March 14, 2024 • 23 mins
When the threat of foreclosure loomed over my life, the emotional riptide was overwhelming, but it's a tale I now bravely share to light the path for others in similar straits. With the compassionate guidance of Keturah Beckham, a seasoned clinical social worker, we dissect the seldom-spoken emotional journey that trails the loss of one's home. From the crushing weight of denial to the depths of depression, this conversation is an unfiltered look at the stages of grief that uniquely accompany foreclosure. We don't just stop at unpacking these feelings; we aim to equip you with the understanding needed to reclaim the reins on your life's voyage.
Navigating these waters goes beyond personal struggle; it extends to the undercurrents within the family, too, especially the vulnerable hearts of children. I emphasize how vital it is to recognize and address the stress signals echoing through the halls of a once-harmonious home. The dialogue takes a turn, melding the sequence of grief with the actual phases of foreclosure, offering a beacon of hope and action for our listeners. Lean in as I, not only a survivor but also a licensed real estate agent specializing in foreclosures, alongside the astute insights of Keturah, provide the compass to help you find further counseling and therapeutic support. Together, we chart a course towards emotional and financial restoration.
Be the first to know about the next episode of Foreclosure Chronicles by signing up at foreclosurechroniclespodcast.com
By signing up you also get access to special bonus recordings.
Amy is a licensed Realtor in North Carolina. She is affiliated with Buy Homes with Rose LLC brokerage. This is not a solicitation to get a listing. This is a podcast to provide you with options for your situation.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
The views and opinions expressed on this
podcast are those of thepresenter and do not necessarily
reflect the views or positionof the podcast host.
Welcome back to another episodeof Forclosure Chronicles, where
we help homeowners that arefacing foreclosure with options
(00:42):
so that they can make the bestdecision for their situation or
exit the property with dignity.
Today I have a guest on thispodcast and she is a good friend
of mine.
She is a licensed clinicalsocial worker in a private
(01:03):
practice.
Welcome, couture Beckham.
Hello, how are you?
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Hi Amy.
Thank you so much for having meon this afternoon.
It's such a pleasure to be herewith you.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
I appreciate you being here, folks.
I invited Couture to be on thispodcast because there's
something that people don't talkabout and that's the emotions
that situated around going intoforeclosure.
And I can speak to that becauseback in the early 0809 era,
(01:41):
when everything hit bottom, Ilost some property and to this
day, it's like I just realized,couture, that I never dealt with
it, never dealt with theemotions.
It's like, okay, there goes theproperty in the foreclosure,
okay, had a file bankruptcy, butit's like I guess I was, so I
(02:04):
guess numb to it that I neverprocessed it.
So that's why I have her onhere, so you can learn how to
process it and she's going togive you some valuable
information.
Now, if you remember, if youlistened to our last episode, I
broke the foreclosure stage downto phases the handle in it
(02:27):
phase, the stalling phase, thefrantic phase and it's too late
phase.
So if you listen to whatCouture is going to bring, we're
going to tie this all togetherand hopefully, as a panic
homeowner, you can see yourselfin which stages that you are
Before we get to that Couture.
Tell us a little bit aboutyourself.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Thank you, amy.
I am a licensed clinical socialworker and I am the owner of
Rafa Kai, the Center for HealingArts and Therapy, and in that
role, in my role, I work withindividuals who are dealing with
grief, with loss of situationsall different kinds of avenues
(03:10):
that they come into me, theycome to me for and just trying
to get out or make it through atransition in their life.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Definitely, going through foreclosure is a
transition.
It is, it is.
So what gyms are you going todrop on us today?
Speaker 2 (03:30):
I think it's important to recognize that with
any loss there's an emotionalcomponent.
Whether it's something that youdeal with right away, or if you
are a person that putseverything aside and puts those
(03:51):
emotions to deal with later,they will still come back at
some point and they'll haunt you.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
So they will and I can truly say they are haunting
me now because I actuallybelieve not dealing with what I
went through in 0809 has what'sthe word I'm looking for has
pretty much stopped my progressto be the better version of me,
(04:21):
to come into my own, to work mypassion, because I feel that
stigma and stagnated.
I feel like I've been stagnatedand just now, like I said, I
just now realized maybe that'swhy I haven't moved forward in
my life, because I never dealtwith going into foreclosure,
(04:41):
losing the homes that I lost,because when you take a step
trying to better your life, it'slike something stops.
Something stops you, and Ithink that's what it was for me,
and I'm just speaking formyself, so maybe I'll learn to
get over this with what you'retelling us today.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
And you bring up a great point, amy.
We may not ever get over theactual grief, but there is a
process that we go through forgrieving.
So the grief in itself is thesituation that happened, that is
(05:23):
traumatic, that has caused youto remain stuck, and grieving is
that actual process that we gothrough in order to go through
the stages and come out on theother side.
For some individuals it canhappen relatively quickly.
Others it can take years to gothrough, and it's just
(05:46):
remembering that each of thesestages is something that you can
go through, these stages in anyway.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Like, in any order Correct.
It can be in any order.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
So, for instance, if I take you so, elizabeth
Kubler-Ross was an, a SwissAmerican psychiatrist who, back
in the day, introduced the fivestages of grief.
And it starts with denial.
So in the denial stage, this isthe stage where you can.
(06:21):
You don't really understand.
It's like I cannot believe thisis happening to me, and it's a
defense mechanism to cope withan overwhelming and overwhelming
emotion.
It's like, oh my God, I've lost, I'm about to lose, my house,
(06:43):
or I've lost something sosignificant to me, a
relationship, a pet.
You're in shock and it's just astated denial.
And then the second phase, orthe second stage, is anger.
So, as the reality of the lawsets in, you can become really
(07:04):
angry.
You can direct that angertowards yourself, like how could
I be so silly, how could I letthis happen?
Or you can direct it outwards,to others, becoming angry with
them, like thinking it's yourfault because you didn't do A, b
and C.
You didn't tell me you couldbecome angry with the bank.
Well, they never told me.
(07:25):
No one told me this.
You're on the phone with therepresentative, you're yelling
and you're screaming because youare angry.
Right, the third one, the thirdstage, is called bargaining, so
it's an attempt to regain,control or reverse the loss.
And it can look like makingpromises, like if you could just
(07:48):
get me out of this, I willnever let this happen again, or
if I get another chance, I cando A, b and C.
You're just trying to hold onto something that is lost, or
you are losing or transitioning,and it's scary.
(08:10):
The fourth stage is depression.
It is just where you experiencefeelings of helplessness,
isolation and deep sorrow.
Those are just some of thethings that you can experience.
Maybe you find that you'resleeping more.
You don't wanna deal with it.
That's all a form of depression.
So understanding that piece ofwhere you are in this process is
(08:36):
important.
And then the fifth one, thefinal one, is acceptance.
Okay, this has happened.
I've been in denial, I've beenangry.
I tried to bargain my way outof it.
I've become depressed because Ijust don't know what else to do
.
And now it's like, okay, I'mnot gonna do this.
(08:58):
And now it's like, okay, thishas happened.
How can I process theseemotions so I can begin to move
forward with my life?
Speaker 1 (09:13):
That's good stuff.
And you did again say thatthese can happen in any order.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
They can happen in any order.
You can be at the acceptancestage and then you can go back
to being angry.
You think that maybe you thinkthat you've processed all of
these emotions, and then youthink about the event again, the
actual event, the traumaticevent, and you can go through
(09:42):
the stages all over again.
You can go back to being angry,you can go back to depression,
you can go back to denial.
It can, it just continues tohappen.
But it's really aboutrecognizing what emotions you
are feeling and how to workthrough that specific phase that
(10:04):
you're in.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Okay, and just what are some ways that they can work
through it?
Do you have like some some?
Speaker 2 (10:14):
corners?
Absolutely, I would say, firstand foremost, reach out to
someone.
Believe it or not, you areprobably not the first person
that may have experienced thistraumatic event, and you won't
be the last one.
It sounds harsh, but you're notalone.
So reach out to someone,whether it is a trusted friend,
(10:39):
a family member, a therapist,someone who can just be there
with you through the process.
Now you may find that there arecertain individuals that you
may know would not be a goodperson to talk to.
Please don't go down that route.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
It could make you feel even worse, Right, like I
told you.
So I told you you shouldn'thave bought all those houses,
blah, blah, blah.
Or I told you you shouldn'thave.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
That's not what you need to hear at the time that
you're going through thistransition.
Yes, you did.
Maybe you did buy too manyhouses at this particular time.
Okay, that's water under thebridge.
What do I need to do with thispoint?
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Right, so just out of curiosity.
So if someone is going throughforeclosure our listener is
going through it right now atwhat point do you think they
should reach out to someone,like when they're totally behind
, Like they're like 90 days outand they're like, okay, I think
(11:49):
something's getting ready tohappen.
Or should they reach out tosomeone once they lost the house
?
I mean, do you think there'sthis particular time when a
homeowner should reach out tosomeone to start helping them go
through these stages, becausewe know they're going to go
through these stages, Right?
Speaker 2 (12:10):
each individual is very different.
Some individuals are betterexcuse me, are better with
handling certain stages.
They may not realize they're indenial, or they may not realize
that they're depressed.
I think it's important thatwhen there is a feeling, or
(12:35):
there's overwhelming feelings,that's when it's important to
reach out.
You may be so busy trying tokeep all of these different
processes up in the air, youdon't have time to stop and
breathe.
But when you do get that momentto stop and breathe, focus on
what you're feeling.
Focus on if it's overwhelmingfor you, if you feel it's
(12:58):
overwhelming, if you feel thatyou could use an independent
party to talk, to reach out to atherapist or reach out to
someone like you who can helpthem through the actual process,
and then, once they've gottenthrough this actual process
maybe that's afterward that theycan deal with the emotions
(13:18):
behind it, and then they can seea therapist, someone that they
can talk to.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
So let's switch gears , just briefly, cause, like I
said, these are homeowners.
Some of these homeowners havefamilies.
Let's talk a little bit aboutlike the children, cause I
totally believe that we probablyforget about the kids, but I
think they can sense somethinggoing on in the household,
(13:46):
especially when maybe mother,father they're not talking or
someone looks like they're beingsecretive.
So can we talk a little bitabout like, the emotions of how
to handle if you have children.
Should we discuss things withthe child, say, hey, this is
what's going on.
Can you speak on that a littlebit?
(14:08):
You?
Speaker 2 (14:08):
bring up a really good point, amy.
Even though, as parents,sometimes they feel that they
want to shield their childrenand everything is age dependent
they may want to shield theirchild from what is actually
going on.
But what they may notunderstand is that a child not
(14:30):
only picks up on what is said,but they're going to pick up on
the emotional cues A child cansense when a parent may be shut
down or when something is notright.
And they may not.
That child may not act out inthe house because of all of
these emotions that are going on.
(14:51):
They may act out in school.
And then the parents maybestart getting these phone calls
that your child is doing this inschool, your child is yelling,
your child seems to be depressed.
I mean, I think it's reallyimportant that the parent
(15:12):
reaches out to support thesupport that's available within
the school to that counselor,just letting them know that, hey
, there's a situation that'sgoing on in the house and my
child may begin to display A, band C emotions.
Or maybe the counselor can bethe one to say, hey, this is
(15:33):
what I'm recognizing in yourchild, who was an A student and
is now not turning in the work,appears to be fearful is crying
in school.
So just being able to have thatcommunication in place is
really important, and the goalis to you want to protect your
child, but you also want tounderstand.
(16:00):
How realistic can you really bein doing that?
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Are we causing more harm than good by remaining
silent and could a child begoing through these five stages
of grief as well?
And of course, the parent can'tpick up on it, because they're.
They too are probably goingthrough the same thing.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
I personally believe.
Yes, I personally believe itcan be.
It's with a divorce, a child,even when two parents are
divorcing, a child goes throughthe emotions, this emotional
trauma that's going on betweenthe parents.
The child doesn't know where heor she fits.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
OK, that's, that's good.
That's good information.
Thank you, so much Couture.
So so homeowners my pant, myhomeowners that are going
through foreclosure, please takeheed to what Couture is saying.
Don't be like me and figure itout like 18 plus years.
(17:04):
I have many years later that,oh, I think that's why I'm not
moving forward, or I should havedealt with that.
You definitely want torecognize and at least get some
help.
So let's kind of relate this tothis, let's bring this all
together, related to thetimeline that I gave last week.
(17:27):
So the handling that phase, ofcourse, that's the phase where
you pretty much are, you're incontrol and I like to put that
in, as I think that acceptancewould be a good place for that
Because you're accepting thefact OK, something's happening.
Ok, now I need I'm not going towaste any time I need to do
something.
Ok, and that's either, you know, working with the lender to do
(17:51):
a loan modification or maybetrying to get the house listed.
You're, you're actuallyaccepting what's going on and
you take an action.
The stalling phase I see thatas denial.
The denial phase because oneyou're, you're shocked.
You're probably also like, oh,I got it handled.
(18:12):
However, you're not doinganything to handle it, but you
got to handle, so that I thinkthat's a good definition of
denial, would you agree?
Couture, it can be absolutelythe frantic stage, probably
(18:32):
angry.
That's where the time is of theessence.
You got to sell date, you gotserved papers through the
sheriff and now it's like, okay,all these emotions are coming
out because now you got tofigure out where you're going to
go from here.
(18:52):
So angry, the angry stage,probably a little bit of
depression as well, during thisphase.
Bargaining, I might want to putit back on the Stalin phase,
because you realize that you getready to lose something and
(19:15):
you're just trying to figure itout in your head, bargaining
with yourself like, oh, I thinkI have it under control, maybe
not, but then the last phase istoo late.
I mean that could be thedepression phase.
It's too late.
Your house has been sold backto the bank, yeah, so wherever
(19:37):
you are in the stage offoreclosure, there are resources
out there where you can gethelp.
Again, you can contact me.
I am a licensed real estateagent by Homes with Rose, so you
can reach out to me.
This is my niche, I mean.
And, couture, if someone needscounseling, are you available
(20:00):
for that, or do you haveresources where you can direct a
person, or how can one get incontact with you?
Speaker 2 (20:07):
If someone wants to contact me directly, I can be
reached at 984-266-3346.
And that is, you can leave amessage and we can talk about
how I may be best able to serveyour needs.
And the other thing I just wantto say is please don't forget
(20:31):
about the children, the childrenthat are definitely going to be
affected by this entire thingthat you may be going through.
Please reach out to a therapist.
There's child therapists outthere that can help Help your
child go through the emotionalstages.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Awesome.
I really do appreciate yourtime and providing this valuable
information.
Hopefully these homeowners getsit and will get assistance and
not be like me.
One good thing Couture is givenaway.
She broke down the differentstages of grief.
(21:12):
I would love to give that toyou.
However, you must go toforeclosure chroniclespodcastcom
to sign up for these bonuses.
You only can get this bonus ifyou sign up at
foreclosurechroniclespodcastcom.
Couture, thanks so much forbeing on the show.
(21:33):
Thank you, amy.
The views and opinions expressed on this
podcast are those of thepresenter and do not necessarily
reflect the views or positionof the podcast host.
Welcome back to another episodeof Forclosure Chronicles, where
we help homeowners that arefacing foreclosure with options
(00:42):
so that they can make the bestdecision for their situation or
exit the property with dignity.
Today I have a guest on thispodcast and she is a good friend
of mine.
She is a licensed clinicalsocial worker in a private
(01:03):
practice.
Welcome, couture Beckham.
Hello, how are you?
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Hi Amy.
Thank you so much for having meon this afternoon.
It's such a pleasure to be herewith you.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
I appreciate you being here, folks.
I invited Couture to be on thispodcast because there's
something that people don't talkabout and that's the emotions
that situated around going intoforeclosure.
And I can speak to that becauseback in the early 0809 era,
(01:41):
when everything hit bottom, Ilost some property and to this
day, it's like I just realized,couture, that I never dealt with
it, never dealt with theemotions.
It's like, okay, there goes theproperty in the foreclosure,
okay, had a file bankruptcy, butit's like I guess I was, so I
(02:04):
guess numb to it that I neverprocessed it.
So that's why I have her onhere, so you can learn how to
process it and she's going togive you some valuable
information.
Now, if you remember, if youlistened to our last episode, I
broke the foreclosure stage downto phases the handle in it
(02:27):
phase, the stalling phase, thefrantic phase and it's too late
phase.
So if you listen to whatCouture is going to bring, we're
going to tie this all togetherand hopefully, as a panic
homeowner, you can see yourselfin which stages that you are
Before we get to that Couture.
Tell us a little bit aboutyourself.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Thank you, amy.
I am a licensed clinical socialworker and I am the owner of
Rafa Kai, the Center for HealingArts and Therapy, and in that
role, in my role, I work withindividuals who are dealing with
grief, with loss of situationsall different kinds of avenues
(03:10):
that they come into me, theycome to me for and just trying
to get out or make it through atransition in their life.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Definitely, going through foreclosure is a
transition.
It is, it is.
So what gyms are you going todrop on us today?
Speaker 2 (03:30):
I think it's important to recognize that with
any loss there's an emotionalcomponent.
Whether it's something that youdeal with right away, or if you
are a person that putseverything aside and puts those
(03:51):
emotions to deal with later,they will still come back at
some point and they'll haunt you.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
So they will and I can truly say they are haunting
me now because I actuallybelieve not dealing with what I
went through in 0809 has what'sthe word I'm looking for has
pretty much stopped my progressto be the better version of me,
(04:21):
to come into my own, to work mypassion, because I feel that
stigma and stagnated.
I feel like I've been stagnatedand just now, like I said, I
just now realized maybe that'swhy I haven't moved forward in
my life, because I never dealtwith going into foreclosure,
(04:41):
losing the homes that I lost,because when you take a step
trying to better your life, it'slike something stops.
Something stops you, and Ithink that's what it was for me,
and I'm just speaking formyself, so maybe I'll learn to
get over this with what you'retelling us today.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
And you bring up a great point, amy.
We may not ever get over theactual grief, but there is a
process that we go through forgrieving.
So the grief in itself is thesituation that happened, that is
(05:23):
traumatic, that has caused youto remain stuck, and grieving is
that actual process that we gothrough in order to go through
the stages and come out on theother side.
For some individuals it canhappen relatively quickly.
Others it can take years to gothrough, and it's just
(05:46):
remembering that each of thesestages is something that you can
go through, these stages in anyway.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Like, in any order Correct.
It can be in any order.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
So, for instance, if I take you so, elizabeth
Kubler-Ross was an, a SwissAmerican psychiatrist who, back
in the day, introduced the fivestages of grief.
And it starts with denial.
So in the denial stage, this isthe stage where you can.
(06:21):
You don't really understand.
It's like I cannot believe thisis happening to me, and it's a
defense mechanism to cope withan overwhelming and overwhelming
emotion.
It's like, oh my God, I've lost, I'm about to lose, my house,
(06:43):
or I've lost something sosignificant to me, a
relationship, a pet.
You're in shock and it's just astated denial.
And then the second phase, orthe second stage, is anger.
So, as the reality of the lawsets in, you can become really
(07:04):
angry.
You can direct that angertowards yourself, like how could
I be so silly, how could I letthis happen?
Or you can direct it outwards,to others, becoming angry with
them, like thinking it's yourfault because you didn't do A, b
and C.
You didn't tell me you couldbecome angry with the bank.
Well, they never told me.
(07:25):
No one told me this.
You're on the phone with therepresentative, you're yelling
and you're screaming because youare angry.
Right, the third one, the thirdstage, is called bargaining, so
it's an attempt to regain,control or reverse the loss.
And it can look like makingpromises, like if you could just
(07:48):
get me out of this, I willnever let this happen again, or
if I get another chance, I cando A, b and C.
You're just trying to hold onto something that is lost, or
you are losing or transitioning,and it's scary.
(08:10):
The fourth stage is depression.
It is just where you experiencefeelings of helplessness,
isolation and deep sorrow.
Those are just some of thethings that you can experience.
Maybe you find that you'resleeping more.
You don't wanna deal with it.
That's all a form of depression.
So understanding that piece ofwhere you are in this process is
(08:36):
important.
And then the fifth one, thefinal one, is acceptance.
Okay, this has happened.
I've been in denial, I've beenangry.
I tried to bargain my way outof it.
I've become depressed because Ijust don't know what else to do
.
And now it's like, okay, I'mnot gonna do this.
(08:58):
And now it's like, okay, thishas happened.
How can I process theseemotions so I can begin to move
forward with my life?
Speaker 1 (09:13):
That's good stuff.
And you did again say thatthese can happen in any order.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
They can happen in any order.
You can be at the acceptancestage and then you can go back
to being angry.
You think that maybe you thinkthat you've processed all of
these emotions, and then youthink about the event again, the
actual event, the traumaticevent, and you can go through
(09:42):
the stages all over again.
You can go back to being angry,you can go back to depression,
you can go back to denial.
It can, it just continues tohappen.
But it's really aboutrecognizing what emotions you
are feeling and how to workthrough that specific phase that
(10:04):
you're in.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Okay, and just what are some ways that they can work
through it?
Do you have like some some?
Speaker 2 (10:14):
corners?
Absolutely, I would say, firstand foremost, reach out to
someone.
Believe it or not, you areprobably not the first person
that may have experienced thistraumatic event, and you won't
be the last one.
It sounds harsh, but you're notalone.
So reach out to someone,whether it is a trusted friend,
(10:39):
a family member, a therapist,someone who can just be there
with you through the process.
Now you may find that there arecertain individuals that you
may know would not be a goodperson to talk to.
Please don't go down that route.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
It could make you feel even worse, Right, like I
told you.
So I told you you shouldn'thave bought all those houses,
blah, blah, blah.
Or I told you you shouldn'thave.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
That's not what you need to hear at the time that
you're going through thistransition.
Yes, you did.
Maybe you did buy too manyhouses at this particular time.
Okay, that's water under thebridge.
What do I need to do with thispoint?
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Right, so just out of curiosity.
So if someone is going throughforeclosure our listener is
going through it right now atwhat point do you think they
should reach out to someone,like when they're totally behind
, Like they're like 90 days outand they're like, okay, I think
(11:49):
something's getting ready tohappen.
Or should they reach out tosomeone once they lost the house
?
I mean, do you think there'sthis particular time when a
homeowner should reach out tosomeone to start helping them go
through these stages, becausewe know they're going to go
through these stages, Right?
Speaker 2 (12:10):
each individual is very different.
Some individuals are betterexcuse me, are better with
handling certain stages.
They may not realize they're indenial, or they may not realize
that they're depressed.
I think it's important thatwhen there is a feeling, or
(12:35):
there's overwhelming feelings,that's when it's important to
reach out.
You may be so busy trying tokeep all of these different
processes up in the air, youdon't have time to stop and
breathe.
But when you do get that momentto stop and breathe, focus on
what you're feeling.
Focus on if it's overwhelmingfor you, if you feel it's
(12:58):
overwhelming, if you feel thatyou could use an independent
party to talk, to reach out to atherapist or reach out to
someone like you who can helpthem through the actual process,
and then, once they've gottenthrough this actual process
maybe that's afterward that theycan deal with the emotions
(13:18):
behind it, and then they can seea therapist, someone that they
can talk to.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
So let's switch gears , just briefly, cause, like I
said, these are homeowners.
Some of these homeowners havefamilies.
Let's talk a little bit aboutlike the children, cause I
totally believe that we probablyforget about the kids, but I
think they can sense somethinggoing on in the household,
(13:46):
especially when maybe mother,father they're not talking or
someone looks like they're beingsecretive.
So can we talk a little bitabout like, the emotions of how
to handle if you have children.
Should we discuss things withthe child, say, hey, this is
what's going on.
Can you speak on that a littlebit?
(14:08):
You?
Speaker 2 (14:08):
bring up a really good point, amy.
Even though, as parents,sometimes they feel that they
want to shield their childrenand everything is age dependent
they may want to shield theirchild from what is actually
going on.
But what they may notunderstand is that a child not
(14:30):
only picks up on what is said,but they're going to pick up on
the emotional cues A child cansense when a parent may be shut
down or when something is notright.
And they may not.
That child may not act out inthe house because of all of
these emotions that are going on.
(14:51):
They may act out in school.
And then the parents maybestart getting these phone calls
that your child is doing this inschool, your child is yelling,
your child seems to be depressed.
I mean, I think it's reallyimportant that the parent
(15:12):
reaches out to support thesupport that's available within
the school to that counselor,just letting them know that, hey
, there's a situation that'sgoing on in the house and my
child may begin to display A, band C emotions.
Or maybe the counselor can bethe one to say, hey, this is
(15:33):
what I'm recognizing in yourchild, who was an A student and
is now not turning in the work,appears to be fearful is crying
in school.
So just being able to have thatcommunication in place is
really important, and the goalis to you want to protect your
child, but you also want tounderstand.
(16:00):
How realistic can you really bein doing that?
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Are we causing more harm than good by remaining
silent and could a child begoing through these five stages
of grief as well?
And of course, the parent can'tpick up on it, because they're.
They too are probably goingthrough the same thing.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
I personally believe.
Yes, I personally believe itcan be.
It's with a divorce, a child,even when two parents are
divorcing, a child goes throughthe emotions, this emotional
trauma that's going on betweenthe parents.
The child doesn't know where heor she fits.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
OK, that's, that's good.
That's good information.
Thank you, so much Couture.
So so homeowners my pant, myhomeowners that are going
through foreclosure, please takeheed to what Couture is saying.
Don't be like me and figure itout like 18 plus years.
(17:04):
I have many years later that,oh, I think that's why I'm not
moving forward, or I should havedealt with that.
You definitely want torecognize and at least get some
help.
So let's kind of relate this tothis, let's bring this all
together, related to thetimeline that I gave last week.
(17:27):
So the handling that phase, ofcourse, that's the phase where
you pretty much are, you're incontrol and I like to put that
in, as I think that acceptancewould be a good place for that
Because you're accepting thefact OK, something's happening.
Ok, now I need I'm not going towaste any time I need to do
something.
Ok, and that's either, you know, working with the lender to do
(17:51):
a loan modification or maybetrying to get the house listed.
You're, you're actuallyaccepting what's going on and
you take an action.
The stalling phase I see thatas denial.
The denial phase because oneyou're, you're shocked.
You're probably also like, oh,I got it handled.
(18:12):
However, you're not doinganything to handle it, but you
got to handle, so that I thinkthat's a good definition of
denial, would you agree?
Couture, it can be absolutelythe frantic stage, probably
(18:32):
angry.
That's where the time is of theessence.
You got to sell date, you gotserved papers through the
sheriff and now it's like, okay,all these emotions are coming
out because now you got tofigure out where you're going to
go from here.
(18:52):
So angry, the angry stage,probably a little bit of
depression as well, during thisphase.
Bargaining, I might want to putit back on the Stalin phase,
because you realize that you getready to lose something and
(19:15):
you're just trying to figure itout in your head, bargaining
with yourself like, oh, I thinkI have it under control, maybe
not, but then the last phase istoo late.
I mean that could be thedepression phase.
It's too late.
Your house has been sold backto the bank, yeah, so wherever
(19:37):
you are in the stage offoreclosure, there are resources
out there where you can gethelp.
Again, you can contact me.
I am a licensed real estateagent by Homes with Rose, so you
can reach out to me.
This is my niche, I mean.
And, couture, if someone needscounseling, are you available
(20:00):
for that, or do you haveresources where you can direct a
person, or how can one get incontact with you?
Speaker 2 (20:07):
If someone wants to contact me directly, I can be
reached at 984-266-3346.
And that is, you can leave amessage and we can talk about
how I may be best able to serveyour needs.
And the other thing I just wantto say is please don't forget
(20:31):
about the children, the childrenthat are definitely going to be
affected by this entire thingthat you may be going through.
Please reach out to a therapist.
There's child therapists outthere that can help Help your
child go through the emotionalstages.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Awesome.
I really do appreciate yourtime and providing this valuable
information.
Hopefully these homeowners getsit and will get assistance and
not be like me.
One good thing Couture is givenaway.
She broke down the differentstages of grief.
(21:12):
I would love to give that toyou.
However, you must go toforeclosure chroniclespodcastcom
to sign up for these bonuses.
You only can get this bonus ifyou sign up at
foreclosurechroniclespodcastcom.
Couture, thanks so much forbeing on the show.
(21:33):
Thank you, amy.
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