October 22, 2019 • 24 mins
In Episode 1, host Allycia Wolff interviews the Kadwell family from New Brighton, MN. Worried about what it would mean when their son Micah became a legal adult, Nicole and Frank came to The Arc Minnesota during Micah’s senior year of high school. They developed a person-centered plan through our FutureLife Options program. In this episode, the Kadwell family talks about the planning process and the emotions and fears they overcame.
Questions?
You can find more information about Focus on the Future at arcminnesota.org/podcast. If Episode 1 inspired a question for an Arc Advocate, call The Arc Minnesota at 833.450.1494.
About Focus on the Future
Focus on the Future is a podcast for caregivers and families supporting people with disabilities. In each episode, a conversation about the journey of discovering our best life and how to achieve it. While exploring legal, financial, and quality of life structures, Focus on the Future helps to get back to what matters most: living a fulfilling and meaningful life that is defined by each individual person.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Music (00:07):
[ music playing]
Allycia Wolff (00:08):
Welcome to Focus on Future, a future planning
podcast for caregivers andfamilies supporting people with
disabilities.
Focus on the Future is a podcastof The Arc Minnesota, a
nonprofit advocacy organizationworking with people with
intellectual and developmentaldisabilities.
My name is Allycia Wolff.
I'm an advocate with The ArcMinnesota and your host for
(00:28):
Focus on the Future.
In this week's episode we willdive into the why's and how's of
future planning.
I will be talking with theKadwell family from New
Brighton, Minnesota.
In this episode, they will sharethe ups and downs of their
future planning experience andencourage others to start
planning now.
Thanks for joining us.
Music (00:52):
[ music playing]
Nicole Kadwell (00:52):
When you have a child who has a disability, you
think that you have to have itall figured out in a matter of
months kind of thing, or youknow...
And it's okay and it doesn'thave to be scary.
You can figure things out, trythings out, maybe your child
will love it, maybe you'll allhate it.
Hey, but at least you tried.
(01:14):
And it's okay to put yourselfout there and it's okay to have
dreams.
Music (01:29):
[ music playing]
Allycia Wolff (01:29):
Hi, welcome to Focus on the Future.
This is the first officialepisode.
In this episode we are going tobe talking more in depth about
future planning, what it is, howyou can start planning and just
some overall things to consideras well as why people plan, and
then a little bit about TheArc's services and a family that
(01:50):
I interviewed recently to shareabout their experience and
future planning.
So usually when families come tous and want to do intentional
future planning, it's for avariety of reasons.
Sometimes it can be becausesomething's happened in their
lives and it has broughtawareness to the fact that
(02:12):
they're a caregiver and theirchildren will probably outlive
them.
When we first developed futurelife options back in 2006, we
were hearing a lot of caregiverscoming to us and saying, I'm the
sole caretaker for my son ordaughter with a disability.
What happens when I pass away?
(02:33):
So this was the foundation ofour program and we collaborated
with different communityagencies and an attorney in this
area to make sure that ourprograms were really all
encompassing of what a personneeded to think about in future
planning.
So we started working withfamilies to help people create a
(02:54):
plan for the future.
Legal planning, financialplanning, and quality of life
planning.
All of them have importantqualities where if you leave one
of those out, the plan isn'tgoing to be balanced.
You need to do the legalplanning, like the wills and the
trusts, the financial planning,making sure that there's enough
(03:14):
money and resources likegovernment and county resources
as well.
And then the quality of lifeplanning.
You've done so much work as acaregiver to make sure that your
child is living in good life andyou want to make sure that that
good life continues regardlessof anything that happens with
you.
And so these three elementsreally create a sturdy
(03:38):
foundation for a future plan.
We call it the three leggedstool.
Without one of those aspects ofplanning, that stool isn't going
to set up right.
I'll describe more aboutspecifically how The Arc helps
families when we work withpeople one-on-one in creating a
future plan.
But first I wanted to introduceyou to the Kadwell family.
(04:00):
I started working with theKadwell family about three or
four years ago now, and we metwhen their son Micah, who has
autism, was about to turn 18.
And so his family was going todifferent transition fairs and
presentations by The Arc andother organizations to find out
(04:20):
more about what it is called,quote unquote educational
transition, transitioning fromhigh school to adult life.
And so this was where I met theKadwell families and they are
just really incredible peopleand they ended up enrolling in
our FutureLife Options program,which is our all encompassing
future planning program.
(04:42):
We've developed a few differentoptions here at The Arc.
So if people want to do fullfuture planning, they can do our
FutureLife Options program.
And if they wanted to just startthinking about the future, we
have various self-directedworkbooks to do smaller pieces
of what we call person-centeredplanning.
Person-centered planning is theidea that people know what they
(05:04):
want for their lives and ittakes a network to come together
with people to really help andthink collaboratively about a
future.
As a part of the future lifeoptions program, the Kadwells
participated in theirperson-centered planning meeting
with Micah.
And at the time he was 17 and hewas a senior in high school and
(05:27):
he wanted to talk about hisfuture employment and where he
was going to live and stuff thathe was going to do for fun.
And so we talked about all ofthese different areas and I
still remember his meetingbecause Nicole and Frank, his
parents were really intentionalwith who they invited.
They invited a music teacher, afew old school teachers.
(05:50):
They invited some friends oftheirs that also have children
with disabilities, and somefamily members as well.
And there were so many peoplethere that loved and appreciated
Micah and wanted to help himcreate a good life forward.
And it was just a really awesomemeeting because we were able to
talk about what Micah wants, butalso what kind of support Micah
(06:13):
needs and what kind of supportFrank and Nicole can use in
helping him achieve these goals.
And this is really what we wantout of future planning and
person-centered planningmeetings is for people to rally
around a person and help themmove forward.
Because if I think about my lifeand the things that I like
(06:35):
doing, I am a really independentperson.
I love to do solo backpackingtrips and I love to spend full
weekends just with me and my dogand, but I also am really,
really connected to a network offriends that I have and to a few
people, and my life would lookdrastically different without
(06:57):
them.
And so it doesn't really makesense to talk about my future,
first of all, if I wasn't partof the conversation, like
unfortunately happens with manypeople with disabilities.
But also, it wouldn't reallymake sense to talk about my
future without the people thatmeant the most to me.
And that's what was apparent inMicah's meeting is that his
(07:20):
parents were really intentionalto bring together people that
meant something to him andhelped him create a conversation
about what his future could looklike.
Enough of me talking about allthis, let's hear from the
Kadwell family and learn fromtheir experience.
Welcome Kadwell family.
I'm really excited to have youguys here.
(07:41):
Um, if you guys could introduceyourself and tell me a fun fact
about you.
Micah Kadwell (07:48):
My name is Micah Kadwell.
And I play my guitar.
Allycia Wolff (08:07):
You play your guitar really, really well.
Micah Kadwell (08:10):
I play my guitar really, really well.
Allycia Wolff (08:16):
That's perfect.
Thank you.
Frank Kadwell (08:19):
Yeah, my name is, uh, Frank.
Well, let's see- I'm excitedthat Star Wars is coming out.
[all laugh] That's my fun fact.
I enjoy that series.
Nicole Kadwell (08:24):
My name is Nicole and I love the Chicago
Cubs.
We're a baseball family.
Allycia Wolff (08:42):
Good! Okay so we already talked a little bit
about what initially brought youto future planning.
You got pulled in from advocacyand learning more about turning
18, or Micah turning 18.
And as you reflect on planningwith The Arc Minnesota, what
would you say was the best partof the experience?
Nicole Kadwell (09:04):
Um, I think my biggest takeaway after the
experience was, um, the peace ofmind that it brought because,
um, it was, it was broken downinto steps that we could handle
and it didn't seem sooverwhelming then afterwards.Iit
(09:28):
was just nicely laid out and wehad a lot of questions and
nobody made us feel stupid withthe questions we had.
So I think for me it was just,just so nice to, um, and at the
end to have that binder and tohave everything in one area.
So if anything, like even ifFrank and I were just out one
(09:50):
night and something happens toMicah, somebody could go to that
binder and see what medicationhe's on, you know, things like
that.
So I think really just the peaceof mind that it brings, its
really nice.
Yeah.
Allycia Wolff (10:05):
Well thank you.
Frank Kadwell (10:06):
I think that we just have, maybe more concerns
because of his epilepsy as wellin terms of making sure there's
an understanding with peoplethat are taking care of him,
kind of that piece.
Allycia Wolff (10:27):
Yeah.
So it wasn't only thinking aboutthe future and planning for the
future, it was making sure thatMicah was safe here now and
taken care of.
What about future planning ingeneral?
The whole process of setting upyour will and talking to a
financial planner anddocumenting everything that you
do to support Micah.
(10:47):
What's something that you wouldtell families about that
process?
Nicole Kadwell (10:51):
That it's okay.
[laughs] Well, one of the thingsfor me I felt like, well other
than like I know personally ahuge piece about taking care of
Micah.
But it's not like you have to bea millionaire and think that,
um, you know, it's okay that youdon't have$1 million in the bank
, um, you know, to work withthese financial planners.
(11:13):
They don't care.
They just really want to helpyou and help you for the future
you know, for you, for yourwhole family.
Um, you don't have to be aRockefeller to do that kind of
stuff.
Frank Kadwell (11:31):
I would say to just....there's always...
We were surprised by what cameout of the future planning.
Like there was a lot more thatwe got out of it than we
thought.
Allycia Wolff (11:45):
How do you mean?
Frank Kadwell (11:46):
Well, so at the beginning of it, it's like,
okay, we're going to do thesethings and you know, we'll get
X, Y, Z out of it.
But really, you find things asyou go through it that are not
necessarily as a parent...likefor example, being able to get
more ideas or advocate more ordo these other things that are
(12:07):
sort of side benefits of it.
So you know, I think thatthere's, there's more that comes
out of it and you might eventhink, well I feel like I was
pretty optimistic about itanyway, but I was, I think we
were surprised by just some ofsome of the ancillary things
(12:28):
that come out of futureplanning.
Allycia Wolff (12:31):
And Micah's person-centered planning
meeting.
We had here, and it was probablyone of the best person-centered
planning meetings that I stillto this day have facilitated.
[laughs] I didn't say that.
And because you are such uh,you're a family with so much
life and so much love and allthe people in your life are full
(12:52):
of life and love.
And, um, the person-centeredplanning meeting is where we
talked about Micah's future andwhat your hopes and your goals
were and what Micah's hopes andgoals were for the future.
And then we talked about whocould support him in what
specific ways and what stepsneeded to happen to move
forward.
What was the experience of thatplanning meeting like for you
(13:15):
guys as parents?
Nicole Kadwell (13:17):
It was overwhelming and awesome all at
the same time.
The awesome part was having allthese people in one room who
love your child and who want tosee the best for him.
And um, so that part was reallygreat.
Along with that though, theoverwhelming piece was, was all
(13:38):
that love and support and um,and when you, as a parent, when
you have a child with any kindof special needs, you worry
about that if other people willlove your kid and all that kind
of stuff.
And, um, here in one room wereall these people that love Micah
and only want the best for him.
(14:00):
It was really, um, yeah, it wasgreat.
And as a parent, in my mind, Igo back to that meeting a lot
because, um, yeah, we got, Ithink Frank and I felt a lot of
support there and um, and a lotof hope, you know.
(14:21):
It just, it didn't seem so scarythen.
So yeah, it was, it was a greatexperience.
Frank Kadwell (14:30):
And I would say it said a lot about Micah
because all of these people didlove him and he's a big part of
why.
Allycia Wolff (14:39):
Yeah, he's kind of the main reason.
[All laugh]
Frank Kadwell (14:45):
It was quite inspiring to see how he's
affected people.
And that something that wasbrought to that meeting, was how
much people said things aboutthings, about the way they
rethought stuff because of hisreactions to things or the way
he approached life or thosesorts of things.
(15:05):
So that's great.
That piece was quite inspiring.
Allycia Wolff (15:10):
Is there anything in the process that you wish you
would've done differently?
Nicole Kadwell (15:15):
Um, I think for me, I wish I would have had my
information gathered before westarted.
And I know that sounds sillybecause I didn't know
everything, all theirinformation that we would need.
But it just, uh, that would havebeen helpful for me.
I kinda like to be planned out,to know what you need and things
(15:40):
like that.
I wish I would've been moreprepared in that way.
Um, like having his list ofmedication or emergency
contacts, things like that.
It was stuff I really hadn'tthought about even though I fill
out that paperwork every yearfor school and stuff.
(16:01):
And think too, like just themindset of being open to hearing
information and not feeloverwhelmed by it because it
really was very helpfulinformation.
And I tend to overthink thingstoo much, so I get nervous and
worried if I'm doing thingsright and stuff like that.
So yeah, just being a littlemore...well maybe it's more of
(16:26):
like just feeling more open andnot, um, feeling like I was
doing something wrong,maybe...that kind of thing.
Allycia Wolff (16:34):
Yeah.
Intimidated by the processmaybe.
Nicole Kadwell (16:36):
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
Allycia Wolff (16:39):
Part of the process too in FutureLife
options is coordinating it alland putting it together.
So as you say that you wish thatyou would've put it all
together, part of the process isjust putting it all together.
Nicole Kadwell (16:52):
[Laughs] That's true.
That is very true.
Yeah.
I wish we would have done itearlier actually if we could go
back like when he was 16 or 17in particular.
But being so close to himturning 18 and his senior year,
uh, that was a lot busier thanwe realized.
(17:12):
So that last year of highschool.
Allycia Wolff (17:15):
Yeah.
So you wish that you would'vestarted the future planning
process when Micah was like 16?
Nicole Kadwell (17:21):
That would have been, yeah-
Frank Kadwell (17:22):
That's a really good point about his senior year
because he's, he's a prettysocial guy.
Like, you know, he had 120people that came to his
graduation party and you know,all that kind of stuff.
So he, you know, he's pretty,uh, you know, he has a lot of
friends, so...
Allycia Wolff (17:37):
Sure does.
Frank Kadwell (17:42):
He had a lot of things, you know, that we wanted
him to experience too, whetherit was, you know, at least
getting a taste of prom or thisor that.
You know, and it's just allthose dates really kind of
stacked on each other.
Allycia Wolff (17:55):
So doing future planning before the chaos of
senior year would have beenbetter.
Nicole Kadwell (18:00):
Yes.
Frank Kadwell (18:01):
Plus they wound up...I mean, it's great! They
gave him an award that, youknow, so then there was, you
know, everything was likeanother date.
Not that it's bad- it waswonderful.
But yeah, we just, yeah, we justgot surprised by a lot of
things.
Nicole Kadwell (18:16):
It's all good, but just how busy.
It's busy.
Yeah.
Allycia Wolff (18:20):
And what was the hardest part of the program?
Of doing the future planning?
What was the most difficult?
Frank Kadwell (18:29):
I would say coming to terms with looking at
things when you're gone.
you don't really want to, youknow.
Nicole Kadwell (18:37):
It's hard to think about when, when we're not
around for Micah.
And things like that, so...
Allycia Wolff (18:44):
A lot of families when they start to think about
future planning, they know thatit's a process that they need to
do and want to do it and thenget really caught up in the fear
of having to confront thereality of your own mortality.
You know, confront the realitythat there's going to be a time
that you're no longer going tobe around to support your child.
(19:08):
How did you guys process that?
Frank Kadwell (19:11):
We've talked about this in the past, where
neither of us are afraid ofdeath.
So I think it's a little easierfor us to talk about cause it's
just, you know, it's there, it'sa reality.
I think that made it easier forus to come to terms with it.
Um, that's what I would say.
Nicole Kadwell (19:31):
And the fact that he's an only child too,
kind of puts more pressure onfor us to figure things out for
when we pass, cause it's notlike there's a sibling that can
help out.
Yeah.
So I think that kind of himbeing an only child kind of puts
pressure too and...yeah.
Allycia Wolff (19:51):
To do that planning and have that
conversation.
Yeah.
Frank Kadwell (19:54):
Yeah.
And I would say that even if hewasn't, I think it's very
important to us that we don'tburden other people.
So with this necessarily, so...
Not that it's a burden, that's abad way of putting it.
They should be able to livetheir life even if there was a
sibling involved.
And maybe there is going to besome things but at least make
(20:14):
sure that he's, you know, takencare of financially and
otherwise so that, you know,there might be some things that
they need to do to make surethat he's safe, to make sure
that things are taken care of,but that financially everything
is set up and you know, it'sjust a matter of sort of doing
some administration things thatneed to be done.
Allycia Wolff (20:37):
Thank you.
Is there anything else that youwanted to potentially voice in
any regard?
So it could be about futureplanning it could be about The
Arc in general, it could beabout your life and what you've
learned as caregivers, or um,your love for Micah.
[Laughs] You know, you couldliterally say anything at this
point.
Nicole Kadwell (20:55):
I think sometimes I'm just, you know, as
a parent of somebody withspecial needs, you sometimes get
tired of just always asking.
You know, as a parent you justsort of want to know sometimes.
And you know, you go through allthese years, you know, Micah was
diagnosed with autism before hewas three.
(21:16):
So we've playing this game foryears.
And you get kinda tired of it,you know, so you just sort of
want to do what you wanted toand not think about,"Oh, what
state programs do I need tolearn about?" Or you know, what
school offers for him or youknow, you just sort of want to
be.
(21:37):
Um, so it's easy to get kind ofstuck in that rut for a while,
but um, you just can't allowyourself to stay there very
long.
It just, the whole process can,you know, kind of get you down
or be overwhelming that way.
But um..
Allycia Wolff (21:54):
You shared with me one time too that it becomes
frustrating because you don'tknow the questions that you need
to ask us.
[laughs].
Nicole Kadwell (22:02):
Yes.
[Laughs] Right, right, exactly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
When you have a child who has adisability, you think that you
have to have it all figured outin a matter of a month kind of
thing or you know, and it's okayand it doesn't have to be scary.
You can figure things out, trythings out.
Maybe your child will love it.
(22:24):
Maybe you'll all hate it.
Hey, but at least you tried.
And it's okay to put yourselfout there and it's okay to have
dreams and it doesn't have tobe...
[cries] It can be hopeful.
[cries] And..I think The Arc hasreally helped in that.
(22:51):
[cries] Sorry.
And that, um, that there, thereare people out there who are
willing to help Micah and hisfuture can be very bright.
And it...
Yeah.
It doesn't have to be so scary.
Allycia Wolff (23:13):
It doesn't have to be so scary.Thank you.
Music (23:21):
[ music playing]
Allycia Wolff (23:21):
If this episode inspired questions for an
advocate at The Arc, please giveus a call at(833) 450-1494.
Music (23:33):
[ music playing]
Allycia Wolff (23:34):
On the next episode of Focus on the Future,
we will be talking with JasonSchellack about estate planning.
We'll cover the various kinds oftrusts and why legal planning is
important.
I hope you'll join us!
Music (23:50):
[ music playing]
Allycia Wolff (23:50):
Focus on the Future as a podcast of The Arc
Minnesota.
Subscribe to the podcast on yourfavorite streaming service to
stay up to date with the newestepisodes.
If you're enjoying listening,please support the podcast and
our mission by donating atarcminnesota.org/podcast.
Our podcast music is composedand recorded by Micah Kadwell.
(24:11):
Micah is a talented guitaristfrom New Brighton, Minnesota,
who also has autism.
Thank you, Micah!
Music (24:22):
[ music playing]
[ music playing]
Allycia Wolff (00:08):
Welcome to Focus on Future, a future planning
podcast for caregivers andfamilies supporting people with
disabilities.
Focus on the Future is a podcastof The Arc Minnesota, a
nonprofit advocacy organizationworking with people with
intellectual and developmentaldisabilities.
My name is Allycia Wolff.
I'm an advocate with The ArcMinnesota and your host for
(00:28):
Focus on the Future.
In this week's episode we willdive into the why's and how's of
future planning.
I will be talking with theKadwell family from New
Brighton, Minnesota.
In this episode, they will sharethe ups and downs of their
future planning experience andencourage others to start
planning now.
Thanks for joining us.
Music (00:52):
[ music playing]
Nicole Kadwell (00:52):
When you have a child who has a disability, you
think that you have to have itall figured out in a matter of
months kind of thing, or youknow...
And it's okay and it doesn'thave to be scary.
You can figure things out, trythings out, maybe your child
will love it, maybe you'll allhate it.
Hey, but at least you tried.
(01:14):
And it's okay to put yourselfout there and it's okay to have
dreams.
Music (01:29):
[ music playing]
Allycia Wolff (01:29):
Hi, welcome to Focus on the Future.
This is the first officialepisode.
In this episode we are going tobe talking more in depth about
future planning, what it is, howyou can start planning and just
some overall things to consideras well as why people plan, and
then a little bit about TheArc's services and a family that
(01:50):
I interviewed recently to shareabout their experience and
future planning.
So usually when families come tous and want to do intentional
future planning, it's for avariety of reasons.
Sometimes it can be becausesomething's happened in their
lives and it has broughtawareness to the fact that
(02:12):
they're a caregiver and theirchildren will probably outlive
them.
When we first developed futurelife options back in 2006, we
were hearing a lot of caregiverscoming to us and saying, I'm the
sole caretaker for my son ordaughter with a disability.
What happens when I pass away?
(02:33):
So this was the foundation ofour program and we collaborated
with different communityagencies and an attorney in this
area to make sure that ourprograms were really all
encompassing of what a personneeded to think about in future
planning.
So we started working withfamilies to help people create a
(02:54):
plan for the future.
Legal planning, financialplanning, and quality of life
planning.
All of them have importantqualities where if you leave one
of those out, the plan isn'tgoing to be balanced.
You need to do the legalplanning, like the wills and the
trusts, the financial planning,making sure that there's enough
(03:14):
money and resources likegovernment and county resources
as well.
And then the quality of lifeplanning.
You've done so much work as acaregiver to make sure that your
child is living in good life andyou want to make sure that that
good life continues regardlessof anything that happens with
you.
And so these three elementsreally create a sturdy
(03:38):
foundation for a future plan.
We call it the three leggedstool.
Without one of those aspects ofplanning, that stool isn't going
to set up right.
I'll describe more aboutspecifically how The Arc helps
families when we work withpeople one-on-one in creating a
future plan.
But first I wanted to introduceyou to the Kadwell family.
(04:00):
I started working with theKadwell family about three or
four years ago now, and we metwhen their son Micah, who has
autism, was about to turn 18.
And so his family was going todifferent transition fairs and
presentations by The Arc andother organizations to find out
(04:20):
more about what it is called,quote unquote educational
transition, transitioning fromhigh school to adult life.
And so this was where I met theKadwell families and they are
just really incredible peopleand they ended up enrolling in
our FutureLife Options program,which is our all encompassing
future planning program.
(04:42):
We've developed a few differentoptions here at The Arc.
So if people want to do fullfuture planning, they can do our
FutureLife Options program.
And if they wanted to just startthinking about the future, we
have various self-directedworkbooks to do smaller pieces
of what we call person-centeredplanning.
Person-centered planning is theidea that people know what they
(05:04):
want for their lives and ittakes a network to come together
with people to really help andthink collaboratively about a
future.
As a part of the future lifeoptions program, the Kadwells
participated in theirperson-centered planning meeting
with Micah.
And at the time he was 17 and hewas a senior in high school and
(05:27):
he wanted to talk about hisfuture employment and where he
was going to live and stuff thathe was going to do for fun.
And so we talked about all ofthese different areas and I
still remember his meetingbecause Nicole and Frank, his
parents were really intentionalwith who they invited.
They invited a music teacher, afew old school teachers.
(05:50):
They invited some friends oftheirs that also have children
with disabilities, and somefamily members as well.
And there were so many peoplethere that loved and appreciated
Micah and wanted to help himcreate a good life forward.
And it was just a really awesomemeeting because we were able to
talk about what Micah wants, butalso what kind of support Micah
(06:13):
needs and what kind of supportFrank and Nicole can use in
helping him achieve these goals.
And this is really what we wantout of future planning and
person-centered planningmeetings is for people to rally
around a person and help themmove forward.
Because if I think about my lifeand the things that I like
(06:35):
doing, I am a really independentperson.
I love to do solo backpackingtrips and I love to spend full
weekends just with me and my dogand, but I also am really,
really connected to a network offriends that I have and to a few
people, and my life would lookdrastically different without
(06:57):
them.
And so it doesn't really makesense to talk about my future,
first of all, if I wasn't partof the conversation, like
unfortunately happens with manypeople with disabilities.
But also, it wouldn't reallymake sense to talk about my
future without the people thatmeant the most to me.
And that's what was apparent inMicah's meeting is that his
(07:20):
parents were really intentionalto bring together people that
meant something to him andhelped him create a conversation
about what his future could looklike.
Enough of me talking about allthis, let's hear from the
Kadwell family and learn fromtheir experience.
Welcome Kadwell family.
I'm really excited to have youguys here.
(07:41):
Um, if you guys could introduceyourself and tell me a fun fact
about you.
Micah Kadwell (07:48):
My name is Micah Kadwell.
And I play my guitar.
Allycia Wolff (08:07):
You play your guitar really, really well.
Micah Kadwell (08:10):
I play my guitar really, really well.
Allycia Wolff (08:16):
That's perfect.
Thank you.
Frank Kadwell (08:19):
Yeah, my name is, uh, Frank.
Well, let's see- I'm excitedthat Star Wars is coming out.
[all laugh] That's my fun fact.
I enjoy that series.
Nicole Kadwell (08:24):
My name is Nicole and I love the Chicago
Cubs.
We're a baseball family.
Allycia Wolff (08:42):
Good! Okay so we already talked a little bit
about what initially brought youto future planning.
You got pulled in from advocacyand learning more about turning
18, or Micah turning 18.
And as you reflect on planningwith The Arc Minnesota, what
would you say was the best partof the experience?
Nicole Kadwell (09:04):
Um, I think my biggest takeaway after the
experience was, um, the peace ofmind that it brought because,
um, it was, it was broken downinto steps that we could handle
and it didn't seem sooverwhelming then afterwards.Iit
(09:28):
was just nicely laid out and wehad a lot of questions and
nobody made us feel stupid withthe questions we had.
So I think for me it was just,just so nice to, um, and at the
end to have that binder and tohave everything in one area.
So if anything, like even ifFrank and I were just out one
(09:50):
night and something happens toMicah, somebody could go to that
binder and see what medicationhe's on, you know, things like
that.
So I think really just the peaceof mind that it brings, its
really nice.
Yeah.
Allycia Wolff (10:05):
Well thank you.
Frank Kadwell (10:06):
I think that we just have, maybe more concerns
because of his epilepsy as wellin terms of making sure there's
an understanding with peoplethat are taking care of him,
kind of that piece.
Allycia Wolff (10:27):
Yeah.
So it wasn't only thinking aboutthe future and planning for the
future, it was making sure thatMicah was safe here now and
taken care of.
What about future planning ingeneral?
The whole process of setting upyour will and talking to a
financial planner anddocumenting everything that you
do to support Micah.
(10:47):
What's something that you wouldtell families about that
process?
Nicole Kadwell (10:51):
That it's okay.
[laughs] Well, one of the thingsfor me I felt like, well other
than like I know personally ahuge piece about taking care of
Micah.
But it's not like you have to bea millionaire and think that,
um, you know, it's okay that youdon't have$1 million in the bank
, um, you know, to work withthese financial planners.
(11:13):
They don't care.
They just really want to helpyou and help you for the future
you know, for you, for yourwhole family.
Um, you don't have to be aRockefeller to do that kind of
stuff.
Frank Kadwell (11:31):
I would say to just....there's always...
We were surprised by what cameout of the future planning.
Like there was a lot more thatwe got out of it than we
thought.
Allycia Wolff (11:45):
How do you mean?
Frank Kadwell (11:46):
Well, so at the beginning of it, it's like,
okay, we're going to do thesethings and you know, we'll get
X, Y, Z out of it.
But really, you find things asyou go through it that are not
necessarily as a parent...likefor example, being able to get
more ideas or advocate more ordo these other things that are
(12:07):
sort of side benefits of it.
So you know, I think thatthere's, there's more that comes
out of it and you might eventhink, well I feel like I was
pretty optimistic about itanyway, but I was, I think we
were surprised by just some ofsome of the ancillary things
(12:28):
that come out of futureplanning.
Allycia Wolff (12:31):
And Micah's person-centered planning
meeting.
We had here, and it was probablyone of the best person-centered
planning meetings that I stillto this day have facilitated.
[laughs] I didn't say that.
And because you are such uh,you're a family with so much
life and so much love and allthe people in your life are full
(12:52):
of life and love.
And, um, the person-centeredplanning meeting is where we
talked about Micah's future andwhat your hopes and your goals
were and what Micah's hopes andgoals were for the future.
And then we talked about whocould support him in what
specific ways and what stepsneeded to happen to move
forward.
What was the experience of thatplanning meeting like for you
(13:15):
guys as parents?
Nicole Kadwell (13:17):
It was overwhelming and awesome all at
the same time.
The awesome part was having allthese people in one room who
love your child and who want tosee the best for him.
And um, so that part was reallygreat.
Along with that though, theoverwhelming piece was, was all
(13:38):
that love and support and um,and when you, as a parent, when
you have a child with any kindof special needs, you worry
about that if other people willlove your kid and all that kind
of stuff.
And, um, here in one room wereall these people that love Micah
and only want the best for him.
(14:00):
It was really, um, yeah, it wasgreat.
And as a parent, in my mind, Igo back to that meeting a lot
because, um, yeah, we got, Ithink Frank and I felt a lot of
support there and um, and a lotof hope, you know.
(14:21):
It just, it didn't seem so scarythen.
So yeah, it was, it was a greatexperience.
Frank Kadwell (14:30):
And I would say it said a lot about Micah
because all of these people didlove him and he's a big part of
why.
Allycia Wolff (14:39):
Yeah, he's kind of the main reason.
[All laugh]
Frank Kadwell (14:45):
It was quite inspiring to see how he's
affected people.
And that something that wasbrought to that meeting, was how
much people said things aboutthings, about the way they
rethought stuff because of hisreactions to things or the way
he approached life or thosesorts of things.
(15:05):
So that's great.
That piece was quite inspiring.
Allycia Wolff (15:10):
Is there anything in the process that you wish you
would've done differently?
Nicole Kadwell (15:15):
Um, I think for me, I wish I would have had my
information gathered before westarted.
And I know that sounds sillybecause I didn't know
everything, all theirinformation that we would need.
But it just, uh, that would havebeen helpful for me.
I kinda like to be planned out,to know what you need and things
(15:40):
like that.
I wish I would've been moreprepared in that way.
Um, like having his list ofmedication or emergency
contacts, things like that.
It was stuff I really hadn'tthought about even though I fill
out that paperwork every yearfor school and stuff.
(16:01):
And think too, like just themindset of being open to hearing
information and not feeloverwhelmed by it because it
really was very helpfulinformation.
And I tend to overthink thingstoo much, so I get nervous and
worried if I'm doing thingsright and stuff like that.
So yeah, just being a littlemore...well maybe it's more of
(16:26):
like just feeling more open andnot, um, feeling like I was
doing something wrong,maybe...that kind of thing.
Allycia Wolff (16:34):
Yeah.
Intimidated by the processmaybe.
Nicole Kadwell (16:36):
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
Allycia Wolff (16:39):
Part of the process too in FutureLife
options is coordinating it alland putting it together.
So as you say that you wish thatyou would've put it all
together, part of the process isjust putting it all together.
Nicole Kadwell (16:52):
[Laughs] That's true.
That is very true.
Yeah.
I wish we would have done itearlier actually if we could go
back like when he was 16 or 17in particular.
But being so close to himturning 18 and his senior year,
uh, that was a lot busier thanwe realized.
(17:12):
So that last year of highschool.
Allycia Wolff (17:15):
Yeah.
So you wish that you would'vestarted the future planning
process when Micah was like 16?
Nicole Kadwell (17:21):
That would have been, yeah-
Frank Kadwell (17:22):
That's a really good point about his senior year
because he's, he's a prettysocial guy.
Like, you know, he had 120people that came to his
graduation party and you know,all that kind of stuff.
So he, you know, he's pretty,uh, you know, he has a lot of
friends, so...
Allycia Wolff (17:37):
Sure does.
Frank Kadwell (17:42):
He had a lot of things, you know, that we wanted
him to experience too, whetherit was, you know, at least
getting a taste of prom or thisor that.
You know, and it's just allthose dates really kind of
stacked on each other.
Allycia Wolff (17:55):
So doing future planning before the chaos of
senior year would have beenbetter.
Nicole Kadwell (18:00):
Yes.
Frank Kadwell (18:01):
Plus they wound up...I mean, it's great! They
gave him an award that, youknow, so then there was, you
know, everything was likeanother date.
Not that it's bad- it waswonderful.
But yeah, we just, yeah, we justgot surprised by a lot of
things.
Nicole Kadwell (18:16):
It's all good, but just how busy.
It's busy.
Yeah.
Allycia Wolff (18:20):
And what was the hardest part of the program?
Of doing the future planning?
What was the most difficult?
Frank Kadwell (18:29):
I would say coming to terms with looking at
things when you're gone.
you don't really want to, youknow.
Nicole Kadwell (18:37):
It's hard to think about when, when we're not
around for Micah.
And things like that, so...
Allycia Wolff (18:44):
A lot of families when they start to think about
future planning, they know thatit's a process that they need to
do and want to do it and thenget really caught up in the fear
of having to confront thereality of your own mortality.
You know, confront the realitythat there's going to be a time
that you're no longer going tobe around to support your child.
(19:08):
How did you guys process that?
Frank Kadwell (19:11):
We've talked about this in the past, where
neither of us are afraid ofdeath.
So I think it's a little easierfor us to talk about cause it's
just, you know, it's there, it'sa reality.
I think that made it easier forus to come to terms with it.
Um, that's what I would say.
Nicole Kadwell (19:31):
And the fact that he's an only child too,
kind of puts more pressure onfor us to figure things out for
when we pass, cause it's notlike there's a sibling that can
help out.
Yeah.
So I think that kind of himbeing an only child kind of puts
pressure too and...yeah.
Allycia Wolff (19:51):
To do that planning and have that
conversation.
Yeah.
Frank Kadwell (19:54):
Yeah.
And I would say that even if hewasn't, I think it's very
important to us that we don'tburden other people.
So with this necessarily, so...
Not that it's a burden, that's abad way of putting it.
They should be able to livetheir life even if there was a
sibling involved.
And maybe there is going to besome things but at least make
(20:14):
sure that he's, you know, takencare of financially and
otherwise so that, you know,there might be some things that
they need to do to make surethat he's safe, to make sure
that things are taken care of,but that financially everything
is set up and you know, it'sjust a matter of sort of doing
some administration things thatneed to be done.
Allycia Wolff (20:37):
Thank you.
Is there anything else that youwanted to potentially voice in
any regard?
So it could be about futureplanning it could be about The
Arc in general, it could beabout your life and what you've
learned as caregivers, or um,your love for Micah.
[Laughs] You know, you couldliterally say anything at this
point.
Nicole Kadwell (20:55):
I think sometimes I'm just, you know, as
a parent of somebody withspecial needs, you sometimes get
tired of just always asking.
You know, as a parent you justsort of want to know sometimes.
And you know, you go through allthese years, you know, Micah was
diagnosed with autism before hewas three.
(21:16):
So we've playing this game foryears.
And you get kinda tired of it,you know, so you just sort of
want to do what you wanted toand not think about,"Oh, what
state programs do I need tolearn about?" Or you know, what
school offers for him or youknow, you just sort of want to
be.
(21:37):
Um, so it's easy to get kind ofstuck in that rut for a while,
but um, you just can't allowyourself to stay there very
long.
It just, the whole process can,you know, kind of get you down
or be overwhelming that way.
But um..
Allycia Wolff (21:54):
You shared with me one time too that it becomes
frustrating because you don'tknow the questions that you need
to ask us.
[laughs].
Nicole Kadwell (22:02):
Yes.
[Laughs] Right, right, exactly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
When you have a child who has adisability, you think that you
have to have it all figured outin a matter of a month kind of
thing or you know, and it's okayand it doesn't have to be scary.
You can figure things out, trythings out.
Maybe your child will love it.
(22:24):
Maybe you'll all hate it.
Hey, but at least you tried.
And it's okay to put yourselfout there and it's okay to have
dreams and it doesn't have tobe...
[cries] It can be hopeful.
[cries] And..I think The Arc hasreally helped in that.
(22:51):
[cries] Sorry.
And that, um, that there, thereare people out there who are
willing to help Micah and hisfuture can be very bright.
And it...
Yeah.
It doesn't have to be so scary.
Allycia Wolff (23:13):
It doesn't have to be so scary.Thank you.
Music (23:21):
[ music playing]
Allycia Wolff (23:21):
If this episode inspired questions for an
advocate at The Arc, please giveus a call at(833) 450-1494.
Music (23:33):
[ music playing]
Allycia Wolff (23:34):
On the next episode of Focus on the Future,
we will be talking with JasonSchellack about estate planning.
We'll cover the various kinds oftrusts and why legal planning is
important.
I hope you'll join us!
Music (23:50):
[ music playing]
Allycia Wolff (23:50):
Focus on the Future as a podcast of The Arc
Minnesota.
Subscribe to the podcast on yourfavorite streaming service to
stay up to date with the newestepisodes.
If you're enjoying listening,please support the podcast and
our mission by donating atarcminnesota.org/podcast.
Our podcast music is composedand recorded by Micah Kadwell.
(24:11):
Micah is a talented guitaristfrom New Brighton, Minnesota,
who also has autism.
Thank you, Micah!
Music (24:22):
[ music playing]
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