10 Questions To Ask Your Spouse So They Are Excited For Retirement

Struggling to get your spouse involved in retirement planning?

You are not alone. Many financially-minded partners lose their spouse’s attention by jumping straight into 401(k) allocations or tax strategies. The result is glazed eyes and little engagement.

This approach works differently. Start with powerful, open-ended questions that spark curiosity and connection. Ask things like “What does your perfect retirement day look like?” or “If we had to spend $150,000 this year, how would you want to use it?” These prompts bypass resistance and lead to meaningful conversations about dreams, priorities, and lifestyle.

When you know whether your partner envisions constant travel or staying close to home, or whether they fear losing purpose more than running out of money, you can build a plan you both believe in. Lifestyle clarity comes first. The numbers follow naturally.

Retirement planning is not just about financial optimization. It is about creating a shared vision for the years ahead with the person who matters most. 

Try these questions with your partner and watch the conversation shift from spreadsheets to shared dreams.

Visit earlyretirementpodcast.com to share your results or explore tools for building a plan that works for both of you.

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Advisory services are offered through Root Financial Partners, LLC, an SEC-registered investment adviser. This content is intended for informational and educational purposes only and should not be considered personalized investment, tax, or legal advice. Viewing this content does not create an advisory relationship. We do not provide tax preparation or legal services. Always consult an investment, tax or legal professional regarding your specific situation.

The strategies, case studies, and examples discussed may not be suitable for everyone. They are hypothetical and for illustrative and educational purposes only. They do not reflect actual client results and are not guarantees of future performance. All investments involve risk, including the potential loss of principal.

Comments reflect the views of individual users and do not necessarily represent the views of Root Financial. They are not verified, may not be accurate, and should not be considered testimonials or endorsements

Participation in the Retirement Planning Academy or Early Retirement Academy does not create an advisory relationship with Root Financial. These programs are educational in nature and are not a substitute for personalized financial advice. Advisory services are offered only under a written agreement with Root Financial.

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Ari Taublieb, CFP ®, MBA is the Chief Growth Officer of Root Financial Partners and a Fiduciary Financial Planner specializing in helping clients retire early with confidence.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 0 (00:00):
I'm going to take a wild guess and assume you like
financial planning more thanyour partner or spouse.
Now, I'm only making that guessbecause I feel like I know many
of you very well at this point,especially if you've been
tuning into the show for a longtime or you're watching on
YouTube leaving comments you'llpersonally share.
Hey, I love this stuff.
I want my spouse to be equallyexcited, but I'm the one that's

(00:21):
just been running it and at thispoint I feel like I know better
.
And getting them involved ismore of a hassle, because when I
do, they're like hey, I trustyou, you can go ahead and handle
it.
But at the same time, maybe youfeel it would be nice if they
showed more interest, becausethen we can make more decisions,
since technically it is ourretirement and so we here at

(00:41):
root financial, we have a lot offun questions that we will ask
spouses to get them moreinterested and involved in
finances.
I'll tell one of them to youright now because it's a very
funny one.
But and this was brought up byour founder, james Canole but he
will say hey, spouse, if weforced you to spend $150,000 in
retirement and you didn't spendit, meaning pretend you said I

(01:04):
just couldn't.
150,000.
If you told me I had to, I justI couldn't figure out a way.
And let me preface that bysaying some of you are like look
my spouse, if you told themthat they would find a way to
spend it, no problem, which Irecognize, okay.
But in this example we weretalking to a couple that were
naturally frugal people and theysaid 150,000.
Like I just we couldn't spendthat if we tried.
And James said well, if youdon't, we're not going to let

(01:28):
you save it.
It doesn't just get rolled overand you can use it next year.
It's being sent to your leastfavorite political party and
that will get people talkingOkay.
So I'm bringing this up becausethere are questions that can
make someone who traditionallymight go well, I'm not as
interested in finances start toopen up and go to be honest.
We would do more charitablegiving and we would actually

(01:48):
help our grandchildren, or wewould help a child with a down
payment, or we would actuallybuy nicer cars.
We just didn't know we had themeans to do so.
Now, not an exactly relevantexample, because many of you are
in the position where you'relike, look, my spouse could do
that, no problem.
I'm the one that's often saying, hey, we can't do these things
and I'm tired of being the badguy.
So every situation is different.

(02:09):
Bad guy, bad gal, you guys knowwhat I mean.
What I wanna go through todayare what are some questions that
are gonna help you connect morewith your spouse, but, more
than that, get them interestedand willing to have these
conversations and I personallyam going through this.
My fiance, she does not.
I mean you could.
You could imagine she's hearingme talk about Roth conversions

(02:30):
and estate planning and taxstrategy.
I manage my parents' finances.
It's on all the time.
So she's like, can we just turnoff?
But at the same time, Irecognize I have blind spots.
I'm doing this all day, everyday.
So there are certain things thatshe goes, ari, you'll just say,
like we need to max out our401k and do a Roth IRA and make
sure we convert and let's alsodo the backdoor conversion, and

(02:51):
like I trust you because this iswhat you do.
But I also just I think I'll bekind of lost if you're not here
.
So, like she's very great tosay, hey, can you share with me
why we're doing what we're doing?
She also knows, because I grewup in a household that was my
parents were awesome at makingmoney, but not great at saving
and investing that.
I go too hard on that side andI will often not spend enough

(03:13):
money because I want to makesure we're saving enough for our
own personal retirement,because my parents are working
in their 70s.
Even if it was up to them,luckily, they like what they do,
but if it was truly up to them,they would not be working to
the same degree.
So that's why this is soimportant to me, and what I see

(03:34):
so many people do wrong isthey'll go come on, honey, we're
going to talk about our 401kcontributions and you got to
believe me.
Look at this great 401k fundlineup and can you believe
there's only target date fundoptions.
And why won't they let us?
You know, make this way morediversified.
That's not going to light themup.
That's going to put them tosleep faster than any of my
conversion podcasts.
So what I'd rather have you dois get them excited and actually

(03:54):
starting with the dreaming, andthis is how we'll encourage
clients to do this the samething.
So I'm going to walk through theframework today.
My name is Ari Taubli.
I'm a certified financialplanner, host of the Early
Retirement Podcast, which isthis podcast which is available
on all the platforms Apple Music, spotify, youtube, wherever you

(04:15):
listen and then, of course, youcan watch these on YouTube as
well.
Now I'm going to go throughthis framework, but please know,
everything we do here is sothat we can help you optimize
what you've worked so hard for,which is all the saving and
investing, so you can spend yourtime in retirement on what
matters most, with who mattersmost.
So let's go through 10questions and give you some
insight here.

(04:36):
Number one is what does aperfect day in retirement look
like to you?
Now, that's a weird questionfor me to ask my fiance because
we're so far away fromretirement, but I will still ask
what does a perfect day looklike to you?
And she will go on and Alicewill say at this time, by the
time this episode comes out, myfiance will probably now be my
wife, which still feels wild, tosay Exciting wild and Alice

(04:59):
would say you know, I'd love towake up late, I'd love to read.
She's a big reader, she was ahistory major at UCLA and she
would probably say she wouldlike to go on a walk, get a
great brunch, then take a nap,maybe we do a yoga, watch a
movie and go to bed.
That's probably her ideal day.
My ideal day is I'm waking up at6 am, I'm working out, then I'm

(05:23):
going to go play soccer, thenI'm going to have lunch with her
and maybe some of my family,then we're going to watch a
movie.
Maybe we'll take a nap, butprobably skip it.
If we're talking about myperfect day here, then I would
probably want to play anothergame of soccer at night, because
I'm obsessed with it.
Then I would love a good showand then amazing dinner and go

(05:45):
to bed.
So yeah, there's somedifferences there, obviously,
but the reason I bring it up isyou might find that your spouse,
who you've never directly asked, goes my ideal retirement is
sitting on the couch and youmight go.
I want to travel like crazy.
Okay, great.
That has nothing to do with401ks or HSAs or ESPPs.
You're just getting straightinto what does ideal retirement
look like, and I'd rather youstart there.

(06:06):
What does ideal retirement looklike, and I'd rather you start
there?
It also moves from fear ofnothing to do to excitement,
which for some people, is veryreal.
I don't know how any of you feelexactly, but most of you fall
in one of two buckets.
I've been working the last 30,40 years at this current role
and I just can't even imaginewhat I'm gonna do when I'm gone.
My identity is this role.

(06:27):
I have my coworkers that Idon't hang out with outside of
work, but when I am with themit's amazing.
And we do hang out, althoughrarely, and the idea of me not
coming back to work just feelsweird.
Other people, others of you,are like I don't even know what
you just said, like that wasjust total Portuguese.
If you told me I did not haveto work again, I'm out of here.

(06:48):
These people, they can gofigure out their own lives.
I'm on my own, so it totallydepends.
But I would start with asking aperfect day From there.
I would ask where do you dreamliving, of living or spending
extended time?
I like this question because itwill get sometimes a very
simple answer.
And I've had a client say thisquestion to their spouse and

(07:10):
they're like what do you mean?
Like we're going to live in ourhome the rest of our lives,
where we have been the last 30years with our family, and he
was like, oh, I was expecting todownsize and she was like, yeah
, I originally maybe thoughtthat, but, to be honest,
emotionally I can't do it.
Okay, well, let's talk aboutfinancially if we're still in a
great spot to do so.
That is a way better way thansaying I want to downsize.

(07:33):
I know you, emotionally, arestill attached to this home,
even if our kids aren't here, socould you just get rid of that
already and, trust me, let's getit Like that's not going to be
effective.
So, asking about dreamings,that's the way that you really
get people interested infinances.
I will go to my fiance at thetime of this recording and I
will say how much would you loveto spend on going out to eat?

(07:54):
And we are foodies, so we do goout to eat.
But if we go out once a weekand we spend 150 bucks or 600
bucks a month, to me that'sawesome, like I've that's.
That gets my itch.
It's a new meal, it's fun, it'sdifferent.
We live in LA, we might becloser to the suburbs in the
future, so it's something I likedoing.
She might say you know, I'dreally love to go out twice a
week.
Now I know her, so she's notgoing to say that, but she's

(08:16):
actually the type of person togo.
Look, I just feel like we canmake it better at home.
And maybe, if it's not better,I don't want to be upset that we
go out to eat and we spend $150when we could have made it a
home for less and it would havebeen better.
And the satisfaction she getsfrom a great meal does not equal
the satisfaction of theterrible meal.
So the point here is I forgetthe study that was done, maybe

(08:40):
it was in Thinking Fast and Slowby Daniel Kahneman but they
talk about how the joy you getfrom winning is so much less
than the sadness from losingMeaning.
When you lose money you'retwice as sad as when you make
money.
So all this to say, I want tomake sure if we're dreaming

(09:01):
properly, we're being realistichere.
So that's number two.
Number three so once again I'mat no financial questions so far
.
I'm going to go through thesenext seven quickly, just because
of time here.
But this next one is whathobbies or activities have you
always wanted to try?
The framing of that's important, not what do you want to do in
retirement?
What hobbies or activities haveyou always wanted to try?

(09:22):
Get an answer out of them anddon't let them off the hook,
don't cheat them.
In the same way, I don't letyou guys cheat and say, yeah,
I'm not going to retire earlybecause of healthcare.
I will call you out on that andI will say, guys, it can be a
big expense.
I have clients spending 1500bucks a month I guess what.
I have other clients that spend$50 a month because they're
optimizing their healthcaresubsidies and they have a $3

(09:43):
million portfolio.
They're just being really smartwith how they're pulling income
.
So they're getting a greatsubsidy.
And healthcare is not the reasonto not retire early.
It's a factor, it's aconsideration.
And I'm saying that because ifa client tells me, hey, I wanna
retire early, that's my goal,and then they follow that up by
saying, by the way, I'm worriedabout healthcare If I just let

(10:03):
them off the hook and go, okay,worried about healthcare.
If I just let them off the hookand go, okay, let's talk about
healthcare, I'm not doing rightby them.
So I promise I'm verytransparent because you deserve
it.
Okay, from there, what are somefun answers?
I've heard, I've heardwatercolor painting.
I've heard woodworking, travelphotography.
Those are some fun ones.
Okay, this is a good one.
Who do you want to spend moretime with in retirement?
They might just say you, I wantmore time with you, and so

(10:30):
what's taking away time from you?
Well, what if you'rerebalancing your portfolio?
What if you're always having todeal with the rental properties
?
What if it turns out you'respending so much time reading
new tax laws that your spouse islike, hey, can we just get more
time together?
Like you just worked a job for30, 40 years.
Now you're retired.
I want to redate you it's been30 years, but now you're doing

(10:52):
all this financial stuff.
So, quite honestly, a largereason people pay us is that
they can spend their time onwhat matters most.
That's number four.
Number five what worries youabout retirement?
You see how all of this ismaking a much deeper
conversation than tell me about.
You know, come here, spouse.
You see we're on track.
Here's the Monte Carlosimulation.
Like that is not effective.
So what worries you most aboutretirement?
Is it healthcare?
Is it boredom?
Is it loneliness?

(11:13):
How can you listen withoutfixing?
I personally have that issue.
I can tell you that right offthe bat.
Whenever my fiance is tellingme about their issue, I'm always
like, okay, here's 12 differentways we can fix it and she's
like I just want you to listen.

(11:33):
Number six what work or purposewill you miss and how can we
replace it?
Many non-financial spouses,which I'm just calling them in
this example.
Their fear is losing purpose,not just finances.
Number seven is how muchstructure do you want in your
days?
Some love flexibility, othersneed routine.
Number eight is what do you notwant in retirement?
A fun reversal to identify thedeal breakers here Clear
conflicts early.
So constant travel versusstaying home.

(11:55):
It helps you avoid spending onthings you just don't value.
Number nine what traditions orseasonal activities do you want
to keep or start?
Summer beach trips, snow travelit makes retirement feel more
vibrant from my clients.
And then number 10, if moneywere no object, what would you
do in retirement?
Removes the scarcity mindset.

(12:16):
You can really get close.
You both get to share.
This is how I would bring yourspouse into the financial
conversation.
So hopefully these resonatedwith you.
If they did, I encourage you tolike this video.
If you're watching on YouTube,please comment below if it was
helpful.
If you're listening on thepodcast app and you do ask these
questions, please send me anote.
My email is ari atrootfinancialcom.

(12:39):
I love reading your messages.
They really make me excited,more motivated to record better
content for you all.
So thank you, as always, fortuning in and see you guys next
time.
Thank you all, as always, forlistening to the Early
Retirement Podcast.
I love getting to host theseshows and make different content
for you guys every single week.
I've not missed a single weekin years and that is because I

(13:02):
love getting to do this.
Now, please be smart about this.
Before you actually execute anystrategy that you see me talk
about or hear me talk about,should I say Please talk to your
financial advisor, your taxpreparer, your estate attorney.
Please be smart about this.
None of this should beconstrued as financial advice.
This is for fun, educational,informational purposes only.

(13:23):
Once again, just quickdisclaimer here.
Guys, please be smart aboutthis.
Appreciate you listening, asalways, and you can, of course,
submit a question on my website,earlyretirementpodcastcom, if
you of course, want me toaddress a specific case study or
topic.
I will not promise I can get toit, but I respond to every
single person and if I find itwill be helpful for a lot of

(13:45):
people, I will absolutely makean episode on it, at the very
least give you some insight,that's it, thanks guys.