (03:10):
That's the part that I can't get past.

SPEAKER_00 (03:12):
I just I said do weed like doing a marijuana.
Doing one marijuana?
Yeah, he did a whole marijuana.

SPEAKER_02 (03:19):
I really I really just wanted to buy this this uh
this this water cup from Target,but they didn't have any cups
left.
So I bought a gun.

SPEAKER_00 (03:31):
That's not where I thought you were going.
I thought you were gonna belike, I bought a handle of
whiskey or of Jim Beam orsomething.

SPEAKER_01 (03:38):
Nah, fam.
That it was the same caliber, nofucking pun intended, god damn
it.
Nice, dude.

SPEAKER_02 (03:47):
Sick joke, bro.
All right, who who's going firstthis time around?

SPEAKER_01 (03:53):
I can go first if you want.
Alright.
Go ahead, Matt.
No, way more enthusiastic.

SPEAKER_00 (04:00):
Um okay, so basically I've just got a bunch
of scary stories, like shortscary stories that I collected
from around Reddit.
Um, and so I'll just they'rethey're fairly short, so I'll
read one and then we can go backaround and whatever.
Um so the first scary story I'vegot starts like so.

(04:22):
I got married too young, 21, andthen divorced when I was 23.
A few months went by and Istarted having these nightmares.
Long story short, a girl in awhite dress with brown hair
matted with leaves and dirt,walks into my house, cracking
muddy footprints.
She stops and stares at theattic stairs, which are down for
some reason.
I asked her why she's there.
She screams and the whole housecrumbles.

(04:44):
I never saw her face.
I had this nightmare almostevery night for three months,
and when I say almost everynight, I mean probably 95% of
the time.
For some reason I startedsleeping in my living room as
opposed to the bedroom.
I just wasn't very comfortablein there.
So I'm sleeping on my couch onenight and wake up around 2 a.m.
for no reason.
I check my phone and see I havea text from my friend and
respond.
Important because it verifies Iwas awake.

(05:06):
I started getting very uncontr Istarted getting very
uncomfortable, and then I hearda knock at my door.
I walk around and peek out thewindow and there's a girl there.
I can't see anything other thanher white hoodie, which is up,
and long dark hair coming out ofit.
She knocks, then knocks again.
Not urgently or anything, butshe didn't appear intent on
leaving.
So stupidly, in retrospect,looking back on this as a

(05:26):
34-year-old, I crack open thedoor.
In a quiet voice, she asks ifshe can use my cell phone.
I still can't really see yourface because my porch light was
out, and I've been putting offchanging the bulb for no reason
at all.
I ask if everything's okay, andshe's repeats that she needs to
use the phone.
Again, against my betterjudgment, I put my cell phone to
the dial screen and hand it toher.
I see her hit a few things andthen uh put the phone to her

(05:48):
ear, and the screen light gaveme a better view of her face.
She was younger, somewherebetween 18 to 22, plain, not
really particularlydistinguished in any way.
She waits for a minute and thensays, Hey, I need help.
I need your help.
Yeah, okay.
Then hands me the phone again.
So I look at my phone and it'sstill on the dial screen.
Something felt weird to me, so Iclicked over to the recent calls
and she hadn't called anyone.

(06:09):
When I looked up, she was gone.
Not quite vanished, but likeway, way down the street,
farther than anyone should havebeen able to cover in that time
frame, walking away.
After that, the nightmarestopped.
Potentially related, two monthslater I got a call from a friend
at night, maybe around 10 p.m.,who was like, hey, want to come
over for a beer?
I wasn't doing anything, so Idid.

SPEAKER_02 (06:27):
Hang on, I'm gonna I have to stop you real quick.
You're echoing out of Jason'smic.
I I could hear it really bad.

SPEAKER_00 (06:35):
So do I just start the whole story over now?
Because I was like twosentences.
I was like two sentences fromthe end.
So this is Sorry.

SPEAKER_02 (06:42):
No, it was the past like two five seconds, it
started popping up.

SPEAKER_00 (06:47):
I'll just read the last paragraph again then.

SPEAKER_02 (06:50):
There you go.

SPEAKER_00 (06:51):
After that, the nightmare stopped.
Potentially related.
Two months later I got a callfrom a friend late at night,
maybe around 10 p.m., who waslike, hey, want to come over for
a beer?
I wasn't doing anything, so Idid.
I got back about 1 a.m.
and my house had been brokeninto.
Totally trashed with a bunch ofvaluables gone.
Certainly don't think my friendhad anything to do with that,
but I do sometimes wonder ifthat girl was casing my house

(07:13):
that night.
It's the only correlation I canmake between the dream stopping
and the real world explanationsfor that weird experience.
The whole thing was just superweird.
And I don't know who posted thatbecause a lot of these are
deleted now.

SPEAKER_02 (07:27):
That shit do be freaking me out.
I I have the creepy thought oflike someone knocking on my door
at the middle of the night andbeing like, hey, I need help.
What do you like to do in thissituation?
Just go like, nah, I know wherethis could be headed.
Yeah, you don't you don't hearit.
You don't hear it.

SPEAKER_00 (07:42):
Well, there's like I think this is a story I read on
another one of these wheresomebody this basically this
exact same thing happens tosomebody, and it turns out that
there was a man waiting in thebushes, like yeah, outside the
window, waiting for them toanswer the door so that they
could break into the housebehind them and like take them

(08:05):
like captive, I guess.
Fuck that.
I don't know.
I don't like answering my door.
Even in the middle of the day,nobody comes to my house, so
even in the middle of the day,like if somebody knocks on the
door, I'm like, oh god.
This is it, I'm dead.

SPEAKER_01 (08:18):
Is it it?

SPEAKER_02 (08:19):
Today's the day.
Today's the day.
Alexa battle mode.
Um all right.
That's pretty horrifying.
That is horrifying.

SPEAKER_01 (08:35):
Do you want uh something to lighten the mood?
Yeah, lighten the mood, Daddy.
Do you want, all right?
I'm gonna give you guys uh achoice here.
Do you want okay?
I'm just gonna read the actualsuburb of this.
Do you want Disney Vacation?
Do you want uh the Ocho, or doyou want Ken M?

SPEAKER_02 (08:57):
Is the Ocho related to ESPN8 the Ocho?

SPEAKER_01 (09:00):
Yes, yes, it is.
All right.
You go to R slash the Ocho.
Um, you will find a collectionof some of the weirdest, most
seldom seen sports from aroundthe globe since 1999.
Um the first one you're gonnasee is a bed making competition,

(09:24):
and holy shit are these fuckersintense.
There's like a apparently like astandard method to making beds.
I don't know where the pointscome from or anything like that,
but it's just too it's what Iwhat you're watching, is just
two dudes making a fucking bed,just as best they can.

SPEAKER_02 (09:43):
Um I love those um those videos of competitions or
whatever in like the south ofdudes that just take a knife and
just hack at shit like waterbottles and stuff.

SPEAKER_01 (09:53):
Yeah, there's one of them that's coming, like not
knives, but it's just a bunch offucking people out in the
fucking country.
What is this called?
There's a it's called the Ocho.
R slash the Ocho.

SPEAKER_00 (10:06):
Um there's a video of a bunch of dudes.
Ocho.
I thought you were saying theOat Show.

SPEAKER_01 (10:13):
The Oat Show.
The Oat Show.
Ocho, like Spanish word foreight.

SPEAKER_00 (10:18):
Yeah, no, I got it.

SPEAKER_01 (10:19):
Or the dodgeball reference.
Um, so there's another, there'sa bunch of fucking like out in
the country, there's a bunch ofdudes hanging onto a log that's
being picked up by a fuckingbackhoe and being hung over a
river.
I'm assuming it's last personhanging winds, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 (10:36):
It's like one of those competitions where you
can't move your hand from thecar, and if you don't, you'll
win.

SPEAKER_00 (10:40):
But yeah, pretty much your life over uh instead,
you probably get eaten byalligators.

SPEAKER_02 (10:44):
Yeah, alligators and gangrene is in your I love that
ESPN made a legit Ocho station.
Yeah, used to have it on at uhATT and it would just be dudes
playing like cornhole and stuff.
Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (10:57):
I will say this is where this is where I found out
about the real life innovationfor uh the game Rocket League.
Um, that actually used to be aYugoslavian sport, which this is
my obligatory one day, pleasefor the love of God, can we
cover the downfall of Yugoslaviabecause it is very

(11:17):
internet-based.

SPEAKER_00 (11:18):
This is like a fourth episode in a row, you've
asked, if we can do that.

SPEAKER_01 (11:22):
I what it's it's fucking ridiculous.
It is so wild.
That's trying to insane.
But Autoball is a competition.
Um, it was a a sport inYugoslavia in which there were
two different colored teams.
In this video, there's a red anda uh a white team, and it's just
a bunch of people in carshitting a giant soccer ball back
and forth towards differentnets.

(11:44):
It's fucking great.
It's just Rocket League in reallife.

SPEAKER_00 (11:46):
Yugoslavia.

SPEAKER_01 (11:48):
You can find Japanese synchronized walking
competitions.
Um, you've got all the differentlike the Red Bull soapbox
competitions where people buildthe most ridiculous.

SPEAKER_00 (11:58):
Those are so much fun.
I love those.
Those look like a lot of those,the crashes, people look like
they were getting seriouslyinjured.

SPEAKER_01 (12:05):
There's gotta be like seven waivers you sign
because yet some people I'mlike, Did you make it?
Like, are you still on Earthafter this?
This is ridiculous.
Um, there's a forklift worldchampionship.
I love those.
Oh, dude, they're they'reinsane.
People that so when Mike and Iused to work at a menard's
warehouse, uh, we used to thinkthat I'm sure we both thought

(12:26):
that we were the shit, but alsothere were definitely some
people who were like, Holy shit,you are incredible at driving a
forklift.
These fucking people the Germanforklift German forklift world
championships, you can findhere.
There's uh the housekeepingOlympics, you can find here as
well.
Um, there's a tram worldchampionship in which you drive

(12:49):
a European tram car and try tomake the doors open and line up
with an arrow as close aspossible, which is it's kind of
impressive, but also what thefuck?
You can find wife carryingcontests in which it's a giant
race for you just carry yourwife through the whole fucking
obstacle course.
Um there's over fifties worldcycling championships for

(13:12):
whatever reason.
Um over fifty is oh, bottledodging.
That one's a fun one.

SPEAKER_02 (13:21):
That's a that's a cut.

SPEAKER_01 (13:26):
Um oh right, this is where I actually I actually went
down a rabbit hole in this one.
There is a sport that I loveright now, and I would love to
learn how to make this happen orhow it works.
It's called Hornussen, and it isa it's called or Swiss farmers
golf.
And essentially you put a like adisc type thing at the end of a

(13:48):
a wooden metal encased ramp, andthen you move on to smack it
with like a 10-foot long polethat's super bendy, so you get a
lot of torque on it, and thenyou hit towards teammates who
are all trying to catch thisthing in a fucking field.
I don't understand the rules orthe point system, but holy shit,

(14:08):
does it look fun?
Um, bare knuckle ice fighting.
I did not know there was a sportin which you put on hockey
skates, hockey pads, but nogloves.
Oh, they just get the boringparts of hockey.
Right.
Correct.
They just beat the ever-lovingpiss out of each other on the
ice, and it's a super tiny icerink.
It's kind of great.
Um, there's something calledsuit jutsu, suitsu, which is

(14:31):
basically just John Wick.
Like you have a gun and a knife,and you basically just it's
close quarters combat, but likein a John Wick fashion.

SPEAKER_00 (14:40):
I know nothing you just said was racist, but it it
felt like it was.

SPEAKER_01 (14:45):
It felt aggressively offensive.
Um I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 (14:49):
The word suit jitsu just makes me uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_01 (14:55):
Uh you can find armored MMA where people wear
full like medieval suits and usedifferent medieval weapons to
just beat the piss out of eachother.
Um they have oh right.
Uh there's now a new race calledthe Jetson one, in which people
drive fully operational uhpersonal hovercraft drones in a

(15:16):
race-like fashion around thecourse.
That's pretty great.
Yeah.
Um there's a butterfly knifechampionship.
There's fucking tag.
There's a world cup for tag.
Yeah, didn't know that was athing until I get there's this.

SPEAKER_00 (15:33):
Yeah, the the fucking tag shit that combines
like parkour and tag.
Dude, yeah, I watched thechampionships of that last year
because I was I was invested.

SPEAKER_01 (15:43):
I actually think I saw this, and it was on right
after uh the hammer toss becauseKelly and I like to watch the
weird like one-offs for Olympicsports.
I think we saw that.
There's like competitions forthe floors lava and stuff too.
Yeah, hell yeah.
Box stacking competitions whereyou try to throw boxes on top,

(16:04):
and it's just it's like it'sjust fucking wild.

SPEAKER_00 (16:06):
There's yeah, we gotta we gotta move on from here
because we could do this allepisode.

SPEAKER_01 (16:10):
Oh, I can talk about it for another a couple hours.
Oh, running on Legos.

SPEAKER_00 (16:14):
Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 (16:18):
One of my favorites is extreme mail delivery.
Like it's just there's a seriesof extreme circumstances in
which you have to put lettersinto a mailbox.
Like that's the whole thing.
That's the way to do it, dude.
Aggressively.
Yeah, so if you if you're boredand you wanna you wanna laugh
and you want to find some weirdfucking sports, go check out
r/slash the oat show.

(16:38):
It is the great ESPN 8.
The Ocho.

SPEAKER_02 (16:44):
I I have for you today, and Moot, you can pull it
up if you want.
It's in the the the doc.
It's ball part one.
Um this is again from R slash,what is it?
From a uh user, J Hat Catter.
And it says, Found it in thepark, shit won't stop glowing.
And he has a picture of a littlegreen ball in his hand.

(17:06):
He says, I thought it was glowin the dark, but it was glowing
since I brought it home in mypocket.
It was glowing even with lightsturned on.
Now, a couple people made theobvious joke.
Yeah, a lot a lot of people madethe obvious joke of hanium, they
had post-Homer Simpson memes,things like that.
Other people said that it lookslike a EDC and everyday carry
glow dot.

(17:27):
But OP was even like, I don'tthink so, because those are have
a flat base to where you can setthem somewhere.
This is completely round.
Someone said that he should putit in soap and water.
He did so, and by doing so, hesaid that this weird um he put
in soap and water, and it'sleaving some sort of paint or
whatever on his hands, and hecan't wash it off.

(17:48):
Someone also said he shouldmicrowave it, and he continued
to do so.
So he's they're doing a lot ofexperiments.
Um while everyone else is kindof fucking with him.
Someone said that it's aphosphor, uh phosphorent pearl
ball.
Um and uh someone's like, ohyeah, that looks that looks like

(18:09):
what it might be here.
Um there's another one thatsomeone said it was a uh what's
it called?
Uh trivium, triftium, tritium,something like that.
Trivium.
It's a little tritium ball,which apparently is a form of
radioactive uh element, but it'sin very small doses, like what's
in this ball.
Um, it's safe and it can glowfor up to 10 years.

(18:32):
Someone said that they have oneof these balls, and uh they're
they're it's a super fun thingto have.

SPEAKER_00 (18:37):
This person says, I have an Iranian friend willing
to buy it from you for a hundredgrand.

SPEAKER_02 (18:41):
Yeah, yeah, here he goes.
Uh it looks like it's tritium.
They're uh they're made as fullspheres by Tragolite and
apparently hard to get without acommercial license.
Made Switzerland.
It's here on their page if youscroll down a little bit.
So someone else is like, Oh,this is tritium, like you're not
supposed to have this.
But the other person's like, Ohno, it's a little tritium ball
thing you could buy.
Um, so there's a lot of peoplethat are just like, What the

(19:03):
fuck is this thing?

SPEAKER_01 (19:04):
Um seems like some people are like, Yes, you can
have this because they sell it.
And other people are like, Youshould you should not be able to
fucking buy that.

SPEAKER_02 (19:12):
Yeah.
Um, but yeah, someone even likethe person, uh Suspicious Water
454 said that they have thissimilar thing on their key, just
smaller.
It's tritium, it's safe, it'llglow for 10 years.
But um, yeah, so a lot of peopleare like, What is this?
A lot of people post in the thepondering the orb meme, and I'm
here for it.

SPEAKER_00 (19:30):
Um, pondering the orb.

SPEAKER_02 (19:32):
Who up pondering the orb.
So Matt, go ahead and do me afavor, go to ballpark two.
We get an update.
That was a month ago.
This update is from uh, youknow, a little bit sooner.
This is still a month ago, butit's like a week or so later.
Uh, there's a series ofpictures.
He says, Update.
I cracked open the glass ceramicglow ball, and there is this

(19:52):
rod-like thing inside.
So it's at this point, everyonein the chat's like, uh you're
dead.

SPEAKER_00 (20:00):
Oh, this is radium.

SPEAKER_02 (20:02):
Everyone in the chat's like, put in a tin can
full of water, seal it, don'ttouch it, call the fucking cops.
Chat do I have to do that?
Another person.
Yeah, someone's posted.
This is the first time Iwitnessed someone compete for a
Darwin award in real time.
Um, but everyone's just like, ohmy god, someone else said really

(20:22):
right in front of my OSHAhandbook.
And uh this dude's just fucked.
It turns out it's probablyradioactive.
Um, one comment said uh thatthere's a little radioactive rod
there, supposed to be safe inthose uh little lights, but you
don't know for sure uh whatyou're playing with, so maybe
don't play until you're certainit's safe.

(20:42):
A little actual research isrequired, right?
It may not be the best place.
Um, and then he goes on toconfirm that the ball stopped
glowing immediately after heremoved the glow the Oh my god.
So a lot of people are like, youmight be fucked.
Now here's what kind of makes melaugh a little bit.

(21:04):
Every the OP doesn't reallycomment too much saying if he's
okay or anything like that afterthis.
In fact, if you go to theiraccount, somehow all their posts
are removed, nothing shows up.
So I think the radiation leakedonto his Reddit account and

(21:24):
destroyed this man's Redditaccount.
But we I just watched in realtime.
I've been holding on to this onefor like a month, so I've been
keeping track in real time of aperson probably dying of
radiation sickness.
And uh yeah, I just thought thatwas hilarious.
I saw the first post.
Um, what was this?

(21:46):
Um uh let's see.
Yeah, I saw I just like that.
I saw a first post of a glowingrock.
I'm like, yeah, that's that'sprobably radioactive, and then a
post like a week later, and itturns out, yeah, it's probably a
very radioactive.
Um but I enjoy that.
All the comments really make itmake it peak, in my opinion.

(22:06):
Everyone just ridiculing thisman, just posting Simpson's
memes of Homer with a fuckinguranium rod and shit.
Watch out, radioactive man.
It's pretty great.
Um yeah, that's what I gotthere.
Um Moody Moody, moody moodyrocking everywhere.

(22:28):
Hold on.

SPEAKER_00 (22:30):
I'm doing some digging.
Give me just a second.

SPEAKER_02 (22:32):
Oh yeah, you're looking into the radiation orb?

SPEAKER_00 (22:35):
Um yeah, I mean this person so the internet archive,
the last archive they have ofthis person's profile is from
July.
Where the and they commented onsomething in July.

SPEAKER_02 (22:49):
Well, this the orb was from last month, so that
would have been before.

SPEAKER_00 (22:53):
So we don't know.
This yeah, this person and it'sgonna take a little while,
probably.

SPEAKER_02 (22:58):
Yeah, radiation sickness doesn't go away, so
he's in trouble.

SPEAKER_00 (23:03):
Well, even like the exposure can take a while to
cause issues.
This is an interesting one.
We'll have to remember to comeback to this one because boy am
I here for.

SPEAKER_02 (23:13):
Update part three.
Died.
But uh, yeah, that's where I'mat with that.

SPEAKER_00 (23:20):
Um anyway, what I got, I got more scary stories.
Do we want more scary stories?

SPEAKER_02 (23:25):
Oh, hell yeah, because my last three are scary
stories too, because that'll befun.

SPEAKER_00 (23:30):
Okay.
I just picked like random ones,so these may be ass.
I I skimmed them and was like,this looks like it might be
good.
So we're all experiencing thisin real time.
Hell yeah.
Uh I'll never forget it.
The day after Easter in 1972, wewere off from school.
To this day I have noexplanation.
Okay, actually, I do rememberthis one.
We need to reel or fake thisone.
When I was 15, when I was 15, myolder brother and I were hanging

(23:54):
out in the yard.
Our dad was a very uniqueperson.
We lived in a rural area.
To our surprise, we both saw dadwalking up the long driveway
driveway to our house.
This was around 10 in themorning.
We wondered what happened as heleft for work in his car around
seven.
My brother went inside to tellmom.
We were curious.
He was wearing the same clotheshe wore that morning.

(24:15):
It was him.
No way it could be anyone else,and the closest houses were at
least a quarter mile away.
I started to walk out to meethim, and as I was maybe a
hundred feet away, I called out.
Next thing I knew he wasn'tthere.
I thought he somehow fell intothe culvert.
Nothing.
I searched, my brother came andalso searched.
Mom and my sister came out andwe covered the area for maybe

(24:36):
half an hour.
Nothing.
Mom suggested we give Dad a callat work.
He answered the phone right awayand Mom, in a lighthearted
manner, asked him if he'd beenhome in the last hour.
He worked as a civilian on amilitary post about twenty five
miles away.
Mom put my brother on the phoneand then me.
He denied that he'd been home.
We again asked him when he camehome and he seemed to be irked,

(24:56):
insisted that we were mistaken,and he had no explanation.
I remember about ten years laterbringing this up, and he became
upset and said that I wasplaying a mind game.
I'm the only person in thisaccount who's still alive.
To this day I have no idea whymy brother what my brother and I
experienced.
I know it was him, I know he wasthere, and then he wasn't.
I guess it's just one of thosethings.

SPEAKER_02 (25:18):
Hmm.
You know what I'm thinking?

SPEAKER_00 (25:21):
What?

SPEAKER_02 (25:22):
Dad has a secret twin brother that tried to
reveal himself to the family.

SPEAKER_00 (25:28):
And then chickened out and was like, you know what,
never mind.

SPEAKER_02 (25:31):
Yep, chickened out.
And I don't want to meet yourfamily.
And dad is very upset.
That's why I got so upset aboutit.
He's like, I don't have a secrettwin.
Yeah, yeah.
Or doppelganger alien.
It could be doppelganger alien.
I'm gonna go with I'ma go alien.

(25:51):
Let's see, real or fake.
I'm gonna go fake on this one.

SPEAKER_00 (25:55):
You can go fake on this one.
I'm gonna go real because Ithink if you're gonna make up a
story, you'd do better thanthis.

SPEAKER_02 (26:03):
There's more there's more believable and creative
things.
Go real because it sucks.

SPEAKER_00 (26:11):
This does remind me though, didn't we read a story
about that guy who whosegirlfriend came home early and
was like super pissed at him andstarted like throwing all the
shit away and stuff, and itturned out it was actually her
insane twin sister, like sisterwho would escape from an insane
asylum or something?

SPEAKER_02 (26:26):
Oh yeah.
I vaguely recall that.
Vaguely.
Crazy.
Jason?

SPEAKER_00 (26:32):
They be up there.

SPEAKER_02 (26:33):
Do you think real or do you think fake?

SPEAKER_00 (26:36):
He just said real because it sucks.

SPEAKER_01 (26:39):
Well, you agree?
I'm in the same vein.
All of the fake shit that we'veever covered has been like over
the top, something worth hearingabout, kind of thing.
And this is just like if I heardthis on my day-to-day, I don't
think it would affect my lifetoo much.
Right.

SPEAKER_00 (26:54):
Yeah, if you're gonna make up a story, you're
gonna write a long-ass essaynovel about how you took MDMA
once and now you can't sleep.

SPEAKER_02 (27:02):
Tell that's uh R slash two-second horror.

SPEAKER_00 (27:06):
Or two sentence horror.
Two sentence horror, yeah.
Two sentence horror.

SPEAKER_01 (27:10):
I do love two sentence horror.

SPEAKER_02 (27:13):
Well, what a fantastic what a fantastic,
scary story.
Uh JC, what you got for us?

SPEAKER_01 (27:22):
Uh I'll give you uh another choice.
We're either doing DisneyVacation or Ken M.

SPEAKER_02 (27:29):
Let's do Disney Vacation because I'm very
curious what this Ken M is, andI want that one last because
that's the one that's intriguingme most.
All right.

SPEAKER_01 (27:39):
Okay, without looking, without looking, and
I'm sure Matt's already ahead ofthis, so it doesn't really
matter.
Mike, what do you think thissubreddit is about?

SPEAKER_02 (27:49):
Well, one would assume it's about uh, you know,
pictures and posts that peopletake of their vacation at
Disney, uh, but I'm gonna assumethat's too easy.
All right, so I'm gonna say it'sa vacation to six flags.

SPEAKER_00 (28:05):
This is a fucking throwback.

SPEAKER_01 (28:08):
So, general information about this page says
this is not about actualvacations to Disneyland or
Disney World.
It's for weird, terrible,terrifying, or bad illustrations
from WikiHow.
Um what does it have to do withDisney?
I dude it it doesn't matter.
You got me there.

(28:29):
Um this is if this is just thisis hilarious to me.
It's people that takeillustrations, and I'm sure I'm
hoping everyone knows what I'mtalking about.
When I say like WikiHowillustrations, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (28:40):
When you Google how to do anything, and it used to
be that this was the firstresult, and it was always eight
steps to do something, and thenit would have like these
cartoons.

SPEAKER_01 (28:49):
Yeah, like this clip art cartoons over it.

SPEAKER_00 (28:52):
It still exists, it's just been drowned out on
Google by all the awful AIarticles that have now been
written about whatever thing youwant to do.

SPEAKER_02 (28:59):
I have no idea what you guys are talking about.
Really?
You've never looked up anythingon what you've got.
I've seen one of these.

SPEAKER_00 (29:04):
I promise you've seen one of these.

SPEAKER_02 (29:06):
Yeah, I've seen the cartoons, but I don't I don't
know like they're referenced touh I'm seeing it.
I'm just saying.

unknown (29:16):
Hold on.

SPEAKER_01 (29:17):
I need to look at how like if you if you were to
look up like how to aerate yourfucking lawn, it would give you
these cartoons with astep-by-step process.

SPEAKER_00 (29:25):
A lot of them are just stupidly simple, like
eight-step processes to dosomething that should be like
one that should basically justbe like do it.
Some of them are very stupid.
So there's I just found a Redditthread called What's the Dumbest
WikiHow article you've everread?
And the first one is how to cooklasagna in your dishwasher.

unknown (29:46):
Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (29:47):
Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (29:48):
That's you know, that is that's on brand for this
fucking subreddit.

SPEAKER_00 (29:51):
This doesn't have the illustrations.

SPEAKER_01 (29:53):
Okay.

SPEAKER_00 (29:53):
Oh, here we go.
Here's one with theillustrations.
WikiHow, how to chug watersafely.

SPEAKER_01 (29:58):
Yeah.
They just take they take these.
Wiki how like how-to things.
They take the illustrations fromthem, but they rebrand them.
And so, like the first one thatyou're gonna find, it was posted
three days ago.
It's just a guy holding acigarette and like smoking the
cigarette.
However, the caption is how tocarefully swallow a cigarette.
It gives you a little a littleimage on how to do that.

SPEAKER_00 (30:19):
It's basically like if you took the fucking uh like
those, I don't know if you'veever flown, but the pamphlets
that they put used to they putin the back the back of the
seat.
It's like if you took those andjust mislabeled them.

SPEAKER_01 (30:32):
Oh, just completely rewrote them to be way funnier.
Um there's another one with adog that has like a bunch of goo
coming out of its ears is how toknow your dog has been hanging
out with Meg and her Opal RingCrusade Abstinence boyfriend.

SPEAKER_00 (30:45):
Like I I'm interrupting way too much, but
on the topic of of this andthose flight things, there's a
famous one of these that's uh uhmake sure you put the mask on
your tiny husband.

SPEAKER_02 (30:59):
That is this uh is this where the uh uh origins of
the uh lay down, try not to cry,cry.
Yeah, I believe so.

SPEAKER_01 (31:09):
Yeah, I think this might be like uh at least a try
not to cry, cry a lot.
Cry a lot.
Um, but yeah, it's it's justthese weird fucking
illustrations, and you'll getlike uh how to be a sugar mama
with only a deck of playingcards.
Okay, how to avoid going tosleep, and it shows a YouTube
video with a shark wearing threeNike shoes, like it just makes

(31:31):
it much MDMA, and then you'llsee the shark.

SPEAKER_00 (31:35):
And then you'll never sleep again.

SPEAKER_01 (31:36):
Pretty much how to how to uh how to victory spell
Papa after obliterating a bunchof 12-year-olds in Overwatch,
like absolutely, and it givesyou an illustration for how to
make that happen, how topractice sexual intercourse, and
there's an image of like adrill, a two-foot PVC pipe, ping
pong balls, a scroll blue.

(31:59):
Yeah, it's just it's it'sabsurd.
I if you guys haven't noticed, Ilove absurd things, things that
just break reality a little bit.
This, if you're into that kindof stuff, this will give you
endless entertainment.
Just fucking smoke a bowl realquick or something and just go
through these.
How to boil your face withoutyour kids see.
That was pretty good.

SPEAKER_02 (32:21):
But this is somewhat uh reminiscent to me.
Just because of the the I justsaw the Helen Keller one.

SPEAKER_01 (32:32):
That's yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (32:34):
This is somewhat reminiscent to me of the whole
like break reality thing ofthat.
What was it, like fifthdimension?

SPEAKER_01 (32:40):
Oh, fifth grow fifth world gone wild.
Yeah, fifth world gone wild,that's it.
I almost went back to that onebecause that one's just one of
my favorites.
It's fifth world problems.
I want the guy holding fifthworld problems, yeah.
There's the both of them fifthworld problems and fifth world
gone wild.
Um, there's one with a guyholding like a uh fucking roll
of toilet paper over his crotcharea and just says how to make
your own fleshlight.

SPEAKER_00 (33:01):
Sorry, I think these are very funny.
How to blind yourself withcitrus is really good.
It's just a woman with the twohalves of a lemon taped over her
eyeballs.

SPEAKER_01 (33:11):
Right.
I love how to get out of asocial event early, and it just
shows a guy yelling fire.
Perfect.
Oh man, yeah.
It this is stupid fun.
There's not there's not a lot toreally share here, so please.
How to put Vienna sausages intoa tire.

(33:31):
That's important information.
You better learn how to do that.
Because when you're an adult, noone will do that for you.

SPEAKER_02 (33:37):
I preferred how to make your own fleshlight.

SPEAKER_01 (33:39):
Yeah, that's very good.
Classic Reddit.
How to get rid of chip andordale.
This is what the internet wassupposed to be.
Yeah, we really goofed.
Yeah.
Oh, this is what the internetwas supposed to be is just shit
like this.
This is honestly this is I thinkI like it so much because it

(33:59):
reminds me of like my firstinteractions with the internet
because it's very similar.
Go ahead, Matt.
What do you what are you whatare you looking at right now?

SPEAKER_00 (34:07):
How to suck at counting body parts, and it's a
woman, and it's like just apicture of a woman's feet, and
then between it has an arrowthat says three feet.

SPEAKER_01 (34:21):
What?
Yeah.
Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 (34:24):
This is right on my eye.
This is exactly my brand ofhumor.

SPEAKER_01 (34:28):
Same.
And that's I saw this.
I spent way too long on thissubreddit.
Um, but I think the cherry ontop for me is the fact that it's
just called Disney Vacation.
Like there's nothing of it.
It's just you will never findthis.
Um, it's yeah, go go take alook.
I won't ru I we're not gonnajust keep quoting these

(34:50):
pictures.
Matt and I might.
Um, but I think Mike might wantto try to get us to move on
because it's a very, very imageheavy one.
It's just absurd as shit.
I mean, I'm here for it.
Yeah, this is horrible forSpotify.
Great for me.
Yeah, oh yeah.
No, it's that's why I'm notgonna go too much into it.
I just want to introduce theworld to this.
So check out R slash DisneyVacation.

(35:11):
There's nothing to fucking dowith Disney at all.

SPEAKER_02 (35:15):
Um, I guess I'll talk about one of my favorites
so far.
This is on R slash Urban Mythsby Emma P89.
This is called the BleedingHouse of La Plata.
Damn it, man.
Oh my god, what was that one?

SPEAKER_00 (35:34):
How to make use of your paralyzed son when you
don't have any availablecoasters.

SPEAKER_01 (35:40):
We're never leaving the subreddit.
Oh man.

SPEAKER_02 (35:52):
Okay, anyway, we're going into horror territory.
The bleeding house of La Plata.
It's in the thing if you need amat, if you care.

SPEAKER_05 (36:02):
Okay.

SPEAKER_02 (36:02):
On the morning of November 15th, 1986, Louis
Fersco and his wife, uhSprianna, woke up to a chilling
scene.
Bloodstings were seeping fromthe floor of their home, located
on 54th Street between 21st and22nd in La Plata.
What began as an unexplainableevent turned into a mystery that

(36:22):
even thirty-five years laterremains unsolved.
The blood stains stretched fromthe door of the family business
photo iris to the kitchen.
Following a strange path, somewitnesses claim that the blood
seemed to coagulate upon touchand even appeared to uh follow a
route similar to one previouslytaken by an image of the mystic,
the mystical Rose Virgin, whathas been photographed in the

(36:45):
house just days earlier, whichis just this is just a ghost,
just a ghost lady.
Um theories about the origin ofthe blood quickly emerged.
Some neighbors suspect a crime,while others believed that uh
they were witnessing a miracle.
The police investigation yieldedno conclusive results, and the
blood found was identified astype A positive, which did not

(37:06):
help determine its source.
The bleeding house of La Platasoon became an attraction for
both the curious and the devout.
For several days, the First Gofamily was overwhelmed by people
seeking either an explanation ora miracle.
The case gained such notorietythat it even inspired a tango
titled La Casa Seglante, theBleeding House.

(37:28):
Over time, the house isdemolished and replaced by an
apartment building.
The original protagonists of thestory passed away, leaving
behind an unsolved mystery.
The bleeding house of La Plataremains one of those paranormal
cases that still fascinates andhaunts those in search of
answers to the inexplicable.
I just like the imagery of ahouse that just ran has random

(37:51):
blood.
Um I dug a little into it umoutside of just the Shredder
post because there wasn't muchthere wasn't any information in
it.
But um unfortunately, they'rethey're kind of right.
There's not a whole heck of alot going on with this.
A lot of people just claim thatit was a hoax made up by the
family.
Um other people are like, ohyeah, it was that ghost of the
rose virgin thing.

(38:12):
Um others believe that it wasjust like uh fucking um like a
demon type of thing.
Um, but all in all, yeah, therehasn't really been too much more
like info on it.
The apartment complex doesn'treally have much uh in the
route, the like the way the waysof like hauntings happening
there, so they assume thatwhatever did haunt left when the

(38:32):
house was demolished.

SPEAKER_00 (38:33):
Looks to me like OJ was there.

SPEAKER_02 (38:36):
It might have been it might have been uh Mexican
OJ.
OJ Simpsone.
OJimson OJ Yimson.
OJ Yimson.
Um yeah, that was just aquickie.
So um I got I got one more realquick I'll do because that was a

(38:59):
quick boy.
Um so this one is from R slashSummechanophobia, which is a
thing I definitely have.
I hate it.

SPEAKER_00 (39:09):
Hell yeah, I'm subbed to this.

SPEAKER_02 (39:10):
I hate it.
Yeah.
Um Doug has this.
This one is uh so is no onegoing to mention the 24 meter
deep New Mexico blue hole.
At least three experienceddivers drowned here.
Um so there's a couple picturesattached to this as well.
And it's uh it's just a big oldhole.
It's just a big old hole inMexico.

(39:32):
Um the post says, if you onlylook at the edges, it's a
perfectly safe half meter to onemeter deep pond.
But if you walk three steps intothe center, you will you will
trip into a 24-meter deep hole.
At the bottom of the hole is aniron net barrier blocking
further entrance and a sign thattells people multiple uh tells
people um how multipleexperienced divers have drowned
here and you shouldn't pass yourown safety.

(39:55):
Yeah.
Um, if you go and uh under theiron net barrier somehow, it's a
tight one-meter wide andone-meter high submerged cave
that hasn't fully been exploredyet.
Um now a lot of people have goneinto this saying, yeah, it's not
the fact that there's anythinglike hugely dangerous, like

(40:15):
obviously it's dangerous, butthey're saying that a big issue
with it is the fact that it islike a confined space.
Right.
Um and uh they said that it wasum uh what was the word they
used?
Sorry, I'm I'm I'm looking forthe comment now.
Someone says something aboutlike there was um uh because the
cave complex after that.
Uh yeah, so the the diversactually drowned in the massive

(40:38):
cave complex at the bottom.
The complex has never beencompletely explored, and I don't
think all the bodies have beenrecovered.
They have put bars across theentrance to the tunnel to
prevent anyone else going downthere because it's too cramped
and dangerous uh to attemptagain.
Um they also go on to say I freedove to the bottom.
It took a full day of trying andbuilding courage, but it was so
worth it, and yeah, it's fuckingcold.

(40:59):
So it's not the fact that likeyou know, it's anything super
dangerous or like there's like afucking gas leak down there or
something.
It's just that it's a cavesystem and it's so vast that no
one has discovered the end ofthis cave.
I've watched it's so thin thatyou can't really make your way
back once you go too deep in.

SPEAKER_00 (41:21):
Yeah, I've watched and read a lot of like cave
diving horror stories, and it'sparticularly dangerous because
it's extremely easy to getturned around, particularly if
you accidentally kick up mud,and then you just can't see, and
it's really easy to go the wrongdirection and have no idea where
you're at.

SPEAKER_02 (41:39):
Yep.
It's cave diving, splunking, allthat shit.
I will never understand anyone'sfascination with that,
especially because you havestories like Nutty Putty Cave,
yeah, where it's like, no, thisthis is quite literally what I
uh I I would rather jigsaw putme through a jigsaw contraption
than you put me in a fuckingcave where I have to where I

(42:00):
have to like fucking wiggle andshimmy my way through or else
I'm stuck.

SPEAKER_00 (42:05):
There are a few things that read that there are
a few things that raise my bloodpressure more than those videos
of dudes who are like crawlingthrough caves and their face is
half submerged in water and theycan't get any higher because the
like the top of the cave is likeright on the back of their head.

SPEAKER_02 (42:21):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (42:22):
Absolutely.
I like cave diving once.
You're fucking crazy.
Every time I see one of thosevideos on Instagram, there's
always one of the top comments,and I agree with this is the
best thing about cave diving, orthe best thing about um
spelunking, is you don't haveto.
You can totally not do that.

SPEAKER_01 (42:43):
I I you know I will agree with that.
Like I said, I did it once, andI don't think I will ever do it
again.
It was claustrophobic as fuck.
And I'm usually notclaustrophobic, and I love
actual like open water diving.
It's one of my favorite fuckingthings to do in the entire
world.

SPEAKER_02 (42:58):
Also, I just want to give a random I just want to
give a random shout out toslapping Mothman's ass.
They have been posting each ofthese links in the chat this
whole time.

SPEAKER_00 (43:07):
So yeah, if you got play-by-play assistance of what
we're looking at.
Give us 10 bucks.

SPEAKER_01 (43:14):
Join our Discord.
Much preach Mothman.
You're doing the Lord's work.

SPEAKER_02 (43:19):
Um, but yeah, no, no, thank you.
Like, yeah, splunking, all thatshit is like I already have I
already have likeclaustrophobia, like
claustrophobic tendencies.
You put me in an area where likeI also I can't move, breathe,
and I also can't see.
Just no.
No, no, no, no, no.
No.
No, again, I'd rather a sawstyle contraption around my

(43:40):
skull than going splunking.
Fuck that.

SPEAKER_00 (43:45):
Yeah, I'm not claustrophobic at all, really.
But yeah, caving is just notfucking happening.

SPEAKER_02 (43:52):
It's it's not so much that I'm like
claustrophobic, like like it'sit's not like the small room
itself.
It's if I have like thingstouching me and I can't get it
off me, that's when I have aproblem.
Like if I'm in too tight of ashirt or something and I can't
get it off, I don't like that.
But if I'm like a smaller room,I'm not gonna freak out.
But if it's like a room whereI'm you know lodged together and

(44:16):
I can't move, then I'll fuckingfreak out.
It's it's when it's it's soclose it's touching me and I
can't move.
That's the problem.
But if I'm in like a five byfive room, I'm not freaking out.

SPEAKER_01 (44:24):
That doesn't matter.
Like, have you listened to theMagnus archives yet?
No.

SPEAKER_02 (44:28):
I don't have time for to dedicate to that.
It's it's literally it's half anhour an episode.
You're half an hour an episode.
Got him!

SPEAKER_00 (44:36):
No, he's more like an hour an episode.
Or if you just count the partswith Jason, he's like 15 minutes
an episode.

SPEAKER_01 (44:45):
Yeah, there you go.
And if you count all the times,I have to stop talking because
people are talking over me.
It's like five.
Moving on.

SPEAKER_02 (44:57):
Moving on.
I have one more.
I'm gonna want to wait on my onemore and have you guys go.

SPEAKER_01 (45:04):
Hey, I'm I'm waiting for you to tell me when you want
to hear all about Ken M.
Let's let's hear about Kenem.
Ken him, Ken, Ken Em.
Ken Em.
Ken Em, Ken Em, Ken Em.
They're not gonna know whathit 'em.
My mom's name is Ken Em.
Alright.
It's just R slash Ken M.
It is an ode to Ken M.
Um, is a subreddit dedicated toposts of a quirky old man who's

(45:30):
known as Ken M.

SPEAKER_00 (45:31):
Um Man, you are really digging up some like old
like internet history.

SPEAKER_01 (45:38):
Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (45:39):
This was this was Ken M was a Yahoo answers
fucking legend.

SPEAKER_01 (45:44):
Yeah, absolutely.
Um, and that it's the there wasthe last post here was 15 days
ago.
So people are very clearly stillenamored with this man.
They're actually talking aboutwho will be the spiritual
successor to replace Ken M whenKen M is gone.
Um, so for anybody who doesn'tknow, Ken M is a it's a it's a

(46:05):
decently known handle.
Um you'll see him on Facebook.
Yahoo Answers was a very, very,very large part of this
individual's life.
Uh see a bunch of stuff.
It's he's just he's fuckinghilarious.
And he attacks he attacks theroot of society's problems.

(46:25):
Let's just say that.
Uh to give you an example ofwhat I'm talking about.
There was a post by Jimmy DeanSausage.
And Jimmy Dean.
And Ken wanted to buy your boot.
Ken have decided to go to theJimmy Dean Sausage Facebook page
and say, We like your porklinks, but it seemed like more

(46:47):
folks would buy your product ifit was dishwasher safe.
And so Jimmy Dean writes back,Ken, we're not sure what you
mean by dishwasher safe.
Feel free to DM us and we cantry to help you further.
He says, Thank you.
Well, I have arthritis, so itwould be better to use the
dishwasher instead of scrub thelinks by hand before cooking.

(47:09):
Also, more kick more kids wouldeat your lynx if the meat porks
had toy inside.

SPEAKER_00 (47:16):
Oh, can I remember seeing a lot of these posts back
in the day, and from what Iremember of Ken M really, it
seemed like mostly what he wastrying to do was bait brands
into responding to him.

SPEAKER_01 (47:28):
Yeah.
Yeah, I can see that.
Oh, absolutely, I can see that.
But also he does it in the bestway possible, just just being
nonsensical.
Um, this one's one of myfavorites.
It's a it's uh an article, andit says Downey Dips, Sherlock
Slips with a$400 million debut.

(47:49):
Ken, he just he has to comment.
He says, You're all gonna thinkI'm an elitist with better taste
than you, but I prefer watchingindie movies.
Easier to focus on thedialogue/slash plot.
Someone responds, and I'm sureit's the the poster or someone
associated with it, saying, Idon't think that at all.
Many indie movies are betterwritten, directed, and acted

(48:09):
than these so-called bigHollywood movies.
You see many popular actorsstarring in or producing
independent movies for personalsatisfaction these days.
Now, obviously, someone has totake in the bait.
So Ken M responds, I meantindividual, not independent.
Watching individual moviesallows you to pay attention to
every last detail.

(48:31):
And you can't do that when youwatch a bunch of movies all at
once.
Elitist as that might sound.
Like what?
Thank you, Ken.
Of course, obviously.
So so it's it's again, this is Iguess this is my brand.
It's just fine, it'shighlighting the absurdity of
existence in the best wayspossible.

(48:51):
Um fast food workers, twoMcDonald's, claim wage theft.
Ken M, our hero, is here sayingif companies are forced to pay
overtime, it will make folkswork the same hours for longer
pay.
And someone goes, What?
He goes, a lot of folks barelyhave time for pay as it is.

(49:13):
Wait, what?
It's just it's so fucking funny.
So again, if you're if you'vegot you know, if you just need
like 45 minutes to kill, half anhour to kill, and you want if
you want absurdity to rule yourlife for a minute, go check out
r slash Ken M.

SPEAKER_02 (49:29):
How did I know?
How did I know there's gonna bean image of Ken Bone on here
somewhere?
Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (49:38):
Oh here, oh this one's for you, Mike.
It's on Marvel Studios page.
Uh so Ken M comments just on hisregular page, uh this regular
page saying, Ever notice howyoung folks have never seen a
movie that wasn't aboutsuperheroes?
And so replies, no.
And Ken replies, Well, I wasflapping chops with my grandson,

(50:01):
and he admitted he never sawporkies.
How dare he?
It's it's oh my god, it's sofunny.
Again, if you like the absurd,please go check it out.
I'm not gonna waste any moretime just reading off images to
you.
Um, it's I didn't know Ken had aTwitter.

SPEAKER_00 (50:19):
Ken M on Mountains Mountains get big because they
have no natural predators.

SPEAKER_01 (50:25):
Exactly.
It's just it's it's the bestkind of humor in my opinion.
And that's I think this isprobably it this highlights the
fact that I watched Monty Pythonas a child because this is the
exact same type of humor, likeidentical.
So if you like some dumb dryBritish ass humor, go check out
r slash kenum.

(50:46):
He's been around for fuckingever.
Like Matt said, he was on YahooAnswers when that was still an
actual website and not gone.
Um, but yeah, go check it out.
It's a lot of fun.

SPEAKER_02 (50:58):
I love you, Can Am.

SPEAKER_01 (51:00):
I think I've I have a habit of finding like things
that monitor people.
Like when I brought up G Sung,and we get messages.
You do not remember G Sung?
It's just this dude who filmedevery 20 hours a day for no
fucking reason.
Yeah, he films without having anap and shit.
I've been there in a while.
I should check him out.

(51:21):
Is he okay?

SPEAKER_02 (51:21):
Yeah, no, no, he was never okay, Jason.
I can tell you that right now.
What uh what do you got, MootBolumel?
Jay Simpson.

SPEAKER_00 (51:32):
I got more fucking stories.
Uh I got two, and I'll just readthem back to back because the
second one's real short, and I'dput it in here just because it
reminds me of Doug, who's nothere.

SPEAKER_02 (51:48):
Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (51:49):
Hell yeah.
Is it about being a bitch?
Yeah, you got it.
You got it, fucking got him.
Got it one.
In 2011, me and my family wereat Darien Lake in uh in upstate
New York on a roller coastercalled The Ride of Steel.
On the track, on the track,there runs two trains with eight

(52:09):
or so cars per train.
They sit two people across andhad lap restraints.
I was on train two, which was atthe station.
While getting in, I looked outat the coaster and thought that
I saw a falling blob just afterthe second major drop.
I shook it off as I wear glassesand my vision is trash.
Well we go around the track andstop just before the station.
We are waiting and waiting.

(52:30):
Me and my family wonder what'shappening.
We see the car in front of us isstill occupied with riders with
an empty wheelchair next to oneof the cars.
Now it was a packed ride withlong wait lines.
Every seat was full except one,and the car next to the
wheelchair.
After waiting about 15 minutes,they finally let everyone off
but keep the train in thestation.
After about 15 more minutes,they send the train and we pull

(52:52):
into the station.
The ride attendants are in shockand don't talk to anyone.
Later we talked to some of thewaiting guests who were in line
at the ride of steel to ride theride of steel.
They said that a man fell out.
I witnessed the death of a guyon a roller coaster and I didn't
even realize it.
The guy who died was an IRAG vetdouble amputee who was missing
one leg and most of the other.
He flew out of the lap barbecause he had no legs.

(53:14):
To this day, people do notbelieve me when I tell this
story, and my family barelybelieves me as I was twelve at
the time.
And then he links a news post ofthe incident, which is a daily
email.

SPEAKER_02 (53:27):
Well, that's trauma right there.

SPEAKER_00 (53:29):
Yup.
For sure.
And then my last one is in mytwenties, I used to see a man.
He was always in my peripheraland never in direct line of
sight.
I'd see him at work or at thestore while buying groceries,
always public places.
Every time I'd try to look athim, he'd disappear.
This went on for many years tothe point where I just ignored
him being there.

(53:50):
I never felt like he was bad orevil.
He'd just stand there looking atme.
Finally, one day I was at homegetting something out of my car
and I caught a glimpse of himstanding in the street in front
of my house.
I kept him in my peripheral andI remember saying, I don't know
what you want, but you're notwelcome here.
He was gone, and I've only seenhim maybe twice since.
I'm 43 now, and this freaks meout typing this.

SPEAKER_02 (54:09):
And this was How old was he when you first saw him in
his 20s?
Uh yeah.
Might have just been a predator.

unknown (54:16):
Predator.

SPEAKER_02 (54:18):
Like a child predator, you know?

SPEAKER_01 (54:20):
Occam's razor, Mike.

SPEAKER_02 (54:23):
And so you're not welcome here, and the guy's
like, ah crap, you found me.

SPEAKER_00 (54:26):
But he was in his twenties.

SPEAKER_02 (54:29):
I mean, when I was 20, I looked like I was 14, so
it could have been thepredator's mistake.
Who knows?
I think it was a pedophile, solet's go predator.

SPEAKER_00 (54:41):
You should have just walked up and handed him ID.
Wouldn't you think that thepredator would have figured out
when he was getting out of hiscar?

SPEAKER_02 (54:48):
Well, here's the thing with predators, they have
predator vision, so they don'tknow.

SPEAKER_01 (54:53):
It's it's just two eyes face forward on the top of
their head.

SPEAKER_00 (54:57):
I put this in here because it reminds me of Doug
and his shadow people.
So that's fair.
If you see the shadow peoplebecause of the ring that we've
now figured out, it's just massmanufactured.
Um just look at don't look atthem directly and just tell them
to go away.

SPEAKER_02 (55:10):
Yeah.
No, I have been hearing a lot ofvoices recently, and like it's
been kind of creepy.
No, it's been like dudes'voices.
Oh, yeah, it's been creepy.
Especially today.
I heard one that sounded likesomeone like ran through my
kitchen.
It was very creepy.
But like that.
No, he like said something.

(55:31):
It sounded like he was casuallyhaving a conversation with
somebody in my in my uh uhkitchen.
That's very nice.
Well, as we were like walking,it was weird, but it didn't
sound like it was like simish,similarish, like it didn't sound
like English.

SPEAKER_00 (55:43):
Yeah, a little wobble door.

SPEAKER_02 (55:49):
It's freaky, yeah.
I like it.
Um well um I have my last one.
It's extremely short becausethere's nothing to it.
I probably should have read theother one, but I didn't, so here
we are.
Um so uh once again, Matt, it'sin the thing.
Uh this is called The Faces ofBelmez.
This is from uh again from Rslash Urban Myths, and this is

(56:11):
by very strange shit.
The faces of Belmez, strangeunexplained faces began
appearing in a concrete floor ofa house in Spain in 1971.
They're considered to be themost important paranormal
phenomenon documented in the20th century, and they kept
popping up over the course ofthree years, and they have the
images of them.

(56:33):
Pretty creepy, right?

SPEAKER_00 (56:34):
They're horrifying.

SPEAKER_02 (56:36):
I don't like them.
They they look like they looklike leather face faces.
I don't like it.

SPEAKER_00 (56:40):
The first one looks like if you've ever played
Oblivion, it looks like the grayfox.

SPEAKER_02 (56:46):
Now, here's the fun thing a lot of people in the sub
they really love to poo-poo onthings because the minute you
scroll down, they're like, Man,I love when people post stupid
fucking debunked shit and so onand so forth.
Apparently, this was debunkedpretty early uh quite a while
ago, um where someone um likedid an an uh an analysis of the

(57:11):
three faces and discovered thatum uh that they're like
paintings, like they're paintedon, and they were able to get
samples of like the paint.
You don't know a ghost didn'tpaint that you're absolutely
right, dude.
But there's other faces too, andwe get a um uh uh a link to a
wiki page that talks more aboutthem too.
Even goes on to the 90s in 1992.

(57:32):
There's a face that was fuckingreported there as well.
So like I don't know, man.
People are like it's a hoax, andI'm like, sure, maybe, but also
maybe it's a fucking ghost.
Almost assuredly.
It's creepy as shit.
Almost assuredly, it's a ghost.
Um, but yeah, um was it uh wherewhere'd it go?
Where'd it go?
Where do you go?
Um hang on, I had the thinghere.

(57:57):
Uh ICV analys uh uh analysisscientific studies carried out
on the Belmez face wereperformed by the uh Institute of
Ceramics and Glass with samplesfrom two of the faces recovered
by Father J.
M.
Bilon's team in September 1990.
The samples the samples, one 30milligrams, the other 60

(58:17):
milligrams were subjected tovarious tests such as
granulometric, mineralogical,and chemical.
According to uh the institute,the results expressed in the
extremely abridged form uh wasthat no traces, oh, no traces of
paint were found at any place.
Oh shit, I think that person waswrong.
Uh Carbala does not mention,does not mention which faces

(58:41):
were analyzed, nor which part ofthe faces correspond to each of
the samples.
Um, but then they have achemical analysis of what is in
it here as well.
Um it is uh some parts zinc,barium, copper, chromium,
phosphorus, and lead.
Um okay.
So maybe there wasn't paint thatand I I went down a different

(59:01):
rabbit hole.
Okay, cool.
I like that.
That means this couldpotentially still be a thing,
but yeah, it's just these creepyfaces are popping up in this
fucking house and it's spooky asshit.
They got like a fucking padre togo in there and and bless the
place and shit like that, butthe faces kept appearing.

SPEAKER_01 (59:16):
It sounds like you're shilling for like a brand
new upcoming uh analog horror.

SPEAKER_02 (59:21):
Well, you know, you say analog horror.
You say analog horror.
Um, no, I'm pretty sure therewas like a short film made on
this stuff as well.
Uh on this.
Oh nice.
Um, yeah, uh, what is it saying?
Yeah, 2014 forensic analysis,um, investigative journalism TV
show Cuarto Melano.
Um, carried out technicalanalysis to discover a possible

(59:43):
hoax.
The research was realized um bya Jose Javier Crescina, doctor
in chemical engineering andgeneral manager of Medco.
Um, after extracting samplesfrom the faces under the owner's
uh permission, they presented.
Proceeded to analyze them andconcluded that the images
weren't made with paint.
And according to scientificknowledge and techniques

(01:00:05):
employed by the analysis, thereare no external manipulation or
elements in the faces.
They then attempted to reproducesimilar images through the
variety of methods consideredvalid in previous
investigations, including butnot limited to concrete
solvents.
He declared failure in hisattempt to replicate the faces.
So cool.
It's alive and well, baby.
It's alive and well.

(01:00:25):
So everyone could make ithappen.
Science could make it happen.
And everyone in the commentsthread is wrong, and you should
always believe that they'rewrong.
That's really all I got on this.
Just the spooky faces popping upon the fucking wall floor and
walls of this house.
It's pretty creepy.
It's pretty creepy looking.
I don't like it.
I don't like it one bit.

(01:00:47):
And it's gonna probably haunt mefor the night.
That's okay.

SPEAKER_01 (01:00:50):
Um it's like the it looks very similar to the style
of this man.

SPEAKER_02 (01:00:55):
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, there's there's a bookout there um called uh Los
Carlos de Belmez, uh whichapparently compiles the story
and role of everyone implied inthe fraud, from the perpetrators
to the paranormal investigatorsand journalists profiting off
it.
Um I see that's the thing, is Idon't find much profit in this,

(01:01:16):
so I don't know if that's trueor not.
Because I mean, not like this isreally being talked about all
that much, you know.
So I don't know how much Ibelieve in that, but maybe in
Spain it is.

SPEAKER_01 (01:01:26):
I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 (01:01:26):
Maybe you're absolutely right.

SPEAKER_01 (01:01:28):
I don't read Spanish to local news, so who knows?

SPEAKER_02 (01:01:34):
Um, because here like here this is again.
Um there's new faces.
Um the Maria Gomez, the psychicthat allegedly produced the
appearances of the face.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Like they had a I forgot tomention that they had a psychic
go in to the house because theythought it was haunted, and the
psychic was like, Show yourselfghosts, and ever since then

(01:01:55):
that's when the faces startedappearing.
But she died in February 2004 atthe age of 85.
After her death, the um there'sanother psychic researcher named
Pedro Amoros that tried todiscover more appearances in the
house.
Um, a new wave of faces startedto appear.
However, um, Pedro Amoros claimsto have debunked these faces um

(01:02:21):
in the November of 2004newspaper El Mundo, um uh with
the article New Bemos FacesFaked by Ghostbusters and
Municipal Government.
In 2007, journalist JavierCavanieles, I think that's how
you say it, and investigatorFrancisco Mennez published a
book called Los Caras de Belmes,which has the double meaning of

(01:02:42):
the faces of Belmez and thescoundrels of Belmez, where they
explain the history of thisgame.
So who's to say?
Up in the air, spooky stuff,yes, it is.
Um I enjoy it though.
I like the imagery.
I like faces populating onthings and such and whatnot.
Um that's upsetting.

(01:03:03):
It is upsetting.
You're absolutely right.
Um anyway.
That was my last one.
What do you Jason?
Do you have any more?
Are you done?
I have a Ken M your last one.

SPEAKER_01 (01:03:14):
No, I have like I have six more.
Whoa! I'm not gonna do those.
No, I'm I will glance over uhhere's what I'll do.
I'm gonna I'm gonna give I'mgonna give two honorable
mentions and I'll talk about mylast very, very, very short one
because I don't know how todescribe it.
Um so two that I found that Ithink deserve mentions, at least

(01:03:37):
here, are R/ uh Grandpa Joehate, which is just a bunch of
people talking about all thereasons why Grandpa Joe from
Charlie and the ChocolateFactory is a colossal piece of
shit.

SPEAKER_00 (01:03:50):
Because he's a never paralyzer of whatever.

SPEAKER_01 (01:03:53):
Right.
Well, no, it's he was he wasuntil well until he decided he
was gonna do something fun withhis grandson, yeah.
Yeah, but if he had to work, no,he's paralyzed for sure.
But it's all that like it's allthat, it's all about just people
shitting all over Grandpa Joe.
There are so many pictures thathave superimposed Grandpa Joe's
face over Hitler's head, likeit's just there's a colossal

(01:04:16):
amount of those.
They go real far with it.
So if you want to get into somesome real weird hate, go to
Grandpa Joe Hate.
Um, the other mention I wantedto do is something that Kelly
and I spent a better part of anhour last night looking at, and
that's R slash cospenis.
Yeah, and yeah, my god.

(01:04:37):
My god, is that funny?
There's like little leprechaunoutfits for dick.
There's like there's the hat.

SPEAKER_00 (01:04:44):
You found all the circa 2013 subreddits.

SPEAKER_01 (01:04:48):
I I I think this says something about me as a
human.
You're gonna bring up fuckingspace dicks or space clump too?
Space clump?
No, yeah, I think we've alreadydone that.
Dragons fucking trains.
Yeah, I hell yes, trains fuckingcars and cars fucking dragons.
Yes, exactly.
Um, but the one I actually dowant to talk about, I don't
really know how to pronounce it.
And Matt, I'm gonna put thislittle link in Discord unless

(01:05:10):
you want it somewhere else.

SPEAKER_00 (01:05:12):
Um how unprofessional of you, Jason.
I I try.

SPEAKER_02 (01:05:22):
We cannot have radio silence, Jason.
Don't fucking do this to meright now.

SPEAKER_01 (01:05:26):
Um, so this is uh slash tiermetalin?
Cecilorin?
I don't know how to pronounceGerman.
Um, so that's pretty much justthat's how you're gonna get it.

SPEAKER_00 (01:05:38):
Um I have a 93-day streak on in on German on
Colingo.

SPEAKER_01 (01:05:43):
Hell yeah, brother.

SPEAKER_00 (01:05:44):
And I can't I can't help you at all.

SPEAKER_01 (01:05:48):
So this I don't know why, and I can't understand a
fucking word on this subreddit.
However, apparently, it's athing in Germany to I didn't
even notice at first toPhotoshop furniture, like comfy

(01:06:08):
armchair furniture over the earsof different animals, and this
is a collection of people's bestartwork when it comes to that
fucking mantra.
So the first thing you get is afucking naked mole rat with
chairs over his ears.
Um, there's a pug with heartglasses that have some loungers
on top of his head.

(01:06:29):
I just like I don't I I don'tget it, but I spent way too long
on here looking for all thefurniture ears because it made
me happy.
Like the rabbit loungers, yeah.
That's that's great.

SPEAKER_02 (01:06:44):
Matt, why are you learning this language?
Is it so you can learn how toput chairs on ears?

SPEAKER_01 (01:06:49):
Yeah, yeah.
Exactly.
Why else?
Exactly.
The elephant one's one of myfavorite, I think.
But like again, this is this issuch a wildly fucking out there
subreddit.
Like, I didn't there are 68total weekly visitors to this.
This was created in 2018.
68 total weekly visitors tothis, but I spent a solid 30

(01:07:14):
minutes just scrolling throughdifferent pictures.
Is it's literally just furnitureon like axolotls, on monkeys, on
pugs, on foxes, on this.
Like it's I don't get thefascination, but I understand
it.
Let's just say that.
So that's that's the last oneI'll talk about.
If you want to find a fuckingweird ass to just lose your

(01:07:34):
whole self in, it's Germanfurniture on animals' ears.

SPEAKER_02 (01:07:42):
Well fuck.
Matt, do you have any last lastminute uh hurrahs or no?
I'm out.
Well well, Doug Dimadang, boys.
We did it.
Look at that.
Two we were able to fill liketwo and a half hours of Reddit
nonsense.
What a life we live.

SPEAKER_00 (01:08:01):
The subreddit does remind me that the name for
raccoons in German iswaschbearer, which is wash bear.

SPEAKER_01 (01:08:07):
So wash bear.

SPEAKER_00 (01:08:09):
Yeah, because they wash their food.

SPEAKER_01 (01:08:10):
Yeah.
Oh, adorable.
Wash bear.
I love I love the video of theraccoon trying to wash his
cotton candy and then just getsreally sad.

SPEAKER_02 (01:08:18):
Someone bring that boy some more cotton candy.
Well, everyone, I will say uhthank you for joining us on this
fine uh Tuesday night.
I hope you all had a good time.
And by Tuesday night, I meanMonday, because it's Monday when
you're hearing this.
So what or another day?
I don't know.
I'm gonna shut up on that now.

(01:08:39):
Thank you for joining us.
Um Consume Deluty.
Look us up on Deluty.
Look us up on socials.
Uh DeludyPod or don't look underthe internet.
There you go.
Um send email to us dulutypod atgmail.com Matt.

(01:09:02):
What do you got for people?
Uh yep.
Just how noises.

SPEAKER_00 (01:09:15):
A plane exploded.

SPEAKER_02 (01:09:16):
Okay plane too.
Jason, what do you have?

SPEAKER_01 (01:09:24):
Um stay paranoid, stay stupid, obviously, but I
mean in this stay spooky, staystupid.
Um, but yeah, fucking find aReddit that makes no goddamn
sense and see how long you canyou can you can hang out there.

SPEAKER_02 (01:09:44):
Matt, I now sorry, I Matt, I now need to end off
every god every episode.
Every episode I need you to endwith your call-off being some
form of like depressing news.

SPEAKER_00 (01:09:58):
Just a current event, a current event in like
five words.

SPEAKER_05 (01:10:02):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (01:10:05):
From that day.

SPEAKER_03 (01:10:06):
Okay.

SPEAKER_02 (01:10:08):
Really date every episode.
Awesome.
Okay, Captain Phillips landed onthe Hudson.
Goodbye, everybody.
All right, bye, everybody.
Have a have a blessed day.
May Christ be with you at alltimes, even in your shoes.

SPEAKER_01 (01:10:26):
Make Christ come in your shoes.