February 21, 2025 • 46 mins
In this episode of Empowered Within, we welcome Alexandra Baldwin, an inspiring master hairstylist and salon owner who has rewritten her life story. Once at rock bottom—struggling with the aftermath of a narcissistic upbringing, losing her business, and battling depression—Alexandra transformed herself using a method she calls "Reverse Pathways." She shares how she overcame 150 pounds of weight gain, became a trophy-winning fitness competitor, and rebuilt her destiny.
Alexandra’s candid discussion of her journey, from breaking free of people-pleasing habits to embracing her future self, will leave you inspired. Join us as she unveils the secrets behind her transformation, her new salon in Boston, and her commitment to giving back to the community.
This episode is a testament to the power of resilience, self-belief, and living as your future self today. Don’t miss it!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:07):
Welcome to empowered within asoul quenching transformational
podcast that will set your soulon fire through candid and
inspiring conversations, leadingexperts, celebrities, healers,
and I share our journeys of howwe've overcome challenges to
living an empowered life fromwithin.
I'm your host, Jennifer Pilates.
Welcome to another episode ofempowered within.
(00:35):
Hi there and welcome to theshow.
I am so excited to have with ustoday's guest Alexandra Baldwin.
Alexandra is an only child of anarcissistic mother, a former
people pleaser.
She lost everything, her mentalhealth, her salon, and gained
150 pounds hitting rock bottom.
Through a detailed method shecalls reverse pathways,
(00:58):
Alexandra completely recreatedher destiny.
She is a master hairstylist andsalon owner, a trophy recipient
of the 2024 fitness Atlantictransformation challenge.
And she stated at one point,someone or something told us we
were flawed and we believed it.
Well, Alexandra found a way tochange that.
(01:19):
And she's here to share thatwith us today.
Welcome to the show.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for having me.
It's a pleasure to be here thismorning.
I am so excited to have youhere.
Off air we were talking and we,oh my goodness, our paths have
crossed so much.
It is not every day that youmeet someone who went to
elementary school where you did.
I know, I couldn't believe it.
(01:40):
Me neither.
This is so cool.
So we're both here today in alittle bit of a chilly, windy
New England atmosphere.
My goodness.
So your story is Your journey,we, I came across in a mutual
group that we're on in Facebook,and you really touched me with
(02:00):
your vulnerability and howhonest you were coming out and
talking about your story, yourjourney, and everything that
you've been through and I wouldlove for you to share What was
your rock bottom moment when youknew that your life needed to
change?
So, I was in a downwardtrajectory for a while.
Like you had mentioned in theintroduction, I had that
(02:22):
upbringing, that toxicupbringing from my mother, who
was really my first bully.
Right.
And then as our brains aredeveloping and we're figuring
out the world and we're figuringabout our ideas about ourselves
and our ideas about otherpeople, you know, that becomes
quite flawed when the personthat's supposed to love us
unconditionally.
Is doing the opposite to us.
(02:44):
Right.
So I think for me, thosecodependent traits that I had
been developing over the years.
They didn't really explode, ifyou will, until shortly after I
lost my first business.
And for me, it was the physicalmanifestation of the weight
gain.
I was in a cyclic depression ofnot having any endorphins going
(03:07):
through my body, not having anypositivity, not having any of
that serotonin keeping us happy.
Eating, right?
Eating to kind of fill thatvoid.
Feeling guilty because I ate toomuch.
Well, what's going to make mefeel better is more food.
And I would love to say that itwas like this pseudo spiritual,
thing, but it was reallyhonestly, Jennifer, it was just
(03:29):
looking at myself with thisweight that I had gained.
And as you had mentioned, 150pounds, it was the physical
manifestation of that body thatI was living in.
Getting up, you know, just,getting up the couch and the
movement was impaired and itjust got to a point where it was
hard for me to get off thecouch.
My skin was breaking down due tothe friction of the weight gain.
(03:53):
And I just kind of sat on thecouch and I just said, like, I
remember a time in my life whereit wasn't this way.
And the pain of what I'm goingthrough is worse than the pain
of change.
And once I hit that thought inmy mind, and I said, The pain of
today is worse than the pain ofgoing to the gym, and dieting,
(04:16):
and getting all these things inorder.
And I knew that was going to behard, especially at my size.
That Was the moment that pivotalmoment, but it was simply just
kind of sitting on the couch andsaying enough is enough.
And it was that thought processthat really sparked the
beginning of my journey, if youwill.
That is really incredible.
Thank you.
And I know I saw that you wrote,that there was a lot that
(04:39):
transpired in 2020 for you.
Yeah.
That really took you to newdepths of places, and I'm
wondering if you will share thatwith us, because I.
Again, your journey is soimpactful and it's so layered.
And I think that that's soimportant for people to
understand generally, sometimesit's not just one thing.
Sure.
(04:59):
So in 2020, when I had lost mybusiness, the friends circle
that I had was veryinterconnected with my
professional life.
And, a lot of the people that Iwas connected to, I was serving
the role, not just as theiremployer, but I was also seeking
their approval through thatcodependency and through those
(05:21):
behaviors.
So I'm like, Oh, you want me tojump?
How high?
So when I lost the business, Iwas unaware at the time.
Subconsciously, I had lost myidentity of being a people
pleaser because I didn't havethis business where I could
provide employment or I couldn'tprovide that role of what I
(05:43):
thought I was doing wasnurturing these folks, whether
it was my clients, whether itwas my employees, I now can't do
that.
So what is my role look like tothese people?
Well, of course, I was just thetable was flipped right outside
of me because now.
I can't people, please.
So now I don't know who I am.
So that initial event, if youwill, led me into, you know, the
(06:11):
depths of my depression and itmade me suicidal and I wanted to
end my life and the feelingswere so immense and the feelings
were so strong, but I didn'tknow.
Then what I know now, myidentity had been a people
pleaser and now the salon hadbecome my arena, if you will, in
order to live out thosebehaviors and such.
(06:36):
So I.
Was hospitalized, I waspsychiatrically hospitalized, as
a professional woman, which iskind of taboo, you don't hear a
lot of professional women,speaking about those matters,
and then I kind of slowlystarted to, work my way up and
the pivotal moment, Like I said,was that physical element with
(06:59):
the weight loss and thetransformation, but it really
started the day that I chose toget out of that hospital and
just really rebuild my life fromabsolute rock bottom for sure.
That is incredible.
And may I ask, because having anarcissistic mother is a
challenge in and of itself.
And some people may notunderstand the word.
(07:22):
Some people may not understand,well, How did you come to
realize that?
When did you come to realizethat?
I, you know, growing up, Ialways knew that there was a, my
family was different.
Of course, there was no socialmedia, there were no Tik TOK
reels.
Like there are now breakingdown, you know, different
(07:44):
personality types.
But I think the hardest part wasthat it was covert.
So it would be like that little,Like I, I remember there was a
girl up the street and she hadbeautiful, shiny, silky hair,
nothing like my own hair.
And she says, you know, Amber'shair always looks so pretty and
so nice.
Why couldn't you look more likeher?
(08:05):
And it was kind of like, doesshe want me to look better or is
it kind of like that sneakylittle underhanded insult?
And I think when, when I wasable to heal and kind of learn
about these things, that waswhen social media and Facebook
and just kind of like the phoneat our fingertips with our phone
(08:26):
was out and I started followinga page on Facebook psychology
today.
And they'd have blogs and thingslike that.
And I said, Oh my God, they'retalking about my childhood and
they're talking about my mother.
And that's how I was able toidentify those personality
traits and those behaviors andreally put a name to it.
(08:46):
And I think once I was able toput a name to it and say, okay,
this is a person who has adisordered personality.
Who fits X, Y, and Z criterion.
I know it kind of separated itfrom being a personal thing.
And I was able to look at itmore objectively from a step
back.
And I think that was reallyhelpful for me.
(09:07):
That sounds incredible that youwere able to go to that depth
and to be able to take a stepback from the emotional aspect
of it and to see it for what itis.
What steps helped you the mostto heal from that?
Once you realize.
This had been your wholeupbringing because that is a lot
to undo.
Sure.
(09:27):
This is gonna sound brutallyharsh, but it is the truth.
My mother's death was thepivotal moment that I was able
to break through those bonds ofthat.
Narcissistic child and then thechild peeper people pleaser
bonds that we shared and when mymother died, it was very
(09:48):
traumatic within itself and Ifound her deceased in the home
and it was something that wasjust lasered into my head is
such a traumatic such a sadevent, of course, however,
looking at it from the lens andthe scope that I look at it now.
A lot of women, really strugglewith the no contact and this
(10:12):
essentially, and I don't meanthis disrespectfully, but this
allowed no contact.
She had passed away.
And I think that was the freeingmoment for me and where I'm at
today.
I'm able to respect that andhonor it respectfully and say,
okay.
You know, my mother passed awaythat created the no contact that
(10:34):
I needed and I can honor thatobjectively without feeling
guilt or shame that yes, it didallow me to have a better
groundwork for a better futureand I don't mean that
disrespectfully to someone who'sdeceased.
Wow.
Well, first I'm, I'm sorry thatyour mom passed away.
I completely understand whatyou're saying.
(10:56):
And, and as difficult as thatwas, I can imagine at the same
time, that freeing feeling,finally that light, that
lightness that you had in thosemoments.
I truly believe Jennifer thatin, I said, I, I, I prefaced by,
by this, hopefully reachingsomebody else who may be feeling
the same way, because it'snatural to feel guilt or shame
(11:19):
or say, Oh my gosh, am I reallysaying this on a podcast?
But, I don't have a crystalball, but what would my recent
accomplishments in the rewritingof my life and what I've
accomplished, what would thatlook like?
If any.
Had she been here, or had I hadto go no contact, perhaps, and
(11:41):
then had that no contact bepulling on my heartstrings?
You know, what would that havelooked at, looked like, if the,
Realities were different and Ireally questioned myself
sometimes and say, if thatwasn't what had happened, how
would the timeline go on in mylife?
And with my legacy?
And I think that I think it'sperfectly okay to respect that
(12:05):
for what it is and honor thatfor what it is.
I think you've done anincredible job with that.
Thank you.
When we look at what you callreverse pathways, let's start
with what is that and how thatchanged the destiny of your life
because truly what an impactit's had for you.
Sure, so, it's certainly notsomething that is copyrighted
(12:27):
or, you know, it's not somethingthat I coach or teach or
anything.
I'm just a regular girl.
But what I did was, and I can'ttell you why.
How I got the idea, how I didit, and I joke and say it could
have been partially delusion.
But when I started thistransformation and wanting to
(12:50):
step on stage for thetransformation show, I didn't
realize that I'd already beendoing part of this
transformation before.
Because just to get to the pointof wanting to do that, you've
already done some mental andspiritual work.
spiritual work, but I didn'tknow it at the time.
I didn't know I was doing it.
This was all in my subconscious.
But what I did was at my weightat my highest weight at over 250
(13:11):
pounds.
I, I said, I'm going to loseweight and I'm going to get fit.
And I envisioned myself.
I think I didn't manifest thefuture of me being lean on stage
receiving a trophy.
I became that person.
I walked into the gym.
I was that person.
Like when I looked into themirror at the gym, I wasn't, you
(13:34):
know, lean.
I, I wasn't sculpted, but Itruly lived my life for my
future self, but in the present,if that makes sense.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
So it's reverse engineering,right?
You've got this place.
Like you say, that crystal ballof where you see what it feels,
(13:56):
what resonates with you.
And now you reverse engineerthat to pull that into you.
Right.
And there's different theories.
time and space and spiritualityand manifestation and I kind of
lived, I put myself on adifferent frequency and I lived
(14:17):
my life as if I had already wonthe show.
So if I've already won the showand I've already Stepped on
stage at 125 pounds and I'vealready built confidence and
I've already rewrote, completelyrewired my life I'm Operating as
if that's already happened and Itruly believed like I had in my
(14:38):
mind I would look in the mirrorand I would See the suit that I
was wearing, the colors, thedecor, what I was going to wear
the night before, what I waseating, what I was training,
what I was doing.
And I literally just became thatperson.
But like you said, reverseengineering.
I wasn't becoming the person.
I was the person.
(14:58):
I already did it and it soundedso bizarre to people, but it was
like, yeah, this isn't who I'mbecoming.
This is who I am.
I'm living in that futuremanifested self that I created.
And it was like an actor on astage.
I became that person and youhear about like actors in
(15:19):
Hollywood, they get so intotheir role.
Like I, I heard Jim Carrey do aninterview about that one time
and that's literally what Ibecame.
So when it came to eating oreating on a restricted meal plan
to prep for the show.
Well, the Alex who won alreadydid that.
So of course that's going to beno problem to me.
(15:40):
And that was literally like Iwalked in and I looked in the
mirror and that future personwas the present person.
And in my mind, I was able tomash these two timelines
together.
Right.
And, and that was how I lived mylife.
And then I've just been doingthe same thing ever since.
And it worked.
We're not looking at our futureselves.
(16:03):
We are our future selves.
They exist in tandem.
That's what I believe.
I agree with you a hundredpercent.
It's just the integration thatone has to work with and be able
to lean into and have thatbecause there is a lot of faith
in the unknown.
Even though theoretically it'snot unknown because you're
seeing it, you feel it, you knowit, but there is still that
(16:24):
little bit of space from whereyou are.
To whom you are.
Right, and I, and I think thatlittle bit of space, I, I love
that you say that, because thatlittle bit of space, That little
bit of fear is what keeps you incharacter of that future self
because if you're too confident,then you might say, well, you
(16:48):
know, I don't have to do thistoday.
I can take a day off today or Ican kind of slack for a couple
weeks.
And I think it's that little bitof space when you're going
through that process, thatlittle bit of fear, that little
bit of doubt.
That keeps you on that path andkeeps you in line with that
frequency.
Yeah, that's really great thatyou brought that up.
So what practice, what do you doto keep you in alignment with
(17:12):
the energy of where you'reheaded versus falling back?
Or do you allow yourself momentsof grace and sort of have a
moment and then back on track?
Well, I think that the best wayto answer that would be looking
at it kind of in two phases.
Okay.
There's like the fitness phase,which yes, I'm not, being in an
(17:33):
off season right now, I am notdieting and exercising as
extreme as I was, of course,because that wouldn't be,
feasible or healthy.
So I allow myself more lib,liberty in the fitness, but
where I don't allow any libertyor I don't allow any slack, if
you will, is in my selfperception and my
self-acceptance and myself-respect.
(17:54):
That's where I don't.
allow for any, any missedopportunities or, or just not
looking at myself in the bestlight.
I think going into a situation,this version of me wouldn't be,
surprised that I might be aguest on a podcast, but in 2020,
(18:15):
I would never even if I wasasked, I would never do that
because I wasn't worthy of that.
Who in the world would want tohear what I have to say now in
2024?
I don't.
It, it doesn't matter what, ifother people want to hear what I
have to say or not.
It's something that I wannaparticipate in with, with you,
and I don't really have any fearor associated shame if somebody
(18:37):
listens to it and may thinknegatively or may not resonate
with what we're talking about.
It's not that I don't care, it'sjust that it's not relevant to
where I am and how I feel today.
That is amazing.
I'm so proud of you for comingthrough all that you have to
getting to such a solid mindsetWithin yourself.
(18:59):
Are there daily practices thatyou put into place to keep
yourself there to work on yourmindset?
To work on your self worth inyour self love.
I think that one of the thingsthat I do is Despite all of the
positive work that I've done, I,I don't like to react on my
(19:22):
first emotion.
I like to sit back and thinkabout things before I do them.
If somebody hurts me, I, myfirst reaction might be to be
upset, to be angry, to bedefensive.
But then I'll kind of go into athought process and say, you
know, where is this person'spain coming from?
(19:42):
What is their experience?
How is that experience affectingmy experience?
And I kind of look at it like wewere talking about, before
objectively.
And I take a step back and Ilook at it and I kind of analyze
it.
And you know what I would saynine times out of 10, when all
is said and done, I'll say, thisisn't about me.
(20:03):
This has nothing to do with me.
That person and what they didand what they said has nothing
to do with me.
I am just the catalyst there,that happened to absorb whatever
they have going on within.
And when you go through lifelike that, it's so freeing
because it doesn't matter.
(20:23):
None of this really matters.
And sometimes I'll just kind ofgo through life and I'll say,
well, none of this mattersanyways, who cares?
another thing is failure, goinginto a transformation challenge
or a lot of folks right now aregonna doing new year, new me
getting back into the gym,trying to lose weight.
It's a new year.
Well, I'll say okay, I'mstarting a new salon.
(20:46):
What if I fail?
Well, I already did.
Who cares?
I already failed and I'll failagain and I'll do it again.
And I think that having thatmindset is the most empowering
mindset to have because whenyou've already lost everything,
like who cares?
So what?
it wasn't mine to own, you know?
And that's how I look at it.
That's a really great place tobe.
(21:09):
What advice would you give toothers out there who are
struggling right now, be itprofessionally or personally,
and they're not sure what to do,they admire what they hear
coming from you.
Sure.
What advice do you give them tohelp pull them onto that right
track?
That's a great question.
I think that you will alwayslook to the future.
(21:32):
For somebody who's done it,especially like with fitness or
business or, Oh, I'm so close tobeing like that, but there's X,
Y, and Z, there's this holdingme back, or I can't do this
because I have this limitation.
You really just have to believeit, you have to do it for
yourself, but I think that youhave to, like I said, you have
(21:54):
to not only be afraid to fail.
But you have to fail like inorder to do something.
When my first day at the gym, Idid a barbell squat and it was
just the bar.
And I went down and I wassquatting the bar and I kid you
not, I actually fell to theground and couldn't get up in
front of a gym full of people.
It was January 3rd.
(22:15):
I was a new year's gym baby, youknow, and I fell and I couldn't
get up.
And imagine if that oneexperience of, Oh my God, I fell
in the gym.
I couldn't even get up.
Some guy had to pick me up.
Imagine if that was like, okay,well I quit.
I suck at this.
You know, I would also cautionpeople, when you are trying to
(22:37):
be your best self, whether it bespiritually, emotionally,
financially, physically, becareful with the company that
you keep.
A friend of mine had advised me,very early on, be careful who
you share things with.
Be careful who you share youraccomplishments with or your
fears with because a lot ofpeople, like we talked about
before, they're suffering withtheir own internal stuff.
(23:01):
And.
you're trying to go up, theymight want to be keeping you
down.
And the basis of that friendshipor that acquaintanceship might
be, well, I'm the thinner one.
I'm the more successful one andyou're below me.
And when you creep up intoanother level, that can kind of
shake the earth a little bit.
So really just do it for you.
(23:22):
Don't be afraid to fail.
but you really have to have thatfire within and don't be afraid
to be delusionally obsessed withsuccess.
Say I don't care whateverchallenge I have going on is not
more challenging than the lifethat I'm living and I wish On
all that's holy that I didn'thave to go through the depths
(23:44):
and the pain that I did torealize that And I would say one
more thing and I don't mean tobe a chatterbox, but I will
admit that I am one, the peoplewill make fun of you when you're
new and you're trying somethingand say, who does she think she
is?
She thinks she's going to stepon stage.
You think she's going to dothis?
She's going to own a business,whatever people will make fun of
you when you're new.
(24:05):
But they'll equally make fun ofyou and speak poorly of you when
you're successful too.
So choose which one you want.
Do you want people talking aboutyou because you're stuck at
square one?
Or do you want people talkingabout you because you're
succeeding and all of yourlife's dreams are coming true?
So if people are going to talkabout you either way, Jennifer,
(24:25):
which one are you going to take?
I know the one I'm going totake, you know, absolutely.
I always say, Hey, as long aspeople are talking about me,
keep it going because it's whenpeople aren't talking about you.
That's when you need to worry.
Well, like Paris Hilton said,all press is good press.
And I didn't really know whatshe meant when she said that,
that was in the early twothousands.
And, You know, it is true, butpeople are a self, people's
(24:50):
behavior is a self reflection ofeither the good, the bad that
they have within themselves.
So people are going to talkabout you, but I will say from
speaking with other women andspeaking with other folks that
want to kind of take thisjourney for themselves.
That is one of the things that Ihear is kind of fear from others
and judgment from others, but itonly gets worse.
(25:11):
you do better.
So you migh hey, you know what?
That and goi Absolutely.
That is incre advice.
I absolutely love You know, Ihave always been taught, move in
silence, do in silence, becausenot everyone is your
(25:33):
cheerleader, right?
And not everybody is on the sameenergetic level as, as you're
saying, and not everyone wantsto see you succeed.
And that, that may be harsh, butit's really true.
Not everybody does want to seeyou succeed.
It matters most that you want tosee you succeed.
Right.
And I think sometimes if we takean honest look at others, we may
(25:54):
even see behaviors from themthat emulate kind of behaviors
we had in a past experience or apast life or, Oh, gosh, I can't,
you know, maybe I'm thinking tomyself, Oh, this person's so
negative.
So was I 4 years ago, maybe I'mseeing something from my current
or former self that's not jivingwith me.
(26:15):
And that's why I'm feeling acertain way about it.
So I I really think everythingis a mirror either outward or
inward toward, towards our ownbehaviors and thoughts about
life and ourselves.
Absolutely.
And that's very, beautifullyprofound statement to make and
it's so true.
Absolutely.
So true.
Thank you.
So I want to hear all about yournew salon when you tell me all
(26:37):
about it.
I've been seeing picturesonline.
You are a pink girl after my ownheart.
So tell me all the goodies wewant to hear about where it is.
What's happening with it?
Do we have an open date?
What's going on?
Sure.
So I actually, first to know, Iactually got, I received a phone
call yesterday from theMassachusetts state board.
So my inspection, my walkthroughwas actually going to be
(27:00):
tomorrow, January 9th.
So that's exciting.
And then once I'm licensed, I'mable to go, and I am doing
things a little differently.
And my first.
salon.
I was a full service salon andspa, and it was a lot of
overhead, a lot of space, veryhard to manage, all the ins and
outs.
And well, first of all, afterwhat I went through, I had sworn
(27:22):
to myself, I'm never going toown anything ever again.
I'm never even going to do hairagain because, you know,
obviously we cut off our nose tospite our face.
Right.
So this was like a really bigthing for me, cause for me to
make that transition to saying,I'm no longer a failure.
That was huge.
So Doing things differently.
Sola studios sola salon studios.
(27:43):
I don't know.
Are you familiar with thosejennifer sola?
No, no, no more.
Tell me.
Okay, so so sola and isbasically they are a franchise
company and they rent out salonsuites to cosmetology spa
professionals and you are anindependent entity.
You run your own business.
(28:04):
within these spaces.
So, basically, there'll be maybe20, 25 salon professionals,
leasing spaces within thesesuites, but the businesses
aren't interconnected, they'reall independent.
Oh, yes, we have a ton of theseout in Scottsdale.
Yes, yes, there's the Phoenixone.
They're amazing.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,yes.
And, and one of the things thatI had realized in my journey of
(28:28):
having a fully staffed salon isI felt as though it took away
from my ability to just reallyfocus on that one on one client
connection because I'm worryingabout the phone ringing and I'm
worrying about, the otherstylist who's having problems
with her client, et cetera.
And it really kind of took myvision away from that one on
one, that personal relationshipwith my clients, which is
(28:49):
honestly why I love my job.
So I decided that this was theway to go for me.
It's my own little space.
It's my own little Haven.
And I can just do my thing and,really just focus on client
relationships and one on one andthe.
The Sola, so the business islocated, three center Plaza,
(29:09):
which is right in governmentcenter.
So like right across from Bostoncity hall.
So it's right downtown.
And one of the reasons, one ofthe things that kind of inspired
me was, is I get up ridiculouslyearly in the morning.
And that was a habit that Ipicked up when I first started
going to the gym, I would go tothe gym and train.
I would get up at 4 30 in themorning, do my thing, get ready,
(29:32):
go to work.
And a lot of people were like,Hey, Alex, wouldn't it be great?
If there was a salon open beforework, because we get up so
early, right.
And nobody's up, nobody's evenopen till 10.
So I said, yeah, that's a greatidea.
I'm going to open one.
So I am open.
on select weekdays at seveno'clock in the morning right in
(29:53):
downtown Boston.
So if you have, let's say you'rean attorney and you have a court
hearing or you have aprofessional meeting and say, I
don't know what to do with allthis hair.
You can come in with me seveno'clock.
We can get you ready and thenyou can start the day.
So I wanted to create a businessthat, that filled the little
void that I saw.
(30:13):
I said, well, I'll just go aheadand start that.
So I thought Boston would be thebest place to do that.
I love this for you.
Now you mentioned prior you'rein Rhode Island, so what's that
commute for you?
What does that look like?
So what I, what I'm doing is Ijust hop in my car and I take
either the TF green or I takethe Pawtucket commuter rail.
(30:35):
I hop on the train.
I zone out.
I, do a little marketing, checkmy emails, check my social
media.
And then it's just a 20 minutewalk from South station to the
salon.
And part of my, fitness routineis a good amount of steps per
day anyways.
So I'm just knocking off thesteps.
Getting that done and walking inand I really enjoy it.
(30:57):
I really enjoy.
Like you said, with the weather,I have had to learn to invest in
a really good coat.
But I enjoy it.
I am.
I actually enjoy sitting on thetrain because I think.
One of the things that I had tolearn how to do is I had to
learn to be comfortable doingnothing.
Isn't that hard just to sit hereand say, shouldn't I be doing
something?
I'm a formal people pleaser.
(31:18):
I should be pleasing something,right?
It's a trauma response.
It's such a trauma response.
What am am I supposed to bedoing?
My, in my mind, my mom's gonnacome in and scream at me if I
don't look busy, you know?
And it's just like, well, whatam I doing?
I'm doing nothing.
And, I was getting off the trainand there was a train delay and,
you know, my children wereaccounted for.
I didn't have anywhere I had tobe.
(31:38):
It was the ride home.
There was nothing going on.
And the conductor said, everyonewas all up in arms because the
train had broke down andeverything.
And I got off.
I said, I'll have a greatevening, sir.
He said, thank you so much foryour patience, with everything
that's going on.
And I said, Oh yeah, I don'tmind.
And he just looked at me like Iwas crazy.
Like, why do you not mindsitting on the train for all
(32:00):
this extra time?
But it's where do I need to be?
I don't, I'm where I need to be.
Right.
We become these philosophers andthoughts.
Sometimes I said, I'm exactlywhere I need to be.
I'm enjoying the silence.
He must, I think he thought Iwas crazy, Jennifer, honestly.
Maybe I am, I don't know, but Iwas just like, no, it was great.
Why look at it any other way,right?
Absolutely.
(32:20):
A train, a plane, I mean, thoseare great places to be able to
just be.
Right.
I'm just existing in my, in thissituation.
Now had I had a client and I wasinbound, I might have felt a
little differently.
I might have felt a little, alittle strange.
But no, it was just nice justsitting there and decompressing
and having that me time.
(32:41):
And that's, that's been workingout great.
So, but like, as you know, I'mfrom the Capes.
So, sitting around and taking anhour to get, you know, from
Bourne to Orleans or something,I'm no stranger to, you know,
summer traffic and bridgetraffic, so I might have a
little bit more patience thansome other people do.
We might have learned that many,many years ago.
Right.
Thanks to the tourism.
We were thrown into that at avery young age, exactly.
(33:04):
We sure were, oh my goodness.
So I read that giving back issomething that you have
mentioned is super essential toyour heart.
Yes.
And I'd wonder if you would tellus a little bit about how you
incorporate giving back withyour business.
Sure.
So what we're doing is weactually have a couple events
coming up.
So one of the things that, well,the first thing that I'm
(33:25):
implementing is I'm a gratuityfree salon.
And if somebody wants to make adonation, I'm going to be
working with, an entity or anonprofit, a few throughout the
year.
And I'm going to be providingwhat would be the gratuity To
that organization, person orbusiness, and I think it's a
(33:46):
great way to give back to theless fortunate and give back to
the community.
But I also think that, breakingaway from the tipping structure
in charging my services as aprofessional, a lot of folks are
doing that in my industry.
And I like that.
I think that I want to charge myworth as a professional.
And if somebody wants to give,then we can kind of give that
(34:08):
back.
There's been times in my life,like when I lost my business,
that I couldn't even make apayment.
I've had times in my life whereI was not able to, buy a bag of
chips on my debit card, I had nomoney.
there were times that I wascouch surfing in my life.
So I've, I've really run thegamut myself of being
comfortable.
(34:30):
Living in poverty and everywherein between.
And that's something that I feelis a good thing for, for other
people to do.
Another thing that we have onthe books is, our friend Julie,
who I met from the same group,she runs an organization called
We Do Care.
And I don't want to butcher herintro of her organization, but
(34:53):
essentially what she does is itis a support system, for women
and children who have lost theirpartners and to get them ready
into the workforce and to fostertheir growth and their
independence.
And I am going to be providinghair services on site for their
gala.
(35:14):
And I am also going to beopening up my salon to get some
of the women and the young girlsin to give them a complimentary
new look, while they're grievingthis loss.
And I think even though I was inmy early 20s when my mother
died, I still can kind of relatemyself being like an adult
orphan.
And I know how hard that cankind of be, you know, without
(35:35):
having that caretaker.
And then finally, and this isthe last one that I have set up
thus far, is I am teaming upwith Amber Bruschi.
And we are going to be doing,blow dries and headshots.
So for women that are looking tokind of get a fresh face, a
fresh start back into theworking world who may not be
(35:58):
able to afford professional hairservices.
Professional photography.
We are going to be opening up inmy shop, and she's going to be
doing a complimentary headshot,and I'm going to be doing a
complimentary hair, and Ibelieve she's going to bring
someone on for makeup as well,so that way women not, may not
have the money to invest inthose services.
(36:20):
If they're going for aninterview, or they're going for
a fresh start, they can thenfeel like they have the best
opportunity available to them.
That is so incredible that yourheart is just so full of so much
love.
Giving back to other women inthe area and children is so
amazing.
So if people want to stay intouch with you, and they want to
(36:40):
follow your salon, and theopening, and all the goods on
Alexandra, Alexandra.
Where should they go?
Definitely my Instagram.
I do most of my announcementsthrough Instagram, all through
my story, or my personalFacebook.
I also have a website too.
But I would say mostlyInstagram.
I think that's kind of like thebest.
(37:00):
The best way to connect with me.
I prefer Instagram because it'svery visual.
I'll post stories or likeanything really notable.
Fabulous.
So we'll be sure that all ofAlexandra's information is over
in the show notes, which you'llbe able to catch over on
jenniferpalates.
com.
So we'll have her website andall her handles so that you can
(37:21):
stay in touch and follow and ofcourse, book your hair sessions
with her.
Oh, So, we are getting to thistime in the show, my dear, where
I ask this one question.
Are you ready?
Am I ready?
Are you ready?
I'm ready.
What is one thing that no oneknows about Alexandra?
(37:42):
Oh my gosh.
I am such an open book that Iwould have to think of it.
My goodness.
How about something silly?
I'm ambidextrous.
I don't know if anybody knowsthat.
I am ambidextrous.
I can work with my left hand andmy right hand.
Right there.
What a, what an incredible skillas a hairstylist.
And I can't sing.
(38:02):
Although some people probablyknow that if they've ever gone
to karaoke with me.
I've always wanted to be able tosing and I can't.
So maybe in another life, I willbe blessed with, by the vocal
gods, but I can't.
Like I said, I'm, you know, alot of the things that we shared
in our story, especially as oflate, I'm such an open book.
So I said, Oh my gosh, I feellike everybody knows everything
about me.
(38:23):
But yeah, always wanted to singand can't, ambidextrous.
And for those who don't knowabout my past and things like
that, you know, they know now.
So yeah.
Everybody knows now.
Everybody knows.
Everybody knows now.
It's out there.
If you ever told me that I wouldbe like, in 2020, I was so
afraid of judgment that Iactually, shut down all of my
(38:43):
socials, all of my social media.
I was like the little graycircle.
Like I didn't even want anyoneto see me.
If you ever told me that I'd betelling people on a podcast, I
would think you were totallylying to me.
But that's the beauty of theevolution of change.
You know, that's what's so coolabout it.
Looking back, you know.
It really is.
Well, this has been so much fun,Alexandra.
My pleasure.
As we close out the show today,will you share one last piece of
(39:08):
inspiration with us before wego?
Sure, when my father was ill,After I'm kind of admits to the
journey One of the things wedidn't touch on my father got
dementia and I became his livein caretaker.
This was recently this wasactually right around the time
of my show, believe it or not,and I didn't want to do hair at
(39:28):
the time because I didn't havethe emotional capacity to have
those types of relationshipswith clients like those house
dad doing, how are you doing?
I just wanted a job that wasjust different, a different
experience, and I got a jobworking.
a part time job as a direct careprofessional and as a direct
care professional in aresidential home for mostly
(39:50):
elderly folks that wereintellectually or physically
disabled and I had this onepatient.
And I loved her dearly, andsadly, she recently passed away.
And she couldn't walk, shecouldn't talk on her own, and
she was fully reliant on thefolks that were paid to take
care of her.
And, I would, of course, I'm,you know, trading for a
(40:12):
bodybuilding show, so I couldjust pick her up, you know, with
one arm and stuff.
And, When you're training andyou're doing these things, you
know, one of the really hardthings I think is cardio, you
know you're on the stair masteryou're on that and Every time I
would step on those stairs and Isometimes still do this I'll cry
and I'll think about Marianneand I'll say What she wouldn't
(40:35):
give to have the opportunity todo the Stairmaster right now,
this woman cannot, you know, shecan't toilet herself, she can't
shower, she can't eat, she's bedbound, and she was terminally
ill, she was dying, and I said,I can't sit here and complain
about it.
The difficulty of this of whatI'm doing because I am so
(40:56):
graciously able to do it.
What these people wouldn't do tosit here sucking wind and
sweating for half an hour, anhour, and that really changed it
for me.
So look at somebody else.
There's somebody else out therethat wants what you can do but
aren't doing.
There's so many folks out therethat would love to have the
(41:17):
opportunity of Opening a hairsalon, renting a chair, going to
the gym, going for a walk, andthere's people out there that
don't have the ability to do it.
But if you have the ability todo it, then honor, honor that
and do that because there'sother folks that simply can't do
it.
And we're looking at it likeit's a detriment or a pain in
(41:38):
the butt.
But there's people that wouldkill for one day to be able to
do some of the things that wejust aren't doing.
That is such great advice, greatinspiration, and a great
reminder for everyone.
Thank you for that.
You're very welcome.
Alexandra, this has been ablast.
I feel like we could talk forhours.
I would love to! Right?
Right?
Totally.
(41:58):
I want to thank you so much forsharing your journey, sharing
your energy with us today, yourinspiration.
It's been truly so much fun tohave you here.
Thank you.
Well, my pleasure, Jennifer.
All right, everyone.
Well, as we say until next time,may you live an empowered life
from within.
(42:22):
Thank you so much for tuning into another episode.
Please remember to rate, review,and subscribe to Empowered
Within with Jennifer Pilates.
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(42:42):
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Until next time, may you live anempowered life from within.
Welcome to empowered within asoul quenching transformational
podcast that will set your soulon fire through candid and
inspiring conversations, leadingexperts, celebrities, healers,
and I share our journeys of howwe've overcome challenges to
living an empowered life fromwithin.
I'm your host, Jennifer Pilates.
Welcome to another episode ofempowered within.
(00:35):
Hi there and welcome to theshow.
I am so excited to have with ustoday's guest Alexandra Baldwin.
Alexandra is an only child of anarcissistic mother, a former
people pleaser.
She lost everything, her mentalhealth, her salon, and gained
150 pounds hitting rock bottom.
Through a detailed method shecalls reverse pathways,
(00:58):
Alexandra completely recreatedher destiny.
She is a master hairstylist andsalon owner, a trophy recipient
of the 2024 fitness Atlantictransformation challenge.
And she stated at one point,someone or something told us we
were flawed and we believed it.
Well, Alexandra found a way tochange that.
(01:19):
And she's here to share thatwith us today.
Welcome to the show.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for having me.
It's a pleasure to be here thismorning.
I am so excited to have youhere.
Off air we were talking and we,oh my goodness, our paths have
crossed so much.
It is not every day that youmeet someone who went to
elementary school where you did.
I know, I couldn't believe it.
(01:40):
Me neither.
This is so cool.
So we're both here today in alittle bit of a chilly, windy
New England atmosphere.
My goodness.
So your story is Your journey,we, I came across in a mutual
group that we're on in Facebook,and you really touched me with
(02:00):
your vulnerability and howhonest you were coming out and
talking about your story, yourjourney, and everything that
you've been through and I wouldlove for you to share What was
your rock bottom moment when youknew that your life needed to
change?
So, I was in a downwardtrajectory for a while.
Like you had mentioned in theintroduction, I had that
(02:22):
upbringing, that toxicupbringing from my mother, who
was really my first bully.
Right.
And then as our brains aredeveloping and we're figuring
out the world and we're figuringabout our ideas about ourselves
and our ideas about otherpeople, you know, that becomes
quite flawed when the personthat's supposed to love us
unconditionally.
Is doing the opposite to us.
(02:44):
Right.
So I think for me, thosecodependent traits that I had
been developing over the years.
They didn't really explode, ifyou will, until shortly after I
lost my first business.
And for me, it was the physicalmanifestation of the weight
gain.
I was in a cyclic depression ofnot having any endorphins going
(03:07):
through my body, not having anypositivity, not having any of
that serotonin keeping us happy.
Eating, right?
Eating to kind of fill thatvoid.
Feeling guilty because I ate toomuch.
Well, what's going to make mefeel better is more food.
And I would love to say that itwas like this pseudo spiritual,
thing, but it was reallyhonestly, Jennifer, it was just
(03:29):
looking at myself with thisweight that I had gained.
And as you had mentioned, 150pounds, it was the physical
manifestation of that body thatI was living in.
Getting up, you know, just,getting up the couch and the
movement was impaired and itjust got to a point where it was
hard for me to get off thecouch.
My skin was breaking down due tothe friction of the weight gain.
(03:53):
And I just kind of sat on thecouch and I just said, like, I
remember a time in my life whereit wasn't this way.
And the pain of what I'm goingthrough is worse than the pain
of change.
And once I hit that thought inmy mind, and I said, The pain of
today is worse than the pain ofgoing to the gym, and dieting,
(04:16):
and getting all these things inorder.
And I knew that was going to behard, especially at my size.
That Was the moment that pivotalmoment, but it was simply just
kind of sitting on the couch andsaying enough is enough.
And it was that thought processthat really sparked the
beginning of my journey, if youwill.
That is really incredible.
Thank you.
And I know I saw that you wrote,that there was a lot that
(04:39):
transpired in 2020 for you.
Yeah.
That really took you to newdepths of places, and I'm
wondering if you will share thatwith us, because I.
Again, your journey is soimpactful and it's so layered.
And I think that that's soimportant for people to
understand generally, sometimesit's not just one thing.
Sure.
(04:59):
So in 2020, when I had lost mybusiness, the friends circle
that I had was veryinterconnected with my
professional life.
And, a lot of the people that Iwas connected to, I was serving
the role, not just as theiremployer, but I was also seeking
their approval through thatcodependency and through those
(05:21):
behaviors.
So I'm like, Oh, you want me tojump?
How high?
So when I lost the business, Iwas unaware at the time.
Subconsciously, I had lost myidentity of being a people
pleaser because I didn't havethis business where I could
provide employment or I couldn'tprovide that role of what I
(05:43):
thought I was doing wasnurturing these folks, whether
it was my clients, whether itwas my employees, I now can't do
that.
So what is my role look like tothese people?
Well, of course, I was just thetable was flipped right outside
of me because now.
I can't people, please.
So now I don't know who I am.
So that initial event, if youwill, led me into, you know, the
(06:11):
depths of my depression and itmade me suicidal and I wanted to
end my life and the feelingswere so immense and the feelings
were so strong, but I didn'tknow.
Then what I know now, myidentity had been a people
pleaser and now the salon hadbecome my arena, if you will, in
order to live out thosebehaviors and such.
(06:36):
So I.
Was hospitalized, I waspsychiatrically hospitalized, as
a professional woman, which iskind of taboo, you don't hear a
lot of professional women,speaking about those matters,
and then I kind of slowlystarted to, work my way up and
the pivotal moment, Like I said,was that physical element with
(06:59):
the weight loss and thetransformation, but it really
started the day that I chose toget out of that hospital and
just really rebuild my life fromabsolute rock bottom for sure.
That is incredible.
And may I ask, because having anarcissistic mother is a
challenge in and of itself.
And some people may notunderstand the word.
(07:22):
Some people may not understand,well, How did you come to
realize that?
When did you come to realizethat?
I, you know, growing up, Ialways knew that there was a, my
family was different.
Of course, there was no socialmedia, there were no Tik TOK
reels.
Like there are now breakingdown, you know, different
(07:44):
personality types.
But I think the hardest part wasthat it was covert.
So it would be like that little,Like I, I remember there was a
girl up the street and she hadbeautiful, shiny, silky hair,
nothing like my own hair.
And she says, you know, Amber'shair always looks so pretty and
so nice.
Why couldn't you look more likeher?
(08:05):
And it was kind of like, doesshe want me to look better or is
it kind of like that sneakylittle underhanded insult?
And I think when, when I wasable to heal and kind of learn
about these things, that waswhen social media and Facebook
and just kind of like the phoneat our fingertips with our phone
(08:26):
was out and I started followinga page on Facebook psychology
today.
And they'd have blogs and thingslike that.
And I said, Oh my God, they'retalking about my childhood and
they're talking about my mother.
And that's how I was able toidentify those personality
traits and those behaviors andreally put a name to it.
(08:46):
And I think once I was able toput a name to it and say, okay,
this is a person who has adisordered personality.
Who fits X, Y, and Z criterion.
I know it kind of separated itfrom being a personal thing.
And I was able to look at itmore objectively from a step
back.
And I think that was reallyhelpful for me.
(09:07):
That sounds incredible that youwere able to go to that depth
and to be able to take a stepback from the emotional aspect
of it and to see it for what itis.
What steps helped you the mostto heal from that?
Once you realize.
This had been your wholeupbringing because that is a lot
to undo.
Sure.
(09:27):
This is gonna sound brutallyharsh, but it is the truth.
My mother's death was thepivotal moment that I was able
to break through those bonds ofthat.
Narcissistic child and then thechild peeper people pleaser
bonds that we shared and when mymother died, it was very
(09:48):
traumatic within itself and Ifound her deceased in the home
and it was something that wasjust lasered into my head is
such a traumatic such a sadevent, of course, however,
looking at it from the lens andthe scope that I look at it now.
A lot of women, really strugglewith the no contact and this
(10:12):
essentially, and I don't meanthis disrespectfully, but this
allowed no contact.
She had passed away.
And I think that was the freeingmoment for me and where I'm at
today.
I'm able to respect that andhonor it respectfully and say,
okay.
You know, my mother passed awaythat created the no contact that
(10:34):
I needed and I can honor thatobjectively without feeling
guilt or shame that yes, it didallow me to have a better
groundwork for a better futureand I don't mean that
disrespectfully to someone who'sdeceased.
Wow.
Well, first I'm, I'm sorry thatyour mom passed away.
I completely understand whatyou're saying.
(10:56):
And, and as difficult as thatwas, I can imagine at the same
time, that freeing feeling,finally that light, that
lightness that you had in thosemoments.
I truly believe Jennifer thatin, I said, I, I, I prefaced by,
by this, hopefully reachingsomebody else who may be feeling
the same way, because it'snatural to feel guilt or shame
(11:19):
or say, Oh my gosh, am I reallysaying this on a podcast?
But, I don't have a crystalball, but what would my recent
accomplishments in the rewritingof my life and what I've
accomplished, what would thatlook like?
If any.
Had she been here, or had I hadto go no contact, perhaps, and
(11:41):
then had that no contact bepulling on my heartstrings?
You know, what would that havelooked at, looked like, if the,
Realities were different and Ireally questioned myself
sometimes and say, if thatwasn't what had happened, how
would the timeline go on in mylife?
And with my legacy?
And I think that I think it'sperfectly okay to respect that
(12:05):
for what it is and honor thatfor what it is.
I think you've done anincredible job with that.
Thank you.
When we look at what you callreverse pathways, let's start
with what is that and how thatchanged the destiny of your life
because truly what an impactit's had for you.
Sure, so, it's certainly notsomething that is copyrighted
(12:27):
or, you know, it's not somethingthat I coach or teach or
anything.
I'm just a regular girl.
But what I did was, and I can'ttell you why.
How I got the idea, how I didit, and I joke and say it could
have been partially delusion.
But when I started thistransformation and wanting to
(12:50):
step on stage for thetransformation show, I didn't
realize that I'd already beendoing part of this
transformation before.
Because just to get to the pointof wanting to do that, you've
already done some mental andspiritual work.
spiritual work, but I didn'tknow it at the time.
I didn't know I was doing it.
This was all in my subconscious.
But what I did was at my weightat my highest weight at over 250
(13:11):
pounds.
I, I said, I'm going to loseweight and I'm going to get fit.
And I envisioned myself.
I think I didn't manifest thefuture of me being lean on stage
receiving a trophy.
I became that person.
I walked into the gym.
I was that person.
Like when I looked into themirror at the gym, I wasn't, you
(13:34):
know, lean.
I, I wasn't sculpted, but Itruly lived my life for my
future self, but in the present,if that makes sense.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
So it's reverse engineering,right?
You've got this place.
Like you say, that crystal ballof where you see what it feels,
(13:56):
what resonates with you.
And now you reverse engineerthat to pull that into you.
Right.
And there's different theories.
time and space and spiritualityand manifestation and I kind of
lived, I put myself on adifferent frequency and I lived
(14:17):
my life as if I had already wonthe show.
So if I've already won the showand I've already Stepped on
stage at 125 pounds and I'vealready built confidence and
I've already rewrote, completelyrewired my life I'm Operating as
if that's already happened and Itruly believed like I had in my
(14:38):
mind I would look in the mirrorand I would See the suit that I
was wearing, the colors, thedecor, what I was going to wear
the night before, what I waseating, what I was training,
what I was doing.
And I literally just became thatperson.
But like you said, reverseengineering.
I wasn't becoming the person.
I was the person.
(14:58):
I already did it and it soundedso bizarre to people, but it was
like, yeah, this isn't who I'mbecoming.
This is who I am.
I'm living in that futuremanifested self that I created.
And it was like an actor on astage.
I became that person and youhear about like actors in
(15:19):
Hollywood, they get so intotheir role.
Like I, I heard Jim Carrey do aninterview about that one time
and that's literally what Ibecame.
So when it came to eating oreating on a restricted meal plan
to prep for the show.
Well, the Alex who won alreadydid that.
So of course that's going to beno problem to me.
(15:40):
And that was literally like Iwalked in and I looked in the
mirror and that future personwas the present person.
And in my mind, I was able tomash these two timelines
together.
Right.
And, and that was how I lived mylife.
And then I've just been doingthe same thing ever since.
And it worked.
We're not looking at our futureselves.
(16:03):
We are our future selves.
They exist in tandem.
That's what I believe.
I agree with you a hundredpercent.
It's just the integration thatone has to work with and be able
to lean into and have thatbecause there is a lot of faith
in the unknown.
Even though theoretically it'snot unknown because you're
seeing it, you feel it, you knowit, but there is still that
(16:24):
little bit of space from whereyou are.
To whom you are.
Right, and I, and I think thatlittle bit of space, I, I love
that you say that, because thatlittle bit of space, That little
bit of fear is what keeps you incharacter of that future self
because if you're too confident,then you might say, well, you
(16:48):
know, I don't have to do thistoday.
I can take a day off today or Ican kind of slack for a couple
weeks.
And I think it's that little bitof space when you're going
through that process, thatlittle bit of fear, that little
bit of doubt.
That keeps you on that path andkeeps you in line with that
frequency.
Yeah, that's really great thatyou brought that up.
So what practice, what do you doto keep you in alignment with
(17:12):
the energy of where you'reheaded versus falling back?
Or do you allow yourself momentsof grace and sort of have a
moment and then back on track?
Well, I think that the best wayto answer that would be looking
at it kind of in two phases.
Okay.
There's like the fitness phase,which yes, I'm not, being in an
(17:33):
off season right now, I am notdieting and exercising as
extreme as I was, of course,because that wouldn't be,
feasible or healthy.
So I allow myself more lib,liberty in the fitness, but
where I don't allow any libertyor I don't allow any slack, if
you will, is in my selfperception and my
self-acceptance and myself-respect.
(17:54):
That's where I don't.
allow for any, any missedopportunities or, or just not
looking at myself in the bestlight.
I think going into a situation,this version of me wouldn't be,
surprised that I might be aguest on a podcast, but in 2020,
(18:15):
I would never even if I wasasked, I would never do that
because I wasn't worthy of that.
Who in the world would want tohear what I have to say now in
2024?
I don't.
It, it doesn't matter what, ifother people want to hear what I
have to say or not.
It's something that I wannaparticipate in with, with you,
and I don't really have any fearor associated shame if somebody
(18:37):
listens to it and may thinknegatively or may not resonate
with what we're talking about.
It's not that I don't care, it'sjust that it's not relevant to
where I am and how I feel today.
That is amazing.
I'm so proud of you for comingthrough all that you have to
getting to such a solid mindsetWithin yourself.
(18:59):
Are there daily practices thatyou put into place to keep
yourself there to work on yourmindset?
To work on your self worth inyour self love.
I think that one of the thingsthat I do is Despite all of the
positive work that I've done, I,I don't like to react on my
(19:22):
first emotion.
I like to sit back and thinkabout things before I do them.
If somebody hurts me, I, myfirst reaction might be to be
upset, to be angry, to bedefensive.
But then I'll kind of go into athought process and say, you
know, where is this person'spain coming from?
(19:42):
What is their experience?
How is that experience affectingmy experience?
And I kind of look at it like wewere talking about, before
objectively.
And I take a step back and Ilook at it and I kind of analyze
it.
And you know what I would saynine times out of 10, when all
is said and done, I'll say, thisisn't about me.
(20:03):
This has nothing to do with me.
That person and what they didand what they said has nothing
to do with me.
I am just the catalyst there,that happened to absorb whatever
they have going on within.
And when you go through lifelike that, it's so freeing
because it doesn't matter.
(20:23):
None of this really matters.
And sometimes I'll just kind ofgo through life and I'll say,
well, none of this mattersanyways, who cares?
another thing is failure, goinginto a transformation challenge
or a lot of folks right now aregonna doing new year, new me
getting back into the gym,trying to lose weight.
It's a new year.
Well, I'll say okay, I'mstarting a new salon.
(20:46):
What if I fail?
Well, I already did.
Who cares?
I already failed and I'll failagain and I'll do it again.
And I think that having thatmindset is the most empowering
mindset to have because whenyou've already lost everything,
like who cares?
So what?
it wasn't mine to own, you know?
And that's how I look at it.
That's a really great place tobe.
(21:09):
What advice would you give toothers out there who are
struggling right now, be itprofessionally or personally,
and they're not sure what to do,they admire what they hear
coming from you.
Sure.
What advice do you give them tohelp pull them onto that right
track?
That's a great question.
I think that you will alwayslook to the future.
(21:32):
For somebody who's done it,especially like with fitness or
business or, Oh, I'm so close tobeing like that, but there's X,
Y, and Z, there's this holdingme back, or I can't do this
because I have this limitation.
You really just have to believeit, you have to do it for
yourself, but I think that youhave to, like I said, you have
(21:54):
to not only be afraid to fail.
But you have to fail like inorder to do something.
When my first day at the gym, Idid a barbell squat and it was
just the bar.
And I went down and I wassquatting the bar and I kid you
not, I actually fell to theground and couldn't get up in
front of a gym full of people.
It was January 3rd.
(22:15):
I was a new year's gym baby, youknow, and I fell and I couldn't
get up.
And imagine if that oneexperience of, Oh my God, I fell
in the gym.
I couldn't even get up.
Some guy had to pick me up.
Imagine if that was like, okay,well I quit.
I suck at this.
You know, I would also cautionpeople, when you are trying to
(22:37):
be your best self, whether it bespiritually, emotionally,
financially, physically, becareful with the company that
you keep.
A friend of mine had advised me,very early on, be careful who
you share things with.
Be careful who you share youraccomplishments with or your
fears with because a lot ofpeople, like we talked about
before, they're suffering withtheir own internal stuff.
(23:01):
And.
you're trying to go up, theymight want to be keeping you
down.
And the basis of that friendshipor that acquaintanceship might
be, well, I'm the thinner one.
I'm the more successful one andyou're below me.
And when you creep up intoanother level, that can kind of
shake the earth a little bit.
So really just do it for you.
(23:22):
Don't be afraid to fail.
but you really have to have thatfire within and don't be afraid
to be delusionally obsessed withsuccess.
Say I don't care whateverchallenge I have going on is not
more challenging than the lifethat I'm living and I wish On
all that's holy that I didn'thave to go through the depths
(23:44):
and the pain that I did torealize that And I would say one
more thing and I don't mean tobe a chatterbox, but I will
admit that I am one, the peoplewill make fun of you when you're
new and you're trying somethingand say, who does she think she
is?
She thinks she's going to stepon stage.
You think she's going to dothis?
She's going to own a business,whatever people will make fun of
you when you're new.
(24:05):
But they'll equally make fun ofyou and speak poorly of you when
you're successful too.
So choose which one you want.
Do you want people talking aboutyou because you're stuck at
square one?
Or do you want people talkingabout you because you're
succeeding and all of yourlife's dreams are coming true?
So if people are going to talkabout you either way, Jennifer,
(24:25):
which one are you going to take?
I know the one I'm going totake, you know, absolutely.
I always say, Hey, as long aspeople are talking about me,
keep it going because it's whenpeople aren't talking about you.
That's when you need to worry.
Well, like Paris Hilton said,all press is good press.
And I didn't really know whatshe meant when she said that,
that was in the early twothousands.
And, You know, it is true, butpeople are a self, people's
(24:50):
behavior is a self reflection ofeither the good, the bad that
they have within themselves.
So people are going to talkabout you, but I will say from
speaking with other women andspeaking with other folks that
want to kind of take thisjourney for themselves.
That is one of the things that Ihear is kind of fear from others
and judgment from others, but itonly gets worse.
(25:11):
you do better.
So you migh hey, you know what?
That and goi Absolutely.
That is incre advice.
I absolutely love You know, Ihave always been taught, move in
silence, do in silence, becausenot everyone is your
(25:33):
cheerleader, right?
And not everybody is on the sameenergetic level as, as you're
saying, and not everyone wantsto see you succeed.
And that, that may be harsh, butit's really true.
Not everybody does want to seeyou succeed.
It matters most that you want tosee you succeed.
Right.
And I think sometimes if we takean honest look at others, we may
(25:54):
even see behaviors from themthat emulate kind of behaviors
we had in a past experience or apast life or, Oh, gosh, I can't,
you know, maybe I'm thinking tomyself, Oh, this person's so
negative.
So was I 4 years ago, maybe I'mseeing something from my current
or former self that's not jivingwith me.
(26:15):
And that's why I'm feeling acertain way about it.
So I I really think everythingis a mirror either outward or
inward toward, towards our ownbehaviors and thoughts about
life and ourselves.
Absolutely.
And that's very, beautifullyprofound statement to make and
it's so true.
Absolutely.
So true.
Thank you.
So I want to hear all about yournew salon when you tell me all
(26:37):
about it.
I've been seeing picturesonline.
You are a pink girl after my ownheart.
So tell me all the goodies wewant to hear about where it is.
What's happening with it?
Do we have an open date?
What's going on?
Sure.
So I actually, first to know, Iactually got, I received a phone
call yesterday from theMassachusetts state board.
So my inspection, my walkthroughwas actually going to be
(27:00):
tomorrow, January 9th.
So that's exciting.
And then once I'm licensed, I'mable to go, and I am doing
things a little differently.
And my first.
salon.
I was a full service salon andspa, and it was a lot of
overhead, a lot of space, veryhard to manage, all the ins and
outs.
And well, first of all, afterwhat I went through, I had sworn
(27:22):
to myself, I'm never going toown anything ever again.
I'm never even going to do hairagain because, you know,
obviously we cut off our nose tospite our face.
Right.
So this was like a really bigthing for me, cause for me to
make that transition to saying,I'm no longer a failure.
That was huge.
So Doing things differently.
Sola studios sola salon studios.
(27:43):
I don't know.
Are you familiar with thosejennifer sola?
No, no, no more.
Tell me.
Okay, so so sola and isbasically they are a franchise
company and they rent out salonsuites to cosmetology spa
professionals and you are anindependent entity.
You run your own business.
(28:04):
within these spaces.
So, basically, there'll be maybe20, 25 salon professionals,
leasing spaces within thesesuites, but the businesses
aren't interconnected, they'reall independent.
Oh, yes, we have a ton of theseout in Scottsdale.
Yes, yes, there's the Phoenixone.
They're amazing.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,yes.
And, and one of the things thatI had realized in my journey of
(28:28):
having a fully staffed salon isI felt as though it took away
from my ability to just reallyfocus on that one on one client
connection because I'm worryingabout the phone ringing and I'm
worrying about, the otherstylist who's having problems
with her client, et cetera.
And it really kind of took myvision away from that one on
one, that personal relationshipwith my clients, which is
(28:49):
honestly why I love my job.
So I decided that this was theway to go for me.
It's my own little space.
It's my own little Haven.
And I can just do my thing and,really just focus on client
relationships and one on one andthe.
The Sola, so the business islocated, three center Plaza,
(29:09):
which is right in governmentcenter.
So like right across from Bostoncity hall.
So it's right downtown.
And one of the reasons, one ofthe things that kind of inspired
me was, is I get up ridiculouslyearly in the morning.
And that was a habit that Ipicked up when I first started
going to the gym, I would go tothe gym and train.
I would get up at 4 30 in themorning, do my thing, get ready,
(29:32):
go to work.
And a lot of people were like,Hey, Alex, wouldn't it be great?
If there was a salon open beforework, because we get up so
early, right.
And nobody's up, nobody's evenopen till 10.
So I said, yeah, that's a greatidea.
I'm going to open one.
So I am open.
on select weekdays at seveno'clock in the morning right in
(29:53):
downtown Boston.
So if you have, let's say you'rean attorney and you have a court
hearing or you have aprofessional meeting and say, I
don't know what to do with allthis hair.
You can come in with me seveno'clock.
We can get you ready and thenyou can start the day.
So I wanted to create a businessthat, that filled the little
void that I saw.
(30:13):
I said, well, I'll just go aheadand start that.
So I thought Boston would be thebest place to do that.
I love this for you.
Now you mentioned prior you'rein Rhode Island, so what's that
commute for you?
What does that look like?
So what I, what I'm doing is Ijust hop in my car and I take
either the TF green or I takethe Pawtucket commuter rail.
(30:35):
I hop on the train.
I zone out.
I, do a little marketing, checkmy emails, check my social
media.
And then it's just a 20 minutewalk from South station to the
salon.
And part of my, fitness routineis a good amount of steps per
day anyways.
So I'm just knocking off thesteps.
Getting that done and walking inand I really enjoy it.
(30:57):
I really enjoy.
Like you said, with the weather,I have had to learn to invest in
a really good coat.
But I enjoy it.
I am.
I actually enjoy sitting on thetrain because I think.
One of the things that I had tolearn how to do is I had to
learn to be comfortable doingnothing.
Isn't that hard just to sit hereand say, shouldn't I be doing
something?
I'm a formal people pleaser.
(31:18):
I should be pleasing something,right?
It's a trauma response.
It's such a trauma response.
What am am I supposed to bedoing?
My, in my mind, my mom's gonnacome in and scream at me if I
don't look busy, you know?
And it's just like, well, whatam I doing?
I'm doing nothing.
And, I was getting off the trainand there was a train delay and,
you know, my children wereaccounted for.
I didn't have anywhere I had tobe.
(31:38):
It was the ride home.
There was nothing going on.
And the conductor said, everyonewas all up in arms because the
train had broke down andeverything.
And I got off.
I said, I'll have a greatevening, sir.
He said, thank you so much foryour patience, with everything
that's going on.
And I said, Oh yeah, I don'tmind.
And he just looked at me like Iwas crazy.
Like, why do you not mindsitting on the train for all
(32:00):
this extra time?
But it's where do I need to be?
I don't, I'm where I need to be.
Right.
We become these philosophers andthoughts.
Sometimes I said, I'm exactlywhere I need to be.
I'm enjoying the silence.
He must, I think he thought Iwas crazy, Jennifer, honestly.
Maybe I am, I don't know, but Iwas just like, no, it was great.
Why look at it any other way,right?
Absolutely.
(32:20):
A train, a plane, I mean, thoseare great places to be able to
just be.
Right.
I'm just existing in my, in thissituation.
Now had I had a client and I wasinbound, I might have felt a
little differently.
I might have felt a little, alittle strange.
But no, it was just nice justsitting there and decompressing
and having that me time.
(32:41):
And that's, that's been workingout great.
So, but like, as you know, I'mfrom the Capes.
So, sitting around and taking anhour to get, you know, from
Bourne to Orleans or something,I'm no stranger to, you know,
summer traffic and bridgetraffic, so I might have a
little bit more patience thansome other people do.
We might have learned that many,many years ago.
Right.
Thanks to the tourism.
We were thrown into that at avery young age, exactly.
(33:04):
We sure were, oh my goodness.
So I read that giving back issomething that you have
mentioned is super essential toyour heart.
Yes.
And I'd wonder if you would tellus a little bit about how you
incorporate giving back withyour business.
Sure.
So what we're doing is weactually have a couple events
coming up.
So one of the things that, well,the first thing that I'm
(33:25):
implementing is I'm a gratuityfree salon.
And if somebody wants to make adonation, I'm going to be
working with, an entity or anonprofit, a few throughout the
year.
And I'm going to be providingwhat would be the gratuity To
that organization, person orbusiness, and I think it's a
(33:46):
great way to give back to theless fortunate and give back to
the community.
But I also think that, breakingaway from the tipping structure
in charging my services as aprofessional, a lot of folks are
doing that in my industry.
And I like that.
I think that I want to charge myworth as a professional.
And if somebody wants to give,then we can kind of give that
(34:08):
back.
There's been times in my life,like when I lost my business,
that I couldn't even make apayment.
I've had times in my life whereI was not able to, buy a bag of
chips on my debit card, I had nomoney.
there were times that I wascouch surfing in my life.
So I've, I've really run thegamut myself of being
comfortable.
(34:30):
Living in poverty and everywherein between.
And that's something that I feelis a good thing for, for other
people to do.
Another thing that we have onthe books is, our friend Julie,
who I met from the same group,she runs an organization called
We Do Care.
And I don't want to butcher herintro of her organization, but
(34:53):
essentially what she does is itis a support system, for women
and children who have lost theirpartners and to get them ready
into the workforce and to fostertheir growth and their
independence.
And I am going to be providinghair services on site for their
gala.
(35:14):
And I am also going to beopening up my salon to get some
of the women and the young girlsin to give them a complimentary
new look, while they're grievingthis loss.
And I think even though I was inmy early 20s when my mother
died, I still can kind of relatemyself being like an adult
orphan.
And I know how hard that cankind of be, you know, without
(35:35):
having that caretaker.
And then finally, and this isthe last one that I have set up
thus far, is I am teaming upwith Amber Bruschi.
And we are going to be doing,blow dries and headshots.
So for women that are looking tokind of get a fresh face, a
fresh start back into theworking world who may not be
(35:58):
able to afford professional hairservices.
Professional photography.
We are going to be opening up inmy shop, and she's going to be
doing a complimentary headshot,and I'm going to be doing a
complimentary hair, and Ibelieve she's going to bring
someone on for makeup as well,so that way women not, may not
have the money to invest inthose services.
(36:20):
If they're going for aninterview, or they're going for
a fresh start, they can thenfeel like they have the best
opportunity available to them.
That is so incredible that yourheart is just so full of so much
love.
Giving back to other women inthe area and children is so
amazing.
So if people want to stay intouch with you, and they want to
(36:40):
follow your salon, and theopening, and all the goods on
Alexandra, Alexandra.
Where should they go?
Definitely my Instagram.
I do most of my announcementsthrough Instagram, all through
my story, or my personalFacebook.
I also have a website too.
But I would say mostlyInstagram.
I think that's kind of like thebest.
(37:00):
The best way to connect with me.
I prefer Instagram because it'svery visual.
I'll post stories or likeanything really notable.
Fabulous.
So we'll be sure that all ofAlexandra's information is over
in the show notes, which you'llbe able to catch over on
jenniferpalates.
com.
So we'll have her website andall her handles so that you can
(37:21):
stay in touch and follow and ofcourse, book your hair sessions
with her.
Oh, So, we are getting to thistime in the show, my dear, where
I ask this one question.
Are you ready?
Am I ready?
Are you ready?
I'm ready.
What is one thing that no oneknows about Alexandra?
(37:42):
Oh my gosh.
I am such an open book that Iwould have to think of it.
My goodness.
How about something silly?
I'm ambidextrous.
I don't know if anybody knowsthat.
I am ambidextrous.
I can work with my left hand andmy right hand.
Right there.
What a, what an incredible skillas a hairstylist.
And I can't sing.
(38:02):
Although some people probablyknow that if they've ever gone
to karaoke with me.
I've always wanted to be able tosing and I can't.
So maybe in another life, I willbe blessed with, by the vocal
gods, but I can't.
Like I said, I'm, you know, alot of the things that we shared
in our story, especially as oflate, I'm such an open book.
So I said, Oh my gosh, I feellike everybody knows everything
about me.
(38:23):
But yeah, always wanted to singand can't, ambidextrous.
And for those who don't knowabout my past and things like
that, you know, they know now.
So yeah.
Everybody knows now.
Everybody knows.
Everybody knows now.
It's out there.
If you ever told me that I wouldbe like, in 2020, I was so
afraid of judgment that Iactually, shut down all of my
(38:43):
socials, all of my social media.
I was like the little graycircle.
Like I didn't even want anyoneto see me.
If you ever told me that I'd betelling people on a podcast, I
would think you were totallylying to me.
But that's the beauty of theevolution of change.
You know, that's what's so coolabout it.
Looking back, you know.
It really is.
Well, this has been so much fun,Alexandra.
My pleasure.
As we close out the show today,will you share one last piece of
(39:08):
inspiration with us before wego?
Sure, when my father was ill,After I'm kind of admits to the
journey One of the things wedidn't touch on my father got
dementia and I became his livein caretaker.
This was recently this wasactually right around the time
of my show, believe it or not,and I didn't want to do hair at
(39:28):
the time because I didn't havethe emotional capacity to have
those types of relationshipswith clients like those house
dad doing, how are you doing?
I just wanted a job that wasjust different, a different
experience, and I got a jobworking.
a part time job as a direct careprofessional and as a direct
care professional in aresidential home for mostly
(39:50):
elderly folks that wereintellectually or physically
disabled and I had this onepatient.
And I loved her dearly, andsadly, she recently passed away.
And she couldn't walk, shecouldn't talk on her own, and
she was fully reliant on thefolks that were paid to take
care of her.
And, I would, of course, I'm,you know, trading for a
(40:12):
bodybuilding show, so I couldjust pick her up, you know, with
one arm and stuff.
And, When you're training andyou're doing these things, you
know, one of the really hardthings I think is cardio, you
know you're on the stair masteryou're on that and Every time I
would step on those stairs and Isometimes still do this I'll cry
and I'll think about Marianneand I'll say What she wouldn't
(40:35):
give to have the opportunity todo the Stairmaster right now,
this woman cannot, you know, shecan't toilet herself, she can't
shower, she can't eat, she's bedbound, and she was terminally
ill, she was dying, and I said,I can't sit here and complain
about it.
The difficulty of this of whatI'm doing because I am so
(40:56):
graciously able to do it.
What these people wouldn't do tosit here sucking wind and
sweating for half an hour, anhour, and that really changed it
for me.
So look at somebody else.
There's somebody else out therethat wants what you can do but
aren't doing.
There's so many folks out therethat would love to have the
(41:17):
opportunity of Opening a hairsalon, renting a chair, going to
the gym, going for a walk, andthere's people out there that
don't have the ability to do it.
But if you have the ability todo it, then honor, honor that
and do that because there'sother folks that simply can't do
it.
And we're looking at it likeit's a detriment or a pain in
(41:38):
the butt.
But there's people that wouldkill for one day to be able to
do some of the things that wejust aren't doing.
That is such great advice, greatinspiration, and a great
reminder for everyone.
Thank you for that.
You're very welcome.
Alexandra, this has been ablast.
I feel like we could talk forhours.
I would love to! Right?
Right?
Totally.
(41:58):
I want to thank you so much forsharing your journey, sharing
your energy with us today, yourinspiration.
It's been truly so much fun tohave you here.
Thank you.
Well, my pleasure, Jennifer.
All right, everyone.
Well, as we say until next time,may you live an empowered life
from within.
(42:22):
Thank you so much for tuning into another episode.
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Within with Jennifer Pilates.
Your feedback is important.
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(42:42):
com.
Until next time, may you live anempowered life from within.
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