QC- "You Look Fine" - The Hidden Grief Nobody Talks About: With Shawn Whitney

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Chronic illness grief differs significantly from the grief experienced after death—it's complicated, ongoing, and often invisible to others. Shawn Whitney, a licensed therapist specializing in trauma-informed care, explains how this "complicated grief" compounds daily as individuals continue to face their illness while support typically fades away after just a few weeks.

• Chronic illness grief is "complicated grief" because the person isn't gone but continues living with daily challenges
• Unlike death, chronic illness grief lacks visibility—"you look fine" becomes a painful dismissal of real suffering
• Initial support after diagnosis typically disappears within 3-4 weeks, while the illness remains
• Complicated grief compounds over time as new challenges emerge and previous losses remain unprocessed
• The ongoing nature of chronic illness means individuals must face their grief daily without the closure that comes with finality

If this episode resonated with you, check out episode 62 where Shawn shares more insights about healing through trauma and chronic illness. Send your questions by using the link in the episode description, emailing [e-mail], or visiting the endobattery.com contact page.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Have you ever heard of chronic illness grief?
Sure, we've all heard aboutgrief when someone passes away
and we miss them.
But have you ever consideredthat maybe some of the emotions
and some of the things thatwe're going through are related
to being chronically ill andgrieving through that?
If this strikes a chord, thenstick around as our guest, sean

(00:20):
Whitney, dissects this even more.
Life moves fast and so shouldthe answers to your biggest
questions.
Welcome to EndoBattery's QuickConnect, your direct line to
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(00:43):
And just remember expertopinions shared here are for
general information and not forpersonalized medical advice.
Always consult your providerfor your case-specific guidance.
Got a question?
Send it in and let's quicklyget you the answers.
I'm your host, alana, and it'stime to connect.
It's time to connect Today.

(01:06):
I'm honored to welcome SeanWhitney, a licensed therapist
and founder of RestorationFamily Therapy.
Sean specializes intrauma-informed care and
supports individuals andfamilies navigating the complex
emotional toll of chronicillness.
His compassionate approachhelps clients process past
wounds, build resilience andfind connection in the midst of
physical and emotional pain,whether it's coping with medical

(01:29):
trauma, managing the stress ofa long-term diagnosis or healing
relational strain caused byillness, sean provides a safe
space for restoration and growth.
Let's get into this.
What are some differencesbetween identifying chronic
illness?
Grief, because you know we hearabout the different stages of
grief when it comes to losingsomeone.

(01:50):
But to minimize the loss ofsomebody because that's
significant.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
Right, particularly by death.
The finality of a loss is oftenreally difficult for us to
really deal with on a variety oflevels.
Right Right, but I thinkthere's something unique around
grief as it relates tocontinuing life, and
particularly life with a chronicillness.

(02:27):
I call it complicated grief.
There is some literature thatuses that term, but there's not
a lot of it out there.
What it talks about is similarto post-traumatic stress, where
we can have complexpost-traumatic stress where
there's a number of differentthings that pile up on top of
each other to create a bit moreof a challenge in our lives, and

(02:51):
I think, in a similar fashion,that's complicated grief.
The person isn't gone, or I'mthat person and I'm not gone,
right, the issue isn't visible.
You look fine, right?
Right, the issue isn't visible.
Mm-hmm you look fine, right,right.
There are a variety of ways inwhich complicated grief, I think
, feels like double the griefand even double or triple the

(03:17):
loss, in that we see kind of agroundswell of support when
somebody passes, due to naturalcauses or otherwise, and then,
within an average of three tofour weeks, all of that ground
swell of support suddenly fallsaway.
Right, right that that most ofthe time when we lose somebody

(03:39):
to death, there's a lot ofsupport, a lot of thoughts, a
lot of prayers, a lot of gifts,a lot of offers for help, right,
and then it disappears.
And the thing about complicatedgrief is it continues, right
that I'm still getting up thenext day and dealing with the
very thing that I might havegrieved yesterday, or I refused

(04:01):
to grieve yesterday because ofwhatever reason.
And I think that's what makescomplicated grief so difficult
for us is that it only compounds, it doesn't just kind of go
away.

Speaker 1 (04:16):
Right.
If this episode struck a chordwith you or helped you feel seen
in any way, I encourage you tocheck out episode 62, where Sean
shares even more insight andsupport.
His approach to healing throughtrauma and chronic illness is
something you won't want to miss.
That's a wrap for this QuickConnect.
I hope today's insights helpedyou move forward with more

(04:38):
clarity and confidence.
Do you have more questions?
Keep them coming, send them inand I'll bring you the expert
answers.
You can send them in by usingthe link in the top of the
description of this podcastepisode or by emailing contact
at endobatterycom or visitingthe endobatterycom contact page.
Until next time, keep feelingempowered through knowledge.