October 14, 2025 • 19 mins
Wanting isn’t the problem. In fact, it’s the beginning of everything meaningful in your life. But somewhere along the way, we learned to suppress, shame, or override our desires—until we forget what we even want in the first place.
In this episode, I break down three common ways wanting goes wrong, share a few weird/funny stories from my own life (including slapping hams like bongo drums), and guide you back to wanting in a way that feels exciting, intuitive, and safe.
In this solo episode, Justin dives into:
- Why most people don’t actually know what they want
- How your wants may not even be your own (yep, societal programming is sneaky)
- The difference between wanting and having
- And how reclaiming the right to want is the start of actually getting what you deeply desire
And yes—there’s a story involving slapping hams like bongo drums. It makes sense. Trust us.
💡 Key Takeaways:
- Why most people can’t answer the question: “What do you want?”
- The 3 Wanting Traps:
- Not knowing what you want
- Wanting what others want for you
- Confusing wanting with having
- How childhood shame and social pressure kill your connection to desire
- Why simply wanting doesn’t mean you have to have it
- How reclaiming your wants is the first step toward actually enjoying life
- Practical ways to rediscover your wants
- Justin's fabulous 5-minute energy practice to reconnect with your true wants: LEAP
What’s one thing you actually want but haven’t dared say out loud? Let me know in the comments.
✨ Links & Resources:
- 🔗 Join the waitlist for the LEAP self-guided energy practice:
- 👉 https://justinwenck.com/leap
- 🔗 Connect with Justin or book a session:
- 👉 https://justinwenck.com
- 📩 Know what you want? Or don’t? Share it with Justin.
Remember to Subscribe, rate & review to keep the good stuff flowing, and Share this episode with a friend who’s tired of living someone else’s dream.
Watch the full video episode at Justin Wenck, Ph.D. YouTube Channel!
Check out my best-selling book "Engineered to Love: Going Beyond Success to Fulfillment" also available on Audiobook on all streaming platforms! Go to https://www.engineeredtolove.com/ to learn more!
Got a question or comment about the show? E-mail me at podcast@justinwenck.com.
Remember to subscribe so you don't miss the next episode! Connect with me:
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Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended, music and pics belong to the rightful owners.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Justin Wenck (00:00):
Today I'm going to be talking about wanting, and
(00:03):
specifically three areas wherewanting can go wrong, and then
we're going to talk about how itcan start to go right. So the
three things are going to talkabout is, one, not knowing what
you want. Two, wanting whatothers want for you instead of
wanting what you truly want. Andthe third thing is confusing
(00:26):
wanting for having, and gothrough that, and then you're
going to have some awareness,and then going to give you some
things that you can do with yournew awareness, and so that you
can enjoy wanting, and alsomaybe start having some of the
things that you've alwayswanted. Are you ready to live a
(00:47):
life with enough time, money andenergy have relationships and
connections that delight you?
Are you ready for theextraordinary life you know
you've been missing? If so, thenthis is the place for you. I'm a
best selling author, coach,consultant and speaker who's
worked in technology for overtwo decades. I'm a leader at
transforming people andorganizations from operating in
(01:09):
fear, obligation and guilt torunning off joy, ease and love.
It's time for engineeringemotions and energy with me.
Justin Wenck, PhD, so with that,let's get started. So wanting.
It seems so easy, like everybodywants something, yet often, most
(01:31):
people, you could be reallyhappy. What do you want? And
oftentimes they don't even saysomething they want. It's
usually they want to get rid ofsomething like, Oh, I wish this
job didn't suck. I wish I had abetter relationship. Or I wish I
had a relationship. Or I wishthat, you know, I didn't have
these bills that I had to pay.
(01:53):
Or I wish this pain in my neckwould stop. And all of these are
kind of the cessation of thingsthat are painful, problematic,
annoying, not fun. They aren'tactually something that you want
to move towards. And so a lot ofpeople, they don't even know
what they want anymore, becauselive the life where they haven't
(02:14):
even gotten it, or if they didwant something, they might have
been either belittled orpunished for it. So it's like,
why bother wanting something? Soit's like, you know, it's like,
Okay, I'm gonna have complaints.
Everybody's most people are okaywith complaints. I'm not. I'd
rather not hear complaints. I'drather hear your successes and
celebrate them with you. Yet, ifyou, you know, if you ever watch
(02:37):
news or most media, mosttelevision, it's often about
what's going wrong, what'swhat's not right in the world,
all those things. Not to saythat those things aren't true,
yet, it's a small, infinitesimalpart of the story. And there can
be so much more that can be evenbetter when we start to think
of, like, oh yeah, what I wantit to be like, you know,
(02:59):
thinking of, you know, AI androbotics, what's, what's the
world going to be like that?
Most people just go, I don'twant to lose my job, or I don't
want, I don't want to have arobot army fighting me and
killing me and my family. Andit's like, again, it's not
something you want that'ssomething you're afraid of.
(03:19):
Wants, desires are things thatlike, bring joy and excitement
of like, oh, and chances areyou're maybe just let go of
wanting stuff. But when you werea kid, you wanted things. I know
when I was a kid and I stillbelieved in Santa Claus, which
was not getting into when Istopped believing in Santa
Claus, but before that point, itwas so easy for me to go like,
(03:42):
Oh, I want, I want this theNintendo, and I want this video
game, oh, and I want a Lego andthen I want Lincoln Logs. Oh,
and I want, I want a pogo stick,and I want a remote controlled
car, and I wanted all that shit.
And it was just fun to want itand then be surprised and
Christmas and be like, yay. Andmany of us have forgotten that
(04:04):
and lost touch with that, andit's just like, Santa doesn't
come. Santa doesn't exist. It'sjust gonna be hard work and
nonsense. So like, why evenbother? Why even bother wanting?
So if you've experienced this,then you know, definitely, you
know, let me know. I'd love tohear like, do you even know what
(04:24):
you really want, which issomething that you've you just
talk about it and excites you,right? I'd love to hear from
you. So that's the first areawhere wanting can go wrong. And
it's basically, it's like nonexistent. It's just giving up.
It's just gone, fuck it. I guessI'll just take what I get, get
(04:46):
what I get, and not even botherbecause there's maybe been
experiences of wanting somethingand being so disappointed by not
getting it or being shamed justby simply wanting it. It like,
you know, maybe, maybe, like youjust, you really wanted to just
buy a couple of hams from thestore and put them out and just
slap them like they were drums,just so you could feel, you
(05:10):
know, have your hammy handssmacking and slapping like a
slap in a slap bass or somebongo drums, whatever it is that
was your dream. And then maybeyou said it to a friend,
somebody you know, an adult,somebody you thought you
trusted, and they went, What thefuck is wrong with you wanting
to slap hams with your handslike bongo drums. That's
(05:34):
nonsense. That is wasteful, andyou should be ashamed of
yourself for wanting that. Howdare you even mention having ham
handed bongo drums, right?
And you just that happens a fewtimes, especially at the right
(05:55):
age, and holy shit, I better notwant for anything. Let's be
clear, there's nothing wrongwith wanting, and we're going to
get get into that later when wetalk about the third the third
thing, which is wanting versushaving. So let's get to the
second thing, which is maybe youdo want some things yet, are
they actually things that youwant, or those things that
(06:17):
others want you to want? Right?
Think of how many people thatyou know want this, and perhaps
you've wanted this, and perhapsyou're actually living this.
Maybe you even have this. It'syou want to get a good
education, you want to get agood job, you want to make good
money, because you want to getin a relationship and get
married, and you want to have ahouse that you can purchase. And
(06:39):
so they with this person thatshe married, now you can have
children, and then you want toraise the kids in a safe place,
and you want them to repeat thecycle. And then you just want to
retire at the end of the day.
And you don't even know what thefuck that means, or what you
would do, you would just bedone. Hmm, have you wanted any
(07:03):
part all of that, or not at all.
Maybe even have gotten some ofthat. I know I have. I know I
got through most of that. Youknow, got my doctorate, got a
good job at, you know, a verylarge tech company, got married,
bought a house, and I was somiserable. I was depressed
beyond belief, because thatwasn't actually what I wanted.
(07:25):
That's what other people wantedfor me. And again, when it's
like, Well, boy, if I want toreally want to want what I want,
and I'm just going to getsmacked around. I'm not going to
get it, and I'm going to evenget smacked for it. I guess.
Here's some wants I'm allowed tohave, I'm encouraged to have,
and people will like me forwanting to, you know, get a new
(07:48):
a new nice car, get, you know,get the latest tech gadgets,
whatever it is. Yet, do Iactually want that? And have you
experienced that? Has there beenthings that you've noticed, that
you thought you wanted, andyou've even gotten it. And then
I was like, fuck. Now I'm stuckwith this. Or how do I get rid
of this? And I remember thiscould be things, relationships,
(08:12):
situations, whatever it is. Andso this is a common thing. Is
like, do you actually want it,or did others want it for you?
And it's okay. This is whathappens, and this is also part
of why advertising is such athing where they want to instill
wants and desires that aren'tauthentically yours. And the
(08:33):
point is to be aware of this, toquestion it and go, like, do I
really want that? Like, how do Ifeel? What's it like if I was to
actually have this and is thisexciting me? Is it, does it
light me up to think of ofbringing this into my world,
into my life, into my reality,or is it just like I don't even
(08:53):
want to think about it? I betterjust, you know, heads down, go
down this road and do the best Ican, it's going to be a bit of a
clue. So we've talked about notknowing what you want and then
knowing you want something, butmaybe it wasn't actually what
you wanted. It's what otherswanted for you. And now we're
going to get into what starts tobring you closer to a little bit
(09:17):
of a solution, which is thedifference between wanting and
having. Many people don't wantyou to want certain things
because they're afraid if youwant it, you're going to have
it, and it's going to disrupttheir life and what they have in
relationship to you. Let's justdo it like a really extreme
(09:37):
example here. You know, imaginea monogamous a monogamous
couple, you know, right? They'recommitted, maybe they're even
married, and very fewindividuals that have a sexual
attraction for humans, doesn'tmatter. Maybe it's the same sex,
different sex. All the abovewhatever. If there's a poll that
(10:01):
kind of helped get you into thatrelationship, it's very rare,
very rare that that goes away,that there is no longer any
desire for another person. Soyet, the most common is to
pretend that, oh no, oh no,Sweetie, you're the only one I
have eyes for. I have nointerest or desire for anybody
(10:24):
else. That's bullshit. That is alie. Yet, how many actually
venture to say the truth thatlike, oh my gosh, I find I find
that person incredibly sexuallyattractive that just, it just
gets me a little excited. And,you know, there's, there's
(10:45):
things I want, there's things Iwant to do. It's like, I want to
know, what are the what aretheir panties like, like as
they're like, fruits on there?
Are they playing? Is it flowersor maybe, maybe no panties at
all? Because what's, what's thefeared reaction? And the common
reaction is, is that jealous?
Like, oh my gosh, you don't loveme. You're you're, I can't
believe that you have anattraction towards somebody
(11:08):
else. You're awful, you're theworst person. Why? Because
there's this threat, this fear,that this wanting will lead to
having, which will lead to thisperson losing something that
they have. It's like, well,somebody I'm with wants somebody
else, they're going to end upwith that other person, and I'm
going to end up with nobody. Yetthis doesn't have to be the
(11:28):
case, not with not withattraction and not with wanting
a different car, not withwanting to live somewhere else.
Wanting can just be wanting. Youcan want, and you can just enjoy
the thought, the excitement, andyou can just enjoy expressing
the desire and sharing that withsomeone you care about. And you
(11:51):
know, yes, there could be amovement towards fulfilling the
desire, fulfilling the want, yetthat's not necessary. Just
wanting is, in and of itself, anamazing thing to experience, and
it's okay and it should be safe.
(12:11):
If it's not safe to want, thenit's almost not safe to live,
because living really is aboutwanting, because it really is.
We're here because we want tohave an experience. We want to
have a human journey throughthis lifetime. And if you aren't
(12:33):
allowed to want something that'sdifferent than Why were you
here? Why were you here to dothe same things that everyone's
done before? That makes nosense. You're here to have a
unique, individualized journeyand experience. And
fundamentally, if you feel deepdown, you know that's true. Yet
so many of us are trying tolive, have been trying to live a
(12:54):
life that is just like so manythat you've seen before. And so
now we're going to start to getinto like, well, what, what to
do with it now that you're kindof have this awareness that okay
wanting doesn't mean you have tohave it, so it should be okay to
want, and that maybe you now areaware that you don't even know
(13:15):
what you want, or you've beenwanting things that you don't
really want somebody else wantedthem for you, where do we go
from here? And so I'm going tooffer you a couple things,
couple things. One is, again,the current, your current
situation might not be set upwhere you can start to play with
this, and that's okay, right?
But that's not how we want tokeep things going, like you
(13:38):
might be at a job that you findmiserable. I've been there.
Sometimes you have a managerthat you can share like, Hey,
I'd rather I want to do thisother thing. And they go like,
as long as you do this, sure, goahead, do that. I don't give a
shit. Just get done what I needyou to get done. Not all
managers are like that. Youmight not even have co workers
(13:59):
that even want to hear aboutthat, that you want more,
because, again, they're like,Well, what if this, if my co
worker friend wants more, thenmaybe they're going to, you
know, leave, or they're going toget a promotion, and then that's
going to disrupt who I eat lunchwith. So they're going to just
tell you, like, hey, it's totalgarbage. Never going to happen.
Like, don't even try it. So whatyou want is you want someone on
(14:20):
your side that's going to hearwhat you want and and go, Yeah,
that's awesome. I think that'sgreat that you want that like
and then just let you express itand be heard and know that it's
okay to want it. So that's gonnathat's one thing. And so who can
that be? That can be atherapist, that could be a coach
(14:42):
like myself? So, you know, feelfree reach out whatever. There's
how to contact me at the end ofthe show, you know. And
hopefully, maybe you do havesome friends or some family that
you can yet, if not, go findsomeone pay for it. Or there's
also lots of groups that allowyou to do. Share whatever, like
the 12 step groups. Chances areyou're addicted to something,
(15:03):
and there's going to be a 12step group you could go to and
for free, you can go and just golike, yeah, having a hard time.
I sometimes eat too much. Idon't know. I just would really
love to, you know, buy a coupleof hams and just smack them
around with my hands like acouple of bond bongos and not
even eat the hams. I felt. Ifelt like, if I could just smack
the hams with my hands, then Iwouldn't need to eat them and
(15:26):
get them lodged into my gut areaand have have my my butt cheeks
turn into to hams instead, youknow. And that's that's no cost.
You just got to show up and bewilling to listen and to be
heard. So that's going to be onething is finding someone where
you can practice safely wanting,right? And then the other thing
(15:47):
is, okay, intuition. How do youdevelop your intuition? How do
you get more in line with whatis it that you really want, that
kind of like childlike self thatyou know, when you were a young
kid, and you know, hopefullythere was at least some point in
your life where you could, ormaybe you just didn't know any
better yet, you just went
Unknown (16:07):
like, I want, I want tuna fish with bananas, and I
want to, I want to do that, eatthat sandwich while riding on my
bicycle, while standing on itlike, ridiculous.
Justin Wenck (16:18):
Doesn't matter, but maybe they've lost that
touch to that and so how do youget that intuition back? So I've
developed a really amazingenergy practice that's super
potent, super powerful, yetsuper easy. Takes under five
minutes to practice. I call itthe life energy activation
process, and I'm getting readyto release it in a self guided
(16:43):
format, because this issomething that I've been I've
been teaching one on one and ingroups, and people have been
having fabulous results, wherethey just feel super calm, they
get clarity, they get to knowtheir intuition. And so then
they know what they want to do.
They know what they want inlife, and then they are able to
come from a place of being ableto start making roads to that
(17:05):
for things that really matterand things they really want to
create and experience and have.
And so, you know, that'ssomething that highly recommend.
So the wait list for this is up,and there's a good chance maybe
even by the time you'relistening to this, it's
available. But you go to Justinwenck.com, forward, slash, leap,
(17:27):
L, E, A, P, because it's thelife energy activation process,
because and it works on thephysical, mental, emotional and
energetic levels, and it's justa series of movements, breaths
and intentions takes less thanfive minutes that you can do
just about anywhere. And sothat's going to be another great
(17:49):
way for you to start to reallyknow what you want, and then
feel like, oh, I can maybe startto bring some of these things I
want into my life with ease. Sowith that, I hope I've given you
some tools to help you know whatyou want and feel like you start
getting what you want. We'vedone lots of other topics on
(18:12):
previous episodes to you know,different you know,
relationships and beliefs andmindsets and things like that,
to you know, help you getsomething you want. Yet this is
an important thing is to, like,actually have some idea of what
you genuinely want. So I'd loveto hear what is it that you
want, what is it you want? Andif you still don't know, then,
(18:36):
you know, reach out to me. Checkout. You know, the LEAP
Inception process Justinwenck.com/leap and yeah, let's
start getting you to enjoywanting more out of your life
and start enjoying more of yourlife. So with that, thank you
and good day. Thanks for tuningin to engineering emotions and
(18:59):
energy with Justin Wenck PhD,today's episode resonated with
you. Please subscribe and leavea five star review. Your
feedback not only supports theshow, but also helps others find
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You can also help by sharingthis podcast with someone you
think will love it just as muchas you do. Together, we're
engineering more amazing livesyou Wenck.
Today I'm going to be talking about wanting, and
(00:03):
specifically three areas wherewanting can go wrong, and then
we're going to talk about how itcan start to go right. So the
three things are going to talkabout is, one, not knowing what
you want. Two, wanting whatothers want for you instead of
wanting what you truly want. Andthe third thing is confusing
(00:26):
wanting for having, and gothrough that, and then you're
going to have some awareness,and then going to give you some
things that you can do with yournew awareness, and so that you
can enjoy wanting, and alsomaybe start having some of the
things that you've alwayswanted. Are you ready to live a
(00:47):
life with enough time, money andenergy have relationships and
connections that delight you?
Are you ready for theextraordinary life you know
you've been missing? If so, thenthis is the place for you. I'm a
best selling author, coach,consultant and speaker who's
worked in technology for overtwo decades. I'm a leader at
transforming people andorganizations from operating in
(01:09):
fear, obligation and guilt torunning off joy, ease and love.
It's time for engineeringemotions and energy with me.
Justin Wenck, PhD, so with that,let's get started. So wanting.
It seems so easy, like everybodywants something, yet often, most
(01:31):
people, you could be reallyhappy. What do you want? And
oftentimes they don't even saysomething they want. It's
usually they want to get rid ofsomething like, Oh, I wish this
job didn't suck. I wish I had abetter relationship. Or I wish I
had a relationship. Or I wishthat, you know, I didn't have
these bills that I had to pay.
(01:53):
Or I wish this pain in my neckwould stop. And all of these are
kind of the cessation of thingsthat are painful, problematic,
annoying, not fun. They aren'tactually something that you want
to move towards. And so a lot ofpeople, they don't even know
what they want anymore, becauselive the life where they haven't
(02:14):
even gotten it, or if they didwant something, they might have
been either belittled orpunished for it. So it's like,
why bother wanting something? Soit's like, you know, it's like,
Okay, I'm gonna have complaints.
Everybody's most people are okaywith complaints. I'm not. I'd
rather not hear complaints. I'drather hear your successes and
celebrate them with you. Yet, ifyou, you know, if you ever watch
(02:37):
news or most media, mosttelevision, it's often about
what's going wrong, what'swhat's not right in the world,
all those things. Not to saythat those things aren't true,
yet, it's a small, infinitesimalpart of the story. And there can
be so much more that can be evenbetter when we start to think
of, like, oh yeah, what I wantit to be like, you know,
(02:59):
thinking of, you know, AI androbotics, what's, what's the
world going to be like that?
Most people just go, I don'twant to lose my job, or I don't
want, I don't want to have arobot army fighting me and
killing me and my family. Andit's like, again, it's not
something you want that'ssomething you're afraid of.
(03:19):
Wants, desires are things thatlike, bring joy and excitement
of like, oh, and chances areyou're maybe just let go of
wanting stuff. But when you werea kid, you wanted things. I know
when I was a kid and I stillbelieved in Santa Claus, which
was not getting into when Istopped believing in Santa
Claus, but before that point, itwas so easy for me to go like,
(03:42):
Oh, I want, I want this theNintendo, and I want this video
game, oh, and I want a Lego andthen I want Lincoln Logs. Oh,
and I want, I want a pogo stick,and I want a remote controlled
car, and I wanted all that shit.
And it was just fun to want itand then be surprised and
Christmas and be like, yay. Andmany of us have forgotten that
(04:04):
and lost touch with that, andit's just like, Santa doesn't
come. Santa doesn't exist. It'sjust gonna be hard work and
nonsense. So like, why evenbother? Why even bother wanting?
So if you've experienced this,then you know, definitely, you
know, let me know. I'd love tohear like, do you even know what
(04:24):
you really want, which issomething that you've you just
talk about it and excites you,right? I'd love to hear from
you. So that's the first areawhere wanting can go wrong. And
it's basically, it's like nonexistent. It's just giving up.
It's just gone, fuck it. I guessI'll just take what I get, get
(04:46):
what I get, and not even botherbecause there's maybe been
experiences of wanting somethingand being so disappointed by not
getting it or being shamed justby simply wanting it. It like,
you know, maybe, maybe, like youjust, you really wanted to just
buy a couple of hams from thestore and put them out and just
slap them like they were drums,just so you could feel, you
(05:10):
know, have your hammy handssmacking and slapping like a
slap in a slap bass or somebongo drums, whatever it is that
was your dream. And then maybeyou said it to a friend,
somebody you know, an adult,somebody you thought you
trusted, and they went, What thefuck is wrong with you wanting
to slap hams with your handslike bongo drums. That's
(05:34):
nonsense. That is wasteful, andyou should be ashamed of
yourself for wanting that. Howdare you even mention having ham
handed bongo drums, right?
And you just that happens a fewtimes, especially at the right
(05:55):
age, and holy shit, I better notwant for anything. Let's be
clear, there's nothing wrongwith wanting, and we're going to
get get into that later when wetalk about the third the third
thing, which is wanting versushaving. So let's get to the
second thing, which is maybe youdo want some things yet, are
they actually things that youwant, or those things that
(06:17):
others want you to want? Right?
Think of how many people thatyou know want this, and perhaps
you've wanted this, and perhapsyou're actually living this.
Maybe you even have this. It'syou want to get a good
education, you want to get agood job, you want to make good
money, because you want to getin a relationship and get
married, and you want to have ahouse that you can purchase. And
(06:39):
so they with this person thatshe married, now you can have
children, and then you want toraise the kids in a safe place,
and you want them to repeat thecycle. And then you just want to
retire at the end of the day.
And you don't even know what thefuck that means, or what you
would do, you would just bedone. Hmm, have you wanted any
(07:03):
part all of that, or not at all.
Maybe even have gotten some ofthat. I know I have. I know I
got through most of that. Youknow, got my doctorate, got a
good job at, you know, a verylarge tech company, got married,
bought a house, and I was somiserable. I was depressed
beyond belief, because thatwasn't actually what I wanted.
(07:25):
That's what other people wantedfor me. And again, when it's
like, Well, boy, if I want toreally want to want what I want,
and I'm just going to getsmacked around. I'm not going to
get it, and I'm going to evenget smacked for it. I guess.
Here's some wants I'm allowed tohave, I'm encouraged to have,
and people will like me forwanting to, you know, get a new
(07:48):
a new nice car, get, you know,get the latest tech gadgets,
whatever it is. Yet, do Iactually want that? And have you
experienced that? Has there beenthings that you've noticed, that
you thought you wanted, andyou've even gotten it. And then
I was like, fuck. Now I'm stuckwith this. Or how do I get rid
of this? And I remember thiscould be things, relationships,
(08:12):
situations, whatever it is. Andso this is a common thing. Is
like, do you actually want it,or did others want it for you?
And it's okay. This is whathappens, and this is also part
of why advertising is such athing where they want to instill
wants and desires that aren'tauthentically yours. And the
(08:33):
point is to be aware of this, toquestion it and go, like, do I
really want that? Like, how do Ifeel? What's it like if I was to
actually have this and is thisexciting me? Is it, does it
light me up to think of ofbringing this into my world,
into my life, into my reality,or is it just like I don't even
(08:53):
want to think about it? I betterjust, you know, heads down, go
down this road and do the best Ican, it's going to be a bit of a
clue. So we've talked about notknowing what you want and then
knowing you want something, butmaybe it wasn't actually what
you wanted. It's what otherswanted for you. And now we're
going to get into what starts tobring you closer to a little bit
(09:17):
of a solution, which is thedifference between wanting and
having. Many people don't wantyou to want certain things
because they're afraid if youwant it, you're going to have
it, and it's going to disrupttheir life and what they have in
relationship to you. Let's justdo it like a really extreme
(09:37):
example here. You know, imaginea monogamous a monogamous
couple, you know, right? They'recommitted, maybe they're even
married, and very fewindividuals that have a sexual
attraction for humans, doesn'tmatter. Maybe it's the same sex,
different sex. All the abovewhatever. If there's a poll that
(10:01):
kind of helped get you into thatrelationship, it's very rare,
very rare that that goes away,that there is no longer any
desire for another person. Soyet, the most common is to
pretend that, oh no, oh no,Sweetie, you're the only one I
have eyes for. I have nointerest or desire for anybody
(10:24):
else. That's bullshit. That is alie. Yet, how many actually
venture to say the truth thatlike, oh my gosh, I find I find
that person incredibly sexuallyattractive that just, it just
gets me a little excited. And,you know, there's, there's
(10:45):
things I want, there's things Iwant to do. It's like, I want to
know, what are the what aretheir panties like, like as
they're like, fruits on there?
Are they playing? Is it flowersor maybe, maybe no panties at
all? Because what's, what's thefeared reaction? And the common
reaction is, is that jealous?
Like, oh my gosh, you don't loveme. You're you're, I can't
believe that you have anattraction towards somebody
(11:08):
else. You're awful, you're theworst person. Why? Because
there's this threat, this fear,that this wanting will lead to
having, which will lead to thisperson losing something that
they have. It's like, well,somebody I'm with wants somebody
else, they're going to end upwith that other person, and I'm
going to end up with nobody. Yetthis doesn't have to be the
(11:28):
case, not with not withattraction and not with wanting
a different car, not withwanting to live somewhere else.
Wanting can just be wanting. Youcan want, and you can just enjoy
the thought, the excitement, andyou can just enjoy expressing
the desire and sharing that withsomeone you care about. And you
(11:51):
know, yes, there could be amovement towards fulfilling the
desire, fulfilling the want, yetthat's not necessary. Just
wanting is, in and of itself, anamazing thing to experience, and
it's okay and it should be safe.
(12:11):
If it's not safe to want, thenit's almost not safe to live,
because living really is aboutwanting, because it really is.
We're here because we want tohave an experience. We want to
have a human journey throughthis lifetime. And if you aren't
(12:33):
allowed to want something that'sdifferent than Why were you
here? Why were you here to dothe same things that everyone's
done before? That makes nosense. You're here to have a
unique, individualized journeyand experience. And
fundamentally, if you feel deepdown, you know that's true. Yet
so many of us are trying tolive, have been trying to live a
(12:54):
life that is just like so manythat you've seen before. And so
now we're going to start to getinto like, well, what, what to
do with it now that you're kindof have this awareness that okay
wanting doesn't mean you have tohave it, so it should be okay to
want, and that maybe you now areaware that you don't even know
(13:15):
what you want, or you've beenwanting things that you don't
really want somebody else wantedthem for you, where do we go
from here? And so I'm going tooffer you a couple things,
couple things. One is, again,the current, your current
situation might not be set upwhere you can start to play with
this, and that's okay, right?
But that's not how we want tokeep things going, like you
(13:38):
might be at a job that you findmiserable. I've been there.
Sometimes you have a managerthat you can share like, Hey,
I'd rather I want to do thisother thing. And they go like,
as long as you do this, sure, goahead, do that. I don't give a
shit. Just get done what I needyou to get done. Not all
managers are like that. Youmight not even have co workers
(13:59):
that even want to hear aboutthat, that you want more,
because, again, they're like,Well, what if this, if my co
worker friend wants more, thenmaybe they're going to, you
know, leave, or they're going toget a promotion, and then that's
going to disrupt who I eat lunchwith. So they're going to just
tell you, like, hey, it's totalgarbage. Never going to happen.
Like, don't even try it. So whatyou want is you want someone on
(14:20):
your side that's going to hearwhat you want and and go, Yeah,
that's awesome. I think that'sgreat that you want that like
and then just let you express itand be heard and know that it's
okay to want it. So that's gonnathat's one thing. And so who can
that be? That can be atherapist, that could be a coach
(14:42):
like myself? So, you know, feelfree reach out whatever. There's
how to contact me at the end ofthe show, you know. And
hopefully, maybe you do havesome friends or some family that
you can yet, if not, go findsomeone pay for it. Or there's
also lots of groups that allowyou to do. Share whatever, like
the 12 step groups. Chances areyou're addicted to something,
(15:03):
and there's going to be a 12step group you could go to and
for free, you can go and just golike, yeah, having a hard time.
I sometimes eat too much. Idon't know. I just would really
love to, you know, buy a coupleof hams and just smack them
around with my hands like acouple of bond bongos and not
even eat the hams. I felt. Ifelt like, if I could just smack
the hams with my hands, then Iwouldn't need to eat them and
(15:26):
get them lodged into my gut areaand have have my my butt cheeks
turn into to hams instead, youknow. And that's that's no cost.
You just got to show up and bewilling to listen and to be
heard. So that's going to be onething is finding someone where
you can practice safely wanting,right? And then the other thing
(15:47):
is, okay, intuition. How do youdevelop your intuition? How do
you get more in line with whatis it that you really want, that
kind of like childlike self thatyou know, when you were a young
kid, and you know, hopefullythere was at least some point in
your life where you could, ormaybe you just didn't know any
better yet, you just went
Unknown (16:07):
like, I want, I want tuna fish with bananas, and I
want to, I want to do that, eatthat sandwich while riding on my
bicycle, while standing on itlike, ridiculous.
Justin Wenck (16:18):
Doesn't matter, but maybe they've lost that
touch to that and so how do youget that intuition back? So I've
developed a really amazingenergy practice that's super
potent, super powerful, yetsuper easy. Takes under five
minutes to practice. I call itthe life energy activation
process, and I'm getting readyto release it in a self guided
(16:43):
format, because this issomething that I've been I've
been teaching one on one and ingroups, and people have been
having fabulous results, wherethey just feel super calm, they
get clarity, they get to knowtheir intuition. And so then
they know what they want to do.
They know what they want inlife, and then they are able to
come from a place of being ableto start making roads to that
(17:05):
for things that really matterand things they really want to
create and experience and have.
And so, you know, that'ssomething that highly recommend.
So the wait list for this is up,and there's a good chance maybe
even by the time you'relistening to this, it's
available. But you go to Justinwenck.com, forward, slash, leap,
(17:27):
L, E, A, P, because it's thelife energy activation process,
because and it works on thephysical, mental, emotional and
energetic levels, and it's justa series of movements, breaths
and intentions takes less thanfive minutes that you can do
just about anywhere. And sothat's going to be another great
(17:49):
way for you to start to reallyknow what you want, and then
feel like, oh, I can maybe startto bring some of these things I
want into my life with ease. Sowith that, I hope I've given you
some tools to help you know whatyou want and feel like you start
getting what you want. We'vedone lots of other topics on
(18:12):
previous episodes to you know,different you know,
relationships and beliefs andmindsets and things like that,
to you know, help you getsomething you want. Yet this is
an important thing is to, like,actually have some idea of what
you genuinely want. So I'd loveto hear what is it that you
want, what is it you want? Andif you still don't know, then,
(18:36):
you know, reach out to me. Checkout. You know, the LEAP
Inception process Justinwenck.com/leap and yeah, let's
start getting you to enjoywanting more out of your life
and start enjoying more of yourlife. So with that, thank you
and good day. Thanks for tuningin to engineering emotions and
(18:59):
energy with Justin Wenck PhD,today's episode resonated with
you. Please subscribe and leavea five star review. Your
feedback not only supports theshow, but also helps others find
us and start their journey ofemotional and energetic mastery.
You can also help by sharingthis podcast with someone you
think will love it just as muchas you do. Together, we're
engineering more amazing livesyou Wenck.
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