March 15, 2024 • 55 mins
It's one of those inspirational episodes. Sheeeeeesh.
As we sail through the digital sea of content creation, my buddy Edgar, a video editor and streamer, joins me for a heart-to-heart on the peaks and valleys of our online endeavors. We strip down the glamorized façade of social media success to reveal the raw struggle for authenticity and the tenacity it takes to shape an inclusive community. In the realm of Twitch streams and video edits, Edgar sheds light on the balance of entertaining an audience while fostering a space brimming with positivity. Our conversation takes a deep dive into the importance of embracing the here and now, holding onto the joy in our journey, and why the chase for fulfillment shouldn't be confined within the walls of a nine-to-five.
Strap in as we navigate the choppy waters of balancing life's obligations with the burning desire to create. I open up about my own battles with consistency and the delicate dance between confidence and arrogance. We share the sometimes uncomfortable truth that personal development is a perpetual quest, one that often nudges us out of our nestled comfort zones. This episode is a testament to the courage required to pursue passions against the current of life's incessant demands, and serves as a beacon for those yearning to cultivate a joyous existence both online and off.
Finally, we cast a light on the transformative effect of daily habits and the profound beauty of vulnerability. I recount tales of resilience, dissect the catharsis found in therapy, and applaud the strength it takes to seek help. The podcast becomes a mosaic of stories featuring past guests who've grappled with their demons and emerged victorious, underscoring the unshakable power of community and accountability. Here, we craft a narrative not just of dreaming, but of doing—painting a picture of a life that relentlessly chases aspirations while nurturing well-being in every brushstroke. Join us for an episode that's less about the final destination and more about the richness of the voyage there.
Follow Edgar on his pages!
https://www.youtube.com/@EdgarAllanBud
https://www.instagram.com/edgar_allan_bud/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome to another episode of Feel Free, the only
podcast that'll tell you tochase your dreams and call you
out and all your bullshit,myself included.
On this episode, I got my buddyEdgar here today.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
How you doing Good.
I'm nervous a little bit.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
We're both a little nervous for some odd fucking
reason, but I don't know.
Maybe it's because we didn'tprepare too much, but our
conversations are inspiring, tosay the least, when we have them
, obviously.
So I said, why don't we justrecord them?
So today we're going to betalking a little bit about
content creation, strugglesbehind that, maybe social media,
(00:44):
staying healthy in all thoseareas.
Edgar is a content creator,video editor, and he's also a
streamer too.
What do you stream right nowcurrently?
Speaker 2 (00:55):
I mean I just stream a little bit of everything.
Honestly, I play a lot of videogames.
So honestly, just once a week,I just try to promote a positive
space for people and just havea good time all doing it.
I enjoy playing video games and, like you said, I was like why
not just record it, why not justshare it with the world?
So that's kind of why I starteddoing that.
(01:16):
But I just play video games.
Sometimes I do reactions.
Might do a little bit ofkaraoke soon.
Who?
Speaker 1 (01:21):
knows.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
So it's going to be growing but, like you were
saying, it's the first officialpodcast of ours.
I feel like we've had a lot ofgood conversations and we've had
a lot of secret podcasts wherethe world hasn't seen yet.
So, yeah, it's nice that we getto share this with the world
and open conversation.
It's fun, right, right.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
I think that most of the times where we come here and
we just chat about what we'redoing with the podcast and
everything, and then we tangentoff into more inspirational
topics about our life and wherewe want to see it and the work
that goes into it, and it's nicebecause both of us get a little
discouraged about where we'reat.
(02:02):
But then we also try andmotivate and pump the other
person up and we haven'trecorded it.
So now this is the first timethat we are going to record it.
I've actually hopped in on someof your streams too.
Whether you notice it or not.
I think you were saying I mean,I forgot what I said.
(02:23):
I typed in the chat one timebecause you were talking about
something random and I think youwere playing Fortnite then
Probably.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
That's 90% of my streams playing Fortnite.
For sure Appreciate the lurking,though I always see random
people.
Some people don't say hi, butit's just like, ah, someone's
watching.
I sometimes do get discouragedbecause it's like weapons if
only one person's watching.
So I try not to think about thenumber, because at the end of
the day it's like I'm just, I'mtrying to have a good time, I'm
trying to enjoy myself and ifanybody wants to join me in
(02:54):
doing that, then they can joinme.
If nobody wants to join me,it's like, hey, at least at the
end of the day I know what I'mdoing, I'm having a good time
and I'm promoting a good time.
So if people want to join, thatcool awesome.
I appreciate all the lurks.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
It's dope, it's the support that counts.
When I hopped in, I think therewas five people actually in the
stream too.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I joined.
Yeah, I made a title that likefive year ago because I was like
you know, it's usually like mywife, me and then maybe one
other person hopping in and out.
So I was just like let me seeif I can get five people in here
.
And a lot of my friends didshow some support and I was like
I appreciate you guys.
It's been kind of a struggletrying to stay consistent with
(03:38):
that.
I told myself.
I've been wanting to stream forlike a really long time and I
was just like what's stopping me?
So I've honestly been watchingthis dude on TikTok.
He's been popping up on my feed, just consistent, consistent
like videos of him saying likeyou just do it.
Like you know, being likeinspirational, motivational, and
just saying like, hey, like yousay you want to do it, so just
(03:59):
do it.
Like you know, and I feel likewe've had that conversation a
lot of times where we're likenot sure what we want to do or
how are we going to go about it.
And you know, I honestly enjoyjust those open conversations
with people saying like, hey,like I know, this is one of your
dreams, I know this is one ofyour goals.
How are you going to get there?
That's up to you, but justhaving another person hear you
(04:21):
out on that and not like feeljudged or anything like this
man's crazy.
He's trying to like what is hetrying to do?
Like you know, just go get ajob and you know that, there you
go.
But it's like yeah, I feel likea lot of people are more open
to just being able to enjoy thatand being able to like hey.
I want to do more than just geta career and live my nine to
(04:42):
five.
I want to live.
Kind of gonna get off trackhere a little bit, but like yeah
, like I feel like a struggleI've had is being able to just
be in that present moment andjust like live and work is not
one of those things that I wantto live for.
Like doing my working, likethat's that's not life.
Like I want to be able to go myday by day and live and just
(05:05):
have, have a good time, honestly.
And that's why I wanted to gointo streaming, going into like
content creation, because I wantto share that with the world,
being able to tell them like hey, like we're all in kind of a
same spot, like we're all in aweird space, like I'm 25 right
now, like I feel, like I've I'vewanted to be ahead of where I'm
at currently, and so a lot oftimes I'm just like I got to
(05:30):
take a chill and just take abreather.
Like you say, what's this onesaying?
Like ease up, like just ease upBro like so I sometimes.
I just got to ease up and belike all right, just enjoy the
moment.
Like you've dreamt of thismoment before and you're finally
there.
And I know that we all getthese dreams and we want to be
somewhere else, but it's like,hey, like we wanted to be here
(05:52):
too at some point in our lifeand so we got to enjoy that and
just keep on living honestly.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Right, not get too down on yourself, be too hard on
yourself.
On the last episode that I wastalking with Aidan, I also
mentioned to him that I do getdown on myself.
I'm like comparing myself tothe John in like 10 years, you
know, because I'm like we wantto be somewhere else than right
now or more successful,realistically.
(06:18):
But then, like you had stated,like in one way or another we
have dreamed of being wherewe're at right now and I think
having a healthy dose ofgratitude for that is key to
enjoying life and being gratefulfor what we have.
Because you know me, dealingwith my addiction and the
(06:39):
sobriety thing, like I have tobe grateful where I'm at right
now Because the person I was 10years ago is not even comparable
to who I am right now.
And, yeah, just being gratefulfor that's huge.
And I know that we talk a lotabout staying consistent with
creating the content and we getdown sometimes.
You know, working a normal nineto five job, 40 hours a week,
(07:01):
it's tiring, it's exhausting,but we have to do it to pay the
bills and survive.
You know we go on social mediaand we compare ourselves to
other people, right, whether wethink we're doing it or not, and
what I try to remind myself ofis I view like a normal job, as
(07:22):
like we're surviving at thispoint, you know.
It's not like we're thousandsof years in the past where it's
like I got to till the fieldsand acquire my food and shelter.
At this point, like right now,money is how you acquire these
things right.
So you do have to maybe work ajob that you're not too thrilled
about right now and cut yourspending and save up for things,
(07:42):
you know, and it getsdiscouraging, you know, because
you'd probably rather be doingcontent creation and streaming
every day, just like I wouldrather be doing the podcast or
writing books, you know.
But got to enjoy the process,you know For sure, and I think
we're both learning that aboutour lives right now, which is
(08:03):
nice, which is why we're havingthis conversation, you know.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Yeah, like I totally agree with you and I see like we
definitely do need a balance,but at the same time, we do got
to remember we haveresponsibilities, like you know.
At the end of the day, we needfood on our plates, we need a
nice shelter, we need to livelike, but at the same time, like
that's not your whole life, youknow.
Like that's why I feel likecontent creation is such a great
way to just be able to likeexplore things, be able to
(08:28):
explore things by yourself thatyou didn't know, and just like
find out new things and live forthose new experiences.
And honestly, but I do agreewith you how you say gratitude
is very important because like,yeah, like right now, like
social media, all you see islike people like showing off or
like I got money, I got this bighouse, I got, I got these big
(08:49):
things, which is it's great, andon.
Like you know, I try.
Sometimes I get in thatheadspace where it's like I get
jealous or I get upset.
I'm just like why you, or likeyou know, like, just like, and I
feel bad because like that'snot right either.
Sometimes I got to step backand be like hold on, like these
people are working for this too,you know, and they achieve that
something we've we've all ofalways dreamed of and and they
(09:12):
have it.
Why should I judge them forthat?
It's like, hey, I bet you'vedone a lot of hard work and to
get there.
So, at the same time, it's likeI don't want to focus on social
media and thinking like, oh dang, be a space where I'm just
jealous or angry at myself allthe time because of all these
beautiful things I see.
But also in social mediageneral, there's a lot of just
(09:36):
negativity out there and a lotof people being like fake or
like it just gives off a weirdvibe, an off vibe.
So I feel like with like yourpodcasts and like your group of
friends or the content you guysare making, it's like positivity
.
It's like, hey, like I'm doingthis, I'm trying to reach my
goals and I'm gonna show youguys how I'm doing that.
(09:58):
And I think the world needsmore people like that,
expressing that into the world,because then it helps others see
that and be like hey, let meget off of that judgmental space
and let me just look and belike, hey, like I can do this
too If I really put my effortand be determined, I can do that
.
So yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
It's nice.
Like we talked about before.
I do slip up, my friends slipup, we all slip up.
And that space you're talkingabout on social media, like we
only see, like the wins.
Usually we only see the W's.
We don't see all the hard workthat those people have put in to
get where they're at.
So we think, by watching a fewposter videos of people being
(10:39):
successful, that we're gonnavicariously live through that
and that's just not how it works.
I do struggle with beingconsistent with my positivity
and I like having people likeBrandon or my brother or a bunch
of other guests come on thepodcast and just talk about
their struggles, how we're goingto reach our goals and, like
you said earlier, like we don'treally know how we're going to
(11:01):
right.
But I think just getting yourfeet wet, just doing it, like I
don't like posting reels, hateit.
I don't like posting too much.
I would much rather be going onwalks and listening to lo-fi
and coming back and just writing.
That would make me happy.
But I'm not just some nomad.
(11:22):
This isn't thousands of yearsago where I can do that.
I'm trying to also chase thisdream and get to a point where I
don't have to work a nine tofive to support myself.
So we've got to realize that wehave to do things that make us
uncomfortable and it suckscoming to that.
And that's the same thing with,like physical wellness too.
For a long time I didn't likegoing to the gym because I had
(11:42):
social anxiety dealing with likethe addiction, stuff like that,
and you just got to do it.
If you don't have the tools tolike do home workouts and shit
like that, you got to go to thegym.
It's uncomfortable as hell.
I don't like it.
There's a whole bunch of likehuman pheromones in the air.
It's like a zoo pretty much,and everybody's like
(12:03):
eye-goggling each other.
It's like don't look at me,just put your headphones on and
go after it.
But doing things that make youuncomfortable, doing them more
often it helps you out in thelong run is what I've realized.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Yeah, I do feel like a lot of people do get like,
especially after COVID, like weall kind of just shelled up and
we're like don't talk to me,like I'm gonna just, I'm just
gonna shell up and we're gonnawait and see what happens, right
.
And so I did notice too for me,like my anxiety has gotten worse
.
Like before I was just like Idon't have anxiety, like I'm
chilling, like I'm a confidentdude, and then after COVID I've
(12:40):
kind of seen myself like hold up, like why am I anxious?
Like I'm just at like a bar orI'm at a restaurant, why am I
feeling like people are lookingat me weirdly, like judgmental
eyes, and I feel like we all gothrough those things and for a
certain extent, some people dosay that like for guys, people
(13:01):
go like oh, like it's just toughit up, like you're fine, like
don't worry about it, You're notanxious, don't be a bitch or
something like just toxicmasculinity stuff, like, and
it's like if we all have justopen conversations with each
other, I feel like that alsohelps promote, like and ease up
on that anxiety of people, causelike we're all going through
that, we're all thinking thesame thing and it's like no
(13:23):
one's really out there judgingyou more than you are judging
yourself and it's like okaysometimes you just breathe and
just enjoy life, enjoy yourexperiences and stop putting so
much pressure and don't feellike people are being judgmental
and yeah.
I just feel like openconversations help ease that
anxiety and ease that feeling.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
Right?
Well, like you said, there istoxic masculinity and the mental
health of men in general isobviously pretty low, you know,
or how seriously it has takenwith the older generations.
I have noticed that men in themillennial generation have been
taking things more seriously interms of going to see therapists
(14:08):
specifically.
You know that vulnerability, orhaving these conversations with
each other, which is extremelyimportant, cause, you know, it's
not just like rub some dirt init, toughen up.
We're human.
We have these feelings.
I'm not just some AI generatedrobot or some.
I'm not like a warrior from athousand years ago where it's
like you eat, fight and kill.
(14:29):
Like that's not what we are at apoint we were, you know, but
now we're in this day and agewhere technology is evolving
faster than we know what to dowith it and we yeah, we just
don't know where we're at rightnow.
So trying to traverse thatlandscape together is huge.
Like having these conversationsabout social media, about
chasing our dreams, about beinghealthy, like this is this is
(14:51):
why I started the podcast.
Actually, you know, try to helppeople, feel free, right, and I
know you.
You actually told me to startdoing this.
I know this was going to be atthe end of the episode, but I
wanted to ask it right now whatdo you do to help?
Speaker 2 (15:05):
you feel free?
I knew this question was coming.
I was.
I was hoping I was like I hopeJohn remembers to ask this
question but honestly, afterthinking about it for a little
bit, I feel like meditating hashelped me feel free by just
being present, being able toadjust, calm my nerves, calm my
anxiety and just breathe forlike a couple of minutes,
(15:26):
relaxing, whether it's at thebeginning of my day or the end
of my day.
That helps me feel free, becauseit helps me be present and
enjoy the moment Instead ofworrying about I got this
build-do or I got to get thisjob finished or just things that
bring anxiety.
So I feel like meditation hashelped, definitely made me feel
free, just to be present, causeI feel like, yeah, that present
(15:49):
moment is the most important.
Like I love Kung Fu Panda A lot, of, a lot of shows, movies I
watch.
It talks about this theme oflike present moment, being
authentic, being yourself andjust being able to enjoy light.
So I feel like, yeah,meditation helps me do that.
I've honestly also wonderedwhat helps you feel free.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
What helps me feel free?
I haven't really talked aboutthat a lot, I know.
So what helps me feel free?
Like I said earlier, I dodabble a little bit with
dropping little hints of what Ido in episodes.
Everybody knows that I loveplaying basketball and,
(16:30):
tragically, I have rolled myankle again yesterday.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Once again, once again.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
That's what I get for flying around literally jumping
like a madman all the time.
So playing basketball helps mefeel free, Even if I'm not
playing with other people.
I like going to the gym,throwing my headphones on and
just doing an hour hour and ahalf workout with dribbling and
shooting drills and stuff.
It's cathartic for me, it'sjust, it helps me and other
(16:56):
things that help me feel free.
I do love playing video games.
Right now I haven't played inover a month, mostly because I
don't have any new games to playand also I have other hobbies
that I'm doing.
I've been reading a lot, whichis good.
After having that conversationwith Aiden about the stoicism, I
picked up one of my stoicismbooks by Seneca Letters from
(17:17):
Astoic.
So that's nice.
I read like six or eight pagesabout that and I've been writing
a lot lately and also what Isaid earlier.
Honestly, I love throwing myheadphones on and I just go on
walks.
It's I go on walks a lot.
I do different routes aroundwhere I live.
On my Christmas list, familymembers buy me specific winter
(17:38):
clothing to help me go on walksin the winter, so it just helps
me.
It helps free myself.
Yesterday I was sitting down towrite and I didn't have
anything to write.
I was like I don't know, Idon't know what's going on.
So I threw my headphones on andI went on a 40 minute walk and
I came back and I just wrote.
It completes me, I don't know,just writing.
I don't even have to be writingfor a purpose, Like it's not,
like I'm trying to like finishthe book sometimes.
(18:00):
Sometimes I just fill a pagewith a journal and I just feel
great, you know.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Yeah, just like that opportunity of like being
consistent with yourself, makingthat routine, building your
routine that fulfills you, and Ilove that.
I love hearing differentpeople's like what, what?
Yeah, what do you do on yourday-to-day?
What do you like to Like timeis we have so little time, you
(18:26):
know, but we have so much timeat the same time.
It's weird, but like time isone of those most important
things that it's like how areyou using your time?
I get like life can be so muchat times that like we get
overwhelmed and we fill our timewith, like things that are bad
for us, or like we over indulgein some things, or we we try to
(18:48):
escape where we're at we're.
You know whether it's like goingon a tiktok hole, doing drugs,
like I feel like a lot of thatis us trying to escape ourselves
because we're so hard onourselves of we're not where we
want to be or You're not doingwhat you told yourself you
should be doing.
So, yeah, I feel like you'vebuilt this routine, or you're
(19:12):
building this routine of beingable to find things that you
want to look forward to live fornow.
Don't hold yourself up and justbe able to experience the world
and enjoy that, and that that'swhat makes you feel free, being
able to like live.
I feel like a lot of peopleforget to live and, as stupid as
(19:32):
that sounds or that's crazy, Idon't know, it's just we need to
remember.
Remember like hey, we just gotto live a little bit, like we
just got to enjoy we forget tolive because we're too worried
about surviving almost.
I like how you say that because,like, growing up, I feel like
I've always like Survived, likeback story for everybody.
(19:52):
Like when I was 17, I moved outof my house like I was just
like no, I need, I need to getout of here.
Wasn't a good space for me.
Just with, like my parents,like they're always arguing,
fighting, and I'm me as a kid aslike hey, I told my mom I was
like you need to kick my stepdadout, like he's not right for
you, he's he's not a goodinfluence on us.
Like I need him out of here.
(20:13):
If you don't leave, if hedoesn't leave, I'm gone.
And, mind you, this was a randomWednesday of the week.
I just wake her up out of bedbefore I go to school at like
six in the morning and I droppedhis bomb on her and she's like
what are you talking about?
Like you're crazy, like don'tbother me with this.
Like you're stupid, you soundcrazy.
And then I was like, alright,well, I'm out, then I'm leaving
(20:35):
by Friday or something.
And I moved out that same weekand, thinking back at it, I was
like that was kind of a bad wayto go about it.
But like I mean, I know Ididn't know how to go about it
either, but that opportunity waslike that time off was able to
like away from home, was able togive me the freedom and like it
(20:56):
was, I was able to give me thetime and like the freedom to
just go into myself withouthaving to be in survival mode,
like I was living out with afriend and his family and
they're just like a regularfamily.
And I was like, wow, like thisis so weird.
Like y'all have dinner, I'lltalk to each other.
Like me was more like I go toschool, I go home, I go on my
phone.
Like Not saying I had ahorrible childhood, like it was
(21:19):
a great.
Like you know, my family didplay board games.
We had a good time, we enjoyedourselves, but at the time it
was just like a lot of toxicstuff going on, just bad
influences in the world.
So when I moved out, I was ableto like just learn a lot and
now my family has gotten waycloser than ever and I feel it's
because we've all kind ofexperienced different things and
(21:39):
then been able to come back andjust, hey, I know these things
were wrong, but look, we're herenow and we're living now and
all we have is this time.
Now, like recently mygrandfather passed away, and
Like that was tragic, but it itdid bring us all closer in a
sense.
And even though our family isnot perfect, it's like now I
(22:01):
feel we're at the stage of hey,we can have these open
conversations, like I'm.
I know there is a lot of likehate towards each other, a lot
of anger, but it's like hey,we've been able to realize, like
we're not perfect, we all dothings that we shouldn't do, but
at the end of the day, it'slike I Want to be able to enjoy
my time with you and I know it'snot gonna be forever.
(22:22):
So let's, let's let our bygonesbe bygones and just be able to
enjoy the moment and live witheach other and Try to like help
each other.
Like we don't have to be stuckin this, this life of hatred and
anger.
Like let's, let's take a second, let's take a moment and don't
judge each other.
Like like it's where our family, we should be able to enjoy
(22:43):
each other.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
So had a little backstory on my life well,
having that perspective is hugeand Realizing, you know, cuz I
always rag on wheat, I rag on myfamily a lot, you know,
especially with my upbringingand things that I've talked
about.
But having that perspective,you know change like you got to
realize what you have, you know,still have each other here to
(23:06):
love and spend time together.
You know there's some stuffthat Can't change past, but you
can sure as hell make thepresent moment a little better
with a little more Love andcompassion and forgiveness is
what I've learned, although Ithink we all struggle a little
bit with channeling that.
But it's a very mature thing todo, to to look at life the way
(23:26):
you did and Be where you're atright now.
Also what we were talking aboutbefore.
When we get down on ourselveswith the routines and stuff,
sometimes we just we don't holdourselves accountable right and
For the change you made when youwere 17, you said you were
gonna do something and you didit.
Like I'm moving out Did it.
(23:47):
It's a pretty big deal,especially because you're
counting on yourself at thatpoint.
Granted, you had somewhere togo, but at the same time you
trusted yourself enough.
You're like I got to do thisfor me, you know and you can
look at it as good or bad, right, I got kicked out of my house
when I was 19.
They're like you just can'tlive here, and rightfully so.
(24:08):
I was fucking out of my mind,you know.
But I do tell them.
I do tell my mom to this daythat I'm very grateful that she
did that for me, because Iwouldn't, or we don't, realize
what we have, you know, untilit's too late, right?
So Doing the work on ourselvesright now, realizing what we
have, being grateful for it, ishow we can live in the moment
(24:30):
and enjoy it.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
It's, it's crazy coming to those realizations,
honestly, life just comes out offull circle, sometimes like
damn, like Things really dohappen for a reason like I don't
I'm not a religious dude, I wasbut like it's crazy.
Sometimes, just when you gothrough your life and you see
how things happen and lookingback at it, it's like wow, like
I'm here After all of this, likeI'm still here from what?
(24:54):
Regardless of what happened andGod does give his hardest
battles to his strongestsoldiers, whatever the saying is
.
Like we have to experiencethese things to learn and grow.
If we didn't get out of ourcomfort zone and like get kicked
out or move out, like if wedidn't do that, I don't really
know where my family would be atthat point, like where how our
(25:16):
life would be.
So like yeah, it sucks thatthose things happen, but like
they have to happen sometimesand it's not always going to be
easy, it's not always going tobe fun.
Like you're going to struggle,but those struggles help you and
help people.
Like just be able to have theseconversations and be like hey,
like it's all right, like thisis how we can do better and feel
(25:38):
present, feel free, free, feelhappy.
Like it sucks that it happenedto us, but like we can't control
it.
They did though.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
You know it does suck that those things happen, but
if life was perfect, I don'tthink it would be worth living
Right, that's just how I look atit.
If there wasn't struggle, youwouldn't realize how, how good
it can be.
You know, you got to go throughthose struggles and I've met a
lot of people in my life whodon't look at the signs that the
universe sends you or theydon't look at their past, they
(26:08):
don't learn from it, and for atime I didn't.
You know I I covered up all ofthe mistakes I made.
You know you bury them deepdown, you don't face them
because you're ashamed of whoyou are and that doesn't help
you grow.
And you, you have to make thosemoves and you have to see the
signs that the universe issending you in order to grow.
And you got to be grateful forthem because you could keep like
(26:30):
shying away and turning yourhead away from the things you're
supposed to learn in order toheal and be better.
But you're just going to chaseyour tail or you're going to
live under a rock and be ahermit, which I've done before
as well.
So, coming out of your shell,coming out of your comfort zone,
realizing what you have theseare.
These are huge moves.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
I see it in a lot of people and like just me going
through that Like I'm.
I'm a very forgiving personbecause at the end of the day,
like I think about it, like whatif that was me?
Like I'm one of the youngestout of all my siblings I got to
I didn't get to experience thesame things they.
They they've struggled with orthey experienced.
Like I bet they had it a lotharder and way worse than I did,
(27:09):
you know.
And so me thinking like oh, somuch bad crap happened to me.
It probably wasn't even like ascrazy as what happened to them
or I can only imagine.
But that's why I'm such a likeforgiving person.
Because I know like thestruggles and the hardships a
lot of people face and I don'ttry to judge them for it.
(27:29):
And I, you know, sometimes we'reall human, we all judge people,
we all make assumptions Likethat's totally normal.
But being able to just step backand and listen to someone and
give them advice and just belike, hey, it's going to be all
right, a lot of people do dostruggle with getting out of
that and it sometimes it doessuck just seeing people stuck in
that loop and I feel like ifwe're just all have show a
(27:52):
little bit of compassion andwe're all just kind of guide
them like they're not going tolisten to it the first time, but
if you're just consistentlythere, that that does make a
difference.
And I feel like a lot of peopleneed to be like forgiving and
need to share that compassionwith each other, because if not,
we're all going to be a hermit,so we're all going to lock
ourselves away and we're allgoing to be like hey, get away
(28:14):
from me.
No one, no one listens to me,no one cares about me.
But whatever, like, no, likewe're all here for each other
and and that's what we should bedoing, that's what we should be
promoting into the world, likecompassion, positivity.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
So we can't do it alone, right, we think we can.
That's the problem, you know.
That's that's when we getdepressed.
You know, and I've thought thatmultiple times too, until you
know, I've sought professionalhelp through therapy.
You know, I started going to NA.
The healing process is tough.
I wasn't even ready to do ituntil eight years into active
(28:50):
addiction.
And it's tough because you, youhave to admit that you're wrong
.
You know, no one likes doingthat, no one likes being wrong,
because we we put too muchpressure on ourselves to be
perfect, which is stupid.
I don't know where this notionof perfection comes from, but
it's unreachable, especially theexpectations of where we think
(29:10):
we need to be.
So you do need to handle thesesituations with a little more
forgiveness, which is what Itend to be writing about a lot
more lately, because I'm notperfect.
I got down to myself because Itook months off from the podcast
.
I don't post a lot of contentand I always tell myself you're
going to take your dreamsseriously than do it.
And when you start lettingyourself down, you get down on
(29:31):
yourself, right, and then, ifyou start letting yourself down
outside of your dreams and likeyour relationships, your
relationship with yourself.
I'm like, well, I'm smokingcigars, I'm eating ice cream and
playing video games.
I'm not doing shit, I don'trespect myself.
And then you dig a deeper holeeach time and you forget to
forgive yourself, you forget tolend a helping hand out to
(29:52):
yourself.
I always have this dichotomyinside of me of like there's two
different Johns, which I'mstarting to think that they're
one now, but when I am down, Iwould like the healed version of
myself to hold a handout to meand be like yo, dude, it's okay,
what are you tripping for?
Right, you don't have to getdown about this shit.
(30:13):
You can learn that.
You can overcome things.
We forget that and we usesocial media, we use drugs, we
use fast food, pharmaceuticals,we use these things to numb us
and we hold up, and that's nothealthy.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Yeah, like I, when I, when I turned 21, I started
working at like a dispensary andthere was like all these
positive things about it, likeoh, it's great, medical benefits
, it's all these benefits, andthat's that's the whole lot of
people get in like myselfincluded.
And when I came to therealization of I'm just filling
(30:51):
this void of inside of me withwith stuff, with like pleasure,
pleasurable stuff, is because Iwas trying, I was moving away
from what that garbage was.
Feeling like I would say thatmyself and my goals and my
ambitions, like stuff that I'vebeen wanting to tell myself or
been telling myself to do, likehey, you can do this, and I've
been filling it up with drugs or, you know, social media.
(31:13):
So, being able to, I want tosay like so when I, when I
started working at thedispensary, I saw all these
happy people and I was like Iwant to, I want to be happy like
them.
Like I want to, I want to dothese things.
Like there's so many creativepeople out there and and there's
just a trap of a lot of peoplejust saying, saying, yeah, I'm
(31:35):
gonna do these things and then,after being there for so long,
it's like hold up.
A year has passed, two yearshave passed.
I'm in the same spot I was atwhen I first started here.
Everybody's at the same spot.
Like I thought you wanted to dothis.
I thought, like you guys hadall these ideas and yet we're
not moving forward.
So that's when I like steppedback and I was like, all right,
(31:57):
yeah, it does get my creativejuices flowing, whatever.
Yeah, I do get great ideas, butam I putting in the work to
those?
Am I putting in that effort?
No, so being able to like juststep back and say, okay, let's
put in the work, let's put inthe effort and let's do
something, like let's not justsay it, let's not just think it,
(32:19):
like we have all these ideas,let's, let's do it.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
And I don't know where I was going with that, but
yeah, it's tough to trainyourself to do that, you know,
especially with weed, because,like you said, gets the creative
juices flowing.
I connected my using with mycreativity and over the years it
actually diminished it becauseI was relying on it and I got
(32:42):
upset that I wasn't doing what Isaid.
you know, I said for almosteight years I was going to be a
rapper you know, and I worked onmy writing and my free styling,
but I didn't put it into action.
I didn't go out and meet otherpeople who were doing the same
thing, because I was just holedup like a hermit and not until I
(33:04):
got sober was I actually ableto put in that work.
I'm like all right, ideas aregreat, action is better you know
Execution.
Yeah, execution, yeah, doing it.
And it's tough because wefantasize with these ideas, are
like, ah, this is great.
You know, like our thoughts areaddictive, because you can feel
from your thoughts, right, andthen you have a good idea.
(33:26):
And then you tangent into somefantasy world where that idea
worked out perfectly, and you'relike, ah, that's the me now
from that idea.
And you're daydreaming, youknow, and you're not putting it
into action.
You're like, oh, that's enoughaction for today.
You know the imaginary me putin all of this work over the
next five to 10 minutes, I'mdone for the day.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
I'm just going to watch TV now, right, that
distraction of just moving awayfrom that.
I did live this, like, why am Ieven tripping now, like it was
there and now it's gone?
But yeah, just, I want thatevery day.
Like you know, I want to beable to live that.
And so, yeah, I think I'vedefinitely, like, once you
started the podcast and like wemet and stuff, like I was, I
(34:09):
came kind of to that I wasalready at that realization of
like I'm going to stop smokingso much.
But that, like you've kind ofhelped me realize, like, because
, like a lot of people around me, a lot of circles that I have,
would be like, hey, let's, Ihave this idea, we should do it.
And I'm like, yeah, dope, andthen don't hear it from ever
again, don't hear anything aboutit.
And it's like when we met youand you're like, oh, I do a
(34:29):
podcast, I was like, oh, that'sdope, you know talking to you
about it.
And then you asking me foradvice, me, you know asking for
advice, and then us putting thatinto action.
It's like that's the, that'sthe people you need around you,
that's the, that's the type ofpeople, that's what people need
to hear.
It's like, hey, like, just juststart like just just go like,
do it like, and being able tohave those open conversations
(34:51):
and that, that compassion, andget those creative juices
flowing with each other.
Like hey, like I got this idea,don't know how I'm going to do
it.
Here's an idea.
We bounce off each other andwe're like all right, now let's
try it out.
Like we tried so many thingsand here we are now like so yeah
, like, yeah.
We take a moment, like we'relike wow, like we did this.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
I know it's trial and error, though you know it was
shaky at first.
But then you start doing it andlike what Aiden was saying on
the podcast before, like he quitweed he smoked a lot of weed,
obviously, and you know thedrinking and stuff and he was
saying like, yeah, I thinksobriety is like a prerequisite
for any type of success, which Itotally understand if you've
(35:33):
had like an issue using you knowI know people who can manage it
, you know, and that's great.
And then I know people whocan't manage it.
And I think having thatconversation with yourself about
like hey, there are some thingsI know I can't do, and getting
rid of something like that issuch a huge milestone when
(35:56):
you're able to give up a habitthat has controlled you, that
internal victory to yourself is.
I can't even describe how I've,how far I've come in terms of
that.
So to hear that you're alsofeeling the same way about weed,
you know I don't.
(36:18):
I don't talk shit about weed.
I don't really talk shit aboutdrugs on the Feel Free podcast
because I wouldn't be the personI am today if it wasn't for
them.
They had a lot of negativeimpacts on my life, but I
wouldn't have the perspective onthe world.
I wouldn't have the perspectiveon other people if I didn't do
(36:40):
those things.
And there are people out therewho can enjoy them and that's
great.
And I know a lot of people whohave given them up these habits
and have done amazing thingswith their life.
So I'm I'm a little biased if,if people come to me with like a
dreamer and aspiration, right,I want to do this.
(37:00):
You know, the execution iscrucial and getting rid of
pleasure seeking habits in orderto maximize your effort, that's
that's key.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
Yeah, like.
I mean, they're like you'resaying there is a lot of people
who, who can, who can indulgeand can do these things.
But a lot of people like theysee that and they're like I'm
one of those people, I can dothe same thing, like, yeah, I
can fulfill my dreams and dodrugs.
That's totally cool.
But over time they don't seethat they don't have that
execution there.
(37:32):
They just don't, they don't putit into action, they just sit
down waiting for that moment tohappen.
And it's like I see myself in alot of those people's and I
don't I'm not saying I'm goingto go sober, like I don't, I
don't picture myself being ableto be sober.
And because I do still get someof those benefits from like
smoking, I like, especially whenI'm doing like my workout and
(37:55):
stuff, I do feel like it givesme some sort of like relief and
like being able to like chillout and be present.
But I mean, it was a strugglefor me, for sure, where I was
just like doing it every day,doing it first thing in the
morning till I go to bed,because I was like, yeah, it
helps me be present, it helps meenjoy life, it helps me be
(38:17):
happy.
And then I came to therealization it's like I just
want to be happy, I don't wantto have to take something to be
that meet that version of methat I want.
So it's.
I mean, it's a, it's a battle,because you have to face some
demons.
You have to go through your ownhead and being like, why aren't
you happy right now?
Why, why do you feel angry, whydo you feel sad?
(38:40):
Like an, answer those questionsand get an honest answer from
yourself, because no one's goingto tell you no, no one's going
to give you the answer.
So, being able to take thattime of discomfort, like, and
just being able to, like, put itinto action, and being able to
be true to yourself and giveyourself that, that dream of,
(39:01):
hey, let's put these, thesewords, into action, these ideas
into actions, let's stop livingin fantasy world and let's,
let's realize where we're atright now and let's get to where
we want to be.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
It gets easier to ask those questions when you're
sober or when you're not doingit all day, every day, which is
one of the reasons possibly whywe smoked all day, every day, or
did drugs all day, every daybecause those questions were
arising.
I'm like I don't want to answerthat, I don't want to face that
(39:34):
, I'm here right now.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
What do you mean?
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Right, you know, and it's just a fallacy, but working
on yourself, theself-development journey is.
It's discomforting but it isextremely rewarding.
Especially You've listened tothe episodes with Brandon and
Aiden, and Muncie as well, andit's just amazing what being
(39:57):
able to answer those questionsgets you.
You can go your whole lifewithout asking yourself those
questions and I'm not sure wegive enough credit to people for
asking those questions and Ihope that by people listening or
watching the podcast, that theycan put their phones down or
their screens down and reallyjust sit there without any
(40:19):
substance at all.
Just sit there and askthemselves like what do I have
to do in order to love myself?
Or what do I have to do inorder to feel free?
Why don't I feel free?
Speaker 2 (40:32):
A lot of people don't have those questions imprinted
in them, they're just in fantasymode.
So I feel like this podcast itdoes do that and it just needs
to reach that person and it willeventually, because of the
digital footprint, someone'sgoing to come into this any of
your episodes and be like holdon, I resonate with this and
(40:52):
just fine and be like, all right, they're telling me I can do
these things.
They're telling me, hey, we'vegot to start.
I get these questions in myhead that I've never answered
and you can do those things.
You can put in the effort.
Just take a moment and reallyjust let those questions
(41:13):
marinate in your mind and thenput action to them Right and
also ask for help.
Speaker 1 (41:20):
Like I said, can't do it all alone.
When those questions comearound, don't get scared of the
questions and don't get scaredof how you might answer them.
Like I said, being wrong sucks,but it's the only way you're
going to learn is when you'rewrong Can't always be right.
Speaker 2 (41:37):
Stupid.
It's also about your community,too.
I feel like a lot of people inyour friend circles they're just
going to be like you're fine,it's OK, we're all going through
the same thing, we're all here.
But it's like take a moment andlook Like well, where are we
all at?
We all have these dreams and weneed to hold each other
(41:57):
accountable and we need to beable to tell each other and be
honest with each other.
It's like hey, I know you'retrying your hardest and I know
you're doing a lot, but you cando more.
And if you when times when youcan't do more, that's OK.
But don't give up, don't stop.
Like, don't give up on yourself.
Like, keep going and we're herefor each other.
(42:20):
Like I'll give you my advice,I'll let you know my struggles,
but be honest with me.
Don't just don't feed into myfantasy of like oh yeah, I'm
fine, I'm doing good.
Like, because you know mydreams, you know where I want to
be at.
You need to tell me hey, you'vebeen slacking a little bit and
that's OK.
Like, I'm not going to like, ifyou're, if you tell your friend
(42:41):
and you're honest with them andyou're like you've been
slacking and they're like ah,after this dude, like I'm not,
I'm not going to even talk tothis person, no more.
Or they really like your friend, like that, and like no, like
they don't want to see you dowhat we've all had in our mind
to do.
And a lot of you lose a lot ofpeople when you take in those
actions because they get thisversion of like they feed off
(43:03):
this version of they thought whoyou were and they're like hold
on, why is he, why is thisperson doing these things?
That's not you Like you don'tdo that and that you internalize
that.
And you're like, like maybe Ican't, maybe I shouldn't, I'm,
let me just stay low, let me dowhat I, what I've always done,
and I'll be fine, because then Iwon't be uncomfortable, then
(43:24):
I'll just live in fantasy world,or yeah, that's fucked, it's
fucked.
Speaker 1 (43:29):
Yeah, I uh calling people out on their bullshit,
including myself.
You know you have to have thosepeople.
There's always going to bepeople in your life that are
going to say things are okay andthat's okay too.
You got to have some chillmotherfuckers, but you also got
to have some people that aregoing to push you and call you
(43:49):
out if you're slacking which I'mvery grateful for having those
people in my life Just becausesomeone calls you out on your
bullshit right there.
It's not like you're, likeyou're right, I'm learning, move
forward.
Sometimes you got to let itmarinate a little bit, and I do
hope that with the podcast.
I don't want people to comehere and think automatically
(44:10):
that you're going to get inshape like some Marvel superhero
, some Greek demigod, or you'regoing to make millions of
dollars, or you're going to.
We're not.
I'm not here to promote sometype of fantasy world.
I'm literally here to promote ahealthy life, whether that's
mentally, physically oremotionally, financially, just
to the point where we stop usingsubstances or negative thought
(44:35):
processes in order to hold usdown.
We're trying to feel free.
You got to understand whatyou're trying to free yourself
from and then come up with aplan, surround yourself with
positive people or even seekprofessional help, like it's
2024.
We have the resources to livebetter.
We just have to use themproperly, which we don't know
(44:59):
how to do at the start, which itgets discouraging, and then we
go scorched earth and we're likeah, we'll fuck it.
I don't know what to do.
And you stay low and you keepdoing the same shit you've been
doing right, but you got tostart stacking small daily wins.
And Brandon and Aiden say thisall the time just make your
fucking bed.
I'm not a prop and I'm not.
(45:19):
I don't make my fucking bed.
All right, they make their bed.
And I also changed my morningroutine in the last two weeks
and having a few things just tobe held accountable for on a
daily basis, like just a W, avictory, those build up over
time.
Then you start trustingyourself again.
You start feeling proud ofyourself, not like pretentious
(45:43):
or prideful ego, like I'm betterthan people, but you take pride
in the fact that you're alive,which for a long time and a lot
of people struggle with becausewe beat ourselves up.
Yeah, try and find one or twothings to win each day and be
grateful for it.
Speaker 2 (46:00):
Yeah, when you get those wins, like you are present
and you're not in a negativespace, you're in a positive
space and when the more peoplethat are in a positive space,
they can give that to others,they have more patience, they
have more time to just be likeall right, being able to notice
(46:21):
someone's having a bad day, I'mnot gonna take that and go off
on them or I'm not gonna takethat personally.
I understand you're having abad day and I've been there,
trust me.
But yeah, I want to fill myroutine.
I wanna fill my life withpositive reinforcement for
myself and be accountable onmyself so that others can do the
(46:44):
same.
And, like you said, it's notcoming from like an egotistical
thing, yeah, but I wanna beconfident.
I wanna be happy, like if somepeople think like, oh, this
guy's cocky, like I'm sorry,like I'm not trying to be cocky,
but at the same time I wanna becocky Because I remember when I
was younger, like I was sococky, like I was, like I'm the
(47:08):
most confident person, andthat's when I truly felt happy
because I was accountable tomyself.
I was telling myself I'm gonnado these things and I was doing
them.
And the older we get we stopdoing those things or we fall
back or what life happens, andthen you're not.
And then you get in like, oh,I'm not like how I used to be.
Well, you get scorched earth,like I'm gonna start just
(47:33):
filling my day with a wholebunch of drugs, a whole bunch of
video games, a whole bunch ofstuff to just not live in the
present moment.
And so, yeah, I feel like thispodcast, I feel like people just
being able to live a healthylife and just helps everybody
live that life and helpseverybody feed off that energy.
(47:53):
And, like you said, it's notcoming from like a self-centered
area.
It's like, hey, I understand,I've been there, but like let's
all get to this position ofbeing present, being
compassionate, being happy witheach other and not so judgmental
, like Right.
Speaker 1 (48:14):
I mean we fall into that trap of judging ourselves
and saying to each other it's aslippery slope though, you know,
but we're retraining ourselvesin order to be healthy again.
And I think the millennialgeneration, the Gen Z generation
, I think we realize howimportant health is.
(48:35):
Again.
Health wasn't always I meanemotional health, mental health,
physical health, Like thesethings weren't huge topics of
discussions for humanity,because it was all about
survival.
Welcome to another episode of Feel Free, the only
podcast that'll tell you tochase your dreams and call you
out and all your bullshit,myself included.
On this episode, I got my buddyEdgar here today.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
How you doing Good.
I'm nervous a little bit.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
We're both a little nervous for some odd fucking
reason, but I don't know.
Maybe it's because we didn'tprepare too much, but our
conversations are inspiring, tosay the least, when we have them
, obviously.
So I said, why don't we justrecord them?
So today we're going to betalking a little bit about
content creation, strugglesbehind that, maybe social media,
(00:44):
staying healthy in all thoseareas.
Edgar is a content creator,video editor, and he's also a
streamer too.
What do you stream right nowcurrently?
Speaker 2 (00:55):
I mean I just stream a little bit of everything.
Honestly, I play a lot of videogames.
So honestly, just once a week,I just try to promote a positive
space for people and just havea good time all doing it.
I enjoy playing video games and, like you said, I was like why
not just record it, why not justshare it with the world?
So that's kind of why I starteddoing that.
(01:16):
But I just play video games.
Sometimes I do reactions.
Might do a little bit ofkaraoke soon.
Who?
Speaker 1 (01:21):
knows.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
So it's going to be growing but, like you were
saying, it's the first officialpodcast of ours.
I feel like we've had a lot ofgood conversations and we've had
a lot of secret podcasts wherethe world hasn't seen yet.
So, yeah, it's nice that we getto share this with the world
and open conversation.
It's fun, right, right.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
I think that most of the times where we come here and
we just chat about what we'redoing with the podcast and
everything, and then we tangentoff into more inspirational
topics about our life and wherewe want to see it and the work
that goes into it, and it's nicebecause both of us get a little
discouraged about where we'reat.
(02:02):
But then we also try andmotivate and pump the other
person up and we haven'trecorded it.
So now this is the first timethat we are going to record it.
I've actually hopped in on someof your streams too.
Whether you notice it or not.
I think you were saying I mean,I forgot what I said.
(02:23):
I typed in the chat one timebecause you were talking about
something random and I think youwere playing Fortnite then
Probably.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
That's 90% of my streams playing Fortnite.
For sure Appreciate the lurking,though I always see random
people.
Some people don't say hi, butit's just like, ah, someone's
watching.
I sometimes do get discouragedbecause it's like weapons if
only one person's watching.
So I try not to think about thenumber, because at the end of
the day it's like I'm just, I'mtrying to have a good time, I'm
trying to enjoy myself and ifanybody wants to join me in
(02:54):
doing that, then they can joinme.
If nobody wants to join me,it's like, hey, at least at the
end of the day I know what I'mdoing, I'm having a good time
and I'm promoting a good time.
So if people want to join, thatcool awesome.
I appreciate all the lurks.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
It's dope, it's the support that counts.
When I hopped in, I think therewas five people actually in the
stream too.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I joined.
Yeah, I made a title that likefive year ago because I was like
you know, it's usually like mywife, me and then maybe one
other person hopping in and out.
So I was just like let me seeif I can get five people in here
.
And a lot of my friends didshow some support and I was like
I appreciate you guys.
It's been kind of a struggletrying to stay consistent with
(03:38):
that.
I told myself.
I've been wanting to stream forlike a really long time and I
was just like what's stopping me?
So I've honestly been watchingthis dude on TikTok.
He's been popping up on my feed, just consistent, consistent
like videos of him saying likeyou just do it.
Like you know, being likeinspirational, motivational, and
just saying like, hey, like yousay you want to do it, so just
(03:59):
do it.
Like you know, and I feel likewe've had that conversation a
lot of times where we're likenot sure what we want to do or
how are we going to go about it.
And you know, I honestly enjoyjust those open conversations
with people saying like, hey,like I know, this is one of your
dreams, I know this is one ofyour goals.
How are you going to get there?
That's up to you, but justhaving another person hear you
(04:21):
out on that and not like feeljudged or anything like this
man's crazy.
He's trying to like what is hetrying to do?
Like you know, just go get ajob and you know that, there you
go.
But it's like yeah, I feel likea lot of people are more open
to just being able to enjoy thatand being able to like hey.
I want to do more than just geta career and live my nine to
(04:42):
five.
I want to live.
Kind of gonna get off trackhere a little bit, but like yeah
, like I feel like a struggleI've had is being able to just
be in that present moment andjust like live and work is not
one of those things that I wantto live for.
Like doing my working, likethat's that's not life.
Like I want to be able to go myday by day and live and just
(05:05):
have, have a good time, honestly.
And that's why I wanted to gointo streaming, going into like
content creation, because I wantto share that with the world,
being able to tell them like hey, like we're all in kind of a
same spot, like we're all in aweird space, like I'm 25 right
now, like I feel, like I've I'vewanted to be ahead of where I'm
at currently, and so a lot oftimes I'm just like I got to
(05:30):
take a chill and just take abreather.
Like you say, what's this onesaying?
Like ease up, like just ease upBro like so I sometimes.
I just got to ease up and belike all right, just enjoy the
moment.
Like you've dreamt of thismoment before and you're finally
there.
And I know that we all getthese dreams and we want to be
somewhere else, but it's like,hey, like we wanted to be here
(05:52):
too at some point in our lifeand so we got to enjoy that and
just keep on living honestly.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Right, not get too down on yourself, be too hard on
yourself.
On the last episode that I wastalking with Aidan, I also
mentioned to him that I do getdown on myself.
I'm like comparing myself tothe John in like 10 years, you
know, because I'm like we wantto be somewhere else than right
now or more successful,realistically.
(06:18):
But then, like you had stated,like in one way or another we
have dreamed of being wherewe're at right now and I think
having a healthy dose ofgratitude for that is key to
enjoying life and being gratefulfor what we have.
Because you know me, dealingwith my addiction and the
(06:39):
sobriety thing, like I have tobe grateful where I'm at right
now Because the person I was 10years ago is not even comparable
to who I am right now.
And, yeah, just being gratefulfor that's huge.
And I know that we talk a lotabout staying consistent with
creating the content and we getdown sometimes.
You know, working a normal nineto five job, 40 hours a week,
(07:01):
it's tiring, it's exhausting,but we have to do it to pay the
bills and survive.
You know we go on social mediaand we compare ourselves to
other people, right, whether wethink we're doing it or not, and
what I try to remind myself ofis I view like a normal job, as
(07:22):
like we're surviving at thispoint, you know.
It's not like we're thousandsof years in the past where it's
like I got to till the fieldsand acquire my food and shelter.
At this point, like right now,money is how you acquire these
things right.
So you do have to maybe work ajob that you're not too thrilled
about right now and cut yourspending and save up for things,
(07:42):
you know, and it getsdiscouraging, you know, because
you'd probably rather be doingcontent creation and streaming
every day, just like I wouldrather be doing the podcast or
writing books, you know.
But got to enjoy the process,you know For sure, and I think
we're both learning that aboutour lives right now, which is
(08:03):
nice, which is why we're havingthis conversation, you know.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Yeah, like I totally agree with you and I see like we
definitely do need a balance,but at the same time, we do got
to remember we haveresponsibilities, like you know.
At the end of the day, we needfood on our plates, we need a
nice shelter, we need to livelike, but at the same time, like
that's not your whole life, youknow.
Like that's why I feel likecontent creation is such a great
way to just be able to likeexplore things, be able to
(08:28):
explore things by yourself thatyou didn't know, and just like
find out new things and live forthose new experiences.
And honestly, but I do agreewith you how you say gratitude
is very important because like,yeah, like right now, like
social media, all you see islike people like showing off or
like I got money, I got this bighouse, I got, I got these big
(08:49):
things, which is it's great, andon.
Like you know, I try.
Sometimes I get in thatheadspace where it's like I get
jealous or I get upset.
I'm just like why you, or likeyou know, like, just like, and I
feel bad because like that'snot right either.
Sometimes I got to step backand be like hold on, like these
people are working for this too,you know, and they achieve that
something we've we've all ofalways dreamed of and and they
(09:12):
have it.
Why should I judge them forthat?
It's like, hey, I bet you'vedone a lot of hard work and to
get there.
So, at the same time, it's likeI don't want to focus on social
media and thinking like, oh dang, be a space where I'm just
jealous or angry at myself allthe time because of all these
beautiful things I see.
But also in social mediageneral, there's a lot of just
(09:36):
negativity out there and a lotof people being like fake or
like it just gives off a weirdvibe, an off vibe.
So I feel like with like yourpodcasts and like your group of
friends or the content you guysare making, it's like positivity
.
It's like, hey, like I'm doingthis, I'm trying to reach my
goals and I'm gonna show youguys how I'm doing that.
(09:58):
And I think the world needsmore people like that,
expressing that into the world,because then it helps others see
that and be like hey, let meget off of that judgmental space
and let me just look and belike, hey, like I can do this
too If I really put my effortand be determined, I can do that
.
So yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
It's nice.
Like we talked about before.
I do slip up, my friends slipup, we all slip up.
And that space you're talkingabout on social media, like we
only see, like the wins.
Usually we only see the W's.
We don't see all the hard workthat those people have put in to
get where they're at.
So we think, by watching a fewposter videos of people being
(10:39):
successful, that we're gonnavicariously live through that
and that's just not how it works.
I do struggle with beingconsistent with my positivity
and I like having people likeBrandon or my brother or a bunch
of other guests come on thepodcast and just talk about
their struggles, how we're goingto reach our goals and, like
you said earlier, like we don'treally know how we're going to
(11:01):
right.
But I think just getting yourfeet wet, just doing it, like I
don't like posting reels, hateit.
I don't like posting too much.
I would much rather be going onwalks and listening to lo-fi
and coming back and just writing.
That would make me happy.
But I'm not just some nomad.
(11:22):
This isn't thousands of yearsago where I can do that.
I'm trying to also chase thisdream and get to a point where I
don't have to work a nine tofive to support myself.
So we've got to realize that wehave to do things that make us
uncomfortable and it suckscoming to that.
And that's the same thing with,like physical wellness too.
For a long time I didn't likegoing to the gym because I had
(11:42):
social anxiety dealing with likethe addiction, stuff like that,
and you just got to do it.
If you don't have the tools tolike do home workouts and shit
like that, you got to go to thegym.
It's uncomfortable as hell.
I don't like it.
There's a whole bunch of likehuman pheromones in the air.
It's like a zoo pretty much,and everybody's like
(12:03):
eye-goggling each other.
It's like don't look at me,just put your headphones on and
go after it.
But doing things that make youuncomfortable, doing them more
often it helps you out in thelong run is what I've realized.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Yeah, I do feel like a lot of people do get like,
especially after COVID, like weall kind of just shelled up and
we're like don't talk to me,like I'm gonna just, I'm just
gonna shell up and we're gonnawait and see what happens, right
.
And so I did notice too for me,like my anxiety has gotten worse
.
Like before I was just like Idon't have anxiety, like I'm
chilling, like I'm a confidentdude, and then after COVID I've
(12:40):
kind of seen myself like hold up, like why am I anxious?
Like I'm just at like a bar orI'm at a restaurant, why am I
feeling like people are lookingat me weirdly, like judgmental
eyes, and I feel like we all gothrough those things and for a
certain extent, some people dosay that like for guys, people
(13:01):
go like oh, like it's just toughit up, like you're fine, like
don't worry about it, You're notanxious, don't be a bitch or
something like just toxicmasculinity stuff, like, and
it's like if we all have justopen conversations with each
other, I feel like that alsohelps promote, like and ease up
on that anxiety of people, causelike we're all going through
that, we're all thinking thesame thing and it's like no
(13:23):
one's really out there judgingyou more than you are judging
yourself and it's like okaysometimes you just breathe and
just enjoy life, enjoy yourexperiences and stop putting so
much pressure and don't feellike people are being judgmental
and yeah.
I just feel like openconversations help ease that
anxiety and ease that feeling.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
Right?
Well, like you said, there istoxic masculinity and the mental
health of men in general isobviously pretty low, you know,
or how seriously it has takenwith the older generations.
I have noticed that men in themillennial generation have been
taking things more seriously interms of going to see therapists
(14:08):
specifically.
You know that vulnerability, orhaving these conversations with
each other, which is extremelyimportant, cause, you know, it's
not just like rub some dirt init, toughen up.
We're human.
We have these feelings.
I'm not just some AI generatedrobot or some.
I'm not like a warrior from athousand years ago where it's
like you eat, fight and kill.
(14:29):
Like that's not what we are at apoint we were, you know, but
now we're in this day and agewhere technology is evolving
faster than we know what to dowith it and we yeah, we just
don't know where we're at rightnow.
So trying to traverse thatlandscape together is huge.
Like having these conversationsabout social media, about
chasing our dreams, about beinghealthy, like this is this is
(14:51):
why I started the podcast.
Actually, you know, try to helppeople, feel free, right, and I
know you.
You actually told me to startdoing this.
I know this was going to be atthe end of the episode, but I
wanted to ask it right now whatdo you do to help?
Speaker 2 (15:05):
you feel free?
I knew this question was coming.
I was.
I was hoping I was like I hopeJohn remembers to ask this
question but honestly, afterthinking about it for a little
bit, I feel like meditating hashelped me feel free by just
being present, being able toadjust, calm my nerves, calm my
anxiety and just breathe forlike a couple of minutes,
(15:26):
relaxing, whether it's at thebeginning of my day or the end
of my day.
That helps me feel free, becauseit helps me be present and
enjoy the moment Instead ofworrying about I got this
build-do or I got to get thisjob finished or just things that
bring anxiety.
So I feel like meditation hashelped, definitely made me feel
free, just to be present, causeI feel like, yeah, that present
(15:49):
moment is the most important.
Like I love Kung Fu Panda A lot, of, a lot of shows, movies I
watch.
It talks about this theme oflike present moment, being
authentic, being yourself andjust being able to enjoy light.
So I feel like, yeah,meditation helps me do that.
I've honestly also wonderedwhat helps you feel free.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
What helps me feel free?
I haven't really talked aboutthat a lot, I know.
So what helps me feel free?
Like I said earlier, I dodabble a little bit with
dropping little hints of what Ido in episodes.
Everybody knows that I loveplaying basketball and,
(16:30):
tragically, I have rolled myankle again yesterday.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Once again, once again.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
That's what I get for flying around literally jumping
like a madman all the time.
So playing basketball helps mefeel free, Even if I'm not
playing with other people.
I like going to the gym,throwing my headphones on and
just doing an hour hour and ahalf workout with dribbling and
shooting drills and stuff.
It's cathartic for me, it'sjust, it helps me and other
(16:56):
things that help me feel free.
I do love playing video games.
Right now I haven't played inover a month, mostly because I
don't have any new games to playand also I have other hobbies
that I'm doing.
I've been reading a lot, whichis good.
After having that conversationwith Aiden about the stoicism, I
picked up one of my stoicismbooks by Seneca Letters from
(17:17):
Astoic.
So that's nice.
I read like six or eight pagesabout that and I've been writing
a lot lately and also what Isaid earlier.
Honestly, I love throwing myheadphones on and I just go on
walks.
It's I go on walks a lot.
I do different routes aroundwhere I live.
On my Christmas list, familymembers buy me specific winter
(17:38):
clothing to help me go on walksin the winter, so it just helps
me.
It helps free myself.
Yesterday I was sitting down towrite and I didn't have
anything to write.
I was like I don't know, Idon't know what's going on.
So I threw my headphones on andI went on a 40 minute walk and
I came back and I just wrote.
It completes me, I don't know,just writing.
I don't even have to be writingfor a purpose, Like it's not,
like I'm trying to like finishthe book sometimes.
(18:00):
Sometimes I just fill a pagewith a journal and I just feel
great, you know.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Yeah, just like that opportunity of like being
consistent with yourself, makingthat routine, building your
routine that fulfills you, and Ilove that.
I love hearing differentpeople's like what, what?
Yeah, what do you do on yourday-to-day?
What do you like to Like timeis we have so little time, you
(18:26):
know, but we have so much timeat the same time.
It's weird, but like time isone of those most important
things that it's like how areyou using your time?
I get like life can be so muchat times that like we get
overwhelmed and we fill our timewith, like things that are bad
for us, or like we over indulgein some things, or we we try to
(18:48):
escape where we're at we're.
You know whether it's like goingon a tiktok hole, doing drugs,
like I feel like a lot of thatis us trying to escape ourselves
because we're so hard onourselves of we're not where we
want to be or You're not doingwhat you told yourself you
should be doing.
So, yeah, I feel like you'vebuilt this routine, or you're
(19:12):
building this routine of beingable to find things that you
want to look forward to live fornow.
Don't hold yourself up and justbe able to experience the world
and enjoy that, and that that'swhat makes you feel free, being
able to like live.
I feel like a lot of peopleforget to live and, as stupid as
(19:32):
that sounds or that's crazy, Idon't know, it's just we need to
remember.
Remember like hey, we just gotto live a little bit, like we
just got to enjoy we forget tolive because we're too worried
about surviving almost.
I like how you say that because,like, growing up, I feel like
I've always like Survived, likeback story for everybody.
(19:52):
Like when I was 17, I moved outof my house like I was just
like no, I need, I need to getout of here.
Wasn't a good space for me.
Just with, like my parents,like they're always arguing,
fighting, and I'm me as a kid aslike hey, I told my mom I was
like you need to kick my stepdadout, like he's not right for
you, he's he's not a goodinfluence on us.
Like I need him out of here.
(20:13):
If you don't leave, if hedoesn't leave, I'm gone.
And, mind you, this was a randomWednesday of the week.
I just wake her up out of bedbefore I go to school at like
six in the morning and I droppedhis bomb on her and she's like
what are you talking about?
Like you're crazy, like don'tbother me with this.
Like you're stupid, you soundcrazy.
And then I was like, alright,well, I'm out, then I'm leaving
(20:35):
by Friday or something.
And I moved out that same weekand, thinking back at it, I was
like that was kind of a bad wayto go about it.
But like I mean, I know Ididn't know how to go about it
either, but that opportunity waslike that time off was able to
like away from home, was able togive me the freedom and like it
(20:56):
was, I was able to give me thetime and like the freedom to
just go into myself withouthaving to be in survival mode,
like I was living out with afriend and his family and
they're just like a regularfamily.
And I was like, wow, like thisis so weird.
Like y'all have dinner, I'lltalk to each other.
Like me was more like I go toschool, I go home, I go on my
phone.
Like Not saying I had ahorrible childhood, like it was
(21:19):
a great.
Like you know, my family didplay board games.
We had a good time, we enjoyedourselves, but at the time it
was just like a lot of toxicstuff going on, just bad
influences in the world.
So when I moved out, I was ableto like just learn a lot and
now my family has gotten waycloser than ever and I feel it's
because we've all kind ofexperienced different things and
(21:39):
then been able to come back andjust, hey, I know these things
were wrong, but look, we're herenow and we're living now and
all we have is this time.
Now, like recently mygrandfather passed away, and
Like that was tragic, but it itdid bring us all closer in a
sense.
And even though our family isnot perfect, it's like now I
(22:01):
feel we're at the stage of hey,we can have these open
conversations, like I'm.
I know there is a lot of likehate towards each other, a lot
of anger, but it's like hey,we've been able to realize, like
we're not perfect, we all dothings that we shouldn't do, but
at the end of the day, it'slike I Want to be able to enjoy
my time with you and I know it'snot gonna be forever.
(22:22):
So let's, let's let our bygonesbe bygones and just be able to
enjoy the moment and live witheach other and Try to like help
each other.
Like we don't have to be stuckin this, this life of hatred and
anger.
Like let's, let's take a second, let's take a moment and don't
judge each other.
Like like it's where our family, we should be able to enjoy
(22:43):
each other.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
So had a little backstory on my life well,
having that perspective is hugeand Realizing, you know, cuz I
always rag on wheat, I rag on myfamily a lot, you know,
especially with my upbringingand things that I've talked
about.
But having that perspective,you know change like you got to
realize what you have, you know,still have each other here to
(23:06):
love and spend time together.
You know there's some stuffthat Can't change past, but you
can sure as hell make thepresent moment a little better
with a little more Love andcompassion and forgiveness is
what I've learned, although Ithink we all struggle a little
bit with channeling that.
But it's a very mature thing todo, to to look at life the way
(23:26):
you did and Be where you're atright now.
Also what we were talking aboutbefore.
When we get down on ourselveswith the routines and stuff,
sometimes we just we don't holdourselves accountable right and
For the change you made when youwere 17, you said you were
gonna do something and you didit.
Like I'm moving out Did it.
(23:47):
It's a pretty big deal,especially because you're
counting on yourself at thatpoint.
Granted, you had somewhere togo, but at the same time you
trusted yourself enough.
You're like I got to do thisfor me, you know and you can
look at it as good or bad, right, I got kicked out of my house
when I was 19.
They're like you just can'tlive here, and rightfully so.
(24:08):
I was fucking out of my mind,you know.
But I do tell them.
I do tell my mom to this daythat I'm very grateful that she
did that for me, because Iwouldn't, or we don't, realize
what we have, you know, untilit's too late, right?
So Doing the work on ourselvesright now, realizing what we
have, being grateful for it, ishow we can live in the moment
(24:30):
and enjoy it.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
It's, it's crazy coming to those realizations,
honestly, life just comes out offull circle, sometimes like
damn, like Things really dohappen for a reason like I don't
I'm not a religious dude, I wasbut like it's crazy.
Sometimes, just when you gothrough your life and you see
how things happen and lookingback at it, it's like wow, like
I'm here After all of this, likeI'm still here from what?
(24:54):
Regardless of what happened andGod does give his hardest
battles to his strongestsoldiers, whatever the saying is
.
Like we have to experiencethese things to learn and grow.
If we didn't get out of ourcomfort zone and like get kicked
out or move out, like if wedidn't do that, I don't really
know where my family would be atthat point, like where how our
(25:16):
life would be.
So like yeah, it sucks thatthose things happen, but like
they have to happen sometimesand it's not always going to be
easy, it's not always going tobe fun.
Like you're going to struggle,but those struggles help you and
help people.
Like just be able to have theseconversations and be like hey,
like it's all right, like thisis how we can do better and feel
(25:38):
present, feel free, free, feelhappy.
Like it sucks that it happenedto us, but like we can't control
it.
They did though.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
You know it does suck that those things happen, but
if life was perfect, I don'tthink it would be worth living
Right, that's just how I look atit.
If there wasn't struggle, youwouldn't realize how, how good
it can be.
You know, you got to go throughthose struggles and I've met a
lot of people in my life whodon't look at the signs that the
universe sends you or theydon't look at their past, they
(26:08):
don't learn from it, and for atime I didn't.
You know I I covered up all ofthe mistakes I made.
You know you bury them deepdown, you don't face them
because you're ashamed of whoyou are and that doesn't help
you grow.
And you, you have to make thosemoves and you have to see the
signs that the universe issending you in order to grow.
And you got to be grateful forthem because you could keep like
(26:30):
shying away and turning yourhead away from the things you're
supposed to learn in order toheal and be better.
But you're just going to chaseyour tail or you're going to
live under a rock and be ahermit, which I've done before
as well.
So, coming out of your shell,coming out of your comfort zone,
realizing what you have theseare.
These are huge moves.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
I see it in a lot of people and like just me going
through that Like I'm.
I'm a very forgiving personbecause at the end of the day,
like I think about it, like whatif that was me?
Like I'm one of the youngestout of all my siblings I got to
I didn't get to experience thesame things they.
They they've struggled with orthey experienced.
Like I bet they had it a lotharder and way worse than I did,
(27:09):
you know.
And so me thinking like oh, somuch bad crap happened to me.
It probably wasn't even like ascrazy as what happened to them
or I can only imagine.
But that's why I'm such a likeforgiving person.
Because I know like thestruggles and the hardships a
lot of people face and I don'ttry to judge them for it.
(27:29):
And I, you know, sometimes we'reall human, we all judge people,
we all make assumptions Likethat's totally normal.
But being able to just step backand and listen to someone and
give them advice and just belike, hey, it's going to be all
right, a lot of people do dostruggle with getting out of
that and it sometimes it doessuck just seeing people stuck in
that loop and I feel like ifwe're just all have show a
(27:52):
little bit of compassion andwe're all just kind of guide
them like they're not going tolisten to it the first time, but
if you're just consistentlythere, that that does make a
difference.
And I feel like a lot of peopleneed to be like forgiving and
need to share that compassionwith each other, because if not,
we're all going to be a hermit,so we're all going to lock
ourselves away and we're allgoing to be like hey, get away
(28:14):
from me.
No one, no one listens to me,no one cares about me.
But whatever, like, no, likewe're all here for each other
and and that's what we should bedoing, that's what we should be
promoting into the world, likecompassion, positivity.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
So we can't do it alone, right, we think we can.
That's the problem, you know.
That's that's when we getdepressed.
You know, and I've thought thatmultiple times too, until you
know, I've sought professionalhelp through therapy.
You know, I started going to NA.
The healing process is tough.
I wasn't even ready to do ituntil eight years into active
(28:50):
addiction.
And it's tough because you, youhave to admit that you're wrong
.
You know, no one likes doingthat, no one likes being wrong,
because we we put too muchpressure on ourselves to be
perfect, which is stupid.
I don't know where this notionof perfection comes from, but
it's unreachable, especially theexpectations of where we think
(29:10):
we need to be.
So you do need to handle thesesituations with a little more
forgiveness, which is what Itend to be writing about a lot
more lately, because I'm notperfect.
I got down to myself because Itook months off from the podcast
.
I don't post a lot of contentand I always tell myself you're
going to take your dreamsseriously than do it.
And when you start lettingyourself down, you get down on
(29:31):
yourself, right, and then, ifyou start letting yourself down
outside of your dreams and likeyour relationships, your
relationship with yourself.
I'm like, well, I'm smokingcigars, I'm eating ice cream and
playing video games.
I'm not doing shit, I don'trespect myself.
And then you dig a deeper holeeach time and you forget to
forgive yourself, you forget tolend a helping hand out to
(29:52):
yourself.
I always have this dichotomyinside of me of like there's two
different Johns, which I'mstarting to think that they're
one now, but when I am down, Iwould like the healed version of
myself to hold a handout to meand be like yo, dude, it's okay,
what are you tripping for?
Right, you don't have to getdown about this shit.
(30:13):
You can learn that.
You can overcome things.
We forget that and we usesocial media, we use drugs, we
use fast food, pharmaceuticals,we use these things to numb us
and we hold up, and that's nothealthy.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Yeah, like I, when I, when I turned 21, I started
working at like a dispensary andthere was like all these
positive things about it, likeoh, it's great, medical benefits
, it's all these benefits, andthat's that's the whole lot of
people get in like myselfincluded.
And when I came to therealization of I'm just filling
(30:51):
this void of inside of me withwith stuff, with like pleasure,
pleasurable stuff, is because Iwas trying, I was moving away
from what that garbage was.
Feeling like I would say thatmyself and my goals and my
ambitions, like stuff that I'vebeen wanting to tell myself or
been telling myself to do, likehey, you can do this, and I've
been filling it up with drugs or, you know, social media.
(31:13):
So, being able to, I want tosay like so when I, when I
started working at thedispensary, I saw all these
happy people and I was like Iwant to, I want to be happy like
them.
Like I want to, I want to dothese things.
Like there's so many creativepeople out there and and there's
just a trap of a lot of peoplejust saying, saying, yeah, I'm
(31:35):
gonna do these things and then,after being there for so long,
it's like hold up.
A year has passed, two yearshave passed.
I'm in the same spot I was atwhen I first started here.
Everybody's at the same spot.
Like I thought you wanted to dothis.
I thought, like you guys hadall these ideas and yet we're
not moving forward.
So that's when I like steppedback and I was like, all right,
(31:57):
yeah, it does get my creativejuices flowing, whatever.
Yeah, I do get great ideas, butam I putting in the work to
those?
Am I putting in that effort?
No, so being able to like juststep back and say, okay, let's
put in the work, let's put inthe effort and let's do
something, like let's not justsay it, let's not just think it,
(32:19):
like we have all these ideas,let's, let's do it.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
And I don't know where I was going with that, but
yeah, it's tough to trainyourself to do that, you know,
especially with weed, because,like you said, gets the creative
juices flowing.
I connected my using with mycreativity and over the years it
actually diminished it becauseI was relying on it and I got
(32:42):
upset that I wasn't doing what Isaid.
you know, I said for almosteight years I was going to be a
rapper you know, and I worked onmy writing and my free styling,
but I didn't put it into action.
I didn't go out and meet otherpeople who were doing the same
thing, because I was just holedup like a hermit and not until I
(33:04):
got sober was I actually ableto put in that work.
I'm like all right, ideas aregreat, action is better you know
Execution.
Yeah, execution, yeah, doing it.
And it's tough because wefantasize with these ideas, are
like, ah, this is great.
You know, like our thoughts areaddictive, because you can feel
from your thoughts, right, andthen you have a good idea.
(33:26):
And then you tangent into somefantasy world where that idea
worked out perfectly, and you'relike, ah, that's the me now
from that idea.
And you're daydreaming, youknow, and you're not putting it
into action.
You're like, oh, that's enoughaction for today.
You know the imaginary me putin all of this work over the
next five to 10 minutes, I'mdone for the day.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
I'm just going to watch TV now, right, that
distraction of just moving awayfrom that.
I did live this, like, why am Ieven tripping now, like it was
there and now it's gone?
But yeah, just, I want thatevery day.
Like you know, I want to beable to live that.
And so, yeah, I think I'vedefinitely, like, once you
started the podcast and like wemet and stuff, like I was, I
(34:09):
came kind of to that I wasalready at that realization of
like I'm going to stop smokingso much.
But that, like you've kind ofhelped me realize, like, because
, like a lot of people around me, a lot of circles that I have,
would be like, hey, let's, Ihave this idea, we should do it.
And I'm like, yeah, dope, andthen don't hear it from ever
again, don't hear anything aboutit.
And it's like when we met youand you're like, oh, I do a
(34:29):
podcast, I was like, oh, that'sdope, you know talking to you
about it.
And then you asking me foradvice, me, you know asking for
advice, and then us putting thatinto action.
It's like that's the, that'sthe people you need around you,
that's the, that's the type ofpeople, that's what people need
to hear.
It's like, hey, like, just juststart like just just go like,
do it like, and being able tohave those open conversations
(34:51):
and that, that compassion, andget those creative juices
flowing with each other.
Like hey, like I got this idea,don't know how I'm going to do
it.
Here's an idea.
We bounce off each other andwe're like all right, now let's
try it out.
Like we tried so many thingsand here we are now like so yeah
, like, yeah.
We take a moment, like we'relike wow, like we did this.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
I know it's trial and error, though you know it was
shaky at first.
But then you start doing it andlike what Aiden was saying on
the podcast before, like he quitweed he smoked a lot of weed,
obviously, and you know thedrinking and stuff and he was
saying like, yeah, I thinksobriety is like a prerequisite
for any type of success, which Itotally understand if you've
(35:33):
had like an issue using you knowI know people who can manage it
, you know, and that's great.
And then I know people whocan't manage it.
And I think having thatconversation with yourself about
like hey, there are some thingsI know I can't do, and getting
rid of something like that issuch a huge milestone when
(35:56):
you're able to give up a habitthat has controlled you, that
internal victory to yourself is.
I can't even describe how I've,how far I've come in terms of
that.
So to hear that you're alsofeeling the same way about weed,
you know I don't.
(36:18):
I don't talk shit about weed.
I don't really talk shit aboutdrugs on the Feel Free podcast
because I wouldn't be the personI am today if it wasn't for
them.
They had a lot of negativeimpacts on my life, but I
wouldn't have the perspective onthe world.
I wouldn't have the perspectiveon other people if I didn't do
(36:40):
those things.
And there are people out therewho can enjoy them and that's
great.
And I know a lot of people whohave given them up these habits
and have done amazing thingswith their life.
So I'm I'm a little biased if,if people come to me with like a
dreamer and aspiration, right,I want to do this.
(37:00):
You know, the execution iscrucial and getting rid of
pleasure seeking habits in orderto maximize your effort, that's
that's key.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
Yeah, like.
I mean, they're like you'resaying there is a lot of people
who, who can, who can indulgeand can do these things.
But a lot of people like theysee that and they're like I'm
one of those people, I can dothe same thing, like, yeah, I
can fulfill my dreams and dodrugs.
That's totally cool.
But over time they don't seethat they don't have that
execution there.
(37:32):
They just don't, they don't putit into action, they just sit
down waiting for that moment tohappen.
And it's like I see myself in alot of those people's and I
don't I'm not saying I'm goingto go sober, like I don't, I
don't picture myself being ableto be sober.
And because I do still get someof those benefits from like
smoking, I like, especially whenI'm doing like my workout and
(37:55):
stuff, I do feel like it givesme some sort of like relief and
like being able to like chillout and be present.
But I mean, it was a strugglefor me, for sure, where I was
just like doing it every day,doing it first thing in the
morning till I go to bed,because I was like, yeah, it
helps me be present, it helps meenjoy life, it helps me be
(38:17):
happy.
And then I came to therealization it's like I just
want to be happy, I don't wantto have to take something to be
that meet that version of methat I want.
So it's.
I mean, it's a, it's a battle,because you have to face some
demons.
You have to go through your ownhead and being like, why aren't
you happy right now?
Why, why do you feel angry, whydo you feel sad?
(38:40):
Like an, answer those questionsand get an honest answer from
yourself, because no one's goingto tell you no, no one's going
to give you the answer.
So, being able to take thattime of discomfort, like, and
just being able to, like, put itinto action, and being able to
be true to yourself and giveyourself that, that dream of,
(39:01):
hey, let's put these, thesewords, into action, these ideas
into actions, let's stop livingin fantasy world and let's,
let's realize where we're atright now and let's get to where
we want to be.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
It gets easier to ask those questions when you're
sober or when you're not doingit all day, every day, which is
one of the reasons possibly whywe smoked all day, every day, or
did drugs all day, every daybecause those questions were
arising.
I'm like I don't want to answerthat, I don't want to face that
(39:34):
, I'm here right now.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
What do you mean?
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Right, you know, and it's just a fallacy, but working
on yourself, theself-development journey is.
It's discomforting but it isextremely rewarding.
Especially You've listened tothe episodes with Brandon and
Aiden, and Muncie as well, andit's just amazing what being
(39:57):
able to answer those questionsgets you.
You can go your whole lifewithout asking yourself those
questions and I'm not sure wegive enough credit to people for
asking those questions and Ihope that by people listening or
watching the podcast, that theycan put their phones down or
their screens down and reallyjust sit there without any
(40:19):
substance at all.
Just sit there and askthemselves like what do I have
to do in order to love myself?
Or what do I have to do inorder to feel free?
Why don't I feel free?
Speaker 2 (40:32):
A lot of people don't have those questions imprinted
in them, they're just in fantasymode.
So I feel like this podcast itdoes do that and it just needs
to reach that person and it willeventually, because of the
digital footprint, someone'sgoing to come into this any of
your episodes and be like holdon, I resonate with this and
(40:52):
just fine and be like, all right, they're telling me I can do
these things.
They're telling me, hey, we'vegot to start.
I get these questions in myhead that I've never answered
and you can do those things.
You can put in the effort.
Just take a moment and reallyjust let those questions
(41:13):
marinate in your mind and thenput action to them Right and
also ask for help.
Speaker 1 (41:20):
Like I said, can't do it all alone.
When those questions comearound, don't get scared of the
questions and don't get scaredof how you might answer them.
Like I said, being wrong sucks,but it's the only way you're
going to learn is when you'rewrong Can't always be right.
Speaker 2 (41:37):
Stupid.
It's also about your community,too.
I feel like a lot of people inyour friend circles they're just
going to be like you're fine,it's OK, we're all going through
the same thing, we're all here.
But it's like take a moment andlook Like well, where are we
all at?
We all have these dreams and weneed to hold each other
(41:57):
accountable and we need to beable to tell each other and be
honest with each other.
It's like hey, I know you'retrying your hardest and I know
you're doing a lot, but you cando more.
And if you when times when youcan't do more, that's OK.
But don't give up, don't stop.
Like, don't give up on yourself.
Like, keep going and we're herefor each other.
(42:20):
Like I'll give you my advice,I'll let you know my struggles,
but be honest with me.
Don't just don't feed into myfantasy of like oh yeah, I'm
fine, I'm doing good.
Like, because you know mydreams, you know where I want to
be at.
You need to tell me hey, you'vebeen slacking a little bit and
that's OK.
Like, I'm not going to like, ifyou're, if you tell your friend
(42:41):
and you're honest with them andyou're like you've been
slacking and they're like ah,after this dude, like I'm not,
I'm not going to even talk tothis person, no more.
Or they really like your friend, like that, and like no, like
they don't want to see you dowhat we've all had in our mind
to do.
And a lot of you lose a lot ofpeople when you take in those
actions because they get thisversion of like they feed off
(43:03):
this version of they thought whoyou were and they're like hold
on, why is he, why is thisperson doing these things?
That's not you Like you don'tdo that and that you internalize
that.
And you're like, like maybe Ican't, maybe I shouldn't, I'm,
let me just stay low, let me dowhat I, what I've always done,
and I'll be fine, because then Iwon't be uncomfortable, then
(43:24):
I'll just live in fantasy world,or yeah, that's fucked, it's
fucked.
Speaker 1 (43:29):
Yeah, I uh calling people out on their bullshit,
including myself.
You know you have to have thosepeople.
There's always going to bepeople in your life that are
going to say things are okay andthat's okay too.
You got to have some chillmotherfuckers, but you also got
to have some people that aregoing to push you and call you
(43:49):
out if you're slacking which I'mvery grateful for having those
people in my life Just becausesomeone calls you out on your
bullshit right there.
It's not like you're, likeyou're right, I'm learning, move
forward.
Sometimes you got to let itmarinate a little bit, and I do
hope that with the podcast.
I don't want people to comehere and think automatically
(44:10):
that you're going to get inshape like some Marvel superhero
, some Greek demigod, or you'regoing to make millions of
dollars, or you're going to.
We're not.
I'm not here to promote sometype of fantasy world.
I'm literally here to promote ahealthy life, whether that's
mentally, physically oremotionally, financially, just
to the point where we stop usingsubstances or negative thought
(44:35):
processes in order to hold usdown.
We're trying to feel free.
You got to understand whatyou're trying to free yourself
from and then come up with aplan, surround yourself with
positive people or even seekprofessional help, like it's
2024.
We have the resources to livebetter.
We just have to use themproperly, which we don't know
(44:59):
how to do at the start, which itgets discouraging, and then we
go scorched earth and we're likeah, we'll fuck it.
I don't know what to do.
And you stay low and you keepdoing the same shit you've been
doing right, but you got tostart stacking small daily wins.
And Brandon and Aiden say thisall the time just make your
fucking bed.
I'm not a prop and I'm not.
(45:19):
I don't make my fucking bed.
All right, they make their bed.
And I also changed my morningroutine in the last two weeks
and having a few things just tobe held accountable for on a
daily basis, like just a W, avictory, those build up over
time.
Then you start trustingyourself again.
You start feeling proud ofyourself, not like pretentious
(45:43):
or prideful ego, like I'm betterthan people, but you take pride
in the fact that you're alive,which for a long time and a lot
of people struggle with becausewe beat ourselves up.
Yeah, try and find one or twothings to win each day and be
grateful for it.
Speaker 2 (46:00):
Yeah, when you get those wins, like you are present
and you're not in a negativespace, you're in a positive
space and when the more peoplethat are in a positive space,
they can give that to others,they have more patience, they
have more time to just be likeall right, being able to notice
(46:21):
someone's having a bad day, I'mnot gonna take that and go off
on them or I'm not gonna takethat personally.
I understand you're having abad day and I've been there,
trust me.
But yeah, I want to fill myroutine.
I wanna fill my life withpositive reinforcement for
myself and be accountable onmyself so that others can do the
(46:44):
same.
And, like you said, it's notcoming from like an egotistical
thing, yeah, but I wanna beconfident.
I wanna be happy, like if somepeople think like, oh, this
guy's cocky, like I'm sorry,like I'm not trying to be cocky,
but at the same time I wanna becocky Because I remember when I
was younger, like I was sococky, like I was, like I'm the
(47:08):
most confident person, andthat's when I truly felt happy
because I was accountable tomyself.
I was telling myself I'm gonnado these things and I was doing
them.
And the older we get we stopdoing those things or we fall
back or what life happens, andthen you're not.
And then you get in like, oh,I'm not like how I used to be.
Well, you get scorched earth,like I'm gonna start just
(47:33):
filling my day with a wholebunch of drugs, a whole bunch of
video games, a whole bunch ofstuff to just not live in the
present moment.
And so, yeah, I feel like thispodcast, I feel like people just
being able to live a healthylife and just helps everybody
live that life and helpseverybody feed off that energy.
(47:53):
And, like you said, it's notcoming from like a self-centered
area.
It's like, hey, I understand,I've been there, but like let's
all get to this position ofbeing present, being
compassionate, being happy witheach other and not so judgmental
, like Right.
Speaker 1 (48:14):
I mean we fall into that trap of judging ourselves
and saying to each other it's aslippery slope though, you know,
but we're retraining ourselvesin order to be healthy again.
And I think the millennialgeneration, the Gen Z generation
, I think we realize howimportant health is.
(48:35):
Again.
Health wasn't always I meanemotional health, mental health,
physical health, Like thesethings weren't huge topics of
discussions for humanity,because it was all about
survival.
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