May 7, 2025 • 24 mins
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Do you flip back and forth between restrictions and “food freedom” free for alls?
Food freedom is great. . . but sometimes its overwhelming when there’s no guidance. What is true food freedom and how can you still lose weight and still incorporate foods you love, without going overboard?
I’m teaching you today about boundaries and how to eliminate restriction without going into a free for all! Just like we wouldn't leave our kids without some boundaries and structure to keep their lives safe, we can give ourselves the same kind and loving boundaries, without it feeling like a restrictive fad diet.
What To Do When You Overeat–During Weight Loss!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lisa (00:00):
This is the Eat Well Think Well Live Well podcast.
(00:02):
I am Lisa Salisbury and this isepisode 146.
Why too much food Freedom feelsoverwhelming.
Welcome to eat well.
Well, the podcast for busy womenwho want to lose weight without
constantly counting, tracking,or stressing over every bite.
I'm Lisa Salsbury, a certifiedhealth weight loss and life
(00:24):
coach, and most importantly, arecovered chronic dieter here.
You'll learn to listen to yourbody and uncover the reasons
you're reaching for food.
When you're not truly hungry,freeing you to focus on a
healthier, more fulfillingapproach to eating.
Hello, my lovely listeners.
I so enjoy hearing from you.
And as you know, if you werelistening last week, I have a
(00:48):
content survey like for thepodcast, a content request
survey thing going on right now.
So should take you just three orfour minutes to let me know what
your questions are that I cananswer on the podcast.
And.
A little bit about maybe whatyou're thinking and struggling
with.
Maybe also, um, some ideas aboutwho I can seek out to help us
answer your questions in termsof guests as well.
(01:09):
That link is in the show notes,and I'd be so delighted if you
could take a few minutes to fillthat out.
And there's a lot of just likequestions.
You just get to tick the box.
It's not like, you know, thewhole thing isn't just like a
free response.
Write some paragraphs.
There's a couple like that, butvery limited.
So it's easy.
It's easy.
Um, so as a thank you everyonethat participated.
Bates will be entered into adrawing for an Amazon gift card,
(01:30):
so I've got that open for acouple more weeks.
Today I wanna talk about thatdelicate balance between
restriction and freedom.
Feels like opposite ends of thespectrum, but with dieting and
weight loss, they are more liketwo sides to the same coin.
I hear you say.
I don't wanna feel sorestricted, I just want to eat
(01:52):
intuitively, or why can't I justeat whatever I want?
Um, often the restrictions comewith followed up by like binge
type cycles or overeating typecycles.
When I restrict super hard, thenI end up overeating.
But I also hear you say thingslike, I feel out of control
around food, or, I never knowwhat to eat.
(02:15):
I don't know what the rightchoices are.
Or, I end up overeating whenit's, you know, fill in the
blank end of the day when I'mhaving a hard one.
You know, those kinds of things.
So happens a lot at the end of along day, but.
A lot of times it's like I just,I don't know what to do and so I
end up overeating.
So what you'll notice here isthat you are, you are rejecting
(02:36):
that restriction that comes withoverly regimented diets,
rightfully so.
I mean, after a couple decadesof following one diet or
another, I am right there withyou.
I don't want that kind ofrestriction that comes with, you
know, following the food listfound in Appendix C of my latest
diet book purchase, or.
Making tuna salad on whole wheatcrackers and raw carrot sticks
(02:59):
because that's what week two,day four lunch is like when I
actually don't really enjoy tunaand unless there's ranch for the
carrots, it's a no for me.
Um, oh, actually though, I didjust go through like a full
court jar of pickled carrots,and that is one way I love
eating raw carrots.
Maybe I'll put that recipe onInstagram this week if y'all
would want that.
(03:19):
Um, anyway, we don't want thatkind of restriction and yet.
Yet being told you can loseweight and still eat all the
things you love.
Like some Women's Day Magazineheadline sometimes feels like
too much freedom.
Like what do you mean just eateverything?
That's what I have been doingand look where it's gotten me.
(03:41):
So you feel out of control andyou never know actually what to
eat, but you don't really want.
Super restricted diet either.
Okay, so see how like thatrestriction of traditional, or
may I say fad diet is too much,but we need something.
So let's redefine some of theseterms.
Restriction feels likedeprivation, diet rules, a lot
(04:05):
of all or nothing thinking, andespecially it's external
control, right?
Someone else is telling you whatto do.
Even if you bought the book,even if you bought the meal plan
online, I know I'm alwaysreferencing diet books because
that's kind of the, um, youknow, the era that I grew up in.
I'm sure everybody now is justbuying them off the internet.
But, um, you know, buying plansoff the internet, but you know
(04:27):
what I mean.
It's someone else telling you,even if you decide to buy it,
they're still giving you therules.
Okay.
We wanna transition that intosomething that feels more like.
Boundaries.
Boundaries are a self-createdstructure.
They show your intention.
They say, this is how I'm goingto act in a certain situation.
(04:48):
They are supportive limits andthey are kind.
These are things you will do ina given situation without regard
to what others are choosing oreven what diets say you should
or shouldn't do.
Boundaries are personalrestrictions that actually feel
like love.
So then not restrictive at all.
(05:10):
The other side of that coin isthat food freedom.
This feels like eating whateveryou want.
No limits on types of food youeat.
And sometimes this can even veerinto a no limit on amount of
food eaten.
We want to transition this alsointo boundaries.
We are like taking these twosides of the coin, that
restriction and the food freedomand creating one loving
(05:32):
structure.
Boundaries in the face of foodfreedom are those supportive
limits to remind you what trulyfeels good in your body.
I'm gonna have lots of examplesabout, um, how the, the
boundaries actually supportfood, that food freedom side of
the coin all throughout thisepisode.
But essentially what we'relooking for.
Is how to incorporate yes, someof your favorite foods and how
(05:56):
to not be restrictive ofparticular food groups or all
kinds of foods with sugar or youknow, things that typically we
see in a no-no list on a faddiet and how we incorporate
those, using our boundaries anddoing it in a way that feels
amazing still in our bodies.
(06:18):
So we know that children craveboundaries and I'm not sure that
adults really outgrow.
This Research consistently showsthat children actually thrive
when they have clear, consistentlimits.
So these kinds of things helpgive them a sense of security
and helps them understand howthe world works.
(06:38):
I've seen this, um, examplebefore, but you kind of think of
boundaries for children as theedges of their sandbox.
It helps define the safe spacewhere they can play and explore
and learn about the world.
Since a child's brain doesn'tfully develop like their
prefrontal cortex, that is, itdoesn't fully develop until age
25.
You're actually acting as yourchild's.
(07:00):
External prefrontal cortex.
By setting these boundaries,you're helping them make sense
of the world around them in waysthat their developing brain
can't fully manage yet.
So my clients aren't children.
You're not a child.
We have fully functioningprefrontal cortexes, but when it
comes to food, we often resortto our lower brain, and what do
(07:24):
I often call that brain?
The toddler part.
It's that part that just doesall the habit things.
So we grab a bowl of cereal at9:00 PM because that's our habit
and routine, not because we'renecessarily hungry.
I think this is also the partthat wants that free for all
food freedom.
It's like, I deserve it.
I need a break.
I need to calm this anxiety.
(07:44):
And I know food works that lowerbrain acts like a toddler a lot
of the time.
It wants what it wants right nowand when we are just in this.
Food freedom mindset.
Without any guidelines, you cansometimes feel a little bit out
of control.
So just like we provide safeboundaries for a child, setting
(08:04):
boundaries for yourself is justas kind and loving.
It helps take the pressure offthe need.
For that prefrontal cortex toconstantly be engaged in your
food decisions.
You use it to create theboundaries, and then you don't
have to continue to make so manyfood decisions throughout the
day.
So some of these boundaries arejust.
For the day.
But a lot of the things we'regonna talk about are kind of the
(08:27):
global or overarching boundariesand guidelines you want to use
in order to achieve your goals,whether that be a certain
health, parameter, if you'retrying to lower your
cholesterol, or if you're goingfor a lower weight.
Those kinds of things are yourgoals.
Okay, so boundaries feel safebecause they reduce decision
(08:48):
fatigue, they eliminate a lot offood, drama, and they create
clarity and self trust.
Love getting into moreself-trust when we do what we
say we're going to do.
It's so awesome.
So, um, let's talk about someexamples of these boundaries.
Okay.
So think of these kind of as,like I said, some of them are,
(09:10):
some of, some of it can be your,uh, 24 hour practical plan, but
some of these are your decisionsahead of time.
I did a decisions ahead of timeepisode like.
Anciently, like I think insingle digits worth of episodes.
So, uh, we haven't talked aboutthis in a long time, but we use
our prefrontal cortex, that partof the brain that can think into
(09:30):
the future effectively, and thatpart that actually cares about
the future self.
That's the part that we use toset these decisions ahead of
time or boundaries.
Your lower toddler brain doesnot care at all how you are
going to feel tomorrow.
That part just wants to feelbetter right now.
That's why it's like food works.
(09:51):
It'll help me feel better rightnow, right?
We're not thinking about how badwe're gonna feel after that
entire bowl of popcorn, likehow, not mentally, but how bad
your actual body.
Is gonna feel right.
Your, your, your toddler brain,your lower brain does not care.
Your prefrontal cortex cares.
And that's the part that we makethese decisions from.
So, um, the first boundary youcould set is, I plan ahead what
(10:14):
I'm going to eat.
So you're gonna, you know, goback and listen if you haven't
to some of my 24 hour practicalplan episodes, really get that
dialed in.
Um, you can also just.
Kind of create some guidelinesabout the way that you eat.
So you might decide, I don't eatstanding up.
Um, setting a boundary like thishelps you to eat intentionally.
(10:35):
Think about some of the foodsthat you tend to eat while
you're standing up.
Is it chips straight from thebag in the pantry?
It's not usually a salad, right?
So if you, if you create thisrule, you're like, I, I need to
sit down with a plate or a bowl.
And eat it intentionally.
Um, another one I really like isto close the kitchen after
(10:56):
dinner.
When you tidy up the kitchenafter dinner, whether you're a
person who fully does the dishesevery night, that's me.
I love going to bed with a cleankitchen or you just put away
food and dishes are a morningactivity.
You can still close the kitchenby filling your water bottle,
turning off the lights andmentally saying the kitchen is
closed.
It's just like when you're at ahotel and they have hours for
(11:18):
room service.
I don't know, I don't reallyorder room service.
I don't know if they have hours,but it seems like it would be
like a thing they do.
Right.
Anyway, they might, you mightcall up and be like, can I get
some pancakes?
And they're like, no, sorry.
The kitchen is closed.
So you can, you can do that samething with your kitchen by
turning the lights off.
And telling your brain thekitchen is closed.
Um, eating at consistent timesinstead of grazing this boundary
(11:43):
really helps you to again, beintentional.
This is similar to like the noteating, uh, standing up and I
like to pair it with that one,but it also just kind of reminds
you to wait for meal time sothat you are waiting for hunger.
You don't eat when your bodyisn't queuing you, that it is
time for a meal, right?
You wait until you're ready fora meal rather than consistently
(12:04):
grabbing little snacks and thenjust being slightly hungry and
never all the way satisfied inthe day.
So eating at consistent timesinstead of grazing is really the
idea of using the, um, thethrees rule with, the hunger
scale.
So you start eating at anegative three and you eat.
All the way through to apositive three on the hunger
(12:25):
scale, and you do that usuallythree times a day.
So just thinking about waitingfor hunger for a full meal, not
just a little bit hungry, notjust preventative hunger like
you know you're eating in caseyou might get hungry later.
Right?
All of that is kind of grazing.
We wanna eat.
A full meal and then wait untilwe're hungry again.
(12:47):
Um, another one that, you mightset is to not bring home foods
that are always going to be abinge or overeat trigger.
So this is an interestingboundary.
Some would say that it leansinto restriction if you're like,
but all foods can be included.
Yes, they totally can.
But also remember, boundariesare kind.
What is the kindest thing youcan do around these foods?
(13:09):
Do you want to manage theemotional turmoil of resisting
that food when you are justfirst learning these skills?
I often will recommend myclients just not buy those
things that are particularlyhard to stop eating.
Don't go throwing everything outin your pantry.
This is just the idea that maybejust don't replenish.
Those things that you've noticedare hard for you to stop eating
(13:30):
until you have built up moreskill around processing
cravings.
I know this also can be trickybecause you buy things that the
kids or the rest of the familywants.
So this is often one of thosenuance conversations that can
happen in coaching calls, but Iwanted to give you that as an
idea of like another type ofboundary you could set.
So, um, you can see how thisisn't really limiting your food
(13:52):
freedom as far as like.
What foods you're particularlygoing to choose.
Very little of what I said wasabout particular foods except
for that last one.
But it gets you thinking aboutthe structure of your eating
habits and how you want your dayto flow.
It keeps you from getting to theend of the evening thinking, I
blew it again.
I just never make the right foodchoices.
(14:15):
How many times have you laid inbed thinking that.
Like, we don't, we don't have tothink that anymore, I promise.
I was, um, looking at a resourceonline for how to set boundaries
for children because I just feltlike that was really connecting
to this idea.
Um, you know, thinking about thetoddler brain, and I loved their
outline for how to setboundaries, so I'm gonna use
their titles.
(14:36):
this is like from a nurturingwebsite and show you how they
apply.
In setting boundaries foryourself around your health and
weight loss goals.
So number one, you're gonna setboundaries from a place of calm
leadership.
You don't wanna set boundariesfor your health goals from a
place of desperation, whichsounds like I've gotta get this
weight off before the wedding,the cruise, the reunion, right?
(14:59):
We've been in that desperateplace.
I love this idea of thinkingabout calm leadership.
If you were the leader of yourbrain and you are in a calm
space, thinking about yourfuture, what would your
boundaries look like?
For me, this would be thinkingabout how much protein or fiber
I want to eat in a day, or howmany times per week.
I want to eat a sweet treat.
The food freedom free for allscreams every day, every meal.
(15:22):
But when you're looking at yourgoals and thinking about how you
wanna feel day in and day outright now and in years to come.
You are probably gonna set adifferent boundary than that
every, every day, every meal,right?
Okay.
Number two is use firm, yetloving language.
(15:43):
You know, I always say you can'thate yourself.
Then we've all tried it.
Criticize yourself enough to getmoving and it might work for a
minute, but really you take careof the things that you love.
So in your weight loss or youreating boundaries, it would look
like using positive language andadd in.
and crowd out type language.
(16:03):
Okay?
So instead of using restrictivewords like no cookies, you would
be saying eat two servings offruit per day.
This is add in language, and ifyou choose these, add in foods
strategically, you willnaturally crowd out foods you
don't want to eat.
So if you get my drift here, alot of people are really, I
(16:24):
notice this a lot with myclients when they come to me
with their first week, firstcouple weeks of food journals,
and I'm like, what do you noticeabout, you know, produce.
And, uh, so many of my clientsare like, I really don't need
any fruit.
And it's such a diety thing tobe like, just have a small piece
of fruit for a dessert.
That's not what I'm saying.
(16:44):
I'm saying if we add in morefruit, and specifically if you
wanna put it at your lunch or atthe end of your meal or include
it in dinner, you might justnotice.
You don't have as much of acraving for sweets.
It's not to be a substitute.
It's to be an add in.
Let's crowd out some of thosesweets we're not gonna have room
for, and we naturally can getsome of that sweet feeling from
(17:08):
the fruit.
So that's what I mean by the addin language.
But also don't be vague, right?
It's the firm yet lovinglanguage.
So don't be vague about theseboundaries.
They can be firm.
So notice I didn't say the goalor boundary is to eat more
fruit.
That's way too big.
I was specific.
I said eat two fruit servings aday or, or three or four or
whatever that you're going for.
(17:29):
Um, but be specific.
Be specific about the, theamount that you wanna include.
okay, number three is offer acreative Yes.
So for children, this is like,um, let's practice touching the
cat with soft hands.
Right.
You can picture the cat, thepoor cat right now, and the kid
that's like grabbing its tail.
Um, instead of, you know, andyour instinct is just to yell
(17:51):
out like, no, don't, don't grabthe cat.
Um, but for me, this looks likebeing creative about your
quality of life foods.
So again, these are those addedsugar foods and you might be
more of a salty snacks typeperson.
I mean, I like chips andguacamole, but I could honestly
give that up forever.
Way easier than giving up pieand cheesecake.
So.
Here's an example of a creative.
(18:12):
Yes.
I've used in the past.
I got a new cookbook, shout outto two peas in their pod.
It's a great one.
And I was looking through it,thinking how many good recipes
there were in the dessertsection.
Of course, I skipped right tothat section and my diet
mentality brain kicked in andwas like, yeah, well you can't
eat all this stuff or you'llgain weight gain so sad.
Too bad for you.
Right?
Um, but I'm like, oh.
(18:34):
Thanks, thanks for that brain.
That's not actually how, how wethink anymore.
Which by the way, a lot ofclients will be like, how long
until, I don't think thesethings probably never, probably
never.
your toddler brain is stillgonna be there.
It's still gonna offer youthings like that.
But immediately I was like, no,that's actually not true.
Um, so I set out to make one ofthe desserts in the book each
(18:54):
Sunday until I made them all.
It wasn't a huge chapter, andall four of my kids were still
living at home, or maybe justthree.
I don't know.
Anyway, I'm just saying therewas plenty of people around to
eat it up and not have tons ofleftover dessert for days on
end.
So I planned to have one really,really great dessert.
Each Sunday, I'd enjoy it aspart of a meal sitting down at
the table with my family.
(19:16):
And needless to say, one of myson's favorite cakes come from
that time, that cookbook.
And it's a repeater recipearound here.
So get creative about ways towork in your favorite foods or
those quality of life foods thatyou want to say yes to without
it being so much freedom that itfeels like there aren't any
parameters and you are leftfloundering.
(19:38):
Okay?
Number four is to be consistent.
Consistency wins in weight loss,not just in in child rearing.
Above all else, justconsistently doing.
The boring stuff is what getsyou results.
So don't try to have differentrules for different days.
Don't try to eat dramaticallydifferent according to your
cycle.
Those diets that are made up tomake you think your hormones are
(19:59):
complicated and you need the,their secret formula to eat
particular foods in particularweeks of your, menstrual cycle
like.
Sure you might be more hungry insome weeks of your cycle.
Definitely.
I notice that with clients andwe adjust for that, but
generally the boundaries you'resetting for excellent ways to
nourish your body will work allmonth long.
(20:20):
So simple, consistent boundariesthat work long term.
These also, also, I want you tothink here, like not crazy wacko
fad diet rules, right?
These are things that you'relike, if I was still doing this
when I'm 75, I wouldn't think itwas weird.
That's consistency.
Okay.
and number five is followthrough with boundaries.
(20:43):
So follow through with kidsmeans there's gonna be
consequences for cross crossinga boundary, but I don't want you
to think you need to punishyourself or take something away
from yourself.
If you slip up.
You don't need to go intorestriction mode.
The follow through with yourselfis the very next bite Strategy.
Follow through as an adult meansthat when you overeat or eat
(21:03):
something you know is gonna feelbad in your body, you just go
back to eating as planned thenext time you eat that very next
bite.
So there's no criticism.
There's no negative self-talk,no need to create new rules
about restriction or just giveup on your boundaries
altogether.
The follow through is gettingback.
To your basics, getting back tothose basic boundaries that you
(21:27):
set.
Okay.
I've got some final thoughts foryou.
I want you to think aboutboundaries as self-care.
Not self punishment.
You're not being good.
When you follow the boundariesyou've set for yourself, you're
being in alignment with what youknow works the best for your
body.
These kinds of of word changesin your brain, I promise you,
(21:49):
make all the difference as youimplement this.
I want you to be thinking.
What kinds, or asking ratherwhat kind of boundary would
actually support the way I wantto feel in my body and give me
just the right amount ofstructure.
That's what we're looking for.
I, I was with my mom at thedoctor appointment yesterday.
(22:09):
Um, as, as per always, I go toall her appointments with her
and he was giving her someguidelines for eating because,
um, she's kind of in a prepre-diabetes range and he told
her no more ice cream.
And she was like, wait, what?
Like ever.
And he goes, yeah, yeah, changeis gonna be a little painful.
If it's not, it's not really achange.
(22:30):
And I think that's the othermajor fallacy with the folks
that are pushing this foodfreedom all the time.
Idea.
If you wanna change how youfeel, it might be kind of
painful at first to adhere toyour new boundaries.
It might suck a little.
You don't have to kill yourselfon 1200 calories and two hours
of exercise a day to loseweight.
But it also is gonna feel alittle different than what
(22:52):
you're currently doing, andthat's okay.
Don't mistake a littlediscomfort for restriction.
Don't mistake the fact that youwant a food that you've decided
ahead, doesn't work for you astoo diy.
It's okay for it to be a littlebit hard.
Just remember it's this middlespace where freedom.
(23:14):
And structure coexist.
Boundaries are the bridge fromoverwhelm and restriction into
peace.
If something in today's episodemade you think differently or
gave you that little nudge thatyou needed, that's exactly why I
do this.
If you need some help with the,uh, it's gonna be a little bit
hard aspect.
(23:35):
I'd love to support you.
Start with my free, what to dowhen you overeat.
Course this is for you.
If you find yourself overeatingtoo many times in a week to see
lasting weight loss, you'll getthe reset and recover guide and
figure out.
How to reduce your overeats andnot beat yourself up about it.
You can also schedule a freeconsult session to see if my
full 12 week one-on-one coachingprogram is right for you.
(23:58):
All the links are in the shownotes.
Remember, it's not just aboutthe food.
It's about empowering yourselfwith choices that truly serve
you.
Have a great week and as always,thanks for listening and sharing
the Eat Well Think Well LiveWell podcast.
This is the Eat Well Think Well Live Well podcast.
(00:02):
I am Lisa Salisbury and this isepisode 146.
Why too much food Freedom feelsoverwhelming.
Welcome to eat well.
Well, the podcast for busy womenwho want to lose weight without
constantly counting, tracking,or stressing over every bite.
I'm Lisa Salsbury, a certifiedhealth weight loss and life
(00:24):
coach, and most importantly, arecovered chronic dieter here.
You'll learn to listen to yourbody and uncover the reasons
you're reaching for food.
When you're not truly hungry,freeing you to focus on a
healthier, more fulfillingapproach to eating.
Hello, my lovely listeners.
I so enjoy hearing from you.
And as you know, if you werelistening last week, I have a
(00:48):
content survey like for thepodcast, a content request
survey thing going on right now.
So should take you just three orfour minutes to let me know what
your questions are that I cananswer on the podcast.
And.
A little bit about maybe whatyou're thinking and struggling
with.
Maybe also, um, some ideas aboutwho I can seek out to help us
answer your questions in termsof guests as well.
(01:09):
That link is in the show notes,and I'd be so delighted if you
could take a few minutes to fillthat out.
And there's a lot of just likequestions.
You just get to tick the box.
It's not like, you know, thewhole thing isn't just like a
free response.
Write some paragraphs.
There's a couple like that, butvery limited.
So it's easy.
It's easy.
Um, so as a thank you everyonethat participated.
Bates will be entered into adrawing for an Amazon gift card,
(01:30):
so I've got that open for acouple more weeks.
Today I wanna talk about thatdelicate balance between
restriction and freedom.
Feels like opposite ends of thespectrum, but with dieting and
weight loss, they are more liketwo sides to the same coin.
I hear you say.
I don't wanna feel sorestricted, I just want to eat
(01:52):
intuitively, or why can't I justeat whatever I want?
Um, often the restrictions comewith followed up by like binge
type cycles or overeating typecycles.
When I restrict super hard, thenI end up overeating.
But I also hear you say thingslike, I feel out of control
around food, or, I never knowwhat to eat.
(02:15):
I don't know what the rightchoices are.
Or, I end up overeating whenit's, you know, fill in the
blank end of the day when I'mhaving a hard one.
You know, those kinds of things.
So happens a lot at the end of along day, but.
A lot of times it's like I just,I don't know what to do and so I
end up overeating.
So what you'll notice here isthat you are, you are rejecting
(02:36):
that restriction that comes withoverly regimented diets,
rightfully so.
I mean, after a couple decadesof following one diet or
another, I am right there withyou.
I don't want that kind ofrestriction that comes with, you
know, following the food listfound in Appendix C of my latest
diet book purchase, or.
Making tuna salad on whole wheatcrackers and raw carrot sticks
(02:59):
because that's what week two,day four lunch is like when I
actually don't really enjoy tunaand unless there's ranch for the
carrots, it's a no for me.
Um, oh, actually though, I didjust go through like a full
court jar of pickled carrots,and that is one way I love
eating raw carrots.
Maybe I'll put that recipe onInstagram this week if y'all
would want that.
(03:19):
Um, anyway, we don't want thatkind of restriction and yet.
Yet being told you can loseweight and still eat all the
things you love.
Like some Women's Day Magazineheadline sometimes feels like
too much freedom.
Like what do you mean just eateverything?
That's what I have been doingand look where it's gotten me.
(03:41):
So you feel out of control andyou never know actually what to
eat, but you don't really want.
Super restricted diet either.
Okay, so see how like thatrestriction of traditional, or
may I say fad diet is too much,but we need something.
So let's redefine some of theseterms.
Restriction feels likedeprivation, diet rules, a lot
(04:05):
of all or nothing thinking, andespecially it's external
control, right?
Someone else is telling you whatto do.
Even if you bought the book,even if you bought the meal plan
online, I know I'm alwaysreferencing diet books because
that's kind of the, um, youknow, the era that I grew up in.
I'm sure everybody now is justbuying them off the internet.
But, um, you know, buying plansoff the internet, but you know
(04:27):
what I mean.
It's someone else telling you,even if you decide to buy it,
they're still giving you therules.
Okay.
We wanna transition that intosomething that feels more like.
Boundaries.
Boundaries are a self-createdstructure.
They show your intention.
They say, this is how I'm goingto act in a certain situation.
(04:48):
They are supportive limits andthey are kind.
These are things you will do ina given situation without regard
to what others are choosing oreven what diets say you should
or shouldn't do.
Boundaries are personalrestrictions that actually feel
like love.
So then not restrictive at all.
(05:10):
The other side of that coin isthat food freedom.
This feels like eating whateveryou want.
No limits on types of food youeat.
And sometimes this can even veerinto a no limit on amount of
food eaten.
We want to transition this alsointo boundaries.
We are like taking these twosides of the coin, that
restriction and the food freedomand creating one loving
(05:32):
structure.
Boundaries in the face of foodfreedom are those supportive
limits to remind you what trulyfeels good in your body.
I'm gonna have lots of examplesabout, um, how the, the
boundaries actually supportfood, that food freedom side of
the coin all throughout thisepisode.
But essentially what we'relooking for.
Is how to incorporate yes, someof your favorite foods and how
(05:56):
to not be restrictive ofparticular food groups or all
kinds of foods with sugar or youknow, things that typically we
see in a no-no list on a faddiet and how we incorporate
those, using our boundaries anddoing it in a way that feels
amazing still in our bodies.
(06:18):
So we know that children craveboundaries and I'm not sure that
adults really outgrow.
This Research consistently showsthat children actually thrive
when they have clear, consistentlimits.
So these kinds of things helpgive them a sense of security
and helps them understand howthe world works.
(06:38):
I've seen this, um, examplebefore, but you kind of think of
boundaries for children as theedges of their sandbox.
It helps define the safe spacewhere they can play and explore
and learn about the world.
Since a child's brain doesn'tfully develop like their
prefrontal cortex, that is, itdoesn't fully develop until age
25.
You're actually acting as yourchild's.
(07:00):
External prefrontal cortex.
By setting these boundaries,you're helping them make sense
of the world around them in waysthat their developing brain
can't fully manage yet.
So my clients aren't children.
You're not a child.
We have fully functioningprefrontal cortexes, but when it
comes to food, we often resortto our lower brain, and what do
(07:24):
I often call that brain?
The toddler part.
It's that part that just doesall the habit things.
So we grab a bowl of cereal at9:00 PM because that's our habit
and routine, not because we'renecessarily hungry.
I think this is also the partthat wants that free for all
food freedom.
It's like, I deserve it.
I need a break.
I need to calm this anxiety.
(07:44):
And I know food works that lowerbrain acts like a toddler a lot
of the time.
It wants what it wants right nowand when we are just in this.
Food freedom mindset.
Without any guidelines, you cansometimes feel a little bit out
of control.
So just like we provide safeboundaries for a child, setting
(08:04):
boundaries for yourself is justas kind and loving.
It helps take the pressure offthe need.
For that prefrontal cortex toconstantly be engaged in your
food decisions.
You use it to create theboundaries, and then you don't
have to continue to make so manyfood decisions throughout the
day.
So some of these boundaries arejust.
For the day.
But a lot of the things we'regonna talk about are kind of the
(08:27):
global or overarching boundariesand guidelines you want to use
in order to achieve your goals,whether that be a certain
health, parameter, if you'retrying to lower your
cholesterol, or if you're goingfor a lower weight.
Those kinds of things are yourgoals.
Okay, so boundaries feel safebecause they reduce decision
(08:48):
fatigue, they eliminate a lot offood, drama, and they create
clarity and self trust.
Love getting into moreself-trust when we do what we
say we're going to do.
It's so awesome.
So, um, let's talk about someexamples of these boundaries.
Okay.
So think of these kind of as,like I said, some of them are,
(09:10):
some of, some of it can be your,uh, 24 hour practical plan, but
some of these are your decisionsahead of time.
I did a decisions ahead of timeepisode like.
Anciently, like I think insingle digits worth of episodes.
So, uh, we haven't talked aboutthis in a long time, but we use
our prefrontal cortex, that partof the brain that can think into
(09:30):
the future effectively, and thatpart that actually cares about
the future self.
That's the part that we use toset these decisions ahead of
time or boundaries.
Your lower toddler brain doesnot care at all how you are
going to feel tomorrow.
That part just wants to feelbetter right now.
That's why it's like food works.
(09:51):
It'll help me feel better rightnow, right?
We're not thinking about how badwe're gonna feel after that
entire bowl of popcorn, likehow, not mentally, but how bad
your actual body.
Is gonna feel right.
Your, your, your toddler brain,your lower brain does not care.
Your prefrontal cortex cares.
And that's the part that we makethese decisions from.
So, um, the first boundary youcould set is, I plan ahead what
(10:14):
I'm going to eat.
So you're gonna, you know, goback and listen if you haven't
to some of my 24 hour practicalplan episodes, really get that
dialed in.
Um, you can also just.
Kind of create some guidelinesabout the way that you eat.
So you might decide, I don't eatstanding up.
Um, setting a boundary like thishelps you to eat intentionally.
(10:35):
Think about some of the foodsthat you tend to eat while
you're standing up.
Is it chips straight from thebag in the pantry?
It's not usually a salad, right?
So if you, if you create thisrule, you're like, I, I need to
sit down with a plate or a bowl.
And eat it intentionally.
Um, another one I really like isto close the kitchen after
(10:56):
dinner.
When you tidy up the kitchenafter dinner, whether you're a
person who fully does the dishesevery night, that's me.
I love going to bed with a cleankitchen or you just put away
food and dishes are a morningactivity.
You can still close the kitchenby filling your water bottle,
turning off the lights andmentally saying the kitchen is
closed.
It's just like when you're at ahotel and they have hours for
(11:18):
room service.
I don't know, I don't reallyorder room service.
I don't know if they have hours,but it seems like it would be
like a thing they do.
Right.
Anyway, they might, you mightcall up and be like, can I get
some pancakes?
And they're like, no, sorry.
The kitchen is closed.
So you can, you can do that samething with your kitchen by
turning the lights off.
And telling your brain thekitchen is closed.
Um, eating at consistent timesinstead of grazing this boundary
(11:43):
really helps you to again, beintentional.
This is similar to like the noteating, uh, standing up and I
like to pair it with that one,but it also just kind of reminds
you to wait for meal time sothat you are waiting for hunger.
You don't eat when your bodyisn't queuing you, that it is
time for a meal, right?
You wait until you're ready fora meal rather than consistently
(12:04):
grabbing little snacks and thenjust being slightly hungry and
never all the way satisfied inthe day.
So eating at consistent timesinstead of grazing is really the
idea of using the, um, thethrees rule with, the hunger
scale.
So you start eating at anegative three and you eat.
All the way through to apositive three on the hunger
(12:25):
scale, and you do that usuallythree times a day.
So just thinking about waitingfor hunger for a full meal, not
just a little bit hungry, notjust preventative hunger like
you know you're eating in caseyou might get hungry later.
Right?
All of that is kind of grazing.
We wanna eat.
A full meal and then wait untilwe're hungry again.
(12:47):
Um, another one that, you mightset is to not bring home foods
that are always going to be abinge or overeat trigger.
So this is an interestingboundary.
Some would say that it leansinto restriction if you're like,
but all foods can be included.
Yes, they totally can.
But also remember, boundariesare kind.
What is the kindest thing youcan do around these foods?
(13:09):
Do you want to manage theemotional turmoil of resisting
that food when you are justfirst learning these skills?
I often will recommend myclients just not buy those
things that are particularlyhard to stop eating.
Don't go throwing everything outin your pantry.
This is just the idea that maybejust don't replenish.
Those things that you've noticedare hard for you to stop eating
(13:30):
until you have built up moreskill around processing
cravings.
I know this also can be trickybecause you buy things that the
kids or the rest of the familywants.
So this is often one of thosenuance conversations that can
happen in coaching calls, but Iwanted to give you that as an
idea of like another type ofboundary you could set.
So, um, you can see how thisisn't really limiting your food
(13:52):
freedom as far as like.
What foods you're particularlygoing to choose.
Very little of what I said wasabout particular foods except
for that last one.
But it gets you thinking aboutthe structure of your eating
habits and how you want your dayto flow.
It keeps you from getting to theend of the evening thinking, I
blew it again.
I just never make the right foodchoices.
(14:15):
How many times have you laid inbed thinking that.
Like, we don't, we don't have tothink that anymore, I promise.
I was, um, looking at a resourceonline for how to set boundaries
for children because I just feltlike that was really connecting
to this idea.
Um, you know, thinking about thetoddler brain, and I loved their
outline for how to setboundaries, so I'm gonna use
their titles.
(14:36):
this is like from a nurturingwebsite and show you how they
apply.
In setting boundaries foryourself around your health and
weight loss goals.
So number one, you're gonna setboundaries from a place of calm
leadership.
You don't wanna set boundariesfor your health goals from a
place of desperation, whichsounds like I've gotta get this
weight off before the wedding,the cruise, the reunion, right?
(14:59):
We've been in that desperateplace.
I love this idea of thinkingabout calm leadership.
If you were the leader of yourbrain and you are in a calm
space, thinking about yourfuture, what would your
boundaries look like?
For me, this would be thinkingabout how much protein or fiber
I want to eat in a day, or howmany times per week.
I want to eat a sweet treat.
The food freedom free for allscreams every day, every meal.
(15:22):
But when you're looking at yourgoals and thinking about how you
wanna feel day in and day outright now and in years to come.
You are probably gonna set adifferent boundary than that
every, every day, every meal,right?
Okay.
Number two is use firm, yetloving language.
(15:43):
You know, I always say you can'thate yourself.
Then we've all tried it.
Criticize yourself enough to getmoving and it might work for a
minute, but really you take careof the things that you love.
So in your weight loss or youreating boundaries, it would look
like using positive language andadd in.
and crowd out type language.
(16:03):
Okay?
So instead of using restrictivewords like no cookies, you would
be saying eat two servings offruit per day.
This is add in language, and ifyou choose these, add in foods
strategically, you willnaturally crowd out foods you
don't want to eat.
So if you get my drift here, alot of people are really, I
(16:24):
notice this a lot with myclients when they come to me
with their first week, firstcouple weeks of food journals,
and I'm like, what do you noticeabout, you know, produce.
And, uh, so many of my clientsare like, I really don't need
any fruit.
And it's such a diety thing tobe like, just have a small piece
of fruit for a dessert.
That's not what I'm saying.
(16:44):
I'm saying if we add in morefruit, and specifically if you
wanna put it at your lunch or atthe end of your meal or include
it in dinner, you might justnotice.
You don't have as much of acraving for sweets.
It's not to be a substitute.
It's to be an add in.
Let's crowd out some of thosesweets we're not gonna have room
for, and we naturally can getsome of that sweet feeling from
(17:08):
the fruit.
So that's what I mean by the addin language.
But also don't be vague, right?
It's the firm yet lovinglanguage.
So don't be vague about theseboundaries.
They can be firm.
So notice I didn't say the goalor boundary is to eat more
fruit.
That's way too big.
I was specific.
I said eat two fruit servings aday or, or three or four or
whatever that you're going for.
(17:29):
Um, but be specific.
Be specific about the, theamount that you wanna include.
okay, number three is offer acreative Yes.
So for children, this is like,um, let's practice touching the
cat with soft hands.
Right.
You can picture the cat, thepoor cat right now, and the kid
that's like grabbing its tail.
Um, instead of, you know, andyour instinct is just to yell
(17:51):
out like, no, don't, don't grabthe cat.
Um, but for me, this looks likebeing creative about your
quality of life foods.
So again, these are those addedsugar foods and you might be
more of a salty snacks typeperson.
I mean, I like chips andguacamole, but I could honestly
give that up forever.
Way easier than giving up pieand cheesecake.
So.
Here's an example of a creative.
(18:12):
Yes.
I've used in the past.
I got a new cookbook, shout outto two peas in their pod.
It's a great one.
And I was looking through it,thinking how many good recipes
there were in the dessertsection.
Of course, I skipped right tothat section and my diet
mentality brain kicked in andwas like, yeah, well you can't
eat all this stuff or you'llgain weight gain so sad.
Too bad for you.
Right?
Um, but I'm like, oh.
(18:34):
Thanks, thanks for that brain.
That's not actually how, how wethink anymore.
Which by the way, a lot ofclients will be like, how long
until, I don't think thesethings probably never, probably
never.
your toddler brain is stillgonna be there.
It's still gonna offer youthings like that.
But immediately I was like, no,that's actually not true.
Um, so I set out to make one ofthe desserts in the book each
(18:54):
Sunday until I made them all.
It wasn't a huge chapter, andall four of my kids were still
living at home, or maybe justthree.
I don't know.
Anyway, I'm just saying therewas plenty of people around to
eat it up and not have tons ofleftover dessert for days on
end.
So I planned to have one really,really great dessert.
Each Sunday, I'd enjoy it aspart of a meal sitting down at
the table with my family.
(19:16):
And needless to say, one of myson's favorite cakes come from
that time, that cookbook.
And it's a repeater recipearound here.
So get creative about ways towork in your favorite foods or
those quality of life foods thatyou want to say yes to without
it being so much freedom that itfeels like there aren't any
parameters and you are leftfloundering.
(19:38):
Okay?
Number four is to be consistent.
Consistency wins in weight loss,not just in in child rearing.
Above all else, justconsistently doing.
The boring stuff is what getsyou results.
So don't try to have differentrules for different days.
Don't try to eat dramaticallydifferent according to your
cycle.
Those diets that are made up tomake you think your hormones are
(19:59):
complicated and you need the,their secret formula to eat
particular foods in particularweeks of your, menstrual cycle
like.
Sure you might be more hungry insome weeks of your cycle.
Definitely.
I notice that with clients andwe adjust for that, but
generally the boundaries you'resetting for excellent ways to
nourish your body will work allmonth long.
(20:20):
So simple, consistent boundariesthat work long term.
These also, also, I want you tothink here, like not crazy wacko
fad diet rules, right?
These are things that you'relike, if I was still doing this
when I'm 75, I wouldn't think itwas weird.
That's consistency.
Okay.
and number five is followthrough with boundaries.
(20:43):
So follow through with kidsmeans there's gonna be
consequences for cross crossinga boundary, but I don't want you
to think you need to punishyourself or take something away
from yourself.
If you slip up.
You don't need to go intorestriction mode.
The follow through with yourselfis the very next bite Strategy.
Follow through as an adult meansthat when you overeat or eat
(21:03):
something you know is gonna feelbad in your body, you just go
back to eating as planned thenext time you eat that very next
bite.
So there's no criticism.
There's no negative self-talk,no need to create new rules
about restriction or just giveup on your boundaries
altogether.
The follow through is gettingback.
To your basics, getting back tothose basic boundaries that you
(21:27):
set.
Okay.
I've got some final thoughts foryou.
I want you to think aboutboundaries as self-care.
Not self punishment.
You're not being good.
When you follow the boundariesyou've set for yourself, you're
being in alignment with what youknow works the best for your
body.
These kinds of of word changesin your brain, I promise you,
(21:49):
make all the difference as youimplement this.
I want you to be thinking.
What kinds, or asking ratherwhat kind of boundary would
actually support the way I wantto feel in my body and give me
just the right amount ofstructure.
That's what we're looking for.
I, I was with my mom at thedoctor appointment yesterday.
(22:09):
Um, as, as per always, I go toall her appointments with her
and he was giving her someguidelines for eating because,
um, she's kind of in a prepre-diabetes range and he told
her no more ice cream.
And she was like, wait, what?
Like ever.
And he goes, yeah, yeah, changeis gonna be a little painful.
If it's not, it's not really achange.
(22:30):
And I think that's the othermajor fallacy with the folks
that are pushing this foodfreedom all the time.
Idea.
If you wanna change how youfeel, it might be kind of
painful at first to adhere toyour new boundaries.
It might suck a little.
You don't have to kill yourselfon 1200 calories and two hours
of exercise a day to loseweight.
But it also is gonna feel alittle different than what
(22:52):
you're currently doing, andthat's okay.
Don't mistake a littlediscomfort for restriction.
Don't mistake the fact that youwant a food that you've decided
ahead, doesn't work for you astoo diy.
It's okay for it to be a littlebit hard.
Just remember it's this middlespace where freedom.
(23:14):
And structure coexist.
Boundaries are the bridge fromoverwhelm and restriction into
peace.
If something in today's episodemade you think differently or
gave you that little nudge thatyou needed, that's exactly why I
do this.
If you need some help with the,uh, it's gonna be a little bit
hard aspect.
(23:35):
I'd love to support you.
Start with my free, what to dowhen you overeat.
Course this is for you.
If you find yourself overeatingtoo many times in a week to see
lasting weight loss, you'll getthe reset and recover guide and
figure out.
How to reduce your overeats andnot beat yourself up about it.
You can also schedule a freeconsult session to see if my
full 12 week one-on-one coachingprogram is right for you.
(23:58):
All the links are in the shownotes.
Remember, it's not just aboutthe food.
It's about empowering yourselfwith choices that truly serve
you.
Have a great week and as always,thanks for listening and sharing
the Eat Well Think Well LiveWell podcast.
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