April 22, 2025 • 21 mins
You can be JUST the person they need.
Wrapping up the “Rules of Engagement” from When Loss Comes Close to Home, John Tesh, Charlie, and Jill establish how crucial it is for one grieving ANY kind of loss that we all learn to be a source of life and love instead of making their already difficult journey even harder. Showing the kindnesses of compassion and patience releases God’s love to bring healing.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Charlie LeBlanc (00:05):
Hi, everybody, and welcome back to another
episode of our podcast, FindingHope. And that's what our heart
is, is that you would find hopethrough all of these podcasts
that we're doing. Hope to getyou through difficult times in
your life as the Lord helped usget through our difficult times.
Jill LeBlanc (00:23):
Yes, he did. So we're continuing on today with
episode three of our interviewwith John Tesh. This this one
will wrap that up, but man hasit been powerful. So we
encourage you to go back andhear the previous ones if you
didn't already.
Charlie LeBlanc (00:40):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (00:40):
But join us as we keep continue talking about the
rules of engagement and justdifferent things that the Lord
showed us along the way.
Charlie LeBlanc (00:49):
Yes.
John Tesh (00:50):
So the next rule is is don't be offended, which is
yeah. This is for you. You needto receive this, Jill. Don't be
I'm just kidding.
You know, Jill's not gonna beoffended. She's just gonna slap
you across the face and set youstraight. That's what's gonna
happen. Go go ahead. Here's thefirst line of this. Try not to
be offended or affected if theydon't return your your text,
(01:13):
email, or phone call.
I have people who are offendedand I didn't lose a child. I
mean, it's like, okay, guys,stop it.
Charlie LeBlanc (01:19):
Mhmm.
John Tesh (01:20):
Right?
Jill LeBlanc (01:21):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I remember a friend, there
was someone in our church. Gosh.I'm trying to remember the
specific case, but there was adeath of someone in our church,
and a friend of ours reached outto that person and said they
never send them texts, theydon't ever answer my text.
(01:45):
And I just wanna know howthey're doing, and so I'll text
them and and call, and theydon't ever call me back. What is
the deal? You know, at the time,we hadn't walked through this.
And so, you know, I didn'treally have a lot of wisdom to
offer. But in looking back, Itotally understand now because,
(02:08):
you know, the because, again,the the bereaved person is, and
they're just dysfunctional inthe best sense of the word, the
kindest sense of the word.
Right. And so just don't, it'snot about you. You know? Not
about- it's not about yousending your text and sending
your phone call. You know, wejust need to reach out to them.
(02:30):
We just need to let them knowthey are loved. So if you wanna
send a text and a phone calljust to let them know, you know,
leave a phone message. Tell themyou love them. Tell them you're
praying for them.
John Tesh (02:40):
Right.
Jill LeBlanc (02:40):
Don't expect anything back.
Charlie LeBlanc (02:42):
And you can even say, sorry, but I just
wanted to make sure they gotthis.
John Tesh (02:50):
This is such great therapy for me. So I'm like, oh,
my marriage is just like this.
Charlie LeBlanc (02:55):
Yeah. Yeah. So so and then now I forgot what
was gonna say. But, anyway, whatwhat I was gonna say is-
Jill LeBlanc (03:01):
I think Jill is happy about that. Go ahead.
Charlie LeBlanc (03:04):
You even at times, you'll text and you'll
say, no need to answer thistext. Or we'll leave them as,
"Look, we know you're busy withyour family and friends. We just
want you to know we're prayingfor you. We love you. We're with
you."
And so that takes, you know,it's not like, well, I've texted
you, you gotta text me back andlet me know, you know. Right.
But it it releases them, and Ithink that's very unselfish, you
(03:27):
know. It's just like I'm givingthis. I'm not expecting anything
in return.
John Tesh (03:30):
Yeah. Here's the, another great thing about this
book is that, you know, it'swhat you have suffered through,
it's what you've learned withwith your grief, but also the
scriptures that you used to getthrough that. You use spiritual
warfare to get through that. Andso it's so, you know, with all
of these, you know, rules ofengagement, what you know what
(03:52):
to do, there's always there arescriptures that pepper through
this. So for for don't beoffended, the latest the the
rule number four that we'regiving you, there's Psalm 31:7
You have seen my troubles andyou care about the anguish of my
soul. Let's be like the Lord,you write, and show we care for
those in mourning withoutexpecting anything in return.
(04:13):
The Lord will repay you for yourkindness. That's awesome.
Charlie LeBlanc (04:17):
That's right.
John Tesh (04:18):
Rule number five, give them space in their healing
journey. Go ahead.
Charlie LeBlanc (04:23):
Well, you know, people just need space when
they're going through adifficult time. Now, these are
complicated things, you know,because on one hand, you know,
being alone and isolated canhurt too, and you feel like,
well, no one cares. You know? Sobut at the same time, what
(04:48):
unfortunately happens is thepeople that you don't want to
reach out sometimes reach out.And so but in general, you just
need to let people give themgive them time, give them space.
Don't expect too much out ofthem. You know, just let let
them, give them time to grow, togrieve, to get through this this
(05:09):
pain. And so I don't know, Jill,do you have any other things
you'd like to add to that aboutjust giving someone some space
to to get through this?
Jill LeBlanc (05:18):
Yeah. One book that I read, I read a lot of
books on different people'sstories that had been through
loss. And this one particularfather lost, this couple lost
their 10 year old son. He hedied waiting on a heart
(05:40):
transplant list. And they knewfrom the time he was little that
his heart was bad and his tenyears he was with them, they
knew it was kind of a tickingtime bomb, but they still had
hopes that he could get theheart and survive.
And alas, he died at 10 yearsold. And that father, he was
(06:02):
required I mean, just because ofthe way his job was, they took
three days off for the funeraland some bereavement, and then
he had to go right back to work.And he I think he traveled in
sales, and he never gave anytime for grieving. Never gave
(06:23):
himself.
He couldn't. He had to get backon the trail to keep, you know,
the money coming into thefamily. And after about nine
months, he began to fall apart.And then eventually he went to
see a grief counselor and just,you know, that was that he he
(06:43):
just cried the whole session andfinally started getting some
healing. But if he would havebeen able to take time and just
not have to go right back towork and and just get some help
early on, he would have beenable to allow himself to start
grieving. And, you know,grieving is so important to
(07:04):
healing. It's just part, youjust have to be able to grieve
to be able to heal. And thattakes time and takes space.
And, you know, like Charliesaid, you know, there is a
delicate balance there becauseyou don't want someone to feel
like no one cares. But at thesame time, some people just need
(07:26):
to be left alone. Like wementioned in the book, we went
away for a month. Was it onemonth? Yeah.
Charlie LeBlanc (07:34):
Mhmm.
Jill LeBlanc (07:35):
We, so we had a funeral in Saint Louis where we
lived, and then Charlie'sparents and most of his family
were all in Phoenix. So then wedid another funeral over there.
They were in Arizona toCalifornia. So we did two
funerals within, four days. Thatwas pretty painful.
John Tesh (07:54):
Oh yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (07:55):
But, after that, we went away for a month. His
brother had a condo in San Diegothat they let us use, so that
was that was such a gift fromthe Lord, and we're forever
grateful to them for allowingthat. But during that time, we
were able to just pull away, youknow, rest, sleep when we needed
(08:18):
to and just not have to, I mean,and not everyone, you know, gets
to do that, but we were soblessed to be able to just
unplug and and have time just toprocess and just start the
journey, you know, and try tofigure out what happened and,
(08:39):
you know, cried a lot of tearsduring that time and and also
enjoyed some beautiful things,you know, some sunsets that we
didn't normally get to enjoy andjust time. So that's that's very
important to to have some space.
John Tesh (09:00):
Which brings us to rule number six, is remember
with them. And you tell a storyin the book here. One of Beau's
high school friends recentlywrote us on the anniversary of
his death, telling a beautifulstory of how her life was
forever impacted by how kind andthoughtfully he treated her at
school even as an underclassman.The tears streamed down our
(09:23):
cheeks once again. That's gonnatake courage for some people to
to know how to remember with youguys. You know? Do you know what
I mean?
Charlie LeBlanc (09:34):
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It does. But I just wanna
say to this day, it stillblesses us so much.
And we get these things just outof the blue. I just got a
Facebook messenger from a guyrecently who he said, Charlie, I
don't if you remember me, blahblah blah. And he says, back in
(09:56):
these retreats when you and Joewere leading worship and Beau
was just five or six years old,he goes, I remember playing with
him and I remember how cute hewas and I'm just so sorry I
haven't seen you guys in yearsand, I just got your book. I
just read it and it just brokemy heart, but it just touched me
so much. So but even that, youknow, it's just we can we
(10:17):
continue to get little notes ofpeople that had an experience
with Beau, and it just really,really it really helps us. It
really helps.
John Tesh (10:26):
So you would recommend that. Right? Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (10:28):
Yeah. Oh, absolutely. And if we are in
relationship with someone thathas experienced loss, we will do
that. If we get a memory ofsomeone, we'll contact them and
say, I was just thinking about,you know, whoever it is. And I
remember the time when we didthis or that.
(10:51):
And because the ones leftbehind, they feed off of that.
They, it's just words of life.And it's very important if you
have that relationship withsomeone who's lost their
precious loved one to reach outto them and share a memory or
(11:15):
just share the fact that thatyou're acknowledging their loss
and even even though it's been awhile. Like we said, it's
fifteen years for us at thistime, and still we treasure when
someone reaches out to us with aspecial memory.
John Tesh (11:32):
Rule number seven is we're in the middle of the of
the rules of engagement, whichare what what Charlie and and
and Jill have learned. Thingsyou should and should not say to
someone who's grieving, grievingover over anything. So rule
number seven is don't try to fixthem. Yeah. Yeah.
Were people trying to fix youand how? How were they trying to
(11:53):
do that?
Charlie LeBlanc (11:54):
Oh, wow. I'm so glad that I forgot that that one
was was in there. But, you know,like I said earlier, we just
have a tendency to to wanna fixpeople and and, you know, lots
of people were just wanting totry to help us get over this
quickly. So, you know, the theshotgun scriptures, you know,
like, oh, your son's in heaven.Praise the lord. Right? Amen.
(12:16):
You know? And, no, that's thatdoesn't help at all. That's one
of those statements you don'twanna say.
John Tesh (12:22):
Those are the shotgun scriptures? I'm using that.
The shotgun scriptures. You justspray the area, you mean?
Charlie LeBlanc: [laughter] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. (12:28):
undefined
Yeah. They're gonna get better.
They're bound to. You know?
John Tesh (12:31):
I got it. I got you.
Charlie LeBlanc (12:32):
But, again, weeping with those who weep, you
know, having compassion, havingsensitivity to someone who's in
pain. So, you know, don't try tofix people. I wanna give you a
little story of what happened tome. About a year and a half
after Beau died, we had a callwhere we heard that a close
(12:58):
pastor friend of ours and hiswife had lost their son. And our
hearts broke. I mean, we were inEngland actually at the time
when we were told. And Jill justsaid, I can't eat. I'm going
upstairs. She wept. I went andjoined her eventually, and we
called them.
And, they, we asked them, can wehelp you? Can we come to your
church? We'll be home such andsuch day. You want us to come
(13:18):
and help you in your service? Hesaid, please do. Please.
So, of course, they were, theyloved us. They knew of our loss,
they now, they're experiencingit. So they really wanted us to
come and be with them. So thatSunday morning, it was about an
hour, maybe an hour and a halfdrive.
We're driving down, and all of asudden it hits me. I'm thinking,
what am I doing? I don't knowhow I can help him. I said, I
(13:42):
still have a lot of pain of myown loss. How am I gonna comfort
him in any way?
You know, I was compelled by theHoly Spirit to say, yes, we'll
come, but my brain all of asudden said, I have nothing to
say because I'm still hurting.But, so, I just began to pray.
And as we as we drove there, Ijust continued we both were just
praying. And the Lord droppedinto my heart a statement. He
(14:04):
said, Charlie, tell the peopleto do the loving and I will do
the fixing.
And in fact, I mentioned to youguys earlier, he said it like,
you do the loving and I'll dothe fixing, is what he told me
to tell them. This was a littlecountry church in South
Missouri. And so the Lord knowshow to speak into us right where
(14:25):
we're at and then in our style.But, but so I
John Tesh (14:29):
There it is. You do the loving, I'll
Charlie LeBlanc (14:33):
Exactly. Yeah. And so I put the details of that
in there, but it was such aprofound moment for me. And I
just continued to pray and Godjust gave me a whole message
with that. And when we gotthere, just to be able to tell
people, listen, you're not thefixer.
Don't try to be. You know, Iknow you care. We know you love
people and you're trying to helpthem, but we really don't know
(14:54):
how to help people like we thinkwe do. But love helps. Amen?
And so if you do the loving, Godcan fix them. And that's, I told
you that experience earlierabout Andrew and Jamie Womack
loving us and other closefriends that wept with us. They
didn't try to fix us. Theydidn't try to say, okay,
Charlie, now you need to dothis, now you need to do that.
(15:16):
No.
They just loved on us andallowed God to do the fixing.
And, you know, he does heal thebroken hearts. It doesn't say we
heal the broken hearts. So ifyou have a friend who has a
broken heart, you can't help youcan't heal them, but you can
love them. You can help them gethealed by loving them.
Yeah. And, you know, so I thinkit's just a real powerful thing
to learn is from the Lord to tolet him fix people. Let him
(15:41):
broken hearts. Let him comfortthe mourner, but you do loving.
Don't forget to love, care,comfort, and and, you know, just
be there for them, weep withthem, but don't try to fix them.
Don't try to give their sword ofthe spirit and just start
hitting them with all thescriptures that's supposed to
(16:01):
make them better. There's a timeand a place for everything. In
fact, the scripture, and we haveall this in the book, talks a
lot about singing happy songs tosomeone who's sad, how it's
horrible to do that. You know,somebody, oh, come on, rejoice
in the Lord. Well, there's atime to weep and there's a time
to pray, as Ecclesiastes tellsus that. There's a time for
grief. There's a time formourning. There's a time for
(16:22):
these things. And so don't tryto push, an undue time onto
someone who's hurting. Lovethem.
And in time, like we dideventually, we eventually began
to worship Jesus. You know, Ineeded, I wanted to run from God
like both of us did. But Iremembered the scripture where
where the disciples said, youknow, where else can I go,
(16:46):
Jesus? You have the words ofeternal life.
And so I came to thatrealization I had no place else
to go, but at the same time, Iwas hurt and didn't understand
all the things that happened tome. Right? And so I just came to
the Lord. I said, Lord, well,know you heal the brokenhearted.
I know you comfort those whomourn.
And my heart's broken and I needhelp, so I'm gonna come to you
(17:09):
on that. And so, you know, weeventually just had to learn how
to live in what we understoodand not live in what we don't
understand. Some people get allcaught up at, I don't understand
this. I don't understand thisabout God.
Why didn't God how come Goddidn't hear your son? Why didn't
you know? Well, listen. We havethose same things that we deal
with, but the Lord helped me tosay, live in what you do
(17:31):
understand. There are mysteriesthat we may never understand
until we get to heaven.
So I had to just learn, we hadto learn just to how to live in
the things that we do understandabout God's love, his
compassion, his caring for us,you know, and eventually back to
knowing that he is the healer ofour bodies, that Jehovah, you
know, Jehovah Rapha, he is theGod who heals us. And, yes, even
(17:53):
though our son didn't gethealed, we still know that on
the cross, Jesus bore oursicknesses and carried our
diseases. And with his stripes,we were healed. And the Bible
does say to speak to themountain and be thou removed if
you don't doubt in your heart.And so we you know, we've come
full circle to come back tothese simple but real truths
(18:15):
that Jesus is a healer. For along time, I couldn't read the
red letters about Jesus healingpeople because I would just get
confused. But by God's grace andhis love and his patience with
with me, you know, now I lovereading the gospels and I love
reading the amazing healingpower of God that is present and
(18:36):
available for us. So I know thatmay seem kinda crazy to a lot of
you people that you're saying,well, Charlie, you lost your
son. You prayed for him. I know.
It doesn't make sense to meeither. I mean, sometimes when
I'm in the middle of worship,the devil say, what are you
worshiping God for? You didn'tget healed. Your son didn't get
healed. You know?
But, you know, that's the theenemy just trying to put
condemnation on us and trying tobring confusion in our life. But
(18:59):
we have to live in truth. Wehave to live in what we know.
But, again, this took time. Icouldn't have a preacher
preaching to me, telling me, Ineed to do this, Charlie.
It was something that we had toheal, come to. God did the
fixing. God brought us to theseplaces. And we need to allow
other people to just get therein their own timing and in their
(19:21):
own space.
John Tesh (19:24):
Wow.
Charlie LeBlanc (19:26):
That was an amazing interview that John did
with We're so blown away withthem, him and Connie and their
heart to they said, we wanna dothis interview. They were so
impressed by the book. And, youknow, I said something I just
wanna emphasize before we closethis out about, the word that
the Lord gave me. He said, youdo the lovin' and I'll do the
(19:49):
fixing. I think that was just aholy moment where God is
speaking, I believe this word,to the church saying, don't try
to fix people when they're inpain.
Jill LeBlanc (19:58):
Mhmm.
Charlie LeBlanc (19:58):
You love them and let God do the fixing. You
know, God, is the healer ofbroken hearts. And I said a lot
of this in the interview, ofcourse. So, but, I just wanted
to remind you, like, you do theloving and let God do the
fixing. And before we go, wejust wanna remind you about our
book.
Jill LeBlanc (20:17):
Well, I don't know, Some of you may not know
we have a book. John mentionedit several times, but we just
wanted to make it available toyou. It's called When Loss Comes
Close to Home. There is a linkdown below where you can find
it, or you can just simply go tocharlieandjill.com, and you'll
be able to find it there and allthe other resources.
(20:38):
It's on audio. It's availablefor download, e-book. And this
has been helping a lot of peoplejust walk through their grief
journey as well as those walkingbeside them, helping them to be
a better support.
Charlie LeBlanc (20:54):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (20:55):
So make sure you grab a copy. You never know when
you're gonna need it. You know,you might say, I don't, I've
never had loss. I don't knowanyone that's grieving. I don't
need this book. Well,unfortunately, things happen
that we don't expect.
Charlie LeBlanc (21:11):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (21:12):
So grab a book, and you'll at least have it for
someone else that might need it.
Charlie LeBlanc (21:17):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (21:17):
But thank you for watching today and we look
forward to hooking up with youagain next time.
Charlie LeBlanc (21:24):
Amen. So God bless and thank you again for
watching and listening.
Hi, everybody, and welcome back to another
episode of our podcast, FindingHope. And that's what our heart
is, is that you would find hopethrough all of these podcasts
that we're doing. Hope to getyou through difficult times in
your life as the Lord helped usget through our difficult times.
Jill LeBlanc (00:23):
Yes, he did. So we're continuing on today with
episode three of our interviewwith John Tesh. This this one
will wrap that up, but man hasit been powerful. So we
encourage you to go back andhear the previous ones if you
didn't already.
Charlie LeBlanc (00:40):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (00:40):
But join us as we keep continue talking about the
rules of engagement and justdifferent things that the Lord
showed us along the way.
Charlie LeBlanc (00:49):
Yes.
John Tesh (00:50):
So the next rule is is don't be offended, which is
yeah. This is for you. You needto receive this, Jill. Don't be
I'm just kidding.
You know, Jill's not gonna beoffended. She's just gonna slap
you across the face and set youstraight. That's what's gonna
happen. Go go ahead. Here's thefirst line of this. Try not to
be offended or affected if theydon't return your your text,
(01:13):
email, or phone call.
I have people who are offendedand I didn't lose a child. I
mean, it's like, okay, guys,stop it.
Charlie LeBlanc (01:19):
Mhmm.
John Tesh (01:20):
Right?
Jill LeBlanc (01:21):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I remember a friend, there
was someone in our church. Gosh.I'm trying to remember the
specific case, but there was adeath of someone in our church,
and a friend of ours reached outto that person and said they
never send them texts, theydon't ever answer my text.
(01:45):
And I just wanna know howthey're doing, and so I'll text
them and and call, and theydon't ever call me back. What is
the deal? You know, at the time,we hadn't walked through this.
And so, you know, I didn'treally have a lot of wisdom to
offer. But in looking back, Itotally understand now because,
(02:08):
you know, the because, again,the the bereaved person is, and
they're just dysfunctional inthe best sense of the word, the
kindest sense of the word.
Right. And so just don't, it'snot about you. You know? Not
about- it's not about yousending your text and sending
your phone call. You know, wejust need to reach out to them.
(02:30):
We just need to let them knowthey are loved. So if you wanna
send a text and a phone calljust to let them know, you know,
leave a phone message. Tell themyou love them. Tell them you're
praying for them.
John Tesh (02:40):
Right.
Jill LeBlanc (02:40):
Don't expect anything back.
Charlie LeBlanc (02:42):
And you can even say, sorry, but I just
wanted to make sure they gotthis.
John Tesh (02:50):
This is such great therapy for me. So I'm like, oh,
my marriage is just like this.
Charlie LeBlanc (02:55):
Yeah. Yeah. So so and then now I forgot what
was gonna say. But, anyway, whatwhat I was gonna say is-
Jill LeBlanc (03:01):
I think Jill is happy about that. Go ahead.
Charlie LeBlanc (03:04):
You even at times, you'll text and you'll
say, no need to answer thistext. Or we'll leave them as,
"Look, we know you're busy withyour family and friends. We just
want you to know we're prayingfor you. We love you. We're with
you."
And so that takes, you know,it's not like, well, I've texted
you, you gotta text me back andlet me know, you know. Right.
But it it releases them, and Ithink that's very unselfish, you
(03:27):
know. It's just like I'm givingthis. I'm not expecting anything
in return.
John Tesh (03:30):
Yeah. Here's the, another great thing about this
book is that, you know, it'swhat you have suffered through,
it's what you've learned withwith your grief, but also the
scriptures that you used to getthrough that. You use spiritual
warfare to get through that. Andso it's so, you know, with all
of these, you know, rules ofengagement, what you know what
(03:52):
to do, there's always there arescriptures that pepper through
this. So for for don't beoffended, the latest the the
rule number four that we'regiving you, there's Psalm 31:7
You have seen my troubles andyou care about the anguish of my
soul. Let's be like the Lord,you write, and show we care for
those in mourning withoutexpecting anything in return.
(04:13):
The Lord will repay you for yourkindness. That's awesome.
Charlie LeBlanc (04:17):
That's right.
John Tesh (04:18):
Rule number five, give them space in their healing
journey. Go ahead.
Charlie LeBlanc (04:23):
Well, you know, people just need space when
they're going through adifficult time. Now, these are
complicated things, you know,because on one hand, you know,
being alone and isolated canhurt too, and you feel like,
well, no one cares. You know? Sobut at the same time, what
(04:48):
unfortunately happens is thepeople that you don't want to
reach out sometimes reach out.And so but in general, you just
need to let people give themgive them time, give them space.
Don't expect too much out ofthem. You know, just let let
them, give them time to grow, togrieve, to get through this this
(05:09):
pain. And so I don't know, Jill,do you have any other things
you'd like to add to that aboutjust giving someone some space
to to get through this?
Jill LeBlanc (05:18):
Yeah. One book that I read, I read a lot of
books on different people'sstories that had been through
loss. And this one particularfather lost, this couple lost
their 10 year old son. He hedied waiting on a heart
(05:40):
transplant list. And they knewfrom the time he was little that
his heart was bad and his tenyears he was with them, they
knew it was kind of a tickingtime bomb, but they still had
hopes that he could get theheart and survive.
And alas, he died at 10 yearsold. And that father, he was
(06:02):
required I mean, just because ofthe way his job was, they took
three days off for the funeraland some bereavement, and then
he had to go right back to work.And he I think he traveled in
sales, and he never gave anytime for grieving. Never gave
(06:23):
himself.
He couldn't. He had to get backon the trail to keep, you know,
the money coming into thefamily. And after about nine
months, he began to fall apart.And then eventually he went to
see a grief counselor and just,you know, that was that he he
(06:43):
just cried the whole session andfinally started getting some
healing. But if he would havebeen able to take time and just
not have to go right back towork and and just get some help
early on, he would have beenable to allow himself to start
grieving. And, you know,grieving is so important to
(07:04):
healing. It's just part, youjust have to be able to grieve
to be able to heal. And thattakes time and takes space.
And, you know, like Charliesaid, you know, there is a
delicate balance there becauseyou don't want someone to feel
like no one cares. But at thesame time, some people just need
(07:26):
to be left alone. Like wementioned in the book, we went
away for a month. Was it onemonth? Yeah.
Charlie LeBlanc (07:34):
Mhmm.
Jill LeBlanc (07:35):
We, so we had a funeral in Saint Louis where we
lived, and then Charlie'sparents and most of his family
were all in Phoenix. So then wedid another funeral over there.
They were in Arizona toCalifornia. So we did two
funerals within, four days. Thatwas pretty painful.
John Tesh (07:54):
Oh yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (07:55):
But, after that, we went away for a month. His
brother had a condo in San Diegothat they let us use, so that
was that was such a gift fromthe Lord, and we're forever
grateful to them for allowingthat. But during that time, we
were able to just pull away, youknow, rest, sleep when we needed
(08:18):
to and just not have to, I mean,and not everyone, you know, gets
to do that, but we were soblessed to be able to just
unplug and and have time just toprocess and just start the
journey, you know, and try tofigure out what happened and,
(08:39):
you know, cried a lot of tearsduring that time and and also
enjoyed some beautiful things,you know, some sunsets that we
didn't normally get to enjoy andjust time. So that's that's very
important to to have some space.
John Tesh (09:00):
Which brings us to rule number six, is remember
with them. And you tell a storyin the book here. One of Beau's
high school friends recentlywrote us on the anniversary of
his death, telling a beautifulstory of how her life was
forever impacted by how kind andthoughtfully he treated her at
school even as an underclassman.The tears streamed down our
(09:23):
cheeks once again. That's gonnatake courage for some people to
to know how to remember with youguys. You know? Do you know what
I mean?
Charlie LeBlanc (09:34):
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It does. But I just wanna
say to this day, it stillblesses us so much.
And we get these things just outof the blue. I just got a
Facebook messenger from a guyrecently who he said, Charlie, I
don't if you remember me, blahblah blah. And he says, back in
(09:56):
these retreats when you and Joewere leading worship and Beau
was just five or six years old,he goes, I remember playing with
him and I remember how cute hewas and I'm just so sorry I
haven't seen you guys in yearsand, I just got your book. I
just read it and it just brokemy heart, but it just touched me
so much. So but even that, youknow, it's just we can we
(10:17):
continue to get little notes ofpeople that had an experience
with Beau, and it just really,really it really helps us. It
really helps.
John Tesh (10:26):
So you would recommend that. Right? Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (10:28):
Yeah. Oh, absolutely. And if we are in
relationship with someone thathas experienced loss, we will do
that. If we get a memory ofsomeone, we'll contact them and
say, I was just thinking about,you know, whoever it is. And I
remember the time when we didthis or that.
(10:51):
And because the ones leftbehind, they feed off of that.
They, it's just words of life.And it's very important if you
have that relationship withsomeone who's lost their
precious loved one to reach outto them and share a memory or
(11:15):
just share the fact that thatyou're acknowledging their loss
and even even though it's been awhile. Like we said, it's
fifteen years for us at thistime, and still we treasure when
someone reaches out to us with aspecial memory.
John Tesh (11:32):
Rule number seven is we're in the middle of the of
the rules of engagement, whichare what what Charlie and and
and Jill have learned. Thingsyou should and should not say to
someone who's grieving, grievingover over anything. So rule
number seven is don't try to fixthem. Yeah. Yeah.
Were people trying to fix youand how? How were they trying to
(11:53):
do that?
Charlie LeBlanc (11:54):
Oh, wow. I'm so glad that I forgot that that one
was was in there. But, you know,like I said earlier, we just
have a tendency to to wanna fixpeople and and, you know, lots
of people were just wanting totry to help us get over this
quickly. So, you know, the theshotgun scriptures, you know,
like, oh, your son's in heaven.Praise the lord. Right? Amen.
(12:16):
You know? And, no, that's thatdoesn't help at all. That's one
of those statements you don'twanna say.
John Tesh (12:22):
Those are the shotgun scriptures? I'm using that.
The shotgun scriptures. You justspray the area, you mean?
Charlie LeBlanc: [laughter] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. (12:28):
undefined
Yeah. They're gonna get better.
They're bound to. You know?
John Tesh (12:31):
I got it. I got you.
Charlie LeBlanc (12:32):
But, again, weeping with those who weep, you
know, having compassion, havingsensitivity to someone who's in
pain. So, you know, don't try tofix people. I wanna give you a
little story of what happened tome. About a year and a half
after Beau died, we had a callwhere we heard that a close
(12:58):
pastor friend of ours and hiswife had lost their son. And our
hearts broke. I mean, we were inEngland actually at the time
when we were told. And Jill justsaid, I can't eat. I'm going
upstairs. She wept. I went andjoined her eventually, and we
called them.
And, they, we asked them, can wehelp you? Can we come to your
church? We'll be home such andsuch day. You want us to come
(13:18):
and help you in your service? Hesaid, please do. Please.
So, of course, they were, theyloved us. They knew of our loss,
they now, they're experiencingit. So they really wanted us to
come and be with them. So thatSunday morning, it was about an
hour, maybe an hour and a halfdrive.
We're driving down, and all of asudden it hits me. I'm thinking,
what am I doing? I don't knowhow I can help him. I said, I
(13:42):
still have a lot of pain of myown loss. How am I gonna comfort
him in any way?
You know, I was compelled by theHoly Spirit to say, yes, we'll
come, but my brain all of asudden said, I have nothing to
say because I'm still hurting.But, so, I just began to pray.
And as we as we drove there, Ijust continued we both were just
praying. And the Lord droppedinto my heart a statement. He
(14:04):
said, Charlie, tell the peopleto do the loving and I will do
the fixing.
And in fact, I mentioned to youguys earlier, he said it like,
you do the loving and I'll dothe fixing, is what he told me
to tell them. This was a littlecountry church in South
Missouri. And so the Lord knowshow to speak into us right where
(14:25):
we're at and then in our style.But, but so I
John Tesh (14:29):
There it is. You do the loving, I'll
Charlie LeBlanc (14:33):
Exactly. Yeah. And so I put the details of that
in there, but it was such aprofound moment for me. And I
just continued to pray and Godjust gave me a whole message
with that. And when we gotthere, just to be able to tell
people, listen, you're not thefixer.
Don't try to be. You know, Iknow you care. We know you love
people and you're trying to helpthem, but we really don't know
(14:54):
how to help people like we thinkwe do. But love helps. Amen?
And so if you do the loving, Godcan fix them. And that's, I told
you that experience earlierabout Andrew and Jamie Womack
loving us and other closefriends that wept with us. They
didn't try to fix us. Theydidn't try to say, okay,
Charlie, now you need to dothis, now you need to do that.
(15:16):
No.
They just loved on us andallowed God to do the fixing.
And, you know, he does heal thebroken hearts. It doesn't say we
heal the broken hearts. So ifyou have a friend who has a
broken heart, you can't help youcan't heal them, but you can
love them. You can help them gethealed by loving them.
Yeah. And, you know, so I thinkit's just a real powerful thing
to learn is from the Lord to tolet him fix people. Let him
(15:41):
broken hearts. Let him comfortthe mourner, but you do loving.
Don't forget to love, care,comfort, and and, you know, just
be there for them, weep withthem, but don't try to fix them.
Don't try to give their sword ofthe spirit and just start
hitting them with all thescriptures that's supposed to
(16:01):
make them better. There's a timeand a place for everything. In
fact, the scripture, and we haveall this in the book, talks a
lot about singing happy songs tosomeone who's sad, how it's
horrible to do that. You know,somebody, oh, come on, rejoice
in the Lord. Well, there's atime to weep and there's a time
to pray, as Ecclesiastes tellsus that. There's a time for
grief. There's a time formourning. There's a time for
(16:22):
these things. And so don't tryto push, an undue time onto
someone who's hurting. Lovethem.
And in time, like we dideventually, we eventually began
to worship Jesus. You know, Ineeded, I wanted to run from God
like both of us did. But Iremembered the scripture where
where the disciples said, youknow, where else can I go,
(16:46):
Jesus? You have the words ofeternal life.
And so I came to thatrealization I had no place else
to go, but at the same time, Iwas hurt and didn't understand
all the things that happened tome. Right? And so I just came to
the Lord. I said, Lord, well,know you heal the brokenhearted.
I know you comfort those whomourn.
And my heart's broken and I needhelp, so I'm gonna come to you
(17:09):
on that. And so, you know, weeventually just had to learn how
to live in what we understoodand not live in what we don't
understand. Some people get allcaught up at, I don't understand
this. I don't understand thisabout God.
Why didn't God how come Goddidn't hear your son? Why didn't
you know? Well, listen. We havethose same things that we deal
with, but the Lord helped me tosay, live in what you do
(17:31):
understand. There are mysteriesthat we may never understand
until we get to heaven.
So I had to just learn, we hadto learn just to how to live in
the things that we do understandabout God's love, his
compassion, his caring for us,you know, and eventually back to
knowing that he is the healer ofour bodies, that Jehovah, you
know, Jehovah Rapha, he is theGod who heals us. And, yes, even
(17:53):
though our son didn't gethealed, we still know that on
the cross, Jesus bore oursicknesses and carried our
diseases. And with his stripes,we were healed. And the Bible
does say to speak to themountain and be thou removed if
you don't doubt in your heart.And so we you know, we've come
full circle to come back tothese simple but real truths
(18:15):
that Jesus is a healer. For along time, I couldn't read the
red letters about Jesus healingpeople because I would just get
confused. But by God's grace andhis love and his patience with
with me, you know, now I lovereading the gospels and I love
reading the amazing healingpower of God that is present and
(18:36):
available for us. So I know thatmay seem kinda crazy to a lot of
you people that you're saying,well, Charlie, you lost your
son. You prayed for him. I know.
It doesn't make sense to meeither. I mean, sometimes when
I'm in the middle of worship,the devil say, what are you
worshiping God for? You didn'tget healed. Your son didn't get
healed. You know?
But, you know, that's the theenemy just trying to put
condemnation on us and trying tobring confusion in our life. But
(18:59):
we have to live in truth. Wehave to live in what we know.
But, again, this took time. Icouldn't have a preacher
preaching to me, telling me, Ineed to do this, Charlie.
It was something that we had toheal, come to. God did the
fixing. God brought us to theseplaces. And we need to allow
other people to just get therein their own timing and in their
(19:21):
own space.
John Tesh (19:24):
Wow.
Charlie LeBlanc (19:26):
That was an amazing interview that John did
with We're so blown away withthem, him and Connie and their
heart to they said, we wanna dothis interview. They were so
impressed by the book. And, youknow, I said something I just
wanna emphasize before we closethis out about, the word that
the Lord gave me. He said, youdo the lovin' and I'll do the
(19:49):
fixing. I think that was just aholy moment where God is
speaking, I believe this word,to the church saying, don't try
to fix people when they're inpain.
Jill LeBlanc (19:58):
Mhmm.
Charlie LeBlanc (19:58):
You love them and let God do the fixing. You
know, God, is the healer ofbroken hearts. And I said a lot
of this in the interview, ofcourse. So, but, I just wanted
to remind you, like, you do theloving and let God do the
fixing. And before we go, wejust wanna remind you about our
book.
Jill LeBlanc (20:17):
Well, I don't know, Some of you may not know
we have a book. John mentionedit several times, but we just
wanted to make it available toyou. It's called When Loss Comes
Close to Home. There is a linkdown below where you can find
it, or you can just simply go tocharlieandjill.com, and you'll
be able to find it there and allthe other resources.
(20:38):
It's on audio. It's availablefor download, e-book. And this
has been helping a lot of peoplejust walk through their grief
journey as well as those walkingbeside them, helping them to be
a better support.
Charlie LeBlanc (20:54):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (20:55):
So make sure you grab a copy. You never know when
you're gonna need it. You know,you might say, I don't, I've
never had loss. I don't knowanyone that's grieving. I don't
need this book. Well,unfortunately, things happen
that we don't expect.
Charlie LeBlanc (21:11):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (21:12):
So grab a book, and you'll at least have it for
someone else that might need it.
Charlie LeBlanc (21:17):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (21:17):
But thank you for watching today and we look
forward to hooking up with youagain next time.
Charlie LeBlanc (21:24):
Amen. So God bless and thank you again for
watching and listening.
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