December 5, 2023 • 27 mins
Ever thought about the last time you wore diapers?
Yep, you've already quit something in life, and it was a big deal! This episode is all about the power of quitting and how it’s often a necessary step towards personal growth.
Join me as we trade tales of adrenaline-pumping riverboarding in New Zealand and recount how holiday season demands can sometimes push us to reconsider our choices. In the midst of all the laughter and banter, we want you to rethink about the term "quitter".
Buckle up for the second part of our chat where we shift gears to challenge the negative connotations around quitting. Just like how we quit our diapers during potty training, quitting is sometimes the stepping stone to progress and personal development.
I share experiences of stepping away from relationships and behaviors that no longer serve us, and the liberation it brings. It's high time we embrace our inner "quitter" and see it as a tool to improve our lives.
Let’s quit being afraid of quitting, shall we?
Overcome the daily grind with transformative techniques from Justin's book, 'Engineered to Love.'
These practices aren't just about finding peace—they're about reconnecting with yourself and the world around you in meaningful ways.
Access your free materials today at engineeredtolove.com/sample and start living a life filled with joy, ease, and love.
Watch the full video episode at Justin Wenck, Ph.D. YouTube Channel!
Check out my best-selling book "Engineered to Love: Going Beyond Success to Fulfillment" also available on Audiobook on all streaming platforms! Go to https://www.engineeredtolove.com/ to learn more!
Got a question or comment about the show? E-mail me at podcast@justinwenck.com.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to the show, justin Wink, here.
So good to be with you on thisepisode.
Very, very serious question Ihave for you as we get going and
I really want you to reallyponder this.
I really want you to considerthis seriously.
This is a very serious, veryimportant question that can have
huge ramifications for how youmight go about living the rest
(00:27):
of your life.
The question is when was thelast time you pooped your pants?
Really, I mean, for me it'sbeen at least two, maybe could
be even up to three days.
It's been at least two or threedays, right, I mean, it's
(00:50):
Thanksgiving just happened, it'sso you know.
I mean, usually I can go awhole week, an entire week, but
you know, with the Thanksgivingholiday kind of shortened, you
know, but you know, but in allseriousness, why would I ask you
a question like that?
When was the last time youpooped your pants?
And it goes to today's topic,which I'm going to be talking
(01:15):
today about are you a quitter?
A lot of times it comes to mindwhen I ask if you're a quitter,
you're probably like I'm nofucking quitter, don't eat that.
I don't quit, I stick through,I keep going until the job is
done and be curious how's thatbeen working out for you?
(01:37):
So that's what we're going tobe talking about today.
So a little bit of what's beengoing on with me.
The last couple of episodes theywere recorded in New Zealand,
so I was in New Zealand forabout two weeks and so this is
almost a full week back for me,back in the US, back in my home
(01:58):
state of California, and Ireally did enjoy New Zealand,
had the opportunity to go kindof a last minute trip, go to a
retreat which was justextraordinary.
It's kind of the third thirdone like this I've done this
year.
It was actually kind ofinteresting.
(02:18):
I didn't think I would do threeretreats like this within a one
year time span, but just thingsjust unfolded and it's been
great.
Just what I learned aboutmyself and the skills I get to
improve my life and those ofother people, that has been
phenomenal.
And I got to do it in wonderfulNew Zealand, which is just about
(02:40):
the opposite of Australia.
I love Australia, I love all myAussie listeners and friends,
but, man, it seems likeeverything out there wants to
kill you, even Steve Rowe andthe guy that I know.
Is it too soon to talk lightlyabout Steve Rowe, but this is
the dude that is like fuck you,crocodile, I'm coming at you,
(03:04):
I'm going to get my thumb up,you're bumming, I'm going to
rustle you.
And even a guy that's brave andable to take on the nature and
the wild of Australia even hesuccumbed to nature.
I think it was around Australia.
I don't remember the exactcircumstances, I just know it
was like water related.
(03:24):
I was like, oh, not a crocodile, okay so, but yeah so I thought
like well, new Zealand's nearAustralia, so probably
everything's going to want tokill him there.
But it's complete opposite.
It's an incredibly safe placeand so many ways like it was
great to walk around barefootand just not have to worry about
snakes or any weird things.
(03:46):
And yeah, just, and the peoplewere so friendly and just the
nature is gorgeous and yeah,just a real good place to.
I would say, get in touch withnature and really drop in some
place where you don't have toworry about oh, am I going to be
(04:07):
getting robbed?
Am I going to be gettingattacked by a lion?
There's just very few predatorythings human, animal, otherwise
happening in New Zealand, andso it's a great place to go
settle in and relax and also agreat place for some adventure.
I did a little river boarding,which you're not familiar is.
(04:28):
It's like whitewater rafting,but without the raft.
So you might be going well,that's insane.
But if you've been whitewaterrafting, what's the biggest fear
?
You just like, oh my gosh, I'mgoing to fall out of the boat,
I'm going to fall out of thisraft and I'm going to be in the
rapids, and so it's a great wayto get over that fear, because
there is no raft.
You're just straight in thewater in the rapids.
(04:49):
Yet you're trained.
It's like many things in life.
What we fear is often somethingthat is a great growth
opportunity.
That when we lean into it andwe don't do it in a foolish way,
like I wouldn't recommend justgoing and jumping into a random
part of a river with a boogieboard, that's silly, but it's
one of those things like ifsomeone's like, hey, there's
(05:09):
this thing and here's how you doit and there's a spot and I'm
going to try it out, so how alot of things are with life.
So yeah, and so it's been goodbeing back, and I feel like this
is a good opportunity to talkabout quitting things, because
this is kind of a time of yearwhen usually you know we're just
(05:32):
.
There's a lot of obligationsthat start to happen this time
of year, often to do with family, right.
So in the US we haveThanksgiving holiday, where
what's the typical Obligationit's you got to get together
with all of your family and havea meal where you spend hours
together with people usually youwould Never spend time with,
but you're supposed to betogether because that's just
(05:54):
what you do on this, thisAmerican holiday, and you know
the upcoming, you know Christmasand other holidays.
There's what do?
We got Hanukkah and it's theholiday season right, where
usually it's about gettingtogether and often we don't
(06:14):
think of like who we're gettingtogether with.
We just get together withpeople we've always gotten
together with, we're justanybody, because you're supposed
to get together with people andalso so it can be a time of
overeating and over drinking or,you know, sitting around too
much or watching too much stuff,a lot of overindulgence, a lot
of getting Too much into certainactivities are spending time
(06:36):
with certain types of people andto me this is a great time to
consider.
I always find interesting comesright before New Year's, where
people do the New Year'sresolutions, where it's always
like well, what are thebehaviors I want to be doing?
And what I found more oftenthan not in a lot of life is,
whenever there's something thatwe want to be bringing in,
(06:58):
there's usually something that,if we look closely, if we
consider it, there's somethingthat needs to be going out right
.
So it's like, if you know, soit's if there's like a
relationship that you want tohave, like you want to have the
love of your life amazing andyou're currently with someone
who's a pain in your ass, thatpain in the ass relationship has
(07:21):
to go away.
And it doesn't necessarily meanthat has to be a different
person.
It just means that relationshipwhen you relate with someone as
them being a pain in the ass,that needs to go.
In a relationship where yourelate with somebody as the love
of your life needs to come in,and they can't both.
It's kind of like there's kindof an old law of physics where
(07:41):
to two objects of matter canoccupy the same space at the
same time.
You know, which is why carcrashes are not a good thing.
Usually somebody gets hurt,somebody's in pain, because you
can't have two cars in the samespace, so they either have to go
around each other.
One has to give way, somethinglike that there's.
There's a lot of things in lifewhere if it's like that in one
(08:05):
place, it's like that another,and so they're really there's no
two.
You can't have two ways ofbeing that are in opposition in
your life at the same time, soyou can't simultaneously have an
incredible, an incrediblehealthy body.
That would be the result ofbeing someone who eats great
(08:25):
eats, foods that are work foryou and those activities that
are good for your body andsimultaneously Be the person
who's doing sort of destructivehabits drinking too much, eating
shitty foods and sitting aroundor even being active but in
activities are actuallydestructive To your body.
(08:45):
You know, I'm thinking, I'mlooking at you, ultra
marathoners, some of some of you.
This is fantastic for you, butthen others of you this is
there's a price to be paid forall of this, this over training,
and only you and your body.
Now it's between you and yourbody, but it just a little heads
up and just inviting you toconsider that.
Is this actually like?
You might be thin, you mightWhatever, but how are you
(09:08):
feeling?
Like, you know, are you havingto get all hopped up on
supplements and things like that.
So today's topic is aboutquitting, and so why do I ask if
you pooped your pants becausewe often think that quitting is
a bad thing were conditionedthat, like you know what is what
is the old, you know, even,even like in sex talk, it's like
(09:29):
you know, are you a spitter ora swallow spitters or quitters?
And so it's a presuppose thatquitting is bad, and so spinning
is.
You know?
It's like what?
If you want to want someone toswallow, just let them swap, not
, not, and again, this is anadult, this is an adult Podcast.
So if you don't know what I'mreferring to, then maybe you
(09:50):
shouldn't be listening to thispodcast or go ask an adult.
But actually probably most kidsknow that better than most
adults and if you're an adult,you're pretending like you don't
know that.
Lighten up, let's have some fun, have a good.
You know, like, yeah, you knowcertain things you want to
swallow, cuz you're good for youknow things.
You want to spit it out.
It's good to quit it.
Like you know, if chewingtobacco maybe some get over that
(10:14):
habits time to be a spitter,time to be a quitter.
And so Look at that like, doyou actually believe that
quitting in and of itself is abad thing, and if so, then you
might have a hard time quittingthings.
Yet, inherently, all of us aregreat quitters and what's one of
the first things that all of useventually quit?
(10:35):
I hope, I hope, and if not,that's okay.
No shame, you know, I don't.
Just, maybe this isn't the showfor you, it's not gonna really
resonate very much, and that'sokay, but for the For the rest
of you, at one point we allpooped her pants, right, like we
were babies or Eight year oldsor we were joining a fraternity
(10:59):
or whatever it was.
We all, we all pooped her pantsat one point and then, at some
point, we decided to quit thatshit.
Right, we decided to quit thatshit of going in the pants and
it made life a lot easier.
Right, it was that time.
There was a time in place forpooping your pants, and then the
(11:20):
time ended and you had youmight not even remember it,
because you had people helpingyou out.
Right, you probably had someparents or some caretakers that
are just like, alright, we needto use this time.
You have the ability.
Like that one point.
You, you can do it.
It was not possible.
You were not in a place whereyou could not poop your pants as
a baby, like you just didn'thave the coordination, the motor
(11:43):
skills, you, you and if youreally wanted, if you're just
like this is a bearish.
This is embarrassing.
I like I, but I'm stinking upthe crib and I didn't just like
the the other, the other babieshere know that I'm the one
that's causing the stench is Idon't want to be pooping my
pants as part, as you might havewanted to.
You didn't have the ability tohave the motor skills.
(12:05):
You couldn't physically standup as a baby and get to a toilet
to go, so you had no choice.
There is that you.
You even couldn't even get yourpants down.
You couldn't have the dexterityof your fingers and your hands
to get your, get your diaperdown enough to at least possibly
poop outside of your pants.
(12:26):
That was if you had pants on.
That's where the poop was goingin.
Sphincter control like that wasa new cause Is yeah, yeah, it
was like a whole new thing.
You know, sure, figure outhands and then sphincter muscles
on, like it's just a lot goingon, right, baby?
You know it's.
Think back to those times andhow challenging just even the
most basic things are, and so wedon't get frustrated, you know,
(12:50):
at a baby or a toddler whenthey poop their pants.
We just got out there, justthey're having a hard time, but
at some point you quit it.
You're just like.
You know, I got I'm.
I'm old enough, I can, I canwalk, I can pull down my pants,
I can wipe my own ass.
Yeah, it's time to some big boythings and not not poop the
(13:12):
pants anymore.
Some big boy, big girl actions,activities being big in the
world.
And so you are a talentedquitter because you quit pooping
your pants when you realized itwas the right thing to do and
you don't.
You didn't beat yourself up forall of your years Of pant
poopery, did you know?
(13:33):
Because I was just.
I was just where you are at.
So what if we take this sameview with pants pooping and
apply to maybe anything elsethat might be ready to go In
your life, where just you don'thave to get upset and remember
when you did start to get goodat being potty trained?
That was it like.
All of a sudden, from one day,boom, you are perfect and you
(13:57):
never had a mishap or a mistakeever again.
Now Sometimes you go back, butthen you just recognize it's a
learning experience, and thenyou go longer or better or
whatever, or maybe, if you do so, quote, unquote, fail or roll
back, you don't do so for aslong, or no.
Or in this messy away, right, Iguess, like oh crap, I'm about
(14:21):
to poop my pants and you go andyou like find a bush and you
pull that, and so it's like you,you, you crap in a shrub or
something like that.
Or you know the upper deck of atoilet, doing a little upper
deck, right, have had explaineda friend of mine maybe he's
listening a I won't say his name, but he I was like, have you
ever done an upper deck?
(14:42):
Or new?
Like what is?
What is that?
Well, the toilet, the ball.
If you think of that as thelower deck, most people go in
the lower deck, but you knowthere's the tank up top usually,
and so if you do an upper deckor season that the tank to Drop
your number two and this is thisis probably the shittiest
episode I've ever done.
So we're gonna see how wellthis does.
(15:03):
But yeah, that's again.
You know for those of you thatmaybe wherever in a fraternity
or watched movies aboutfraternities or just like I
don't know, toilet humor, upperdeckers you poop in the tank and
then the tank drains into thebowl, and so Surprises can occur
(15:27):
.
I I'm not saying to do this, Idon't even know if anyone's ever
done this.
I think there's a wholecategory of terms that exist for
things that I like to believenobody actually does, and upper
decker is one of these termswhere I like to believe no one's
actually pooped in the tank ofa toilet.
Yet it does seem feasible, andso why not have a term so that
(15:48):
if it did ever happen which I'mhoping again that it didn't,
ever has and never will?
But we now have a term, now youknow the term.
So if you go somewhere, youflush that toilet and it's like
wait, there's more coming intothe tank than leaving.
There's more coming into thebowl than leaving the bowl.
Somebody did an upper decker,and this episode will have
(16:10):
helped you make more sense ofthe world.
You're welcome.
So, when it comes to quittingthings, having that view of
seeing yourself as an evolving,growing being continuously, not
just like that, oh, that wasjust something you did back when
you were you know one, two,three.
I don't know when kids getpotty trained, but that you're
doing this continuouslythroughout your lifetime,
(16:32):
ideally with different,different behaviors in different
ways of being, and so embraceyour ability as a quitter.
Like you know, I used to be apants shitter.
Now I'm a quitter, and befucking proud of it.
Be a proud Quitter that's nolonger pants shitter.
There that's.
I think that's a bumper stickerfor the ages.
(16:54):
So so what's something you mightwant to quit?
Right, like maybe there's afood that, just like man, I just
can't, I just can't help eatingthis food.
Embrace being a quitter one.
Have compassion for yourself,as that eating this food has
served a purpose.
Like it's soothed you.
Like you know, there might havebeen some emotional trauma.
(17:15):
Was that she been getting over?
Or just you just have this needto feel good right now and you
haven't figured out other waysthat make you feel good and so
you haven't found a substitute.
And so when you go like I wantto get rid of these things and
then okay, what am I gonnareplace it with?
Right, because he's just, youcan't just say like well, just,
you know, I got the beginning Iwas talking about.
Sometimes things have to go forsomething to come in, but
(17:37):
sometimes we need to know wherewe're heading so that we can
start replacing that, because,remember, if there's a vacuum,
something's gonna fill that, andif we don't consciously Put in
what it is we want to fill thatwith, then it's gonna be filled
with the old behavior, right?
So very important to know like,okay, instead of this, this
(17:58):
behavior.
So instead of like pooping mypants, I'm going to go poop in
the toilet, right?
So that is very that's.
It's very clear of like, okay,this is where I've been.
And then here's who I'mbecoming.
I'm becoming a toilet CloggerClogger of Toads.
So this is your in my book.
I'm going down success tofulfillment.
You will it's a little nod toyou there, the super fans of
(18:22):
read the book.
If you haven't, it's nowavailable on Spotify, at least
in the US, to premiumsubscribers.
You can listen to the audiobook for free, but you can also
get the audio book and all thejust you know, search for my
name, engineer to love.
You find where you can get thebook in the audio book, how they
recommend it.
So you want to know, like, whereyou're headed to, right?
(18:43):
So it's like oh, I want to belike foods, that really
satisfying like.
For me, it's like high qualitygrass fed Beef is like something
really good for me, and I alsohave a sweet tooth and so when
I'm trying to like get out ofeating too many sweets, one
thing I've been going to ismixing Some protein powder, some
(19:04):
like chocolate flavored proteinpowder, with some cat, either
cashew yogurt or Coconut yogurt,which is surprisingly good, and
it kind of like set.
It's like ice cream.
It's really so.
It's that.
So it's like okay, I'm avoidingsweets and I'm heading towards
this coconut yogurt proteinpowder mix, and so we got to
(19:25):
start thinking that was for you.
It's like, oh my gosh, likeneed to.
You know, don't want to havepizza so much, right, or don't
want to eat so much.
So what?
What can I do?
It's like, oh well, maybe I cando some little mindfulness
exercises as I eat.
I can really just dial in likewhat is this bite of food
Tasting like, feeling, like whatemotions are coming up?
(19:48):
What am I noticing my body?
Could you imagine if youstarted doing that with every
bite you did, you would likelynot eat as much, right, like
when.
It's gonna take a lot offucking time.
And then the second, you'regonna notice when you're full
and you're also gonna be awarewhen it's like, oh, I just want
more of this yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, to feel good and
(20:08):
distract, cuz there's anotherpart of me that's like I feel a
little sad or something that I'mmissing or something I want to
do differently in my life.
So, yeah, starting thinkinglike where you're going right
and it comes to relationshipsand so tying it all back to this
holiday time, which this isbecoming out here early December
(20:28):
so welcome is.
It might be time to quit somerelationships or some events and
not being with the same peopleyou've been with for all of
these years and these people arenot gonna like it, cuz what do
you mean?
You don't want to be with me,but if these people are your
(20:49):
ship relationships this is aquote effectively, every time
you go and spend time with them,you're, you're shitting your
pants relationship wise, andyou're probably not feeling good
about yourself.
You're probably feeling notsupported.
You probably feel like yougotta hide parts of yourself.
Maybe you're feeling, like youargument of angry, frustrated.
(21:11):
There's gonna be all thesethings that could be coming up
just because, like you'veoutgrown these people, be honest
, like you grow and noteverybody grows in the same way
and it might be time to takesome time away.
It doesn't mean that maybeyou're never gonna see these
people ever again or you'renever gonna spend time, or maybe
it's just about less time.
Right, it's just about lesstime.
(21:32):
Less time in a harmful arena isbig right.
So it's sort of like you knowthe sun, you know it's like you,
a little bit of time the sungives you good tan, but too much
time the sun, you're gonna getburned.
So there might just be likefinding that right sweet spot.
Like you know, with certaingroups of people you might be
the equivalent of a ginger andjust a little bit of time is
(21:54):
gonna cause a severe burn.
Yeah, so you can take some timeaway and figure out, like what
is your sunscreen, what is whatis, what are the tools, the
techniques, and these are likethe things like to teach with
with people when I coach themand try to sprinkle them in with
my programs, and yeah, and soyou might be like well, I can't
(22:16):
just quit.
Yes, you can, you can, you canquit that and do something else.
And this is things that I'vebeen playing around like.
I haven't done a Thanksgivingmeal for like over over 10 years
and actually, this is the firstyear that I did a Thanksgiving
meal, but I did it completelydifferently.
I did it in my way, where Iprepared the meal and I made it
open to a group of people thatMight not have had anyone else
(22:39):
to share it with, and it wasbeautiful and great.
I wasn't like, oh, I'm gonna gofind a group of people that I'm
supposed to spend it with.
I, I have those people, I lovethose people, they're great, and
when it's time to spend timewith them, I spend time with
them.
Yeah, I just wanted.
I wanted to offer something topeople that maybe you don't have
that opportunity and it feltreally good and create some zoom
spaces.
(22:59):
So if you're on my email list,which you can get on
justinwinkcom, thank you.
See, you would have seen thaton Thanksgiving Day, I hosted a
zoom room where a little selfself-giving, where you could
give some time to yourself, or Ifacilitated some, some
breathing practices and someLittle sharing of what's going
(23:22):
on with the holiday is reallygreat and the people that
arrived got so much out of it.
I'm so grateful for themshowing up.
So if I would have just beendoing the thing that I'm
supposed to do, it might havebeen frustrating, challenging
for me, and I might have beencausing frustration because
that's.
The other thing to consider iswhen you're around somebody and
you're feeling like, oh, this islike not feeling good.
This is frustrating.
(23:43):
How do you think the otherperson's feeling?
They're picking up on that shit.
So everything, maybe you'redoing a favor.
It's kind of like you know onepoint, shitting the pants.
It's like, oh, cool, this is,you know, the new baby, like
doing new baby things.
But at some point it's likethis kid's like 10 years old.
This is shit's got to stop.
Like when are they gonna figurethis out?
Like there might be that too.
Or they're like when is thisperson gonna find other people
(24:06):
like spend Thanksgiving with, sospend Christmas with, like real
, like they?
They can't say that they don'thave the skills, but they might
be fine.
And so when at some pointyou're just like, yeah, you know
, I've got something else to do,they're going, oh, you know,
but they might really be feelinglike a sense of relief.
And then when you come back at adifferent point and you can
(24:26):
re-engage in a Different way andit's gonna be like, oh, this is
my, this is great, this.
This person is here and andphenomenal, and I get to be the
me that I want to be, whereas ifwe just keep doing what we've
been doing, we keep doing thethings in the way that we've
been and we really don't allowourselves to grow, and it's the
equivalent of staying stuck Atan earlier developmental stage.
(24:47):
And so when we allow ourselvesto quit things that you know
served us when we were at anearlier stage, it allows us to
move on to that next stage andthat's a little bit of a
challenge, a little bit of atransition.
Yet the how great was thefreedom?
Right, and to be able to belike ah yeah, I can go about, I
don't have to worry about likeCan you somewhat of change my
diaper and stuff, like how'sthink of that?
(25:08):
And that's what it's like whenyou like say, I no longer need
to just keep spending time withthe same people, I no longer
have to keep engaging in thesame eating behaviors or
drinking behaviors, I no longerhave to keep doing the same type
of work as a career.
This goes really to just aboutanything you can in life.
So I really encourage you be aquitter, be a quitter.
(25:31):
You've been a quitter alreadyat least once, likely multiple
times in your life, and see thatas a good thing, a good skill,
a good ability.
Now, yes, there are going to besome areas of your life where
you don't want to quit.
You want to keep going.
It's about having thediscernment to know the
difference and Realize that youhave these skills and there's a
time and the place to use themall.
(25:52):
And I want to embrace you tolook at, especially this time of
year, maybe, what's what's timeto quit, what's time to quit
and Start it now and don't waituntil New years, because when
New Year's comes along, usuallywhat's already gone, and there's
probably a reason why NewYear's is when people want to do
(26:14):
new things is because they theydon't actually have an
opportunity to Really do thechallenging things at the
challenging times of years.
It's kind of an easy year to goLet me try some bullshit I
don't know that to sweet muchout, like everyone just gets
busy to doing stuff anyway.
But this is the time of yearwhere you can really lean in and
have like some difficult,challenging considerations of
(26:35):
like ooh yeah, I'm gonna dosomething different for
Christmas, I'm gonna dosomething that I want.
Right, when was the last timeyou did something you want, like
, really want, and A lot oftimes we're taught that that's
selfish.
Yet what do you really want forother people to join?
She want other people doingwhat they want, doing what
lights them up, what makes themhappy, and so if you want that
(26:56):
for others, you got also wantthat for yourself and you have
to demonstrate that for them.
And so that's why, when it'slike I get an opportunity to do
a retreat that I want to do inNew Zealand, I make it happen,
because I want to show you andeveryone else that you can make
what happens in your life thatlights you up and do it and
(27:17):
makes you excited and makes youfeel alive, and you can be an
inspiration too.
And not that I'm all that greator all that wonderful.
Just I am, and I'm not.
I'm Completely ordinary, butalso completely unique and
spectacular, and so are you, andit's beautiful.
We're got all thesesimilarities, but yet we're all
also a little unique snowflakes,beautiful, beautiful snowflakes
(27:39):
.
So be your snowflake self.
Let me know, how is this hitting?
How is it hitting me talkingabout quitting and you no longer
being a pants shitting personby being someone who pulls up
them big boy and girl pants andGoes out in that world and
you're independent.
You can do what you want whenyou want, how you want it, with
love, with consideration.
(27:59):
You're not trying to hurtanybody, of course.
Yeah, so how's this landing?
What's something that you arelike?
You know what?
I think it's time to quit this.
What's something you want toquit?
I want to know.
Let me know a podcast atjustinwinkcom or follow me on
the social Meteors.
As it is, as it is.
So tick tock.
Instagram, linkedin, facebook.
(28:20):
They say tick tock.
Yeah, find me at youtube, right.
So at justinwink phd, find methere.
And yeah, I hope you've allbeen doing well, start or end in
this year strong, and it'sstrong.
You deserve it.
So that, thank you and good day.
Welcome to the show, justin Wink, here.
So good to be with you on thisepisode.
Very, very serious question Ihave for you as we get going and
I really want you to reallyponder this.
I really want you to considerthis seriously.
This is a very serious, veryimportant question that can have
huge ramifications for how youmight go about living the rest
(00:27):
of your life.
The question is when was thelast time you pooped your pants?
Really, I mean, for me it'sbeen at least two, maybe could
be even up to three days.
It's been at least two or threedays, right, I mean, it's
(00:50):
Thanksgiving just happened, it'sso you know.
I mean, usually I can go awhole week, an entire week, but
you know, with the Thanksgivingholiday kind of shortened, you
know, but you know, but in allseriousness, why would I ask you
a question like that?
When was the last time youpooped your pants?
And it goes to today's topic,which I'm going to be talking
(01:15):
today about are you a quitter?
A lot of times it comes to mindwhen I ask if you're a quitter,
you're probably like I'm nofucking quitter, don't eat that.
I don't quit, I stick through,I keep going until the job is
done and be curious how's thatbeen working out for you?
(01:37):
So that's what we're going tobe talking about today.
So a little bit of what's beengoing on with me.
The last couple of episodes theywere recorded in New Zealand,
so I was in New Zealand forabout two weeks and so this is
almost a full week back for me,back in the US, back in my home
(01:58):
state of California, and Ireally did enjoy New Zealand,
had the opportunity to go kindof a last minute trip, go to a
retreat which was justextraordinary.
It's kind of the third thirdone like this I've done this
year.
It was actually kind ofinteresting.
(02:18):
I didn't think I would do threeretreats like this within a one
year time span, but just thingsjust unfolded and it's been
great.
Just what I learned aboutmyself and the skills I get to
improve my life and those ofother people, that has been
phenomenal.
And I got to do it in wonderfulNew Zealand, which is just about
(02:40):
the opposite of Australia.
I love Australia, I love all myAussie listeners and friends,
but, man, it seems likeeverything out there wants to
kill you, even Steve Rowe andthe guy that I know.
Is it too soon to talk lightlyabout Steve Rowe, but this is
the dude that is like fuck you,crocodile, I'm coming at you,
(03:04):
I'm going to get my thumb up,you're bumming, I'm going to
rustle you.
And even a guy that's brave andable to take on the nature and
the wild of Australia even hesuccumbed to nature.
I think it was around Australia.
I don't remember the exactcircumstances, I just know it
was like water related.
(03:24):
I was like, oh, not a crocodile, okay so, but yeah so I thought
like well, new Zealand's nearAustralia, so probably
everything's going to want tokill him there.
But it's complete opposite.
It's an incredibly safe placeand so many ways like it was
great to walk around barefootand just not have to worry about
snakes or any weird things.
(03:46):
And yeah, just, and the peoplewere so friendly and just the
nature is gorgeous and yeah,just a real good place to.
I would say, get in touch withnature and really drop in some
place where you don't have toworry about oh, am I going to be
(04:07):
getting robbed?
Am I going to be gettingattacked by a lion?
There's just very few predatorythings human, animal, otherwise
happening in New Zealand, andso it's a great place to go
settle in and relax and also agreat place for some adventure.
I did a little river boarding,which you're not familiar is.
(04:28):
It's like whitewater rafting,but without the raft.
So you might be going well,that's insane.
But if you've been whitewaterrafting, what's the biggest fear
?
You just like, oh my gosh, I'mgoing to fall out of the boat,
I'm going to fall out of thisraft and I'm going to be in the
rapids, and so it's a great wayto get over that fear, because
there is no raft.
You're just straight in thewater in the rapids.
(04:49):
Yet you're trained.
It's like many things in life.
What we fear is often somethingthat is a great growth
opportunity.
That when we lean into it andwe don't do it in a foolish way,
like I wouldn't recommend justgoing and jumping into a random
part of a river with a boogieboard, that's silly, but it's
one of those things like ifsomeone's like, hey, there's
(05:09):
this thing and here's how you doit and there's a spot and I'm
going to try it out, so how alot of things are with life.
So yeah, and so it's been goodbeing back, and I feel like this
is a good opportunity to talkabout quitting things, because
this is kind of a time of yearwhen usually you know we're just
(05:32):
.
There's a lot of obligationsthat start to happen this time
of year, often to do with family, right.
So in the US we haveThanksgiving holiday, where
what's the typical Obligationit's you got to get together
with all of your family and havea meal where you spend hours
together with people usually youwould Never spend time with,
but you're supposed to betogether because that's just
(05:54):
what you do on this, thisAmerican holiday, and you know
the upcoming, you know Christmasand other holidays.
There's what do?
We got Hanukkah and it's theholiday season right, where
usually it's about gettingtogether and often we don't
(06:14):
think of like who we're gettingtogether with.
We just get together withpeople we've always gotten
together with, we're justanybody, because you're supposed
to get together with people andalso so it can be a time of
overeating and over drinking or,you know, sitting around too
much or watching too much stuff,a lot of overindulgence, a lot
of getting Too much into certainactivities are spending time
(06:36):
with certain types of people andto me this is a great time to
consider.
I always find interesting comesright before New Year's, where
people do the New Year'sresolutions, where it's always
like well, what are thebehaviors I want to be doing?
And what I found more oftenthan not in a lot of life is,
whenever there's something thatwe want to be bringing in,
(06:58):
there's usually something that,if we look closely, if we
consider it, there's somethingthat needs to be going out right
.
So it's like, if you know, soit's if there's like a
relationship that you want tohave, like you want to have the
love of your life amazing andyou're currently with someone
who's a pain in your ass, thatpain in the ass relationship has
(07:21):
to go away.
And it doesn't necessarily meanthat has to be a different
person.
It just means that relationshipwhen you relate with someone as
them being a pain in the ass,that needs to go.
In a relationship where yourelate with somebody as the love
of your life needs to come in,and they can't both.
It's kind of like there's kindof an old law of physics where
(07:41):
to two objects of matter canoccupy the same space at the
same time.
You know, which is why carcrashes are not a good thing.
Usually somebody gets hurt,somebody's in pain, because you
can't have two cars in the samespace, so they either have to go
around each other.
One has to give way, somethinglike that there's.
There's a lot of things in lifewhere if it's like that in one
(08:05):
place, it's like that another,and so they're really there's no
two.
You can't have two ways ofbeing that are in opposition in
your life at the same time, soyou can't simultaneously have an
incredible, an incrediblehealthy body.
That would be the result ofbeing someone who eats great
(08:25):
eats, foods that are work foryou and those activities that
are good for your body andsimultaneously Be the person
who's doing sort of destructivehabits drinking too much, eating
shitty foods and sitting aroundor even being active but in
activities are actuallydestructive To your body.
(08:45):
You know, I'm thinking, I'mlooking at you, ultra
marathoners, some of some of you.
This is fantastic for you, butthen others of you this is
there's a price to be paid forall of this, this over training,
and only you and your body.
Now it's between you and yourbody, but it just a little heads
up and just inviting you toconsider that.
Is this actually like?
You might be thin, you mightWhatever, but how are you
(09:08):
feeling?
Like, you know, are you havingto get all hopped up on
supplements and things like that.
So today's topic is aboutquitting, and so why do I ask if
you pooped your pants becausewe often think that quitting is
a bad thing were conditionedthat, like you know what is what
is the old, you know, even,even like in sex talk, it's like
(09:29):
you know, are you a spitter ora swallow spitters or quitters?
And so it's a presuppose thatquitting is bad, and so spinning
is.
You know?
It's like what?
If you want to want someone toswallow, just let them swap, not
, not, and again, this is anadult, this is an adult Podcast.
So if you don't know what I'mreferring to, then maybe you
(09:50):
shouldn't be listening to thispodcast or go ask an adult.
But actually probably most kidsknow that better than most
adults and if you're an adult,you're pretending like you don't
know that.
Lighten up, let's have some fun, have a good.
You know, like, yeah, you knowcertain things you want to
swallow, cuz you're good for youknow things.
You want to spit it out.
It's good to quit it.
Like you know, if chewingtobacco maybe some get over that
(10:14):
habits time to be a spitter,time to be a quitter.
And so Look at that like, doyou actually believe that
quitting in and of itself is abad thing, and if so, then you
might have a hard time quittingthings.
Yet, inherently, all of us aregreat quitters and what's one of
the first things that all of useventually quit?
(10:35):
I hope, I hope, and if not,that's okay.
No shame, you know, I don't.
Just, maybe this isn't the showfor you, it's not gonna really
resonate very much, and that'sokay, but for the For the rest
of you, at one point we allpooped her pants, right, like we
were babies or Eight year oldsor we were joining a fraternity
(10:59):
or whatever it was.
We all, we all pooped her pantsat one point and then, at some
point, we decided to quit thatshit.
Right, we decided to quit thatshit of going in the pants and
it made life a lot easier.
Right, it was that time.
There was a time in place forpooping your pants, and then the
(11:20):
time ended and you had youmight not even remember it,
because you had people helpingyou out.
Right, you probably had someparents or some caretakers that
are just like, alright, we needto use this time.
You have the ability.
Like that one point.
You, you can do it.
It was not possible.
You were not in a place whereyou could not poop your pants as
a baby, like you just didn'thave the coordination, the motor
(11:43):
skills, you, you and if youreally wanted, if you're just
like this is a bearish.
This is embarrassing.
I like I, but I'm stinking upthe crib and I didn't just like
the the other, the other babieshere know that I'm the one
that's causing the stench is Idon't want to be pooping my
pants as part, as you might havewanted to.
You didn't have the ability tohave the motor skills.
(12:05):
You couldn't physically standup as a baby and get to a toilet
to go, so you had no choice.
There is that you.
You even couldn't even get yourpants down.
You couldn't have the dexterityof your fingers and your hands
to get your, get your diaperdown enough to at least possibly
poop outside of your pants.
(12:26):
That was if you had pants on.
That's where the poop was goingin.
Sphincter control like that wasa new cause Is yeah, yeah, it
was like a whole new thing.
You know, sure, figure outhands and then sphincter muscles
on, like it's just a lot goingon, right, baby?
You know it's.
Think back to those times andhow challenging just even the
most basic things are, and so wedon't get frustrated, you know,
(12:50):
at a baby or a toddler whenthey poop their pants.
We just got out there, justthey're having a hard time, but
at some point you quit it.
You're just like.
You know, I got I'm.
I'm old enough, I can, I canwalk, I can pull down my pants,
I can wipe my own ass.
Yeah, it's time to some big boythings and not not poop the
(13:12):
pants anymore.
Some big boy, big girl actions,activities being big in the
world.
And so you are a talentedquitter because you quit pooping
your pants when you realized itwas the right thing to do and
you don't.
You didn't beat yourself up forall of your years Of pant
poopery, did you know?
(13:33):
Because I was just.
I was just where you are at.
So what if we take this sameview with pants pooping and
apply to maybe anything elsethat might be ready to go In
your life, where just you don'thave to get upset and remember
when you did start to get goodat being potty trained?
That was it like.
All of a sudden, from one day,boom, you are perfect and you
(13:57):
never had a mishap or a mistakeever again.
Now Sometimes you go back, butthen you just recognize it's a
learning experience, and thenyou go longer or better or
whatever, or maybe, if you do so, quote, unquote, fail or roll
back, you don't do so for aslong, or no.
Or in this messy away, right, Iguess, like oh crap, I'm about
(14:21):
to poop my pants and you go andyou like find a bush and you
pull that, and so it's like you,you, you crap in a shrub or
something like that.
Or you know the upper deck of atoilet, doing a little upper
deck, right, have had explaineda friend of mine maybe he's
listening a I won't say his name, but he I was like, have you
ever done an upper deck?
(14:42):
Or new?
Like what is?
What is that?
Well, the toilet, the ball.
If you think of that as thelower deck, most people go in
the lower deck, but you knowthere's the tank up top usually,
and so if you do an upper deckor season that the tank to Drop
your number two and this is thisis probably the shittiest
episode I've ever done.
So we're gonna see how wellthis does.
(15:03):
But yeah, that's again.
You know for those of you thatmaybe wherever in a fraternity
or watched movies aboutfraternities or just like I
don't know, toilet humor, upperdeckers you poop in the tank and
then the tank drains into thebowl, and so Surprises can occur
(15:27):
.
I I'm not saying to do this, Idon't even know if anyone's ever
done this.
I think there's a wholecategory of terms that exist for
things that I like to believenobody actually does, and upper
decker is one of these termswhere I like to believe no one's
actually pooped in the tank ofa toilet.
Yet it does seem feasible, andso why not have a term so that
(15:48):
if it did ever happen which I'mhoping again that it didn't,
ever has and never will?
But we now have a term, now youknow the term.
So if you go somewhere, youflush that toilet and it's like
wait, there's more coming intothe tank than leaving.
There's more coming into thebowl than leaving the bowl.
Somebody did an upper decker,and this episode will have
(16:10):
helped you make more sense ofthe world.
You're welcome.
So, when it comes to quittingthings, having that view of
seeing yourself as an evolving,growing being continuously, not
just like that, oh, that wasjust something you did back when
you were you know one, two,three.
I don't know when kids getpotty trained, but that you're
doing this continuouslythroughout your lifetime,
(16:32):
ideally with different,different behaviors in different
ways of being, and so embraceyour ability as a quitter.
Like you know, I used to be apants shitter.
Now I'm a quitter, and befucking proud of it.
Be a proud Quitter that's nolonger pants shitter.
There that's.
I think that's a bumper stickerfor the ages.
(16:54):
So so what's something you mightwant to quit?
Right, like maybe there's afood that, just like man, I just
can't, I just can't help eatingthis food.
Embrace being a quitter one.
Have compassion for yourself,as that eating this food has
served a purpose.
Like it's soothed you.
Like you know, there might havebeen some emotional trauma.
(17:15):
Was that she been getting over?
Or just you just have this needto feel good right now and you
haven't figured out other waysthat make you feel good and so
you haven't found a substitute.
And so when you go like I wantto get rid of these things and
then okay, what am I gonnareplace it with?
Right, because he's just, youcan't just say like well, just,
you know, I got the beginning Iwas talking about.
Sometimes things have to go forsomething to come in, but
(17:37):
sometimes we need to know wherewe're heading so that we can
start replacing that, because,remember, if there's a vacuum,
something's gonna fill that, andif we don't consciously Put in
what it is we want to fill thatwith, then it's gonna be filled
with the old behavior, right?
So very important to know like,okay, instead of this, this
(17:58):
behavior.
So instead of like pooping mypants, I'm going to go poop in
the toilet, right?
So that is very that's.
It's very clear of like, okay,this is where I've been.
And then here's who I'mbecoming.
I'm becoming a toilet CloggerClogger of Toads.
So this is your in my book.
I'm going down success tofulfillment.
You will it's a little nod toyou there, the super fans of
(18:22):
read the book.
If you haven't, it's nowavailable on Spotify, at least
in the US, to premiumsubscribers.
You can listen to the audiobook for free, but you can also
get the audio book and all thejust you know, search for my
name, engineer to love.
You find where you can get thebook in the audio book, how they
recommend it.
So you want to know, like, whereyou're headed to, right?
(18:43):
So it's like oh, I want to belike foods, that really
satisfying like.
For me, it's like high qualitygrass fed Beef is like something
really good for me, and I alsohave a sweet tooth and so when
I'm trying to like get out ofeating too many sweets, one
thing I've been going to ismixing Some protein powder, some
(19:04):
like chocolate flavored proteinpowder, with some cat, either
cashew yogurt or Coconut yogurt,which is surprisingly good, and
it kind of like set.
It's like ice cream.
It's really so.
It's that.
So it's like okay, I'm avoidingsweets and I'm heading towards
this coconut yogurt proteinpowder mix, and so we got to
(19:25):
start thinking that was for you.
It's like, oh my gosh, likeneed to.
You know, don't want to havepizza so much, right, or don't
want to eat so much.
So what?
What can I do?
It's like, oh well, maybe I cando some little mindfulness
exercises as I eat.
I can really just dial in likewhat is this bite of food
Tasting like, feeling, like whatemotions are coming up?
(19:48):
What am I noticing my body?
Could you imagine if youstarted doing that with every
bite you did, you would likelynot eat as much, right, like
when.
It's gonna take a lot offucking time.
And then the second, you'regonna notice when you're full
and you're also gonna be awarewhen it's like, oh, I just want
more of this yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, to feel good and
(20:08):
distract, cuz there's anotherpart of me that's like I feel a
little sad or something that I'mmissing or something I want to
do differently in my life.
So, yeah, starting thinkinglike where you're going right
and it comes to relationshipsand so tying it all back to this
holiday time, which this isbecoming out here early December
(20:28):
so welcome is.
It might be time to quit somerelationships or some events and
not being with the same peopleyou've been with for all of
these years and these people arenot gonna like it, cuz what do
you mean?
You don't want to be with me,but if these people are your
(20:49):
ship relationships this is aquote effectively, every time
you go and spend time with them,you're, you're shitting your
pants relationship wise, andyou're probably not feeling good
about yourself.
You're probably feeling notsupported.
You probably feel like yougotta hide parts of yourself.
Maybe you're feeling, like youargument of angry, frustrated.
(21:11):
There's gonna be all thesethings that could be coming up
just because, like you'veoutgrown these people, be honest
, like you grow and noteverybody grows in the same way
and it might be time to takesome time away.
It doesn't mean that maybeyou're never gonna see these
people ever again or you'renever gonna spend time, or maybe
it's just about less time.
Right, it's just about lesstime.
(21:32):
Less time in a harmful arena isbig right.
So it's sort of like you knowthe sun, you know it's like you,
a little bit of time the sungives you good tan, but too much
time the sun, you're gonna getburned.
So there might just be likefinding that right sweet spot.
Like you know, with certaingroups of people you might be
the equivalent of a ginger andjust a little bit of time is
(21:54):
gonna cause a severe burn.
Yeah, so you can take some timeaway and figure out, like what
is your sunscreen, what is whatis, what are the tools, the
techniques, and these are likethe things like to teach with
with people when I coach themand try to sprinkle them in with
my programs, and yeah, and soyou might be like well, I can't
(22:16):
just quit.
Yes, you can, you can, you canquit that and do something else.
And this is things that I'vebeen playing around like.
I haven't done a Thanksgivingmeal for like over over 10 years
and actually, this is the firstyear that I did a Thanksgiving
meal, but I did it completelydifferently.
I did it in my way, where Iprepared the meal and I made it
open to a group of people thatMight not have had anyone else
(22:39):
to share it with, and it wasbeautiful and great.
I wasn't like, oh, I'm gonna gofind a group of people that I'm
supposed to spend it with.
I, I have those people, I lovethose people, they're great, and
when it's time to spend timewith them, I spend time with
them.
Yeah, I just wanted.
I wanted to offer something topeople that maybe you don't have
that opportunity and it feltreally good and create some zoom
spaces.
(22:59):
So if you're on my email list,which you can get on
justinwinkcom, thank you.
See, you would have seen thaton Thanksgiving Day, I hosted a
zoom room where a little selfself-giving, where you could
give some time to yourself, or Ifacilitated some, some
breathing practices and someLittle sharing of what's going
(23:22):
on with the holiday is reallygreat and the people that
arrived got so much out of it.
I'm so grateful for themshowing up.
So if I would have just beendoing the thing that I'm
supposed to do, it might havebeen frustrating, challenging
for me, and I might have beencausing frustration because
that's.
The other thing to consider iswhen you're around somebody and
you're feeling like, oh, this islike not feeling good.
This is frustrating.
(23:43):
How do you think the otherperson's feeling?
They're picking up on that shit.
So everything, maybe you'redoing a favor.
It's kind of like you know onepoint, shitting the pants.
It's like, oh, cool, this is,you know, the new baby, like
doing new baby things.
But at some point it's likethis kid's like 10 years old.
This is shit's got to stop.
Like when are they gonna figurethis out?
Like there might be that too.
Or they're like when is thisperson gonna find other people
(24:06):
like spend Thanksgiving with, sospend Christmas with, like real
, like they?
They can't say that they don'thave the skills, but they might
be fine.
And so when at some pointyou're just like, yeah, you know
, I've got something else to do,they're going, oh, you know,
but they might really be feelinglike a sense of relief.
And then when you come back at adifferent point and you can
(24:26):
re-engage in a Different way andit's gonna be like, oh, this is
my, this is great, this.
This person is here and andphenomenal, and I get to be the
me that I want to be, whereas ifwe just keep doing what we've
been doing, we keep doing thethings in the way that we've
been and we really don't allowourselves to grow, and it's the
equivalent of staying stuck Atan earlier developmental stage.
(24:47):
And so when we allow ourselvesto quit things that you know
served us when we were at anearlier stage, it allows us to
move on to that next stage andthat's a little bit of a
challenge, a little bit of atransition.
Yet the how great was thefreedom?
Right, and to be able to belike ah yeah, I can go about, I
don't have to worry about likeCan you somewhat of change my
diaper and stuff, like how'sthink of that?
(25:08):
And that's what it's like whenyou like say, I no longer need
to just keep spending time withthe same people, I no longer
have to keep engaging in thesame eating behaviors or
drinking behaviors, I no longerhave to keep doing the same type
of work as a career.
This goes really to just aboutanything you can in life.
So I really encourage you be aquitter, be a quitter.
(25:31):
You've been a quitter alreadyat least once, likely multiple
times in your life, and see thatas a good thing, a good skill,
a good ability.
Now, yes, there are going to besome areas of your life where
you don't want to quit.
You want to keep going.
It's about having thediscernment to know the
difference and Realize that youhave these skills and there's a
time and the place to use themall.
(25:52):
And I want to embrace you tolook at, especially this time of
year, maybe, what's what's timeto quit, what's time to quit
and Start it now and don't waituntil New years, because when
New Year's comes along, usuallywhat's already gone, and there's
probably a reason why NewYear's is when people want to do
(26:14):
new things is because they theydon't actually have an
opportunity to Really do thechallenging things at the
challenging times of years.
It's kind of an easy year to goLet me try some bullshit I
don't know that to sweet muchout, like everyone just gets
busy to doing stuff anyway.
But this is the time of yearwhere you can really lean in and
have like some difficult,challenging considerations of
(26:35):
like ooh yeah, I'm gonna dosomething different for
Christmas, I'm gonna dosomething that I want.
Right, when was the last timeyou did something you want, like
, really want, and A lot oftimes we're taught that that's
selfish.
Yet what do you really want forother people to join?
She want other people doingwhat they want, doing what
lights them up, what makes themhappy, and so if you want that
(26:56):
for others, you got also wantthat for yourself and you have
to demonstrate that for them.
And so that's why, when it'slike I get an opportunity to do
a retreat that I want to do inNew Zealand, I make it happen,
because I want to show you andeveryone else that you can make
what happens in your life thatlights you up and do it and
(27:17):
makes you excited and makes youfeel alive, and you can be an
inspiration too.
And not that I'm all that greator all that wonderful.
Just I am, and I'm not.
I'm Completely ordinary, butalso completely unique and
spectacular, and so are you, andit's beautiful.
We're got all thesesimilarities, but yet we're all
also a little unique snowflakes,beautiful, beautiful snowflakes
(27:39):
.
So be your snowflake self.
Let me know, how is this hitting?
How is it hitting me talkingabout quitting and you no longer
being a pants shitting personby being someone who pulls up
them big boy and girl pants andGoes out in that world and
you're independent.
You can do what you want whenyou want, how you want it, with
love, with consideration.
(27:59):
You're not trying to hurtanybody, of course.
Yeah, so how's this landing?
What's something that you arelike?
You know what?
I think it's time to quit this.
What's something you want toquit?
I want to know.
Let me know a podcast atjustinwinkcom or follow me on
the social Meteors.
As it is, as it is.
So tick tock.
Instagram, linkedin, facebook.
(28:20):
They say tick tock.
Yeah, find me at youtube, right.
So at justinwink phd, find methere.
And yeah, I hope you've allbeen doing well, start or end in
this year strong, and it'sstrong.
You deserve it.
So that, thank you and good day.
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