June 3, 2025 • 24 mins
Are your go-to relaxation activities truly recharging you—or stealthily wearing you out? In this solo deep dive, Justin explores the hidden stressors lurking in our diets, media habits, and even our exercise routines. With humor, honesty, and practical insight, Justin challenges us to reevaluate what relaxation really means and offers tools to help truly restore your energy.
Key Takeaways:
- 🍕 How foods can secretly deplete your energy.
- 📺 Why watching TV or scrolling news might be adding to your stress.
- 🧘♂️ The unexpected tension hiding in many yoga classes.
- 🧠 Techniques like digital detox, breathwork, and “truth of now” presence for real relaxation.
- 🔄 Why breaking the habit of stress is the key to creating new energy-positive routines.
Overcome the daily grind with transformative techniques from Justin's book, 'Engineered to Love.'
These practices aren't just about finding peace—they're about reconnecting with yourself and the world around you in meaningful ways.
Access your free materials today at engineeredtolove.com/sample and start living a life filled with joy, ease, and love.
Watch the full video episode at Justin Wenck, Ph.D. YouTube Channel!
Check out my best-selling book "Engineered to Love: Going Beyond Success to Fulfillment" also available on Audiobook on all streaming platforms! Go to https://www.engineeredtolove.com/ to learn more!
Got a question or comment about the show? E-mail me at podcast@justinwenck.com.
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Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended, music and pics belong to the rightful owners.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
We're just in the habit of beingin this perpetual state of
(00:03):
anxiety, nervousness, and oh mygosh, what's going to happen
next? That we don't know what itis to relax. And it can actually
be stressful to relax becauseit's so foreign, and habit is so
powerful that anytime you'retrying to create a new habit
that does require work. And soif you're in the habit of being
stressed, to relax is actuallyalso stressful. For a while,
(00:25):
it's up. Are you ready to live alife with enough time, money and
energy have relationships andconnections that delight you?
Are you ready for theextraordinary life you know
you've been missing if so, thenthis is the place for you. I'm a
best selling author, coach,consultant and speaker who's
(00:48):
worked in technology for overtwo decades. I'm a leader at
transforming people andorganizations from operating in
fear, obligation and guilt torunning off joy, ease and love.
It's time for engineeringemotions and energy with me.
Justin Wenck, PhD, today I amasking the question, Are you
(01:13):
relaxing or are you exhausting?
Now you might be wondering, likeJustin, I that that should be
pretty easy, I would know if I'mexhausting myself or if I'm
relaxing myself, but I've had afew experiences lately that have
made me question, are we reallyrelaxing when we're doing things
that we do to relax, or are theyinsidiously still actually
(01:36):
exhausting us, but we're oftenjust too unaware to notice the
distinction. And so I'm going toshare to you, with you today
what these things might be, andI'm going to cover a range of
topics. So it's not going togive you like, the answer to
everything, but it's going togive you the questions and the
perspective to start looking atmaybe things that you've been
(01:58):
doing for years, maybe yourwhole life, and going, like,
Ooh, is this? Is this doing whatI think it's doing? And if not,
do I need to be doing somethingdifferent. So I'm going to talk
about three main, three mainthings that I've experienced,
and how they weren't doing whatI thought they were doing. And
then we're gonna talk about,well, what are some things that
(02:21):
could be done differently? Andyeah, so hopefully, so if you're
like most people, you'reprobably busy and you probably
stressed out, you probably gettired and you probably feel like
you don't have enough energy.
Yeah, what makes you differentthan most people is you're aware
of this and you want to dosomething about it, which is why
you listen to the show, right?
So thank you for listening, andthank you for being different
(02:43):
than the majority of people,because this is going to what's
make us all enjoy our lives andthe world that much more. So
what is one of the things? Thefirst is food. Often I felt
like, oh, you know, eating isrelaxing, it's nourishing. It's
going to feed and give me theenergy and to do what I want.
(03:04):
We'll probably do a wholeepisode on this. I'm not gonna
get too into it. I found thatmany of the foods that I had
been eating were actually notnourishing me. Were not helping
to rejuvenate my body and mysystem. They were actually
harming me. They were causinginflammation and causing stress
on my body. And when I finallystarted to shift the foods, you
(03:25):
know, not necessarily how much Iwas eating, but what I was
eating, I started to get all thesensitivity. And I could tell
when I would eat something thatwasn't nourishing, I'd go, Ooh,
this is not fun to eat, whereaswhen I was just steeped in it,
because I'll give you an examplegrowing up, one of the favorite
foods that I would eat, that Iwould enjoy that was just like a
(03:49):
staple of growing up, was pizza.
Yummy, delicious, fantasticpizza. It's almost not fair,
because it just has so manygood, amazing things in it. And
still to, you know, growing up,I would eat pizza very, very
often. And then I startedworking with this holistic
(04:10):
health practitioner that reallylooked in depth at, like, you
know, what, what I was eating,and how this was, in fact,
impacting, like, my blood work,things like that. And one of the
things through testingdiscovered was, was it I am
intolerant to dairy and tocombinations of grain and
(04:31):
potato? Um, so I'm not going togo too much into this, but
basically, pizza is the worstfood that I could possibly be
eating, because it basically iscausing inflammation and all
sorts of things. And it madesense why I'd always have so
many struggles with my weight,with my energy. Because
basically I was repeatedly likedoing things to my body that
(04:54):
were not nourishing it, butactually harming it and draining
it and causing it to workharder. And so when I stopped
eating the pizza and other awhole bunch of other things, I
started to, like, get and doesthis mean that I can never eat
pizza? No, in fact, I've eatenpizza, but now I have a
sensitivity where if I do eatit, I It's like, yummy in the
(05:15):
mouth, but I can feel it in myin my stomach and in my body the
next day, and often, you know,pretty soon after that, I'm
like, Ooh, this is not this isnot energizing. This is like
putting this is work to digest.
This food is an area where youmight not be getting what you
think you're getting. And again,it's not to say that don't do
these things. So it's like, Iwill still occasionally eat
(05:36):
pizza, just I know that it's notthere to nourish me, to relax
me, to help me be moreenergized, to help me be a
better person. It's purelyentertainment and at a cost. And
so it's, do I want to pay thatcost that's going to be for me
to decide. And want you to beable to know what you're paying
with your activities and yourtime and your attention. So
(05:58):
that's, that's diet, that's,that's eating and this, so the
second thing is, entertainment,right? Is what we're what we're
watching, or what we'relistening to. Often, you know,
work hard, and it's like, oh,just want to go and maybe go
watch a movie at the theater,or, you know, just watch some
news, or some some videos, ormaybe check out the news, just,
(06:22):
you know, something that's justa little passive. Just entertain
me. Gonna relax me. And nowyou're like, Oh no, Justin,
don't tell me that all thesethings that I watch listen to.
It's like, yeah. But again, I'mnot saying that any of these
things are bad. It's just itmight not be doing what you
thought it was doing. So I'vesince been, you know, really big
(06:46):
at monitoring what I consume asfar as my media. So doing
digital detoxes, where it'slike, I'm not going to, you
know, bring anything in from anyexternal media for a set period
of time, or just eliminating,you know, news from my diet the
majority of the time, and andthen, just like not doing as
much TV, not going to the moviesas often, and doesn't mean that
(07:08):
I've never do these things yet,I've noticed when I do watch
these things, like when I watchthe news, I'm much more
sensitive to, oh, this is justhere to make me upset or
frustrated or afraid, and I'mquestioning, like, why is this
the story being chosen to giveme like, it's like, Is this
(07:31):
actually a new thing, or is thisjust something that's currently
available To get me hooked, tobe scared, to be anxious, to be
frustrated, right? Because it'slike there's so many things
going on in the world at anygiven time. Most of them are
actually really incredible,heart lifting, amazing, warm and
(07:52):
nourishing. Yet does that showup on the news? So I'm a lot
more wary of like, if, whensomething's, you know, big
important, it's like importantto who and for what purpose, and
why not say that bad thingsaren't happening the world yet.
Does that deserve the majorityof my attention, and does that
result in me wanting to haveemotions that are harmful to
(08:16):
myself? Is that going to benefitor if I'm able to be discerning
and calm and peaceful and I getsome some news, and then I'm
able to go, Hmm, how would Ilike this to work out? What's a
way that I would want my worldto resolve this? Is that going
to be much more helpful to meand to my world? And then let's
talk about like entertainment.
(08:39):
So I recently went to a movie. Ihadn't gone to one in months. I
don't even know if it might havebeen my first movie of the year.
Probably not true, but it'sdefinitely been a few months
since I'd gone to a movie in thetheater. And I went to see this
Tim Robinson, I think that's hisname, kind of a comedic, comedic
actor, like he was kind of,like, too, too weird and off the
(09:00):
wall for SNL as the story that Iheard, and he's in this movie
called friendship, about thisguy, that it kind of gets into a
friendship, and he just kind ofis himself, and it doesn't, it
doesn't go well,and it's not like there's
anything too horrible going butsince it had been a while, I was
able to sort of notice that, howwhen something bad would happen
(09:23):
to the main character or toother people, just how much,
like, ooh, it's like it'shappening to me. Because we all
have these, like mirror neurons,that when somebody else feels
something, we feel it too, whichis what helps us to connect, to
build rapport, and, you know,have relationships that you know
matter and mean so much to us,yet this can also be used, you
know, maybe not, to help us,where, if someone else is
(09:47):
feeling bad, now we feel bad.
And again, this doesn't have tobe a bad thing. It's just, I
know. It's like, oh, I go to themovies to relax, to chill out.
Yet, for the most part, mysystem and I'm suspecting you.
System is interpreting that anystressor that happens in the
movie is also going to stressyour system. And so again, not
(10:08):
to say that, don't go to themovies, don't watch TV shows,
don't listen to the news. It'sjust have this awareness that
it's not relaxing. It's actuallystill keeping you in that
sympathetic nervous system, thatfight or flight mentality of
like, oh my gosh, I gotta be onedge and I gotta be tense and
ready to act. And this brings meto the third thing. So we've
(10:31):
talked about diet, we've talkedabout media consumption. Now
we're going to talk about, like,your exercise, your movements,
kind of like what you what youdo. Just the other day, just a
couple days ago, I went to ayoga class for the first time,
possibly in a year, and it was aslow flow vinyasa class. So if
you're not familiar with with alot of types of yoga, vinyasa is
(10:54):
often a flowy one, where you gofrom one movement to another,
and the teacher, instructor, theperson just throwing out things
for you to do is often what theyreally probably should be
telling themselves or advertisethemselves, as is. It's just,
here's a here's a move, here's amove, here's a move. Like
(11:15):
regular or fast flow is usuallylike, boom, boom, boom, boom,
where it's a lot of movements.
You're kind of flinging yourarms, your legs, your whatever,
all over the place, getting asweat, and often they'll heat up
the room, slow floats, usuallycooler, you know, it's, it's a
lot more calm and easeful. And Ihadn't gone for like, over a
year to a class like this,because I've, I've done yoga
(11:36):
teacher training, I've taughtyoga, so I've had 500 hours of
learning, and I've done my ownteaching, and I have a lot of
awareness of my body and whatworks for it and what doesn't.
And I kind of discovered thatgoing to, like a random yoga
teacher, is just a lot offucking work, because often
they're doing things that theyhaven't thought through of how
it might work in a differentbody. So it's like, oh, it works
(11:56):
great. It works great for them,but it doesn't work for me. I
mean, probably not for mostpeople. And so then now, like,
Okay, I gotta be on guard. And Iended up, about a year and a
half ago, discovering Bikramstyle yoga, which is often known
for being like in a really hot100 degree, 100 plus degree
room. And the other mainimportant point of it is it is
(12:20):
the same poses every singleclass. I think it's the same 26
and for the longest time, Ididn't want to do a class like
this, because I'm like, that'sboring, same pose over and over.
Like, I want variety. I wantexcitement. And when I finally
did this type of class, youknow, first it was like, Oh,
this is, like, reallychallenging, but there was
(12:41):
something to it. And I went backand again, it was like, oh, it's
the same poses, so I know what'scoming. It's not a surprise.
What's the surprise or thechallenges? Is my body's
different, and how am I going tobe working with the instruction
or the aspiration that the poseis wanting to bring me into and
I found it very, very relaxingat a deeper level. And now,
(13:06):
having only done this type ofyoga for the past year and a
half, and avoiding other typesof yoga where it's, you know,
the instructor is just going todo different things, when I went
back and did it, I was like, Ohmy gosh. It's like, I know, I
know all these poses, but Idon't know the order that
(13:26):
they're kind of come at and so Idon't know how to get into it.
And so just like that, okay, I'min a pose. I feel like, okay,
I'm chill, I'm good, I'm in mydownward dog. Yeah, this is
great. And then it's like, oh,but now I'm being asked to,
like, lift my leg and bend myknee. I wasn't expecting that.
And there's a little bit ofanxiety that I could feel in my
(13:47):
system, some some nervousness.
I'm like, Oh, am I doing itright? Or what's going to happen
next? This, like, unknown, thistension. And so I'm realizing,
like, oh, most of this Yoga isnot actually relaxing me. And
again, that's not to say thatthat's a bad thing. Life isn't
supposed to be all meant to berelaxing. Yet, if we think that
what is relaxing is actuallyexhausting us, then we're going
(14:10):
to end up exhausted. And I wasreally glad that the active
movements of this class was onlylike 40 minutes, and then it got
to do like 20 minutes of like aresting pose. So often, if you
do go to a yoga class, they'llsay, make sure you stay for the
shavasana, which is the corpsepose, the resting pose at the
end. It's the most importantpose at the end. And I now
(14:32):
really fully understand why thatis. It's because almost anything
that you're doing up into thatis putting you likely into a
state of fight or flight, thatsympathetic nervous system, and
going into that shavasana, thatjust laying there, just laying
there, that's the only time thatyou are actually having the
opportunity to truly rest,relax, rejuvenate, and getting
(14:55):
into that parasympathetic,parasympathetic nervous system
state of being. Being. And so ifyou're someone who's usually
skips that you basically didn'tget any relaxation at all. You
just got purely exhausted. Andso this is not to say don't do
things that are stimulating,that get the nervous system in,
that, you know, getting, becauseit's good to practice Fight,
(15:18):
fight, all these things. Butit's the going from one state to
the other, that builds theresilience, builds our capacity
to handle more, whereas if wejust do more and more, more,
more more, it's wearing us down,breaking us down, and that ends
up getting us to a point ofbreaking, and often, many of us
are broken in ways that we don'teven want to see yet because
(15:40):
we're so desensitized to it thatwe can't even recognize that we
are not relaxing. We're Justinthe habit of being in this
perpetual state of anxiety,nervousness and oh my gosh,
what's going to happen next thatwe don't know what it is to
relax, and it can actually bestressful to relax because it's
(16:01):
so foreign, and habit is sopowerful that anytime you're
trying to create a new habitthat does require work, and so
if you're in the habit of beingstressed, to relax is actually
also stressful. For a while,it's fucked up. It's fucked up
yet. That's why you're here tolisten to my show. That's why
there's so many resources outthere to help you to relax in a
(16:22):
true, genuine way. So I'm goingto list off a few things that
can actually bring truerelaxation. So one is eating
foods that are nourishing foryou, and you might not know,
like what's truly nourishing foryou. And so one thing is to just
fast, to just not eat, give yourbody a break. So again, this is
(16:44):
something like, if you do it toomuch, it becomes stressful, but
a little bit so like, justgoing, like, one more hour than
you would without eating in aday is going to be highly,
highly relaxing for yourdigestive system. And you know,
possibly looking to intermittentfasting, and possibly look at
doing like, you know, a one dayfast. So something that I'm
(17:06):
going to say, look into,consider it can be really,
really relaxing for your systemto, just like, not consume
something, and then you're goingto have a little bit more
sensitivity to when you do eatsomething. So that's one thing.
So we're talking about what'syour the media with that you're
going to consume? So again, I'mnot saying don't want go to a
(17:29):
movie, don't watch TV, don'twatch the news, but I'm going to
say, like, maybe do less, andmaybe try to, like, swap it out,
all right? And definitely try adigital detox, minimum, four
hour. I do have a podcast onthis. You can look up digital
detox four hours. 24 hours, evenbetter. And you will just notice
(17:53):
there will be some time whereyou're just like, Oh my gosh.
I'm so bored, I want to crawlout of my skin. Yet at some
point I'm just like, wow, thisis nice. And you'll start to
notice how incredible Your worldis, just as it is, so digital
detox. And then finally, when itcomes to like your movements, so
your exercises, things likethat. A lot of times, I tell
people, you know, like, I teachmeditation, I do meditation, I
(18:16):
will say that there's a freemeditation and other resources
on my website, Justin wenck.com,W, E, N, C, K, just click the
free resources, free whateverthing at the top, and there's
like, now four options that mostof them, all of them, all them
good. And I think three of themare going to be super, super
(18:37):
relaxing. One's a meditation,one's a breath work, and another
has some other tools, and thenone's a chapter from my book
that you can listen to for free.
So a lot ofpeople go like, Oh, I mean, I'm
a runner. My running is mymeditation. Oh, well, I walk my
dog. That's my meditation. Youknow, all these, there's a lot
of things where someone goeslike, I do this thing. That's my
(18:57):
meditation. No, that thing youdo is the thing you do because
you enjoy it, which is great,but meditation is meditation.
Because the thing is, if you'reout for a run, there's always a
chance that, you know, a carcould try to run over you, a
bear might try to attack you.
You might almost trip and fall.
There's lots of things that youhave to be aware of, beyond just
(19:18):
what's going on in your mind.
And again, it's those things arekeeping you in the moment. So
it's great, but the point ofmeditation is it allows you to
work with your own thoughts andto let go of those and come back
to something that is calming andrelaxing, and there's nothing
else you have to worry aboutthat's the important thing. Then
(19:41):
the other thing that I would sayis great, is anything that is a
repetitive motion, movement.
That's why things like Tai Chi,Qigong and a yoga practice that
is repetitive, where it's thesame thing, every you know
what's coming up, can be very,very relaxing. The other thing
breath work. Uh, breath work,very relaxing. So the box
breathing method, I teach it inmy book engineer to love going
(20:06):
beyond success to fulfillment.
Something else that is alsodeeply relaxing that we've done
episodes on this show before isgetting into a moment of truth,
which has also has to do withgetting into the sense
experience that's happening now.
So listen to the sound of myvoice, and just focusing on the
timbre, the melody, the just theaspect that there is something
(20:30):
you are hearing right now andthen your visuals, just like
noticing, what are you seeing?
What are the colors? What arethe textures? And then feeling
like touching something like,Oh, what is the feeling of the
fabric that you might betouching? What's the friction
between your fingertips when youslowly move them together and
(20:50):
then noticing your breath justthat? What are you experiencing
right now? Very, very relaxing.
And there's, there's many otherthings that, the thing is, what
I want you to take away fromthis episode is that what you've
been doing, it's not thatthere's anything wrong with it.
It's just, is it doing for youwhat you want it to be doing?
(21:10):
Because I want you to get whatyou want out of life. That's why
I'm here. That's why I do thisshow. Is because I want you to
have the life that you want. AndI bet that life includes some
deep, nourishing relaxation, andI'm guessing many of the things
you've been doing to relax havenot been relaxing you. They've
purely been exhausting you. Andso if you've been wondering
(21:32):
like, why the fuck am I sotired, there's a good chance
some of the things that I listedtoday might be part of the
reason you've been more tiredthan you would like to be. And
so again, we went through a lotin this episode, right? We
talked about diet, we talkedabout the media consumption. We
talked about how moving yourmoving your body, it's a lot of
(21:53):
stuff, so that the answer is nothere, but I hope you've got some
questions. Can allow you tolearn. If you want to explore
with me, definitely reach outand get those free resources on
Justin wenck.com you know,Justin Wenck PhD on all the
socials, you know, make sureyou're following connecting, and
if you have a question, youknow, drop me a comment, message
(22:14):
me, send me an emailpodcast@justinwnck.com and so
glad that you are here. This isa first, first episode solo
since the 200 episodecelebration. So it's really
great to be back. And I knowthat sometimes the world might
seem like, oh, there's so muchchanging, so much shifting. You
can do this, and you can do itwith joy, ease and love, and
(22:36):
there's so many people. I'm oneof them here to help support
you. You got this so thank youso much and good day. Thanks for
tuning in to engineeringemotions and energy with Justin
Wenck PhD. Today's episoderesonated with you. Please
subscribe and leave a five starreview. Your feedback not only
supports the show, but alsohelps others find us and start
(22:58):
their journey of emotional andenergetic mastery. You can also
help by sharing this podcastwith someone you think will love
it just as much as you dotogether, we're engineering more
amazing lives you.
We're just in the habit of beingin this perpetual state of
(00:03):
anxiety, nervousness, and oh mygosh, what's going to happen
next? That we don't know what itis to relax. And it can actually
be stressful to relax becauseit's so foreign, and habit is so
powerful that anytime you'retrying to create a new habit
that does require work. And soif you're in the habit of being
stressed, to relax is actuallyalso stressful. For a while,
(00:25):
it's up. Are you ready to live alife with enough time, money and
energy have relationships andconnections that delight you?
Are you ready for theextraordinary life you know
you've been missing if so, thenthis is the place for you. I'm a
best selling author, coach,consultant and speaker who's
(00:48):
worked in technology for overtwo decades. I'm a leader at
transforming people andorganizations from operating in
fear, obligation and guilt torunning off joy, ease and love.
It's time for engineeringemotions and energy with me.
Justin Wenck, PhD, today I amasking the question, Are you
(01:13):
relaxing or are you exhausting?
Now you might be wondering, likeJustin, I that that should be
pretty easy, I would know if I'mexhausting myself or if I'm
relaxing myself, but I've had afew experiences lately that have
made me question, are we reallyrelaxing when we're doing things
that we do to relax, or are theyinsidiously still actually
(01:36):
exhausting us, but we're oftenjust too unaware to notice the
distinction. And so I'm going toshare to you, with you today
what these things might be, andI'm going to cover a range of
topics. So it's not going togive you like, the answer to
everything, but it's going togive you the questions and the
perspective to start looking atmaybe things that you've been
(01:58):
doing for years, maybe yourwhole life, and going, like,
Ooh, is this? Is this doing whatI think it's doing? And if not,
do I need to be doing somethingdifferent. So I'm going to talk
about three main, three mainthings that I've experienced,
and how they weren't doing whatI thought they were doing. And
then we're gonna talk about,well, what are some things that
(02:21):
could be done differently? Andyeah, so hopefully, so if you're
like most people, you'reprobably busy and you probably
stressed out, you probably gettired and you probably feel like
you don't have enough energy.
Yeah, what makes you differentthan most people is you're aware
of this and you want to dosomething about it, which is why
you listen to the show, right?
So thank you for listening, andthank you for being different
(02:43):
than the majority of people,because this is going to what's
make us all enjoy our lives andthe world that much more. So
what is one of the things? Thefirst is food. Often I felt
like, oh, you know, eating isrelaxing, it's nourishing. It's
going to feed and give me theenergy and to do what I want.
(03:04):
We'll probably do a wholeepisode on this. I'm not gonna
get too into it. I found thatmany of the foods that I had
been eating were actually notnourishing me. Were not helping
to rejuvenate my body and mysystem. They were actually
harming me. They were causinginflammation and causing stress
on my body. And when I finallystarted to shift the foods, you
(03:25):
know, not necessarily how much Iwas eating, but what I was
eating, I started to get all thesensitivity. And I could tell
when I would eat something thatwasn't nourishing, I'd go, Ooh,
this is not fun to eat, whereaswhen I was just steeped in it,
because I'll give you an examplegrowing up, one of the favorite
foods that I would eat, that Iwould enjoy that was just like a
(03:49):
staple of growing up, was pizza.
Yummy, delicious, fantasticpizza. It's almost not fair,
because it just has so manygood, amazing things in it. And
still to, you know, growing up,I would eat pizza very, very
often. And then I startedworking with this holistic
(04:10):
health practitioner that reallylooked in depth at, like, you
know, what, what I was eating,and how this was, in fact,
impacting, like, my blood work,things like that. And one of the
things through testingdiscovered was, was it I am
intolerant to dairy and tocombinations of grain and
(04:31):
potato? Um, so I'm not going togo too much into this, but
basically, pizza is the worstfood that I could possibly be
eating, because it basically iscausing inflammation and all
sorts of things. And it madesense why I'd always have so
many struggles with my weight,with my energy. Because
basically I was repeatedly likedoing things to my body that
(04:54):
were not nourishing it, butactually harming it and draining
it and causing it to workharder. And so when I stopped
eating the pizza and other awhole bunch of other things, I
started to, like, get and doesthis mean that I can never eat
pizza? No, in fact, I've eatenpizza, but now I have a
sensitivity where if I do eatit, I It's like, yummy in the
(05:15):
mouth, but I can feel it in myin my stomach and in my body the
next day, and often, you know,pretty soon after that, I'm
like, Ooh, this is not this isnot energizing. This is like
putting this is work to digest.
This food is an area where youmight not be getting what you
think you're getting. And again,it's not to say that don't do
these things. So it's like, Iwill still occasionally eat
(05:36):
pizza, just I know that it's notthere to nourish me, to relax
me, to help me be moreenergized, to help me be a
better person. It's purelyentertainment and at a cost. And
so it's, do I want to pay thatcost that's going to be for me
to decide. And want you to beable to know what you're paying
with your activities and yourtime and your attention. So
(05:58):
that's, that's diet, that's,that's eating and this, so the
second thing is, entertainment,right? Is what we're what we're
watching, or what we'relistening to. Often, you know,
work hard, and it's like, oh,just want to go and maybe go
watch a movie at the theater,or, you know, just watch some
news, or some some videos, ormaybe check out the news, just,
(06:22):
you know, something that's justa little passive. Just entertain
me. Gonna relax me. And nowyou're like, Oh no, Justin,
don't tell me that all thesethings that I watch listen to.
It's like, yeah. But again, I'mnot saying that any of these
things are bad. It's just itmight not be doing what you
thought it was doing. So I'vesince been, you know, really big
(06:46):
at monitoring what I consume asfar as my media. So doing
digital detoxes, where it'slike, I'm not going to, you
know, bring anything in from anyexternal media for a set period
of time, or just eliminating,you know, news from my diet the
majority of the time, and andthen, just like not doing as
much TV, not going to the moviesas often, and doesn't mean that
(07:08):
I've never do these things yet,I've noticed when I do watch
these things, like when I watchthe news, I'm much more
sensitive to, oh, this is justhere to make me upset or
frustrated or afraid, and I'mquestioning, like, why is this
the story being chosen to giveme like, it's like, Is this
(07:31):
actually a new thing, or is thisjust something that's currently
available To get me hooked, tobe scared, to be anxious, to be
frustrated, right? Because it'slike there's so many things
going on in the world at anygiven time. Most of them are
actually really incredible,heart lifting, amazing, warm and
(07:52):
nourishing. Yet does that showup on the news? So I'm a lot
more wary of like, if, whensomething's, you know, big
important, it's like importantto who and for what purpose, and
why not say that bad thingsaren't happening the world yet.
Does that deserve the majorityof my attention, and does that
result in me wanting to haveemotions that are harmful to
(08:16):
myself? Is that going to benefitor if I'm able to be discerning
and calm and peaceful and I getsome some news, and then I'm
able to go, Hmm, how would Ilike this to work out? What's a
way that I would want my worldto resolve this? Is that going
to be much more helpful to meand to my world? And then let's
talk about like entertainment.
(08:39):
So I recently went to a movie. Ihadn't gone to one in months. I
don't even know if it might havebeen my first movie of the year.
Probably not true, but it'sdefinitely been a few months
since I'd gone to a movie in thetheater. And I went to see this
Tim Robinson, I think that's hisname, kind of a comedic, comedic
actor, like he was kind of,like, too, too weird and off the
(09:00):
wall for SNL as the story that Iheard, and he's in this movie
called friendship, about thisguy, that it kind of gets into a
friendship, and he just kind ofis himself, and it doesn't, it
doesn't go well,and it's not like there's
anything too horrible going butsince it had been a while, I was
able to sort of notice that, howwhen something bad would happen
(09:23):
to the main character or toother people, just how much,
like, ooh, it's like it'shappening to me. Because we all
have these, like mirror neurons,that when somebody else feels
something, we feel it too, whichis what helps us to connect, to
build rapport, and, you know,have relationships that you know
matter and mean so much to us,yet this can also be used, you
know, maybe not, to help us,where, if someone else is
(09:47):
feeling bad, now we feel bad.
And again, this doesn't have tobe a bad thing. It's just, I
know. It's like, oh, I go to themovies to relax, to chill out.
Yet, for the most part, mysystem and I'm suspecting you.
System is interpreting that anystressor that happens in the
movie is also going to stressyour system. And so again, not
(10:08):
to say that, don't go to themovies, don't watch TV shows,
don't listen to the news. It'sjust have this awareness that
it's not relaxing. It's actuallystill keeping you in that
sympathetic nervous system, thatfight or flight mentality of
like, oh my gosh, I gotta be onedge and I gotta be tense and
ready to act. And this brings meto the third thing. So we've
(10:31):
talked about diet, we've talkedabout media consumption. Now
we're going to talk about, like,your exercise, your movements,
kind of like what you what youdo. Just the other day, just a
couple days ago, I went to ayoga class for the first time,
possibly in a year, and it was aslow flow vinyasa class. So if
you're not familiar with with alot of types of yoga, vinyasa is
(10:54):
often a flowy one, where you gofrom one movement to another,
and the teacher, instructor, theperson just throwing out things
for you to do is often what theyreally probably should be
telling themselves or advertisethemselves, as is. It's just,
here's a here's a move, here's amove, here's a move. Like
(11:15):
regular or fast flow is usuallylike, boom, boom, boom, boom,
where it's a lot of movements.
You're kind of flinging yourarms, your legs, your whatever,
all over the place, getting asweat, and often they'll heat up
the room, slow floats, usuallycooler, you know, it's, it's a
lot more calm and easeful. And Ihadn't gone for like, over a
year to a class like this,because I've, I've done yoga
(11:36):
teacher training, I've taughtyoga, so I've had 500 hours of
learning, and I've done my ownteaching, and I have a lot of
awareness of my body and whatworks for it and what doesn't.
And I kind of discovered thatgoing to, like a random yoga
teacher, is just a lot offucking work, because often
they're doing things that theyhaven't thought through of how
it might work in a differentbody. So it's like, oh, it works
(11:56):
great. It works great for them,but it doesn't work for me. I
mean, probably not for mostpeople. And so then now, like,
Okay, I gotta be on guard. And Iended up, about a year and a
half ago, discovering Bikramstyle yoga, which is often known
for being like in a really hot100 degree, 100 plus degree
room. And the other mainimportant point of it is it is
(12:20):
the same poses every singleclass. I think it's the same 26
and for the longest time, Ididn't want to do a class like
this, because I'm like, that'sboring, same pose over and over.
Like, I want variety. I wantexcitement. And when I finally
did this type of class, youknow, first it was like, Oh,
this is, like, reallychallenging, but there was
(12:41):
something to it. And I went backand again, it was like, oh, it's
the same poses, so I know what'scoming. It's not a surprise.
What's the surprise or thechallenges? Is my body's
different, and how am I going tobe working with the instruction
or the aspiration that the poseis wanting to bring me into and
I found it very, very relaxingat a deeper level. And now,
(13:06):
having only done this type ofyoga for the past year and a
half, and avoiding other typesof yoga where it's, you know,
the instructor is just going todo different things, when I went
back and did it, I was like, Ohmy gosh. It's like, I know, I
know all these poses, but Idon't know the order that
(13:26):
they're kind of come at and so Idon't know how to get into it.
And so just like that, okay, I'min a pose. I feel like, okay,
I'm chill, I'm good, I'm in mydownward dog. Yeah, this is
great. And then it's like, oh,but now I'm being asked to,
like, lift my leg and bend myknee. I wasn't expecting that.
And there's a little bit ofanxiety that I could feel in my
(13:47):
system, some some nervousness.
I'm like, Oh, am I doing itright? Or what's going to happen
next? This, like, unknown, thistension. And so I'm realizing,
like, oh, most of this Yoga isnot actually relaxing me. And
again, that's not to say thatthat's a bad thing. Life isn't
supposed to be all meant to berelaxing. Yet, if we think that
what is relaxing is actuallyexhausting us, then we're going
(14:10):
to end up exhausted. And I wasreally glad that the active
movements of this class was onlylike 40 minutes, and then it got
to do like 20 minutes of like aresting pose. So often, if you
do go to a yoga class, they'llsay, make sure you stay for the
shavasana, which is the corpsepose, the resting pose at the
end. It's the most importantpose at the end. And I now
(14:32):
really fully understand why thatis. It's because almost anything
that you're doing up into thatis putting you likely into a
state of fight or flight, thatsympathetic nervous system, and
going into that shavasana, thatjust laying there, just laying
there, that's the only time thatyou are actually having the
opportunity to truly rest,relax, rejuvenate, and getting
(14:55):
into that parasympathetic,parasympathetic nervous system
state of being. Being. And so ifyou're someone who's usually
skips that you basically didn'tget any relaxation at all. You
just got purely exhausted. Andso this is not to say don't do
things that are stimulating,that get the nervous system in,
that, you know, getting, becauseit's good to practice Fight,
(15:18):
fight, all these things. Butit's the going from one state to
the other, that builds theresilience, builds our capacity
to handle more, whereas if wejust do more and more, more,
more more, it's wearing us down,breaking us down, and that ends
up getting us to a point ofbreaking, and often, many of us
are broken in ways that we don'teven want to see yet because
(15:40):
we're so desensitized to it thatwe can't even recognize that we
are not relaxing. We're Justinthe habit of being in this
perpetual state of anxiety,nervousness and oh my gosh,
what's going to happen next thatwe don't know what it is to
relax, and it can actually bestressful to relax because it's
(16:01):
so foreign, and habit is sopowerful that anytime you're
trying to create a new habitthat does require work, and so
if you're in the habit of beingstressed, to relax is actually
also stressful. For a while,it's fucked up. It's fucked up
yet. That's why you're here tolisten to my show. That's why
there's so many resources outthere to help you to relax in a
(16:22):
true, genuine way. So I'm goingto list off a few things that
can actually bring truerelaxation. So one is eating
foods that are nourishing foryou, and you might not know,
like what's truly nourishing foryou. And so one thing is to just
fast, to just not eat, give yourbody a break. So again, this is
(16:44):
something like, if you do it toomuch, it becomes stressful, but
a little bit so like, justgoing, like, one more hour than
you would without eating in aday is going to be highly,
highly relaxing for yourdigestive system. And you know,
possibly looking to intermittentfasting, and possibly look at
doing like, you know, a one dayfast. So something that I'm
(17:06):
going to say, look into,consider it can be really,
really relaxing for your systemto, just like, not consume
something, and then you're goingto have a little bit more
sensitivity to when you do eatsomething. So that's one thing.
So we're talking about what'syour the media with that you're
going to consume? So again, I'mnot saying don't want go to a
(17:29):
movie, don't watch TV, don'twatch the news, but I'm going to
say, like, maybe do less, andmaybe try to, like, swap it out,
all right? And definitely try adigital detox, minimum, four
hour. I do have a podcast onthis. You can look up digital
detox four hours. 24 hours, evenbetter. And you will just notice
(17:53):
there will be some time whereyou're just like, Oh my gosh.
I'm so bored, I want to crawlout of my skin. Yet at some
point I'm just like, wow, thisis nice. And you'll start to
notice how incredible Your worldis, just as it is, so digital
detox. And then finally, when itcomes to like your movements, so
your exercises, things likethat. A lot of times, I tell
people, you know, like, I teachmeditation, I do meditation, I
(18:16):
will say that there's a freemeditation and other resources
on my website, Justin wenck.com,W, E, N, C, K, just click the
free resources, free whateverthing at the top, and there's
like, now four options that mostof them, all of them, all them
good. And I think three of themare going to be super, super
(18:37):
relaxing. One's a meditation,one's a breath work, and another
has some other tools, and thenone's a chapter from my book
that you can listen to for free.
So a lot ofpeople go like, Oh, I mean, I'm
a runner. My running is mymeditation. Oh, well, I walk my
dog. That's my meditation. Youknow, all these, there's a lot
of things where someone goeslike, I do this thing. That's my
(18:57):
meditation. No, that thing youdo is the thing you do because
you enjoy it, which is great,but meditation is meditation.
Because the thing is, if you'reout for a run, there's always a
chance that, you know, a carcould try to run over you, a
bear might try to attack you.
You might almost trip and fall.
There's lots of things that youhave to be aware of, beyond just
(19:18):
what's going on in your mind.
And again, it's those things arekeeping you in the moment. So
it's great, but the point ofmeditation is it allows you to
work with your own thoughts andto let go of those and come back
to something that is calming andrelaxing, and there's nothing
else you have to worry aboutthat's the important thing. Then
(19:41):
the other thing that I would sayis great, is anything that is a
repetitive motion, movement.
That's why things like Tai Chi,Qigong and a yoga practice that
is repetitive, where it's thesame thing, every you know
what's coming up, can be very,very relaxing. The other thing
breath work. Uh, breath work,very relaxing. So the box
breathing method, I teach it inmy book engineer to love going
(20:06):
beyond success to fulfillment.
Something else that is alsodeeply relaxing that we've done
episodes on this show before isgetting into a moment of truth,
which has also has to do withgetting into the sense
experience that's happening now.
So listen to the sound of myvoice, and just focusing on the
timbre, the melody, the just theaspect that there is something
(20:30):
you are hearing right now andthen your visuals, just like
noticing, what are you seeing?
What are the colors? What arethe textures? And then feeling
like touching something like,Oh, what is the feeling of the
fabric that you might betouching? What's the friction
between your fingertips when youslowly move them together and
(20:50):
then noticing your breath justthat? What are you experiencing
right now? Very, very relaxing.
And there's, there's many otherthings that, the thing is, what
I want you to take away fromthis episode is that what you've
been doing, it's not thatthere's anything wrong with it.
It's just, is it doing for youwhat you want it to be doing?
(21:10):
Because I want you to get whatyou want out of life. That's why
I'm here. That's why I do thisshow. Is because I want you to
have the life that you want. AndI bet that life includes some
deep, nourishing relaxation, andI'm guessing many of the things
you've been doing to relax havenot been relaxing you. They've
purely been exhausting you. Andso if you've been wondering
(21:32):
like, why the fuck am I sotired, there's a good chance
some of the things that I listedtoday might be part of the
reason you've been more tiredthan you would like to be. And
so again, we went through a lotin this episode, right? We
talked about diet, we talkedabout the media consumption. We
talked about how moving yourmoving your body, it's a lot of
(21:53):
stuff, so that the answer is nothere, but I hope you've got some
questions. Can allow you tolearn. If you want to explore
with me, definitely reach outand get those free resources on
Justin wenck.com you know,Justin Wenck PhD on all the
socials, you know, make sureyou're following connecting, and
if you have a question, youknow, drop me a comment, message
(22:14):
me, send me an emailpodcast@justinwnck.com and so
glad that you are here. This isa first, first episode solo
since the 200 episodecelebration. So it's really
great to be back. And I knowthat sometimes the world might
seem like, oh, there's so muchchanging, so much shifting. You
can do this, and you can do itwith joy, ease and love, and
(22:36):
there's so many people. I'm oneof them here to help support
you. You got this so thank youso much and good day. Thanks for
tuning in to engineeringemotions and energy with Justin
Wenck PhD. Today's episoderesonated with you. Please
subscribe and leave a five starreview. Your feedback not only
supports the show, but alsohelps others find us and start
(22:58):
their journey of emotional andenergetic mastery. You can also
help by sharing this podcastwith someone you think will love
it just as much as you dotogether, we're engineering more
amazing lives you.
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