November 6, 2025 • 51 mins
It's Therapy Thursday and Season 5 begins!
Season five opens with honesty, tears, and a surprising kind of joy. We step straight into the heart of grief and come out with tools you can use: how to honor good memories after a painful divorce, how to receive support you couldn’t accept years ago, and how stillness can surface the truths that keep you stuck. You’ll hear a mother reflect on the loss of her son and what changed when she stopped managing pain and let herself feel it. Together, we map the shift from anger to acceptance and the freedom of letting two truths stand side by side.
We also explore the idea of “faith in the fire.” Whether your language is God, Spirit, or simple presence, the fire can be the safest place to stand still and grow. We share practical ways to sit in the heat—breathing, journaling, community witness—so fear loosens its grip and meaning emerges. That same openness shapes our approach to healing at scale: a live, multi-generational conference that weaves spoken word, music, dance, guided meditation, journaling, skin care as self-respect, and trauma-release movement. The arts aren’t decoration; they are proven ways to regulate the nervous system and unlock what words alone can’t reach.
Parents and educators will find plenty here too. We challenge the myth that quiet equals learning and offer simple shifts for kids who think better in motion or speak answers before they write them. With stories of confidence-building, one-on-one support, and learning through creativity, we make a case for classrooms—and homes—that honor different brains. And threaded through everything is gratitude: the daily choice that slows time, deepens connection, and makes space for legacy without clinging to it.
If this conversation moves you, follow along for more stories, practical tools, and guest insights this season. Subscribe, share the episode with someone who needs gentle courage today, and leave a review to help others find this space. Then tell us: which moment lit a new path for your healing?
Host Candace Patrice
Co-host Janet Hale
visit the website at https://www.essentialmotivation.com/
visit the store at https://shopessentialmotivation.com/
Instagram instagram.com/essentialmotivationllc
visit Janet's website https://haleempowermentllc.com/
To be a guest on our show email me at candacefleming@essentialmotivation.com
In the subject line put EMH Guest
Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988
Music by Lukrembo: https://soundcloud.com/lukrembo
Provided by Knowledge Base: https://bit.ly/2BdvqzN
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Candace Patrice (00:05):
Hello, and welcome back to the first
episode of season five of ourpodcast.
Hello, all.
We are so excited to be back.
It is me and dear mother, JanetHill.
Hello, mother.
Janet Hale (00:25):
Hey, Candace.
Hey, everybody.
It's good to be back.
Candace Patrice (00:29):
Man, it's been a while.
Um, we've had summer break andall the things.
We're coming back.
We're coming back so fresh thatwe actually have a conference
in two days.
Janet Hale (00:43):
Yes.
Candace Patrice (00:43):
A generational conversation, a generational
conference called More Than aWoman Healing the Pain.
It is at the Marriott andRomulus from 8 a.m.
to 4 p.m.
Um and it is special.
But before we get into that, Ijust want to check in how has
your summer been?
Can you tell everybody justabout your life over the last
(01:08):
few months from June to now?
Janet Hale (01:13):
It's been good.
It's been a summer ofreflection for me, a summer of
remembrance, a summer ofallowing myself to feel certain
things.
I didn't know that I hadstuffed down.
(01:35):
A time for a deep connectionwith the universe.
Um it's been good.
It's been powerful andimpactful in a weird kind of
way.
In a good, weird kind of way.
Candace Patrice (01:53):
You know?
What what's been mostimpactful?
Janet Hale (01:58):
And I I've shared a lot of this stuff with you
already.
Um dealing with the loss of myhusband.
And when I say that, I mean theloss of the marriage, the loss
of his physical presence on thisearth after we divorced, the
(02:19):
whole realization of realizingthat I missed him.
And just being with sittingwith that, like, you know what?
It is what it is, and it'sokay.
You know, just a lot ofeverything being okay.
Candace Patrice (02:38):
Yeah.
Janet Hale (02:39):
And that was one of the big ones for me.
Also, um, grieving the death ofmy son, your brother, and
allowing all that stuff to comeup.
So just uh I don't know, thisis kind of hard to articulate,
(03:00):
but just some real powerful,impactful, spiritual um changes
for me.
Yeah.
But good things.
I know it sounds sad.
It's not sad.
Candace Patrice (03:12):
No, no, no.
It's not a sad thing.
You know, you you know what?
I think for people listening tounderstand, it's um well, can
you explain how it's a goodthing, how the reflection uh
leads to a good thing?
Janet Hale (03:31):
So I'll I'll start off with um um my husband.
So married to him for 30 years,and in those 30 years, there's
a whole lot of things thathappened.
We were, in fact, when we gotdivorced, we were so mad at each
other that I was like, damn,now you're dead, and I can't
even have a conversation.
You know, as the time goes on,the hurt is lessened.
(03:53):
Um, and getting past the angerof it all, and looking at the
love of it all on my side, um,and embracing and accepting it
because there were times inthere, and I was talking to you
one time, and I said, you know,I walked to the house, I'd be
(04:13):
like, damn Charles, oh, Iremember when you had me.
Oh, or thank you.
Just these conversations andreconciling how I can do that
and be okay with that and notget caught up in, oh, that was a
good memory, but he still didthis to me.
I had to get that togetherbecause both things can be true
at the same time.
(04:33):
And I don't need torationalize, you know, to make
sure I mention what wasunpleasant in order to celebrate
the fond memories.
You know, so that was a thing.
The thing with um Brandon, Iand I I think back on when um he
(04:56):
passed, which was nine yearsago, and I was into just
operational.
Like I need to do this and Ineed to do that, and I must get
this done.
And you know, I didn't have alot of support, as you know, um
in getting what I needed to getdone.
But one of the memories that Ihave, and I hadn't even shared
(05:17):
this or with you, I don't think,was my sisters had gotten
t-shirts with my son on, youknow, on there.
And I remember, and oh.
I remember when they did that,I was like, why are they doing
(05:42):
that?
And when I look at it now, Ithink it was their way of
supporting me and losing my son.
And so that's why I said it'snot sad.
I know I'm crying and stuff,but it's not sad.
It's I think it's a oh uh justletting go of the anger and the
(06:06):
control and all those thingsthat you put on the ego and the
brave face, and the I'm, youknow, I got this under control,
and just allow myself to justrest in love.
Wow, whatever that looks like.
And then recognizing nine yearsago, folks were in their own
(06:28):
way showing their love.
And I didn't get it.
Candace Patrice (06:32):
What do you think made it hard to receive
the love they were trying togive?
Janet Hale (06:36):
I I for me it was because I knew with Brandon, I
had made a lot of mistakes.
And I knew that they knew whatthey were.
And how could they see me as agood mother?
You know, are you mocking me?
And so, you know, it's justlike I said, it's been a summer
(07:05):
for me.
unknown (07:06):
Yeah.
Janet Hale (07:06):
Um, and just those kinds of things, being able to
look at that and call the thingthe thing that it is.
Candace Patrice (07:16):
So the tears that you shed now of happiness
and understanding and grief andforgiveness, joy, all of those
things.
Uh how could someone else who'sgoing through this situation
kind of look at the situationdifferently so that they can
(07:38):
experience the joy of the grief?
Janet Hale (07:42):
Uh I think it would be very arrogant of me to answer
that for everyone.
And then I'm gonna tell youwhy.
Candace Patrice (07:47):
Nope, you ain't got to, I get it.
Janet Hale (07:49):
Okay, and so I can just speak from my experience.
Candace Patrice (07:52):
Thank you.
Janet Hale (07:53):
And that is the the grief letting go, or wait a
minute.
Do some people say the yourhappiness is on the other side
of the fear.
And so facing it, facing allthose things, facing the with my
husband just being so angry atall the things that on his part
(08:20):
that didn't go well, you know,because of course it was all his
damn fault, because I hadnothing to do.
And so, but being able to like,okay, Janet, hey, you know, we
talked about this, howeverything that has happened is
my fault.
Candace Patrice (08:38):
Yeah.
Janet Hale (08:40):
So, and and that sounds weird, um, but it's my
response to things, the way Ilook at things, is it all about
Janet, like in this marriage,man.
I mean, we both have we wereboth folks trying to make it in
this marriage.
And we were just fumblingthrough the whole thing trying
(09:03):
to find our way.
And it was a lot of fingerpointing and different things
like that that went on.
Um, we're just trying to makeit.
Candace Patrice (09:13):
You know, it's uh so what I'm gathering from
what you're saying, though, ifsomeone was to try to find the
tools, it would be recognizeyour own part in what is
happening around you.
Janet Hale (09:25):
Uh totally.
Candace Patrice (09:26):
Okay, I like that.
Janet Hale (09:28):
Totally.
That's good.
Totally.
But it's just that the process,the, you know, your way there.
Candace Patrice (09:33):
Yeah, everybody's process.
Janet Hale (09:34):
Your journey.
Exactly.
Right.
Candace Patrice (09:36):
Because, you know, that's why the underlining
would be the recognize it inyourself, because only you are
gonna know how to maneuver andnavigate that.
Yes.
Because you have the fullstory.
Janet Hale (09:47):
I ooh, so yes, I have the full story.
Yeah, and actually, my fullstory is still only half of the
story.
Candace Patrice (09:58):
Uh, yep, exactly that.
You know what I'm saying?
But it's your variation in yourversion of mine.
Janet Hale (10:02):
Right, but that's so that's my half of the full
story, right?
Candace Patrice (10:06):
And you have control of that half.
Janet Hale (10:09):
That's it.
Yeah, period.
You know, so it's just um, man,I didn't mean to be on here on
the first day just crying.
Candace Patrice (10:17):
Well, here's the thing
called Healing Our Pain.
So this is what we're steppinginto.
We're stepping into finding, Imean, that I mean, also, this is
what the podcast is.
Yeah, it's about healing indifferent ways and what that
journey looks like.
And it's not always pretty, andeven the pretty parts are ugly.
(10:40):
You know, it it can be.
And when I say ugly, I don'tmean it like a bad thing.
It's just it has itsdifficulties, and you're
maneuvering to find the best outof that situation.
Sometimes finding the bestmeans going through it.
When I went to conference, Iwent to conference,
transformation churchconference.
Janet Hale (10:58):
Oh, yeah.
Candace Patrice (10:59):
Um, last month, October, I want to say like the
8th to the 11th or so.
And the theme of the conferencewas faith in the fire.
Our word of the year is focus.
So, faith in the fire, though,is to me, when I think of the
faith in the fire, I think aboutGod surrounding us with the
fire to let us know that we haveto stand still because
(11:23):
whichever direction we're goingin could be the wrong direction.
And so we have to stop andreflect, which means we have to
sit in it while we're in thefire.
You can't go left, you can't goright.
But in order to get through thefire, you have to have some
form of trust and belief inwhat's on the other side.
You can't see it, but itexists.
(11:44):
So, what is it that you're ableto?
What is it that you're able totry?
I want to say trust who is youryour power that helps you get
through it, but just identifyingand knowing that it's safe in
(12:04):
the fire.
Janet Hale (12:07):
So, yes, and I and I I love the way I love our
relationship, I really do.
Um, because you come from theChristian point of view, and I
come from the other, not youknow the other, the other.
And when you said that, it mademe think, you mentioned you uh
about my summer, and this wasthe summer that I was alone a
(12:32):
lot by choice, and I was still,and so there were so many things
that came through me in mystillness that helped me
identify the things that I'vementioned so far in this
podcast.
And there were times that I wasin here just crying and just
(13:00):
oh, oh, and after the cry, Iwould say, oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Because those were cries that Iwas afraid to cry.
You know?
So the being still and allowingmyself time to and trusting
(13:21):
that it's okay to go over to theother side, whatever that is.
If it's the love for myhusband, if it's the forgiveness
of my sisters, if it's a betterunderstanding of my
granddaughter, if it's meunderstanding folks that I've
been in contact with wherethings didn't seem like they
turned out right, but actuallythey turned out perfectly, in my
(13:43):
opinion, because they weremeant to be.
Um so yeah, that that steeltime, that time, that sitting in
the middle, as you call thefire, you know, and and resting
in that and trusting that it's asafe spot to be in.
(14:03):
It is okay.
Candace Patrice (14:06):
Yep.
One of the um, so the referencereferencing scripture with that
is about the fourth man in thefire.
And there were um, I'm abutcher, the names, so I'm not
gonna say them, but there werethree men who got put into the
fire because they wouldn't umpraise somebody else other than
(14:31):
God.
And so they was like, you knowwhat, burn them.
Y'all not gonna praise my name?
Burn them.
Uh so turn the turn the furnaceup like 700 degrees hotter than
it's supposed to be, that's sohot that the men who threw them
in died from the heat of thefire.
So they go back and say, Hey,didn't we throw three men in the
(14:52):
fire?
And they're like, Yeah.
They said, Well, there are fourmen in there, and one of them
looks like a god.
They were untouched,unscorched, unanything.
So when I say it's safe in thefire, if you have enough trust
in your belief system andwhatever that is to get you
through it, you will not beharmed.
You will, everything is foryour good, and you just have to
(15:15):
know that.
Walk through that fire, get tothe other end, and say, I made
it.
But if you have too much fearin the fire, and I'm not saying
it's not okay to to to not knowand express, like I don't know.
I don't, you know, I'm alittle, I don't want to say
afraid, but I'm having somethings.
Help me in my in my unbelief.
Um God, what was I getting atwith that?
(15:38):
Um, I don't even remember.
Janet Hale (15:41):
The fire, the four folks, something in the Bible.
Candace Patrice (15:44):
I know they were safe, they were cool.
unknown (15:46):
Okay.
Candace Patrice (15:47):
Having faith.
Have your faith get you throughthe fire.
Okay.
Um, but I wanted to say, youknow, you're you said you didn't
mean to go there during thistime.
Um, but that's exactly wherewe're going in this season.
(16:07):
It is the release, it is thehonesty, it is allowing yourself
to heal from the places youhaven't been able to reveal.
Oh, heal what you couldn'treveal.
Janet Hale (16:20):
I told you that my girlfriend told me that.
Oh, oh, can I share this part,please?
So, this conference is comingup, right?
And so I'm like, Oh, we'regoing to scan up a lot has
happened, you know, in sixyears, you guys.
It was six years when we hadthe first conference.
And so I was talking to mygirlfriend.
I said, Oh my god.
I said, girl, I've been througha lot.
I don't know if I'm ready to dothis.
(16:42):
She said, Huh, you can't healwhat you don't reveal.
I said, okay now.
So, so the to your point aswell.
Candace Patrice (16:53):
Yeah, exactly.
And that's why we're bringingpeople together on November 8th
of 2025 at the Marriott andRomulas from 8 a.m.
to 4 p.m.
Um to heal the pain that'swithin.
Um, so I'm just gonna tell youguys a little bit about the
conference.
It is Saturday.
We are at capacity, so I knowthere's no worries about trying
(17:16):
to go get a ticket, but I wantto share so that you can either
follow or look out for the nextevent, next conference, um,
which I've already named, whichis more than a woman and man
breaking the chains.
But you know, anywho, let's getthrough this one.
I know it's deep.
Okay, I'm sorry, I did that.
Janet Hale (17:33):
Wait, breaking what chains?
I don't know, but we're gonnabreak them.
That's just what we know.
We want we can talk about thatlater.
Candace Patrice (17:43):
Uh-uh, we're here at healing the pain.
Heal the pain, not breaking thechain.
So healing the healing thepain.
Um, one of the things that wasvery influential during the
Great Depression was the arts.
So we incorporate the arts inthe conference, which is spoken
(18:05):
word, live musical selections,and dance interwoven throughout
the conference.
Um, and then havingconversations with different
individuals who have had theirfair share of a journey and
they're here to share it withyou.
They're here to be open andhonest with you.
Um, they're not there to judgeyour situation, and we're all
(18:27):
here to be open and experiencesomething different because we
can't find our find other waysof healing if we don't know
them.
Because you can have someoneelse tell you, oh, you need to
do this.
But that's not the case becausewhat has to be done is already
within you, and you have toreveal your path to yourself.
(18:48):
It'll feel good, it'll feelright as you go through it.
It it might feel scary, itmight be hard, but you'll know
you're on the right track or ona track to figuring it out.
Because sometimes it can feelgood and still not work out, and
that's okay because that was apart of the journey.
Maybe that was the learningpart of the phase that you were
in, but can continuing to try tofind that healing in whatever
(19:11):
way that you can.
So that's what we're doing onNovember 8th.
And I'm excited to be able todo that, to be able to have this
journey, which we started 12weeks ago, a conversation.
I was sitting on my patiotalking to my mama, and I don't
even know how we got here.
We were just talking.
I was like, ooh, we should dothe conference.
(19:32):
I got on my phone and picked adate.
And I want to say two dayslater, I was like, mom, we got a
location.
She was like, say what up?
Janet Hale (19:39):
Yeah, I did say that.
Candace Patrice (19:42):
And then we just started planning.
We talked it out.
Uh, we would go back and um Iwould let her know my updates
and we come back together andhave some conversation about it,
and it would just spark thebrains.
And here we are 12 12 weekslater, two days two, we start um
the conference.
And I'm excited.
(20:02):
I'm really, really excited thatwe chose to see it through.
Uh even without all of thepieces, and you guys will hear
the testimony afterwards andeverything and how it's worked
itself out.
Um but yeah, meanwhile, mysummer's been great.
Janet Hale (20:21):
Okay, come on now.
Come on, come on.
Candace Patrice (20:24):
I'll catch you guys up.
Um, so Tamari got out ofschool.
We we had a good summer.
We winged it like we do so thatwe don't have too much
structure and things that driveus all crazy.
We kind of just go with theflow.
So glad not to have homework,so glad not to have to get up
early in the morning.
Like me and my daughter, wewant to stay up late, we want to
(20:46):
sleep in late, and we want todo what we want to do.
I now listen, I understand thatI have conditioned my child to
this lifestyle.
And I apologize to the teachersand anyone who has to be the
authoritative figure ofstructure because I wing it a
(21:11):
lot, but that's because a lot oftimes I'm winging my own brain
for the best way.
And I think it's a great way toparent, actually.
I have no problems with the waythat I do it.
I have no problems with theresults.
There are certain things, ofcourse, I'm like, hmm, okay, I
see where that could have beenhandled slightly different.
But at the end of the day, I amgrateful for being myself and
(21:35):
being grounded in me and beingable to teach my daughter the
way I feel I need to.
Now, does it come with thisdifficulties?
Absolutely.
Does it make it slightly harderfor others?
Absolutely.
Do I try to teach like outsidethe home?
We gotta do a little different.
Absolutely.
(21:55):
Does she grasp it?
Sometimes she lives her lifehere.
Janet Hale (22:00):
I think she grasps it.
Candace Patrice (22:02):
For the most part.
Janet Hale (22:03):
She's very smart.
Candace Patrice (22:04):
No, she's she's very smart, but when it comes
to structure, it is, and when Isay structure, sitting still for
eight hours, who's supposed todo that?
I can't even do that.
She began to do it.
Janet Hale (22:16):
You know, you know, um this whole institution and
and how we teach, I I don'tfully agree with.
I just don't.
Um I think children need to getup, they need to move around.
When I was a kid, back in theolden days, there was lunchtime,
(22:38):
there was physical P A P E P Estill had a call to gym.
Yeah, they still had an A andum we played and we did all the
things, and then there was thislittle time of structure, you
know, and then you know, you youwent to reset, whatever, just
all the things.
I think with um Kamari to try,I just think to try to handle
(23:04):
her in the way of you've got todo this, you've got to do that,
and da-da-da.
She's her spirit's not thisgonna not gonna have it.
It's just not, she's gonna berebel.
It's gonna be a uh a powerstruggle.
Candace Patrice (23:20):
Real quick, real quick, real quick.
Janet Hale (23:22):
Real quick.
Candace Patrice (23:22):
So yesterday I went into my boss's office,
right?
And she was trying to get herstuff done.
I was about to leave, and shewas like, Will you get out of my
office?
Because I got work to do, andyou gotta go get your child.
And I was like, I stood there.
I said, I'm feeling like mychild.
I want to stay because you'retelling me to leave.
I felt it deep down within me.
(23:45):
But as an adult, I was able tosay it out loud and then walk
away.
Janet Hale (23:50):
And so, yeah, and and um I read something because
you know I do the reels on youknow the Facebook thing.
And it was showing a woman, shehad her son filling a bucket in
the grass, big field, and shesaid, she's talking about her
child in school and how theywere saying did not follow
(24:10):
direction, was not learning, andthen she said they allowed him
to learn how to do math bycounting the poles on the fence.
Just all the different ways tobe creative in teaching us.
Um now I'm like that.
I can't do that straight up,teach me stuff.
Candace Patrice (24:31):
Please.
Janet Hale (24:32):
And I share with you when I was in college at Wayne
State, that math, me, classmateof mine, grown, grown women, we
use stick people to figure outthe math, and that was okay.
And I just think with our kids,with our children, we need to
afford them the, you know, theyneed the arts, they need to be
(24:55):
able to move, they need to beable to dance, they need to be
able to sing, they need to beable to do all those things so
their creative energy can flowand we learn better, even as
adults.
I I know for me, I learnedbetter, you know, when I'm able
to be stimulated.
Candace Patrice (25:11):
I started testing or trying some things
out with Kamarian because Ineeded to know if the work
seemed too big or if she didn'tknow the information.
So, what I started doing is Iwould read the question and just
ask her to tell me the answer,opposed to writing it.
Turns out she's not one towrite shit.
(25:33):
It seems so big, it's a lot ofwork.
She's like, I don't want towrite my hand.
It's just not what she's intowhen it really comes down to it.
She gets a pencil, then shegets that work packet, then she
starts doodling, she startssketching, starts drawing on the
paper where she should bedrawing, be writing words.
So the action is the same.
(25:53):
You're still using a pencil,you're still putting something
to the paper, and you're stillhaving to work those same
muscles you would if you werewriting.
However, for some reason,rewriting a sentence that's
already there, she's like,that's dumb.
Let me just scratch this outand rewrite the word.
Like it's because she knows it,but for some reason, it just
(26:15):
gets so big.
It gets so big.
Or with math, it came down tome doing the problem, and then
eventually she'd be like, giveme the pencil, I want to do it,
because she's realizing that shecan do it.
She just sometimes needsconfidence in herself.
She really needs a tutor, sheneeds a one-on-one tutor.
Janet Hale (26:36):
I just think that first of all, there's too many
children in the classroom.
That's facts.
Um, everybody has a differentlearning method.
Let's get with that.
We're not robots, and it justturns into a whole thing of um,
you know, the most obedientperson, you know, that's able to
sit and follow like a robot, ofcourse, and I'm not knowing, I
(26:57):
don't mean to offend you.
No, right.
Oh, I really don't.
Um, will do seem to do betterthan folks who, you know, who
are critical thinkers.
Candace Patrice (27:07):
I was a semi-robot.
You were semi.
You know, a lot of timesactually.
Janet Hale (27:16):
Oh, so was I offending you?
Candace Patrice (27:19):
No.
I you know, I really okay,y'all.
Don't put me in no home becauseI'm about to say this.
Don't put me in no white walledspace, okay?
Um, and keep my arms together.
I'm not harming myself.
Um, but there are times when Ithink I'm able to tap into two
personalities that run parallelof each other.
(27:42):
They can either show up at thesame time.
And like, I think that inschool, they showed up at the
same time.
I've got this robot, I canfollow structure, I can get it
all done.
However, the creative side ofme won't stop talking and doing
all the things and movingaround.
Remember, I used to get threesin citizenship.
Threes were bad, apparently.
However, I remember Mr.
(28:02):
Turner in fifth grade was like,I'm not giving her no three
because she talks.
She's not a bad kid.
She gets all her work done andeverything.
She's gonna get a one.
She do talk a lot.
Matter of fact, she should be alawyer.
I think she's gonna be alawyer.
Like that was his thoughtprocess.
You know, um, yeah, but thework was good and done, the
grades were good.
And even now, when it comes togetting certain things done, and
(28:25):
it's like I can get all of thepaperwork and the contracts and
everything done, but I also canhandle the artist work and
making sure that performancesare running smoothly and that it
sounds, you know, sounds good,and I big I can be very creative
and very structured at the sametime.
Janet Hale (28:42):
You remind me of when you were um in school.
I don't know what grade youwere in.
You were on the, of course, youwere getting all A's and stuff.
Then you were basket onbasketball, you were in dance.
Oh, that was A grade.
Candace Patrice (28:54):
I said, What are we doing?
We were up until school all thetime.
Oh, yeah.
That year I remember I was itwas dance, choir, cheerleading,
basketball, um, chess club, um,honor society.
Uh I don't know if it wasanother one, but those are the
(29:15):
six I can remember at the sametime.
Janet Hale (29:16):
So were you a when were you a caddy?
Candace Patrice (29:19):
That was freshman year of high school, I
want to say.
Janet Hale (29:24):
No, of college.
Candace Patrice (29:26):
College.
I'm sorry, I didn't I didn'twork through through school any
of the 12 years.
Janet Hale (29:31):
Yeah, so even in that, um, you were doing all
those things, but you were veryactive.
unknown (29:38):
Yeah.
Janet Hale (29:38):
You know what I mean?
You were getting the goodgrades, but you were still all
over the place.
Candace Patrice (29:42):
Uh right?
I was all over the place andprobably felt more structured
being all over the place than Iever would just being in one
lane.
Because even now, when I thinkof all the things I have to get,
I'm like, move, move, move.
Okay, this gotta get done, thisgotta get done.
I can get it, sorry, Kookah.
I can get it done.
I cook.
My god cat, y'all.
She's landing me, and I'mhappy.
(30:03):
And we're adopting two kittens,Marco and Polo this week, and
I'm even more excited.
So life is good.
Um, what was I saying?
I just interrupted about thecat.
Janet Hale (30:14):
Um, well, you were just talking about uh being
active, doing things, and right.
So even now and still gettingthings done.
Candace Patrice (30:21):
I feel more alive when I have more things to
do.
And I remember when I startedslowing down, it was living with
you.
And you and Roy was like, yo,you need to sit down.
You need to tried it.
Uh, you know, I realized I satdown and then I just sat there
and I would pull my head up, butI didn't get up for a long
time.
But I realized that I have tofind ways to rest for a period
(30:46):
and get back into it.
Because getting back into itkeeps me from being depressed,
it keeps me from feeling down,it keeps me alive and going.
Being able to go and touchsomebody's spirit and they feel
good, that awakens me.
That makes me feel like I didsomething for the day.
It allows me to feel like I amliving and I want to live.
(31:06):
And the more things that I canget done, the more I feel like
I'm living.
It's a wild thing.
But if 20 small things in aday, what?
Janet Hale (31:18):
What?
Candace Patrice (31:19):
It's like I hit the jackpot of life.
Janet Hale (31:22):
Yeah, now I'm the opposite, yes, you know.
Like I'm to myself, by myself,okay with being by myself.
Although I think I want alittle dog or something.
I don't know.
Um, however, when I go out, itis I look forward to making
human connections.
So one of my treats to myselfis to take the long way to the
(31:47):
local health food store.
And when I get in there, I talkto the tomatoes.
Like if I have enough tomatoes,I'll be like, I'll be back.
And the fresh produce and justall those things.
And then the the local marketis very calming.
It's not a lot of hustle andbustle, it's just folks just
(32:09):
cruising down the aisle, andI'll end up talking to somebody,
and we're like talking forabout 45 minutes, and just that
interaction just feels so goodto me.
So I get what you're sayingabout feeling alive with
connecting with another person,and then I'm able, now I'm an
introvert, I'm able to come backin the house and relax, but
(32:29):
whenever I need that humancharge, it just feels so good.
Um, today there's a thing goingon, and um I'm looking forward
to it because I'm gonna beamongst folks and um it's kind
of a celebration type of deal.
And I'm gonna meet new people.
So it's good when I'm doing it,and it's also good when I'm
(32:53):
doing this.
Candace Patrice (32:53):
You look so pretty.
Janet Hale (32:55):
Oh, thank you.
Candace Patrice (32:57):
You are welcome.
I really like this haircut.
Janet Hale (33:01):
Yeah, you guys.
I will cut my hair off.
Candace Patrice (33:04):
First of all, she cut it herself first.
Oh, yeah, that was funny.
Chopped it off.
I do I managed it though,didn't you?
I thought it was still cute.
I only knew that you had likecertain dips.
Janet Hale (33:14):
It had dips in it.
Candace Patrice (33:15):
You couldn't tell when it was curly.
unknown (33:17):
Huh?
Candace Patrice (33:18):
When it was curly, you couldn't even tell.
Janet Hale (33:20):
Yeah, yes.
So yeah, thank you very muchfor that.
Candace Patrice (33:23):
And I don't know if you could tell when it
wasn't curly, but you could.
Janet Hale (33:26):
So no, I couldn't tell when it was curly.
No, when it wasn't curly, yousaying, but I could oh no, even
when it was curly, I could feelit.
Candace Patrice (33:34):
Oh, I got you.
Janet Hale (33:35):
I was like, oh, but someday I'm gonna have to fix
this.
Candace Patrice (33:38):
Oh it didn't look the way it felt though, so
that's good.
Janet Hale (33:41):
Oh, thank you.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
Candace Patrice (33:43):
You're welcome.
Janet Hale (33:44):
Yes, so we are back.
We are back.
Um, also, I wanted to say thisbecause I was looking at the
folks who are gonna be a part ofthe conference and how you made
a lot of contacts with folk,and they're going to be a part
of this process.
And that is so awesome.
Candace Patrice (34:03):
Three of our guests from past seasons are
showing up for the conference.
We got uh Sylvia Moore Myers,Myers Moore, Moore Myers, sorry,
Sylvia.
Um, we have Denise Schoenwald,sorry Denise.
I'm not doing good with lastnames.
Um, and we have Misty BaelSteer.
(34:23):
Sorry, Misty.
I, you know, I didn't have tosay you guys' last names.
Janet Hale (34:28):
But the the the whole thing about that though is
that um when they were on theshow, we were so fond of them.
I know.
You know, even after the showwas over, we would talk the next
day.
Did you really like?
Oh, I really appreciate it withthat, you know, just all those
things and to watch everythingcome full circle.
Candace Patrice (34:47):
Yeah.
And Denise, Denise um wrote,you know, she wrote a couple
books.
We got to read some of herbooks.
Um and I loved her.
I got to read my children'sbooks with her children's books
with um Kamari.
And she has she has a new onethat I don't have.
Do I have that one?
I don't know.
I think I got like four books,though.
(35:08):
So I'm really excited.
And she's giving um some ofthem away at the conference as
well.
I know she is she's bringing 30copies, and then if anybody
else still wants one, she'sgonna have a sign up for that.
Um yeah.
And Christina, Christina was onthe podcast too.
I think she was season one.
Janet Hale (35:26):
Yes, yes, yes, but Christina is also um coming.
Candace Patrice (35:32):
She's doing a presentation and she's going to
perform a song.
Y'all, her voice just itministers to me.
So I'm sorry.
I'm gonna say it every singletime.
Every time y'all hear me sayher name, you're probably gonna
hear that sentence.
It just ministers to me everytime.
So if Candace and Christina inthe same sentence, that's what
I'm gonna say.
Janet Hale (35:51):
All right.
Candace Patrice (35:52):
And she she doesn't, I don't even think she
makes music anymore.
But she's doing this it'sbecause her ministry is now in
hair.
She's helping those withalopecia, she's helping those,
she's making women feel wholewith beautiful hair systems, and
they look so real that you thatwoman is gonna feel so now
(36:14):
they're expensive, but they areworth every yeah penny that you
have to put into it.
So thank you, Christina, fortaking the time to just see what
we needed and fulfilling aneed.
That's it.
Okay, you were what else wereyou gonna say?
Janet Hale (36:30):
I think that was it.
No, no, just the whole factthat they're they're going to be
there.
And um, we know when we werehaving them on the show, this
wasn't even a part of ourthinking forward.
Candace Patrice (36:47):
Because this was 12 weeks ago.
The idea came 12 weeks ago,y'all.
Janet Hale (36:52):
Um, and then the lady with her daughter that's
big on is she TikTok or?
Candace Patrice (36:59):
Oh, Miss Rita.
Janet Hale (37:01):
Yeah, to have just how you were able to just reach
out to to ask for what youneeded.
Candace Patrice (37:09):
Yeah.
But even more when they showedup or they're showing up.
Janet Hale (37:13):
That well, because you reached out and asked.
You did.
You did you you asked, and theysaid okay.
Candace Patrice (37:20):
Yeah.
So I'm I'm really lookingforward to I I I'm really
looking forward to sharing thetestimony on um how people
showed up after the conference.
Janet Hale (37:32):
Wonderful.
Yeah.
Candace Patrice (37:33):
Yeah.
So hopefully, next nextepisode, you guys will get kind
of just a a replay of theconference and hearing things
people get some audio clips.
I don't know, y'all, but I'mexcited.
This is going to be, I believe,a revival conference.
Um, I didn't share that.
We got four different breakoutsessions: guided meditation,
(37:56):
guided journaling, um, skincare, and healing movement,
which releases the trauma inyour body.
Uh and we're just gonna allow,I'm gonna say the Holy Spirit to
take over this the room.
Somebody else may say somethingelse, but that is my belief
system, and and I'm excited.
I'm excited.
(38:16):
I'm excited.
Janet Hale (38:18):
You you mentioned your belief system, and um, I
just think it's really awesomethat you are open to other
folks' belief systems andallowing people to be in their
space.
Um, because not everyone's ableto do that.
And I'm not just saying fromthe Christians, I'm saying from
(38:39):
everyone, all of them.
They're like, if you're notmean and you're you know, you're
going to hell, you're gonnaburn forever, you know, all
those things.
And for you to be able to, youknow, not be judgmental of the
others, including your mom,right?
But just like, hey, everybody,come on.
Candace Patrice (39:01):
And you know what?
At the end of the day, standingby our personal belief systems,
getting to the end of theworld, at least we can say, I
truly believed, and this is whatis, and I'm okay with that
because I did it the way Ithought was best.
You know, at the and I can'ttell you what your who am I to
(39:22):
tell somebody else that theirbelief system is wrong?
Only thing I can say is Ibelieve mine is right, but not
that yours is wrong.
You know, but that gets tricky,though.
It does get tricky.
It absolutely doesn't.
Janet Hale (39:35):
That gets tricky.
Candace Patrice (39:37):
So I don't subscribe to anything because it
gets it gets tricky becauseit's how can you be right and
tell me I'm not wrong?
But it's not that I can tellyou I'm right, I can tell you I
believe in my belief system.
And I hope that you believe inyour belief system enough to
stand by it.
Janet Hale (39:58):
Yeah, I I I like I like the seat that I fit in.
Candace Patrice (40:02):
I know I'll be hoping I don't get in trouble.
I do.
Janet Hale (40:04):
I like the seat.
Candace Patrice (40:05):
I don't want to get in trouble.
And I see how I think I wassharing with you how people on
platforms can get in troublereal easy because it only takes
one person to think somethingdifferent, posted, and then all
the people who think that wayare against you, and it's like,
oh no, I didn't mean it thatway.
Isn't there a talk show hostwho just um got fired?
Like Jimmy Kimmel or somebody?
Janet Hale (40:25):
Oh, uh they got him back.
Uh see something he said aboutthe guy who got killed?
Yes.
Yeah, the Kirk guy, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Candace Patrice (40:37):
So oh, but he's back.
Janet Hale (40:39):
Oh yeah, they got him.
Oh yeah.
Oh, there was a I don't knowhow long he was down, maybe a
week.
Candace Patrice (40:44):
Was it Jimmy Fowler?
Janet Hale (40:46):
It was a Jimmy, it was Jimmy Fowler.
I think it was okay.
It was a Jimmy.
Candace Patrice (40:50):
If it was a Jimmy, yeah.
Janet Hale (40:52):
Okay, and he has a late night talk show, I think.
Yes, was it Jimmy?
Candace Patrice (40:58):
I don't know.
I'm gonna look it up when we'redone because I don't have time
to um do it while we're here.
But we are coming up at the endof today's discussion.
Janet Hale (41:09):
Yes, we are.
Yes, we are so we've had um youknow the summer has been a good
summer and good for me on somedeep spiritual stuff, but still
good, really, really, reallygood.
Um and I'm just grateful andthankful for everything.
(41:33):
Yeah, wow, for everything.
Candace Patrice (41:37):
That's good, that's good.
I too, I'm I've beenexperiencing so much gratitude,
so much so that my friends belike, go be gratitude somewhere
else.
I actually send um um, I sendher memes now.
So instead of saying, I thankyou so much, I love you, you're
the greatest.
One time I sent her a meme of adump truck dumping out soil on
(41:59):
the ground.
I said, just imagine this truckis filled with my gratitude.
But since I can't tell you,just visualize it.
Because she'd be girl, gosomewhere.
I know I love you too,grateful, all of that.
But now I found I found realcreative ways to show her or
tell her.
(42:20):
But yeah, being filled withwhen you're filled with
gratitude, you almost see, youalmost have gratitude for every
single moment of your life.
Janet Hale (42:34):
That's true.
Candace Patrice (42:34):
And if you express that out loud, I can
imagine that gets a littletiring.
Not for me, but maybe for thosewho are hearing it.
I mean, if if you're agratitude person who just wants
to share about gratitude, sendme an email.
Let's just chat all day longabout gratitude.
Because I can do it, I I cantell you how grateful I am to be
(42:54):
here today in this moment, inthis time, and this space, and
whatever is to come, I'mgrateful for that too.
Even the things I don't know iscoming, even the things I have
to learn lessons from.
I'm so grateful.
I'm grateful God chose me to goon this journey.
I'm grateful God chose me togive.
(43:14):
I'm grateful that I gave God myyes.
Janet Hale (43:19):
I like that.
Candace Patrice (43:20):
Yeah, yes, so much.
Okay, here we go.
You see, I'm about to go down awhole rabbit hole of gratitude.
I'm grateful for you, mom.
I'm grateful that we chose todo this conference.
We said yes 12 weeks ago, andwe're pulling through with it
from beginning to end.
Janet Hale (43:35):
Yeah, I'm I'm I'm grateful for us in so many ways.
And I'm really grateful forthis platform.
Because I've said to you, whenI'm dead and gone, you'll be
able to go, oh well, let's lookat this.
And this conversation mama andI had about, you know, yeah.
Candace Patrice (43:53):
Oh as she goes through life and she's like, if
ever she gets to a point, she'slike, I just wish I could get
some advice.
She could literally go back andlisten to some of the things we
talked about.
Be like, ah, okay, this is whatI mean.
Hopefully she don't have to dothat, and we still here.
Janet Hale (44:10):
We can live a long life, but that's interesting
because uh we were talking oneof the days she was here, and I
said something about being hergrandmother, because you know, I
like to let her know, althoughshe knows, but I I get on this
thing.
And um, and I was saying how II don't know how I worded it,
(44:32):
but that I was thankful that Iwas able to be your mother and
then to see your child born,which is my grandchild who lived
in you.
Uh-huh.
Well, I didn't say that, butyes.
And then she was like, oh, andshe made reference to when she
has a kid and me not being herebecause lately that's her thing.
(44:53):
Shh yeah, it is actually.
She she sat next to me and shesaid, Oh, I'm so glad you're
here.
Okay.
Now I said some smart mouth,she didn't like it.
I'm like, what is it?
I'm just glad you're stillalive.
Well, you know, I think she'sno that's an important thing
(45:14):
though, because guess what?
That girl's look, she's like somama in her 60s now.
Candace Patrice (45:20):
Yeah, and you know, Papa died.
So she knows that death has tohappen at some point.
And she doesn't know when ithappens because Papa was so like
what?
And I think she justappreciates the now.
And there are moments the otherday, and she was just like, she
(45:41):
was in the room crying, andshe's like, I just don't want
you to die, I want you to bewith me.
And I said, I want to be heretoo.
I want to take this journeywith you.
I said, But I'm right hereright now, so let's just enjoy
the moments now.
And she'll say sometimes, youknow, these days don't come
back.
Janet Hale (45:57):
Yeah, that's that's a favorite one from Charles.
Love it.
But the thing um I think about,and I've shared this with you,
um, is I get older.
I'm not afraid of death, justso everybody knows I'm just not
afraid.
I just don't want no painfulshit to go down.
Like, can I just be somepeaceful, let me, you know, kind
of thing.
Um, and I think about, and youand I we've talked about this,
(46:17):
like the memories of the thingsI have on my wall and how I have
them up.
But when I'm gone, some of themwill only matter because they
were for me, not for anyoneelse.
And I've said to you, when I'mgone, throw everything, you
(46:38):
don't have to hold on toanything.
Just let it all go because atsome point we're all forgotten.
And that's the truth of thematter.
Candace Patrice (46:50):
I don't know, I don't know, because Jesus ain't
forgotten.
I'm just saying.
Janet Hale (46:53):
Okay.
Candace Patrice (46:54):
We ain't all forgotten.
Janet Hale (46:55):
Okay, okay.
Okay.
And so, like my my grand mygrandfather's mother.
We don't know anything abouther.
Uh my grandfather.
Candace Patrice (47:13):
I want to do a geniogram.
Genogram.
Janet Hale (47:16):
Okay, and then my grandfather, and then his kids.
Jimmy.
Candace Patrice (47:28):
You ain't gotta tell the world.
I just want to know if you Iwill.
Janet Hale (47:30):
James Lee Bowie, I think.
James Let Bowie.
Candace Patrice (47:35):
How you spell Let?
Janet Hale (47:37):
I think it's L-E-T.
I don't know.
L-E-T-T?
I don't remember.
But uh, I say all that to saythis.
At some point, you know, we'rejust gone.
So make the best out of thislife.
Candace Patrice (47:48):
We are, because the fact that I'm over here,
like, do you know his name?
I don't know it.
So there we are.
That part.
So just like Kamari doesn'tknow great grandma.
I have the memories of greatgrandma.
Yeah, yeah.
She'll look at a picture and belike, Who is that?
Janet Hale (48:01):
That's right.
That's right.
That's right.
And yeah.
Candace Patrice (48:05):
I was um talking to a friend, uh, Angel,
the other day, and we weretalking about the words great
grandmother, and how howsignificant they are.
The first word is great.
That part, the second word isgrand, grand, the third word is
mother.
How important are all three ofthose words and how much weight
(48:33):
do they carry?
And you know, we just had thiswhole conversation and we went
back to the first mother and howgrand and great she is.
Janet Hale (48:46):
Oh, I like that.
Candace Patrice (48:47):
I know.
We be getting deep, but I justwanted to cut out people's minds
of the words, the the furtheryou go in the lineage, the
greater you get.
Janet Hale (48:59):
I like that.
I know the great, I never brokeit down.
Candace Patrice (49:02):
I know great, grandmother.
I know, I know, I it blew mymind.
I told her to stop talking tome.
Janet Hale (49:11):
The grandmother.
Candace Patrice (49:13):
Oh, and if you heard the conversation about
mother, just that conversation,I'll fill you in after the
podcast.
Which we need to end.
So, everybody, let me just sayif there's if you're struggling,
of course, you can call or textthe suicide prevention lifeline
at nine eight eight.
It's available 24 hours a day,seven days a week.
(49:36):
Um, you can always email me atcandisfleming at
essentialmotivation.com.
Go to the websiteessentialmotivation.com.
You can get the podcast there.
Well, you're listening to it.
Here we are.
Um, like, subscribe, uh, lookat the events that's coming up,
plug in, get into the emailsystem so that you can find out
(49:57):
what's happening, what's goingon with us?
Go to um hail empowermentlc.comif you're looking to get
connected with Janet, get intoany of her coaching sessions.
We are looking forward tohearing from you.
Did you have any last things tosay, Mother Dearest?
Janet Hale (50:18):
Ah, just glad to be back.
Candace Patrice (50:21):
Me too.
I'm glad to be back.
I hope you all had a felt goodabout the episode.
If you didn't, I did.
I love the episode.
I love my mom and I love whatwe do.
Um, and uh, if you feel likeyou did love it, share it with
somebody else.
Let somebody else experiencewhat you're experiencing.
We look forward to it.
Shoot us an email if there'ssomething you want to hear
(50:42):
talked about or hear that wehave never talked about.
We have some amazing guestscoming up this season, some
amazing conversations, justamazing things.
So stay tuned, listen, listen.
Always remember to love hard,forgive often, and laugh
frequent.
Thank you guys.
We love you, and we'll talk toyou later.
Bye bye.
Bye bye.
Hello, and welcome back to the first
episode of season five of ourpodcast.
Hello, all.
We are so excited to be back.
It is me and dear mother, JanetHill.
Hello, mother.
Janet Hale (00:25):
Hey, Candace.
Hey, everybody.
It's good to be back.
Candace Patrice (00:29):
Man, it's been a while.
Um, we've had summer break andall the things.
We're coming back.
We're coming back so fresh thatwe actually have a conference
in two days.
Janet Hale (00:43):
Yes.
Candace Patrice (00:43):
A generational conversation, a generational
conference called More Than aWoman Healing the Pain.
It is at the Marriott andRomulus from 8 a.m.
to 4 p.m.
Um and it is special.
But before we get into that, Ijust want to check in how has
your summer been?
Can you tell everybody justabout your life over the last
(01:08):
few months from June to now?
Janet Hale (01:13):
It's been good.
It's been a summer ofreflection for me, a summer of
remembrance, a summer ofallowing myself to feel certain
things.
I didn't know that I hadstuffed down.
(01:35):
A time for a deep connectionwith the universe.
Um it's been good.
It's been powerful andimpactful in a weird kind of
way.
In a good, weird kind of way.
Candace Patrice (01:53):
You know?
What what's been mostimpactful?
Janet Hale (01:58):
And I I've shared a lot of this stuff with you
already.
Um dealing with the loss of myhusband.
And when I say that, I mean theloss of the marriage, the loss
of his physical presence on thisearth after we divorced, the
(02:19):
whole realization of realizingthat I missed him.
And just being with sittingwith that, like, you know what?
It is what it is, and it'sokay.
You know, just a lot ofeverything being okay.
Candace Patrice (02:38):
Yeah.
Janet Hale (02:39):
And that was one of the big ones for me.
Also, um, grieving the death ofmy son, your brother, and
allowing all that stuff to comeup.
So just uh I don't know, thisis kind of hard to articulate,
(03:00):
but just some real powerful,impactful, spiritual um changes
for me.
Yeah.
But good things.
I know it sounds sad.
It's not sad.
Candace Patrice (03:12):
No, no, no.
It's not a sad thing.
You know, you you know what?
I think for people listening tounderstand, it's um well, can
you explain how it's a goodthing, how the reflection uh
leads to a good thing?
Janet Hale (03:31):
So I'll I'll start off with um um my husband.
So married to him for 30 years,and in those 30 years, there's
a whole lot of things thathappened.
We were, in fact, when we gotdivorced, we were so mad at each
other that I was like, damn,now you're dead, and I can't
even have a conversation.
You know, as the time goes on,the hurt is lessened.
(03:53):
Um, and getting past the angerof it all, and looking at the
love of it all on my side, um,and embracing and accepting it
because there were times inthere, and I was talking to you
one time, and I said, you know,I walked to the house, I'd be
(04:13):
like, damn Charles, oh, Iremember when you had me.
Oh, or thank you.
Just these conversations andreconciling how I can do that
and be okay with that and notget caught up in, oh, that was a
good memory, but he still didthis to me.
I had to get that togetherbecause both things can be true
at the same time.
(04:33):
And I don't need torationalize, you know, to make
sure I mention what wasunpleasant in order to celebrate
the fond memories.
You know, so that was a thing.
The thing with um Brandon, Iand I I think back on when um he
(04:56):
passed, which was nine yearsago, and I was into just
operational.
Like I need to do this and Ineed to do that, and I must get
this done.
And you know, I didn't have alot of support, as you know, um
in getting what I needed to getdone.
But one of the memories that Ihave, and I hadn't even shared
(05:17):
this or with you, I don't think,was my sisters had gotten
t-shirts with my son on, youknow, on there.
And I remember, and oh.
I remember when they did that,I was like, why are they doing
(05:42):
that?
And when I look at it now, Ithink it was their way of
supporting me and losing my son.
And so that's why I said it'snot sad.
I know I'm crying and stuff,but it's not sad.
It's I think it's a oh uh justletting go of the anger and the
(06:06):
control and all those thingsthat you put on the ego and the
brave face, and the I'm, youknow, I got this under control,
and just allow myself to justrest in love.
Wow, whatever that looks like.
And then recognizing nine yearsago, folks were in their own
(06:28):
way showing their love.
And I didn't get it.
Candace Patrice (06:32):
What do you think made it hard to receive
the love they were trying togive?
Janet Hale (06:36):
I I for me it was because I knew with Brandon, I
had made a lot of mistakes.
And I knew that they knew whatthey were.
And how could they see me as agood mother?
You know, are you mocking me?
And so, you know, it's justlike I said, it's been a summer
(07:05):
for me.
unknown (07:06):
Yeah.
Janet Hale (07:06):
Um, and just those kinds of things, being able to
look at that and call the thingthe thing that it is.
Candace Patrice (07:16):
So the tears that you shed now of happiness
and understanding and grief andforgiveness, joy, all of those
things.
Uh how could someone else who'sgoing through this situation
kind of look at the situationdifferently so that they can
(07:38):
experience the joy of the grief?
Janet Hale (07:42):
Uh I think it would be very arrogant of me to answer
that for everyone.
And then I'm gonna tell youwhy.
Candace Patrice (07:47):
Nope, you ain't got to, I get it.
Janet Hale (07:49):
Okay, and so I can just speak from my experience.
Candace Patrice (07:52):
Thank you.
Janet Hale (07:53):
And that is the the grief letting go, or wait a
minute.
Do some people say the yourhappiness is on the other side
of the fear.
And so facing it, facing allthose things, facing the with my
husband just being so angry atall the things that on his part
(08:20):
that didn't go well, you know,because of course it was all his
damn fault, because I hadnothing to do.
And so, but being able to like,okay, Janet, hey, you know, we
talked about this, howeverything that has happened is
my fault.
Candace Patrice (08:38):
Yeah.
Janet Hale (08:40):
So, and and that sounds weird, um, but it's my
response to things, the way Ilook at things, is it all about
Janet, like in this marriage,man.
I mean, we both have we wereboth folks trying to make it in
this marriage.
And we were just fumblingthrough the whole thing trying
(09:03):
to find our way.
And it was a lot of fingerpointing and different things
like that that went on.
Um, we're just trying to makeit.
Candace Patrice (09:13):
You know, it's uh so what I'm gathering from
what you're saying, though, ifsomeone was to try to find the
tools, it would be recognizeyour own part in what is
happening around you.
Janet Hale (09:25):
Uh totally.
Candace Patrice (09:26):
Okay, I like that.
Janet Hale (09:28):
Totally.
That's good.
Totally.
But it's just that the process,the, you know, your way there.
Candace Patrice (09:33):
Yeah, everybody's process.
Janet Hale (09:34):
Your journey.
Exactly.
Right.
Candace Patrice (09:36):
Because, you know, that's why the underlining
would be the recognize it inyourself, because only you are
gonna know how to maneuver andnavigate that.
Yes.
Because you have the fullstory.
Janet Hale (09:47):
I ooh, so yes, I have the full story.
Yeah, and actually, my fullstory is still only half of the
story.
Candace Patrice (09:58):
Uh, yep, exactly that.
You know what I'm saying?
But it's your variation in yourversion of mine.
Janet Hale (10:02):
Right, but that's so that's my half of the full
story, right?
Candace Patrice (10:06):
And you have control of that half.
Janet Hale (10:09):
That's it.
Yeah, period.
You know, so it's just um, man,I didn't mean to be on here on
the first day just crying.
Candace Patrice (10:17):
Well, here's the thing
called Healing Our Pain.
So this is what we're steppinginto.
We're stepping into finding, Imean, that I mean, also, this is
what the podcast is.
Yeah, it's about healing indifferent ways and what that
journey looks like.
And it's not always pretty, andeven the pretty parts are ugly.
(10:40):
You know, it it can be.
And when I say ugly, I don'tmean it like a bad thing.
It's just it has itsdifficulties, and you're
maneuvering to find the best outof that situation.
Sometimes finding the bestmeans going through it.
When I went to conference, Iwent to conference,
transformation churchconference.
Janet Hale (10:58):
Oh, yeah.
Candace Patrice (10:59):
Um, last month, October, I want to say like the
8th to the 11th or so.
And the theme of the conferencewas faith in the fire.
Our word of the year is focus.
So, faith in the fire, though,is to me, when I think of the
faith in the fire, I think aboutGod surrounding us with the
fire to let us know that we haveto stand still because
(11:23):
whichever direction we're goingin could be the wrong direction.
And so we have to stop andreflect, which means we have to
sit in it while we're in thefire.
You can't go left, you can't goright.
But in order to get through thefire, you have to have some
form of trust and belief inwhat's on the other side.
You can't see it, but itexists.
(11:44):
So, what is it that you're ableto?
What is it that you're able totry?
I want to say trust who is youryour power that helps you get
through it, but just identifyingand knowing that it's safe in
(12:04):
the fire.
Janet Hale (12:07):
So, yes, and I and I I love the way I love our
relationship, I really do.
Um, because you come from theChristian point of view, and I
come from the other, not youknow the other, the other.
And when you said that, it mademe think, you mentioned you uh
about my summer, and this wasthe summer that I was alone a
(12:32):
lot by choice, and I was still,and so there were so many things
that came through me in mystillness that helped me
identify the things that I'vementioned so far in this
podcast.
And there were times that I wasin here just crying and just
(13:00):
oh, oh, and after the cry, Iwould say, oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Because those were cries that Iwas afraid to cry.
You know?
So the being still and allowingmyself time to and trusting
(13:21):
that it's okay to go over to theother side, whatever that is.
If it's the love for myhusband, if it's the forgiveness
of my sisters, if it's a betterunderstanding of my
granddaughter, if it's meunderstanding folks that I've
been in contact with wherethings didn't seem like they
turned out right, but actuallythey turned out perfectly, in my
(13:43):
opinion, because they weremeant to be.
Um so yeah, that that steeltime, that time, that sitting in
the middle, as you call thefire, you know, and and resting
in that and trusting that it's asafe spot to be in.
(14:03):
It is okay.
Candace Patrice (14:06):
Yep.
One of the um, so the referencereferencing scripture with that
is about the fourth man in thefire.
And there were um, I'm abutcher, the names, so I'm not
gonna say them, but there werethree men who got put into the
fire because they wouldn't umpraise somebody else other than
(14:31):
God.
And so they was like, you knowwhat, burn them.
Y'all not gonna praise my name?
Burn them.
Uh so turn the turn the furnaceup like 700 degrees hotter than
it's supposed to be, that's sohot that the men who threw them
in died from the heat of thefire.
So they go back and say, Hey,didn't we throw three men in the
(14:52):
fire?
And they're like, Yeah.
They said, Well, there are fourmen in there, and one of them
looks like a god.
They were untouched,unscorched, unanything.
So when I say it's safe in thefire, if you have enough trust
in your belief system andwhatever that is to get you
through it, you will not beharmed.
You will, everything is foryour good, and you just have to
(15:15):
know that.
Walk through that fire, get tothe other end, and say, I made
it.
But if you have too much fearin the fire, and I'm not saying
it's not okay to to to not knowand express, like I don't know.
I don't, you know, I'm alittle, I don't want to say
afraid, but I'm having somethings.
Help me in my in my unbelief.
Um God, what was I getting atwith that?
(15:38):
Um, I don't even remember.
Janet Hale (15:41):
The fire, the four folks, something in the Bible.
Candace Patrice (15:44):
I know they were safe, they were cool.
unknown (15:46):
Okay.
Candace Patrice (15:47):
Having faith.
Have your faith get you throughthe fire.
Okay.
Um, but I wanted to say, youknow, you're you said you didn't
mean to go there during thistime.
Um, but that's exactly wherewe're going in this season.
(16:07):
It is the release, it is thehonesty, it is allowing yourself
to heal from the places youhaven't been able to reveal.
Oh, heal what you couldn'treveal.
Janet Hale (16:20):
I told you that my girlfriend told me that.
Oh, oh, can I share this part,please?
So, this conference is comingup, right?
And so I'm like, Oh, we'regoing to scan up a lot has
happened, you know, in sixyears, you guys.
It was six years when we hadthe first conference.
And so I was talking to mygirlfriend.
I said, Oh my god.
I said, girl, I've been througha lot.
I don't know if I'm ready to dothis.
(16:42):
She said, Huh, you can't healwhat you don't reveal.
I said, okay now.
So, so the to your point aswell.
Candace Patrice (16:53):
Yeah, exactly.
And that's why we're bringingpeople together on November 8th
of 2025 at the Marriott andRomulas from 8 a.m.
to 4 p.m.
Um to heal the pain that'swithin.
Um, so I'm just gonna tell youguys a little bit about the
conference.
It is Saturday.
We are at capacity, so I knowthere's no worries about trying
(17:16):
to go get a ticket, but I wantto share so that you can either
follow or look out for the nextevent, next conference, um,
which I've already named, whichis more than a woman and man
breaking the chains.
But you know, anywho, let's getthrough this one.
I know it's deep.
Okay, I'm sorry, I did that.
Janet Hale (17:33):
Wait, breaking what chains?
I don't know, but we're gonnabreak them.
That's just what we know.
We want we can talk about thatlater.
Candace Patrice (17:43):
Uh-uh, we're here at healing the pain.
Heal the pain, not breaking thechain.
So healing the healing thepain.
Um, one of the things that wasvery influential during the
Great Depression was the arts.
So we incorporate the arts inthe conference, which is spoken
(18:05):
word, live musical selections,and dance interwoven throughout
the conference.
Um, and then havingconversations with different
individuals who have had theirfair share of a journey and
they're here to share it withyou.
They're here to be open andhonest with you.
Um, they're not there to judgeyour situation, and we're all
(18:27):
here to be open and experiencesomething different because we
can't find our find other waysof healing if we don't know
them.
Because you can have someoneelse tell you, oh, you need to
do this.
But that's not the case becausewhat has to be done is already
within you, and you have toreveal your path to yourself.
(18:48):
It'll feel good, it'll feelright as you go through it.
It it might feel scary, itmight be hard, but you'll know
you're on the right track or ona track to figuring it out.
Because sometimes it can feelgood and still not work out, and
that's okay because that was apart of the journey.
Maybe that was the learningpart of the phase that you were
in, but can continuing to try tofind that healing in whatever
(19:11):
way that you can.
So that's what we're doing onNovember 8th.
And I'm excited to be able todo that, to be able to have this
journey, which we started 12weeks ago, a conversation.
I was sitting on my patiotalking to my mama, and I don't
even know how we got here.
We were just talking.
I was like, ooh, we should dothe conference.
(19:32):
I got on my phone and picked adate.
And I want to say two dayslater, I was like, mom, we got a
location.
She was like, say what up?
Janet Hale (19:39):
Yeah, I did say that.
Candace Patrice (19:42):
And then we just started planning.
We talked it out.
Uh, we would go back and um Iwould let her know my updates
and we come back together andhave some conversation about it,
and it would just spark thebrains.
And here we are 12 12 weekslater, two days two, we start um
the conference.
And I'm excited.
(20:02):
I'm really, really excited thatwe chose to see it through.
Uh even without all of thepieces, and you guys will hear
the testimony afterwards andeverything and how it's worked
itself out.
Um but yeah, meanwhile, mysummer's been great.
Janet Hale (20:21):
Okay, come on now.
Come on, come on.
Candace Patrice (20:24):
I'll catch you guys up.
Um, so Tamari got out ofschool.
We we had a good summer.
We winged it like we do so thatwe don't have too much
structure and things that driveus all crazy.
We kind of just go with theflow.
So glad not to have homework,so glad not to have to get up
early in the morning.
Like me and my daughter, wewant to stay up late, we want to
(20:46):
sleep in late, and we want todo what we want to do.
I now listen, I understand thatI have conditioned my child to
this lifestyle.
And I apologize to the teachersand anyone who has to be the
authoritative figure ofstructure because I wing it a
(21:11):
lot, but that's because a lot oftimes I'm winging my own brain
for the best way.
And I think it's a great way toparent, actually.
I have no problems with the waythat I do it.
I have no problems with theresults.
There are certain things, ofcourse, I'm like, hmm, okay, I
see where that could have beenhandled slightly different.
But at the end of the day, I amgrateful for being myself and
(21:35):
being grounded in me and beingable to teach my daughter the
way I feel I need to.
Now, does it come with thisdifficulties?
Absolutely.
Does it make it slightly harderfor others?
Absolutely.
Do I try to teach like outsidethe home?
We gotta do a little different.
Absolutely.
(21:55):
Does she grasp it?
Sometimes she lives her lifehere.
Janet Hale (22:00):
I think she grasps it.
Candace Patrice (22:02):
For the most part.
Janet Hale (22:03):
She's very smart.
Candace Patrice (22:04):
No, she's she's very smart, but when it comes
to structure, it is, and when Isay structure, sitting still for
eight hours, who's supposed todo that?
I can't even do that.
She began to do it.
Janet Hale (22:16):
You know, you know, um this whole institution and
and how we teach, I I don'tfully agree with.
I just don't.
Um I think children need to getup, they need to move around.
When I was a kid, back in theolden days, there was lunchtime,
(22:38):
there was physical P A P E P Estill had a call to gym.
Yeah, they still had an A andum we played and we did all the
things, and then there was thislittle time of structure, you
know, and then you know, you youwent to reset, whatever, just
all the things.
I think with um Kamari to try,I just think to try to handle
(23:04):
her in the way of you've got todo this, you've got to do that,
and da-da-da.
She's her spirit's not thisgonna not gonna have it.
It's just not, she's gonna berebel.
It's gonna be a uh a powerstruggle.
Candace Patrice (23:20):
Real quick, real quick, real quick.
Janet Hale (23:22):
Real quick.
Candace Patrice (23:22):
So yesterday I went into my boss's office,
right?
And she was trying to get herstuff done.
I was about to leave, and shewas like, Will you get out of my
office?
Because I got work to do, andyou gotta go get your child.
And I was like, I stood there.
I said, I'm feeling like mychild.
I want to stay because you'retelling me to leave.
I felt it deep down within me.
(23:45):
But as an adult, I was able tosay it out loud and then walk
away.
Janet Hale (23:50):
And so, yeah, and and um I read something because
you know I do the reels on youknow the Facebook thing.
And it was showing a woman, shehad her son filling a bucket in
the grass, big field, and shesaid, she's talking about her
child in school and how theywere saying did not follow
(24:10):
direction, was not learning, andthen she said they allowed him
to learn how to do math bycounting the poles on the fence.
Just all the different ways tobe creative in teaching us.
Um now I'm like that.
I can't do that straight up,teach me stuff.
Candace Patrice (24:31):
Please.
Janet Hale (24:32):
And I share with you when I was in college at Wayne
State, that math, me, classmateof mine, grown, grown women, we
use stick people to figure outthe math, and that was okay.
And I just think with our kids,with our children, we need to
afford them the, you know, theyneed the arts, they need to be
(24:55):
able to move, they need to beable to dance, they need to be
able to sing, they need to beable to do all those things so
their creative energy can flowand we learn better, even as
adults.
I I know for me, I learnedbetter, you know, when I'm able
to be stimulated.
Candace Patrice (25:11):
I started testing or trying some things
out with Kamarian because Ineeded to know if the work
seemed too big or if she didn'tknow the information.
So, what I started doing is Iwould read the question and just
ask her to tell me the answer,opposed to writing it.
Turns out she's not one towrite shit.
(25:33):
It seems so big, it's a lot ofwork.
She's like, I don't want towrite my hand.
It's just not what she's intowhen it really comes down to it.
She gets a pencil, then shegets that work packet, then she
starts doodling, she startssketching, starts drawing on the
paper where she should bedrawing, be writing words.
So the action is the same.
(25:53):
You're still using a pencil,you're still putting something
to the paper, and you're stillhaving to work those same
muscles you would if you werewriting.
However, for some reason,rewriting a sentence that's
already there, she's like,that's dumb.
Let me just scratch this outand rewrite the word.
Like it's because she knows it,but for some reason, it just
(26:15):
gets so big.
It gets so big.
Or with math, it came down tome doing the problem, and then
eventually she'd be like, giveme the pencil, I want to do it,
because she's realizing that shecan do it.
She just sometimes needsconfidence in herself.
She really needs a tutor, sheneeds a one-on-one tutor.
Janet Hale (26:36):
I just think that first of all, there's too many
children in the classroom.
That's facts.
Um, everybody has a differentlearning method.
Let's get with that.
We're not robots, and it justturns into a whole thing of um,
you know, the most obedientperson, you know, that's able to
sit and follow like a robot, ofcourse, and I'm not knowing, I
(26:57):
don't mean to offend you.
No, right.
Oh, I really don't.
Um, will do seem to do betterthan folks who, you know, who
are critical thinkers.
Candace Patrice (27:07):
I was a semi-robot.
You were semi.
You know, a lot of timesactually.
Janet Hale (27:16):
Oh, so was I offending you?
Candace Patrice (27:19):
No.
I you know, I really okay,y'all.
Don't put me in no home becauseI'm about to say this.
Don't put me in no white walledspace, okay?
Um, and keep my arms together.
I'm not harming myself.
Um, but there are times when Ithink I'm able to tap into two
personalities that run parallelof each other.
(27:42):
They can either show up at thesame time.
And like, I think that inschool, they showed up at the
same time.
I've got this robot, I canfollow structure, I can get it
all done.
However, the creative side ofme won't stop talking and doing
all the things and movingaround.
Remember, I used to get threesin citizenship.
Threes were bad, apparently.
However, I remember Mr.
(28:02):
Turner in fifth grade was like,I'm not giving her no three
because she talks.
She's not a bad kid.
She gets all her work done andeverything.
She's gonna get a one.
She do talk a lot.
Matter of fact, she should be alawyer.
I think she's gonna be alawyer.
Like that was his thoughtprocess.
You know, um, yeah, but thework was good and done, the
grades were good.
And even now, when it comes togetting certain things done, and
(28:25):
it's like I can get all of thepaperwork and the contracts and
everything done, but I also canhandle the artist work and
making sure that performancesare running smoothly and that it
sounds, you know, sounds good,and I big I can be very creative
and very structured at the sametime.
Janet Hale (28:42):
You remind me of when you were um in school.
I don't know what grade youwere in.
You were on the, of course, youwere getting all A's and stuff.
Then you were basket onbasketball, you were in dance.
Oh, that was A grade.
Candace Patrice (28:54):
I said, What are we doing?
We were up until school all thetime.
Oh, yeah.
That year I remember I was itwas dance, choir, cheerleading,
basketball, um, chess club, um,honor society.
Uh I don't know if it wasanother one, but those are the
(29:15):
six I can remember at the sametime.
Janet Hale (29:16):
So were you a when were you a caddy?
Candace Patrice (29:19):
That was freshman year of high school, I
want to say.
Janet Hale (29:24):
No, of college.
Candace Patrice (29:26):
College.
I'm sorry, I didn't I didn'twork through through school any
of the 12 years.
Janet Hale (29:31):
Yeah, so even in that, um, you were doing all
those things, but you were veryactive.
unknown (29:38):
Yeah.
Janet Hale (29:38):
You know what I mean?
You were getting the goodgrades, but you were still all
over the place.
Candace Patrice (29:42):
Uh right?
I was all over the place andprobably felt more structured
being all over the place than Iever would just being in one
lane.
Because even now, when I thinkof all the things I have to get,
I'm like, move, move, move.
Okay, this gotta get done, thisgotta get done.
I can get it, sorry, Kookah.
I can get it done.
I cook.
My god cat, y'all.
She's landing me, and I'mhappy.
(30:03):
And we're adopting two kittens,Marco and Polo this week, and
I'm even more excited.
So life is good.
Um, what was I saying?
I just interrupted about thecat.
Janet Hale (30:14):
Um, well, you were just talking about uh being
active, doing things, and right.
So even now and still gettingthings done.
Candace Patrice (30:21):
I feel more alive when I have more things to
do.
And I remember when I startedslowing down, it was living with
you.
And you and Roy was like, yo,you need to sit down.
You need to tried it.
Uh, you know, I realized I satdown and then I just sat there
and I would pull my head up, butI didn't get up for a long
time.
But I realized that I have tofind ways to rest for a period
(30:46):
and get back into it.
Because getting back into itkeeps me from being depressed,
it keeps me from feeling down,it keeps me alive and going.
Being able to go and touchsomebody's spirit and they feel
good, that awakens me.
That makes me feel like I didsomething for the day.
It allows me to feel like I amliving and I want to live.
(31:06):
And the more things that I canget done, the more I feel like
I'm living.
It's a wild thing.
But if 20 small things in aday, what?
Janet Hale (31:18):
What?
Candace Patrice (31:19):
It's like I hit the jackpot of life.
Janet Hale (31:22):
Yeah, now I'm the opposite, yes, you know.
Like I'm to myself, by myself,okay with being by myself.
Although I think I want alittle dog or something.
I don't know.
Um, however, when I go out, itis I look forward to making
human connections.
So one of my treats to myselfis to take the long way to the
(31:47):
local health food store.
And when I get in there, I talkto the tomatoes.
Like if I have enough tomatoes,I'll be like, I'll be back.
And the fresh produce and justall those things.
And then the the local marketis very calming.
It's not a lot of hustle andbustle, it's just folks just
(32:09):
cruising down the aisle, andI'll end up talking to somebody,
and we're like talking forabout 45 minutes, and just that
interaction just feels so goodto me.
So I get what you're sayingabout feeling alive with
connecting with another person,and then I'm able, now I'm an
introvert, I'm able to come backin the house and relax, but
(32:29):
whenever I need that humancharge, it just feels so good.
Um, today there's a thing goingon, and um I'm looking forward
to it because I'm gonna beamongst folks and um it's kind
of a celebration type of deal.
And I'm gonna meet new people.
So it's good when I'm doing it,and it's also good when I'm
(32:53):
doing this.
Candace Patrice (32:53):
You look so pretty.
Janet Hale (32:55):
Oh, thank you.
Candace Patrice (32:57):
You are welcome.
I really like this haircut.
Janet Hale (33:01):
Yeah, you guys.
I will cut my hair off.
Candace Patrice (33:04):
First of all, she cut it herself first.
Oh, yeah, that was funny.
Chopped it off.
I do I managed it though,didn't you?
I thought it was still cute.
I only knew that you had likecertain dips.
Janet Hale (33:14):
It had dips in it.
Candace Patrice (33:15):
You couldn't tell when it was curly.
unknown (33:17):
Huh?
Candace Patrice (33:18):
When it was curly, you couldn't even tell.
Janet Hale (33:20):
Yeah, yes.
So yeah, thank you very muchfor that.
Candace Patrice (33:23):
And I don't know if you could tell when it
wasn't curly, but you could.
Janet Hale (33:26):
So no, I couldn't tell when it was curly.
No, when it wasn't curly, yousaying, but I could oh no, even
when it was curly, I could feelit.
Candace Patrice (33:34):
Oh, I got you.
Janet Hale (33:35):
I was like, oh, but someday I'm gonna have to fix
this.
Candace Patrice (33:38):
Oh it didn't look the way it felt though, so
that's good.
Janet Hale (33:41):
Oh, thank you.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
Candace Patrice (33:43):
You're welcome.
Janet Hale (33:44):
Yes, so we are back.
We are back.
Um, also, I wanted to say thisbecause I was looking at the
folks who are gonna be a part ofthe conference and how you made
a lot of contacts with folk,and they're going to be a part
of this process.
And that is so awesome.
Candace Patrice (34:03):
Three of our guests from past seasons are
showing up for the conference.
We got uh Sylvia Moore Myers,Myers Moore, Moore Myers, sorry,
Sylvia.
Um, we have Denise Schoenwald,sorry Denise.
I'm not doing good with lastnames.
Um, and we have Misty BaelSteer.
(34:23):
Sorry, Misty.
I, you know, I didn't have tosay you guys' last names.
Janet Hale (34:28):
But the the the whole thing about that though is
that um when they were on theshow, we were so fond of them.
I know.
You know, even after the showwas over, we would talk the next
day.
Did you really like?
Oh, I really appreciate it withthat, you know, just all those
things and to watch everythingcome full circle.
Candace Patrice (34:47):
Yeah.
And Denise, Denise um wrote,you know, she wrote a couple
books.
We got to read some of herbooks.
Um and I loved her.
I got to read my children'sbooks with her children's books
with um Kamari.
And she has she has a new onethat I don't have.
Do I have that one?
I don't know.
I think I got like four books,though.
(35:08):
So I'm really excited.
And she's giving um some ofthem away at the conference as
well.
I know she is she's bringing 30copies, and then if anybody
else still wants one, she'sgonna have a sign up for that.
Um yeah.
And Christina, Christina was onthe podcast too.
I think she was season one.
Janet Hale (35:26):
Yes, yes, yes, but Christina is also um coming.
Candace Patrice (35:32):
She's doing a presentation and she's going to
perform a song.
Y'all, her voice just itministers to me.
So I'm sorry.
I'm gonna say it every singletime.
Every time y'all hear me sayher name, you're probably gonna
hear that sentence.
It just ministers to me everytime.
So if Candace and Christina inthe same sentence, that's what
I'm gonna say.
Janet Hale (35:51):
All right.
Candace Patrice (35:52):
And she she doesn't, I don't even think she
makes music anymore.
But she's doing this it'sbecause her ministry is now in
hair.
She's helping those withalopecia, she's helping those,
she's making women feel wholewith beautiful hair systems, and
they look so real that you thatwoman is gonna feel so now
(36:14):
they're expensive, but they areworth every yeah penny that you
have to put into it.
So thank you, Christina, fortaking the time to just see what
we needed and fulfilling aneed.
That's it.
Okay, you were what else wereyou gonna say?
Janet Hale (36:30):
I think that was it.
No, no, just the whole factthat they're they're going to be
there.
And um, we know when we werehaving them on the show, this
wasn't even a part of ourthinking forward.
Candace Patrice (36:47):
Because this was 12 weeks ago.
The idea came 12 weeks ago,y'all.
Janet Hale (36:52):
Um, and then the lady with her daughter that's
big on is she TikTok or?
Candace Patrice (36:59):
Oh, Miss Rita.
Janet Hale (37:01):
Yeah, to have just how you were able to just reach
out to to ask for what youneeded.
Candace Patrice (37:09):
Yeah.
But even more when they showedup or they're showing up.
Janet Hale (37:13):
That well, because you reached out and asked.
You did.
You did you you asked, and theysaid okay.
Candace Patrice (37:20):
Yeah.
So I'm I'm really lookingforward to I I I'm really
looking forward to sharing thetestimony on um how people
showed up after the conference.
Janet Hale (37:32):
Wonderful.
Yeah.
Candace Patrice (37:33):
Yeah.
So hopefully, next nextepisode, you guys will get kind
of just a a replay of theconference and hearing things
people get some audio clips.
I don't know, y'all, but I'mexcited.
This is going to be, I believe,a revival conference.
Um, I didn't share that.
We got four different breakoutsessions: guided meditation,
(37:56):
guided journaling, um, skincare, and healing movement,
which releases the trauma inyour body.
Uh and we're just gonna allow,I'm gonna say the Holy Spirit to
take over this the room.
Somebody else may say somethingelse, but that is my belief
system, and and I'm excited.
I'm excited.
(38:16):
I'm excited.
Janet Hale (38:18):
You you mentioned your belief system, and um, I
just think it's really awesomethat you are open to other
folks' belief systems andallowing people to be in their
space.
Um, because not everyone's ableto do that.
And I'm not just saying fromthe Christians, I'm saying from
(38:39):
everyone, all of them.
They're like, if you're notmean and you're you know, you're
going to hell, you're gonnaburn forever, you know, all
those things.
And for you to be able to, youknow, not be judgmental of the
others, including your mom,right?
But just like, hey, everybody,come on.
Candace Patrice (39:01):
And you know what?
At the end of the day, standingby our personal belief systems,
getting to the end of theworld, at least we can say, I
truly believed, and this is whatis, and I'm okay with that
because I did it the way Ithought was best.
You know, at the and I can'ttell you what your who am I to
(39:22):
tell somebody else that theirbelief system is wrong?
Only thing I can say is Ibelieve mine is right, but not
that yours is wrong.
You know, but that gets tricky,though.
It does get tricky.
It absolutely doesn't.
Janet Hale (39:35):
That gets tricky.
Candace Patrice (39:37):
So I don't subscribe to anything because it
gets it gets tricky becauseit's how can you be right and
tell me I'm not wrong?
But it's not that I can tellyou I'm right, I can tell you I
believe in my belief system.
And I hope that you believe inyour belief system enough to
stand by it.
Janet Hale (39:58):
Yeah, I I I like I like the seat that I fit in.
Candace Patrice (40:02):
I know I'll be hoping I don't get in trouble.
I do.
Janet Hale (40:04):
I like the seat.
Candace Patrice (40:05):
I don't want to get in trouble.
And I see how I think I wassharing with you how people on
platforms can get in troublereal easy because it only takes
one person to think somethingdifferent, posted, and then all
the people who think that wayare against you, and it's like,
oh no, I didn't mean it thatway.
Isn't there a talk show hostwho just um got fired?
Like Jimmy Kimmel or somebody?
Janet Hale (40:25):
Oh, uh they got him back.
Uh see something he said aboutthe guy who got killed?
Yes.
Yeah, the Kirk guy, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Candace Patrice (40:37):
So oh, but he's back.
Janet Hale (40:39):
Oh yeah, they got him.
Oh yeah.
Oh, there was a I don't knowhow long he was down, maybe a
week.
Candace Patrice (40:44):
Was it Jimmy Fowler?
Janet Hale (40:46):
It was a Jimmy, it was Jimmy Fowler.
I think it was okay.
It was a Jimmy.
Candace Patrice (40:50):
If it was a Jimmy, yeah.
Janet Hale (40:52):
Okay, and he has a late night talk show, I think.
Yes, was it Jimmy?
Candace Patrice (40:58):
I don't know.
I'm gonna look it up when we'redone because I don't have time
to um do it while we're here.
But we are coming up at the endof today's discussion.
Janet Hale (41:09):
Yes, we are.
Yes, we are so we've had um youknow the summer has been a good
summer and good for me on somedeep spiritual stuff, but still
good, really, really, reallygood.
Um and I'm just grateful andthankful for everything.
(41:33):
Yeah, wow, for everything.
Candace Patrice (41:37):
That's good, that's good.
I too, I'm I've beenexperiencing so much gratitude,
so much so that my friends belike, go be gratitude somewhere
else.
I actually send um um, I sendher memes now.
So instead of saying, I thankyou so much, I love you, you're
the greatest.
One time I sent her a meme of adump truck dumping out soil on
(41:59):
the ground.
I said, just imagine this truckis filled with my gratitude.
But since I can't tell you,just visualize it.
Because she'd be girl, gosomewhere.
I know I love you too,grateful, all of that.
But now I found I found realcreative ways to show her or
tell her.
(42:20):
But yeah, being filled withwhen you're filled with
gratitude, you almost see, youalmost have gratitude for every
single moment of your life.
Janet Hale (42:34):
That's true.
Candace Patrice (42:34):
And if you express that out loud, I can
imagine that gets a littletiring.
Not for me, but maybe for thosewho are hearing it.
I mean, if if you're agratitude person who just wants
to share about gratitude, sendme an email.
Let's just chat all day longabout gratitude.
Because I can do it, I I cantell you how grateful I am to be
(42:54):
here today in this moment, inthis time, and this space, and
whatever is to come, I'mgrateful for that too.
Even the things I don't know iscoming, even the things I have
to learn lessons from.
I'm so grateful.
I'm grateful God chose me to goon this journey.
I'm grateful God chose me togive.
(43:14):
I'm grateful that I gave God myyes.
Janet Hale (43:19):
I like that.
Candace Patrice (43:20):
Yeah, yes, so much.
Okay, here we go.
You see, I'm about to go down awhole rabbit hole of gratitude.
I'm grateful for you, mom.
I'm grateful that we chose todo this conference.
We said yes 12 weeks ago, andwe're pulling through with it
from beginning to end.
Janet Hale (43:35):
Yeah, I'm I'm I'm grateful for us in so many ways.
And I'm really grateful forthis platform.
Because I've said to you, whenI'm dead and gone, you'll be
able to go, oh well, let's lookat this.
And this conversation mama andI had about, you know, yeah.
Candace Patrice (43:53):
Oh as she goes through life and she's like, if
ever she gets to a point, she'slike, I just wish I could get
some advice.
She could literally go back andlisten to some of the things we
talked about.
Be like, ah, okay, this is whatI mean.
Hopefully she don't have to dothat, and we still here.
Janet Hale (44:10):
We can live a long life, but that's interesting
because uh we were talking oneof the days she was here, and I
said something about being hergrandmother, because you know, I
like to let her know, althoughshe knows, but I I get on this
thing.
And um, and I was saying how II don't know how I worded it,
(44:32):
but that I was thankful that Iwas able to be your mother and
then to see your child born,which is my grandchild who lived
in you.
Uh-huh.
Well, I didn't say that, butyes.
And then she was like, oh, andshe made reference to when she
has a kid and me not being herebecause lately that's her thing.
(44:53):
Shh yeah, it is actually.
She she sat next to me and shesaid, Oh, I'm so glad you're
here.
Okay.
Now I said some smart mouth,she didn't like it.
I'm like, what is it?
I'm just glad you're stillalive.
Well, you know, I think she'sno that's an important thing
(45:14):
though, because guess what?
That girl's look, she's like somama in her 60s now.
Candace Patrice (45:20):
Yeah, and you know, Papa died.
So she knows that death has tohappen at some point.
And she doesn't know when ithappens because Papa was so like
what?
And I think she justappreciates the now.
And there are moments the otherday, and she was just like, she
(45:41):
was in the room crying, andshe's like, I just don't want
you to die, I want you to bewith me.
And I said, I want to be heretoo.
I want to take this journeywith you.
I said, But I'm right hereright now, so let's just enjoy
the moments now.
And she'll say sometimes, youknow, these days don't come
back.
Janet Hale (45:57):
Yeah, that's that's a favorite one from Charles.
Love it.
But the thing um I think about,and I've shared this with you,
um, is I get older.
I'm not afraid of death, justso everybody knows I'm just not
afraid.
I just don't want no painfulshit to go down.
Like, can I just be somepeaceful, let me, you know, kind
of thing.
Um, and I think about, and youand I we've talked about this,
(46:17):
like the memories of the thingsI have on my wall and how I have
them up.
But when I'm gone, some of themwill only matter because they
were for me, not for anyoneelse.
And I've said to you, when I'mgone, throw everything, you
(46:38):
don't have to hold on toanything.
Just let it all go because atsome point we're all forgotten.
And that's the truth of thematter.
Candace Patrice (46:50):
I don't know, I don't know, because Jesus ain't
forgotten.
I'm just saying.
Janet Hale (46:53):
Okay.
Candace Patrice (46:54):
We ain't all forgotten.
Janet Hale (46:55):
Okay, okay.
Okay.
And so, like my my grand mygrandfather's mother.
We don't know anything abouther.
Uh my grandfather.
Candace Patrice (47:13):
I want to do a geniogram.
Genogram.
Janet Hale (47:16):
Okay, and then my grandfather, and then his kids.
Jimmy.
Candace Patrice (47:28):
You ain't gotta tell the world.
I just want to know if you Iwill.
Janet Hale (47:30):
James Lee Bowie, I think.
James Let Bowie.
Candace Patrice (47:35):
How you spell Let?
Janet Hale (47:37):
I think it's L-E-T.
I don't know.
L-E-T-T?
I don't remember.
But uh, I say all that to saythis.
At some point, you know, we'rejust gone.
So make the best out of thislife.
Candace Patrice (47:48):
We are, because the fact that I'm over here,
like, do you know his name?
I don't know it.
So there we are.
That part.
So just like Kamari doesn'tknow great grandma.
I have the memories of greatgrandma.
Yeah, yeah.
She'll look at a picture and belike, Who is that?
Janet Hale (48:01):
That's right.
That's right.
That's right.
And yeah.
Candace Patrice (48:05):
I was um talking to a friend, uh, Angel,
the other day, and we weretalking about the words great
grandmother, and how howsignificant they are.
The first word is great.
That part, the second word isgrand, grand, the third word is
mother.
How important are all three ofthose words and how much weight
(48:33):
do they carry?
And you know, we just had thiswhole conversation and we went
back to the first mother and howgrand and great she is.
Janet Hale (48:46):
Oh, I like that.
Candace Patrice (48:47):
I know.
We be getting deep, but I justwanted to cut out people's minds
of the words, the the furtheryou go in the lineage, the
greater you get.
Janet Hale (48:59):
I like that.
I know the great, I never brokeit down.
Candace Patrice (49:02):
I know great, grandmother.
I know, I know, I it blew mymind.
I told her to stop talking tome.
Janet Hale (49:11):
The grandmother.
Candace Patrice (49:13):
Oh, and if you heard the conversation about
mother, just that conversation,I'll fill you in after the
podcast.
Which we need to end.
So, everybody, let me just sayif there's if you're struggling,
of course, you can call or textthe suicide prevention lifeline
at nine eight eight.
It's available 24 hours a day,seven days a week.
(49:36):
Um, you can always email me atcandisfleming at
essentialmotivation.com.
Go to the websiteessentialmotivation.com.
You can get the podcast there.
Well, you're listening to it.
Here we are.
Um, like, subscribe, uh, lookat the events that's coming up,
plug in, get into the emailsystem so that you can find out
(49:57):
what's happening, what's goingon with us?
Go to um hail empowermentlc.comif you're looking to get
connected with Janet, get intoany of her coaching sessions.
We are looking forward tohearing from you.
Did you have any last things tosay, Mother Dearest?
Janet Hale (50:18):
Ah, just glad to be back.
Candace Patrice (50:21):
Me too.
I'm glad to be back.
I hope you all had a felt goodabout the episode.
If you didn't, I did.
I love the episode.
I love my mom and I love whatwe do.
Um, and uh, if you feel likeyou did love it, share it with
somebody else.
Let somebody else experiencewhat you're experiencing.
We look forward to it.
Shoot us an email if there'ssomething you want to hear
(50:42):
talked about or hear that wehave never talked about.
We have some amazing guestscoming up this season, some
amazing conversations, justamazing things.
So stay tuned, listen, listen.
Always remember to love hard,forgive often, and laugh
frequent.
Thank you guys.
We love you, and we'll talk toyou later.
Bye bye.
Bye bye.
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