February 11, 2025 • 33 mins
Love is in the air! With Valentine’s Day around the corner, we’re diving deep into the many dimensions of love—self-love, romantic relationships, connection, loss, and the evolving ways we experience love in the modern world.
In this special episode, I’m joined by author, AI expert, and now podcaster Tonya J. Long as she flips the script and asks me the big questions about love. From navigating relationships in the digital age to embracing the lessons from loss, this episode is packed with insights, authenticity, and even a little humor.
But that’s not all! Tonya is also the host of RESET, a brand-new radio show and podcast focused on life transitions, reinvention, and finding purpose. Whether it’s career changes, technological advancements, or personal transformations, RESET is all about navigating the shifts in life with clarity and intention. Tune in to RESET on 92.9 FM in Los Gatos, CA, or stream it online anywhere in the world at reset-podcast.com.
Key Highlights:
💖 Technology & Love – How social media and digital tools amplify (but don’t change) human connection.
🌿 Self-Love & Boundaries – Why your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship.
💔 Loss & Love’s Evolution – How grief shapes our capacity to love and helps us embrace change.
🌊 Nature & Love – The surprising ways being in nature can deepen our connection to ourselves and others.
🛠️ Redefining Love & Relationships – Why breaking free from societal expectations leads to deeper fulfillment.
🎙️ A Special Cameo by Tonya J. Long – Insights from the author of AI and the New Oz on detachment, community, and purpose.
👉 Whether you're single, in a relationship, or just reflecting on love’s many forms, this episode will leave you inspired.
Connect with Tonya J. Long:
RESET podcast - https://reset-podcast.com/
https://www.instagram.com/tonyajlong/
Overcome the daily grind with transformative techniques from Justin's book, 'Engineered to Love.'
These practices aren't just about finding peace—they're about reconnecting with yourself and the world around you in meaningful ways.
Access your free materials today at engineeredtolove.com/sample and start living a life filled with joy, ease, and love.
Watch the full video episode at Justin Wenck, Ph.D. YouTube Channel!
Check out my best-selling book "Engineered to Love: Going Beyond Success to Fulfillment" also available on Audiobook on all streaming platforms! Go to https://www.engineeredtolove.com/ to learn more!
Got a question or comment about the show? E-mail me at podcast@justinwenck.com.
Remember to subscribe so you don't miss the next episode! Connect with me:
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Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended, music and pics belong to the rightful owners.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
How do you think technology andsocial media have influenced our
(00:04):
capacity to form deep,meaningful relationships, and
has this changed how youapproach love? I think in many
ways, a lot of people like toblame technology for a lot of
things that you know maybearen't going the way they would
like them to go. Yet, from myexperience, I believe technology
has merely just been anaccelerator of the human
(00:24):
condition.
Are you ready to live a lifewith enough time, money and
energy have relationships andconnections that delight you?
Are you ready for theextraordinary life you know
you've been missing? If so, thenthis is the place for you. I'm a
best selling author, coach,consultant and speaker who's
(00:47):
worked in technology for overtwo decades. I'm a leader at
transforming people andorganizations from operating in
fear, obligation and guilt torunning off joy, ease and love.
It's time for engineeringemotions and energy with me,
Justin Wenck PhD, today, we'regoing to be talking about love,
(01:11):
because Valentine's Day iscoming up soon, making sure this
gets out right beforeValentine's Day. But whenever
you're listening, whereveryou're listening, I hope Love is
a part of your life. And back tothe show, a rare returning
friend of the show, Tanya Jlong, welcome back. She's the
author of AI and the new oz. Wehad a great episode with her. I
(01:32):
don't know, is it maybe 1015,episodes ago, but yeah, Tanya is
going to be asking me somequestions about love and things
like that. And so you're reallygoing to enjoy it. We actually
already did the did theinterview, and now we're doing
this intro after the fact. Butyeah, Tanya's got a new podcast
coming up, so I'd like to, yeah,Tony, tell us about the new
(01:54):
podcast and how people can findit. And
you know, I've been great. I'vebeen having a lot of fun. And
weather excluded, there's been alot to do, and the reset podcast
has been a big part of that.
We're ramping up and rolling outepisodes for reset. It is
focused on the transitions andthe reinventions that we
(02:14):
experience in life. We'refocused on four things, work,
technology, longevity andpurpose, and frankly, depending
on the guest, we start withworker technology, typically,
but it it morphs quickly intopurpose, because purpose is so
critical for us during thisperiod of time, it's been a lot
(02:36):
of fun. So I invite everyone totake a look at reset, dash
podcast.com, or check my socialmedia, and you'll you'll get the
more complex links and all ofthe podcast distributors, Apple,
Spotify, YouTube, I HeartRadio. We'll put a link to your
your website to let people findit. Thank you. Yeah, I'm looking
(02:59):
forward to being being on thatshow here at some point, once we
get the studio well,from the radio show, it's a
joint red it's a radio show anda podcast combined. And I want
to bring you into the radiostation so we can get a chance
to have lunch. That's myulterior motive. Let's have
lunch in Los Gatos. The radiostation is 92.9 FM based out of
Los Gatos. So,yeah, so I do want to see, you
(03:22):
know, driving through the BayArea, right? Analog radios
still?
Yeah, and, and they havekpcr.org so that it distributes
online. So anybody who'sinterested, I can also
participate in the shows onlinein real time, even if you're
over, even if you're nowhere inthe US, you can still
participate via via the US. Ifyou want
(03:44):
your Silicon Valley Bay Area,you know, local, local stuff,
but you're not actually here.
It's an interesting area unlikeany else in the world, which is
why people from all over theworld do come here to get their
get their startups and otherstuff going. It is. There's
something about it. And youmentioned the weather. We're
just having some drizzle andsome rain here, but for we have
no patience. Yeah, when it'sanywhere else, yeah, like 80% of
(04:08):
the rest of the US and Canadawould just go Shut up. Like you
don't even know what bad weatheris. But for us, for us, it's
tough. It's it's tough to go twodays without having beautiful
sunshine to walk in in a T shirtin the winter, it's tough. It's
62 degrees right now as wespeak. So, so, yeah, we Yeah, I
(04:32):
know. I know, I know. And here Iam in a full sweater, 62
degrees, so we're not hurtingtoo bad,
like that's, that's bikiniweather. What do you not
for some people in the South?
When I lived in Tennessee, itsure was so we did, as you
mentioned already, do ourquestions and our Q and A on
love. And I want to thank youfor your transparency, your
(04:55):
insights, your. Your wisdom andperspective are, it's not that
they are non traditional, butyou have had experiences that
put you in a different frameworkfor responding to some of those
questions. And I just want tosay, thank you for your
authenticity. I think it's soimportant for us to talk about
love and what love means, andfrankly, to as people will see
(05:19):
when they watch. You know to seethat love has a lot of different
definitions, and you can besatisfied wherever you are if
you choose to be,yeah, and that's really what,
that's what love ultimatelywants, is just for you to be
okay with you right now as youare period like, no, or when
that happens, or this, it's,it's like, oh yeah, this is,
(05:45):
this is this is good, like, in afundamental sense, not like a
good versus bad, but if, like,everything is workable, well
said, and yeah, I have everyeverything To do what I because
I heard someone give have thisidea that they're ultimately
humans. Have no needs. We are,we are 100% desire based. And so
(06:06):
you're like, Well, what? Whatabout what about air? What about
water? And it's like, you wantthose. You want those. The only
time you truly need it is onceyou've once you've crossed over
and you're dead. But otherwiseit's a it's becomes a strong,
strong desire, and at some pointit's either satisfied or it goes
away, and then you're dead, andat no point did you actually
need it. The point you reallyneeded it, you're you're off to
(06:27):
somewhere else. Anyway, there isreally some is to think of
everything as just a desire. Itkind of frames it as it takes a
lot of the pressure off. It'slike, yes, I want water, I want
air, and I'm gonna, you know,but recognize that our desires
can be fulfilled as easily as wefulfill them with air and water
as well. I think there's alsothat, yeah,
(06:48):
yeah. Well, so thank you. Thankyou for the time today. Yeah,
thanks so much for inviting meanything else before we we let
people hear the great interviewthat you just had had for me.
Live in love. Livein love. I love it Alright, and
now enjoy. Enjoy the interview.
Hello everyone. And on thissegment for our Valentine's Day
(07:10):
Special, we are bringing in theauthor of engineered to love.
Let me get that a littleclearer, Justin Wenck wrote, he
wrote the book on love. Howabout that? Justin, that's a
that's a tall order to thinkthat you wrote the book on love,
but you did and for a veryinteresting vertical here with
(07:32):
the founders that you work within Silicon Valley. So tell us
just a little about you beforewe get started. Yeah,
thanks Tonya. Good to bechatting with you on a podcast
here again, and I don't know ifI'd say I've wrote the book on
love, I'd say it's a book onlove or of love. And yeah, I'm I
do coaching. I'm also an author,podcaster myself and a little
(07:56):
bit of a adventure. Like totravel as well and just getting
to connect more deeply withmyself and others, and
experience love and all of itsmany forms in this world is, I
think, also one of the thingsthat I like to get up to. And
also have a background inelectrical engineering, which
is, you know, why I like workingwith with tech founders as well,
(08:16):
beautifulso you are perfect for for our
show today, I'm so excited thatyou could make time. Thank you.
I have a few questions for you.
The first one plays right intowhat you talked about. How do
you think technology and socialmedia have influenced our
capacity to form deep,meaningful relationships, and
(08:39):
has this changed how youapproach love.
I think in many ways, a lot ofpeople like to blame technology
for a lot of things that youknow maybe aren't going the way
they would like them to go. Yet,from my experience, I believe
technology has merely just beenan accelerator of the human
condition. And I first learnedthis, it was when I was a young
adult. Went back to visit whereboth of my parents are from,
(09:02):
which is rural Iowa, you know,on the farmland, with an aunt
and my dad. And immediately, youknow, the her son, you know, I
guess he would have been mycousin comes in, and the aunt
goes, like, I heard, I heard youwere with so and so, and you did
this and that, and, like, Ican't believe you did that. And
it's and it's like, How did sheknow all of this? The telephone,
(09:24):
this was not Facebook, this wasnot Instagram, this was not
Twitter or x. And it just struckme that like humans have been a
certain way since we've beenhumans. Just it's so much easier
to to communicate, whether it'sgood or bad, because of
technology. And so it amplifies,accelerates whatever it is, good
(09:45):
or bad. And so if you're notliking how technology is making
your life, it's just amplifyingwhat's coming from within. And
as I've my my feed on all thesethings now is incredibly boring,
because I curate, I curate mythoughts, and I. Curate my
emotions, or I'm in touch withmy emotions, then I curate my
actions and what I choose toconsume based on that. So now my
(10:07):
feeds are incredibly boring, andI like to use technology to find
ways to connect with people inperson, instead of using doing
dating apps or other things asmuch. So it's like I use social
media and these other tools, yetI use them to serve me. I'm not.
I'm not at the mercy of them, ifthat makes sense. Beautiful.
(10:27):
Yeah, agreed. Love it. So one ofthe things that struck me in
reading your book is that youhave a marvelous grasp on self
love. So how has self loveplayed a role in your ability to
love others? How has thisrelationship with yourself
(10:49):
evolved over time? There'sa lot of times that these
cliches, of these simple bumpersticker type things, the reason
that they get said so often andare around so much is because
they're they're true, but I'vereally found you can only love
others as much as you can loveyourself, and also as someone
who takes 100% responsibilityfor everything that I experience
in my life. So good, bad,indifferent, when there's, you
(11:12):
know, something that I'm notseeing outside, that I'm like,
This is annoying me, or this isfrustrating me. It's like, what,
what aspect of myself is that?
And how can I bring some loveand some caring? Doesn't
necessarily mean that. Lovingdoesn't mean you give the keys
to the car of your life to thatthat aspect. It's just going
(11:34):
like, Okay, you're in this car.
You have a place I'm going tolisten to you yet I'm the
driver, and here's, here's wherewe're going, and here's what
we're going to do. Because lovedoesn't necessarily mean that we
just, you know, let whatevercomes into our view that we,
quote, unquote, love thatdoesn't mean they get to drive
we still get to have boundaries,and we still get to have agency
(11:54):
and things like that with otherpeople and also ourselves. And
it's like learning that withmyself has allowed me to start
to appreciate that andunderstand that and work with
that, with other people. Andmore and more, I don't get upset
at people. I love them, Iappreciate them, and often will
go all right, that's That'senough of that person. I don't
(12:15):
necessarily need to spend time,and I also I don't need to
change them, because, like,loving is, is unconditional. It
really is. It's just like, howdo I like this person as they
are, and in what capacity do wewant to interact? And that's,
that's really all there is,like, I don't need to change
anybody. The only person I needto change, and even that I don't
need to change, but it's I getto change is myself. And that's
(12:36):
because it's fun and enjoyable,and part of the adventure of
being alive and part of lovingmyself is getting to see, whoa.
What else can I do? How else canI shift love?
It Good, good. So switchinggears a little. How do you think
the experience of loss or grief?
Because you wrote about that inyour book as well. You've been
(12:58):
through your own, your ownseasons. So how has the
experience of loss or griefdeepened or changed your
capacity for love insome ways a brutal yet necessary
teacher, and my hope is itdoesn't have to be as brutal for
most people. I think becausereally like loss is part of part
(13:19):
of love. It's part of creation.
Because I just think of anartist, no matter, no matter
what they're painting on,something is being lost in the
creation of whatever the new artis. And I feel like in our
current society, we often aretrying to hold on, just
continue, continue building andbuilding and building. Yet when
(13:41):
we don't, we don't let go ofanything. It's we're not able to
clear to allow for a new,stronger foundation. It's like
we might have been building onon sand at the beach, and it's
inevitably going to collapse.
Yet I feel like if we have ahealthier relationship with
loss, with grief, withtransition, the healthier that
is, then the easier it is tobring in the new that is more
(14:03):
aligned and more joyful, andjust see it as part of the
process. And it's definitelyimproved my ability to love
myself, to love others, to bringin even more joy, because it's
it's there now that I haveexperienced loss in multiple
ways, through losing my mother,being divorced and my career,
(14:24):
it's one of those I don't havethat hanging over my head of
like, oh, boy, what if I losethat? So it's allowing me to
just really appreciate what isas it is, and being open to
things shifting more and more.
And so I would say to peoplethat have faced loss, that it it
(14:47):
does get better, and your lifecan be even more amazing, and
it's definitely way better to doit with other people. Definitely
find help, get help whatever, inwhatever form. Because I. Think
it's funny. It's like we allhave to go through certain
things, yet how we go throughit. We have so much choice in
that of who we go through itwith, and what way, how
(15:07):
challenging doesn't necessarilyhave to be as challenging as it,
as it seems, but it's it's worthit. It's worth it.
Good. Thank thank you for that.
So, um, anyone who follows youon social media, sees you
outdoors a lot, hiking, swingingthrough trees in Costa Rica,
doing amazing things, but a lotof you is is very plugged into
(15:32):
nature. So how has yourrelationship with nature evolved
into a form of love, or, youknow, what are the ways that
nature impacts your daily walk?
It's like,I think back to when I was, you
know, really young kid, andlike, it's like, I would just be
outside and playing in dirt,digging holes and stuff like
(15:54):
that. And then at some point,it's like, I don't want to touch
anything the world is can harmme. I think I got stung by a bee
at once. It's like, okay, Ialways got to have shoes on. And
then by the time I actually gotmy first, my first job after
grad school, I was like workingat Intel, where there's a, I
don't know, an infamous video ofConan O'Brien making fun of the
(16:17):
gray that goes with the graythat goes with the gray, and
that it's basically set up likea parking structure with pillars
that have, oh, I sit at d8 andOh, my friends over at G 19, and
I really, at the time, I'm like,This is great. I have my own
gray thing keeping me away andbeen a process to get more in
(16:39):
touch with nature, but it's beenso nourishing and so healing.
It's one of those, like we'repart of nature. I mean, our
bodies are made up of stuff fromthe earth. Like, just stop and
think about that, that it's likeall of our physical form, was it
something was, at some pointsomething of the earth. We are
literally of the earth, and soto be kind of there and allowing
(17:01):
nature to kind of poke at usthrough the birds or through
like branches creaking. Andwhat's amazing is there's
nature, literally, even in themost urban environments, whether
it's just somebody potted a treesomewhere, there's nature
happening. So you don't, youdon't have to go to Costa Rica
to get nature, although it isdefinitely enjoyable, but yeah,
(17:24):
to get moments of peace and toget snapped out of my habitual
thoughts, nature's become like areally good teacher in a place
of peace for me that I do mybest to get as much of. And it's
even why I moved where I canjust be right next to the ocean,
so that, basically, even if I'minside nature, can still tap me
(17:44):
on the shoulder with with a viewof dolphins or maybe a wave
splashes and shakes my place. SoI'd say embrace nature, because
we are nature, and so it's justsort of like embracing part of
who we, who we who we are atsome of the most basic places.
Yeah,those were intentional choices
you made to be near nature Ithink. Oh, yeah, yeah. So we'll
(18:09):
move in. Then to our lastquestion. Oh, well, I can't wait
building but, but building onchoices. And no doubt you make
choices differently now than youdid when you were a young adult.
So the question is, what wouldyou today? Go back and tell 20
year old Justin about love,I would go back and really tell
(18:33):
him to look into ways todiscover or learn what it is to
love himself first and take careof himself first. Because 20
year old Justin was really, youknow, the broken, the broken
paradigm of, I will, I will dofor others, and then, and then
they will somehow do for me. Andit's gonna, it's gonna work out,
(18:57):
and then I'll be happy, and thenI'll feel love when I do enough
for others, they'll they'll somepoint do enough, they'll
recognize me and love me enough,and then I will feel fulfilled.
It never happened. I'm reallysmart. If it's possible, I know
I would have figured it out. Sotell them, that's not how it
works. It all comes from within,that what's going on outside is
(19:19):
just a reflection of what'sgoing on inside. And I tell them
that I love them and that youare lovable, and that as soon as
you let go of trying to pleaseothers and worry about others,
because others, others are justas capable. And I think that is
a very loving thing, torecognize that that others are
capable of taking care ofthemselves. It doesn't mean, you
(19:43):
know, I still am not going tocause harm to anybody, but short
of that, I trust that all youknow, adults that are capable,
they can, they can speak up, orthey can say no, and I'm going
to, and I'm going to do the samefor me, and so that then we can
come together. And in more of acollaborative environment,
instead of a transactional,obligatory reason of
(20:03):
interacting, which was how I soI'd say, get out of get out of
the fear, the obligation of theguilt which I write about, and
start, start learning andgetting into the joy, ease and
love that is available to all ofus whenever we decide we want to
take the take the world up onthat. So I think that's what I
(20:24):
would I would tell myselfperfect and
thank you. Thank you for beingwith us here. Happy Valentine's
Day. I'm excited that we spendsome time together on this
topic. I think people need tospeak more about love and all
the different ways that lovemanifests. And what you've
provided today for insights issuper valuable. So thank you.
(20:48):
You're welcome. And I once, Ithink I saw a founder talking
about, you know, he is doinglike, a new type of dating app.
And he's like, Oh, love is solove is so difficult. And I had
to go up to him afterwards andgo, like, No, it isn't. It's the
easiest, it's the easiest thingthere is, it's just what most
people put on top of love thatmakes it complicated. They do
(21:08):
like the cable internet packagedeal where it's like, Oh, love
means you have to spend thenight with somebody all the
time. Or love means you have toalways, you know, do whatever
they ask you to. It's like, No,it doesn't, you know, internet
can just be internet. You don'thave to have to have the TV. You
don't have to have the voicepackage. Love is actually very
simple, very easy. It's justwe've been taught to put a bunch
(21:29):
of other junk and nonsense withit. And once you let go of all
that, and just like let love beit can be pretty simple, pretty
basic. You still have to worryabout all that stuff. Just that
has nothing to do with love.
It's just other stuff. ButTanya, what's, what are your
thoughts on love?
Oh, that's a really broadquestion, yeah, well, you
can use any of your questions,or what's been your experience,
(21:50):
or where, where are you at inyour journey of of love with
self or with others?
Gosh, the word that won't leavemy head is detachment. Ooh,
yeah, detachment fromexpectations, detachment from
outcomes, detachment from need,actually, and just being in the
(22:14):
moment with every person I'mwith to create a loving
environment, letting go of thosedefinitions, like you mentioned,
because they don't serve meanymore with where I am and so
not chasing after the world'sdefinition of love. I saw, I saw
a I saw a beautiful Jay Shettypodcast moment with apparently
(22:40):
my little household assistanthears me on I don't know why Jay
Shetty picked picked her up,but, but he was interviewing
Drew Barrymore, who has had somefamous ups and downs in her
romantic love life. Yeah. Andshe was reflecting how she
couldn't find a good romanticpartner, and in a very mature
(23:03):
way, she was just saying howdifficult it had been to connect
with someone, to have that kindof loving relationship. And Jay
had a beautiful thing to sayabout we've we've created this,
this, this, this pyramid of oflove and and romantic
relationships are the the piecede la resistance of of, you
(23:25):
know, you've arrived at lovewhen you're in a romantic,
loving relationship, and that'sgarbage. And then he pointed it
out to drew that she, I thinkshe has two daughters and and
you know you have, you havematernal love, and you are
surrounded by friends andcommunity, and you and he, he
pointed it out all the ways. Herecognized that she is, she is
(23:49):
cocooned in love from multipledirections, and not to let the
world define that need that shehad for a romantic relationship.
And I And that, I mean thatreally, really resonated for me.
I think was part of my journeyof detachment, of being really
happy with the communities thatI have and the people that
(24:11):
surround me and support me. SoI'm pretty happy on that front
as it relates to love.
I love that that's beautiful.
And I think it's a little bit oflike the that, that package
deal, yes, of love and of like,well, what is, what's all
required of of a romanticrelationship? Because, honestly,
(24:31):
it's, I like to differentiatebetween lovership and
partnership. But a lot of thequote, the quote, unquote
partnership. Stuff can basicallybe outsourced to friends, to
family, to, you know, otherpeople. But lovership is that
just like that spark, thatjuice, but that can just happen
in, like, an instance of, like apassing grays and, you know, a
(24:55):
meeting of eyes, and maybe younever even. Talk to the person.
And so it's sort of like, whenyou decouple all that, oh, but I
need to have all this otherstuff. Then it's like, then
you're gonna, of course, you'rekind of gonna miss all these
opportunities for the lovership,which is sort of that, that
spark, just that, that whateverthat is almost you can't even
(25:15):
put to words, but it's just likeit, it reminds you like, Oh, I
am, I am alive, and oh, there'sdesire and there is want, and it
doesn't have to be attached toall that other stuff either.
No, no, no, and there'ssomething to I'll just say male
(25:37):
and female energy, and I don'twant this to come out the wrong
way. Well,I'll put it, because I've been
to a lot of these environments,and so yes, all humans have both
male and female energy. Yes,some tend to have more, more
male, masculine, which can alsobe there's yin and yang, or
different terms, masculine,feminine says surrender, and
there's, there's all sorts ofterms. But we're just going to
(26:00):
use male and female mask, butuse it as you were, because, you
know, two women can have onemore masculine more. I like to
consider myself. I'm, like, 51%masculine, 49% feminine. I'm
just just a little bit more.
Okay, okay, fine. I mean, youknow, I'm I like to flow. I like
to be artsy and but then, youknow, when I'm in a romantic
(26:22):
relationship, I yeah, I like, Ilike to conduct, I like to
direct. I like to, you know,yeah, yeah, I got you.
But the that male female energyis more important to me than
than romantic relationships atthis, at this juncture in my
life, and I was reflecting tosomeone the other day, and this
(26:43):
is the part that I hope doesn'tcome across poorly. I'm
surrounded by men. I'msurrounded by men who love me.
You know, I Airstream, and Ihave a group of hate husbands of
my you know that are friends ofmine. They're husbands of other
Airstream friends of mine, and,you know, and I get all that
(27:04):
male energy when we when wetravel together, when we're
because I'm, I do both sides. Ias a solo traveler, you know,
I've got the mechanical haul andstuff, you know, driving a big
rig kind of thing going on. Andthen I interact with the women
to do the the more the moretraditionally female tasks, like
(27:26):
around family meals and thatkind of thing when we're
together. But I get so much maleenergy that I enjoy, you know
your good friend, that I getgreat male energy from when we
go and we network at eventstogether. My needs are met
because, I guess, in Jay Shettypyramid, the middle of my
(27:46):
pyramid so full, so full of theoffsetting energy, because I've
got plenty of male energy in howI interact. But that that, but
that receiving of interaction,engagement and collaboration,
partnership is those are, forme, the things that are
(28:07):
important right now moreimportant for me than what, than
what packages up with, withromantic love. And so I'm very
satisfied with where my life is.
Andthat's what the most important
thing is, is, are you satisfied?
Because we have seasons of lifetoo, like 100% for some reason,
(28:27):
it's like, oh, you're supposedto have all of the things all of
the time. And it's like, no,sometimes you just meant to just
be on your own. Or maybe you'rejust meant to just have friends,
or maybe you're meant to be justover the moon you know, in a
romantic whatever and what youknow, whatever it's, there's a
time and a place for ourselves,and yeah, and we get to choose
(28:50):
it, ideally, with a little helpof, you know, noticing the
seasons of nature too. I thinkthere is something to respecting
what the what the sun and themoon and all that are doing,
because I've definitely beenhibernating a lot this winter
compared to previous, and I feellike it's going to bring a good
(29:11):
a good harvest come summer andfall of 2025 so not be getting
too down on myself, like Ididn't do the 3 million things I
thought I would do overChristmas and whatever, and just
being loving of myself and likethis is probably just what was
best for me at this time. Yeah,those things will wait. You've
been productive during yourhibernation.
(29:33):
Yeah, I've been trying to givemyself credit that, like,
sometimes me not doing much, Istill do more than a lot of
people will do in a lifetime,you know, not to, not to brag.
I'm, you know, I'm an incrediblyhumble person. I'm the most
humble person there is. But Iit's, you know, just kind of
trying to go, like, Wait, yeah,no, I got, I I do do some
(29:53):
amazing stuff, and sometimes,yeah, the little stuff I do is
big, instead of trying to do.
But other people, I think, aredoing great, because I just
always used to compare myself tosuch amazing people. But it's
not. Yeah, I think that's alwayshelpful. It's good to get
inspired. Inspire. Inspirationwithout comparation.
(30:15):
Role models are important. Theygive us a place to reach toward
in terms of impact, but itstopped there, right? Yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah,because we're meant to be we're
meant to be us, not anybodyelse.
Yeah, 100% but I will borrow acase method is my favorite copy
and steal everything. So I willborrow from what I like, Oh
(30:39):
yeah, it's, you know, such greatideas for how to do more, more
that you enjoy. But it's, butit's very much choice. It's pick
and choose, what, what, whatfits for what you want to
believe and achieve, yeah,for what, for what we want to
create, for our own canvas oflife, or each of our, I think,
a, you know, we, we areengineered to love, to love
(31:01):
everything in our life. Yet weare not an engineering project.
We are an art project. Our life,our life is art. The human
vessel is engineered to love,but what we do with it is is
art. And so it really is justabout for the experience, for
the beauty, for the sake ofcreating, yeah? So that which is
(31:21):
art is not linear. It is notstructured. It is a mess at
times. So if your life is a messat times, you're doing it right,
yeah,yeah, beautiful. I think that's
a great place to wrap this andsay thank you and Happy
Valentine's Day. Thankyou and happy Valentine's Day to
(31:41):
you, Tanya, and to ourlisteners, all the listeners,
yeah, thank you, perfect. Thanksfor tuning in to engineering
emotions and energy with JustinWenck PhD, today's episode
resonated with you. Pleasesubscribe and leave a five star
review. Your feedback not onlysupports the show, but also
helps others find us and starttheir journey of emotional and
(32:02):
energetic mastery. You can alsohelp by sharing this podcast
with someone you think will loveit just as much as you do.
Together, we're engineering moreamazing lives you.
How do you think technology andsocial media have influenced our
(00:04):
capacity to form deep,meaningful relationships, and
has this changed how youapproach love? I think in many
ways, a lot of people like toblame technology for a lot of
things that you know maybearen't going the way they would
like them to go. Yet, from myexperience, I believe technology
has merely just been anaccelerator of the human
(00:24):
condition.
Are you ready to live a lifewith enough time, money and
energy have relationships andconnections that delight you?
Are you ready for theextraordinary life you know
you've been missing? If so, thenthis is the place for you. I'm a
best selling author, coach,consultant and speaker who's
(00:47):
worked in technology for overtwo decades. I'm a leader at
transforming people andorganizations from operating in
fear, obligation and guilt torunning off joy, ease and love.
It's time for engineeringemotions and energy with me,
Justin Wenck PhD, today, we'regoing to be talking about love,
(01:11):
because Valentine's Day iscoming up soon, making sure this
gets out right beforeValentine's Day. But whenever
you're listening, whereveryou're listening, I hope Love is
a part of your life. And back tothe show, a rare returning
friend of the show, Tanya Jlong, welcome back. She's the
author of AI and the new oz. Wehad a great episode with her. I
(01:32):
don't know, is it maybe 1015,episodes ago, but yeah, Tanya is
going to be asking me somequestions about love and things
like that. And so you're reallygoing to enjoy it. We actually
already did the did theinterview, and now we're doing
this intro after the fact. Butyeah, Tanya's got a new podcast
coming up, so I'd like to, yeah,Tony, tell us about the new
(01:54):
podcast and how people can findit. And
you know, I've been great. I'vebeen having a lot of fun. And
weather excluded, there's been alot to do, and the reset podcast
has been a big part of that.
We're ramping up and rolling outepisodes for reset. It is
focused on the transitions andthe reinventions that we
(02:14):
experience in life. We'refocused on four things, work,
technology, longevity andpurpose, and frankly, depending
on the guest, we start withworker technology, typically,
but it it morphs quickly intopurpose, because purpose is so
critical for us during thisperiod of time, it's been a lot
(02:36):
of fun. So I invite everyone totake a look at reset, dash
podcast.com, or check my socialmedia, and you'll you'll get the
more complex links and all ofthe podcast distributors, Apple,
Spotify, YouTube, I HeartRadio. We'll put a link to your
your website to let people findit. Thank you. Yeah, I'm looking
(02:59):
forward to being being on thatshow here at some point, once we
get the studio well,from the radio show, it's a
joint red it's a radio show anda podcast combined. And I want
to bring you into the radiostation so we can get a chance
to have lunch. That's myulterior motive. Let's have
lunch in Los Gatos. The radiostation is 92.9 FM based out of
Los Gatos. So,yeah, so I do want to see, you
(03:22):
know, driving through the BayArea, right? Analog radios
still?
Yeah, and, and they havekpcr.org so that it distributes
online. So anybody who'sinterested, I can also
participate in the shows onlinein real time, even if you're
over, even if you're nowhere inthe US, you can still
participate via via the US. Ifyou want
(03:44):
your Silicon Valley Bay Area,you know, local, local stuff,
but you're not actually here.
It's an interesting area unlikeany else in the world, which is
why people from all over theworld do come here to get their
get their startups and otherstuff going. It is. There's
something about it. And youmentioned the weather. We're
just having some drizzle andsome rain here, but for we have
no patience. Yeah, when it'sanywhere else, yeah, like 80% of
(04:08):
the rest of the US and Canadawould just go Shut up. Like you
don't even know what bad weatheris. But for us, for us, it's
tough. It's it's tough to go twodays without having beautiful
sunshine to walk in in a T shirtin the winter, it's tough. It's
62 degrees right now as wespeak. So, so, yeah, we Yeah, I
(04:32):
know. I know, I know. And here Iam in a full sweater, 62
degrees, so we're not hurtingtoo bad,
like that's, that's bikiniweather. What do you not
for some people in the South?
When I lived in Tennessee, itsure was so we did, as you
mentioned already, do ourquestions and our Q and A on
love. And I want to thank youfor your transparency, your
(04:55):
insights, your. Your wisdom andperspective are, it's not that
they are non traditional, butyou have had experiences that
put you in a different frameworkfor responding to some of those
questions. And I just want tosay, thank you for your
authenticity. I think it's soimportant for us to talk about
love and what love means, andfrankly, to as people will see
(05:19):
when they watch. You know to seethat love has a lot of different
definitions, and you can besatisfied wherever you are if
you choose to be,yeah, and that's really what,
that's what love ultimatelywants, is just for you to be
okay with you right now as youare period like, no, or when
that happens, or this, it's,it's like, oh yeah, this is,
(05:45):
this is this is good, like, in afundamental sense, not like a
good versus bad, but if, like,everything is workable, well
said, and yeah, I have everyeverything To do what I because
I heard someone give have thisidea that they're ultimately
humans. Have no needs. We are,we are 100% desire based. And so
(06:06):
you're like, Well, what? Whatabout what about air? What about
water? And it's like, you wantthose. You want those. The only
time you truly need it is onceyou've once you've crossed over
and you're dead. But otherwiseit's a it's becomes a strong,
strong desire, and at some pointit's either satisfied or it goes
away, and then you're dead, andat no point did you actually
need it. The point you reallyneeded it, you're you're off to
(06:27):
somewhere else. Anyway, there isreally some is to think of
everything as just a desire. Itkind of frames it as it takes a
lot of the pressure off. It'slike, yes, I want water, I want
air, and I'm gonna, you know,but recognize that our desires
can be fulfilled as easily as wefulfill them with air and water
as well. I think there's alsothat, yeah,
(06:48):
yeah. Well, so thank you. Thankyou for the time today. Yeah,
thanks so much for inviting meanything else before we we let
people hear the great interviewthat you just had had for me.
Live in love. Livein love. I love it Alright, and
now enjoy. Enjoy the interview.
Hello everyone. And on thissegment for our Valentine's Day
(07:10):
Special, we are bringing in theauthor of engineered to love.
Let me get that a littleclearer, Justin Wenck wrote, he
wrote the book on love. Howabout that? Justin, that's a
that's a tall order to thinkthat you wrote the book on love,
but you did and for a veryinteresting vertical here with
(07:32):
the founders that you work within Silicon Valley. So tell us
just a little about you beforewe get started. Yeah,
thanks Tonya. Good to bechatting with you on a podcast
here again, and I don't know ifI'd say I've wrote the book on
love, I'd say it's a book onlove or of love. And yeah, I'm I
do coaching. I'm also an author,podcaster myself and a little
(07:56):
bit of a adventure. Like totravel as well and just getting
to connect more deeply withmyself and others, and
experience love and all of itsmany forms in this world is, I
think, also one of the thingsthat I like to get up to. And
also have a background inelectrical engineering, which
is, you know, why I like workingwith with tech founders as well,
(08:16):
beautifulso you are perfect for for our
show today, I'm so excited thatyou could make time. Thank you.
I have a few questions for you.
The first one plays right intowhat you talked about. How do
you think technology and socialmedia have influenced our
capacity to form deep,meaningful relationships, and
(08:39):
has this changed how youapproach love.
I think in many ways, a lot ofpeople like to blame technology
for a lot of things that youknow maybe aren't going the way
they would like them to go. Yet,from my experience, I believe
technology has merely just beenan accelerator of the human
condition. And I first learnedthis, it was when I was a young
adult. Went back to visit whereboth of my parents are from,
(09:02):
which is rural Iowa, you know,on the farmland, with an aunt
and my dad. And immediately, youknow, the her son, you know, I
guess he would have been mycousin comes in, and the aunt
goes, like, I heard, I heard youwere with so and so, and you did
this and that, and, like, Ican't believe you did that. And
it's and it's like, How did sheknow all of this? The telephone,
(09:24):
this was not Facebook, this wasnot Instagram, this was not
Twitter or x. And it just struckme that like humans have been a
certain way since we've beenhumans. Just it's so much easier
to to communicate, whether it'sgood or bad, because of
technology. And so it amplifies,accelerates whatever it is, good
(09:45):
or bad. And so if you're notliking how technology is making
your life, it's just amplifyingwhat's coming from within. And
as I've my my feed on all thesethings now is incredibly boring,
because I curate, I curate mythoughts, and I. Curate my
emotions, or I'm in touch withmy emotions, then I curate my
actions and what I choose toconsume based on that. So now my
(10:07):
feeds are incredibly boring, andI like to use technology to find
ways to connect with people inperson, instead of using doing
dating apps or other things asmuch. So it's like I use social
media and these other tools, yetI use them to serve me. I'm not.
I'm not at the mercy of them, ifthat makes sense. Beautiful.
(10:27):
Yeah, agreed. Love it. So one ofthe things that struck me in
reading your book is that youhave a marvelous grasp on self
love. So how has self loveplayed a role in your ability to
love others? How has thisrelationship with yourself
(10:49):
evolved over time? There'sa lot of times that these
cliches, of these simple bumpersticker type things, the reason
that they get said so often andare around so much is because
they're they're true, but I'vereally found you can only love
others as much as you can loveyourself, and also as someone
who takes 100% responsibilityfor everything that I experience
in my life. So good, bad,indifferent, when there's, you
(11:12):
know, something that I'm notseeing outside, that I'm like,
This is annoying me, or this isfrustrating me. It's like, what,
what aspect of myself is that?
And how can I bring some loveand some caring? Doesn't
necessarily mean that. Lovingdoesn't mean you give the keys
to the car of your life to thatthat aspect. It's just going
(11:34):
like, Okay, you're in this car.
You have a place I'm going tolisten to you yet I'm the
driver, and here's, here's wherewe're going, and here's what
we're going to do. Because lovedoesn't necessarily mean that we
just, you know, let whatevercomes into our view that we,
quote, unquote, love thatdoesn't mean they get to drive
we still get to have boundaries,and we still get to have agency
(11:54):
and things like that with otherpeople and also ourselves. And
it's like learning that withmyself has allowed me to start
to appreciate that andunderstand that and work with
that, with other people. Andmore and more, I don't get upset
at people. I love them, Iappreciate them, and often will
go all right, that's That'senough of that person. I don't
(12:15):
necessarily need to spend time,and I also I don't need to
change them, because, like,loving is, is unconditional. It
really is. It's just like, howdo I like this person as they
are, and in what capacity do wewant to interact? And that's,
that's really all there is,like, I don't need to change
anybody. The only person I needto change, and even that I don't
need to change, but it's I getto change is myself. And that's
(12:36):
because it's fun and enjoyable,and part of the adventure of
being alive and part of lovingmyself is getting to see, whoa.
What else can I do? How else canI shift love?
It Good, good. So switchinggears a little. How do you think
the experience of loss or grief?
Because you wrote about that inyour book as well. You've been
(12:58):
through your own, your ownseasons. So how has the
experience of loss or griefdeepened or changed your
capacity for love insome ways a brutal yet necessary
teacher, and my hope is itdoesn't have to be as brutal for
most people. I think becausereally like loss is part of part
(13:19):
of love. It's part of creation.
Because I just think of anartist, no matter, no matter
what they're painting on,something is being lost in the
creation of whatever the new artis. And I feel like in our
current society, we often aretrying to hold on, just
continue, continue building andbuilding and building. Yet when
(13:41):
we don't, we don't let go ofanything. It's we're not able to
clear to allow for a new,stronger foundation. It's like
we might have been building onon sand at the beach, and it's
inevitably going to collapse.
Yet I feel like if we have ahealthier relationship with
loss, with grief, withtransition, the healthier that
is, then the easier it is tobring in the new that is more
(14:03):
aligned and more joyful, andjust see it as part of the
process. And it's definitelyimproved my ability to love
myself, to love others, to bringin even more joy, because it's
it's there now that I haveexperienced loss in multiple
ways, through losing my mother,being divorced and my career,
(14:24):
it's one of those I don't havethat hanging over my head of
like, oh, boy, what if I losethat? So it's allowing me to
just really appreciate what isas it is, and being open to
things shifting more and more.
And so I would say to peoplethat have faced loss, that it it
(14:47):
does get better, and your lifecan be even more amazing, and
it's definitely way better to doit with other people. Definitely
find help, get help whatever, inwhatever form. Because I. Think
it's funny. It's like we allhave to go through certain
things, yet how we go throughit. We have so much choice in
that of who we go through itwith, and what way, how
(15:07):
challenging doesn't necessarilyhave to be as challenging as it,
as it seems, but it's it's worthit. It's worth it.
Good. Thank thank you for that.
So, um, anyone who follows youon social media, sees you
outdoors a lot, hiking, swingingthrough trees in Costa Rica,
doing amazing things, but a lotof you is is very plugged into
(15:32):
nature. So how has yourrelationship with nature evolved
into a form of love, or, youknow, what are the ways that
nature impacts your daily walk?
It's like,I think back to when I was, you
know, really young kid, andlike, it's like, I would just be
outside and playing in dirt,digging holes and stuff like
(15:54):
that. And then at some point,it's like, I don't want to touch
anything the world is can harmme. I think I got stung by a bee
at once. It's like, okay, Ialways got to have shoes on. And
then by the time I actually gotmy first, my first job after
grad school, I was like workingat Intel, where there's a, I
don't know, an infamous video ofConan O'Brien making fun of the
(16:17):
gray that goes with the graythat goes with the gray, and
that it's basically set up likea parking structure with pillars
that have, oh, I sit at d8 andOh, my friends over at G 19, and
I really, at the time, I'm like,This is great. I have my own
gray thing keeping me away andbeen a process to get more in
(16:39):
touch with nature, but it's beenso nourishing and so healing.
It's one of those, like we'repart of nature. I mean, our
bodies are made up of stuff fromthe earth. Like, just stop and
think about that, that it's likeall of our physical form, was it
something was, at some pointsomething of the earth. We are
literally of the earth, and soto be kind of there and allowing
(17:01):
nature to kind of poke at usthrough the birds or through
like branches creaking. Andwhat's amazing is there's
nature, literally, even in themost urban environments, whether
it's just somebody potted a treesomewhere, there's nature
happening. So you don't, youdon't have to go to Costa Rica
to get nature, although it isdefinitely enjoyable, but yeah,
(17:24):
to get moments of peace and toget snapped out of my habitual
thoughts, nature's become like areally good teacher in a place
of peace for me that I do mybest to get as much of. And it's
even why I moved where I canjust be right next to the ocean,
so that, basically, even if I'minside nature, can still tap me
(17:44):
on the shoulder with with a viewof dolphins or maybe a wave
splashes and shakes my place. SoI'd say embrace nature, because
we are nature, and so it's justsort of like embracing part of
who we, who we who we are atsome of the most basic places.
Yeah,those were intentional choices
you made to be near nature Ithink. Oh, yeah, yeah. So we'll
(18:09):
move in. Then to our lastquestion. Oh, well, I can't wait
building but, but building onchoices. And no doubt you make
choices differently now than youdid when you were a young adult.
So the question is, what wouldyou today? Go back and tell 20
year old Justin about love,I would go back and really tell
(18:33):
him to look into ways todiscover or learn what it is to
love himself first and take careof himself first. Because 20
year old Justin was really, youknow, the broken, the broken
paradigm of, I will, I will dofor others, and then, and then
they will somehow do for me. Andit's gonna, it's gonna work out,
(18:57):
and then I'll be happy, and thenI'll feel love when I do enough
for others, they'll they'll somepoint do enough, they'll
recognize me and love me enough,and then I will feel fulfilled.
It never happened. I'm reallysmart. If it's possible, I know
I would have figured it out. Sotell them, that's not how it
works. It all comes from within,that what's going on outside is
(19:19):
just a reflection of what'sgoing on inside. And I tell them
that I love them and that youare lovable, and that as soon as
you let go of trying to pleaseothers and worry about others,
because others, others are justas capable. And I think that is
a very loving thing, torecognize that that others are
capable of taking care ofthemselves. It doesn't mean, you
(19:43):
know, I still am not going tocause harm to anybody, but short
of that, I trust that all youknow, adults that are capable,
they can, they can speak up, orthey can say no, and I'm going
to, and I'm going to do the samefor me, and so that then we can
come together. And in more of acollaborative environment,
instead of a transactional,obligatory reason of
(20:03):
interacting, which was how I soI'd say, get out of get out of
the fear, the obligation of theguilt which I write about, and
start, start learning andgetting into the joy, ease and
love that is available to all ofus whenever we decide we want to
take the take the world up onthat. So I think that's what I
(20:24):
would I would tell myselfperfect and
thank you. Thank you for beingwith us here. Happy Valentine's
Day. I'm excited that we spendsome time together on this
topic. I think people need tospeak more about love and all
the different ways that lovemanifests. And what you've
provided today for insights issuper valuable. So thank you.
(20:48):
You're welcome. And I once, Ithink I saw a founder talking
about, you know, he is doinglike, a new type of dating app.
And he's like, Oh, love is solove is so difficult. And I had
to go up to him afterwards andgo, like, No, it isn't. It's the
easiest, it's the easiest thingthere is, it's just what most
people put on top of love thatmakes it complicated. They do
(21:08):
like the cable internet packagedeal where it's like, Oh, love
means you have to spend thenight with somebody all the
time. Or love means you have toalways, you know, do whatever
they ask you to. It's like, No,it doesn't, you know, internet
can just be internet. You don'thave to have to have the TV. You
don't have to have the voicepackage. Love is actually very
simple, very easy. It's justwe've been taught to put a bunch
(21:29):
of other junk and nonsense withit. And once you let go of all
that, and just like let love beit can be pretty simple, pretty
basic. You still have to worryabout all that stuff. Just that
has nothing to do with love.
It's just other stuff. ButTanya, what's, what are your
thoughts on love?
Oh, that's a really broadquestion, yeah, well, you
can use any of your questions,or what's been your experience,
(21:50):
or where, where are you at inyour journey of of love with
self or with others?
Gosh, the word that won't leavemy head is detachment. Ooh,
yeah, detachment fromexpectations, detachment from
outcomes, detachment from need,actually, and just being in the
(22:14):
moment with every person I'mwith to create a loving
environment, letting go of thosedefinitions, like you mentioned,
because they don't serve meanymore with where I am and so
not chasing after the world'sdefinition of love. I saw, I saw
a I saw a beautiful Jay Shettypodcast moment with apparently
(22:40):
my little household assistanthears me on I don't know why Jay
Shetty picked picked her up,but, but he was interviewing
Drew Barrymore, who has had somefamous ups and downs in her
romantic love life. Yeah. Andshe was reflecting how she
couldn't find a good romanticpartner, and in a very mature
(23:03):
way, she was just saying howdifficult it had been to connect
with someone, to have that kindof loving relationship. And Jay
had a beautiful thing to sayabout we've we've created this,
this, this, this pyramid of oflove and and romantic
relationships are the the piecede la resistance of of, you
(23:25):
know, you've arrived at lovewhen you're in a romantic,
loving relationship, and that'sgarbage. And then he pointed it
out to drew that she, I thinkshe has two daughters and and
you know you have, you havematernal love, and you are
surrounded by friends andcommunity, and you and he, he
pointed it out all the ways. Herecognized that she is, she is
(23:49):
cocooned in love from multipledirections, and not to let the
world define that need that shehad for a romantic relationship.
And I And that, I mean thatreally, really resonated for me.
I think was part of my journeyof detachment, of being really
happy with the communities thatI have and the people that
(24:11):
surround me and support me. SoI'm pretty happy on that front
as it relates to love.
I love that that's beautiful.
And I think it's a little bit oflike the that, that package
deal, yes, of love and of like,well, what is, what's all
required of of a romanticrelationship? Because, honestly,
(24:31):
it's, I like to differentiatebetween lovership and
partnership. But a lot of thequote, the quote, unquote
partnership. Stuff can basicallybe outsourced to friends, to
family, to, you know, otherpeople. But lovership is that
just like that spark, thatjuice, but that can just happen
in, like, an instance of, like apassing grays and, you know, a
(24:55):
meeting of eyes, and maybe younever even. Talk to the person.
And so it's sort of like, whenyou decouple all that, oh, but I
need to have all this otherstuff. Then it's like, then
you're gonna, of course, you'rekind of gonna miss all these
opportunities for the lovership,which is sort of that, that
spark, just that, that whateverthat is almost you can't even
(25:15):
put to words, but it's just likeit, it reminds you like, Oh, I
am, I am alive, and oh, there'sdesire and there is want, and it
doesn't have to be attached toall that other stuff either.
No, no, no, and there'ssomething to I'll just say male
(25:37):
and female energy, and I don'twant this to come out the wrong
way. Well,I'll put it, because I've been
to a lot of these environments,and so yes, all humans have both
male and female energy. Yes,some tend to have more, more
male, masculine, which can alsobe there's yin and yang, or
different terms, masculine,feminine says surrender, and
there's, there's all sorts ofterms. But we're just going to
(26:00):
use male and female mask, butuse it as you were, because, you
know, two women can have onemore masculine more. I like to
consider myself. I'm, like, 51%masculine, 49% feminine. I'm
just just a little bit more.
Okay, okay, fine. I mean, youknow, I'm I like to flow. I like
to be artsy and but then, youknow, when I'm in a romantic
(26:22):
relationship, I yeah, I like, Ilike to conduct, I like to
direct. I like to, you know,yeah, yeah, I got you.
But the that male female energyis more important to me than
than romantic relationships atthis, at this juncture in my
life, and I was reflecting tosomeone the other day, and this
(26:43):
is the part that I hope doesn'tcome across poorly. I'm
surrounded by men. I'msurrounded by men who love me.
You know, I Airstream, and Ihave a group of hate husbands of
my you know that are friends ofmine. They're husbands of other
Airstream friends of mine, and,you know, and I get all that
(27:04):
male energy when we when wetravel together, when we're
because I'm, I do both sides. Ias a solo traveler, you know,
I've got the mechanical haul andstuff, you know, driving a big
rig kind of thing going on. Andthen I interact with the women
to do the the more the moretraditionally female tasks, like
(27:26):
around family meals and thatkind of thing when we're
together. But I get so much maleenergy that I enjoy, you know
your good friend, that I getgreat male energy from when we
go and we network at eventstogether. My needs are met
because, I guess, in Jay Shettypyramid, the middle of my
(27:46):
pyramid so full, so full of theoffsetting energy, because I've
got plenty of male energy in howI interact. But that that, but
that receiving of interaction,engagement and collaboration,
partnership is those are, forme, the things that are
(28:07):
important right now moreimportant for me than what, than
what packages up with, withromantic love. And so I'm very
satisfied with where my life is.
Andthat's what the most important
thing is, is, are you satisfied?
Because we have seasons of lifetoo, like 100% for some reason,
(28:27):
it's like, oh, you're supposedto have all of the things all of
the time. And it's like, no,sometimes you just meant to just
be on your own. Or maybe you'rejust meant to just have friends,
or maybe you're meant to be justover the moon you know, in a
romantic whatever and what youknow, whatever it's, there's a
time and a place for ourselves,and yeah, and we get to choose
(28:50):
it, ideally, with a little helpof, you know, noticing the
seasons of nature too. I thinkthere is something to respecting
what the what the sun and themoon and all that are doing,
because I've definitely beenhibernating a lot this winter
compared to previous, and I feellike it's going to bring a good
(29:11):
a good harvest come summer andfall of 2025 so not be getting
too down on myself, like Ididn't do the 3 million things I
thought I would do overChristmas and whatever, and just
being loving of myself and likethis is probably just what was
best for me at this time. Yeah,those things will wait. You've
been productive during yourhibernation.
(29:33):
Yeah, I've been trying to givemyself credit that, like,
sometimes me not doing much, Istill do more than a lot of
people will do in a lifetime,you know, not to, not to brag.
I'm, you know, I'm an incrediblyhumble person. I'm the most
humble person there is. But Iit's, you know, just kind of
trying to go, like, Wait, yeah,no, I got, I I do do some
(29:53):
amazing stuff, and sometimes,yeah, the little stuff I do is
big, instead of trying to do.
But other people, I think, aredoing great, because I just
always used to compare myself tosuch amazing people. But it's
not. Yeah, I think that's alwayshelpful. It's good to get
inspired. Inspire. Inspirationwithout comparation.
(30:15):
Role models are important. Theygive us a place to reach toward
in terms of impact, but itstopped there, right? Yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah,because we're meant to be we're
meant to be us, not anybodyelse.
Yeah, 100% but I will borrow acase method is my favorite copy
and steal everything. So I willborrow from what I like, Oh
(30:39):
yeah, it's, you know, such greatideas for how to do more, more
that you enjoy. But it's, butit's very much choice. It's pick
and choose, what, what, whatfits for what you want to
believe and achieve, yeah,for what, for what we want to
create, for our own canvas oflife, or each of our, I think,
a, you know, we, we areengineered to love, to love
(31:01):
everything in our life. Yet weare not an engineering project.
We are an art project. Our life,our life is art. The human
vessel is engineered to love,but what we do with it is is
art. And so it really is justabout for the experience, for
the beauty, for the sake ofcreating, yeah? So that which is
(31:21):
art is not linear. It is notstructured. It is a mess at
times. So if your life is a messat times, you're doing it right,
yeah,yeah, beautiful. I think that's
a great place to wrap this andsay thank you and Happy
Valentine's Day. Thankyou and happy Valentine's Day to
(31:41):
you, Tanya, and to ourlisteners, all the listeners,
yeah, thank you, perfect. Thanksfor tuning in to engineering
emotions and energy with JustinWenck PhD, today's episode
resonated with you. Pleasesubscribe and leave a five star
review. Your feedback not onlysupports the show, but also
helps others find us and starttheir journey of emotional and
(32:02):
energetic mastery. You can alsohelp by sharing this podcast
with someone you think will loveit just as much as you do.
Together, we're engineering moreamazing lives you.
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