April 16, 2025 • 29 mins
**Mental health isn't just a trend—it’s survival.**
In this *deeply honest and heart-opening* episode, we pull back the curtain on our personal mental health journeys—what healing has looked like, what therapy has taught us (or still scares us), and why so many women of color are still silently carrying emotional weight they were never meant to hold alone.
Raised in environments where therapy was taboo or nonexistent, we reflect on what it means to break generational cycles and finally ask for help. One of us shares how therapy became a lifeline during a toxic relationship. The other is still navigating what it means to be "therapy-curious"—hesitant, yet yearning for peace. Sound familiar?
We cover:
- How to find the *right* therapist (yes, it’s like dating!)
- The difference between therapy, coaching, and other healing resources
- Why seasonal depression is real and valid
- How trauma bonding keeps us stuck in painful patterns
- And most importantly—why prioritizing mental wellness is the *ultimate act of self-love*
Whether you’re starting your healing journey or deep in the work, this episode is your reminder:
👉 You don’t have to do it alone.
👉 Your peace is worth fighting for.
👉 Healing is hard—but you’re allowed to begin.
**If you’ve ever asked, “Where do I even start?”—this is for you.**
🎧 *Watch now and take the first step toward reclaiming your mind, your heart, and your joy.*
#MentalHealthAwareness #TherapyForWomen #HealingJourney #SelfCare #EmotionalWellness #MentalWellness
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
To all the HBCU students making moves listen up.
For over 20 years, mcdonald'shas been at the side of college
hopefuls and, with over amillion in funding this year,
through the Black and PositivelyGolden Scholarship, Mickey D's
is helping HBCU students riseand flourish into their
graduating roles.
This scholarship season, getready to take your place when
you apply for a McDonald's Blackand Positively Golden
(00:23):
Scholarship.
Visit mcdblack scholarscom toapply now.
Applications close on april25th 2025 hi, I'm crystal vega.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Hi, I'm amanda booze, and this is elevators podcast,
where we talk about the peaksand valleys of life's journey,
from relationships toentrepreneurships, friendships,
you name it.
We're talking about it and evengive you a taste of the
sizzling social media hot topics, all through the lens of modern
womanhood.
That's right, and we are y'allwe're back, back again, back
(00:52):
back again.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
Another week, another podcast episode, another
episode, and you know what thisis gonna be a show.
I feel like we haven't reallytalked about this too much.
But, girl, I feel like wehaven't really talked about this
too much.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
But girl, should I get the boxes?
Should I get the tissue boxes?
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Is it going to be one of those.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
I don't know All I got is bounty.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Let me know if I can get it If you need me to grab
that Bounty or Charmin, I don'tknow, but you know what?
I think that we should talkabout our mental health and
mental wellness.
We haven't had a show where wetouched on that too much.
I know we talk about it hereand there, but we haven't really
had like a real like anin-depth conversation.
Like an in-depth conversationyou know what I mean and dived
(01:33):
into it, and I feel like I knowI'm not speaking to my self or
I'm speaking for myself when Isay this, but life be life in,
and so much happens in alifetime that just affect us
overall and who we are as aperson, and I think it's
important for us to talk aboutthat because I feel like it's
healing to talk about thingsthat you've dealt with and also,
(01:56):
as you're moving on into thefuture, it's it's important to
sometimes, you know, acknowledgecertain aspects that you've
gone through, to kind of showgrowth in some aspects as well.
But yeah, I just wanted to talkfor us a chat about, like just
our mental health.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
You know, yeah, wellness, no, we have never
talked about this.
I know we kind of like grazedover the idea of like talking
about therapy and stuff, butwe've never gone in depth about
it and maybe it's because, likepartially like, I don't even
know what to say when it comesto therapy, because I've never
been through it.
So I feel like you know thiswould be so you've never had,
(02:32):
you never had therapy, I'venever had a therapist okay,
never like looked into it no,never, never, never, never.
I've never had a therapist,never looked into it, quite
frankly, because I don't knowhow so I'm like that's honest,
where do you start?
That's like, what does thatlook like?
But you've had a therapist,yeah, so what does that look
like for?
Speaker 3 (02:50):
you like, where'd you start?
So it's so interesting, right,because for me, right, just
being born and raised here, butcoming from Caribbean background
like therapy was never aconversation in my household,
like I never knew my parents ifthey did go to therapy, never
knew if they went individually,never knew therapy was never
like a spoken thing and it wasalso never like talked about in
(03:14):
my house to where it was ever anoption for something.
I feel like if you were evergoing through something like
that never came up as like asolution, same.
You know what I mean, so Idon't even know that.
I guess when I thought abouttherapy, it was more from like
physical therapy or, like youknow, like therapy from a from a
different perspective, or Iwould think about therapy, like,
oh, like, you went through someserious stuff, right, you know
(03:38):
which?
Speaker 2 (03:38):
that's not true.
You don't have to go throughanything serious or anything at
all.
It just depends to have atherapist.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Yeah, yeah, and I think it depends, because
there's therapists for differentthings in life yeah different
things that you've been beenthrough.
But no, like I just growing uplike it just was never a word
that was used in my household,so I also never felt like it's
something that I would ever useor need as an outlet, until I
got older and I was like, ohwait, like I would listen to
(04:04):
podcasts, I would listen to justshared experiences amongst
women and just things thatpeople have been through.
And I love that therapy wasbrought up more as it related to
mental health, because I thinkthat in this in the black
community and also in theCaribbean like community, you
thought of therapy sometimes andbe honest as a way of like
something's wrong with youthat's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Yeah, it was like, oh , like, what's wrong with you,
like why do you need it?
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
So I feel like it always had like a negative
connotation behind it to whereit was.
Like it's like, oh, I don'twant to say it because like, oh,
my god, I want people to lookat me like I'm broken.
You know what I mean?
Yes, like so for me, yes, Ihave experienced therapy and I
was so grateful for it at thetime I didn't even know I needed
it, but I was like I've talkedto all my friends, I've talked
(04:50):
to all my family, like I don'tknow what to do in this
situation, but I know somethingisn't right and I need some
support.
And so, at the time when I didgo to therapy this is this is
probably the I've gone totherapy twice, one by myself and
one when I was in arelationship um, and it was
getting out of the relationshipwhere I went to therapy but I
(05:12):
didn't know I needed it.
And then I actually, thank god,I had, you know, insurance for
my job, so I was able to get itwith the insurance that I
already had health-wise, whichwhich a lot of people don't
realize look into yourhealthcare insurance that you
have.
A lot of them come with.
Have therapy as an option foryou to take and there may be
like a certain website or acertain route you have to look
(05:33):
into.
But for me, I looked into that.
My first step was when I wentto look for my therapist.
As I went on, there was awebsite and there still is a
website called Therapy for BlackGirls and I heard that on like
a podcast or another show and Iwent on there and it's literally
like a database that you cantype in like whatever you're
dealing with, whether it's liketrauma from your childhood,
sexual trauma, relationshiptrauma.
(05:54):
If you're looking, you're newlymarried and you need a
therapist for you know newlywedsor like you know, just
relationships or anything thatyou can think of that you're
going through.
They have therapists thatspecialize in specific things.
So I was able to go on there inmy area at the time I was
living in Mobile.
I was like, let me look and seethis in my area.
It was during COVID Was it inperson or virtual.
(06:16):
It was virtual, but if I wantedit to be in person, it could.
But it was virtual and I feltlike it was just as effective.
But yeah, I went on the websiteand searched.
That's my way of like how Iwent and searched for therapy.
I know you said you haven't,but you've been thinking about
it.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Yeah, I've been thinking about it.
I'm like where do I start?
Like what do I do, like so toknow there are platforms that
kind of like has a directory ofa bunch of therapists.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
That's helpful because I'm like okay, that's a
starting point.
Love the reviews, yeah, andlove reviews, that's important.
And I always say finding atherapist, because I looked at
so many and I called and I waslike, oh, what do you offer?
And I like went and seen theirstory.
Some of them there are likeChristian therapists, like there
are some who believe, you know,spiritually, but you may
believe in religious wise so youcan look into those things.
But it's like dating like, it'slike finding like that perfect
(07:01):
match and sometimes you may haveto go through multiple
therapists that may fit and maynot fit.
And it's okay, like I thinkthat sometimes are you asking
your therapist specificquestions?
Speaker 2 (07:11):
What do you mean, like, how do you find that that
therapist is for you Like?
Are you asking them certainquestions, or are you just like
having a conversation and seeingthe way they respond to you?
Like what is it that helps youfind, like, the right fit?
Okay, so, if I think of atherapist, I'm like somebody you
could talk to, but likesomebody who's going to hold you
(07:32):
accountable and give you anoutside perspective.
Is that?
Speaker 1 (07:33):
right.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
Yeah, so, because sometimes they don't even give
their opinion right, sometimesthey don't, yeah, and I think
that for me I went for thisspecific situation I have one
therapist.
I didn't go to different people, um, but I know of friends and
people who have shared theirexperiences with therapy where
they went to somebody and itdidn't work and they went to
somebody else and it worked.
(07:54):
So sometimes it just depends onyour needs and what works for
you.
if that makes sense so that'swhy I said it's kind of like
dating, because you can kind oflike oh my god, I don't know if
need it, but I know for me, whenI first spoke to the woman that
I spoke to, I was like, okay,this felt like a good fit for me
.
And then I went and I'm notgoing to lie the first couple of
times I was like, okay, I'mgoing through the motions, I'm
(08:14):
answering the questions, because, again, this is a non-biased
person, so this is a person thatknows nothing.
But you're expressing yourselfand you almost feel like you
could be a little bit morevulnerable, because it's like I
have nothing to lose, like shedon't know me from a can of
paint.
You know what I mean.
I like can literally tell herhow I feel.
And it was to the point where Iwas like okay, session one,
(08:34):
session two I'm like all right,I'm just talking about my
feelings.
Session three, session four Iwas crying.
I'm like girl, really I didn'tknow that I had it in me to be
able to have to get theseemotions out.
You know what I mean.
But she like kind of put likegave me like homework or gave me
like different things to do ordifferent things to think about.
Where I was like wow, because Ialways thought someone asked
(08:54):
myself, like, did I need it?
So something that I want to say, too, is therapy isn't always
something that you're going toneed for a long term purpose.
I think it depends on the natureof the situation.
So for me, I'll get a littlebit more specific.
I was in a really badrelationship where it just
caused me personal trauma.
(09:15):
It was like just unhealthy inso many different ways that I
felt like I lost myself and Iwas, like you know, like I lost
myself and I was, like you know,like I was becoming so
irritable and so emotional andlike just super, like not myself
, to where I was.
Like I need to speak tosomebody that has no connection
to the situation, becauseusually when you're talking to
your friends or family memberswho may know this person let's
(09:38):
be honest, sometimes theiropinion- is a little biased
perspective and especially ifit's someone that they really
liked or was fond of this personRight, their emotions and their
attachments is going to betotally different.
So I was like I need to alsoheal from this situation and I
can do my own personal healing.
But I was like, let me alsoseek someone else who has the
(10:01):
expertise and the knowledge andum literally went to school for
this to be able to give me othertools.
And I think that's important inlife is that, whatever
situation you're in, there'stools that are out there for you
and you may not know themyourself, which is why you
should seek help in gettingsomeone else to give you that
perspective.
You can search online and tryto web md yourself to death, but
(10:25):
I think that sometimes you justhave to like seek another
person to help you with that,and that's what it was to all
the hbcu students making moveslisten up.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
for over 20 years, mcdonald's has been at the side
of college hopefuls and, withover a million in funding this
year, through the black andpositively golden scholarship,
mickey d's is helping hBCUstudents rise and flourish into
their graduating roles.
This scholarship season, getready to take your place when
you apply for a McDonald's Blackand Positively Golden
Scholarship.
Visit MCDBlackScholarscom toapply now.
(10:58):
Applications close on April25th 2025.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I think lately I've been thinking about it because I
don't even know like I'm like,and this is why because I'm like
, I don't really feel like Ihave past traumas, right like.
Or maybe I'm just in denial, Idon't know, but I don't think I
have past traumas, right like.
So I'm like, do I really wantto open up a can of worms a and
b?
(11:21):
Maybe I do just want to likejust talk to somebody just for
fun and like see what happens.
You know like see what comes ofit.
But I'm like, I don't reallyfeel like I have traumas.
And here's the thing I don'twant to be in a situation where
somebody is telling me I havetraumas that I don't genuinely
feel myself I understand thatand I feel like that can happen.
(11:44):
You know, I'll say like, yeah, Ididn't get a present on my
fifth birthday, and thensomebody be like that's
traumatic, and I'm like, no,it's not.
You know, like trauma is verydifferent and everybody
objective well, to a certainextent, but it's subjective.
So I'm like I don't know if Ineed a therapist, like, but
maybe I just want to try it tolike see, yeah what was what
(12:05):
y'all talking about over here?
Speaker 3 (12:07):
you know right and I think that sometimes too, you
may not realize you needsomething or you don't need it
until you do try it right.
So I understand your, yourcuriosity with wanting to try it
right, and I think that also,like we don't, you don't have to
seek therapy because you'reyou're dealing with a trauma.
Only sometimes you have to seektherapy because you're you're
dealing with a trauma.
Only sometimes you can beseeking therapy because you're
(12:27):
looking for growth.
Like life coaches are a form oftherapy.
You know what I mean.
Like as you're you know what Imean I do want to get a life
coach.
Yeah, so I feel like sometimesyou, you're you're trying to tap
into like another.
You know part of yourself oryou may be just trying to figure
out as you're growing, asyou're evolving as a woman.
Like maybe there's a way thatyou do something like, or you're
(12:49):
like the way you handle thingsthat a lot of people may not
resonate with and that may comefrom something that you don't
know and that therapist may beable to bring that out of you.
Like hey, like where does thiscome from?
Like you're an overachiever whyis that?
You know what I mean.
Like sometimes you're wantingto and that's what I'm saying so
?
these are some of the questionsshe asked me.
She's like you're seekingperfectionism, you're
(13:11):
overachiever in certain aspects,like was there something that
may have happened that made youfeel like this?
Speaker 2 (13:16):
you know what I mean.
That's what I'm saying.
Like I just feel like certainaspects about me are probably
probably trauma responses, butI'm like I like this, I like
that I got this, like I'm okaywith this, but like, for example
, like overworking yeah or likeconstantly feeling like you need
to be productive, like I.
I learned that that's a traumaresponse.
Well, trauma response.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
You get what I'm saying.
It's true it may come from likea lack of maybe not necessarily
your situation, but like, forexample, somebody that may be
overworked is probably somethingthey've seen their parents
doing, or because maybe theydidn't have something growing up
that they want to make surethat they always have something.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Yes, which is like, yeah, that's sad, but is it
traumatic?
You get what I'm saying.
Like I get what you're sayingfor me when I'm like, do I
really want to go to a therapistto tell me about all this
trauma that I experienced, whereI'm like, yeah, it's bad, but
yeah, I think the deeper thingis too.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
It's not only just establishing where something
comes from, it's also overcomingthat and also coming to terms
with that.
There is like a light at theend, like it's not.
I think that sometimes peoplego into therapy thinking like,
oh yes, they're gonna justobviously bring everything to
the light of what the root of myproblems are and they're like
(14:31):
all surfaced.
But then sometimes it's helpingyou get over, not just seeing
the surface, but get over thehump and seeing the light.
So, for example, my situationwas I was, I knew I was in this
bad situation, I lost myself, Iwas trying to get back to me and
I needed to one kind of almostlike apologize to myself but
also like heal from thesituation and say, okay, this is
(14:54):
not going to define what I ammoving into in this new light,
right, but then I was givenspecific tools that helped me
kind of pull that stuff out tothe point where I did a few
sessions with her and she's like, okay, you no longer need the
therapy.
Like she's like we're, we'regood here, like and I'm sure she
had to ask me certain questionsor get to certain points where
she was like we, we've taken thesessions we've needed.
(15:16):
We've accomplished what weneeded to accomplish.
You've gotten it.
You're good, I like that.
It's not a long-term thing.
Sometimes it's just literallyyeah it depends on the situation
, but for me, I went in forwhatever it was that I needed.
She was like we're good, youdon't need to keep coming to me.
I.
I love talking to you, butyou're good you know what I mean
?
Speaker 2 (15:34):
Yeah, I like that I think I'm still definitely going
to look into it.
I've never.
Yeah, I've always thought aboutit or even like I think it's
super healthy for couples too.
Oh yes, to do like couplestherapy and stuff like that Well
, yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Because I experienced that too child Did you If
anyone wants to give theirexperience on couples therapy?
Yes, so for the same specificsituation this is amanda's
podcast today.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Tell us more.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
No so for the same situation, like we went to
couples therapy and I personallyfeel like I know therapists are
supposed to be biased, I'mbiased, I'm biased sorry I'm
biased, but I felt like this onewas a little bit more biased
because not to get too muchdetails but my ex was in a
(16:17):
certain profession to where thistherapist helped those people
in that profession.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Oh well, that's different.
That's already a conflict ofinterest.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
So I'm like I'm walking in the office.
I'm seeing all these pictures.
Speaker 4 (16:30):
I'm like McDonald's has entered a Minecraft movie
universe and Grimace, birdie andHamburglar just spawned as new
collectibles in the overworld.
Now, for a limited time, youcan get one of six McDonald's
collectibles when you order aMinecraft movie meal With your
choice of Big Mac or 10-pieceChicken McNuggets with spicy
(16:50):
nether flame sauce, availablenow in a biome near you, oh, and
at your local McDonald's I's.
I participate in mcdonald's fora limited time on minecraft
movie only in theaters but hewas unbiased to a certain extent
.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
But I feel like because he specialized in like
that field in dealing withathletes.
That that's what it was.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Yeah that's annoying.
Um, I think also another partof like mental health and
wellness to your point was likelife coaching.
You know it doesn't always haveto be therapy, it could be life
coaching, it could be there.
There's so many just differentcoaches you can get out there.
There's dating coaches.
There's marriage coaches,dating coaches, marriage coaches
(17:33):
training, you know trainerslike fitness trainers and stuff
which is a form of therapy.
And that all has absolutely,and it all has to do with, like,
mental health.
And I think that I need to go tothe gym.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
You keep saying that you don't want to go.
I know.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
I don't.
I don't like the gym, but I amgoing to go to Pilates.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
You do enjoy Pilates, I do.
You do enjoy pilates, I do, youdo enjoy pilates.
But, yeah, I feel like there'sso many coaches that can help
you deal with what it is thatyou specifically want to to
handle.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
You know what I mean, like what it is that you're
looking for yeah, and if you'reanything like me, I think you
can help yourself to a certainextent too.
Um, obviously, like no one toget professional help, but like
I think that you know if you seesomething that you don't like,
like I'm a big person about likewriting it down and like
revisiting it, making sure thatyou don't go back to it, making
(18:27):
sure that you change it, likeyou can also be your own, like,
uh, accountability partner ifyou will and, um, I think also
just knowing that, if you can'tdo it on your own, yeah, yeah
definitely Seek professionalhelp, for sure.
But if you are like you knowwhat, I got this and you kind of
want to give yourself that pushso that, like you know, you
(18:48):
don't have to think about goingto a therapist the next time, or
whatever, the case may be, ifyou're a psycho like me, or
you're like I can do it all bymyself.
A psycho like me, where you'relike, I can do it all by myself.
You know, do it like write itdown, figure it out, figure it
out yourself, but like just knowwhen to get professional help.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
You know, yeah, I think that you should definitely
know when and everything is.
It's not linear.
I think it depends on what thesituation is, what you've dealt
with, um, you know, I dounderstand that I'm blessed to
to, to be able to have gone forwhen I went, because I know a
lot of people may not be thatfortunate and I'm also thankful
that my situation, what I'mdealing with, what I can handle
(19:20):
sometimes you can't and it'stough, but we just want to
encourage our listeners andpeople who are watching the
podcast to know that there's somany resources, even if you
don't have insurance, there'seven free outlets of ways that
you can tap into getting thathelp.
(19:41):
But I know, when I was goingthrough that time I needed it
and I was grateful that I hadthose resources.
But I think that you know it'sit's it's such a human
experience to go through toughtimes, you know, or just to go
through something that's supertough.
And that wasn't the only toughtime.
That's not going to be the onlytough time that I ever
experienced in life and I justknow that when that happens, if
it ever does happen, I'll youknow you'll have to be able to
use that tool for what it is.
In that moment, girl, I'm likeI've been depressed before, like
(20:05):
you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
I've experienced that .
No, I feel like I'm likeespecially no funny stuff.
It's so funny to say like inretrospect, but like I used to
get like seasonal depression innew york, especially in the
winter, and I thought I was alooney tune.
And then I like, as I got older, more educated, I like like do
a little googling and I'm like,oh no, this is a real thing.
(20:26):
Like I lack vitamin d, likethis is like for real and you
know through, like research andlike professional, like seeking
advice or whatever the case maybe.
I was like, ok, I wasn'tbugging.
Speaker 3 (20:38):
No.
I wasn't bugging, so yeah youknow me, you see where I'm from.
When I went in, when I lived inNew York, girl, I went through
in the wintertime all the time.
I had seasonal depression, I'msure at some point, but I'm even
like just experienceddepression before period.
Thank God it wasn't likeanything that you know I needed
(20:59):
anything.
And if you do need medicationor if you do need you know to
take things to help you withyour depression, I think that's
totally fine yeah, and you knowwhat?
okay and it, and we should makeit a more of a normalcy to not
make people feel less than ifthey do who was it?
Speaker 2 (21:13):
I think it was casey that we had on, and she was like
knowing the difference betweena therapist and a psychiatrist
is very important.
It is so like you gotta knowwhich one you feel like you need
to see, because thepsychiatrist is is the one
that's gonna tell you, tell youif you need medication.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
But a therapist is only gonna talk you through
things yeah, no, I'm glad thatshe said that that was that's
like.
By the way, if you haven't seenthe episode, definitely tap go
back.
One of my faves, for sure yeah,love Casey, but yeah, I just I
think that it's, if you gotta dowhat's best for you and
whatever you need to get youover your hump or whatever
situation you're going through,feel so like unapologetic and
(21:50):
selfish to seek that help, to goto that whether it's a
psychologist, psychiatrist or atherapist and get the help that
you need to get you over thathump because, like you, it's not
fair.
You should not fair to yourselfor you'd have to live in that
space, you know what I mean andnot get the help you need I
agree, yeah, have you ever?
do you ever feel like you saidyou've experienced seasonal
(22:11):
depression?
Speaker 2 (22:11):
yes, seasonal depression, um yeah, I feel like
sometimes I see it more so likein my habits than anything like
I won't be like too, likementally sad, but I will do like
depression, like you'll see,like depression in my actions if
(22:31):
that makes like you might notwant to get out of bed, like
stuff like that, yeah like I'llget out of bed really late, or
like I'm like eating once a daylike it's in my routine.
That I'm like sad and I'm likewhy yeah you know and that's
another conversation it's likesometimes you be sad and you
don't even know why.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
You said I know why it is girl that cycle sometimes.
Yeah, that's like that's likecrazy.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
The older I get, the more she be whipping my okay
girl.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
I'm like why am I crying?
It's a tuesday.
And then it's like hey, hey,girl welcome back and I'm like
oh you again that's a fact.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
You again no.
Bigger woman is hard, becauseyou really don't know if you go
through something where you justabout to be on your mess or
you're just being messing.
Yeah, oh my gosh.
I seen a video the other daywhere it was like my depressor
might be a mess.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
It's hard because you really don't know if you go
through something where you justabout to be on your meds or
you're just PMSing.
Yeah, oh, my gosh.
I seen a video the other daywhere it was like Am I depressed
or am I PMSing?
No, and this girl, she keptcoming in and out of the
apartment and she's like this ismy period and it was like, oh,
forgot my purse, walked out, ohforgot my.
(23:38):
It's like really, yes, all thetime, really all the time.
That is so funny.
Shout out to the women thatshe's going throughout the day
just bleeding and you don't evenknow.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
No, it's hard out here.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
But yeah, so I I definitely feel like, um,
sometimes you just gotta seekwhat it is that you need in that
moment that you need it and berealistic about it yeah, if you
need it and if you gotta spend alittle money on it, just go for
it.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Child yeah money comes and money goes.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
Money comes and money goes, you know something else I
wanted to talk about as itrelates to like kind of like
past traumas and healing frompast traumas.
I know it's so easy sometimesto gravitate towards people who
have had shared experiences, buttrauma bonding is so like.
It's very it's a very slipperyslope and I feel like you got to
be very careful when you areDivulging your experiences To
(24:25):
somebody that also has had itand it almost like they bring
you back.
You know what I mean.
I've had friends that have donethis, which is why I'm
expressing it and I've seen itLike what do you mean?
You've gone through somethingwith a boyfriend and you have
made friends with someone who'sgone through something with a
boyfriend and now you guys arein friendships because you guys
have shared experiences, versusyou just naturally being friends
(24:48):
with each other Like you'refriends based on the fact that
you've experienced and wentthrough something similar you
get what I'm saying.
I just think that it's it's notto say you can't be friends,
somebody that's also somebodythat you connect with on that
level.
But I just do think sometimesyou experiencing this thing in
your life is not something thatis going to define you.
It's something that you'rehoping, I'm hoping to heal from
(25:08):
and get past.
Would you still want to befriends with this person once
you've healed from it?
Speaker 2 (25:13):
okay, you get what I'm saying.
I get that, but I feel like youcan still have relationships
with people who have similar,absolutely like trauma
experiences.
But I'm just saying it's like amatter of like are you going to
be friends with them?
Speaker 3 (25:28):
yeah, I'm saying think about if you and a person
only have this one thing incommon, like is it gonna, is the
friendship gonna tell the standthe test of time?
And also, it just makes me justmake.
What I'm really also trying tosay is just make sure that
person has great intentions foryou and that you they're wanting
the best for you, you wantingthe best for them and just this
one thing.
If you break away from it,you're like oh, I'm healed from
(25:50):
it.
And they're like well, whathappened when you were telling
me, and it's like I'm not thereanymore?
You know what?
Speaker 2 (25:54):
I mean okay, yes.
I get what you mean whensomebody keeps reminding you of
a bad situation where you'relike baby.
I'm done with that.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
I'm past it yeah, absolutely got it absolutely.
I remember when I was in mysituation.
I feel like I related to aspecific person in that moment
and she would tell me about hersituation and things that she
dealt with and I was like Iguess it was more or less to
kind of create like the equalground.
But then, after I was fullydone and healed from the
(26:22):
situation, I feel like thatperson kept like oh, remember,
and I'm like yeah, yeah, yikes,you know what I'm saying, that's
odd, that's not.
I'm sorry, I mean, but peoplecan't relate, but that's that's.
That's an interesting peoplelike to to attach that girl.
So yeah, but I just, I justdefinitely think that whatever
it is that you need in in theseason that you're in, just just
(26:46):
try to find it.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
You know what I mean yeah, nothing's more important
than your mental health.
You can't also for the womenout there.
You cannot take care of anybodyaround you if you cannot take
care of yourself.
Speaker 3 (26:56):
First, ever first ever, and there's different
things that you can do daily.
Do the things that make youhappier, the things that bring
you joy daily, too, on top ofthe other ways that you're
seeking help from healing, fromjust different situations that
you've been through.
Yeah, yeah whether it's goingoutside getting some sun,
writing down your feelings,drinking your favorite cup of
tea, talking to a friendwatching a show you know like.
(27:18):
Just also do the things thatmake you happy too and don't
feel bad about it.
Well, I'm glad we were able tohave this talk.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
I know Now I need to go find a therapist.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
Yeah, and if you need help, I got you Okay.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Thank you, I got you, I got you.
Okay, I got you, I got you.
Boo, I just be scared.
I'm like I'm gonna sit thereand tell a stranger all my
business, but it's a stranger.
They know nothing about you.
Well, I also think I'm beyonceso I'm like, are you a?
Stranger.
Are you gonna look at myinstagram?
You're gonna look.
No see, I don't like that Imean it's public information.
No see, that's why I can't havea therapist you think they're
not gonna look that up?
Speaker 3 (27:48):
no, because the people you ordering food from at
a restaurant probably lookingup your name.
I don't even be using my realname when I go to certain places
, what do you use?
Speaker 2 (27:56):
I don't use my real name on my DoorDash Uber.
Nothing, stop it On your.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
Uber, you could change your name Mm-hmm.
No way yeah.
Oh, I'm changing mine Well butnot because my name was
different.
I was banned from Uber for awhile too.
Yeah, so annoying.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
I didn't do anything wrong, but like now I feel like
like an outlier and I'm okaywith it.
I haven't used it in years,what's?
Speaker 3 (28:21):
your name that you order for a restaurant.
I'll tell you offline.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
It's a name, so I don't want to let you know
Christina, christina.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
Yeah, christina's, not christina.
Christina, yeah, it is real.
Oh my gosh, I ordered forchristina.
I gotta make a name now.
I gotta make a alter ego forwhen I order.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Yeah, oh my gosh, I love that literally um, but
especially for like wears andstuff like that, like that's
true people in your business,looking you up, knowing where
you live that's true, that's sotrue.
Let's try sucka um.
But that being said, yeah, I'mlike, I don't want a therapist
like looking, because I think,regardless, human nature is to
(29:01):
create like ideas, stories andlike just biases as soon as you
see somebody.
That's just how we are, that'show we're wired yeah and like
nobody in no profession is notgoing to be that way.
You know, and that's just how Ifeel yeah, and I would hope
they wouldn't.
But no, I would hope that's agood point.
Like I don't want you lookingat my instagram you're like,
(29:21):
it's about me, not my pictures.
Yes, not what I post, rightyeah, I hope this um episode was
inspiring to you guys listeningto go get a therapist like me.
Y'all go look, we can looktogether.
Yes, send me platforms y'all umfind y'all therapists on
something help her out, um.
But yeah, we appreciate you guystuning in every week.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
Make sure you like every week thank you guys, so
much for the love and support.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
next, next week, we've got more for you.
Yes, love you guys.
Bye.
To all the HBCU students making moves listen up.
For over 20 years, mcdonald'shas been at the side of college
hopefuls and, with over amillion in funding this year,
through the Black and PositivelyGolden Scholarship, Mickey D's
is helping HBCU students riseand flourish into their
graduating roles.
This scholarship season, getready to take your place when
you apply for a McDonald's Blackand Positively Golden
(00:23):
Scholarship.
Visit mcdblack scholarscom toapply now.
Applications close on april25th 2025 hi, I'm crystal vega.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Hi, I'm amanda booze, and this is elevators podcast,
where we talk about the peaksand valleys of life's journey,
from relationships toentrepreneurships, friendships,
you name it.
We're talking about it and evengive you a taste of the
sizzling social media hot topics, all through the lens of modern
womanhood.
That's right, and we are y'allwe're back, back again, back
(00:52):
back again.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
Another week, another podcast episode, another
episode, and you know what thisis gonna be a show.
I feel like we haven't reallytalked about this too much.
But, girl, I feel like wehaven't really talked about this
too much.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
But girl, should I get the boxes?
Should I get the tissue boxes?
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Is it going to be one of those.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
I don't know All I got is bounty.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Let me know if I can get it If you need me to grab
that Bounty or Charmin, I don'tknow, but you know what?
I think that we should talkabout our mental health and
mental wellness.
We haven't had a show where wetouched on that too much.
I know we talk about it hereand there, but we haven't really
had like a real like anin-depth conversation.
Like an in-depth conversationyou know what I mean and dived
(01:33):
into it, and I feel like I knowI'm not speaking to my self or
I'm speaking for myself when Isay this, but life be life in,
and so much happens in alifetime that just affect us
overall and who we are as aperson, and I think it's
important for us to talk aboutthat because I feel like it's
healing to talk about thingsthat you've dealt with and also,
(01:56):
as you're moving on into thefuture, it's it's important to
sometimes, you know, acknowledgecertain aspects that you've
gone through, to kind of showgrowth in some aspects as well.
But yeah, I just wanted to talkfor us a chat about, like just
our mental health.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
You know, yeah, wellness, no, we have never
talked about this.
I know we kind of like grazedover the idea of like talking
about therapy and stuff, butwe've never gone in depth about
it and maybe it's because, likepartially like, I don't even
know what to say when it comesto therapy, because I've never
been through it.
So I feel like you know thiswould be so you've never had,
(02:32):
you never had therapy, I'venever had a therapist okay,
never like looked into it no,never, never, never, never.
I've never had a therapist,never looked into it, quite
frankly, because I don't knowhow so I'm like that's honest,
where do you start?
That's like, what does thatlook like?
But you've had a therapist,yeah, so what does that look
like for?
Speaker 3 (02:50):
you like, where'd you start?
So it's so interesting, right,because for me, right, just
being born and raised here, butcoming from Caribbean background
like therapy was never aconversation in my household,
like I never knew my parents ifthey did go to therapy, never
knew if they went individually,never knew therapy was never
like a spoken thing and it wasalso never like talked about in
(03:14):
my house to where it was ever anoption for something.
I feel like if you were evergoing through something like
that never came up as like asolution, same.
You know what I mean, so Idon't even know that.
I guess when I thought abouttherapy, it was more from like
physical therapy or, like youknow, like therapy from a from a
different perspective, or Iwould think about therapy, like,
oh, like, you went through someserious stuff, right, you know
(03:38):
which?
Speaker 2 (03:38):
that's not true.
You don't have to go throughanything serious or anything at
all.
It just depends to have atherapist.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Yeah, yeah, and I think it depends, because
there's therapists for differentthings in life yeah different
things that you've been beenthrough.
But no, like I just growing uplike it just was never a word
that was used in my household,so I also never felt like it's
something that I would ever useor need as an outlet, until I
got older and I was like, ohwait, like I would listen to
(04:04):
podcasts, I would listen to justshared experiences amongst
women and just things thatpeople have been through.
And I love that therapy wasbrought up more as it related to
mental health, because I thinkthat in this in the black
community and also in theCaribbean like community, you
thought of therapy sometimes andbe honest as a way of like
something's wrong with youthat's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Yeah, it was like, oh , like, what's wrong with you,
like why do you need it?
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
So I feel like it always had like a negative
connotation behind it to whereit was.
Like it's like, oh, I don'twant to say it because like, oh,
my god, I want people to lookat me like I'm broken.
You know what I mean?
Yes, like so for me, yes, Ihave experienced therapy and I
was so grateful for it at thetime I didn't even know I needed
it, but I was like I've talkedto all my friends, I've talked
(04:50):
to all my family, like I don'tknow what to do in this
situation, but I know somethingisn't right and I need some
support.
And so, at the time when I didgo to therapy this is this is
probably the I've gone totherapy twice, one by myself and
one when I was in arelationship um, and it was
getting out of the relationshipwhere I went to therapy but I
(05:12):
didn't know I needed it.
And then I actually, thank god,I had, you know, insurance for
my job, so I was able to get itwith the insurance that I
already had health-wise, whichwhich a lot of people don't
realize look into yourhealthcare insurance that you
have.
A lot of them come with.
Have therapy as an option foryou to take and there may be
like a certain website or acertain route you have to look
(05:33):
into.
But for me, I looked into that.
My first step was when I wentto look for my therapist.
As I went on, there was awebsite and there still is a
website called Therapy for BlackGirls and I heard that on like
a podcast or another show and Iwent on there and it's literally
like a database that you cantype in like whatever you're
dealing with, whether it's liketrauma from your childhood,
sexual trauma, relationshiptrauma.
(05:54):
If you're looking, you're newlymarried and you need a
therapist for you know newlywedsor like you know, just
relationships or anything thatyou can think of that you're
going through.
They have therapists thatspecialize in specific things.
So I was able to go on there inmy area at the time I was
living in Mobile.
I was like, let me look and seethis in my area.
It was during COVID Was it inperson or virtual.
(06:16):
It was virtual, but if I wantedit to be in person, it could.
But it was virtual and I feltlike it was just as effective.
But yeah, I went on the websiteand searched.
That's my way of like how Iwent and searched for therapy.
I know you said you haven't,but you've been thinking about
it.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Yeah, I've been thinking about it.
I'm like where do I start?
Like what do I do, like so toknow there are platforms that
kind of like has a directory ofa bunch of therapists.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
That's helpful because I'm like okay, that's a
starting point.
Love the reviews, yeah, andlove reviews, that's important.
And I always say finding atherapist, because I looked at
so many and I called and I waslike, oh, what do you offer?
And I like went and seen theirstory.
Some of them there are likeChristian therapists, like there
are some who believe, you know,spiritually, but you may
believe in religious wise so youcan look into those things.
But it's like dating like, it'slike finding like that perfect
(07:01):
match and sometimes you may haveto go through multiple
therapists that may fit and maynot fit.
And it's okay, like I thinkthat sometimes are you asking
your therapist specificquestions?
Speaker 2 (07:11):
What do you mean, like, how do you find that that
therapist is for you Like?
Are you asking them certainquestions, or are you just like
having a conversation and seeingthe way they respond to you?
Like what is it that helps youfind, like, the right fit?
Okay, so, if I think of atherapist, I'm like somebody you
could talk to, but likesomebody who's going to hold you
(07:32):
accountable and give you anoutside perspective.
Is that?
Speaker 1 (07:33):
right.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
Yeah, so, because sometimes they don't even give
their opinion right, sometimesthey don't, yeah, and I think
that for me I went for thisspecific situation I have one
therapist.
I didn't go to different people, um, but I know of friends and
people who have shared theirexperiences with therapy where
they went to somebody and itdidn't work and they went to
somebody else and it worked.
(07:54):
So sometimes it just depends onyour needs and what works for
you.
if that makes sense so that'swhy I said it's kind of like
dating, because you can kind oflike oh my god, I don't know if
need it, but I know for me, whenI first spoke to the woman that
I spoke to, I was like, okay,this felt like a good fit for me
.
And then I went and I'm notgoing to lie the first couple of
times I was like, okay, I'mgoing through the motions, I'm
(08:14):
answering the questions, because, again, this is a non-biased
person, so this is a person thatknows nothing.
But you're expressing yourselfand you almost feel like you
could be a little bit morevulnerable, because it's like I
have nothing to lose, like shedon't know me from a can of
paint.
You know what I mean.
I like can literally tell herhow I feel.
And it was to the point where Iwas like okay, session one,
(08:34):
session two I'm like all right,I'm just talking about my
feelings.
Session three, session four Iwas crying.
I'm like girl, really I didn'tknow that I had it in me to be
able to have to get theseemotions out.
You know what I mean.
But she like kind of put likegave me like homework or gave me
like different things to do ordifferent things to think about.
Where I was like wow, because Ialways thought someone asked
(08:54):
myself, like, did I need it?
So something that I want to say, too, is therapy isn't always
something that you're going toneed for a long term purpose.
I think it depends on the natureof the situation.
So for me, I'll get a littlebit more specific.
I was in a really badrelationship where it just
caused me personal trauma.
(09:15):
It was like just unhealthy inso many different ways that I
felt like I lost myself and Iwas, like you know, like I lost
myself and I was, like you know,like I was becoming so
irritable and so emotional andlike just super, like not myself
, to where I was.
Like I need to speak tosomebody that has no connection
to the situation, becauseusually when you're talking to
your friends or family memberswho may know this person let's
(09:38):
be honest, sometimes theiropinion- is a little biased
perspective and especially ifit's someone that they really
liked or was fond of this personRight, their emotions and their
attachments is going to betotally different.
So I was like I need to alsoheal from this situation and I
can do my own personal healing.
But I was like, let me alsoseek someone else who has the
(10:01):
expertise and the knowledge andum literally went to school for
this to be able to give me othertools.
And I think that's important inlife is that, whatever
situation you're in, there'stools that are out there for you
and you may not know themyourself, which is why you
should seek help in gettingsomeone else to give you that
perspective.
You can search online and tryto web md yourself to death, but
(10:25):
I think that sometimes you justhave to like seek another
person to help you with that,and that's what it was to all
the hbcu students making moveslisten up.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
for over 20 years, mcdonald's has been at the side
of college hopefuls and, withover a million in funding this
year, through the black andpositively golden scholarship,
mickey d's is helping hBCUstudents rise and flourish into
their graduating roles.
This scholarship season, getready to take your place when
you apply for a McDonald's Blackand Positively Golden
Scholarship.
Visit MCDBlackScholarscom toapply now.
(10:58):
Applications close on April25th 2025.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I think lately I've been thinking about it because I
don't even know like I'm like,and this is why because I'm like
, I don't really feel like Ihave past traumas, right like.
Or maybe I'm just in denial, Idon't know, but I don't think I
have past traumas, right like.
So I'm like, do I really wantto open up a can of worms a and
b?
(11:21):
Maybe I do just want to likejust talk to somebody just for
fun and like see what happens.
You know like see what comes ofit.
But I'm like, I don't reallyfeel like I have traumas.
And here's the thing I don'twant to be in a situation where
somebody is telling me I havetraumas that I don't genuinely
feel myself I understand thatand I feel like that can happen.
(11:44):
You know, I'll say like, yeah, Ididn't get a present on my
fifth birthday, and thensomebody be like that's
traumatic, and I'm like, no,it's not.
You know, like trauma is verydifferent and everybody
objective well, to a certainextent, but it's subjective.
So I'm like I don't know if Ineed a therapist, like, but
maybe I just want to try it tolike see, yeah what was what
(12:05):
y'all talking about over here?
Speaker 3 (12:07):
you know right and I think that sometimes too, you
may not realize you needsomething or you don't need it
until you do try it right.
So I understand your, yourcuriosity with wanting to try it
right, and I think that also,like we don't, you don't have to
seek therapy because you'reyou're dealing with a trauma.
Only sometimes you have to seektherapy because you're you're
dealing with a trauma.
Only sometimes you can beseeking therapy because you're
(12:27):
looking for growth.
Like life coaches are a form oftherapy.
You know what I mean.
Like as you're you know what Imean I do want to get a life
coach.
Yeah, so I feel like sometimesyou, you're you're trying to tap
into like another.
You know part of yourself oryou may be just trying to figure
out as you're growing, asyou're evolving as a woman.
Like maybe there's a way thatyou do something like, or you're
(12:49):
like the way you handle thingsthat a lot of people may not
resonate with and that may comefrom something that you don't
know and that therapist may beable to bring that out of you.
Like hey, like where does thiscome from?
Like you're an overachiever whyis that?
You know what I mean.
Like sometimes you're wantingto and that's what I'm saying so
?
these are some of the questionsshe asked me.
She's like you're seekingperfectionism, you're
(13:11):
overachiever in certain aspects,like was there something that
may have happened that made youfeel like this?
Speaker 2 (13:16):
you know what I mean.
That's what I'm saying.
Like I just feel like certainaspects about me are probably
probably trauma responses, butI'm like I like this, I like
that I got this, like I'm okaywith this, but like, for example
, like overworking yeah or likeconstantly feeling like you need
to be productive, like I.
I learned that that's a traumaresponse.
Well, trauma response.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
You get what I'm saying.
It's true it may come from likea lack of maybe not necessarily
your situation, but like, forexample, somebody that may be
overworked is probably somethingthey've seen their parents
doing, or because maybe theydidn't have something growing up
that they want to make surethat they always have something.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Yes, which is like, yeah, that's sad, but is it
traumatic?
You get what I'm saying.
Like I get what you're sayingfor me when I'm like, do I
really want to go to a therapistto tell me about all this
trauma that I experienced, whereI'm like, yeah, it's bad, but
yeah, I think the deeper thingis too.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
It's not only just establishing where something
comes from, it's also overcomingthat and also coming to terms
with that.
There is like a light at theend, like it's not.
I think that sometimes peoplego into therapy thinking like,
oh yes, they're gonna justobviously bring everything to
the light of what the root of myproblems are and they're like
(14:31):
all surfaced.
But then sometimes it's helpingyou get over, not just seeing
the surface, but get over thehump and seeing the light.
So, for example, my situationwas I was, I knew I was in this
bad situation, I lost myself, Iwas trying to get back to me and
I needed to one kind of almostlike apologize to myself but
also like heal from thesituation and say, okay, this is
(14:54):
not going to define what I ammoving into in this new light,
right, but then I was givenspecific tools that helped me
kind of pull that stuff out tothe point where I did a few
sessions with her and she's like, okay, you no longer need the
therapy.
Like she's like we're, we'regood here, like and I'm sure she
had to ask me certain questionsor get to certain points where
she was like we, we've taken thesessions we've needed.
(15:16):
We've accomplished what weneeded to accomplish.
You've gotten it.
You're good, I like that.
It's not a long-term thing.
Sometimes it's just literallyyeah it depends on the situation
, but for me, I went in forwhatever it was that I needed.
She was like we're good, youdon't need to keep coming to me.
I.
I love talking to you, butyou're good you know what I mean
?
Speaker 2 (15:34):
Yeah, I like that I think I'm still definitely going
to look into it.
I've never.
Yeah, I've always thought aboutit or even like I think it's
super healthy for couples too.
Oh yes, to do like couplestherapy and stuff like that Well
, yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Because I experienced that too child Did you If
anyone wants to give theirexperience on couples therapy?
Yes, so for the same specificsituation this is amanda's
podcast today.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Tell us more.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
No so for the same situation, like we went to
couples therapy and I personallyfeel like I know therapists are
supposed to be biased, I'mbiased, I'm biased sorry I'm
biased, but I felt like this onewas a little bit more biased
because not to get too muchdetails but my ex was in a
(16:17):
certain profession to where thistherapist helped those people
in that profession.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Oh well, that's different.
That's already a conflict ofinterest.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
So I'm like I'm walking in the office.
I'm seeing all these pictures.
Speaker 4 (16:30):
I'm like McDonald's has entered a Minecraft movie
universe and Grimace, birdie andHamburglar just spawned as new
collectibles in the overworld.
Now, for a limited time, youcan get one of six McDonald's
collectibles when you order aMinecraft movie meal With your
choice of Big Mac or 10-pieceChicken McNuggets with spicy
(16:50):
nether flame sauce, availablenow in a biome near you, oh, and
at your local McDonald's I's.
I participate in mcdonald's fora limited time on minecraft
movie only in theaters but hewas unbiased to a certain extent
.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
But I feel like because he specialized in like
that field in dealing withathletes.
That that's what it was.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Yeah that's annoying.
Um, I think also another partof like mental health and
wellness to your point was likelife coaching.
You know it doesn't always haveto be therapy, it could be life
coaching, it could be there.
There's so many just differentcoaches you can get out there.
There's dating coaches.
There's marriage coaches,dating coaches, marriage coaches
(17:33):
training, you know trainerslike fitness trainers and stuff
which is a form of therapy.
And that all has absolutely,and it all has to do with, like,
mental health.
And I think that I need to go tothe gym.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
You keep saying that you don't want to go.
I know.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
I don't.
I don't like the gym, but I amgoing to go to Pilates.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
You do enjoy Pilates, I do.
You do enjoy pilates, I do, youdo enjoy pilates.
But, yeah, I feel like there'sso many coaches that can help
you deal with what it is thatyou specifically want to to
handle.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
You know what I mean, like what it is that you're
looking for yeah, and if you'reanything like me, I think you
can help yourself to a certainextent too.
Um, obviously, like no one toget professional help, but like
I think that you know if you seesomething that you don't like,
like I'm a big person about likewriting it down and like
revisiting it, making sure thatyou don't go back to it, making
(18:27):
sure that you change it, likeyou can also be your own, like,
uh, accountability partner ifyou will and, um, I think also
just knowing that, if you can'tdo it on your own, yeah, yeah
definitely Seek professionalhelp, for sure.
But if you are like you knowwhat, I got this and you kind of
want to give yourself that pushso that, like you know, you
(18:48):
don't have to think about goingto a therapist the next time, or
whatever, the case may be, ifyou're a psycho like me, or
you're like I can do it all bymyself.
A psycho like me, where you'relike, I can do it all by myself.
You know, do it like write itdown, figure it out, figure it
out yourself, but like just knowwhen to get professional help.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
You know, yeah, I think that you should definitely
know when and everything is.
It's not linear.
I think it depends on what thesituation is, what you've dealt
with, um, you know, I dounderstand that I'm blessed to
to, to be able to have gone forwhen I went, because I know a
lot of people may not be thatfortunate and I'm also thankful
that my situation, what I'mdealing with, what I can handle
(19:20):
sometimes you can't and it'stough, but we just want to
encourage our listeners andpeople who are watching the
podcast to know that there's somany resources, even if you
don't have insurance, there'seven free outlets of ways that
you can tap into getting thathelp.
(19:41):
But I know, when I was goingthrough that time I needed it
and I was grateful that I hadthose resources.
But I think that you know it'sit's it's such a human
experience to go through toughtimes, you know, or just to go
through something that's supertough.
And that wasn't the only toughtime.
That's not going to be the onlytough time that I ever
experienced in life and I justknow that when that happens, if
it ever does happen, I'll youknow you'll have to be able to
use that tool for what it is.
In that moment, girl, I'm likeI've been depressed before, like
(20:05):
you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
I've experienced that .
No, I feel like I'm likeespecially no funny stuff.
It's so funny to say like inretrospect, but like I used to
get like seasonal depression innew york, especially in the
winter, and I thought I was alooney tune.
And then I like, as I got older, more educated, I like like do
a little googling and I'm like,oh no, this is a real thing.
(20:26):
Like I lack vitamin d, likethis is like for real and you
know through, like research andlike professional, like seeking
advice or whatever the case maybe.
I was like, ok, I wasn'tbugging.
Speaker 3 (20:38):
No.
I wasn't bugging, so yeah youknow me, you see where I'm from.
When I went in, when I lived inNew York, girl, I went through
in the wintertime all the time.
I had seasonal depression, I'msure at some point, but I'm even
like just experienceddepression before period.
Thank God it wasn't likeanything that you know I needed
(20:59):
anything.
And if you do need medicationor if you do need you know to
take things to help you withyour depression, I think that's
totally fine yeah, and you knowwhat?
okay and it, and we should makeit a more of a normalcy to not
make people feel less than ifthey do who was it?
Speaker 2 (21:13):
I think it was casey that we had on, and she was like
knowing the difference betweena therapist and a psychiatrist
is very important.
It is so like you gotta knowwhich one you feel like you need
to see, because thepsychiatrist is is the one
that's gonna tell you, tell youif you need medication.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
But a therapist is only gonna talk you through
things yeah, no, I'm glad thatshe said that that was that's
like.
By the way, if you haven't seenthe episode, definitely tap go
back.
One of my faves, for sure yeah,love Casey, but yeah, I just I
think that it's, if you gotta dowhat's best for you and
whatever you need to get youover your hump or whatever
situation you're going through,feel so like unapologetic and
(21:50):
selfish to seek that help, to goto that whether it's a
psychologist, psychiatrist or atherapist and get the help that
you need to get you over thathump because, like you, it's not
fair.
You should not fair to yourselfor you'd have to live in that
space, you know what I mean andnot get the help you need I
agree, yeah, have you ever?
do you ever feel like you saidyou've experienced seasonal
(22:11):
depression?
Speaker 2 (22:11):
yes, seasonal depression, um yeah, I feel like
sometimes I see it more so likein my habits than anything like
I won't be like too, likementally sad, but I will do like
depression, like you'll see,like depression in my actions if
(22:31):
that makes like you might notwant to get out of bed, like
stuff like that, yeah like I'llget out of bed really late, or
like I'm like eating once a daylike it's in my routine.
That I'm like sad and I'm likewhy yeah you know and that's
another conversation it's likesometimes you be sad and you
don't even know why.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
You said I know why it is girl that cycle sometimes.
Yeah, that's like that's likecrazy.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
The older I get, the more she be whipping my okay
girl.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
I'm like why am I crying?
It's a tuesday.
And then it's like hey, hey,girl welcome back and I'm like
oh you again that's a fact.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
You again no.
Bigger woman is hard, becauseyou really don't know if you go
through something where you justabout to be on your mess or
you're just being messing.
Yeah, oh my gosh.
I seen a video the other daywhere it was like my depressor
might be a mess.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
It's hard because you really don't know if you go
through something where you justabout to be on your meds or
you're just PMSing.
Yeah, oh, my gosh.
I seen a video the other daywhere it was like Am I depressed
or am I PMSing?
No, and this girl, she keptcoming in and out of the
apartment and she's like this ismy period and it was like, oh,
forgot my purse, walked out, ohforgot my.
(23:38):
It's like really, yes, all thetime, really all the time.
That is so funny.
Shout out to the women thatshe's going throughout the day
just bleeding and you don't evenknow.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
No, it's hard out here.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
But yeah, so I I definitely feel like, um,
sometimes you just gotta seekwhat it is that you need in that
moment that you need it and berealistic about it yeah, if you
need it and if you gotta spend alittle money on it, just go for
it.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Child yeah money comes and money goes.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
Money comes and money goes, you know something else I
wanted to talk about as itrelates to like kind of like
past traumas and healing frompast traumas.
I know it's so easy sometimesto gravitate towards people who
have had shared experiences, buttrauma bonding is so like.
It's very it's a very slipperyslope and I feel like you got to
be very careful when you areDivulging your experiences To
(24:25):
somebody that also has had itand it almost like they bring
you back.
You know what I mean.
I've had friends that have donethis, which is why I'm
expressing it and I've seen itLike what do you mean?
You've gone through somethingwith a boyfriend and you have
made friends with someone who'sgone through something with a
boyfriend and now you guys arein friendships because you guys
have shared experiences, versusyou just naturally being friends
(24:48):
with each other Like you'refriends based on the fact that
you've experienced and wentthrough something similar you
get what I'm saying.
I just think that it's it's notto say you can't be friends,
somebody that's also somebodythat you connect with on that
level.
But I just do think sometimesyou experiencing this thing in
your life is not something thatis going to define you.
It's something that you'rehoping, I'm hoping to heal from
(25:08):
and get past.
Would you still want to befriends with this person once
you've healed from it?
Speaker 2 (25:13):
okay, you get what I'm saying.
I get that, but I feel like youcan still have relationships
with people who have similar,absolutely like trauma
experiences.
But I'm just saying it's like amatter of like are you going to
be friends with them?
Speaker 3 (25:28):
yeah, I'm saying think about if you and a person
only have this one thing incommon, like is it gonna, is the
friendship gonna tell the standthe test of time?
And also, it just makes me justmake.
What I'm really also trying tosay is just make sure that
person has great intentions foryou and that you they're wanting
the best for you, you wantingthe best for them and just this
one thing.
If you break away from it,you're like oh, I'm healed from
(25:50):
it.
And they're like well, whathappened when you were telling
me, and it's like I'm not thereanymore?
You know what?
Speaker 2 (25:54):
I mean okay, yes.
I get what you mean whensomebody keeps reminding you of
a bad situation where you'relike baby.
I'm done with that.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
I'm past it yeah, absolutely got it absolutely.
I remember when I was in mysituation.
I feel like I related to aspecific person in that moment
and she would tell me about hersituation and things that she
dealt with and I was like Iguess it was more or less to
kind of create like the equalground.
But then, after I was fullydone and healed from the
(26:22):
situation, I feel like thatperson kept like oh, remember,
and I'm like yeah, yeah, yikes,you know what I'm saying, that's
odd, that's not.
I'm sorry, I mean, but peoplecan't relate, but that's that's.
That's an interesting peoplelike to to attach that girl.
So yeah, but I just, I justdefinitely think that whatever
it is that you need in in theseason that you're in, just just
(26:46):
try to find it.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
You know what I mean yeah, nothing's more important
than your mental health.
You can't also for the womenout there.
You cannot take care of anybodyaround you if you cannot take
care of yourself.
Speaker 3 (26:56):
First, ever first ever, and there's different
things that you can do daily.
Do the things that make youhappier, the things that bring
you joy daily, too, on top ofthe other ways that you're
seeking help from healing, fromjust different situations that
you've been through.
Yeah, yeah whether it's goingoutside getting some sun,
writing down your feelings,drinking your favorite cup of
tea, talking to a friendwatching a show you know like.
(27:18):
Just also do the things thatmake you happy too and don't
feel bad about it.
Well, I'm glad we were able tohave this talk.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
I know Now I need to go find a therapist.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
Yeah, and if you need help, I got you Okay.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Thank you, I got you, I got you.
Okay, I got you, I got you.
Boo, I just be scared.
I'm like I'm gonna sit thereand tell a stranger all my
business, but it's a stranger.
They know nothing about you.
Well, I also think I'm beyonceso I'm like, are you a?
Stranger.
Are you gonna look at myinstagram?
You're gonna look.
No see, I don't like that Imean it's public information.
No see, that's why I can't havea therapist you think they're
not gonna look that up?
Speaker 3 (27:48):
no, because the people you ordering food from at
a restaurant probably lookingup your name.
I don't even be using my realname when I go to certain places
, what do you use?
Speaker 2 (27:56):
I don't use my real name on my DoorDash Uber.
Nothing, stop it On your.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
Uber, you could change your name Mm-hmm.
No way yeah.
Oh, I'm changing mine Well butnot because my name was
different.
I was banned from Uber for awhile too.
Yeah, so annoying.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
I didn't do anything wrong, but like now I feel like
like an outlier and I'm okaywith it.
I haven't used it in years,what's?
Speaker 3 (28:21):
your name that you order for a restaurant.
I'll tell you offline.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
It's a name, so I don't want to let you know
Christina, christina.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
Yeah, christina's, not christina.
Christina, yeah, it is real.
Oh my gosh, I ordered forchristina.
I gotta make a name now.
I gotta make a alter ego forwhen I order.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Yeah, oh my gosh, I love that literally um, but
especially for like wears andstuff like that, like that's
true people in your business,looking you up, knowing where
you live that's true, that's sotrue.
Let's try sucka um.
But that being said, yeah, I'mlike, I don't want a therapist
like looking, because I think,regardless, human nature is to
(29:01):
create like ideas, stories andlike just biases as soon as you
see somebody.
That's just how we are, that'show we're wired yeah and like
nobody in no profession is notgoing to be that way.
You know, and that's just how Ifeel yeah, and I would hope
they wouldn't.
But no, I would hope that's agood point.
Like I don't want you lookingat my instagram you're like,
(29:21):
it's about me, not my pictures.
Yes, not what I post, rightyeah, I hope this um episode was
inspiring to you guys listeningto go get a therapist like me.
Y'all go look, we can looktogether.
Yes, send me platforms y'all umfind y'all therapists on
something help her out, um.
But yeah, we appreciate you guystuning in every week.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
Make sure you like every week thank you guys, so
much for the love and support.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
next, next week, we've got more for you.
Yes, love you guys.
Bye.
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