October 15, 2025 • 24 mins
Some days the unknowns feel louder than our confidence. So we’re naming the five big seasons of foster care- the call, the waiting, the daily work, the transitions, and the surprises- and getting honest about where fear shows up, where systems fall short, and where hope quietly grows. I share the moments that recalibrated my own heart: a gas‑station “sign” that nudged a family forward, the paper airplane that carried a thank‑you down our laundry chute, and a room full of professionals learning TBRI to serve kids better.
We unpack the practical side of faithfulness, too. Waiting turns into preparation when we build rhythms that hold under stress, from simple sensory and regulation tools to predictable routines that help our kids feel safe. Daily trauma‑informed parenting gets specific...co‑regulation before correction, choices that matter, quick repairs after missteps- because progress often hides inside small, ordinary acts. We also talk about advocating across systems with patience and precision, finding allies in schools, courts, agencies, and community groups who are ready to change how kids are supported.
Transitions and surprises test our grip on control, so we walk through reunification, adoption, grief, and the unexpected paths that follow. Trust becomes active: blessing goodbyes with dignity, keeping memory, and practicing flexible presence when plans shift. Through it all, we return to one steady truth- God’s character doesn’t wobble when outcomes do. If this conversation gives you oxygen for the week, tap follow, share it with a foster or adoptive parent who needs hope, and leave a quick review so more families can find this space.
Connect with me on Instagram:
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:09):
Welcome to the Foster Parent Well Podcast,
where we have real, candid,faith-filled conversations about
all things foster care,adoption, and trauma.
I'm your host, Nicole T.
Barlow.
I'm a certified parent trainer,a certified health coach, and an
adaptive parent myself.
This is a space where you canfind support so that you can
(00:29):
care for your kids with asteadfast faith, endurance, and
joy.
I want you to foster parentwell.
So let's jump in.
SPEAKER_01 (00:59):
And if this is your very first time listening,
welcome.
This is a space where we talkabout foster care, adoption,
parenting kids from hard places,and also how we care for
ourselves in the middle of itall.
I'll be honest, right up front,my voice is still a little raspy
today, even worse than uh theweek before last.
(01:20):
Um, I've been sick, and youknow, life doesn't exactly pause
for us when that happens.
Parenting, ministry, healthcoaching, all the hats, none of
them really wait for mom to feelbetter.
So if you hear a little scratchin my voice or I sound a little
more nasally than usual, um,just have a little grace for me,
(01:43):
please.
Um, know that I'm right herewith you in the messy real parts
of this journey.
And honestly, that feels fittingbecause if foster care has
taught me anything, it's thatGod doesn't wait until we're
polished to use us.
He works right in the middle ofall of this messy, doesn't he?
Um, so I have had quite a fewlisteners reach out lately,
(02:07):
sharing their hearts and justthe seasons that they are in on
this journey.
And I've noticed a common theme,and it really stretches across
uh just about everyone that hasreached out lately, whether
they're just considering fostercare or adoption, or they have
been in it for years, and it'sthis that we we all need to be
(02:27):
reminded from time to time ofGod's faithfulness.
As believers, we often talkabout how we believe in God's
faithfulness, his goodness, hissovereignty.
But on this journey, as weparent children from hard
places, it can be really, reallyhard to actually walk in that
belief day in and day out.
(02:48):
So I want to start with thisanchor verse today.
Um, it's Psalm 145.13.
The Lord is faithful to all hispromises and loving toward all
he has made.
So let's just take a second andlet that sink in.
His faithfulness isn't up anddown like our circumstances.
(03:10):
It's steady, it's unchanging,it's always true.
And when we're in a season thatfeels overwhelming or uncertain,
that reminder that he isfaithful, that can be like
oxygen for us.
You know, the foster carejourney is really made up of so
many seasons.
(03:31):
There's the call, that momentwhere you feel God tugging on
your heart to step in.
Um, there's that waiting season,which can stretch a lot longer
than you ever imagined.
Um, then there's the daily grindof parenting through trauma, the
exhaustion, the appointments,the big feelings.
Um, and of course, there's thegoodbyes and the reunifications.
(03:54):
And sometimes there's somesurprises along the way, um,
maybe adoption, maybe ongoingconnection with biological
families, or stepping intoadvocacy roles you never
pictured for yourself.
Here's the truth (04:07):
every one of those seasons holds both beauty
and brokenness.
God is faithful in each andevery stage.
So let's break that down andchat about ways that I
personally have seen God'sfaithfulness lately in these
seasons.
And maybe you can recall somesimilar stories of your own that
(04:30):
remind you of God'sfaithfulness.
So, first there's the call.
It can be so hard to step outinto the unknown.
Um, it sounds exciting when youtalk about it in hindsight, but
when you're standing there atthe beginning, staring into the
unknown, not knowing what'sahead of you, it can feel
terrifying.
(04:50):
You're stepping into a world youdon't fully understand.
How can you?
You know there will bebrokenness, you know there will
be challenges, and you can'tcontrol what the outcome will
look like.
And that is very scary.
I think that's where fear creepsin for so many of us.
What if I'm not enough?
What if I get too attached?
(05:11):
What if I don't know how to helpa child that has experienced
trauma?
What if I fail?
But here's the truth we have tohold on to God.
Hebrews 13, 21 says he willequip you with every good,
everything good for doing hiswill.
(05:32):
Not just sub things, everythinggood.
That doesn't mean we'll alwaysfeel ready.
Honestly, most of the time we wereally don't.
Um, but it does mean that thegaps we see in ourselves are the
very places where God shows upwith his strength.
Even when we feel like we don'thave what it takes, he does.
(05:55):
He fills in where we lack, youguys.
He is faithful to even do thatcalling.
If you think about what it takesthat God personally called you
to this ministry, that he tuggedon your heart.
I have a friend of mine um atchurch.
(06:15):
Uh, she already works within ourfoster care ministry, um,
leading some volunteers andthings.
But in their personal feeling,they've been praying about
stepping into foster care inthis season.
They have done it before,they've adopted from foster care
before, but they have kind ofbeen toying with the idea of
stepping into foster care again.
(06:38):
Um, and so they've been prayingabout it.
Well, our pastor a couple ofweeks back uh did a sermon and
was just talking about it'sworth the risk, right?
Stepping out.
And he called our church toreally pray into those spaces,
pray into the spaces of what isGod calling you to in this
(06:59):
season.
And so they did.
They were talking about that asa family, praying about that as
a family.
Um, and they were on a road tripand they stopped at a gas
station and she got out of whereshe parked at the gas station,
and there was literally a signthat said become a foster
parent.
Um, and she said, you know, wehad been praying for a sign and
(07:24):
we got out of the car, and thereliterally was a sign right after
we were talking about that thatsaid, Become a foster parent.
Um and I thought, what a gift.
She sent me the picture of thesign.
It was so funny.
Um, but what a gift that thatshe was asking for a sign and
God provided her a literal sign.
(07:46):
Now, I don't, I don't think thathe gives all of us a literal
sign when we get out of our carthat says become a foster parent
or adopt a child, right?
Um, but I do think he isfaithful to answer us when we
ask him what his will is, whenwe ask him for discernment, I
(08:06):
think he's faithful to providethat.
That's the beautiful thing aboutthe call.
You guys, it's not about us umhaving to be brave enough or
strong enough or wise enoughwhen we believe that it is
obedience in listening to himbecause we know what he has
(08:28):
purposed us to do, um, then it'sjust about saying yes to God and
then watching him be faithful toequip us in ways we couldn't
imagine.
If you are in this season andyou're unsure of your direction,
ask for clarity.
I know, just like with myfriend, God will answer.
(08:49):
And if the answer is clear, youjust are scared to take the
leap, really step out in faith.
Trust that God is faithful andit is well worth the risk.
Okay, so the next season, afteryou step into this and you say
yes and you answer the call, wego through a season of waiting a
(09:11):
lot of times.
And waiting is hard.
It feels like wasted time.
But in Isaiah 40, 31, um, itsays, those who wait on the Lord
will renew their strength.
So what if we shifted ourmindset from waiting to
preparation?
God is shaping us, even when thephone is quiet and the house
(09:33):
feels so still.
I'm not sure that personally weexperienced that waiting part,
at least not in our firstplacement when we first got into
foster care.
Um, once we said yes, it kind offelt like everything happened
really, really fast.
I mean, we got a placement 24hours after we got approved.
Um, but I know that's not thecase for everyone.
(09:55):
And what a gift it is to begiven time to research trauma
and trauma-informed practiceslike TBRI, trust-based
relational intervention, or tohave time to establish spiritual
and physical disciplines, orjust time to pray and have God
prepare your heart for theseason to come.
(10:15):
It may not feel like it, butthat time really is a gift
because there will come a timewhen you don't have extra time,
right?
Those of us that are already inthe thick of it, we know that
that time really is a gift foryou to be able to prepare.
So looking at that season ofwaiting, instead of looking at
(10:39):
it as waiting, really looking atit as a time of preparation.
Which brings us to when thattime of waiting ends and you do
get placed with a child, um,that's when the daily struggle
begins.
And this is where most of uslive.
Lamentations 3, 22 through 23reminds us that his mercies are
(11:03):
new every morning.
And when we're in the thick oftrauma parenting, sometimes it
feels like nothing is changing.
We often can't see the progresswe're making when we're bogged
down in the midst of survivaland chaos.
Y'all, but just this week, Godgave me a little glimpse of that
progress that we're making inour own household.
(11:26):
This week we found a paperairplane.
Uh, so we have a one of our kidshas a laundry chute in their
room.
And this child sent a paperairplane down the laundry chute
in order to deliver a letter tomy husband and myself.
Um, and it was just so sweet.
(11:47):
It it basically is saying, itsays, I want to take a moment to
thank you for investing Christin me.
Um, and I'm so glad that I haveyou as parents.
And y'all, this is a child wherewe have been pouring in for
many, many years.
Um, we've been pouring in thegospel, we've been pouring in
(12:08):
Christ, we've been pouringourselves in, right?
To help the to help this childunderstand that rules and
structure and guidance are fortheir good.
Um, but but it has taken a very,very long time to get to the
point where they're starting toappreciate it.
(12:30):
And still, they don't alwaysappreciate it.
I'm not saying that that's thecase, but we're starting to see
glimpses of fruit from thoseyears and years and years of
investing.
And what a gift to be able tosee some of that little fruit,
because I don't think we alwayssee those moments.
(12:51):
It doesn't always come in apaper airplane note that says,
thank you.
I'm so thankful that you're ourparents.
Um, right.
I mean, y'all, and know that mykids are not always thankful
either.
I mean, last night's one of mykids was screaming at me that
that I'm so mean and I'm unfairand all the things.
(13:11):
So it comes on both sides, butdeep down, I really do think
that the investment that we aremaking as parents, and I know
this is true of you too, thatthe investment that we are
making as parents is sowingseeds that's developing, even
though we might not always seethe fruit um right off the bat.
(13:33):
Progress really often hidesinside the small, faithful
moments.
So, what are we pouring in dayin and day out that eventually
is going to bear fruit?
And that's, you guys, that'strue for the system too.
I mean, um, you know, we seechaos in the system so often our
(13:53):
struggles that we face every dayare not necessarily with our
kids at all, but with thesystems that are meant to
protect them.
Um, and those systems mayactually be causing harm, you
know, like things like schoolsystems that don't understand
trauma and their systems anddisciplinary tactics may be
(14:14):
contrary to what our kids need,or even the foster care or
adoption systems as a whole, andthe harm that it does to kids
when people aren't necessarilylooking out for the best
interest of our kids all thetime.
Um, our struggle and the chaosthat we see, that might actually
(14:36):
be our daily struggle.
That might not may be wherewe're not seeing progress on a
regular basis.
But even in that, y'all, in thepast week or two, I have been
blown away by some of the thingsthat I have seen.
Last week I helped out at aTBRI.
Y'all, TBRI, if you do not know,TBRI is trust-based relational
(15:00):
intervention.
Um, so I am a TBRI practitionerand I helped out at a TBRI
practitioner training.
That means it's professionalsthat are learning these
trauma-informed practices to beable to help kids that have
experienced previous trauma orprevious harm.
(15:22):
And so you have people that arecoming together for this TBRI
practitioner training from allover the world, right?
But they're coming fromdifferent sectors too.
Like there are people from theschool systems that are there,
there are people from the courtsthat are there, there are people
from um, you know, the state andfoster care that are there,
(15:46):
there are different agencies andgroup homes, y'all, that are all
learning these trauma-informedpractices so that they can serve
kids better.
And you see, I mean, I got tosit around all of these people
and see what they're doing forkids in our community, to see
what they're doing to makechange within the systems that,
(16:09):
you know, that we operate.
Um, and it gave me so much hope.
And I just thought, God, you arefaithful.
You are making change in theseareas even when we don't
necessarily see it.
Um, but it is good and it isthere.
God is moving even amongst theorganizations and the systems
(16:33):
that surround our kids.
So we can trust that he isfaithful in that.
We can advocate for change, wecan educate others for change.
I'm not saying don't do any ofthat, but also we can trust that
he's faithful even in thatchaos.
He is sovereign even over thatchaos.
(16:56):
Um, so it was just such a giftto see this past week and how
many people really are comingtogether, how many communities
are really coming together tomake change for children that
need hope.
Um, okay, so then another seasonthat we often face in foster
care, where sometimes it can behard to remember that God is
(17:19):
faithful, is the transitions.
When kids reunify or they moveon to another home, um, God's
sovereignty doesn't change.
Proverbs three, five through sixcalls us to trust him with our
whole hearts.
And I'm if I'm being real, therehave been times when I've asked
God why?
Why did these kids go home whenit wasn't safe yet?
(17:42):
Why we couldn't, why couldn't webe there forever, family?
Um, saying I trust God's plan iseasy, right?
It's easy to read the Bible andgo, yes, I trust you, Lord.
But do I actually living it outwhen the stakes are so, so high
for the people I love and forme, that's the hard part.
(18:03):
But faith is believing withoutseeing you guys.
But it is so hard.
Um, I've done a lot of wrestlingover the years with God on this
one, and I will tell you, he hasbeen faithful to me to build up
my faith in him.
And so I can say in most ofthose areas, not that there's
(18:25):
moments where I don't go why Idon't understand God, but for
the most part, I trust him.
I trust his plan.
I trust that he knows betterthan me, that he can see ahead,
that I cannot, and that I canfully rely on him that he is
good, that he is for me, andthat he is for the kids that are
(18:48):
in my home.
All right.
And the last little season thatwe're gonna talk about is the
surprises that pop up.
Um, those are the unexpectedadoptions, the unexpected
relationships with biofamily,the advocacy opportunities.
I've said this before, um, butit's worth saying again, I'm
(19:10):
pretty sure that God handpicksall the control freaks and he
drops them into foster care inorder to sanctify it out of us.
Um, and as a recovering ortrying to be recovering control
freak myself, y'all, I don'tlike surprises.
Um, but foster care andadoption, those journeys are
always full of them.
(19:31):
Things never go as planned, atleast not how I planned for them
to go.
Ephesians 3 20 says he can doimmeasurably more than all we
ask or imagine.
And it's true.
This journey is harder, but it'salso more beautiful than
anything I had planned.
(19:53):
It reminds me of flowers.
When you're pulling the weedsout of the garden, y'all, and I
don't garden, but I imagine thatthis is true.
And the few times that I havetried to plant some things, uh,
this is true.
All you see is dirt and sweatand bugs and work, which is why
I don't like to garden you guys.
But then one day that bloompushes through, and you realize
(20:17):
beauty was being formed in thehidden places all along, right?
It was growing deep in thatsoil.
So all of these surprises areopportunities to lean into God.
It's actually there to buildtrust and to build intimacy and
dependency on him.
It is his grace towards us,these things that pop up.
(20:39):
It keeps us from thinking thatwe can walk this road without
him.
And it reminds us that we needhim for every breath we take.
These surprises are the verything that him us into his arms
and his protection.
Because as we lean in, as wedraw closer to him, our faith
grows and our desires for thethings of this world, they fade
(21:03):
a little.
Um, and what a gift that is thathe pulls us closer, that he
doesn't leave us where sometimeswe want to be, right?
But he pulls us in to protect usand to guard us and to draw us
closer to him.
So I want to ask you, what'syour faithfulness moment?
(21:26):
What are those moments in yourstory where you can look back
and you can see God's hand, evenif it didn't make sense at the
time?
Those moments become anchors forus when we're in the storms
again.
So write those things down as areminder to look back on when
things get tough.
Here's what I want to for you totake with you today.
(21:48):
Um, foster care is full ofunknowns, but God's character
does not change.
His faithfulness isn't dependenton outcomes.
It's not tied to whetherreunification happens or
adoption or what the caseworkerdecides.
His faithfulness is tied to hisnature.
It is who he is.
(22:10):
And the pressure is off.
You and I are not responsiblefor fixing everything.
We are responsible for showingup, being faithful in the small
daily ways that we serve.
And God, He does all the lastingwork.
So here's what I want you to trythis week: a couple of things.
(22:31):
Number one is to journal.
Write down at least one way thatyou've seen God's faithfulness
this week, even if it feelssmall, and get in the habit of
doing this so that you can lookback on those things, those
glimpses of his faithfulnessalong the way.
Pray.
Thank him for the ways he's beenfaithful in your past and ask
(22:53):
him to make his presence clearin your day.
Um, I know so often when we'relooking around, like we can
choose to see the messy or wecan choose to see God's hand and
his sovereignty and everything.
So really look for where has hebeen faithful?
Look for those moments.
(23:14):
Um, and then share with somebodyelse.
Tell another foster or adoptiveparent a faithfulness story.
You never know how muchencouragement your story might
bring to them.
It might give them the hope thatthey need to cling on to until
they have their own faithfulnessstory built up.
Friends, no matter where youare, the call, the waiting, the
(23:38):
struggles, the transitions, orthe surprises, God's
faithfulness holds.
If this episode encouraged you,would you share it with another
foster parent or leave a review?
That helps so much in gettingthe word out.
And come connect with me onsocial media.
You can find me on Instagram atNicole T.
Barlow.
I love hearing your stories.
(24:00):
Let's close with a prayer today.
Lord, we thank you for yourunchanging faithfulness.
In every season, whether we feelsteady or completely
overwhelmed, you remain thesame.
Strengthen every parentlistening today.
Give them courage for dailytasks, give them peace in the
(24:21):
waiting and hope in thetransitions.
Thank you, Lord, for holding ourstories and the stories of the
children that we love.
We love you, we trust you.
In Jesus' name.
Amen.
Welcome to the Foster Parent Well Podcast,
where we have real, candid,faith-filled conversations about
all things foster care,adoption, and trauma.
I'm your host, Nicole T.
Barlow.
I'm a certified parent trainer,a certified health coach, and an
adaptive parent myself.
This is a space where you canfind support so that you can
(00:29):
care for your kids with asteadfast faith, endurance, and
joy.
I want you to foster parentwell.
So let's jump in.
SPEAKER_01 (00:59):
And if this is your very first time listening,
welcome.
This is a space where we talkabout foster care, adoption,
parenting kids from hard places,and also how we care for
ourselves in the middle of itall.
I'll be honest, right up front,my voice is still a little raspy
today, even worse than uh theweek before last.
(01:20):
Um, I've been sick, and youknow, life doesn't exactly pause
for us when that happens.
Parenting, ministry, healthcoaching, all the hats, none of
them really wait for mom to feelbetter.
So if you hear a little scratchin my voice or I sound a little
more nasally than usual, um,just have a little grace for me,
(01:43):
please.
Um, know that I'm right herewith you in the messy real parts
of this journey.
And honestly, that feels fittingbecause if foster care has
taught me anything, it's thatGod doesn't wait until we're
polished to use us.
He works right in the middle ofall of this messy, doesn't he?
Um, so I have had quite a fewlisteners reach out lately,
(02:07):
sharing their hearts and justthe seasons that they are in on
this journey.
And I've noticed a common theme,and it really stretches across
uh just about everyone that hasreached out lately, whether
they're just considering fostercare or adoption, or they have
been in it for years, and it'sthis that we we all need to be
(02:27):
reminded from time to time ofGod's faithfulness.
As believers, we often talkabout how we believe in God's
faithfulness, his goodness, hissovereignty.
But on this journey, as weparent children from hard
places, it can be really, reallyhard to actually walk in that
belief day in and day out.
(02:48):
So I want to start with thisanchor verse today.
Um, it's Psalm 145.13.
The Lord is faithful to all hispromises and loving toward all
he has made.
So let's just take a second andlet that sink in.
His faithfulness isn't up anddown like our circumstances.
(03:10):
It's steady, it's unchanging,it's always true.
And when we're in a season thatfeels overwhelming or uncertain,
that reminder that he isfaithful, that can be like
oxygen for us.
You know, the foster carejourney is really made up of so
many seasons.
(03:31):
There's the call, that momentwhere you feel God tugging on
your heart to step in.
Um, there's that waiting season,which can stretch a lot longer
than you ever imagined.
Um, then there's the daily grindof parenting through trauma, the
exhaustion, the appointments,the big feelings.
Um, and of course, there's thegoodbyes and the reunifications.
(03:54):
And sometimes there's somesurprises along the way, um,
maybe adoption, maybe ongoingconnection with biological
families, or stepping intoadvocacy roles you never
pictured for yourself.
Here's the truth (04:07):
every one of those seasons holds both beauty
and brokenness.
God is faithful in each andevery stage.
So let's break that down andchat about ways that I
personally have seen God'sfaithfulness lately in these
seasons.
And maybe you can recall somesimilar stories of your own that
(04:30):
remind you of God'sfaithfulness.
So, first there's the call.
It can be so hard to step outinto the unknown.
Um, it sounds exciting when youtalk about it in hindsight, but
when you're standing there atthe beginning, staring into the
unknown, not knowing what'sahead of you, it can feel
terrifying.
(04:50):
You're stepping into a world youdon't fully understand.
How can you?
You know there will bebrokenness, you know there will
be challenges, and you can'tcontrol what the outcome will
look like.
And that is very scary.
I think that's where fear creepsin for so many of us.
What if I'm not enough?
What if I get too attached?
(05:11):
What if I don't know how to helpa child that has experienced
trauma?
What if I fail?
But here's the truth we have tohold on to God.
Hebrews 13, 21 says he willequip you with every good,
everything good for doing hiswill.
(05:32):
Not just sub things, everythinggood.
That doesn't mean we'll alwaysfeel ready.
Honestly, most of the time we wereally don't.
Um, but it does mean that thegaps we see in ourselves are the
very places where God shows upwith his strength.
Even when we feel like we don'thave what it takes, he does.
(05:55):
He fills in where we lack, youguys.
He is faithful to even do thatcalling.
If you think about what it takesthat God personally called you
to this ministry, that he tuggedon your heart.
I have a friend of mine um atchurch.
(06:15):
Uh, she already works within ourfoster care ministry, um,
leading some volunteers andthings.
But in their personal feeling,they've been praying about
stepping into foster care inthis season.
They have done it before,they've adopted from foster care
before, but they have kind ofbeen toying with the idea of
stepping into foster care again.
(06:38):
Um, and so they've been prayingabout it.
Well, our pastor a couple ofweeks back uh did a sermon and
was just talking about it'sworth the risk, right?
Stepping out.
And he called our church toreally pray into those spaces,
pray into the spaces of what isGod calling you to in this
(06:59):
season.
And so they did.
They were talking about that asa family, praying about that as
a family.
Um, and they were on a road tripand they stopped at a gas
station and she got out of whereshe parked at the gas station,
and there was literally a signthat said become a foster
parent.
Um, and she said, you know, wehad been praying for a sign and
(07:24):
we got out of the car, and thereliterally was a sign right after
we were talking about that thatsaid, Become a foster parent.
Um and I thought, what a gift.
She sent me the picture of thesign.
It was so funny.
Um, but what a gift that thatshe was asking for a sign and
God provided her a literal sign.
(07:46):
Now, I don't, I don't think thathe gives all of us a literal
sign when we get out of our carthat says become a foster parent
or adopt a child, right?
Um, but I do think he isfaithful to answer us when we
ask him what his will is, whenwe ask him for discernment, I
(08:06):
think he's faithful to providethat.
That's the beautiful thing aboutthe call.
You guys, it's not about us umhaving to be brave enough or
strong enough or wise enoughwhen we believe that it is
obedience in listening to himbecause we know what he has
(08:28):
purposed us to do, um, then it'sjust about saying yes to God and
then watching him be faithful toequip us in ways we couldn't
imagine.
If you are in this season andyou're unsure of your direction,
ask for clarity.
I know, just like with myfriend, God will answer.
(08:49):
And if the answer is clear, youjust are scared to take the
leap, really step out in faith.
Trust that God is faithful andit is well worth the risk.
Okay, so the next season, afteryou step into this and you say
yes and you answer the call, wego through a season of waiting a
(09:11):
lot of times.
And waiting is hard.
It feels like wasted time.
But in Isaiah 40, 31, um, itsays, those who wait on the Lord
will renew their strength.
So what if we shifted ourmindset from waiting to
preparation?
God is shaping us, even when thephone is quiet and the house
(09:33):
feels so still.
I'm not sure that personally weexperienced that waiting part,
at least not in our firstplacement when we first got into
foster care.
Um, once we said yes, it kind offelt like everything happened
really, really fast.
I mean, we got a placement 24hours after we got approved.
Um, but I know that's not thecase for everyone.
(09:55):
And what a gift it is to begiven time to research trauma
and trauma-informed practiceslike TBRI, trust-based
relational intervention, or tohave time to establish spiritual
and physical disciplines, orjust time to pray and have God
prepare your heart for theseason to come.
(10:15):
It may not feel like it, butthat time really is a gift
because there will come a timewhen you don't have extra time,
right?
Those of us that are already inthe thick of it, we know that
that time really is a gift foryou to be able to prepare.
So looking at that season ofwaiting, instead of looking at
(10:39):
it as waiting, really looking atit as a time of preparation.
Which brings us to when thattime of waiting ends and you do
get placed with a child, um,that's when the daily struggle
begins.
And this is where most of uslive.
Lamentations 3, 22 through 23reminds us that his mercies are
(11:03):
new every morning.
And when we're in the thick oftrauma parenting, sometimes it
feels like nothing is changing.
We often can't see the progresswe're making when we're bogged
down in the midst of survivaland chaos.
Y'all, but just this week, Godgave me a little glimpse of that
progress that we're making inour own household.
(11:26):
This week we found a paperairplane.
Uh, so we have a one of our kidshas a laundry chute in their
room.
And this child sent a paperairplane down the laundry chute
in order to deliver a letter tomy husband and myself.
Um, and it was just so sweet.
(11:47):
It it basically is saying, itsays, I want to take a moment to
thank you for investing Christin me.
Um, and I'm so glad that I haveyou as parents.
And y'all, this is a child wherewe have been pouring in for
many, many years.
Um, we've been pouring in thegospel, we've been pouring in
(12:08):
Christ, we've been pouringourselves in, right?
To help the to help this childunderstand that rules and
structure and guidance are fortheir good.
Um, but but it has taken a very,very long time to get to the
point where they're starting toappreciate it.
(12:30):
And still, they don't alwaysappreciate it.
I'm not saying that that's thecase, but we're starting to see
glimpses of fruit from thoseyears and years and years of
investing.
And what a gift to be able tosee some of that little fruit,
because I don't think we alwayssee those moments.
(12:51):
It doesn't always come in apaper airplane note that says,
thank you.
I'm so thankful that you're ourparents.
Um, right.
I mean, y'all, and know that mykids are not always thankful
either.
I mean, last night's one of mykids was screaming at me that
that I'm so mean and I'm unfairand all the things.
(13:11):
So it comes on both sides, butdeep down, I really do think
that the investment that we aremaking as parents, and I know
this is true of you too, thatthe investment that we are
making as parents is sowingseeds that's developing, even
though we might not always seethe fruit um right off the bat.
(13:33):
Progress really often hidesinside the small, faithful
moments.
So, what are we pouring in dayin and day out that eventually
is going to bear fruit?
And that's, you guys, that'strue for the system too.
I mean, um, you know, we seechaos in the system so often our
(13:53):
struggles that we face every dayare not necessarily with our
kids at all, but with thesystems that are meant to
protect them.
Um, and those systems mayactually be causing harm, you
know, like things like schoolsystems that don't understand
trauma and their systems anddisciplinary tactics may be
(14:14):
contrary to what our kids need,or even the foster care or
adoption systems as a whole, andthe harm that it does to kids
when people aren't necessarilylooking out for the best
interest of our kids all thetime.
Um, our struggle and the chaosthat we see, that might actually
(14:36):
be our daily struggle.
That might not may be wherewe're not seeing progress on a
regular basis.
But even in that, y'all, in thepast week or two, I have been
blown away by some of the thingsthat I have seen.
Last week I helped out at aTBRI.
Y'all, TBRI, if you do not know,TBRI is trust-based relational
(15:00):
intervention.
Um, so I am a TBRI practitionerand I helped out at a TBRI
practitioner training.
That means it's professionalsthat are learning these
trauma-informed practices to beable to help kids that have
experienced previous trauma orprevious harm.
(15:22):
And so you have people that arecoming together for this TBRI
practitioner training from allover the world, right?
But they're coming fromdifferent sectors too.
Like there are people from theschool systems that are there,
there are people from the courtsthat are there, there are people
from um, you know, the state andfoster care that are there,
(15:46):
there are different agencies andgroup homes, y'all, that are all
learning these trauma-informedpractices so that they can serve
kids better.
And you see, I mean, I got tosit around all of these people
and see what they're doing forkids in our community, to see
what they're doing to makechange within the systems that,
(16:09):
you know, that we operate.
Um, and it gave me so much hope.
And I just thought, God, you arefaithful.
You are making change in theseareas even when we don't
necessarily see it.
Um, but it is good and it isthere.
God is moving even amongst theorganizations and the systems
(16:33):
that surround our kids.
So we can trust that he isfaithful in that.
We can advocate for change, wecan educate others for change.
I'm not saying don't do any ofthat, but also we can trust that
he's faithful even in thatchaos.
He is sovereign even over thatchaos.
(16:56):
Um, so it was just such a giftto see this past week and how
many people really are comingtogether, how many communities
are really coming together tomake change for children that
need hope.
Um, okay, so then another seasonthat we often face in foster
care, where sometimes it can behard to remember that God is
(17:19):
faithful, is the transitions.
When kids reunify or they moveon to another home, um, God's
sovereignty doesn't change.
Proverbs three, five through sixcalls us to trust him with our
whole hearts.
And I'm if I'm being real, therehave been times when I've asked
God why?
Why did these kids go home whenit wasn't safe yet?
(17:42):
Why we couldn't, why couldn't webe there forever, family?
Um, saying I trust God's plan iseasy, right?
It's easy to read the Bible andgo, yes, I trust you, Lord.
But do I actually living it outwhen the stakes are so, so high
for the people I love and forme, that's the hard part.
(18:03):
But faith is believing withoutseeing you guys.
But it is so hard.
Um, I've done a lot of wrestlingover the years with God on this
one, and I will tell you, he hasbeen faithful to me to build up
my faith in him.
And so I can say in most ofthose areas, not that there's
(18:25):
moments where I don't go why Idon't understand God, but for
the most part, I trust him.
I trust his plan.
I trust that he knows betterthan me, that he can see ahead,
that I cannot, and that I canfully rely on him that he is
good, that he is for me, andthat he is for the kids that are
(18:48):
in my home.
All right.
And the last little season thatwe're gonna talk about is the
surprises that pop up.
Um, those are the unexpectedadoptions, the unexpected
relationships with biofamily,the advocacy opportunities.
I've said this before, um, butit's worth saying again, I'm
(19:10):
pretty sure that God handpicksall the control freaks and he
drops them into foster care inorder to sanctify it out of us.
Um, and as a recovering ortrying to be recovering control
freak myself, y'all, I don'tlike surprises.
Um, but foster care andadoption, those journeys are
always full of them.
(19:31):
Things never go as planned, atleast not how I planned for them
to go.
Ephesians 3 20 says he can doimmeasurably more than all we
ask or imagine.
And it's true.
This journey is harder, but it'salso more beautiful than
anything I had planned.
(19:53):
It reminds me of flowers.
When you're pulling the weedsout of the garden, y'all, and I
don't garden, but I imagine thatthis is true.
And the few times that I havetried to plant some things, uh,
this is true.
All you see is dirt and sweatand bugs and work, which is why
I don't like to garden you guys.
But then one day that bloompushes through, and you realize
(20:17):
beauty was being formed in thehidden places all along, right?
It was growing deep in thatsoil.
So all of these surprises areopportunities to lean into God.
It's actually there to buildtrust and to build intimacy and
dependency on him.
It is his grace towards us,these things that pop up.
(20:39):
It keeps us from thinking thatwe can walk this road without
him.
And it reminds us that we needhim for every breath we take.
These surprises are the verything that him us into his arms
and his protection.
Because as we lean in, as wedraw closer to him, our faith
grows and our desires for thethings of this world, they fade
(21:03):
a little.
Um, and what a gift that is thathe pulls us closer, that he
doesn't leave us where sometimeswe want to be, right?
But he pulls us in to protect usand to guard us and to draw us
closer to him.
So I want to ask you, what'syour faithfulness moment?
(21:26):
What are those moments in yourstory where you can look back
and you can see God's hand, evenif it didn't make sense at the
time?
Those moments become anchors forus when we're in the storms
again.
So write those things down as areminder to look back on when
things get tough.
Here's what I want to for you totake with you today.
(21:48):
Um, foster care is full ofunknowns, but God's character
does not change.
His faithfulness isn't dependenton outcomes.
It's not tied to whetherreunification happens or
adoption or what the caseworkerdecides.
His faithfulness is tied to hisnature.
It is who he is.
(22:10):
And the pressure is off.
You and I are not responsiblefor fixing everything.
We are responsible for showingup, being faithful in the small
daily ways that we serve.
And God, He does all the lastingwork.
So here's what I want you to trythis week: a couple of things.
(22:31):
Number one is to journal.
Write down at least one way thatyou've seen God's faithfulness
this week, even if it feelssmall, and get in the habit of
doing this so that you can lookback on those things, those
glimpses of his faithfulnessalong the way.
Pray.
Thank him for the ways he's beenfaithful in your past and ask
(22:53):
him to make his presence clearin your day.
Um, I know so often when we'relooking around, like we can
choose to see the messy or wecan choose to see God's hand and
his sovereignty and everything.
So really look for where has hebeen faithful?
Look for those moments.
(23:14):
Um, and then share with somebodyelse.
Tell another foster or adoptiveparent a faithfulness story.
You never know how muchencouragement your story might
bring to them.
It might give them the hope thatthey need to cling on to until
they have their own faithfulnessstory built up.
Friends, no matter where youare, the call, the waiting, the
(23:38):
struggles, the transitions, orthe surprises, God's
faithfulness holds.
If this episode encouraged you,would you share it with another
foster parent or leave a review?
That helps so much in gettingthe word out.
And come connect with me onsocial media.
You can find me on Instagram atNicole T.
Barlow.
I love hearing your stories.
(24:00):
Let's close with a prayer today.
Lord, we thank you for yourunchanging faithfulness.
In every season, whether we feelsteady or completely
overwhelmed, you remain thesame.
Strengthen every parentlistening today.
Give them courage for dailytasks, give them peace in the
(24:21):
waiting and hope in thetransitions.
Thank you, Lord, for holding ourstories and the stories of the
children that we love.
We love you, we trust you.
In Jesus' name.
Amen.
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