May 21, 2025 • 24 mins
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Social events can feel like a minefield when you're trying to eat in a way that feels good to your body. Between graduation parties, summer barbecues, potlucks, weddings, and dinner out with friends, it's easy to end up eating things you didn’t plan for—then walking away feeling bloated, regretful, or frustrated with yourself.
In this episode, I'm giving you a simple approach to help you feel more in control and confident in these moments, without needing to be the person who brings their own food or skips dessert to stay "on track." We’ll talk about what to do before, during, and after these events—because the truth is, you can enjoy food and stay aligned with your goals.
You'll learn:
- Why social eating is so hard
- My Pause–Plan–Proceed method for navigating any event
- Practical tips for buffets, potlucks, dessert tables, and candy bowls
- How to handle restaurants with friends—without overdoing it
- What to do after the event, whether it went great or not-so-great
If you want to stop feeling like food is running the show at every celebration, this episode is for you.
Ready to enjoy food and still feel good afterward? Let’s talk. Book your free coaching consult HERE
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lisa (00:00):
This is the Eat Well Think Well Live Well podcast.
(00:02):
I'm Lisa Salisbury and this isepisode 148.
Enjoy the party without the postevent regret.
I.
Welcome to eat well.
Well, the podcast for busy womenwho want to lose weight without
constantly counting, tracking,or stressing over every bite.
I'm Lisa Salsbury, a certifiedhealth weight loss and life
(00:24):
coach, and most importantly, arecovered chronic dieter here.
You'll learn to listen to yourbody and uncover the reasons
you're reaching for food.
When you're not truly hungry,freeing you to focus on a
healthier, more fulfillingapproach to eating.
Hey friends, it's December.
If you don't know what I'mtalking about, congratulations
(00:45):
on having a normal month.
For the rest of you, I know youare super busy in that weird end
of school, but feels as busy asChristmas kind of way.
I was looking at my contentsurvey and one listener said
their biggest headache they wishI could make go away was
navigating social situationswith food.
Like dinner out with friends,church potlucks, candy connected
(01:05):
to the holidays and I thoughtthat was a great topic for this
time of year.
I was like, oh man, it's allhappening right now.
Grad parties, barbecues, churchpotlucks, spring and summer
weddings.
The bridal showers to go withthose weddings, and I'm sure you
could name several more.
So let's talk about that today.
We can feel great in ourday-to-day.
(01:26):
Eating at home like that isreally, we've got that down.
In a, in a routine, but thosespecial events where food is
front and center can be tricky.
I can't snap my fingers and makeit go away, but I can give you
some promising strategies tohelp you have fun and also feel
good in your body and not leaveevery social event thinking, why
(01:48):
did I do that again?
Before we get into the meat ofthis episode, just reminding you
that I do have that contentsurvey open for one more week
for the Amazon gift cardgiveaway.
The link will always work, so ifyou're listening to this at a
later date and you have aquestion for me, do feel free to
still hop on that survey andcontribute.
I'm always open to help you withwhat you really need.
(02:08):
Just like in this episode forthis listener.
But I will do the giveaway onnext week's podcast for the
content survey.
For those that have participatedalready, it should just take you
a few minutes to fill out.
So tap on the link at the verytop of the show notes.
Alright, Let's start by justcalling out what makes these
situations feel so tricky.
(02:28):
You, you're surrounded by foodthat you didn't plan for.
Everyone else seems to be eatingfreely and you don't wanna feel
like the odd one out.
And I wanna put everyone elsehere in air quotes because.
There are people just like youin this crowd, but you've, your
brain is feeling like everyoneelse, okay?
(02:50):
There's also this tug of warbetween I wanna enjoy myself and
I wanna feel good after.
Sometimes you get comments orpressure from mothers, you're
not eating cake or, come on,it's a party.
And maybe if we're being honest,you use these events as a little
excuse, like it's just one day,but then there's another event
(03:12):
next week and another one afterthat.
So we have to really questionourselves when we call these
things special events or onetime things.
So if you feel stuck or out ofcontrol in these moments, just
know this.
It's not necessarily a lack ofwillpower, it's just that you
haven't decided ahead of timehow you want to handle these
(03:34):
situations, and so you've leftit up to your lower brain and.
Well, she's just not thatdependable in the face of
sweets.
That's what we're going to workon today.
So I wanna introduce you to thepause plan.
Proceed approach before theevent, or if it's been hectic
getting ready and getting thekids dressed and everyone out
(03:55):
the door.
Then even just some time beforeyou walk in.
It doesn't have to be like 24hours before or an hour before,
but just some time before youstep foot through the door.
Pause for a second and askyourself.
What do I wanna get out of thisexperience?
And number two, how do I want tofeel when I leave?
That's your anchor.
(04:17):
Okay?
Those two questions, those areyour anchors.
Now, I'm not gonna tell you theanswer.
I'm not gonna tell you what youwant out of this experience, but
I do wanna say, think about thefull picture.
Do you want to connect withcousins you haven't seen in a
long time at this wedding?
Do you wanna network about abusiness thing?
Are you interested in meetingsome of the parents of your kids
(04:40):
that might be at this schoolevent?
What, besides the food, are youlooking forward to?
And that is maybe what you wantto get out of the experience.
There also might be particularfoods, Maybe it's one of those
school events where everyonebrings a food from their home
country and you're reallylooking forward to somebody that
(05:01):
is bringing something fromBrazil or you know, it could be
the food.
I'm not saying it isn't, but.
We wanna look a little bitbeyond that as well.
And then how you want to feelwhen you leave should probably
be more of a feeling.
So this is that emotion thatgoes in the feeling line of the
model.
So a singular word.
So we're looking for things likeconfident, refreshed love, if
(05:23):
maybe you were with familyconnected content.
So that is your pause.
Okay, number two is plan.
You don't have to plan everybite, especially since I'm
hoping for your sake, you aren'tin charge of the food, so you
don't actually know what's beingserved.
Um, you know, that's just a lotof work if you're in charge of
the food, but if you are morepower to you anyway, make a
(05:46):
loose plan.
So here are a couple ofquestions you can use.
For this plan, what are thefoods I really love and want to
enjoy today?
So like what types of foods areyou looking for?
Where can I be flexible andwhere do I wanna stay aligned
with my goals?
So examples would be, you mightdecide I'm skipping the chips
(06:08):
and dip, but I'm going to enjoythe burger and have one dessert
that I actually want.
Or I'm going to build a fullplate once.
Enjoy it.
And that will be plenty.
So that is the, like the wholeentire plan for some of these
events.
Okay.
We're not writing down, youknow, make sure we get exactly
our protein numbers and ourfiber numbers and all of that.
(06:29):
'cause you know, you're notbringing a food scale.
I hope you don't to these kindsof events and you are going to
enjoy the event.
And so we're looking for thiskind of loose plan, but planning
does help reduce that frantic.
Grazing where you're nibbling ateverything and enjoying nothing.
You can also plan to walk thebuffet line and see what's there
(06:52):
because your lower brain will bedelighted to sabotage you by
saying, oh, look, there's moregood food at the end, and now
the plate is full.
So you.
Better grab another.
I remember doing this at myson's water polo end of season
banquets.
It was always a potluck, and Iwould just casually walk from
the end of the table down to thebeginning where the plates were
prior to getting in line andjust mentally noting what looked
(07:15):
good.
I.
What I wanted to try and notfeeling like I had to put
everything on my plate.
The other part of your plan canalso be that enjoying it piece.
You heard that?
I said, you know, build a fullplate, enjoy it, and then it's
gonna be plenty, right?
You don't always know if thefood will be something that you
(07:37):
like.
When you put it on your plate,if you didn't make it or if
you're not familiar with it oryou know didn't order it, you
might not know.
So I find that the beautifuldesserts to be the most
deceiving, right, they lookamazing and they taste in the
words of my teenager sorta mid.
So if you take a bite and think,meh.
It's fine.
(07:58):
Then commit ahead of time thatyou won't continue to eat that,
get something else if you reallywanted to have a dessert, but
don't just eat the thing on yourplate because it's there.
I went to a wedding receptionlast weekend that was a kind of
a casual open house typesituation, and there was a
little bit of a dessert bar.
They didn't do cake, they did adessert bar and each of the
(08:21):
desserts were literally.
You could probably eat them inone bite, but I think they were
probably considered two bites.
And so I got three and I cutthem in half.
And so I was like literallyhaving like a half a bite of
each one and I just tried them.
And the one that I liked, I atethe whole thing, and the other
ones I just left on my plate.
(08:41):
Okay, so that is your plan.
And number three is proceed.
So go, go, enjoy, eat what youchose, be present with the
people.
And here's the most importantpart, no shame afterward.
If you eat more than youplanned, it's information, not a
failure.
We'll discuss that coming up.
(09:02):
Okay, so let's go for somespecific situations and more
tips for these kinds of events.
So if you're on a buffet or apotluck, use the one plate
guideline, fill your plate withwhat looks good, eat it
mindfully, and then be done.
Most of us do not really needmore than one plate when we're
talking about volume of food.
(09:24):
I also like to use the, whatcolor is your plate guide?
At home, it's unlikely there isenough food on your plate so
that you can't see what color itis.
Picture how much food and volumeis usually what you eat at home.
Go for that same amount and justuse that cue.
Can I see the color of my plate?
(09:45):
Sometimes potluck plates aresmaller than what we use at
home.
I understand that.
And that's where you kind ofwanna Keep that cue of, can I
see some space around my food?
We don't wanna have what, youknow, what you can kind of
picture as that sort of pile offood that people sometimes, do
at potlucks.
So for most of my listeners, youguys are middle aged women.
(10:06):
If you're outside of that range,welcome.
But I'm just saying in that agerange.
We don't, we just don't requirethat much food at a singular
meal.
If it's an appetizer or snackytype event instead of a full
dinner.
As far as the potluck or buffetkind of situation, I would still
recommend a plate.
So plate your appetizers, plateyour snacks, and make an effort
(10:30):
not to eat.
Standing up around.
The cheeseboard.
Okay.
If it's, um, like a dessert andtreat table kind of situation.
So this might be, like bridalshowers or I, um, at my church
they do what's called a lingerlonger, which is just like
everyone brings a snack or atreat and we eat a little bit
after church to linger aroundand socialize.
(10:53):
So.
This is not a full meal.
So again, we wanna scan first.
Choose what you actually want,not just what's in front of you,
not just the first cookies thatyou pass.
If you know dessert is yourthing, plan for that and skip
something else that matters lessto you.
Don't eat the little smokies andbarbecue sauce.
(11:14):
If you really want that little,you know, heart shaped rice
Krispie treat or whatever,right?
So for me, this is like, Idefinitely would skip like the
chips, like the chips and oniondip.
I, I really like that.
But if I have to choose, I'mgonna go for sweets over salty
every time.
another thing that you're gonnawatch out for at these kinds of
(11:35):
events are those people we callfood pushers.
So when they're offering youthings and reminding you like,
Hey, it's a party and why aren'tyou having cake?
And, um, you know, whateverelse, these things, and, and it
depends.
If it's a more of a publicgathering, you know, church or
school event, probably not gonnahave this as much as you will
(11:55):
with family gatherings.
you've got that crazy aunt orgrandma or you know, you know
the one you, you, you know who,who comments on your body and on
food, right?
Um, so just practice ahead oftime.
I'm good for now.
Thanks.
Oh, that does look amazing.
I'll grab some later.
Remember being polite.
(12:17):
Doesn't mean you have to sayyes.
No, thank you is totally politeand I know it can be tricky.
I can hear you right now sayingno.
They get mad if we don't haveseconds and, and people get
offended if I don't eat theirfood.
And you know what?
That, that actually is okay.
let them be offended.
(12:38):
And I'm not a relationshipexpert as far as, um, with
coaching, but I do do a littlebit of relationship coaching and
I will tell you that that is allabout them and not about you.
And.
You totally have the right tosay, that doesn't work for me in
whatever way that you feelcomfortable, I find I'm good for
(13:00):
now.
Thanks.
Is probably my best response.
Okay, let's talk about candy andholiday treats.
So candy bowls that are out,like in break rooms and on your,
you know, coworker's desk.
We wanna get honest about itbeing special.
These kind of like holidaycandies, especially.
(13:21):
One example I like to think ofis that Reese's Peanut butter
Easter eggs, which we justpassed, are the same as the
pumpkins.
And the same as the trees.
They're just packaged indifferent colors and formed into
different shapes.
So, and I, I tell you, I justhad this conversation with my
(13:44):
daughter's boyfriend and he'slike, this was like the hill.
He was gonna die on the.
The eggs were different.
He was like a hundred percentsure.
And I'm like, they are a hundredpercent the same.
And you might think that, youmight be like, they, they taste
better in April and they mightto you, but I just want you to
get honest about it beingspecial or unique or this is the
(14:05):
only time.
Those are slippery slopethoughts.
They are going to almost alwayslead you to overindulge on those
things.
So.
We want to get really clearabout how often you can choose
that item.
This also goes for reallyanything that's on buffet lines
or at restaurants.
(14:27):
For the most part, you can goand get that thing anytime,
anytime.
A lot of times we have thesethoughts about foods that we're
ordering in restaurants in ourown hometown, like you pass
these restaurants.
All the time, or you couldchoose to go to them.
So we wanna get really clearabout what is a special
(14:49):
occasion, um, also, especiallywith candy and holiday treats,
things that just tend to be outall the time.
If it's just there, this iswhere you also wanna pause and
ask, do I want this or is it myhabit to grab it when I see it?
So really pause when you'reseeing those things that are
(15:09):
just kind of always there.
All right.
What about out to dinner withfriends?
You're at a restaurant andeither it's maybe just you and
your husband, or you've got abig group.
Restaurants can feel trickybecause portions are big.
The menu might be a totalsurprise.
You might not have chosen it,and maybe everyone's ordering
(15:30):
appetizers, drinks, desserts,and it's easy to just go along
just to fit in.
So here's a couple things youcan do to handle it.
If you can look at the menuahead of time, decide what feels
like a good balance for youbefore you're sitting there
hungry, distracted, andinfluenced.
Pick your star.
(15:52):
Okay, so this is the the thingwhere you're like, this is my
favorite thing about going outto to a meal.
Is it the bread basket?
Is it a fun cocktail?
Is it a big pasta dish?
Is it a shared dessert?
You don't have to skipeverything, but you probably
don't need all of those things,right?
You're probably gonna be overfull if you.
(16:13):
eat all of the bread in thebread basket, you order the
cocktail you finish the bigpasta dish and you have a
dessert, right?
That sounds like a lot of food.
So choose one or maybe two thatyou'll really enjoy and feel
good about that.
Okay, don't show up starving.
This is kind of a tricky onebecause you know, I want you to
eat when you are hungry andready to eat on the hunger
(16:35):
scale.
But we do find ourselvesovereating when we're way down,
you know, negative seven oreight and old diet culture tells
you to skip all your meals aheadof a big, out to dinner night.
I, I really do not recommenddoing that.
Be sure that you're eating asyou typically do for breakfast
and lunch so that you have agood.
(16:56):
Base, you're, you have alreadysatisfied yourself during the
day.
This will be helpful becausewhen the you know, the chips and
salsa maybe come out and thoseare gone before you even notice
and you're full before.
You know, your entree even getsthere.
So.
You know, be aware of the timingof the meal and think about when
(17:17):
your last meal was so that youare not showing up in that
negative seven, eight categoryof the hunger scale.
Try and time it so that you'reready to eat.
We want you to be hungry.
But we don't wanna be starving.
also think about the fact thatyou don't have to match your
friends.
It's okay to order what feelsright for you, even if they're
(17:39):
ordering something totallydifferent.
If they comment a simple, thisis just what I'm in the mood for
is enough.
you don't have to explain it.
You don't have to say what youhad for lunch and that's why
you're ordering this.
None of that.
You just say, oh yeah, this iswhat looked good to me.
Another thing we wanna kind ofcarry over from eating at home
into restaurants is stoppingwhen you're satisfied.
(18:01):
It's much easier at home becauseit's, you know, your own food
and there's no social pressure.
But at restaurants, because wehave those bigger portions, it
feels a little bit harderbecause you didn't dish up your
plate with exactly how much youwanted.
They brought it out to you.
So of course you can always takethe rest home.
(18:22):
But it's also an option to justnot eat everything because you
really don't have to.
What you're paying for at arestaurant experience is very
little about the actual foodbeing served.
Now, I will caveat this.
If I ever go to like a MichelinStar restaurant, you, you better
believe like, I'm gonna ordereverything and like eat it all
(18:42):
right?
But I'm talking about yourregular restaurants, like when
you guys are out with friends,um, you know, on the weekend.
These are the times that cankind of sabotage your whole week
if you're not, just planning alittle bit ahead.
And I'm not trying to bedramatic, but, you know, a
little bit of a plan goes a longway.
(19:03):
And just practicing stoppingwhen you're satisfied at home
and just continuing thatpractice at a restaurant.
You don't have to overeat justbecause they overserved you.
Okay, now it's after the event.
You did your pause planned andproceeded, and now it can go one
of two ways.
(19:23):
If it went well, again, pauseand acknowledge it seriously.
Don't just move on to the nextthing and be like, oh, yeah,
yeah, it was fine.
Like really give yourselfcredit.
I chose food that felt good tome.
I stayed present and enjoyedwhat I ate.
I felt connected with the peopleI was with, not distracted by
food drama in my head.
(19:45):
Imagine if you said that toyourself going to bed instead of
just being like, well, yeah,that's how I should always
behave.
Of course I did that.
Right.
Can you hear yourself beinglike, I shouldn't get any credit
for just being, for eating likea normal person.
Right.
No, but you do, you do getcredit.
You get credit for choosing foodthat felt good to you.
This is really how you buildself-trust.
(20:06):
When you see that you can do it,and when you reinforce that
success, you're more likely todo it again next time.
Even if you only made onedecision that felt good, like
passing on seconds or stoppingwhen you felt satisfied, that's
worth recognizing.
This is how we get to realchange, not with perfection, but
(20:26):
with small amounts of alignmentthat start to really stack up.
If it didn't go how you hoped,don't spiral.
It's the same process.
We're just gonna shift into somecuriosity.
So what felt hard might be agood question.
Was I tired, stressed, orfeeling social pressure?
(20:48):
What would I try differentlynext time?
And this isn't about hindsightbeing 2020, it's about really
looking at this event withcuriosity and saying.
Like, what was hard about thatevent and how could I make it
easier next time?
What response could, could Iprepare for that food pusher?
What could I do to preparemyself a little bit better from
(21:12):
a maybe a hunger perspective?
Or if you were too tired whenyou went, like what could you do
to prepare next time?
It's like I said, don't spiralinto shame.
This is for learning.
This is also a great time to usemy free course, what to do when
you overeat.
It helps you move on and keepsyou out of guilt and shame, and
(21:33):
also keeps you from going intothat major restriction mode that
we often revert to when we'veover eaten.
You can find that free course inthe show notes.
And let me just say that anytime that we eat more than we
planned, but also there's timeswhere we eat foods that we
didn't plan that you couldconsider, uh, quote unquote
overeat.
(21:54):
So this course is applicable,whether, don't, don't think of
it as something that you woulduse, like only in the case of a
major binge.
It's just like if things didn'tgo as planned.
That's when you wanna, you know,pull this out.
So as we head into summer withall of the parties and events,
just remember you can have fun,eat food you enjoy and still
(22:17):
feel great afterward.
Almost always, it's not aboutthe actual food served, it's
about the quantity of food thatI ate.
That determines how I feelafterward in my body.
I absolutely can eat a hamburgerand even french fries if I don't
overeat them.
I feel fine.
(22:38):
I actually had that this weekand I was like, wow, I don't
feel.
Like over full at all.
And it was one, it, it wasactually a pretty good
experience because I, um, Iactually made the hamburgers, I
think I talked about thissomewhere else, um, maybe on
Instagram.
I made the hamburgers myself andthey were a three ounce patty
instead of, typically I makethem when I make'em at home,
(22:59):
like for sometimes even fiveounce patties.
And I just realized like, that'sjust too much food for me.
These days.
And so I was like, well, I'mmaking this, why don't I just
make them smaller?
And I did.
And overall it just came out tobe just a, a much smaller meal
and it really made a hugedifference.
And so that was a good likepractice run, if you will, for
(23:21):
summer barbecues, but just.
The idea that it's, it's reallynot the food that upsets my
stomach sometimes or causesdigestive distress or just, you
know, that feeling of, you know,just not good in your body and
overeating.
It's, it's really the volume offood.
So if you need help figuring outhow to make this you new normal,
not just for this may, Decemberand, you know, summertime, but
(23:45):
for your everyday eating, I'dlove to work with you.
Start with that free, what to dowhen you overeat.
Course that I mentioned before.
This is really for you.
If you find yourself overeatingtoo many times in a week to see
lasting weight loss, you'll getthe reset and recover guide and
figure out how to reduce yourovereats and not beat yourself
up about it.
You can also schedule a freeconsult session to see if my
(24:06):
full 12 week one-on-one coachingprogram is right for you.
All the links are in the shownotes.
Remember, it's not just aboutthe food, it's also about
empowering yourself with choicesthat truly serve you.
Have a great week and as always,thanks for listening to the Eat
Well Think Well Live Wellpodcast.
This is the Eat Well Think Well Live Well podcast.
(00:02):
I'm Lisa Salisbury and this isepisode 148.
Enjoy the party without the postevent regret.
I.
Welcome to eat well.
Well, the podcast for busy womenwho want to lose weight without
constantly counting, tracking,or stressing over every bite.
I'm Lisa Salsbury, a certifiedhealth weight loss and life
(00:24):
coach, and most importantly, arecovered chronic dieter here.
You'll learn to listen to yourbody and uncover the reasons
you're reaching for food.
When you're not truly hungry,freeing you to focus on a
healthier, more fulfillingapproach to eating.
Hey friends, it's December.
If you don't know what I'mtalking about, congratulations
(00:45):
on having a normal month.
For the rest of you, I know youare super busy in that weird end
of school, but feels as busy asChristmas kind of way.
I was looking at my contentsurvey and one listener said
their biggest headache they wishI could make go away was
navigating social situationswith food.
Like dinner out with friends,church potlucks, candy connected
(01:05):
to the holidays and I thoughtthat was a great topic for this
time of year.
I was like, oh man, it's allhappening right now.
Grad parties, barbecues, churchpotlucks, spring and summer
weddings.
The bridal showers to go withthose weddings, and I'm sure you
could name several more.
So let's talk about that today.
We can feel great in ourday-to-day.
(01:26):
Eating at home like that isreally, we've got that down.
In a, in a routine, but thosespecial events where food is
front and center can be tricky.
I can't snap my fingers and makeit go away, but I can give you
some promising strategies tohelp you have fun and also feel
good in your body and not leaveevery social event thinking, why
(01:48):
did I do that again?
Before we get into the meat ofthis episode, just reminding you
that I do have that contentsurvey open for one more week
for the Amazon gift cardgiveaway.
The link will always work, so ifyou're listening to this at a
later date and you have aquestion for me, do feel free to
still hop on that survey andcontribute.
I'm always open to help you withwhat you really need.
(02:08):
Just like in this episode forthis listener.
But I will do the giveaway onnext week's podcast for the
content survey.
For those that have participatedalready, it should just take you
a few minutes to fill out.
So tap on the link at the verytop of the show notes.
Alright, Let's start by justcalling out what makes these
situations feel so tricky.
(02:28):
You, you're surrounded by foodthat you didn't plan for.
Everyone else seems to be eatingfreely and you don't wanna feel
like the odd one out.
And I wanna put everyone elsehere in air quotes because.
There are people just like youin this crowd, but you've, your
brain is feeling like everyoneelse, okay?
(02:50):
There's also this tug of warbetween I wanna enjoy myself and
I wanna feel good after.
Sometimes you get comments orpressure from mothers, you're
not eating cake or, come on,it's a party.
And maybe if we're being honest,you use these events as a little
excuse, like it's just one day,but then there's another event
(03:12):
next week and another one afterthat.
So we have to really questionourselves when we call these
things special events or onetime things.
So if you feel stuck or out ofcontrol in these moments, just
know this.
It's not necessarily a lack ofwillpower, it's just that you
haven't decided ahead of timehow you want to handle these
(03:34):
situations, and so you've leftit up to your lower brain and.
Well, she's just not thatdependable in the face of
sweets.
That's what we're going to workon today.
So I wanna introduce you to thepause plan.
Proceed approach before theevent, or if it's been hectic
getting ready and getting thekids dressed and everyone out
(03:55):
the door.
Then even just some time beforeyou walk in.
It doesn't have to be like 24hours before or an hour before,
but just some time before youstep foot through the door.
Pause for a second and askyourself.
What do I wanna get out of thisexperience?
And number two, how do I want tofeel when I leave?
That's your anchor.
(04:17):
Okay?
Those two questions, those areyour anchors.
Now, I'm not gonna tell you theanswer.
I'm not gonna tell you what youwant out of this experience, but
I do wanna say, think about thefull picture.
Do you want to connect withcousins you haven't seen in a
long time at this wedding?
Do you wanna network about abusiness thing?
Are you interested in meetingsome of the parents of your kids
(04:40):
that might be at this schoolevent?
What, besides the food, are youlooking forward to?
And that is maybe what you wantto get out of the experience.
There also might be particularfoods, Maybe it's one of those
school events where everyonebrings a food from their home
country and you're reallylooking forward to somebody that
(05:01):
is bringing something fromBrazil or you know, it could be
the food.
I'm not saying it isn't, but.
We wanna look a little bitbeyond that as well.
And then how you want to feelwhen you leave should probably
be more of a feeling.
So this is that emotion thatgoes in the feeling line of the
model.
So a singular word.
So we're looking for things likeconfident, refreshed love, if
(05:23):
maybe you were with familyconnected content.
So that is your pause.
Okay, number two is plan.
You don't have to plan everybite, especially since I'm
hoping for your sake, you aren'tin charge of the food, so you
don't actually know what's beingserved.
Um, you know, that's just a lotof work if you're in charge of
the food, but if you are morepower to you anyway, make a
(05:46):
loose plan.
So here are a couple ofquestions you can use.
For this plan, what are thefoods I really love and want to
enjoy today?
So like what types of foods areyou looking for?
Where can I be flexible andwhere do I wanna stay aligned
with my goals?
So examples would be, you mightdecide I'm skipping the chips
(06:08):
and dip, but I'm going to enjoythe burger and have one dessert
that I actually want.
Or I'm going to build a fullplate once.
Enjoy it.
And that will be plenty.
So that is the, like the wholeentire plan for some of these
events.
Okay.
We're not writing down, youknow, make sure we get exactly
our protein numbers and ourfiber numbers and all of that.
(06:29):
'cause you know, you're notbringing a food scale.
I hope you don't to these kindsof events and you are going to
enjoy the event.
And so we're looking for thiskind of loose plan, but planning
does help reduce that frantic.
Grazing where you're nibbling ateverything and enjoying nothing.
You can also plan to walk thebuffet line and see what's there
(06:52):
because your lower brain will bedelighted to sabotage you by
saying, oh, look, there's moregood food at the end, and now
the plate is full.
So you.
Better grab another.
I remember doing this at myson's water polo end of season
banquets.
It was always a potluck, and Iwould just casually walk from
the end of the table down to thebeginning where the plates were
prior to getting in line andjust mentally noting what looked
(07:15):
good.
I.
What I wanted to try and notfeeling like I had to put
everything on my plate.
The other part of your plan canalso be that enjoying it piece.
You heard that?
I said, you know, build a fullplate, enjoy it, and then it's
gonna be plenty, right?
You don't always know if thefood will be something that you
(07:37):
like.
When you put it on your plate,if you didn't make it or if
you're not familiar with it oryou know didn't order it, you
might not know.
So I find that the beautifuldesserts to be the most
deceiving, right, they lookamazing and they taste in the
words of my teenager sorta mid.
So if you take a bite and think,meh.
It's fine.
(07:58):
Then commit ahead of time thatyou won't continue to eat that,
get something else if you reallywanted to have a dessert, but
don't just eat the thing on yourplate because it's there.
I went to a wedding receptionlast weekend that was a kind of
a casual open house typesituation, and there was a
little bit of a dessert bar.
They didn't do cake, they did adessert bar and each of the
(08:21):
desserts were literally.
You could probably eat them inone bite, but I think they were
probably considered two bites.
And so I got three and I cutthem in half.
And so I was like literallyhaving like a half a bite of
each one and I just tried them.
And the one that I liked, I atethe whole thing, and the other
ones I just left on my plate.
(08:41):
Okay, so that is your plan.
And number three is proceed.
So go, go, enjoy, eat what youchose, be present with the
people.
And here's the most importantpart, no shame afterward.
If you eat more than youplanned, it's information, not a
failure.
We'll discuss that coming up.
(09:02):
Okay, so let's go for somespecific situations and more
tips for these kinds of events.
So if you're on a buffet or apotluck, use the one plate
guideline, fill your plate withwhat looks good, eat it
mindfully, and then be done.
Most of us do not really needmore than one plate when we're
talking about volume of food.
(09:24):
I also like to use the, whatcolor is your plate guide?
At home, it's unlikely there isenough food on your plate so
that you can't see what color itis.
Picture how much food and volumeis usually what you eat at home.
Go for that same amount and justuse that cue.
Can I see the color of my plate?
(09:45):
Sometimes potluck plates aresmaller than what we use at
home.
I understand that.
And that's where you kind ofwanna Keep that cue of, can I
see some space around my food?
We don't wanna have what, youknow, what you can kind of
picture as that sort of pile offood that people sometimes, do
at potlucks.
So for most of my listeners, youguys are middle aged women.
(10:06):
If you're outside of that range,welcome.
But I'm just saying in that agerange.
We don't, we just don't requirethat much food at a singular
meal.
If it's an appetizer or snackytype event instead of a full
dinner.
As far as the potluck or buffetkind of situation, I would still
recommend a plate.
So plate your appetizers, plateyour snacks, and make an effort
(10:30):
not to eat.
Standing up around.
The cheeseboard.
Okay.
If it's, um, like a dessert andtreat table kind of situation.
So this might be, like bridalshowers or I, um, at my church
they do what's called a lingerlonger, which is just like
everyone brings a snack or atreat and we eat a little bit
after church to linger aroundand socialize.
(10:53):
So.
This is not a full meal.
So again, we wanna scan first.
Choose what you actually want,not just what's in front of you,
not just the first cookies thatyou pass.
If you know dessert is yourthing, plan for that and skip
something else that matters lessto you.
Don't eat the little smokies andbarbecue sauce.
(11:14):
If you really want that little,you know, heart shaped rice
Krispie treat or whatever,right?
So for me, this is like, Idefinitely would skip like the
chips, like the chips and oniondip.
I, I really like that.
But if I have to choose, I'mgonna go for sweets over salty
every time.
another thing that you're gonnawatch out for at these kinds of
(11:35):
events are those people we callfood pushers.
So when they're offering youthings and reminding you like,
Hey, it's a party and why aren'tyou having cake?
And, um, you know, whateverelse, these things, and, and it
depends.
If it's a more of a publicgathering, you know, church or
school event, probably not gonnahave this as much as you will
(11:55):
with family gatherings.
you've got that crazy aunt orgrandma or you know, you know
the one you, you, you know who,who comments on your body and on
food, right?
Um, so just practice ahead oftime.
I'm good for now.
Thanks.
Oh, that does look amazing.
I'll grab some later.
Remember being polite.
(12:17):
Doesn't mean you have to sayyes.
No, thank you is totally politeand I know it can be tricky.
I can hear you right now sayingno.
They get mad if we don't haveseconds and, and people get
offended if I don't eat theirfood.
And you know what?
That, that actually is okay.
let them be offended.
(12:38):
And I'm not a relationshipexpert as far as, um, with
coaching, but I do do a littlebit of relationship coaching and
I will tell you that that is allabout them and not about you.
And.
You totally have the right tosay, that doesn't work for me in
whatever way that you feelcomfortable, I find I'm good for
(13:00):
now.
Thanks.
Is probably my best response.
Okay, let's talk about candy andholiday treats.
So candy bowls that are out,like in break rooms and on your,
you know, coworker's desk.
We wanna get honest about itbeing special.
These kind of like holidaycandies, especially.
(13:21):
One example I like to think ofis that Reese's Peanut butter
Easter eggs, which we justpassed, are the same as the
pumpkins.
And the same as the trees.
They're just packaged indifferent colors and formed into
different shapes.
So, and I, I tell you, I justhad this conversation with my
(13:44):
daughter's boyfriend and he'slike, this was like the hill.
He was gonna die on the.
The eggs were different.
He was like a hundred percentsure.
And I'm like, they are a hundredpercent the same.
And you might think that, youmight be like, they, they taste
better in April and they mightto you, but I just want you to
get honest about it beingspecial or unique or this is the
(14:05):
only time.
Those are slippery slopethoughts.
They are going to almost alwayslead you to overindulge on those
things.
So.
We want to get really clearabout how often you can choose
that item.
This also goes for reallyanything that's on buffet lines
or at restaurants.
(14:27):
For the most part, you can goand get that thing anytime,
anytime.
A lot of times we have thesethoughts about foods that we're
ordering in restaurants in ourown hometown, like you pass
these restaurants.
All the time, or you couldchoose to go to them.
So we wanna get really clearabout what is a special
(14:49):
occasion, um, also, especiallywith candy and holiday treats,
things that just tend to be outall the time.
If it's just there, this iswhere you also wanna pause and
ask, do I want this or is it myhabit to grab it when I see it?
So really pause when you'reseeing those things that are
(15:09):
just kind of always there.
All right.
What about out to dinner withfriends?
You're at a restaurant andeither it's maybe just you and
your husband, or you've got abig group.
Restaurants can feel trickybecause portions are big.
The menu might be a totalsurprise.
You might not have chosen it,and maybe everyone's ordering
(15:30):
appetizers, drinks, desserts,and it's easy to just go along
just to fit in.
So here's a couple things youcan do to handle it.
If you can look at the menuahead of time, decide what feels
like a good balance for youbefore you're sitting there
hungry, distracted, andinfluenced.
Pick your star.
(15:52):
Okay, so this is the the thingwhere you're like, this is my
favorite thing about going outto to a meal.
Is it the bread basket?
Is it a fun cocktail?
Is it a big pasta dish?
Is it a shared dessert?
You don't have to skipeverything, but you probably
don't need all of those things,right?
You're probably gonna be overfull if you.
(16:13):
eat all of the bread in thebread basket, you order the
cocktail you finish the bigpasta dish and you have a
dessert, right?
That sounds like a lot of food.
So choose one or maybe two thatyou'll really enjoy and feel
good about that.
Okay, don't show up starving.
This is kind of a tricky onebecause you know, I want you to
eat when you are hungry andready to eat on the hunger
(16:35):
scale.
But we do find ourselvesovereating when we're way down,
you know, negative seven oreight and old diet culture tells
you to skip all your meals aheadof a big, out to dinner night.
I, I really do not recommenddoing that.
Be sure that you're eating asyou typically do for breakfast
and lunch so that you have agood.
(16:56):
Base, you're, you have alreadysatisfied yourself during the
day.
This will be helpful becausewhen the you know, the chips and
salsa maybe come out and thoseare gone before you even notice
and you're full before.
You know, your entree even getsthere.
So.
You know, be aware of the timingof the meal and think about when
(17:17):
your last meal was so that youare not showing up in that
negative seven, eight categoryof the hunger scale.
Try and time it so that you'reready to eat.
We want you to be hungry.
But we don't wanna be starving.
also think about the fact thatyou don't have to match your
friends.
It's okay to order what feelsright for you, even if they're
(17:39):
ordering something totallydifferent.
If they comment a simple, thisis just what I'm in the mood for
is enough.
you don't have to explain it.
You don't have to say what youhad for lunch and that's why
you're ordering this.
None of that.
You just say, oh yeah, this iswhat looked good to me.
Another thing we wanna kind ofcarry over from eating at home
into restaurants is stoppingwhen you're satisfied.
(18:01):
It's much easier at home becauseit's, you know, your own food
and there's no social pressure.
But at restaurants, because wehave those bigger portions, it
feels a little bit harderbecause you didn't dish up your
plate with exactly how much youwanted.
They brought it out to you.
So of course you can always takethe rest home.
(18:22):
But it's also an option to justnot eat everything because you
really don't have to.
What you're paying for at arestaurant experience is very
little about the actual foodbeing served.
Now, I will caveat this.
If I ever go to like a MichelinStar restaurant, you, you better
believe like, I'm gonna ordereverything and like eat it all
(18:42):
right?
But I'm talking about yourregular restaurants, like when
you guys are out with friends,um, you know, on the weekend.
These are the times that cankind of sabotage your whole week
if you're not, just planning alittle bit ahead.
And I'm not trying to bedramatic, but, you know, a
little bit of a plan goes a longway.
(19:03):
And just practicing stoppingwhen you're satisfied at home
and just continuing thatpractice at a restaurant.
You don't have to overeat justbecause they overserved you.
Okay, now it's after the event.
You did your pause planned andproceeded, and now it can go one
of two ways.
(19:23):
If it went well, again, pauseand acknowledge it seriously.
Don't just move on to the nextthing and be like, oh, yeah,
yeah, it was fine.
Like really give yourselfcredit.
I chose food that felt good tome.
I stayed present and enjoyedwhat I ate.
I felt connected with the peopleI was with, not distracted by
food drama in my head.
(19:45):
Imagine if you said that toyourself going to bed instead of
just being like, well, yeah,that's how I should always
behave.
Of course I did that.
Right.
Can you hear yourself beinglike, I shouldn't get any credit
for just being, for eating likea normal person.
Right.
No, but you do, you do getcredit.
You get credit for choosing foodthat felt good to you.
This is really how you buildself-trust.
(20:06):
When you see that you can do it,and when you reinforce that
success, you're more likely todo it again next time.
Even if you only made onedecision that felt good, like
passing on seconds or stoppingwhen you felt satisfied, that's
worth recognizing.
This is how we get to realchange, not with perfection, but
(20:26):
with small amounts of alignmentthat start to really stack up.
If it didn't go how you hoped,don't spiral.
It's the same process.
We're just gonna shift into somecuriosity.
So what felt hard might be agood question.
Was I tired, stressed, orfeeling social pressure?
(20:48):
What would I try differentlynext time?
And this isn't about hindsightbeing 2020, it's about really
looking at this event withcuriosity and saying.
Like, what was hard about thatevent and how could I make it
easier next time?
What response could, could Iprepare for that food pusher?
What could I do to preparemyself a little bit better from
(21:12):
a maybe a hunger perspective?
Or if you were too tired whenyou went, like what could you do
to prepare next time?
It's like I said, don't spiralinto shame.
This is for learning.
This is also a great time to usemy free course, what to do when
you overeat.
It helps you move on and keepsyou out of guilt and shame, and
(21:33):
also keeps you from going intothat major restriction mode that
we often revert to when we'veover eaten.
You can find that free course inthe show notes.
And let me just say that anytime that we eat more than we
planned, but also there's timeswhere we eat foods that we
didn't plan that you couldconsider, uh, quote unquote
overeat.
(21:54):
So this course is applicable,whether, don't, don't think of
it as something that you woulduse, like only in the case of a
major binge.
It's just like if things didn'tgo as planned.
That's when you wanna, you know,pull this out.
So as we head into summer withall of the parties and events,
just remember you can have fun,eat food you enjoy and still
(22:17):
feel great afterward.
Almost always, it's not aboutthe actual food served, it's
about the quantity of food thatI ate.
That determines how I feelafterward in my body.
I absolutely can eat a hamburgerand even french fries if I don't
overeat them.
I feel fine.
(22:38):
I actually had that this weekand I was like, wow, I don't
feel.
Like over full at all.
And it was one, it, it wasactually a pretty good
experience because I, um, Iactually made the hamburgers, I
think I talked about thissomewhere else, um, maybe on
Instagram.
I made the hamburgers myself andthey were a three ounce patty
instead of, typically I makethem when I make'em at home,
(22:59):
like for sometimes even fiveounce patties.
And I just realized like, that'sjust too much food for me.
These days.
And so I was like, well, I'mmaking this, why don't I just
make them smaller?
And I did.
And overall it just came out tobe just a, a much smaller meal
and it really made a hugedifference.
And so that was a good likepractice run, if you will, for
(23:21):
summer barbecues, but just.
The idea that it's, it's reallynot the food that upsets my
stomach sometimes or causesdigestive distress or just, you
know, that feeling of, you know,just not good in your body and
overeating.
It's, it's really the volume offood.
So if you need help figuring outhow to make this you new normal,
not just for this may, Decemberand, you know, summertime, but
(23:45):
for your everyday eating, I'dlove to work with you.
Start with that free, what to dowhen you overeat.
Course that I mentioned before.
This is really for you.
If you find yourself overeatingtoo many times in a week to see
lasting weight loss, you'll getthe reset and recover guide and
figure out how to reduce yourovereats and not beat yourself
up about it.
You can also schedule a freeconsult session to see if my
(24:06):
full 12 week one-on-one coachingprogram is right for you.
All the links are in the shownotes.
Remember, it's not just aboutthe food, it's also about
empowering yourself with choicesthat truly serve you.
Have a great week and as always,thanks for listening to the Eat
Well Think Well Live Wellpodcast.
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