July 3, 2024 • 41 mins
Melissa calls herself a Mom, wife and most recently a proud sober New Yorker. The Covid 19 pandemic led to a perfect storm of life issues, loss and ultimately over-drinking. After a visit to her doctor, she was forced to look at her habits, which ultimately led to making "drastic behavioral changes". She grew to accept the fact that she was and never will be a moderate drinker. She decided once and for all to remove alcohol from her life and start living in the most authentic way possible. Nearly a year later her life has improved exponentially and today she is a fierce advocate of living a life FREE of alcohol. This is her story.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Welcome to Ella Go.
My name is Lisa.
Join me on the journey inhaving real raw and
uncomfortable discussions aboutfitness, health and everything
in between, because, let's behonest, this journey would suck
if we don't get our shittogether.
Hey, everyone, I just wanted togive you a warning that in this
(00:39):
episode, we will be having avery candid discussion about
alcoholism, so if you think thatthis might trigger you in any
way or you think it willnegatively impact the way you
feel about yourself or others, Iwould suggest to stop listening
and wait for next week's newepisode.
(01:01):
Welcome back to the Elegoopodcast.
My name is Lisa, I am your hostand today's guest is Melissa
McGovern.
Welcome.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Melissa.
Thanks, lisa, it's so nice tobe here.
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
So Melissa has well, first of all, your Instagram
page tells a story and at first,when I look at a couple of the
posts, I'm like what's going on,what's happening?
And then it talks about yoursober journey.
(01:35):
So, before we get into that,where are you calling from?
Maybe give the listeners alittle introduction of who you
are.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Sure, I am calling from New York City, right in
Manhattan, where I have livedfor the last almost 29 years.
It will be that I've lived hereand I am a mom and a wife and a
daughter and a sister and aproud New Yorker and now a proud
(02:07):
alcohol-free sober New Yorker.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Wow, that's amazing.
Let's talk about that journey.
And you know, first of all, thequestion always is you know
when did you start drinking?
Did something happen?
You know how did that happen?
Speaker 1 (02:25):
I started drinking when I was probably 14, 15 years
old.
I grew up in the state ofWisconsin, lovely, beautiful
state, also very well known fora drinking culture, and, yeah,
there are more bars per capitathan anywhere else in the
country, I believe in the stateof Wisconsin.
(02:45):
Wow, not that I was going tothem as a 14 and 15-year-old,
but we did have.
I grew up in a small town and Ihad friends with basements and
dad's refrigerator full of beerand it was boring and it was
boring.
So that's what we did and, likea lot of kids do, right, and it
(03:08):
didn't affect me, it didn'taffect my grades, it didn't
affect my.
I was still very active insports and theater and things
like that and it wasn't much ofan issue as a teenager.
I did get in trouble, I did getcaught and there were
consequences and looking back,it was like it was probably not
(03:31):
the best thing for me to startdoing.
Yeah, and in college I went toa state school in Wisconsin and
that's when the bar culturepicked up a little more for me
and I was a theater major, so wehad amazing parties and theater
.
People can really drink andhave fun with themed parties and
(03:56):
it was a great time and itwasn't ever anything that I
would consider that I had aproblem with.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
So when did you get the sense that, hey, I have a
problem.
Or did someone come up to youLike, when did that all go down?
Because I think that you knowjust from knowing friends that
had this journey.
They're thinking I'm living LaVida Loca, I'm having fun, Until
someone says to them you're analcoholic, and they're thinking
I'm living la vida loca, I'mhaving fun, Until someone says
(04:25):
to them you're an alcoholic, andthey're like no, you know.
So for you, what did that looklike?
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Well, that never happened to.
No one ever came out of theirway and said they believed I had
a problem and I never admittedto myself that I had a problem
until really like the few monthsbefore I quit, in my head there
(04:52):
was a little voice for the pasteight years or so when the wine
drinking started ramping up.
I'm not done at one.
No moderation within mydrinking abilities.
It was open a bottle, thebottle's gone and I'm a tall
(05:18):
woman and I seem to handle itfine.
I didn't have any externalconsequences to handle it fine.
I didn't have any externalconsequences.
So I thought it was normal Alot of people do.
And it wasn't until about 2016,2017, I had a doctor's
appointment and my liver enzymeswere elevated slightly.
(05:41):
That number is usually between5 and 40.
There are two different numbersand I think mine were in the 70
to 80 range, which is doublewhat they should be.
And so my doctor said quitdrinking for three weeks and
come back and we'll retest yourblood.
And I remember it vividlybecause that three weeks
happened over Labor Day weekend,which is always like a big
(06:05):
party weekend.
We have a place upstate and wewere seeing friends and in my
head I thought, oh my God, threeweeks, and that's a sign.
If you're telling yourself thatit's going to be hard for you
to not drink for three weeks,that's a little voice in your
head.
So I was paying attention tothat and, sure enough, after
(06:27):
three weeks I felt amazing.
I was sleeping better, I lost afew pounds, I went in, my blood
work was totally back to normaljust after three weeks.
And through the years I alwaystried to moderate.
I always tried to wrap my headaround being that kind of
(06:50):
drinker, someone that could justhave one or two drinks.
And it just wasn't me.
It never was.
My husband could open a bottleof wine, have a glass and leave
the bottle on the counter fortwo weeks and not have any more.
Like I said, if I opened abottle, I wasn't going to put a
(07:12):
cork stopper on it.
Those cute little cork stoppersthat you see were obsolete in
my house.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Wow.
So you know, what I love aboutthis is that you have such a
keen awareness to yourself andso you're thinking you had that
health, almost like a healthscare, right, and you're going
(07:43):
to say, you know, I'm going tosee if I can lower those enzyme
levels.
And then you felt good duringthat those couple of days.
And so here you are, trying tomake that moderation and trying
to be that moderate drinker.
So what happened next?
Like you're saying that it's itwasn't working, you weren't
that type of person.
So how did you become that typeof person?
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Yeah, Feeling good, taking a break and then trying
to moderate and being successfulat it until you're not until it
ramps up again, and it wasright before the pandemic in
November of 2019.
In November of 2019, while itwas that year in particular, I
(08:30):
started to pay attention todifferent books and podcasts and
I heard One Year no Beer is aUK group you may have heard of
them and Andy Ramage was on theRich Roll podcast.
Podcasts weren't as popular asthey are now and I listened to
this and he had a book out 28Days to Quit Alcohol the 28 Day
Challenge and I got that bookand I tried at least a few times
(08:56):
to do that.
I would get six or seven days,I would get a couple weeks and
by November of 2019, I woke upone day and I was just sick of
my own shit and I looked likegarbage.
I took a picture of myselfwhich I never, ever did in that
(09:18):
state and I said that this is itSomething's got to give.
And I said that this is itSomething's got to give, and so
I leaned into that program.
I got daily videos and emails.
There was a Facebook group thatI followed and I had that, but
(09:38):
I was also white knuckling it.
I didn't know any other peoplepersonally that were going
through what I was going through.
I listened to podcasts and quitliterature about quitting
alcohol that's what that meansand I felt so good.
I felt so good and, literallyon the four-month mark, on March
(10:00):
12th 2020, when the world wasstarting to shut down New York
in particular, new York City myhusband and I we went out for
dinner and I said this is crazy.
What is going on.
This is so.
It was nuts.
And I said I think I'm going tohave a beer.
(10:22):
And he said I think I'm goingto have a beer.
And he said have a beer.
And the very next sentence, hesaid do you think it's something
you can control?
And I said sure, yeah, yeah.
And I had one beer that night.
And then it slowly came back inBuying the wine, having the
(10:42):
wine delivered, having the fooddelivered, having everything.
The pandemic.
Hats off to people that stayedsober in the pandemic because,
for the most part, womenespecially.
I think the statistic issomething like 60% drank more
than they ever have.
Because we were forced at home,we lost our jobs, our kids were
(11:10):
with us, which is not a naturalthing.
It's not natural to have afamily living within the walls
of a few rooms, especially inNew York, so I slipped right
back into it and then,throughout the couple years of
the pandemic, I suffered somereally personal loss.
(11:31):
My mother-in-law died verysuddenly from cancer and at the
same time, my best friend thatI'd known for 27 years, his body
was failing, ironically becauseof alcohol.
He was HIV positive and he wasalso a drinker for a long time
(11:56):
and hid it very well.
He had moved out of New YorkCity, he lived in Ohio and here
he was losing his battle.
And when he finally did pass inApril of 2022, I was gutted.
(12:17):
I was just what.
He was 54 years old and he diedfrom something that is very
preventable.
And in my head I thought isthis what it's going to take for
you to get your shit together?
And I almost went to thehospital.
Honestly, I almost flew to Ohioto see him dying on his
(12:40):
deathbed because I wondered ifthat would get it through to me
that this is something I reallyneed to start thinking about.
I didn't, because he's so vainand he would have hated that.
He would have hated for me tosee him that way in his last
moments of life.
So I, literally I used to callit the fuck it button.
(13:07):
But after he passed, I was in mykitchen making dinner for my
family.
It was just my son and myhusband.
My daughter was at college andI made something.
I can't even remember what itwas.
It was so bad it was awful.
I tasted it.
It tasted like shit.
I said can we just order apizza?
(13:28):
And I was breaking down, I wascoping with this loss, this
grief, and my husband said, yeah, let's order a pizza.
And so for the next 15 months,that's what I did.
I ordered the pizzas.
I ordered the pizzas.
I ordered the Chinese food, theMexican food, I ordered all the
(13:49):
wine.
I washed it down with tons ofwine, vodka.
If I was feeling extracelebratory or really wanted to
kick back, I didn't leave thatin my house because I would
drink it.
So I prided myself on the factthat that at least I knew that.
(14:12):
But there was a lot of wine andand I got heavier and I started
to see myself in pictures and Idid not like the way I looked.
Yet I didn't do anything aboutit.
I was kind of resigning myselfto just thing about it.
I was kind of resigning myselfto just okay, well, I'm 50 now
and that's what I'm, maybethat's how I'm supposed to look.
(14:39):
And in the summer of 23, it wasI was turning into someone I
didn't recognize and I washaving feelings that I've never
felt before, feelings of I'm notsure if I want to get out of
bed.
This morning I had a part-timejob to go to at the time as an
elder caregiver, and I knew Ihad to get out of bed, but I
didn't.
I thought what if I didn't?
What if I just said fuck it,I'm going to stay in bed all day
(15:04):
?
And I know this is signs ofdepression.
I have never struggled withthis personally.
My mother has.
I have really good friends thathave my best friend that I lost
.
He's got struggled withdepression and he drank, which
only made it worse.
I knew what was going on insideof my body and why I was feeling
(15:28):
that way, and it's because Iwas drinking too much.
And yet I couldn't tell.
I couldn't tell anyone.
So I went to my doctor.
I had to go to my doctor to geta prescription refilled.
I hadn't seen her in about 18months since my friend died.
Basically, and I thinksubconsciously, I knew that it
(15:51):
was going to be bad.
It's not a very fancy adjective, but I really thought that
maybe I was drinking and rampingup because I knew it was going
to be so bad and then that wasgoing to set me on a new path.
(16:12):
And I went to her and she hadremembered you know, she's been
with me for years and sheremembered my liver enzymes
going up.
She remembered my the one yearno beer group.
She, she, was very attentive.
She has other patients thatdrink a lot too.
She told me, has other patientsthat drink a lot too.
(16:35):
She told me we talked about AA.
I said I'm not an AA person.
I've never identified as analcoholic.
I really don't like that label.
I don't like labels in general,because the drinking, the gray
area, drinking, is really whatwas going on with me.
There were no externalconsequences.
I kept my job.
I was a high-functioning womanA lot of us are and at night we
(16:59):
drink our wine to feel relaxed,to escape.
We're not fulfilled.
That's why we drink.
There's something that we'remissing.
So I went to my doctor, Iexpressed myself.
She heard me, she reallylistened to me.
We talked about naltrexone as amedication that you can take
(17:19):
that will curb the desire todrink.
And I mean I even brought upand I mean I even brought up
ozempic and semaglutides becauseI had heard that even those, in
addition to curbing the foodappetite, they can curb your
desire for alcohol.
She said I didn't qualify forthat because I wasn't diabetic.
(17:45):
I was pre-diabetic at the time.
I was pre-diabetic at the time.
(18:18):
I have been for the last eightyears or so.
Anyway, we do my blood work andit came back the next day and it
was so atrocious that's a goodword, it was awful.
My cholesterol was high, myglucose, my A1C, I was 0.3 away
from diabetic range.
It was a 6.7.
For those people listening whoknow what that number is.
My blood pressure was high.
I was heavy.
I was over 200 pounds.
As a six-foot woman and that'sanother thing.
As a tall woman you can hideweight like that.
But, like I said, it justdidn't feel good.
(18:39):
I didn't feel good.
And my liver enzymes, thoseliver enzymes.
I was talking about that 5 to40 range, where in the past it
was around 80.
One was 195 and the other was311.
Right, take a big gasp, becausethat is black and white.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
There is no arguing that, arguing that that is a
fact, that I was drinking toomuch.
So she wrote me an email and Ithink she was more alarmed than
I was prepared.
It didn't surprise me at all,honestly.
I think it really alarmed herand she said unless you are
(19:26):
willing to make drasticbehavioral changes, I will put
you on medication.
I will put you on a statin foryour cholesterol.
I will probably at some pointput you on.
I mean, I was close to beingdiabetic.
I was 51 years old.
It was such a wake-up call.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
And in my head I said hell, no, hell, no.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
I am not going to be just another American statistic.
I had to choose which way I wasgoing to go and so I started
down that road and I I didn'tdrink and I leaned into all the
other things that I have havegot me there before the podcasts
(20:29):
, the books, the one thing thatI did lean into this time around
was the community, which reallyis the opposite of addiction.
Because if you can go on Zoomthank God for the pandemic, for
this Zoom because now we canconnect in ways we never could
(20:49):
before.
We don't have to go to thechurch basement at AA to meet
someone who hopefully resonateswith us.
We can dial in and meet up withpeople.
We can go on sober retreats.
We can do X, y and Z.
I'm getting ahead of myself.
She said don't wait too long, Iwant to see you no less than
(21:09):
three months.
So in my head I was like okay,I'm not going to see her in
three weeks, I'm going to seeher just under three months.
So I made an appointment forthree months later I changed my
diet.
I changed I mean I was no moreordering in, no more pasta, no
(21:33):
more fried food.
I started moving my body.
I walked, I walked, walked,walked.
I think the first month Iwalked over 80 miles.
I just laced up my shoes, put apodcast on, put a quitlet book
on and just moved I startedgoing to my gym.
I belonged to this bougie gymthat I wasn't even getting the
(21:56):
most out of because I wasn'tgoing there.
I would stop in that gym to usethe bathroom, no matter where I
was in the city.
There are many locations in thecity.
If I had to go to the bathroom,I'd stop in right in the city.
If I had to go to the bathroom,I'd stop in right so pathetic.
I remember one day I set outfor a walk before I quit
drinking and I was so tired andso gassed that I had to take a
(22:18):
bus home.
It's a park that is right on abus line and I hopped on the bus
to go home.
I went back to see my doctorthree months later and I was a
completely changed woman.
She thought that maybe I wasgetting Ozempic on the black
market.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Yep, I had lost 30 pounds.
My cholesterol came down 50points.
My cholesterol came down 50points.
My A1C was so low that I wasn'teven pre-diabetic anymore.
It came down 1.1, down to likea 5.5 or 5.6.
(23:01):
My blood pressure was normal,it was all just.
My liver enzymes were normal,all because I removed this
alcohol from my life.
I would not have been able toaccomplish these goals if I was
still drinking, and so I wrappedmy head around the fact that I
(23:24):
was not a moderate drinker.
I accepted it, and withaccepting that came so much
freedom.
Your head gets so full of themental gymnastics that play out.
I know people talk about thiswith food as well.
With drink, it's easy because,especially in New York, it's not
(23:48):
in liquor, it's not in grocerystores, it's not in.
You have to, you have to makeyour, you have to go out, you
have to seek it out.
I mean, yes, it is everywhere,but I, I, I just made peace with
the fact that this was going tobe my life, that that that's it
(24:10):
.
Party's over.
I had a good run.
It's like a Broadway show.
It's like Phantom.
Phantom was going on for 30some years, right, and then it
closed.
Yeah, that was a good run.
So I just thought of that rightnow.
That's pretty so.
My drinking career was like aPhantom of the Opera.
It was a long run.
People came, lots of tourists,lots of parties, and then it had
(24:35):
to end.
It had to, otherwise I startdown a different road for the
rest of the as I get older, therest of the years of my life,
and it just wasn't an option ofmy life.
And it just wasn't an option.
And here today I will be 10months sober on the 14th.
(24:55):
I don't know when this isairing, but actually tomorrow
I'm 300.
And when I was very, very earlyin my sobriety I kind of
counted on the calendar ahead.
Tomorrow I'm 300 days sober.
Tomorrow I'm 300 days sober andI feel like such a badass.
It is a badass move to removealcohol from your life and to
(25:25):
start living authentically toyour potential.
That I knew I could, and I'mjust shouting it from the
mountaintops, as you can seefrom my Instagram.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
I can.
I can tell that Melissa, let me.
Well, okay, you unpacked a lot,so, um, let me step back.
Let's go back a little bit withum your husband.
Like did he in his mind?
Was he thinking, melissa has aproblem?
He's like, oh, she's justdrinking like everybody else?
(25:52):
Like what was his thinking?
Speaker 1 (25:54):
That's a really good question and I really haven't
explored it too much with him.
I have just started my ownpodcast recently and I'm going
to have him on as a guest andI'm going to ask him some hard
questions like that.
It's kind of scary to talkabout that, even though I'm
(26:17):
doing so well and feeling good,it's like.
And why didn't he say somethingto me, Right?
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
That's hard and I think a part of the reason is
because I still had my shittogether.
There was no DUI, there was nolosing my job.
Our marriage was still intactand healthy-ish.
I mean, it's healthier now thatI don't become a different
person because I drink alcohol.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Yeah, it's interesting to well, I've heard
different answers in regards tothat and again, you never know
what they're thinking.
First of all, they're thinking,like you just said, you had
your shit together.
They're thinking, oh, she'sjust a casual drinker, she
doesn't have a problem.
(27:07):
And then you never know whatthe answer is going to be.
So I would say brace yourself,because you never know what his
answer is going to be.
Um, because for I mean forother people and I'm not saying
in your situation, but for somepeople who did have that I knew
of that had, uh, an issue withthe drinking.
(27:28):
They needed that partner more.
So the thought of the alcoholnot being in place would mean
that they didn't need themanymore.
And as crazy and you thinkthat's so effed up.
But they're not thinking aproblem.
They're thinking they want tobe needed and I want to be loved
(27:49):
and if we take the alcohol out,she's not going to love me
anymore, she's not going to wantme.
So, okay, maybe not the husband, but how about friends?
Again, did-.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Yeah, this is big.
And this was one of thoseyellow signals that was starting
to turn orange and maybe redwas my daughter.
I have a 21-year-old daughterand last summer there were a
couple instances when we weretogether with friends and she
(28:23):
heard someone say and one was myniece.
My niece said something likeAunt Melissa, she doesn't do
anything, she just sits here anddrinks all day.
And one was my niece.
My niece said something likeAunt Melissa, she doesn't do
anything, she just sits here anddrinks all day.
And so my daughter told me thatand my daughter told it to me,
prefacing it with they don'tunderstand, you just want to
(28:45):
relax.
It's a party, it's aget-together.
What's the big deal?
And in my head I thought, ohGod, that is super, not okay.
And that was in March of 23.
And then in August, rightbefore just days before I
(29:06):
stopped, it was another.
It was the same.
I stopped, it was another.
It was the same, my niece, andthere was talk about the bottles
, the empty bottles, and we leftthat get together and my
daughter said God, I'm so sickof everyone talking about the
(29:27):
fact that you're an alcoholic,assuming you're an alcoholic, or
something like that.
And I was so hung over.
This was my last hangover.
I felt like absolute shit.
You don't sleep when you drink.
I was up at three in themorning with anxiety and this
was my exit hearing my daughtersay those words and this
(29:52):
doctor's appointment was in twodays and in my head I was like
this is not okay.
This is just not okay.
So that's maybe even morepowerful coming from your kid,
your husband, I don't know.
(30:13):
Yeah, so it was building up andthat voice.
It was just becoming louder andlouder.
And the actual hard proof ofthe medical tests, the blood
tests, the numbers, were reallywhat pushed it over the top.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
So what keeps you going forward?
What keeps you from not, youknow, going back relapsing?
I mean, you know you talkedabout your friend dying and
that's that's.
That's tough.
I mean, that is tough and youknow, normally in human nature
(30:53):
when we're going through sometough times we go back to what
we're used to using to soothe us.
So, with that being said, younow moving forward 10 months
sober.
What do you have any?
Do you have anything in placeto protect you from going that
route again?
Speaker 1 (31:14):
I do.
Yeah, I have a whole community.
I can pick up my phone rightnow and call a dozen people if I
need help.
I have a Zoom.
I have three different Zoomcommunities that I can get on,
one of which is just organic,like five of us, five friends of
(31:36):
us that we met on a retreatrecently, and there's a really
great phrase that I come back toover and over.
Play the tape forward is myphrase and over play the tape
(31:57):
forward is my phrase.
If I'm feeling like I can't doit and I want to have a drink, I
think about what I'm going tofeel like in the morning, what
I'm going to feel like the nextday, because it's not just one
drink, as we've talked about.
It's going to be a wholeexperience and it's going to
make me feel remorse and regretand embarrassment and shame, and
those are not good feelings.
(32:18):
Those feelings are not okay withme anymore.
So I think ahead and I alsoremember what I left behind.
I remember lying in this bedbehind.
I remember lying in this bed,feeling like I didn't want to
get out of it and I don't everwant to go back there.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
I just don't, it's not worth it.
It's not worth it.
Yeah, wow, that's reallypowerful.
And you finding your community.
You know people have such ahard time being honest and
telling other people and beingshamed about it, but it's that
one thing that's gonna help themovercome these challenges
because they're not alone.
(33:04):
And I think that is the hardestthing to tell people that you
are not the only one feelingthis.
Because when you have thatmoment and, I'm sure, when you
are talking to tell people thatyou are not the only one feeling
this, because when you havethat moment and, I'm sure, when
you are talking to other peopleand you're like, oh my God, I
did that and oh my God, it feelsso good to not be alone.
So you have a whole communitybacking you up, moving forward
(33:29):
how powerful is that.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
It's super powerful.
It really is is everything, andit gives you the confidence to
well.
It does for me anyway to bringit up with people that don't
even know that about me and itjust can come up in a casual way
and I'm proud of it.
(33:53):
I'm really proud to say I'm asober woman.
You know the shame of like,because early on it's like oh my
God, what are people going tothink of me?
They're going to think I had amajor problem and, yeah, that's
a normal thing to start feelingas time goes on.
Who the fuck cares what theythink?
Honestly, it's all about whatyou feel inside and if you're
(34:16):
grounded and centered andconfident, the confidence that
comes with sobriety isunparalleled, because you're
living an authentic life.
You're living a true life toyourself and the relationships
that you have are so much better.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Melissa, wow, you just gave me chills that I can
hear in your voice, that power,that conviction.
I think you talking about it ispowerful and amazing in that
you, I think what you said, theword that you said that gave me
the chills, was that you're,you're proud to be sober Like
(34:58):
that is wow, huge.
It's like you accept, youaccepted the journey for what it
was and you're accepting whereyou are right now.
And you're accepting where youare right now, which is amazing.
So tell me what you're doingnow with this information and
you feeling like you're tellingeverybody.
(35:20):
I mean, I could just imagineyou're just so proud of yourself
.
This is such a you are a badass.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
You are a badass.
So what are you doing?
Yeah, there's a lot of badassesout there, for sure what I'm
doing, and this came to meprobably a couple months after I
removed alcohol from my life.
I am currently in a coachingprogram and I am going to start
(35:48):
coaching those that want tochange their relationship with
alcohol, end their relationshipwith alcohol, discover who they
are, start living authentically,rediscover their passions,
because once you get rid of allthis noise, it opens up a
landscape of possibilities.
Oh yeah, it opens up a landscapeof possibilities.
(36:10):
Oh yeah, and I'm about halfwaythrough this program and I'm
building a business this yearand I'm currently working with
some people just for free aspractice to kind of get my feet
wet and inspire, and I see lotsof great things happening in the
(36:34):
future with this.
I just feel like this is what Ineed to do.
I need to contribute, I need togive back because it helps me
too.
It helps me grow, it helps mestay centered and eye on the
prize.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
She's giving me chills again, because I think
you're aligned.
You're aligned in your purpose.
You found your purpose.
That is amazing that you'regoing to give back, but how
powerful will it be for someonewho does understand and is sober
, and it is motivating.
So you giving back being acoach.
(37:10):
I just looked at your Instagramand it says alcohol-free coach
in training.
I love that and I love thatyou've been sober since August
14, 2023.
So we're coming close to a yearwhich is amazing.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
I can't believe it.
It's amazing.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
I love your page.
It's hilarious Some of thethings that you put on there.
Yes, that one.
But you're so honest and when Isee the difference oh my God,
girl, your legs.
Like the one where it has thepicture of the.
It says what a difference ayear makes of the.
(37:51):
It says what a difference ayear makes.
It's like you shrink you'relike half a person.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
Well, I mean, it's 30 pounds is a significant number
right?
Oh yeah, it is, but like I saidI'm a tall person Like I could
carry.
I could carry 30 pounds in myback pocket really and not even
be noticeable to some people.
But when you put pictures sideby side it's like oh, yeah, yeah
(38:16):
, yeah, you did yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
Yeah, you look amazing.
I'm looking at you, lookamazing, yeah.
So, melissa, wow, you are justpowerful.
Such a powerful story and again, you doing what you're doing
and I can feel that you're whereyou need to be.
When you're talking about it, Ican feel you see your face
(38:41):
lighting up and you aredefinitely where you need to be.
So, with that, where can wefind you?
Where can we find the InstagramIf someone wanted to reach out
to you?
How do they go about doing that?
Speaker 1 (38:55):
My Instagram is at the sober New Yorker and you can
send me a DM, and I really meanthat, because the people
randomly DM me and they needsomeone to talk to.
They need help, they need tipsto talk to.
They need help, they need tips.
(39:15):
I'm totally here for that,because if you can't tell
someone personally, tellingsomeone that you don't know is
at least getting out there andgetting it known.
I also have a website,thesobernewyorkercom, where you
can actually download a freeguide of how, what, the tools I
used for the first 30 days ofgoing alcohol free.
(39:35):
I have a free guide on thereand you can be on my email
subscription list as well.
And that's me, that's.
That's it for now.
That's enough, my kids say yougot the podcast.
I got the podcast.
That literally happened liketwo days ago, um, but it's out
there.
It's on Spotify.
I have to figure out how to doApple.
(39:56):
I'm working on it.
Speaker 2 (39:58):
So it's called the sober New Yorker.
New Yorker I'm keeping it all.
I like it.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
Yeah, and I'm going to interview people and hear
inspiring stories of bad asseryand epic comebacks.
Basically, yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
Oh, wow, I, I, I again.
I don't even I'm speechless I'mnormally don't get speechless,
but it's just such a powerfulstory, um, and the authenticity.
Authenticity is just amazing,you being so genuine, um.
Again, melissa, thank you somuch for coming on here and
being honest and raw and sharingall the good stuff.
(40:41):
Thank you so much.
You're so welcome.
Thank you for having me, Lisa.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (40:46):
Okay.
So again, don't forgetInstagram.
It is the Sober New Yorker.
She's got the website, she'sgot the podcast and we'll put
all of those on the show notesso you can reach out to her.
So again, thank you everyonefor being here and until next
time.
Bye you.
Welcome to Ella Go.
My name is Lisa.
Join me on the journey inhaving real raw and
uncomfortable discussions aboutfitness, health and everything
in between, because, let's behonest, this journey would suck
if we don't get our shittogether.
Hey, everyone, I just wanted togive you a warning that in this
(00:39):
episode, we will be having avery candid discussion about
alcoholism, so if you think thatthis might trigger you in any
way or you think it willnegatively impact the way you
feel about yourself or others, Iwould suggest to stop listening
and wait for next week's newepisode.
(01:01):
Welcome back to the Elegoopodcast.
My name is Lisa, I am your hostand today's guest is Melissa
McGovern.
Welcome.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Melissa.
Thanks, lisa, it's so nice tobe here.
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
So Melissa has well, first of all, your Instagram
page tells a story and at first,when I look at a couple of the
posts, I'm like what's going on,what's happening?
And then it talks about yoursober journey.
(01:35):
So, before we get into that,where are you calling from?
Maybe give the listeners alittle introduction of who you
are.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Sure, I am calling from New York City, right in
Manhattan, where I have livedfor the last almost 29 years.
It will be that I've lived hereand I am a mom and a wife and a
daughter and a sister and aproud New Yorker and now a proud
(02:07):
alcohol-free sober New Yorker.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Wow, that's amazing.
Let's talk about that journey.
And you know, first of all, thequestion always is you know
when did you start drinking?
Did something happen?
You know how did that happen?
Speaker 1 (02:25):
I started drinking when I was probably 14, 15 years
old.
I grew up in the state ofWisconsin, lovely, beautiful
state, also very well known fora drinking culture, and, yeah,
there are more bars per capitathan anywhere else in the
country, I believe in the stateof Wisconsin.
(02:45):
Wow, not that I was going tothem as a 14 and 15-year-old,
but we did have.
I grew up in a small town and Ihad friends with basements and
dad's refrigerator full of beerand it was boring and it was
boring.
So that's what we did and, likea lot of kids do, right, and it
(03:08):
didn't affect me, it didn'taffect my grades, it didn't
affect my.
I was still very active insports and theater and things
like that and it wasn't much ofan issue as a teenager.
I did get in trouble, I did getcaught and there were
consequences and looking back,it was like it was probably not
(03:31):
the best thing for me to startdoing.
Yeah, and in college I went toa state school in Wisconsin and
that's when the bar culturepicked up a little more for me
and I was a theater major, so wehad amazing parties and theater
.
People can really drink andhave fun with themed parties and
(03:56):
it was a great time and itwasn't ever anything that I
would consider that I had aproblem with.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
So when did you get the sense that, hey, I have a
problem.
Or did someone come up to youLike, when did that all go down?
Because I think that you knowjust from knowing friends that
had this journey.
They're thinking I'm living LaVida Loca, I'm having fun, Until
someone says to them you're analcoholic, and they're thinking
I'm living la vida loca, I'mhaving fun, Until someone says
(04:25):
to them you're an alcoholic, andthey're like no, you know.
So for you, what did that looklike?
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Well, that never happened to.
No one ever came out of theirway and said they believed I had
a problem and I never admittedto myself that I had a problem
until really like the few monthsbefore I quit, in my head there
(04:52):
was a little voice for the pasteight years or so when the wine
drinking started ramping up.
I'm not done at one.
No moderation within mydrinking abilities.
It was open a bottle, thebottle's gone and I'm a tall
(05:18):
woman and I seem to handle itfine.
I didn't have any externalconsequences to handle it fine.
I didn't have any externalconsequences.
So I thought it was normal Alot of people do.
And it wasn't until about 2016,2017, I had a doctor's
appointment and my liver enzymeswere elevated slightly.
(05:41):
That number is usually between5 and 40.
There are two different numbersand I think mine were in the 70
to 80 range, which is doublewhat they should be.
And so my doctor said quitdrinking for three weeks and
come back and we'll retest yourblood.
And I remember it vividlybecause that three weeks
happened over Labor Day weekend,which is always like a big
(06:05):
party weekend.
We have a place upstate and wewere seeing friends and in my
head I thought, oh my God, threeweeks, and that's a sign.
If you're telling yourself thatit's going to be hard for you
to not drink for three weeks,that's a little voice in your
head.
So I was paying attention tothat and, sure enough, after
(06:27):
three weeks I felt amazing.
I was sleeping better, I lost afew pounds, I went in, my blood
work was totally back to normaljust after three weeks.
And through the years I alwaystried to moderate.
I always tried to wrap my headaround being that kind of
(06:50):
drinker, someone that could justhave one or two drinks.
And it just wasn't me.
It never was.
My husband could open a bottleof wine, have a glass and leave
the bottle on the counter fortwo weeks and not have any more.
Like I said, if I opened abottle, I wasn't going to put a
(07:12):
cork stopper on it.
Those cute little cork stoppersthat you see were obsolete in
my house.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Wow.
So you know, what I love aboutthis is that you have such a
keen awareness to yourself andso you're thinking you had that
health, almost like a healthscare, right, and you're going
(07:43):
to say, you know, I'm going tosee if I can lower those enzyme
levels.
And then you felt good duringthat those couple of days.
And so here you are, trying tomake that moderation and trying
to be that moderate drinker.
So what happened next?
Like you're saying that it's itwasn't working, you weren't
that type of person.
So how did you become that typeof person?
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Yeah, Feeling good, taking a break and then trying
to moderate and being successfulat it until you're not until it
ramps up again, and it wasright before the pandemic in
November of 2019.
In November of 2019, while itwas that year in particular, I
(08:30):
started to pay attention todifferent books and podcasts and
I heard One Year no Beer is aUK group you may have heard of
them and Andy Ramage was on theRich Roll podcast.
Podcasts weren't as popular asthey are now and I listened to
this and he had a book out 28Days to Quit Alcohol the 28 Day
Challenge and I got that bookand I tried at least a few times
(08:56):
to do that.
I would get six or seven days,I would get a couple weeks and
by November of 2019, I woke upone day and I was just sick of
my own shit and I looked likegarbage.
I took a picture of myselfwhich I never, ever did in that
(09:18):
state and I said that this is itSomething's got to give.
And I said that this is itSomething's got to give, and so
I leaned into that program.
I got daily videos and emails.
There was a Facebook group thatI followed and I had that, but
(09:38):
I was also white knuckling it.
I didn't know any other peoplepersonally that were going
through what I was going through.
I listened to podcasts and quitliterature about quitting
alcohol that's what that meansand I felt so good.
I felt so good and, literallyon the four-month mark, on March
(10:00):
12th 2020, when the world wasstarting to shut down New York
in particular, new York City myhusband and I we went out for
dinner and I said this is crazy.
What is going on.
This is so.
It was nuts.
And I said I think I'm going tohave a beer.
(10:22):
And he said I think I'm goingto have a beer.
And he said have a beer.
And the very next sentence, hesaid do you think it's something
you can control?
And I said sure, yeah, yeah.
And I had one beer that night.
And then it slowly came back inBuying the wine, having the
(10:42):
wine delivered, having the fooddelivered, having everything.
The pandemic.
Hats off to people that stayedsober in the pandemic because,
for the most part, womenespecially.
I think the statistic issomething like 60% drank more
than they ever have.
Because we were forced at home,we lost our jobs, our kids were
(11:10):
with us, which is not a naturalthing.
It's not natural to have afamily living within the walls
of a few rooms, especially inNew York, so I slipped right
back into it and then,throughout the couple years of
the pandemic, I suffered somereally personal loss.
(11:31):
My mother-in-law died verysuddenly from cancer and at the
same time, my best friend thatI'd known for 27 years, his body
was failing, ironically becauseof alcohol.
He was HIV positive and he wasalso a drinker for a long time
(11:56):
and hid it very well.
He had moved out of New YorkCity, he lived in Ohio and here
he was losing his battle.
And when he finally did pass inApril of 2022, I was gutted.
(12:17):
I was just what.
He was 54 years old and he diedfrom something that is very
preventable.
And in my head I thought isthis what it's going to take for
you to get your shit together?
And I almost went to thehospital.
Honestly, I almost flew to Ohioto see him dying on his
(12:40):
deathbed because I wondered ifthat would get it through to me
that this is something I reallyneed to start thinking about.
I didn't, because he's so vainand he would have hated that.
He would have hated for me tosee him that way in his last
moments of life.
So I, literally I used to callit the fuck it button.
(13:07):
But after he passed, I was in mykitchen making dinner for my
family.
It was just my son and myhusband.
My daughter was at college andI made something.
I can't even remember what itwas.
It was so bad it was awful.
I tasted it.
It tasted like shit.
I said can we just order apizza?
(13:28):
And I was breaking down, I wascoping with this loss, this
grief, and my husband said, yeah, let's order a pizza.
And so for the next 15 months,that's what I did.
I ordered the pizzas.
I ordered the pizzas.
I ordered the Chinese food, theMexican food, I ordered all the
(13:49):
wine.
I washed it down with tons ofwine, vodka.
If I was feeling extracelebratory or really wanted to
kick back, I didn't leave thatin my house because I would
drink it.
So I prided myself on the factthat that at least I knew that.
(14:12):
But there was a lot of wine andand I got heavier and I started
to see myself in pictures and Idid not like the way I looked.
Yet I didn't do anything aboutit.
I was kind of resigning myselfto just thing about it.
I was kind of resigning myselfto just okay, well, I'm 50 now
and that's what I'm, maybethat's how I'm supposed to look.
(14:39):
And in the summer of 23, it wasI was turning into someone I
didn't recognize and I washaving feelings that I've never
felt before, feelings of I'm notsure if I want to get out of
bed.
This morning I had a part-timejob to go to at the time as an
elder caregiver, and I knew Ihad to get out of bed, but I
didn't.
I thought what if I didn't?
What if I just said fuck it,I'm going to stay in bed all day
(15:04):
?
And I know this is signs ofdepression.
I have never struggled withthis personally.
My mother has.
I have really good friends thathave my best friend that I lost
.
He's got struggled withdepression and he drank, which
only made it worse.
I knew what was going on insideof my body and why I was feeling
(15:28):
that way, and it's because Iwas drinking too much.
And yet I couldn't tell.
I couldn't tell anyone.
So I went to my doctor.
I had to go to my doctor to geta prescription refilled.
I hadn't seen her in about 18months since my friend died.
Basically, and I thinksubconsciously, I knew that it
(15:51):
was going to be bad.
It's not a very fancy adjective, but I really thought that
maybe I was drinking and rampingup because I knew it was going
to be so bad and then that wasgoing to set me on a new path.
(16:12):
And I went to her and she hadremembered you know, she's been
with me for years and sheremembered my liver enzymes
going up.
She remembered my the one yearno beer group.
She, she, was very attentive.
She has other patients thatdrink a lot too.
She told me, has other patientsthat drink a lot too.
(16:35):
She told me we talked about AA.
I said I'm not an AA person.
I've never identified as analcoholic.
I really don't like that label.
I don't like labels in general,because the drinking, the gray
area, drinking, is really whatwas going on with me.
There were no externalconsequences.
I kept my job.
I was a high-functioning womanA lot of us are and at night we
(16:59):
drink our wine to feel relaxed,to escape.
We're not fulfilled.
That's why we drink.
There's something that we'remissing.
So I went to my doctor, Iexpressed myself.
She heard me, she reallylistened to me.
We talked about naltrexone as amedication that you can take
(17:19):
that will curb the desire todrink.
And I mean I even brought upand I mean I even brought up
ozempic and semaglutides becauseI had heard that even those, in
addition to curbing the foodappetite, they can curb your
desire for alcohol.
She said I didn't qualify forthat because I wasn't diabetic.
(17:45):
I was pre-diabetic at the time.
I was pre-diabetic at the time.
(18:18):
I have been for the last eightyears or so.
Anyway, we do my blood work andit came back the next day and it
was so atrocious that's a goodword, it was awful.
My cholesterol was high, myglucose, my A1C, I was 0.3 away
from diabetic range.
It was a 6.7.
For those people listening whoknow what that number is.
My blood pressure was high.
I was heavy.
I was over 200 pounds.
As a six-foot woman and that'sanother thing.
As a tall woman you can hideweight like that.
But, like I said, it justdidn't feel good.
(18:39):
I didn't feel good.
And my liver enzymes, thoseliver enzymes.
I was talking about that 5 to40 range, where in the past it
was around 80.
One was 195 and the other was311.
Right, take a big gasp, becausethat is black and white.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
There is no arguing that, arguing that that is a
fact, that I was drinking toomuch.
So she wrote me an email and Ithink she was more alarmed than
I was prepared.
It didn't surprise me at all,honestly.
I think it really alarmed herand she said unless you are
(19:26):
willing to make drasticbehavioral changes, I will put
you on medication.
I will put you on a statin foryour cholesterol.
I will probably at some pointput you on.
I mean, I was close to beingdiabetic.
I was 51 years old.
It was such a wake-up call.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
And in my head I said hell, no, hell, no.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
I am not going to be just another American statistic.
I had to choose which way I wasgoing to go and so I started
down that road and I I didn'tdrink and I leaned into all the
other things that I have havegot me there before the podcasts
(20:29):
, the books, the one thing thatI did lean into this time around
was the community, which reallyis the opposite of addiction.
Because if you can go on Zoomthank God for the pandemic, for
this Zoom because now we canconnect in ways we never could
(20:49):
before.
We don't have to go to thechurch basement at AA to meet
someone who hopefully resonateswith us.
We can dial in and meet up withpeople.
We can go on sober retreats.
We can do X, y and Z.
I'm getting ahead of myself.
She said don't wait too long, Iwant to see you no less than
(21:09):
three months.
So in my head I was like okay,I'm not going to see her in
three weeks, I'm going to seeher just under three months.
So I made an appointment forthree months later I changed my
diet.
I changed I mean I was no moreordering in, no more pasta, no
(21:33):
more fried food.
I started moving my body.
I walked, I walked, walked,walked.
I think the first month Iwalked over 80 miles.
I just laced up my shoes, put apodcast on, put a quitlet book
on and just moved I startedgoing to my gym.
I belonged to this bougie gymthat I wasn't even getting the
(21:56):
most out of because I wasn'tgoing there.
I would stop in that gym to usethe bathroom, no matter where I
was in the city.
There are many locations in thecity.
If I had to go to the bathroom,I'd stop in right in the city.
If I had to go to the bathroom,I'd stop in right so pathetic.
I remember one day I set outfor a walk before I quit
drinking and I was so tired andso gassed that I had to take a
(22:18):
bus home.
It's a park that is right on abus line and I hopped on the bus
to go home.
I went back to see my doctorthree months later and I was a
completely changed woman.
She thought that maybe I wasgetting Ozempic on the black
market.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Yep, I had lost 30 pounds.
My cholesterol came down 50points.
My cholesterol came down 50points.
My A1C was so low that I wasn'teven pre-diabetic anymore.
It came down 1.1, down to likea 5.5 or 5.6.
(23:01):
My blood pressure was normal,it was all just.
My liver enzymes were normal,all because I removed this
alcohol from my life.
I would not have been able toaccomplish these goals if I was
still drinking, and so I wrappedmy head around the fact that I
(23:24):
was not a moderate drinker.
I accepted it, and withaccepting that came so much
freedom.
Your head gets so full of themental gymnastics that play out.
I know people talk about thiswith food as well.
With drink, it's easy because,especially in New York, it's not
(23:48):
in liquor, it's not in grocerystores, it's not in.
You have to, you have to makeyour, you have to go out, you
have to seek it out.
I mean, yes, it is everywhere,but I, I, I just made peace with
the fact that this was going tobe my life, that that that's it
(24:10):
.
Party's over.
I had a good run.
It's like a Broadway show.
It's like Phantom.
Phantom was going on for 30some years, right, and then it
closed.
Yeah, that was a good run.
So I just thought of that rightnow.
That's pretty so.
My drinking career was like aPhantom of the Opera.
It was a long run.
People came, lots of tourists,lots of parties, and then it had
(24:35):
to end.
It had to, otherwise I startdown a different road for the
rest of the as I get older, therest of the years of my life,
and it just wasn't an option ofmy life.
And it just wasn't an option.
And here today I will be 10months sober on the 14th.
(24:55):
I don't know when this isairing, but actually tomorrow
I'm 300.
And when I was very, very earlyin my sobriety I kind of
counted on the calendar ahead.
Tomorrow I'm 300 days sober.
Tomorrow I'm 300 days sober andI feel like such a badass.
It is a badass move to removealcohol from your life and to
(25:25):
start living authentically toyour potential.
That I knew I could, and I'mjust shouting it from the
mountaintops, as you can seefrom my Instagram.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
I can.
I can tell that Melissa, let me.
Well, okay, you unpacked a lot,so, um, let me step back.
Let's go back a little bit withum your husband.
Like did he in his mind?
Was he thinking, melissa has aproblem?
He's like, oh, she's justdrinking like everybody else?
(25:52):
Like what was his thinking?
Speaker 1 (25:54):
That's a really good question and I really haven't
explored it too much with him.
I have just started my ownpodcast recently and I'm going
to have him on as a guest andI'm going to ask him some hard
questions like that.
It's kind of scary to talkabout that, even though I'm
(26:17):
doing so well and feeling good,it's like.
And why didn't he say somethingto me, Right?
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
That's hard and I think a part of the reason is
because I still had my shittogether.
There was no DUI, there was nolosing my job.
Our marriage was still intactand healthy-ish.
I mean, it's healthier now thatI don't become a different
person because I drink alcohol.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Yeah, it's interesting to well, I've heard
different answers in regards tothat and again, you never know
what they're thinking.
First of all, they're thinking,like you just said, you had
your shit together.
They're thinking, oh, she'sjust a casual drinker, she
doesn't have a problem.
(27:07):
And then you never know whatthe answer is going to be.
So I would say brace yourself,because you never know what his
answer is going to be.
Um, because for I mean forother people and I'm not saying
in your situation, but for somepeople who did have that I knew
of that had, uh, an issue withthe drinking.
(27:28):
They needed that partner more.
So the thought of the alcoholnot being in place would mean
that they didn't need themanymore.
And as crazy and you thinkthat's so effed up.
But they're not thinking aproblem.
They're thinking they want tobe needed and I want to be loved
(27:49):
and if we take the alcohol out,she's not going to love me
anymore, she's not going to wantme.
So, okay, maybe not the husband, but how about friends?
Again, did-.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Yeah, this is big.
And this was one of thoseyellow signals that was starting
to turn orange and maybe redwas my daughter.
I have a 21-year-old daughterand last summer there were a
couple instances when we weretogether with friends and she
(28:23):
heard someone say and one was myniece.
My niece said something likeAunt Melissa, she doesn't do
anything, she just sits here anddrinks all day.
And one was my niece.
My niece said something likeAunt Melissa, she doesn't do
anything, she just sits here anddrinks all day.
And so my daughter told me thatand my daughter told it to me,
prefacing it with they don'tunderstand, you just want to
(28:45):
relax.
It's a party, it's aget-together.
What's the big deal?
And in my head I thought, ohGod, that is super, not okay.
And that was in March of 23.
And then in August, rightbefore just days before I
(29:06):
stopped, it was another.
It was the same.
I stopped, it was another.
It was the same, my niece, andthere was talk about the bottles
, the empty bottles, and we leftthat get together and my
daughter said God, I'm so sickof everyone talking about the
(29:27):
fact that you're an alcoholic,assuming you're an alcoholic, or
something like that.
And I was so hung over.
This was my last hangover.
I felt like absolute shit.
You don't sleep when you drink.
I was up at three in themorning with anxiety and this
was my exit hearing my daughtersay those words and this
(29:52):
doctor's appointment was in twodays and in my head I was like
this is not okay.
This is just not okay.
So that's maybe even morepowerful coming from your kid,
your husband, I don't know.
(30:13):
Yeah, so it was building up andthat voice.
It was just becoming louder andlouder.
And the actual hard proof ofthe medical tests, the blood
tests, the numbers, were reallywhat pushed it over the top.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
So what keeps you going forward?
What keeps you from not, youknow, going back relapsing?
I mean, you know you talkedabout your friend dying and
that's that's.
That's tough.
I mean, that is tough and youknow, normally in human nature
(30:53):
when we're going through sometough times we go back to what
we're used to using to soothe us.
So, with that being said, younow moving forward 10 months
sober.
What do you have any?
Do you have anything in placeto protect you from going that
route again?
Speaker 1 (31:14):
I do.
Yeah, I have a whole community.
I can pick up my phone rightnow and call a dozen people if I
need help.
I have a Zoom.
I have three different Zoomcommunities that I can get on,
one of which is just organic,like five of us, five friends of
(31:36):
us that we met on a retreatrecently, and there's a really
great phrase that I come back toover and over.
Play the tape forward is myphrase and over play the tape
(31:57):
forward is my phrase.
If I'm feeling like I can't doit and I want to have a drink, I
think about what I'm going tofeel like in the morning, what
I'm going to feel like the nextday, because it's not just one
drink, as we've talked about.
It's going to be a wholeexperience and it's going to
make me feel remorse and regretand embarrassment and shame, and
those are not good feelings.
(32:18):
Those feelings are not okay withme anymore.
So I think ahead and I alsoremember what I left behind.
I remember lying in this bedbehind.
I remember lying in this bed,feeling like I didn't want to
get out of it and I don't everwant to go back there.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
I just don't, it's not worth it.
It's not worth it.
Yeah, wow, that's reallypowerful.
And you finding your community.
You know people have such ahard time being honest and
telling other people and beingshamed about it, but it's that
one thing that's gonna help themovercome these challenges
because they're not alone.
(33:04):
And I think that is the hardestthing to tell people that you
are not the only one feelingthis.
Because when you have thatmoment and, I'm sure, when you
are talking to tell people thatyou are not the only one feeling
this, because when you havethat moment and, I'm sure, when
you are talking to other peopleand you're like, oh my God, I
did that and oh my God, it feelsso good to not be alone.
So you have a whole communitybacking you up, moving forward
(33:29):
how powerful is that.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
It's super powerful.
It really is is everything, andit gives you the confidence to
well.
It does for me anyway to bringit up with people that don't
even know that about me and itjust can come up in a casual way
and I'm proud of it.
(33:53):
I'm really proud to say I'm asober woman.
You know the shame of like,because early on it's like oh my
God, what are people going tothink of me?
They're going to think I had amajor problem and, yeah, that's
a normal thing to start feelingas time goes on.
Who the fuck cares what theythink?
Honestly, it's all about whatyou feel inside and if you're
(34:16):
grounded and centered andconfident, the confidence that
comes with sobriety isunparalleled, because you're
living an authentic life.
You're living a true life toyourself and the relationships
that you have are so much better.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Melissa, wow, you just gave me chills that I can
hear in your voice, that power,that conviction.
I think you talking about it ispowerful and amazing in that
you, I think what you said, theword that you said that gave me
the chills, was that you're,you're proud to be sober Like
(34:58):
that is wow, huge.
It's like you accept, youaccepted the journey for what it
was and you're accepting whereyou are right now.
And you're accepting where youare right now, which is amazing.
So tell me what you're doingnow with this information and
you feeling like you're tellingeverybody.
(35:20):
I mean, I could just imagineyou're just so proud of yourself
.
This is such a you are a badass.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
You are a badass.
So what are you doing?
Yeah, there's a lot of badassesout there, for sure what I'm
doing, and this came to meprobably a couple months after I
removed alcohol from my life.
I am currently in a coachingprogram and I am going to start
(35:48):
coaching those that want tochange their relationship with
alcohol, end their relationshipwith alcohol, discover who they
are, start living authentically,rediscover their passions,
because once you get rid of allthis noise, it opens up a
landscape of possibilities.
Oh yeah, it opens up a landscapeof possibilities.
(36:10):
Oh yeah, and I'm about halfwaythrough this program and I'm
building a business this yearand I'm currently working with
some people just for free aspractice to kind of get my feet
wet and inspire, and I see lotsof great things happening in the
(36:34):
future with this.
I just feel like this is what Ineed to do.
I need to contribute, I need togive back because it helps me
too.
It helps me grow, it helps mestay centered and eye on the
prize.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
She's giving me chills again, because I think
you're aligned.
You're aligned in your purpose.
You found your purpose.
That is amazing that you'regoing to give back, but how
powerful will it be for someonewho does understand and is sober
, and it is motivating.
So you giving back being acoach.
(37:10):
I just looked at your Instagramand it says alcohol-free coach
in training.
I love that and I love thatyou've been sober since August
14, 2023.
So we're coming close to a yearwhich is amazing.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
I can't believe it.
It's amazing.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
I love your page.
It's hilarious Some of thethings that you put on there.
Yes, that one.
But you're so honest and when Isee the difference oh my God,
girl, your legs.
Like the one where it has thepicture of the.
It says what a difference ayear makes of the.
(37:51):
It says what a difference ayear makes.
It's like you shrink you'relike half a person.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
Well, I mean, it's 30 pounds is a significant number
right?
Oh yeah, it is, but like I saidI'm a tall person Like I could
carry.
I could carry 30 pounds in myback pocket really and not even
be noticeable to some people.
But when you put pictures sideby side it's like oh, yeah, yeah
(38:16):
, yeah, you did yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
Yeah, you look amazing.
I'm looking at you, lookamazing, yeah.
So, melissa, wow, you are justpowerful.
Such a powerful story and again, you doing what you're doing
and I can feel that you're whereyou need to be.
When you're talking about it, Ican feel you see your face
(38:41):
lighting up and you aredefinitely where you need to be.
So, with that, where can wefind you?
Where can we find the InstagramIf someone wanted to reach out
to you?
How do they go about doing that?
Speaker 1 (38:55):
My Instagram is at the sober New Yorker and you can
send me a DM, and I really meanthat, because the people
randomly DM me and they needsomeone to talk to.
They need help, they need tipsto talk to.
They need help, they need tips.
(39:15):
I'm totally here for that,because if you can't tell
someone personally, tellingsomeone that you don't know is
at least getting out there andgetting it known.
I also have a website,thesobernewyorkercom, where you
can actually download a freeguide of how, what, the tools I
used for the first 30 days ofgoing alcohol free.
(39:35):
I have a free guide on thereand you can be on my email
subscription list as well.
And that's me, that's.
That's it for now.
That's enough, my kids say yougot the podcast.
I got the podcast.
That literally happened liketwo days ago, um, but it's out
there.
It's on Spotify.
I have to figure out how to doApple.
(39:56):
I'm working on it.
Speaker 2 (39:58):
So it's called the sober New Yorker.
New Yorker I'm keeping it all.
I like it.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
Yeah, and I'm going to interview people and hear
inspiring stories of bad asseryand epic comebacks.
Basically, yeah.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
Oh, wow, I, I, I again.
I don't even I'm speechless I'mnormally don't get speechless,
but it's just such a powerfulstory, um, and the authenticity.
Authenticity is just amazing,you being so genuine, um.
Again, melissa, thank you somuch for coming on here and
being honest and raw and sharingall the good stuff.
(40:41):
Thank you so much.
You're so welcome.
Thank you for having me, Lisa.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (40:46):
Okay.
So again, don't forgetInstagram.
It is the Sober New Yorker.
She's got the website, she'sgot the podcast and we'll put
all of those on the show notesso you can reach out to her.
So again, thank you everyonefor being here and until next
time.
Bye you.
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