Managing Anger Through Healthy Boundaries with Demetria Nickens

How Do Healthy Boundaries Help Manage Anger?

Discover how recognizing and setting healthy boundaries can be your secret weapon for managing anger in our latest episode featuring the insightful Demetria Nickens. Learn why uncommunicated expectations often lead to frustration and conflict, and why it's crucial to understand your personal limits. Demetria, a seasoned mental health first aid instructor and trauma recovery coach, shares her expertise on the importance of clear communication in maintaining healthy relationships and preventing misunderstandings.

Join us as Demetria and co-host Garfield Bowen dive into real-life scenarios, such as marital conflicts, to illustrate the practical application of boundaries in everyday interactions. From identifying your triggers to setting realistic expectations, this episode offers invaluable guidance on navigating your emotional landscape with greater awareness and control. Whether it's respect, personal space, or shared responsibilities, you'll come away with actionable tips to enhance your emotional well-being and manage anger more effectively. Tune in and enrich your emotional toolkit!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the Dove's Inner Beauty Podcast, where we
foster emotional awareness, oneindividual at a time.
Leading the way is DemetriaNickens, a certified mental
health first aid instructor andtrauma recovery coach with over
two decades of experience infostering emotional awareness in
others by engaging their mentalhealth.

Speaker 2 (00:32):
Ever wondered how setting healthy boundaries can
keep your anger in check?
Tune in as we chat with amental health expert who breaks
down the surprising connectionbetween boundaries and keeping
your cool.
Welcome back everyone.
This is Garfield Bowen, co-hostslash producer.
Back in the studio withDemetria Nickens.
Demetria, how are you doingtoday?

Speaker 3 (00:54):
I'm doing great, great, great.
How are you?

Speaker 2 (00:57):
I'm well so, Demetria .
How can setting healthyboundaries help us better
understand and manage our anger?

Speaker 3 (01:07):
Oh well, so when we think about, you have to think
about the definition ofboundaries, right, when you
understand, kind of, what itmeans to cross the boundary and
I think that's part of theproblem A lot of people don't
recognize that they haveboundaries in place that people,
other people, are crossing andthat they're getting angry about
.
So take, for instance, if youknow that I don't know, you

(01:33):
don't like it when someone callsyou a name, right, you feel
disrespected, right, Someone hasobviously crossed the boundary
with you, and then you get angry.
But if you've never told thatperson that, hey, I don't like
to be disrespected, then how dothey know they crossed that
boundary?
Right?
It's always assumed, right,that the bad things are going to

(01:56):
cross the boundary, right, it'salways assumed that, oh, if you
get, if you say something badto me, or if you call me a name,
or you know, all the negativethings are always crossing a
boundary with folks.
But it really just depends onthe person, right?
Some people care a lot aboutbeing disrespected and some
other people could care less.
It depends on who disrespectsthem.
And the reality is that we're soindividualized as people, it's

(02:25):
so important that we understandeach other's boundaries and
really kind of figure out whatthat is, because if I don't know
, I'm making you mad.
If you never expressed that, Imade you mad, right?
So, like a husband and wifesituations, right, when a
husband doesn't pick up afterhimself and the wife gets upset
and she's like why am I alwayscleaning up after you, right?
Like that whole scenario.
Well, the husband has crossedthe boundary up after you, right

(02:45):
?
Like that whole scenario.
Well, the husband has crossedthe boundary with his wife,
right?
This wife feels like he is agrown man, he needs to take care
of himself, that he has crossedthe boundary.
Like, why should I be your maid?
I'm your wife?
Right, he's crossed thisboundary.
But did the wife communicatethat?
Right?
Did they have a conversationabout what he expects out of a

(03:07):
wife versus what she expects outof a husband?
And if they never discuss thoseexpectations with one another,
then it's not fair to be mad atsomebody based on not talking
through those expectations.
So I think it's really importantfor people to know, to one
understand themselves Well, whatare your boundaries, right?
Where does the line cross?

(03:29):
Right, understand what thoseboundaries are for yourself and
then understand when someonecrosses it.
Right, so what is that breakingpoint for you when you're going
to get upset if somebodycrosses this boundary?
So, at the level of disrespect,right, if you feel disrespected
, what is it?
Is it a curse word?
Is it touching you?

(03:50):
Is that you know?
What?
Is it exactly that?
Come that?
That is a part of thisdisrespect that is going to take
your anger over the edge, andso that's that's not only
knowing boundaries, but what weall like to call triggers.
Right, what is quote unquotetriggering you?
But triggers are really, reallyboundaries that have been

(04:12):
crossed, right, but we nevercall it that right, we never
talk about it in that way.
And so people have to startcreating healthy boundaries with
everyone in their life byunderstanding expectations for
each other, understanding whatthat looks like and
communicating so that you canmanage what you're going to do

(04:32):
next right, what the next thingis going to happen.
So, if something, if thishappened, if X happens, then Y
happens, right.
But if you don't understand X,or if someone else doesn't
understand X, then is it fairthat Y is going to happen, right
.
And so we have to, we have tostart thinking that way, where
we can really communicate withone another what these
boundaries are, so that we canunderstand why people react the

(04:54):
way they react and why they'redoing the things they're doing.
We got to stop the assumptionsof anger, right?
We have to really startunderstanding well, where does
it genuinely, why is this thething?
And that way we can get alittle deeper, dig a little
deeper with each other.

Speaker 2 (05:08):
I'm starting a little troubled here.
Deeper with each other.
Start a little trouble here.
You had the husband and wifesyndrome.
So if the wife nevercommunicated to the husband,
whose fault is it?

Speaker 3 (05:26):
Ah, you know, I'm not going to get in trouble with
wives.
I'm a wife, right.
So I'm not going to get introuble with wives.
I'm a wife, right.
So you know I'm not going toget in trouble with wives.
But I will say collectively,they should have had that
conversation before they movedin with each other.
But no, I am a wife and so I'mnot getting in trouble with
wives.
I understand, I've been there.

(05:46):
However, it's the conversationsyou have before you move in
with one another.
It's really important to kindof know what your house habits
are before you even make thatstep all right, good stuff.

Speaker 2 (05:56):
So we all gotta do a better job communicating.
Demetra, you have a wonderfulrest today.

Speaker 1 (06:01):
We'll see you on the next episode thank you thank you
for tuning in to the Dove'sInner Beauty Podcast, where we
foster emotional awareness, oneindividual at a time.
For a complimentaryconsultation, visit
DovesInnerBeautycom or reach outto us via email at InnerBeauty,

(06:26):
at DovesInnerBeautycom.