June 18, 2025 • 26 mins
Struggling to stay consistent with your health habits? You’re not broken—just stuck in a pattern that doesn’t work for you. In this episode, I break down four common “consistency personalities” and what to do instead. If you’ve ever started strong and lost steam fast, this one’s for you.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lisa (00:00):
This is the Eat Well Think Well Live Well podcast.
(00:02):
I am Lisa Salsbury and this isepisode 152.
Why Staying Consistent feels sohard and what to do about it.
Welcome to eat well.
Well, the podcast for busy womenwho want to lose weight without
constantly counting, tracking,or stressing over every bite.
(00:22):
I'm Lisa Salsbury, a certifiedhealth weight loss and life
coach, and most importantly, arecovered chronic dieter here.
You'll learn to listen to yourbody and uncover the reasons
you're reaching for food.
When you're not truly hungry,freeing you to focus on a
healthier, more fulfillingapproach to eating.
Welcome back everyone.
Thanks for joining me today.
(00:43):
This episode tackles whyconsistency is such a struggle,
especially when we're trying todo all the right things, right
in air quotes.
So I asked you in my most recentcontent survey, what feels most
true in your health journey.
And the number one response was,I struggle being consistent with
(01:05):
all the things I'm supposed tobe doing.
If you didn't fill out thesurvey, um, it was a multiple
choice, and that one was the onethat.
Everyone except for one personclicked yes on it was a multiple
choice where you could chooseeverything that felt like was
true for you.
And so I was like, okay, wow.
Let's, let's start there withsome content because clearly
(01:26):
staying consistent or feelinglike you are struggling with
consistency is something thatyou as the listener, um, is def
you're definitely thinking aboutthat.
So first of all, let me just sayyou're not broken and clearly
you're not the only one.
Most of the time this is justcalled.
Being a human, women feel likethey lack consistency.
(01:47):
Um, and when they do, they feellike this is a personal failure,
but I promise it's not.
If you want to be moreconsistent than you are, Let's
just start by saying it's nothelpful to label yourself as
lazy or unorganized or fill inthe blank other mean thing you
call yourself.
This is usually just a systemsissue, so I'm gonna talk about
(02:11):
four different reasons or fourbig reasons.
Um, I kind of call them likepersonality types.
Of what I see when consistencybreaks down.
So if you're having troublestaying consistent, see if one
of these personality types ringstrue for you.
Alright, number one is the gobig or go home, girl.
(02:32):
You start way too big.
You set five goals at once.
You're gonna fix your meal plan,you're gonna drink your water,
exercise, meditate, sleep more,and it's overwhelming.
Especially if that meal plan issomething altogether different
than what you currently do.
And if the only thing you drankin the last month was Diet Coke
and you probably hate the gym,right?
(02:52):
This is classic.
Go big or go home.
You wanna overhaul everything atone time and then you wonder why
you can't stay consistent.
Number two is the all or nothingachiever.
This person thinks if it's notperfect, it doesn't count.
If we can't do it all perfectly,we quit.
We delay.
This is you.
(03:13):
If you miss one workout or onemeal and you're like, well, this
week is shot, I'll have to waitagain.
I'll have to start over.
I'll have to restart on Monday.
This is such a bummer of amentality when it's coupled with
the starting too big because.
Then you're just like nevergonna get there.
Right.
Okay.
Number three is the IdealistPlanner.
(03:33):
You have unrealisticexpectations.
You plan for versions ofyourself who is never tired and
never distracted.
Um, we even sometimes plan forthat version that doesn't have
kids or other responsibilities,or just doesn't take them into
account.
I'm the queen of.
I've got time.
If you're familiar with theopening scene in the original
(03:55):
Incredibles where Mr.
Incredible keeps stopping tohelp people because he looks at
his watch and he's like, I'vegot time, and he's literally
like on his way to his wedding.
It's an unrealistic expectationthat I can do 17 things in the
morning prior to getting to thegym for my workout.
Whenever I say, oh, I've gottime, I remind myself.
(04:16):
I am not Mr.
Incredible and I need to havemore realistic expectations.
Um, as much as I'd love to beHelen Parr and have ultimate
flexibility, I'm not asuperhero.
And if you are an idealistplanner, you might think that
you are.
Okay.
And number four is the should orthat's S-H-O-U-L-D or this is
(04:36):
the shame based motivationperson you live in the land of
should, you should eat clean,you should work out.
You should be better.
You try to stay consistentbecause you should not because
you want to.
This is the worst, right?
When our internal dialogue takesover with all of those shoulds,
(04:58):
you should be able to get allthis done.
You should be able to stick withthings, and especially get
shameful when it's coupled withthe you should, because she
does.
Right.
Comparison is never helpful.
This isn't an episode oncomparison, but it truly is the
thief of joy.
So if you find yourself usingthat phrase a lot, I should be
(05:19):
able to do this.
And especially, it's funny'causeit gets a little meta here, it's
like I should be consistent.
Um, and then you're notconsistent.
It's, um, you know, it getsreally tricky.
Okay, let's now see what worksbetter.
I've identified these four kindof personality types, so you're
probably gonna see yourself inmore than one.
(05:41):
So as I go through some of thesolutions to these, you know,
note what might work best foryou based on which combination
you feel like you see yourself.
Alright, so if you are that bigstarter.
Right.
The Go bigg or the the go home,you are the one that plans to
overhaul your entire life in onesitting.
What could work better here?
(06:02):
Obviously I think, you know, I'mgonna say start smaller, but the
tricky part is you're a personwho doesn't see value in that
you are a go big or go homeperson, right?
I mean, I personally love thatmeme, that meme that's like,
wait, are you telling me if wedon't go big, I can go home?
So that's not you though.
You're like all in on the like,gotta do it all.
(06:24):
If you're struggling to stayconsistent with this
personality, and honestly I knowyou are, since you know everyone
that responded, like I said,said this was an issue, then you
have to take a good look, a goodlong look.
At what you are valuing.
If you are someone who doesn'tsee the value in small steps, I
want you to step back into whatyou might see through a baby
(06:48):
baby's eyes, right?
Not, not through them, but likethe caretaker actually.
So if you have children or ifyou've been around children, if
you have nieces or nephews,think about excited.
You were when that child justbarely started to attempt to or
roll over.
Like you're the parent.
You're like cheering and callingyour husband in or calling your
(07:09):
mom and being like, yeah, shealmost rolled over today.
You could see how hard she wastrying and pushing up, and it'll
probably be really soon ifyou've not experienced this.
You can like Google what itlooks like.
It's actually funny when babiesare trying to do this, but it's
actually pretty exciting for theparent because it's like such a
small step.
You can see they're reallytrying and they're about to
succeed.
(07:30):
If you could break down yourgoals into this small of steps
and cheer for each step, imaginehow much farther along you might
be now if you hadn't gone home.
So to speak, every time thegoing big didn't work, imagine
where you'd be.
So I want you to pick thesmallest, like almost able to
(07:52):
rollover step and start there.
Start seeing the value in theattempts.
Even if you feel like you wantto work on nutrition and
exercise and meditation in onego, then each one has to be.
Very small.
If you want to just focus on oneaspect, then the steps could be
a little bit bigger.
(08:12):
Let me give you some starter,starter examples here.
So for nutrition, you could justfocus on fiber.
How can I get up to 25 grams offiber in a day?
Don't worry about any otheraspects.
Then until that part is dialedin and you are consistently
meeting your fiber goal, thatmight feel small.
(08:33):
To some like, no, no, I have tofix my whole diet.
That might feel big to you.
If it's big to you, you know,break it down even further.
But after you're consistent withthat, then start working on
something else.
Maybe then you're gonna startworking on reducing your sugar
intake.
Or after you're up to your 25grams of fiber a day, then
you'll take a look at yoursnacking habits.
(08:55):
For exercise instead of goingfrom nothing to six days a week
at the gym, start with gettingout on a walk maybe three days a
week, practice leaving the housefor exercise before you start
taking on an entirely new gymroutine.
If you're not accustomed toleaving the house to exercise.
Going to the gym is gonna behuge.
(09:17):
So just start with going out ofyour house for a walk.
If you're already a consistentexerciser, but you want to add a
component, say add in strengthtraining.
If you already have dialed inyour cardio, again, just start
small with a few 30 minutessessions per week rather than a
full five day routine.
(09:38):
If you're still feeling like youaren't staying consistent with
these steps, go even smalleruntil you can do that.
Then increase.
So you could start with justgetting eight grams of fiber at
breakfast.
Just worry about breakfast.
Well, not worry, but you know,focus on right.
And then we're not focusing onthe rest of the day until that
meal is dialed in.
(09:59):
So I just took that 25 grams offiber in a day and brought it
down to just one meal.
Same thing can be done withexercise, meditation, sleep, all
of the things.
You can just bring it down intothe very first, very smallest
step.
Stop adding these big stepsuntil you are doing a great job
with the small ones andcelebrate those as much as you
(10:21):
would that baby.
Rolling over.
Okay, so again, I know this islike gonna be really hard since
if you are that go big or gohome person, it's hard for you
to see the value in small steps.
But if you can think about smallsteps that are worth celebrating
if the baby rolling over doesn'tlike resonate for you, um, you
(10:45):
know, think of the smallestthing that you've celebrated in.
I just think that children oftenare good examples for this
because they, um, you know.
They, they are doing smallerthings than adults are
sometimes, you know, littleones.
But, um, look for those examplesin your life and see where the
smallest things are that you cancelebrate and try to implement
(11:06):
them in some of the things thatyou are trying to be consistent
on.
Okay.
Let's talk about the all ornothing achiever.
What would work better here thanconstantly starting over?
Nothing feels like you aren'tgood with consistency as the
constant starting over.
So the first thing I want you todo is get rid of the idea that
(11:27):
one missed meal or one missedworkout means you aren't
consistent.
We've gotta throw out the ideathat consistency is the same
thing as perfection.
That's the huge difference here.
So if this is you, I want you tostart redefining success.
Showing up imperfectly stillcounts as consistency.
(11:49):
Showing up imperfectly is stillsuccess.
So success for you will not begetting everything right the
first time, but for you, it'stools like the very next bite
when something goes awry withyour eating.
Instead of thinking, okay, wellnow I have to start over, which
implies the lack of consistency.
(12:09):
I want you to think about whatwould be on plan.
For your very next bite.
I often find clients overeat atnight, whether that's dinner or
after dinner, and so their verynext bite will be breakfast.
So what would be a breakfast youwould eat if you were being
quote unquote consistent?
That's what you eat for yourvery next bite, and you just
(12:33):
move on.
You are showing up consistentlyfor yourself by getting back on
track on the very next.
Bite.
So this doesn't mess with yourall or nothing, right?
It's just imperfectly showingup.
Yesterday my husband and I, wewere the chaperones for a river
rafting trip for my daughter'sgirls church youth group.
(12:56):
And we left really early in themorning and spent the day in the
sun.
Super fun.
We had a great time.
No one on our boat fell in,thankfully, since it was on the
Truckee River, which isessentially just fed by snow
melt here in the Sierra Nevadas.
Um, I live in northernCalifornia if you don't know me,
so it's like 60 degrees in thewater.
So it was chilly when we weregoing through the rapids and you
(13:17):
were getting like fullydrenched.
But anyway, Mondays are normallya lifting day for me, and um, I.
I wasn't gonna get up at 5:00 AMto lift before this trip.
That's just not, um, that's notan option for me.
I won't function if I have toget up, um, that early.
So if I'm an all or nothingperson, what happens then to my
week of exercise when I missthat lift on Monday morning?
(13:40):
You might just scrap the wholeweek or try to make up for that
missed workout or get confusedon what you should do for
workouts for the rest of theweek.
But here's what I did, here'swhat I proposed that you do.
Uh, just do your regular Tuesdayworkout.
Like you just come home from thetrip and Tuesday morning you
just do your regular Tuesdayworkout and then on with the
(14:01):
rest of the week.
So tomorrow I'm gonna go aheadand lift weights like I usually
do on Wednesdays.
So this morning, Tuesday, I, um,I went out on a walk.
That's what I do on Tuesdaymornings.
So I'm still consistent.
I'm still doing the things, butit's okay to miss a day here and
there and call this imperfectconsistency.
(14:21):
The other way we can show upconsistently is to do a shorter
workout than planned.
So.
You know that this wouldn'tstill have been, um, you know,
an option for me in the morning,like in, in this example.
But if, for example, you findyourself waking up late or
running into traffic, and yourworkout time gets cut from 45
(14:42):
minutes to 35 or 25 minutes,still do it.
Still do what you can.
Some is better than none, andthis still counts as
consistency.
Okay.
Um, the third one is theidealist planner.
Remember, this is the person whomakes plans for the perfect
version of herself, but thoseplans don't really hold up in
(15:05):
real life'cause they're based onthe best case scenarios.
So, for you, I recommend westart planning for your real.
Energy, your real schedule andyour real mood, and then build
in backups even then, right?
Even if you're trying to planmore realistically.
'cause especially at first,especially as an idealist, you
(15:26):
won't, you won't really be veryrealistic at first.
So planning in the backups is,is a good insurance policy.
So as an idealist, you may notfeel like you could be
consistent because no matterwhat, you plan something or
someone.
Always gets in the way, andthat's because you weren't
planning for the somethings orthe sum ones.
(15:48):
For example, if you have a worktask that you think will take 30
minutes, but you end up havingto bring that work home where
your kids are then you have toplan for it to take an hour.
It's not the kid's fault andit's not your fault that it
takes longer when they arearound.
They just have needs and youwant to meet those needs, and so
work will take longer.
(16:09):
This is realistic, notidealistic on how long tasks
will take.
If you are a stay at home mom ora work from home woman all the
time, you also need to planextra time.
I think we are quick as moms tosay I couldn't get the thing
done because of the kids, butthat's because we aren't
planning things as if they won'tinterrupt.
(16:32):
They will.
You, we just gotta plan for it,right?
You might also plan your daysbased on a follicular phase of
your cycle day, and then whenthat task comes along and it's
actually a luteal phase day oreven a bleed day, and you're
like, great, I'm not aconsistent person, because your
energy in the luteal phase doesnot match the energy in the
(16:54):
follicular phase.
So what what's really happeningis you weren't planning for the
actual energy level on the daythe task was going to be done.
So when it's something that hasto be done every day of the
month, like eating, you want tobe aware of your energy levels,
your time constraints, anddifferent scheduling demands,
(17:15):
and plan for those accordingly.
My perimenopause cycle is allover the place.
I am literally just coming offof a 12 day cycle, which was
super fun when my period startedagain after just 12 days after
my last one.
But anyway, I digress.
If that's you and your cycle iscompletely unpredictable, then
you'll just have to listen toyour body each day, and as much
(17:35):
as I described above my typicalworkout days, if I don't sleep
well.
Or I wake up to the start of aperiod a week or more before I
expected, and it's a menstrualmigraine day.
I will absolutely be changing upmy workout routine if I need to.
This is not inconsistency.
This is kindness and planningfor your actual energy level,
not your ideal.
(17:57):
Of course we'd like our lives torun smoothly, but every day is
not best case scenario, and thatdoesn't mean you aren't
consistent.
You are adjusting to your humanbody and to living with other
humans.
So we want to just giveourselves grace in these moments
(18:17):
when we are, you know, planningand things go awry.
So if you are I an idealistplanner, really trying time to
step back from that and, andtaking a look at what is really
the truth about how your days.
Go.
okay.
And lastly, we have that should,honestly, I think this one shows
(18:38):
up in all the other ones aswell, because the should woman
is someone who might do what youshould do, not what you want to
or actually value.
And then you end up in just aplace of dishonesty with.
Yourself.
For you, it will be important tobe radically honest about what
(18:59):
you want to do.
Note I didn't say what you arecapable of doing.
I think sometimes my idealistplanners have a lot of things to
do, but they don't really wantto do all of them, so this
should mentality really shows upfor them as well.
If you are a should, you arelikely trying to force yourself
(19:19):
into change through pressure,not desire, and so you can't
possibly stay consistent foryou.
The activity here is gettingclear on your why.
Now I know that is such a, likea coachy thing to say, and I
really try to stay out of theindustry language as much as
possible.
So it's really clear for you,the listener on what to do.
(19:41):
But honestly, the truth is thatsometimes it's industry language
because it's already clear andit does work.
When you get clear on why thehabit matters to you, not just
why it should matter, you willbe way more likely to stick with
it.
You guys hear my core whystatement all the time as, um,
(20:03):
you know, if you're like afaithful listener, but I'll give
it to you again, and especiallyif you might be new around here.
This is my why for engaging inmost of the health-promoting
behaviors that I do.
I want to be an influence forgood on my grandchildren.
So the reason, this is my whystatement is because being an
(20:24):
influence for good means thatfirst and foremost, I have a
relationship with them.
This means my mind is sharp andI can communicate with them how
they want to be communicatedwith and notice.
I, I referenced my grandchildrenhere, which is far, far away for
me.
My oldest child is 26 years old,so it's not like he's not in,
(20:45):
you know, a possible, and, andhe's married, so, um, but they
just don't have plans to havechildren anytime soon.
And I am in no way pressuringthem.
Nor do I ever ask them about it.
So I anticipate it being, um,some time for me and then some
time until, you know, they cantalk and walk and do all the
things.
So this is, this means that thisis how I am aging.
(21:06):
This is indicative of what it'sgonna look like for me in 10,
15, and 20 years.
so I mentioned like this is.
Keeping my mind sharp so I cancommunicate with them how they
wanna be communicated with.
So that may be FaceTime calls,but there also probably will be
something new by then.
Something like Marco Polo orSnapchat, those types of apps.
(21:27):
But whatever the app is whenthey are teenagers will be
different than what's availablenow.
So I need to keep my mind sharpso I can communicate with them.
I also want to be physicallystrong, to be able to pick up my
luggage and go get on anairplane to go and see them.
I anticipate that my childrenwill not live close by me, and
if I need to go visit them on aplane, I want to be able to do
(21:50):
that.
If they do live close, then Iwant to be physically strong to
climb the bleachers and watchthe games, and go to the T-Ball,
and go to the volleyball games,and go to the dancing.
Recitals.
Being with them and focusing onhaving a relationship with my
grandchildren also tells me myrelationship with my children is
strong.
And for all of these samereasons, I'm physically strong.
(22:12):
I'm mentally strong, I'm presentwith them.
I could go on and on more, butsee how this one sentence of my
why this one thing encompasses.
My mental, my physical, and evenfor me, my spiritual health.
When you find your own, why youwill be less likely to rely on
your shoulds because you knowwhat you want to do.
(22:36):
Not out of obligation, butbecause it's what you truly want
to do.
These things are true to yourcore.
Self.
If at this point you have thingsyou know are truly important to
you, but something else isgetting in the way of
consistency, you might also haveto revisit one of the other
personality types I identifiedbefore.
(22:58):
So for me.
I don't tend to be this shouldperson.
I tend to be pretty clear on mywhy, but I know that I am a
little bit of the, um, idealistplanner.
For sure that's me.
So I gave you some examples ofum, how I'm not that, but that's
really just something I am likeworking on.
(23:21):
So overall, just remember thatmany plans are made when we are
feeling motivated, butmotivation wanes.
Doesn't really fuel consistency.
The emotions that fuelconsistency for all of these
personality types arecommitment, confidence and
curiosity.
That's commitment to our why.
(23:41):
Confidence to carry on even whenit's not perfect, and curiosity
to figure out why somethingisn't working.
These are the emotions tocultivate when you feel like you
aren't being consistent.
And in fact, these are the threebig Cs my favorite emotions to
cultivate for almost anysituation.
The more consistent you are,even when it's imperfect, not
(24:04):
quite as we planned or it's justthat very tiny step, the more
you'll build self-trust.
This is when we say, we'll dosomething.
And we do.
It builds our belief.
And then trust.
When we constantly break ourword to ourselves, often
unintentionally, but we do, weare usually the first person we
(24:25):
cancel on, it chips away at thatbelief.
Self-trust is really, truly likea muscle.
You build it with these smallrepetitions, not grand gestures.
So this week I want you tochoose one thing to be
consistent with first.
Start small.
Even if you're not that go bigor go home, girl, I still want
(24:46):
you to start small With any ofthese personality types,
starting with a very small goaland getting consistent on that
builds that self-trust.
We start to believe that, hey,we do what we say we're gonna
do, and then we can add on fromthere.
So Use planning as a tool forconfidence, not control over
(25:07):
yourself, but just to buildconfidence and self-trust.
And then of course, celebrate.
Celebrate completion, notperfection.
Celebrate continuing, continuingon.
Even if it wasn't perfect, ifsomething in today's episode
made you think differently orgave you that little nudge that
you needed, that's exactly why Ido this, and if you're ready to
(25:30):
take it further, I'd love tosupport you.
Start with a couple of myfreebies.
Number one, if you'reconsidering GLP one medication,
I have a brand new GLP oneSuccess Starter kit.
GLP ones are a great tool toassist you with your weight
loss, and so I've developed aprogram that is specifically for
people who are on thesemedications.
(25:52):
So check out that successstarter kit.
It's free.
It'll give you an idea of howI'm gonna coach you and how it
might be a little bit differentif you maybe have even been a
past client or checked me outbefore, but now you're using
medication.
Um, I have really added that alot to my repertoire and
developed a new coaching programfor you.
If medication is not up youralley, but you notice that
(26:14):
you're overeating too many timesin a week to see lasting weight
loss, then grab my what to dowhen you overeat course.
This has a reset and root coverguide and a video series that
goes with it and just helps youfigure out how to reduce your
over eats and not beat yourselfup about it.
Of course, you can also schedulea free consult session to see if
my one-on-one coaching programsare right for you.
(26:36):
All the links are in the shownotes.
Remember, it's not just aboutthe food, it's about empowering
yourself with choices that trulyserve you.
Have a great week and as always,thanks for listening and sharing
the Eat Well Think Well LiveWell podcast.
This is the Eat Well Think Well Live Well podcast.
(00:02):
I am Lisa Salsbury and this isepisode 152.
Why Staying Consistent feels sohard and what to do about it.
Welcome to eat well.
Well, the podcast for busy womenwho want to lose weight without
constantly counting, tracking,or stressing over every bite.
(00:22):
I'm Lisa Salsbury, a certifiedhealth weight loss and life
coach, and most importantly, arecovered chronic dieter here.
You'll learn to listen to yourbody and uncover the reasons
you're reaching for food.
When you're not truly hungry,freeing you to focus on a
healthier, more fulfillingapproach to eating.
Welcome back everyone.
Thanks for joining me today.
(00:43):
This episode tackles whyconsistency is such a struggle,
especially when we're trying todo all the right things, right
in air quotes.
So I asked you in my most recentcontent survey, what feels most
true in your health journey.
And the number one response was,I struggle being consistent with
(01:05):
all the things I'm supposed tobe doing.
If you didn't fill out thesurvey, um, it was a multiple
choice, and that one was the onethat.
Everyone except for one personclicked yes on it was a multiple
choice where you could chooseeverything that felt like was
true for you.
And so I was like, okay, wow.
Let's, let's start there withsome content because clearly
(01:26):
staying consistent or feelinglike you are struggling with
consistency is something thatyou as the listener, um, is def
you're definitely thinking aboutthat.
So first of all, let me just sayyou're not broken and clearly
you're not the only one.
Most of the time this is justcalled.
Being a human, women feel likethey lack consistency.
(01:47):
Um, and when they do, they feellike this is a personal failure,
but I promise it's not.
If you want to be moreconsistent than you are, Let's
just start by saying it's nothelpful to label yourself as
lazy or unorganized or fill inthe blank other mean thing you
call yourself.
This is usually just a systemsissue, so I'm gonna talk about
(02:11):
four different reasons or fourbig reasons.
Um, I kind of call them likepersonality types.
Of what I see when consistencybreaks down.
So if you're having troublestaying consistent, see if one
of these personality types ringstrue for you.
Alright, number one is the gobig or go home, girl.
(02:32):
You start way too big.
You set five goals at once.
You're gonna fix your meal plan,you're gonna drink your water,
exercise, meditate, sleep more,and it's overwhelming.
Especially if that meal plan issomething altogether different
than what you currently do.
And if the only thing you drankin the last month was Diet Coke
and you probably hate the gym,right?
(02:52):
This is classic.
Go big or go home.
You wanna overhaul everything atone time and then you wonder why
you can't stay consistent.
Number two is the all or nothingachiever.
This person thinks if it's notperfect, it doesn't count.
If we can't do it all perfectly,we quit.
We delay.
This is you.
(03:13):
If you miss one workout or onemeal and you're like, well, this
week is shot, I'll have to waitagain.
I'll have to start over.
I'll have to restart on Monday.
This is such a bummer of amentality when it's coupled with
the starting too big because.
Then you're just like nevergonna get there.
Right.
Okay.
Number three is the IdealistPlanner.
(03:33):
You have unrealisticexpectations.
You plan for versions ofyourself who is never tired and
never distracted.
Um, we even sometimes plan forthat version that doesn't have
kids or other responsibilities,or just doesn't take them into
account.
I'm the queen of.
I've got time.
If you're familiar with theopening scene in the original
(03:55):
Incredibles where Mr.
Incredible keeps stopping tohelp people because he looks at
his watch and he's like, I'vegot time, and he's literally
like on his way to his wedding.
It's an unrealistic expectationthat I can do 17 things in the
morning prior to getting to thegym for my workout.
Whenever I say, oh, I've gottime, I remind myself.
(04:16):
I am not Mr.
Incredible and I need to havemore realistic expectations.
Um, as much as I'd love to beHelen Parr and have ultimate
flexibility, I'm not asuperhero.
And if you are an idealistplanner, you might think that
you are.
Okay.
And number four is the should orthat's S-H-O-U-L-D or this is
(04:36):
the shame based motivationperson you live in the land of
should, you should eat clean,you should work out.
You should be better.
You try to stay consistentbecause you should not because
you want to.
This is the worst, right?
When our internal dialogue takesover with all of those shoulds,
(04:58):
you should be able to get allthis done.
You should be able to stick withthings, and especially get
shameful when it's coupled withthe you should, because she
does.
Right.
Comparison is never helpful.
This isn't an episode oncomparison, but it truly is the
thief of joy.
So if you find yourself usingthat phrase a lot, I should be
(05:19):
able to do this.
And especially, it's funny'causeit gets a little meta here, it's
like I should be consistent.
Um, and then you're notconsistent.
It's, um, you know, it getsreally tricky.
Okay, let's now see what worksbetter.
I've identified these four kindof personality types, so you're
probably gonna see yourself inmore than one.
(05:41):
So as I go through some of thesolutions to these, you know,
note what might work best foryou based on which combination
you feel like you see yourself.
Alright, so if you are that bigstarter.
Right.
The Go bigg or the the go home,you are the one that plans to
overhaul your entire life in onesitting.
What could work better here?
(06:02):
Obviously I think, you know, I'mgonna say start smaller, but the
tricky part is you're a personwho doesn't see value in that
you are a go big or go homeperson, right?
I mean, I personally love thatmeme, that meme that's like,
wait, are you telling me if wedon't go big, I can go home?
So that's not you though.
You're like all in on the like,gotta do it all.
(06:24):
If you're struggling to stayconsistent with this
personality, and honestly I knowyou are, since you know everyone
that responded, like I said,said this was an issue, then you
have to take a good look, a goodlong look.
At what you are valuing.
If you are someone who doesn'tsee the value in small steps, I
want you to step back into whatyou might see through a baby
(06:48):
baby's eyes, right?
Not, not through them, but likethe caretaker actually.
So if you have children or ifyou've been around children, if
you have nieces or nephews,think about excited.
You were when that child justbarely started to attempt to or
roll over.
Like you're the parent.
You're like cheering and callingyour husband in or calling your
(07:09):
mom and being like, yeah, shealmost rolled over today.
You could see how hard she wastrying and pushing up, and it'll
probably be really soon ifyou've not experienced this.
You can like Google what itlooks like.
It's actually funny when babiesare trying to do this, but it's
actually pretty exciting for theparent because it's like such a
small step.
You can see they're reallytrying and they're about to
succeed.
(07:30):
If you could break down yourgoals into this small of steps
and cheer for each step, imaginehow much farther along you might
be now if you hadn't gone home.
So to speak, every time thegoing big didn't work, imagine
where you'd be.
So I want you to pick thesmallest, like almost able to
(07:52):
rollover step and start there.
Start seeing the value in theattempts.
Even if you feel like you wantto work on nutrition and
exercise and meditation in onego, then each one has to be.
Very small.
If you want to just focus on oneaspect, then the steps could be
a little bit bigger.
(08:12):
Let me give you some starter,starter examples here.
So for nutrition, you could justfocus on fiber.
How can I get up to 25 grams offiber in a day?
Don't worry about any otheraspects.
Then until that part is dialedin and you are consistently
meeting your fiber goal, thatmight feel small.
(08:33):
To some like, no, no, I have tofix my whole diet.
That might feel big to you.
If it's big to you, you know,break it down even further.
But after you're consistent withthat, then start working on
something else.
Maybe then you're gonna startworking on reducing your sugar
intake.
Or after you're up to your 25grams of fiber a day, then
you'll take a look at yoursnacking habits.
(08:55):
For exercise instead of goingfrom nothing to six days a week
at the gym, start with gettingout on a walk maybe three days a
week, practice leaving the housefor exercise before you start
taking on an entirely new gymroutine.
If you're not accustomed toleaving the house to exercise.
Going to the gym is gonna behuge.
(09:17):
So just start with going out ofyour house for a walk.
If you're already a consistentexerciser, but you want to add a
component, say add in strengthtraining.
If you already have dialed inyour cardio, again, just start
small with a few 30 minutessessions per week rather than a
full five day routine.
(09:38):
If you're still feeling like youaren't staying consistent with
these steps, go even smalleruntil you can do that.
Then increase.
So you could start with justgetting eight grams of fiber at
breakfast.
Just worry about breakfast.
Well, not worry, but you know,focus on right.
And then we're not focusing onthe rest of the day until that
meal is dialed in.
(09:59):
So I just took that 25 grams offiber in a day and brought it
down to just one meal.
Same thing can be done withexercise, meditation, sleep, all
of the things.
You can just bring it down intothe very first, very smallest
step.
Stop adding these big stepsuntil you are doing a great job
with the small ones andcelebrate those as much as you
(10:21):
would that baby.
Rolling over.
Okay, so again, I know this islike gonna be really hard since
if you are that go big or gohome person, it's hard for you
to see the value in small steps.
But if you can think about smallsteps that are worth celebrating
if the baby rolling over doesn'tlike resonate for you, um, you
(10:45):
know, think of the smallestthing that you've celebrated in.
I just think that children oftenare good examples for this
because they, um, you know.
They, they are doing smallerthings than adults are
sometimes, you know, littleones.
But, um, look for those examplesin your life and see where the
smallest things are that you cancelebrate and try to implement
(11:06):
them in some of the things thatyou are trying to be consistent
on.
Okay.
Let's talk about the all ornothing achiever.
What would work better here thanconstantly starting over?
Nothing feels like you aren'tgood with consistency as the
constant starting over.
So the first thing I want you todo is get rid of the idea that
(11:27):
one missed meal or one missedworkout means you aren't
consistent.
We've gotta throw out the ideathat consistency is the same
thing as perfection.
That's the huge difference here.
So if this is you, I want you tostart redefining success.
Showing up imperfectly stillcounts as consistency.
(11:49):
Showing up imperfectly is stillsuccess.
So success for you will not begetting everything right the
first time, but for you, it'stools like the very next bite
when something goes awry withyour eating.
Instead of thinking, okay, wellnow I have to start over, which
implies the lack of consistency.
(12:09):
I want you to think about whatwould be on plan.
For your very next bite.
I often find clients overeat atnight, whether that's dinner or
after dinner, and so their verynext bite will be breakfast.
So what would be a breakfast youwould eat if you were being
quote unquote consistent?
That's what you eat for yourvery next bite, and you just
(12:33):
move on.
You are showing up consistentlyfor yourself by getting back on
track on the very next.
Bite.
So this doesn't mess with yourall or nothing, right?
It's just imperfectly showingup.
Yesterday my husband and I, wewere the chaperones for a river
rafting trip for my daughter'sgirls church youth group.
(12:56):
And we left really early in themorning and spent the day in the
sun.
Super fun.
We had a great time.
No one on our boat fell in,thankfully, since it was on the
Truckee River, which isessentially just fed by snow
melt here in the Sierra Nevadas.
Um, I live in northernCalifornia if you don't know me,
so it's like 60 degrees in thewater.
So it was chilly when we weregoing through the rapids and you
(13:17):
were getting like fullydrenched.
But anyway, Mondays are normallya lifting day for me, and um, I.
I wasn't gonna get up at 5:00 AMto lift before this trip.
That's just not, um, that's notan option for me.
I won't function if I have toget up, um, that early.
So if I'm an all or nothingperson, what happens then to my
week of exercise when I missthat lift on Monday morning?
(13:40):
You might just scrap the wholeweek or try to make up for that
missed workout or get confusedon what you should do for
workouts for the rest of theweek.
But here's what I did, here'swhat I proposed that you do.
Uh, just do your regular Tuesdayworkout.
Like you just come home from thetrip and Tuesday morning you
just do your regular Tuesdayworkout and then on with the
(14:01):
rest of the week.
So tomorrow I'm gonna go aheadand lift weights like I usually
do on Wednesdays.
So this morning, Tuesday, I, um,I went out on a walk.
That's what I do on Tuesdaymornings.
So I'm still consistent.
I'm still doing the things, butit's okay to miss a day here and
there and call this imperfectconsistency.
(14:21):
The other way we can show upconsistently is to do a shorter
workout than planned.
So.
You know that this wouldn'tstill have been, um, you know,
an option for me in the morning,like in, in this example.
But if, for example, you findyourself waking up late or
running into traffic, and yourworkout time gets cut from 45
(14:42):
minutes to 35 or 25 minutes,still do it.
Still do what you can.
Some is better than none, andthis still counts as
consistency.
Okay.
Um, the third one is theidealist planner.
Remember, this is the person whomakes plans for the perfect
version of herself, but thoseplans don't really hold up in
(15:05):
real life'cause they're based onthe best case scenarios.
So, for you, I recommend westart planning for your real.
Energy, your real schedule andyour real mood, and then build
in backups even then, right?
Even if you're trying to planmore realistically.
'cause especially at first,especially as an idealist, you
(15:26):
won't, you won't really be veryrealistic at first.
So planning in the backups is,is a good insurance policy.
So as an idealist, you may notfeel like you could be
consistent because no matterwhat, you plan something or
someone.
Always gets in the way, andthat's because you weren't
planning for the somethings orthe sum ones.
(15:48):
For example, if you have a worktask that you think will take 30
minutes, but you end up havingto bring that work home where
your kids are then you have toplan for it to take an hour.
It's not the kid's fault andit's not your fault that it
takes longer when they arearound.
They just have needs and youwant to meet those needs, and so
work will take longer.
(16:09):
This is realistic, notidealistic on how long tasks
will take.
If you are a stay at home mom ora work from home woman all the
time, you also need to planextra time.
I think we are quick as moms tosay I couldn't get the thing
done because of the kids, butthat's because we aren't
planning things as if they won'tinterrupt.
(16:32):
They will.
You, we just gotta plan for it,right?
You might also plan your daysbased on a follicular phase of
your cycle day, and then whenthat task comes along and it's
actually a luteal phase day oreven a bleed day, and you're
like, great, I'm not aconsistent person, because your
energy in the luteal phase doesnot match the energy in the
(16:54):
follicular phase.
So what what's really happeningis you weren't planning for the
actual energy level on the daythe task was going to be done.
So when it's something that hasto be done every day of the
month, like eating, you want tobe aware of your energy levels,
your time constraints, anddifferent scheduling demands,
(17:15):
and plan for those accordingly.
My perimenopause cycle is allover the place.
I am literally just coming offof a 12 day cycle, which was
super fun when my period startedagain after just 12 days after
my last one.
But anyway, I digress.
If that's you and your cycle iscompletely unpredictable, then
you'll just have to listen toyour body each day, and as much
(17:35):
as I described above my typicalworkout days, if I don't sleep
well.
Or I wake up to the start of aperiod a week or more before I
expected, and it's a menstrualmigraine day.
I will absolutely be changing upmy workout routine if I need to.
This is not inconsistency.
This is kindness and planningfor your actual energy level,
not your ideal.
(17:57):
Of course we'd like our lives torun smoothly, but every day is
not best case scenario, and thatdoesn't mean you aren't
consistent.
You are adjusting to your humanbody and to living with other
humans.
So we want to just giveourselves grace in these moments
(18:17):
when we are, you know, planningand things go awry.
So if you are I an idealistplanner, really trying time to
step back from that and, andtaking a look at what is really
the truth about how your days.
Go.
okay.
And lastly, we have that should,honestly, I think this one shows
(18:38):
up in all the other ones aswell, because the should woman
is someone who might do what youshould do, not what you want to
or actually value.
And then you end up in just aplace of dishonesty with.
Yourself.
For you, it will be important tobe radically honest about what
(18:59):
you want to do.
Note I didn't say what you arecapable of doing.
I think sometimes my idealistplanners have a lot of things to
do, but they don't really wantto do all of them, so this
should mentality really shows upfor them as well.
If you are a should, you arelikely trying to force yourself
(19:19):
into change through pressure,not desire, and so you can't
possibly stay consistent foryou.
The activity here is gettingclear on your why.
Now I know that is such a, likea coachy thing to say, and I
really try to stay out of theindustry language as much as
possible.
So it's really clear for you,the listener on what to do.
(19:41):
But honestly, the truth is thatsometimes it's industry language
because it's already clear andit does work.
When you get clear on why thehabit matters to you, not just
why it should matter, you willbe way more likely to stick with
it.
You guys hear my core whystatement all the time as, um,
(20:03):
you know, if you're like afaithful listener, but I'll give
it to you again, and especiallyif you might be new around here.
This is my why for engaging inmost of the health-promoting
behaviors that I do.
I want to be an influence forgood on my grandchildren.
So the reason, this is my whystatement is because being an
(20:24):
influence for good means thatfirst and foremost, I have a
relationship with them.
This means my mind is sharp andI can communicate with them how
they want to be communicatedwith and notice.
I, I referenced my grandchildrenhere, which is far, far away for
me.
My oldest child is 26 years old,so it's not like he's not in,
(20:45):
you know, a possible, and, andhe's married, so, um, but they
just don't have plans to havechildren anytime soon.
And I am in no way pressuringthem.
Nor do I ever ask them about it.
So I anticipate it being, um,some time for me and then some
time until, you know, they cantalk and walk and do all the
things.
So this is, this means that thisis how I am aging.
(21:06):
This is indicative of what it'sgonna look like for me in 10,
15, and 20 years.
so I mentioned like this is.
Keeping my mind sharp so I cancommunicate with them how they
wanna be communicated with.
So that may be FaceTime calls,but there also probably will be
something new by then.
Something like Marco Polo orSnapchat, those types of apps.
(21:27):
But whatever the app is whenthey are teenagers will be
different than what's availablenow.
So I need to keep my mind sharpso I can communicate with them.
I also want to be physicallystrong, to be able to pick up my
luggage and go get on anairplane to go and see them.
I anticipate that my childrenwill not live close by me, and
if I need to go visit them on aplane, I want to be able to do
(21:50):
that.
If they do live close, then Iwant to be physically strong to
climb the bleachers and watchthe games, and go to the T-Ball,
and go to the volleyball games,and go to the dancing.
Recitals.
Being with them and focusing onhaving a relationship with my
grandchildren also tells me myrelationship with my children is
strong.
And for all of these samereasons, I'm physically strong.
(22:12):
I'm mentally strong, I'm presentwith them.
I could go on and on more, butsee how this one sentence of my
why this one thing encompasses.
My mental, my physical, and evenfor me, my spiritual health.
When you find your own, why youwill be less likely to rely on
your shoulds because you knowwhat you want to do.
(22:36):
Not out of obligation, butbecause it's what you truly want
to do.
These things are true to yourcore.
Self.
If at this point you have thingsyou know are truly important to
you, but something else isgetting in the way of
consistency, you might also haveto revisit one of the other
personality types I identifiedbefore.
(22:58):
So for me.
I don't tend to be this shouldperson.
I tend to be pretty clear on mywhy, but I know that I am a
little bit of the, um, idealistplanner.
For sure that's me.
So I gave you some examples ofum, how I'm not that, but that's
really just something I am likeworking on.
(23:21):
So overall, just remember thatmany plans are made when we are
feeling motivated, butmotivation wanes.
Doesn't really fuel consistency.
The emotions that fuelconsistency for all of these
personality types arecommitment, confidence and
curiosity.
That's commitment to our why.
(23:41):
Confidence to carry on even whenit's not perfect, and curiosity
to figure out why somethingisn't working.
These are the emotions tocultivate when you feel like you
aren't being consistent.
And in fact, these are the threebig Cs my favorite emotions to
cultivate for almost anysituation.
The more consistent you are,even when it's imperfect, not
(24:04):
quite as we planned or it's justthat very tiny step, the more
you'll build self-trust.
This is when we say, we'll dosomething.
And we do.
It builds our belief.
And then trust.
When we constantly break ourword to ourselves, often
unintentionally, but we do, weare usually the first person we
(24:25):
cancel on, it chips away at thatbelief.
Self-trust is really, truly likea muscle.
You build it with these smallrepetitions, not grand gestures.
So this week I want you tochoose one thing to be
consistent with first.
Start small.
Even if you're not that go bigor go home, girl, I still want
(24:46):
you to start small With any ofthese personality types,
starting with a very small goaland getting consistent on that
builds that self-trust.
We start to believe that, hey,we do what we say we're gonna
do, and then we can add on fromthere.
So Use planning as a tool forconfidence, not control over
(25:07):
yourself, but just to buildconfidence and self-trust.
And then of course, celebrate.
Celebrate completion, notperfection.
Celebrate continuing, continuingon.
Even if it wasn't perfect, ifsomething in today's episode
made you think differently orgave you that little nudge that
you needed, that's exactly why Ido this, and if you're ready to
(25:30):
take it further, I'd love tosupport you.
Start with a couple of myfreebies.
Number one, if you'reconsidering GLP one medication,
I have a brand new GLP oneSuccess Starter kit.
GLP ones are a great tool toassist you with your weight
loss, and so I've developed aprogram that is specifically for
people who are on thesemedications.
(25:52):
So check out that successstarter kit.
It's free.
It'll give you an idea of howI'm gonna coach you and how it
might be a little bit differentif you maybe have even been a
past client or checked me outbefore, but now you're using
medication.
Um, I have really added that alot to my repertoire and
developed a new coaching programfor you.
If medication is not up youralley, but you notice that
(26:14):
you're overeating too many timesin a week to see lasting weight
loss, then grab my what to dowhen you overeat course.
This has a reset and root coverguide and a video series that
goes with it and just helps youfigure out how to reduce your
over eats and not beat yourselfup about it.
Of course, you can also schedulea free consult session to see if
my one-on-one coaching programsare right for you.
(26:36):
All the links are in the shownotes.
Remember, it's not just aboutthe food, it's about empowering
yourself with choices that trulyserve you.
Have a great week and as always,thanks for listening and sharing
the Eat Well Think Well LiveWell podcast.
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