June 17, 2023 • 52 mins
Join us as we sit down with Chief Nate Thompson and his wife Kolette, who've been married for 32 years and have successfully navigated the challenges of balancing their careers, family, and relationship. Their story offers valuable insights, tips, and advice for other couples facing similar challenges.
We follow Nate's journey from his start as a volunteer firefighter in Smithfield to his current role as Assistant Chief of Operations at Logan Fire Department. Kolette shares her support for Nate's fire service ambitions and sheds light on the challenges they faced as a couple as Nate has been involved in the fire service as well as building his own business. Discover how they've managed to prioritize family time and maintain a strong, supportive relationship despite their demanding careers.
Nate and Kolette emphasize the importance of investing in their relationship and maintaining a strong support system. From raising children in a firefighter family to handling the mental toll of firefighting, you'll learn valuable life lessons that are applicable to any couple striving to balance their work and personal lives. Don't miss this inspiring episode on love, family, and overcoming adversity.
Thank you for joining us for another episode of our Firefighter Support podcast, where our mission is to empower firefighters to strengthen their resiliency through mental wellness, physical health, and human connection. This podcast is available across any platform where you can find podcasts, including YouTube.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Brent Harding (00:00):
Welcome to our firefighter support podcast.
Today We have the prime exampleof a firefighter couple.
So obviously I know you guysfor I've known you guys for a
little bit But the one you startoff with a little introduction
to you guys.
Nate, maybe you can start justa little bit about your career
and a little bit of the resumeand Yeah and then collect.
(00:22):
You can correct him anytime.
Nate Thompson (00:25):
Yeah, so I'm Nate Thompson.
I currently work at Logan firedepartment, functioning in the
as an assistant chief inoperations.
I got my start in Logan in 2003and then before that I got into
the fire service as a volunteerin Smithfield in 1995.
So 28 years in the fire service, eight of those is a volunteer
(00:48):
and And Really the entire time,also had a small business that
I've ran.
A lot of people like to jokeabout it And we have a lot of
fun with it, but it's been agood little business that I
actually worked in theirfull-time prior To becoming a
firefighter, which I think iswill play some relevance, i
think, today and maybe some ofour discussion on the balance
(01:11):
right, we're gonna talk aboutbalance.
So you know, clut and I though Imean that's just a brief, you
know really brief intro, youknow professionally, but I think
if we're talking aboutrelationships today, clut and I
met in what?
88, something like that, 1988,1989, some more right around
there.
We dated on and off, ended uphere in Cache Valley, got
(01:35):
married in 91 and we've beenhere ever since.
So that's going on 32 years ofbliss.
Brent Harding (01:43):
We'll call that every day is a new adventure, so
yeah 32 years.
That's awesome.
Yeah, so you know, a lot ofguys are already in the fire
service when they meet Theirspouse, and so as they're dating
and stuff the spouse is alreadywell aware of.
But this happened afterwards,right?
That's also a little bit aboutthat Clut and maybe just how
(02:06):
that decision happened and kindof what your thoughts were at
the very beginning, when he'slike you know, i think I want to
try this.
Kolette Thompson (02:13):
I'm trying to even remember what you did
before He.
Well, he worked at Sprint printis what it was called then and
he, we lived in Smithfield wherethere was a Volunteer
department just down the roadand I think he's always wanted
to be a fireman and he's like,hey, i think I might try that.
I was like, go for it, i wantedhim to do it.
(02:33):
So, because what's sex herethan a fireman?
Nate Thompson (02:36):
Oh yeah, she's being super nice because at Utah
State I changed my major likeeight times probably, and if I
would have known there was aroute to be in a firefighter, at
one point It was a firefighteror a pilot or whatever you know.
You're going through all thosedeals, but once we once I
graduated from school andrealized the volunteer fire
(02:57):
department was across the street, which we realized back then,
they used the air raid siren.
That was my first introductionto the volunteer fireman in
Smithfield, Gletton.
I thought either there was anearthquake or Raid or a war.
We had no idea.
You know such a thing occurredin small towns, but back then
(03:18):
they still used the siren for tonotify the volunteer fireman.
So we could probably say thatcoupled.
When I was a young boy, youknow watching back then the
garbage men rode on the back ofthe truck.
So when I was a little boy Itwas always a garbage man or a
fireman, because back then theytailboarded right the back when
I grew up.
So the dream was always there.
(03:38):
I'm not.
I wasn't really sure how to getthere through college But yes,
smithfield builds air raid sirenwas my, my ticket.
Brent Harding (03:46):
That was it.
Yeah, that's awesome And thatwas 1994, 95 probably yeah,
that's pretty cool.
Did you guys have any otherfirefighter couples that were
able to kind of give you someheads up on what was gonna
happen, or you guys just fullyJump in, had no idea?
Kolette Thompson (04:04):
what we're getting into.
We knew nothing, really, i Knowknow, and volunteerism.
Nate Thompson (04:10):
As you know, you were a north Logan volunteer.
I mean, it takes a lot of time.
They'll it'll take from youwhatever you're willing to give
it.
Clutton, i joked when I firstgot on with Logan.
She couldn't understand thatthere was actually set schedule
when I would work becauseThere's a volunteer every time
we like all the time.
Kolette Thompson (04:28):
We can't go too far for dinner because, I
could be paged out.
So yeah, that would make mecrazy, but it was a big deal.
Yeah, it was a big deal Youdon't want to miss anything.
Nate Thompson (04:37):
Plus I was kitty corner from the station I could
catch most the fires right likeI was always right there first,
you know first on the engine,usually at least the first three
or four or so.
But we really didn't.
You know I had some fun friendsback then.
I mean I knew Frank keepers inhigh school So I got to
reconnect with Frank.
I think most people have beenthe fire service in the valley
(04:57):
for 20 plus nose No, those Frankkeepers.
So we had a lot of fun together.
You know Corey Wiley, of course, jay, you know Jay brought me
in, and Dennis wood, couple ofthe kind of the core players
back then.
Zane, you know those guys wereall really good friends to me.
You know they brought us intothe but didn't know before hand.
Kolette Thompson (05:17):
No, did not know them.
The neighborhood, yeah.
Nate Thompson (05:20):
Yeah right, the only friend that I really knew
like really close was MikePeterson, who was a North Park
police officer and went on to bea sheriff and of course, the
the police chief, i think up andPreston for a little while, but
I think Mike's retired now, butback then that was my
connection.
You know he was an EMT.
We went to EMT school togetherand had a great time because
back then they trained as EMTsas well.
(05:42):
But that was the closest I hadto really.
You know, know anybody actually.
Brent Harding (05:48):
So you guys were true pioneers.
Kind of figuring this out asyou go along.
What were some of the thingsthat kind of maybe surprised you
the most, collette, as thefurther you guys got into the
firefighting even from thevolunteer.
But it's just because at thebeginning it's like maybe, yeah,
that sounds cool.
If that's what you want to do,great.
But the more you got into orsome of the things maybe you
(06:08):
didn't expect to come along withthe job.
Kolette Thompson (06:11):
You know, at first you're thinking it's
volunteer, so it's oh, how muchtime could it be?
but it was a lot of time and alot of training.
But you know, watching name, icould see like I don't know.
I was like he was proud, he wasloving it, it made him happy.
So it made me happy, i don'tknow, i Probably time, because I
(06:31):
think you think, oh, this isgreat, click him, click out.
But it's not that he was alwayson call and that always wore
that damn pager.
The page, yes, the bad the page,the badger the pager Yep, you
always had the pager back then,when he got on Logan, i was like
oh, She endured that.
Nate Thompson (06:51):
It was eight years actually.
Yeah yeah, it was good times, alot of good memories, a lot of
lessons learned, a lot of, a lotof lessons learned.
I feel like you know, i meanyou look now, even where we're
at right now with this podcastand the things we talk about,
but some of the experiences backthen, when you don't have any,
(07:14):
you don't have any.
You know resiliency tools oryou're figuring out.
You know I mean it's amazingthe things you remember from
being a volunteer.
You know those are Probably I'mgonna speak for myself probably
the most damage done were someof those real traumatic calls
back.
When you're, you have no skillsreally at all on what, how to
deal with the stuff that we dealwith now, and so it was a
(07:35):
really awesome time.
But in some ways, you know alittle bit of.
You know You pay the price alittle bit on what you learn
from some of the trauma youendure as a As a volunteer, and
it really gave me some goodperspective in moving forward as
we have we, as we've moved, youknow, 25 years later on where
we needed to take our mentalwellness right for our people.
(07:59):
I think a lot of people wouldshare that same thing that some
of their damage done was as avolunteer, no question, or early
on in their careers, right.
Brent Harding (08:07):
Yeah, i think one of the things that surprised me
the most even just three yearsago when I started with Logan
full-time the difference betweenbeing volunteer and full-time
was Was it was just so strangefor me to go on it like a
traumatic call and you start athome with your kids.
You go to the traumatic calland then, when you're done, you
(08:27):
go back home around the kitchentable with your kids and to be
that's right.
You know you go on a call like akid call or something.
That was just Weird and Ididn't appreciate how hard that
was until I got to Logan and itwas so nice to go on a tough
call, but it all stayed at thestation.
We ran from the station, wecame back, we processed it as a
crew, kind of kept, so that bythe time I got home It was like
(08:49):
I've already had a good night'ssleep, or hopefully had a good
night's sleep, but at least wasable to have that initial couple
hours after the call with thecrew.
That made a big difference forme.
Yeah but as a volunteer I agreeit was.
I think you know it's harder torecognize it maybe in the
moment, but definitely lookingback I think, yeah, definitely
the most damage is done becausehe's didn't know what to do.
Kolette Thompson (09:11):
Yeah, and you get home and Nate was like doing
his sprint print job And so itwas trying to balance that too,
and then, yeah, it was hard toturn it on, turn it off, i agree
, but we didn't have any kids.
We had our first in 96 thankyou.
96 and then our second in 98.
So we're just prepping more thetalent.
(09:34):
I don't know.
You've been in a little whilebefore we had the kids, so yeah.
Brent Harding (09:38):
Yeah, you know I'm speaking of sprint print.
So amongst the top careers thatare hardest on marriage, like
in the top five, our firstresponders and entrepreneurs and
you guys decided you know well,let's take two of those, let's
do yeah, let's do both of these.
Nate Thompson (09:53):
Yeah, well, and early on with sprint print, you
know It was a new company and itwas up, you know we were
growing quickly.
It required a lot of work hours, you know, as you know, a lot
of hours.
And so to ask, you know,colette, to share now with the
shop and then, hey, i'm gonna,i'm gonna be a volunteer fireman
too and hang out with the boysa couple nights a week and oh,
(10:15):
by the way, there's gonna bethree or four days of training
after.
You know it was a lot, it wasbig, but you know it was.
You know I just like, likeColette said, you know she could
, i mean, It was very fulfillingto me.
Right, it was very fulfillingand gratifying work.
You felt like you're making adifference, maybe, or at least
trying to make the differenceright, and growing new skills
and, like man, you know, i mightbe able to, you know, to
(10:38):
actually do this.
And then you start bumping into,you know, some of your, you
know, like idols.
Back then you know The pair,the paramedic gods I call them.
You know the Edvilsons had comeout and to Smithfield, and you
know, and Crainer would come out, and you know these guys would
come out and you're just like,oh my gosh, you know, these guys
are amazing, you know, andteach your classes on how to
(11:00):
start IVs and Medications.
And then, you know, once Istarted meeting some of the
full-timers, the guys that didit just really made a big
impression On me.
It was like, yeah, that's, thisis what I want to do for sure,
and I'll figure out a way tomake it work with running in the
shop, which you know was kindof a rocky transition.
And You know I had a businesspartner that had to be okay with
(11:23):
me now sharing me with the firestation And a shop.
And it was rocky road, you know, sometimes it was good,
sometimes he'd get tired of it,right, which I don't blame him,
you know, because he probably,you know, felt like, hey, i'm
carrying the load here whileyou're out having fun being a
fireman for two and three days aweek.
But and it really wasn't anissue until I went career right,
like he had no problem sharingme with, you know, the volunteer
(11:45):
world, because it didn't reallyon occasion It did, but very
rarely did it interfere withdoing that.
But you know, ironically enough, the shop, that nature of the
work that I do, i think is trulypart of.
If I look back now all theseyears, it's probably part of the
formula for my own resiliencyand us having a healthy marriage
(12:07):
and still enjoying my job atthe fire department.
It always gave me somethingcompletely to transition away
from trauma and from the bellyou know They're adrenaline
surges from getting up duringthe night, right Like.
It always provided that balancefor me during the day because,
you know, once our kids weregrown, collette wanted her
career back and you know shestarted working again.
(12:29):
So for me to go, you know,continue to work, my business
was super well, not easy, but itwas just hey, you know what
else am I gonna do here?
So I like to be busy.
So we were able to continue todo that, but it did.
It gave me something that usedan entirely different part of my
brain and enabled me to shutoff that primitive brain
(12:50):
response and settle into beingcreative and problem solving and
dealing with people at adifferent level.
And you don't really realizethat balance, how that actually
helps you deal with the traumathat we see year in, year out.
And I'm thinking maybe you'veexperienced the same thing, man.
I would hope.
Brent Harding (13:09):
Well, and it's one of those things that you
don't appreciate until a littlebit afterwards, and especially
the aspect of, like you said,using the totally other side of
your brain and just havingsomething that's not fire, not
emergent, that you're passionateabout too, and regardless of
whether that's a business orjust a hobby, i think that's an
important aspect for guys tohave in their life to be healthy
(13:30):
.
The other part for me, though,is also it's just nice to be an
employee.
Kolette Thompson (13:35):
I like to go to the fire station.
Brent Harding (13:36):
That isn't my thing as far as I don't have to
make the big decisions.
I just come and do my job andtry to be a good employee.
I don't have to deal with allthe chief stuff And that's so
nice because then because onyour four off with the business,
it's like that's all on myshoulders And it's so nice to go
to the fire station and kind oftake a break from that and just
come and perform.
Kolette Thompson (13:57):
Oh, there it goes.
Nate Thompson (13:58):
Yeah, there's the bell right there.
Kolette Thompson (14:00):
Speaking of pay, you're still the pay.
We've come full circle, clearbackground.
Nate Thompson (14:04):
No, i totally agree with that too, brent.
In terms of that ability tousing the creative side of the
brain is a completely differentfeeling, and so that brought
such, i think, over the years,just really good balance for me
and being able to kind of justdecompress from a couple days of
(14:24):
intense work, go to the shop,do my thing And absolutely being
an entrepreneur and thenrunning a business through I
mean good heavens.
We've been in business for alot of years, through two major
recessions, through 9-11, i meantwo major recessions that we
restructured our business twiceAnd that doesn't come without
(14:44):
some stress as well.
So for the first 10 years, 15years going to Logan Fire, i
just got to go be one of theguys and do what I was loving
And it was great, right, i meanit was just super.
I mean I was just all in, icould go there and give it my
all And I didn't have to be theboss.
That's changed a little bit,but at least early on that was a
(15:06):
lot of fun.
Kolette Thompson (15:07):
When he did go to those crazy calls, knowing
that when he came home that Ijust needed to back away and let
him process however he neededto process, and that was kind of
a weird learning curve forsomeone who's never had to deal
with that before.
I'd be like what the hell?
Go get your chores done, go doyour honeydoos.
(15:28):
But then I would be able tosense it more.
So I think that whole littlevolunteer time was a time for me
to kind of understand.
You're crazy.
When you got home I was teasingyou.
I don't know You're processing.
I guess That's what I'mthinking.
That's fair.
Brent Harding (15:43):
Well, i think that's a super valid point,
because we've talked about howgreat it's been.
He has both sides of his braingone, but really, for the spouse
man, how hard is it?
Because I can just tell yousome of the things that I've
heard.
He's always gone, and now notonly with the business, where
you're gone a lot for that, butfire station you're going to be
(16:05):
gone holidays, birthdays, it'sjust part of the gig, and so how
will come maybe I can phrase itthis way how come you guys
didn't get into this And then, afew years in, be like never
mind, we're not doing that, pickone or the other, do the
business or do the fire, but wecan't do both.
Kolette Thompson (16:21):
I think even with the very full schedule that
Nate had in just life being theway it was, we always made time
.
Whether it was convenient ornot, we would have a date night
once a week.
We would make our relationship.
That was also on the importantscale, instead of just kind of
(16:41):
when oh, i'm just too tired,like we would for sure go do
things Always communication, idon't know.
We just always made time forone another, because I don't
think I could have done it if Iwas kind of thrown to the side,
because it seems like firebusiness family.
And I have to say he's alwaysmade me feel like I am the top
(17:02):
tier.
Still better be the top tier.
I don't know That was mostimportant to him was family, and
then it kind of trickles downthrough there, but for me, just
knowing that he was happy andfulfilled, that is where the
support came from.
If I could tell he didn't likeit, or if it was just draining,
(17:22):
then I think I would have beenlike eh, just be done, yeah.
Brent Harding (17:26):
So what are some?
do you have any specifics onhow?
because that's awesome, despitethe time commitment and all
those things.
But how do you make your familyfeel important?
Because there's no doubt thatif you went and asked any
firefighter right now is yourfamily the most important thing
to you?
Everybody would say yes, butthere's a difference between
saying that and then the familyactually feeling that.
Nate Thompson (17:49):
No, excellent question.
And at times, to be honest,there's times you feel like
you're failing, like I mean.
There are times I tell ColletteI'm like, oh my gosh, i'm a
horrible dad, i'm never therefor some of this stuff.
But when I reflect back because, as you know, most of my kids
are grown now My youngest ismarried.
We're empty nesting at thispoint And I cannot believe where
(18:11):
the time went.
To me it just seems like itwent so fast.
But when I reflect I think of,like Collette said, always time
for a date or two every week.
Family night, moving night right, my kids love that where we
hung out together as a family,even if it was just for one
evening.
They looked forward to it andwe made sure that happened.
(18:31):
We had a small.
We had a fun little boat.
It wasn't fancy, but my kidsgrew up on a boat, so it was in
the summertime.
We'd do that weekly.
We would go to Lake Powell.
We always planned the trips outto make sure there was always
that family time And we madesure it was quality time because
the kids knew I'd be gone fortwo and three days at a time And
then I'd be back.
(18:52):
That's how they grew up,knowing that was the pattern,
and try to be present.
Because, let's be honest, theday three after 48, there were
times of conflict, i feel likefor Collette and I Not from her
It was like you know how it is,you're just kind of numb, i
would just be, my brain wouldn'teven function, and they're
(19:13):
trying to engage you, you know,after 48, and you're just like I
can't even really think rightnow.
So we came up with some goodformulas for that.
So that way I felt likeCollette kind of gave me a
little buffer there And I feltsuper lucky and was grateful for
that right, because there wasdays I did not want to engage,
(19:33):
right, and we would talk aboutit.
We learned to talk about, hey,what the hell's going on with
you when you come home And I'mlike, well, here's the reality,
here's how I feel sometimes And,ironically, look, that was
really on in our career.
And now we know what'shappening.
on day three, you're out, yourbrain saturated with epinephrine
and dopamine and everythingelse, and you just can't, you
(19:56):
just fried, right, and it justtakes time for that to wash out
And you need good rest, and so,giving me that buffer, then I
could come back and be presentfor those other three nights
when I wasn't at the station,And we would try to make sure
that those were meaningful timesright Dinner together, family
time, and I really think thatthe formula is fairly simple.
(20:18):
It just had to be we wereconsistent with time together
And if I couldn't make abirthday, we would do it on a
different day, right Like wewould figure it out.
Kolette Thompson (20:27):
Yeah, we'd figure it out, we would.
I would have him call me atleast once a day when he's on
shift.
Nate Thompson (20:33):
Yeah.
Kolette Thompson (20:34):
Just to even let me know kind of what he's
been through, cause it's almostlike giving me a heads up on how
to treat him when he gets home.
Um, i'd be like, how's your day?
Well, actually I did this.
And then I'd be like, oh okay,he had.
And sometimes I'd even tell mykids okay, dad's kind of had
some really hard calls and youmight just need a beat.
I mean, it's harder whenthey're little, but at least
(20:56):
that would give me a heads up.
So we had always, even when hewas not home, we would touch
base once.
We still do every day.
So like what's going on?
Sometimes it's not till the endof the day, but hey.
Brent Harding (21:07):
I think that's huge right And I think that's
and maybe it's just me, but Ithink it's easy You're said than
done, Cause I feel like myselfand at least a few other guys,
that's a hard conversation tohave, Like you don't want to
necessarily pass on like I'mstruggling or I had some stuff
today that I don't think Ihandled very well or whatever.
Kolette Thompson (21:26):
But us, us women were pretty tough.
Brent Harding (21:28):
We need to know those things So.
Kolette Thompson (21:30):
I don't, you don't have to give us like all
the gory details, but eventhough I'm, I don't mind if Nate
shares that stuff with me.
So I don't know.
I think it's important becauseif not, then the wife's are
don't understand And thenthey'll be like, why is he being
such a dink, You know, and wewon't get what has happened
beforehand.
So I don't know.
That's how I feel.
(21:52):
I'm pretty sure most women willfeel the same.
Nate Thompson (21:55):
Well, and you know, after and it's so true
because after the years in thefire service, right, whether it
be volunteer or career, and Ifeel like it really started to
develop later on in my career,after you're doing a job
consistently, professionally,you know, day in, day out, i
feel like wives.
Once you're willing to kind of,let them at least give them a
code, right, like, hey, had a,just had a shitty call I don't
(22:18):
want to talk about this right,like, but, yeah, involved the
family or kids or whatever.
That was enough for her to know.
Okay, you know, i got it,because at least then that gives
them a reason.
Why are you ignoring me?
or why are you not looking atme when I'm talking to you?
At least there's that knowledgeof like, hey, it's going to
take a minute, and I'm notsaying that works perfect all
the time, like, at times it'd belike, no, i need you to
(22:41):
freaking engage.
You know, because I got, we'vegot things.
You're right, we're not the,we're not a perfect couple,
right, like, we go through thesame struggles over the years
Everyone else does, but I'vetried to listen to those cues of
like yeah, i need to engage,right, and sometimes it's just
as simple and I'm not perfect atit.
But you know we talk about thelistening right.
(23:02):
All you have to do is use ouractive listening skills, even a
couple every once in a while,because they're hard to do,
right, they're hard, they'revery difficult to master.
We'll call it, but then justeven paint, paint, attention.
You know she's telling you abouther day or her frustrations at
work.
Right, We're really good atsharing the frustrations at the
(23:23):
firehouse and all the drama andall the calls.
But you know they've got dramaand issues too at their work,
and so I'm not great at it, butI've tried over the years and
she reminds me, you know, like,hey, you know I've got stuff
going on too.
There's like you're right, youdo, and so we've tried to do,
but especially as our kids havegotten older and we have more
time together And you said thatin a way that I don't know.
Kolette Thompson (23:45):
I'm nervous.
More time, more time even moreThere's more time to devote to
you.
Brent Harding (23:52):
You know we had your BFF Brady on the other day,
and one of the things we talkedabout in that, though, is that
part of preparing for retirementis investing in the people that
you're going to be retiringwith.
You know you spend your wholelife devoted to a career and
then, all of a sudden, youretire and you're with each
other way more than you were Now.
if you haven't invested in thatrelationship, that could be a
(24:13):
pretty awkward new relationshipto build right.
People ask us all the time.
Kolette Thompson (24:16):
They're like how are you doing?
And I'm like I love it.
I love it When I know thatmight be sickening to some
people, but we've had, we'vealways loved spending time
together.
You know, it sounds like we goon trips or dates and our kids
have seen us do all of thesethings.
We like to spend time together.
So as soon as we got the kidsout, it was great.
We're great, couldn't wait forthe kids to get out.
(24:39):
Yeah, yeah.
Nate Thompson (24:40):
And I'm glad you brought that up with what Brady
said because, as you know, asyou get later on in the career,
your cup fills a little bit moreand you feel it, and you can
sense it, that you need to takethe break right.
And I feel like later on, evenover the last 10 years, glutton,
i have noticed when, hey, it'stime to take a break, i got to
(25:00):
have the time out.
You know, let's go camping,let's go to Jackson, let's go to
Vegas, let's go to Montana,right, it doesn't really matter
where we go together.
The break, to me it's a keypart of the formula for keeping
the relationship saucy and spicy, right, like get away together
And it's you know.
Kolette Thompson (25:21):
And, by the way, it is not easy with kids to
do it.
Nate Thompson (25:24):
No.
Kolette Thompson (25:24):
But you just have to do it And even though
sometimes I didn't want to leavemy kids with my mother-in-law,
or whatever you still need to doit, and I think it's important
for your kids to see too.
I just think it's important foryour kids to know that you guys
, like I, don't know that wemean something to each other, so
I don't know.
Brent Harding (25:42):
Yeah, what kind of feedback have you gotten from
your kids about the career andabout the life they kind of grew
up, now that they've kind ofall started?
to develop their own lives.
Kolette Thompson (25:53):
We.
I actually asked them, like Isaid.
so I said, now that you guysare grown, like, did it affect
you when, like, your dad wasgone for 40?
And they're like, no, it's justlike, that's just how it was,
That's just what it was, Andlike some of their best memories
are me holding them in mybedroom on Christmas, like
Christmas morning, waiting foran eight to get home so we can
(26:15):
open presents.
Nate Thompson (26:16):
You know what I mean.
Kolette Thompson (26:16):
Like I don't know.
I think kids are prettyresilient Ours like they.
Just that's just how they grewup, that's just how it was.
So when they would talk totheir friends they thought it
was weird that it's just how itwas.
I have pictures of my kidsstanding up against a window
waiting for you know dad to gethome.
It's just how it was.
Brent Harding (26:36):
I think that's awesome.
How did it change from youngerkids to like teenagers?
There a big difference there inhow they kind of handle the
fire life, or was it fairlybasically the same thing, just
different day?
Kolette Thompson (26:49):
I think as they get older they're a little
more mature to handle, like youknow before.
you know, dad needs a littlebit of rest.
And now you're like, oh, youkind of went on a really
terrible call and you just so Ithink they became a little more,
i don't know, sensitive to likeyour situations that you'd been
in.
I don't think it would beinteresting.
I don't know, they've neversaid they've had resentment or
(27:10):
anything like that.
Nate Thompson (27:12):
Well, when they were little, you know, i mean,
like I said, you'd try to makeit, i'd try to make sure that I
was there and present, right,whether it's, you know,
piggyback rides or wrestlingwith the boys or playing catch
or going to their ball games youknow lacrosse, baseball,
basketball, dance, like I mean,you know, we all get.
Yeah, we had so many thingsanymore, right, we were no
(27:33):
different.
And when they were little, itwas important that I try to get
there right, and if I couldn'tbe there on a Saturday for a
ball game, colette would ensureshe was in the.
Ja, you know dad's at thestation today, so he'll, you
know, he'll be here next week,right, so we just communicate
with them And I think they didokay, right, they've never come
out and said, yeah, you neverwere there for me, you know,
(27:54):
which was always a fear, like asa parent you're always like oh,
oh shit, They would ask me allthe time.
Kolette Thompson (28:00):
You know, yeah , but they know, And I think
also we go to the station a lotso they could see like it was
serious business and they'd seehim leave on like, like I don't
know.
Nate Thompson (28:11):
Yeah, when they were little we did that Them
coming the station.
Life was a big part for them.
They could come and hang outand you know we'd, you know we'd
check out an engine and slidethe pole, you know, and hang out
and do whatever, and then Wemade them feel the boot too,
like every so they felt a partof the fire station as well,
like the fire family.
(28:32):
Well, and what an interestingone.
That was right, like I never,it never, dawned on me what an
impact that was on my youngchildren.
For service, fill the boot.
The breakfast, the MDAbreakfast that Mike Porter would
always spearhead and you know,is always the funny thing, right
, because oh, mikey was, youknow so anti union, but man did
he do an MDA breakfast, right,like Just super passionate about
(28:55):
it.
And my kids caught that passionearly on and as they grew up,
as young kids where they couldhelp with just passing out
drinks.
It became a here we do in thatbreakfast when they were
teenagers.
Are we doing the walk?
Bailey walked, did the paradewalk with me.
Up until she was a late teen,my kids helped at the MDA
breakfast every year forprobably 10 or 12 years, so it
(29:18):
was a huge impact.
So you never know how thosethings like that was part of the
whole big family thing.
Right, they felt part of whatthe fire culture was, the big
fire family, but it was also usbeing together as well.
So that was one thattransitioned from little kids
into teens and then I would say,as they transitioned into
teenagers, are like most otherteens.
(29:39):
Right, like you know, theywould Like they have their own
lives, are going to go hang outwith their friends or do their
thing as teenagers do.
But I still think they wouldlook forward to the trips right
to Disney World or Lake Powellor wherever we were going.
The family trip was still a bigdeal to them, even as teenagers
.
Brent Harding (29:59):
So I think that's great and you brought up a
little bit.
But I like to talk more aboutthe fire family.
How much did that impact kindof?
you know they say it takes avillage but I think probably
takes double the village as afirefighter Like just being.
You know, and I know you guyshave some great close friends in
the fire service and how muchdid that help throughout the
years having those close friends, other fire wives and trips
(30:20):
together and helped always and Ihave never felt like I couldn't
call any one of them foranything, like it still happens
now.
Kolette Thompson (30:28):
I'll be like Casey.
Help my god.
Sprinklers spurt out everywhere.
Nate's on a call and then theywould come, or I would have Chad
Griffin would come and pull astump out or like anything that
would go wrong, like when Nate,which always does- Yes, when.
Nate is gone, i would neverhesitate or like to talk to a
(30:48):
wife about Nate, drive me crazy,or the fire, like everyone is,
was really great.
They still are great.
It's a little bit different Nowthat we're older, i don't know,
but we still are like goodfriends with the ones we kind of
grew up in the fire.
Nate Thompson (31:03):
Yeah, i mean the fire family to me is huge, like
I don't think I can overstatethe significance of that for my,
i feel like for my wellness.
Still in the fire service Wemade it a point.
They are family, you know, andit's so funny, i think it's like
yesterday.
You know John Fulmer and BrianDavies.
Once, once I had all mycertifications flashing back.
(31:24):
Now to you know, to that aboutyour 2000.
You know, anytime I saw Daviesor Fulmer, hey, you know, when
you're going to come to Logan,you know, and at that point I
was like, wow, you guys actuallyknow who I am and, man, it kind
of makes me feel neat.
Well, you know, you fast forward.
What is that now?
23 years?
you know our little gathering.
You know, we just had a littlequick barbecued the other night.
(31:45):
You know, beer I comes.
You know, look at all thethings that have changed.
You know, has a new wife.
He's happy and to me I can bearound Brian, it's like we
haven't skipped a beat, eventhough we may not hang out all
the time I just it's family forme.
You know, when Rhett comes backfrom Texas he and I don't talk
a ton, but when we do, it's likewe're brothers.
(32:06):
That happen just hung out for acouple years because that we
live in different states.
Kolette Thompson (32:10):
Same with like Ken Matthews and Tanya, like I
won't see him like all yearround, but we'll go to the
Christmas party and it's yeah,it's like It's it's incredible,
as I think of those friends andyou know everyone is you grow.
Nate Thompson (32:23):
Sometimes it's interesting to watch because is
your families grow and you dodifferent things.
You have different likes anddislike.
Like we're not big snow skiersso some people go do that.
We don't care about that, youknow, but we like to you.
For years we'd go to the lakeand boat and we had friends that
like to go do that.
But at the end of the day, whenit comes down to that, that
(32:44):
circle of friends, i mean Iattribute a ton of that time
spent with them, high qualitytime doing fun things wherever
it be.
As part of that and like, let'ssay it, i mean my friend.
I mean I've still got a reallystrong group of friends with the
, you know with his couples thatwe have just a blast together
(33:04):
and it's so important.
Kolette Thompson (33:06):
Well, because they have your same interests,
like well, they're going throughthe same thing, like I can talk
to Heather about all the thingsthat drive me crazy, or
whatever in the fire station.
She understands, but shedoesn't judge.
Brent Harding (33:18):
And I feel like I'm I don't know, we just we get
it, i guess yeah, i think youknow and I can vouch for this,
but current recent conversationsat the kitchen table at the
fire station are guys arejealous of the Thompson family
and the relationships that youhave right, and so Especially
some of the newer guys.
They look at that and say, man,that'd be so cool to have that
(33:41):
you know.
And so I guess what would beyour advice to somebody that's
looking to start establishingsome of those relationships?
Kolette Thompson (33:46):
because if you wait around for them to happen
sometimes it takes way longerthan it should.
Brent Harding (33:51):
and so what do you do?
Kolette Thompson (33:52):
Don't start beginning that you know you're
gonna, i'm gonna be spending therest of you know my old age
life not yet, but with Nate.
So I'm glad that we have arelationship that we started
long ago and it's always takeswork.
It's not like it's all perfectall the time he makes me mad.
I'm sure I make him mad.
Communication, find things todo together.
(34:16):
It doesn't matter what.
We love to travel we love to,we like to just sit at home and
watch Vikings on TV, we don'tcare, as long as it's time spent
together.
I think this is not to say.
When he was a shift worker, isure did like those.
Two days on I'm like okay, good.
Nate Thompson (34:35):
There it is, there's the truth.
Kolette Thompson (34:38):
Every wife is probably like oh good, serial
nights and that's what we'rehaving for dinner.
And I don't have to.
I can do what I want.
Nate Thompson (34:47):
You can joke about it, it's true, but as a
fire, a new fire family is.
Kids are just trying to figureout this career.
It's going to be hard when thehubby's not there, the wife's
not there, while they're onshift, right, especially when
you have little kids.
But as they grow, learn to usethat time.
As your time and I used to be,i'd get all mad at like.
(35:07):
This is great.
You have your time to be.
You get to do the things youenjoy, because I'm going to come
home for four and it's going tobe back to what you know I need
and my needs and our needs,right for those two days.
You know, enjoy yourself, doyour thing, hang out with the
girls, go, do whatever you'regoing to do.
Kolette Thompson (35:24):
I don't care, you know, but Of course this is
after the kids are grown,because during that time it's
just Yeah when they're little,it's hard it absolutely.
Nate Thompson (35:31):
That is a very challenging time on, on
marriages for sure.
Brent Harding (35:34):
Well, I have specific instruction for my boys
when I go on shift is thatthere's no fun while I'm gone.
Don't do anything monumental,like everything has to wait to
get back.
And then when I get home theylove to tell me about all the
movie parties they had and wehad so much fun without you.
Nate Thompson (35:50):
Well, and you know along those lines, to bring
it like with your questionabout hey, what is it?
well, i sometimes I wonder whatit is, but of what this I don't
know.
I mean, we've got this prettyawesome relationship, but
Colette nailed it.
We have to make the effort.
You have to make the effort todo a gathering right there.
A lot of work coming.
You do it all the time here atthe studio.
(36:11):
That doesn't come without a lotof preparation and willingness
to say, hey, we're having abarbecue or hey, we're.
You know, we're going to go toVegas this weekend or we're
going to go to a window, orwe're going to go to a concert
in Salt Lake.
You know, and we try to alwaysmake sure people are invited and
we go.
But it takes effort, for sure,because sometimes you're like
I'm too damn tired to do that, idon't want to do that, but
(36:32):
We're going to do it and it'llbe super fun.
Kolette Thompson (36:34):
Nate, nate, always super fun.
That's.
Nate's comments me all the timebecause I'm more like, and then
Nate will push me to do thingsthat are probably not in my
comfort zone.
I'd probably be just a homebody, but I'm always glad that
he does.
Brent Harding (36:48):
It seems like every friend group, somebody has
to be the initiator right, andyou have people that sit around
getting offended because theybut they also never initiate
anything so it's like somebodyneeds to start, ask, start, go
to the concert, whatever, and Ithink that's perfect, because
You got to be willing toinitiate stuff and then you know
, and then it always comesaround to develop those
(37:09):
friendships, i think.
Kolette Thompson (37:10):
On that same note, like I don't always want
to do what Nate wants to do allthe time like sometimes, i want
to do what.
I want to do so they're got tobe given.
Take a little bit.
Yeah, they always want to go tothe beach.
Let's go to the beach and Ilove it.
But I made him go to Irelandand he wasn't so sure, but it
was like his favorite thing.
So I'm just saying, like yougot sounds rough Well.
Nate Thompson (37:34):
I know, and it seems weird that I was like,
yeah, but they don't have nicebeaches where I can lay in the
sand in October.
But what an incredible like Imean, that's what that
willingness, right, like I hadto finally say, okay, you know,
let's do what you would like todo.
You know, and, but man, was it?
like she knew, right, like itwas probably one of the most
incredible experiences we've had.
(37:55):
She got to fulfill her dream ofturning 30.
You know, and she got to spendit in an Irish pub.
You know, and and experienceall the things that an Irish pub
has to offer.
And on her 50th birthday,that's what she'd wanted forever
.
And you know, our friend groupsI mean her girl friends and our
(38:17):
friends we made sure thathappened.
And I am, you know, i amforever grateful, like it was
awesome.
Kolette Thompson (38:22):
Like do I love wind over?
No, not a whole lot.
Nate Thompson (38:27):
No, it's like a two out of ten.
Kolette Thompson (38:29):
It's fun to spend time with me, but I'll
also let him like do his thing,and then we'll go back to the
room and just be like, okay,we're done.
Nate Thompson (38:36):
Well, if there's a concert, it makes it much,
much more enjoyable.
Kolette Thompson (38:40):
Yes.
Nate Thompson (38:41):
But you know, yeah, I mean our thing, i mean
here again empty in the cup, youknow, for me, oceans and
beaches and like pal water, imean that's all.
That's just really been myformula for the healing, you
know.
And of course, brady, you know,runs rivers up in Wyoming and
this I mean, and that is just, imean, that's amazing.
That's a whole differentexperience in water, of course,
(39:01):
but with its nature it's, youknow, it's exciting.
Kolette Thompson (39:05):
And everyone's escapes might look very
different.
Nate Thompson (39:08):
Yeah.
Kolette Thompson (39:08):
Yeah, again, like we like even staying home
like just doing nothing.
Nate Thompson (39:13):
Yeah, and I think that'd be my advice Find your
thing.
It doesn't have to be beaches,it doesn't have to be Ireland,
it certainly doesn't have to bewind over or concerts, but
certainly find your thing.
And I think people are workingharder at trying to find what
their you know what their happyis.
Kolette Thompson (39:31):
And when we had little kids, you're just in
it.
So we even just going out todinner or going to Sam's club
together, i don't even care, Ijust survive our four month old.
Brent Harding (39:42):
Sometimes it's just.
Kolette Thompson (39:42):
Walmart for us Yeah.
You and me Walmart, and we'regoing to have a great time
because it's just us, but itdoesn't matter because you're.
that's the point.
is this time just time?
Nate Thompson (39:51):
Well, and you got to keep in mind too right, time
flies.
My little girl was the same asyour little guy.
I had a two hour window soColette could go shopping and it
took two hours for her tofigure out how that Colette was
gone And that was it.
It was screaming bloody terrorfor it was probably a six or
(40:13):
eighth month window And you know, then that passed, you know,
and then now she's an awesomelittle grown lady and I can't
believe that it's gone that long.
But everyone goes through that.
But keep in mind that would bemy one thing to younger families
The time flies.
So absolutely cherish the timebecause, dude it, i mean it'll
be a blink in the eye.
(40:34):
I mean I had my five years atLogan so fast.
I was like what just happened?
And then 10 years and now allmy kids were turning teenagers
And I was like, oh my gosh.
And now I look back, you know,20 plus and they're all grown
adults and I'm just, we're justsuper lucky and grateful that
they're a.
We've got good, healthy kids.
They're not perfect kids, butthey're awesome, they're just
(40:55):
like we're not perfect, right,But we work constantly on our
marriage and being couples andlistening to each other and
enjoying the time.
Cause, man it's.
It's amazing how fast time goes, and I think you just got to be
grateful, dude, for every day,even though some days suck, you
know Yeah.
Brent Harding (41:15):
Well, and something I've picked up on a
lot from what you guys have beensaying tonight is quality over
quantity, absolutely, and Ithink sometimes we get too
caught up in the quantity Oh, imissed this or wasn't there for
that But it seems like from whatyou've said is, by the end or
once they start growing up andgetting older, it's those
quality moments they had thatwill mean way more to them than
(41:36):
the quantity of you being around, and so that's certainly
something I'm taking away fromtonight.
Absolutely Just as we wrap uphere, just kind of.
One more thing I'd like to endon and kind of touch on it And
it's something I heard the otherday is that parenting and
partnering is like 99% repairwork.
Like how good are you atrepairing?
(41:56):
because it's not ever going togo as you think or as you plan,
or there's always things thatyou find yourself repairing, and
so a question is kind of howdid you guys learn and how do
you resolve conflict, or thatrepair work today versus back in
1991 was it 91 or 92?
.
Kolette Thompson (42:17):
How has that evolved over your relationship?
I'm going to take this one.
So, nate, i don't know if thisis a fireman thing or what, but
he would just like keep it allinside.
Like, even if we like if we hada fight, you'd just like be
silent.
And I am not that person.
I cannot go to bed until it'sfreaking talked about whether I
(42:37):
don't even care, like I'd texthim with.
Are you going to say anythingLike?
Brent Harding (42:41):
what the hell Like.
Kolette Thompson (42:42):
I just would want him to.
I don't know, i would want totalk it out until it felt okay.
I think I mean there's ahandful of times, maybe, that we
went to bed because I justdidn't want to deal with it and
just roll over and leave mealone and go and talk to you,
but for the most part I feltlike I would have to.
I don't know.
I felt like I was the initiatorof the talk.
Nate Thompson (43:04):
You mean early?
Kolette Thompson (43:04):
on No sometimes now.
Nate Thompson (43:07):
It looks like I got some more work to do Brent.
Kolette Thompson (43:10):
So I just I think Nate can probably like
think about it longer.
I cannot like.
I just I don't enjoy conflict.
I need it to be hashed out.
Brent Harding (43:20):
So I don't know At the right because I think my
wife would say the exact samething, like I am super silent
and I'll just like I don't wantto say anything until I've
thought about it for a long time.
And sometimes that's superfrustrating for her that she's
ready to talk about it right nowand I'm like just tell me
whatever you want to say, butI'm not going to respond until
tomorrow or wherever.
Nate Thompson (43:41):
And I would say I mean, if we're comparing all
those years right, like therepair, the conflict and the
conflict resolution, i thinkearly on you're super headstrong
and selfish right When you'refirst married And so obviously
I'm right all the time, right Aswe all think we are.
You know, and I mean in yourmind like, well, i'm right, you
(44:01):
know why are you arguing with me, like this is weird?
And then you learn rightthrough maturing and just the
process of, yeah, i feel likeyou just get more wisdom as you
go on.
You realize, well, i think I'mright all the time, but I'm
certainly not.
And my spouse is super smartand super logical.
You know collect can bestubborn, so can I.
(44:22):
We know, we both know we'restubborn And I think early on I
would think I was right and Iwould go quiet.
Just like she said, we're likewell, i'm not going to talk
about this.
Well, i learned to really loveand appreciate her way of
conflict resolution throughoutour marriage, because I started
to learn like, actually, it'skind of nice to just get this
(44:42):
out on the table and then we'redone with it.
And that has been another thing, as I feel like we can be mad
at each other And typically ifwe're done with an argument, we
make sure it's done.
We don't carry it into the nextday.
There's been a couple here andthere that were probably doozies
, just like every other couplethat we allowed, but typically
it's a pretty early forgive andforget.
(45:02):
Let's talk about it and be donewith it.
Let's not go to bed mad, bedone with it.
We haven't done.
You know perfectly with that.
But I would say as the yearshave gone, we've gotten better
and better with it Faster andfaster at that.
Brent Harding (45:14):
Yeah, just be like you know what this one's
not worth it.
Nate Thompson (45:17):
Honey, you are right on this one, and I'm sorry
.
Kolette Thompson (45:21):
And you know, and we're good.
No, I communication is thishuge And sometimes, like I even
just thinking like, okay, I'mtrying to see it from Nate's
point of view.
It might not make perfect senseto me, but we kind of have to
respect each other's opinionstoo.
I don't know, We are notperfect PS.
(45:42):
by the way, we havedisagreements too, but yeah, I
don't.
I just like to talk it out,whether he wants to or not.
Nate Thompson (45:49):
I think it's a good and it's a good thing to
know that, like, look, i'meveryone.
People know me.
You know I can be stubborn andI tend to be stupid.
You know I don't know what theright word is in terms of.
You know, i really try to be.
You know, try to convincepeople.
You know I try to give theminformation on why I think maybe
, hey, this is why I think it'sthe right way.
(46:11):
Or, you know, this is maybe theright decision for us.
But you know, colette, she'sstubborn too, like I said right,
and so we've learned to be ableto navigate that throughout the
years and knowing that abouteach other and knowing when to
say when right, okay, it's good,you know it's okay.
Brent Harding (46:28):
So that had to have changed a little bit,
though, after you became chiefright, because now you can
remind her who you are.
I am chief Nate Topple that'sjust kidding.
Kolette Thompson (46:39):
Yeah, let me play that card at home.
Nate Thompson (46:40):
That will get me really far.
That's a joke.
Kolette Thompson (46:42):
Every time I'm like tell me he's a bad driver.
Well, do you have your?
I play the engineer card morethan any card ever.
Nate Thompson (46:49):
I remind her that I do have a you know a class B
license, commercial driver'slicense, and no tickets.
Brent Harding (46:57):
And then she has no choice but to respect Right.
None.
Nate Thompson (47:01):
No tickets, no moving violations, so just allow
me to drive.
Yeah, exactly Perfect Now.
Kolette Thompson (47:07):
I think Nate and I, as personalities, we kind
of compliment each other.
I'm a little high strung andcrazy and he's, i know, i don't
know if he's this way at thestation, but he's more calm and
logical and will get me a little.
I don't know, we just kind ofmesh.
Well, we're very we'redifferent, but kind of the same,
i don't know.
Nate Thompson (47:26):
Yeah, and you know, and you mentioned it, you
know we joke about thattransition to Chief, but even as
a battalion Chief, you're stillon shift work And so she still
had her time.
Right, we, it was still for her, the different job I was doing,
the schedule was the same.
So for us, in the formula wehad built, in being, i feel like
, successful and dealing withconflict and, you know, just
(47:47):
getting along well and knowingwhen we needed to take breaks.
Now, all of a sudden I'm backto days, so it was like going
back.
Now.
We're going back 20 plus yearsback, when I worked at the shop
all day long.
So yeah, and it's still a lot,because now we're back and I'll
tell you what it's done for methe regular sleep at night,
regardless, because you know Itake I cover seven, seven on a
(48:10):
shift, and so I listened to thepager with the guys.
Make sure I'm aware.
But it's different.
I'm at home, right, i can rollover.
Oh, it's not a fire, it's not abig event.
I'll roll over and go back tobed And it's changed.
My productivity, i feel like my.
I can engage daily with bloodand make sure I'm present on a
daily basis.
You know whether it's just ourbrief little encounters in the
(48:32):
morning before we both leave towork, just let each other know
that hey, i see you, you know,and we'll see you later.
Brent Harding (48:39):
I think that's perfect And a great way to end,
because I think you pointed outthat you both recognize that
maybe you become both the littlestubborn, but also, i think
that statement you just said ofjust that constant I see you And
also you know you guys haveboth complimented each other
well and on what you guys dowell, and I think we probably
don't do that often enough.
But, like a few days ago I justtold my wife that you know I
(49:04):
love watching you read to ourboys.
Kolette Thompson (49:06):
Yeah, so into it And you love it, you know,
and sometimes you think I shehas to know, right.
Brent Harding (49:11):
But just vocalizing that and letting her
know that I see you doing thisAnd I think it's great, you're a
great mom, you know.
I think that can go a long wayin, especially when I'm not
there, right, but when I amthere, to let her know, these
are the things I see.
Kolette Thompson (49:24):
And that you appreciate That's great.
Nate Thompson (49:25):
Dude, i love it And that is a perfect part of
the formula right there, andeven it's the little things
reading to the kids, you know,recognizing.
You know Kla is an amazing.
She takes such great care of me, right, she takes, you know,
cleans my clothes, and they'realways nice and ready to go, and
in return I try to take care ofthe yard and keep the garage
clean.
(49:46):
Like we've found these littleroles And I'm not saying I mean
they're, they happen for us,they happen to be very
traditional roles in our house,but I'm not saying that's the
formula for everybody, right,you just have to find the
formula And for us that's whatworks.
I enjoy taking care of the yard, i enjoy doing the handyman
stuff and Kla's awesome attaking care of a house And she's
(50:08):
.
I mean, that's probably part ofour formula, to be totally
honest.
That's.
We've just had our roles.
Kolette Thompson (50:14):
That we've worked out together.
There's gotta be give and take,there's gotta be, it's gotta be
50-50.
It's a partnership and like itcan't just be us, you know,
pandering to all your firemenissues, we have issues too.
So yeah, we do.
Nate Thompson (50:29):
But, and you know , for me too it always helps too
, because you know my wife'ssmoking hot and you know I've
been married to her for 30 plusyears And good Lord You know the
romance is still alive and well, which is another huge part of
the formula.
You got to keep the romancerolling, Yeah.
Kolette Thompson (50:46):
Gotta get sexy .
Brent Harding (50:47):
Well, we don't do those kind of podcasts here,
but we'll do the other podcastlater, yeah, for our separate
account.
we can get into.
No, That's private But thank youguys both so much for being
here today.
I know you're both super busyand just taking the time to
share this.
I know it goes a long way withthose listening in and the
ripple effect is huge, you know,as we just learned from our
(51:08):
recent Reno conference.
But you know, these littlethings go a long way and
especially for people that arejust starting, like you guys
were way back in 95.
Yeah, absolutely.
With the career that there's alot to figure out.
And this goes a long way to helppeople get over that initial
hump, i think.
So thanks so much, and we'llcatch you on the next one.
Kolette Thompson (51:27):
You betcha.
Nate Thompson (51:28):
It was absolutely our pleasure.
Thanks, thanks, brent.
Welcome to our firefighter support podcast.
Today We have the prime exampleof a firefighter couple.
So obviously I know you guysfor I've known you guys for a
little bit But the one you startoff with a little introduction
to you guys.
Nate, maybe you can start justa little bit about your career
and a little bit of the resumeand Yeah and then collect.
(00:22):
You can correct him anytime.
Nate Thompson (00:25):
Yeah, so I'm Nate Thompson.
I currently work at Logan firedepartment, functioning in the
as an assistant chief inoperations.
I got my start in Logan in 2003and then before that I got into
the fire service as a volunteerin Smithfield in 1995.
So 28 years in the fire service, eight of those is a volunteer
(00:48):
and And Really the entire time,also had a small business that
I've ran.
A lot of people like to jokeabout it And we have a lot of
fun with it, but it's been agood little business that I
actually worked in theirfull-time prior To becoming a
firefighter, which I think iswill play some relevance, i
think, today and maybe some ofour discussion on the balance
(01:11):
right, we're gonna talk aboutbalance.
So you know, clut and I though Imean that's just a brief, you
know really brief intro, youknow professionally, but I think
if we're talking aboutrelationships today, clut and I
met in what?
88, something like that, 1988,1989, some more right around
there.
We dated on and off, ended uphere in Cache Valley, got
(01:35):
married in 91 and we've beenhere ever since.
So that's going on 32 years ofbliss.
Brent Harding (01:43):
We'll call that every day is a new adventure, so
yeah 32 years.
That's awesome.
Yeah, so you know, a lot ofguys are already in the fire
service when they meet Theirspouse, and so as they're dating
and stuff the spouse is alreadywell aware of.
But this happened afterwards,right?
That's also a little bit aboutthat Clut and maybe just how
(02:06):
that decision happened and kindof what your thoughts were at
the very beginning, when he'slike you know, i think I want to
try this.
Kolette Thompson (02:13):
I'm trying to even remember what you did
before He.
Well, he worked at Sprint printis what it was called then and
he, we lived in Smithfield wherethere was a Volunteer
department just down the roadand I think he's always wanted
to be a fireman and he's like,hey, i think I might try that.
I was like, go for it, i wantedhim to do it.
(02:33):
So, because what's sex herethan a fireman?
Nate Thompson (02:36):
Oh yeah, she's being super nice because at Utah
State I changed my major likeeight times probably, and if I
would have known there was aroute to be in a firefighter, at
one point It was a firefighteror a pilot or whatever you know.
You're going through all thosedeals, but once we once I
graduated from school andrealized the volunteer fire
(02:57):
department was across the street, which we realized back then,
they used the air raid siren.
That was my first introductionto the volunteer fireman in
Smithfield, Gletton.
I thought either there was anearthquake or Raid or a war.
We had no idea.
You know such a thing occurredin small towns, but back then
(03:18):
they still used the siren for tonotify the volunteer fireman.
So we could probably say thatcoupled.
When I was a young boy, youknow watching back then the
garbage men rode on the back ofthe truck.
So when I was a little boy Itwas always a garbage man or a
fireman, because back then theytailboarded right the back when
I grew up.
So the dream was always there.
(03:38):
I'm not.
I wasn't really sure how to getthere through college But yes,
smithfield builds air raid sirenwas my, my ticket.
Brent Harding (03:46):
That was it.
Yeah, that's awesome And thatwas 1994, 95 probably yeah,
that's pretty cool.
Did you guys have any otherfirefighter couples that were
able to kind of give you someheads up on what was gonna
happen, or you guys just fullyJump in, had no idea?
Kolette Thompson (04:04):
what we're getting into.
We knew nothing, really, i Knowknow, and volunteerism.
Nate Thompson (04:10):
As you know, you were a north Logan volunteer.
I mean, it takes a lot of time.
They'll it'll take from youwhatever you're willing to give
it.
Clutton, i joked when I firstgot on with Logan.
She couldn't understand thatthere was actually set schedule
when I would work becauseThere's a volunteer every time
we like all the time.
Kolette Thompson (04:28):
We can't go too far for dinner because, I
could be paged out.
So yeah, that would make mecrazy, but it was a big deal.
Yeah, it was a big deal Youdon't want to miss anything.
Nate Thompson (04:37):
Plus I was kitty corner from the station I could
catch most the fires right likeI was always right there first,
you know first on the engine,usually at least the first three
or four or so.
But we really didn't.
You know I had some fun friendsback then.
I mean I knew Frank keepers inhigh school So I got to
reconnect with Frank.
I think most people have beenthe fire service in the valley
(04:57):
for 20 plus nose No, those Frankkeepers.
So we had a lot of fun together.
You know Corey Wiley, of course, jay, you know Jay brought me
in, and Dennis wood, couple ofthe kind of the core players
back then.
Zane, you know those guys wereall really good friends to me.
You know they brought us intothe but didn't know before hand.
Kolette Thompson (05:17):
No, did not know them.
The neighborhood, yeah.
Nate Thompson (05:20):
Yeah right, the only friend that I really knew
like really close was MikePeterson, who was a North Park
police officer and went on to bea sheriff and of course, the
the police chief, i think up andPreston for a little while, but
I think Mike's retired now, butback then that was my
connection.
You know he was an EMT.
We went to EMT school togetherand had a great time because
back then they trained as EMTsas well.
(05:42):
But that was the closest I hadto really.
You know, know anybody actually.
Brent Harding (05:48):
So you guys were true pioneers.
Kind of figuring this out asyou go along.
What were some of the thingsthat kind of maybe surprised you
the most, collette, as thefurther you guys got into the
firefighting even from thevolunteer.
But it's just because at thebeginning it's like maybe, yeah,
that sounds cool.
If that's what you want to do,great.
But the more you got into orsome of the things maybe you
(06:08):
didn't expect to come along withthe job.
Kolette Thompson (06:11):
You know, at first you're thinking it's
volunteer, so it's oh, how muchtime could it be?
but it was a lot of time and alot of training.
But you know, watching name, icould see like I don't know.
I was like he was proud, he wasloving it, it made him happy.
So it made me happy, i don'tknow, i Probably time, because I
(06:31):
think you think, oh, this isgreat, click him, click out.
But it's not that he was alwayson call and that always wore
that damn pager.
The page, yes, the bad the page,the badger the pager Yep, you
always had the pager back then,when he got on Logan, i was like
oh, She endured that.
Nate Thompson (06:51):
It was eight years actually.
Yeah yeah, it was good times, alot of good memories, a lot of
lessons learned, a lot of, a lotof lessons learned.
I feel like you know, i meanyou look now, even where we're
at right now with this podcastand the things we talk about,
but some of the experiences backthen, when you don't have any,
(07:14):
you don't have any.
You know resiliency tools oryou're figuring out.
You know I mean it's amazingthe things you remember from
being a volunteer.
You know those are Probably I'mgonna speak for myself probably
the most damage done were someof those real traumatic calls
back.
When you're, you have no skillsreally at all on what, how to
deal with the stuff that we dealwith now, and so it was a
(07:35):
really awesome time.
But in some ways, you know alittle bit of.
You know You pay the price alittle bit on what you learn
from some of the trauma youendure as a As a volunteer, and
it really gave me some goodperspective in moving forward as
we have we, as we've moved, youknow, 25 years later on where
we needed to take our mentalwellness right for our people.
(07:59):
I think a lot of people wouldshare that same thing that some
of their damage done was as avolunteer, no question, or early
on in their careers, right.
Brent Harding (08:07):
Yeah, i think one of the things that surprised me
the most even just three yearsago when I started with Logan
full-time the difference betweenbeing volunteer and full-time
was Was it was just so strangefor me to go on it like a
traumatic call and you start athome with your kids.
You go to the traumatic calland then, when you're done, you
(08:27):
go back home around the kitchentable with your kids and to be
that's right.
You know you go on a call like akid call or something.
That was just Weird and Ididn't appreciate how hard that
was until I got to Logan and itwas so nice to go on a tough
call, but it all stayed at thestation.
We ran from the station, wecame back, we processed it as a
crew, kind of kept, so that bythe time I got home It was like
(08:49):
I've already had a good night'ssleep, or hopefully had a good
night's sleep, but at least wasable to have that initial couple
hours after the call with thecrew.
That made a big difference forme.
Yeah but as a volunteer I agreeit was.
I think you know it's harder torecognize it maybe in the
moment, but definitely lookingback I think, yeah, definitely
the most damage is done becausehe's didn't know what to do.
Kolette Thompson (09:11):
Yeah, and you get home and Nate was like doing
his sprint print job And so itwas trying to balance that too,
and then, yeah, it was hard toturn it on, turn it off, i agree
, but we didn't have any kids.
We had our first in 96 thankyou.
96 and then our second in 98.
So we're just prepping more thetalent.
(09:34):
I don't know.
You've been in a little whilebefore we had the kids, so yeah.
Brent Harding (09:38):
Yeah, you know I'm speaking of sprint print.
So amongst the top careers thatare hardest on marriage, like
in the top five, our firstresponders and entrepreneurs and
you guys decided you know well,let's take two of those, let's
do yeah, let's do both of these.
Nate Thompson (09:53):
Yeah, well, and early on with sprint print, you
know It was a new company and itwas up, you know we were
growing quickly.
It required a lot of work hours, you know, as you know, a lot
of hours.
And so to ask, you know,colette, to share now with the
shop and then, hey, i'm gonna,i'm gonna be a volunteer fireman
too and hang out with the boysa couple nights a week and oh,
(10:15):
by the way, there's gonna bethree or four days of training
after.
You know it was a lot, it wasbig, but you know it was.
You know I just like, likeColette said, you know she could
, i mean, It was very fulfillingto me.
Right, it was very fulfillingand gratifying work.
You felt like you're making adifference, maybe, or at least
trying to make the differenceright, and growing new skills
and, like man, you know, i mightbe able to, you know, to
(10:38):
actually do this.
And then you start bumping into,you know, some of your, you
know, like idols.
Back then you know The pair,the paramedic gods I call them.
You know the Edvilsons had comeout and to Smithfield, and you
know, and Crainer would come out, and you know these guys would
come out and you're just like,oh my gosh, you know, these guys
are amazing, you know, andteach your classes on how to
(11:00):
start IVs and Medications.
And then, you know, once Istarted meeting some of the
full-timers, the guys that didit just really made a big
impression On me.
It was like, yeah, that's, thisis what I want to do for sure,
and I'll figure out a way tomake it work with running in the
shop, which you know was kindof a rocky transition.
And You know I had a businesspartner that had to be okay with
(11:23):
me now sharing me with the firestation And a shop.
And it was rocky road, you know, sometimes it was good,
sometimes he'd get tired of it,right, which I don't blame him,
you know, because he probably,you know, felt like, hey, i'm
carrying the load here whileyou're out having fun being a
fireman for two and three days aweek.
But and it really wasn't anissue until I went career right,
like he had no problem sharingme with, you know, the volunteer
(11:45):
world, because it didn't reallyon occasion It did, but very
rarely did it interfere withdoing that.
But you know, ironically enough, the shop, that nature of the
work that I do, i think is trulypart of.
If I look back now all theseyears, it's probably part of the
formula for my own resiliencyand us having a healthy marriage
(12:07):
and still enjoying my job atthe fire department.
It always gave me somethingcompletely to transition away
from trauma and from the bellyou know They're adrenaline
surges from getting up duringthe night, right Like.
It always provided that balancefor me during the day because,
you know, once our kids weregrown, collette wanted her
career back and you know shestarted working again.
(12:29):
So for me to go, you know,continue to work, my business
was super well, not easy, but itwas just hey, you know what
else am I gonna do here?
So I like to be busy.
So we were able to continue todo that, but it did.
It gave me something that usedan entirely different part of my
brain and enabled me to shutoff that primitive brain
(12:50):
response and settle into beingcreative and problem solving and
dealing with people at adifferent level.
And you don't really realizethat balance, how that actually
helps you deal with the traumathat we see year in, year out.
And I'm thinking maybe you'veexperienced the same thing, man.
I would hope.
Brent Harding (13:09):
Well, and it's one of those things that you
don't appreciate until a littlebit afterwards, and especially
the aspect of, like you said,using the totally other side of
your brain and just havingsomething that's not fire, not
emergent, that you're passionateabout too, and regardless of
whether that's a business orjust a hobby, i think that's an
important aspect for guys tohave in their life to be healthy
(13:30):
.
The other part for me, though,is also it's just nice to be an
employee.
Kolette Thompson (13:35):
I like to go to the fire station.
Brent Harding (13:36):
That isn't my thing as far as I don't have to
make the big decisions.
I just come and do my job andtry to be a good employee.
I don't have to deal with allthe chief stuff And that's so
nice because then because onyour four off with the business,
it's like that's all on myshoulders And it's so nice to go
to the fire station and kind oftake a break from that and just
come and perform.
Kolette Thompson (13:57):
Oh, there it goes.
Nate Thompson (13:58):
Yeah, there's the bell right there.
Kolette Thompson (14:00):
Speaking of pay, you're still the pay.
We've come full circle, clearbackground.
Nate Thompson (14:04):
No, i totally agree with that too, brent.
In terms of that ability tousing the creative side of the
brain is a completely differentfeeling, and so that brought
such, i think, over the years,just really good balance for me
and being able to kind of justdecompress from a couple days of
(14:24):
intense work, go to the shop,do my thing And absolutely being
an entrepreneur and thenrunning a business through I
mean good heavens.
We've been in business for alot of years, through two major
recessions, through 9-11, i meantwo major recessions that we
restructured our business twiceAnd that doesn't come without
(14:44):
some stress as well.
So for the first 10 years, 15years going to Logan Fire, i
just got to go be one of theguys and do what I was loving
And it was great, right, i meanit was just super.
I mean I was just all in, icould go there and give it my
all And I didn't have to be theboss.
That's changed a little bit,but at least early on that was a
(15:06):
lot of fun.
Kolette Thompson (15:07):
When he did go to those crazy calls, knowing
that when he came home that Ijust needed to back away and let
him process however he neededto process, and that was kind of
a weird learning curve forsomeone who's never had to deal
with that before.
I'd be like what the hell?
Go get your chores done, go doyour honeydoos.
(15:28):
But then I would be able tosense it more.
So I think that whole littlevolunteer time was a time for me
to kind of understand.
You're crazy.
When you got home I was teasingyou.
I don't know You're processing.
I guess That's what I'mthinking.
That's fair.
Brent Harding (15:43):
Well, i think that's a super valid point,
because we've talked about howgreat it's been.
He has both sides of his braingone, but really, for the spouse
man, how hard is it?
Because I can just tell yousome of the things that I've
heard.
He's always gone, and now notonly with the business, where
you're gone a lot for that, butfire station you're going to be
(16:05):
gone holidays, birthdays, it'sjust part of the gig, and so how
will come maybe I can phrase itthis way how come you guys
didn't get into this And then, afew years in, be like never
mind, we're not doing that, pickone or the other, do the
business or do the fire, but wecan't do both.
Kolette Thompson (16:21):
I think even with the very full schedule that
Nate had in just life being theway it was, we always made time
.
Whether it was convenient ornot, we would have a date night
once a week.
We would make our relationship.
That was also on the importantscale, instead of just kind of
(16:41):
when oh, i'm just too tired,like we would for sure go do
things Always communication, idon't know.
We just always made time forone another, because I don't
think I could have done it if Iwas kind of thrown to the side,
because it seems like firebusiness family.
And I have to say he's alwaysmade me feel like I am the top
(17:02):
tier.
Still better be the top tier.
I don't know That was mostimportant to him was family, and
then it kind of trickles downthrough there, but for me, just
knowing that he was happy andfulfilled, that is where the
support came from.
If I could tell he didn't likeit, or if it was just draining,
(17:22):
then I think I would have beenlike eh, just be done, yeah.
Brent Harding (17:26):
So what are some?
do you have any specifics onhow?
because that's awesome, despitethe time commitment and all
those things.
But how do you make your familyfeel important?
Because there's no doubt thatif you went and asked any
firefighter right now is yourfamily the most important thing
to you?
Everybody would say yes, butthere's a difference between
saying that and then the familyactually feeling that.
Nate Thompson (17:49):
No, excellent question.
And at times, to be honest,there's times you feel like
you're failing, like I mean.
There are times I tell ColletteI'm like, oh my gosh, i'm a
horrible dad, i'm never therefor some of this stuff.
But when I reflect back because, as you know, most of my kids
are grown now My youngest ismarried.
We're empty nesting at thispoint And I cannot believe where
(18:11):
the time went.
To me it just seems like itwent so fast.
But when I reflect I think of,like Collette said, always time
for a date or two every week.
Family night, moving night right, my kids love that where we
hung out together as a family,even if it was just for one
evening.
They looked forward to it andwe made sure that happened.
(18:31):
We had a small.
We had a fun little boat.
It wasn't fancy, but my kidsgrew up on a boat, so it was in
the summertime.
We'd do that weekly.
We would go to Lake Powell.
We always planned the trips outto make sure there was always
that family time And we madesure it was quality time because
the kids knew I'd be gone fortwo and three days at a time And
then I'd be back.
(18:52):
That's how they grew up,knowing that was the pattern,
and try to be present.
Because, let's be honest, theday three after 48, there were
times of conflict, i feel likefor Collette and I Not from her
It was like you know how it is,you're just kind of numb, i
would just be, my brain wouldn'teven function, and they're
(19:13):
trying to engage you, you know,after 48, and you're just like I
can't even really think rightnow.
So we came up with some goodformulas for that.
So that way I felt likeCollette kind of gave me a
little buffer there And I feltsuper lucky and was grateful for
that right, because there wasdays I did not want to engage,
(19:33):
right, and we would talk aboutit.
We learned to talk about, hey,what the hell's going on with
you when you come home And I'mlike, well, here's the reality,
here's how I feel sometimes And,ironically, look, that was
really on in our career.
And now we know what'shappening.
on day three, you're out, yourbrain saturated with epinephrine
and dopamine and everythingelse, and you just can't, you
(19:56):
just fried, right, and it justtakes time for that to wash out
And you need good rest, and so,giving me that buffer, then I
could come back and be presentfor those other three nights
when I wasn't at the station,And we would try to make sure
that those were meaningful timesright Dinner together, family
time, and I really think thatthe formula is fairly simple.
(20:18):
It just had to be we wereconsistent with time together
And if I couldn't make abirthday, we would do it on a
different day, right Like wewould figure it out.
Kolette Thompson (20:27):
Yeah, we'd figure it out, we would.
I would have him call me atleast once a day when he's on
shift.
Nate Thompson (20:33):
Yeah.
Kolette Thompson (20:34):
Just to even let me know kind of what he's
been through, cause it's almostlike giving me a heads up on how
to treat him when he gets home.
Um, i'd be like, how's your day?
Well, actually I did this.
And then I'd be like, oh okay,he had.
And sometimes I'd even tell mykids okay, dad's kind of had
some really hard calls and youmight just need a beat.
I mean, it's harder whenthey're little, but at least
(20:56):
that would give me a heads up.
So we had always, even when hewas not home, we would touch
base once.
We still do every day.
So like what's going on?
Sometimes it's not till the endof the day, but hey.
Brent Harding (21:07):
I think that's huge right And I think that's
and maybe it's just me, but Ithink it's easy You're said than
done, Cause I feel like myselfand at least a few other guys,
that's a hard conversation tohave, Like you don't want to
necessarily pass on like I'mstruggling or I had some stuff
today that I don't think Ihandled very well or whatever.
Kolette Thompson (21:26):
But us, us women were pretty tough.
Brent Harding (21:28):
We need to know those things So.
Kolette Thompson (21:30):
I don't, you don't have to give us like all
the gory details, but eventhough I'm, I don't mind if Nate
shares that stuff with me.
So I don't know.
I think it's important becauseif not, then the wife's are
don't understand And thenthey'll be like, why is he being
such a dink, You know, and wewon't get what has happened
beforehand.
So I don't know.
That's how I feel.
(21:52):
I'm pretty sure most women willfeel the same.
Nate Thompson (21:55):
Well, and you know, after and it's so true
because after the years in thefire service, right, whether it
be volunteer or career, and Ifeel like it really started to
develop later on in my career,after you're doing a job
consistently, professionally,you know, day in, day out, i
feel like wives.
Once you're willing to kind of,let them at least give them a
code, right, like, hey, had a,just had a shitty call I don't
(22:18):
want to talk about this right,like, but, yeah, involved the
family or kids or whatever.
That was enough for her to know.
Okay, you know, i got it,because at least then that gives
them a reason.
Why are you ignoring me?
or why are you not looking atme when I'm talking to you?
At least there's that knowledgeof like, hey, it's going to
take a minute, and I'm notsaying that works perfect all
the time, like, at times it'd belike, no, i need you to
(22:41):
freaking engage.
You know, because I got, we'vegot things.
You're right, we're not the,we're not a perfect couple,
right, like, we go through thesame struggles over the years
Everyone else does, but I'vetried to listen to those cues of
like yeah, i need to engage,right, and sometimes it's just
as simple and I'm not perfect atit.
But you know we talk about thelistening right.
(23:02):
All you have to do is use ouractive listening skills, even a
couple every once in a while,because they're hard to do,
right, they're hard, they'revery difficult to master.
We'll call it, but then justeven paint, paint, attention.
You know she's telling you abouther day or her frustrations at
work.
Right, We're really good atsharing the frustrations at the
(23:23):
firehouse and all the drama andall the calls.
But you know they've got dramaand issues too at their work,
and so I'm not great at it, butI've tried over the years and
she reminds me, you know, like,hey, you know I've got stuff
going on too.
There's like you're right, youdo, and so we've tried to do,
but especially as our kids havegotten older and we have more
time together And you said thatin a way that I don't know.
Kolette Thompson (23:45):
I'm nervous.
More time, more time even moreThere's more time to devote to
you.
Brent Harding (23:52):
You know we had your BFF Brady on the other day,
and one of the things we talkedabout in that, though, is that
part of preparing for retirementis investing in the people that
you're going to be retiringwith.
You know you spend your wholelife devoted to a career and
then, all of a sudden, youretire and you're with each
other way more than you were Now.
if you haven't invested in thatrelationship, that could be a
(24:13):
pretty awkward new relationshipto build right.
People ask us all the time.
Kolette Thompson (24:16):
They're like how are you doing?
And I'm like I love it.
I love it When I know thatmight be sickening to some
people, but we've had, we'vealways loved spending time
together.
You know, it sounds like we goon trips or dates and our kids
have seen us do all of thesethings.
We like to spend time together.
So as soon as we got the kidsout, it was great.
We're great, couldn't wait forthe kids to get out.
(24:39):
Yeah, yeah.
Nate Thompson (24:40):
And I'm glad you brought that up with what Brady
said because, as you know, asyou get later on in the career,
your cup fills a little bit moreand you feel it, and you can
sense it, that you need to takethe break right.
And I feel like later on, evenover the last 10 years, glutton,
i have noticed when, hey, it'stime to take a break, i got to
(25:00):
have the time out.
You know, let's go camping,let's go to Jackson, let's go to
Vegas, let's go to Montana,right, it doesn't really matter
where we go together.
The break, to me it's a keypart of the formula for keeping
the relationship saucy and spicy, right, like get away together
And it's you know.
Kolette Thompson (25:21):
And, by the way, it is not easy with kids to
do it.
Nate Thompson (25:24):
No.
Kolette Thompson (25:24):
But you just have to do it And even though
sometimes I didn't want to leavemy kids with my mother-in-law,
or whatever you still need to doit, and I think it's important
for your kids to see too.
I just think it's important foryour kids to know that you guys
, like I, don't know that wemean something to each other, so
I don't know.
Brent Harding (25:42):
Yeah, what kind of feedback have you gotten from
your kids about the career andabout the life they kind of grew
up, now that they've kind ofall started?
to develop their own lives.
Kolette Thompson (25:53):
We.
I actually asked them, like Isaid.
so I said, now that you guysare grown, like, did it affect
you when, like, your dad wasgone for 40?
And they're like, no, it's justlike, that's just how it was,
That's just what it was, Andlike some of their best memories
are me holding them in mybedroom on Christmas, like
Christmas morning, waiting foran eight to get home so we can
(26:15):
open presents.
Nate Thompson (26:16):
You know what I mean.
Kolette Thompson (26:16):
Like I don't know.
I think kids are prettyresilient Ours like they.
Just that's just how they grewup, that's just how it was.
So when they would talk totheir friends they thought it
was weird that it's just how itwas.
I have pictures of my kidsstanding up against a window
waiting for you know dad to gethome.
It's just how it was.
Brent Harding (26:36):
I think that's awesome.
How did it change from youngerkids to like teenagers?
There a big difference there inhow they kind of handle the
fire life, or was it fairlybasically the same thing, just
different day?
Kolette Thompson (26:49):
I think as they get older they're a little
more mature to handle, like youknow before.
you know, dad needs a littlebit of rest.
And now you're like, oh, youkind of went on a really
terrible call and you just so Ithink they became a little more,
i don't know, sensitive to likeyour situations that you'd been
in.
I don't think it would beinteresting.
I don't know, they've neversaid they've had resentment or
(27:10):
anything like that.
Nate Thompson (27:12):
Well, when they were little, you know, i mean,
like I said, you'd try to makeit, i'd try to make sure that I
was there and present, right,whether it's, you know,
piggyback rides or wrestlingwith the boys or playing catch
or going to their ball games youknow lacrosse, baseball,
basketball, dance, like I mean,you know, we all get.
Yeah, we had so many thingsanymore, right, we were no
(27:33):
different.
And when they were little, itwas important that I try to get
there right, and if I couldn'tbe there on a Saturday for a
ball game, colette would ensureshe was in the.
Ja, you know dad's at thestation today, so he'll, you
know, he'll be here next week,right, so we just communicate
with them And I think they didokay, right, they've never come
out and said, yeah, you neverwere there for me, you know,
(27:54):
which was always a fear, like asa parent you're always like oh,
oh shit, They would ask me allthe time.
Kolette Thompson (28:00):
You know, yeah , but they know, And I think
also we go to the station a lotso they could see like it was
serious business and they'd seehim leave on like, like I don't
know.
Nate Thompson (28:11):
Yeah, when they were little we did that Them
coming the station.
Life was a big part for them.
They could come and hang outand you know we'd, you know we'd
check out an engine and slidethe pole, you know, and hang out
and do whatever, and then Wemade them feel the boot too,
like every so they felt a partof the fire station as well,
like the fire family.
(28:32):
Well, and what an interestingone.
That was right, like I never,it never, dawned on me what an
impact that was on my youngchildren.
For service, fill the boot.
The breakfast, the MDAbreakfast that Mike Porter would
always spearhead and you know,is always the funny thing, right
, because oh, mikey was, youknow so anti union, but man did
he do an MDA breakfast, right,like Just super passionate about
(28:55):
it.
And my kids caught that passionearly on and as they grew up,
as young kids where they couldhelp with just passing out
drinks.
It became a here we do in thatbreakfast when they were
teenagers.
Are we doing the walk?
Bailey walked, did the paradewalk with me.
Up until she was a late teen,my kids helped at the MDA
breakfast every year forprobably 10 or 12 years, so it
(29:18):
was a huge impact.
So you never know how thosethings like that was part of the
whole big family thing.
Right, they felt part of whatthe fire culture was, the big
fire family, but it was also usbeing together as well.
So that was one thattransitioned from little kids
into teens and then I would say,as they transitioned into
teenagers, are like most otherteens.
(29:39):
Right, like you know, theywould Like they have their own
lives, are going to go hang outwith their friends or do their
thing as teenagers do.
But I still think they wouldlook forward to the trips right
to Disney World or Lake Powellor wherever we were going.
The family trip was still a bigdeal to them, even as teenagers
.
Brent Harding (29:59):
So I think that's great and you brought up a
little bit.
But I like to talk more aboutthe fire family.
How much did that impact kindof?
you know they say it takes avillage but I think probably
takes double the village as afirefighter Like just being.
You know, and I know you guyshave some great close friends in
the fire service and how muchdid that help throughout the
years having those close friends, other fire wives and trips
(30:20):
together and helped always and Ihave never felt like I couldn't
call any one of them foranything, like it still happens
now.
Kolette Thompson (30:28):
I'll be like Casey.
Help my god.
Sprinklers spurt out everywhere.
Nate's on a call and then theywould come, or I would have Chad
Griffin would come and pull astump out or like anything that
would go wrong, like when Nate,which always does- Yes, when.
Nate is gone, i would neverhesitate or like to talk to a
(30:48):
wife about Nate, drive me crazy,or the fire, like everyone is,
was really great.
They still are great.
It's a little bit different Nowthat we're older, i don't know,
but we still are like goodfriends with the ones we kind of
grew up in the fire.
Nate Thompson (31:03):
Yeah, i mean the fire family to me is huge, like
I don't think I can overstatethe significance of that for my,
i feel like for my wellness.
Still in the fire service Wemade it a point.
They are family, you know, andit's so funny, i think it's like
yesterday.
You know John Fulmer and BrianDavies.
Once, once I had all mycertifications flashing back.
(31:24):
Now to you know, to that aboutyour 2000.
You know, anytime I saw Daviesor Fulmer, hey, you know, when
you're going to come to Logan,you know, and at that point I
was like, wow, you guys actuallyknow who I am and, man, it kind
of makes me feel neat.
Well, you know, you fast forward.
What is that now?
23 years?
you know our little gathering.
You know, we just had a littlequick barbecued the other night.
(31:45):
You know, beer I comes.
You know, look at all thethings that have changed.
You know, has a new wife.
He's happy and to me I can bearound Brian, it's like we
haven't skipped a beat, eventhough we may not hang out all
the time I just it's family forme.
You know, when Rhett comes backfrom Texas he and I don't talk
a ton, but when we do, it's likewe're brothers.
(32:06):
That happen just hung out for acouple years because that we
live in different states.
Kolette Thompson (32:10):
Same with like Ken Matthews and Tanya, like I
won't see him like all yearround, but we'll go to the
Christmas party and it's yeah,it's like It's it's incredible,
as I think of those friends andyou know everyone is you grow.
Nate Thompson (32:23):
Sometimes it's interesting to watch because is
your families grow and you dodifferent things.
You have different likes anddislike.
Like we're not big snow skiersso some people go do that.
We don't care about that, youknow, but we like to you.
For years we'd go to the lakeand boat and we had friends that
like to go do that.
But at the end of the day, whenit comes down to that, that
(32:44):
circle of friends, i mean Iattribute a ton of that time
spent with them, high qualitytime doing fun things wherever
it be.
As part of that and like, let'ssay it, i mean my friend.
I mean I've still got a reallystrong group of friends with the
, you know with his couples thatwe have just a blast together
(33:04):
and it's so important.
Kolette Thompson (33:06):
Well, because they have your same interests,
like well, they're going throughthe same thing, like I can talk
to Heather about all the thingsthat drive me crazy, or
whatever in the fire station.
She understands, but shedoesn't judge.
Brent Harding (33:18):
And I feel like I'm I don't know, we just we get
it, i guess yeah, i think youknow and I can vouch for this,
but current recent conversationsat the kitchen table at the
fire station are guys arejealous of the Thompson family
and the relationships that youhave right, and so Especially
some of the newer guys.
They look at that and say, man,that'd be so cool to have that
(33:41):
you know.
And so I guess what would beyour advice to somebody that's
looking to start establishingsome of those relationships?
Kolette Thompson (33:46):
because if you wait around for them to happen
sometimes it takes way longerthan it should.
Brent Harding (33:51):
and so what do you do?
Kolette Thompson (33:52):
Don't start beginning that you know you're
gonna, i'm gonna be spending therest of you know my old age
life not yet, but with Nate.
So I'm glad that we have arelationship that we started
long ago and it's always takeswork.
It's not like it's all perfectall the time he makes me mad.
I'm sure I make him mad.
Communication, find things todo together.
(34:16):
It doesn't matter what.
We love to travel we love to,we like to just sit at home and
watch Vikings on TV, we don'tcare, as long as it's time spent
together.
I think this is not to say.
When he was a shift worker, isure did like those.
Two days on I'm like okay, good.
Nate Thompson (34:35):
There it is, there's the truth.
Kolette Thompson (34:38):
Every wife is probably like oh good, serial
nights and that's what we'rehaving for dinner.
And I don't have to.
I can do what I want.
Nate Thompson (34:47):
You can joke about it, it's true, but as a
fire, a new fire family is.
Kids are just trying to figureout this career.
It's going to be hard when thehubby's not there, the wife's
not there, while they're onshift, right, especially when
you have little kids.
But as they grow, learn to usethat time.
As your time and I used to be,i'd get all mad at like.
(35:07):
This is great.
You have your time to be.
You get to do the things youenjoy, because I'm going to come
home for four and it's going tobe back to what you know I need
and my needs and our needs,right for those two days.
You know, enjoy yourself, doyour thing, hang out with the
girls, go, do whatever you'regoing to do.
Kolette Thompson (35:24):
I don't care, you know, but Of course this is
after the kids are grown,because during that time it's
just Yeah when they're little,it's hard it absolutely.
Nate Thompson (35:31):
That is a very challenging time on, on
marriages for sure.
Brent Harding (35:34):
Well, I have specific instruction for my boys
when I go on shift is thatthere's no fun while I'm gone.
Don't do anything monumental,like everything has to wait to
get back.
And then when I get home theylove to tell me about all the
movie parties they had and wehad so much fun without you.
Nate Thompson (35:50):
Well, and you know along those lines, to bring
it like with your questionabout hey, what is it?
well, i sometimes I wonder whatit is, but of what this I don't
know.
I mean, we've got this prettyawesome relationship, but
Colette nailed it.
We have to make the effort.
You have to make the effort todo a gathering right there.
A lot of work coming.
You do it all the time here atthe studio.
(36:11):
That doesn't come without a lotof preparation and willingness
to say, hey, we're having abarbecue or hey, we're.
You know, we're going to go toVegas this weekend or we're
going to go to a window, orwe're going to go to a concert
in Salt Lake.
You know, and we try to alwaysmake sure people are invited and
we go.
But it takes effort, for sure,because sometimes you're like
I'm too damn tired to do that, idon't want to do that, but
(36:32):
We're going to do it and it'llbe super fun.
Kolette Thompson (36:34):
Nate, nate, always super fun.
That's.
Nate's comments me all the timebecause I'm more like, and then
Nate will push me to do thingsthat are probably not in my
comfort zone.
I'd probably be just a homebody, but I'm always glad that
he does.
Brent Harding (36:48):
It seems like every friend group, somebody has
to be the initiator right, andyou have people that sit around
getting offended because theybut they also never initiate
anything so it's like somebodyneeds to start, ask, start, go
to the concert, whatever, and Ithink that's perfect, because
You got to be willing toinitiate stuff and then you know
, and then it always comesaround to develop those
(37:09):
friendships, i think.
Kolette Thompson (37:10):
On that same note, like I don't always want
to do what Nate wants to do allthe time like sometimes, i want
to do what.
I want to do so they're got tobe given.
Take a little bit.
Yeah, they always want to go tothe beach.
Let's go to the beach and Ilove it.
But I made him go to Irelandand he wasn't so sure, but it
was like his favorite thing.
So I'm just saying, like yougot sounds rough Well.
Nate Thompson (37:34):
I know, and it seems weird that I was like,
yeah, but they don't have nicebeaches where I can lay in the
sand in October.
But what an incredible like Imean, that's what that
willingness, right, like I hadto finally say, okay, you know,
let's do what you would like todo.
You know, and, but man, was it?
like she knew, right, like itwas probably one of the most
incredible experiences we've had.
(37:55):
She got to fulfill her dream ofturning 30.
You know, and she got to spendit in an Irish pub.
You know, and and experienceall the things that an Irish pub
has to offer.
And on her 50th birthday,that's what she'd wanted forever
.
And you know, our friend groupsI mean her girl friends and our
(38:17):
friends we made sure thathappened.
And I am, you know, i amforever grateful, like it was
awesome.
Kolette Thompson (38:22):
Like do I love wind over?
No, not a whole lot.
Nate Thompson (38:27):
No, it's like a two out of ten.
Kolette Thompson (38:29):
It's fun to spend time with me, but I'll
also let him like do his thing,and then we'll go back to the
room and just be like, okay,we're done.
Nate Thompson (38:36):
Well, if there's a concert, it makes it much,
much more enjoyable.
Kolette Thompson (38:40):
Yes.
Nate Thompson (38:41):
But you know, yeah, I mean our thing, i mean
here again empty in the cup, youknow, for me, oceans and
beaches and like pal water, imean that's all.
That's just really been myformula for the healing, you
know.
And of course, brady, you know,runs rivers up in Wyoming and
this I mean, and that is just, imean, that's amazing.
That's a whole differentexperience in water, of course,
(39:01):
but with its nature it's, youknow, it's exciting.
Kolette Thompson (39:05):
And everyone's escapes might look very
different.
Nate Thompson (39:08):
Yeah.
Kolette Thompson (39:08):
Yeah, again, like we like even staying home
like just doing nothing.
Nate Thompson (39:13):
Yeah, and I think that'd be my advice Find your
thing.
It doesn't have to be beaches,it doesn't have to be Ireland,
it certainly doesn't have to bewind over or concerts, but
certainly find your thing.
And I think people are workingharder at trying to find what
their you know what their happyis.
Kolette Thompson (39:31):
And when we had little kids, you're just in
it.
So we even just going out todinner or going to Sam's club
together, i don't even care, Ijust survive our four month old.
Brent Harding (39:42):
Sometimes it's just.
Kolette Thompson (39:42):
Walmart for us Yeah.
You and me Walmart, and we'regoing to have a great time
because it's just us, but itdoesn't matter because you're.
that's the point.
is this time just time?
Nate Thompson (39:51):
Well, and you got to keep in mind too right, time
flies.
My little girl was the same asyour little guy.
I had a two hour window soColette could go shopping and it
took two hours for her tofigure out how that Colette was
gone And that was it.
It was screaming bloody terrorfor it was probably a six or
(40:13):
eighth month window And you know, then that passed, you know,
and then now she's an awesomelittle grown lady and I can't
believe that it's gone that long.
But everyone goes through that.
But keep in mind that would bemy one thing to younger families
The time flies.
So absolutely cherish the timebecause, dude it, i mean it'll
be a blink in the eye.
(40:34):
I mean I had my five years atLogan so fast.
I was like what just happened?
And then 10 years and now allmy kids were turning teenagers
And I was like, oh my gosh.
And now I look back, you know,20 plus and they're all grown
adults and I'm just, we're justsuper lucky and grateful that
they're a.
We've got good, healthy kids.
They're not perfect kids, butthey're awesome, they're just
(40:55):
like we're not perfect, right,But we work constantly on our
marriage and being couples andlistening to each other and
enjoying the time.
Cause, man it's.
It's amazing how fast time goes, and I think you just got to be
grateful, dude, for every day,even though some days suck, you
know Yeah.
Brent Harding (41:15):
Well, and something I've picked up on a
lot from what you guys have beensaying tonight is quality over
quantity, absolutely, and Ithink sometimes we get too
caught up in the quantity Oh, imissed this or wasn't there for
that But it seems like from whatyou've said is, by the end or
once they start growing up andgetting older, it's those
quality moments they had thatwill mean way more to them than
(41:36):
the quantity of you being around, and so that's certainly
something I'm taking away fromtonight.
Absolutely Just as we wrap uphere, just kind of.
One more thing I'd like to endon and kind of touch on it And
it's something I heard the otherday is that parenting and
partnering is like 99% repairwork.
Like how good are you atrepairing?
(41:56):
because it's not ever going togo as you think or as you plan,
or there's always things thatyou find yourself repairing, and
so a question is kind of howdid you guys learn and how do
you resolve conflict, or thatrepair work today versus back in
1991 was it 91 or 92?
.
Kolette Thompson (42:17):
How has that evolved over your relationship?
I'm going to take this one.
So, nate, i don't know if thisis a fireman thing or what, but
he would just like keep it allinside.
Like, even if we like if we hada fight, you'd just like be
silent.
And I am not that person.
I cannot go to bed until it'sfreaking talked about whether I
(42:37):
don't even care, like I'd texthim with.
Are you going to say anythingLike?
Brent Harding (42:41):
what the hell Like.
Kolette Thompson (42:42):
I just would want him to.
I don't know, i would want totalk it out until it felt okay.
I think I mean there's ahandful of times, maybe, that we
went to bed because I justdidn't want to deal with it and
just roll over and leave mealone and go and talk to you,
but for the most part I feltlike I would have to.
I don't know.
I felt like I was the initiatorof the talk.
Nate Thompson (43:04):
You mean early?
Kolette Thompson (43:04):
on No sometimes now.
Nate Thompson (43:07):
It looks like I got some more work to do Brent.
Kolette Thompson (43:10):
So I just I think Nate can probably like
think about it longer.
I cannot like.
I just I don't enjoy conflict.
I need it to be hashed out.
Brent Harding (43:20):
So I don't know At the right because I think my
wife would say the exact samething, like I am super silent
and I'll just like I don't wantto say anything until I've
thought about it for a long time.
And sometimes that's superfrustrating for her that she's
ready to talk about it right nowand I'm like just tell me
whatever you want to say, butI'm not going to respond until
tomorrow or wherever.
Nate Thompson (43:41):
And I would say I mean, if we're comparing all
those years right, like therepair, the conflict and the
conflict resolution, i thinkearly on you're super headstrong
and selfish right When you'refirst married And so obviously
I'm right all the time, right Aswe all think we are.
You know, and I mean in yourmind like, well, i'm right, you
(44:01):
know why are you arguing with me, like this is weird?
And then you learn rightthrough maturing and just the
process of, yeah, i feel likeyou just get more wisdom as you
go on.
You realize, well, i think I'mright all the time, but I'm
certainly not.
And my spouse is super smartand super logical.
You know collect can bestubborn, so can I.
(44:22):
We know, we both know we'restubborn And I think early on I
would think I was right and Iwould go quiet.
Just like she said, we're likewell, i'm not going to talk
about this.
Well, i learned to really loveand appreciate her way of
conflict resolution throughoutour marriage, because I started
to learn like, actually, it'skind of nice to just get this
(44:42):
out on the table and then we'redone with it.
And that has been another thing, as I feel like we can be mad
at each other And typically ifwe're done with an argument, we
make sure it's done.
We don't carry it into the nextday.
There's been a couple here andthere that were probably doozies
, just like every other couplethat we allowed, but typically
it's a pretty early forgive andforget.
(45:02):
Let's talk about it and be donewith it.
Let's not go to bed mad, bedone with it.
We haven't done.
You know perfectly with that.
But I would say as the yearshave gone, we've gotten better
and better with it Faster andfaster at that.
Brent Harding (45:14):
Yeah, just be like you know what this one's
not worth it.
Nate Thompson (45:17):
Honey, you are right on this one, and I'm sorry
.
Kolette Thompson (45:21):
And you know, and we're good.
No, I communication is thishuge And sometimes, like I even
just thinking like, okay, I'mtrying to see it from Nate's
point of view.
It might not make perfect senseto me, but we kind of have to
respect each other's opinionstoo.
I don't know, We are notperfect PS.
(45:42):
by the way, we havedisagreements too, but yeah, I
don't.
I just like to talk it out,whether he wants to or not.
Nate Thompson (45:49):
I think it's a good and it's a good thing to
know that, like, look, i'meveryone.
People know me.
You know I can be stubborn andI tend to be stupid.
You know I don't know what theright word is in terms of.
You know, i really try to be.
You know, try to convincepeople.
You know I try to give theminformation on why I think maybe
, hey, this is why I think it'sthe right way.
(46:11):
Or, you know, this is maybe theright decision for us.
But you know, colette, she'sstubborn too, like I said right,
and so we've learned to be ableto navigate that throughout the
years and knowing that abouteach other and knowing when to
say when right, okay, it's good,you know it's okay.
Brent Harding (46:28):
So that had to have changed a little bit,
though, after you became chiefright, because now you can
remind her who you are.
I am chief Nate Topple that'sjust kidding.
Kolette Thompson (46:39):
Yeah, let me play that card at home.
Nate Thompson (46:40):
That will get me really far.
That's a joke.
Kolette Thompson (46:42):
Every time I'm like tell me he's a bad driver.
Well, do you have your?
I play the engineer card morethan any card ever.
Nate Thompson (46:49):
I remind her that I do have a you know a class B
license, commercial driver'slicense, and no tickets.
Brent Harding (46:57):
And then she has no choice but to respect Right.
None.
Nate Thompson (47:01):
No tickets, no moving violations, so just allow
me to drive.
Yeah, exactly Perfect Now.
Kolette Thompson (47:07):
I think Nate and I, as personalities, we kind
of compliment each other.
I'm a little high strung andcrazy and he's, i know, i don't
know if he's this way at thestation, but he's more calm and
logical and will get me a little.
I don't know, we just kind ofmesh.
Well, we're very we'redifferent, but kind of the same,
i don't know.
Nate Thompson (47:26):
Yeah, and you know, and you mentioned it, you
know we joke about thattransition to Chief, but even as
a battalion Chief, you're stillon shift work And so she still
had her time.
Right, we, it was still for her, the different job I was doing,
the schedule was the same.
So for us, in the formula wehad built, in being, i feel like
, successful and dealing withconflict and, you know, just
(47:47):
getting along well and knowingwhen we needed to take breaks.
Now, all of a sudden I'm backto days, so it was like going
back.
Now.
We're going back 20 plus yearsback, when I worked at the shop
all day long.
So yeah, and it's still a lot,because now we're back and I'll
tell you what it's done for methe regular sleep at night,
regardless, because you know Itake I cover seven, seven on a
(48:10):
shift, and so I listened to thepager with the guys.
Make sure I'm aware.
But it's different.
I'm at home, right, i can rollover.
Oh, it's not a fire, it's not abig event.
I'll roll over and go back tobed And it's changed.
My productivity, i feel like my.
I can engage daily with bloodand make sure I'm present on a
daily basis.
You know whether it's just ourbrief little encounters in the
(48:32):
morning before we both leave towork, just let each other know
that hey, i see you, you know,and we'll see you later.
Brent Harding (48:39):
I think that's perfect And a great way to end,
because I think you pointed outthat you both recognize that
maybe you become both the littlestubborn, but also, i think
that statement you just said ofjust that constant I see you And
also you know you guys haveboth complimented each other
well and on what you guys dowell, and I think we probably
don't do that often enough.
But, like a few days ago I justtold my wife that you know I
(49:04):
love watching you read to ourboys.
Kolette Thompson (49:06):
Yeah, so into it And you love it, you know,
and sometimes you think I shehas to know, right.
Brent Harding (49:11):
But just vocalizing that and letting her
know that I see you doing thisAnd I think it's great, you're a
great mom, you know.
I think that can go a long wayin, especially when I'm not
there, right, but when I amthere, to let her know, these
are the things I see.
Kolette Thompson (49:24):
And that you appreciate That's great.
Nate Thompson (49:25):
Dude, i love it And that is a perfect part of
the formula right there, andeven it's the little things
reading to the kids, you know,recognizing.
You know Kla is an amazing.
She takes such great care of me, right, she takes, you know,
cleans my clothes, and they'realways nice and ready to go, and
in return I try to take care ofthe yard and keep the garage
clean.
(49:46):
Like we've found these littleroles And I'm not saying I mean
they're, they happen for us,they happen to be very
traditional roles in our house,but I'm not saying that's the
formula for everybody, right,you just have to find the
formula And for us that's whatworks.
I enjoy taking care of the yard, i enjoy doing the handyman
stuff and Kla's awesome attaking care of a house And she's
(50:08):
.
I mean, that's probably part ofour formula, to be totally
honest.
That's.
We've just had our roles.
Kolette Thompson (50:14):
That we've worked out together.
There's gotta be give and take,there's gotta be, it's gotta be
50-50.
It's a partnership and like itcan't just be us, you know,
pandering to all your firemenissues, we have issues too.
So yeah, we do.
Nate Thompson (50:29):
But, and you know , for me too it always helps too
, because you know my wife'ssmoking hot and you know I've
been married to her for 30 plusyears And good Lord You know the
romance is still alive and well, which is another huge part of
the formula.
You got to keep the romancerolling, Yeah.
Kolette Thompson (50:46):
Gotta get sexy .
Brent Harding (50:47):
Well, we don't do those kind of podcasts here,
but we'll do the other podcastlater, yeah, for our separate
account.
we can get into.
No, That's private But thank youguys both so much for being
here today.
I know you're both super busyand just taking the time to
share this.
I know it goes a long way withthose listening in and the
ripple effect is huge, you know,as we just learned from our
(51:08):
recent Reno conference.
But you know, these littlethings go a long way and
especially for people that arejust starting, like you guys
were way back in 95.
Yeah, absolutely.
With the career that there's alot to figure out.
And this goes a long way to helppeople get over that initial
hump, i think.
So thanks so much, and we'llcatch you on the next one.
Kolette Thompson (51:27):
You betcha.
Nate Thompson (51:28):
It was absolutely our pleasure.
Thanks, thanks, brent.
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