Fear, Faith, And Foster Parenting

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Fear loves to whisper what if, especially to foster and adoptive parents who carry heavy stories and real responsibilities. We open up about the moments when panic tries to take over- late-night spirals, hard court dates, and those small behaviors that feel like previews of a grim future- and we share the better way: a posture rooted in grace, curiosity, and steady faith. Nicole unpacks how 2 Timothy 1:7 offers more than comfort; it gives a blueprint for parenting with power, love, and a sound mind, even when the stakes are high.

You’ll hear a vivid story about a child’s “sticky fingers” that flips catastrophe into calling, reminding us to look beneath behaviors for gifts and needs. We talk about advocacy in the system- how to prepare, speak clearly, and hold boundaries without losing kindness- and why acting from panic rarely serves kids well. We also step into the deep waters of unsafe seasons, telling the truth about fear while describing the surprising peace that shows up in God’s presence. The picture of Stephen in Acts 7, and Jesus standing, reframes suffering with awe and invites us to trade bitterness for grace-filled courage.

Throughout, we weave in practical tools: pause before reacting, ask a curious question, pray a one-line prayer, rehearse God’s track record, and anchor your mind in passages like Isaiah 41:10 and John 14:27. If you’ve ever felt stuck in what if thinking or tempted to over-control, this conversation offers a calmer path and grounded hope. Subscribe, share with a foster or adoptive friend, and tell us: where has God turned your fear into faith? Your story may be the encouragement someone needs today.

Connect with me on Instagram:
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:09):
Welcome to the Foster Parent Well Podcast,
where we have real, candid,faith-filled conversations about
all things foster care,adoption, and trauma.
I'm your host, Nicole T.
Barlow.
I'm a certified parent trainer,a certified health coach, and an
adaptive parent myself.
This is a space where you canfind support so that you can

(00:29):
care for your kids with asteadfast faith, endurance, and
joy.
I want you to foster parentwell.
So let's jump in.

(01:03):
We're gonna dive right in today.
So I've noticed some commonthemes popping up lately, and
one that keeps making anappearance is fear.
We touched on it a little in thelast episode when we talked
about God's faithfulness, buttoday I want to dig a little
deeper into how fear creeps inso easily for parents on this
journey.

(01:23):
2 Timothy 1.7 says, For God hasnot given us a spirit of fear,
but of power and of love and ofa sound mind.
So why is it that fear stillcomes up so much?
I hear it all the time frompeople who are just starting to
think about stepping into fostercare.
Well, what if I get tooattached?
What if I can't handle all thebehaviors?

(01:45):
What if it hurts my biologicalkids?
But y'all honestly, even aftermore than a decade on this
journey, fear still pops up forme too.
For me, it usually looks likecatastrophizing.
That's taking one smile smallbehavior and spiraling it like
15 years into the future.

(02:05):
Let me give you an example.
I've got one kid who has what Iwill lovingly call sticky
fingers.
Uh, they tend to take littlethings from others and hide
them.
I mean, nothing of value.
And honestly, most of the timethey tell in themselves, but my
mind immediately goes to, oh no,this child's gonna end up in

(02:26):
jail one day.
Now, y'all, this child isn'teven a teenager yet.
Their brain is still developing,their faith is still growing,
but I see one small action and Ifear for the future.
The Lord reminded me recently ofa day when this particular child
came to me and said, Hey, mom,I'm hiding some stuff.

(02:47):
You want to know where it is?
So we go and look, and sureenough, it's just random
trinkets from around the house.
I asked, but but why?
And they said, Because I'm goodat it.
Now, this is usually the cuewhere my mind jumps straight to
the jail cell, right?
Uh, but I paused and I askedanother question.

(03:08):
Why is it important that you'regood at taking things and hiding
them from others?
And their response absolutelystopped me in my tracks.
They said, Well, if I lived in acountry where they didn't allow
Bibles, I could hide Bibles.
And in that moment, I wasreminded, you guys, God can use
anything for his glory.

(03:31):
When I fear the future based onwhat I see right now, I'm
leaving the Lord out of thestory.
I'm acting like what's happeningin front of me is completely
separate from the spiritualworld, but it's not.
When I react to those behaviorsout of fear, y'all, I tend to
overreact quite a bit.

(03:52):
Uh, I try to control, to fix it,to nip it in the bud, you know.
Um, and instead of stepping backto ask, God, what are you
showing me here?
What gifting might beunderneath, might be underneath
this, right?
What need is this behaviorexpressing?
Instead of staying curious,instead of asking those

(04:14):
questions, I go straight tooverreaction.
And y'all, the same is true inadvocacy when we're advocating
for our kids in the court systemand uh with the state, right?
When we act out of fear, whetherit's fear of the system, it's
fear of our loss or their loss,it's fear of failure, we don't

(04:36):
often respond in grace andtruth.
We tend to respond out of panicand emotion.
I've watched so many potentialfoster parents walk away out of
fear, you guys.
Fear of white what might come.
And they miss out on so much.
But what if we changed ourmindset to match the word of

(04:59):
God?
What if we trusted him in allthings?
What if we walked into everysituation expecting to see the
miracles that he's going to do?
What if we stepped out insteadof in fear, but we stepped out
in faith and expectation?

(05:20):
Y'all, this isn't about likesugarcoating things or just kind
of glossing over the hard.
Y'all know me better than thatif you've been around here for
any time at all.
But this is about recognizingthat we know the God of the
universe.
Two of the hardest seasons ofour journey have also been the
ones where I've experienced themost peace.

(05:44):
A piece I can't even describe.
The kind of peace that trulysurpasses all understanding.
One of those was watching areunification.
It was, y'all, it was areunification where we felt like
it was still really unsafe.
And as that played out, it didend up being really unsafe.
Um, another one of those timeswas a really tough situation for

(06:08):
us where our whole family unitwas in danger.
And we were actually having toplan out where our kids would go
if something happened to us.
Like to the point where we weremaking phone calls because we
thought that danger wasimminent.

(06:28):
In the second event, I rememberuh taking a walk and just kind
of processing with the Lord allthat was going on and the things
that we were in fear of.
Um, and I had this calm andpeace that I had never known
before.
Y'all, it was a joy and asatisfaction, even in this

(06:51):
acceptance that our family wasin real harm's way.
Um, it almost made that timegood.
In fact, it was good.
I mean, it was still hard, butit was good because the Lord
covered us with his grace.
It kind of reminds me of thestory of Stephen in Acts 7.

(07:13):
Um, even as he's being stoned todeath.
So, Stephen, if you're notfamiliar with the story, was the
very first martyr of theChristian church.
And as he's being stoned todeath, um, the the Lord opens up
the heavens and and he can see,right?
Um, so even as he's being stonedto death, scripture says his

(07:36):
face looked like that of anangel.
He wasn't filled with fear orbitterness or anger, he was
filled with grace.
The Lord covered him in such aperfect peace that he could look
up and see heaven opened.
He could see the glory of God.
And y'all, he even could forgivethe people throwing the stones.

(07:59):
That kind of joy and calmdoesn't come from human
strength, it comes from beingcompletely wrapped in the
presence of God.
And y'all, this is kind of aside note to that story.
If you haven't read that story,go back and read it.
I remember a couple of yearsago, there was a Bible teacher.

(08:19):
Her name is Paige Brown.
She's out of Nashville, um,Tennessee.
And um, she was telling thestory of Stephen, and she said,
I want you to look at something.
She goes, because there'ssomething there that I've never
seen before, and I saw it thistime.
And so she's teaching thispassage of scripture, and it

(08:42):
talks about how the heavensopened up and Stephen saw Jesus
standing at the right hand ofGod.
You guys, what is Jesus alwaysdoing?
He's always sitting at the righthand of God.
But when the heavens opened upfor Stephen, Stephen saw Jesus

(09:07):
standing, standing there.
It's like he was welcoming himin, that he was ready to usher
Stephen into heaven and say,Good job, well done, my good and
faithful servant.
You guys, how miraculous isthat?
How amazing is that?
So if you if you get a minutetoday, stop, go back, read Acts

(09:31):
7, read through it, read thestory yourself, and underline
the part where Jesus is standingthere waiting for Stephen.
But as the heavens open for him,as the Lord's grace just covers
him, he's not filled with fearin that moment.
He's filled with awe.
He's filled with wonder.

(09:52):
And that's what God's grace doesfor us too.
Even in our hardest moments,when everything around us feels
painful or unfair, his graceallows us to see beyond the
chaos.
It's a chance to glimpse at theeternal and to remember that he
is with us and to rest in thepeace of what we're stepping

(10:15):
into because he's already gonebefore us.
Y'all, when I finally stoppedtrying to control everything and
started trusting God's grace wasactually enough, I realized that
I didn't have to live in fearanymore.
Well, at least in those momentswhere I did that, I didn't live
in fear anymore.
I still struggle with this heartposture every single day.

(10:39):
Because if we really understoodthe power of God's grace, why
would we ever fear?
If we trusted that his grace issufficient for today, and even
more than sufficient, then whatwould we ever worry about?
It reminds me of the Israelitesstanding on the edge of the
promised land.
They'd seen God part the RedSea, right?

(11:02):
They'd seen manna fall from thesky.
His provision cared for them theentire time.
They'd sent, they had alreadyseen him defeat armies on their
behalf.
And yet, when they saw thegiants in the land, they were
terrified.
They forgot who their God was.

(11:22):
Numbers 14 tells us that theycried out and said, If only we
had died in Egypt.
And I think how often do we dothat exact same thing?
How often I walk in fear, evenwhen God has already proven his
faithfulness, time and timeagain.
But Caleb and Joshua stood upand said, The Lord is with us,
do not be afraid.

(11:44):
That's the posture I want tolive in.
An expectation instead ofanxiety, trust instead of
control, and faith instead offear.
Isaiah 41, 10 reminds us, fearnot, for I am with you.
Be not dismayed, for I am yourGod.
I will strengthen you, I willhelp you, I will uphold you with

(12:08):
my righteous right hand.
And John 14, 27 says, Peace Ileave with you, my peace I give
to you.
Not as the world gives, do Igive to you.
Let not your hearts be troubled,neither let them be afraid.
When we truly rest in thatpeace, when we trust that his

(12:29):
grace is enough, y'all that fearloses its grip.
So, friend, whatever you'refacing today, whatever fear
keeps whispering, what if?
Remember, God has not given youa spirit of fear.
He's given you power, he's givenyou love, he's given you a sound

(12:50):
mind.
You don't have to react.
You can make good decisions froma sound mind.
Let's walk forward today inexpectation of what he's going
to do, of all that we're goingto get to see him do.
Let's pray as we wrap up today.
Father, thank you for remindingus that you are bigger than

(13:13):
every fear we carry.
Forgive us for the times thatwe've tried to control outcomes
instead of trusting you.
Help us to see our children andevery single challenge through
your eyes.
When fear tries to creep in,replace it with your peace that
surpasses all understanding.

(13:33):
Strengthen our hearts to walk infaith and expectation, knowing
that your grace is sufficientfor every single day.
We love you, Lord.
We trust you.
In Jesus' name, Amen.