February 25, 2025 • 20 mins
In this episode of Everything Hurts, Cheryl and Danielle turn mid-life crises into mid-life opportunities. Gone are the days when the middle of your life meant making bad decisions that threw off the balance of the universe (hello, $200K sports car.) Instead, you’ve made it this far, why not reward yourself by finally being yourself. Want a tattoo? Get one. Want to pierce something? Do it. Want to travel? Take the trip. Want to have an affair. No…don’t do that. Surveys show women in their 30s look forward to being more confident because they’re less apt to GAF about what others think. Refreshing, isn’t it? They also discuss why society tells us what to wear (newsflash: miniskirts don’t have expiration dates), they ask why moms being “put together” is an anomaly, and how, when we do decide what to wear, the sizing is off because no one can settle on a standard sizing chart for women’s clothing. Enter the tailor – get to know yours because ill-fitting clothes are a crisis.
We want to hear from you!
Because it takes a village to raise…well…ourselves, we’re ready to share a laugh, a cry and even an F-bomb with you. Reach out to us on Instagram, Facebook, email, carrier pigeon, smoke signals, whatevs.
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Everything Hurts
Danielle
Cheryl
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Email: ouch@everythinghurts.life
Links/studies mentioned in this episode:
Survey of American women aged 30+ on confidence with age
“More women are discovering the power of tattoo,” Washington Post
Laws of Motion
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Cheryl Fenton and this is Danielle Murr
, and this is Everything Hurts,and today we are going to talk
about midlife crises, crises,crises.
Is it crises, crises?
Why does it have to be a crisis?
Speaker 2 (00:11):
though I want to know who came up with this in the
first place.
Who determined?
Was it based on what washappening?
Like did they look at guysbuying sports cars and say this
is a crisis.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
I think it should be an opportunity.
It's a revelation, really.
So let's take back the midlifecrisis and turn it into a
midlife revelation.
I like it and I want to talkabout that today because I got
some photos from one of my bestfriends, whitney, down in
Atlanta and they were of theseabsolutely stunning Art Deco
tattoos that now take up most ofher leg.
Now Whitney and I have one ofthe same tattoo we got together
because she lives in Atlanta andI live up here Like we needed
(00:50):
to do something to keep us, youknow, bonded and her children
are my god sons and my daughteris her god daughter.
So we're very close and she isturning 50 in August and, god, I
hope it's August.
I hope it's not another,whitney, if I screwed up your
birthday month.
Hi, whit, love you.
And she got these absolutelyglorious, humongous Art Deco
tattoos and I'm like, okay, isthat considered a midlife crisis
(01:13):
?
And I started to pay attentionto a lot of the things that
women are doing and I feel likewomen get tattoos at our age,
like I'm thinking about gettingthe eyebrow piercing.
I've wanted my whole life.
I'm getting another tattoo what?
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Yeah, oh, my goodness , I know, see, so scandalous.
I do agree, though.
I have a lot of friends who areright around our age range that
have embraced the tattoolifestyle.
You know, now that I thinkabout it, a lot of them kind of
got into it when taking theiradult children or their of legal
age to get a tattoo childrenfor their first tattoo and then
it became some kind of like abonding experience, like oh I
went and got a tattoo with mymom, or I took my kid, or blah,
(01:52):
blah, blah, you know?
or?
Speaker 1 (01:53):
that's what my daughter and I were planning on
doing that and then she pulledback a little bit because she
wants to put more thought intoit, which I thought was perfect.
Thank you, don't go get likejuicy across your back, make
that decision and go, oops.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
We crashed that plane already.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Yeah, exactly, well, there's actually, there was a
thing that the Pew ResearchCenter did that was I think it's
like a third of Americans orsomething have at least one
tattoo, but out of that, 53% areages 30 to 49 women.
Yeah, that's the age group thatpeople get most tattoos.
That's the people who have themost tattoos, and I think it's
because we basically are justlike this is what I want to do
(02:33):
and I'm going to do it, andyou're not going to judge me for
it, and if you do, I don't careExactly For me.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
So my mother banned me from having tattoos.
I'm 47.
I'm 47.
I'm still scared S-less of mymom, okay, but she said to me
under no circumstances are youever going to get a tattoo or I
will disown you In hindsight.
I feel like that saved me fromsome incredibly dumb decisions,
because 20 years ago I dated aguy who was covered in tattoos
and early aughts mid aughts,like that was a big thing around
(03:01):
the people that I hung out withand I probably would have wound
up with two full sleeves and achest piece, and that was not
very common back in that time,it wasn't.
Like my friend Jess got a fullsleeve with all these like Dia
de los Muertos type skeletonskulls and they're gorgeous.
But I look at it now I thinkshe had to be like 15 years ago
(03:22):
and she's so different as aperson and she's not.
I mean, can't really do muchwith a full sleeve other than
black it out or cover it.
You know it's it's kind of hardto get rid of that, but I just
look at how she's changed as aperson.
I'm like huh, I wonder if shecould go back, would she have
made that same decision for thattype of artwork?
Because you have people thatget tattoos, that are super
committed to the artwork, theylove it and it tells the story
(03:42):
of who they were at differentpoints in their lives.
And then you have some otherpeople that are just like yeah,
I wish, I wish I didn't do thisever.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
But I think at our age it's become almost like a
rite of passage where you'relike, guess what?
I want this and this is whatI'm doing, Similar to my eyebrow
piercing.
I don't care, I've wanted itfor 20 years and I'm not even in
an industry where people wouldlook at that and say you know,
okay, you can't be an accountantand no one's going to take you
seriously as a lawyer.
I'm in a creative industry, soif anything, I'm supposed to
(04:11):
have something coming out myface of the metal persuasion.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Something to adorn you.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Exactly.
There was actually a survey ofwomen over 30 and 63% of them
believe that as they get older,they're going to be more
confident, because confidenceincreases with age.
And they also think that it'sbecause people stop caring what
other people think, which isleads us back to the point of
when you have a midlife crisis.
Should it be called a crisis?
(04:37):
It's not, it's.
I'm doing something.
I mean, now, let's break itdown.
If you're having an affair,please don't do that.
Yeah, knock that off.
You're in a crisis, right?
If you are buying a Porsche andyou cannot afford a Porsche,
please don't do that.
Or a car poor?
That's called a crisis.
I mean, can you think ofanything else?
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Well, I think of something that actually relates
to the tattoo thing, in that alot of my friends, in fact our
friend Kennedy, just did this inThailand is that so many people
I know will get tattoos whenthey're traveling.
And that pairs up with what myquote-unquote midlife crisis is
is travel.
Because now I have come to apoint.
Well, I've always loved totravel, I've always loved to go
places, but because I had a veryrestrictive work schedule, it
was really hard for me to plantrips in advance, because we
(05:20):
could only take time off aroundChristmas and Independence Day
and Christmas Christmas.
I had family coming in.
Where am I going in thebeginning of July, except here,
you know.
So it always made it reallydifficult to get any place.
And then, once I left aconventional job and had time,
freedom and embraced travel as awork thing, now it's just been
(05:40):
amazing.
But now my perception of whatis far and what is complicated
has changed so much.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Like in the direction of nothing, is too far.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
I used to think a six-hour coast-to-coast flight
was a long-haul flight.
Okay, now, that seems likenothing to me because I've taken
a non-stop, 14-hour flight toQatar on the way to someplace
else.
Antarctica used to be a dreamfor me, thinking like oh, you
know, when I'm in my 60s, maybeI'll get to Antarctica.
Hey, guess what?
Last year I went.
I booked a last minute trip toAntarctica because the deal was
(06:11):
so good.
So now it has really openedthings up for me.
But I think that I've leanedinto it so heavily and it makes
me realize that we spend so muchof our lives playing by certain
rules and then, when youfinally get this new perspective
or this changing perspective,that like, hey, we get one lap
on this planet, that's it.
Yes, if you believe in theafterlife or other lives, you
(06:32):
might come back, but not withthis level of cognizance, right,
you don't come back as you,knowing that you're doing the
thing right.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
You get on this planet one time to do one thing
and that's live, who, who youare.
And you're right, we spend somuch of our time taking care of
others, as women, as moms, asspouses and then I think you hit
this age and that's when you'relike, oh, I want to do the
things, and the things could bea tattoo, it could be book a
(06:58):
trip to wherever it could be.
I'm going to save up and buythat really super expensive
dress that I've been wanting andcoveting for years and years,
and it's important to me.
And that brings me to anotherpoint Can y'all stop telling us
what we can and cannot wear atthis age, please?
Speaker 2 (07:16):
It's so exhausting to go online and see someone, a
woman, who is just into.
I mean, this applies to men too.
It's really people of any age,but I find that women are
targeted a lot more obviously.
The comments that you see onsocial media when this woman
looks amazing, stylish, has puttogether this just unbelievably
(07:36):
chic outfit and just you getpeople with the least amount of
thought Too old, she's thirsty,washed up, attention seeking Act
your age Desperate.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
It's pathetic because you know what, if you want to
wear a short miniskirt, and youwear it.
There is no expiration date onminiskirts.
There just isn't, and I'm nottalking about micro minis.
I'm not a fan of those, nomatter what age you are.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
But I mean just a miniskirt in general, or like
leather pants or whatever youfeel good in what you like wear
what you want to wear and stophaving people tell us at this
age what we're supposed to bewearing, because I'm over it
because if you do one thing,you're damned, if you do another
thing, you're damned like wediscussed this in a previous
episode with botox and fillersif you do it, you're fake, if
(08:25):
you don't do it, you look oldand washed up.
If you dress up and you putsome nice stuff together and you
present yourself, they're likeoh, you shouldn't be wearing
that.
But if you go out of your housein hard-soled slippers and yoga
pants and a trench coat, you'vegiven up.
You've given up.
Well, so what?
What tell us internet?
Speaker 1 (08:42):
world.
What are we supposed to do?
Well, that used to happen to mewhen I would do pickup at
school, and that was reallyfrustrating to me, because I go
to things during the week thatmight mean I dress up Right.
So I would come from one ofthose things and I would be
standing in the schoolyardpicking up my daughter from her
fourth grade school day, wearinghigh heels and a dress, some
(09:05):
amazing vintage piece and avintage coat, and people,
literally people would be likeup and down, up and down, up and
down.
Looks, who does she think sheis?
I would hear these things andit's just like, because I'm a
mom, it does not mean Iimmediately need to abandon
everything I know and love, likewhich is fashionable stuff, and
(09:27):
just become this person who I'mnot.
Which is a yoga.
Now let's be real Girl.
I'm wearing sweatpants andsweatpants sweatpants and a
sweatshirt right now, but likeNeither of us has a bra on no,
no, sorry.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Thank God, we're not doing video, hi guys.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Hi.
So that's just another one ofthose things where it's like you
are pigeonholed into whatyou're supposed to be, whether
it's age.
You shouldn't be getting aneyebrow tattoo, and you are an
eyebrow, an eyebrow tattoo thatway.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Well, we are tattooing our eyebrows.
That's actually a thing that'scalled microblading, and we
already talked about that.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
no, you shouldn't be getting an eyebrow ring, you
shouldn't be getting a tattoo,you shouldn't be wearing a mini
skirt because you're a woman ofa certain age.
Well, I say, it's not a midlifecrisis, it's a midlife
opportunity.
You can embrace who you are andwhat you're doing.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
And that's that.
As an aside, my maternalgrandmother was way ahead of the
curve on beauty treatments andthings like that.
She was very glam dressed, verywell.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Always had.
When she passed, I got a callfrom my cousin and he said you
have to go to CVS and get aneyebrow pencil.
And I said why?
And she said he said I don'tknow.
Your mom said something aboutyou all need your eyebrows done.
I'm like this.
This doesn't sound right.
So I called my mother.
I said what's going on and shesaid they didn't do grandma's
eyebrows right.
Oh my God, and if grandma knewthat the eyebrows weren't done
right, we were all going to behaunted forever.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
You're sending her into the afterlife with bad
eyebrows.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
So I had to fix them, which you know was fine.
But my grandmother used to haveher eyeliner tattooed on and I
think she had.
Did she have a lip?
She might have had like a lipblush too, but like black
eyeliner tattooed on.
So when she got sick later inlife with Parkinson's, I used to
do her makeup and I could neverfigure out.
I'd be scrubbing with a Q-tipand the poor thing, like she
really couldn't speak at thatpoint she was speaking with a
(11:11):
typewriter.
So I'm like why won't?
this eyeliner come off.
You're like, grandma, that'ssome stay put Maybelline.
Seriously, I'm like is this24-hour formula or what?
And then I mentioned it as anaside to my mom one day and she
said it's tattooed on.
But that was, that's OG, thatis OG and that was in the 70s.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
That she had that done.
I didn't even know they didthat.
Was it like a stick and poke inthe alley?
Speaker 2 (11:33):
I didn't even know that they did that Probably in
somebody's house in East Bostonsomewhere.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Take a shot, granny, we're going to do this.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
We're going to do your eyeliner now.
But one other thing that I havenoticed with this divergence of
you shouldn't wear this or youshould wear this, or blah blah,
blah.
There's also an interestingsplit within the category of
whether or not you're a mom,because they will frame it as
you're a mom.
You shouldn't dress like this,embarrassing A mother of
(12:01):
children wearing blah, blah,blah, blah blah.
And then, if you're not a mom,you get the same kind of attacks
, but from the other side.
No wonder why you never hadkids.
Your kids would be embarrassedto see you dressing like this.
And it's just everyone framingyour choices.
How did these people have thismuch energy?
Imagine if you sunk this muchenergy into something good or
your own personal development,versus leaving comments with a
(12:24):
burner Instagram on someoneelse's post telling them they
shouldn't wear a skirt becausetheir kneecaps look flabby.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
And here's the thing, though, those are the same
people who call it a midlifecrisis, because, half the time,
if you look at the comments onany of the Instagram, people who
are over the age of 45, wholook absolutely like they're
smashing it in whatever they'rewearing midlife crisis, midlife
crisis, like no.
What if we've just decided thatI want to wear this and this is
what I want to wear, and I wantto do this and this is what I
(12:52):
want to do?
I want to wear a fabulousoutfit to go to another country
and get a tattoo.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
there's your trifecta , bitches you bring up clothing,
though and this is somethingelse I want to touch on why do
we not have some kind ofgoverning body to establish a
universal standard for women'sclothing sizes preach?
It seems it's this mostarbitrary process amongst each
(13:17):
manufacturer where they think,okay, we're gonna, let's see.
Hey, bob, bring in theprototype that that's gonna be a
size two.
Now base everything on that,because you know, if you shop at
places like Gap and JCrew andAnn Taylor, they tend to be a
little bit more forgiving in thesizes.
They're larger.
Yeah, so you can size down andfeel good about it and then,
like, I'm sitting to a size sixtoday, all right.
(13:39):
Meanwhile you go any place elseand you're a size 12.
Yes, and it makes it so hard toorder.
That's why people ever I don'tknow about you, but if I ever
have to order clothing onlineespecially if I order something
from Amazon last minute for atrip I have to order 10 pieces
because I'm ordering five things, but I got to get them in two
different sizes because I haveno idea what the sizing is going
(14:00):
to be.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
I have twos in my closet and I have tens in my
closet and if I keep With themenopause situation, I might
have 12s in my closet.
But yeah, it doesn't make anysense because, especially at our
age now, when things start tochange and move, and whether or
not you had kids or didn't havekids, or whether or not you're
(14:21):
dealing with weight gain oranything like that, nothing is
cookie cutter anymore.
We're not the waist and thehips and the boobs.
Where are your boobs located,are they?
Speaker 2 (14:31):
up high or are they down low.
High or are they down low, arethey down low?
Too, slow, exactly too slow,getting into that no, for real.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
And then like if your belly, if you have a meno belly
, which let's face it it's a.
Thing that also affects yourhip placement in terms of
zippers and things like that.
So there needs to be more of aconstruct and a conversation
about clothing sizes.
And also, what is that one?
There's a place that did mylaws of motion.
(15:00):
I think I have to look it up.
They did a sequined suit that Ihave and they did the AI where
you stand in front of the camera.
And then it takes yourmeasurements and then it builds
the suit to what you're wearing,and that, I think, should be
the beginning of moreindividualized clothing instead
of this, like Brandy Melville,just like you have to be 100
(15:24):
pounds to fit into anything,brandy Melville, and it's all
the same.
You cannot have one size fitsall.
No, and two should be a two anda ten should be a 10.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
So we know what to expect, Like if you're going to
have pants that are a size two.
What's the waist?
Measurement Like this is whereyou know men's clothing is so
different in terms of pantssizes.
Why can't they do?
And there there are someclothing manufacturers that will
have both, you know.
They'll say you know, but eventhen it's so arbitrary because a
size, say a size 28, waist,okay, then in one brand could be
(15:53):
a four, in another brand itcould be a two, in another brand
it could be an extra small.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Yeah, or there's just no, Even jeans, which I've
really found is interesting isthat when you get something
that's a 28 waist, thatnecessarily doesn't mean it's 28
waist.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Because where is your waist in those pants, right?
Speaker 1 (16:12):
It could necessarily doesn't mean it's 28 waist,
because where is your waist inthose pants?
Right, it could be a 24 andalso can you get it over your
legs?
Yeah, because we talked aboutthat for a second.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Like everything is just so different in every spot
on the body, and I love that aithing with the measurements, do
you get your clothes tailored?
I've started, see, I think thatthat it's an expense.
It definitely is an expense,but I think it's an investment,
especially if you are someonewho likes to buy quality
wardrobe pieces, lifetime pieces.
(16:38):
Tailoring is a way to make youlook so much sharper and more
polished without being obviousabout it.
Right, because when you haveclothes that fit because look
what we were just talking about,the way they cut these clothes
I have a bigger chest.
I tend to be a little bigger inthe middle when I'm carrying
weight, but I have skinny armsand legs.
It's really hard to dressaround that, because if you get
(17:00):
something sized for my waist,I'm going to have huge pant legs
and then I'm swimming in it.
It makes me look way biggerthan I am.
If I have to dress around mychest and it's got all these
flowing fabrics and stuff.
The way my body is structured,I have a like a little
spondylolisthesis, where my myspine curves a little bit at the
bottom, so my butt sticks outand my boobs stick out.
If I wear anything like a maxidress, it makes me look like I'm
(17:23):
wearing a tent, yeah, and Ican't move my body the other way
.
But in looking reallyprofessional and just like crisp
and amazing, tailoring is theway to go.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
I've only now started to realize that.
I mean, you do have to factorthat cost into buying clothing,
though, and I'm a huge fan ofconsignment and thrift stores
and going on the hunt and stuff.
My daughter and I always go downto you know thrifting every you
know, once a month Maybe we'llgo to some places and find some
really great stuff.
But I use the Real real a lot,yes, but I have found that if
(17:56):
I'm going by that I bring ithome and then I get it tailored
because my body is not thecookie cutter 25 year old, 30
year old cookie cutter bodyanymore.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
we're very far from that cookie bread loaf.
It's like a big fat cat sittingdown Pumpkin muffins.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
It's not a cookie cutter anymore, but spending
money on tailoring is absolutelyhuge, because if they can't
figure out the sizes, then youcan't figure out the sizes.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
We can't figure out the sizes.
I do want to give you guys asuggestion for someone to follow
on Instagram.
My buddy, dutch, is a stylistand he is just so good at what
he does.
He's always been impeccable inhow he styled themselves with
accessories and clothing, but heworks with women and men, too,
just to find their perfectsizing.
He's based in Texas now, but hedoes a lot of personal shopping
(18:44):
and he sets up a whole room foryou with selections and whatnot
and will really go over whatlooks good for different body
types and whatnot.
And we'll really go over whatlooks good for different body
types and, if you have a certainbody type, how to do this or
pinch this or make sure thisfits, or if you see this on your
clothing, it means it's not theright cut.
But he's styled by Dutch onInstagram.
I'll put his handle on the shownotes, but if you're looking
(19:04):
for style tips, I cannotrecommend him highly enough
because he makes it reallyapproachable another person I
want you to follow is a womancalled George.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
I believe she's out of the UK.
Yes, she is so fabulous becauseshe is definitely the
definition of you know what?
She has sparkle Fridays and shewears sequins on Fridays.
She's a lawyer, she workssequins into anything and she's
got gray hair.
She's in her forties.
She's amazing because she'spart of that 63% of the women
who just realized that theydon't give a crap anymore about
(19:35):
what other people think andthey're going to do what they
want to do.
And I think her story is likemaybe she just got a divorce and
she moved, or it was a reallyvery, very common struggle with
women our age and she justembraces it and and I'll put her
account in the show notes aswell but she's definitely
somebody you might want tofollow.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
I think for a lot of women, whether it's a wardrobe
choice or a tattoo or a piercing, it's not always necessarily a
late-life revelation either,where they just discovered hey,
I'd like to start doing this.
It's probably something that'sbeen lying latent for a long
time that they just never feltthey could, whether they didn't
feel like they could pull it off, whether they had overbearing
people around them spouse,family, coworkers, whatever
saying you shouldn't do that,wear that, be that and now they
(20:17):
just say you know what, Screw it.
I like this and this makes mehappy, so I'm going to do this
thing and screw you if you don'tlike it.
Can I buy a Porsche?
Listen, I know what your carsituation is right now.
I don't know that I wouldrecommend it.
You do have a kid going off tocollege soon, but if that's a
crisis, that's the crisis.
If we can get a sponsorship forthe cars, then maybe we can work
(20:40):
on that, Okay?
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Well then I'll just get a tattoo.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
We'd love to hear from you.
Give us a follow on Instagramat Everything Hurts Life.
Join the discussion over in ourFacebook group and send us an
email at ouch at everythinghurts dot life.
All links can be found in theshow notes.
Hey, this is Cheryl Fenton and this is Danielle Murr
, and this is Everything Hurts,and today we are going to talk
about midlife crises, crises,crises.
Is it crises, crises?
Why does it have to be a crisis?
Speaker 2 (00:11):
though I want to know who came up with this in the
first place.
Who determined?
Was it based on what washappening?
Like did they look at guysbuying sports cars and say this
is a crisis.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
I think it should be an opportunity.
It's a revelation, really.
So let's take back the midlifecrisis and turn it into a
midlife revelation.
I like it and I want to talkabout that today because I got
some photos from one of my bestfriends, whitney, down in
Atlanta and they were of theseabsolutely stunning Art Deco
tattoos that now take up most ofher leg.
Now Whitney and I have one ofthe same tattoo we got together
because she lives in Atlanta andI live up here Like we needed
(00:50):
to do something to keep us, youknow, bonded and her children
are my god sons and my daughteris her god daughter.
So we're very close and she isturning 50 in August and, god, I
hope it's August.
I hope it's not another,whitney, if I screwed up your
birthday month.
Hi, whit, love you.
And she got these absolutelyglorious, humongous Art Deco
tattoos and I'm like, okay, isthat considered a midlife crisis
(01:13):
?
And I started to pay attentionto a lot of the things that
women are doing and I feel likewomen get tattoos at our age,
like I'm thinking about gettingthe eyebrow piercing.
I've wanted my whole life.
I'm getting another tattoo what?
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Yeah, oh, my goodness , I know, see, so scandalous.
I do agree, though.
I have a lot of friends who areright around our age range that
have embraced the tattoolifestyle.
You know, now that I thinkabout it, a lot of them kind of
got into it when taking theiradult children or their of legal
age to get a tattoo childrenfor their first tattoo and then
it became some kind of like abonding experience, like oh I
went and got a tattoo with mymom, or I took my kid, or blah,
(01:52):
blah, blah, you know?
or?
Speaker 1 (01:53):
that's what my daughter and I were planning on
doing that and then she pulledback a little bit because she
wants to put more thought intoit, which I thought was perfect.
Thank you, don't go get likejuicy across your back, make
that decision and go, oops.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
We crashed that plane already.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Yeah, exactly, well, there's actually, there was a
thing that the Pew ResearchCenter did that was I think it's
like a third of Americans orsomething have at least one
tattoo, but out of that, 53% areages 30 to 49 women.
Yeah, that's the age group thatpeople get most tattoos.
That's the people who have themost tattoos, and I think it's
because we basically are justlike this is what I want to do
(02:33):
and I'm going to do it, andyou're not going to judge me for
it, and if you do, I don't careExactly For me.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
So my mother banned me from having tattoos.
I'm 47.
I'm 47.
I'm still scared S-less of mymom, okay, but she said to me
under no circumstances are youever going to get a tattoo or I
will disown you In hindsight.
I feel like that saved me fromsome incredibly dumb decisions,
because 20 years ago I dated aguy who was covered in tattoos
and early aughts mid aughts,like that was a big thing around
(03:01):
the people that I hung out withand I probably would have wound
up with two full sleeves and achest piece, and that was not
very common back in that time,it wasn't.
Like my friend Jess got a fullsleeve with all these like Dia
de los Muertos type skeletonskulls and they're gorgeous.
But I look at it now I thinkshe had to be like 15 years ago
(03:22):
and she's so different as aperson and she's not.
I mean, can't really do muchwith a full sleeve other than
black it out or cover it.
You know it's it's kind of hardto get rid of that, but I just
look at how she's changed as aperson.
I'm like huh, I wonder if shecould go back, would she have
made that same decision for thattype of artwork?
Because you have people thatget tattoos, that are super
committed to the artwork, theylove it and it tells the story
(03:42):
of who they were at differentpoints in their lives.
And then you have some otherpeople that are just like yeah,
I wish, I wish I didn't do thisever.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
But I think at our age it's become almost like a
rite of passage where you'relike, guess what?
I want this and this is whatI'm doing, Similar to my eyebrow
piercing.
I don't care, I've wanted itfor 20 years and I'm not even in
an industry where people wouldlook at that and say you know,
okay, you can't be an accountantand no one's going to take you
seriously as a lawyer.
I'm in a creative industry, soif anything, I'm supposed to
(04:11):
have something coming out myface of the metal persuasion.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Something to adorn you.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Exactly.
There was actually a survey ofwomen over 30 and 63% of them
believe that as they get older,they're going to be more
confident, because confidenceincreases with age.
And they also think that it'sbecause people stop caring what
other people think, which isleads us back to the point of
when you have a midlife crisis.
Should it be called a crisis?
(04:37):
It's not, it's.
I'm doing something.
I mean, now, let's break itdown.
If you're having an affair,please don't do that.
Yeah, knock that off.
You're in a crisis, right?
If you are buying a Porsche andyou cannot afford a Porsche,
please don't do that.
Or a car poor?
That's called a crisis.
I mean, can you think ofanything else?
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Well, I think of something that actually relates
to the tattoo thing, in that alot of my friends, in fact our
friend Kennedy, just did this inThailand is that so many people
I know will get tattoos whenthey're traveling.
And that pairs up with what myquote-unquote midlife crisis is
is travel.
Because now I have come to apoint.
Well, I've always loved totravel, I've always loved to go
places, but because I had a veryrestrictive work schedule, it
was really hard for me to plantrips in advance, because we
(05:20):
could only take time off aroundChristmas and Independence Day
and Christmas Christmas.
I had family coming in.
Where am I going in thebeginning of July, except here,
you know.
So it always made it reallydifficult to get any place.
And then, once I left aconventional job and had time,
freedom and embraced travel as awork thing, now it's just been
(05:40):
amazing.
But now my perception of whatis far and what is complicated
has changed so much.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Like in the direction of nothing, is too far.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
I used to think a six-hour coast-to-coast flight
was a long-haul flight.
Okay, now, that seems likenothing to me because I've taken
a non-stop, 14-hour flight toQatar on the way to someplace
else.
Antarctica used to be a dreamfor me, thinking like oh, you
know, when I'm in my 60s, maybeI'll get to Antarctica.
Hey, guess what?
Last year I went.
I booked a last minute trip toAntarctica because the deal was
(06:11):
so good.
So now it has really openedthings up for me.
But I think that I've leanedinto it so heavily and it makes
me realize that we spend so muchof our lives playing by certain
rules and then, when youfinally get this new perspective
or this changing perspective,that like, hey, we get one lap
on this planet, that's it.
Yes, if you believe in theafterlife or other lives, you
(06:32):
might come back, but not withthis level of cognizance, right,
you don't come back as you,knowing that you're doing the
thing right.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
You get on this planet one time to do one thing
and that's live, who, who youare.
And you're right, we spend somuch of our time taking care of
others, as women, as moms, asspouses and then I think you hit
this age and that's when you'relike, oh, I want to do the
things, and the things could bea tattoo, it could be book a
(06:58):
trip to wherever it could be.
I'm going to save up and buythat really super expensive
dress that I've been wanting andcoveting for years and years,
and it's important to me.
And that brings me to anotherpoint Can y'all stop telling us
what we can and cannot wear atthis age, please?
Speaker 2 (07:16):
It's so exhausting to go online and see someone, a
woman, who is just into.
I mean, this applies to men too.
It's really people of any age,but I find that women are
targeted a lot more obviously.
The comments that you see onsocial media when this woman
looks amazing, stylish, has puttogether this just unbelievably
(07:36):
chic outfit and just you getpeople with the least amount of
thought Too old, she's thirsty,washed up, attention seeking Act
your age Desperate.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
It's pathetic because you know what, if you want to
wear a short miniskirt, and youwear it.
There is no expiration date onminiskirts.
There just isn't, and I'm nottalking about micro minis.
I'm not a fan of those, nomatter what age you are.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
But I mean just a miniskirt in general, or like
leather pants or whatever youfeel good in what you like wear
what you want to wear and stophaving people tell us at this
age what we're supposed to bewearing, because I'm over it
because if you do one thing,you're damned, if you do another
thing, you're damned like wediscussed this in a previous
episode with botox and fillersif you do it, you're fake, if
(08:25):
you don't do it, you look oldand washed up.
If you dress up and you putsome nice stuff together and you
present yourself, they're likeoh, you shouldn't be wearing
that.
But if you go out of your housein hard-soled slippers and yoga
pants and a trench coat, you'vegiven up.
You've given up.
Well, so what?
What tell us internet?
Speaker 1 (08:42):
world.
What are we supposed to do?
Well, that used to happen to mewhen I would do pickup at
school, and that was reallyfrustrating to me, because I go
to things during the week thatmight mean I dress up Right.
So I would come from one ofthose things and I would be
standing in the schoolyardpicking up my daughter from her
fourth grade school day, wearinghigh heels and a dress, some
(09:05):
amazing vintage piece and avintage coat, and people,
literally people would be likeup and down, up and down, up and
down.
Looks, who does she think sheis?
I would hear these things andit's just like, because I'm a
mom, it does not mean Iimmediately need to abandon
everything I know and love, likewhich is fashionable stuff, and
(09:27):
just become this person who I'mnot.
Which is a yoga.
Now let's be real Girl.
I'm wearing sweatpants andsweatpants sweatpants and a
sweatshirt right now, but likeNeither of us has a bra on no,
no, sorry.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Thank God, we're not doing video, hi guys.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Hi.
So that's just another one ofthose things where it's like you
are pigeonholed into whatyou're supposed to be, whether
it's age.
You shouldn't be getting aneyebrow tattoo, and you are an
eyebrow, an eyebrow tattoo thatway.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Well, we are tattooing our eyebrows.
That's actually a thing that'scalled microblading, and we
already talked about that.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
no, you shouldn't be getting an eyebrow ring, you
shouldn't be getting a tattoo,you shouldn't be wearing a mini
skirt because you're a woman ofa certain age.
Well, I say, it's not a midlifecrisis, it's a midlife
opportunity.
You can embrace who you are andwhat you're doing.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
And that's that.
As an aside, my maternalgrandmother was way ahead of the
curve on beauty treatments andthings like that.
She was very glam dressed, verywell.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Always had.
When she passed, I got a callfrom my cousin and he said you
have to go to CVS and get aneyebrow pencil.
And I said why?
And she said he said I don'tknow.
Your mom said something aboutyou all need your eyebrows done.
I'm like this.
This doesn't sound right.
So I called my mother.
I said what's going on and shesaid they didn't do grandma's
eyebrows right.
Oh my God, and if grandma knewthat the eyebrows weren't done
right, we were all going to behaunted forever.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
You're sending her into the afterlife with bad
eyebrows.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
So I had to fix them, which you know was fine.
But my grandmother used to haveher eyeliner tattooed on and I
think she had.
Did she have a lip?
She might have had like a lipblush too, but like black
eyeliner tattooed on.
So when she got sick later inlife with Parkinson's, I used to
do her makeup and I could neverfigure out.
I'd be scrubbing with a Q-tipand the poor thing, like she
really couldn't speak at thatpoint she was speaking with a
(11:11):
typewriter.
So I'm like why won't?
this eyeliner come off.
You're like, grandma, that'ssome stay put Maybelline.
Seriously, I'm like is this24-hour formula or what?
And then I mentioned it as anaside to my mom one day and she
said it's tattooed on.
But that was, that's OG, thatis OG and that was in the 70s.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
That she had that done.
I didn't even know they didthat.
Was it like a stick and poke inthe alley?
Speaker 2 (11:33):
I didn't even know that they did that Probably in
somebody's house in East Bostonsomewhere.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Take a shot, granny, we're going to do this.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
We're going to do your eyeliner now.
But one other thing that I havenoticed with this divergence of
you shouldn't wear this or youshould wear this, or blah blah,
blah.
There's also an interestingsplit within the category of
whether or not you're a mom,because they will frame it as
you're a mom.
You shouldn't dress like this,embarrassing A mother of
(12:01):
children wearing blah, blah,blah, blah blah.
And then, if you're not a mom,you get the same kind of attacks
, but from the other side.
No wonder why you never hadkids.
Your kids would be embarrassedto see you dressing like this.
And it's just everyone framingyour choices.
How did these people have thismuch energy?
Imagine if you sunk this muchenergy into something good or
your own personal development,versus leaving comments with a
(12:24):
burner Instagram on someoneelse's post telling them they
shouldn't wear a skirt becausetheir kneecaps look flabby.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
And here's the thing, though, those are the same
people who call it a midlifecrisis, because, half the time,
if you look at the comments onany of the Instagram, people who
are over the age of 45, wholook absolutely like they're
smashing it in whatever they'rewearing midlife crisis, midlife
crisis, like no.
What if we've just decided thatI want to wear this and this is
what I want to wear, and I wantto do this and this is what I
(12:52):
want to do?
I want to wear a fabulousoutfit to go to another country
and get a tattoo.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
there's your trifecta , bitches you bring up clothing,
though and this is somethingelse I want to touch on why do
we not have some kind ofgoverning body to establish a
universal standard for women'sclothing sizes preach?
It seems it's this mostarbitrary process amongst each
(13:17):
manufacturer where they think,okay, we're gonna, let's see.
Hey, bob, bring in theprototype that that's gonna be a
size two.
Now base everything on that,because you know, if you shop at
places like Gap and JCrew andAnn Taylor, they tend to be a
little bit more forgiving in thesizes.
They're larger.
Yeah, so you can size down andfeel good about it and then,
like, I'm sitting to a size sixtoday, all right.
(13:39):
Meanwhile you go any place elseand you're a size 12.
Yes, and it makes it so hard toorder.
That's why people ever I don'tknow about you, but if I ever
have to order clothing onlineespecially if I order something
from Amazon last minute for atrip I have to order 10 pieces
because I'm ordering five things, but I got to get them in two
different sizes because I haveno idea what the sizing is going
(14:00):
to be.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
I have twos in my closet and I have tens in my
closet and if I keep With themenopause situation, I might
have 12s in my closet.
But yeah, it doesn't make anysense because, especially at our
age now, when things start tochange and move, and whether or
not you had kids or didn't havekids, or whether or not you're
(14:21):
dealing with weight gain oranything like that, nothing is
cookie cutter anymore.
We're not the waist and thehips and the boobs.
Where are your boobs located,are they?
Speaker 2 (14:31):
up high or are they down low.
High or are they down low, arethey down low?
Too, slow, exactly too slow,getting into that no, for real.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
And then like if your belly, if you have a meno belly
, which let's face it it's a.
Thing that also affects yourhip placement in terms of
zippers and things like that.
So there needs to be more of aconstruct and a conversation
about clothing sizes.
And also, what is that one?
There's a place that did mylaws of motion.
(15:00):
I think I have to look it up.
They did a sequined suit that Ihave and they did the AI where
you stand in front of the camera.
And then it takes yourmeasurements and then it builds
the suit to what you're wearing,and that, I think, should be
the beginning of moreindividualized clothing instead
of this, like Brandy Melville,just like you have to be 100
(15:24):
pounds to fit into anything,brandy Melville, and it's all
the same.
You cannot have one size fitsall.
No, and two should be a two anda ten should be a 10.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
So we know what to expect, Like if you're going to
have pants that are a size two.
What's the waist?
Measurement Like this is whereyou know men's clothing is so
different in terms of pantssizes.
Why can't they do?
And there there are someclothing manufacturers that will
have both, you know.
They'll say you know, but eventhen it's so arbitrary because a
size, say a size 28, waist,okay, then in one brand could be
(15:53):
a four, in another brand itcould be a two, in another brand
it could be an extra small.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Yeah, or there's just no, Even jeans, which I've
really found is interesting isthat when you get something
that's a 28 waist, thatnecessarily doesn't mean it's 28
waist.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Because where is your waist in those pants, right?
Speaker 1 (16:12):
It could necessarily doesn't mean it's 28 waist,
because where is your waist inthose pants?
Right, it could be a 24 andalso can you get it over your
legs?
Yeah, because we talked aboutthat for a second.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Like everything is just so different in every spot
on the body, and I love that aithing with the measurements, do
you get your clothes tailored?
I've started, see, I think thatthat it's an expense.
It definitely is an expense,but I think it's an investment,
especially if you are someonewho likes to buy quality
wardrobe pieces, lifetime pieces.
(16:38):
Tailoring is a way to make youlook so much sharper and more
polished without being obviousabout it.
Right, because when you haveclothes that fit because look
what we were just talking about,the way they cut these clothes
I have a bigger chest.
I tend to be a little bigger inthe middle when I'm carrying
weight, but I have skinny armsand legs.
It's really hard to dressaround that, because if you get
(17:00):
something sized for my waist,I'm going to have huge pant legs
and then I'm swimming in it.
It makes me look way biggerthan I am.
If I have to dress around mychest and it's got all these
flowing fabrics and stuff.
The way my body is structured,I have a like a little
spondylolisthesis, where my myspine curves a little bit at the
bottom, so my butt sticks outand my boobs stick out.
If I wear anything like a maxidress, it makes me look like I'm
(17:23):
wearing a tent, yeah, and Ican't move my body the other way
.
But in looking reallyprofessional and just like crisp
and amazing, tailoring is theway to go.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
I've only now started to realize that.
I mean, you do have to factorthat cost into buying clothing,
though, and I'm a huge fan ofconsignment and thrift stores
and going on the hunt and stuff.
My daughter and I always go downto you know thrifting every you
know, once a month Maybe we'llgo to some places and find some
really great stuff.
But I use the Real real a lot,yes, but I have found that if
(17:56):
I'm going by that I bring ithome and then I get it tailored
because my body is not thecookie cutter 25 year old, 30
year old cookie cutter bodyanymore.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
we're very far from that cookie bread loaf.
It's like a big fat cat sittingdown Pumpkin muffins.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
It's not a cookie cutter anymore, but spending
money on tailoring is absolutelyhuge, because if they can't
figure out the sizes, then youcan't figure out the sizes.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
We can't figure out the sizes.
I do want to give you guys asuggestion for someone to follow
on Instagram.
My buddy, dutch, is a stylistand he is just so good at what
he does.
He's always been impeccable inhow he styled themselves with
accessories and clothing, but heworks with women and men, too,
just to find their perfectsizing.
He's based in Texas now, but hedoes a lot of personal shopping
(18:44):
and he sets up a whole room foryou with selections and whatnot
and will really go over whatlooks good for different body
types and whatnot.
And we'll really go over whatlooks good for different body
types and, if you have a certainbody type, how to do this or
pinch this or make sure thisfits, or if you see this on your
clothing, it means it's not theright cut.
But he's styled by Dutch onInstagram.
I'll put his handle on the shownotes, but if you're looking
(19:04):
for style tips, I cannotrecommend him highly enough
because he makes it reallyapproachable another person I
want you to follow is a womancalled George.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
I believe she's out of the UK.
Yes, she is so fabulous becauseshe is definitely the
definition of you know what?
She has sparkle Fridays and shewears sequins on Fridays.
She's a lawyer, she workssequins into anything and she's
got gray hair.
She's in her forties.
She's amazing because she'spart of that 63% of the women
who just realized that theydon't give a crap anymore about
(19:35):
what other people think andthey're going to do what they
want to do.
And I think her story is likemaybe she just got a divorce and
she moved, or it was a reallyvery, very common struggle with
women our age and she justembraces it and and I'll put her
account in the show notes aswell but she's definitely
somebody you might want tofollow.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
I think for a lot of women, whether it's a wardrobe
choice or a tattoo or a piercing, it's not always necessarily a
late-life revelation either,where they just discovered hey,
I'd like to start doing this.
It's probably something that'sbeen lying latent for a long
time that they just never feltthey could, whether they didn't
feel like they could pull it off, whether they had overbearing
people around them spouse,family, coworkers, whatever
saying you shouldn't do that,wear that, be that and now they
(20:17):
just say you know what, Screw it.
I like this and this makes mehappy, so I'm going to do this
thing and screw you if you don'tlike it.
Can I buy a Porsche?
Listen, I know what your carsituation is right now.
I don't know that I wouldrecommend it.
You do have a kid going off tocollege soon, but if that's a
crisis, that's the crisis.
If we can get a sponsorship forthe cars, then maybe we can work
(20:40):
on that, Okay?
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Well then I'll just get a tattoo.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
We'd love to hear from you.
Give us a follow on Instagramat Everything Hurts Life.
Join the discussion over in ourFacebook group and send us an
email at ouch at everythinghurts dot life.
All links can be found in theshow notes.
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