Personal and Business growth with Leia

Episode Transcript
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Siobhan (00:07):
So welcome you all to this week's episode of ducking
realitea. This week I have anewer friends in that building
with us, Lea Mitchell, who is adevelopment coach, was that kind
of how you would explain it?

Leia (00:23):
I would say I'm a yes. I mean, I am a business
development coach, but it's myofficial title that I've
recently given myself is asystems integrator, sorry,
integrative systems coach leadsstill no integrative system
coach, because I integratesystems into your life to help
you be able to be moresuccessful in the things you

(00:44):
want to do. And that's it bothin personal and your business
life. So nice.

Siobhan (00:49):
Well, I would think that those go hand in hand
because you can't be I mean, Iguess we all kind of think we're
good at it at all. But usually,you are either good with your
personal life and your businesslife is amiss or your business
life is good, and your personallife is a mess. Yeah,

Leia (01:04):
I tend to find you can't be an entrepreneur or even an
executive, you can be anintrapreneur without facing
yourself, so it's really, reallydifficult to have it all
together at all times. So, yes,and the more that you can have
systems that support you, themore likely you are to be
successful, than if you're justkind of chasing your tail and,

(01:26):
and trying to do everything.
Without a systematic approach. Idon't know, that's just been my,
my experience.

Siobhan (01:34):
And so we're gonna get into that, but like, give us a
little bit of who you are, whereyou come from how you got into
this? Oh, my.

Leia (01:44):
This is like that question when you when you go to
interview, and they ask you tellme a little bit about yourself.
And then I'm always like, myname is

Siobhan (01:52):
I think in that happens all like in every situation
someone's like, so what likewhat are your hobbies and your
hobbies. It's like being put onthe spot.

Leia (02:03):
So how I got into it is that I was looking for some
advancement in a full time joband decided that if I wasn't
going to get it there, I wouldcreate it for myself. And so
I've a little bit about theapproaches that I have married
the idea of life coaching, with,with the operations part of

(02:24):
business, and putting those twothings together helps us to work
through the things that helppeople. I mean, that block
people from being able to bewhere they want to be, as well
as how are you showing up inyour business in terms of how
you are structuring theoperational part. And we we
marry those two things together.
So I think I've been a lifecoach probably my whole life,
whether I was certified or not.

(02:47):
I distinctly remember one time Iwas on a plane, I was 12 years
old, and this woman was tellingme her whole life story. And we
got off the plane. My mom waslike, she really just talking to
you the whole flight. And I waslike, yeah, she was telling me
all these things about her life.
It was very weird that thisrandom woman was telling me, but
I think I just have that. Thatvibe, people want to tell me
about what's going on in theirlife. And so I, I have used that
as part of the way that Iconnect with people. And then I

(03:13):
decided in, in 2020, you know,everybody's life kind of came to
a halt, I was like, I'm gonna goahead and get certified in this
as something to do during allthis downtime. And then I
launched my business from there.

Siobhan (03:30):
That's a great use of COVID time.

Leia (03:33):
I was like, I'm gonna learn. What else can I do? You
know, besides learning anddelivering groceries, as we
know, it was like when I need toget out of the house, I can
say yes, your question, sorry.
So that's how the business wasborn. On a personal level, I am
a transplant to the Bay Area. Icame here about 13, maybe 13

(03:58):
years in August. Prior to that,I have a military background. I
grew up overseas. My fatherworked for General Electric, and
we moved when I was six, and wecame back when I was 17. So I've
had a number of differentexperiences with different
cultures and, and people andthat's kind of why the Bay Area

(04:23):
was so attractive to me. Ireally like being around people
of varying ways of living likeit just excites me to know about
Yeah, different ways that peoplelive like it keeps life
interesting to me. Which is whyI had to leave Alabama because
no offense to anybody living inAlabama, but there is kind of
like this. I don't know ifhomogenous is the right word,

(04:44):
but it's that's people live verysimilarly. It feels like or at
least it felt like at that time,and I needed to be somewhere
where there was there was moreplus the water. Being close to
water is very, very important tome. So, anything else,

Siobhan (05:02):
the bay is pretty like diverse in that way. It's like I
have not met as many people wholive. Like, what most people
would probably call it analternative lifestyle. And not
just like dating wise, becausethat's huge. But like in the way
that they operate in the world,like, it's just a different vibe
out here. And there's more of anacceptance of like, oh, that

(05:22):
person does like 16 jobs. Andthis person works one job like
100 hours a week. And then thesepeople are like making
butterflies and somehowsurviving. And you're like, it's
like that HGTV commercial or thememes that like, Bob and Jill
want to buy a house. She makesmacaroni jewelry. And he's like

(05:42):
a farmer. And they're buying amillion dollar house. And you're
like, I don't understand. But itworks. Yeah. So when did you?
What part of overseas Did yougrew up in? Like?

Leia (05:54):
So we started in Tunisia, and then we move to Saudi
Arabia. And then I went to highschool in Greece for the last
three years of my high schoolexperience. But that's amazing.
Yeah, it was really interesting.
Very, very different. I mean,that my one regret is that I
didn't learn any language fully.
So if you were going to ask thatquestion, let me just answer it

(06:14):
now. Because it always comes upa little bit of shame of
embarrassment, I'm like, I didnot I learned some Greek when I
was living there, because I wasreally immersed in the culture.
And in Tunisia, if we had stayedlong enough, I would have
learned both French and Arabic,because it was, that's those are
the two main languages, andwe're definitely living amongst
the people. Right. But then inSaudi, we were on a compound.

(06:36):
And so there was really like,our own world, within the world
of living in Saudi, so there wasno need to learn Arabic in order
to survive.

Siobhan (06:47):
But that's still those are. And I wonder if that gives
you like different insights intohow people operate to Oh, so you
got to see like, you know, fromtill age six, a kind of the
American lifestyle, and then yougo over, and then you learn all
these different kinds ofcultures and ways has to
influence the way that you seelike the world for one, but

(07:08):
like, also how people operate?
Yeah,

Leia (07:10):
definitely everyone. I would say in Tunisia, that I was
really, really young. So it'sreally hard to know about. But
the one thing that I felt themost was that there was a lot of
freedom to kind of just be andto move about. The culture was
so laid back from what Iremember of my experience,

(07:31):
because it's not, I don't have aton of memories goes from six to
eight. But there was a lot ofjust, we went to the beach a
lot, we we walked around, I knowthat it's grown a lot. And it's
changed that I have some friendsthat are teachers there. And it
looks very different now. And soit's, I don't know what the
experience would be like today.
But at that time, it was just avery laid back experience. And

(07:53):
then in Saudi, what wasinteresting is that I wasn't so
much interacting with the Saudipeople, but our school was an
international school. So it wasfilled with people from all over
the world. And that was, thatgave me a lot of insight. And we
had to learn how to be together,how to have different religions,
different cultures, different,just different ways of

(08:14):
experiencing life. And to acceptthat and to be really that's
sort of looking for really awareof our own behavior in terms of
how we might be treating someoneelse. And some people got it,
some people didn't, of course,the longer you're there, the
longer the the more you candevelop that awareness,
especially as a child, right?

(08:35):
Like you're living in your home,which has one culture, right.
And then you're going out toschool where you're everyone has
different cultures. The teacherswere primarily American, because
it was it was an internationalschool, but it was, I think, it
was called Saudi AmericanInternational School. So it was
very American based, as far asthe curriculum goes, and the
teachers were recruited mostlyfrom the United States. So it

(09:00):
did give this very windy,melting pot kind of experience
to how and I was there for fromthe fifth grade through the
ninth grade, full time. And thenI went to boarding school in
Greece, I was back and forthbetween Greece and Saudi,
because they only let you go upto the ninth grade at that time.
They were modeling an oldCalifornian curriculum where the

(09:22):
ninth grade was the last ofmiddle school. Okay. And then
from there, they didn't want thecultures Miss mixing because we
have too many. What Westernteenagers, you're likely going
to have an influx of behaviorthat wasn't going to be
acceptable, you know, peopletrying to date. Oh, yeah, you
know, there were no movietheaters. There's nothing like

(09:43):
that. There was a lot of therewas always if you went to a
restaurant, there would be thesingle section that was just for
men. And then it was the familysection. And that was for women,
or women with children. And thenfamilies of course, all together
could go in there.

Siobhan (09:56):
Right. But wow, they kept it single men were
separated From the rest of kindof society, yes. That's kind of
nice. It

Leia (10:06):
was kind of nice. I mean, it was always people are like,
Well what was that like? And I'mlike it was probably the safest
I've ever felt in my life. Wewould get like a driver to take
us to the souks and go shoppingor get in a cab same thing and
there was a lot of it felt verysafe because they weren't going
to mess with any of the Westernkids people whatever there was I

(10:32):
don't know how they're doingthis now but at that time there
was still a where they didpublic public what do you call
it? What punishment Oh say oh,you

Siobhan (10:48):
know, like corporal punishment is I would Yeah, yes.
Oh wow.

Leia (10:52):
And honestly because I never witnessed it and I never
was down there on the days wherethis took place because the
rumor was that if you if youwent down there during that time
they pulled people in to haveyou see it but everyone everyone
that I grew up with we allremember the same thing that
that was the that right? And Idon't know if they're still
doing that I imagine not becausenow they've opened it up to

(11:13):
tourism and all of that but sopeople were on their best
behavior like the fear ofhurting someone and doing
something that is going to getyou in who wants that right so
it was very safe like we couldwe could go out and be amongst
the people we're supposed tocover up after a certain age or

(11:35):
whatever I used to I was alittle bit of a rebel so I wear
my brother's oversized likeflannels because it was the 90s
and the flannels were, were thething and I wore jinko pants, so
I'm like you can't see anythingright on my body. So I would
mostly do that sometimes I wouldwear the bio depending on you

(11:57):
know, like winter time, if Iwant it to be you know, a little
bit warmer or whatever but in abio for those who are listening
to cover from the from the neckdown, okay, and it would tie or
you could button there aredifferent styles. So it depends
on how stylish you want it tobe. But it would cover it's what
you what you see in thetraditional Islamic dress where

(12:22):
women are covered from head totoe only without the headdress
Okay

Siobhan (12:29):
Did you ever have to wear the headdress? No, I

Leia (12:32):
never had to they ask that you do. I was I was a bit of a
rebel but my mom she did coverher head not her face but she
did cover her head just becauseshe didn't want any any Asian
I'm gonna call them thereligious police they're not
like official but they they liketo come by they usually were the

(12:54):
phobe is the white. You've seenmen in the traditional dress
that has the white long sleeve,usually down to the ankles. They
were were a shorter one thatshowed their ankles. I don't
know what why that was importantpart of this. But they usually
had some form of cane or stickand if your your ankles were
showing, and if you're if theyfelt like you weren't, they

(13:15):
would come by and like tappeople on that or say something
like to my dad, I think my momdoing something one time, she
may not have had a headdress onbecause she didn't always wear
it when we first moved there.
And so there was something aboutthe way she was dressed. And
they came up to say somethingbut they didn't tap her on her
ankles because she's an Americanand so on but but they did talk
to him about about whatever itwas that she needed to do. But

(13:37):
yeah, they, they would comearound to different people. I
think with my brother one time Iwas you know, obviously not
wearing the Avaya but I wasdressed in something. And my
brother is almost six, three. Sohe tended to be taller than the
majority of the people there.
And so, you know, it was more ofan ask like she should be
wearing something different. Andhe's like, yeah, yeah. Okay. I

(14:00):
mean, we were teenagers. Soclearly, we thought we knew
something. But I mean, I wasn'tdressed disrespectfully. I just,

Siobhan (14:07):
they wanted you to be more respectful. Yeah.

Leia (14:12):
I think I probably would do it differently today. But you
know, as a kid you're trying toalso, yeah, as

Siobhan (14:17):
a kid, you're trying to learn your boundaries and brush
them a little bit and see whatyou can get away with and what
you can't and how that feels. SoI totally understand that. I
would probably have been aterrible time there. I went to
Catholic high school and I gotyelled at all the time for like
rolling my skirt or my shoeswere too big or the way I walked
or whatever. So I was alwaysjust like, well, let's fight

(14:39):
ladies.

Leia (14:41):
I mean, there were a lot of limitations like we in school
can wear shorts.

Siobhan (14:48):
And it's super hot there, isn't it? Yes.

Leia (14:50):
So as an adult, though, it's taken me forever to get to
a place where I still don'treally wear shorts because for
so many years I wasn't able toand even though I went to high
school in Greece, I was alreadyconditioned For the years that I
lived in Saudi to not reallywear shorts, pretty strict dress
code at school because theydidn't want even though we were

(15:12):
in an enclosed space, it justwasn't right,

Siobhan (15:15):
because it's, even though it's like an American
school, it's still got thatSaudi culture kind of slant to
it. So they still want to kindof. And you. Also you have to
know those rules. So when you'reoff the compound, it makes
sense. But yeah, it must be kindof stifling as a kid.

Leia (15:32):
Yeah. But oddly on our actual compound where we lived,
you can be dressed, however youhowever you wanted, there was a
swimming pool, there was, youknow, we had all of the things
that would make it feel like youwere in this free space, right?
My mom could drive on thecompound, but she couldn't drive
out in the world. That was theonly time during the year that
she could move, but there wasreally no need to have

(15:54):
everything was walking or bikingdistance. So driving a car
didn't make any sense. For themost part, I think,
periodically, she would drivethe car just so she didn't lose
because we, we would stay allyear, and then we'd come back
for proximately 30 days, we'dcome back on vacation, visit my
grandparents. And then my dadwould always be go to Ohio, and

(16:15):
he would take a meeting there.
We'd extend the vacation alittle bit because he would be
working so yeah, so she didn'tget an opportunity to drive. And
then she'd come back. And Iremember she would be so nervous
every time she got behind thewheel. And I didn't understand
it. Then I'm like, What is shenervous about? Like I?

Siobhan (16:35):
Yeah, but if you don't lose it, or you don't use it,
you lose it? Yeah, I would getthat my brother went to. He was
in the military. And he went toIraq for a couple years. And the
first time he came home, Ipicked him up from the airport,
we were surprising my parentsthat he'd come home for a visit.
And I was like, Hey, do you wantto drive because I had his car?
And he was like, Fuck, no. Like,I've been in a foreign country

(16:56):
for the last seven months. Like,he's like, when people drive up
to us. Like, it's like, are theygonna blow us up? And like,
we're driving. He kept like,everyone smile. And I was like,
Oh, I'm like you are superjumpy. And he's like, I boom.
All right, I gotta relax, bro.
You're home.

Leia (17:15):
That's intense. Yeah, like he's super

Siobhan (17:18):
jumpy when he first came home. And eventually, you
know, he worked through that,but, and I was just like, oh,
yeah, it's not a thought. Like,I was just like, Oh, you're home
and he was just like, far morelike, Give me a minute.

Leia (17:30):
It's like there's an adjustment here. Yeah. All
right. All right.

Siobhan (17:34):
It was also like 20 to get in the car. Go Surprise mom.

Leia (17:42):
So interesting. Our awareness and how it changes
when you look back on yourselfas like, a younger adult and
thinking that you at that time.
I'm sure you thought you had hadit all figured out. Oh, yeah, it

Siobhan (17:53):
was 22. I knew everything. People should
totally have been listening tome.

Leia (17:59):
You look back and you're like, Whoa,

Siobhan (18:01):
I was an idiot. Dude, you should not have been talking
to me about go to aprofessional. Okay. But it's
yeah. It's one of those thingsthat like when you see someone
that you've grown up with, liketo know that now he was this
like, man who did all of thesethings and had saved lives and

(18:22):
had like, done things like, No,you're still my brother was a
dork and doesn't know how toclean the bathroom like oh, no,
he's kind of a superhero. Okay,now, I'm like, oh, that's just
gonna go right to his head.

Leia (18:37):
I have to live with that.
Like,

Siobhan (18:39):
you guys don't know what it used to be like. But
then you go up and realize like,oh my god, that was terrible
time for him. And like, right,couldn't use a little more love.
But sorry. Also, I was there. SoI did. I kept it real for you.
So what was boarding school likein Korea? Well, boarding school

(19:02):
to me has always been like afascination. To me, it always
feels like something eitherreally, really rich kids did, or
basically only rich kids did orunless you were like, a terrible
kid and went to like a militarylike kind of boarding school.
And those were the only twooptions in my brain. That

Leia (19:18):
is funny and also very common. Like that's that's the
reaction of people. So wasn'tbecause I was bad, although, you
know, maybe, no, because we justcouldn't go to school any
further. So my parents had tomake a decision like either we
leave Saudi Arabia, right, whichcomes with its own perks.
There's like extra money, allthe different things that you

(19:39):
get from being there. Or we sendour kids to boarding school like
these are, these are the choicesright? And some people but it
was a rare occurrence but tosend somebody back to family
members, wherever they were fromand go to school while living
with a family member. That's alot to put on your family. I
asked them to take my Get forthe next three years. Finish

(20:02):
raising. So boarding school forme was very different. I'll just
give an example because mysister is the easiest one. So
when we first moved to Saudishe, she went to boarding school
and she went in Switzerland. Andher school was a true boarding
school. So it's what you wouldsee on TV. So it was like, you
know, she had the dorms and thenthere was the school and they

(20:24):
had a few days students thatwent to school there, but for
the most part, everyone wasliving there living there. Yeah,
mine was the opposite. Okay, sowe lived in a seaside hotel,
very old. Think, think whatevermovie you can think of that has
like a either Italian or Greekhotels that are by the seaside

(20:46):
that are super old. So it waslike, nothing special.

Siobhan (20:50):
It was like a motel with a beautiful view.

Leia (20:53):
Pretty much yeah. rickety old elevators that we used to
get stuck in on a regular basis.
It made me hate elevators. Andwe had rented out our school
rented out the first and thesecond and third floor of the of
the hotel. For the students. Ithink at our peak, there was a

(21:14):
total of 12 of us, maybe 13. Andthat was my first year. Then the
second year we dwindled down toavow, I want to say eight. And
then the third year, theydecided to close the boarding.
So this is my senior year, theydecided to close the boarding
unit. And so we the options wereto either leave school or to

(21:36):
find an adult proxy, who couldlive with us and the school was
very, they're great abouthelping us find so once we found
this lady, and that's a wholeother story we can get into.

Siobhan (21:50):
Like, I was just gonna say, Mrs. Roper, but that was
not her name. I was thinking of

Leia (21:55):
the fax lines. Yeah, it wasn't.

Siobhan (21:57):
No, there wasn't a Mrs.
Real breathing just from Three'sCompany. Oh, right. All right.

Leia (22:06):
Um, so it was it was very interesting. So living in a
hotel, we didn't have a lot ofoversight. There were there were
teachers that live there with usthat were supposed to be
watching. And they they didtheir job as much as they could
do their job, which is tocombine, make sure we had like
specific study hours afterdinner. We were in and out of

(22:31):
each other's rooms, supposedlystudying together and all that
good stuff. Because there's sofew of us. And we were such a
tight crew, because it's hardnot to be there. Even people you
didn't like they became likesiblings very quickly, because
we're all just living together.
And if he had nothing to do onthe weekend, then you're stuck
with each other. Right. And welived about 45 minutes outside
of Athens. So going into town onthe weekends, like getting back

(22:56):
home was the hard part we couldthere was a bus that ran
regularly up until a certainpoint, and then getting back
home. A lot of times the cabsdidn't want to go all the way
Oh, yes. And then it was doubletariffs. So they were charging
us more. There's a whole thing.
So a lot of the times we wouldtry to find a friend that we
could check out to and stay attheir house for the weekend. But

(23:16):
when you didn't have that, andyour second, whoever was there
with you was who was there withyou and that that's gonna be
your friend for the weekend. Sowe had one room that we use this
like a TV room where there wasjust like sofas and stuff that
were set up for us and we couldwatch whatever it was on VHS, so

(23:36):
right, and we'd have to go likethis little movie store that was
in the town over and pick outthe movies, whatever. And then
that was all that was all paidfor by the dorm. It was cold
most of the time for thebeaches. And the beaches were
very rocky in the area that wewere. And it was funny because
so we only rented out the thesecond and third floor the rest

(23:58):
of the hotel, which I don'tremember how many floors there
were was still available. Soduring a certain season, when it
was still cold, like the earlyspring, it was still cold to us.
Like we're not getting water,we're not getting in the pool,
we're not doing any of thosethings, right. They would always
be Russian people that wouldcome trying to get a break from
how cold it was where they were.
And they would fill the hotelall of a sudden we'd have all of

(24:20):
these people there with us. Andthey would be outside swimming,
and they'd be doing all this andwe're like these kids that live
there and like the dining areawas printed out to us during
certain times they would come byit was very strange experience
to see these people and they'restaring at us like what is going
on here? We're looking at themlike we live here. Right?

Siobhan (24:41):
So it's wild, and to only have like a dozen kids that
you going to school with.

Leia (24:47):
Yeah. Well living with and then we were living with Yeah,
the school had far more peopleat the school at that point
because the military hadwithdrawn from Greece. I don't
know how many years before I gotthere. But our Military, the
United States didn't have any.
There was no bass, there was nonothing there, which was the
purpose of the school existing.
So it was primarily filled withGreek students. And it was from

(25:10):
K through nose pre K through12th grade, wow, the entire
school. And it was. So it'spretty good. I think about 1200
students from pre K through 12thgrade. So it was very small as
well. Everybody knew everybody,our friend groups, my brother's
18 months older than me. So wewere in a different grade until

(25:31):
he messed up. And so then weended up in the same grade. And,
and so all of our fingers, youknow, was the same because it
was just such a tiny school andeveryone. I mean, we knew the
kids in the middle school who wewouldn't normally have known in
regular life, right, becausetheir school, their primary
building sat right next to ours,and there was like a little
space in between it, everyone.
commingled, yeah, I

Siobhan (25:53):
knew everyone. Wow.
Yeah, in my brain, you're onlike this beautiful coast and
it's warm all the time. Andyou're swimming and eating meat.
Like that's just when I heargrease in boarding school. It's
just, it's like not HarryPotter, but like close.

Leia (26:08):
Yeah, no, we definitely weren't swimming all the time.
But we did do things which, youknow, I think was cool. Like
the, the seniors skip days. Allthe seniors would go to an
island, right? They pick like,the spaces they wanted to go to,
and whatever. And of course,because I was in the dorm with
seniors, I'm like, of course,I'm taking senior skip days. And
I'm a sophomore, so

Siobhan (26:31):
I'm not gonna miss that trip to the island. Every year,

Leia (26:33):
I took the senior skip days, even though I was not
supposed to. But, you know, likeI said, they had as much
oversight as they could have.
And they didn't really push.
Which was very interesting, verylenient. Like, yeah, senior skip
days. I'm going, because so andso I was going so. So that was,

(26:53):
that was one thing. But yeah,you could go to the islands,
like anytime. And then when Igot my permit, which I thought
was very cool. I couldn't get amoped because they didn't know
it wasn't a license. And so Oh,wow. So I could rent a moped,
which was what all of usAmerican, because you can't get
a license until you're 19, Ibelieve, increase. So none of

(27:17):
the Greek students could dothat. But all of the American
students who had at least apermit could get oh,

Siobhan (27:22):
wow, that's really funny. And opens up a whole new
world of freedom for you. Yeah.
Oh, that must be. I mean, that'san amazing thing to have been
able to experience.

Leia (27:33):
It was yes. And it feels like such a lifetime ago. I
haven't been back since I left20 something years ago, so feels
like a lifetime ago. But thensometimes, like talking about
it. Now. I'm like, oh, yeah, allof the things that we did, it
was quite an experience. But itreally, I think gave me
different, just a differentperspective on what life can
look like and feel like and thatthat's why like when I talk

(27:55):
about the closeness of Alabama,why the Bay Area appeals so
much, because I think there'slike a lot of that here. So
like, giving my child theopportunity to take Bart. That
was cool. Like, you get somefreedom because I took the
train, I took buses, I tookcabs, and I went around, and I
had my own life, because myparents weren't there to drive

(28:18):
me around. But even if they hadbeen it was set up for, for us
to be able to have a lot ofautonomy, right? And all the
other kids were the same. Thosethat live there, who weren't a
part of the boarding unit alsodid the same. Like we'd be like,
Hey, we're going to meet here,and we would just meet, go and
meet there, right? We didn'thave to get parents to drop us
off. And all of that, like thefreedom to move about existed

(28:40):
because there was someinfrastructure for that.

Siobhan (28:42):
Yeah, that's a great point, which I was just thinking
like, yeah, there's i from I'veonly driven through Alabama. So
I don't have a ton ofexperience. But I don't imagine
there's a huge, like, publictransit system there. Or
especially back in the 90s.
Maybe now that more but back inthe 90s I imagine they didn't
have any it's because it's farmsand yeah, like really rural,
right, really

Leia (29:03):
rural and even in the the like in Birmingham and the bus
systems are not great. So likewhere where I lived, which is in
pratfall, which is right nearright near Montgomery, like
maybe 15 minutes or less,depending on traffic. There
wasn't a great bus system andand they were just trying to get

(29:25):
one up and running when I left.
But still, it didn't. And I'mnot sure if they changed it
since. But a few years ago, itdidn't have nighttime it didn't
run at night. Oh, so peoplecouldn't really use it for going
to work because unless you workthe day shift. You have no way
home. So the public transitsystem just doesn't really
exist. There is no train systemthat takes you from place to

(29:47):
place. And no bus system iseveryone needs to have a car in
order to have that or they needto have someone who will take
them around. There's not even agreat like cab system to be
honest, like net there's nothingUnless you are independent, and
that makes life a little bitmore difficult, there's no bike
lanes. I know they were workingon when the last time I was
there, which was 2019. So. Sobiking isn't a thing, and I can

(30:13):
imagine that it would cause alot of frustration initially. I
mean, if there's frustrationhere with bikers, and it's been
around forever, there's gonna bea lot of frustration there as
people try to integrate that andmake that like, Yeah,

Siobhan (30:26):
well, also, because it takes up a whole lane of
traffic, basically. And thenit's like, okay, well, we
already have terrible traffic,now, you're gonna put it in bike
lane, which is not a lot ofpeople use. I mean, around here,
there's a lot, but even aroundhere, it's not. It's not
inundated with bikes, you'relike, so now you're just gonna
make traffic worse, with onelane of traffic going each way.
So you can have a bike lane thatalmost no one user, right, so I

(30:47):
get the frustration I wish morepeople use bike lanes, but also
I sometimes two miles to work,because I'm, I have a bike.
Well, I also leave work late atnight. So yeah, that but that's
in the fact that you're kind ofoversight at that. Boarding

(31:08):
School is kind of lackadaisicalgave you the opportunity to
like, learn and how to managethat being able to skip school,
but knowing that you still haveto get your shit done, or like
being able to go and travel onyour own is, that's a huge kind
of life lesson to be able to ina huge confidence builder, I
would imagine, yeah, that age,

Leia (31:28):
gave us a lot of an it gave us a lot of confidence in
our ability to be independentand to make decisions and to
also own your decisions, right?
Like the knowing that I've gotstuff to do. And if I don't do
it before, before I go to theskip days, or if I don't do it
when I get back, or what is thedeadline for that, right? And

(31:50):
then if that means I'm gonna getan F on something that I didn't
turn in, I'm making thatdecision. And I know that right?
And there's no one there to say,Hey, did you do your homework?
So I learned a lot about myselfmy ability to succeed, how to
deal with failure, because therewas there was a lot of that.
There was there was a lot of alot of failure, a lot of Oh, no.

(32:18):
And then I wasn't great atadvocating for myself. So even
asking at that time to say, hey,you know, I went to this thing,
can I turn it in? Later, I wouldbe waiting for teachers to tell
me like, Hey, you didn't turnthis in? Will you? Are you
planning to turn it in or it'stoo late, I'm not going to
accept this. I was waiting forit to come from someone else.

(32:39):
And so when it didn't come fromsomeone else that I had to just
take the loss because I didn'tknow how to open up my mouth,
which was something I started tolearn about myself. after the
fact when I because I like to doa lot of reflection that started
very young. I'm like, Oh, thisis an area I have to work on.

Siobhan (32:55):
How do you think that started for you? Because I think
some people don't ever get intothat

Leia (33:00):
the self reflection. Yeah.
If I'm being honest, came frombeing punished all the time as a
kid. I was not a bad kid. So mydad was very punishment happy he
will say he he had us a very,not so great punishment system,

(33:21):
which was to ground us for 30days in our room with no no real
contact other than to go toschool. We couldn't hang out
with a family except for to eatmeals. You put you in solitary
pretty much it was like aprison. So spending all of that
time alone. There's not a wholelot you can do. There was no

(33:41):
phones. We weren't on socialmedia. There wasn't there was
no, there was no social media,right? Like, like, there's no
contact, there's no the internetwasn't a thing I had, I had a
computer that had a wordprocessor on it. Microsoft Works
for those of you who know whatthat is, I would make mine
highlight everything in blue,because that was about the
coolest thing that you could doon it. And I kept a journal on

(34:02):
that that computer. And I did alot of typing. I'm I sing and so
I naturally like to write thatas a part of my nature is
wanting to write songs are anexpression of my soul myself. I
was really young, so I wasn'treally writing songs that made

(34:24):
any I'm not gonna say theydidn't make any sense. They just
weren't a coherent song wasnothing you'd hear on a radio
and writer but I was making myattempts. But then I'd also just
journal about like, what myfeelings were and, and all of
that. And so I went very quicklyinto I think it's an innate part
of who I am. But I had anopportunity, a unique
opportunity to really explore itby being stuck in my room for 30

(34:46):
days. I couldn't even hang outwith my brother like the only
time we'd be like, if let's justsay it was a weekday and my dad
happened to not be home for somereason, which he didn't have
friends So he didn't leave thehouse, he went to work, and he
came home and then he was home.
And that was like that mirroredour school hours. So it wasn't

(35:06):
like, we got a lot of breaksfrom him unless he happened to
have some type of like, meetingat night or something of that
nature, which was rare. Or if hetook a business trip, and that
was also rare. But when he did,he was gone. For some time. It
wasn't like, he took a businesstrip for a day, he was gone for
like a week, like, because wewould get freedom then. And I

(35:27):
can say this now, because myparents aren't together anymore.
My mom, who didn't always agreewith his punishment would be
like, Hey, you got this week,like,

Unknown (35:36):
take advantage of it because she'd be like, go wild.

Leia (35:39):
Because if not, you're going to get when he comes back,
you know where you are, you'reback in your room. And my my
sister was also really great.
Because she's seven years olderthan me. She likes to say six
and a half. She she was away atboarding school. So when she'd
come home, if we were on, if wewere grounded, she would
advocate for us to be outbecause then she'd play the

(36:00):
sentimental card. She'd be like,I don't get to see them. That
that like and then he wouldbecause you know, she's only
visiting for spring break or forChristmas like. So we get what
he would call a reprieve whileshe wasn't home to so she could
spend time with us. But yeah, sothat's where that came from, is

(36:21):
constantly having a lot of alonetime.

Siobhan (36:25):
Is he still kind of a solitary guy? Because it sounds
like he was kind of not socialand Oh, my dad. Yeah,

Leia (36:33):
I don't know. You know, he, he divorced us. When I was I
think 24 Yeah, I want to sayaround 24. That's a whole story.
I've got a lot of long storiesin my life. But um, yeah, he
left. And so I don't really knowhow he's living his life these

(36:55):
days. I don't imagine he's muchdifferent than he was he does
have a girlfriend or somethingof I don't know what they call
themselves. I don't thinkthey're legally married. And,
but one of the things that hewould do, because he wanted to
isolate from us as well, evenwhen, when we weren't, we
weren't being punished, right?
If we weren't grounded, and wewere in the house, he would
isolate by putting a magazine upto his face, and to make sure

(37:19):
that he was unavailable. And ifwe interrupted him, he'd be
like, I'm reading. Yeah. Okay.
So,

Siobhan (37:28):
definitely a family man.

Leia (37:31):
One of the best, I always say he was he was an absentee
father in the home, because hewas there physically, but
emotionally and mentally he wasnot there. And he provided
financially, which, for all ofthe bad things I can say, it
gave us a very unique upbringingthat, you know, I wouldn't, I
wouldn't trade that part of itfor anything, because I think

(37:54):
growing up overseas just reallygave me a totally different
perspective. And I don't knowwho I would be if I hadn't
experienced that.

Siobhan (38:02):
You might not have ever learned how to speak up for
yourself, or to know that youcan create something all on your
own. Yeah. Like it becausethat's going to be a powerful,
because one of the questions Iwant to ask you is like, how did
you decide to start your ownbusiness because it's such a
scary decision to make. Andit's, you know, people get into
these jobs, and they hate theirjobs, but they stay in them
forever. Because it's like thecomfort of having it in the

(38:23):
comfort of the paycheck. Andwhen you start your own thing,
it's like, oh, shit, I have nocomfort. I don't you know, even
if you're really good, andyou've done a lot of education
and things it's still like, Whata fuck my deal. There's still a
you know, like, what has been acall it the fucking first time?
Yeah, like, it's still scary andawful. And it comes with all of

(38:45):
that anxiety on top of thestarting something new,

Leia (38:49):
I think starting a business, well, one thing my dad
was really, really big onpersonal development stuff. So
he read a lot of personaldevelopment things. And then
that's what we got to talkabout. Because when he wanted to
talk, these are the types ofconversations that we'd have. So

Siobhan (39:04):
he read it, but didn't implement any of them.
Absolutely.

Leia (39:08):
He was he was great, forgiving. Enough, he really
thought he was living thesethings, and maybe in some some
areas of his life, because Idon't know, he knows a whole
human being I have no idea whathe was doing outside of our
relationship. But yeah, he wasreading it and able to give it
back to us, which of courseprograms us from a very young
age to believe that we can doanything and that mindset is

(39:30):
something that you can developand cultivate and that so again,
when you ask that questionbefore about where did it come
from? It was the time alone. Butalso, as I'm saying this, I'm
realizing him giving us likethese nuggets of information
about how to how to get yourmind ready for whatever
challenges that come up all thepersonal development stuff that

(39:51):
he spouted to us. Probablyinformed a lot of like the
journaling that I did and how Iwanted to handle certain
situations. So starting my ownbusiness, he also always talked
about, like not being anemployee. He was huge on he
wanted to have his own business.
And so each one of his kids hasat some point had an
entrepreneurial

Siobhan (40:14):
endeavor. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah.

Leia (40:18):
I think because he talked about it so much, and how
important it was that you createyour own thing, either alongside
what you're already doing, or asa full time entrepreneur, so he
definitely was a huge influencethere. But I always like to give
him credit where I can, becauseI can also tell you all the

(40:38):
horror stories. But, um, so thatwas, that was part of the
influence. And the motivation todo it is that, you know, I, I
was one of those people who sataround not liking my job, not
liking a lot of the aspects ofmy job and the bureaucracy that
comes with working for otherpeople and organizations that

(41:03):
have certain rules or culture,that should probably shift, but
You alone are not going to bethe one person who makes that
culture shift. And so if you'renot getting what you want, in my
mind, it's how do you createwhat you want, if I can't get
the income that I need, I caneither go work for someone else

(41:24):
as a second job, right? Or I canfigure out how to make it on my
own. So at least I can make iton my terms. And, and create a
schedule that doesn't bog medown and make me feel
overwhelmed. I used to work 60to 65 hours a week trying to
work two jobs, while I wasstarting up this this business.

(41:44):
And so that was a good indicatorthat I was, you know, swinging
too far to one side,overwhelming myself with, with
work and not feeling like I wasvaluable outside of what I could
produce. And so, you know, I hadto swing it back the other way.
But having my own business doesgive me that autonomy, and which

(42:07):
I think has been kind of a themeas we were talking like
autonomy, a part of what my lifestory is. And I think that that
also is a huge part of why Iwould want to have my own
businesses that I do like thatfeeling of autonomy, making my
own decisions. And it's also acreative endeavor to own your

(42:29):
own business. Like there's a lotof creativity that goes into how
you structure it. What pieces sofor me, like bringing over what
pieces of the work that I knowhow to do that I've been doing
for a long time do I want tobring into this? And what pieces
are like, I don't like it, or Idon't think it's one of my
strong suits. Like just becauseI can do it. Is it something I
should be doing? Is it somethingI want to you know, put on the

(42:51):
backburner and eventually bringsomebody in who is good at that
and actually loves it. And sothere's a lot of a lot of pieces
that you can put together. And Ilike that too. I like problem
solving. So it's a creativeendeavor of like this puzzle and
trying to put it together in away that feels good to you.
Nice.

Siobhan (43:08):
Yeah. I imagine like some of your like drive for
autonomy is also that you had somuch freedom at a young age like
to be in boarding school, and tobe able to like traveling, take
those days off and learn yourlessons kind of maybe the hard
way, but like, but like so itgives you like that confidence
and the drive to be able to belike, well, I can do this

(43:30):
because I've done it and likeyou have all of the data to back
it up. Yeah. But I do find itfunny that you came like with
your dad, you were in such likea kind of militaristic, like
dictatorship. And then you gotall this freedom. And then when
did you go into the military,because like, that seems like a

(43:51):
really left turn from where youwere probably headed.

Leia (43:56):
I went to the military when I was 18. I graduated when
I was 17. And then I was goingto the University of Alabama,
which as we have heard, I'm nota huge fan of Alabama, right.
And so when I got there, it wasa culture shock from everything
that I had known. And I probablyshould have taken a year off.
That was not an option. My dadwas like you either go to school
or you you get a job, but itwasn't get a job and you live at

(44:17):
home it was you get a job andyou get out. So it's like school
done, right. So in thatenvironment, I was not thriving.
I was drinking all the time. Istopped going to class I had
classes but I was not going tothem. Because none of it felt
right to me like I should havehad some time to acclimate to

(44:39):
I'm in a new place. There's awhole element of of race for me
because I grew up as one of thefew black American kids in a
school and I was so used tohaving people of varying
backgrounds. And then I came toa place where I was supposed to
choose. It was not verycomfortable for me because Like,

(45:00):
I don't doesn't know how I livemy life at all, like I just do
we vibe do we make sense? Like,is this a relationship that I
want to cultivate? Becausethere's something about you? And
that wasn't that wasn't reallyan option. And so when

Siobhan (45:15):
you came back to Alabama, and was it was it was
more of a divide between whiteand black. And yeah, we're
overseas it was because it wasso diverse. It wasn't really a
problem. Or

Leia (45:25):
it couldn't be it was really, it was really hard for
it to be I mean, even though Iwas one, a black, one of three,
three to five, given any givenexperience black students. That
didn't mean everybody else waswhite, though. Right? Right. So
that was the other part of it,except for in, in, in Greece,

(45:45):
where the majority of thestudents were white. It just
wasn't an issue. Like if I wasgoing to not associate with the
white students would have beenme, my brother just nobody wants
that.

Siobhan (46:00):
But it's nice to know or like for it's nice to hear
that when you were in Greece,and even if it was mostly like
white Greek kids, that therewasn't still that feeling that
you would get here in America?

Leia (46:10):
Oh, yeah. No, like it was that Oh, acceptance. There. I
mean, just wasn't even an issuewasn't even a topic of
conversation. I'd say 99% of thetime, every now and then, there
were discussions that came upeither because of something that
we were studying in school, orthere's just questions like,
because maybe they've neverreally been exposed to black

(46:30):
people before. And so they hadsome questions. And I was always
like, you know, used to beingthe minority. So whatever
questions you have, if I canhelp you to have understanding,
I would rather it come from mewhere I'm like, a safe space for
you to ask this question, thenfor it to be where we don't talk
about it. And it's this thingthat's lingering inside of you,

(46:52):
and then you go get yourinformation from some over the
place, especially. I mean, atthat time, you weren't going to
have a plethora of, you know,options, options for getting
that information. But like, Ican imagine that in today's
world, like I would even more sobe like, No, ask an actual
person, because you get on theinternet, you don't know what
you're going to find.

Siobhan (47:10):
Especially I would I can imagine that it's coming
from a place of curiosity andnot judgment to at that point,
which makes it easier when theyask a question in maybe not a
delicate way where you're like,but it's also you know, the
intention behind it probablyhelps to have that as a nicer
feeling. Yeah,

Leia (47:27):
definitely. And I think that most people, even even when
they're not delicate in theirdelivery, I think most people
are just curious. And I knowthat there's, there's a
narrative that says that Ishouldn't have to teach you. You
should go seek out your owninformation. But where are you
going to get it from? Like, whatis this information? You know,
like, I feel like to somedegree, if you are comfortable

(47:51):
being that teacher, that it'sokay to be the teacher when
someone when you have adifference that someone is
curious about because that's howyou help them to understand it
also is, you know, for meanyway, it's empathy, right?
Like, I'm, I'm understandingthat you're in a place of
curiosity, and that I'm right infront of your face. So ask your
question, like, I'm

Siobhan (48:11):
sorry, she's gonna say so. But I also would imagine
like, if you're friends, too,it's easier. Like if some
stranger on the streets askingyou some questions, like, go
fuck yourself. Like, if it'ssomeone that you're friends
with? Like, I feel like that'skind of a different energy about
yourself. Like, I can imaginethat some of it to like, yeah,

(48:33):
definitely, it's not your job toteach a stranger but your job to
guide a friend is

Leia (48:39):
no connection. Yeah, like we should be able to. I mean, we
talk about anything else. Like,why why is this going to be off
the table? If you're truly goingto know me if you're truly, you
know? Yeah, I think that itshould be an open, open book to
the degree that I'm comfortable,right. So if it was
uncomfortable, I could say, hey,you know what, I'd rather not
talk about that. Go

Siobhan (48:56):
ask you guys, my brother. Who might say? His
whole Yeah, well, I'm sure ifhe's what six three? You said I
was short, like, because he wasso tall. Everybody is always
like, how tall are you? Howtall? You are? Got a measuring
tape? I don't know. And so youwent to you're in Alabama, and

(49:20):
you were not thriving. Right?
And so then you decided to gointo the military?

Leia (49:24):
Well, they came and set up one day. And I was debating
leaving school because I'm like,I'm not, I'm not doing well. I'm
not myself, right. The amount ofalcohol that I was consuming was
well beyond what I and I hadbeen exposed to alcohol. I went
to boarding school when I was14, and there's no drinking age
in Greece. So alcohol was not abig deal. But I was treating

(49:45):
alcohol like it was a big dealalong with my peers who it was a
big deal for them becausethey're like, Oh, we finally got
some freedom and alcohol isflowing our way. But it really
wasn't a big deal for me. So Iwas like, I gotta I gotta do
something about this, but Idon't know what to Do because if
I leave school, this was therule, right? Because I've got
this very interesting father,who says, I'm paying for school.

(50:09):
As long as you have declared amajor that I'm okay with which
that was also part of the issueis that I didn't want to declare
major because I wasn't sure whatI wanted to do. I wanted to do
music. He said, That's not acareer. And I said, Okay, well,
I don't know. So I just chosemarketing, which was, I didn't
even know what I was choosing, Iwas choosing something that he
would say was acceptable,because he always wanted to work
in the marketing department. Soand then, you know, I'm,

(50:33):
culturally, it's just notmeshing for me. And so then I
was like, Okay. What am I goingto do to leave here in a way
that is going to be, I've got noreal work experience. You know,
I've worked at summer camps andstuff like that. But I'm like,
I'm 18. Like, I don't know howto be on my own own. Right?
Like, yeah, I knew I'd be on myown, there was certain structure

(50:53):
to having the boarding unit thatI lived in. And then when we
lived in the apartment, the lastyear that I was in Greece, with
this woman, like there was,there was some structure. So I
was like, military, they'll giveme structure, and money. And I
can clean up my act, becausethey're gonna make sure that I
clean up my act, at least duringthe training part, right. So I
initially had joined as areservist. And then as I was

(51:16):
doing basic training, I waslike, No, I definitely do this
full time. So then, as soon astraining was over, they take up
a couple of months to switch youover. And so I went home, I
worked as a security guard for ashort period of time, and then
and then I was full time in themilitary. So it was because I
didn't, I didn't know what elseto do. So yeah, it seems like a

(51:39):
weird, like going from beingautonomous to.

Siobhan (51:42):
But your explanation of it makes perfect sense is that
because you had structure andyou had like, even though it was
a loose structure at boardingschool, it was still a structure
where, you know, you had peoplethat were double checking on if
you're actually doing studytime, whether you were not when
the door closed, but like, soyou had like this little bit of
structure. And with your dadbeing so structured, like it's

(52:04):
something that you're probablyreally used to. So it adds like
a layer of comfort, almost I canimagine.

Leia (52:09):
Yeah. And my brain really likes structure. I didn't I
don't think I realized thatthen. But I was gravitating
towards what actually feels goodto me. I think there was also
way too much freedom at collegeto for me to thrive there.
Because no one cared if I wasgoing to class, no one. No one
cared if I was drinking, nobodyknew like there was no one to be
like, this is a little off,right? At least like in boarding

(52:33):
school. If I didn't show up toclass, they were going to tell
the people who saw the theoversight, while loose was at
least if I didn't show up,because my brother, definitely,
he is a rebel completely. Andtruly, many times had missed a
lot of classes. And then therewere conversations that needed
to be had like, Hey, what'sgoing on? You know? So that's

(52:58):
what I was seeking in themilitary was some level of
structure.

Siobhan (53:04):
And so did you feel like you found it in the
military? Or were you happy inthe military?

Leia (53:08):
I was, I was actually happy. And I probably would
have, I probably would have madeit a career had it not been for
me getting pregnant. Yeah. Or atleast a career for time. I don't
know, I

Siobhan (53:19):
would have done like a stint in it five or 10 years or
something, at least

Leia (53:22):
at least. And going in so young, knowing that 20 years
would get me to 38. And then Iwould have retired. In my mind.
I'm like, Oh, that makes totalsense. Why would you leave
before retirement when you comein that? Yeah. Because then you
have, and it's not like SocialSecurity, like you start getting
your retirement when you getout. Right? So like, but life

(53:46):
threw me for a different loop.
And that's not what happened.
No. But it would have been anoption. I definitely was happy
with it. And also I could seethe progression. I knew where I
could go and how I could getpromoted. Like that's how my
brain also right to work. And soI was like, every time there was
early promotion, I I took theearly promotion so I would do

(54:10):
what I needed to do to make sureI got promoted very quickly.

Siobhan (54:14):
What was your MOS

Leia (54:16):
I was a 74 Bravo and I was a 70 I
don't remember the other oneseals how long it's been 21
years since I've been an M.
Okay, I can tell you what I did.
So in when I was anadministrative specialist, that

(54:38):
was that was what I trained todo after I did. It was 75 Bravo
was the other one. I was anuclear biological chemical
warfare specialists for welearned how to detect I know I
took it because it was a $5,000bonus it was with the I did very
well on the ASVAB and so

Siobhan (54:58):
you got to kind of pick and choose what you want it.
Yeah. And I wanted

Leia (55:01):
something with a bonus.
And I was like, Oh $5,000 Youknow, these are, you know, our
youthful decision making skillslike $5,000 not realizing that
I'm taking an MOS but it'sdefinitely a war bound. Like if
there's a war, you're going,you're going yeah. So even
though I had reclassed, when 911happened, that's, I was assigned

(55:22):
to a unit that was 75 Bravo. SoI was going to do the NBC work.

Siobhan (55:35):
Especially well, especially before 911. And when
you're in the military, like, itwasn't a thought of like, you're
gonna have to go to work becausewe hadn't had one. There hadn't
been anything since Vietnam,like it was seemed like the
world was kind of in a calmplace. Yes. So because my
brother when he joined, hejoined to help him. In Boston,
you're either going to be a copor a fireman, like that. That's

(55:56):
kind of like the thing when wegrew up. And so he was like, I
don't want to be cop, they shootat you. running into a burning
building seems such a goodbetter idea. And he needed to
take the he needed to haveservice because in Boston,
affirmative action, as a whitekid, he needed extra points in
order to be even valuable on thelist. And so part of how he

(56:19):
could do that was joining themilitary and being active and
having active service points,put some over 100 to help him
get on. And so that's how he didit. And when he first joined, he
was like, recruiting and doingall this stuff. And then 911
happens. And he was like, oh.
And then he was like, I hadlike, he'd gotten on the fire
department at that point. But hewas like, I have to go. So he
transferred into a unit to go.

(56:43):
Because he was like, I got allthese benefits from being in the
military. Now it's time for meto do my duty. And I was like,
Dude, you're crazy. Do not go towar. happens over there.
Remember, Uncle Johnny, you'venever come back from Vietnam.
Like, don't go there. But he's,you know, a man of his service
and duty. And so it's like, allright, I'm going. But it was

(57:05):
wild, because I was like, whenyou join the military, that was
not like, No, it was not. And hehad a bunch of friends that were
in that we're all just like,Dude, I never thought I'd have
to actually do anything likethat. When we joined.

Leia (57:17):
Yeah, it's crazy. Because they they make sure to tell you
when you're going through basictraining, they're telling you
You are a soldier first, right,no matter what your your MOS is,
you are a soldier. Firstly, theydrive this into you. But when
you're 1819, sometimes 17.
Because if your parents signedfor you, you can go at 17 You
don't actually have theforethought. That war is real,
that it can happen that this is.

(57:40):
I always say that basic trainingfelt like I was at some type of
summer camp. Like it was so muchfun for me. I know it sounds
crazy. But growing up with a dadthat I had, I was like, nobody
can yell at me and make me feelsmall. Because you I didn't.
I've already experienced that.
So the rest of it is just youknow, can I be on time? Can I
and I like to make a game out ofthings. So for me, it was all

(58:03):
about this game. Like there's aactivity that they do where you
have to low crawl underneaththis. Underneath, it's
underneath some barbed wire, andthen you're and then there's a
point where you're kind of freein this dirt and your low crawl
and they're shooting live roundsover your head. And it's the
rounds are colored. They havesome type of patriots around.

(58:23):
Yeah, so you can see them. Andthey're like, no matter what you
do, you do not stand up. I thinkthe rounds are high enough that
even if the tallest person hadstood up, they weren't gonna get
shot, right? Like because theyhave to keep us safe. But in the
event that something goes wrong,you are not to stand up. So you
get to this end point. Right.
And you're sending us throughthis little low crawling

(58:45):
obstacle course thing. So muchfun. I think that night, the end
of that night. I have picturesbecause we weren't supposed to
have cameras, but I are a rebel.
I'm a rebel. Not not like mybrother, but a rebel. So I had a
camera the whole time that I wasin basic training that was
hidden, and I'm surprised Imean, our bunks got shook and
stuff, they never found mycamera, or they did and you
know, we're just not gonnabother her. Like

Siobhan (59:09):
she says everything else. So well. We'll let this
slide

Leia (59:13):
which I don't know that night how I had that camera. I
remember at one point it wasinside of my, my Kevlar. I don't
know. But I took it with me tothat particular event. Like I
think if it got taken and gottaken like but I was like I'm
going to risk having it. Andthese pictures of us like we are
dirty from head to toe.
Exhausted we got to get up forPT the next day because they

(59:33):
don't give you a break right butit was it was just an incredible
to me the experience. But neveryou thinking that they're
training you for war, no matterhow many times they tell you.
Yeah, you're just like, oh,either either you're having fun
or you're miserable. Didn't seemto be an in between for most
people. But that part of itbecause you're so young. The

(59:57):
majority of people are they'regoing in or not. Aren't, they're
not old enough to truly processwhat they're signing up for.
That bonus was huge for me,right?

Siobhan (01:00:07):
He, especially when you're like a kid that doesn't
have any money, and you're like,Oh, this is just a great way to
get money. Yeah, or get aneducation or, and then you're
like, they're drilling it intoyour head that you could go to
war you could do to worry aboutyour, like, that's like, could
you could go to jail. Right.

Leia (01:00:22):
Okay. And

Siobhan (01:00:24):
then we go drive fast, you know, like, whatever the
kind of innocuous thing is, it'slike, but you could go to jail,
and they're like, but you couldseem kind of disconnected.

Leia (01:00:34):
Yeah. I look at it now.
And I'm like, I love thetraining, the training, I think
almost everyone should, at somepoint, have to do the physically
able, because it's just it, itforces you to, to drive to find
something in yourself that youjust never had before. Like I
hate to run. But I learned howto, to deal with it to accept it

(01:00:58):
as a part of especially becausethey'd be like, No, you can't
drop. So they put you in thesedifferent categories as a group
B group secret, I was in the Bgroup. And I was like, dammit, I
want to be in the C group, likeI want to be the slowest runner
is the ones that are allowed todo a little walking. Now, they
would be like, Mitchell, get uphere and be group cuz I start to

(01:01:20):
drop back because I try to be atthe end and then see what was
behind us. Right. So I had to belike, I could be at the front of
C group. And they would alwayspush me to come back up. And,
you know, you just have to findyour mental fortitude when
you're there. So it teaches youa lot about yourself. And I
always say like, I have somecousins. And I'm like, I wish
they had just followed thefamily tradition, like just for

(01:01:40):
that part. Go into the military,because they needed to, to learn
how to push themselves, how tobe how to find that grit inside
of them. And maybe they werenever what maybe they would have
gotten there been miserable andbeen the type of people that
were like, I can't do this. Iwant to get out or washed out or
Yeah. But there's somethingabout that training that is just
I think, really, it's reallypowerful for your self

(01:02:04):
development, even with all theyelling and all of that even
like most people just learn todeal with it over time. And
they're unfazed by the crazypeople in your face because they
do look insane.

Siobhan (01:02:18):
Yeah, I'm sure I. So I like thought about it for a hot
minute was like I'm not amilitary person, because I never
want to go to war, especiallywhen my brother is getting
deployed. Excuse me, I was in myearly 20s. I mean, I was 21. And
so, but three, most of my uncleshad served. So I grew up with

(01:02:39):
those guys, like one of myuncle's was in Vietnam. And
he's, I think he had threePurple Hearts, and was
paralyzed. So when he came backfrom them, he never walked
again. My other uncle served inhe was in the Marines. And then
he got out of the Marines andwent into the army, which is was
like always a point ofcontention with his brother that
was a Marine. And then anotherone was in the military for a

(01:03:01):
little while, but he went AWOLso many times they stopped
coming and look for him. He wasa fantastic guy, but a wackadoo.
Can I say that with all thelove? And then my mom, her
brother served. So like I grewup in kind of a military family
where it was like a big thing.
But I was just like, it is notmy game. Like, no, thank you. I
barely like my mom telling mewhat to do. Like, not my, I'm a

(01:03:26):
pacifist. I need to but I don'tneed to shoot anybody. And I was
just like, and but I rememberlike talking to my brother about
like his exercises and stuff andpt. And being like when you come
home, I'll I'll do it with youevery day.

(01:03:48):
So you did not get deployedthough? I did not I did not.

Leia (01:03:52):
Because I was nine months pregnant when when 911 happened.
And at that, I assume they stilldo it. But you can get out on a
chapter eight if you arepregnant. But you have to do it
before you have to do it beforeyou cross over into that was

(01:04:13):
eight months pregnant ninemonths pregnant. You're pregnant
for 40 weeks. So yeah, that bythe time you hit 36 weeks,
you're required to stay in themilitary after that because you
give birth at anytime and theydon't want to be liable for
something bad happeningespecially because most people
have to go home you can't staythere. You can't stay on the
military post. So they wouldmake you stay in. So when 911

(01:04:35):
happened. My first sergeant hadto do the counseling that we do
to decide are you staying in Areyou getting out because every
pregnant woman gets theopportunity to leave if she'd
like and I was unsure at thetime. And then he helped me to
be sure by letting me know thatwe were you're going to war and

(01:04:55):
he was giving me a look of likeyou know I always knew I was
going to be a single mom after Idecided to have my child. So
knowing that I was going to be asingle mom, this was going to be
a very hard road to be in adeployable unit. And so I had to
make a decision to get out. Andso I did at that time, so

Siobhan (01:05:17):
I got it. Your other option would have been to find
someone, if you when you gotdeployed to take your newborn
baby. Yeah, so that's a reallyhard thing for both of you,

Leia (01:05:27):
right? You get the whatever, I don't know what it
was, I don't know if it's sixweeks or eight weeks of recovery
time, post birth, if you give anatural birth, with no
complications, right. And thenafter that, you have to find
someone, everyone has to have afamily care plan. So that's
married people, single people,that doesn't matter. But if you

(01:05:50):
are married, and not both of youare in the military, then your
family care plan can look verydifferent, right? Your spouse
would be the one who is the inyou're like, Okay, well, that
makes sense to marry home withtheir parent, right? For me,
that would have been verydifferent. And then on top of
it, I wasn't in the same statewith my parents. So if I made
them guardians, yeah, theGuardians, then they have to

(01:06:14):
come and get my baby. Anddepending on how quickly you're
deploying, you don't always havetime to be the person who
transfers oversee, you have tohave the short term care plan,
which means you have to havesomeone that you trust, to have
your baby for a week or twomonth, however long it takes for
them to coordinate with yourparents, or whoever the Guardian
that you've appointed is to comeand get your baby or meet

(01:06:35):
halfway or whatever the plan is,right? Like, I have no say in
that because I'm deployed,right? So you may or may not
even have a phone that you canuse, right. And that was a very
scary, I just moved to Louisianawhen I was four months pregnant.
So I didn't know anyone there.
Anyone there. Especially withsomeone that's precious as, as
my baby like, I had, there was aguy as a sergeant, who was in my

(01:07:00):
platoon, and he, he was like mywife, you know, she's great with
our kids. She just talked to me,she's like, just, you know, she
was trying to tell me this isbefore, you know, we had the
whole counseling thing. She'slike, you know, you could just
stay in, like, there's no needfor you to get out. I would
definitely be willing to die.
And I'm like, why I so want mybaby so badly. Yeah, like, I get

(01:07:22):
paid to take 20. And it feltvery weird, but they were just
like, I get it now. But theywere just very much a military
family. And they were being Yes,they were being that supportive
entity. And, and in hindsight, Ireally appreciate it. But at
that time, I'm like, I'm 20 I'mpregnant. I don't trust anyone I
just got here. This feels weirdto me that you guys are

(01:07:42):
pressuring me, for my child. Andso the whole thing, just that
that whole, like it had I stayedin South Carolina, there were
enough people around where itmight have been, it might have
been okay, I might have hadsomeone there that I was like, I
had one, one sergeant there thatI really loved. Everybody
thought we were related, becausewe looked alike. And I could

(01:08:06):
have trusted her. I loved herparenting style with their own
kids, but you know, me leaving.
Right? And like, I'm in this newplace, and it just wouldn't have
just wouldn't have worked for mementally, you're gonna send me
over to war and I'm worriedabout what's happening and I
don't have regular contact and,and then I'm like, also, you
know, he was gonna grow upwithout me, right? Like, I don't
know how long I'm gonna bedeployed for, like, I can come

(01:08:30):
back and he's too and it's like,Who the hell are you? You know,
like, that was a reality to inmy mind, like, I have to win you
over. Right? You're moreattached to my mom than you are
to me, like all of that type ofstuff was in my head. And I'm
like, You're

Siobhan (01:08:46):
being solitary from grandpa. Like, you didn't know.
Oh, that's a really harddecision, though. To make. Yeah,
it was. It's kind of as a 20year old when you're
overwhelmed. And now you havethis whole other life that you

(01:09:08):
have to like, think for andthink through and that's a lot.
It's heavy. Yeah, it was

Leia (01:09:13):
it was it was a lot, and I didn't I didn't really know what
I was doing. Right. You know, Iwas 20 I was three weeks after I
turned 21. So I was pregnantwith them when I turned 21. And
then three weeks after that Igave birth so it was like, I'm

(01:09:35):
just growing up myself and I'mbringing another person into the
world. So it was a I didn't haveany real information on what
this looks like. Because notlike I had been around. I was
I'm the baby so I didn't evenwatch my parents really raise
another child. You know how likeas a as an older sibling, you
might have some insight as towhat they were going through and

(01:09:57):
that Yeah, yeah. And never hadHelp much a sibling, none of
those types of things. So

Siobhan (01:10:02):
I can't imagine what that's like. I like at first
cousin. So I've been babysittingsince I was like, here. Keep
these kids alive. We're goingover here.

Leia (01:10:14):
But I mean, I know, because I know some insight that
you really enjoyed being a mum.
Oh, yeah. And you're like, thatwas the right decision that you
made? For sure. Especiallybecause I wanted six of them.
Oh, my God. So just having theone. I don't know what made me
think I wanted six. But Ithought I did. And I probably
could have been fine. Had I'vebeen in a stable relationship a
little bit older, and had allsix of them. We'll never know.

(01:10:36):
But now I really love kids. AndI love being mom. I love being a
mom, but it's different now.
Yeah. Recently into adulthood,they they become their own
person, you have to let go ofcertain parts of it. But being a
mom was, was a fun, fun time.

Siobhan (01:10:55):
Yeah, it's gonna be hard to like, give up that
control of having a kid likewhen you're like guiding them,
and then not going where youwant to go.

Leia (01:11:03):
That is That was the hardest part. And just before
middle school, I had a therapistgive me the advice of what's the
worst that can happen. And shehelped me let go have that need.
And so it has been great kind ofhaving this more of a hover
above than being like ahelicopter parent, where I'm
right in the thick of it. I'mjust kind of like observing. How

(01:11:24):
are you doing? Are you okay? Andjust looking for those things
that are detrimental to healthand development, rather than
holding on so tightly that I'mtrying to control the outcomes
of someone else's life likeultimately, you know, like, they
are their own people. And theyshow you that very early on, I
think we discount it because wethink, well, they're just kids.

(01:11:46):
And but they're not. They'reactually just whole human
beings. And that's aninteresting take, I think, to
look at them fully as beingtheir own people. Yeah. I mean,
you see the differentpersonalities and the very young
so you know that there, there'sonly so much guidance you can
give, there's going to be theseinnate parts of who they are
that's going to come forward andhow they internalize experiences

(01:12:08):
and all that different stuff. Soyeah.

Siobhan (01:12:11):
Yeah. I'm so glad I don't have kids. But I often am
like, I do miss being aroundthem sometimes. Because I think
it's like, what does that oldadage like, drunks and kids tell
the truth. And I love a kid'sperspective, because it's so it
is just kind of, it'sunencumbered by all the things

(01:12:32):
that we learn as an adult. Like,they're just like, No, that
doesn't make sense. Because thisand that, and you're like, it's
an excellent point you sevenyear old? Yeah. So what it is
that when you got into like thecorporate world that then led
you into wanting to learn how to

Leia (01:12:50):
No, no. No, it's not so.
So I got out, right, I hadcalled my parents and was like,
Hey,I'm gonna get out, I want to
make sure that this is okay forme to come home and you know,
regroup and get myself together.

(01:13:12):
Just before my 24th birthday, mydad lets us know that we're
bankrupt. No one knew Wow, hesaid there was about three,
three months worth of moneyleft. And I was like, Oh, that
could have been told to mebefore I made this decision,

(01:13:33):
because maybe a different one.
So there's a whole story ofhaving to navigate, not having a
safe place to land. So I'm just21 year old with a new baby who
can't be employed just yetbecause I need to recover. And
no one was gonna hire me at thetime that he told him like, I'm

(01:13:54):
about to give birth, like, Ilook like I'm about to give
birth to twins. My child was 10pounds. So pretty much twins. So
there was nothing for me to do,just yet. At that time, when you
get out of the military, theyallowed for you to get
unemployment for a year. So Iwas like, okay, soon as I was

(01:14:16):
ready to be able to go back towork, I applied for
unemployment. And then I wentand got an apartment for the two
of us and luckily the woman thatwas renting the apartments out.
She had luckily for me, not forher, she had an issue with
alcohol. And I had shuffled ourmy application around and and
she'd done this to severalpeople and her corporate people

(01:14:38):
came down and so they offered mebecause she took so long with
the system, whatever. I don'tknow what the timeframe was that
she was supposed to do. A twobedroom for the price of 109 So
my rent for this two bedroom wasthinking anything 399

Siobhan (01:14:55):
Oh my god Wow, I'm surprised you still don't live
there.

Leia (01:15:05):
Yes. 399

Siobhan (01:15:07):
Oh my god. That's amazing. Right?

Leia (01:15:10):
It was a two bedroom two bath home. Yeah. Very nice. But
it was an Alabama you know, costof living is a lot different.
Because even my last apartmentbefore I moved here was under
700. And it was a two bedroom,two bath, spacious apartment.

Siobhan (01:15:27):
I can't even imagine that. 399 I think maybe in the
90s could get you a bedroom inBoston. in someone else's house.

Leia (01:15:41):
Wow. So we lived there for a year. And then during, so I'm
getting unemployment. I'm tryingto milk this for as long as
possible, because I'm like, you

Siobhan (01:15:53):
have a newborn baby trying to adjust.

Leia (01:15:56):
I don't have that soft place like Where where's my
child going when I'm going towork because also with the cost
of living being so low, theminimum wage is also very low.
It's still at the federalminimum wage, which is 725, I
believe. Yeah, I can't believethat in 2023, they're still

(01:16:16):
using the federal minimum wageas their I can't wait. Cities
are doing it differently. Butfor the most part,

Siobhan (01:16:21):
I can't believe that it's, that's still the federal
Right. Like that's,

Leia (01:16:26):
they should really be looking at the cost of living
and determining. But, um, so I'mtrying to figure that out. And
then I decided to go back toschool. So I was going back to
school for psychology. And myparents are navigating this this
house situation which the houseis supposed to be going into

(01:16:46):
foreclosure. But there'ssomething going on with that
economy at that time. And Idon't remember what it was
because I was just trying tolive and so slowing some things
down. There were lots of peoplein foreclosure and thanks for
doing a lot of things to try tohelp figure out what to how to
help people not lose theirhomes, because of course, also
they want to continue gettingtheir money and so so whatever

(01:17:08):
was going on there was was goingon, so I didn't really have a
place for for him to go. Andthen my aunt lived nearby. And
so she was really helpful withwith that because she had a
baby. I think seems like 10months older, okay, so. So she'd

(01:17:30):
be like, well, you know, he cancome over here. But her, her
daughter couldn't stand him.
Like the idea of this interlopercoming into her home, being held
by her mom, this is not okay.
And she developed this weirdscream she would do at the top
of her lungs. It was it was likeyour piercing. And he would just

(01:17:52):
the minute the minute she woulddo it, she would do it so
strategically, and then lookvery angelic afterwards. They're
besties. Now she had to get overit. Yeah, she had to then
declare her love for him at somepoint. When he was about one. I
love him. And we're like, okay,like,

Siobhan (01:18:11):
I guess he's not going anywhere. I love him.

Leia (01:18:15):
So she was really helpful in that. And I was going back to
school, and then I took a job.
Because now my unemployment isdone. And so I took a job at
this small computer company thatwas a friend of a friend of a
friend, I think, like somebodyhelped me get that job. And then

(01:18:36):
she went out of business,because again, like I said, the
economy was doing something atthat time. That just wasn't I
don't, I have no idea. And I'venever looked it up. I've never
gone back to see what was goingon in 2001 2002 timeframe with
our economy.

Siobhan (01:18:54):
I was just trying to think of like, is that the
first.com bust or bubble?

Leia (01:18:58):
Or actually is 2000 to 2003 timeframe? Something was
going on? Yeah, with our economyat that time that was causing a
lot of disruption. And I gotscared. And even though my
parents were in this weirdpredicament. I moved back home
at the end when my lease was up.
Oh, it was probably the dumbestthing I could have done. Yeah.
Because then that put me in thesituation where I'm living at

(01:19:20):
home. I am the only one who hasa dependent that requires me to
do. So nobody did anything butme. So it's me, my mom, my dad,
and my brother and my baby. Sowe're at home, and I'm like, I
have to work I have to be ableto provide so I took out student
loans stupidly to help pay for aliving. Yeah. And I'm providing

(01:19:45):
for my whole family becausenobody will get up and go and do
anything. In hindsight, Ireally. I don't know that my mom
could have I think she was atclinical depression and probably
maybe could have benefited fromI love him on if You hear this?
We've talked about this manytimes. She probably could have
benefited from being in aninstitution somewhere like her.

(01:20:08):
Her depression was that bad.
Yeah. And the only thing thatgave her joy was helping out
with her grandchild. So whichwas helpful, because I did have
to leave. And I eventuallystarted working for blockbuster.
And I was a manager atBlockbuster. And I leveraged my
military experience. And forwhatever reason, they trusted

(01:20:29):
that that was true. There we go.
And so being in management gaveme little extra income like
cool. So but the hours werecrazy, because it didn't close
to midnight. work required towork certain night shifts, you
couldn't have like a early soI'm like, Okay, this can only
last for so long before I makemy next move. I'm going to keep

(01:20:49):
the next part of the story veryshort. My dad decides to go to
Trucking School. So this goeson. We're living in this
situation. For about two years,I want to say he decided to go
to Trucking School. I don't knowwhy this was nothing against

(01:21:11):
truckers. But he had a wholecareer he could have gone back
to right. So I don't understandwhy this shift was the thing to
do. But whatever. We makechoices in life. And he decided
to go to Trucking School. Andafter he'd been gone for, I
don't know, I want to say acouple weeks, but don't actually
remember the timeline. A sheriffshows up to give us the three
day notice that the house isbeing foreclosed on, and that

(01:21:33):
they're gonna come and changethe Oh, wow. And we're like,
what? Like, we didn't know wherewe were in the process, this
foreclosure, and he was like,oh, no, we left the the 30 day
notice? And I'm like, no, no,there was no 30 day notice. And
he was like, basically, likehe'd shuffle what he could do.

(01:21:53):
And it gave us a couple extradays before they were gonna come
out because he could see that mymom was really like, I don't, I
don't know what you're talkingabout. In the midst of I was
doing, I was packing, my dad hadactually received this 30 day
notice and put it in a book thathe had been reading. And my mom
found that she's like, oh, so heknew he knew and didn't tell

(01:22:13):
anyone. And he left. Because hedidn't want to have to deal with
the fallout of this. He didn'twant to have to deal with the,
for him. You know, like, ego iseverything. And so the
embarrassment, like, of ourfamily seeing him right. You
know, that was his failure,basically,

Siobhan (01:22:33):
as Yeah, I'm sure like, he thought as a man and as a
father and as a husband. And sohe was probably trying to hide
from all of that by justavoiding, right,

Leia (01:22:42):
only making it worse, because then everybody's like,
yeah, this whole like, right,how do you leave when you know
that this is about to happen?
You don't give any type ofinformation like we would have
had 30 days to have found atrading plan. Yeah, all of that.
It was like for him, like I justgot to get the hell up out of
here. So that's what he did. Heleft he went to Trucking School.
And then he came back and actedlike he was surprised. And we're
like, you're not surprised,right? Stop. So luckily, my mom

(01:23:05):
was the oldest of nine. So therewas a lot of family support
during that time. And everyone.
It was crazy how many peoplelike came out of the woodwork
cousins that I barely even knewlike, coming out of woodwork
with trucks and bringing theirfriends and whatever. We had a

(01:23:26):
whole bunch of stuff that wasshipped back from Saudi. So it
wasn't just like a householdfull of stuff. We had, like a
storage unit in the back thatwas filled with all this
different furniture. My dad hasstarted a business, which that's
how he bankrupted. Which makesyou think, why would you go into
business?

Siobhan (01:23:42):
Because you're like, I can do a better

Leia (01:23:48):
he prematurely left his his job to start a business that
he didn't actually have abusiness plan for. He just

Siobhan (01:23:55):
was trying to wing it.
Yep. And it doesn't sound like awing it kind of guy. It

Leia (01:23:59):
was very odd to all of us.
Everybody was like, what? Like,why is this that it was I think
he was just so ego driven, likehe really believed in himself.
And didn't do the nuts and boltsfor what needed to happen to
them. Like your mechanic dude,like, yeah, you know that the
pieces all have to be together,it falls apart, right? Like, you
know, this, yeah, you do this.

(01:24:21):
And you can do it on all kindsof different things. And it's
still the same thing. You can doit on cars, he can do it on
aircraft engines. That was hisspecialty. That's how we ended
up over. So I don't know, Idon't I wish I could get into
the psychology of it all, but henever wanted to talk about that.
So then, when that all happened,it was a whirlwind. We had very

(01:24:43):
little time to find places tolive. And it all oddly worked
out. I found a place likeimmediately my brother took a
job working for a cable company.
I'm like, Dude, you could havegotten up a long time ago.
Anyway, he took a job with acable company I think they've
been bought out since then byComcast but. And he moved to

(01:25:03):
Birmingham, which was furtheraway. And then my mom lived with
one of her sisters for a littlebit. And we did our thing. So
now I'm back to being completelysingle mom again, and having to
figure out the next steps. Andthat's what really came into

(01:25:23):
being a huge help, because nowthe kids are a little bit older,
they love each other. This canwork. Yeah. And so she, I think
he was two and a half orsomething like that. It's hard
to remember timelines. But soshe became my caretaker while I

(01:25:49):
worked. And then that's when Istarted really being like, okay,
so blockbuster is not going towork. This isn't gonna work for
anyone, like, I can't be comingto our house at almost one
o'clock in the morning, we don'tclose till 12. And then I gotta
figure this out. So I went towork for a bank, I'm like,
that's gonna give me bankinghours, and I'm gonna have
weekends off. So this is gonnabe perfect. So I did that. And
then I went from there to goingto work for a newspaper. And

(01:26:15):
that's when I really got into,like, the corporate corporate
structures

Siobhan (01:26:23):
of stuff. Yeah, that must have been fun working for a
newspaper. That was

Leia (01:26:27):
fun. Yeah, I worked in advertising. But just the whole
thing was cool. It's very, Ilike to romanticize those types
of things. So you could go outto the area where they do like
the printing press, and youcould see the the newspapers
being printed. It's fun. Yeah,it was a cool place to work. And
then upstairs was like, thenewsroom where everybody's
rushing around and writing theirstories and doing all that.

(01:26:48):
Yeah,

Siobhan (01:26:49):
yeah, that's, like, that's a great energy to be
around too. Because all a lot ofthose people are kind of self
starters and felt disciplined,or things don't get written or
they don't go out. So it's likea kind of a slightly high stress
area to be in. Yeah, it was

Leia (01:27:05):
definitely. So like, even with advertising, like if you
don't get it in by a certaindate, because they're doing the
layout for the paper. So if youdon't get it in, you may not be
able to get it in. So someonelike wants a last minute ad. And
of course, we want to make ourbecause it was partially
commissioned. So it was salaryplus commission. And so, here's

(01:27:25):
what I was making $12 andsomething an hour, and I was
like, I am in money. Like, Ireally thought I was making
something and then they did somerestructuring. And then it went
to a base salary of 30,000 withcommission and I was like, This
is it. I'm making all the money.
I'm doing it. But in order tomake commission, you know, you

(01:27:49):
want to get every sale in and soyou don't want to wait for that
next. So you know, we'd have togo over and kind of schmooze the
layout person, like, hey, like,is it possible that we can get
this ad and she'd have to lookat it and decide, like, if
things could fit, like, couldshe push this over does a better
job, because if you don't haveenough story to fill, she's not
gonna start another page. So youhave to fit it in within what

(01:28:11):
she's got. Yeah,

Siobhan (01:28:15):
it was a whole, it's a powerful person. And, yes,

Leia (01:28:18):
you better be on her good side. Yeah.

Siobhan (01:28:21):
Don't be like your feet, you're going on the back
page. On the bottom corner.

Leia (01:28:27):
You wanted to be on her good side, and on the good side
of the artists that you'veworked with. So all the graphic
artists like you want it to beon their side. Because again, if
you have a last minute requestfor an ad to be created, if you
don't have you're not runninglike a previously run ad,

Siobhan (01:28:41):
someone has to design it, yep, together. And, and they
have to be

Leia (01:28:45):
willing to do that.
Because if because a lot oftimes, she'd be like you already
talked to our team, somebody'sgonna do this.

Siobhan (01:28:50):
Because if I make the space, you better have something
to put in there.

Leia (01:28:56):
It really helped me to be I typically, now I'm fine. Like
I can talk to anybody at thispoint in my life, but then I was
I was much, I think I was stillshy, because there's a huge
difference between being shy andintroverted. And I am both of
those things were was both ofthose things. And at that time,
I was still fairly shy. Sobecoming the person that I

(01:29:17):
needed to be in that environmentrequired me to put on a certain
mask. That was it was, it wastiring, but I'm like, I have to
put it on and go to work and besocial. And you got to be social
all day. Because I'm makingcalls. I'm talking to people and
I'm talking with my team. Andthen I'm talking with the
different people in the officethat I need to and I need to
build really good relationshipsin order for that to happen. You

(01:29:39):
can't just rely on like, it'syour job to make the artwork
right, like it's your job. Butat the same time, they could say
oh, no, I don't have the time.
Right. And I can't tell them oh,you do have the time like so.

Siobhan (01:29:52):
It's a coworker, not an employee like right boss
employee.

Leia (01:29:56):
And then if you want to make it that way by going to
their boss you You're gonnacause yourself some problems.
So. So building relationshipswas huge there. And it was, it
was important for me. Because itstarted to chip away at shyness,
like, over time, like, oh, likeit's really okay to be around

(01:30:17):
people, but I can also nowbecause I am still very
introverted. Take that spacewhen I need to be with myself.
And it's weird because I alwayssay that as introverted as I am,
my kid doesn't count. Like, hisenergy does not affect me when
it comes to that introverted,like, I never need space from
him never know. Yeah, like, he'sjust a part of the natural

(01:30:39):
environment of things. So, like,being a mom, I was like, Oh, my
God, I need this. This time.
That's not how it worked for me.
Like he was just a part of thenormal progression of things, if
not more common, especially whenhe's really young. Because, you
know, that's when the hugs andthe cuddling and say, like, oh,

(01:31:00):
no, I get to go home to lovelike, this is great. I always
find that to be weird, because Iknow some people, that's not how
it works for them. Like theyreally do need space from their
kids for everyone in order torestore. I rarely ever

Siobhan (01:31:15):
needed that. I'm very social and some things but I do
I have come to realize that I doneed time alone to recharge. And
I think I still haven't figuredout because it's been a while
now since I've been in like aserious relationship. But I
think sometimes I wonder like,will I be able to recharge with
that other person or not? Likehow, like, what am I at right

(01:31:37):
now with that kind of?

Leia (01:31:40):
Yeah, I think it's also healthy to ask for space when
you're with someone, right? Butyeah, I love you and everything,
but I'm gonna spend some timealone. We're gonna go walk and
it's not going to include youlike, yeah, that's perfectly
natural and normal. I think wehave a hard time asking for
space from people because wethink we're gonna hurt

Siobhan (01:31:59):
their feelings. Yeah.
And it's kind of like with thething with your dad. Like,
where's your just upfront aboutit? No one's feelings really get
that hurt. It's like when youdon't have when you can't ask.
And so then you're doing thingsto like, yeah, avoid asking,
where if you just asked, it'slike the 10 seconds of
uncomfortableness is like, waybetter than like the three weeks
of like trying to carve out timeand not let anyone know, not

(01:32:21):
hurt anyone's feelings, where ifyou just like, hey, I'm gonna go
for a walk by myself, because Ijust need a few minutes. Your
partner is probably like, okay,great. See when you come back,
right? And meanwhile, you'relike, Okay, well, if I wait till
you go to the bathroom. It'slike, what are you doing? Oh, so
you're the Hold on. There wasone or two things I want to make

(01:32:46):
sure we talked. Oh, that's whattwo, there's two actually. Okay.
Because one of the things thatwe got into the other days, one
of the reasons you're so intothe kind of personal development
and because you've done all thework, is that you recognize that
you had ADHD as an adult? Yes.

(01:33:06):
And like, what was that? Like? Imean, how did that help shape?
Like, how old were you? I guess,is my I was.

Leia (01:33:18):
Good question. Or about, you know, when I recognize or
when I finally went for thediagnosis,

Siobhan (01:33:23):
I guess both what's the what? Yeah, if you recognize it,
what made you then go for thediagnosis,

Leia (01:33:29):
I was about 26. When I got the diagnosis, I want to say
2627, it was leading up to megetting ready to move here. And
the thing that, so we're justtalking about working at the
newspaper and all of this, like,fast paced, I've got to deal
with people, you know, all thesedifferent things. And it was a
very multifaceted job thatrequired me to keep track of a

(01:33:52):
lot of different things. And Icould feel at certain moments
that my brain just could notkeep up with what was happening.
And then I'm like, this is thisis an old pattern, though. I've
seen this before. It's one ofthe reasons why the military was
probably really easy for me isthat there wasn't you tell me
what to do? Right? You gave me avery basic structure. And I
could follow that. But you'renow asking me to use my brain in

(01:34:15):
ways that I'm keeping up withall of these different things.
And there wasn't at that job,there wasn't a lot of oversight.
Like my I had my supervisor, andhe was doing his thing, which
was mostly going out on andhelping with assisting with
getting sales, right, likebuilding relationship outside.
So he wasn't around. And I'mtrying to keep structure of all

(01:34:36):
these ads that are running, Whatday are they running? I was in a
position called account,Relationship Specialist. So that
required me to know, for my teamof four people that were
underneath me, I needed to knowall of their ads that were
running when they were running,who the contact was, and I had
to keep up with all of thisdifferent stuff, where they were

(01:34:57):
whether or not they had salesmeetings and all this different
stuff I needed To know all thisstuff, and my brain was like, I
don't want to do this. And I waslike, but we got to so I put
together my own. Because I dolike structure. But sometimes
it's easier for me if structureis given to me, right? I've
since learned how to create myown structure, which is part of
why my business works is that Ican, I'm, like, I'm hearing you.

(01:35:20):
I'm understanding what you'resaying. And I'm like, oh, let's
try this as a system. So. So Istarted to notice that this was,
this is a repeating pattern, butI'm older now. Like, I can't,
this isn't School, where I havea backpack full of papers that
I'm looking for the paper that Iwrote, I'm shuffling through all

(01:35:41):
the stuff like this is this isreal life. And this is gonna
affect whether or not I canprovide, right, so now I'm
getting this as the other sideof me that's like, okay, let's,
let's figure this out. And so Ihad initially gone to a
therapist, who was just like,oh, no, like, you're
overwhelmed. And I was like,it's not that like this has been

(01:36:04):
going on. And I had a PPO plan.
So you know, you could find yourown person. So I found someone
who specializes in ADHD, entrytreated adults, and I was like,
let me go to this guy, becausethis will likely be better. And
so he started off with thisgamut of questions. And he had
given me these, I think he toldme a story, I cannot remember
it. But I just remember therewas things I had to remember.

(01:36:26):
And, and then he asked me aboutthese things. At the end of the,
the conversation that we hadabout me, and I was like, I
don't know, that was the firstindicator for him that I had an
attention issue. And then we dida bunch of other tests along the
way. And it was reallyvalidating that I knew that

(01:36:46):
something was wrong. And nowwe've got some answers. I just
don't do medication. So. So thatwas the only hurdle was that I
don't, I don't want to do, Idon't want to do medication for
anything unless I must, right.
Just very sensitive to it justdidn't want to get I mean,

(01:37:10):
especially at that time, I don'tknow that there were any I think
non stimulant or non nonstimulant ones were just coming
out. And I'm like, don't wantanything else, I'm gonna take
Adderall. And then I'm going tobe like, people I've known who
tried to come off Adderall, andthey really just can't. And so I
didn't want that for myself. Andas life has been too volatile, I

(01:37:33):
don't know, well, I haveinsurance forever, like all of
these different things are in myhead, like, so I'm just I'm
like, I'm not, I'm not doing it.
And so I had to learn throughsome therapy, some different
techniques that work. And thenbecause I am the person that I
am, and I like to research, Iwent down a rabbit hole and
found some other techniques thatreally worked for me, like, for
me, color coding really works.

(01:37:54):
For me, repetition really works.
So if I have something that Ihave to do, and it's annotated
in multiple places, I'm morelikely to be successful with
making sure that thing happens.
Sticky Notes are a huge way forme to get things organized. But
it was very, very validating forme, but it also allowed me to

(01:38:15):
then start creating all of thesedifferent systems in my life.
That work, so I can create myown structure. And that's where
this idea, part of the idea thatsystems are, make people
successful. And that's whetheryou you know, have a
neurodivergent brain or not,right, like people can really
thrive if they don't have to doall the thinking because our
brains decision fatigue is areal thing gets tired when we

(01:38:39):
have to make decisions on thefly constantly. So if you have
ways of like, blocking thethings that you need to know the
things that you're going to do,and having them in some type of
system, then you're likely to bemore successful getting those
things done. Then there's thatwhole dopamine feedback loop
when we do the things that feelgood to us, right? Like when we
are productive, like, that's sobut it was one of the most

(01:39:01):
validating things for me is toknow why I struggled with. I
struggled in school a lot. Andnot for lack of being
intelligent, which was what Iwhat I equated it to, was that I
was my mom always gets mad atme, but I thought I was dumb.
I'm like, I am not very smart.
Because I struggle except forwith writing. That was the only

(01:39:21):
like, I took a novel class and Itook another themes and world
lit and I was great at thatbecause one it was super
interesting to me. And thenwriting is one of those things
that comes naturally to me. Andthen the way the teacher had his
class structure really workedfor me. So we kept like a
journal basically. And so a lotof the like the homework is that

(01:39:43):
was all kept in this one placeand we did it in class and
except for the writing ofpapers, and so he was he was
very his structure was just itwas just structured enough and
just loose enough to make youcomfortable. Yeah But all the
other classes like math who Idid not jive with, my brain was
like, no, yeah. No, we're notdoing that homework. And I don't

(01:40:08):
understand it. Like none of itwas making sense to me because
of the way it was being taught.
And yeah, I wish I had knownwhen I was younger, but I don't
know, there's so muchinformation now. And I don't
know that would have made adifference. At that time. I
don't think they knew how toteach to, to my brain where it

(01:40:28):
would have

Siobhan (01:40:29):
helped, but they still don't like they haven't changed
the way teaching has been mostlyever. Like, because it we've, we
talked about this kind of theother day when we were chatting
about how no one teaches you howto learn, right? And no one
teaches you really how to studythey just are like, this is how
you do it. And that's not howyour brain works. And you're
just kind of fucked. Like you'relike, Excuse me? Yeah,

Leia (01:40:48):
I think in what's great is that there is a lot of
information out there now thatyou can if you're struggling
with something, you can go lookup like, I struggle with this
and someone out there, it'sgonna give you at least a hint.
Like this lady on I don't know,it was a short form videos. I
don't know what platform was on.
But she mentioned that if youhave ADHD, keep your shoes on in
the house when you need to getsomething done. It is the

(01:41:10):
coolest trick in the world. WhenI need to get something done. I
now I'm like shoes on my dogslike where are you going? I'm
like nowhere, buddy. I'm gettingto work, huh? Right here. And
I'm far more successful when Ihave the shoes on. She's like,
the minute you take your shoesoff, you think it's time to
relax. And so you. But when youput your shoes on, your brain
has taught itself that you'regoing somewhere you're about to

(01:41:33):
do something right. So yes, Iput shoes on to get work done in
the house. Like if I need toclean if I need to do whatever.
Yeah.

Siobhan (01:41:43):
That's really interesting little tip. Yeah, I
sorry, I think the other day,and I think it was like a meme
on Facebook or Instagram orsomething. And it was like, our
health care so broken that Igrew up with ADHD, and learned
more about it in 90 minutes ontick tock than I ever have from
any doctor I've met. And I waslike, yeah, that's truth. And

(01:42:04):
that goes for so many things nowtoo. Like, I grew up, I had
endometriosis. As a kid, doctorswould not know anything. Like
they're like, well, we don'tknow what causes it. We don't
know what makes it go away. Buthere's some drugs to take and
like, Can we do some otherthings? Like, they're just like,
we don't know. We never reallystudied it because it's just a
woman's disease. We're not evensure it exists. Like it was

(01:42:28):
terrible. And even now, there'sstill not a ton of research done
on it. But the information I canfind now is like oh, wow, oh,
wait, look this, like I learnedabout something about it can
also cause your hips to be extratight. Oh, interesting. Or it
can cause them to be doublejointed. And they don't know
why. But there's just like acorrelation of women that have
those two. Oh,

Leia (01:42:48):
you said you don't know why. But I'm wondering if it's
like an influx of hormones thatcauses it to be looser, the
tightness. I'm wondering if thathas to do with the scarring that
yeah,

Siobhan (01:42:56):
I'm I haven't done a ton of research into it. Because
I that's interesting. I got myoven taken out so I don't have
to deal with it. was the bestdecision I made after

Leia (01:43:08):
I got baby bacon for Yeah.

Siobhan (01:43:11):
I tried a couple times.
I had never really wanted kids.
I love them. But I have atsomething first cousins like I
didn't,

Leia (01:43:19):
weren't kidding about that. You know, really? Yeah.

Siobhan (01:43:21):
There's like, I think there's like 17 of us on one
side and 60 something on theother. So like, there's a lot of
us. So getting my DNA out intothe world was never something I
felt necessary.

Leia (01:43:30):
Like somebody's carrying on the lineage were okay. Yeah.

Siobhan (01:43:33):
Good. And then I also was kind of like, Oh, if I ever
did want kids, there's plentyout there in the world that need
like, I don't need to have themto have a kid. And everybody
would always be like, no, no,you're gonna want them you're
gonna want them. You will youwill. Even doctors, like I was
like, Okay, let's just like atone point, I was so sick. And I
was like, Can we just take thisout? And you can't in
Massachusetts, you couldn't geta hysterectomy under 26

Leia (01:43:55):
It's illegal. I had a similar thing. Go ahead. And

Siobhan (01:43:59):
it was and it was like, maddening to me. And I was like,
Wait, so this is an option tomake me healthy. But I can't
take it because I'm not oldenough because you think I still
might want to have kids? And I'mlike, What do I sign? What do we
get my parents to sign and itwas just like a no go. So for
years, I was just sick everymonth. And they were like here's
a bunch of drugs to take here'smore drugs Oh, those aren't
working here have have morphinelike a 17 year old should not

(01:44:22):
have a monthly prescription formorphine now, like it that just
should not be that's a betteroption than just letting me not
have the pain every month. Itwas like a wild thing to me.
That's insane. So when I when Igot like after my divorce and
everything or separated, I waslike first thing I did was call
a doctor and like, let's getthis thing out. And she was a
great doctor and it was likeboop boop and other than some

(01:44:46):
complications because of myneck. And when they take your
uterus out, they invert you andthat I was inverted and it
screwed with my neck injury. SoI had some complicated other
than that. It was one of theeasiest surgeries I've ever been
through. I like quick recoverywas just like down for a week or
two just kind of babying mybody. But other than that, it

(01:45:06):
was easy, breezy, and then nothaving cramps every month was
like an amazing like, Are youthrowing that my face? Yeah. I'm
like now in encourager of like,just get it out. Like if you're
not going to have kids, like,get it out, because it just, I
was like, Who could I have beenif I was not sick for a week,

(01:45:27):
every month? Like who like andhaving breakthrough cramps on
off weeks? And you don't? Imean, like if I had not had to
deal with that much pain everymonth, what could I have done
with that time? And it's like,frustrating, because it's like,
I got robbed a part of my life.
To GSP sick to make everyoneelse happy that I might have
baby.

Leia (01:45:47):
I think that concept is so. So weird. Yeah. When I was.
So it was around the same. Wouldyou say it was 26? I don't know
if it was law in Alabama. But Iwas having some weird hormonal
influx, like there was somethings that were going on. We
did some testing. Then they toldme I had fibroids. And I was

(01:46:08):
like, oh, okay, every woman inmy family has had fibroids. And
the I've all had hysterectomy.
So I was like, well, well, I gotthis good insurance. Let's go
ahead and do what we got to dohere. And they were like, No,
you might want a baby in thefuture. And I was like, I've had
a child, and we're butting upagainst 30, which was my cutoff

(01:46:28):
date for having any more kids.
Because I'm like, they're gonnahave this huge age gap. So like,
let's just, let's just go aheadand call it right. They're like,
No, absolutely not. And I waslike, wow, okay, great. So I
gotta deal with whatever isgoing on with until you guys
deem that I am. I'm capable ofmaking this decision and knowing

(01:46:50):
whether or not I'm going to wantmore children. I was very upset
at the time. I'm fine with itnow, because it ended up when I
got here. I don't know whathappened in the subsequent
years. If I actually made thefibroids shrink, or if I just
never had to begin with becausethe ultrasound they said I had
fibroids, but then I was having,again, an issue of I was having

(01:47:13):
periods too often, which tendsto just be I think, a thing in
my body, because when myhormones shift, I'll have like
two periods a month and then forlike three months, and then it
stops. But I understand it now.
And I'm like, Okay, we're hereagain. Thanks a lot, buddy. But,
um, so I went to a doctor here,and they're like, you said you
had fibroids like, like, no,your uterus is perfect. And I

(01:47:34):
was like, what? That's weird.
It's like nothing. Like nothing.
She's like, achieve and turn thelittle thing. She's showing me
and I'm like, Oh, okay. Well,

Siobhan (01:47:50):
I'm trying to remember wrack my brain now that because
I haven't thought about thisstuff, and so long, like, do
five fibroids like cysts, wherethey'll kind of, they'll grow
with the mill, they candisappear,

Leia (01:48:00):
I think they can disappear. It's just not a
common thing. It

Siobhan (01:48:04):
might have been your change of stress, because stress
I have found, like with talkingto a bunch of friends and stuff,
is like one of the biggestthings on your period, which
also no one talks about, like,Hey, your stress is probably
making your period worse, orlike not coming at all or
whatever. Yes,

Leia (01:48:20):
women's health. Like, it's just not a topic that people
take seriously. Like the ideathat we have, we're supposed to
work through cramps, as if it'snot. And there's, there's I
don't know what kind of talk shewas giving me. There's a woman
that was giving a talk. It's onsome of the short form things I
find it I'll send it to you, butit is very interesting. She's

(01:48:40):
talking about the level of pain,like what it's equivalent to

Siobhan (01:48:43):
a heart attack, I

Leia (01:48:44):
think is something I just read. Yeah. And it's just like,
in what we're when we make a mancome to work and be like, Yeah,
I know you're having a hard timebut you got to work.

Siobhan (01:48:54):
What if that if men had cramps our world would be a
completely different place? Yes,there would be one we would have
drive thru abortion clinics tothere would be like, leaves for
it, you would get like oh yourthat you would have like a
service that came to pamper youbecause you weren't, you don't
need me like they would havebecause they're such claims.

(01:49:14):
They would have had somethinglike an infrastructure built to
like cater to them and theircramps. Instead, they're like,
oh, I don't even know if thoseactually happen.

Leia (01:49:23):
No, but all the women in the world are telling your
tendons. And they've been sayingit for some time, but just
worse. Yeah, that doesn't

Siobhan (01:49:31):
happen. I had a woman once told me that she didn't
think cramps were real. And wewere in our like, I was, I was
still in grade school. So like,she was like a friend's older
sister. And she's like, oh,yeah, I don't she didn't. She
had never had cramps. So she wasjust like, yeah, no, I don't
really think those exist. And Iwas like, I will stab you. And I

(01:49:52):
remember like, years later, Isaw her, like, like an event and
stuff and she comes over me.
She's like, I've been thinkingabout you lately. And she's
like, because I keep renewing.
I'm bringing and I was likeJenny that happened like, and
she was like, but I've hadcramps. And I owe you an
apology. And every time I getcramps, I think of you. And I'm
like, oh, that's like, that'syour own karma.

Leia (01:50:13):
That was like, we're gonna show you cramps are real. Yeah.

Siobhan (01:50:16):
Like, I wish you didn't have those. But I'm glad that
you recognize that. They arevery real. And they will, like,
disable you. Yeah, it wasterrible. I used to walk around
with like, before I how I nevercame up with their pads. I'll
still like, I used to haveactual hot water bottles that
like I would like Ace bandage tomyself,

Leia (01:50:38):
with me just didn't follow

Siobhan (01:50:40):
me. That's good. I have ADHD. I always wonder sometimes
about that stuff. Like when I'mwith someone that's like, very
neurodivergent. I'm like, Oh,I'm totally I see the world in a
totally different way than them.
But when I see these people, Ispend time with people that have
some of it. Because it's aspectrum, like, oh, maybe I am
on the spectrum.

Leia (01:51:01):
I mean, I think we all have some, some of the traits,
you know, it's a spectrum for areason, right? Is it we're all
sitting on it somewhere. And Ithink even when you're on the
lower end of it, you're veryhigh functioning, you have any
of the the issues that you canpinpoint, and say I have ADHD,
you might have one or two thingsthat, that kind of mirror it or
mimic it, you know, you don'thave a diagnosis of it. But

(01:51:23):
there are some things I think,the idea that it is a spectrum
that we have to keep that inmind too, though, because I
think there's a lot of peoplegiving themselves a diagnosis of
things to do like right now youhave it just like with
narcissism, right? Like red is ahot topic people talk about and
will be like, they are anarcissist, or the narcissist
which they have somenarcissistic traits. That's,
there's an important differencebetween being.

Siobhan (01:51:45):
I don't know if you know this, but Americans like it
to be black or white. Unless itis black or white. And then they
don't like you.

Leia (01:51:52):
They're like, give us some gray area. Yeah.

Siobhan (01:51:56):
Well, yeah, it goes back to the what we both
discovered the other day, too,is that we don't visualize. Yes.
And so like, I always thoughtpeople, like I was just broken,
or like, people were all lyingabout the visualization. And you
had the same thing. Yeah, I

Leia (01:52:12):
thought that people did not, I didn't know it was a real
thing. Like, I really thought.
It's kind of like, like onmovies, when people would think
back and they show this visual,I thought that was for us on
cartoons when they do the littlebubble thing that was for us.
And that it was more of aconcept and not an actual thing
that people are pulling upimages and that some people can

(01:52:32):
pull up sensations to which I'mlike, What? What do you mean?
Like, they think about somethingbeing wet, and it creates like
a, like a, like, they don't feelyour wetness, but they feel a
sensation. Like I don't get anyof those things. Like I don't
pull up any type of sensation.
No, like, oh, thinking aboutchocolate chip cookies. And I
get a sense of a smell and like,What are you talking about?

(01:52:54):
Right? And when I found I mean,it was like, for good month, I
was just blown away. I keptasking like, what anyone I could
talk to you visualize. Butdidn't need to know like, is it
true that the majority of peopleare more people like me than I
realized? But no, like, I thinktwo people in all of this time.

(01:53:14):
So that was 2020 when I foundout to people that don't
visualize at all, like there'ssome people with low
visualization that I've met thatare like, oh, you know, it's not
like, super clear, but I cansee. And then there are people
who have really high almost likemovie like clarity. And I'm
like, what, right? What's thatbe like? With my sister, when

(01:53:37):
I'm talking to her, she, she? Itlooks like she's pausing it like
she's zoning out from what I'mtalking about. And I'm like, so
I start repeating myself,because I'm like, She's not
listening to me. And she is ahorrible listener. Yeah, I hope
you're listening to. Okay, takeit back, because she's gonna,
her feelings will be hurt. Andshe's no horrible listener.
She's just she gets distractedeasily by her own thoughts. So

(01:54:03):
when I'm talking to her, I thinkthat that's what's happening.
And then at some point, cuz wewere on a vacation, and I'm
talking, and I'm repeatingmyself, and I'm looking at her,
and I'm trying to connect, like,Is she listening to me? And then
she's like, Oh, I'm justvisualizing what you're talking.
I'm just trying to visualize it.
I need I need to create thevisual in order for this to work
to make sense. And I was like,Oh, I don't do that. Therefore,
I don't understand what'shappening here. So it's helped

(01:54:25):
me a lot now now, and I'mtalking to her I'm like, I don't
need to repeat I need to pause.
Because that gives her a secondto do what she needs to do. So
we can get back into thediscussion. Instead of me
assuming that she's jumping offinto her own world and ignoring
me.

Siobhan (01:54:44):
Yeah, it's so interesting, though, like
because I, you're the firstperson I've met that also hasn't
visualized because I wasmeditations is where I learned
it like some teacher was I hatedguided meditations, but I was
listening to one. I wassomewhere where they do had one.
And the woman that was leadingit all of a sudden said, If you
can't visualize, you call uponthe feeling. And I was like,

(01:55:07):
what does she mean? If you can'tvisualize, like, wait two people
actually see shit. And I waslike, then I was like, didn't
want to ask because I felt solike kind of dumb. Like, I was
like, Oh, yes, yeah, yeah. Butit was so wild to have, like,
this person just in passing belike, Well, if you can't do
that, it's okay. Like, do thisway. And I'm like, Well, I know
how to pull up the emotion ofit, or the feeling of it. I'm
like, but I've never seenanything. And so I was also

(01:55:30):
thinking about this thismorning. Do you dream?

Leia (01:55:35):
So very rarely, but yes, I can dream. And

Siobhan (01:55:38):
when you dream, do you see things? Or do you wake up?
And you know, you dreamt but youdon't?

Leia (01:55:42):
I assume I'm seeing things? Yeah. That's a really
good question. Because I don't Idon't actually know. Right? I
don't know that I have dreamtsomething.

Siobhan (01:55:54):
But do you know if you see the movie of the dream?

Leia (01:55:58):
Ah, now I'm gonna have to pay attention. The next time I
say I've dropped because itdoesn't happen very often,
right? It's very rare that Ihave a dream. So I had a dream
the other night, or at least,now that you bring this up, I
don't know. How a dream ofsorts, where I was wearing two
small shoots. Like that's theonly thing I remember, in most
of them. I just remember like,bite size pieces of it. But you

(01:56:20):
know, like, very rarely do Iremember, like a stream of
things that have occurred, it'llbe just like I was in a car. So
in this one, I was walking inthe shoes were too small. And
then I'm like, does that mean?
Yeah, do you dream.

Siobhan (01:56:34):
I had a dream this morning, which is what made me
think of it is because I had Iwoke up and I was like, Oh my
God. Because I couldn't lastnight, we were talking about
dreams at work. And I saidsomething about how I think he
smoked too much weed to remembermy dreams. Because there's some
research that says a smoke a lotof weed, then you don't drink or
your dreams aren't as like inthe forefront of your brain. And

(01:56:58):
so this morning, when I wentback to bed for that half hour,
I had like a really vivid dream.
And it was really wild of atruck crashing into a building.
And I saw the whole thing. And Iwhen I woke up, I was like, I
just had a dream that I can seeit and I was like, am I learning
to? Like, did I just have toadmit that I couldn't visualize?
And now I'm gonna learn how to?

(01:57:20):
Or is that just something thathappens in my dreams?

Leia (01:57:22):
If you look up F Fantasia, which is the that's the name of
what it is, when Oka can'tvisualize. A lot of people can
dream. And that is the only timethat they have that particular
skill. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, it'sonly in their sleep. So yeah,
might be that you're havingactual visual difference

Siobhan (01:57:43):
in my sleep, but can't do it when I'm trying to call
it. That's really interesting.
Yeah. And now I want to do theresearch to figure out like,
how, what, yeah, like all ofthat. Is there a lot of people
that don't visualize?

Leia (01:57:58):
It's one to 2% They say, that's the population. Wow. And
there are some people who havebeen able to successfully make
that part of their brain becausesometimes it happens because of
an injury. And sometimes youjust never had the ability. I
don't ever remember having theability. Because most of the
time, if you had the ability, atsome point, you would remember
it going away.

Siobhan (01:58:20):
Oh, no, I have to do some work. And see because I
don't know if I had it. BecauseI've had a lot of concussions,
which I've never given muchcredit to because it was never a
really big thing when theyhappened. And now I went out on
a date with this gentleman awhile ago now. And he had had
two concussions. And he wastelling me how it changed his

(01:58:41):
whole life. Like he was liketelling me that his concussions
were one of the reasons why hegot divorced because it changed
his personality so much. And Iin the back of my brain I was
thinking you just sort of tryingto write this off on your foot
and concussion guy like he givesus didn't want to be like, in my
brain. It was like an excuse forhim. And I'm like his questions
don't and then I started to do alittle research and I was like,

(01:59:02):
That's too scary. I'm not goingback to like, I've had like four
or five good concussions.
Nevermind little ones like,knocked out, don't remember woke
up, knocked back out. BecauseI've been in a bunch of car
accidents, always as a passengernow, but now I'm like, I wonder
how much of that has changed mypersonality that I don't even

(01:59:24):
realize because it's never beena kind of a topic or it wasn't
as a kid and I got like, it wasjust like, Okay, well, you're
gonna rest for a couple days andthen you're fine. And I really
thought like, oh, yeah, it'ssomething that you have it
happens but then you rest andit's gone. I didn't realize how
much it can change the structureof your brain and your
personality and all of that,which makes sense as an adult

(01:59:45):
but it still doesn't seemsomething that's like real in my
brain. It's

Leia (01:59:51):
okay, because you're like I've been functioning fine.
Yeah. And then also, who mightyou have been without those
concussions? Right What Whatparts of you might have
developed differently If youhadn't had them,

Siobhan (02:00:01):
yeah, so I wonder if I had my visual I could visualize
as a kid and then lost it.
That's an interesting

Leia (02:00:08):
rabbit hole. Yeah. I mean, I had an imaginary friend as a
kid. And so I don't rememberever seeing her. But then I
wonder if because, you know, Iwas really young I was that I
was between the ages of threeand four. Some of my first
memories is that I had this we'dmoved from Alabama to Arizona,
and I had lost my whole world.
So all of my, my mom's sisters,the younger ones were in their

(02:00:33):
teens, and they were like myplaymates, and I love them. And
then all of a sudden, they weregone. And now I create this
little friend Polly. But did Iever see Polly? I have no idea.
I actually saw Polly. And thenonce I started school, then
Holly disappeared. And well,Polly and her mom are moving
out. Somewhere just like, Did Isee nothing? And I was just

(02:00:58):
pretending like somethingexisted? Or did I have the
ability, but I haven't had anybrain injuries and head injuries
that might account for why? Whyit would have disappeared.

Siobhan (02:01:11):
Well, maybe we'll have to do some research and see what
other things make it eitherappear or disappear. Wow, it's
such an interesting like, andit's so nice to meet someone who
gets it because I've tried totalk to one or two of my other
friends. And then like, so youcan actually see like in your
brain and they're like, like,okay, yeah,

Leia (02:01:29):
because it just Yeah, seems very sci fi to me. I'm
like, well, that's how I waswhen when Karen said, What do
you mean, you don't see? Andthen she said you do? And she
said yes. And I was like, I waslike, what? I had this very like
big reaction to it. Because Iwas like, that's insane. Because
the only thing I could think ofit's like, on on sci fi movies,

(02:01:50):
when all of a sudden someone ispulling up some like data, and
it's like out in front of them.
And I'm like, That's what yourlife is like, like how
distracting for one, but alsohow very cool that you can like,
remember someone that youhaven't seen in a long time. And
if you want to feel close tothem, like you can bring up
their face. And I'm like, orsomeone who's died, right? Like,
I will never have that ability,I will always have to have some
type of picture. It actually mymom used to take pictures. And

(02:02:13):
it actually made me tell herlike, hey, one of these days,
you're not going to be here. AndI'm stuck with nothing unless
you let me take pictures of youand with you. So she's been far
more open. With thisunderstanding, still
uncomfortable, but she's beenfar more open. Because she Yeah,
that's the truth of it for me,everyone else around, you'll be
able to recall her. Not me, Iwill be stuck in a world that

(02:02:37):
where she does not exist. Andthat's not very fair. But well,
you

Siobhan (02:02:44):
said something the other day when we first talked
about this too, is that it makesyou think it helps with, like
healing from stuff. And I thinkthat you're really right with
that, like, so you were sayingthat because you can't visualize
it in your head. It doesn't howhold that emotional kind of
hostage on you. Yeah.

Leia (02:03:02):
So you know, like, you go through a breakup, you destroy
all the pictures. And you'relike, I'm, I'm good now like,
because the healing processdoesn't include when you were
when I remember something, it'sit's all concept, right? Like
there's no there's no visualsare very, very powerful. I don't

(02:03:23):
have that in my face to look atto remember to. When I say
someone's name, their facedoesn't pop up, right in my mind
to make me miss them. So itallows for detachment to happen.
Sometimes, it's very powerfulfor like that the grief of
something of losing someone ormoving away. Like as much as I

(02:03:44):
love my family. Unless I'mlooking on Facebook or looking
at pictures that I have of them.
I'm not like oh my gosh, I missthem so much. Right? I miss
them. But it's not because I'mconstantly inundated with their
faces and memories of them. Soit makes moving on easier. But
in some ways it also affects meon the opposite end of that
where it's like, oh, I shouldprobably call I should probably

(02:04:07):
go visit because it's been awhile since I've seen them. And
the detachment can work eventhough with people I don't want
to detach, right so but from thehealing perspective, it's very
powerful. I can move on at leastfrom that part of the healing
right a lot easier for mehealing requires a whole like

(02:04:28):
deep dive into what my behaviorwas and all this other stuff. So
it's

Siobhan (02:04:34):
Yeah.

Leia (02:04:36):
So it's not moving on.
Like where I'm just like, likeI've never been someone who can
serial date because I am likethe self reflection requires. It
requires a lot there's a lot ofhealing that has to happen on
the in my inner world before Ican move on. But as far as like
remembering that person andbeing inundated with them that

(02:04:57):
That's not real for me.

Siobhan (02:05:01):
Yeah, it's not real for me either. And I, now I wonder
if that's why is I have thatkind of detachment that's
easier. Like, yeah, it just is,it's a wild thing to kind of
recognize about yourself. It'sreally cool thing too, because
it feels like it, I can imagine,it's kind of like when you get
the diagnosis when you're like,alright, so I knew this stuff.

(02:05:21):
But now having a name for it iseasier. And it makes it like
more palatable or somethinglike, and I guess once you know
what something is, you can knowhow to learn about it and right
work with it. Whereas before,when it's just all theory, it's
like, maybe. But that's a huge,I just can't, I still can't

(02:05:43):
really wrap my head around it.
Like I've been thinking about itnonstop since we talked, because
I'm like, now when I'm talkingto someone, I'm like, wait, are
they visualizing? What do theysee? And then my other thing
that keeps coming up is, what issomeone when they think of me?
What's their visualization?
Right? Like, what's, what's thepicture of the in their brain of
me? Like, is it? What would orwhat would my picture of that

(02:06:06):
person be in my brain? Becauseit doesn't happen? So I don't.
And I wonder, too, if that's whyyou don't have expectations
about some people, because Ican't picture them in my brain
doing anything. I don't projectthose onto them. So maybe that's
why we are easier with people tolike, let them be who they are.
Because we don't have thatjudgment for what they should be

(02:06:27):
doing. That's very true. Wemaybe we have a superpower.

Leia (02:06:31):
That's what Karen always says, she's like, it's your
superpower. And I'm like, Idon't see how but maybe we do. I
know you bring this down like,yeah, wait a minute,

Siobhan (02:06:40):
I think we do have a superpower. Because some people
will tell me I'm cold. And I'mlike, I am not cold told that to
like, but I can detach forsomething very easily. And I
also will just accept it like,Okay, well, this is what
happened. And now we're going todeal with it, because life kind
of rolls on. But I wonder ifthat all has to do with that not

(02:07:01):
having to visualize it all?
Yeah,

Leia (02:07:03):
I can imagine like, it's like, if you have to run into
someone that you no longer wantto see or is no longer part of
your life, right? On a regularbasis. It's much harder to let
go of that person. But if thatperson is in your mind, even if
they're not around, even if younever see them, but yeah, the

(02:07:26):
picture of them shows up

Siobhan (02:07:28):
in it, especially if you can't control it. And so
their face just keeps popping.
That must be one of yourthoughts, right? Like, yeah,
because I mean, I can get caughton a thought, and like, or a
fight that I've had 20 yearsago, and I can relive that fight
20 times like the verbiage ofit, but I'm not seeing that
fight in my brain. That's areally,

Leia (02:07:47):
I've always often wondered when my brother like, I'm like,
God, you know, like, Dad washorrible. But why are you still
lingering in it as if ithappened yesterday? And because
maybe it is happening yesterdayin his thoughts, because he's
remembering and seeing theactual events happening in some
way in his mind. versus me who'slike, yeah, it happened. I

(02:08:09):
remember it. Right. It was anevent and it's done. Yeah.

Siobhan (02:08:14):
And maybe that's where so many people get trapped in
those loops of reliving the samestuff. Is there almost over
visualizing it? Oh, wow, wemight have just solve so many
people's. And I really, I wantto know, now like, of my friends
who else can and can't. BecauseI wonder now to how many other
people also thought like us andthat, that it's just a concept

(02:08:36):
or it's just a and don't knowthat they don't visualize
because they don't know,visualization is really a thing.
I wonder.

Leia (02:08:45):
There's a coaching technique where you actually
have people go back into theirminds and relive a situation,
but change the story. So thatnow they can start seeing the
story that they're creating intheir mind. And I'm like, that
would never work for me. Like, Ican't see it. Like, the only way
for me is to purge it out. Andto let it let it go. Right. Once

(02:09:05):
I've gotten it out, it's usuallya dead thing. But I have to
write it, say it. Haveconversations with someone who
doesn't, who's not in the roomwith me, like I'm just saying
what I need to say to them. Andthen I'm good, right? But for
those people that can visualize,like they have to create a new

(02:09:28):
story visually, in worth, changethat narrative. Yeah. And how
they feel about it.

Siobhan (02:09:36):
I once did a like with my therapist, she walked me
through, like, an exercise totry to like get rid of some of
that stuff. And she kept talkingto me about and I was just
sitting there and I was sofrustrated. Cuz she's like, now
can you see the whiteboard? AndI'm like, No. And she's like,
you're not trying hard enough.
And I'm like, I don't I don't Imean, I was like, I got so mad
at her in that session because Iwas like, I don't visualize like

(02:09:56):
I don't I don't know why I hateguided meditations. Like because
I don't see that beach like,I've been to beaches, 1000 times
they're my favorite place. Like,I can think of one, but I don't
see it in my brain, like I can Iknow what it feels like. And I
can like get my like emotionthere and my feeling but I don't
see anything. And she just keptgoing like, okay, but this is

(02:10:16):
how this exercise works. Okay,but that's not how I work for
me. Right. And that was like theend of our like that therapist
not being the one for me,because I was like, You're not
hearing me. And I think it'sprobably because she just didn't
realize that I wasn'tvisualizing, right,

Leia (02:10:32):
and how many people I wonder how many people she's
worked with that didn't knowthat they could say, didn't feel
empowered enough to say I don'tvisualize, right, like now that
I know that I don't visualize.
And that that is an actualthing. I will tell anyone at any
time like this is becausecertain things are not going to
work for me, or I have to do itin the way that I've always done
it. Because when I want to feelcomforted by like my

(02:10:53):
grandfather, who was like, he'smy favorite person on this
earth. And he died when I was15. But we had one of those,
like, just uncomplicatedrelationships, right. And those
are rare to have with humanbeing, because usually something
about them, they did somethingsaid something, they hurt your

(02:11:14):
feelings, whatever. Like thiswas very uncomfortable when I
want to feel close to him. Ijust think of him, right. I have
like a belt buckle. He was verymuch a country man. And he had
several belt buckles that werecool. And my grandmother gave us
all belt buckles of his when hepassed away. And so maybe I hold
that thing, but I don't havethat ability to pull his his

(02:11:38):
face up. And knowing that whenI'm talking to people, and they,
I'm always like, that's one ofmy first questions. Now, if I'm
going to do a technique, I'mlike, do you have the ability to
visualize? Because I want toknow, like, right, before I send
you down this, this thing, andI'm telling you to do something,
and it may not benefit you atall. And I wonder how many
people this therapist you werejust talking about, didn't have

(02:12:01):
like an alternative, right? Forother people who maybe have the
same? The same issue as youlike, right, I can't see it, or
I have low visualization. Soit's still not very helpful.
Because people with lowvisualization, you know, they're
only going to see so much ofthings where they might only see
some colors in there that givelike a vague like almost like a

(02:12:21):
blurry vision, right? And it'snot very comforting at all, it
doesn't look like the beach, itlooks Yeah, it's like going to a
movie. And how many people wouldbenefit from people really
realizing that this exists outthere? And to just ask that
question, right? Before we getstarted. And then knowing what
you can do, or exploring withthat person, what do they

(02:12:43):
normally do to comfortthemselves or to in, in the same
context as how we mightvisualize something. So

Siobhan (02:12:51):
I imagine you learn a lot of this through well,
because you've taken so manyclasses in your own personal
development, but then like thecertifications to start this
business that you're doing,where you're helping people to
kind of integrate their personaland professional lives. And so
you have to be able to look atdifferent ways to come at that
because I'm sure, I mean, peopleare so different. There's not

(02:13:12):
one plan that's gonna work foreverybody.

Leia (02:13:14):
Absolutely, it is. It's a puzzle for each person. And so I
go into it, letting people know,okay, so let me back up a little
bit. I did behavioral managementwith kids with autism for three
years. And so I spent timeworking with. So you know, the
puzzle piece is autism, right,that's what is represented,
because each person is going tobe different in the way that it

(02:13:35):
affects their abilities. Tofunction, right? Like, somebody
might be amazing at reading, butcan't remember how to do. Like
basic functions in the homeexecutive functioning skills are
very low, right? Like they can'tprepare themselves for school,
none of those things, right,right, where they may not be
able to talk, but can tell youhow to get from one place to the

(02:13:58):
next with, you know, they canpoint it out to you. So being
able to that was a very helpfulpart of this puzzle piece for me
is like really realizing justhow different we all are and how
to manage that. So when I gointo it with a client, I'm like,
Hey, first thing you should knowis that this is going to be a

(02:14:18):
puzzle, I'm going to make somesuggestions, we're going to do
it based off of who you are as aperson, what normally works for
you. So we're going to do somedeep diving, we're gonna put
some things in place, and we'regonna review because I can't
tell you to do things like me,everybody's not gonna want
whiteboards up all over theirhouse. Like that's right, that's
a me thing. It really works forme, some people are gonna be
like, That makes a lot of sense.
And I want to, I want to trythat out, right? Sticky notes
aren't gonna be the thing forfor everybody. There. There's so

(02:14:41):
many different ways that we canget to the solution, but it
really is going to be based offof the participation of the
person like they have to be allin that's the other part of this
is that we've been living acertain way and since I'm
working with adult people, weare very stuck in our ways as
humans and we do not like changeand change. Just to be
incremental. So we start veryslow with the personal changes

(02:15:05):
with business, but the businessside of things and implementing
different things, we can move alot faster. But on that personal
side of getting out of your ownway, that requires a much slower
approach, because you're notlikely to stick to the changes
if we make these sweepingchanges. And we're asking you to
adjust your whole personalityand all of your routines and
habits like that's, that's a lotto ask of someone. So I was

(02:15:27):
asked recently by someone like,in what ways do you operate like
a therapist, and I'm like, inall the ways a therapist
operates like a therapist,except for that I can't diagnose
you with anything, and I can't.
And I don't do a lot of deepdiving into your your past and
less that past informs whyyou're doing what you're doing.
And you're aware of that we'remostly gonna be moving forward,

(02:15:49):
like, where are you now? Andwhere do you need to be in order
to be successful. But it's alsogoing to be all the other areas
of your life because why you dosomething and your business
might be affected by why you'redoing something at home? Or
you're doing that across theboard. And that is, what is the
thing that's in your way. And sonow we got to figure out like,
why you're procrastinating whatit is about procrastination,

(02:16:10):
that feels so comforting to us,because it is it is a thing that
we lean on that. And as weird asit sounds, we feel like no, I
hate procrastinate. No, you hatethe result of the
procrastination. Procrastinationfeels good.

Siobhan (02:16:23):
So why does it feel good? Because we're

Leia (02:16:25):
not doing the thing that's that feels failing. We're
avoiding failing. Exactly.
I'm just uncomfortable now. SoI'll be talking about good
procrastination. Yeah, sogetting it is a total puzzle

(02:16:50):
piece of getting getting ittogether. And, and then there's
also this, like, very importantpart of giving yourself grace.
And a lot of people don't like,well, what does that mean? And
I'm like that, just to me, it'svery simple. When are we giving
grace to ourselves, it meansthat we are acknowledging that
we are not perfect in this thingtoday. And that we're going to
try again tomorrow. That's it.
Like we can't, we can't changewhat happened, we can't sit and

(02:17:14):
stew in that. It's not going tohelp us. We know what the plan
is. So we need to analyze whathappened today. We just need to
recognize that it didn't happentoday. But we know that tomorrow
is going to be we're going towe're going to try again. And
we're going to we're going tocreate that, that clean slate
for ourselves and not not be sobecause sometimes we can also be

(02:17:35):
like, I'm gonna make up for it,and try to go overboard, which
is also not very, it's not veryproductive, because now you're
exhausted, and you tried to makea sweeping change. And you're
not likely to stick with it inthe subsequent days. So it's
best to just be slow and steady.
And you will eventually getthere. But we all want change

(02:17:57):
immediately. Right? Like whenwe're on a goal to lose 25
pounds, we want to go ontomorrow. And that's not going
to happen. Not at all. And if weimplement the changes to make
that happen very quickly, asmost people why people don't
believe diets work is becauseafter that, after we lose that
25 What do we do we go back towhat we're doing before because

(02:18:19):
we didn't actually do the stepsto actually make change in our
approaches to things. We didsomething on a short term basis,
right? We're just we were onlyfocused on the goal, we weren't
focused on the long term resultsthat we're usually looking for.
Right? So it must be how oftenyou get frustrated with the

(02:18:41):
people that hire you, and thendon't want to do the work. Oh,
my God.
Oh, my gosh, yeah. I don't wantto, I don't want to beat up on
anybody. No, but I alsoit is a very, very frustrating
thing to realize that someonerecognizes that they need,
there's a gap between who we areand who we want to be right. And
some people are just at thebeginning of that recognition,

(02:19:04):
they're not actually ready tomake that leap. And so they hire
someone. And I think we've alldone this before, either hire
someone or just start on aplanet of our own right. And
then we don't, we don't do well,because we weren't ready to
actually make the change, youhave to be ready to make the
changes. And it is veryfrustrating to be like, I can
see it so clearly for you. Youare aware of yourself, but

(02:19:26):
you're just like fighting andresisting the idea of this
change. And a lot of that has todo with and that is where I do
think sometimes we can get tothe bottom of it. But I think
that that's where therapyactually comes in because they
do a deeper dive into the past.
What made you this way? Where,right where is this coming from?

(02:19:49):
That's a whole other thing. Andusually because that's not what
coaches do. I don't want to getinto the past and your parents
and all these different things.
I don't want to do harm, right?
Where I'm bringing up old stuff.
And now you're spiraling intothings that could be damaging.
So I'd rather us look at like,where are you? And where are we
going?

Siobhan (02:20:12):
And get you a therapist for that? Oh, yes. Like,

Leia (02:20:15):
Hey, that's not really what I do. Like, let's, and so
sometimes I think people willcome to me or go to other
coaches, because they're lookingfor that piece of the pie
therapist does. You have to beready, that is very frustrating
to have someone be like, Yeah, Ineed to do this, this. And
you're there with them. Right?
Like, like, yes, okay, I see it,I know that you're aware of it,

(02:20:36):
right? But you're just not,you're not ready, that that box
you put yourself in is supercomfortable. And, and I can't
push someone out of it, youknow,

Siobhan (02:20:51):
because that would be kind of doing harm. Because if
they're not ready, and then youpush them, and then it could
just backfire. Oh, that's atight rope to walk. Yeah, to
know where to push and when notto.

Leia (02:21:01):
If we're doing it in the business setting, it's a little
bit easier, because then I canjust shift focus on like, we
don't have to lose our timehere. Like, we'll just shift
into making some businesschanges. And we can, we can
circle back around and see ifyou're ready, just yet to do
this, especially if they haveemployees, which makes it a
little bit easier, because theymay not be doing all of the
pieces of the things that we'reputting into place. And so that

(02:21:22):
that does help a lot. But ifthere are no employees, if you
are your business, that is whereit's the hardest, because now
everything relies on youactually making the personal
changes in order for us to moveforward. And that's, that's
where it gets a little sticky.

Siobhan (02:21:39):
Is your Do you have tips or tricks to help someone
like to get ready or to figureout why they aren't ready? Or is
that all? Like is that tooindividually based?

Leia (02:21:49):
would say, I can give all the tips in the world? If you're
taking the tips, right? Thenwe're good to move forward. If I
recognize that someone, so Iwent to school for psychology,
I'm not a therapist, though. Andbut if I recognize that there's
something deeper, darker,something I cannot and I can I

(02:22:12):
can hear it and the things thatthey're saying or or the the
responses that look very traumabased and I do have some
training in trauma, then I wantto send them somewhere else, I
want to refer them say, hey, youknow, I'm thinking that we're
not making the most of our time,and that maybe it might be
helpful for you to, to go totherapy route. Because I do talk

(02:22:36):
about in the beginning, likethere's a difference between a
therapist and a coach and givingthat information allows me to
segue back to that if I need towrite to say, Hey, I think that
that might benefit you more, andthen you can come back to me
when when maybe some of thisother stuff has been resolved.
If there's pushback there, thenwe can, we can attempt to move
forward. But yeah, but I alsobelieve in firing a client if

(02:22:59):
they can't, because doesn'tbenefit me or them, right? Like
they're wasting money and I'mwasting time. We're just
circling the drain like we'renot doing what needs to be done.
And I don't think that's that'svery helpful.

Siobhan (02:23:09):
Well, and then also opens the door for them to be
able to like blame you thatthey're not doing it because
you're not a good enough coach,and you're like, oh, no, I'm
giving you all the tools, butyou're not picking them up. But
now you're gonna blame me. Andthat can be like, a mindfuck.
Yeah. For you and them, like ifthey're not willing to do the
actual work, but they havethemselves convinced that they

(02:23:30):
are. And then it's like, oh, no,it's not my fault is Lee as
well. Like, yeah,

Leia (02:23:34):
I mean, they it's an easy.
Yeah,

Siobhan (02:23:36):
it's an easy L Yeah. I wonder if some people hire you
as an easy out. You know what Imean? Like, I wouldn't be
surprised, like, Oh, if I hireher like, she, if she doesn't
fix me, then it's not my fault.
It's her fault,

Leia (02:23:50):
I'm sure. But more on like the subconscious level, like
they don't realize they're doingit. They just, they know that
they need what they need rightnow. They're just unwilling to
take that step. And it is easierto say, Hey, you didn't do it?
Yeah,

Siobhan (02:24:02):
I'll take it a step too scary. So like I do, give people
grace on that, just because Ineed to give it to myself.
Because it's scary to make thosechanges sometimes because it's,
I think it goes back for me atleast it's that the fear of
failure, and like not failing atall is better than failing.
Which is really stupid, becauseyou learn more in the failing.

(02:24:24):
It's not failing. It's doing itwrong a million times or
whatever, but like, it's thatfear of the unknown. For me,
it's like a fear of the judgmentthat comes with the family. Or
like, Why do you even think thatyou're worth that like, in that
like, Oh, I know my issues, butit's also like fixing them has
been a long hard road and ithasn't healing is hard. It is.

(02:24:45):
It's very hard and super lonely.
And, but totally worth it.

Leia (02:24:51):
I agree. 100% With that, yeah, yeah. And I think knowing,
so there's like, plateaus,right? Like You've done a bunch
of healing on something, andit's okay. It'd be like, I need
that to just settle in some,like I don't, I don't need to
keep pushing this right now.
Because you can really becomeoverwhelmed unless you don't
have any choice in it. Becausesometimes that happens. I feel

(02:25:12):
like the last couple years forme that I didn't have any there
was internal shifting that I'mlike, I don't know what I've
never got to can recall,experience anything like this
before, where you just healingand it was a very lonely place
to be.

Siobhan (02:25:28):
That's one of the reasons why I want to just start
this is because for my like,I've been through so much crap,
and just like everybody, butlike, some people are like, No,
that's a lot of crap. And I'vehad like a lot of health issues
and things and then I'm on myown a lot for it, because it's I
didn't, the people who love mehaven't had the capacity to show
up in ways that meant somethingto me, and not that they weren't
trying, but it's like my needsand their ability just never

(02:25:53):
meshed well, which causes somelike frictions and resentments
that I don't want to have. Andit's learning that I'm, it's
okay to have those, it's okay tobe disappointed that someone
couldn't show up in a meaningfulway for me, and to know that
they still love me, they stillwant to be there, they still
support me, it's just looksdifferent. So a lot of it was

(02:26:13):
like, I don't know where to gowith any of this, because I know
that they're not capable of it.
So how do I then and then it'slike, well, now I can't go to
anyone with anything. BecauseI'm too much for any, you know,
it's like that kind of back andforth and pull. And it's been so
lonely at times. But now thatI'm on the other side of it, I'm
like, it's so much work, like itwas worth all the bad parts and

(02:26:34):
all the dark parts and all theparts where I was like this,
maybe this should just be theend or whatever. It was like no,
no, because it will get better.
And for whatever reason I alwayshad that little thing was like,
it will get better if I justkeep doing the work. And like I
will be better and I will behappier and my life will be more
fulfilling. But I don't knowwhere that came from. Like other

(02:26:57):
than it's just innate in me tobe a survivor and to want to
make things better. And like, Ilike to leave things as better
than I found them if I can, likemy thought is never to leave
something in worse shape. And Ithink that that, for whatever
reason, has carried me throughall of those times that was like
really dark and dire.

Leia (02:27:15):
I think it's a really great guide. Guiding, kind of
thought process or mindset tohave.

Siobhan (02:27:21):
Yeah, and it's just like, well, the alternative is
just to be dead. Like, that'snot to me, that's not a viable
option. Like I've lost too manypeople and I know like, and I
hope there's somewhere else inthe world like and I have that
feeling of like things kind ofcome back around. But it's also
like, I'm here for a reason. Andif none of the accidents have
killed me this far, like, theremust be some kind of reason. So

(02:27:43):
whatever that is, I'll try tolean into it even though I've no
idea what I'm doing. But I'mlike if I can be like a soft
spot for someone to come to herlands or to know like, hey, that
chick did had a fucked up lifetoo and got through it or this
happened and or like talking tosomeone like you who's had a
bunch of different lifeexperiences and to say like, how
did it help shape you like whatlike that, to me is like the

(02:28:04):
kind of gift I can give back.
Yeah, I love that and justremind people like, Yeah, it
sucks. And it's lonely. BecauseI don't think I think sometimes
that's the part we don't talkabout is the loneliness of
healing. And like the it's justsometimes the bleakness of it.

Leia (02:28:19):
Yeah, I think I wanted to ask you, when you were talking.
So I asked this question a lot,like, have you? Did you ask
specifically for what would makeyou feel supported and loved
during your?

Siobhan (02:28:32):
I think I tried at some points, but at times, I think I
was so in it, that I couldn'thave asked for help. And then
when like so I was overmedicated for a long time. And I
had thought I'd done all thethings to make sure cuz I come
from a long line of addicts. Iwas on fentanyl for a long time
prescribed and with other drugson top of it. Because my pain

(02:28:52):
was so bad. My blood pressurewould spike again a temperature
all because of how much pain Iwas in. And so I wanted to make
sure I didn't get overmedicated. And I only had one
prescribing doctor, every otherdoctor that I went to that would
try to write me a prescription.
I'd be like, Can you email thatto my PCP, so that everything, I
don't have legs? You know, I wasin nursing school when I got

(02:29:12):
really hurt. So I was kind oflike, trying to make sure I had
all the guardrails in line tomake sure I didn't become an
addict. And then I had peoplethat I would go to and say like,
Hey, I'm okay. Still like, youknow, I feel like it was a
little foggy last night. No, no,you're fine. You're fine, you're
fine. And then when I, my sisterin law, basically, or my niece

(02:29:35):
basically saved my life. Mysister in law had my niece and I
was living back close to them.
And I said something about how Icouldn't wait to have her my
first full weekend. And mysister in law looked at me and
was like, what? And I was like,No, I can like when you guys are
ready to go like I'll obviouslyI will take her for her first

(02:29:55):
weekend while you guys leave,and she was just like, I can't
leave her with you. Oh, wow. AndI was like, so kind of mortified
and like, I was like, I waslike, I've been babysitting
infants since I was nine yearsold. Like, what do you mean? You
can't leave my knees? To mygoddaughter? Like, I was like,
What do you mean? You can'tshe's like, You're too
medicated. And she's like, Youdon't know what's going on half
the time. And she said it to mein a in a moment when I had the

(02:30:18):
perfect kind of clarity. It wasokay. And I was like, What are
you talking about? And she waslike, there are times that you
don't think you even rememberyou're here. And she wasn't
wrong. But I had gone to otherpeople and said like, I'm okay.
Right. And they were just like,Yeah, you're good. You're good.
You're good. And so when ithappened, I was like, wow, what
the fuck? And so I said somestuff to my then husband, and I

(02:30:39):
was like, you know this and thenhe was like, No, babe. No. And I
that night, I took my fentanylpatch off, and I went through
the doc detox. He was it waslike a Sunday night, he was
going to work Monday. And I waslike, alright, I'll have like 12
hours a day to kind of an I wentthrough DTS, and which was
stupid, and I shouldn't havedone it. And I could have died.
And I slept in my bathtub forlike, 12 hours one day, because

(02:31:02):
I just between the shitting inthe puking was just like, I
might as well not like baseball,just keep being able to hose
myself off. And it was terrible.
But it also gave me like, I waslike, I'm not an addict, like,
I'm the I've been working sohard not to be one. And then I,
like got clean. And then I hadto go back on it because I had
surgeries and stuff. But it wasjust like a. And then after I

(02:31:22):
started to get better, so manypeople in my life were like, Oh,
you're so bright. Now. Like, youcan see your eyes again. It's
almost like having you back. AndI was like, What do you? How did
all of you people know this? Andlike a couple of people were
like, Oh, we were so worried wewould talk about it. I'm like,
Did you everything to talk tome? And they're like, well, we
talk to this person, that personbut and then people that really

(02:31:43):
like my parents at one pointsaid, Well, we didn't know if it
was our business. And I said, ifit's not your business, whose
business is it? And that was areally hard kind of moment for
me to be like, so I'm your kid,but you're not. It's not your
business to help me in lifeanymore. Like, if you see me

(02:32:04):
struggling, you're just notgonna throw me a life raft. And
they were just kind of like,well, we just we didn't we
didn't know. And, you know, Ronwas taking care of you. And
like, everybody wasn't like, andy'all knew it. And everyone was
talking about me, but not to me.
And I just kind of lost a lot oflike, the like, Oh, you don't

(02:32:24):
really care that because if youcan watch me drowned. Yeah.
Like, or if you could, you couldjust sit there and watch me
drown. I like it just gave me alot of like, hurt. And like,
alright, I don't want to bearound you people. Because I
will never know if you're reallysupporting me or not. And it's a
shitty feeling to have. Thatmust have been really hard.
Yeah. And so it still creeps upevery once in a while now, like

(02:32:47):
someone will make a reference tosomething back when I was really
hurt and over medicated and iget so kind of like because I'm
like, I feel like I got robbedof even more time when I thought
I was doing all the rightthings. But I was so far in it.
I didn't know. It was on likefentanyl and Vikon. And I was on
so much shit. And I was stilltaking way less than I was

(02:33:08):
prescribed. Like, and there issome like now that I'm clean,
like I say clean because it'swell true. But now that I'm
clear from those times, therewere little things like one of
the pharmacists one day waslike, should you do you know
that you're taking like a shitton of stuff to be your age? And
he's like, What? Like, it's nothe he has like boundaries on
what I can and can't ask. Butthere was some little things

(02:33:31):
here and there now that I know,it's like, okay, that was
planting the seeds, at leastbecause when she said it to me,
like I was shocked, but itwasn't shocking. Like, I was
like, No, I'm not that bad. Andshe was just like, wow,

Leia (02:33:46):
I'm glad that she had that moment to be able to tell you
and that you were in a clearenough state to receive that
message. Because that could havegone a whole other way. Like you
could have just been offendedand defensive. And just like I
can't believe this, you know,like that could have gone a
whole other way. Yeah,

Siobhan (02:34:04):
it could have caused a huge rift between gi but instead
it was like, because I know

Leia (02:34:10):
that's, that's beautiful

Siobhan (02:34:11):
now, and it's a testament to who she is and the
fact that like she doesn't, whenshe says stuff, I've always
listened because she's not oneof those people that's always
like poking. It's like when shesays stuff like that. It's like
it means more because shedoesn't nitpick it. Yeah. Like,
and she was protecting her kid,which I was always like, I'm
gonna respect you. Yeah, yeah, Iwant you to do the best thing,

(02:34:33):
taking care of this preciouslittle baby girl that I loved.
You know, like, it was a momentof like, Oh, she needs to do
this to protect this littleperson that we both loved so
much. So she's doing in the bestinterest of what she should be.
So like, I need to really listento that. And so I did, and she
called me a couple of dayslater, and she's like, hi, she's
like, you sound awful. And I waslike, really sick and she's
like, what's the matter? And Iwas like, I took my patch off

(02:34:54):
and she's like, you what? She'sa nurse and she's like, you
can't just she's like youhaven't titrated at all. I'm
like, No, I'm not an addict. Andshe's like, it's not about being
an addict, like, she's gonna getthat out of your brain. You
can't just detox. And I like,well, I'm four days in now. So
I'm like, writing it out. Likethat's awesome. That's something
I would advise for anyone to do.

Leia (02:35:17):
Oh, no, no, I detox my brother. Alcohol was his drug of
choice. And we detox him athome. It was stupid, but he
didn't have any insurance. Andthat's hard to do. And I was
about 30, I didn't have any. Idid all the research I could.
And I knew that, you know, 911would be the thing, you know, if

(02:35:37):
it gets too bad, and hedefinitely went through the
details and the puking and theanger, he was yelling at me, I
was the worst person in theworld, because I was only
letting him eat like soft foodsand like soup. And all I get is
this fucking Sophie was sopissed at me. And I'm like, we
talked about this before. Butokay. You know, I had no
experience, all I knew is thathe just couldn't keep going down

(02:36:00):
the road that he was going. Thestory is longer, though, because
that wasn't, he didn't stayclean. after that. It took him
he's like seven years clean. Andnow I think,

Siobhan (02:36:09):
nice. A lot of people don't get clean on their first
time. And they and then theyfeel like a failure, which I
think is like the worst thingthat you can do to someone
that's an addict. If they tried,and they had any amount of days
clean, like, rejoice in that,because I think if you can
celebrate that, they'll go backto it. You mean, yeah. And
because I grew up with a lot ofaddicts. And so I like, which is

(02:36:32):
one of the reasons why I triedso hard to make sure I wasn't
becoming one. And then I totallydid. And I still have a hard
time kind of admitting that Iwas an addict, just because I
was like, I wasn't seeking Ididn't do this. I was taking
less like I wasn't running outby the end of the month. So in
my brain, it's like, but youstill weren't when I'm like, oh,
no, I was. Because there's alsodays, I know that I was taking
stuff when I like, was like,Okay, I don't want to deal with

(02:36:53):
this. So if I just take this,it's

Leia (02:36:56):
easier, right? And it's easier to say to yourself, but
it's also prescribed right. Soyou have that to lean on to
support the story of I am not anaddict. But yeah, I do think
ultimately, though, yours, yourstory is just not an I won't say
it's not common, because it'sdefinitely something that has
become more common. Right, wesee a lot of people who are just

(02:37:17):
being overprescribed, because wejust do that in this country.
But there's this history in yourfamily that you were fighting
against. And then theseprescriptions sent you down a
road that you were not workingfor. Yeah.

Siobhan (02:37:33):
And I am grateful for kind of my families, because it
gave me that gave me a tool forbeing sent down that road. Yes,
people that get sent down ontheir own don't have. And you
don't think that like takingthis is going to lead to taking
that. But I can totally see if Iif they had stopped my
prescription, I totally can seeme going to the street to get
it. And then if I can't getthat, then I'm going to heroin

(02:37:54):
because I can't not have it andlike that's cheaper than
opiates, or it's cheaper than Iit's when people are like, I
don't know how that happens. I'mlike, I don't know how you don't
know how it happens. Like, it'sa really easy, fast progression.
Like we give people opiates thatare designed to be addictive.
And then you just want to stop,you want to give them like a

(02:38:15):
bunch of them upfront. And thenyou want to be like oh, yeah,
now you don't have any right.
Like you got to teach people howto use these things responsibly.
And you need to watch thembecause it can get out of
control so fast. Yes, because itchanges the way your brain
works.

Leia (02:38:28):
And then we also need to work on pain management that's
outside of medication, like whatelse? What else is available to
us? Yeah.

Siobhan (02:38:35):
Yeah, if I had stayed on the path that Western
medicine had me on, I wouldsurely be dead. Because one,
they weren't doing anything formy pain other than giving me
drugs. And they just kept uppingmy drugs. I went to before I
moved here to California, I hada meeting with a pain
specialist. And I was so excitedfor this meeting for weeks, I

(02:38:55):
waited for it. Because I waslike she's going to be the
person that can teach mesomething else. So we go and we
sit down and we start talking.
And she's like, well tell me howyou cope. And so I'm going
through all this stuff. And atthis point, I had been off
almost completely off opiatesfor I don't know, seven or eight
months. I was using weed andexercise and like a bunch of
other things. So I'm like, I dothis and I do that and I do this
like that, and I have to do thisand she's like, okay, okay,

(02:39:18):
okay. And I'm like, Alright, sonow what do you got for me? And
she just looked at me and wasjust like, you have discovered
it all. And I like just startedcrying. Oh, my mom was sitting
there with me. And I was justlike, Excuse me. And she's like,
I don't really have she's like,you've done a really good job of
finding all of them. And I waslike, didn't you go to college
and medical school? And she'slike, and I was like, I've

(02:39:40):
dropped out of three colleges.
How do I know everything you do?
But and she was just like, and Iwas like, I gotta go and I got
up and started walk out. She'slike, wait, wait, but wait, and
I was like, no, if you don'thave anything to offer me, then
this appointment is over andI've waited months for nothing.
I'm like, I can't believe thatyou get paid all this money to
tell people the things I foundon the internet. Like I asked,
frustrating, I was just like, Iwas just in tears. And my mom's

(02:40:02):
just looking at me like, I don'tknow, understand what just
happened, like, and I was justlike, let's go. And then I was
like I'm leaving and going toCalifornia next week, like I'm
out. Because I was like, I justcan't be in the cold, it's the
only other thing I can think ofto help my body. And it's made a
huge difference. But it's like,I have like a battery of things
I do almost every day to makesure that I'm upright and moving

(02:40:23):
and, like, have learned to kindof deal with the pain. And it's,
you accept it, or you don't kindof, and it sucks. And some days
are worse than others. Like I'vegotten to my pains, you know,
it's constant, but now it's at afour or five most days. Like, I
think even once in a while I'vehad a three day where it's like,
it's almost like I don't haveany pain. But you know, and then

(02:40:44):
there's other days where it'slike a nine and 10. And I'm
like, I can't do anything. Andit sucks because it robs you of
your day, and can make it reallyhard to work every day. I'm

Leia (02:40:58):
no doctor, but I do always have to ask this question when
people are in chronic pain. Doyou know what your vitamin D
levels are? I don't, I need toget your vitamin D levels
checked. And if they are notbetween, again, not a doctor. So
if this ends up being on there.
If it's between 50 and 70,you're good. If it's anything

(02:41:20):
lower than that you should getyou can either take it orally.
But anytime we take somethingorally we're fighting against it
being absorbed fully becauseit's been broken down and in our
digestive system in ways that wehave a hard time absorbing, you
should take it with a fattiestmeal of the day. And not at

(02:41:41):
night because sometimes itmimics sunlight in our body and
we will end up having that sleepso early in the day with a fatty
meal. So if you eat eggs atbreakfast, that's a great one.
Or you can take it with like aspoonful of olive oil. If you're
gonna go that route, I likeinjections for vitamin D,
because it bypasses thedigestion and get straight into

(02:42:03):
the system. And it's amazing.
And so if you're in chronicpain, and it's lower than that,
most of us are at a deficit likewe're most of us are deficient
because we work indoors, we liveindoors, we're no longer working
out in fields. And so thismodern world that we live in we
are we don't have enough vitaminD, so we're not getting the

(02:42:25):
amount of sunlight. So you canget 15 minutes a day without
sunblock, if that's possible foryou. Everybody burns at
different rates, but we can get15 minutes a day. That's also on
as much body as possible. So youwant to have all of the body
exposed. And get that 15 minutesdoesn't have to be all at one
time. You know, you could dofive minutes here, five minutes
there, whatever. But theinjections made a huge

(02:42:46):
difference. I thought I wasdying in my 20s because my my
vitamin D was so low. Wow. Andit was well below the threshold,
the threshold but even thethreshold according to a
naturopathic doctor that I wentto is it's horrible. She's like,
that's like the bare minimum forsaying that you're okay. Which
is 20.

Siobhan (02:43:04):
That's interesting in most labs when I first moved out
here, like I moved out here, andI moved to the island and April
of 2020. And anytime it was likeabove 62 I was on the beach in
my bikini, because it was a justcome from Boston. So 62 here is
like 84 at home. So I was likejust happy. But I was out as

(02:43:25):
often as I could. And I thinkthat that's probably one of the
things like on days that Icouldn't get out. It was like I
was like I just need to be outin the sun with it on as much
skin as possible. And itprobably is one of the things
that helped that I didn'trealize, like I thought it was
just the walking but it'sprobably the sun too. Yeah,

Leia (02:43:42):
we demonize the sun but it actually gives us a lot I don't
worship that good.

Siobhan (02:43:48):
I want a sun worship or my entire life. I love that.
Yeah, I am

Leia (02:43:52):
we have as a society has decided the sun is horrible. And
that is not true. I've had skincancer.

Siobhan (02:43:58):
I've had skin cancer move. I even gave like six
different spots of it my backand my chest and the dirt. The
first time I had it, I was like16 I think in the dermatologist
said to me because I was like,Oh, this means I can't go in the
sense. You know, you just needto be smart about your
sunscreen. And she said theworst thing she could have ever
said to me she said just becauseyou had it once doesn't mean you
have it again. And you're likeand I believed it for like five

(02:44:22):
years I didn't have any and thenI you know but it's also my skin
is that kind of skin. Somethingwith like, I'll grow moles and
stuff. My back is got more molesnow than it did 10 years ago.
But it's also like okay, butI'll just get a little extra
sunscreen because I'm going outlike I'm gonna go lay out on the
beach. I'm gonna go lay by apool. Those are my favorite
things to do. And go swimming inany kind of body of water on a

(02:44:44):
sunny day. You'll find me there.

Leia (02:44:47):
Yeah, you can go with your bare skin for 15 minutes, then
lather up. Yeah, and block itand still enjoy your son. Yeah,
but um, vitamin D for chronicpain. I mean I thought I was
dying. I was like, I can justget my child to 18. And of
course, I was young. So I'mrealizing now I'm like 18

(02:45:09):
wouldn't have been very helpful.
Well, there's so much more timethat a parent needs what their
their kid or their kid needswith them, right? In order for
them to feel like they're readyto get out on their own. Like I
realized now I'm parenting anadult child. Like, there's still
there's still stuff we got toget through. And I need to be
there for and but I reallythought, I thought it was the

(02:45:29):
end. I'm like, here it is likethis is my whole body hurt all
the time. looks terrible. Yeah,there was one time it was
snowing in Alabama, which itdoesn't snow and stick. And I
have pictures of him from I'm onthe balcony taking pictures
because I'm like, bundle up, godownstairs and enjoy great snow
that's coming down. And I can'tgo with you. My body hurts so

(02:45:51):
bad. I thought I had a mess. Ithought I had lupus. I thought I
had all the things. I like thisis it? I don't know. In fact, I
had some neurological thingsthat are happening in my brain
when they did the seizure testthe EEG. Which they then
decided, well, because I don'thave Miss. They were no longer
going to treat. They gave methis medication that made my

(02:46:11):
body feel incredible. And I waslike, Oh, what is this? I
haven't felt like this in thelongest time because I've been
in so much pain, right? Butbecause I didn't have a mess.
They took me off that medicationthat was like, well, that sucks.
It's actually better for me,because now it's apparently
addictive. I didn't know. But itfelt for those couple of weeks
that I had it. I was like I amgolden. Like, like,

Siobhan (02:46:36):
I want to know what that is

Leia (02:46:38):
Keppra Keppra. Right. It made me feel incredible. But um,
yeah. And then to come to findout I went to a random doctor, I
had seen all these specialists.
I saw a random doctor who is inhe's in like an urgent care type
setting. And I went in therebecause I was booing him because
I was like, I'm dying. Like, Idon't know what else to do. And

(02:47:00):
I don't know why I went I wentthere. Because I'm like, I don't
know what else to do. Like,there was no real reason other
than for me to complain that Mylife sucks. And then I'm dying,
right to go into his office. Andhe goes, has anyone run a
diamond panel? And I was like,No, I don't think it was he
talking about. He's like, let's,let's do a vitamin panel and
just just see where your levelsare on that. And I was like,

(02:47:22):
whatever I've been to, right.
Neurologists, psychologists, thegamut like all the different
doctors, and he runs it andcomes back. And he's like, your
vitamin D levels are really low.
And it's going to take a whilefor them to come back up. And
he's like, so the depression,all the stuff that you're
experiencing is all related.

(02:47:42):
Yeah. Wow. And that you willfeel better over time. And we're
only able to get my my levelsback up to that baseline amount.
And then last year, I went downthe rabbit hole of how do I get
from baseline to optimal, right.
And that's when I went and startgetting injections, and got them
once a week, the high volumeamount and was able to move for
the first time into my 30s onthe scale. Wow. So I'm still

(02:48:04):
working to get it up to this. Ihaven't had it retested. But
right, yeah, it made a hugedifference. Though. Even that
gave me far more energy, Istarted feeling like I can do a
lot more physically, my bodydoesn't get a sore when I work
out. Because those levels arehigher, right? It affects so
many different areas of yourbody, because I've gotten in
this rabbit hole of researchingvitamin D. So anyway, oh, that's

(02:48:25):
a great trip. highly suggestlooking into what your levels
are and whether or not you canget them up. Because if they're
if they're not going to supposeto be, yeah, huge, huge
difference in how your bodyfeels. I'd love for you to be at
a three or lower. Yeah, everyday, when that'd be great.

Siobhan (02:48:47):
It would be I don't know if that'll ever happen. And
I've kind of resigned myself tothat it won't. If I told myself
if I can get to like a four orfive every day like that would
be you know, ideal because Iused to I for almost three
years, I didn't leave my house.
I was like from my bed to mycouch to the shower to the
couch, like to PT would be sosore from PT, I'd go home and
just be in pain for the rest ofthe night. And it was like I

(02:49:08):
just can't live like thisanymore. And it took like it was
slow and in increments that Istarted to get better like it
was I started to take weedinstead of like an N or, you
know, I was like I need to havesome things. And then I started
taking things and doing thingsfor anti inflammatory and just
starting to move my body and Ihad gotten super fat. Like I was
not heavy. I was fat. Like I wasa short fat chick. And it also

(02:49:31):
helped me hide out in the worldbecause people don't pay
attention to fat people. But italso like was just more taxing
on my body, which was nothealthy. But it was and it took
really small steps that youknow, but they've all led me
here. So I'm kind of like Okay,thank you well, I try to live
with as much gratitude as I can.

(02:49:55):
Like it makes it all easier.
Even though some days it'sreally

Leia (02:49:58):
hard. It's really hard. I heard a practice that I really
like was that gratitude ispracticed in the moment. It's
like when if you're strugglingto come up with the things to
feel grateful for. When the whensomething happens, like you have
a moment and you feel it, howyou feel it, you're like, I love
that person, right? Like, theycome up and say something or you

(02:50:21):
run into someone and you'relike, in that moment, you just
feeling whatever, you breathethat in you stay in that moment
for as long as you can. And thenthat's your gratitude practice
of the day, rather than tryingto recall a thing or, or create.
Yeah, I like that gratitude.
Yeah, I do, too. It has helped alot with cuz I used to be like
it make these lists. And I'mlike, it's the same thing. Cuz I
couldn't come up with somethingnew. And then when I heard that,

(02:50:44):
and I started, I'm like, oh,that's when someone gives you a
nice hug. You just stay therefor a minute. Like, don't let
him go. Just enjoy. Clothes.

Siobhan (02:50:55):
It's always nice to like, hug your loved ones a
little longer. All right, well,I think we should probably go do
that. Yeah, I think we'll wrapthis up for this time. Okay,
we'll definitely have you back.
Leah. Thank you. You're sointeresting, right? And like you
have a nice light to you, likethat I want to spend more time
with and I can't think the sameway about you. And I've seen you

(02:51:15):
work with clients because I'veseen I know some of your
clients. And you're amazing atit. Thank you. Your guidance is
to have our friends that you'veworked with. Like you can see
there. They have a brighterlight now.

Leia (02:51:29):
Thank you so much. So thank you for that.

Siobhan (02:51:32):
All right, y'all will have links in case you need a
good life business coach, youcan reach out to Leah but other
than that, go find your joy andmaybe hug your loved ones a
little longer today. Alrighty'all, bye

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