October 16, 2024 • 36 mins
What happens when the world stands still, yet your personal life spirals into chaos? This gripping episode features Lianne Torres, a resilient podcaster, speaker, and survivor of domestic violence, who bravely opens up about navigating abuse during the unprecedented COVID-19 lockdowns. Leanne's story is one of intense transformation, illustrating how the mind's landscape can be as treacherous as the physical world. Her relationship, which began in April 2020, masked itself as ideal until it unveiled layers of emotional, verbal, and mental abuse, alongside infidelity and manipulation. Through sharing her painful experiences, Leanne has become a beacon of hope and resilience, using her podcast "Watch Us Thrive" to empower others.
NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE
1.800.799.7233
RESOURCES
Takeaways
- Facing trauma and taking accountability are crucial steps in the healing process.
- Self-discovery and self-love are essential for building a healthy relationship with oneself.
- Dating oneself and focusing on personal growth before entering a new relationship can lead to healthier connections.
- Sharing stories of hope and survival can inspire others and create a supportive community.
- It is important to recognize and address different forms of abuse beyond physical violence.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, this is Lisa with Ella Go.
Before we begin today's episode, I want to take a moment to
provide a content warning.
This episode will discusstopics related to domestic
violence, including emotional,physical and psychological abuse
.
These subjects can bedistressing or triggering for
some listeners.
If you or someone you know iscurrently experiencing domestic
(00:21):
violence, please know that helpis available.
We'll include resources andhotlines in the episode notes.
If, at any point, you feel theneed to pause or step away from
the episode, please do so.
Your well-being comes first.
Thank you for listening.
Welcome to Ella Go.
(00:48):
My name is Lisa.
Join me on the journey inhaving real, raw and
uncomfortable discussions aboutfitness, health and everything
in between, because, let's behonest, this journey would suck
if we don't get our shittogether.
Welcome back everyone.
(01:14):
My name is Lisa, your host, andtoday I have Leanne.
Leanne, thank you for coming.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Thank you so much for having me and super excited to
be here.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Girl, I checked out your Instagram and I'm loving
everything that you're doing,and especially, you know, things
that you're doing for thesingle mom.
But before we get into all that, why don't you introduce
yourself to the audience, thelisteners, so they know who you
are?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Yes, Thank you so much again for having me.
Hi everyone, my name is LeanneTorres and I'm a podcaster, I'm
a speaker and I'm an advocateand survivor for domestic
violence.
That's really.
You know, my purpose was bornin the most darkest moment of my
(01:59):
life, going through what I wentthrough.
I was in an abusiverelationship during the pandemic
that almost took my life andever since that happened, a
little over three years ago,I've really just committed to
sharing stories of hope, ofsurvival, of turning your pain
into your power, and my podcastit's called Watch Us Thrive and
(02:22):
it's all about having stories ofpeople who have gone through
some really difficult things intheir life, but what they've
been able to do with itafterwards.
So that's really what I'm here.
I always say I'm trying tochange the world, one
conversation at a time.
So yeah, it's a little bitabout me.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I like it.
Okay, so let's talk a littlebit about your background.
You mentioned that the pandemicand if you know, I can remember
when COVID happened, likepeople didn't realize women that
were in abusive relationshipsnow they had to be with this
person 24 seven and I rememberthey were even doing this Women
(03:07):
were doing like a symbol withtheir hands if they were in a
abusive relationship and theyneeded help.
Yes, and it was like you don'trealize that this is a thing.
Now you're stuck in this housewith this individual.
So tell us a little bit aboutthat and how you got through it.
(03:32):
But tell us, like when thepandemic happened, like so I'm
guessing this, this, this abuse,was already happening prior to
the pandemic.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
No, actually no, and I'm glad that you brought that
up, the word how I got throughit, because that's literally
what it needs to be like whenyou're trying to heal from
whatever trauma it is thatyou've gone through.
You have to go through it.
You can't just sweep it underthe rug, you can't just pretend
like it's not there, becauseit's going to follow you
(04:02):
everywhere that you go, untilyou're ready to face your own
inner demons, if you will right.
So for me, I mean, when I metmy ex, it was the end of April
2020.
And I was living in Florida atthe time and Florida, for
whatever reason, the pandemic,it didn't matter.
People were still outside, wewere still doing things.
(04:24):
But when I met him, I met himoff of a dating app and at first
, it was the most beautifulrelationship that I ever found
myself in.
I had a history of being inreally toxic relationships
before and I thought when I metmy ex this is three for three.
I found the one, it's finallymy turn, and it definitely felt
(04:47):
like that in the beginning.
However, you know, we'retalking about the pandemic and
we were all wearing masks.
He could only pretend to besomeone that he wasn't.
He could only wear his own maskfor so long until the real
person who he was came to theforefront.
And I share that part of mystory a lot because when it
(05:11):
comes to being in these abusiverelationships, that is a thread
that I have seen time and timeagain when I've interviewed
other survivors of domesticviolence and just being in
really toxic relationships it'slike the perpetrator who's
(05:33):
abusing the person.
They all have this similar wayof doing things.
It's a very trendy wordnowadays, but the narcissist
narcissism a lot of these peoplefollow that pattern of putting
their best foot forward.
Love bombing you is somethingthat's very trendy nowadays too,
but that's something that Iexperienced.
It was such a beautifulrelationship in the beginning
until it wasn't, and the abusethat I went through wasn't just
(05:57):
physical, and I know that a lotof us, when we think about
domestic violence, we only thinkabout one type of abuse, which
is someone putting their handson you.
While that is a huge part of it, there's so many different
types of abuse that I experienceVerbal, emotional, mental
infidelity.
He cheated on me throughout theentire relationship.
(06:18):
You know lying, manipulating,all of these things that we just
think it's just something thatwe deal with in these types of
relationships, but it is abuseand I like to point that out too
, because there's so manydifferent forms of what we go
through.
But the physical abuse didn'thappen until the last month and
(06:40):
a half of our relationship.
We were only together for 10months.
I met him April 2020, and Ileft that relationship well,
really escaped from thatrelationship March of 2021.
So it was a very fast-pacedrelationship.
It was very much a.
You know, I went through somuch during that time but I
(07:02):
didn't realize that goingthrough what I went through
truly changed my life in thebest way possible.
I can say that now, and if youhear my story on my podcast,
it's episode 12.
If you guys want to hear thefull, in-depth story of being in
that relationship, but if youhear of what I went through,
especially the night that healmost killed me, you would
(07:24):
think like you're grateful forthat and, being the woman that I
went through, especially thenight that he almost killed me,
you would think like you'regrateful for that and being the
woman that I am now doing whatI'm doing, if it wasn't for that
experience, I wouldn't be here,I wouldn't be sitting down and
having this conversation withyou.
So for that I'm absolutelygrateful for.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
So, without getting too deep in the details, because
I do want them to listen toyour episode that evening, or
that night that he almost triedto kill you, were you able to
escape, or someone heard it, orhow did?
Speaker 2 (07:52):
it was wild.
Anytime I think about it like Ijust it sounds like a movie
what I went through.
It's stuff that you see on tv,but this is like my real life
experience.
So you know, after dealing witha lot of ugly things throughout
that night again, you guys cancheck out the episode if you
want to hear it in full detail.
(08:15):
I don't know if it was God.
I believe in God, I believe ina higher power whether it was my
intuition.
Something told me in thatmoment if you don't leave this
apartment now, you're not goingto make it out alive.
And I found the opportunity forme.
Once he had his back turned, Iliterally grabbed my car keys,
(08:37):
grabbed his set of car keys, mycar and I ran out of my
apartment.
And I ran out of my apartment.
I was half naked.
I was wearing a robe, I had nosocks on, no underwear on, my
phone was lost, my purse waslost, my wallet, I had nothing
but me.
And I went to my car, turned onthe ignition, locked the door,
(09:02):
put it in reverse and when Ilooked over my shoulder, he was
literally right here on theother side of the window it in
reverse.
And when I looked over myshoulder, he was literally right
here on the other side of thewindow.
Yeah, and if I wouldn't havelocked my door he would have
pulled me out of the car.
And that night it was like pastmidnight, it was the next
morning and I went to my bestfriend's apartment that she
lived about 15 minutes away andhe didn't know where she lived.
(09:23):
So that's why I wentspecifically to her place,
knocking on her door at like twoo'clock in the morning.
I look like I've been throughhell because I was and she
opened the door and she saw meand she was like what the fuck?
Right and um, and that's thefirst time that I told someone
what I was going through.
(09:44):
Before that, nobody knew.
They knew that I was in arelationship with this person,
but they didn't know what I wasgoing through.
They didn't know it was abusiveor he was cheating on me.
Like that night was the firsttime that I spoke up and I told
someone and it's because of her.
Shout out to Giovanna.
Anytime I can shout her out, Iwill.
She's the reason why I called911.
And you know, later down theline he is in prison for what
(10:05):
happened that night.
But yeah, that was my wholesituation of literally listening
to that voice telling you toget the fuck out.
And I listened and that's whyI'm here.
Oh my God, yeah it's verydramatic.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Before that evening happened and I'm sure well, I
don't know where were otherthings happening prior to that
evening.
Did you get the?
Is he?
Is he toxic?
Is this not right like?
Did you get the?
Did you get those voices did?
Speaker 2 (10:41):
I ignore the red flags.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, absolutely.
But, like I said in thebeginning, I had a history of
being in just really shittyrelationships, not so much to
the point that it was physicallyabusive, even though I was in a
long-term relationship that wewere both abusive to each other.
(11:03):
But at that time I didn'treally identify with, like I'm,
a victim of domestic violence.
I was very naive to that wholeworld.
I knew nothing about it, didn'tsee that growing up, didn't
hang out around people who wentthrough that.
So I was very naive.
But I was used to dealing withjust bullshit.
I was used to dealing withdisrespect, calling each other
(11:26):
names, you know, cheating, lying, all of the things.
So, you know, when I found kindof the same patterns in this
relationship, I was just likewell, it is what it is.
I've dealt with this before.
You know what I mean.
And I think so many of us,especially women, like we're so
used to the bullshit that we'vegone through throughout our
(11:47):
entire like adult lives thatwhen we find ourselves in these
situations again, it's just likeoh well, it is what it is.
But when I got to the pointthat, like this man started
choking me, that was somethingthat I never dealt with before,
like that's that when it waslike oh shit, this is different,
like this is dangerous, right,and fortunately, or
(12:11):
unfortunately it took for me tohave what I like to call my come
to Jesus moment when that nighthappened and finally get away
from him and finally starthealing from that.
But yeah, I was the type ofgirl when you know, in
relationships, very codependent,hated being alone, you know no
(12:31):
self-worth, no self-trust, likeI hated myself, honestly, and I
would rather deal with someonewho treated me like shit than to
be by myself because I didn'tknow who I was outside of any
type of relationship, than to beby myself because I didn't know
who I was outside of any typeof relationship.
So, yeah, I definitely ignoreda lot of red flags, but look at
(12:52):
me now.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
I've learned a lot, so I'm grateful for the bad
that's happened because it'screated a woman who will never
tolerate what I went throughbefore again.
Yes, absolutely.
So let's talk about that woman.
So you now we're talking aboutyou're out of that situation.
(13:14):
What were some of the firststeps that you took to start the
healing process?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Oh man, it has been a journey, and it's a journey I
say this all the time that Iwill be on for the rest of my
life, because going through whatI went through like that's not
just something that you're justgoing to get over, right.
But my first step was saying itout loud.
When I told my best friend,this is what's happening.
(13:38):
That was the start of myhealing, without me even knowing
I was living in Florida.
Like I said, shout out to mysister.
She booked me a one-way ticketback home to where I'm at now.
I lost my apartment, I lost mycar, I got fired from my job, my
unemployment ran out.
I literally lost everything.
(14:00):
But that was my opportunity toreally start to rebuild.
Right, and what that lookedlike for me was going to therapy
group and individual therapy,working with life coaches, and
the most important step that Iidentify with is taking
accountability, and I know whenpeople hear that it's like
(14:24):
taking accountability.
What does that mean?
And what I had to realize andwhat really has changed my life
was that, like I said before, Iwas in really shitty situations
time and time again realized thecommon denominator in every
(14:48):
single one of theserelationships is this girl right
here, and when I had thatepiphany, if you will, that was
like, well damn, I got some shitto work on, because this is a
pattern that I'm repeating overand over and over and every
single time it's getting alittle bit worse and I'm tired
of feeling like stuck on thishamster wheel, this cycle of
like not just existing right,not really getting anywhere in
(15:13):
life and just finding myself inthese really shitty situations.
I had to look in the mirror andbe like what is it about me that
I have to work on thatawareness that I've been able to
build that accountability that,like what he did, that's his
business.
I will never takeresponsibility for what he chose
to do to me, but what I do takeresponsibility over is why I
(15:35):
decided to stay, why I felt likethis type of behavior was
acceptable, why I didn't lovemyself and that's how I've been
able and I still am why I didn'tlove myself and that's how I've
been able and I still ambuilding the relationship that I
have with myself.
But it really took for me tolose everything in order to
build it back up.
It's kind of like, you know,the phoenix rising from the
(15:55):
ashes.
That's really the journey thatI've been on since 2021.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
As you were talking and I'm listening to your story
and the healing journey you havea lot of people who go through
a lot of traumatic experiencesand there's no learning from
those experiences and it's likea cycle over over, but this is
how you get through the healing.
Is that you said I'm going tobe doing this for the rest of my
(16:24):
life, Right?
Yes, 1000%.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
That is huge, yep.
And let me just say, had youwould have asked me this three,
four or five years ago, I wouldhave that.
Oh, it's because of him.
Like I was the fucking mayor ofvictim land, right.
Like I never knew what the wordaccountability meant, like
(16:49):
everyone else was the problemand I, like everything was
happening to me.
So I get that right not to judge, but it's like sometimes you
need that reality check.
Sometimes you need to wake thefuck up and realize, okay, okay,
this is my pattern, this iswhat's going on.
What are we going to do tochange it?
(17:10):
Or are we going to just go downthe same path?
What's the definition ofinsanity?
Repeating the same thing overand over and expecting a
different result?
That was me.
That was me and I got sick andtired of my own shit, and I
think that is so powerful.
But that's a journey that itlooks very different for
(17:30):
everyone and your timeline isdifferent.
But when you reach the pointthat, like I'm fucking done with
this, that is when the changeis going to happen.
But the only person who canmake that happen is you.
It's not him, it's not her,it's not your family, it's not
your bestie, it's not yourcoworkers, it's not your fucking
dog, right Like, it's you.
(17:51):
You have to get to the pointthat's like no more.
I am unwilling to continue thisbullshit, so what am I going to
do about it?
And sometimes that meanscutting people off, ending
shitty relationships.
You know, not being bestfriends with your toxic person
that you've known for 20something years, and every time
(18:12):
you guys get together, y'all arejust gasping over the same
bullshit over and over, like ifyou really want to grow and
thrive and change, that meansyou got to like cut your losses
and start doing some thingsdifferently.
But the only person who's goingto make that happen is you.
And that's just the truth.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Period Point blank, man, that's so good.
That is so good Somebody needsto hear that.
That's really the damn truth.
You know you want to.
It hurts, it's not.
It's not an easy path and youknow you do have to lose people
to gain that strength and ifthey're not helping you grow
like you hit it on the nail.
(18:49):
It's not even just men, it'swomen who are in your
relationships.
You know, if they're not thereto be your cheerleader, to build
you up, help you, and justbringing you down and bring you
on a level that's just not ofgrowth, why have them around?
(19:09):
No hate on you, but you'reholding me back.
So I love everything that youjust said, leanne.
So let's talk about you'regoing through this journey, so
where are you now with all this?
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Oh man, you know it's interesting because recently I
found out that my ex is actuallygetting out of prison this year
, actually in a couple of months.
We're recording this in Juneand he's getting out in August.
I was diagnosed with PTSD and Istill do deal with that.
(19:54):
A lot of survivors of abuse dodeal with post-traumatic stress
and you know there are momentsthat I find that I cannot get
myself out of bed because mymental health is in fucking
shambles, right.
But, and especially when Iheard that like I went through a
really long state of depressionfor like the past four months
just because life was lifing,and then that on top of it was
like, oh my God, like for thepast three and a half years I
(20:18):
knew where he was, I knew hecouldn't find me, even though
I'm very far away from where heis now.
But there's always thosethoughts of like what if?
What's going to happen when hegets out.
But now I've really beenfocusing on just continuing to
build the relationship thatLeanne has with herself.
I went back into therapy for alittle while because dealing
(20:41):
with this new part of my journeywas a lot for my mental health
and I needed support and insteadof doing what I'm used to doing
, which is shutting down,pretending like the problem is
not there, not wanting to dealwith it.
I was like you know what?
I have to talk to someone aboutthis.
So I went to therapy group anindividual that really helped me
(21:02):
a lot, and one thing that mytherapist told me that really
has changed my trajectory islike coming back home, and that
means like coming back to therelationship that I have with
myself, like that is the onethat I had neglected for so long
, pretty much for like since Iwas a teenager, right, and it's
(21:25):
still a struggle to be on thatjourney, but I'm so committed to
committed to just focusing andpouring in so much to me and not
allowing the things that Icannot control consume me.
Right, because, at the end ofthe day, the only person that I
can control is myself.
(21:45):
I can't control what he's goingto do when he gets out.
I can't control someone cuttingme off in the streets and
they're flipping me off anddoing all this ugly shit.
The only thing that I cancontrol is how I'm going to
react to the situation, and howI'm able to do that is to really
get to know me on such a deeppersonal level focus on myself.
(22:06):
Honestly, working out has beenso therapeutic.
Going to the gym and lifting upheavy shit makes me feel like
the baddest bitch in the worldand I don't think enough of us
realize how healing moving yourbody can be.
But like, honestly, justfocusing on me, and when I do
have those dark moments, I don'tstay there for as long as I
(22:30):
used to.
I allow myself to grieve, Iallow myself to grieve, I allow
myself to feel angry, I allowmyself to cry.
But we can't stay in thatdarkness and despair for too
long because someone with mentalhealth issues like depression,
anxiety, ptsd it gets reallydark in here really quickly and
I had to actively push myselfout of it and be like, no, we're
(22:54):
not going to go down thisrabbit hole once again, because
we know where it can take you.
We're going to do somethingdifferent and that's what I've
been doing.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Wow, that's profound, because you are putting the
energy instead of putting theenergy out there, which I
personally think.
When you do that, it's feedingthat and you're putting it into
yourself and making yourselfstronger and you're empowering
yourself.
So are you like how do you seedating again?
(23:22):
Are you in a relationship Like,how does that work?
What's going on?
Speaker 2 (23:28):
That is non-existent.
So I have been single, celibate, not dating, not dealing with
men at all since thatrelationship in 2021.
And in the beginning it was dueto fear.
It was due to not even wantingto try to put myself back in a
(23:48):
situation that what if I meetsomeone like him again?
And I actually heard this quotethe other day online from
someone that I follow.
Shout out to the EmpoweredMillennials podcast Angela.
She put up this Instagram livethat she went to a comedy show
recently and she heard theperson talking about.
(24:10):
You know he was talking abouthe was out of a long-term
relationship and getting backinto the dating world and kind
of being hesitant about it.
But he said something along thelines of like, if you already
learned the lesson, you're notgoing to repeat it.
And when I heard that becauseagain, like I wasn't putting
myself out there because therewas a fear of what if I do find
(24:31):
someone like him.
When I heard that because again, like I wasn't putting myself
out there because there was afear of what if I do find
someone like him.
When I heard that that was suchlike a breakthrough for me
because I know I'm not the sameperson who attracted that man in
2020.
So I've done enough work andI'm still doing the work because
, like I said, this is a neverending journey of me loving
myself, trusting myself,building my confidence, doing
(24:54):
all the things to love on me,that, when I do decide to put
myself back out there, I'm notgoing to be the same person that
I used to be, and I thinkthat's so beautiful.
But right now, like, I'm sofocused on myself that I don't
even want the distraction to,like you know, go out dating and
ask them what the fuck theirfavorite color is and what's
(25:16):
your family trauma and what doyou bring to the table and all
this shit.
Like I don't have the energyfor that right now.
Because right now, I'm datingmyself and I'm loving myself and
I'm working on.
I want to be the best versionfor myself.
Working on, I want to be thebest version for myself.
I want my cup to be overflowing, that I'm able to attract
(25:40):
exactly what it is.
I'm not looking for it.
It's going to come to me whenit's ready, but right now, we're
like in the cooking process.
We're, like you know, puttingthe things together before it
goes into the oven.
Like that's the journey thatI'm on right now that I'm so
committed and focusing on, andI'm loving it.
Like dating myself is somethingI've never done before and I
just love the opportunity toreally get to know who is Leanne
(26:02):
outside of a relationship.
I never knew who she was andI'm so excited to be on this
journey of like finding out whatI like, what I don't like, what
I'm attracted to, what I'm notlike.
That's, that's the fun journeythat I'm on right now Dating
yourself.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
I think every woman should do that for an ample
amount of time.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
So you know, I will say this.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
You said that I'm not the same woman and and this is
for everybody that's listeningto this because even if you
healed and I've interviewed acouple of women who've been
through some shit and theyhealed and then they found
themselves dating someonesimilar, but then they said, but
(26:46):
even though it was just astoxic, I left, or I didn't wait
until a month later or sixmonths later or a year later.
So you know, for those women outthere, give yourself some grace
, like you, give yourself someslack here, because if you let's
say, you know, back then youwere like, oh yeah, I would have
(27:07):
never seen the signs and Iwaited like two years later.
But you know, hey, this guy wassaying shit to me and I cut it
off at six months.
Yay, you, you know, I mean,you're not the same woman.
And I really believe everyexperience that you have is
going to continually change you.
Well, that's what I believe,because you know it'll change
(27:29):
you to where you can finally belike, okay, red flag ain't
fucking going over to his houseRed flag ain't fucking dating
him for more than a month, youknow.
But you know I could certainlysay for me I've been through
those situations where I'm likeagain, what the fuck right?
And then it's like, okay, backto therapy and also.
(27:53):
But then I would say you, youknow what, lisa, you stood up
for yourself.
Even though he was sayingstupid shit to you.
You still said excuse me, whyare you saying that to me?
Would you have said that withthe last person?
No, you wouldn't.
You were too scared to say shit.
So giving yourself some creditthat, yes, you are growing and
(28:14):
there's toxic people everyfucking where, okay, Everywhere,
everywhere, and that's thething.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Like I said before, the only person that you can
control is you.
So you may find a really shittyperson, but how are you going
to react in this situation?
Are you going to ignore the redflags like you did in the last
three relationships?
Are you going to be like, no, Ihave a new standard that I have
set for myself.
You cross this boundary andthere is no coming back from
(28:44):
that.
So hopefully this is a learninglesson for you, but I'm going
to exit stage left gracefullyand be on to the next one, and
that comes with the journey,that comes with you going
through shit.
I know, when I do put myselfback out there, if I see even an
orange flag, I'm going to belike, no, we're not doing that.
You know what I mean, becauseI've been able to build the
(29:06):
relationship that Leanne haswith herself.
But I'm taking the time to getthere because we're just not in
a hurry.
Like I'm 35 years old, I got somuch more time.
I might find, you know, thelove of my life in my 50s and my
60s and my 70s, and that'sperfectly fine.
Like I'm just so focused on meand that's where we're, you know
, putting our energy into.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
So let's talk about the podcast now.
How did this all happen?
Speaker 2 (29:35):
Oh man, my baby, my baby.
So it was born on January 1st2022.
And it started from, actually,when I was going to college and
I was in a digital marketingprogram.
I'm a very artistic person, ifyou guys can see in the
background like this is originalartwork that I created and it
(29:56):
was a end of the semesterproject with Professor Ron.
Shout out to him and for thevery last project that we were
going to do, you could presentanything, anything, anything
that you wanted, and before evengoing to college, after doing a
lot of healing from thisrelationship, I used my art as a
(30:18):
form of expression and Ipainted this 24 by 36 inch
canvas of my story of domesticviolence and I presented it as
my end of the year project inthat class and that was the
first time that I told strangerswhat I went through, like I was
in therapy before and a lot ofmy close people in my life knew
(30:41):
about my situation, but that wasthe first time that I went
public and I told people what Iwent through.
The feedback that I got at theend of that class was what
ignited me to put my story outthere in public.
I mean, there was people at theend of the class that came up
to me and they were like, oh mygod, me too like they were
(31:03):
crying looking at my painting.
And when I saw that, I was likethere's something here like
there.
It was so beautiful to witnessand I got an A on my project, so
I'm very proud of that too.
But going through that andletting go of the fear of
talking about it publicly,that's what really ignited me to
(31:27):
start a podcast, and I work asan assistant to my sister, who
has a very successful podcast.
I was learning a lot of thebehind the scenes stuff when it
comes to putting a podcasttogether and all the things that
we go through and doing thatstuff for her.
I realized I'm going to start apodcast and I'm going to talk
(31:48):
about the shit that I've gonethrough and I'm going to call it
Watch Us Thrive.
And that's how it started.
And now I think I just releasedmy 141st episode.
Well, actually, tomorrow my141st episode.
Yeah, I've been super consistentwith that, right?
So, yeah, I mean now I've justcreated so many amazing you know
(32:10):
opportunities for people tocome on to share their own story
.
I've interviewed so manysurvivors of trauma, of abuse,
of so many things.
We all got shit that we'regoing through.
We all have things that we'retrying to heal from, and I'm
creating this community where wecan all come together as a
collective and share our storiesand help others feel seen and
(32:32):
heard and understood and just beable to show that, despite what
I've gone through, despite whatyou've gone through, look at us
now and let that inspire andmotivate you to know that you
can change the trajectory ofyour life.
You don't need to allow theugly shit that you've gone
through be the be-all, end-all.
It doesn't need to stop there.
Like you can create somethingso beautiful from the pain that
(32:54):
you've gone through and that'swhat we're doing with my podcast
.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
My god, I don't have any other questions.
I mean, that is pretty.
You know I I love the title.
You know, watch us.
You know we're all in thistogether and it's not.
You know, watch us.
You know we're all in thistogether and it's not, you know,
just me or you or whatever, Um,and I love that you still are.
(33:20):
I could see why people feelcomfortable coming onto your
podcast and telling the storybecause you've been something,
you've gone through somethingsimilar, and it doesn't come
from the oh, look at me, Ihealed and now let's no, we're
all healing together.
Um, I love that whole concept,Leanne.
I think what you're doing iswhat's needed, um, for women to
(33:45):
have a place to voice their Imean their story, and the fact
that you showed that, um, thatpainting, and you had women that
came up and said me too.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
Yeah, damn, that was just like damn.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
All right, we got something here, thank you.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
So, um, I just want to thank you so much for being a
part of this, but where can wefind you and where can we find
your podcast?
Speaker 2 (34:11):
Yes, thank you again so much.
Anytime I'm able to share mystory, I know it's healing
someone, but it is so healingfor me, like that is the purpose
behind it, right?
I hope it just reaches oneperson who can see a little bit
of themselves in me and itinspire you to know that, like
you got this, you can thrive aswell.
(34:31):
We are all in this together,right?
So thank you so much for havingme.
You can follow me on Instagramthat's where I live.
Watch Us Thrive Podcast is thehandle.
I'm also on YouTube where Irelease all of my video episodes
of the podcast under the samehandle, and my website has
everything my blog, my episodes.
You know my newsletter that youguys can sign up for.
(34:54):
It's WUTpodcastcom and again,but we need it in the spaces
where it's needed.
So please leave a rating andreview and, yeah, stay tuned
(35:15):
because I got a lot more stuffcoming.
Every Tuesday, new episodedrops, okay?
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Leanne, this has been such a great conversation.
I enjoyed talking to you.
I loved all the man.
You dropped some major nuggetsthrough this whole entire you
know episode and, like you know,leanne said if you want to
reach out to her, you know whereto reach out to her.
She's got her podcast and we'llhave all of that in the show
(35:41):
notes.
So again, leanne, thank you somuch for being part of this.
Thank you and until next time.
Bye, time, bye.
Hi, this is Lisa with Ella Go.
Before we begin today's episode, I want to take a moment to
provide a content warning.
This episode will discusstopics related to domestic
violence, including emotional,physical and psychological abuse
.
These subjects can bedistressing or triggering for
some listeners.
If you or someone you know iscurrently experiencing domestic
(00:21):
violence, please know that helpis available.
We'll include resources andhotlines in the episode notes.
If, at any point, you feel theneed to pause or step away from
the episode, please do so.
Your well-being comes first.
Thank you for listening.
Welcome to Ella Go.
(00:48):
My name is Lisa.
Join me on the journey inhaving real, raw and
uncomfortable discussions aboutfitness, health and everything
in between, because, let's behonest, this journey would suck
if we don't get our shittogether.
Welcome back everyone.
(01:14):
My name is Lisa, your host, andtoday I have Leanne.
Leanne, thank you for coming.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Thank you so much for having me and super excited to
be here.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Girl, I checked out your Instagram and I'm loving
everything that you're doing,and especially, you know, things
that you're doing for thesingle mom.
But before we get into all that, why don't you introduce
yourself to the audience, thelisteners, so they know who you
are?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Yes, Thank you so much again for having me.
Hi everyone, my name is LeanneTorres and I'm a podcaster, I'm
a speaker and I'm an advocateand survivor for domestic
violence.
That's really.
You know, my purpose was bornin the most darkest moment of my
(01:59):
life, going through what I wentthrough.
I was in an abusiverelationship during the pandemic
that almost took my life andever since that happened, a
little over three years ago,I've really just committed to
sharing stories of hope, ofsurvival, of turning your pain
into your power, and my podcastit's called Watch Us Thrive and
(02:22):
it's all about having stories ofpeople who have gone through
some really difficult things intheir life, but what they've
been able to do with itafterwards.
So that's really what I'm here.
I always say I'm trying tochange the world, one
conversation at a time.
So yeah, it's a little bitabout me.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I like it.
Okay, so let's talk a littlebit about your background.
You mentioned that the pandemicand if you know, I can remember
when COVID happened, likepeople didn't realize women that
were in abusive relationshipsnow they had to be with this
person 24 seven and I rememberthey were even doing this Women
(03:07):
were doing like a symbol withtheir hands if they were in a
abusive relationship and theyneeded help.
Yes, and it was like you don'trealize that this is a thing.
Now you're stuck in this housewith this individual.
So tell us a little bit aboutthat and how you got through it.
(03:32):
But tell us, like when thepandemic happened, like so I'm
guessing this, this, this abuse,was already happening prior to
the pandemic.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
No, actually no, and I'm glad that you brought that
up, the word how I got throughit, because that's literally
what it needs to be like whenyou're trying to heal from
whatever trauma it is thatyou've gone through.
You have to go through it.
You can't just sweep it underthe rug, you can't just pretend
like it's not there, becauseit's going to follow you
(04:02):
everywhere that you go, untilyou're ready to face your own
inner demons, if you will right.
So for me, I mean, when I metmy ex, it was the end of April
2020.
And I was living in Florida atthe time and Florida, for
whatever reason, the pandemic,it didn't matter.
People were still outside, wewere still doing things.
(04:24):
But when I met him, I met himoff of a dating app and at first
, it was the most beautifulrelationship that I ever found
myself in.
I had a history of being inreally toxic relationships
before and I thought when I metmy ex this is three for three.
I found the one, it's finallymy turn, and it definitely felt
(04:47):
like that in the beginning.
However, you know, we'retalking about the pandemic and
we were all wearing masks.
He could only pretend to besomeone that he wasn't.
He could only wear his own maskfor so long until the real
person who he was came to theforefront.
And I share that part of mystory a lot because when it
(05:11):
comes to being in these abusiverelationships, that is a thread
that I have seen time and timeagain when I've interviewed
other survivors of domesticviolence and just being in
really toxic relationships it'slike the perpetrator who's
(05:33):
abusing the person.
They all have this similar wayof doing things.
It's a very trendy wordnowadays, but the narcissist
narcissism a lot of these peoplefollow that pattern of putting
their best foot forward.
Love bombing you is somethingthat's very trendy nowadays too,
but that's something that Iexperienced.
It was such a beautifulrelationship in the beginning
until it wasn't, and the abusethat I went through wasn't just
(05:57):
physical, and I know that a lotof us, when we think about
domestic violence, we only thinkabout one type of abuse, which
is someone putting their handson you.
While that is a huge part of it, there's so many different
types of abuse that I experienceVerbal, emotional, mental
infidelity.
He cheated on me throughout theentire relationship.
(06:18):
You know lying, manipulating,all of these things that we just
think it's just something thatwe deal with in these types of
relationships, but it is abuseand I like to point that out too
, because there's so manydifferent forms of what we go
through.
But the physical abuse didn'thappen until the last month and
(06:40):
a half of our relationship.
We were only together for 10months.
I met him April 2020, and Ileft that relationship well,
really escaped from thatrelationship March of 2021.
So it was a very fast-pacedrelationship.
It was very much a.
You know, I went through somuch during that time but I
(07:02):
didn't realize that goingthrough what I went through
truly changed my life in thebest way possible.
I can say that now, and if youhear my story on my podcast,
it's episode 12.
If you guys want to hear thefull, in-depth story of being in
that relationship, but if youhear of what I went through,
especially the night that healmost killed me, you would
(07:24):
think like you're grateful forthat and, being the woman that I
went through, especially thenight that he almost killed me,
you would think like you'regrateful for that and being the
woman that I am now doing whatI'm doing, if it wasn't for that
experience, I wouldn't be here,I wouldn't be sitting down and
having this conversation withyou.
So for that I'm absolutelygrateful for.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
So, without getting too deep in the details, because
I do want them to listen toyour episode that evening, or
that night that he almost triedto kill you, were you able to
escape, or someone heard it, orhow did?
Speaker 2 (07:52):
it was wild.
Anytime I think about it like Ijust it sounds like a movie
what I went through.
It's stuff that you see on tv,but this is like my real life
experience.
So you know, after dealing witha lot of ugly things throughout
that night again, you guys cancheck out the episode if you
want to hear it in full detail.
(08:15):
I don't know if it was God.
I believe in God, I believe ina higher power whether it was my
intuition.
Something told me in thatmoment if you don't leave this
apartment now, you're not goingto make it out alive.
And I found the opportunity forme.
Once he had his back turned, Iliterally grabbed my car keys,
(08:37):
grabbed his set of car keys, mycar and I ran out of my
apartment.
And I ran out of my apartment.
I was half naked.
I was wearing a robe, I had nosocks on, no underwear on, my
phone was lost, my purse waslost, my wallet, I had nothing
but me.
And I went to my car, turned onthe ignition, locked the door,
(09:02):
put it in reverse and when Ilooked over my shoulder, he was
literally right here on theother side of the window it in
reverse.
And when I looked over myshoulder, he was literally right
here on the other side of thewindow.
Yeah, and if I wouldn't havelocked my door he would have
pulled me out of the car.
And that night it was like pastmidnight, it was the next
morning and I went to my bestfriend's apartment that she
lived about 15 minutes away andhe didn't know where she lived.
(09:23):
So that's why I wentspecifically to her place,
knocking on her door at like twoo'clock in the morning.
I look like I've been throughhell because I was and she
opened the door and she saw meand she was like what the fuck?
Right and um, and that's thefirst time that I told someone
what I was going through.
(09:44):
Before that, nobody knew.
They knew that I was in arelationship with this person,
but they didn't know what I wasgoing through.
They didn't know it was abusiveor he was cheating on me.
Like that night was the firsttime that I spoke up and I told
someone and it's because of her.
Shout out to Giovanna.
Anytime I can shout her out, Iwill.
She's the reason why I called911.
And you know, later down theline he is in prison for what
(10:05):
happened that night.
But yeah, that was my wholesituation of literally listening
to that voice telling you toget the fuck out.
And I listened and that's whyI'm here.
Oh my God, yeah it's verydramatic.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Before that evening happened and I'm sure well, I
don't know where were otherthings happening prior to that
evening.
Did you get the?
Is he?
Is he toxic?
Is this not right like?
Did you get the?
Did you get those voices did?
Speaker 2 (10:41):
I ignore the red flags.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, absolutely.
But, like I said in thebeginning, I had a history of
being in just really shittyrelationships, not so much to
the point that it was physicallyabusive, even though I was in a
long-term relationship that wewere both abusive to each other.
(11:03):
But at that time I didn'treally identify with, like I'm,
a victim of domestic violence.
I was very naive to that wholeworld.
I knew nothing about it, didn'tsee that growing up, didn't
hang out around people who wentthrough that.
So I was very naive.
But I was used to dealing withjust bullshit.
I was used to dealing withdisrespect, calling each other
(11:26):
names, you know, cheating, lying, all of the things.
So, you know, when I found kindof the same patterns in this
relationship, I was just likewell, it is what it is.
I've dealt with this before.
You know what I mean.
And I think so many of us,especially women, like we're so
used to the bullshit that we'vegone through throughout our
(11:47):
entire like adult lives thatwhen we find ourselves in these
situations again, it's just likeoh well, it is what it is.
But when I got to the pointthat, like this man started
choking me, that was somethingthat I never dealt with before,
like that's that when it waslike oh shit, this is different,
like this is dangerous, right,and fortunately, or
(12:11):
unfortunately it took for me tohave what I like to call my come
to Jesus moment when that nighthappened and finally get away
from him and finally starthealing from that.
But yeah, I was the type ofgirl when you know, in
relationships, very codependent,hated being alone, you know no
(12:31):
self-worth, no self-trust, likeI hated myself, honestly, and I
would rather deal with someonewho treated me like shit than to
be by myself because I didn'tknow who I was outside of any
type of relationship, than to beby myself because I didn't know
who I was outside of any typeof relationship.
So, yeah, I definitely ignoreda lot of red flags, but look at
(12:52):
me now.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
I've learned a lot, so I'm grateful for the bad
that's happened because it'screated a woman who will never
tolerate what I went throughbefore again.
Yes, absolutely.
So let's talk about that woman.
So you now we're talking aboutyou're out of that situation.
(13:14):
What were some of the firststeps that you took to start the
healing process?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Oh man, it has been a journey, and it's a journey I
say this all the time that Iwill be on for the rest of my
life, because going through whatI went through like that's not
just something that you're justgoing to get over, right.
But my first step was saying itout loud.
When I told my best friend,this is what's happening.
(13:38):
That was the start of myhealing, without me even knowing
I was living in Florida.
Like I said, shout out to mysister.
She booked me a one-way ticketback home to where I'm at now.
I lost my apartment, I lost mycar, I got fired from my job, my
unemployment ran out.
I literally lost everything.
(14:00):
But that was my opportunity toreally start to rebuild.
Right, and what that lookedlike for me was going to therapy
group and individual therapy,working with life coaches, and
the most important step that Iidentify with is taking
accountability, and I know whenpeople hear that it's like
(14:24):
taking accountability.
What does that mean?
And what I had to realize andwhat really has changed my life
was that, like I said before, Iwas in really shitty situations
time and time again realized thecommon denominator in every
(14:48):
single one of theserelationships is this girl right
here, and when I had thatepiphany, if you will, that was
like, well damn, I got some shitto work on, because this is a
pattern that I'm repeating overand over and over and every
single time it's getting alittle bit worse and I'm tired
of feeling like stuck on thishamster wheel, this cycle of
like not just existing right,not really getting anywhere in
(15:13):
life and just finding myself inthese really shitty situations.
I had to look in the mirror andbe like what is it about me that
I have to work on thatawareness that I've been able to
build that accountability that,like what he did, that's his
business.
I will never takeresponsibility for what he chose
to do to me, but what I do takeresponsibility over is why I
(15:35):
decided to stay, why I felt likethis type of behavior was
acceptable, why I didn't lovemyself and that's how I've been
able and I still am why I didn'tlove myself and that's how I've
been able and I still ambuilding the relationship that I
have with myself.
But it really took for me tolose everything in order to
build it back up.
It's kind of like, you know,the phoenix rising from the
(15:55):
ashes.
That's really the journey thatI've been on since 2021.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
As you were talking and I'm listening to your story
and the healing journey you havea lot of people who go through
a lot of traumatic experiencesand there's no learning from
those experiences and it's likea cycle over over, but this is
how you get through the healing.
Is that you said I'm going tobe doing this for the rest of my
(16:24):
life, Right?
Yes, 1000%.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
That is huge, yep.
And let me just say, had youwould have asked me this three,
four or five years ago, I wouldhave that.
Oh, it's because of him.
Like I was the fucking mayor ofvictim land, right.
Like I never knew what the wordaccountability meant, like
(16:49):
everyone else was the problemand I, like everything was
happening to me.
So I get that right not to judge, but it's like sometimes you
need that reality check.
Sometimes you need to wake thefuck up and realize, okay, okay,
this is my pattern, this iswhat's going on.
What are we going to do tochange it?
(17:10):
Or are we going to just go downthe same path?
What's the definition ofinsanity?
Repeating the same thing overand over and expecting a
different result?
That was me.
That was me and I got sick andtired of my own shit, and I
think that is so powerful.
But that's a journey that itlooks very different for
(17:30):
everyone and your timeline isdifferent.
But when you reach the pointthat, like I'm fucking done with
this, that is when the changeis going to happen.
But the only person who canmake that happen is you.
It's not him, it's not her,it's not your family, it's not
your bestie, it's not yourcoworkers, it's not your fucking
dog, right Like, it's you.
(17:51):
You have to get to the pointthat's like no more.
I am unwilling to continue thisbullshit, so what am I going to
do about it?
And sometimes that meanscutting people off, ending
shitty relationships.
You know, not being bestfriends with your toxic person
that you've known for 20something years, and every time
(18:12):
you guys get together, y'all arejust gasping over the same
bullshit over and over, like ifyou really want to grow and
thrive and change, that meansyou got to like cut your losses
and start doing some thingsdifferently.
But the only person who's goingto make that happen is you.
And that's just the truth.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Period Point blank, man, that's so good.
That is so good Somebody needsto hear that.
That's really the damn truth.
You know you want to.
It hurts, it's not.
It's not an easy path and youknow you do have to lose people
to gain that strength and ifthey're not helping you grow
like you hit it on the nail.
(18:49):
It's not even just men, it'swomen who are in your
relationships.
You know, if they're not thereto be your cheerleader, to build
you up, help you, and justbringing you down and bring you
on a level that's just not ofgrowth, why have them around?
(19:09):
No hate on you, but you'reholding me back.
So I love everything that youjust said, leanne.
So let's talk about you'regoing through this journey, so
where are you now with all this?
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Oh man, you know it's interesting because recently I
found out that my ex is actuallygetting out of prison this year
, actually in a couple of months.
We're recording this in Juneand he's getting out in August.
I was diagnosed with PTSD and Istill do deal with that.
(19:54):
A lot of survivors of abuse dodeal with post-traumatic stress
and you know there are momentsthat I find that I cannot get
myself out of bed because mymental health is in fucking
shambles, right.
But, and especially when Iheard that like I went through a
really long state of depressionfor like the past four months
just because life was lifing,and then that on top of it was
like, oh my God, like for thepast three and a half years I
(20:18):
knew where he was, I knew hecouldn't find me, even though
I'm very far away from where heis now.
But there's always thosethoughts of like what if?
What's going to happen when hegets out.
But now I've really beenfocusing on just continuing to
build the relationship thatLeanne has with herself.
I went back into therapy for alittle while because dealing
(20:41):
with this new part of my journeywas a lot for my mental health
and I needed support and insteadof doing what I'm used to doing
, which is shutting down,pretending like the problem is
not there, not wanting to dealwith it.
I was like you know what?
I have to talk to someone aboutthis.
So I went to therapy group anindividual that really helped me
(21:02):
a lot, and one thing that mytherapist told me that really
has changed my trajectory islike coming back home, and that
means like coming back to therelationship that I have with
myself, like that is the onethat I had neglected for so long
, pretty much for like since Iwas a teenager, right, and it's
(21:25):
still a struggle to be on thatjourney, but I'm so committed to
committed to just focusing andpouring in so much to me and not
allowing the things that Icannot control consume me.
Right, because, at the end ofthe day, the only person that I
can control is myself.
(21:45):
I can't control what he's goingto do when he gets out.
I can't control someone cuttingme off in the streets and
they're flipping me off anddoing all this ugly shit.
The only thing that I cancontrol is how I'm going to
react to the situation, and howI'm able to do that is to really
get to know me on such a deeppersonal level focus on myself.
(22:06):
Honestly, working out has beenso therapeutic.
Going to the gym and lifting upheavy shit makes me feel like
the baddest bitch in the worldand I don't think enough of us
realize how healing moving yourbody can be.
But like, honestly, justfocusing on me, and when I do
have those dark moments, I don'tstay there for as long as I
(22:30):
used to.
I allow myself to grieve, Iallow myself to grieve, I allow
myself to feel angry, I allowmyself to cry.
But we can't stay in thatdarkness and despair for too
long because someone with mentalhealth issues like depression,
anxiety, ptsd it gets reallydark in here really quickly and
I had to actively push myselfout of it and be like, no, we're
(22:54):
not going to go down thisrabbit hole once again, because
we know where it can take you.
We're going to do somethingdifferent and that's what I've
been doing.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Wow, that's profound, because you are putting the
energy instead of putting theenergy out there, which I
personally think.
When you do that, it's feedingthat and you're putting it into
yourself and making yourselfstronger and you're empowering
yourself.
So are you like how do you seedating again?
(23:22):
Are you in a relationship Like,how does that work?
What's going on?
Speaker 2 (23:28):
That is non-existent.
So I have been single, celibate, not dating, not dealing with
men at all since thatrelationship in 2021.
And in the beginning it was dueto fear.
It was due to not even wantingto try to put myself back in a
(23:48):
situation that what if I meetsomeone like him again?
And I actually heard this quotethe other day online from
someone that I follow.
Shout out to the EmpoweredMillennials podcast Angela.
She put up this Instagram livethat she went to a comedy show
recently and she heard theperson talking about.
(24:10):
You know he was talking abouthe was out of a long-term
relationship and getting backinto the dating world and kind
of being hesitant about it.
But he said something along thelines of like, if you already
learned the lesson, you're notgoing to repeat it.
And when I heard that becauseagain, like I wasn't putting
myself out there because therewas a fear of what if I do find
(24:31):
someone like him.
When I heard that because again, like I wasn't putting myself
out there because there was afear of what if I do find
someone like him.
When I heard that that was suchlike a breakthrough for me
because I know I'm not the sameperson who attracted that man in
2020.
So I've done enough work andI'm still doing the work because
, like I said, this is a neverending journey of me loving
myself, trusting myself,building my confidence, doing
(24:54):
all the things to love on me,that, when I do decide to put
myself back out there, I'm notgoing to be the same person that
I used to be, and I thinkthat's so beautiful.
But right now, like, I'm sofocused on myself that I don't
even want the distraction to,like you know, go out dating and
ask them what the fuck theirfavorite color is and what's
(25:16):
your family trauma and what doyou bring to the table and all
this shit.
Like I don't have the energyfor that right now.
Because right now, I'm datingmyself and I'm loving myself and
I'm working on.
I want to be the best versionfor myself.
Working on, I want to be thebest version for myself.
I want my cup to be overflowing, that I'm able to attract
(25:40):
exactly what it is.
I'm not looking for it.
It's going to come to me whenit's ready, but right now, we're
like in the cooking process.
We're, like you know, puttingthe things together before it
goes into the oven.
Like that's the journey thatI'm on right now that I'm so
committed and focusing on, andI'm loving it.
Like dating myself is somethingI've never done before and I
just love the opportunity toreally get to know who is Leanne
(26:02):
outside of a relationship.
I never knew who she was andI'm so excited to be on this
journey of like finding out whatI like, what I don't like, what
I'm attracted to, what I'm notlike.
That's, that's the fun journeythat I'm on right now Dating
yourself.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
I think every woman should do that for an ample
amount of time.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
So you know, I will say this.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
You said that I'm not the same woman and and this is
for everybody that's listeningto this because even if you
healed and I've interviewed acouple of women who've been
through some shit and theyhealed and then they found
themselves dating someonesimilar, but then they said, but
(26:46):
even though it was just astoxic, I left, or I didn't wait
until a month later or sixmonths later or a year later.
So you know, for those women outthere, give yourself some grace
, like you, give yourself someslack here, because if you let's
say, you know, back then youwere like, oh yeah, I would have
(27:07):
never seen the signs and Iwaited like two years later.
But you know, hey, this guy wassaying shit to me and I cut it
off at six months.
Yay, you, you know, I mean,you're not the same woman.
And I really believe everyexperience that you have is
going to continually change you.
Well, that's what I believe,because you know it'll change
(27:29):
you to where you can finally belike, okay, red flag ain't
fucking going over to his houseRed flag ain't fucking dating
him for more than a month, youknow.
But you know I could certainlysay for me I've been through
those situations where I'm likeagain, what the fuck right?
And then it's like, okay, backto therapy and also.
(27:53):
But then I would say you, youknow what, lisa, you stood up
for yourself.
Even though he was sayingstupid shit to you.
You still said excuse me, whyare you saying that to me?
Would you have said that withthe last person?
No, you wouldn't.
You were too scared to say shit.
So giving yourself some creditthat, yes, you are growing and
(28:14):
there's toxic people everyfucking where, okay, Everywhere,
everywhere, and that's thething.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Like I said before, the only person that you can
control is you.
So you may find a really shittyperson, but how are you going
to react in this situation?
Are you going to ignore the redflags like you did in the last
three relationships?
Are you going to be like, no, Ihave a new standard that I have
set for myself.
You cross this boundary andthere is no coming back from
(28:44):
that.
So hopefully this is a learninglesson for you, but I'm going
to exit stage left gracefullyand be on to the next one, and
that comes with the journey,that comes with you going
through shit.
I know, when I do put myselfback out there, if I see even an
orange flag, I'm going to belike, no, we're not doing that.
You know what I mean, becauseI've been able to build the
(29:06):
relationship that Leanne haswith herself.
But I'm taking the time to getthere because we're just not in
a hurry.
Like I'm 35 years old, I got somuch more time.
I might find, you know, thelove of my life in my 50s and my
60s and my 70s, and that'sperfectly fine.
Like I'm just so focused on meand that's where we're, you know
, putting our energy into.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
So let's talk about the podcast now.
How did this all happen?
Speaker 2 (29:35):
Oh man, my baby, my baby.
So it was born on January 1st2022.
And it started from, actually,when I was going to college and
I was in a digital marketingprogram.
I'm a very artistic person, ifyou guys can see in the
background like this is originalartwork that I created and it
(29:56):
was a end of the semesterproject with Professor Ron.
Shout out to him and for thevery last project that we were
going to do, you could presentanything, anything, anything
that you wanted, and before evengoing to college, after doing a
lot of healing from thisrelationship, I used my art as a
(30:18):
form of expression and Ipainted this 24 by 36 inch
canvas of my story of domesticviolence and I presented it as
my end of the year project inthat class and that was the
first time that I told strangerswhat I went through, like I was
in therapy before and a lot ofmy close people in my life knew
(30:41):
about my situation, but that wasthe first time that I went
public and I told people what Iwent through.
The feedback that I got at theend of that class was what
ignited me to put my story outthere in public.
I mean, there was people at theend of the class that came up
to me and they were like, oh mygod, me too like they were
(31:03):
crying looking at my painting.
And when I saw that, I was likethere's something here like
there.
It was so beautiful to witnessand I got an A on my project, so
I'm very proud of that too.
But going through that andletting go of the fear of
talking about it publicly,that's what really ignited me to
(31:27):
start a podcast, and I work asan assistant to my sister, who
has a very successful podcast.
I was learning a lot of thebehind the scenes stuff when it
comes to putting a podcasttogether and all the things that
we go through and doing thatstuff for her.
I realized I'm going to start apodcast and I'm going to talk
(31:48):
about the shit that I've gonethrough and I'm going to call it
Watch Us Thrive.
And that's how it started.
And now I think I just releasedmy 141st episode.
Well, actually, tomorrow my141st episode.
Yeah, I've been super consistentwith that, right?
So, yeah, I mean now I've justcreated so many amazing you know
(32:10):
opportunities for people tocome on to share their own story
.
I've interviewed so manysurvivors of trauma, of abuse,
of so many things.
We all got shit that we'regoing through.
We all have things that we'retrying to heal from, and I'm
creating this community where wecan all come together as a
collective and share our storiesand help others feel seen and
(32:32):
heard and understood and just beable to show that, despite what
I've gone through, despite whatyou've gone through, look at us
now and let that inspire andmotivate you to know that you
can change the trajectory ofyour life.
You don't need to allow theugly shit that you've gone
through be the be-all, end-all.
It doesn't need to stop there.
Like you can create somethingso beautiful from the pain that
(32:54):
you've gone through and that'swhat we're doing with my podcast
.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
My god, I don't have any other questions.
I mean, that is pretty.
You know I I love the title.
You know, watch us.
You know we're all in thistogether and it's not.
You know, watch us.
You know we're all in thistogether and it's not, you know,
just me or you or whatever, Um,and I love that you still are.
(33:20):
I could see why people feelcomfortable coming onto your
podcast and telling the storybecause you've been something,
you've gone through somethingsimilar, and it doesn't come
from the oh, look at me, Ihealed and now let's no, we're
all healing together.
Um, I love that whole concept,Leanne.
I think what you're doing iswhat's needed, um, for women to
(33:45):
have a place to voice their Imean their story, and the fact
that you showed that, um, thatpainting, and you had women that
came up and said me too.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
Yeah, damn, that was just like damn.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
All right, we got something here, thank you.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
So, um, I just want to thank you so much for being a
part of this, but where can wefind you and where can we find
your podcast?
Speaker 2 (34:11):
Yes, thank you again so much.
Anytime I'm able to share mystory, I know it's healing
someone, but it is so healingfor me, like that is the purpose
behind it, right?
I hope it just reaches oneperson who can see a little bit
of themselves in me and itinspire you to know that, like
you got this, you can thrive aswell.
(34:31):
We are all in this together,right?
So thank you so much for havingme.
You can follow me on Instagramthat's where I live.
Watch Us Thrive Podcast is thehandle.
I'm also on YouTube where Irelease all of my video episodes
of the podcast under the samehandle, and my website has
everything my blog, my episodes.
You know my newsletter that youguys can sign up for.
(34:54):
It's WUTpodcastcom and again,but we need it in the spaces
where it's needed.
So please leave a rating andreview and, yeah, stay tuned
(35:15):
because I got a lot more stuffcoming.
Every Tuesday, new episodedrops, okay?
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Leanne, this has been such a great conversation.
I enjoyed talking to you.
I loved all the man.
You dropped some major nuggetsthrough this whole entire you
know episode and, like you know,leanne said if you want to
reach out to her, you know whereto reach out to her.
She's got her podcast and we'llhave all of that in the show
(35:41):
notes.
So again, leanne, thank you somuch for being part of this.
Thank you and until next time.
Bye, time, bye.
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