April 21, 2025 • 47 mins
If you have been around children very long you know that every one of them is amazingly different! Educator and parenting pro, Kathy Koch helps parents discover their child’s uniqueness so they can maximize their potential and follow the Lord! Do you have a child in need of special motivation? Kathy will tell us what works and what doesn’t! Get the inside information for unlocking your child’s unique heart to create long-term change.
Today's Resource: Start with the Heart
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Episode Transcript
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S1 (00:15):
Hey friends, please enjoy this encore presentation of equipped with
Chris Brooks. Well hey there folks, welcome to another exciting
edition of equipped with Chris Brooks. We've been praying for you.
Why don't you strap on your seat belt? We're going
to navigate through the contours of culture, as always, with
the lens of the biblical worldview on. But before we
(00:37):
do that, let me remind you, as I always do,
that this is the day that the Lord has made.
He's giving it as a gift so that you and
I might rejoice and be glad in it. So let's
do just that. Let's follow the words of the Apostle Paul.
Let's rejoice in the Lord always. And again I say, rejoice!
What a great day it is to be alive! What
a great day it is to know the Lord! We're
(00:58):
going to have an absolutely amazing broadcast today. We're going
to help you to learn how to reach and win
the heart of your children. How do you reach and
win your kids hearts? You know, every one of us
as parents have areas where we want to see our
children change. And maybe you are tired of being stuck
(01:21):
and fighting the same battles with children that don't seem
like they're ever going to change. Well, today we're going
to help you to think through and learn some very
practical and manageable strategies for motivating your children towards healthy
habits and behaviors. Because this is what every parent hopes
and wants is for their children to make compassionate, responsible,
(01:43):
and brave choices even when we're not around. You know,
it's one thing for us to get them to a
place where they can comply. Hopefully you've arrived at that place.
It is a moving target, though I will tell you,
nothing humbles you like parenting. I know for me, whenever
pride begins to crouch at my doorstep and I'm tempted
(02:05):
to get a little bit of an inflated view of myself,
God just allows me to have one of those wonderful
parenting moments that brings you to your knees and humbles
you and reminds you of how little you know and
how much you need him and how much you need help.
We all need help. We all need help helping our
children to figure out how to behave better, how to
(02:29):
get beyond just constant complaints, how to build children that
are resilient, how to help our children to get to
a place where they see loss and pain and mourning
and suffering as an opportunity for growth. And through it all,
what I found is that us working with our children,
(02:51):
helping them to mature, is God's way of helping us
to grow and mature as well. And so today, as
I approach this program, I'm coming just as much as
a student to learn as I am as a facilitator
of this conversation. But if you're a parent out there
and you say, man, I really want to see breakthrough
in my relationship with my child. I want to see
(03:12):
breakthrough in helping them to overcome some of the, uh,
the behavioral challenges that they're having. And I want to
help to prepare them again to make compassionate, responsible and
brave choices even when I'm not around. Today is your program.
You're going to want to call early at 8775675. That's
(03:32):
877548 3675. Because I'm sure the phone lines are going
to fill up quick. In particular, after I introduce my guest,
I also want to encourage you to take advantage of
social media. We are always open on Facebook and Twitter
24 hours a day, seven days a week. You can
find us at Equip Radio that's equipped. Radio doctor Cathy
(03:53):
Cook is one of my favorite guests. If you were
to ask our team, who has been the top guest
that you've interviewed that have really stood out and I
get a chance to do this every day, I will
tell you. After interviewing just hundreds and hundreds of guests,
Cathy Cook still ranks right at the top of one
of my favorite people to talk to. Her insights about children,
(04:16):
about parenting are absolutely life changing, profound and humorous. They
will make you laugh. Kathy is the founder and president
of Celebrate Kids, Inc. It's a Christian ministry based in
Fort Worth, Texas, where most Christian ministries are based outside
of Colorado Springs and Nashville. She is an internationally celebrated speaker,
(04:37):
popular radio guest who has influenced thousands of parents, teachers
and children in 30 countries. As a keynote speaker and workshops, seminars,
assemblies and other events, she earned her PhD from Purdue University.
She was also a senior professor at the University of Wisconsin,
Green Bay. She was a second grade teacher and middle
school coach, and was a board member for a Christian
(04:59):
school prior to becoming a full time speaker. You've heard
her on this program before, uh, talking about her other
books and writings. But today we're going to talk about
her most recent start with the Heart how to motivate
your kids to be compassionate, responsible, and brave even when
you're not around. Kathy, how are you?
S2 (05:19):
I'm fabulous. Thank you so much for having me on
the show.
S1 (05:22):
Thank you. I always like to start by giving you
an opportunity to share your passion and where it derives from.
How did Kathy Cook find herself so passionate about helping
us to understand what makes our kids unique?
S2 (05:37):
You know, I was raised well. Chris, my brother and
I come from a really fine extended family. My parents
weren't perfect, but they were very good at what they
did and I was celebrated. I was known for who
I am and what I do, and I was allowed
to develop the passions and the skills that were of
interest to me. And I want every kid to have that.
I was known by grandparents and aunts and uncles and
(05:59):
cousins and my own brother and of course my parents.
And I just ache for kids who feel invisible in
their own spaces. I ache for parents who are trying
to lean in and get to, you know, know their
kids and the kids are kind of rebellious back. So
I just I want the family unit to be celebrated.
I want I want it to be a positive place.
(06:20):
So I'm so delighted to, you know, be a moody
author and to be on a show like yours, to
try to, um, be a blessing to people who want
what you and I want, which is, you know, healthy relationships.
S1 (06:31):
You know, I just learned this year I have, um,
four kids at home, and I just learned this year
that one of my children is actually an introvert. And
that was something that just slipped by me. And it's
been really revolutionary just seeing and asking myself, pondering what
it must feel like as an introvert being raised in
a family of extroverts. So when you talk about this
(06:54):
sense of feeling invisible at times, I would imagine that
there are a lot of parents who aren't doing it intentionally,
but somehow that might be the case.
S2 (07:05):
Oh, that's such a kind comment for sure. Parents are
overwhelmed and, you know, busy in some very important pursuits
and sometimes, frankly, busy doing things that maybe they don't
need to be doing. And kids can be hard to
get to know. They're they're isolated into their screens, if
you will, sometimes. But oh my goodness. We need to
push in and lean in and invest and find out.
(07:27):
Your example is is one that I'm sure many people
can relate to. And you did nothing wrong at all. Um,
I'm glad that you discovered it. Um, but there's. Yeah,
it takes time. And kids have to trust us. And
kids have to be willing to be vulnerable and to,
you know, speak up. And we have to be able
to see the consistent patterns and then, you know, draw
some conclusions from that. So praise God that you've been
(07:47):
able to do that.
S1 (07:48):
Yeah. And I bring it up because I don't want
anybody to feel that today's discussion is about a guilt trip.
You know, you'll discover some things along the way, no
doubt like I have, that you will say, man, I
wish I'd known that earlier. Or maybe it will be
convicting in some ways. And not all of that is bad.
But please know that I come to this conversation assuming
(08:10):
the best for the parents that listen to this program.
I know because I've talked to you how much you
love your children, but yet there is so much we
don't know if we haven't been coached, if we haven't
been taught. And Kathy Cook is here to help us
to understand it. Again, the phone number is 8775675. That's
877548 3675. You write this, Kathy, parents have the greatest
(08:35):
influence over their children's choices and beliefs about life, faith,
and God. Is that still true in this generation, or
has that changed with the advent of social media and
other external influences?
S2 (08:49):
That's a great question. I think it's true. I think
that parents parents will children will always want to know
what their parents think. Children may not ask us directly.
Maybe in the old days we did, and maybe it
may appear that serious opinion really matters or, you know,
the people that we're following on Twitter, but children are
are made for the connection they have with their parents.
(09:11):
This is an ordained thing that God has done to
cause you to father that child. And so it is
it is necessary that we assume that they care what
we care about, and we need to speak up and
not wait for them to to ask us. They will
always care.
S1 (09:29):
That's good to know. And I think, again, that's a
good reminder because I don't know if you've noticed. I
know I've noticed, Cathy, that there seems to be a
quiet war that's been brewing, uh, in this whole relationship
between parents and children, as far as the influence parents
have in children's lives. And there are a lot of
voices that are saying that parents, you should not try
(09:50):
to to leverage that influence to somehow the best thing
for you to do is to step back and kind
of just let kids navigate their own lives. I think
we need to still lead and guide our children. But
I think also what with your book brings out, is
that we need to make sure that we're paying attention,
that we're really good listeners, because they're not just telling
Kathy Cook these things. If we listen, they'll tell us,
(10:13):
won't they?
S2 (10:14):
Absolutely. Absolutely. We do need to parent strong. We need
to hang out with them and make the effort to
be in their spaces and in their places, and to
invite them into ours with board games and shooting hoops
and going for walks in the park. Good old fashioned
parenting kinds of things. Absolutely. Be present.
S1 (10:32):
You know, the book that marked me that you wrote,
eight Great Smarts, just helped me to understand how each
of my children were unique. But why? Right. Start with
the heart. What was it that caused you to say
this book needs to be written right now?
S2 (10:45):
Mhm. Character development was a big part of it. Um.
We are. Well, our character matters more than other kinds
of things about us. Um, the choices that we make
reside in our character. Relationships depend upon Christ like character. And, um,
the hypocrisy. Frankly. On parents not exhibiting great character toward
their kids. I'm kids angry about that. Um, very few
(11:08):
role models out in the media of of classic good, um,
connections and, uh, character. So I wanted kids to I
wanted parents to be reminded that they will be forever
and always an influence upon their children. And I wanted
a book about character development, motivation. Um, one of the
things parents at the end of my seminars, Chris, there's
(11:28):
a lot of questions, of course, just like with you
on the radio, and many of them are about technology.
And the second major category over the last year or
two have been about motivation. My kids are irresponsible. How
do I get them to do their own thing? How
do I help my kid, you know, earn an A
when I know they're capable of that? I can't get
my kids to help out around the house. How could
I motivate them? So I wanted to write something that
(11:49):
I hope is a helpful, practical guide.
S1 (11:52):
You start the book out in chapter one with a
wonderful story of a parent who's having to reiterate for
the 1,000th time, an instruction that they have told their
children or a child that they keep defying. How how
often do you encounter this? And why is this such
a common problem that parents find themselves in saying, I've
(12:14):
already told you not to do this, but yet you
keep doing it?
S2 (12:19):
Yeah. You know, did we get their full attention when
we started telling the story or giving the instruction? Or
did we tell and yell and not really instruct? You know,
Chris character and obedience are the toughest things kids will
learn because of the sin nature. And we stayed we
stayed a rule and we expect compliance. But we skill
and drill the ABCs and we skill and drill the
(12:41):
one two threes. No obedience and righteousness and proper character
and and connection and behaving well toward each other. Those
are hard things to learn because the culture is chaotic
and people are messy, and we're in a hurry all
the time, and we're distracted and we're overwhelmed. A lot
of children tell me that they their parents, think that
(13:02):
they've taught and explained, when in reality that's not the
perception the children have.
S1 (13:07):
All right, folks, we're just scratching the surface. We got
to take a break. Kathy Cook has been talking to
our kids, and she wants to tell us what they've
said to her and what they will say to us
if we learn how to win their heart. Doctor cook
has years of experience. She brings not only professional expertise,
but a caring heart for parents. Are you stuck fighting
(13:29):
the same battles with your kids who seem totally unmotivated
to change? Well, again, today's your show. Why don't you
give us a call today? The phone number is 8775675.
That's 877548 3675. I'm going to have the phone screeners
make sure that my mom and dad don't call on
the air. Because after all, I was the perfect child,
(13:51):
so they shouldn't have any problems. But for everybody else,
we're going to try to take your calls today. Also,
don't forget social media is available. If you like to
get a copy of this moody published book. You can
go to our website at Radio.com or become an Equipper
a monthly partner. That's a 50% discount off of all
moody published items. Dial 888644 4144. Do it now. Sharing
(14:18):
your faith can be challenging.
S3 (14:20):
How do you confidently engage with questions about truth, technology,
and culture while staying grounded in Scripture? That's why Chris
Brooks has chosen apologetics for an ever changing culture as
our gift. When you support equip this month, it will
help you provide thoughtful, informed answers to the pressing questions
(14:40):
of our time. Request your copy today with a gift
of any amount. Call (888)Â 644-4144 or visit equip radio.org.
S1 (14:52):
Chris Brooks here reminding you that today's program is pre-recorded.
While we won't be taking calls. We do want to
connect with you on social media. Welcome back to equip
with Chris Brooks. Today we're talking to Doctor Kathy Cook
about how to win our kids hearts. In her book
(15:12):
start with the heart, she states this capturing your child's
heart and parenting to keep it may be more important
than anything else you do. And I think she is right.
And Kathy, I will say this. It really sounds biblical.
What this whole thought of starting with the heart causes
(15:33):
me to think of Romans ten nine and ten and
the whole thought of salvation. Even God understands the power
of capturing our hearts. It says in Romans ten nine
and ten, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus
is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised
him from the dead, you will be saved. For with
(15:54):
the heart one believes and is justified, and with the
mouth one confesses and is saved. God understands the power
of the heart. Is this something we've missed? You think
along the way and all of the parenting workshops and
conferences and courses?
S2 (16:11):
Yes, possibly. I appreciate that reminder so much from the
Word of God. You know, the heart is the wellspring
of life, and it is what we ought to be
paying attention to. I think well-meaning parents are about behavior.
They want their children to obey, and they want their
home to be at peace and an easy place. And
I get that. But we can, um, either work with
(16:31):
God to help children have a transformed heart toward healthy
relationships and behavior and wisdom and righteousness, or we can
simply work to change their behavior. But when we prioritize
the heart, then there's life change. And then we work
ourselves out of a job, and that's eventually what we want, right,
is for kids to be dependent upon us in a
(16:52):
healthy way, but and independent in a healthy way.
S1 (16:56):
That's so good. Let's go to the phone lines throughout
this conversation. Doctor Cook, I'm going to weave in some
calls from our call, our listeners who are so eager
to talk to you. Again, the phone number, if you
want to be a part of the conversation is 8775675.
That's 877548 3675. If you're a parent wanting to win
(17:16):
your child's heart having a difficult time, today is your day.
We'll start with James, who's in Akron, Ohio. Hey James,
thank you so much for listening to equip. What's your
question for Doctor Cook?
S4 (17:27):
My my question is and comment. My daughter, she's 16
years old and it seems like every time we, um,
sit down at the table to eat, um, you know,
we have to, of course, pray. And it's like she
just cannot sit there long enough through this prayer. She's
trying to eat, um, while we're praying. So, um, my
(17:52):
thing is, you know, it happened again when we did communion.
It's like she just doesn't, like, want to take the
time to do these things. As though I'm figuring she
just really doesn't understand. So my thing is, you know,
for a 16 year old girl to, to feel as
though it's not important to pray or communion or any
(18:15):
of those things. And, you know, maybe she's thinking that
it's just for, for adults to do that kind of thing,
and she doesn't have to do those things. So I
guess I'm trying to figure out, is there something that
that we're missing to, to talk to these children and
let them know that, um, you know, even the Bible says,
(18:38):
you know, raise up a child in a way that
they should go and they will not depart. That we're
we're we're not trying to tell her, you know, when
we do talk about the Lord, the things that she
cannot do. But is there something that we can do
to tell them that the things that they can do?
S1 (18:56):
Yeah, like I told them, first, let me jump in
there for just a moment, James, because I just want
to say, I think you speak for so many dads,
so many moms, even parents that are out there that
are eager doctor cook to see their children get excited
and enthusiastic about spiritual things, about the things of the faith,
only to find that at times it feels like pulling teeth.
(19:17):
I know I feel some of what James feels when
it comes time for family devotions around the Brooks house.
A lot of times the family devotions sound more like
I am telling them to sit. Sit down, be still.
Pay attention more than what you would hope. So. So
what do you say to James and the rest of
the parents, like myself, who really want to motivate their
(19:39):
their kids spiritually?
S2 (19:42):
Yeah. First of all, praise God that you care about
your children's spiritual wellness. So that's obviously something to affirm. Um, um,
I'd be. I'd be intrigued to wonder if she's nervous.
Kids who struggle with prayer and and being patient in
times like that, might it be that being in the
presence of God in that way is hard for them?
(20:02):
Because maybe there's unconfessed sin? That's the first thing I
think of. You know, if I'm struggling in my relationship
with God, I don't like prayer doesn't come naturally or
easily to me. So it's possible that a conversation about
the quality of the relationship with her God in that
moment is important. A one on one conversation in her
bedroom in the dark, when she is willing to talk
with you and doesn't have to look into your eyes.
(20:24):
I also think that sometimes that's kids reaction to hypocrisy.
I'm not saying that's the case of James at all.
And yet kids tell me that, um, you know, they
they only pray at a meal and it's superficial and
they don't ever really pray when there's a big decision
to make. So if God is our authority and we're
supposed to be in relationship with him, then how can
we only pray when we eat? Why do we only
(20:45):
thank him for our food? Why don't we also, you know,
so I wonder if the relationship becomes, um, stagnant or
routine and almost boring in our prayer life. Certainly I
would hope that that's not the case with communion. Sometimes
these kids have to learn. You got to slow down.
I mean, spending time with God is the most important
thing we do. But, but saying that and modeling that
(21:06):
are two very different things. I also want to say,
with a lot of respect that we do need to
understand our children's attention span. We do need to understand
that they're being raised in such a time as this,
and long prayers with deep theological truth and language at
the dinner table is probably not going to win kids
hearts to the Lord. I also want to encourage us
(21:27):
to let them be the ones to pray sometimes so
that it becomes an involved, um, activity for them, not
just something that they passively participate in. So I'm kind
of doing a brain dump, like I, I love the
disciplines of prayer and communion and worship and Bible study
and all of that. It needs to be real and
done out of a love relationship we have with our
(21:47):
Creator God, and not something that's routine that we check
off the list. If it feels like that to our kids,
they're going to behave in that way.
S1 (21:55):
Yeah, I think that that is, um, man, that is
so powerful. You know, maybe and I don't want to
overstep here, but maybe, James, one of the things that
is most important is just modeling. Just modeling for them,
this relationship you have with Jesus. I know recently I
was convicted Doctor cook to make sure that I'm explaining
(22:17):
the why behind the what with my children. I think
I spend a lot of times as a dad just
assuming they know the why and the what makes it
feels feel like more rule giving than it is life giving,
relational giving. Uh, and I love that you quote your
friend here in your book, Lori Waldenberg. And you, you
(22:40):
quote her and she says this understanding the the power
of relationships. She says, a great and godly parenting strategy
is relational. I want to interact with my kids in
a way that deepens our relationship, encourages responsibility, draws grace
into the family fold, and molds a humble countenance. When
I think about prayer, I just wonder if James and others,
(23:03):
even even including me, need to make sure we explain
the relational part of it and model it as a
relational behavior. And that's without judgment. But just again, do
you think that's part of what Lori is getting at here?
S2 (23:18):
Yes, I absolutely do. You know, in my church here
in Fort Worth, our pastor teaches us, of course, to
begin the day in prayer. And then he tells us
not to say Amen, that our whole day ought to
be a prayer response and a love conversation with our
creator and with our Lord Jesus. And so is it
relational and is it? Hey, Jesus, it's me again. How's
it going for you up there? You know, um, yes,
(23:41):
he's on the throne. And there's a reverence that we
have toward God. And there's also a natural communication flow
where we want him to know that we're remembering that
he's a part of our day.
S1 (23:53):
I love it. We're going to take more calls at eight, 775, six, seven, five.
That's eight seven, 7548, 36, 75. You often ask parents
how they're doing relationally or how they would describe their
relationship with their children. Why do you think that's an
important exercise or question for us to ask ourselves regularly?
S2 (24:12):
Well, because kids change and so do we. And maybe
if we ask ourselves what's the quality of our relationship
right now, we'll recognize that we're overwhelmed or that we're tired,
or that we're more anxious about an upcoming remembrance, you know,
than we realize we are, or whatever the case might be.
And we do it to a to an extent, Chris.
(24:33):
We earn the right to be heard. You know, sadly,
the role of mom and dad, it's changed through the
days and through the years. The title of mom, the
title of dad, doesn't necessarily give us the kind of
authority that it once had, because the culture is broken
and media proclaims parents are unnecessary and kids watch those shows.
And so we do need to lean in, and we
do need to understand that, you know, their heartache is
(24:55):
is legit and we need to earn back the right
maybe to be in that relationship. I don't say that lightly.
That's why I wrote the whole book.
S1 (25:03):
Yeah. Let me say this. We're going to take a break.
But when we come back from our our next break,
we're going to get into what I would argue is
the most important aspect of your book, and that is
this whole concept of resiliency. I just want you, if
you could, because we got to go into a break.
What how would you define resiliency?
S2 (25:23):
It's the choice to bounce back quickly from despair, trauma, heartache.
It's a choice. It's a learned skill that can become
a part of our character when we practice it often enough.
S1 (25:36):
We're going to talk about this. And I will say, folks,
this is a deeply important and personal, uh, next segment
for me. I want you to be a part of it.
If you want your children to have the skill of
being able to bounce back. If you want your kids
to have the skill of being able to be resilient. Uh,
today is a is a great day for you to
listen and take notes. The book again, start with the heart.
(25:59):
I want you to order a copy. Go to Equip radio.org.
Go to Equip Radio. Do it now. We'll be right
back with more of equip right after this. Chris Brooks
here reminding you that today's program is pre-recorded and we
(26:19):
won't be taking your calls. Welcome back to equip with
Chris Brooks, having a phenomenal conversation about parenting. One of
the most important responsibilities given to us as Christian human
beings is the opportunity to pass our faith to the
next generation, and to raise good and godly children. Doctor
(26:40):
Kathy Cook is the founder and president of Celebrate Kids, Inc..
It's a Christian ministry that's committed to helping parents to
motivate their kids to be compassionate, responsible, and brave even
when we're not around. Doctor Kathy, before we went to break,
I begin to talk about what I feel like is
(27:00):
the most groundbreaking and powerful part of your book for me,
and that is the whole thought around resiliency. In the book.
You define resiliency this way, that resiliency is the ability
to recover quickly or to bounce back, as you said earlier,
from adversity, disappointment, defeat, failure and trauma. This is something
(27:23):
that our children are going to face regularly. My my
family's been going through a season of deep loss, but
it seems sometimes not only in the major moments where
you experience a death, but even in something that may
seem a lot smaller but more frequent, like like homework,
running into just a difficult class. And this thought of man,
(27:44):
I was working with my son earlier this week after
my wife put in two hours helping him with his homework.
I was working with him for another hour on some
math stuff, and he said over and over again, this
is this is too hard. This is too hard. And
yet we want to see our children resilient enough to
bounce back after something that's hard, be it a significant
loss of a loved one or a tough class that
(28:08):
is difficult for them. How do we teach our children
how to be resilient?
S2 (28:13):
Yeah, I really appreciate your passion for this, Chris. You know,
we need to be resilient. First of all, I think
it is taught through modeling, you know, do they see
us down in the valley? Do they see us counting
the blades of grass per square inch? I like to say.
Or do they see that we will bounce back? Not superficially,
not quickly, necessarily, not immediately, all the time. Sometimes there's
(28:33):
a season and we're going to go slow, but we're
not going to stay down. As believers, we can't, um,
we we do need to rely upon God in us
and God for us and the people that he surrounds
us with. We need to be humble and reach out
and say, hey, I need a I need a helping
hand here. Would you be available to me? And we
need to model that so that our kids will know
that they can approach us in times of need. And
(28:56):
I do think that when we help our kids understand, um,
real trauma versus hard homework, right? When we put it
in a scale and we, we talk about reality here
and what's the worst thing that could possibly happen when
we help them identify, you know, reality and a scale
of horrible to really bad to kind of okay, if
(29:16):
that makes sense, then we can help them process appropriately
and make sure that they're communicating truth about what they're
going through.
S1 (29:24):
Yeah. When I think of resiliency, I got to be
honest with you. I have a lot of negative images
that come to my head, including the the athletic parent
who pushes their kids like to a crazy and insane level,
or the parent that doesn't give their kids space to
mourn and grieve. How do we avoid taking this to
(29:45):
an unhealthy place?
S2 (29:49):
Wow. Um. We have to love, well, ourselves and others.
And we have to know that we're raising the children
God has given us, not the children we wish we had. So,
you know, maybe I'm not. Maybe I don't have a
basketball star. I have a son. And can I love
him and who he is? And he likes soccer. Or
(30:10):
he likes art. Can I raise my daughter who loves
ballet when I don't care a lick about it? But
can I hide that from her and sit in the
front row and admire her tutu and, you know, play
the music so that she can dance throughout the house?
It's not about me and my happiness, and it's not
about me having little clones. You know, they're they're created
(30:32):
in God's image, not ours. And we we need to.
That's what that whole relationship is, right? That I want
to get to know them and for who they are.
And I want to, um, agree with them about their, um, goals. Unless,
of course, it contradicts family values.
S1 (30:49):
Sure.
S2 (30:50):
And I want to and I want to walk with
them toward who they're becoming and not necessarily make them
be who I wish they were.
S1 (30:58):
What is self-efficacy and what do we need to understand
about it?
S2 (31:02):
Yeah, that's a that's a great issue as well, isn't it? Um, yeah.
Being able to um, man, it's a thriving skill. First
of all, self efficacy, um, to step up um, to,
to come back forward. It's not the er do you know,
er you know, like woe is me. You know, life
(31:24):
stinks like all. My goodness that's not going to get
us anywhere. Yeah. Um, you know, being, having self-efficacy is
being appropriately optimistic toward myself. I'm not in denial. I
know that math doesn't come easily to me, so I'm
going to do my math homework first while my mind
is freshest and I'm going to be grateful for little progress,
(31:46):
I'm not going to expect necessarily this to be easy,
but it looks like it's similar to yesterday, so I
believe that I can be more efficient and more effective
than I was last night. And I'm going to try
a few problems first before I complain to my dad.
That's self-efficacy. Seeing what's really there and believing that I
can be effective and that I don't always have to
(32:08):
rely on others.
S1 (32:12):
Yeah, I think that as I as I think about
children building, that is a matter of reinforcement. And that
reinforcement can oftentimes look a lot like irritation. And we
have to make sure that we protect our children from irritation.
But there's a patient, loving relational aspect to this that
(32:33):
I absolutely love that you bring out in the book.
I want to get to character because you described character
as a skill and a will. Explain what you mean
by that.
S2 (32:44):
Yeah. Um, wow. What do I mean by that? What
do you think, Chris? So it's a skill. You know,
I can be patient. I can I know the difference
between patience and impatience or generosity and being stingy or
kind and being rude. I know the difference. Um, do
I have the. And I know the skill. I know
(33:04):
how to be patient. I know how to wait. But
the will do. Do I care enough about myself and
others to to want to be good in that situation. Right.
So that's the motivation. Again, as a Christ follower, I
want Jesus to look good in me. So I'm going
to choose to honor my grandmother. You know, my grandmother
walks so slow. Kids tell me this all the time.
(33:25):
My grandmother walks so slow. You know, it's so hard.
Oh my goodness, walk slow. She's your grandmother. It won't
kill you. you know. So I have the. I know
how to walk slow. I know how to honor my grandmother.
I can even hold her hand. She's kind of iffy
on her feet. But the will to put her first,
the will to. To slow down and to honor someone
(33:48):
other than myself.
S1 (33:50):
I understand the skill part. Probably more than the will part.
How do we cultivate the will in our children?
S2 (33:58):
We talk about it. We teach it. We don't demand it.
We correct and affirm it just like we do the skill.
Do we see their motivation? Do we see the passion
that's undergirding the skill? Um. And do we do we
parent for that from the get go? You know, do
(34:20):
we talk out loud about why, you know, what we
were saying before about the what and the why? What's
the why behind the what? You know why. Because we're
other centered. Why? Because we're not more important than anyone else.
S1 (34:33):
Yeah.
S2 (34:34):
Why? Because everyone you'll ever meet and everyone you'll never
meet is created in the image of God for his glory.
He was intentional when he made you. You. He was
intentional when he made every person. Do we teach that
and do we? Do we model that? And do we
demonstrate that in our choices as we behave toward people,
(34:55):
so that our children see that.
S1 (34:57):
What's most important? Because when we talk about character, there's
a lot of things we can teach. You've broken down
some major categories, from humility to self-respect to self-control. Talk
about some of these areas that you feel like are
most important. How did you come up with this?
S2 (35:13):
Yeah. Thank you, Chris, for asking because character is so big, right?
Like there's 100 character qualities. So which ones are we
going to prioritize? I just looked at my own life.
And when am I? When am I frustrated and when
am I at peace? When do I know that the
Lord is pleased? And it starts with humility. God hates pride.
We know that from His word. When we're humble, we
can admit we don't need. We don't know everything. When
(35:35):
we're humble, we can be teachable. So you want your
kids to be humble, to realize that there's something that
they can learn and something more they need from life.
And we're one of the ones that can give them that.
So humility is huge self respect. When I respect myself
as a person of worth, when I believe that I
was created for such a time as this, I will
want to develop good character. So when I'm humble, I
(35:59):
know I need it. When I have self-respect, I know
I need it, and then self-control allows me to use it.
So if I'm, you know, I can. I can know
about patience. I can know about generosity. I can know
about kindness. But I have to have self-control in order
to behave in the right way, at the right time.
(36:23):
And then the fourth one that I prioritize in the
book is a respect for others, because that motivates me
to put into practice the character qualities that I've developed.
I think those are the first four that really are
foundational to all the others, including the three that I
chose for the title of the book.
S1 (36:41):
I should have mentioned, and this is something that I
think hopefully will be an encouragement to my listeners, is
that just about every page and I'm flipping through the book,
just about every page has, uh, Bible verses and scripture
reference for you as a parent to have, uh, what
Doctor Cook is, is sharing reinforced by the Word of God.
But I also think there's a dual benefit here of
(37:04):
you listing these powerful passages of Scripture. Doctor cook in
your book. And that is for us to be able
to explain to our children from a biblical perspective how
our faith motivates, uh, the areas that we focus in
on and why we should do what we should do
from the Word of God. Oftentimes, I don't think that
(37:25):
there's a connection made in parenting between what we're encouraging
our kids to do and how that is an outflow
from from Scripture. I want to ask one more quick
question before we go to our next break, and this
will carry over for sure. You say many parents I
speak to tell me their biggest concern is about entitlement. Entitlement.
(37:47):
That is a big, big problem. Um, man, talk a
little bit about it.
S2 (37:52):
Yeah. Oh my goodness. It's it's hard for kids because
it's hard for adults, right? You know we deserve everything. No,
we deserve nothing. Yes. And, uh, boy, we've got to
stand strong in that reality.
S1 (38:05):
Yeah. And I think that it is something that, you know,
here's here's the thing about your book. And I'm just
going to say this as people read it. It's going
to you think you're reading a book about your children,
but you really set us up. You really set us
up because each one of these chapters ultimately lands back
at the question of, well, mom, dad, how are you
(38:27):
doing in that? How are you doing in modeling resiliency?
How are you doing at respecting others, even your children?
How are you doing in the area of entitlement? That's
a pretty big question. I'm going to pause there. We're
going to take a short break. But when we come back,
we're going to get a little bit deeper into this
conversation about how do we help to make change happen
(38:49):
in our, in our, in our children and in ourselves.
But more importantly, how do we make sure that we
do it in such a way that even when we're
not around, our kids can make the right choices and
exhibit the right character and behavior? That is one of
the most intriguing parts about this book is not just
setting up a better relationship with your children when you're
(39:11):
present in their in their face, face to face. But
how do you enable them once they're out of your house?
On college campuses, in the workplace, living on their own
when you're not there to supervise or supervise. How do
you make sure they're making good and godly decisions? We're
going to talk about that with Doctor Kathy Cook. The
book start with the Heart How to Motivate Your Kids
(39:34):
to Be Compassionate, responsible, and Brave even When You're Not Around,
can be ordered at Equip radio.
S3 (39:42):
Christianity speaks to every aspect of life, but sometimes we
struggle to connect God's unchanging truth to our changing world.
Apologetics for an Ever Changing Culture by Sean McDowell equips
you with the practical tools for meaningful conversation about faith.
With chapters from 26 leading Christian thinkers, including our own
(40:02):
Chris Brooks. It's our impact gift this month to you.
When you support the Ministry of Equipped, call (888)Â 644-4144 or
visit equipped radio.org.
S1 (40:16):
Today's program has been pre-recorded so our phone lines are
not open. Welcome back to equipped with Chris Brooks. Doctor
Kathy Cook is my guest. The book start with the heart.
You can order it at equip. radio.au are going to
go back to the phone line. Sharon is listening in Spokane.
Hey Sharon, thank you for listening to equip. What's your comment?
S5 (40:37):
Well, I have taught middle and high school kids for
15 years, and then I went on to, um, teach
at university level, and I ran the teaching programs. And
so in my studies about kids, I looked at all
the developmental stages and the ones that are being described
right here, how the kids are acting. Well, first of all,
(40:57):
their body, because their mind is developing now and they're
starting to become independent. So they're, uh, it's unconscious, but
they're they're getting the message that their parents won't be
around forever, and it terrifies them. And so they grab
on to the peer group, and that's all that matters.
And then the other stage they're going through is called
personal fable. So they're terrified of going out into the world.
(41:21):
That's why so many of them stay at home. And
the personal fable is when they make up something that
they can be and they hang on to that. Like,
if I'm telling a student, let me see what you're
writing on your essay. He said, Miss Sage, I don't
need that because I'm going to be in the NFL.
And I'm looking at this kid and he's £27 dripping wet.
And I'm thinking, well, you better know your, you know, stuff.
(41:43):
You better be doing research about how they pay you
and all of that.
S1 (41:47):
I love.
S5 (41:48):
It. And the other thing is, if they tell me
they're bored or they don't like it, I say, you
know what I want to do? Let's just stop this,
because I'm really all about relevance. So why don't 3
or 4 of you think of a lesson we could
do on this tomorrow, and they come back with the
most creative things?
S1 (42:05):
Yeah. Sharon, I appreciate your call. Thanks for your call.
I gotta run, but I do appreciate your call and
the work you're doing with children. Uh, doctor Kathy, you
one of the arguably again, biggest intrigues of the book
and you see it in the title is, is to
be able to have our children get to a place
in their character and their choices, where they're making responsible
and brave choices, compassionate choices, even when they're when we're
(42:27):
not around. I think a lot of this goes back
to the chapter you have on communication. The communication chapter
is so cool to me. And so I'm going to
throw out the opening question, which is better be on
time or don't be late. What are the difference between
those two and what are you trying to drive home
with that?
S2 (42:46):
Yeah, don't be late. Reminds them of how they've disappointed
us in the past and it continues to cement upon
them a negative. You know, I'm always running late. I'm
always late. I'm incapable of being on time. But when
I say be on time, I'm talking more about what
I want than what I currently see. And that's good parenting.
Just like, you know, instead of saying, don't forget, we
(43:09):
can say, please remember. Yeah. And we can even say,
I know you will remember what you need to bring
and implant that upon them. I am capable of remembering.
S1 (43:19):
I love this thought. B look for every opportunity to
be optimistic, to be positive, to be encouraging with your children.
They need that encouragement. And what we'll do is motivate them.
If we're enthusiastic, encouraging, optimistic, we'll encourage them towards right behavior.
And that tends to stick more than if we are
(43:41):
negative with them. And in our advising, guiding and correction,
you say this and this is where we got to
land the plane. Doctor cook is in your book. You
say you can't afford to give up or let hard
days or hard children defeat you. That's a message to parents.
What do you want parents to know who are experiencing?
(44:03):
They're in the throes of those hard days, and they're
standing nose to nose with that hard child. How do
you keep from letting those things defeat you?
S2 (44:12):
Oh my goodness, Kristi, I have such compassion for them.
Parents are strong and long and understand that this is
your role and responsibility and a great privilege, that you
would be trusted by God with these children or with
this child. Like, wow. So love them long and strong
and lean in and get to know them and hug
(44:32):
them tight. And you know, again, that's why you and
I do what we do. It's it isn't easy today.
There's no promise that it's been easy. Don't don't drink
that Kool-Aid and believe that lie. Um, even the best
of the best have hard days. But a hard day
doesn't make a kid hard. And a bad day doesn't
mean a kid was bad. Nor does it mean you're
a bad parent. It is what it is. And we
(44:54):
need to. We need to be resilient, right? We need
to start over. We need to lean in, apologize, forgive,
love well. Be enthusiastic. Expect tomorrow to be a better day.
Our expectations matter greatly. So are we resting? Are we
in the word? Are we worshiping? Are we praying? Are
we surrounding ourselves with like minded truth talkers so that
(45:17):
On the worst of the worst days. We know we're
not alone and it will be okay. And let's remember,
you know, kids make mistakes, but they're not mistakes. And,
and and we have bad days, but we're not bad people.
It is. It's just challenging. Which is why I'm so
grateful for your show. Because, man, Chris, the way that
(45:37):
you reach out and love your people and give them
all this hope, like, I really appreciate what you're doing.
S1 (45:43):
Yeah, I'm grateful and I'm grateful for you as well.
And I'd be remiss if I didn't give you at
least 30s to speak to the child who feels like
I can never please my parent.
S2 (45:52):
Yes you can. Um, yes, you can make make wise choices. Um.
Love your parents back. They're imperfect people, but they're the
perfect parents for you. Um. Forgive yourself. Ask for help.
Every parent wants to be a teacher and a helper.
So let them know that you need them. Stop asking
(46:13):
Siri on the phone the meaning of life and go
to your dad. Oh my goodness. Um, it's it matters
that we that we trust them. Try again, try again.
Don't give up.
S1 (46:25):
Doctor cook, this will not be the last time that
we talk on equipped with Chris Brooks. I am so grateful.
I will have you back any day we can get you.
I appreciate the book. Start with the heart, folks. You
can order at Equip radio.org. Thanks, doctor. Kathy.
S2 (46:42):
Thank you so much. Love being here.
S1 (46:44):
I appreciate you as well. Listen you can go to
our website equip radio.org. Don't forget partner with the program.
If you're blessed by equip with Chris Brooks I want
to encourage you become a monthly partner or give your
most generous one time gift. Go to Equip radio.org or
dial 888644 4144. Until we together again remember. Equipped with
Chris Brooks is a production of Moody Radio, a ministry
(47:07):
of Moody Bible Institute.
Hey friends, please enjoy this encore presentation of equipped with
Chris Brooks. Well hey there folks, welcome to another exciting
edition of equipped with Chris Brooks. We've been praying for you.
Why don't you strap on your seat belt? We're going
to navigate through the contours of culture, as always, with
the lens of the biblical worldview on. But before we
(00:37):
do that, let me remind you, as I always do,
that this is the day that the Lord has made.
He's giving it as a gift so that you and
I might rejoice and be glad in it. So let's
do just that. Let's follow the words of the Apostle Paul.
Let's rejoice in the Lord always. And again I say, rejoice!
What a great day it is to be alive! What
a great day it is to know the Lord! We're
(00:58):
going to have an absolutely amazing broadcast today. We're going
to help you to learn how to reach and win
the heart of your children. How do you reach and
win your kids hearts? You know, every one of us
as parents have areas where we want to see our
children change. And maybe you are tired of being stuck
(01:21):
and fighting the same battles with children that don't seem
like they're ever going to change. Well, today we're going
to help you to think through and learn some very
practical and manageable strategies for motivating your children towards healthy
habits and behaviors. Because this is what every parent hopes
and wants is for their children to make compassionate, responsible,
(01:43):
and brave choices even when we're not around. You know,
it's one thing for us to get them to a
place where they can comply. Hopefully you've arrived at that place.
It is a moving target, though I will tell you,
nothing humbles you like parenting. I know for me, whenever
pride begins to crouch at my doorstep and I'm tempted
(02:05):
to get a little bit of an inflated view of myself,
God just allows me to have one of those wonderful
parenting moments that brings you to your knees and humbles
you and reminds you of how little you know and
how much you need him and how much you need help.
We all need help. We all need help helping our
children to figure out how to behave better, how to
(02:29):
get beyond just constant complaints, how to build children that
are resilient, how to help our children to get to
a place where they see loss and pain and mourning
and suffering as an opportunity for growth. And through it all,
what I found is that us working with our children,
(02:51):
helping them to mature, is God's way of helping us
to grow and mature as well. And so today, as
I approach this program, I'm coming just as much as
a student to learn as I am as a facilitator
of this conversation. But if you're a parent out there
and you say, man, I really want to see breakthrough
in my relationship with my child. I want to see
(03:12):
breakthrough in helping them to overcome some of the, uh,
the behavioral challenges that they're having. And I want to
help to prepare them again to make compassionate, responsible and
brave choices even when I'm not around. Today is your program.
You're going to want to call early at 8775675. That's
(03:32):
877548 3675. Because I'm sure the phone lines are going
to fill up quick. In particular, after I introduce my guest,
I also want to encourage you to take advantage of
social media. We are always open on Facebook and Twitter
24 hours a day, seven days a week. You can
find us at Equip Radio that's equipped. Radio doctor Cathy
(03:53):
Cook is one of my favorite guests. If you were
to ask our team, who has been the top guest
that you've interviewed that have really stood out and I
get a chance to do this every day, I will
tell you. After interviewing just hundreds and hundreds of guests,
Cathy Cook still ranks right at the top of one
of my favorite people to talk to. Her insights about children,
(04:16):
about parenting are absolutely life changing, profound and humorous. They
will make you laugh. Kathy is the founder and president
of Celebrate Kids, Inc. It's a Christian ministry based in
Fort Worth, Texas, where most Christian ministries are based outside
of Colorado Springs and Nashville. She is an internationally celebrated speaker,
(04:37):
popular radio guest who has influenced thousands of parents, teachers
and children in 30 countries. As a keynote speaker and workshops, seminars,
assemblies and other events, she earned her PhD from Purdue University.
She was also a senior professor at the University of Wisconsin,
Green Bay. She was a second grade teacher and middle
school coach, and was a board member for a Christian
(04:59):
school prior to becoming a full time speaker. You've heard
her on this program before, uh, talking about her other
books and writings. But today we're going to talk about
her most recent start with the Heart how to motivate
your kids to be compassionate, responsible, and brave even when
you're not around. Kathy, how are you?
S2 (05:19):
I'm fabulous. Thank you so much for having me on
the show.
S1 (05:22):
Thank you. I always like to start by giving you
an opportunity to share your passion and where it derives from.
How did Kathy Cook find herself so passionate about helping
us to understand what makes our kids unique?
S2 (05:37):
You know, I was raised well. Chris, my brother and
I come from a really fine extended family. My parents
weren't perfect, but they were very good at what they
did and I was celebrated. I was known for who
I am and what I do, and I was allowed
to develop the passions and the skills that were of
interest to me. And I want every kid to have that.
I was known by grandparents and aunts and uncles and
(05:59):
cousins and my own brother and of course my parents.
And I just ache for kids who feel invisible in
their own spaces. I ache for parents who are trying
to lean in and get to, you know, know their
kids and the kids are kind of rebellious back. So
I just I want the family unit to be celebrated.
I want I want it to be a positive place.
(06:20):
So I'm so delighted to, you know, be a moody
author and to be on a show like yours, to
try to, um, be a blessing to people who want
what you and I want, which is, you know, healthy relationships.
S1 (06:31):
You know, I just learned this year I have, um,
four kids at home, and I just learned this year
that one of my children is actually an introvert. And
that was something that just slipped by me. And it's
been really revolutionary just seeing and asking myself, pondering what
it must feel like as an introvert being raised in
a family of extroverts. So when you talk about this
(06:54):
sense of feeling invisible at times, I would imagine that
there are a lot of parents who aren't doing it intentionally,
but somehow that might be the case.
S2 (07:05):
Oh, that's such a kind comment for sure. Parents are
overwhelmed and, you know, busy in some very important pursuits
and sometimes, frankly, busy doing things that maybe they don't
need to be doing. And kids can be hard to
get to know. They're they're isolated into their screens, if
you will, sometimes. But oh my goodness. We need to
push in and lean in and invest and find out.
(07:27):
Your example is is one that I'm sure many people
can relate to. And you did nothing wrong at all. Um,
I'm glad that you discovered it. Um, but there's. Yeah,
it takes time. And kids have to trust us. And
kids have to be willing to be vulnerable and to,
you know, speak up. And we have to be able
to see the consistent patterns and then, you know, draw
some conclusions from that. So praise God that you've been
(07:47):
able to do that.
S1 (07:48):
Yeah. And I bring it up because I don't want
anybody to feel that today's discussion is about a guilt trip.
You know, you'll discover some things along the way, no
doubt like I have, that you will say, man, I
wish I'd known that earlier. Or maybe it will be
convicting in some ways. And not all of that is bad.
But please know that I come to this conversation assuming
(08:10):
the best for the parents that listen to this program.
I know because I've talked to you how much you
love your children, but yet there is so much we
don't know if we haven't been coached, if we haven't
been taught. And Kathy Cook is here to help us
to understand it. Again, the phone number is 8775675. That's
877548 3675. You write this, Kathy, parents have the greatest
(08:35):
influence over their children's choices and beliefs about life, faith,
and God. Is that still true in this generation, or
has that changed with the advent of social media and
other external influences?
S2 (08:49):
That's a great question. I think it's true. I think
that parents parents will children will always want to know
what their parents think. Children may not ask us directly.
Maybe in the old days we did, and maybe it
may appear that serious opinion really matters or, you know,
the people that we're following on Twitter, but children are
are made for the connection they have with their parents.
(09:11):
This is an ordained thing that God has done to
cause you to father that child. And so it is
it is necessary that we assume that they care what
we care about, and we need to speak up and
not wait for them to to ask us. They will
always care.
S1 (09:29):
That's good to know. And I think, again, that's a
good reminder because I don't know if you've noticed. I
know I've noticed, Cathy, that there seems to be a
quiet war that's been brewing, uh, in this whole relationship
between parents and children, as far as the influence parents
have in children's lives. And there are a lot of
voices that are saying that parents, you should not try
(09:50):
to to leverage that influence to somehow the best thing
for you to do is to step back and kind
of just let kids navigate their own lives. I think
we need to still lead and guide our children. But
I think also what with your book brings out, is
that we need to make sure that we're paying attention,
that we're really good listeners, because they're not just telling
Kathy Cook these things. If we listen, they'll tell us,
(10:13):
won't they?
S2 (10:14):
Absolutely. Absolutely. We do need to parent strong. We need
to hang out with them and make the effort to
be in their spaces and in their places, and to
invite them into ours with board games and shooting hoops
and going for walks in the park. Good old fashioned
parenting kinds of things. Absolutely. Be present.
S1 (10:32):
You know, the book that marked me that you wrote,
eight Great Smarts, just helped me to understand how each
of my children were unique. But why? Right. Start with
the heart. What was it that caused you to say
this book needs to be written right now?
S2 (10:45):
Mhm. Character development was a big part of it. Um.
We are. Well, our character matters more than other kinds
of things about us. Um, the choices that we make
reside in our character. Relationships depend upon Christ like character. And, um,
the hypocrisy. Frankly. On parents not exhibiting great character toward
their kids. I'm kids angry about that. Um, very few
(11:08):
role models out in the media of of classic good, um,
connections and, uh, character. So I wanted kids to I
wanted parents to be reminded that they will be forever
and always an influence upon their children. And I wanted
a book about character development, motivation. Um, one of the
things parents at the end of my seminars, Chris, there's
(11:28):
a lot of questions, of course, just like with you
on the radio, and many of them are about technology.
And the second major category over the last year or
two have been about motivation. My kids are irresponsible. How
do I get them to do their own thing? How
do I help my kid, you know, earn an A
when I know they're capable of that? I can't get
my kids to help out around the house. How could
I motivate them? So I wanted to write something that
(11:49):
I hope is a helpful, practical guide.
S1 (11:52):
You start the book out in chapter one with a
wonderful story of a parent who's having to reiterate for
the 1,000th time, an instruction that they have told their
children or a child that they keep defying. How how
often do you encounter this? And why is this such
a common problem that parents find themselves in saying, I've
(12:14):
already told you not to do this, but yet you
keep doing it?
S2 (12:19):
Yeah. You know, did we get their full attention when
we started telling the story or giving the instruction? Or
did we tell and yell and not really instruct? You know,
Chris character and obedience are the toughest things kids will
learn because of the sin nature. And we stayed we
stayed a rule and we expect compliance. But we skill
and drill the ABCs and we skill and drill the
(12:41):
one two threes. No obedience and righteousness and proper character
and and connection and behaving well toward each other. Those
are hard things to learn because the culture is chaotic
and people are messy, and we're in a hurry all
the time, and we're distracted and we're overwhelmed. A lot
of children tell me that they their parents, think that
(13:02):
they've taught and explained, when in reality that's not the
perception the children have.
S1 (13:07):
All right, folks, we're just scratching the surface. We got
to take a break. Kathy Cook has been talking to
our kids, and she wants to tell us what they've
said to her and what they will say to us
if we learn how to win their heart. Doctor cook
has years of experience. She brings not only professional expertise,
but a caring heart for parents. Are you stuck fighting
(13:29):
the same battles with your kids who seem totally unmotivated
to change? Well, again, today's your show. Why don't you
give us a call today? The phone number is 8775675.
That's 877548 3675. I'm going to have the phone screeners
make sure that my mom and dad don't call on
the air. Because after all, I was the perfect child,
(13:51):
so they shouldn't have any problems. But for everybody else,
we're going to try to take your calls today. Also,
don't forget social media is available. If you like to
get a copy of this moody published book. You can
go to our website at Radio.com or become an Equipper
a monthly partner. That's a 50% discount off of all
moody published items. Dial 888644 4144. Do it now. Sharing
(14:18):
your faith can be challenging.
S3 (14:20):
How do you confidently engage with questions about truth, technology,
and culture while staying grounded in Scripture? That's why Chris
Brooks has chosen apologetics for an ever changing culture as
our gift. When you support equip this month, it will
help you provide thoughtful, informed answers to the pressing questions
(14:40):
of our time. Request your copy today with a gift
of any amount. Call (888)Â 644-4144 or visit equip radio.org.
S1 (14:52):
Chris Brooks here reminding you that today's program is pre-recorded.
While we won't be taking calls. We do want to
connect with you on social media. Welcome back to equip
with Chris Brooks. Today we're talking to Doctor Kathy Cook
about how to win our kids hearts. In her book
(15:12):
start with the heart, she states this capturing your child's
heart and parenting to keep it may be more important
than anything else you do. And I think she is right.
And Kathy, I will say this. It really sounds biblical.
What this whole thought of starting with the heart causes
(15:33):
me to think of Romans ten nine and ten and
the whole thought of salvation. Even God understands the power
of capturing our hearts. It says in Romans ten nine
and ten, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus
is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised
him from the dead, you will be saved. For with
(15:54):
the heart one believes and is justified, and with the
mouth one confesses and is saved. God understands the power
of the heart. Is this something we've missed? You think
along the way and all of the parenting workshops and
conferences and courses?
S2 (16:11):
Yes, possibly. I appreciate that reminder so much from the
Word of God. You know, the heart is the wellspring
of life, and it is what we ought to be
paying attention to. I think well-meaning parents are about behavior.
They want their children to obey, and they want their
home to be at peace and an easy place. And
I get that. But we can, um, either work with
(16:31):
God to help children have a transformed heart toward healthy
relationships and behavior and wisdom and righteousness, or we can
simply work to change their behavior. But when we prioritize
the heart, then there's life change. And then we work
ourselves out of a job, and that's eventually what we want, right,
is for kids to be dependent upon us in a
(16:52):
healthy way, but and independent in a healthy way.
S1 (16:56):
That's so good. Let's go to the phone lines throughout
this conversation. Doctor Cook, I'm going to weave in some
calls from our call, our listeners who are so eager
to talk to you. Again, the phone number, if you
want to be a part of the conversation is 8775675.
That's 877548 3675. If you're a parent wanting to win
(17:16):
your child's heart having a difficult time, today is your day.
We'll start with James, who's in Akron, Ohio. Hey James,
thank you so much for listening to equip. What's your
question for Doctor Cook?
S4 (17:27):
My my question is and comment. My daughter, she's 16
years old and it seems like every time we, um,
sit down at the table to eat, um, you know,
we have to, of course, pray. And it's like she
just cannot sit there long enough through this prayer. She's
trying to eat, um, while we're praying. So, um, my
(17:52):
thing is, you know, it happened again when we did communion.
It's like she just doesn't, like, want to take the
time to do these things. As though I'm figuring she
just really doesn't understand. So my thing is, you know,
for a 16 year old girl to, to feel as
though it's not important to pray or communion or any
(18:15):
of those things. And, you know, maybe she's thinking that
it's just for, for adults to do that kind of thing,
and she doesn't have to do those things. So I
guess I'm trying to figure out, is there something that
that we're missing to, to talk to these children and
let them know that, um, you know, even the Bible says,
(18:38):
you know, raise up a child in a way that
they should go and they will not depart. That we're
we're we're not trying to tell her, you know, when
we do talk about the Lord, the things that she
cannot do. But is there something that we can do
to tell them that the things that they can do?
S1 (18:56):
Yeah, like I told them, first, let me jump in
there for just a moment, James, because I just want
to say, I think you speak for so many dads,
so many moms, even parents that are out there that
are eager doctor cook to see their children get excited
and enthusiastic about spiritual things, about the things of the faith,
only to find that at times it feels like pulling teeth.
(19:17):
I know I feel some of what James feels when
it comes time for family devotions around the Brooks house.
A lot of times the family devotions sound more like
I am telling them to sit. Sit down, be still.
Pay attention more than what you would hope. So. So
what do you say to James and the rest of
the parents, like myself, who really want to motivate their
(19:39):
their kids spiritually?
S2 (19:42):
Yeah. First of all, praise God that you care about
your children's spiritual wellness. So that's obviously something to affirm. Um, um,
I'd be. I'd be intrigued to wonder if she's nervous.
Kids who struggle with prayer and and being patient in
times like that, might it be that being in the
presence of God in that way is hard for them?
(20:02):
Because maybe there's unconfessed sin? That's the first thing I
think of. You know, if I'm struggling in my relationship
with God, I don't like prayer doesn't come naturally or
easily to me. So it's possible that a conversation about
the quality of the relationship with her God in that
moment is important. A one on one conversation in her
bedroom in the dark, when she is willing to talk
with you and doesn't have to look into your eyes.
(20:24):
I also think that sometimes that's kids reaction to hypocrisy.
I'm not saying that's the case of James at all.
And yet kids tell me that, um, you know, they
they only pray at a meal and it's superficial and
they don't ever really pray when there's a big decision
to make. So if God is our authority and we're
supposed to be in relationship with him, then how can
we only pray when we eat? Why do we only
(20:45):
thank him for our food? Why don't we also, you know,
so I wonder if the relationship becomes, um, stagnant or
routine and almost boring in our prayer life. Certainly I
would hope that that's not the case with communion. Sometimes
these kids have to learn. You got to slow down.
I mean, spending time with God is the most important
thing we do. But, but saying that and modeling that
(21:06):
are two very different things. I also want to say,
with a lot of respect that we do need to
understand our children's attention span. We do need to understand
that they're being raised in such a time as this,
and long prayers with deep theological truth and language at
the dinner table is probably not going to win kids
hearts to the Lord. I also want to encourage us
(21:27):
to let them be the ones to pray sometimes so
that it becomes an involved, um, activity for them, not
just something that they passively participate in. So I'm kind
of doing a brain dump, like I, I love the
disciplines of prayer and communion and worship and Bible study
and all of that. It needs to be real and
done out of a love relationship we have with our
(21:47):
Creator God, and not something that's routine that we check
off the list. If it feels like that to our kids,
they're going to behave in that way.
S1 (21:55):
Yeah, I think that that is, um, man, that is
so powerful. You know, maybe and I don't want to
overstep here, but maybe, James, one of the things that
is most important is just modeling. Just modeling for them,
this relationship you have with Jesus. I know recently I
was convicted Doctor cook to make sure that I'm explaining
(22:17):
the why behind the what with my children. I think
I spend a lot of times as a dad just
assuming they know the why and the what makes it
feels feel like more rule giving than it is life giving,
relational giving. Uh, and I love that you quote your
friend here in your book, Lori Waldenberg. And you, you
(22:40):
quote her and she says this understanding the the power
of relationships. She says, a great and godly parenting strategy
is relational. I want to interact with my kids in
a way that deepens our relationship, encourages responsibility, draws grace
into the family fold, and molds a humble countenance. When
I think about prayer, I just wonder if James and others,
(23:03):
even even including me, need to make sure we explain
the relational part of it and model it as a
relational behavior. And that's without judgment. But just again, do
you think that's part of what Lori is getting at here?
S2 (23:18):
Yes, I absolutely do. You know, in my church here
in Fort Worth, our pastor teaches us, of course, to
begin the day in prayer. And then he tells us
not to say Amen, that our whole day ought to
be a prayer response and a love conversation with our
creator and with our Lord Jesus. And so is it
relational and is it? Hey, Jesus, it's me again. How's
it going for you up there? You know, um, yes,
(23:41):
he's on the throne. And there's a reverence that we
have toward God. And there's also a natural communication flow
where we want him to know that we're remembering that
he's a part of our day.
S1 (23:53):
I love it. We're going to take more calls at eight, 775, six, seven, five.
That's eight seven, 7548, 36, 75. You often ask parents
how they're doing relationally or how they would describe their
relationship with their children. Why do you think that's an
important exercise or question for us to ask ourselves regularly?
S2 (24:12):
Well, because kids change and so do we. And maybe
if we ask ourselves what's the quality of our relationship
right now, we'll recognize that we're overwhelmed or that we're tired,
or that we're more anxious about an upcoming remembrance, you know,
than we realize we are, or whatever the case might be.
And we do it to a to an extent, Chris.
(24:33):
We earn the right to be heard. You know, sadly,
the role of mom and dad, it's changed through the
days and through the years. The title of mom, the
title of dad, doesn't necessarily give us the kind of
authority that it once had, because the culture is broken
and media proclaims parents are unnecessary and kids watch those shows.
And so we do need to lean in, and we
do need to understand that, you know, their heartache is
(24:55):
is legit and we need to earn back the right
maybe to be in that relationship. I don't say that lightly.
That's why I wrote the whole book.
S1 (25:03):
Yeah. Let me say this. We're going to take a break.
But when we come back from our our next break,
we're going to get into what I would argue is
the most important aspect of your book, and that is
this whole concept of resiliency. I just want you, if
you could, because we got to go into a break.
What how would you define resiliency?
S2 (25:23):
It's the choice to bounce back quickly from despair, trauma, heartache.
It's a choice. It's a learned skill that can become
a part of our character when we practice it often enough.
S1 (25:36):
We're going to talk about this. And I will say, folks,
this is a deeply important and personal, uh, next segment
for me. I want you to be a part of it.
If you want your children to have the skill of
being able to bounce back. If you want your kids
to have the skill of being able to be resilient. Uh,
today is a is a great day for you to
listen and take notes. The book again, start with the heart.
(25:59):
I want you to order a copy. Go to Equip radio.org.
Go to Equip Radio. Do it now. We'll be right
back with more of equip right after this. Chris Brooks
here reminding you that today's program is pre-recorded and we
(26:19):
won't be taking your calls. Welcome back to equip with
Chris Brooks, having a phenomenal conversation about parenting. One of
the most important responsibilities given to us as Christian human
beings is the opportunity to pass our faith to the
next generation, and to raise good and godly children. Doctor
(26:40):
Kathy Cook is the founder and president of Celebrate Kids, Inc..
It's a Christian ministry that's committed to helping parents to
motivate their kids to be compassionate, responsible, and brave even
when we're not around. Doctor Kathy, before we went to break,
I begin to talk about what I feel like is
(27:00):
the most groundbreaking and powerful part of your book for me,
and that is the whole thought around resiliency. In the book.
You define resiliency this way, that resiliency is the ability
to recover quickly or to bounce back, as you said earlier,
from adversity, disappointment, defeat, failure and trauma. This is something
(27:23):
that our children are going to face regularly. My my
family's been going through a season of deep loss, but
it seems sometimes not only in the major moments where
you experience a death, but even in something that may
seem a lot smaller but more frequent, like like homework,
running into just a difficult class. And this thought of man,
(27:44):
I was working with my son earlier this week after
my wife put in two hours helping him with his homework.
I was working with him for another hour on some
math stuff, and he said over and over again, this
is this is too hard. This is too hard. And
yet we want to see our children resilient enough to
bounce back after something that's hard, be it a significant
loss of a loved one or a tough class that
(28:08):
is difficult for them. How do we teach our children
how to be resilient?
S2 (28:13):
Yeah, I really appreciate your passion for this, Chris. You know,
we need to be resilient. First of all, I think
it is taught through modeling, you know, do they see
us down in the valley? Do they see us counting
the blades of grass per square inch? I like to say.
Or do they see that we will bounce back? Not superficially,
not quickly, necessarily, not immediately, all the time. Sometimes there's
(28:33):
a season and we're going to go slow, but we're
not going to stay down. As believers, we can't, um,
we we do need to rely upon God in us
and God for us and the people that he surrounds
us with. We need to be humble and reach out
and say, hey, I need a I need a helping
hand here. Would you be available to me? And we
need to model that so that our kids will know
that they can approach us in times of need. And
(28:56):
I do think that when we help our kids understand, um,
real trauma versus hard homework, right? When we put it
in a scale and we, we talk about reality here
and what's the worst thing that could possibly happen when
we help them identify, you know, reality and a scale
of horrible to really bad to kind of okay, if
(29:16):
that makes sense, then we can help them process appropriately
and make sure that they're communicating truth about what they're
going through.
S1 (29:24):
Yeah. When I think of resiliency, I got to be
honest with you. I have a lot of negative images
that come to my head, including the the athletic parent
who pushes their kids like to a crazy and insane level,
or the parent that doesn't give their kids space to
mourn and grieve. How do we avoid taking this to
(29:45):
an unhealthy place?
S2 (29:49):
Wow. Um. We have to love, well, ourselves and others.
And we have to know that we're raising the children
God has given us, not the children we wish we had. So,
you know, maybe I'm not. Maybe I don't have a
basketball star. I have a son. And can I love
him and who he is? And he likes soccer. Or
(30:10):
he likes art. Can I raise my daughter who loves
ballet when I don't care a lick about it? But
can I hide that from her and sit in the
front row and admire her tutu and, you know, play
the music so that she can dance throughout the house?
It's not about me and my happiness, and it's not
about me having little clones. You know, they're they're created
(30:32):
in God's image, not ours. And we we need to.
That's what that whole relationship is, right? That I want
to get to know them and for who they are.
And I want to, um, agree with them about their, um, goals. Unless,
of course, it contradicts family values.
S1 (30:49):
Sure.
S2 (30:50):
And I want to and I want to walk with
them toward who they're becoming and not necessarily make them
be who I wish they were.
S1 (30:58):
What is self-efficacy and what do we need to understand
about it?
S2 (31:02):
Yeah, that's a that's a great issue as well, isn't it? Um, yeah.
Being able to um, man, it's a thriving skill. First
of all, self efficacy, um, to step up um, to,
to come back forward. It's not the er do you know,
er you know, like woe is me. You know, life
(31:24):
stinks like all. My goodness that's not going to get
us anywhere. Yeah. Um, you know, being, having self-efficacy is
being appropriately optimistic toward myself. I'm not in denial. I
know that math doesn't come easily to me, so I'm
going to do my math homework first while my mind
is freshest and I'm going to be grateful for little progress,
(31:46):
I'm not going to expect necessarily this to be easy,
but it looks like it's similar to yesterday, so I
believe that I can be more efficient and more effective
than I was last night. And I'm going to try
a few problems first before I complain to my dad.
That's self-efficacy. Seeing what's really there and believing that I
can be effective and that I don't always have to
(32:08):
rely on others.
S1 (32:12):
Yeah, I think that as I as I think about
children building, that is a matter of reinforcement. And that
reinforcement can oftentimes look a lot like irritation. And we
have to make sure that we protect our children from irritation.
But there's a patient, loving relational aspect to this that
(32:33):
I absolutely love that you bring out in the book.
I want to get to character because you described character
as a skill and a will. Explain what you mean
by that.
S2 (32:44):
Yeah. Um, wow. What do I mean by that? What
do you think, Chris? So it's a skill. You know,
I can be patient. I can I know the difference
between patience and impatience or generosity and being stingy or
kind and being rude. I know the difference. Um, do
I have the. And I know the skill. I know
(33:04):
how to be patient. I know how to wait. But
the will do. Do I care enough about myself and
others to to want to be good in that situation. Right.
So that's the motivation. Again, as a Christ follower, I
want Jesus to look good in me. So I'm going
to choose to honor my grandmother. You know, my grandmother
walks so slow. Kids tell me this all the time.
(33:25):
My grandmother walks so slow. You know, it's so hard.
Oh my goodness, walk slow. She's your grandmother. It won't
kill you. you know. So I have the. I know
how to walk slow. I know how to honor my grandmother.
I can even hold her hand. She's kind of iffy
on her feet. But the will to put her first,
the will to. To slow down and to honor someone
(33:48):
other than myself.
S1 (33:50):
I understand the skill part. Probably more than the will part.
How do we cultivate the will in our children?
S2 (33:58):
We talk about it. We teach it. We don't demand it.
We correct and affirm it just like we do the skill.
Do we see their motivation? Do we see the passion
that's undergirding the skill? Um. And do we do we
parent for that from the get go? You know, do
(34:20):
we talk out loud about why, you know, what we
were saying before about the what and the why? What's
the why behind the what? You know why. Because we're
other centered. Why? Because we're not more important than anyone else.
S1 (34:33):
Yeah.
S2 (34:34):
Why? Because everyone you'll ever meet and everyone you'll never
meet is created in the image of God for his glory.
He was intentional when he made you. You. He was
intentional when he made every person. Do we teach that
and do we? Do we model that? And do we
demonstrate that in our choices as we behave toward people,
(34:55):
so that our children see that.
S1 (34:57):
What's most important? Because when we talk about character, there's
a lot of things we can teach. You've broken down
some major categories, from humility to self-respect to self-control. Talk
about some of these areas that you feel like are
most important. How did you come up with this?
S2 (35:13):
Yeah. Thank you, Chris, for asking because character is so big, right?
Like there's 100 character qualities. So which ones are we
going to prioritize? I just looked at my own life.
And when am I? When am I frustrated and when
am I at peace? When do I know that the
Lord is pleased? And it starts with humility. God hates pride.
We know that from His word. When we're humble, we
can admit we don't need. We don't know everything. When
(35:35):
we're humble, we can be teachable. So you want your
kids to be humble, to realize that there's something that
they can learn and something more they need from life.
And we're one of the ones that can give them that.
So humility is huge self respect. When I respect myself
as a person of worth, when I believe that I
was created for such a time as this, I will
want to develop good character. So when I'm humble, I
(35:59):
know I need it. When I have self-respect, I know
I need it, and then self-control allows me to use it.
So if I'm, you know, I can. I can know
about patience. I can know about generosity. I can know
about kindness. But I have to have self-control in order
to behave in the right way, at the right time.
(36:23):
And then the fourth one that I prioritize in the
book is a respect for others, because that motivates me
to put into practice the character qualities that I've developed.
I think those are the first four that really are
foundational to all the others, including the three that I
chose for the title of the book.
S1 (36:41):
I should have mentioned, and this is something that I
think hopefully will be an encouragement to my listeners, is
that just about every page and I'm flipping through the book,
just about every page has, uh, Bible verses and scripture
reference for you as a parent to have, uh, what
Doctor Cook is, is sharing reinforced by the Word of God.
But I also think there's a dual benefit here of
(37:04):
you listing these powerful passages of Scripture. Doctor cook in
your book. And that is for us to be able
to explain to our children from a biblical perspective how
our faith motivates, uh, the areas that we focus in
on and why we should do what we should do
from the Word of God. Oftentimes, I don't think that
(37:25):
there's a connection made in parenting between what we're encouraging
our kids to do and how that is an outflow
from from Scripture. I want to ask one more quick
question before we go to our next break, and this
will carry over for sure. You say many parents I
speak to tell me their biggest concern is about entitlement. Entitlement.
(37:47):
That is a big, big problem. Um, man, talk a
little bit about it.
S2 (37:52):
Yeah. Oh my goodness. It's it's hard for kids because
it's hard for adults, right? You know we deserve everything. No,
we deserve nothing. Yes. And, uh, boy, we've got to
stand strong in that reality.
S1 (38:05):
Yeah. And I think that it is something that, you know,
here's here's the thing about your book. And I'm just
going to say this as people read it. It's going
to you think you're reading a book about your children,
but you really set us up. You really set us
up because each one of these chapters ultimately lands back
at the question of, well, mom, dad, how are you
(38:27):
doing in that? How are you doing in modeling resiliency?
How are you doing at respecting others, even your children?
How are you doing in the area of entitlement? That's
a pretty big question. I'm going to pause there. We're
going to take a short break. But when we come back,
we're going to get a little bit deeper into this
conversation about how do we help to make change happen
(38:49):
in our, in our, in our children and in ourselves.
But more importantly, how do we make sure that we
do it in such a way that even when we're
not around, our kids can make the right choices and
exhibit the right character and behavior? That is one of
the most intriguing parts about this book is not just
setting up a better relationship with your children when you're
(39:11):
present in their in their face, face to face. But
how do you enable them once they're out of your house?
On college campuses, in the workplace, living on their own
when you're not there to supervise or supervise. How do
you make sure they're making good and godly decisions? We're
going to talk about that with Doctor Kathy Cook. The
book start with the Heart How to Motivate Your Kids
(39:34):
to Be Compassionate, responsible, and Brave even When You're Not Around,
can be ordered at Equip radio.
S3 (39:42):
Christianity speaks to every aspect of life, but sometimes we
struggle to connect God's unchanging truth to our changing world.
Apologetics for an Ever Changing Culture by Sean McDowell equips
you with the practical tools for meaningful conversation about faith.
With chapters from 26 leading Christian thinkers, including our own
(40:02):
Chris Brooks. It's our impact gift this month to you.
When you support the Ministry of Equipped, call (888)Â 644-4144 or
visit equipped radio.org.
S1 (40:16):
Today's program has been pre-recorded so our phone lines are
not open. Welcome back to equipped with Chris Brooks. Doctor
Kathy Cook is my guest. The book start with the heart.
You can order it at equip. radio.au are going to
go back to the phone line. Sharon is listening in Spokane.
Hey Sharon, thank you for listening to equip. What's your comment?
S5 (40:37):
Well, I have taught middle and high school kids for
15 years, and then I went on to, um, teach
at university level, and I ran the teaching programs. And
so in my studies about kids, I looked at all
the developmental stages and the ones that are being described
right here, how the kids are acting. Well, first of all,
(40:57):
their body, because their mind is developing now and they're
starting to become independent. So they're, uh, it's unconscious, but
they're they're getting the message that their parents won't be
around forever, and it terrifies them. And so they grab
on to the peer group, and that's all that matters.
And then the other stage they're going through is called
personal fable. So they're terrified of going out into the world.
(41:21):
That's why so many of them stay at home. And
the personal fable is when they make up something that
they can be and they hang on to that. Like,
if I'm telling a student, let me see what you're
writing on your essay. He said, Miss Sage, I don't
need that because I'm going to be in the NFL.
And I'm looking at this kid and he's £27 dripping wet.
And I'm thinking, well, you better know your, you know, stuff.
(41:43):
You better be doing research about how they pay you
and all of that.
S1 (41:47):
I love.
S5 (41:48):
It. And the other thing is, if they tell me
they're bored or they don't like it, I say, you
know what I want to do? Let's just stop this,
because I'm really all about relevance. So why don't 3
or 4 of you think of a lesson we could
do on this tomorrow, and they come back with the
most creative things?
S1 (42:05):
Yeah. Sharon, I appreciate your call. Thanks for your call.
I gotta run, but I do appreciate your call and
the work you're doing with children. Uh, doctor Kathy, you
one of the arguably again, biggest intrigues of the book
and you see it in the title is, is to
be able to have our children get to a place
in their character and their choices, where they're making responsible
and brave choices, compassionate choices, even when they're when we're
(42:27):
not around. I think a lot of this goes back
to the chapter you have on communication. The communication chapter
is so cool to me. And so I'm going to
throw out the opening question, which is better be on
time or don't be late. What are the difference between
those two and what are you trying to drive home
with that?
S2 (42:46):
Yeah, don't be late. Reminds them of how they've disappointed
us in the past and it continues to cement upon
them a negative. You know, I'm always running late. I'm
always late. I'm incapable of being on time. But when
I say be on time, I'm talking more about what
I want than what I currently see. And that's good parenting.
Just like, you know, instead of saying, don't forget, we
(43:09):
can say, please remember. Yeah. And we can even say,
I know you will remember what you need to bring
and implant that upon them. I am capable of remembering.
S1 (43:19):
I love this thought. B look for every opportunity to
be optimistic, to be positive, to be encouraging with your children.
They need that encouragement. And what we'll do is motivate them.
If we're enthusiastic, encouraging, optimistic, we'll encourage them towards right behavior.
And that tends to stick more than if we are
(43:41):
negative with them. And in our advising, guiding and correction,
you say this and this is where we got to
land the plane. Doctor cook is in your book. You
say you can't afford to give up or let hard
days or hard children defeat you. That's a message to parents.
What do you want parents to know who are experiencing?
(44:03):
They're in the throes of those hard days, and they're
standing nose to nose with that hard child. How do
you keep from letting those things defeat you?
S2 (44:12):
Oh my goodness, Kristi, I have such compassion for them.
Parents are strong and long and understand that this is
your role and responsibility and a great privilege, that you
would be trusted by God with these children or with
this child. Like, wow. So love them long and strong
and lean in and get to know them and hug
(44:32):
them tight. And you know, again, that's why you and
I do what we do. It's it isn't easy today.
There's no promise that it's been easy. Don't don't drink
that Kool-Aid and believe that lie. Um, even the best
of the best have hard days. But a hard day
doesn't make a kid hard. And a bad day doesn't
mean a kid was bad. Nor does it mean you're
a bad parent. It is what it is. And we
(44:54):
need to. We need to be resilient, right? We need
to start over. We need to lean in, apologize, forgive,
love well. Be enthusiastic. Expect tomorrow to be a better day.
Our expectations matter greatly. So are we resting? Are we
in the word? Are we worshiping? Are we praying? Are
we surrounding ourselves with like minded truth talkers so that
(45:17):
On the worst of the worst days. We know we're
not alone and it will be okay. And let's remember,
you know, kids make mistakes, but they're not mistakes. And,
and and we have bad days, but we're not bad people.
It is. It's just challenging. Which is why I'm so
grateful for your show. Because, man, Chris, the way that
(45:37):
you reach out and love your people and give them
all this hope, like, I really appreciate what you're doing.
S1 (45:43):
Yeah, I'm grateful and I'm grateful for you as well.
And I'd be remiss if I didn't give you at
least 30s to speak to the child who feels like
I can never please my parent.
S2 (45:52):
Yes you can. Um, yes, you can make make wise choices. Um.
Love your parents back. They're imperfect people, but they're the
perfect parents for you. Um. Forgive yourself. Ask for help.
Every parent wants to be a teacher and a helper.
So let them know that you need them. Stop asking
(46:13):
Siri on the phone the meaning of life and go
to your dad. Oh my goodness. Um, it's it matters
that we that we trust them. Try again, try again.
Don't give up.
S1 (46:25):
Doctor cook, this will not be the last time that
we talk on equipped with Chris Brooks. I am so grateful.
I will have you back any day we can get you.
I appreciate the book. Start with the heart, folks. You
can order at Equip radio.org. Thanks, doctor. Kathy.
S2 (46:42):
Thank you so much. Love being here.
S1 (46:44):
I appreciate you as well. Listen you can go to
our website equip radio.org. Don't forget partner with the program.
If you're blessed by equip with Chris Brooks I want
to encourage you become a monthly partner or give your
most generous one time gift. Go to Equip radio.org or
dial 888644 4144. Until we together again remember. Equipped with
Chris Brooks is a production of Moody Radio, a ministry
(47:07):
of Moody Bible Institute.
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