June 10, 2025 • 28 mins
Grief doesn’t follow a timeline. In this episode, Charlie & Jill share more of their personal journey. With raw honesty and heartfelt encouragement, they talk about the healing power of community, the importance of showing up for others, and how faith carried them through.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Charlie LeBlanc (00:05):
Hi and welcome to another episode
of Finding Hope. Getting ThroughWhat You Never Asked For.
Jill LeBlanc (00:13):
Yeah.
Charlie LeBlanc (00:14):
And we've been through some difficult times
that we never asked for, and Ithink many of you as well have
probably been through some toughtimes that you didn't expect,
didn't ask for, and neverwanted. My heart goes out to
many who have been throughdivorces. That has got to be one
of the hardest things next tolosing a loved one that there is
(00:40):
because there's so manysimilarities, you know, all of a
sudden. You have a dream as alittle girl, a little boy, you
know, I'm gonna get married, I'mgonna have kids, and and we're
gonna live happily ever after,you know. Kids are gonna grow
up, and my husband and I aregonna live into a golden old
age, you know, and together, andthen all of a sudden something
(01:01):
happens in the midst of allthat, and the husband or the
wife decides to leave. Andthat's awful. You know, I'm not
judging anyone, I'm just sayingthat hurts. That's what that's
what I'm trying to say.
Jill LeBlanc (01:14):
I remember my sister said she was divorced, I
don't know how many years ago,but she said it was almost worse
than a death because itcontinued to crop back up. They
have three children, and thechildren were teenagers, I
guess, when they I know theyseparated a long time before
(01:37):
they got divorced, but but, youknow, they had to work out. They
didn't share custody, but theyshared other things and as well
as child support and it's amess.
Things like that. Yeah. And soit as long as he wasn't around
or in her life, she was good.But, you know, anytime he had to
(02:01):
pop up, she had to see him orhad to work something out with
him or whatever, or get moneyfrom him. That was hard.
Charlie LeBlanc (02:07):
Yeah. That's tough.
Jill LeBlanc (02:09):
Divorce is awful.
Charlie LeBlanc (02:11):
It really is.
Jill LeBlanc (02:12):
We have a good friend who was divorced and the
whole family was involved in thechurch. They were awesome. Three
kids, just one of my favoritefamilies. And then, the husband
left.
Charlie LeBlanc (02:26):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (02:27):
And it was as if when she came back, when she
would come to church, peoplejust stayed away by the droves.
Charlie LeBlanc (02:35):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (02:36):
They didn't know what to say to her, so they
didn't say anything, and shefelt invisible. And that happens
a lot.
Charlie LeBlanc (02:43):
It happens a lot, to those who go through
divorces. And if you lose yourhusband-
Jill LeBlanc (02:49):
Your spouse.
Charlie LeBlanc (02:49):
Your spouse, you know, let's say these two or
three couples, they get togetherall the time and then all of a
sudden, you lose your husbandand you're there alone and they
don't invite you anymore.
Or they come to church and shehas to sit alone. I remember
being at church about last yearand we were worshiping and I saw
this one single elderly lady infront of us in a chair by
(03:11):
herself, no one near her. And Ididn't know what her life story
was, I didn't know what thesituation was, but my heart just
kept leaping out in compassionfor her. And, at the right time,
when it says greet one another,you know, or something, I went
over to her and I just, youknow, gave her a little side hug
(03:33):
and said, you know, God blessyou. I can't remember what I
said, but, you know, then laterthere was another moment where,
hold hands and let's praytogether, and I held her hand or
whatever. And at the end of theservice, she came up to me and
she just said, Thank you somuch. I think, I don't remember
exactly, I think she said shehad just lost her husband. And I
(03:54):
just thought, wow. You know,people who have had losses,
whether it's divorce, whetherit's death, they need people to
love them. They need people tocare for them. They need people
to help them.
And if you're in that situation,praying that you will find
people that can just sit withyou, talk with you, listen to
(04:15):
your heart, and minister to yourbroken heart. That's our desire
right now, is to do that aswell.
Jill LeBlanc (04:24):
Yeah, and if you can get involved with like a
singles group at your church or,you know, sadly some people have
to create a new group of friendsthat they do things with. But I
just encourage you to try to getbold and just get out of your
comfort zone a little bit andtry to find community somewhere.
(04:50):
It's very important to notisolate yourself and just try to
to muscle through this on yourown. It's it's so helpful to
have people with you to walkwith you through this time.
Charlie LeBlanc (05:05):
Yeah. I'm thinking when you said that, I'm
thinking about this one friendof ours from church who'd
recently lost her husband. Andshe, after the first service,
between the first service andsecond service, was always a
little band playing in thefoyer. They're just kind of
bluegrass country, but they'resinging all Jesus songs.
Jill LeBlanc (05:27):
And they're kind of a geezer band.
Charlie LeBlanc (05:30):
Yeah, it's kind of fun.
Jill LeBlanc (05:31):
It's all whiteheads.
Charlie LeBlanc (05:32):
They're older, they're all- White hair.
Wonderful people, and we alwaysget entertained by that. But
just the last time I walked by,all of sudden I looked, and
there was this woman who hadlost her husband a couple months
earlier, but there she was, shewas a singer, And so she was
there singing, and I think-
Jill LeBlanc (05:51):
And she never had before.
Charlie LeBlanc (05:53):
No, she had never done that before. So I was
real proud of her for just doingsomething to help her and be
around some people and friends.So, yeah, it's important to find
community, like you said. Findpeople who can help us. I know
for us, right after we lostBeau, within that year, we
(06:15):
decided to accept a positionwith Andrew Wommack in leading,
starting the music and worshipschool at Charis Bible College
in Colorado Springs. And so wewere living in St. Louis, but we
made an agreement with him thatwe would fly in every Sunday
night and we would teach andstart the school and do Monday,
Tuesday and Wednesday, and thenwe'd fly home. I know that
(06:37):
sounds crazy, but we-
Jill LeBlanc (06:39):
It was.
Charlie LeBlanc (06:40):
It was. But we did that, and quite often on
Wednesday nights, Andrew wouldhave a conference that we led
worship at that we'd have to,from school, go straight to the
conference and lead worship atthe conference Wednesday,
Thursday, Friday, and Saturday,and then Sunday we'd go back to
Colorado and start the schoolagain on Monday, Tuesday,
(07:00):
Wednesday. So we did that on andoff for nine months. And this
was within the year that Beaupassed. There was a-
Jill LeBlanc (07:08):
No, actually, or was that the year after?
Charlie LeBlanc (07:11):
No, it was within the year that we started.
Jill LeBlanc (07:13):
Oh.
Charlie LeBlanc (07:13):
Yeah, 2009. So- Right. But there was a two edged
sword with that.
Jill LeBlanc (07:19):
Right, exactly.
Charlie LeBlanc (07:20):
You know, on one hand, we had community, we
had young worship leaders andmusicians that we were around
and mentoring and teaching themas loving on them like our own
son. It was a healing balm in alot of ways.
Jill LeBlanc (07:39):
It was.
Charlie LeBlanc (07:40):
But the stress of flying back and forth and
handling and preparing to teachand leading worship, I mean, it
was so hard that after ninemonths, we just went to Andrew
and said, We can't do thisanymore. It's too hard.
Jill LeBlanc (07:57):
So we started that position about eight months
after Beau passed away. So wewere still so broken. But we
would pull it together and dothis because I don't know. I
really think it was the Lordthat we did that. Some people
said, are you crazy?
Charlie LeBlanc (08:14):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (08:15):
You guys don't need that, you know, right now
in your lives. But but I I feellike we did I don't I didn't
feel it then, but I know nowthat we did need that.
Charlie LeBlanc (08:26):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (08:26):
Because of of what he was just sharing.
But it was still so hard. Andwe've we've said this before.
There were times that we woulddrive in in the morning, and we
would have 7AM rehearsals beforeschool or 06:45 maybe before
school started at 8:00, and we'ddo a chapel from 8:00 to 08:45.
But there were times we wouldarrive and in the parking lot
(08:50):
and and it didn't happen often,but we there were a few times
that we just sat in the car andheld hands and cried because we
were just still so broken.
Charlie LeBlanc (09:01):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (09:01):
But yeah, we just kind of manned up, pulled it
together and went in and did ourjob here. And, you know, so
people don't always understandhow grief affects a person for a
long time. And it can be a longtime. It's not for everyone, but
(09:24):
for most, especially if it's anunexpected or tragic loss. It's
and you just don't you don'talways know that they're going
through this. But but if youknow that someone has lost
someone in the in the recentpast or even if it was an
(09:45):
untimely death a few years ago,possibly, I would just encourage
you to reach out to them andjust love on them.
Charlie LeBlanc (09:54):
Mhmm.
Jill LeBlanc (09:55):
And and even let them know that that you realize
that they're walking through areally tough season, but that
you are holding them close inprayer. And just give them some
of your heart, spend a littletime with them and it'll that'll
(10:15):
go so far. Those will be seedsthat you sow that you will reap
from throughout eternity.
Charlie LeBlanc (10:22):
Right. Yeah. And, you know, this the heart of
missing your loved one reallynever goes away. I'm sure that
on my deathbed I'm gonna bethinking about Beau and just,
you know, looking forward toseeing him. But even sixteen
years later, we were recentlyworking on a project, you were
(10:45):
collecting things for someone tohelp us with a podcast or with a
writing, writing a journal orsomething, I can't remember what
it was, but you told me that youfell into tears.
Jill LeBlanc (10:58):
Oh, yeah.
Charlie LeBlanc (10:59):
Right in the middle of it.
Jill LeBlanc (11:00):
Yeah, trying to think what that was.
Charlie LeBlanc (11:02):
You were getting uh...
Jill LeBlanc (11:04):
Oh, I was working on just, I was pulling all those
classes together that we'regonna be recording.
Charlie LeBlanc (11:10):
Oh, see.
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (11:11):
And just going through different things in
preparation for those. And oh mygosh.
Charlie LeBlanc (11:16):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (11:16):
Just rereading some of our journey.
Charlie LeBlanc (11:19):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (11:19):
And some of the things that we've been through
and things that people said tous.
Charlie LeBlanc (11:24):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (11:25):
And every time someone would mention Beau,
mention what an amazing guy hewas, or I wish I could have
known him. Sounds like, youknow, just such a dude. And it
would just my heart would swell,not with pride, but just almost
with grief. And here we aresixteen years later, and and I
(11:49):
would maybe tear up a littlebit, but then I would go on some
more, and then something elselike that would pop up. And and
eventually, it just built up towhere it all started coming
down, you know? Yeah.
Charlie LeBlanc (12:02):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (12:02):
It still happens.
Charlie LeBlanc (12:04):
Yeah, it's still there. And, you know, when
we- Shortly after Beau passed, Iremember thinking, I'm gonna
start journaling this. I'dalways been a journaler, but,
you know, after Beau passed, waslike, I'm done. I'm done with
everything. I'm done with life.I don't even wanna do anything
anymore. We lost our heart. Aswe said in the last podcast, our
(12:25):
heart was crushed,brokenhearted. We had no hope
for the future, we didn't knowwhat we would do, where we would
go, we didn't know if we wouldmake it through it. I'm
honestly, we really didn't knowhow this would turn out in our
lives.
I wanted to get through it in ahealthy manner and I called
different minister friends ofmine who had lost children, I
(12:45):
said, "Help, I'm drowning." Whatcan you do to help me? And they
would always give me a littleword of encouragement, and so
many people did, and helped usalong the way. But I'm so glad
that I decided to startjournaling, because I just
wanted to capture how I felt atthat moment, because sixteen
(13:08):
years later, you know, we'redoing so much better, and you
know, we miss and love Beau, butin order to write the book, you
know, speaking of the book, thisis our book, When Loss Comes
Close to Home, and it'ssubtitled Finding Hope to Carry
On, When Death Turns Your WorldUpside Down. And that's exactly
(13:33):
what happened to us, our worldwas turned upside down.
But, you know, I remember westarted looking back at some of
the things we had written in ourjournals and just started
recapturing the emotion and thepain that's so real, and it's so
(13:54):
hard. And it's hard for me attimes. Every now and then I can
get that feeling again, I cangrab that glimpse again, but of
course you were crying recently,but we still cry. It just
depends on when and what andwhat triggers. But those raw
emotions, and I found this inour book actually, this was
(14:17):
something I wrote in my journalthree years after Beau's
departure. Now that's threeyears.
So people would think, Oh, threeyears, Charlie.
Jill LeBlanc (14:27):
Yeah, you should be over it by now.
Charlie LeBlanc (14:28):
Oh gosh, listen, can remember around the
three year mark that I thought,Oh, wow, I think I can believe
God again. I think I'm beginningto see a little bit of a vision
of what our future might be, youknow, that God could still use
(14:49):
us. You know, don't get mewrong, we went back into worship
leading about four months, youknow, three to four months after
we lost Beau. Oh, Andrew was sosweet.
He said, Y'all take as much timeoff as y'all want, you know,
we'll cover you, the meetingswill get them covered by the
worship leaders, but y'all takeas much time, we want you to get
better, we want you to getthrough this thing in a healthy
(15:10):
manner, and then about threemonths later he said, How y'all
doing? Praise the Lord, youready to come back? God bless
him, because he really missed usleading worship for his
conference, and we really missedhim and the crew there too.
It was hard. It was hard to getback into leading worship and
(15:31):
being around so many people thatare just, all they can think of
is rejoice with those whorejoice.
No one understood seemingly howto weep with those who weep out
of Romans the twelfth chapter.That's another whole teaching
that I'm not gonna get intoright now. Yeah, getting back
into that environment whereeverybody just wants us to lead
(15:52):
them in worship. Everybody wantsus to just lead us in praise and
let's have a good time.
Let's do some fun songs!
Yeah, do some fun songs. And I'mlike, Well, yeah, I love Jesus
with all my heart, but I'm justnot quite ready for jumping up
and down just yet. But we wentthrough it and God gave us grace
(16:12):
and we did what we had to do.Yeah. And God helped us and we
did it with a pure heart, withall of our heart, but, you know,
sometimes we just felt like wewere like robots just getting it
done.
Jill LeBlanc (16:23):
Yeah. And actually, I was at times.
Charlie LeBlanc (16:25):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (16:26):
I was totally in autopilot mode for the first
several months.
Charlie LeBlanc (16:31):
Yeah. Well, the Lord knew our hearts. That's the
beautiful thing. The Bible saysthat, and we've said this
scripture a lot in Hebrews, thathe's touched with the feelings
of our infirmities. And so hefeels what we feel.
In fact, I've read the scripturein Isaiah many times that says
he suffers when we suffer. Sothat's the beautiful thing about
God is that he totally gets it.He understands, he understands
(16:55):
our pain, he doesn't rebuke usfor pain, He loves us, He walks
beside us, He comforts us, Hehangs in there with us. As we're
healing, He's hanging in therewith us, loving on us, and
healing our broken places. Andso I found this, and I wrote it
and put it in the book, so it'sa little bit long, just bear
(17:18):
with me.
But what I love about this isthis is three years after Beau
passed that I sat down and wrotethis. It just shows you how even
that far along in the journey,how difficult it can still be.
So I said this, I said, so whatI'm trying to say is losing a
(17:39):
loved one, especially a child,is like you get cut deeply,
something is ripped out of you,like you have an accident and
one of your internal organs isripped out of you, or like a
part of your heart is torn outof you. Maybe you survive the
accident as we did, but you aremissing a vital part, and
(18:03):
obviously we were missing Beau.On top of that, if you have a
serious wound, which is verypainful and needs time to heal.
So you get cut, but that healingdoesn't come right away. Healing
takes time, and it takes time toheal even if you cut yourself.
Healing is a process, and duringthat process there are painful
(18:26):
days. Sometimes when fentanyl ishealing, it could be itching and
hurting, it's like, ah, youknow, but it's healing, and
that's the way it was with us inour healing process. There were
times that really hurt so bad,but we knew by the grace of God,
we trusted, we hoped that ourhealing process was still going.
(18:47):
Then sometimes you begin to healand you hit the wound and it
reopens. And that's what happensin grief too, is there's times
when, you know, you mightinfected and the doctor has to
cut it open again. Healing is abeautiful thing, Jesus healing
(19:08):
broken hearts, but it doesn'tmean that you won't still hurt
while you're being healed. Inmany cases there's a process of
healing in the soul, gettingthrough some of this tough
stuff, which many times is notinstant. For Jill and me, it
took a lot of time.
And I got that capital letterswith dashes in between it in the
(19:29):
book. T-I-M-E, time. It justtakes a lot of time for some
people, not for everybody. ForJill and me, it did. And I know
for a fact that Godly, faithfilled men and women have
experienced tragic loss.
Many of them, it took a lot oftime for them to get through it
(19:50):
as well. So I just wanted togive you a little peek into
three years after Bo passed, Ijust had this burden on my heart
to just say, Listen, this stillhurts, this takes time, it's
like a wound, don't judgesomeone who's still hurting. You
just gotta be patient and letthem heal. As we've said in many
(20:12):
of the podcasts, the Lord said,you do the loving, let God do
the fixing. You need to justlove people and be patient with
people, we need to be that way,and just let God do his healing
process.
Jill LeBlanc (20:25):
Yeah. I'd like to read a little something from our
book, if I may. And it's a quotefrom his name is Doctor Colin
Murray Parkes. And it's it'sfrom a book called that he wrote
called Studies of Grief in AdultLife. And he says the pain of
(20:48):
grief is just as much a part oflife as the joy of love.
It is perhaps the price we payfor love, the cost of
commitment. To ignore this factor to pretend that it's not so
is to put on emotional blinders,which leave us unprepared for
(21:10):
the losses that will inevitablyoccur in our own lives and
unprepared to help others copewith losses in theirs. And then
Rabbi Grollman says this, griefis not a disorder, a disease or
a sign of weakness. It's anemotional, physical and
(21:34):
spiritual necessity. And then hequotes Doctor Parks, which is
the price you pay for love.
Charlie LeBlanc (21:43):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (21:44):
So we experienced that cost of love in our lives.
And I know many of you have aswell. And it's it's not
something to cower from. Thegrief journey is just something
we have to go through. But Godwill, God will meet you there,
and he will help you walkthrough this time because he's
(22:07):
faithful.
Charlie LeBlanc (22:08):
Yes. Yes, he is. Speaking of faithful, you
know, that great song, great isthy faithfulness, great is thy
faithfulness. You know, whenwhen Beau died, I really
struggled with the thoughts ofGod being faithful and and and,
you know, because it didn't seemlike that was the case in that
(22:33):
moment. And then, so this greathymn, Great Is Thy Faithfulness,
I was just happened to bereading in Lamentations one day,
and I noticed the scripturesbefore that song, or that
scripture, which turned into agreat song, and it just jumped
(22:54):
out of the page to me andreally, really made sense.
And I'm gonna read it to you outof the New Living Translation,
Lamentations 3:20-23, and wemight read 24 as well. But he
says, this Jeremiah, he says, Icry out, my splendor is gone,
(23:17):
everything I had hoped for fromthe Lord is lost. And brothers
and sisters, you may be in thatposition, I know we were, that
everything we had hoped for fromthe Lord was lost. And then he
goes on to say, this thought ofmy suffering is bitter beyond
words. And really it was for us.It was so bitter. And then he
(23:42):
says this, I will never forgetthis awful time as I grieve over
my loss. I just appreciate thistransparency of this prophet
just saying, you know, mysuffering's bitter. I'm never
gonna forget this awful time asI grieve over my loss. And
that's the truth, people.
You'll never really forget allthat you've been through. And I
(24:06):
thank God that we don't fullyforget it so that I can help
others understand and walkthrough this difficult time. But
the scripture goes on to say, Iwill never forget this awful
time as I grieve over my loss,yet, this is amazing, he turns
it around, yet I still dare tohope when I remember this. The
(24:28):
faithful love of the Lord neverends, his mercies never cease,
great is his faithfulness. Whata beautiful song.
But I love that thought that hesays, I'm hurting, everything
I'd hoped for is lost, mysuffering's bitter beyond words,
I'm never gonna forget thisawful time as I grieve over my
(24:51):
loss. But then he says, yet Iwill still dare, I love that
word, dare, to hope. Becauseit's almost like I'm a little
bit afraid to hope again becausemy hope was crushed, as you said
earlier. A hope deferred makesthe heart sick. Your heart is
crushed when your hope isbroken.
(25:13):
And so it's almost like you'reafraid to hope again. You're
afraid to believe again. You'reafraid to expect again because
nothing worked this first time.And again, I know everyone's
journey is different. We're justsharing parts of what our
journey is.
Maybe your journey was a loteasier than that, maybe it was
worse. But I love the prophetbeing transparent here and
(25:35):
saying, yet I still dare tohope. So I'm gonna take a chance
here and dare to hope, but hesays, this is how I dare to
hope, when I remember that theLord's love never ends, that his
mercies never cease. Great ishis faithfulness. His mercies
(25:55):
begin afresh every morning.
I say to myself, the Lord is myinheritance, therefore I will
hope in him. But I just lovethat, that we felt like we had
lost all hope. I struggled withthe faithfulness of God, but he
says, when I remember this, thathis faithful love never ends.
(26:19):
There's so many scriptures I'mthinking about right now, but
the love of God is what reallypulled us through this difficult
I remember in New Living inRomans 8, it says, does it mean
he no longer loves us? Paulsaid, if I go through all the
difficulty he went through withbeatings and shipwrecks and
(26:42):
nakedness and starvation andstonings, he said, Does it mean
he no longer loves us?
And that's the beauty of it. No,it doesn't mean he no longer
loves us. We live in a fallenworld, we have an enemy that's
out to kill, steal and destroyfrom us, and we can know that
God loves us even in our pain,even in our suffering, he
(27:05):
suffers. We can know that he is,you can know that he's with you
right now, that he cares, thathe wants to comfort you, he
wants to hold you, he wants tocarry you through your difficult
times. God bless you, praise theWell, we just wanted to say that
we love you and we pray that Godjust continues to help you in
(27:28):
your situation.
Lord, I just pray that youstrengthen them, encourage them,
comfort them, and just be ahealing balm. You heal broken
hearts, Lord. We expect it. InJesus' name, amen. Well, that's
all the time we have for now. SoGod bless you. We love you.
Don't forget our book, When LossComes Close to Home. Get it,
(27:51):
it's on our website, onbookstores, on lots of places.
Jill LeBlanc (27:57):
Yeah, and links are below. If you're watching on
YouTube, there will be somelinks following that you can
look at. And please subscribe tothe podcast if you haven't
already, and be sure to give ita little thumbs up, and that
helps us to reach more people.And you can also share it with
others that you feel likebenefit, that would be a
(28:19):
blessing. This message that weshared today, you can share it
with someone you know.
So thank you so much for joiningwith us today, and we're looking
so forward to continue sharingwith you every week. God bless.
Hi and welcome to another episode
of Finding Hope. Getting ThroughWhat You Never Asked For.
Jill LeBlanc (00:13):
Yeah.
Charlie LeBlanc (00:14):
And we've been through some difficult times
that we never asked for, and Ithink many of you as well have
probably been through some toughtimes that you didn't expect,
didn't ask for, and neverwanted. My heart goes out to
many who have been throughdivorces. That has got to be one
of the hardest things next tolosing a loved one that there is
(00:40):
because there's so manysimilarities, you know, all of a
sudden. You have a dream as alittle girl, a little boy, you
know, I'm gonna get married, I'mgonna have kids, and and we're
gonna live happily ever after,you know. Kids are gonna grow
up, and my husband and I aregonna live into a golden old
age, you know, and together, andthen all of a sudden something
(01:01):
happens in the midst of allthat, and the husband or the
wife decides to leave. Andthat's awful. You know, I'm not
judging anyone, I'm just sayingthat hurts. That's what that's
what I'm trying to say.
Jill LeBlanc (01:14):
I remember my sister said she was divorced, I
don't know how many years ago,but she said it was almost worse
than a death because itcontinued to crop back up. They
have three children, and thechildren were teenagers, I
guess, when they I know theyseparated a long time before
(01:37):
they got divorced, but but, youknow, they had to work out. They
didn't share custody, but theyshared other things and as well
as child support and it's amess.
Things like that. Yeah. And soit as long as he wasn't around
or in her life, she was good.But, you know, anytime he had to
(02:01):
pop up, she had to see him orhad to work something out with
him or whatever, or get moneyfrom him. That was hard.
Charlie LeBlanc (02:07):
Yeah. That's tough.
Jill LeBlanc (02:09):
Divorce is awful.
Charlie LeBlanc (02:11):
It really is.
Jill LeBlanc (02:12):
We have a good friend who was divorced and the
whole family was involved in thechurch. They were awesome. Three
kids, just one of my favoritefamilies. And then, the husband
left.
Charlie LeBlanc (02:26):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (02:27):
And it was as if when she came back, when she
would come to church, peoplejust stayed away by the droves.
Charlie LeBlanc (02:35):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (02:36):
They didn't know what to say to her, so they
didn't say anything, and shefelt invisible. And that happens
a lot.
Charlie LeBlanc (02:43):
It happens a lot, to those who go through
divorces. And if you lose yourhusband-
Jill LeBlanc (02:49):
Your spouse.
Charlie LeBlanc (02:49):
Your spouse, you know, let's say these two or
three couples, they get togetherall the time and then all of a
sudden, you lose your husbandand you're there alone and they
don't invite you anymore.
Or they come to church and shehas to sit alone. I remember
being at church about last yearand we were worshiping and I saw
this one single elderly lady infront of us in a chair by
(03:11):
herself, no one near her. And Ididn't know what her life story
was, I didn't know what thesituation was, but my heart just
kept leaping out in compassionfor her. And, at the right time,
when it says greet one another,you know, or something, I went
over to her and I just, youknow, gave her a little side hug
(03:33):
and said, you know, God blessyou. I can't remember what I
said, but, you know, then laterthere was another moment where,
hold hands and let's praytogether, and I held her hand or
whatever. And at the end of theservice, she came up to me and
she just said, Thank you somuch. I think, I don't remember
exactly, I think she said shehad just lost her husband. And I
(03:54):
just thought, wow. You know,people who have had losses,
whether it's divorce, whetherit's death, they need people to
love them. They need people tocare for them. They need people
to help them.
And if you're in that situation,praying that you will find
people that can just sit withyou, talk with you, listen to
(04:15):
your heart, and minister to yourbroken heart. That's our desire
right now, is to do that aswell.
Jill LeBlanc (04:24):
Yeah, and if you can get involved with like a
singles group at your church or,you know, sadly some people have
to create a new group of friendsthat they do things with. But I
just encourage you to try to getbold and just get out of your
comfort zone a little bit andtry to find community somewhere.
(04:50):
It's very important to notisolate yourself and just try to
to muscle through this on yourown. It's it's so helpful to
have people with you to walkwith you through this time.
Charlie LeBlanc (05:05):
Yeah. I'm thinking when you said that, I'm
thinking about this one friendof ours from church who'd
recently lost her husband. Andshe, after the first service,
between the first service andsecond service, was always a
little band playing in thefoyer. They're just kind of
bluegrass country, but they'resinging all Jesus songs.
Jill LeBlanc (05:27):
And they're kind of a geezer band.
Charlie LeBlanc (05:30):
Yeah, it's kind of fun.
Jill LeBlanc (05:31):
It's all whiteheads.
Charlie LeBlanc (05:32):
They're older, they're all- White hair.
Wonderful people, and we alwaysget entertained by that. But
just the last time I walked by,all of sudden I looked, and
there was this woman who hadlost her husband a couple months
earlier, but there she was, shewas a singer, And so she was
there singing, and I think-
Jill LeBlanc (05:51):
And she never had before.
Charlie LeBlanc (05:53):
No, she had never done that before. So I was
real proud of her for just doingsomething to help her and be
around some people and friends.So, yeah, it's important to find
community, like you said. Findpeople who can help us. I know
for us, right after we lostBeau, within that year, we
(06:15):
decided to accept a positionwith Andrew Wommack in leading,
starting the music and worshipschool at Charis Bible College
in Colorado Springs. And so wewere living in St. Louis, but we
made an agreement with him thatwe would fly in every Sunday
night and we would teach andstart the school and do Monday,
Tuesday and Wednesday, and thenwe'd fly home. I know that
(06:37):
sounds crazy, but we-
Jill LeBlanc (06:39):
It was.
Charlie LeBlanc (06:40):
It was. But we did that, and quite often on
Wednesday nights, Andrew wouldhave a conference that we led
worship at that we'd have to,from school, go straight to the
conference and lead worship atthe conference Wednesday,
Thursday, Friday, and Saturday,and then Sunday we'd go back to
Colorado and start the schoolagain on Monday, Tuesday,
(07:00):
Wednesday. So we did that on andoff for nine months. And this
was within the year that Beaupassed. There was a-
Jill LeBlanc (07:08):
No, actually, or was that the year after?
Charlie LeBlanc (07:11):
No, it was within the year that we started.
Jill LeBlanc (07:13):
Oh.
Charlie LeBlanc (07:13):
Yeah, 2009. So- Right. But there was a two edged
sword with that.
Jill LeBlanc (07:19):
Right, exactly.
Charlie LeBlanc (07:20):
You know, on one hand, we had community, we
had young worship leaders andmusicians that we were around
and mentoring and teaching themas loving on them like our own
son. It was a healing balm in alot of ways.
Jill LeBlanc (07:39):
It was.
Charlie LeBlanc (07:40):
But the stress of flying back and forth and
handling and preparing to teachand leading worship, I mean, it
was so hard that after ninemonths, we just went to Andrew
and said, We can't do thisanymore. It's too hard.
Jill LeBlanc (07:57):
So we started that position about eight months
after Beau passed away. So wewere still so broken. But we
would pull it together and dothis because I don't know. I
really think it was the Lordthat we did that. Some people
said, are you crazy?
Charlie LeBlanc (08:14):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (08:15):
You guys don't need that, you know, right now
in your lives. But but I I feellike we did I don't I didn't
feel it then, but I know nowthat we did need that.
Charlie LeBlanc (08:26):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (08:26):
Because of of what he was just sharing.
But it was still so hard. Andwe've we've said this before.
There were times that we woulddrive in in the morning, and we
would have 7AM rehearsals beforeschool or 06:45 maybe before
school started at 8:00, and we'ddo a chapel from 8:00 to 08:45.
But there were times we wouldarrive and in the parking lot
(08:50):
and and it didn't happen often,but we there were a few times
that we just sat in the car andheld hands and cried because we
were just still so broken.
Charlie LeBlanc (09:01):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (09:01):
But yeah, we just kind of manned up, pulled it
together and went in and did ourjob here. And, you know, so
people don't always understandhow grief affects a person for a
long time. And it can be a longtime. It's not for everyone, but
(09:24):
for most, especially if it's anunexpected or tragic loss. It's
and you just don't you don'talways know that they're going
through this. But but if youknow that someone has lost
someone in the in the recentpast or even if it was an
(09:45):
untimely death a few years ago,possibly, I would just encourage
you to reach out to them andjust love on them.
Charlie LeBlanc (09:54):
Mhmm.
Jill LeBlanc (09:55):
And and even let them know that that you realize
that they're walking through areally tough season, but that
you are holding them close inprayer. And just give them some
of your heart, spend a littletime with them and it'll that'll
(10:15):
go so far. Those will be seedsthat you sow that you will reap
from throughout eternity.
Charlie LeBlanc (10:22):
Right. Yeah. And, you know, this the heart of
missing your loved one reallynever goes away. I'm sure that
on my deathbed I'm gonna bethinking about Beau and just,
you know, looking forward toseeing him. But even sixteen
years later, we were recentlyworking on a project, you were
(10:45):
collecting things for someone tohelp us with a podcast or with a
writing, writing a journal orsomething, I can't remember what
it was, but you told me that youfell into tears.
Jill LeBlanc (10:58):
Oh, yeah.
Charlie LeBlanc (10:59):
Right in the middle of it.
Jill LeBlanc (11:00):
Yeah, trying to think what that was.
Charlie LeBlanc (11:02):
You were getting uh...
Jill LeBlanc (11:04):
Oh, I was working on just, I was pulling all those
classes together that we'regonna be recording.
Charlie LeBlanc (11:10):
Oh, see.
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (11:11):
And just going through different things in
preparation for those. And oh mygosh.
Charlie LeBlanc (11:16):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (11:16):
Just rereading some of our journey.
Charlie LeBlanc (11:19):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (11:19):
And some of the things that we've been through
and things that people said tous.
Charlie LeBlanc (11:24):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (11:25):
And every time someone would mention Beau,
mention what an amazing guy hewas, or I wish I could have
known him. Sounds like, youknow, just such a dude. And it
would just my heart would swell,not with pride, but just almost
with grief. And here we aresixteen years later, and and I
(11:49):
would maybe tear up a littlebit, but then I would go on some
more, and then something elselike that would pop up. And and
eventually, it just built up towhere it all started coming
down, you know? Yeah.
Charlie LeBlanc (12:02):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (12:02):
It still happens.
Charlie LeBlanc (12:04):
Yeah, it's still there. And, you know, when
we- Shortly after Beau passed, Iremember thinking, I'm gonna
start journaling this. I'dalways been a journaler, but,
you know, after Beau passed, waslike, I'm done. I'm done with
everything. I'm done with life.I don't even wanna do anything
anymore. We lost our heart. Aswe said in the last podcast, our
(12:25):
heart was crushed,brokenhearted. We had no hope
for the future, we didn't knowwhat we would do, where we would
go, we didn't know if we wouldmake it through it. I'm
honestly, we really didn't knowhow this would turn out in our
lives.
I wanted to get through it in ahealthy manner and I called
different minister friends ofmine who had lost children, I
(12:45):
said, "Help, I'm drowning." Whatcan you do to help me? And they
would always give me a littleword of encouragement, and so
many people did, and helped usalong the way. But I'm so glad
that I decided to startjournaling, because I just
wanted to capture how I felt atthat moment, because sixteen
(13:08):
years later, you know, we'redoing so much better, and you
know, we miss and love Beau, butin order to write the book, you
know, speaking of the book, thisis our book, When Loss Comes
Close to Home, and it'ssubtitled Finding Hope to Carry
On, When Death Turns Your WorldUpside Down. And that's exactly
(13:33):
what happened to us, our worldwas turned upside down.
But, you know, I remember westarted looking back at some of
the things we had written in ourjournals and just started
recapturing the emotion and thepain that's so real, and it's so
(13:54):
hard. And it's hard for me attimes. Every now and then I can
get that feeling again, I cangrab that glimpse again, but of
course you were crying recently,but we still cry. It just
depends on when and what andwhat triggers. But those raw
emotions, and I found this inour book actually, this was
(14:17):
something I wrote in my journalthree years after Beau's
departure. Now that's threeyears.
So people would think, Oh, threeyears, Charlie.
Jill LeBlanc (14:27):
Yeah, you should be over it by now.
Charlie LeBlanc (14:28):
Oh gosh, listen, can remember around the
three year mark that I thought,Oh, wow, I think I can believe
God again. I think I'm beginningto see a little bit of a vision
of what our future might be, youknow, that God could still use
(14:49):
us. You know, don't get mewrong, we went back into worship
leading about four months, youknow, three to four months after
we lost Beau. Oh, Andrew was sosweet.
He said, Y'all take as much timeoff as y'all want, you know,
we'll cover you, the meetingswill get them covered by the
worship leaders, but y'all takeas much time, we want you to get
better, we want you to getthrough this thing in a healthy
(15:10):
manner, and then about threemonths later he said, How y'all
doing? Praise the Lord, youready to come back? God bless
him, because he really missed usleading worship for his
conference, and we really missedhim and the crew there too.
It was hard. It was hard to getback into leading worship and
(15:31):
being around so many people thatare just, all they can think of
is rejoice with those whorejoice.
No one understood seemingly howto weep with those who weep out
of Romans the twelfth chapter.That's another whole teaching
that I'm not gonna get intoright now. Yeah, getting back
into that environment whereeverybody just wants us to lead
(15:52):
them in worship. Everybody wantsus to just lead us in praise and
let's have a good time.
Let's do some fun songs!
Yeah, do some fun songs. And I'mlike, Well, yeah, I love Jesus
with all my heart, but I'm justnot quite ready for jumping up
and down just yet. But we wentthrough it and God gave us grace
(16:12):
and we did what we had to do.Yeah. And God helped us and we
did it with a pure heart, withall of our heart, but, you know,
sometimes we just felt like wewere like robots just getting it
done.
Jill LeBlanc (16:23):
Yeah. And actually, I was at times.
Charlie LeBlanc (16:25):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (16:26):
I was totally in autopilot mode for the first
several months.
Charlie LeBlanc (16:31):
Yeah. Well, the Lord knew our hearts. That's the
beautiful thing. The Bible saysthat, and we've said this
scripture a lot in Hebrews, thathe's touched with the feelings
of our infirmities. And so hefeels what we feel.
In fact, I've read the scripturein Isaiah many times that says
he suffers when we suffer. Sothat's the beautiful thing about
God is that he totally gets it.He understands, he understands
(16:55):
our pain, he doesn't rebuke usfor pain, He loves us, He walks
beside us, He comforts us, Hehangs in there with us. As we're
healing, He's hanging in therewith us, loving on us, and
healing our broken places. Andso I found this, and I wrote it
and put it in the book, so it'sa little bit long, just bear
(17:18):
with me.
But what I love about this isthis is three years after Beau
passed that I sat down and wrotethis. It just shows you how even
that far along in the journey,how difficult it can still be.
So I said this, I said, so whatI'm trying to say is losing a
(17:39):
loved one, especially a child,is like you get cut deeply,
something is ripped out of you,like you have an accident and
one of your internal organs isripped out of you, or like a
part of your heart is torn outof you. Maybe you survive the
accident as we did, but you aremissing a vital part, and
(18:03):
obviously we were missing Beau.On top of that, if you have a
serious wound, which is verypainful and needs time to heal.
So you get cut, but that healingdoesn't come right away. Healing
takes time, and it takes time toheal even if you cut yourself.
Healing is a process, and duringthat process there are painful
(18:26):
days. Sometimes when fentanyl ishealing, it could be itching and
hurting, it's like, ah, youknow, but it's healing, and
that's the way it was with us inour healing process. There were
times that really hurt so bad,but we knew by the grace of God,
we trusted, we hoped that ourhealing process was still going.
(18:47):
Then sometimes you begin to healand you hit the wound and it
reopens. And that's what happensin grief too, is there's times
when, you know, you mightinfected and the doctor has to
cut it open again. Healing is abeautiful thing, Jesus healing
(19:08):
broken hearts, but it doesn'tmean that you won't still hurt
while you're being healed. Inmany cases there's a process of
healing in the soul, gettingthrough some of this tough
stuff, which many times is notinstant. For Jill and me, it
took a lot of time.
And I got that capital letterswith dashes in between it in the
(19:29):
book. T-I-M-E, time. It justtakes a lot of time for some
people, not for everybody. ForJill and me, it did. And I know
for a fact that Godly, faithfilled men and women have
experienced tragic loss.
Many of them, it took a lot oftime for them to get through it
(19:50):
as well. So I just wanted togive you a little peek into
three years after Bo passed, Ijust had this burden on my heart
to just say, Listen, this stillhurts, this takes time, it's
like a wound, don't judgesomeone who's still hurting. You
just gotta be patient and letthem heal. As we've said in many
(20:12):
of the podcasts, the Lord said,you do the loving, let God do
the fixing. You need to justlove people and be patient with
people, we need to be that way,and just let God do his healing
process.
Jill LeBlanc (20:25):
Yeah. I'd like to read a little something from our
book, if I may. And it's a quotefrom his name is Doctor Colin
Murray Parkes. And it's it'sfrom a book called that he wrote
called Studies of Grief in AdultLife. And he says the pain of
(20:48):
grief is just as much a part oflife as the joy of love.
It is perhaps the price we payfor love, the cost of
commitment. To ignore this factor to pretend that it's not so
is to put on emotional blinders,which leave us unprepared for
(21:10):
the losses that will inevitablyoccur in our own lives and
unprepared to help others copewith losses in theirs. And then
Rabbi Grollman says this, griefis not a disorder, a disease or
a sign of weakness. It's anemotional, physical and
(21:34):
spiritual necessity. And then hequotes Doctor Parks, which is
the price you pay for love.
Charlie LeBlanc (21:43):
Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc (21:44):
So we experienced that cost of love in our lives.
And I know many of you have aswell. And it's it's not
something to cower from. Thegrief journey is just something
we have to go through. But Godwill, God will meet you there,
and he will help you walkthrough this time because he's
(22:07):
faithful.
Charlie LeBlanc (22:08):
Yes. Yes, he is. Speaking of faithful, you
know, that great song, great isthy faithfulness, great is thy
faithfulness. You know, whenwhen Beau died, I really
struggled with the thoughts ofGod being faithful and and and,
you know, because it didn't seemlike that was the case in that
(22:33):
moment. And then, so this greathymn, Great Is Thy Faithfulness,
I was just happened to bereading in Lamentations one day,
and I noticed the scripturesbefore that song, or that
scripture, which turned into agreat song, and it just jumped
(22:54):
out of the page to me andreally, really made sense.
And I'm gonna read it to you outof the New Living Translation,
Lamentations 3:20-23, and wemight read 24 as well. But he
says, this Jeremiah, he says, Icry out, my splendor is gone,
(23:17):
everything I had hoped for fromthe Lord is lost. And brothers
and sisters, you may be in thatposition, I know we were, that
everything we had hoped for fromthe Lord was lost. And then he
goes on to say, this thought ofmy suffering is bitter beyond
words. And really it was for us.It was so bitter. And then he
(23:42):
says this, I will never forgetthis awful time as I grieve over
my loss. I just appreciate thistransparency of this prophet
just saying, you know, mysuffering's bitter. I'm never
gonna forget this awful time asI grieve over my loss. And
that's the truth, people.
You'll never really forget allthat you've been through. And I
(24:06):
thank God that we don't fullyforget it so that I can help
others understand and walkthrough this difficult time. But
the scripture goes on to say, Iwill never forget this awful
time as I grieve over my loss,yet, this is amazing, he turns
it around, yet I still dare tohope when I remember this. The
(24:28):
faithful love of the Lord neverends, his mercies never cease,
great is his faithfulness. Whata beautiful song.
But I love that thought that hesays, I'm hurting, everything
I'd hoped for is lost, mysuffering's bitter beyond words,
I'm never gonna forget thisawful time as I grieve over my
(24:51):
loss. But then he says, yet Iwill still dare, I love that
word, dare, to hope. Becauseit's almost like I'm a little
bit afraid to hope again becausemy hope was crushed, as you said
earlier. A hope deferred makesthe heart sick. Your heart is
crushed when your hope isbroken.
(25:13):
And so it's almost like you'reafraid to hope again. You're
afraid to believe again. You'reafraid to expect again because
nothing worked this first time.And again, I know everyone's
journey is different. We're justsharing parts of what our
journey is.
Maybe your journey was a loteasier than that, maybe it was
worse. But I love the prophetbeing transparent here and
(25:35):
saying, yet I still dare tohope. So I'm gonna take a chance
here and dare to hope, but hesays, this is how I dare to
hope, when I remember that theLord's love never ends, that his
mercies never cease. Great ishis faithfulness. His mercies
(25:55):
begin afresh every morning.
I say to myself, the Lord is myinheritance, therefore I will
hope in him. But I just lovethat, that we felt like we had
lost all hope. I struggled withthe faithfulness of God, but he
says, when I remember this, thathis faithful love never ends.
(26:19):
There's so many scriptures I'mthinking about right now, but
the love of God is what reallypulled us through this difficult
I remember in New Living inRomans 8, it says, does it mean
he no longer loves us? Paulsaid, if I go through all the
difficulty he went through withbeatings and shipwrecks and
(26:42):
nakedness and starvation andstonings, he said, Does it mean
he no longer loves us?
And that's the beauty of it. No,it doesn't mean he no longer
loves us. We live in a fallenworld, we have an enemy that's
out to kill, steal and destroyfrom us, and we can know that
God loves us even in our pain,even in our suffering, he
(27:05):
suffers. We can know that he is,you can know that he's with you
right now, that he cares, thathe wants to comfort you, he
wants to hold you, he wants tocarry you through your difficult
times. God bless you, praise theWell, we just wanted to say that
we love you and we pray that Godjust continues to help you in
(27:28):
your situation.
Lord, I just pray that youstrengthen them, encourage them,
comfort them, and just be ahealing balm. You heal broken
hearts, Lord. We expect it. InJesus' name, amen. Well, that's
all the time we have for now. SoGod bless you. We love you.
Don't forget our book, When LossComes Close to Home. Get it,
(27:51):
it's on our website, onbookstores, on lots of places.
Jill LeBlanc (27:57):
Yeah, and links are below. If you're watching on
YouTube, there will be somelinks following that you can
look at. And please subscribe tothe podcast if you haven't
already, and be sure to give ita little thumbs up, and that
helps us to reach more people.And you can also share it with
others that you feel likebenefit, that would be a
(28:19):
blessing. This message that weshared today, you can share it
with someone you know.
So thank you so much for joiningwith us today, and we're looking
so forward to continue sharingwith you every week. God bless.
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