Unpacking Genuine Connection and Active Listening with Demetria Nickens

How Do You Approach A Discovery Call To Ensure Clients Feel Safe, Understood, And Confident About Taking The Next Steps In Their Mental Health Care?

Discover the essence of genuine connection with Demetria Nickens, a seasoned mental health first aid instructor and trauma recovery coach. With over two decades of experience, Demetria brings her unique perspective on how active listening can transform lives. By fostering a non-judgmental space, she empowers clients to speak openly and honestly, inviting them to explore their inner worlds with curiosity, courage, and compassion. Her approach isn't about having all the answers—it's about asking the right questions that matter. Listen as Demetria sheds light on the key to effective discovery calls and how they can serve as a powerful first step in one's mental health journey.

Join host Garfield Bowen as he sits down with Demetria to unpack how understanding and empathy can lead to meaningful relationships with oneself and others. Demetria's insights will leave you inspired to cultivate your own emotional awareness and challenge you to rethink how you engage in conversations. Learn why listening to understand, rather than to respond, can make all the difference in building trust and encouraging bravery. Whether you're a mental health professional or simply looking to improve your connections, this episode promises to equip you with practical strategies for fostering authentic and supportive interactions. Tune in for an enlightening discussion that may just change the way you listen.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the Doves Inner Beauty Podcast, where we
foster emotional awareness oneindividual at a time.
Leading the way is DemetriaNickens, a certified mental
health first aid instructor andtrauma recovery coach with over
two decades of experience infostering emotional awareness in
others by engaging their mentalhealth.

Speaker 2 (00:33):
A discovery call sets the stage for a trust and
understanding.
Demetria shares her method ofcreating a compassionate,
judgment-free space whereclients feel empowered to move
forward.
Welcome back everyone.
This is Garfield Bonko, hostslash producer, back in the
studio with your host, demetriaNickens.

(00:54):
Demetria, how are you doing?

Speaker 3 (00:57):
I am doing great.
How are you?

Speaker 2 (01:00):
I'm well, I'm well.
So, Demetria, how do youapproach a discovery call to
ensure that clients feel safe,understood and confident about
taking that next step in theirmental health care?

Speaker 3 (01:15):
I think you said it in your question actually, right
, this idea of helping peoplefeel safe, included, understood,
right?
I want people to feel helped,feel like I've heard them.
So for me, it's not about metalking, right, I do a lot of
talking in the podcast, right?
Honestly, I do a lot oflistening.
And it's not listening torespond, it is listening to

(01:37):
understand, it is activelistening.
I do a lot of asking questionswith what I like to call the
three C's, right, this idea ofcuriosity, courage and
compassion.
If I'm going to ask you aquestion, I'm going to make sure
that I'm asking it in such away that it is genuine curiosity
for what's going on with you.

(01:58):
I'm going to ask it with thecompassionate right that you're
going to feel this empathy fromme in terms of how I care about
what's happening with you.
And then, with courage, I wantyou to be able to answer the
question with bravery.
I want you to be able to feellike you can answer that
question, because not all spacesprovide that.

(02:20):
And it's interesting becauseit's not necessarily some secret
formula that I have.
It's just kind of almostsometimes you got it and
sometimes you don't.
People feel safe talking to meand I appreciate that.
I feel honored every timesomeone says it to me.
And it's just this idea ofreally listening to people,

(02:41):
right, I don't listen to respond.
I listen to listen and togenuinely hear them.
What's your relationship likewith yourself?
Right, I am not asking to putjudgment on that, I'm not asking
to be mean, I'm not asking tobe ugly, I'm not asking in any
of those ways.
I'm genuinely asking to say,hey, what are you thinking about

(03:03):
yourself?
What are the things you say toyourself?
Because it matters, right, andpeople feel that.
Right, there's a sense rightthere that people feel that my
question was important and ithits them differently, right?
What is your relationship toyour family?
What is your relationship toothers?
Who do you consider other inyour life?
What are your connections?

(03:25):
What do you feel in your body?
Seeing the right questionsmatter?
Right, because people feel like, oh, wow, you know what I
talked about this and then sheasked me about this.
Oh, that's awesome.
People get to start to see theconnection and so when you
really listen to someone, youcan figure out the questions
that they need to be asked.
It's just about reallylistening to them and

(03:47):
understanding where they'recoming from and not putting
judgment on that.
People don't talk to peoplebecause they don't like the
response that they get.
Right, they don't like theresponse that someone is giving
them.
They don't like the judgment orthe negativity that people kind
of put forth after they've saidsomething.
I try to come to every sessionwithout any type of judgment or
negativity in my thought at all.

(04:08):
Right, it's not who I am as aperson.
I'm much more optimistic.
I'm much more thinking the bestout of people.
I'm going to approach you witha genuine sense of hey, let me
learn about you.
And so when I think about thisdiscovery call, I want people to
feel that I want people to knowthat I genuinely care about
what they're saying and how canI help them.

(04:29):
Am I the best fit of person tohelp them?
Because I'm not the best fitfor some people.
And so really figuring that outin that first kind of discovery
call is helpful so that no oneever feels like their time is
being wasted.
I never want to waste anyone'stime.
I want to make sure that youfeel like I am the right person
for you and that I can help youin that.

(04:50):
First you know 15, 30 minutesthat we may spend talking
together.

Speaker 2 (04:56):
How do you balance professionalism with empathy
during these calls?

Speaker 3 (05:02):
Being professional doesn't mean being cold, right,
I think people attachprofessionalism often to a
coldness, and that's notnecessarily true.
Right, you don't have to becold to be professional.
I can show you empathy but alsokeep a sense of professionalism
within me.
Right, I can keep a standard.

(05:24):
And so it's really about beingable to manage my own emotions
when people come with me withdifferent topics that are heavy,
recognizing the things withinmyself.
Right, every good coach has acoach.
Every good therapist has atherapist.
If there's something that weighson me, I need to be able to
handle that for myself.
Right, I need to be able to gotalk to my coach or be able to

(05:45):
go talk to my therapist andmanage those things, so that I
can come back to you and be good.
I notice when I'm triggered.
I notice when I feel a way.
I notice that if someone comesto me about something and it
makes me feel uncomfortable, Iwant to make sure I handle that.
And so I go handle that with myfolks, the people that I hold
dear to me, that help me, andthen I'll come back to the

(06:08):
situation professionally and saywhether or not I can continue
or what that looks like, basedon those feelings, but always
from a lens of professionalismand the craft of what I do.

Speaker 2 (06:21):
And how do you follow up after a Discover call to
enforce the client's decision?

Speaker 3 (06:28):
So I normally like to send an email.
I never want to be intrusive topeople.
If the first call, I like it tobe virtual if possible, because
I think seeing someone isimportant.
So I like that to either be inperson or virtual.
It can be a phone call, but Iprefer that virtual.
I want to be able to look atyou, type of thing.
I want you to be able to see meand see the genuineness in who

(06:50):
I am.
But if not, like I said, I willfollow up in some way.
Normally it's an email just tocheck in, make sure you're okay,
type of thing, letting you know, hey, I'm still here if you
need me, if you're stillinterested.
You're still thinking aboutthese things, so I try to do a
follow-up email, normally afteran initial discovery call.

Speaker 2 (07:11):
Okay and last, I just want to follow up on something
you said before.
You said the.
Whether it's a coach or atherapist, they have somebody
who they see and they havesomebody.
What's the name of the personon top?

Speaker 3 (07:24):
What do you mean?
Who's the name of the person ontop?

Speaker 2 (07:27):
Yeah, when you need help, you see your therapist or
coach right, your therapist orcoach right, right.
Who does that person see?

Speaker 3 (07:35):
Oh Sorry, I was like wait what.

Speaker 2 (07:38):
Listen.
Once again you knocked it outof the box.
Love it.
Catch you on the next episode.
You have a wonderful day.

Speaker 1 (07:50):
Thank you.
Thank you for tuning in to theDoves Inner Beauty podcast,
where we foster emotionalawareness, one individual at a
time.
For a complimentaryconsultation, visit
DovesInnerBeautycom or call336-298-6599.
That's 336-298-6599.