Epilepsy and Traditions with Ana

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Siobhan (01:31):
Welcome to ducking reality this week in the house
is my friend, Anawelcome to the VA. I'm so
excited because we've beentalking about doing this for a
while, I know. And then you havestarted something exciting that
we're gonna get into in a littlebit. But first, we're gonna
start with a little bit aboutwho Ana is. And, you know, how
did you come to California?

(01:51):
Because you're originally fromthe Dr. Correct and No, no, see?
No.
I knew there was something Iknow.

Ana (01:57):
There's, there's an interesting story here. My mom
and dad are both Dominican.
Right. Andthey got married in. This is a
good story. I got married in1965. But my father was doing
his residency in Boston. Oh,yes. Boston connection.

(02:19):
Yeah, that's New Jersey.
My brother was born in Boston.
my half brother, so my mom, theygot married, but my dad wasn't
at the wedding. Wait, correct.
Okay. Get that? Look. How do youget married without a groom?
Well, my grandfather stood proxyfor him. That's weird, but fun.

(02:46):
People don't see the look on herface. It's It's creepy. Weird,
right. But it's kind of coolbecause she didn't have her visa
yet. And it was during theAmerican occupation. So she
couldn't get out of the country.
And so they had to do it thatway so that she could get out of
the country. So then she finallygot her visa and they went she
went and met him in Boston andthen they moved to I want to say
like Cleveland or something likethat and got married there

(03:08):
again. So and then they moved toSouth Dakota. Wow. Yeah, girl
See, that's a huge like, hugechange. Yeah, Island to tundra.
Yeah. Why? I don't know why,because they were silly or
chasing your dad's residency.
Was he finishing like? Yeah, sohe was in Boston. He was in

(03:29):
residency. And atDid I even say that right?
Worcester? What's thethat's all he says. I stir,
depending on where you're fromChester.

(03:49):
And he'll be coming here youhave to? Oh, yeah. I would love
that. Yeah, in June. Anyway. Sothere were some colleagues of
his one colleague of his thatwas from Aberdeen, South Dakota.
And so he told my father and hisfriend who was also Dominican,
or maybe he was Mexican. I don'tremember anyway, that they

(04:11):
needed pediatricians and otherdoctors in South Dakota. And so
my dad and went to South Dakota,and I think that after my mom
and dad stayed for over 50years, wow. Yeah. I mean, my dad
grew up on a farm in ruralDominican Republic. So farmers

(04:32):
farm, you know, except whenthere's like five to 10 million
feet of snow, right.
Right. I know I don't. I haveasked my mom and dad this a
million times. And they reallyhave no answer other than the
people were really nice. We werevery welcoming, which was to me

(04:52):
a surprise in South Dakota towelcome you know, immigrants but
it turned out great. I mean, Iit was a great way it was
similar to Alameda was Aberdeen,South Dakota. And I think at the
time there were 35,000 people.
Yeah. But yeah, made a lot ofgood friends there and stuff
like that. So yeah,

Siobhan (05:13):
I never ever knew that you lived in South. Yes,

Ana (05:17):
I am South Dakota, born and bred. And then in college, I
moved to Minneapolis to theUniversity of Minnesota. And I
think I lived there for like 12years. And it was always my
dream to live in the Bay Area.
for no good reason. Other than alot of pictures, a few visits,

(05:37):
family friends. So in 2000, Imoved here to San Francisco, and
then I moved to the East Bay,and then Alameda in about 2017.
Oh, nice. Yeah. And I've movedaway twice. I moved to
Mississippi once. So Tennessee,and then Portland, Oregon. But

(05:57):
Alameda is home. Yeah, I keepcoming back. I can get that.
Yeah. It's beautiful. Here. Itis beautiful. And it's like we
get the both the best ofeverything because we're like,
so close to Oakland so close toSan Francisco. But we're our own
little place. Yeah. I mean, I'ma small town girl who gravitated
toward a small town. But I getmy big city girl fix. Yeah, it's

(06:18):
nice that I like love the city.
And growing up in the city. Ilike I was always downtown. I
was always like, just

Siobhan (06:26):
I got in trouble all the time for like taking the
train before I was supposed toto go in town to like, hang out
Downtown Crossing and whateverin Boston. And then, but now I'm
like, I can't imagine living indowntown areas. Yeah, but I like
to be close to them. Yes. Say, Iwant to be able to dip in and
dip out like on any given day.
Exactly. But I like that, youknow, we're so kind of calm and

(06:46):
quiet. That's

Ana (06:49):
so funny that you used to get in trouble for taking the
train. I used to get in troublefor riding my bike around the
block.
Oh, we could be around theblock. As long as we were in
like screaming distance. Yeah.
As long as we could hear thewhistle, my dad's whistle to
come home for dinner.

Siobhan (07:06):
But yeah, I remember I called my mom on a payphone once
to be like, I'm gonna be late.
And she's like, Well, where areyou? You can't be that late. And
I was like, Oh,I'm still in Forest Hills.

Ana (07:24):
I took the wrong train.

Siobhan (07:27):
A B. So did you were you born and raised in Boston?
Yes. Oh, cool. Yeah, I'm secondgeneration, if not third. But
you don't have the accent I dowhen I get mad or really drunk.
But I started tucking it awayand the bartender when I was
like, 18 Well, no, it's probablymy early 20s. I bartended in
between Harvard and MIT. Okay.
And one night, we were justlike, fucking around. And we had

(07:49):
English accents. Like wigs. Weused to do all kinds of fun
things. And we made a little bitmore money. Like, just like it
wasn't that busy. And I was justlike, do you think we made more
money? Because we didn't haveaccents. And when the girls was
like, No, that's not true. AndI'm like, I don't know. It's
interesting that that wouldfigure into that. Yeah. Well, my
mom also tucked her accent whenshe was at work, because she

(08:11):
always thought it sounded moreprofessional. Okay. And so
because she worked in themedical field and so like, in
which is kind of crazy becauseBoston is known for its
hospitals. Yes, it is. And it'sknown for like that community.
But still, she felt like therewas a difference in how she was
treated when she sounded localversus when she didn't. And so
she kind of done it did it forjust work. The rest of time she
was her accent was kind ofthere. And so I started talking

(08:33):
it at work at the bars, and Iwould make more money. Oh, wow.
Yeah. Like why did they eversnobby rich white dudes that go
to Harvard and MIT? Ah, thereyou go. And that's how I slip
into my Midwestern accent. Itonly comes out like if other
Midwest vendors are around.
Yeah, I don't think I've everheard that from you know, Oh,

(08:55):
no. Oh, my dad. Oh, my God.
Yeah, I can slip right into it.
But you know, they always say Idon't sound like that. Like,
girl. Yes, you do.
When I hear like a terribleaccent on TV, I'm always like,
all of a sound like that. Orlike really most of us do.
There's also like a differentattitude. When I slip into it

(09:16):
that comes out. That's just likea much harsher. Like.
It's just a harder kind of aurathat comes into my body. Oh,
that's cool. Yeah, it's a littlebit more feisty. And like I will
fight you in a minute. Love it.
Like, yeah, and it just like Iheard, who was it? Oh, it was
actually I was listening to JoeRogan's podcast and he was
talking to someone and they weresaying to him, how come you

(09:38):
don't have an accent if you grewup in Boston?
And he said he got rid of itlike going into acting and
things like that. It was like agreat accent and he was like,
Yeah, on a guy it's really coolbut on a girl. And I was like,
Yeah, that's the thing too. Likeif I'm like yeah, guy with a
buck is out. Fucking packing andget some fucking BS like, it's

(10:03):
now when I try to do it, itfeels so forced that I now
understand how Ben Affleck is soterrible at it. Oh, is he? In
Goodwill Hunting? We all used tomake fun of

Ana (10:11):
how it really was. What about Matt Damon?

Siobhan (10:14):
His was pretty on point. Because he wasn't it
didn't feel forced with him.
Were Ben's sounded more forced.
Isn't that weird? Yeah. And whenI wake when it slips out of my
mouth, I'll be like, Okay. Andevery time it does someone's
like, Oh, look at Yeah, listen,say it again. And it just is
like, can you just let it

Ana (10:32):
go? My niece can slip in and out of it, too. You know,
she slips in and out of it. Andit's like, oh, do it again.

Siobhan (10:39):
It's funny because my brother lives in Boston. Still.
He's a Boston fireman. And hishe's got two kids that you know,
are growing up. And they're 13.
And my niece just well, 12 and14, she just turned 14 last
week. And they don't haveaccents. And sometimes when my
brother says something that'sreally harsh. They'll point it
right out. And they make fun ofhim. And it's like one of my

(11:03):
funnest things.

Ana (11:05):
So great. can have a dad, somewhere? I don't know. I just
like the hours or the absence ofABS.

Siobhan (11:18):
Yeah. All right. So you move to the bat, or you move to
East Bay in 2017. What did yougo to college for?

Ana (11:24):
No, I moved to East Bay in 2000. Sorry. Yeah. To the Bay
Area in 2000. Yeah. Where did IWhat

Siobhan (11:30):
would you go to college for when you went to
Minneapolis, Minneapolis.

Ana (11:34):
I did psychology, which is what most crazy people do. Fact.
Flip the page. Oh, you know,narcissistic. Oh,

Siobhan (11:45):
I think it's just because we're trying to figure
out ourselves and the crazypeople around us. Yeah.

Ana (11:49):
I mean, for a little while I wanted to I really wanted to
go to med school. And so Ithought maybe that path, but I
knew that I if I did go to medschool or nursing, it wasn't
going to be psychology after awhile. So yeah, yeah. And then I
did a graduate program at SanFrancisco State University for
creative writing. That's

Siobhan (12:10):
amazing. And you've been writing kind of on and off,
or have you been writing thewhole time? Say that again? Have
you been writing professionally?
You wrote professionally for awhile? Right? Can you kind of
get out of that? Yeah,

Ana (12:22):
it's not incredibly lucrative. And you have to, you
have to jump through a lot ofhoops. And I mean, there's a
whole backstory to that. But I,when I was in grad school, I had
a internship at a publishingagency at a travel, oh, travel
publishing. And so they foundout that my family's from the

(12:44):
Dominican Republic. And so Ithey asked me to submit a
proposal for moon handbooks,Dominican Republic, and I ended
up doing two, two editions ofthat. No, wow, I think it
started in like 2005. I mean,they're long out of print. But

(13:05):
it was an exciting time. I mean,it sounds a lot more romantic
than it is to be a travelwriter. You travel really only
for three months. And then therest of the year, you're stuck
in a room chained to yourcomputer. I know. I've been
researching and writing. Yeah,I've

Siobhan (13:26):
been writing more and more. And I love it. Because I
love kind of I have developed,like, enjoying being alone so
much now, God, yeah, that, butit is like, it seems like such a
fun romantic idea to be awriter. And then you're like,
Oh, this sucks. But then writingis just hard like to sit down
and write. Like, I've beenlistening to all these different

(13:47):
books about like, how to writeand how to, you know, capture
the Muse and how to do all thosethings. And it's like everyone
is so it's such a spectrum ofhow people get it done. Oh,
absolutely. That it's like,alright, you just have to really
find it's kind of like, like,you just have to find what works
for you and leave the rest.

Ana (14:02):
Yeah, that's true. Are you reading fiction or nonfiction?
Mostly

Siobhan (14:06):
non right now, but I dip into like, some fiction
stuff sometimes just to getthings out of me.

Ana (14:11):
Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, you have to stretch your legs
into into places where youaren't uncomfortable, because
that's where the art comes in,if you're uncomfortable, and I
started out as a short storywriter, and it's still my
preferred medium, short story orflash fiction.

Siobhan (14:29):
What is flash fiction,

Ana (14:30):
flash fiction is? Well, people have different ideas
about it. For the most part, Iconsider it like, got 1000 at
the most words or less, okay, soI mean, I've written stories
that were like two pages or onepage or like three paragraphs.
Some people call it microfiction. But flash fiction,

(14:54):
actually, more. More accurately,flash fiction is my preferred
medium and it It's, it's oftenharder than, like, say a novel,
which I can't write because Ihave a very short attention
span.
Right, exactly. But flashfiction and short, short stories

(15:20):
are, you really have to keep itvery condensed. And so the you
can't get too wordy, right?
Which is just beautiful to me,because it's the way that I talk
and live. It's like, just get tothe point. Yeah, just do that
don't do a bunch of flowerybullshit.

Siobhan (15:39):
Do you have ADHD?

Ana (15:41):
I don't think I do. Okay, no, I just have a really short
memory. I have a really shortmemory. So I have to like, go
back to like, chapter one. IfI'm writing a novel and think,
What the fuck was thischaracter?

Siobhan (15:58):
That one that I used?

Ana (15:59):
What was she wearing?
Because I'm coming back to that.
But yeah, so my thesis was partof it was, I think they said 30
pages of a novel. And, ofcourse, mine was little short
stories that could either betaken as an a full novel, or
taken just as short stories, andit was based around pictures.

(16:23):
But that sounds amazing. A wholeother story to that, how I came
up with that. But yeah, I guessfor the purpose of this
conversation, it was about shortstories. And my preferred
medium, short. I mean, like, oneof the chapters, I think was two
pages, but it did. It did havesomething to do with the, you

(16:50):
know, like the Seventh Chapter,or something like

Siobhan (16:52):
that. So they were kind of inter woven exactly lightly,
so you could take them eitherway. That's really smart,
though. Especially like, that's,excuse me. That's taking like,
it's using your superpower. Youknow what I mean? It's taking
what you're good at and makinglike the assignment yours?

Ana (17:08):
Sure. But I didn't know that at the time, right. Oh,
yeah. Because now if I was totake that story again, I would
scrap the whole motherfucker.
And I do get to swear on this,right? Oh, yeah. I get to scrap
the whole motherfucker and startall over again and say, Okay,
this story was really good. Ijust have to format it again, to
what my strength is, uh, now Iknow what my strength is.

Siobhan (17:29):
How did you find your strength? Just with time or? Mmm
hmm.

Ana (17:37):
Well, time I guess, and a lot of self reflection, a lot of
self reflection, that andadmitting that I will never fit
into that box of novel. Maybesomeday Never say never. But
realizing that my way of talkingand my way of meeting people, my

(18:01):
way of getting stories out ofpeople is very short little
blips. And not short. littleblips like in the sense that I
don't want to know more orwhatever, but it's more. Get to
the point. Don't tell me how theweather is because I already
fucking know. Tell me, you know,do you believe in God or not?

Siobhan (18:19):
Right to it. I think that's why we got a lot. We got
a long way. Because we were bothlike, alright, let's either talk
about real shit, or,

Ana (18:26):
yeah, I mean, total Scorpio or just Latina? I have no idea.
It's just enough with thebullshit. Let's just move on.

Siobhan (18:36):
Yeah, I was gonna say I'm not either one of those
things. And we get along prettywell. Yeah. But

Ana (18:41):
people have always told me that I'm a misplaced New Yorker.
Because I don't like, which istrue and not true. I mean, I,
one of my dreams is to just livein the big cities. You know,
just feel that energy and feelthat you know. So that's kind of
my immediate gratification, butit is getting to know people and

(19:03):
then you get to pick and choosewho you know.

Siobhan (19:05):
Yes. And that's a powerful thing to decide who has
access to you and who doesn't?

Ana (19:10):
Yes. And that's only in the last three years. Yeah,

Siobhan (19:13):
I'm still learning that some days. Good. Like, I'm still
sometimes giving too much awayor like, giving too much to
others and not giving myselfenough. And it's really hard,
especially like, Yeah,especially when you grow up like
we're closer in age. And so likewhen we grew up, it was like,
we're here to help. You're hereto this. Like, yes, women are

(19:33):
kind of second class citizensand like,

Ana (19:35):
are we really close age though? Well, yeah.

Siobhan (19:38):
Really? Yeah. We're probably within six years. Girl
that's not close to age. If notcloser, I'm 54 Are you really?
Yes. I didn't think you wereover 48 Ah, like I look because
I appreciate it. I'll be 44 likeI thought you were

Ana (19:55):
really what this whole thing.

Siobhan (19:58):
Y'all wish I didn't have my camera? I set up right
now.

Ana (20:02):
Yes, 54 I'll be 55 this year and somebody just reminded
me of that they asked me how oldI was right now. And I was like,
am I 52? And they were like, nowanna? You're 54 I'm gonna be 55
I guess that does deserve aparty. It does. Or a big trip.

(20:22):
Yes.

Siobhan (20:23):
Either one. Yeah, I think people who don't like
their birthdays, I get it for,you know, whatever you're
comfortable with. But I'm like,birthdays are a big deal.
Because like you're getting tocelebrate something someone else
hasn't. Oh, absolutely. Like,especially in the last, you
know, after last year in losingWilkie. And so shockingly, and
and so many of my friends havebeen losing people all over.

(20:43):
Yes. It's been wild this lastcouple years. I know what I
don't know.

Ana (20:48):
I think maybe it's our age that people are starting to die
off and people

Siobhan (20:52):
in their 40s shouldn't be, or early 50s shouldn't be
just like one of my friends,Steve, who will meet later on in
the season. I don't know ifyou'd call these seasons, but he
had like three friends die inlike, I don't know. Probably
three or four months. Yeah.
Okay. How is he? He's in hisearly 50s. That's a lot. Yeah.

(21:12):
And it's been just wild. Myfriend Pepe just lost one of her
best friends was Francis in SanFrancisco like, and just he's in
his 40s. I mean, it's just beenand not all of them. And most of
them have not been drugoverdoses. Which is, you know,
we're in the bay. So a lot ofpeople just assume it's drugs. A
lot of it has just been like,health problems. Oh, my God. And

(21:33):
it's been wild and weird. Andyeah, just reminds you how like,
precious everything isabsolutely.

Ana (21:41):
I had a friend die when I was in my 30s. And she was one
of my best friends. And she wasjust a beautiful soul. But she
did die of a drug overdose, andon New Year's Eve. So it's like,
God, you know, and that's whenit started to tumble. You know,
it took a little bit, but now,you know, a bunch of family

(22:01):
members are dying and all thatshit. So generations are peeling
off.

Siobhan (22:06):
Yeah. And it's hard.
And like, Grief is a weirdfucking thing.

Ana (22:12):
I've never lost anybody really close to me. But my
father was very close. And soAnd my favorite uncle died maybe
like, five months ago. Geez,really? Five months? Yeah, but
so it's like generations arejust going yeah.

Siobhan (22:28):
I once had a friend who was like, You're good at death.
And I was like, I don't know howto take that. I mean, because I,
I'm like, It's not that I'm goodat it. I've just been through I
have a huge family. So likepeople, like my grandfather died
when I was nine. My one of myfavorite ones died when I was
12. And like, she had breastcancer. And so we basically
watched her die. And so it waslike beautiful and emotional and

(22:51):
changed me forever. And like, sowhen other people started to
die, like it's just like, Okay,this is what you do. Like,
right? It's almost like I gointo like a checklist. Yeah,
like, let me make sure this isgood. We have food. We have
this. We have that like, so it'sjust like a mood. And then my
dad had three siblings and sixmonths die. Yeah. And so I mean,

(23:12):
he's got plenty more leftover.
There's like nine still leftCatholic. lapsed, but yeah. We
were too poor to be Catholic. Orthey were

Ana (23:21):
because they pass the basket around.

Siobhan (23:24):
Like they were just working all weekend. So getting
up on a Sunday morning. Churchwas nice. Yeah, yeah. But I was
like little little before, like,probably after my first
communion was when we reallydipped off going to church. I
mean, I went to church all thetime, because I was in Catholic
school. Yeah, me too. But I waslike, I think I was like, I
don't know. fifth or sixthgrade, the first time I went to

(23:45):
the priest and was like, I got aquestion. Right?

Ana (23:47):
Oh, my God, that shit backfired on me. I once got sent
to the principal's office forasking, Why is Judaism bad?
Because I fully grasp that. And,and then I also wrote a book
report on the Moonies. And itwas a really good book report

(24:09):
and included pictures. And Ithought it was incredibly
interesting. And I got a Dbecause it was in Catholic
school. I mean, maybe it sucked,I don't know. But it doesn't
matter. Because I was the onlyone everybody else was writing
on like, smoking is bad and allthat shit. But I was like, Oh,
the Moonies.

Siobhan (24:28):
I once got a D in religion. And I fought with a
nun because I was like, how canyou grade me on how I pray?
Right? You can't. And she'slike, because you don't pray.
I'm like, Yeah, you don't knowthat though. Right? You can't
Can you see me? What do you wantme to talk to you like I'm
talking to God, I'm not gonna dothat. You're just a nun. And
you're mean.

Ana (24:45):
Are you coming in the confessional with me, right? I
used to go into the confessionalwith this one. Really great
priest named Father Krugman,father, David Krugman. And he
and I used to just tell jokes toeach other. And then At the end
of it, he would be like, Did youdo anything bad? I was like, Oh,
I was mean to my sister and Iswore a little bit too much.

(25:06):
Yeah, okay. Yeah, three HailMarys by.

Siobhan (25:10):
Yeah, I had a great priest. So my was, I think we're
in seventh grade. Like, also Igrew up in Boston. So the
priests thing is weird. Oh, whyspotlight? movies based on?
Yeah, really? So RPS we're allgood. Well, no, they weren't.
But most of them. You never hadit. We had one priest, Father

(25:32):
Nolan, who was it's Nolan usedto dye his hair jet black and he
always drove a brand newCadillac, which I never
understood, because how come youcan drive brand new Cadillac if
priests don't have any money?
But he was always hammered. Ifhe wasn't.

Ana (25:45):
He was totally Elvis. Oh, yeah.

Siobhan (25:48):
With a collar. We'd father Ward, who was my priest,
like in grammar school, and he'dalways be out in the parking
lot. Just ripping butts. Really.

Ana (25:57):
You know, you look back and it's like, you were the shit,
man. Yeah, we had one that wassuper hot. I think his name was
Father fox and a list. Or maybewe just called him that. I don't
remember but I always thought ofhim as father What a waste.

Siobhan (26:12):
He was beautiful. We I went on a my in between eighth
grade and freshman year in highschool. I went on like a Cy o
trip. The Catholic youthorganization. I only went
because they were going toParis. And they're gonna go to
the Louvre and museums and I waslike I am in. So I had a whole
conversation with this greatpriest, Father McGinty who was
like running it all. McGuintythat's so appropriate. He was

(26:34):
amazing. I used to call himscruffy. I don't I don't even
remember, have a scruffy beard.
He had a gray hair. I don't everremember having a beard scrappy.
No. He was like, I think he wasjust a nice I don't, I cannot
remember I'll have to ask myfriend Molly. She'll remember.
She like a steel trap memory. Iwill call her sometimes be like,
hey, so did we do this orsomething? She'll be like, just

(26:55):
there's always

Ana (26:59):
one in your friendships.
There's always one who has seena lot of memes about it lately.
There's always one who has acrazy memory and there's always
one who has like the memory of agoldfish. Yeah, and that's me.

Siobhan (27:12):
I was gonna say that's, that's us. But we went and I was
like, so do I really have to goto church every day. And he was
like, Yes, I'm like, okay, buttwo of these churches are right
next door to museums. So howabout as we go in, I'll just dip
out to the bathroom. Go to themuseum next door until it's
over. What did he say? He waslike, No, I cannot like I'm not

(27:34):
gonna let you run around thestreets of Paris by yourself.
But I did sneak away once ortwice.

Ana (27:40):
That's why you're into the job of travel. Yeah. I love it.
That's awesome. Yeah, yeah.
Talking to a travel writer. Yes.

Siobhan (27:47):
I know. I'm sorry. My first big trip is in May, around
taking 20 people to Vienna,Budapest and Munich to visit
bathhouses.

Ana (27:57):
I just saw an article about the top 10 Best sleeper cars on
trains. And that's always beenmy dream, but my God, they're
like 5000. I like skimmedthrough the articles like I
don't even want to see thebecause it'll upset me.

Siobhan (28:17):
There's a train in somewhere in California. It's
probably up in Napa where it'slike a wine train. And like you
take, I've taken that, but itwas like, I forget how much it
was like $500 for the afternoonor something. One of my friends
had sent it to me. It's likethis beautiful railcar and all
this stuff. And I was like, Ohmy God, this looks amazing. We
should go. And then I looked atticket prices. And I was like,

(28:38):
we need two more jobs. Somebodygave that to me as a gift. Oh my
God, I didn't realize howgenerous they were. Were they
trying to sleep with you know?

Ana (28:49):
I think they had I think they won like something. So fuck
that. But um, yeah, it wasgreat. The food was good. And
the train was really pretty. Butyou basically go, you know, I
don't know how many miles andthen it doesn't even turn around
or go like this goesfor like 500 bucks a ticket. I

(29:12):
feel like I should get aturnaround Right? Or reach or at
least buy me dinner. Right? Oh,that is a sterile walk nice to
me. Tell me I'm pretty

Siobhan (29:38):
so, oh, this is here we go. So you were here. And then
you've now said that your memoryis terrible a couple of times.
That's true. And like my memoryis terrible because I think I've
had so many concussions. Foryou. Yeah, probably at least
four to six confirmed. I've beenin a ton of really serious car

(29:58):
accidents. Oh my god. Almostalways as a passenger I was
driving once I was at a redlight and got rear ended. Oh my
god and like terribly rearended. Actually the day I
decided I was moving toCalifornia. I was at a red light
on my way to the gym. And I gotrear and I saw him coming like
he was driving like an assholeon the street and I pulled up at

(30:20):
a light and he was still lookingat the woman that was like,
driving super slow, and he justcreamed me.

Ana (30:26):
Did that seal the deal that said, I'm moving to California.
I

Siobhan (30:28):
know. Well, part of me was like, now my car is fucked.
Because he like pushed me sohard that I had front and rear
damage because I hit the personin front of me. So my car was in
the shop and stuff. And I waslike, but really it worked out
well because his insurance paidfor me to take a rental to
California. So my car was in theshop, they while it was getting
fixed. And then they had to payto ship it to me, really. So the

(30:51):
miles that I would have put onmy car driving here.

Ana (30:53):
I'm surprised the insurance did that.

Siobhan (30:55):
Well I because they didn't have a choice. It was his
fault. He got out of his car andstarted to complain about how
his brakes didn't work for her.
And I looked at the guy who Ihit and we both looked at each
other. And we're like, the guythat I had hit was like, huh,
looks like we're both suing him,right. And I was like, in his
girlfriend was like trying todefend him and talking even more
about how his car was a piece ofshit when the cops showed up. So

(31:15):
the cop kind of looked at me theother guy was like, you hurt.

Ana (31:24):
That's on paper.

Siobhan (31:26):
I didn't really make any money off of that accident.

Ana (31:28):
Now that you've got a rental car. Yeah, California
that sounds

Siobhan (31:31):
so they gave me a rental car for like three weeks,
until my car got shipped backout. And they paid for it all.
Which was amazing. That'sawesome. Yeah. So it was kind of
like, oh my god, am I making theright decision? Because like,
how am I gonna get there and allthat stress? And that was like,
Oh, actually, this works out inmy favor. Yeah, but I did. I hit
the steering wheel and had aslight concussion that day, like

(31:53):
broke my sunglasses. And yeah, Isaw him coming. And I like
starting to like tense up. Andthen I was like, go you had
enough time to think of like,you know, like, you see it come
like, yeah, you're in anaccident, like slow motion, but
I could see I was watching himin my rearview mirror. Because
he was driving like an asshole.
And then he got caught behindthis lady who was driving super

(32:13):
slow. And so I went up over thishill and stopped at the red
light. And I kind of looked backand I could see him coming. He
he was totally looking like tothe left as he came up over the
hill, and was still going like35 and just never noticed that
we were sitting at a red light.
Did anything happened

Ana (32:32):
to him physically? No, I

Siobhan (32:34):
don't think so. His car was messed up. Yeah, yeah.

Ana (32:39):
Yeah. Really high for like, yeah.

Siobhan (32:43):
Yeah, probably still no.

Ana (32:47):
And you're in California.
Yeah. I know. You ever any plansto go back to the

Siobhan (32:54):
I mean, I go back to visit every six months or so.
But I don't think I would everlive there. Again. I can't do
cold weather. Yeah, exactly.

Ana (33:02):
That's how I feel. That's how I feel.

Siobhan (33:04):
I get bitchy. Now here when it's

Ana (33:07):
same. I'm a total weather policy. It's like I grew up in
Blizzard Central. And, you know,I remember once in Minnesota,
there was like, minus 70. Upnorth, up North. North. But
here, it's like it gets down tolike 51. And I'm like Bay.

Siobhan (33:30):
Being when I lived in like mid state New York for
almost 10 years. And I likewouldn't turn my heat on until
Thanksgiving. Like, even if itwas cold all through October. In
the beginning, I was like, Nah,it's too expensive, like throw a
sweater on. And I'm like, Oh myGod, how the fuck did I become
my mother? But I was just like,I'm not paying for it. Like it's

(33:51):
too expensive. And now I'veturned on my heat here at like
50 but like just for like anhour or two to take the chill
out have the same same but stillon like I turned it on and like
goes away for a walk. Yeah. forlike days. Yes.

Ana (34:11):
It's like, well, that work?
Yeah, yeah, totally. But

Siobhan (34:16):
but so your memory issues? Are they are when I
guess did you get diagnosed withyour epilepsy? And do you think
that is what causes some of yourmemory loss? Absolutely.

Ana (34:26):
Absolutely. I was diagnosed at 13 which many people are
diagnosed in puberty unless theyhad like a high fever or head
injury earlier than that. Okay.
And so I was diagnosed at 13 andI am pretty sure that it was
happening maybe six months to ayear before that. Wow. And

(34:49):
nobody ever noticed but it gotworse at 13 and then I went,
let's see they they gave me somemeds. And it did really well,
which oftentimes people will gothrough it at around puberty and

(35:12):
then be done with it. Like theygrow out of it, which is what my
brother did. Oh, wow. They arefortunate people. And so I went
through my 20s, not unmad Nothaving seizures. And then at 32
They came back even worse. Oh,wow. Yeah. I started with just

(35:34):
what they used to call PetitMall. And then, at 32, I started
having grandma, which is thekind that you fall down and you
lose consciousness. And you Imean, unless consciousness
before, but I'm 32, I starteddoing the fall on the floor, and

(35:55):
the convulsions and all of thatstuff. And it was really
horrible. Because, for instance,my first one I lost about a
month on either side of memory.
So I don't remember a monthbefore and the month after is
very hazy. But so, and I'mincredibly fortunate in that I

(36:20):
only have one every like, everyfew years, or something I'm so
fortunate a lot of people haveit more than, you know, daily.
Or once it's, that's the thingabout epilepsy is that
everybody's is different. Sothere's no way to give like a
stock answer, right? There's noway to give like, I've done so

(36:45):
much reading on it. And there'sno way to give a general
explanation. It's alsointeresting and frustrating as
hell can imagine, because Ican't I can't pinpoint. They did
say mine was genetic. But, um,as opposed to, you know, a head
injury or a fever or somethinglike that. But um, yeah, really

(37:10):
frustrating to not know. And

Siobhan (37:12):
because even if it's genetic, it's still so different
than like your brothers. He grewout of it. Correct. So there's
no, there's no comparison.
There's no roadmap to do you

Ana (37:21):
know, oh, there's no roadmap, that's a really good
way to explain it. There's noroadmap. And I don't understand
why. Mine came back at 32 or 30.
Or 32. I don't remember. But,um, and it seems to have gotten
worse in the last five years.
Like, the last one I had. wasprobably in Jesus. I don't even

(37:48):
know. 20 What is the year? 2024?
Yes, probably. Probably 2022 orsomething like that. 20 I don't
know. But I had eight hours, sixhours of straight seizures. Oh,
but I was conscious for most ofthem. And I've never done that.

(38:10):
But as I'm feeling it's fuckingterrifying and fucking horrible.
Yeah,

Siobhan (38:18):
cute. It was just I.

Ana (38:22):
And I don't know. Some people do have that where they
are conscious. But mine were. Ihave no control over my body.
Absolutely not. And that's theonly one I had where I was
conscious. The other ones I hadwere like, I have been told
because I don't know this. Butapparently I scream really loud

(38:46):
right before it. Oh, wow. Andthen I just fall in habit. And I
don't know how long it lasts.
But you wake up. And I doremember, there's this thing
called an aura, which is rightbefore you have a seizure, and
some people don't have them andsome people do. And I do. I will
have Petey miles which is kindof a it's called an absence

(39:10):
seizure. And so I'm not reallythere. I'm, there's like a weird
lag time between conscious andcoming back into it and how I
like to describe it as likethere's this rubber band pulling
your soul out of your body. Andso it pulls out and then all of
a sudden it snaps your body intoit and that's when you come to

(39:31):
okay, and that can last. I don'teven know how long I don't know
how to describe it right? It'sjust a total out of body
experience. But then see memoryloss. What is the next thing I

Siobhan (39:49):
told you? What was on the docket? We're talking about
when you get your seizures andlike the kind of almost like a
warning that you're gonna getone Ya know, what?

Ana (40:00):
An aura kinda an aura. So my auras are I've had a day of
basically on and off pettymalls. And oftentimes it doesn't
register in my brain thatsomething's coming until I look
at it in retrospect, like maybethree days down the line. But

(40:22):
after that, after the auras,then I come to this point where
I do scream. It's like it's beenexplained to me like, like a
blood curdling thing. And then Ifall and I have the actual
seizures. I don't know how longthat lasts. Honestly, I don't I

(40:43):
think it varies. But then I cometo an hour to explain this. It's
it's the most terrifying feelingthat you can experience. For me,
in mine. I don't know my ownname. I don't know anyone's

(41:04):
faces. I remember one timelaying in the emergency room and
seeing my sister. And rememberand I know this in retrospect
that it was her right. But Iremember seeing my sister and
being able to think I know thatperson. Why do I know her face?
And her husband apparently wasthere too. And I was like, That
guy's a stranger. I have noidea. Why is this guy staring at

(41:27):
me?

Siobhan (41:28):
That's got to be one of the creepiest feelings ever. It
is

Ana (41:32):
not just creepy, but it's it's terrifying to not know your
own name. People ask you, youknow, what is your name? Who is
the president? What day is it?
Blah, blah, blah, all thosethings that you are asked when
you're in an emergencysituation? And I'm like, I don't
even know what a name is. I haveno idea. Wow. And if people

(41:52):
don't also, I remember thosethis one time where I was
surrounded by a lot of firemen.
Because normally, retrospect I'mlike, damn, but yeah, right,

(42:16):
uniform. But I rememberthinking, this wall of people
were looking at me. And there isnot just a terrifying aspect,
but it's embarrassing. It'shumiliating. It's sobering. But

(42:40):
that's after the fact. Becauseyou realize that you are not in
control of your own body. Right?
You can die at any time. Makethe most of life. Yeah, that's a
lesson here for people who don'thave epilepsy. live in fear
every single day that that'sgonna go away. I'm not allowed
to take a bath alone. Well, youknow, I mean, I do. I'm not in

(43:01):
theory. I'm not supposed to takea bath alone be in the hot tub
alone. Be you know. I amfortunate again, like I said,
that I can drive. I mean,because my seizures are so far
apart, that I'm able to have alicense, although it's been
taken away twice. No, wow.

(43:22):
Anytime that you take anepileptic to the emergency room,
they're going to take theirdriver's license away. And the
only reason that you should takean epileptic to the emergency
room is if you fear they havehit their head. Or they hurt
themselves in some way. Or it'slasted longer than I don't
remember the amount of time fiveminutes we

Siobhan (43:45):
can fact check it.
Yeah, we did. That or someonewill. Someone will listen and

Ana (43:49):
someone will listen. But yeah, it's only if it's lasted
longer than the prescribedamount of time or you fear that
hit their head. Otherwise, youdon't need to take them because
your liberty is going to they'regoing to be taken away. Right.
And once you lose your driver'slicense if you have been driving

(44:15):
I mean, it's independence thatis taken away from you. Right.
And that is humiliating that isfrustrating that is creates a
great deal of anger. You know,it's like I can live my life. I
am epileptic and don't let itdefine me. Yet at the same time,

(44:40):
it's I usually call it my fuckedup friend. Because that bitch
comes to visit me every once ina while she just won't fucking
go she has ruined she just youknow

Siobhan (44:51):
do you have like a? It this isn't probably the right
way to describe it. But is italmost like a hangover effect?
Like where you just be like shitand like just can't

Ana (45:00):
Yes, it's called the post post ictal. And that is right
after the seizure, and I'm notsure how long that phase lasts.
But it for days, God a week amonth for me personally, I will

(45:22):
suffer amnesia, short termmemory loss not being able to
because I, we tend to chew likebasically our tongues off,
right? And see your tongue isswollen, and you can't eat
regular food. So it has to beall soft and a certain

(45:45):
temperature and all that stuff,basically. And then also it's
kind of like a stomach thing.
Some people experience nausea. Idon't I don't experience the
nausea, but I experienced theend it also this is probably the
most important piece is that youfeel like you've been hit by a
truck. You're just laying thereand to have somebody touch your

(46:06):
skin. It's fucking painful. Wow.

Siobhan (46:11):
Yeah, I wouldn't have thought that part of you.

Ana (46:13):
Oh, yeah. Because in a seizure, your muscles all
tensing up to their biggestdegree, right. And it's
abnormal, obviously, it'sabnormal. And so when you come
out of it, you can't movewithout it hurting. Yeah,

Siobhan (46:30):
I mean, it makes sense.
It's just I don't think I'vethought about it that far, you
know, like, and kind of whenyou're not exposed to something,
you don't think about it thatthoroughly, of course, although
so my what I was gonna say aboutthe epilepsy thing, and I don't
know if we've ever talked aboutthis. My college roommate, my
first year of freshman year ofcollege was epileptic. Oh, yeah.
And she said to me, like, thefirst night in our dorm room, I

(46:52):
have epilepsy and it usuallyhappens at night. And if it
happens, this is the things youhave to do. Yes. And I just
looked at her I was petrified.
And I don't think I slept forthe first month that we lived
together. Because I was soafraid of it happening and then
she would go out and gethammered. Yes. When she and she
was on meds so she took meds.
And I be like, so scared thatshe would like die in our room
because she was out hammered.

(47:15):
And I was like, and then it shekind of made it me. I felt like
it was like my job to save herbecause I was her room. You know
what I mean? Like she was like,here's your exam aid team.

Ana (47:25):
No, no, I get a lot of people feel that way. Yeah, um,
luckily,

Siobhan (47:29):
she never had one when I was there. She had one at home
or something, but I

Ana (47:33):
have them in my sleep too.
Oh, um, they're not as severe asthose but you know, they show up
on EGS. But um Okay, it's funny.
EGC there it is. Fuck, what wasI saying that

Siobhan (47:56):
you have a midnight and your sleep? Yeah, that they're
not as severe.

Ana (47:59):
Yes. And you need to post this stuff. Yeah, I need to keep
this in. Because this is theshit that happens.

Siobhan (48:04):
Yeah, no, I think it's Yeah, I would. As long as you're
comfortable. Because, yeah,that's so I am

Ana (48:09):
comfortable. Because this is education for people. Yeah.
Not just people who know me. Butpeople who are epileptic,
knowing that there's somebodyout there advocating for them,
right? And somebody explainingthings that a lot of people who
don't have epilepsy don't know,right? There's, it's like an
iceberg. They often say it'slike, there's this very tip, but
there's this giant thingunderneath that nobody is very

(48:33):
rarely ever told, right? We wasour fucking topic. Well, just

Siobhan (48:41):
know, we kind of want to fuck with you until you

Ana (48:44):
Okay, so we're not okay, so your roommate experienced these
at night? She said, and shewarned you? Yes. So I do tell
people that I'm very close to Ihave certain friends who have
keys to my apartment. I educatepeople on what to do if
epileptics have seizures, notjust for me, but for everybody.

(49:06):
There's a lot of people who haveepilepsy still don't talk about
it because there is still astigma.

Siobhan (49:10):
Yeah, I can imagine.
Yeah, I have been

Ana (49:14):
Jesus. There's some really ugly shit that people say
really? You say that? You're Ohgod. Yeah. Well, you don't look
like you're epileptic. What wasso my my best answer to that was
well, you don't look stupid. Ilike it.

Siobhan (49:32):
You don't look stupid.
But here we are. And there youare. Yes, exactly. Wow. You
don't look epileptic? Yeah,

Ana (49:41):
it's because I'm not wearing a fucking helmet.
That's what people think.

Siobhan (49:50):
Like I should be wearing a helmet. People really
are stupid.

Ana (49:53):
Very stupid. And uneducated. Yes. And that's why
I like when people ask me aboutthis stuff because I I am, I
really do feel a responsibilityto act as an advocate. I've been
dealing with this for decades.

Siobhan (50:11):
Right?

Ana (50:13):
And so your roommate when she told you that it was not to
make you feel responsible, itwas more to just educate and
keep educate. Exactly right.
Exactly.

Siobhan (50:24):
But 18 No. Oh, never. I was like, it was like, one of
the scariest for like, firstmonth. Like I said, I probably
didn't sleep. And yeah, I mean,

Ana (50:34):
it's terrifying when you don't know what it means, right?

Siobhan (50:37):
And that's why I was so just afraid of the not knowing.
And

Ana (50:40):
then also that she would go and get hammered. We're not
supposed to. And I do. Cheers.
Cheers. Cheers. Yay. Jameson

Siobhan (50:52):
is not a sponsor, but couldn't be wanting to write.
Write to us. Jameson, you canfind my peal box on my website.
Jameson.

Ana (51:06):
We're not on the same instance as the NorCal Epilepsy
Foundation.

Siobhan (51:12):
You guys can send us swag. We'll send it out swag.
Yep.

Ana (51:16):
We'll organize a 5k

Unknown (51:19):
We'll do a bar crawl.
Alameda bar crowd sponsored by GNorCal. Epilepsy, medicine

Ana (51:29):
with ads on the site of helmets.
They're not just for epilepsy,they're for drugs. Drugs.

(51:49):
Credit few people look at me. Ohmy god. So yeah, I mean, we're
not supposed to get hammered.
We're not supposed to do drugswe're not supposed to. For I
mean, my triggers are lack ofsleep. Stress. Bad nutrition.
Yeah, I

Siobhan (52:12):
was gonna ask if there's certain things that
trigger it and like, yes. Isthere stuff that you can do for
prevention? And I mean, that'skind of that list that you just
went through? Yes. Yeah. And Iimagine triggers are different
for everyone not

Ana (52:22):
skipping your meds. I do quite often, which is terrible.
And I drink and But the flipside of that is, I've had
epilepsy for decades. I am notevery single day. Since I was

(52:42):
13. I understand that todaycould be my last. So I try to
live it to the fullest.
Therefore I don't limit my life,right. Am I going to go deep sea
diving? No. We're not supposedto. Am I gonna go? Jump out of

(53:05):
an airplane. No. Number onethat's fucked up. No, actually,
I would do that before deep seadiving for sure. For sure.

Siobhan (53:21):
Is it because of the change in pressure? Yes. Okay.
Yeah,

Ana (53:24):
changing pressure. They I don't know if they know exactly
how that affects it. But that isone of the big pieces of advice
that I'm not supposed to do. It

Siobhan (53:33):
still amazes me that it's, you know, 2024 and there's
so much about like us as humansand the things that we go
through that they really have noidea. I know like, I mean, later
ology, but yeah, neurology likeit's, they're still like, just
learning so much.

Ana (53:49):
Chronic pain. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. That's it. And that's, Ithink, how we have bonded? Yeah,
there's a lot about neurologythat they just don't get. And a
lot of people don't understandwhat you're going through if
they can't see it. Yeah. For,like we said, if I'm not wearing
a helmet, a lot of people haveno idea that I'm epileptic until
I tell them.

Siobhan (54:12):
Yeah, I wouldn't have known there's, there's no sign
or symptom of it. You know whatI mean? Like, there's no way
well, it's with my chronic painwhen I tell someone like oh,
well, I'm in pain all the time.
They're like, Oh, I got hurtonce and blah, blah, blah. I got
it. I'm like, you don't becauseit ended. And like mine doesn't
ever end. It doesn't ever go wasthat from your car accidents.
The biggest one is from my neckinjury. So I had a stupid fall

(54:33):
at work. And I tore things in myright shoulder almost tore my
whole right shoulder. So I hadsurgery on that to fix it after
a while. And I kept losing thefeeling and my right hand. And I
my neck was like my neck andshoulder was always in pain. So
I kept going and saying like, ifsomething else is wrong, I think
something else is wrong. Andthey're like, No, it's your

(54:55):
shoulder to shoulder you canthink of there's something else
wrong. And then finally when I Iwalked into the doctor's office
I kept complaining. So theystarted sending me the nerve
tests and EMGs, which are one ofthe most painful things you'll
ever do. I think. So that's whenthey stick little needles in you
and radio waves send. Andthey'll do it to both hands
because they are both armsbecause they have to compare

(55:16):
them. That's

Ana (55:17):
got to be really painful for someone with chronic pain.
I've never had that done. Yeah,but I can't. Because you can't

Siobhan (55:24):
take anything because I need to know how everything's
firing. And then it you know, myleft arm is okay, so like,
that's just painful. And myright arm was so painful. But
then that was like more becauseI could feel it, but it was like
deep. I don't even know how toexplain it. So I'd had multiple
ones of those. And they realizedthat the nerves were slowly
dying, but they couldn't figureout why. And then I walked into

(55:46):
the doctor's office one day andbecause they kept just giving me
pain meds, and more pain medsand those don't. Those are no,
no, I was on fentanyl for threeyears. Jesus. Yeah. Like I was a
wreck. I almost never left myhouse. My partner at the time
was working more hours a dayjust I think avoid being around
me. It's

Ana (56:06):
hard. Yeah. And I don't want with chronic pain. Yeah, it
was it was incredibly difficultin our relationship. It was
constant pain. Yep. I could tellwhen it washed over her. Because
the nurse, the narcotics wouldkick in. Yep. You know. And she

(56:29):
ended up getting a spinal cordstimulator. Have they ever
offered that they did.

Siobhan (56:33):
But then they did. They realized that my vertebrae had
been, I had knocked vertebraeout of place when I done it in
my cervical spine. And so for Iforget it, like five years or
something, they were justrubbing and grinding. And so
they severed a few of the nervesthrough one of the outlets. And
so eventually, they went in andput so I have six screws and two
rods and my cervical spine,okay. And it's done anterior and

(56:55):
posterior. Okay, so, all of thatand so there's permanent nerve
damage, and I lost partial,like, I don't have fine motor
skills in my right hand anymore.
Like my writing sucks after likefive sentences.

Ana (57:08):
Have you learned to write with your left hand?

Siobhan (57:10):
I got decent at it. But with so much like computers and
stuff. It's been a godsendbecause like to drop

Ana (57:17):
things. Oh, yeah.

Siobhan (57:18):
Yeah. Like when it was really bad. I would be doing
something and I don't know. Icouldn't. There was no like
warning that the it would juststop working. So I'd like
dropped something like what whatis it right here something and
I'm like, oh, that's on theground. Let's I legit walked
into the doctor's office one dayon my arm was just totally numb.
I couldn't lift it. And I put iton his table. And I like dropped

(57:40):
it. And I was like, so are youcutting this off? Or am I? And
he was like, what? And I waslike, I'm not doing this. Like
I'm not going to be on drugs forthe rest. Like I was just a
shell of myself. And yeah, andit's just I've seen it
miserable. Again, still in ashit ton of pain all the time. I
mean, at one point, I was on 100milligrams of fentanyl. Every
three days. I was on Vikon stillfor breakthrough pain. I was on

(58:04):
like Gabapentin. I was on likeYeah, I mean, I was on some my
blood pressure would get so highthat they wouldn't let me leave
the doctor's office sometimes.
And because it's so close to myneck and the base of my spine. I
would have migraines, like threeto four days a week. Insult to
injury. Yeah. Yeah. AndMigraines so bad like I couldn't
see. Or I couldn't be in light.

(58:25):
like I would any kind of likeyeah, lay in my dark bedroom
with like my covers over my headwith absolute silence. How long
did that last? It wouldsometimes. Oh, the migraines. I
haven't had one that bad inprobably. Probably four years
probably since I moved toCalifornia for you. Yeah, I
think the weather out herehelps. Like I can sometimes I'll

(58:46):
start to get like the almostlike an aura of them coming on.
So I'd like a bunch of thingsthat I do to help to prevent it.
Good for you. That you'vefigured that out. Yeah. But it
also was all trial and error.
Absolutely. It is. They justdon't teach you much. Like

Ana (59:03):
because they don't know much. Yeah, before

Siobhan (59:05):
I moved to California, I had an appointment with
speaking a pain specialist inBoston. And she was like one of
the best, you know, I waitedmonths to get that appointment.
And when I went into her, I waslike, we sat down and my mom was
with me. And she's like, Okay,so tell me about it. So I'm
going over like my pain andshe's like, okay, yeah, that's
like, yeah, okay, yeah, that's,I've heard this, I've heard

(59:27):
this. And she's like, so what doyou do with it? I went through
all my stuff. And I'm like, andI've done acupuncture, and I do
this and I do that and she'slike, okay, okay. Alright, so
what do you got for me? Like,what are we doing? What's the
new plan? And she was like, I'mreally proud of you. And I was
like, thing and, and I'm like soand she's like, well, I don't
really have much more to say toyou or offer you. And I just

(59:48):
looked at her and was, excuseme. And she was like, you really
have found like all the thingsthat we would suggest. And I was
like, and I just start crying,of course. And I was like Okay,
then let's go I'm like and Ijust start You get up and walk
out. And she's no notice it. AndI was like, she's like, well, we
could talk about some edits. AndI was like, if you're gonna talk
to me about putting me back onmore fucking drugs come out.
Because at that point, I usedweed to get off of fentanyl, and

(01:00:11):
I weaned myself off everything.
Like they didn't that's hard

Ana (01:00:15):
with those drugs. Yeah, that's hard work. Well,

Siobhan (01:00:19):
I've done it twice, and in a completely wrong way. Do
not follow this at all.
Disclaimer, yeah. My sister inlaw had had my knees. And this
was actually 14 years ago noware just under because. So she
had been born and I think I hadhad, no, she must have been, she

(01:00:40):
must have been like three orfour. So I said something about
like, having her can't wait formy brother and his wife to go
away or something. And my sisterin law was like, but I can't
leave her with you. And I, shedidn't say it to me mean, she's
protecting her kid, of course.
And I was just like, What do youmean? And she's like, You're not

(01:01:00):
yourself. Like, she like halfthe time. I don't even know if
you knew you're here. And shewasn't wrong. But I was so kind
of insulted. And I part of mewas like, She's calling you an
addict. And I was like, I am notan addict. Right? Because I grew
up with him. I knew that, youknow, when I was always taking
less medicine prescribed I was,I would only all the doctors, I
would go see, I always had themsend prescriptions to my primary

(01:01:23):
care so that you could like,check for interactions make sure
I wasn't overdoing it. Andtrying to do everything right.
Not to be an addict. Right. And,I mean, I completely was in
hindsight, I mean, it's a hardthing to kind of admit. But she
was like, I can't leave you withher because I can't trust you.
Ouch. And so I went home thatnight and took my patch off. And

(01:01:43):
just, that was huge. And I wentcold turkey. Oh, wow. Which was
stupid, because I could havedied. Because those

Ana (01:01:51):
dehydrate? Yeah, you have to titrate on those. And

Siobhan (01:01:53):
I was sick as a dog.
And I did it all by myself.
Because I like I said my partnerat the time was working. So he'd
be gone most of the day. And soI was just like, in my bathtub,
in my own everything asleep onthe bathroom floor because it
was easier to just leave thatroom. Right? And it was just
terrible.

Ana (01:02:14):
I can't that's amazing that you stuck with it. That's
fucking great. Yeah,

Siobhan (01:02:18):
well, because it's my niece. Like, I'm not gonna not
be in that girl's life as big ofa part as I could be, you know,
and I just happen to be kind offeeling like, she was telling me
I was a drug addict. I was justlike, I am not like, this is not
like I'm trying to do everythingright. This is not my fault.
Well, that's

Ana (01:02:35):
another reason why people don't get it. Yeah, people don't
get what you go through whenthey can't see it. Yep.

Siobhan (01:02:40):
And like the depression that comes with Oh my god. Yeah.
Being depressed on top of that

Ana (01:02:46):
depression, the anxiety, the panic attacks. It's just
ridiculous.

Siobhan (01:02:51):
Oh, yeah. It's like I became a whole different person.
Me

Ana (01:02:54):
too. Well, I don't even know. Yeah, I've been this since
13. So I don't even know what Iwould be like without epilepsy.
Yeah, I have no idea. Yeah,

Siobhan (01:03:03):
I when I first got my period, when I was young, I got
really bad cramps and everymonth and as I got older, they
just got worse. Butendometriosis was like,
surgically diagnosed at I think11 or 12. Really? Yeah, really
young because I had a really badcase. And so I first get your
period, it was like nine or 10Wow, yeah, God, I was the first

(01:03:26):
girl my grade. Oh, it was thefirst girl my grades to get my
period to get my boobs. My boobscame in overnight. Like I went
from like a nothing to a solid Bcup. Good for you. Yeah, I'm
sorry. They used to call me tobuy for not anymore. We're like

(01:03:49):
a three bye for now.
Okay, God, but yeah, they didn'tin like so I was in pain every
month for at least a week. LikeI would miss school. I would
like yeah, so they put me on abunch of drugs. They put me on
birth control. Yep. Lupron birthcontrol. chemically induced

(01:04:11):
menopause twice. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. So my freshman year inhigh school, I went through the
first round of chemicallyinduced menopause. So I was
going through hot flashes withone of my teachers. Really, and
I had to have special permissionto take my sweater off. Because
I went to Catholic Catholicschool.

Ana (01:04:32):
That's some kind of fucked up shit. Yeah.

Siobhan (01:04:35):
I had to have a special note that I could take my wool
sweater off in class. Thanksnuns. Silence false. Wow. Yeah.

Ana (01:04:52):
I never thought about that.
Because the Catholic schoolmaybe? Yeah. Yeah, it was wild.
Did people have have kind of astigma against you. Oh, yeah.

Siobhan (01:05:02):
Even like my family would sometimes be like, Oh,
you're sick again? Like, yeah,I'm gonna be sick again every
month until you take my fuckinguterus out. Yeah. And I begged
and begged to, like, just takeit out. It doesn't work. It
makes me sick. And one doctorwas like, Well, if we took it
out, you could still maybe haveproblems. Okay? Well, let's try
it whatevs. And they're like,well, not until you're 26. Did

(01:05:25):
you know because by that time, Iwas in my serious relationship.
And he really wanted to havekids. So I had said, like, I'll
leave that option open, eventhough I didn't really want
kids. I loved him. It wassomething that he said was it
and then, you know, he was like,No, it's okay. It's not
important. Then he hated me forit. Jesus after Yeah. Terrible.

(01:05:48):
Like I every time we would getmore serious, I would say, like
you, you know that, like, Idon't really want them and we
probably can't have them. And ifthat's what you want, go get it.
I'll help you find it. I think Ilove you. But I'm not going to.
If that's something that youwant that that's a non
negotiable. Good for anything.
Yeah, your health. Yeah. But assoon as I left him, it was one
of the first things I probablydid it within six months of

(01:06:10):
leaving him. I had ahysterectomy.

Ana (01:06:14):
Good for you. Yeah, you took charge of your own health.
Yeah, I

Siobhan (01:06:18):
called the doctor and she was like, and I sent her my
notes. And she was like, Okay,let's schedule it. And I was
like, thank you. It was in mymid 30s. By then. Okay. And I
have not had pain since thatday. And I was like, Who could I
have been if I wasn't sick everymonth? Right? And because
doctors kept telling me I wouldwant to have kids. Well, if I
wanted kids, I'll go get one.
There's plenty of the ones. Manyneed. Like, why do you have to

(01:06:40):
force me to be biologically mom?
Like, I can really be a mom. No,no, no. And I would say that to
the doctors all the time. They'dbe like, you're gonna regret it.
Like, why? How do you know mebetter than me?

Ana (01:06:51):
Well, that was

Siobhan (01:06:53):
a while ago, but it's still I think a lot of
Massachusetts that you can't geta hysterectomy before. 26.
Really? I didn't know that. Ithink it's most of the country
has like a 20 Something age.
Because you know, why should awoman make a decision about her
body?

Ana (01:07:06):
Right? Why? Yeah, no, it's

Siobhan (01:07:08):
just getting worse.

Ana (01:07:11):
Yeah, I remember when I was trying, I was thinking about
having kids and my partner atthe time, and I were thinking
about, you know, having spermdonor and stuff like that. And
then the doctor said to me,you'll have to be off your
epilepsy meds. And then ifyou're nursing, you'll have to
be off them. And it just scaredthe shit out of us. Yeah. And I

(01:07:35):
was just, what if I'm holdingthis week old baby and I have a
seizure. And I drop right. Youknow, I dropped them was fucking
crazy, you know? So it wasn'tworth it to me. And

Siobhan (01:07:50):
she wouldn't have carried them. No, fair enough.
Yeah, some women just No,

Ana (01:07:57):
no, no, exactly. And I mean, in a lot of ways, I'm okay
with it. Because now I get totravel and take naps. Yeah. But
you know, at the same time, it'slike, just kind of that thing.
Yeah. Yeah, generation.

Siobhan (01:08:16):
Yeah. There's like a part of me that's always like,
what if? And I bet it's not it?
Then I realized that it's not myWhat if it's everybody's else's
whatever. Because I've noticedsince I was young, I love that.
Yeah. And then I'll catch myselfbeing like, I never like even. I
remember being like, 14 andbeing like, I'm never having
kids. I

Ana (01:08:35):
always wanted like, one and just one and done. Yeah. But,
um, I, but when it becamebecause I always thought that I
had outgrown it. You know, afterI got into high school, and it
went away. And then throughoutcollege, I had nothing, right.
So I thought, Okay, well, oneday I can, and then 30 to hit

(01:08:57):
and the big grandma's. And itwas like, oh,

Siobhan (01:09:01):
and that's going to really shake your whole fucking
world. It did.

Ana (01:09:07):
It did. And you know, I'm 54 now so it's like, well,
clearly, that ship has sailed.

Siobhan (01:09:14):
I don't know. Yes,

Ana (01:09:16):
it has. Yes, it has there.
No, I really love travel. Ireally love taking naps. And
just going out and seeing music,like you know, nine o'clock at
night or something. Yeah, well,and

Siobhan (01:09:29):
now you perform music.
When did you get into music?
Like have you? Were you always asinger? Or did you not

Ana (01:09:37):
know I don't consider myself a singer now.

Siobhan (01:09:40):
I am pretty sure I've seen you on stage singing very
well quite a few times. But

Ana (01:09:45):
well, thank you, but I very much consider myself learning.
And for me getting into it wasconquering a fear. Yeah. And
that's all it was conquering afear like I always thought like
My first dream when I was a kidwas to be a triple threat,
triple threat on Broadway,acting, dancing. You know, I

(01:10:08):
grew up dancing, and singing.
But I know that I'm notphenomenal at it. I know that
I'm not great at it. And at 54 Iknow that I don't give a shit.
I'm doing it because it's fun.

(01:10:30):
I'm doing it because it is. I'mcompeting with myself. I am
learning which I'm a lifelongstudent. And I have a music
partner who is totallysupportive about that, you know?
Yeah. And he's learning as well.
And so we're just like, Fuckeverybody. Yeah, I love hearing

(01:10:53):
it out.

Siobhan (01:10:56):
And but you do have like, like, I couldn't go up and
sing because I am basically tonedeaf.
You know? But and I'm petrifiedof being onstage. I'm petrified
to talking in front of more than10 people really, because you
have a podcast. I know this, butI've been dragged and faceless.

(01:11:17):
Yeah. One of the reasons whythere's no cameras still
celebrate this room. But it'salso I've had kind of like false
starts to this, because Istarted it so many different
times. And then, you know, like,this year, I was on a really
good or last year, I guess I wason a really good roll. And I had
what 22 episodes out or 20episodes, and then losing Wilkie

(01:11:38):
really just fucked me up. Likethere's nothing else I can say
about it. And it was really hardjust because not a lot of people
knew how close we were or howmuch time we spent together.
That's true. We work together weyou know, so it was an I just
like to keep my ship private.
Because I like to keepeverybody's else's energy out of
it until I know what it is.

Ana (01:11:58):
That's actually very smart.
Yeah, because it's really savinga lot of your, your ship for
you. Yep. And

Siobhan (01:12:07):
he was okay with it. I mean, he was getting towards
like, right before he died, hewas getting a little more like,
saying things like work andstuff where I would just look at
him and be like, we have like,we've talked about this. And I'm
a bartender, you know, like,having a guy that I work with,
and I'm sleeping with sitting atmy bar makes things a little
awkward for other people. Andwe're bartender, so everybody

(01:12:29):
wants to weigh in on stuff. Andlike, talk about it and talk
about us and talk about it topeople. And it's weird thing
when you're because you are kindof on stage as well. Everybody

Ana (01:12:39):
thinks that your shit is their business. Yes. Because
they're giving you tips. Yeah.
So they think that you are like,they're at their disposal.

Siobhan (01:12:48):
Yeah. And they share so much with you that yeah, they
think that they know everythingabout you. Where it's like, we
hardly ever talked about me.
Yeah. Like,

Ana (01:12:58):
I was a bartender for three months. And that's that's very
much how it was. I listened.
Yeah. And I'm a good listener.
So it's, and I love that. Yeah,but um, yeah, I can imagine.
Yeah,

Siobhan (01:13:09):
so like, you know, I was on a good roll. And then we
had so many things that we weregoing to work on together. That
was kind of building myconfidence for some of this
stuff. And then I just kind of,I don't know what just I needed
to take that time to grieve andgo to therapy and all that. But
it's part of what like, and thengetting back into it has been

(01:13:29):
like, Okay, I need to not dosomething that he would have
been so excited about too. Well,right. I was just gonna say
that. Yeah. Get into it. And

Ana (01:13:37):
how long has it been since he passed away?

Siobhan (01:13:41):
Eight months? greatly.
Eight months? August, September,October, November, December?
Almost 10 I guess right. May 4is when I found him. He died on
May 3. Which is Star Wars Day.
No. May 4? Yeah. And he was sucha fucking Star Wars and word.
Oh, yeah. The amount of times wewent to bed watching Star Wars

(01:14:03):
is like fucking ridiculous. He'ssuch a nerd.

Ana (01:14:06):
loves Star Wars or Empire Strikes Back because that splits
a lot of people. Oh, Star Wars.
Really? Okay.

Siobhan (01:14:14):
Yeah. Like the old like that. Oh,

Ana (01:14:17):
what is that? The fourth episode The fourth? Because 123
is that bullshit?

Siobhan (01:14:26):
Oh, yeah. Yeah, not the new stuff. Yeah, five,

Ana (01:14:29):
six, like like Yoda.
Jennex. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it wassuper tragic. Yeah, it was.

Siobhan (01:14:38):
Thank you. Yeah. And then it was hard just because I
didn't know what to do with it.
I still don't really know whatto do with it. Like, because
it's hard to so many people willcome talk to me about how much
they miss him and how like, andI want to hear it but it also
doesn't feel right for me to belike, I mean, I often say like,
Yeah, I miss him too, but Idon't know. It's just

Ana (01:14:58):
wasn't out there with you too. So you can't really show
the extent of the effect thattheir words have on you.

Siobhan (01:15:05):
Yeah. And I also, like, want to be there for other
people. Sure. It was like, I'veso many people that were really
like, or that had been close tohim like years before and, you
know, have known him much longerthan I did. Were like, never
even asked me how I was doing.
And never like, kind of evenacknowledged some of the things

(01:15:25):
like I didn't meet most of hisreally his, like family. And so
I was telling them whathappened. And then I've checked
in with them kind of here andthere, but like, I've also kind
of kept my distance because it'sweird. And it's yeah, like, I
wasn't friends with you. Solike,

Ana (01:15:43):
but that's also like, a very strange spot to be in.

Siobhan (01:15:46):
Yeah, especially. This is a really small island. And
really, it is a place that iswhat

Ana (01:15:50):
was he born and raised here. Oh, yeah. So it's got a
lot of history or a lot ofconnection. Yeah.

Siobhan (01:15:56):
And he was a bartender forever and a doorman and
dagger. Yeah, like 13. That'swhy his picture was seen the
candles. Yep. Yes. His pictureis all over that place. Oh,
really? Yeah.

Ana (01:16:11):
I'm only noticed the candle at No, that's not true. I
noticed the picture and I thinkI know there's a candle at

Siobhan (01:16:18):
Wally's. Oh, is there?
Good. So, we have a candle atBenton. There's one at heart and
dagger. I'm pretty sure maybethinking of Benton. I'm pretty
sure there's one at 13 but whenhe died, Tim queen and someone
else made stickers of him, andthey gave them out. And so
there's stickers of him all over13. And now that you tell you

(01:16:38):
you'll notice them? Yes. Becausethey're like up in the back up
on the metal post. Is that thatsame picture where he's no, it's
the one where he's in a red suitlooking over his shoulder.

Ana (01:16:50):
I don't think I've seen that. I've seen only the one
where he's got fists up. Yeah,something. Yeah.

Siobhan (01:16:54):
Yeah, that one. That one's there too. But a lot of
them are in him in his red suit.
Yeah. And I've only

Ana (01:16:59):
talked to him like a few times. But then he was also
maybe three times tops. Yeah.

Siobhan (01:17:05):
But he was part of hoods slam in Oakland because he
was a semi pro wrestler. Oh,really? Yeah. And then he got
hurt. Yeah. Oh, so he's, like,big into like the whole like, he
was no one just Alamedaespecially. But Oakland too.
Yeah. And he was like, he was astreamer. So he was a twitch
guy. And he played? Yeah.

Ana (01:17:26):
Girl, I'm older than you.

Siobhan (01:17:29):
It's a streaming platform where people will go
like, Ben Flanagan is on it forhis music. Okay, like so people
will stream different thingsthat they do. And he was a gamer
so he played what was his biggame? Resident now? Oh my god.
Maybe I have epilepsy. You wishyou could blame it on that? You

(01:17:54):
don't do that. Right. There's azombie movie and it's already a
video game. I'm not gonnaremember the walking dead. No,
it's not walking dead. It'slike, I don't do video games.
Because the too many bring itaround to that. Yes, actually.
Oh, yeah. Can you not go tolike, like haunted houses and

(01:18:17):
things like that, like, lights?

Ana (01:18:19):
strobe lights do affect me, but not as much as other
Olympics. I tend to be verycareful with it. I don't I don't
like video games. And so it'snot a problem for me. Yeah. But
like at concerts and stuff wherethey're doing, you know, crazy
light shows create like crazylights. I pretty much hide my

(01:18:39):
eyes. Wow. Yeah. Because it's,it's uncomfortable in an
emotional way.

Siobhan (01:18:45):
It's like the fear of it. Yes. Yes.

Ana (01:18:48):
But you know, they they did an EEG and when they do an EEG
for epilepsy, they do it. Theymake you stay awake for like, 24
hours or something before you doit. Oh, wow. Yeah. So that
you'll fall asleep when you'rethere. And that's how I know
that I have them in my sleep.
And then they also do the strobelights. Like they'll do them

(01:19:11):
randomly or they'll do them. Dothat? Yeah, they'll do like
counts of it. Okay, like apattern or something? Yes. I
don't know if they do themrandomly or not. But I feel like
I remember the pattern andthat's it. But yeah, I had I had
minimal seizures with that. ButI did have seizures. It was in

(01:19:34):
my sleep that I had them. Andoftentimes I can notice when
I've had one in my sleep becauseI've I feel like I've bitten my
tongue. I

Siobhan (01:19:43):
was just gonna ask if you know you have them like in
the morning like you wake up andif it wasn't for your tongue, do
you think you would notice them?
No, no, no. That's gonna befucking scary too. It is scary.

Ana (01:19:54):
And people don't know that so much or oftentimes they don't
believe But right I have crazydream life which sometimes I
think that that's relatedthere's a lot like spiritually
that I believe in withepileptics, and but that's my

(01:20:16):
view. All right. I have not alot of people but you know I
have a very active I can predictfuture. Sometimes I can
definitely predict illness inpeople or there's something
wrong with their

Siobhan (01:20:35):
attitudes.

Ana (01:20:37):
Well, that doesn't take that takes listening to some
bullshit. No with I havepredicted cancer, a lot of
pregnancies. I mean, heartproblems. Just colds, but colds

(01:20:59):
are easy. I mean, it's stupid.
But yeah, shit like that. I didpredict the Malaysia airplane
crash. The one where theairplane fell out of the sky.
And they never found theairplane yet. And everybody
died. I dreamt that about a weekbefore. Wow. Yeah. Creepy. Super
creepy.

Siobhan (01:21:21):
I get that though.
Because you're Yeah. Becausewell, I mean, I also am
spiritual. So that was why Ikind of get it is like gives
you're tapping into differentfrequencies.

Ana (01:21:30):
Yeah. Yes. different energies, different realities,
different planes. I don't knowhow to explain it. But yeah, and
it's not something I tell a lotof people because people look at
you like you're crazy. I mean,not only do you tell them that
you have epilepsy and they can'ttell cuz you're not wearing a
helmet.

Siobhan (01:21:51):
You really gotta get you a helmet. We really,

Ana (01:21:54):
you know, so long. So, come on Jameson. And some roller
skates although I do have rollerskates.
I don't know where that camefrom. But yeah, I mean, there's
there's a lot of evidence ofmaybe not evidence but a lot of

(01:22:19):
writing on creativity andepilepsy. And, you know,
epilepsy used to be regarded aslike a you're possessed by the
devil or something. Back in theday. And

Siobhan (01:22:38):
probably because of those reasons. Like they they
knew things that theytechnically shouldn't have
known. And that makes peopleweirded out anyways. Yeah,
maybe. And then on top of that,they would go into those fits.
Yeah. Options.

Ana (01:22:49):
Yeah. And actually the do call it fits like in the United
Nation. Oh, really? No nation.
Do they still call it that?
Yeah,

Unknown (01:22:56):
the UN will be your Europe. Let's just say Europe.

Ana (01:23:00):
They call it on the island.
Yeah, they call it fits. Whichis kind of a bad connotation
here, which is

Siobhan (01:23:10):
interesting. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Because here it has kindof a seizure. Yeah. But here
when you say someone's gonnafit, it's doesn't it's
derogatory. Yeah.

Ana (01:23:20):
Which is stupid. I don't know where that I mean, is there
like a timezone where?

Siobhan (01:23:27):
Once you cross the international

Ana (01:23:31):
window, we're like, okay, you no longer say fits? Yeah,

Siobhan (01:23:34):
they're like, hand out a little thing on the plane.
Your new language for this? CanI get you another drink?

Ana (01:23:40):
Yes, please. And I need to pee and get a cigarette. All

Siobhan (01:23:43):
right. Let's pause this. After our drink and smoke
break, to play with some ideas.
Yes, record them. Oh, yeah,absolutely. Super fun. We have
to as soon as I get back, we'lldo all of that. I'm gone. I come
back into May. Right. I comeback. Yeah, come back in the
middle of May. And then I maysit make sure my sound is good.

(01:24:05):
Hello. That sounds good. Yes.
Oh, yes. I come back at the endof it, or the third week in May.
And then I'm taking it back fromthat, then we're gonna go
hardcore in our stuff.

Ana (01:24:23):
Yeah, I mean, we can just like, hash it out and see what
we Yes.

Siobhan (01:24:27):
Because also by then I will be done with school. Like
right now. I'm remote like 80%of the time. Nice. Yeah, I'm
only gonna go in one day a weekor when there's a couple things
that are events for students.
And then the rest of the timeI'll work here. So yeah, so it
gives me a little more breathingroom. I'll get to twice as much
work done. I'll be happier.

(01:24:49):
Yeah, pictures don't connectwith the students. No, no, I

Ana (01:24:53):
just were excited about it.
In the beginning. I remember. Iwasn't

Siobhan (01:24:56):
I was super excited about it. And I was really like
excited to make a difference andto be there, but it like hurts
my feelings when they don't showup. And I've been working in
like the regular world so muchthat like when you have
expectations of people, most ofthe time it's work. So you know,
you are people meet theirexpectations, or at least you
know, get their deadline done.
And here, it's like, they justdon't seem like they care. And

(01:25:16):
they all like seem like they'rejust half assing it but they
want everyone else to do it forthem. And it's nothing's their
fault. And all of them arespecial and need, everything has
to be specially for them. Andlike, it's all excuses. And I'm
just like,

Ana (01:25:30):
how does it hurt your feelings? I'm interested to know
where that I

Siobhan (01:25:34):
don't know if it gets hurt my feelings is the wrong
thing. It makes me sad. Like,because here they are like they
have all this opportunity there.
You know, a lot of them are herein this country. Like they work
so hard to get here. And now.
They're just like, we're and I'mlike, what, but like, are they
want to do stuff and they cometo me, and they're so excited.
And then I put a bunch of workinto it. And then I'm like, Hey,

(01:25:56):
so where are we meeting? Are wedoing this? And then they just
don't show up? Oh, irritating?
And I'm like, that's a lack ofrespect. Yeah. And I'm like,
This is what you wanted to do.
Like, I'm excited for you.
Right? And I want to help you.
But if you don't want to comelike that, I don't give a fuck
like, but don't waste my time.
And don't like, I don't know,it's just a weird,

Ana (01:26:14):
how old are they? Like,

Siobhan (01:26:16):
a lot of them are graduate students. So they're
older, they're in their mid 20s.
Most of them are over 21. I havea couple of young students, but
most of them are graduatestudents. That's

Ana (01:26:25):
weird for graduate students, because they have
chosen to be there that arebeyond the whole my parents
expectations that I go tocollege, right, get just a
degree they've already chosen togo further in it.

Siobhan (01:26:36):
Yeah, that's what I mean. Like, like, aren't you
like, excited to do this? Like,we're not even excited? But
like, if you're gonna do it,don't you want to do it at least
decently? I'm not even sayingfind the purpose. Yeah. Yeah,
like, and if you don't want todo it, that's fine. But don't
then think that I should fix itfor you because you didn't want
to do it or that you should havespecial treatment because you're
who you you know, your mom toldyou you're special. Like, I just

(01:27:00):
makes me sad. And then also,like, a couple of the boys have
been super rude. And liketelling me that I don't know
things. But like, I've beenevent planning for 20 something
years, and I had a studenttelling me like, this isn't how
events are put together. And Iwas like, So tell me, how do you
do this?

Ana (01:27:15):
So tell me how you came to be in the generation of
mansplaining.

Siobhan (01:27:19):
Right? Like, I was just like, and he was getting mad at
me like angry, you know, andlike, the energy he had was just
like, terrible. And I was justlike, why would I ever want to
spend time with students likethis? Yeah. Like, and I was
like, Yeah, and I was just like,I Yeah, it's not, it's not
filling me up. And I just waslike, Yeah, I don't want to do
this. It makes me sad. And Idon't want to be I don't want to

(01:27:39):
spend any more time in somethingthat does not bring me at least
some joy.

Ana (01:27:44):
Absolutely. Amen. Yeah.
Like, I

Siobhan (01:27:47):
just, my life is too short for that. And I'm not
gonna do absolutely. So like,and I don't need to like
financially, it's great, youknow, in the benefits are
amazing. So like to walk awayfrom that part feels scary, for
some reason, even though it'sonly been six months. But to
know, like, I'll be happier. AndI can make more money other
ways. And I have plenty ofopportunities coming in that

(01:28:08):
it's like, I can just take thatleap to, I'm still in that space
in my life where like I, youknow, not rich, but I'm
comfortable. And I have that Ican still take those
opportunities to be like, okay,yeah, like, I'm going to put
more time into this. I'm goingto put more time into building
my own career. The tours, domore of those. You know, it's

Ana (01:28:26):
super exciting. Yeah, not a lot of people see that so young,
you know, and I know that we'renot super young. Right. But
it's, it's refreshing to hearpeople say, you know, I want to
lead with my passion. And notjust do a fallback, you know, a
fallback career. Yeah. Becauseonce you do start doing to fall

(01:28:47):
back, that's where you're,you're leaning on it. Right. You
know,

Siobhan (01:28:53):
yeah. Oh, God, I totally hear that. I get it.
Like I get why people stay inthe comfort because it feels
safe. And it doesn't you know,in the unknown is scary. But I'd
rather have the unknown than themonotony and to be half assing
it and miserable every day. Idon't want to do it. Like, I
just the

Ana (01:29:13):
part that scares me about that is and I've considered that
too. But the stability of apaycheck. Yeah. And the
stability of health insurance,because, you know, I've got some
pretty deep health concerns. And

Siobhan (01:29:27):
so, yeah.

Ana (01:29:29):
So have you. I'm sure that health insurance is like at the
top of your it

Siobhan (01:29:37):
actually isn't really it should be and in this
instance, I have kept it inthere because knowing that I've
had this great health insurancewas like a warm blanket. I had
been still carrying mydisability insurance, so I still
had it in case I need it, but Ihaven't used it. I've been very
anti doctor for the last fewyears. And I don't want to be

(01:29:58):
it's just that you Looking overall the stuff that I've been
through, sorry, scared dog up tonow and as long as he doesn't
start thinking he's on thepodcast we should be okay. So

(01:30:18):
cute nose, eyebrows areeverything. They're everything.
And he's lucky he's cute becausehe's been a huge pain in the
pool. I love you sturdy.

Ana (01:30:27):
Okay, maybe we should stop looking at I know.

Siobhan (01:30:31):
But I haven't I've been so very anti doctor and very
anti, like Western medicine likeI've been going like, I'll just,
you know, scrape the moneytogether to go get an
acupuncture or massage or we'renot looking at now. Yeah,
that's, but with this with mychange. Yes. One of my other

(01:30:53):
jobs. Because I work. I work twodifferent positions for them.
Oh, yeah. But because one ofthem I'm contractor for but
since I'm still in that family,the owner was like, we can help
give you insurance here if youneed it. So if I leave one, I
can actually go on the insurancefor the other. That's fortunate.
Yeah. It's like, you know, Iended up paying more it's like a
less good level of maturity.
Yeah, but it's still insurance.

(01:31:16):
So yeah, I'll do that. That way.
I have that and just trying tobe a responsible adult.

Ana (01:31:23):
But live happily. But yeah, still,

Siobhan (01:31:25):
yeah, it's still not when I moved out to California
and made myself two promises.
One, I wouldn't put money in thepockets of someone that didn't
do good in the world. And two, Iwouldn't stay in anything that
didn't make me happy.

Ana (01:31:39):
That's those are like crucial. Life lessons. Yeah,

Siobhan (01:31:43):
I my life is too short and too valuable to be
miserable. Like, I deal with toomany other things that I can't
control being miserable. And soanything else? If it does not,
like even with people now, like,if you don't bring something to
my life, if all you're doing wastaking then I wish you all the
luck, but I'm not going to puteffort into that. Right? I'm
just finally find me myboundaries and standards.

Ana (01:32:06):
So inspiring. And this, you know, it's like, I look around
the room, and you've alreadymade a bunch of changes. Yeah,
for your podcast to turn intovideo. Yeah. Which is super
exciting. I'm super

Siobhan (01:32:17):
scared to do it. But I will. Why are you super scared.
I just don't like I hate mypicture being taken. So to think
about being on a video all thetime, feels very just, it's the
next level of uncomfortable.
Yeah, and it's another level ofexposure. It makes me more
recognizable. It makes me Youknow, I get nervous when people
even now I was just talkingabout this with Steve the other
night about how being abartender when you're out people

(01:32:38):
will be

Ana (01:32:40):
I was just gonna say that to you. It's like having a
conversation with you out inpublic is it's a little
challenging, because peoplerecognize you. And as a
bartender, you're everybody'sbest friend. Right? It's the
same with Sandy. Yeah, if wewant to have like, a good
conversation, we have to go toher house, my house on the
island, someplace where nobodyknows her. And, you know, it's,

(01:33:03):
it's too bad. But you know,that's, that's the life of a
bartender. Right.

Siobhan (01:33:08):
And that's, you know, I'm starting to, you know,
hopefully, at some point, Iwill, like, you know, be this
will catch on and kind of bepopular and so more people will
listen, and more people get toknow me, and that will happen
more possibly. And we maybe notmore people that kind of, you
know, spread out and everythinglike that, but with all the

(01:33:29):
content that I'm going to startputting out Yeah, like,
eventually that'll happen. Andthat's the, my biggest drawback
like, because it's not reallyabout me, it's about kind of
more than message. Like, Idon't, you know, the thought of
being famous is something thatI've like, never No, thank you
like being in a spot like, like,I barely like talking, I barely
being recognized now. You know,and also because I want to make

(01:33:52):
sure like, I remember thatperson and I like know them and
I you know, you're sensitive.
Yeah. And it's like trying tofigure out how to be okay

Ana (01:33:59):
with rum and coke.

Siobhan (01:34:02):
That day, if you're Romina Coke, yeah. Like, the
other night, I was at a partymeeting some people and I was
just like, I'm so terrible atnames. I'm sorry. Like, I'm not
gonna know your name. But like,I'll go get you a drink in five
minutes. I'll remember thatyou're drinking red wine. Like
you know, like crazy. But likethey were kept asking you about
me and like wanting to knowmore, especially because my trip

(01:34:23):
was like, you're at work. Yeah.
And they were kept like wantingto talk to me. And I was just
like, Okay, now was it overabout me?

Ana (01:34:30):
Can it be done now? Can we get back to you? And I get along
that way? Because I that's whatI like to do is I like to ask
questions. Yeah. I don't reallylike to talk about so much
myself. I love hearing aboutpeople's life and you know, what
drives them and what you know,is important to them. Yeah. And
what led them to that particularthing being important to them.

(01:34:53):
The same you know, it's justkind of dig into that. Yeah.

Siobhan (01:34:58):
Tell me everything.
Tell

Ana (01:34:59):
me Everything everything, how

Siobhan (01:35:01):
do you operate? Even like to this conversation? I
feel like I've talked a lot morethan normally on podcasts. But
it's also because we're gonna bedoing this probably more and
more. You mean

Ana (01:35:13):
with the episode with me?
Yeah, that's because you'refaced off with somebody who also
likes to ask.

Siobhan (01:35:19):
But that's why now we'll have like our side project
that we're talking about. Andthen we still have to talk about
your big project that you'reworking on. So but yeah, it's
like, oh, wait, my my stilltalking too much. Should I be
putting it back more on you, youknow, but it's also

Ana (01:35:32):
but this is what's good about your podcast is that it's
always a conversation, right?
But it's always like a twoperson roundtable. Yeah, you
know,

Siobhan (01:35:40):
it hopefully will stay that way. Where, yeah, most
episodes, I'm hoping to learnmore about the other person, but
also, like, when it's, you know,appropriate to share things and
to talk about them. Like, I'mgonna put it out there, you
know, yeah, that's kind of thewhole purpose of it, is to be
honest and raw and share thehard parts, because that's talk.
That's the part that like,everyone gets tripped up on and

(01:36:00):
everyone feels so alone in.

Ana (01:36:02):
Yeah, I'm

Siobhan (01:36:03):
really like you are, but the in the truth is really,
you are alone in it. Yeah.
Because no one else really getsyour experience and your because
they're all looking at itthrough their lens. But it's
also like, we all go through thesimilar things. So we all
understand each other way morethan we think we do. And we're
not really alone in it at all.
That's so true. Like, it's sucha, like,

Ana (01:36:25):
it's not a mindfuck in the sense that it's fucking
beautiful, right? Because youcan find something in common
with, you know, the most randomperson, if you just give time to
each other. You know, and likeyou say, there's not a lot of
time in this life. No. And sowhen you get that with someone,
one on one, even if it's justbrief, like in a bar, just hey,

(01:36:48):
you know, I meet lots of peoplein the bar, and I talk to them,
and I don't necessarily invitethem into my inner circle,
right? But I love getting toknow anybody, even if just like,
you know, hey, what are youdoing tonight? something stupid
like that. But I am curiousabout what drove you to do a
podcast then? Was it the idea ofgetting to know people? Or was

(01:37:13):
it like an idea that you've hadsince a really long time, or
both? Or what it's,

Siobhan (01:37:19):
it's come up like a lot over my life, like even I
remember being like in highschool, in talking, like being
at my parents house and likelistening to one of the first
podcasts and being like, Oh, Icould do this. Because I just
love talking to people. I comefrom a place of curiosity. I
come from a place of like, kindof wonder, and fascination with
it. Like, I'm never trying tojudge someone. I'm always just

(01:37:40):
trying to figure out like, whatmakes them tick? How do you see
it? Like? Yeah, like, how do youhow do you see the world? Or
like, where did you learn tolook at the world like that?

Ana (01:37:49):
I feel like a lifelong student seeing and it's not
necessarily one topic, becauseI've studied things from like,
anatomy and physiology,landscape architecture, all
these things. And I've actuallygone in directions in those
careers. And they're soscattershot, right, but what it
always comes down to iscuriosity. Yep. You know, why

(01:38:11):
does this plant look better inthis, you know, corner of, you
know, half son half shade? Orwhy is this? Why did this person
donate their body to science,and now we're sitting here like,
looking at their innards. See,

Siobhan (01:38:24):
and you'll do the research, where, like, I'll find
someone to talk to you. Becauseand I have been reflecting on
this more to because Matt, and Ijust sat down and chatted and
you know, looking at differentthings and talking to more and
more people again, like in thissetting, and just the self
reflection. I think sometimes Idon't like to go and do the
research because I don't readingcan be hard for me. I have

(01:38:44):
terrible dyslexia. I've ADHD, Imean, not diagnosed. Well, I
don't remember actually like,and I asked my mom the other
day, and like so. Like, we foundout I was dyslexic. Did they say
anything else? Like, it wasn'tlike the third grade and she was
just give me a reason for mychip memory. And she was like, I
don't remember. Okay, well, thenmaybe its genetic. She doesn't

(01:39:07):
remember. But like one of myfriends, she. She has two kids
and like her husband's, like,has terrible ADHD. And then she
was diagnosed. And she's like,so she's in it. You know, she
just went through it with one ofher kids. And so she's like, oh,
yeah, this this this. And shewas just like, tapping me for
like, we were talking about Wow.
And I was saying like, Oh, Iprobably have it. And she's
like, oh, yeah, well, becausethis this, and then she asked me

(01:39:28):
a couple questions. And she waslike, oh, yeah, that's it. And
that's it. Yeah.

Ana (01:39:32):
Because when I was here last time, you had asked me if I
was ADHD? And I said, No, Idon't think so. Right. But ever
since then I swear to God, I'vebeen thinking, why did she ask
me that? Well,

Siobhan (01:39:45):
because there's some things that you were talking
about that I think are probablysymptoms of your epilepsy that
mirror ADHD and some of thatmemory stuff I was learning has
to do with some of that. Or someof my memory stuff might have to
do with that I have ADHD so I'mnot I really tuning into
everything because I'm tuninginto, or I'm not tuning into the
smaller things because I'm tunedinto everything

Ana (01:40:06):
well, but that's why having a podcast is perfect for
somebody like us, right? BecauseI don't have to stick to one
subject. Yeah. You know, I didresearch for a podcast at
Kaiser. And it was always about,you know, the medical industry,
you know, all these differentthings, which I'm very
interested in. But, um, youknow, then I would want to go

(01:40:30):
and talk to a painter, or youknow, somebody who did, you
know, event planning, or youknow, a DJ or something like
that I would want to talk to allthese different people. And
that's perfect for ADHD becauseit's like, goldfish brain. Yep,
exactly. You know, and I'mguessing at that, yeah, I'm
guessing that goldfish issomething we had to clear up
with Matt. Yeah.

Siobhan (01:40:52):
Matthew, Maddie. Like a whole list going to we recorded
the other day, and I asked him,if he listened to it. I said,
you know, I need you to listento it and sign off on it. And he
said, Just just, you know,publish it. It's fine. He's
like, I'm not worried about it.
And I was like, okay, and he'slike, but you're gonna release
it as part one, right?

Ana (01:41:13):
My God, hilarious. Because he went home, and he researched
about the shit that he said, andif it's if he thought that
something was inaccurate, he'sgonna want to come back and say,
Oh, no, what I meant to say was,yeah, so

Siobhan (01:41:30):
and then we're talking about because he's gonna write
my new intro. Oh, music. He waslike, we can write it on the
pod. And then we're talkingabout, he was asking me about
kind of my musical taste. Andhe's like, oh, you know, you're
more like, hip hop and rap andstuff than you are. And I'm
like, Yeah, kind of I lean thatway. I said, But you know, also
here and there. And we're goingover at Mike loss a terrible

(01:41:50):
like, I get to sing you everyword to a song. I won't because
I'm terrible at singing. If Iwouldn't know every word to the
song. Yeah. And not be able totell you these things.

Ana (01:41:59):
No, absolutely. I can. I have no idea who sings it? I
have no idea what the actuallyrics are. I just make them up.

Siobhan (01:42:06):
We'll see. Most of the lyrics. Yeah.

Ana (01:42:09):
I have to listen to a song multiple, multiple, multiple
times to understand what thelyrics are.

Siobhan (01:42:15):
But I Yeah, but I'll have no idea what the name of
the song is. or hissing?

Ana (01:42:20):
Or what year it was written, blah, blah, blah. He
knows all of that. Oh, yeah.
It's the weirdest thing. Yeah.
It's like, oh, you know, thiswas the faces back in 1972. And
blah, blah, blah. Yeah. I'velearned so much about music
through him. And Tim, it's like,I had people that I never knew
existed artists that I didn'tknow, now, all of a sudden, I

(01:42:40):
start listening to them. And I'mlike, Holy shit, this is great.
You know, I mean, I'm around allthese musicians now. Matt, Tim
Jordan. Countless musicians. Andthey're always telling me these
people. And then of course, Ihave to go back and go, who I
remember. You know what? I haveto Google it or something. And,
and, but whatever. It's fun.
Again, lifelong student. Yeah.

(01:43:04):
Learning.

Siobhan (01:43:05):
Yeah. So we're talking.
Yeah, it was so much fun. Butspeaking of new projects, yes.
Let's talk about your newproject. Okay. Because it's very
exciting. I will soon be on it.

Ana (01:43:16):
You will? Yes, you will.
You're gonna make something thatI don't want to reveal to the
world. Yes.

Siobhan (01:43:20):
No, we're gonna keep that for years. We are we are
because I do have almost all theingredients in my house. So when
I get back, we can do that.
Shavon

Ana (01:43:28):
will be cooking for us.
Yes.

Siobhan (01:43:33):
But so yeah, why will I be cooking for you? Because

Ana (01:43:38):
I focus on it's called tradition cafe. And I focus on
people who want to either diveinto their cultural heritage,
whether they it's kind of gearedtoward Americans, because we're
supposedly the melting pot. Youknow, that's always what said.
So I'm curious about people'sbackgrounds, even if they're not

(01:44:02):
curious about it. I want toknow, so I'm going to want to
know why they're not curious whythey are, you know, where
they're from, what are thecustoms, I like traditions and
customs. And it Whether it'scooking or dance, or music or
whatever, or we recently filmed,which you were in an episode of
just a background character nowthat you come in and you talk,

(01:44:26):
but it was internationalcocktails, and it was great
because it was Portuguese.
Scotland. Ireland, Mexico. No,not Ireland. Mexico, Dominican
Republic. Okay, so as far Oh,England,

Siobhan (01:44:41):
not Scott. Not Ireland, Scotland. Yes. I mean. There we

Ana (01:44:49):
go. Okay, so wait, I'm gonna go in there. We're
sitting. Cecilia was Scotland.
Paul was Portuguese EULA. UnderMexico, my mic, England, and
Rachel, Dominican Republic andme as well. And you, you were
gracious enough to be thebartender. Everything was

(01:45:12):
amazing and perfectly balanced.
It was so great, so fun. And I'mhaving a really hard time, like
coming down to the editing partbecause there's so much good
conversation going on. But um,yeah, so I'm just curious about
everybody's cultural backgroundsand traditions and stuff like
that. So it's really super fun.
I mean, it plays into that wholelifelong student, I've always

(01:45:34):
been interested in multiculturalthings. Because where I grew up
in South Dakota, we didn't haveanybody of our own culture,
Dominican. And so we just builtthis family of randoms, right?
Random immigrants. And so wewould have dinners or like

(01:45:55):
Christmas buffets with therewould be there was a Chinese
couple who would bring thedoctor who was he was the cook
in the family. And so he woulddo all the cooking for that. And
then there was an Indian family,and there was, you know,
Pakistani, and there wasMexican. And there was, I mean,

(01:46:17):
it was all these reallybeautiful mixes, right. And so
and then my mom is Dominican,but she also likes to cook Greek
and Italian and French. And, youknow, all they say, and Korean,
and all these things. And so,our, I like to say that our our
buffet tables look like a reliefmap of the world. It was like a

(01:46:38):
cultural or a culinary reliefmap of the world, it was really
great.

Siobhan (01:46:47):
It's a great experience to have to to be able to
experience all those little allthose cultures in your home and
to be experiencing all thatfood. And yeah,

Ana (01:46:55):
yeah, I mean, you know, in South Dakota, we didn't have the
people that we met and bondedwith were the immigrants, right?
Because they were in the sameboat as we were.

Siobhan (01:47:09):
Oops, see, that one's not right in there.

Ana (01:47:12):
At it, they, they were in the same situation, as we were
not finding, you know, their ownculture and stuff. So we had to
make shift one. But yeah, sothat's just turned into this
passion that I didn't evenrealize was a passion, right?
Until I got, you know, older andlike we were talking about, you

(01:47:33):
start to like, really lean onwhat your passions are. And kind
of fill your life up with thesethings that are important and
more soul fulfilling, right?
Yeah, so this is it's a passionproject, you know, and I'm not
going to be able to quit my dayjob. But it's fine, because I

(01:47:53):
have so much drive with thisone. Right. that the thing is,
though, is that is this istotally like, the, the videos
right now are totally beta.
Yeah, but that's, I'm having tofigure it out from the ground up
editing, you know, all thatstuff. Um,

Siobhan (01:48:12):
yeah. It's like, my, the podcast here, like, you're
so kind of impressed with medoing this. I know. But it's the
same thing. Like I'm piecingthis together and figuring it
out. And like, had, like wetalked about earlier had have
had a bunch of false starts. Andlike, you know, the insecurity
of it, and I'm not really surewhat I'm doing. And I've had,
you know, I had eight episodesalready recorded, and I erased

(01:48:36):
them all. Oh, I pressed thewrong button, and I formulated
the wrong thing and lost eightweeks of work. Yeah, and at that
point, I was like, I'm gonnaquit. That's like a sign that I
shouldn't do this anymore. Like,but then I'm like, those
conversations keep coming up inmy head. I'm like, Alright, now
now I want to go back and retalk to those people. Oh, good.
You know, and hopefully, I willget to talk to most of them
again. And, you know, theepisodes that have been out

(01:48:59):
people like you, and otherpeople have given me such great
feedback on them, and they'rereally enjoying them. So it's
like, alright, well piecing ittogether. And, you know, doing
it in my spare bedroom isworking. Yeah, so I'm gonna keep
doing it. And I'll slowly keepgetting better, because it's
like, just fucking do it. Yeah,

Ana (01:49:16):
totally. I mean, it's funny because we're talking about
doing this extra project ofours, and I have no problem
being in front of the camera,right? Because I'm waiting

Siobhan (01:49:24):
to get up and singing.
Well, yeah, but that's

Ana (01:49:27):
new for me. I mean, I was always this kind of, like, shy
and not shy, but more low selfesteem among being in front of
people. Which, when I think backto my childhood, this is exactly
what I wanted. I wanted to belike in theater and I wanted to
be all this stuff, but Iremember I was trying to do

(01:49:49):
theatre and choreography andstuff in my undergrad. And my
dad said he wouldn't pay forcollege. If I did anything like
that I had to go into thesciences or or architect Sure,
or something like that. So I'mhappy to be coming back to that.

Siobhan (01:50:06):
Yeah. It's funny that you say that makes me think
about when I was a kid. I was inlike a neighborhood theater
group and I loved it. And like,you know, couldn't sing. But I
was like, I can not be a singer.
I could be an actor. Maybe like,I could be good at other things.
And I love to dance. But I waslike, didn't know

Ana (01:50:23):
that. Oh, we need to talk.
Yeah.

Siobhan (01:50:27):
You know what, it's the worst part about dancing is I
would like to take a dance classbut telling you that makes me
scared because then you're gonna

Ana (01:50:36):
have to hear what kind of music you're on. Well,

Siobhan (01:50:38):
Raul, and I had like, joked about waiting. Well,
either a swing or like, therewas a couple that did this, like
ballroom dance that we like, I'dsent him and I was like, This is
funny. We could do this. I usedto do that. And I know. Oh,
girl. Because my coordinationnow. I have rhythm. But my
coordination is still really offfrom my neck injury. Yeah. And

(01:51:00):
so I don't, I get frustratedbecause I can't get my body to
do what I want it to do still.
And so I it's just because Ialso suck at it. I don't want to
do it.

Ana (01:51:11):
I bet you don't suck.

Siobhan (01:51:12):
I bet you I do. But I have rhythm. And I promised so
if I work at it, I wouldn'tsuck. Right? But I don't like to
do homework and not doing what

Ana (01:51:22):
I do. And I mean, I

Siobhan (01:51:23):
love being organized. I like doing some research. But
when I have to do some when I'mnot good at something, it's that
it's the the first fucking timelike fear. You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, it's a fear ofsucking and looking and being
embarrassed because I'm insecureabout not being good at
something.

Ana (01:51:37):
Well, I mean, I have all kinds of advice for that.
Because I used to work in aballroom and I used to teach
bachata, and metta and gay. It'sall about who the teacher is.
And going with buddies is great.
If you go with someone, I don'tknow, if you want to be a leader
or a follower. I'm terrible at

Siobhan (01:51:56):
getting letting someone lead to, like, every day that I
dance with, like, when,especially when they know how to
do leader is like, you gotta letme lead on like, I don't know
how to.

Ana (01:52:06):
Yeah, that's, that's a control thing. Yeah. But it's
also there's, you know, that'sthe misconception about dance is
that the follower has to justgive up all control. And it's
not true. Because let's say yourleader gets off time. As a
follower, you have a lot ofpower to get them back on time.

(01:52:27):
And just make it look like youhaven't done that. You know,

Siobhan (01:52:32):
it's manipulation will be good.

Ana (01:52:36):
Maybe it is a little bit. I didn't think about it that way.
I think it's more like and thenthere's a lot of responsibility,
put on the follower, to make itvery pretty, right. But a good
leader can do that, too. A goodleader can make it look good as
well. So we have a lot to talkabout. Yeah.

Siobhan (01:52:55):
Oh, yeah. I took a ballet class just. And it was
terrible. I was like, my feetare like, I need to do it to get
my feet stronger. It's a goodway to get your feet stronger.
Like my feet kept crampingduring it and like, oh, yeah, I
mean, you're 40 What? 40 I'll be44 next month.

Ana (01:53:15):
Yeah, I mean, you know, when 40 rolls around, that's
it's almost like a door shutsand it's suddenly all this body
shit. Oh,

Siobhan (01:53:22):
well, I also was in two different car accidents. One of
my feet have been destroyed.
destroyed, but like,

Ana (01:53:30):
but I think you're right. I think that, you know, dance or
like a slow dance would be goodfor you. And definitely don't
wear high heels. on them,

Siobhan (01:53:40):
though. Oh, God, I do too. I wore something the other
day and like then my quads hurtthe whole next day.

Ana (01:53:47):
Were you in a bar, we had to squat over a toilet. And I

Siobhan (01:53:52):
I actually took a bunch of pictures. My friend Eric just
got married to this beautifulwoman. And so they got married
and like a, you know, smallceremony and so I did all their
photos. So I was like squattingin my heels, you know, to get
like the angles and yeah, like,next morning, I got up and I was
like, Oh, I haven't squatted inheels in my two years. Wow. Wow.

(01:54:14):
This begs all kinds ofquestions. Well, you'll Danzig
glass. Oh, we can I have ticketsfor that. Like we talked about
this one one night. And then thegirl that was the instructor
kind of was like, why are youhere? Oh, no, she didn't mean it

(01:54:34):
in a bad way. And I was kind ofSuperstone. So I was probably
more insecure than regular. Butbecause she was telling she she
caught me moving away. Andbecause she had said to us at
the beginning of a class thatshe had a shoulder injury. And
then when I was moving, she waslike, Oh, do you have a shoulder
injury too? And I was like, yes.
So she's like, What do you do?
And so I was like, oh, you know,and I explained my brokenness.

(01:54:55):
And she was like, oh, okay, solike, are you okay to be here?
I'm like, Oh yeah, it's fine.
It's just there's some things Ican't do. And then we were like
she was teaching us about howyou like grabbed the pole and
you turn and on one side, youknow, all right. And then on the
other side, like I wouldn't likeI wouldn't you know, I wouldn't
give all my weight into thegrip. And she's like, No, you

(01:55:15):
just have to really let it go.
And I was like, Yeah, I can't dothat. And she was like, what?
And I was like, I'm just I don'thave the faith in my hand to
like, I can't feel my gripenough to know that it has it.
So I just will. And she was justlike, Okay, well, you can just
do the other side. And again,I'm just you know, like, also
like, I'm gonna push my body alittle bit but she was just

(01:55:37):
like, Are you sure you should bedoing? What would your stripper
name be? Eileen?

(01:56:04):
You like leaned over the table?
You are so excited.

Ana (01:56:07):
Eileen. Oh, my God. corny.
That's so corny. That isperfect. We should

Siobhan (01:56:22):
tell everyone to look out for tradition cafe. It is
coming. It is in production.

Ana (01:56:27):
It is tradition. cafe.com.
Yes. That will be on

Siobhan (01:56:30):
the socials. We'll link it in. I'll be on it soon. Yes,
then you'll definitely see me onvideo.

Ana (01:56:35):
Yeah, actually, yes, we we did the, you know, the
International cocktails. Like Isaid, we're also going to be on
one and I have yet to figure outwhat to call it because I'm
like, I'm like a title. My

Siobhan (01:56:46):
episode. Yes. Oh, I think it'll come in there.
Because I have happened. We'regonna have to Yeah, well, we'll
talk about that off the mics.
But I had, I'm gonna have a giftfor you. So I love that you
thought, oh, yeah, I have Ihaven't stopped thinking about
it. And well, here, we'll teaseit. I'm one of the people that
if not very connected to my Yes,my cultures and my kind of home

(01:57:09):
origin. And it's been coming upmore and more since we talked
about it. Yes. Interesting tome. Well, my interest in it and
the like, more and more peoplehave been asking me questions
that I don't have the answers tothat I should. And then some of
that relates back to how whatwe've talked about a little bit
about that. So we'll go into afull dive on that on your Yeah,

Ana (01:57:34):
because I remember when we when I first asked you to be on
it. The reason was is that yousaid you had no interest in it.
Right? So I was like, Okay, nowI gotta talk to you. Yeah.

Siobhan (01:57:45):
And so we'll get into that. Yeah. All right. I guess
we will see you in the cafe.
Yes. See you in the cameraright. All right, y'all thanks
for joining on it and I today golook for her on all her socials
follow and like us and get outthere and find your joy today. I
love you. Love you. Bye bye.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Stuff You Should Know

Dateline NBC

Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Epilepsy and Traditions with Ana

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}Stuff You Should Know

Dateline NBC

Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang

All Episodes

Epilepsy and Traditions with Ana

Stuff You Should Know