July 31, 2024 • 36 mins
A walk on the beach turned into a journey to the stage, as Dr. Efi's encounter with fitness blossomed into a passion for competitive bodybuilding. Her story during the COVID-19 lockdown is nothing short of remarkable, highlighting her transition from casual gym-goer to a dedicated bodybuilding competitor. Dr. Efi shares her mission to help other women achieve their fitness goals and offers a mental prep checklist for aspiring competitors. Listen as she reflects on the mind-body connection, the importance of overcoming fear, and the empowerment she found in embracing her new identity. This episode is a testament to resilience, transformation, and the power of finding strength in adversity.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to Ella Go.
My name is Lisa.
Join me on the journey inhaving real raw and
uncomfortable discussions aboutfitness, health and everything
in between, because, let's behonest, this journey would suck
if we don't get our shittogether.
Welcome back to the Elegoopodcast.
(00:38):
My name is Lisa, I am your hostand all the way from Australia
we have Dr Effie.
Dr Effie, welcome to the Elegoopodcast.
Hello, thanks for having me.
I'm happy to have you here.
As people could see, she'swearing a sweater and a
turtleneck and here on the EastCoast we are just getting into
(01:01):
summer and she's freezing.
So, dr Effie, why don't youintroduce yourself to the
listeners?
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Okay, well, hi everyone.
So I'm a clinical psychologist.
I've been a psychologist forabout 20 years now and I'm also
a single mom to three girls, whoI have full time, and I'm also
a bodybuilding competitor in thebikini division.
So my life's pretty full.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yes, yes, and I reached out to you because you
were a single mother and then,when you told me your story, I
was like, okay, fitness is alsoinvolved in the story, so tell
us a little bit about yourbackground.
The was like, okay, fitness isalso involved in the story, so
tell us a little bit about yourbackground.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
The story Okay, so I left my marriage six years ago.
It was an emotionally abusivemarriage and really was weighing
me down and I was quite weakemotionally and physically.
Towards the end I was gettingquite stressed by the whole
(02:09):
thing, um, tolerating a lot thatI shouldn't be, um, but too
scared to leave.
Um, you know how would I copeon my own, financially and
practically and all of that.
And you know, in the end Ifound the courage to do that and
(02:30):
ended the marriage.
As things have unfolded, itended up that I'm raising the
girls on my own.
He's no longer in the pictureof his own.
That was a voluntary thing onhis behalf, so I've been raising
these beautiful three girlsalone.
And, um, it took me some time toreally get stronger mentally,
(02:56):
um, you know, to really recover,to really figure out how do I
navigate this, uh, this life.
Um, I was, you know, towardsthe end of my marriage in
particular, I was dedicating allmy effort and energy towards my
work, my clients, helping otherpeople and my girls.
There was like not much leftfor me, so it really drained me
(03:21):
and also, from the stress, Ilost a lot of weight.
I actually couldn't eat.
I lost about 10 kilograms, so Iwasn't a big person, so, yeah,
so there wasn't much left.
So about a year later I feltthat I was much stronger
mentally.
You know, I actually got rid ofa big stress from my life.
So, you know, things actuallyfelt more calm in many ways.
(03:46):
So, yes, there were otherstresses to navigate, but
gradually, I figured, I figuredout my way and, yeah, so a year
later I decided, you know, timeto put something towards myself.
And it didn't happen sort ofdramatically, it was just that
gradually I started catching upmore with friends and, you know,
(04:10):
just doing different things,finding ways to even do that by
getting a babysitter to come, soI could put that time for
myself.
And gradually, with that, Irealised I need to be stronger
physically, not just mentally.
It's sort of something that hitme at one point and I can get
(04:32):
into how that all kind ofevolved as well.
But yeah, that's basically thestory.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
I know a lot of women could probably resonate with
your story.
And you said something youweren't you know, you weren't
ready to leave.
You're scared to leave, andwhat was it that needed to
happen for you to end yourrelationship?
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Yeah, it's a very good question.
I honestly there were timeswhere I thought I don't know how
I'm going to do this.
I actually don't know how to doit and you know, I almost
waited for my then husband tomake the call, but that wasn't
(05:17):
happening.
It was very comfortable, so itreally was up to me.
The way it actually ended uphappening is quite um
interesting.
Remember I said I lost a lot ofweight.
That was visible, right, youcan't hide that.
So what's happening was peoplearound me noticed that I'm not
myself right, I didn't speakabout anything that was
(05:39):
happening.
I've always been a very privateperson.
I was also ashamed.
You know what going on?
I didn't want to reveal thatthis was going on in my marriage
.
So I pretended likeeverything's fine.
But I can't pretend losingweight.
So you know, you see it in myface my clothes were getting
looser.
I couldn't really hide that.
(06:00):
So my family noticed, you know,in particular because they were
the people I saw the most often, outside of everything else in
my life, and kind of pointed itout to me and then actually
asked me you know what's goingon?
I still didn't reveal anything.
But the pivotal moment was whenmy parents contacted me and
(06:29):
said if we think something'sgoing on at home, we don't know
what it is, but whatever it is,we'll support you, we'll help
you.
And I still didn't say anything.
There were like tears rollingdown my face.
It was like on the phone, sothey didn't see.
But I remember then thinking,okay, I will have help if I do
(06:52):
this.
And that's what in the endpushed me to do it.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Wow.
So people didn't know the toxicrelationship?
Nobody knew, nobody knew,nobody knew.
Oh my goodness, why do youthink women do that?
Is it because the judging?
I know you mentioned shame, doyou think the judging?
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Look I think it's shame.
It's a mixture of things.
It's shame.
It's, unfortunately, denial.
You keep thinking is thatreally happening or is it not?
You know, maybe that's just howthings are.
You know, you get used to it,you really get used to it.
Um, and you know it wasn'tuntil I actually spoke about it
out loud and you hear yourselfgiving examples of situations
(07:42):
and you're like, oh my God, thatdoes not sound normal, that
does not sound.
And people are hearing andthey're like that is not right.
You know.
And so then you know, the moreyou reveal, it's almost like it
hits you all over again.
You sort of traumatise all overagain, just trying to process.
I actually went through that,you know, I allowed myself to go
(08:03):
through that.
So I think, yeah, it's, it's adenial, it's um fear, um, also
perhaps of the partner.
You know what might happen ifyou end it Right.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Um and yeah, and the shame, you know, possibly, uh,
it was for me at the time Um andand shame, not shame of
separating so much, shame ofrevealing what, what the partner
that I had chosen was likeright, I, you know, I can, only
(08:40):
I, I, I want you to say the, thetell your story, because I know
so many women have gone throughthings and then you didn't know
until after the fact that theywere going through these
horrific, traumatizingrelationships.
And it is that shame.
(09:01):
And the other thing that yousaid it's so amazing when you
are in your little bubble worldright in your head, but you're
not saying it, you're notwriting it, but the minute you
say it, you know, as you'retelling the story, and in your
mind you're like, wow, that'sterrible.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Exactly.
I'm like that's not normal,that's not right, right, yeah,
totally.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Yes.
So it's amazing how, when youfinally say it, then it becomes
your truth because it's outthere and you're hearing it.
So let me ask you this.
I know that after you tookinitiative and you took action,
how long did it take for you tofeel like, okay, I'm okay, I can
(09:55):
do this?
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Yeah, I'd say properly a year, right, um,
because initially it was, youknow, really dealing with the
practicality of the whole thing.
You know, um dividing assetsand you know dealing with
lawyers and, um, you know kidsin a new routine and you know
(10:19):
now there's not another parentthere, so if I'm going with one
child what I do with the otherchild, you know all of that.
It it was very laser focused onthat, on the practicality of
all the different things, thatyou're almost not processing it
fully.
So I think I don't even thinkI've caught up with any friends
(10:42):
or anything for the first sixmonths.
I was just in my own bubble andjust let me just deal with this
.
So, yeah, probably after aboutsix months I started actually
seeing some more people, butreally fully, just like coming
down to earth, was probably ayear.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
So I asked you this question because think about
women who are in toxicrelationships for years.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Yeah, exactly Years.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
And to think that when they do that, do make that
decision to leave or therelationship ends one year.
One year versus years yes.
Of trauma, being traumatized.
Yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Yes, that's exactly right.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Yeah.
So the other question I had isyou know, you being a clinical
psychologist and you goingthrough this, how did you
mentally and emotionally heal,like what are some of the things
that you mentally?
Speaker 2 (11:46):
and emotionally heal.
Like what are some of thethings that you did to heal?
Yeah, it's funny, isn't it?
I was saying to you in the offchat that being a psychologist
doesn't make you immune fromgoing through difficulties, and
certainly doesn't straight away.
Make me know, okay, now we dothese five strategies and we'll
be just fine.
Doesn't straight away make meknow okay, now we do these five
(12:07):
strategies and we'll be justfine.
You know, so it's it's.
It totally is not like that.
I had to.
I'm like what do I do withpeople, like to help them,
because, like, right now I'mtotally lost.
But yeah, it's just, there'sthis cloud over you.
You know it's very difficult.
So you know it was a series ofsteps.
You know it was really at first.
The very first step was justlet's just do the practical
(12:29):
stuff so it doesn't feel sooverwhelming, right?
So it was just step by step,like how do we?
Let's create a differentroutine, let's just figure out
all the little tiny day-to-daystuff, because, yeah, if you can
at least problem solve and dealwith that, then that takes one
huge stress away.
So that was the first step.
(12:50):
The next step was reallystarting to get rid of things
that just drained me, thingsthat whether that's people or
things, right.
So you gradually start to see,you know, just like in my
marriage I was on autopilot allthe time.
(13:11):
There were lots of other thingsin my life that were on
autopilot that didn't reallyserve me really, you know.
So even with the kids'activities I was trying to send
them to so many extracurricularactivities, did they really
enjoy them?
Did they want them?
You know, I had a theory in myhead this would be good for you
(13:31):
and this would be good.
So then I realised my time isvery precious and limited.
Let's really put the energytowards things that actually are
important and really matter.
So, you know, I started kind ofdecluttering my life, so to
speak.
You know, a bit like doing abit of a life audit.
You know, I started kind ofdecluttering my life, so to
speak.
You know, a bit like doing abit of a life audit.
You know, you kind of what do Ireally need to keep and what do
I not?
Um, so it was.
(13:53):
It was a little bit of that,right, um, you know, and and the
same like, yeah, with peoplearound me, I'm catching up with
all you know, trying to catch upwith people and it's like who
do I really enjoy spending timewith?
Like let's really allocate thetime and energy to that, so it
doesn't feel like a chore andlike I have an obligation to now
catch up with everybody or thatsort of thing, right, um, and
(14:17):
and then the next step was, youknow, really starting to
rediscover what I enjoy.
So now that you're sort of, yougot rid of all the kind of
things that don't belong thereor don't serve any purpose to,
yeah, really start to discoverthose things that I enjoy.
And it was.
You know, yes, there were sometimes where I did journal some
(14:39):
things to try and understandmyself better, and, you know, I
did some mindfulness as well.
So, just, you know, being inthe moment, not thinking too
many steps ahead and that sortof thing, but really in the end,
it was the practical steps thathelped me discover things.
You know, I discovered I enjoythings I never even knew I
(14:59):
enjoyed, but I hadn't had thetime or energy to be able to do
it.
In my marriage I was fully, tobe honest, a bit like a single
mum in my marriage it was all medoing, you know, the caring for
the kids and taking themeverywhere and things like that.
There was just not really anytime for me.
(15:20):
So, yeah, so I gradually, yes,started discovering those things
.
So, you know, know, that feltamazing and so that was, that
was the most healing, you know,I would say, just putting that
time for myself and discoveringwhat I enjoy, also things I used
to enjoy in the past.
I hadn't done a long time, forexample, dancing.
Um, you know, when I wasyounger, you know I used to love
(15:43):
going out dancing withgirlfriends, you know.
So, being able to kind of dothat again, I just felt alive.
I was like, oh my gosh, Iforgot how much I enjoy this.
I love music, you know thingslike that.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Yeah, yeah, so it almost.
I I will say this I, I wentthrough the same thing, you know
you.
You then say well, who am I?
Speaker 2 (16:04):
What do I?
Speaker 1 (16:05):
like what do I like you know, and then it gets me
thinking that you know, when weget into these relationships, I
think a lot of women forget whothey are.
You could still be in arelationship with somebody and
still have your wholeness, havewho you are, what you like to do
(16:25):
.
You know what I mean and Ithink that some of us we get
involved in relationships andit's all about them and we
forget the me part and you don'trealize it until you are no
longer in that relationship andit's rediscovering yourself,
which is probably it is healingand joy.
(16:48):
It brings joy to you, that oh mygoodness, the things that I
used to like to do, things Iused to like to do now, things I
like to do now.
So there's almost like arebirth every time.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Totally rebirth.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Yeah, I think about that.
So the other side of this is,you said I not only had to work
on my mental and emotionalhealing, but then the physical
part.
So how did that transition tothe physical part?
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Yeah.
So this too was, you know, notsomething that happened
dramatically, like I got up oneday and said now I've got to
focus on my physical body.
The way that that actuallyhappened was in the process of
gradually catching up with thefriends that I do enjoy spending
time with.
I met one of my friends andwhat we did as we caught up was
(17:41):
go for a walk along the beachand you know, just walking and
talking.
And then the walk finished and,you know, I drove back home and
had the babysitter in there andI didn't want to go in the house
.
I just sort of thought, gosh,that walk was so good, I feel
like I'm not done.
Even though I've left the beachand I've parked outside my
(18:03):
house, I thought the babysitteris still in there, I don't have
to go in, I'm going to continuemy walk, I'll just do it in my
neighborhood.
So I, you know, parked the carand I got out and I started
going for a walk and I justloved being in the fresh air.
(18:23):
As you know, you can relatewith a ruddy.
I just loved being in the freshair and just the clarity that
was coming to my mind, justdifferent thoughts, and I
couldn't stop walking.
I felt like Forrest Gump.
I just couldn't stop walking.
I walked and walked and I'mlike, oh my gosh, it's been an
hour, I'm still walking.
(18:43):
I'm so far from home, I've gotanother hour to get back.
It didn't bother me, it wasevening, it was dark, but it was
quite safe you know where I amand I just kept walking, didn't
even have music, nothing, justthe surroundings, you know.
And by the time I got back home, I felt so good, you know, like
the endorphins kicked in.
(19:04):
I just felt refreshed, I hadclarity, I just felt alive.
And it's really, you know, whenwe're talking about rebirth, it
literally is like that.
I just felt alive again and Ithought this is a genius idea.
I need to get the babysitterjust so I can go for a walk,
right?
So I started doing that.
(19:25):
So when I came back, I bookedher in.
I thought I've got a budget forthis, this is totally worth it
for me to feel this alive, this,this is where the money needs
to go.
So, um, I booked her in and Iwould just go for walks and
gradually I started makingmyself a little playlist and I'd
put music and go for the walk.
(19:45):
The walks became jogs.
I started jogging to a localpark.
I would go for like laps.
I've never jogged in my life.
I would do that.
Then what happened was theweather started getting cold.
You know, it got to winter andthat was not going to be
possible.
So I thought, okay, well, I'lljust join a gym so I can go for
(20:08):
a run on a treadmill.
I'll continue this.
So looked for a gym, joined agym and when I entered the gym I
thought am I crazy?
Why would I go on a treadmill?
Look at all these machines.
Look at all these machines andyou know, you see all these
(20:32):
people pumping iron and thingslike that, and men, women.
And I thought, oh my God, Iactually, I really want to be
strong now.
This is what I want.
I want to be like the.
I need muscles.
I was weak, you know, because Ilost all that weight and even
though my appetite had come backand I was feeling healthier and
so on, I thought I want to bestrong.
Now.
I'm the sole parent to thesegirls.
I'm the man and woman of thehouse, so to speak.
(20:52):
I need to protect them and Iwant to look strong, not just
feel strong you know, on ourmuscle, you know.
So I thought that's what I'mgoing to do.
So when I joined that gym, I gotlike these three free sessions
with the trainer, and you know,and he asked me oh, what's the
(21:16):
goal?
And I said I want muscles and Iwant a six-pack.
That's what I want.
And he just laughed at me heshould see me now.
And he just laughed at me.
He should see me now.
But so he showed me some basicsort of exercises and then I
just went and I just, you know,looked at different machines.
I would like Google them andlook on YouTube how you use them
(21:37):
, but the point was I felt somuch better.
I felt stronger.
There were parts of my bodythat were kind of activated than
never were before and gradually, even without knowing much
about what I was doing, you know, little baby biceps were
showing and you know there was abit more muscle and I just felt
so much better.
(21:58):
What happened then was thateverything closed because COVID
hit and I had to be creative athome and I used some apps that
showed me how to do some thingswith dumbbells and body weight
exercises.
But then the next thing thathappened was I dabbled in some
online dating during that COVIDtime and I met a wonderful man
(22:23):
who's now my partner and he dida bodybuilding competition when
he was in his early 20s.
And you know, as you do incovert times, you send pictures
and get to know each other anddo video calls and he's like you
look like you put on musclequickly.
So I don't know what you'retalking about.
(22:44):
Okay, fine, and he thought,have you ever thought about
competing?
And I said what are you talkingabout?
I'm just like I'm just startingout.
I'm just I'm not going and I'mnot going on stage in a bikini
in front of an audience and, youknow, flaunting my stuff, I'm
not going to do that.
So, um, but he planted a seedand that seed began to grow and,
(23:11):
as you know, it was a long time, this kind of situation, this
lockdown and, uh, you know,gradually I started looking up
what this is, what competing is,looking up competitors, and I
thought, god, these women arestrong warrior women and you
know I can see they've got agoal and they're working towards
something to get to the stage.
(23:32):
And I thought you know what Ithink I want to do, that I want
to go completely out of mycomfort zone, do something I'd
never.
I never would have done and dothat and I thought I've already
challenged myself in so manyways.
I've done so many new thingssince my marriage ended.
You know this.
This could be good for me andit was the best thing I've ever
(23:52):
done.
And so I did.
I looked for a coach, abodybuilding coach during COVID,
and as soon as the gyms openedagain here in Melbourne, I met
with her, and I've been with herever since and have done a few
competitions.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Yeah.
So I'm looking at yourInstagram and you say I mean,
you're not kidding, you'redefinitely a competitor, you're
definitely a competitor.
So with that I mean how manycompetitions have you done?
Speaker 2 (24:26):
So I've done four yeah, okay, so the gyms here
reopened in November 2020.
I did the first competition inMay 2021, then another one in
May 2022.
Then I took a break and then Icame back and we had two
competitions in the season hereApril and May.
(24:49):
So I did those two, oh my God,unbelievable.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
Wow, I'm looking at your May 11th picture
Unbelievable.
So with that you're.
Now you're involved incompetitions, but you're doing
something with it.
I mean, you're I'm looking atit right now you're helping
other uh bodybuilders yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
So so I've now gotten into that as well.
So, as I've gotten into this,into this world, um, and met
some amazing other competitors,and it's really a beautiful
community of hardworkingindividuals what I've realised
is that, you know, like anyother sport, there's a lot of
(25:36):
mental involvement as well asphysical.
Right, there's the discipline,there's the grit, there's
sometimes self-doubt.
You know, about competing Withbodybuilding as well, you've got
a whole other dimension becauseit's a physique competition.
You're training as a sport, butthen when you get to the stage
it's very much a physiquecompetition.
There's no, it's not a runningrace.
(25:56):
You know it's not kind of,you're competing that way, but
you're still an athlete.
So you know it's not kind of,you're competing that way, but
you're still an athlete.
So you know, because ofphysique competition, you've got
things like body image issuesthat can come into play and
doubting yourself.
That way, there's also otherthings to navigate.
So in bodybuilding you neverstay looking the same.
(26:17):
You're always looking toimprove.
So that means that you havewhat's called an off-season,
where you're eating more andtraining harder to build the
muscle and then before acompetition, you cut so that you
get leaner.
So you've got those different.
So you know, throughout theyear you're looking different in
different phases and that canmess with a lot of people's
heads.
You know, first it's allglamorized when you're in state
(26:40):
and then you know your bodychanges and so that can be quite
confronting.
So and I noticed that there'ssuch a gap.
There's actually not really anymental health assistance for
that.
You know there's some, there'sa little bit, but there's not
(27:03):
many sort of experts withpsychology.
You know there's um, there'ssome, there's a little bit um,
but there's not many sort ofexperts with psychology.
You know a lot of experts,psychology background to really
help you with that.
So I think a lot ofbodybuilding coaches do their
best, of course with theircompetitors to hype them up and
give them pep talks and positiveaffirmations and things like
that and obviously speak fromtheir own experience.
But there's such a gap, youknow, to help them deal with
(27:26):
mental health issues that cancome up and maybe if you've had
a mental health issue in thepast because you're really
challenging yourself and puttingyourself under extreme
conditions, that can also cometo the surface if you haven't
dealt with it before.
Yes, that's the other thing,it's not just specific to that
you know if you've never beengood at handling stress, or
(27:49):
handling worries or negativethoughts, and they start to
create, you know, creep in therethen.
Then you wouldn't have theskills right.
So, um, you know, because I'mso passionate about the sport
and I'm very passionate aboutbeing a psychologist as well, um
, it's been so fun to actuallygradually transition to working
with this population that I loveum, and because I'm in it
(28:12):
myself, I know exactly what itfeels like um, and so now that's
that's what I do.
So there's different, differentissues that we've dealt with.
You know, for some it is verymuch a body image thing.
For some it's relationship withfood.
You know, for others, it's justhow do you maintain the
discipline and the focus whenit's something that you really
(28:32):
want to do, right?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
um, yeah, all different issues I'm looking at
your, so I'm back on yourInstagram and you have a free
mental prep checklist.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (28:46):
Wow, yeah, that is pretty cool.
So it's a free mental prepchecklist for female
bodybuilding competitors.
Yes, so that's a freebie on herwebsite.
And we'll talk more about howto get a hold of her.
I'm looking again.
I'm looking at your photos.
How tall are you?
Speaker 2 (29:07):
I'm.
Do you want it in centimetersor feet?
I don't know.
Feet we're in feet.
Different country.
5'8".
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Oh, okay, my God, I mean I'm looking at some of
these pictures and those peoplemust be really small, because
you look like you're toweringover some of these people.
Wow, dr Effie, that is soamazing that you're now giving
back to the community thatyou're in involved in.
(29:39):
But the transition and I lovethat you said you know you, you
are healing you.
You did your healingemotionally and mentally and
then transitioning into yourphysical and there is that mind
body connection.
I mean, obviously you knowyou're, you're helping other
women who want to bebodybuilders, not only work on
(30:03):
their bodies, but you also wantto be able to work on your mind,
because it is connected,correct journey.
(30:24):
Just looking back at all thethings that you've done, what is
one thing that you would tellyour old self back then?
That the woman that didn't wantto leave, what would you tell
her of what's to come?
Speaker 2 (30:32):
What I would tell her is that what she has to gain is
a lot greater than what she'sgoing to lose.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
Oh yeah, I just got chills.
That is good to lose.
Ooh yeah, yeah, I just gotchills.
That is good.
That is so good yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
It's actually something I've thought about
over and over.
I just thought look at how muchI've gained.
I put that stress as being themost horrible, catastrophic
thing that's ever happened to me, and maybe it was, but you know
, the heaviness of that isactually quite, really light
compared to everything that I'vegained as a result.
(31:06):
Wow, and it scares me to thinkthat I never would have
discovered that if I had stayed.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
Ah, yeah, yeah.
Look at all what you've doneand what you're doing.
Yeah, yeah, that's amazing.
You've done and what you'redoing.
Yeah, that's amazing.
So let me ask you one morequestion.
I know you mentioned that youhad this weight loss while you
were in the relationship.
Did you think that the weightloss was directly impacted from
(31:36):
you being in that type ofrelationship?
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Oh, I knew it was.
I knew it was Because it's anobviously weight loss.
You know, it didn't just happen.
While I ate, whatever I ate, Icouldn't eat.
I actually physically couldn'teat.
I felt like every time I ate itwould be stuck in my throat.
It was like a choking feeling,you know, I remember like it was
awful.
It really is an awful feelingactually, you know, because
(32:03):
obviously if you're not eating,you're also not getting any
energy.
And so I was, I was, I wasreally weak, you know, in many
ways, and you're trying to thinkand you're trying to work, but
I just couldn't literallystomach it.
So, but it's incredible howonce, once, like once he left, I
remember my you know, myparents coming over and bringing
(32:23):
a pizza, and I'm looking atthat pizza and I'm thinking I
reckon I could eat this and so,and so, yeah, so I started
eating it and it was such a goodfeeling.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
The mind-body connection is a real thing, you
know if you oh totally.
It definitely is the real thing.
I wanted to ask you about thatbecause you know I can only
imagine what other how stresslike that manifests in so many
ways.
Right, it could be from weightloss.
It can be from other things.
(33:02):
And you know if that's not thesign you know the sign to say
hey, you got to go.
And let me ask you this Beforeyou started losing that weight,
did you already, deep downinside, knew that this was not
the relationship for you?
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
I look at my lowest points and you know this doesn't
quite depressing, but obviouslyeverything's fine and I'm here.
But, like at my lowest points,you know I'll be lying in bed.
You know crying and say justsomebody save me, just somebody
give me.
I, I, I, something is wrong.
I don't know how to fix it.
(33:43):
I can see it's not gettingbetter.
Um, I don't know how to get out.
Please somebody save me.
And you know, um, sometimes youneed to go through those low
points to to get back up, right,you know, yeah, um, yeah, yeah.
And in the end, as I said, theweight loss in the most ironic,
freaky way is what saved me,because it was visible.
(34:06):
So it meant that you know I gotthat support.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Yeah, that was the way that people knew something
was wrong.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Yeah, and it reached out to me.
People knew something was wrong,yeah, and it reached out to me.
So, yeah, you know, but it'scrazy how fear can hold you back
so much, yeah, and how now it'stotally reframed.
(34:40):
You know, in my mind, you knowcompletely, and you know I was,
was ashamed, you know, pre,before that, thinking not just
of the person, um, that I was,that I was married to, and all
of that, but thinking, oh, mygod, I'm gonna be a divorced
woman.
That's like so embarrassing.
I thought, right, uh, right, um.
And you know, in the end I'vesaid this to you before, but in
the end I've said this to youbefore but in the end, when I
came out, I thought this is likethe proudest thing I've ever
(35:03):
done.
You know I'm I, I announce itproudly that I'm a divorced
woman, because I know what, whatsteps he took to to get to that
.
Yeah, yeah, you know, so it's.
It's not not something to beashamed of at all.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Yes, oh, my goodness.
Well, Dr Effie, I love yourstory.
I love it.
I love the fact that you knowyou took something and not only
did you do your own healing, butnow you're giving back to the
community, community of women.
I love that you're doing that.
So where can we find you onsocial media?
Speaker 2 (35:40):
Okay, well, thank you for asking.
So I've got a page called thebodybuilding psychologist.
I also have a website that'sthe bodybuildingpsychologistcom,
so you can find out moredetails there.
So yeah, if you look me up,you'll, you'll find me there.
I do have another page that'scalled Dr Effie.
(36:00):
It's got some less content onthere, but lots of content about
the single mom life andnavigating that and some tips.
So you've got a bit of bothworlds that you can navigate.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
I love it.
I love it, yes, so we will putall of those links to get a hold
of Dr Effie and contact her onthe show notes.
Dr Effie, thank you so much allthe way from Australia.
Thank you so much for coming onhere and talking to me.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
Oh, thanks, lisa.
It was so much fun to talk andshare.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
Okay, everyone, until next time.
Bye.
Welcome to Ella Go.
My name is Lisa.
Join me on the journey inhaving real raw and
uncomfortable discussions aboutfitness, health and everything
in between, because, let's behonest, this journey would suck
if we don't get our shittogether.
Welcome back to the Elegoopodcast.
(00:38):
My name is Lisa, I am your hostand all the way from Australia
we have Dr Effie.
Dr Effie, welcome to the Elegoopodcast.
Hello, thanks for having me.
I'm happy to have you here.
As people could see, she'swearing a sweater and a
turtleneck and here on the EastCoast we are just getting into
(01:01):
summer and she's freezing.
So, dr Effie, why don't youintroduce yourself to the
listeners?
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Okay, well, hi everyone.
So I'm a clinical psychologist.
I've been a psychologist forabout 20 years now and I'm also
a single mom to three girls, whoI have full time, and I'm also
a bodybuilding competitor in thebikini division.
So my life's pretty full.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yes, yes, and I reached out to you because you
were a single mother and then,when you told me your story, I
was like, okay, fitness is alsoinvolved in the story, so tell
us a little bit about yourbackground.
The was like, okay, fitness isalso involved in the story, so
tell us a little bit about yourbackground.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
The story Okay, so I left my marriage six years ago.
It was an emotionally abusivemarriage and really was weighing
me down and I was quite weakemotionally and physically.
Towards the end I was gettingquite stressed by the whole
(02:09):
thing, um, tolerating a lot thatI shouldn't be, um, but too
scared to leave.
Um, you know how would I copeon my own, financially and
practically and all of that.
And you know, in the end Ifound the courage to do that and
(02:30):
ended the marriage.
As things have unfolded, itended up that I'm raising the
girls on my own.
He's no longer in the pictureof his own.
That was a voluntary thing onhis behalf, so I've been raising
these beautiful three girlsalone.
And, um, it took me some time toreally get stronger mentally,
(02:56):
um, you know, to really recover,to really figure out how do I
navigate this, uh, this life.
Um, I was, you know, towardsthe end of my marriage in
particular, I was dedicating allmy effort and energy towards my
work, my clients, helping otherpeople and my girls.
There was like not much leftfor me, so it really drained me
(03:21):
and also, from the stress, Ilost a lot of weight.
I actually couldn't eat.
I lost about 10 kilograms, so Iwasn't a big person, so, yeah,
so there wasn't much left.
So about a year later I feltthat I was much stronger
mentally.
You know, I actually got rid ofa big stress from my life.
So, you know, things actuallyfelt more calm in many ways.
(03:46):
So, yes, there were otherstresses to navigate, but
gradually, I figured, I figuredout my way and, yeah, so a year
later I decided, you know, timeto put something towards myself.
And it didn't happen sort ofdramatically, it was just that
gradually I started catching upmore with friends and, you know,
(04:10):
just doing different things,finding ways to even do that by
getting a babysitter to come, soI could put that time for
myself.
And gradually, with that, Irealised I need to be stronger
physically, not just mentally.
It's sort of something that hitme at one point and I can get
(04:32):
into how that all kind ofevolved as well.
But yeah, that's basically thestory.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
I know a lot of women could probably resonate with
your story.
And you said something youweren't you know, you weren't
ready to leave.
You're scared to leave, andwhat was it that needed to
happen for you to end yourrelationship?
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Yeah, it's a very good question.
I honestly there were timeswhere I thought I don't know how
I'm going to do this.
I actually don't know how to doit and you know, I almost
waited for my then husband tomake the call, but that wasn't
(05:17):
happening.
It was very comfortable, so itreally was up to me.
The way it actually ended uphappening is quite um
interesting.
Remember I said I lost a lot ofweight.
That was visible, right, youcan't hide that.
So what's happening was peoplearound me noticed that I'm not
myself right, I didn't speakabout anything that was
(05:39):
happening.
I've always been a very privateperson.
I was also ashamed.
You know what going on?
I didn't want to reveal thatthis was going on in my marriage
.
So I pretended likeeverything's fine.
But I can't pretend losingweight.
So you know, you see it in myface my clothes were getting
looser.
I couldn't really hide that.
(06:00):
So my family noticed, you know,in particular because they were
the people I saw the most often, outside of everything else in
my life, and kind of pointed itout to me and then actually
asked me you know what's goingon?
I still didn't reveal anything.
But the pivotal moment was whenmy parents contacted me and
(06:29):
said if we think something'sgoing on at home, we don't know
what it is, but whatever it is,we'll support you, we'll help
you.
And I still didn't say anything.
There were like tears rollingdown my face.
It was like on the phone, sothey didn't see.
But I remember then thinking,okay, I will have help if I do
(06:52):
this.
And that's what in the endpushed me to do it.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Wow.
So people didn't know the toxicrelationship?
Nobody knew, nobody knew,nobody knew.
Oh my goodness, why do youthink women do that?
Is it because the judging?
I know you mentioned shame, doyou think the judging?
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Look I think it's shame.
It's a mixture of things.
It's shame.
It's, unfortunately, denial.
You keep thinking is thatreally happening or is it not?
You know, maybe that's just howthings are.
You know, you get used to it,you really get used to it.
Um, and you know it wasn'tuntil I actually spoke about it
out loud and you hear yourselfgiving examples of situations
(07:42):
and you're like, oh my God, thatdoes not sound normal, that
does not sound.
And people are hearing andthey're like that is not right.
You know.
And so then you know, the moreyou reveal, it's almost like it
hits you all over again.
You sort of traumatise all overagain, just trying to process.
I actually went through that,you know, I allowed myself to go
(08:03):
through that.
So I think, yeah, it's, it's adenial, it's um fear, um, also
perhaps of the partner.
You know what might happen ifyou end it Right.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Um and yeah, and the shame, you know, possibly, uh,
it was for me at the time Um andand shame, not shame of
separating so much, shame ofrevealing what, what the partner
that I had chosen was likeright, I, you know, I can, only
(08:40):
I, I, I want you to say the, thetell your story, because I know
so many women have gone throughthings and then you didn't know
until after the fact that theywere going through these
horrific, traumatizingrelationships.
And it is that shame.
(09:01):
And the other thing that yousaid it's so amazing when you
are in your little bubble worldright in your head, but you're
not saying it, you're notwriting it, but the minute you
say it, you know, as you'retelling the story, and in your
mind you're like, wow, that'sterrible.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Exactly.
I'm like that's not normal,that's not right, right, yeah,
totally.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Yes.
So it's amazing how, when youfinally say it, then it becomes
your truth because it's outthere and you're hearing it.
So let me ask you this.
I know that after you tookinitiative and you took action,
how long did it take for you tofeel like, okay, I'm okay, I can
(09:55):
do this?
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Yeah, I'd say properly a year, right, um,
because initially it was, youknow, really dealing with the
practicality of the whole thing.
You know, um dividing assetsand you know dealing with
lawyers and, um, you know kidsin a new routine and you know
(10:19):
now there's not another parentthere, so if I'm going with one
child what I do with the otherchild, you know all of that.
It it was very laser focused onthat, on the practicality of
all the different things, thatyou're almost not processing it
fully.
So I think I don't even thinkI've caught up with any friends
(10:42):
or anything for the first sixmonths.
I was just in my own bubble andjust let me just deal with this
.
So, yeah, probably after aboutsix months I started actually
seeing some more people, butreally fully, just like coming
down to earth, was probably ayear.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
So I asked you this question because think about
women who are in toxicrelationships for years.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Yeah, exactly Years.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
And to think that when they do that, do make that
decision to leave or therelationship ends one year.
One year versus years yes.
Of trauma, being traumatized.
Yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Yes, that's exactly right.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Yeah.
So the other question I had isyou know, you being a clinical
psychologist and you goingthrough this, how did you
mentally and emotionally heal,like what are some of the things
that you mentally?
Speaker 2 (11:46):
and emotionally heal.
Like what are some of thethings that you did to heal?
Yeah, it's funny, isn't it?
I was saying to you in the offchat that being a psychologist
doesn't make you immune fromgoing through difficulties, and
certainly doesn't straight away.
Make me know, okay, now we dothese five strategies and we'll
be just fine.
Doesn't straight away make meknow okay, now we do these five
(12:07):
strategies and we'll be justfine.
You know, so it's it's.
It totally is not like that.
I had to.
I'm like what do I do withpeople, like to help them,
because, like, right now I'mtotally lost.
But yeah, it's just, there'sthis cloud over you.
You know it's very difficult.
So you know it was a series ofsteps.
You know it was really at first.
The very first step was justlet's just do the practical
(12:29):
stuff so it doesn't feel sooverwhelming, right?
So it was just step by step,like how do we?
Let's create a differentroutine, let's just figure out
all the little tiny day-to-daystuff, because, yeah, if you can
at least problem solve and dealwith that, then that takes one
huge stress away.
So that was the first step.
(12:50):
The next step was reallystarting to get rid of things
that just drained me, thingsthat whether that's people or
things, right.
So you gradually start to see,you know, just like in my
marriage I was on autopilot allthe time.
(13:11):
There were lots of other thingsin my life that were on
autopilot that didn't reallyserve me really, you know.
So even with the kids'activities I was trying to send
them to so many extracurricularactivities, did they really
enjoy them?
Did they want them?
You know, I had a theory in myhead this would be good for you
(13:31):
and this would be good.
So then I realised my time isvery precious and limited.
Let's really put the energytowards things that actually are
important and really matter.
So, you know, I started kind ofdecluttering my life, so to
speak.
You know, a bit like doing abit of a life audit.
You know, I started kind ofdecluttering my life, so to
speak.
You know, a bit like doing abit of a life audit.
You know, you kind of what do Ireally need to keep and what do
I not?
Um, so it was.
(13:53):
It was a little bit of that,right, um, you know, and and the
same like, yeah, with peoplearound me, I'm catching up with
all you know, trying to catch upwith people and it's like who
do I really enjoy spending timewith?
Like let's really allocate thetime and energy to that, so it
doesn't feel like a chore andlike I have an obligation to now
catch up with everybody or thatsort of thing, right, um, and
(14:17):
and then the next step was, youknow, really starting to
rediscover what I enjoy.
So now that you're sort of, yougot rid of all the kind of
things that don't belong thereor don't serve any purpose to,
yeah, really start to discoverthose things that I enjoy.
And it was.
You know, yes, there were sometimes where I did journal some
(14:39):
things to try and understandmyself better, and, you know, I
did some mindfulness as well.
So, just, you know, being inthe moment, not thinking too
many steps ahead and that sortof thing, but really in the end,
it was the practical steps thathelped me discover things.
You know, I discovered I enjoythings I never even knew I
(14:59):
enjoyed, but I hadn't had thetime or energy to be able to do
it.
In my marriage I was fully, tobe honest, a bit like a single
mum in my marriage it was all medoing, you know, the caring for
the kids and taking themeverywhere and things like that.
There was just not really anytime for me.
(15:20):
So, yeah, so I gradually, yes,started discovering those things
.
So, you know, know, that feltamazing and so that was, that
was the most healing, you know,I would say, just putting that
time for myself and discoveringwhat I enjoy, also things I used
to enjoy in the past.
I hadn't done a long time, forexample, dancing.
Um, you know, when I wasyounger, you know I used to love
(15:43):
going out dancing withgirlfriends, you know.
So, being able to kind of dothat again, I just felt alive.
I was like, oh my gosh, Iforgot how much I enjoy this.
I love music, you know thingslike that.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Yeah, yeah, so it almost.
I I will say this I, I wentthrough the same thing, you know
you.
You then say well, who am I?
Speaker 2 (16:04):
What do I?
Speaker 1 (16:05):
like what do I like you know, and then it gets me
thinking that you know, when weget into these relationships, I
think a lot of women forget whothey are.
You could still be in arelationship with somebody and
still have your wholeness, havewho you are, what you like to do
(16:25):
.
You know what I mean and Ithink that some of us we get
involved in relationships andit's all about them and we
forget the me part and you don'trealize it until you are no
longer in that relationship andit's rediscovering yourself,
which is probably it is healingand joy.
(16:48):
It brings joy to you, that oh mygoodness, the things that I
used to like to do, things Iused to like to do now, things I
like to do now.
So there's almost like arebirth every time.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Totally rebirth.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Yeah, I think about that.
So the other side of this is,you said I not only had to work
on my mental and emotionalhealing, but then the physical
part.
So how did that transition tothe physical part?
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Yeah.
So this too was, you know, notsomething that happened
dramatically, like I got up oneday and said now I've got to
focus on my physical body.
The way that that actuallyhappened was in the process of
gradually catching up with thefriends that I do enjoy spending
time with.
I met one of my friends andwhat we did as we caught up was
(17:41):
go for a walk along the beachand you know, just walking and
talking.
And then the walk finished and,you know, I drove back home and
had the babysitter in there andI didn't want to go in the house
.
I just sort of thought, gosh,that walk was so good, I feel
like I'm not done.
Even though I've left the beachand I've parked outside my
(18:03):
house, I thought the babysitteris still in there, I don't have
to go in, I'm going to continuemy walk, I'll just do it in my
neighborhood.
So I, you know, parked the carand I got out and I started
going for a walk and I justloved being in the fresh air.
(18:23):
As you know, you can relatewith a ruddy.
I just loved being in the freshair and just the clarity that
was coming to my mind, justdifferent thoughts, and I
couldn't stop walking.
I felt like Forrest Gump.
I just couldn't stop walking.
I walked and walked and I'mlike, oh my gosh, it's been an
hour, I'm still walking.
(18:43):
I'm so far from home, I've gotanother hour to get back.
It didn't bother me, it wasevening, it was dark, but it was
quite safe you know where I amand I just kept walking, didn't
even have music, nothing, justthe surroundings, you know.
And by the time I got back home, I felt so good, you know, like
the endorphins kicked in.
(19:04):
I just felt refreshed, I hadclarity, I just felt alive.
And it's really, you know, whenwe're talking about rebirth, it
literally is like that.
I just felt alive again and Ithought this is a genius idea.
I need to get the babysitterjust so I can go for a walk,
right?
So I started doing that.
(19:25):
So when I came back, I bookedher in.
I thought I've got a budget forthis, this is totally worth it
for me to feel this alive, this,this is where the money needs
to go.
So, um, I booked her in and Iwould just go for walks and
gradually I started makingmyself a little playlist and I'd
put music and go for the walk.
(19:45):
The walks became jogs.
I started jogging to a localpark.
I would go for like laps.
I've never jogged in my life.
I would do that.
Then what happened was theweather started getting cold.
You know, it got to winter andthat was not going to be
possible.
So I thought, okay, well, I'lljust join a gym so I can go for
(20:08):
a run on a treadmill.
I'll continue this.
So looked for a gym, joined agym and when I entered the gym I
thought am I crazy?
Why would I go on a treadmill?
Look at all these machines.
Look at all these machines andyou know, you see all these
(20:32):
people pumping iron and thingslike that, and men, women.
And I thought, oh my God, Iactually, I really want to be
strong now.
This is what I want.
I want to be like the.
I need muscles.
I was weak, you know, because Ilost all that weight and even
though my appetite had come backand I was feeling healthier and
so on, I thought I want to bestrong.
Now.
I'm the sole parent to thesegirls.
I'm the man and woman of thehouse, so to speak.
(20:52):
I need to protect them and Iwant to look strong, not just
feel strong you know, on ourmuscle, you know.
So I thought that's what I'mgoing to do.
So when I joined that gym, I gotlike these three free sessions
with the trainer, and you know,and he asked me oh, what's the
(21:16):
goal?
And I said I want muscles and Iwant a six-pack.
That's what I want.
And he just laughed at me heshould see me now.
And he just laughed at me.
He should see me now.
But so he showed me some basicsort of exercises and then I
just went and I just, you know,looked at different machines.
I would like Google them andlook on YouTube how you use them
(21:37):
, but the point was I felt somuch better.
I felt stronger.
There were parts of my bodythat were kind of activated than
never were before and gradually, even without knowing much
about what I was doing, you know, little baby biceps were
showing and you know there was abit more muscle and I just felt
so much better.
(21:58):
What happened then was thateverything closed because COVID
hit and I had to be creative athome and I used some apps that
showed me how to do some thingswith dumbbells and body weight
exercises.
But then the next thing thathappened was I dabbled in some
online dating during that COVIDtime and I met a wonderful man
(22:23):
who's now my partner and he dida bodybuilding competition when
he was in his early 20s.
And you know, as you do incovert times, you send pictures
and get to know each other anddo video calls and he's like you
look like you put on musclequickly.
So I don't know what you'retalking about.
(22:44):
Okay, fine, and he thought,have you ever thought about
competing?
And I said what are you talkingabout?
I'm just like I'm just startingout.
I'm just I'm not going and I'mnot going on stage in a bikini
in front of an audience and, youknow, flaunting my stuff, I'm
not going to do that.
So, um, but he planted a seedand that seed began to grow and,
(23:11):
as you know, it was a long time, this kind of situation, this
lockdown and, uh, you know,gradually I started looking up
what this is, what competing is,looking up competitors, and I
thought, god, these women arestrong warrior women and you
know I can see they've got agoal and they're working towards
something to get to the stage.
(23:32):
And I thought you know what Ithink I want to do, that I want
to go completely out of mycomfort zone, do something I'd
never.
I never would have done and dothat and I thought I've already
challenged myself in so manyways.
I've done so many new thingssince my marriage ended.
You know this.
This could be good for me andit was the best thing I've ever
(23:52):
done.
And so I did.
I looked for a coach, abodybuilding coach during COVID,
and as soon as the gyms openedagain here in Melbourne, I met
with her, and I've been with herever since and have done a few
competitions.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Yeah.
So I'm looking at yourInstagram and you say I mean,
you're not kidding, you'redefinitely a competitor, you're
definitely a competitor.
So with that I mean how manycompetitions have you done?
Speaker 2 (24:26):
So I've done four yeah, okay, so the gyms here
reopened in November 2020.
I did the first competition inMay 2021, then another one in
May 2022.
Then I took a break and then Icame back and we had two
competitions in the season hereApril and May.
(24:49):
So I did those two, oh my God,unbelievable.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
Wow, I'm looking at your May 11th picture
Unbelievable.
So with that you're.
Now you're involved incompetitions, but you're doing
something with it.
I mean, you're I'm looking atit right now you're helping
other uh bodybuilders yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
So so I've now gotten into that as well.
So, as I've gotten into this,into this world, um, and met
some amazing other competitors,and it's really a beautiful
community of hardworkingindividuals what I've realised
is that, you know, like anyother sport, there's a lot of
(25:36):
mental involvement as well asphysical.
Right, there's the discipline,there's the grit, there's
sometimes self-doubt.
You know, about competing Withbodybuilding as well, you've got
a whole other dimension becauseit's a physique competition.
You're training as a sport, butthen when you get to the stage
it's very much a physiquecompetition.
There's no, it's not a runningrace.
(25:56):
You know it's not kind of,you're competing that way, but
you're still an athlete.
So you know it's not kind of,you're competing that way, but
you're still an athlete.
So you know, because ofphysique competition, you've got
things like body image issuesthat can come into play and
doubting yourself.
That way, there's also otherthings to navigate.
So in bodybuilding you neverstay looking the same.
(26:17):
You're always looking toimprove.
So that means that you havewhat's called an off-season,
where you're eating more andtraining harder to build the
muscle and then before acompetition, you cut so that you
get leaner.
So you've got those different.
So you know, throughout theyear you're looking different in
different phases and that canmess with a lot of people's
heads.
You know, first it's allglamorized when you're in state
(26:40):
and then you know your bodychanges and so that can be quite
confronting.
So and I noticed that there'ssuch a gap.
There's actually not really anymental health assistance for
that.
You know there's some, there'sa little bit, but there's not
(27:03):
many sort of experts withpsychology.
You know there's um, there'ssome, there's a little bit um,
but there's not many sort ofexperts with psychology.
You know a lot of experts,psychology background to really
help you with that.
So I think a lot ofbodybuilding coaches do their
best, of course with theircompetitors to hype them up and
give them pep talks and positiveaffirmations and things like
that and obviously speak fromtheir own experience.
But there's such a gap, youknow, to help them deal with
(27:26):
mental health issues that cancome up and maybe if you've had
a mental health issue in thepast because you're really
challenging yourself and puttingyourself under extreme
conditions, that can also cometo the surface if you haven't
dealt with it before.
Yes, that's the other thing,it's not just specific to that
you know if you've never beengood at handling stress, or
(27:49):
handling worries or negativethoughts, and they start to
create, you know, creep in therethen.
Then you wouldn't have theskills right.
So, um, you know, because I'mso passionate about the sport
and I'm very passionate aboutbeing a psychologist as well, um
, it's been so fun to actuallygradually transition to working
with this population that I loveum, and because I'm in it
(28:12):
myself, I know exactly what itfeels like um, and so now that's
that's what I do.
So there's different, differentissues that we've dealt with.
You know, for some it is verymuch a body image thing.
For some it's relationship withfood.
You know, for others, it's justhow do you maintain the
discipline and the focus whenit's something that you really
(28:32):
want to do, right?
Speaker 1 (28:34):
um, yeah, all different issues I'm looking at
your, so I'm back on yourInstagram and you have a free
mental prep checklist.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (28:46):
Wow, yeah, that is pretty cool.
So it's a free mental prepchecklist for female
bodybuilding competitors.
Yes, so that's a freebie on herwebsite.
And we'll talk more about howto get a hold of her.
I'm looking again.
I'm looking at your photos.
How tall are you?
Speaker 2 (29:07):
I'm.
Do you want it in centimetersor feet?
I don't know.
Feet we're in feet.
Different country.
5'8".
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Oh, okay, my God, I mean I'm looking at some of
these pictures and those peoplemust be really small, because
you look like you're toweringover some of these people.
Wow, dr Effie, that is soamazing that you're now giving
back to the community thatyou're in involved in.
(29:39):
But the transition and I lovethat you said you know you, you
are healing you.
You did your healingemotionally and mentally and
then transitioning into yourphysical and there is that mind
body connection.
I mean, obviously you knowyou're, you're helping other
women who want to bebodybuilders, not only work on
(30:03):
their bodies, but you also wantto be able to work on your mind,
because it is connected,correct journey.
(30:24):
Just looking back at all thethings that you've done, what is
one thing that you would tellyour old self back then?
That the woman that didn't wantto leave, what would you tell
her of what's to come?
Speaker 2 (30:32):
What I would tell her is that what she has to gain is
a lot greater than what she'sgoing to lose.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
Oh yeah, I just got chills.
That is good to lose.
Ooh yeah, yeah, I just gotchills.
That is good.
That is so good yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
It's actually something I've thought about
over and over.
I just thought look at how muchI've gained.
I put that stress as being themost horrible, catastrophic
thing that's ever happened to me, and maybe it was, but you know
, the heaviness of that isactually quite, really light
compared to everything that I'vegained as a result.
(31:06):
Wow, and it scares me to thinkthat I never would have
discovered that if I had stayed.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
Ah, yeah, yeah.
Look at all what you've doneand what you're doing.
Yeah, yeah, that's amazing.
You've done and what you'redoing.
Yeah, that's amazing.
So let me ask you one morequestion.
I know you mentioned that youhad this weight loss while you
were in the relationship.
Did you think that the weightloss was directly impacted from
(31:36):
you being in that type ofrelationship?
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Oh, I knew it was.
I knew it was Because it's anobviously weight loss.
You know, it didn't just happen.
While I ate, whatever I ate, Icouldn't eat.
I actually physically couldn'teat.
I felt like every time I ate itwould be stuck in my throat.
It was like a choking feeling,you know, I remember like it was
awful.
It really is an awful feelingactually, you know, because
(32:03):
obviously if you're not eating,you're also not getting any
energy.
And so I was, I was, I wasreally weak, you know, in many
ways, and you're trying to thinkand you're trying to work, but
I just couldn't literallystomach it.
So, but it's incredible howonce, once, like once he left, I
remember my you know, myparents coming over and bringing
(32:23):
a pizza, and I'm looking atthat pizza and I'm thinking I
reckon I could eat this and so,and so, yeah, so I started
eating it and it was such a goodfeeling.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
The mind-body connection is a real thing, you
know if you oh totally.
It definitely is the real thing.
I wanted to ask you about thatbecause you know I can only
imagine what other how stresslike that manifests in so many
ways.
Right, it could be from weightloss.
It can be from other things.
(33:02):
And you know if that's not thesign you know the sign to say
hey, you got to go.
And let me ask you this Beforeyou started losing that weight,
did you already, deep downinside, knew that this was not
the relationship for you?
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
I look at my lowest points and you know this doesn't
quite depressing, but obviouslyeverything's fine and I'm here.
But, like at my lowest points,you know I'll be lying in bed.
You know crying and say justsomebody save me, just somebody
give me.
I, I, I, something is wrong.
I don't know how to fix it.
(33:43):
I can see it's not gettingbetter.
Um, I don't know how to get out.
Please somebody save me.
And you know, um, sometimes youneed to go through those low
points to to get back up, right,you know, yeah, um, yeah, yeah.
And in the end, as I said, theweight loss in the most ironic,
freaky way is what saved me,because it was visible.
(34:06):
So it meant that you know I gotthat support.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Yeah, that was the way that people knew something
was wrong.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Yeah, and it reached out to me.
People knew something was wrong,yeah, and it reached out to me.
So, yeah, you know, but it'scrazy how fear can hold you back
so much, yeah, and how now it'stotally reframed.
(34:40):
You know, in my mind, you knowcompletely, and you know I was,
was ashamed, you know, pre,before that, thinking not just
of the person, um, that I was,that I was married to, and all
of that, but thinking, oh, mygod, I'm gonna be a divorced
woman.
That's like so embarrassing.
I thought, right, uh, right, um.
And you know, in the end I'vesaid this to you before, but in
the end I've said this to youbefore but in the end, when I
came out, I thought this is likethe proudest thing I've ever
(35:03):
done.
You know I'm I, I announce itproudly that I'm a divorced
woman, because I know what, whatsteps he took to to get to that
.
Yeah, yeah, you know, so it's.
It's not not something to beashamed of at all.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Yes, oh, my goodness.
Well, Dr Effie, I love yourstory.
I love it.
I love the fact that you knowyou took something and not only
did you do your own healing, butnow you're giving back to the
community, community of women.
I love that you're doing that.
So where can we find you onsocial media?
Speaker 2 (35:40):
Okay, well, thank you for asking.
So I've got a page called thebodybuilding psychologist.
I also have a website that'sthe bodybuildingpsychologistcom,
so you can find out moredetails there.
So yeah, if you look me up,you'll, you'll find me there.
I do have another page that'scalled Dr Effie.
(36:00):
It's got some less content onthere, but lots of content about
the single mom life andnavigating that and some tips.
So you've got a bit of bothworlds that you can navigate.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
I love it.
I love it, yes, so we will putall of those links to get a hold
of Dr Effie and contact her onthe show notes.
Dr Effie, thank you so much allthe way from Australia.
Thank you so much for coming onhere and talking to me.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
Oh, thanks, lisa.
It was so much fun to talk andshare.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
Okay, everyone, until next time.
Bye.
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