May 7, 2025 • 48 mins
What happens when your foster care journey leads you to places you never imagined? Amanda Preston knows this path intimately - from young newlyweds dreaming of "opening an orphanage" to becoming adoptive parents of eight children, veteran foster parents of 16 years, and eventually establishing a mental health clinic supporting neurodivergent families navigating the complexities of adoption and foster care.
During Foster Care Awareness Month, this powerful conversation pulls back the curtain on the realities of fostering and adoption from someone who's experienced it from multiple angles. Amanda challenges the widespread misconception that infants adopted from birth don't experience trauma, explaining how separation from birth mothers creates deep-rooted wounds that manifest at different developmental stages despite loving, stable homes. Drawing from both professional expertise and personal experience raising children with various diagnoses, she offers crucial insights into supporting children through these challenges.
The discussion takes a compelling turn as Amanda shares how recognizing gaps in the foster care system led her to pursue social work education, founding a national nonprofit, and eventually establishing specialized mental health services.
Amanda’s Info:
www.instagram.com/thefostermomsocialworker
www.instagram.com/the_neurodivergent_bunch
Resources:
The Body Keeps The Score: https://a.co/d/9Aq3b6d
The Primal Wound: https://a.co/d/fEZwfiX
FREE Facebook Wellness Event: https://www.facebook.com/share/1L8zPWb37z/
Trauma Wellness Newsletter: https://nicoletbarlow.myflodesk.com/fosterparentwellnewsletter
I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!
Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Welcome to the Foster Parent Well podcast, where we
have real candid, faith-filledconversations about all things
foster care, adoption and trauma.
I'm your host, nicole T Barlow.
I'm a certified parent trainer,a certified health coach and an
adoptive parent myself.
This is a space where you canfind support so that you can
care for your kids with asteadfast faith, endurance and
(00:32):
joy.
I want you to foster parentwell, so let's jump in.
Hey friends, welcome back tothe Foster Parent Well podcast.
(00:58):
It's May, which means it'sFoster Care Awareness Month, and
let me tell you, the momentumis already so strong, you guys.
We're just a weekend and I'vebeen blown away by how many
conversations are happening onsocial media, here on the
podcast.
Even in my wellness groups,foster parents are showing up in
(01:18):
such meaningful ways.
They're asking deeper questions.
They're getting serious aboutself-care and really leaning
into what it means to do thiswork well.
It's encouraging.
It's also a reminder thatawareness isn't just about
raising voices.
It's about rising to meet theneeds that still exist all
(01:40):
around us.
Which brings me to today'sepisode.
I'm sitting down with someonewho knows this world from lots
of different angles AmandaPreston.
Amanda is an adoptive mom toeight children.
She's a veteran foster parentof 16 years.
She's a social worker andauthor and the founder of a
national nonprofit supportingadoptive and foster families.
(02:03):
She also leads a mental healthclinic that specializes in
supporting neurodivergentfamilies, including those
navigating autism, pda and thecomplexities of adoption and
foster care.
Today, we're talking about whatit means to step up, not in a
savior kind of way, but in areal honest, boots on the ground
(02:25):
kind of way.
Amanda brings both experienceand wisdom, and I think you're
going to leave this conversationreally feeling challenged and
encouraged, so let's get into it.
Welcome, amanda.
We're so excited to have you onthe show today.
Why don't you tell thelisteners a little bit about you
?
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Thanks, so much it's exciting to be here today.
My name is Amanda.
I am an adoptive mom to eightkids.
My husband and I fostered for16 years and I'm a social worker
.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Awesome.
I love that.
Now, how did you originally getinto foster care?
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Okay.
So it's kind of an interestingstory.
My husband and I had bothgotten a job at a restaurant and
I thought that chefs had to bequite older and I had this dream
of somehow working with orphans, and in my head that meant
opening up an orphanage.
And so I saw this cute chefcome back in the back of the
restaurant and I said, oh, whatdo you want to do with your life
(03:20):
?
And he's like I want to open anorphanage.
And of course, in my head I waslike, oh, that's exciting.
So we ended up dating and, longstory short, I found out that
he was still in high school.
I was in my first year ofuniversity.
There's only a year difference,but anyways.
So we got married quite young.
He ended up being 18 rightafter graduation.
(03:41):
I was 19.
And we started talking about ourdreams and about what we wanted
to do and where we felt God wascalling us.
And you know, just throughthose discussions we felt like
God was saying he wanted us toadopt.
And so we really had a heartand a passion for adopting kids
that were on the waiting childlist and didn't always get
picked, kids that had morespecial needs, different
(04:02):
neurodivergence, such as FASDand so we started the adoption
process and they kind of saidlike we went through the whole
home study, we were almost doneand the social work was like you
know, I know that you guys arereally mature, I know you guys
can do this, but when it comesto matching on paper you still
sound kind of young.
So why don't we put you guys onhold for a couple of years and
(04:25):
then you can come back and it'llbe much easier to try and match
you?
And so we're like okay, youknow there's nothing we can do
about that.
So we went away that week, cameback the following week to close
everything up and have ourfinal meeting, and she had this
weird look on her face and ofcourse we're like oh no, what
did we do?
Are we not passing our homestudy?
What's happening?
And she proceeds to tell us weactually have a match for you.
(04:46):
And we're like wait, what?
Like you just told us we werenot moving forward at this time
and apparently it was a littlebaby boy.
He was two months old.
We were expecting much olderkids when we went into the
process and he was ready to comehome in three weeks and I had
never cared for infants before.
(05:07):
I knew nothing about babies andwe had no baby items, nothing
like.
We were not expecting this.
And so, yeah, we got everythingready and we went to go meet
him to do the transition processand he ended up being in a
Christian foster home and weknew nothing about fostering, we
didn't know there was a need,we didn't know about anything
(05:27):
about that process.
And she just started telling usabout the huge need for foster
parents.
She was what they call here, asafe baby home, where they take
infants prenatally exposed todrugs and alcohol.
And so it just we realized, youknow, it was touching our heart
and we prayed about it and 10months later we opened up as a
safe baby foster home.
So that was kind of our originstory of fostering.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
That's very interesting and you know what?
I think that you said early onthat both of you had talked
about wanting to open anorphanage, and I think that that
is.
I hear that quite often frompeople like I've always dreamt
of opening an orphanage and thatkind of thing, and I think part
of that is because of storiesthat we know right, like what do
(06:12):
we know of foster care andadoption and kids that need
homes?
A lot of them may be inorphanages and so people think
that that's the best way to carefor kids, right, that
particularly don't have a placeto go.
But knowing what you know nowright, about what adoption looks
(06:33):
like, what foster care lookslike, what would you say to your
younger self that says, hey, Iwant to open an orphanage?
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Well I would say you know, you need to really know
what you're doing.
There's so many nuances.
I mean, for example, just eventhe word orphan does not fit in
at all.
That's something I've learnedover the years that doesn't
accurately reflect, first of all, kids in foster care, but even
kids that are placed foradoption.
That's not an accurate word touse anymore.
But also, is there a need forthat in these other countries?
(07:04):
Is there something that you cando to equip people, supporting
people in their own country andso just doing things that really
require more research andeducation?
And I think we went into itknowing absolutely nothing,
Feeling called for sure.
There was definitely somethingthat we were supposed to do, but
we didn't have that backgroundof information.
(07:26):
So you know, getting behindother people who have done
things before you is really asmart idea.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Yeah, I think that's great.
I think we have recommended thatto certain people that have
said to us that that's the routethat they want to go, you know,
is really take some time.
Get into this a little bit, getyour feet wet a little bit and
start to understand trauma,start to understand what it is
(07:56):
that is really the need, right,and then you can figure out how
to meet the need.
But when we set ourselves up tomeet the need, even if it's
with the best intentions I meaneverybody who I know, who has
gone into you know, who has saidI want to open up an orphanage
or something like that, or agroup home I think they go into
(08:18):
it with the best of intentions.
They just aren't educated yet.
So really, you know, if this isa space that you really desire
to be in, it's not a space thatyou just jump into and say, okay
, let's go, you know, but reallygetting some education, getting
some mentorship from otherpeople in this space to figure
(08:39):
out how best to meet the needsthat are really present for the
kids that need it.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Yeah, exactly yeah.
Couldn't have said it bettermyself.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
So, but it is tricky.
I mean, I have, in fact, acouple of months ago I had
somebody come through one of mypre-service I do pre-service
training for foster and adoptiveparents and I had somebody come
through pre-service training.
That was like I think I want toopen up a group home and I'm
like, well, okay, let's talkabout that a little bit.
(09:11):
And it's not that that's notneeded or that that's a space
that people should always shyaway from, but that's a space
where you really need to knowwhat you're stepping into before
you get into it where youreally need to know what you're
stepping into before you getinto it.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Yeah, exactly, I've had the exact same thing in my
own job.
We've had to explain to peopleyou know or they are wanting,
yeah, just all sorts of thingswhere that you can see the love
and passion there, but just notthe understanding of how it
works or attachment andstability and that sort of thing
and how important a lot ofthose pieces are and experience
and different things like that.
I mean not to say that newpeople can't start it.
We fostered and you know wewere very young and knew very
(09:50):
little about parenting, but itwas a slow process of you know
one child at a time and notjumping into some of those
bigger projects that I think dorequire so much more.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Yeah, listen, we jumped in feet first.
I mean, we had fostered for awhile before we got our kids,
but we adopted a sibling groupof five and so got placed with
five all at once and meetingtheir needs.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Even just one placement, it'sone placement because they're
all one case.
But five kids with very diverseneeds, diverse ages it can be
(10:28):
really hard to really meet allof their attachment needs at
once and help each of those kidsheal 15, 20 kids.
I mean you would have to havestaff, more staff at that point.
But I'm just saying I thinkthat that's a very big, a very
(10:51):
big leap.
So okay, so you take in onebaby and then you become a safe
home for other babies that needit.
How did that kind of transitioninto you adopting eight kids?
Speaker 2 (11:05):
So we ended up getting kids of all ages.
As I'm sure you know, in fostercare they never stick to what
your age range is, and we wereopen anyway.
So, you know, kids came andwent.
We were always, you know,supporting reunification and you
know it was a great experienceof having kids that would go
home and we'd still get to maybeprovide respite on the weekends
or stay in touch, and it was amarvelous experience.
(11:26):
But at the end of the day,there were cases where they just
weren't able to reunify withtheir parents, and sometimes
there was siblings.
So our oldest was just asingleton and, you know, a
straight adoption.
But then the second little guy,our very first infant that we
cared for when we opened up, hewasn't able to reunify and then
(11:47):
his birth mom had another baby,and so you know we were trying
to keep siblings together.
At this point adoption was notthe plan, and then reunification
just didn't happen, and so,instead of seeing them move to
an adoptive home and having togo through that you know, broken
attachment and that sort ofthing we decided that we wanted
(12:10):
to offer them permanency andadopt them, and I'm a proponent
for both.
I think there is a need forfoster homes that are able to
adopt, to help prevent some moreof that broken attachment.
But I also think that if everyfoster parent adopts, then we
don't ever have experiencedfoster parents.
So I love both routes, for sure.
And then we had another littleone that came to us and she
wasn't able to go home, and thenour number five.
(12:34):
That birth mom ended up havingmany kids over the course of the
year, so we ended up with foursiblings that we adopted after,
you know, a long period oftrying to reunify and it just
not working out.
So that's kind of how we endedup with eight of them.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Okay, so that sibling group of four did?
They come one at a time asbabies.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Yeah, they all came, you know, straight from the
hospital, which is always, youknow, it was a fun journey and
everything.
We're actually really closewith that family.
There's a lot of openness there, and so it was.
On the family side it was anamazing experience.
On the social worker side itwas like the most dramatic
experience ever, but it was nicethat we were able to keep them
(13:18):
together and, surprisingly, thechild welfare agency wasn't
always trying to keep themtogether.
We did have to fight to keepthe siblings together, because
they often will look and say,well, you've got a lot of kids,
or you know, that's probably thenumber one issue that they have
.
But at the end of the day, eachperson has their own capacity
and can manage.
You know, sometimes more,sometimes less when it comes to
(13:38):
kids.
But thankfully we had a coupleof key workers that were able to
help advocate some familymembers, that sort of thing, so
that we could keep them together.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Yeah, that's great.
I am a big proponent forkeeping siblings together and I
mean, I think having a lot ofkids is one thing, but if you're
getting them one at a time,right, like you're not making
these huge leaps, and I'll tellyou, like now that my kids are
settled, like we can have otherkids that come over and spend
(14:08):
the night, we have a formerfoster care placement that will
come stay with us sometimes andyou don't even notice.
I mean, after a certain amountof kids, it's like it just is.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
It's funny, we sometimes joke, you know if like
one or two will be out, we'relike, oh my gosh, six kids.
It's so easy.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
I know, I know that's my older kids are now kind of
moving on.
I have a 17 year old, an 18year old and a 21 year old and
um, and so it feels like most ofthe time it's just the little
three that are still at home,and I'm like three is a breeze,
like still at home, and I'm likethree is a breeze, like I mean,
(14:45):
it's the easiest I can'timagine you know, just because
when you go from such a bignumber down to that, it becomes
very easy, easy.
Well, I think one of the mythsthat often happens when people
enter into this space is that ifyou take a baby from the
(15:08):
hospital, that there's no trauma, that there's no loss and that
that child is going to attacheasier, that they're going to
have less effects of thatbrokenness or whatever, that
it's going to be more similar toa biological child.
So what would you say to that?
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Yeah, I would definitely say that's not
correct.
I like to always recommend thebook Primal Wound and the Body
Keeps the Score those are tworeally great books to better
understand that.
But you know, they're insidethat womb for nine months.
They are connecting and whetheror not you get them straight
from the hospital or not,they're going to have that deep
(15:48):
ingrained trauma in there andthey're going to as they grow,
especially at certain points.
You know they say it's commonat age seven, again when they
hit puberty, in the teen years,they're questioning their
identity and there's that traumapiece of why am I not with my
birth family, you know, did theychoose not to have me?
Even if you explain things tothem, even if you're open about
(16:10):
their story, they're going tohave these questions and really,
really be second guessingthings and that's a deep-rooted
trauma for them, you know, notbeing with the person who gave
birth to them.
And they still have that loveand attachment a lot of the time
I would say most of the time,you know, barring certain things
that might have happened.
But I've seen it through a lotof my kids and we've had all of
(16:32):
them, you know, other than myoldest who came to us at two
months.
All of them came to us frombirth, and so we've seen a lot
of them have those experiences,despite having a safe and stable
home with the same two parentsfrom birth despite having a safe
and stable home with the sametwo parents from birth.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Yeah, I see that as well.
I mean where I see a lot ofkids actually have and this
isn't always the case, but insome of the cases I have seen a
lot of times in the infants theyactually hold on to more of
their trauma because theirbrains can't process it at that
stage of life, Whereas sometimesolder kids are able to process
(17:16):
through what's happening to themor what has happened or what is
going on, because they have hadthe chance for their brain to
develop a little bit more and sothey are actually able to
process some of those traumas,some of those losses, and walk
through that grief in adifferent way, Whereas when you
(17:37):
have an infant, they're feelingthat loss, they're feeling that
trauma, they're experiencingmaybe some of the stressors or
chemical changes that may havehappened in utero, but their
brains aren't developed enoughto give voice or words or
whatever to that experience.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Yeah, exactly, and it starts to.
You know, it's thatsubconscious, they're not even
aware of what's going on or whythey might be reacting to
something, and it is deep rootedinto that very beginning.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Yeah, so how do you see that kind of play out in a
general sense in some of yourkids, right Like, what does that
look like as they get older?
Speaker 2 (18:18):
And it's different for all of them.
I mean they each have their ownjourneys.
But you know, I've even seensome of them where they're not
interested in openness, which issomething that you know we're
trained.
You know I'm not open to that,I'm not really interested in
(18:44):
that, and I think it's thatdeep-rooted trauma that they
just can't connect to why thatbirth parent wasn't able to
parent them, despite anythingyou know we say and encourage
and seeing openness with otherkids and how successful those
can be just not being able toget past that trauma piece.
And so that's kind of one ofthe big ones that I've seen.
(19:05):
And then another one issometimes just the self-identity
piece, and you know how theyfeel about themselves as well.
Despite being in a home wherethey're loved their whole life
and being, you know, encouragedand praised for the things that
they do, still having justlittle pieces that can pop up
that show that they still havethat abandonment feeling in them
(19:29):
from that trauma that startedall those years ago, despite a
healthy attachment their entirelife.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Yeah, we have seen that as well.
I mean, we have a couple of oneof my kids who came to us very
young he was the youngest out ofour group is is now having
questions where he hasn't hadquestions before, you know, and
he's he's processing things in adifferent way, like you had
said before.
I mean all of my kids.
(19:57):
I have a group of kids that aremoving through adolescence
right now that are all askingquestions and again, we've been
very open about where they camefrom and all the things.
But as they process atdifferent stages of life, as
they process their own identity,some of those questions are
(20:18):
changing and shifting the waythat they're thinking about some
of that stuff.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
And even you know you sometimessee in the you know community
outside of adoption and fostercare, where people might have
been raised in trauma and thatcan affect their relationships
and we've even seen that withhow they, you know, respond to
friendships or romanticrelationships that aren't the
way we've raised them, thataren't the way that we've taught
(20:46):
them different pieces andreally seeing that deep-rooted
trauma of you know, of attachedto the abandonment piece, of how
they view it, not, of course,how we've worded it, but it's
just, it's in a lot of areasthat you would never expect
after you know raising kids acertain way.
So it's been an interestingjourney for sure, kind of seeing
(21:07):
how different things play outdespite how you might be
parenting.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Yes, well, and not to take that personally right,
like letting our kids beautonomous and have their own
self, their own way of being,and understanding that each of
them are going to reactdifferently to things.
I think you know you weretalking about how we in this
community are trained to talkabout reunification, to talk
(21:32):
about birth, familyrelationships and that kind of
stuff and to really promotethose relationships.
And I mean we have seen thoserelationships.
And I mean we have seen myoldest adopted daughter.
She's 18 now.
(21:54):
She has been very vocal abouthow she feels, but early on I'm
going no, but you should feelthis way and it's okay if you
feel this way and you can cometo me if you feel this way.
And she was like but I don't,and I'm like it's okay if you're
not grateful, it's okay if youdon't want to be adopted, and
she was like but I do, right.
And so, realizing that, justbecause we can have this
background and thisunderstanding that some of our
kids may feel this way, and weneed to be accepting of those
(22:17):
experiences, really letting eachof our kids figure some of
those things out for themselvesand to have their own voice,
like each of them needs to havetheir own voice and needs to not
have us, one way or the other,promoting you know what they
should be doing or how theyshould be feeling, or whatever
(22:40):
right.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Because I was like no .
Speaker 1 (22:42):
I've listened to adoptees and they say I have to
be this way and I have to besupportive of you not doing this
and you feeling this way.
So I'm supportive and she'slike I don't feel that way.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Yeah, we have had the exact same conversations of
yeah, not lining up with some ofthe things that we've heard and
exactly remembering that eachperson is their own person and
has their own experiences andfeelings.
So, yeah, we can relate to that100 percent.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Well, and I do have some kids that that really
desire relationship with theirbirth family.
I have one child that did notwant to be adopted and is very
vocal that she didn't want to beadopted.
When she turns 18, she mostdefinitely will go back to her
biological family and we arevery supportive of that.
(23:30):
I mean, we are supportive ofthat relationship.
But really taking each kid attheir own stuff I think is super
helpful.
Yeah, exactly Okay.
So as you're taking in all ofthese kids, were you already a
social worker or did that comelater?
Speaker 2 (23:45):
No, no, I, it was around child six, okay that I
just started to discover likethere are major gaps in the
system.
You know there are issues thatI'm seeing and so I wanted to
just kind of get more involvedfrom another capacity.
So I went back to school andgot my social work degree and
(24:06):
then by around I think, eight,number eight I went back and got
my master's and kind of throughthat process, I started a
national charity here to supportadoptive and foster families.
Just really looking to, I thinkthere's a lot of support out
there for a lot of people of thetriad, you know, for adoptive
families or for adoptivechildren and for birth families,
(24:27):
for foster kids, that sort ofthing.
But I and that you know thecharity really was supporting
all pieces.
But the, the parents, also oftenhad not the type of support I
think that they were looking for.
They were getting burnt out,they were getting isolated, not
the type of support I think thatthey were looking for.
They were getting burnt out,they were getting isolated.
(24:47):
They needed training andeducation to help support their
kids and just feeling veryoverwhelmed.
And so I wanted to, you know,offer support for that.
So I did that for quite a whilewith the charity, just
supporting kids some of theirneurodivergent needs,
particularly through COVID, whenthings shut down and people
couldn't access support.
So we were trying to get thingsout to them, you know, like
Chromebooks and sensory kits andthings like that.
And so, yeah, it kind of justcame out of my experience as a
(25:12):
foster and adoptive parent thatI wanted to get into that world.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
I love that.
I love people that see holesright and seek to fill them, and
I think a lot of times Godprompts us to see those gaps
right, like he prompts us to seethis need for kids that need
homes, and we step in, inwhatever capacity we step in, we
(25:39):
step in to fill that gap.
But then, even as we're in thesystem, we are seeing gaps.
And so there are two, I thinktwo types of people that get
into this space.
You can very quickly getoverwhelmed by the gaps right,
by all of the holes in thesystem, by all of the messiness
(26:01):
of this ministry, of what we do.
They quit or they fight thesystem head on and they get shut
down.
I mean, that is a thing, and soI think it's very important,
because I think there's anotherbranch of foster parents that
(26:25):
come in and see holes and seegaps and say what is God calling
me to do to even serve anylittle hole that I might see?
We might not be able to changethe whole system, we might not
be able to change everything,but God, what little piece are
(26:45):
you calling me to do?
And listen, I'll be honest andto say when I first got into
this system.
I was the kind that was goingat the system head on.
I had a guardian ad litem onetime tell my case manager for my
agency.
(27:05):
She was like you need to getyour foster parent under control
Because I was seeing all ofthese injustices and I am going
into the courtroom going whatthe heck?
This is madness.
Like no normal person.
This is madness.
(27:26):
No normal person thinks thisway.
I remember one time I wasquestioning the head of our
state system at the time and Ijust asked him.
I was like why are we sendingkids home to houses that are
unsafe?
Okay, that was my question andI was kind of passionate about
(27:47):
it, like it didn't come off softand graceful at all.
And he said to me who are youto say that it's unsafe?
Right, which partially is true,but partially like it's common
sense, right.
But the problem was is I didn'tunderstand the law.
I didn't understand how the law, I didn't understand all the
(28:10):
complexities of how everythingfits together, and so I'm coming
at things head on going.
This is a simple decision thatthe judge can make.
When it's not that simple.
I just didn't know that Rightthat the judge can make when
it's not that simple.
I just didn't know that right,and so I'm very, I'm very
(28:31):
thankful that the Lord kind ofcovered me in that season and I
didn't get blacklisted because Iwas not graceful, I was not, I
was not humble and I didn'treally know everything I needed
to know.
I didn't understand everythingI needed to understand to really
enter the system the right way.
So I love that Number one.
You didn't go after whateverthe holes were.
(28:56):
The first child that comes intoyour home Like you took some
time to really like let meunderstand what is going on here
.
And then when you continuouslysee those gaps, you're like, hey
, I think I can meet this need.
So explain to me a little bithow you know God took you
(29:18):
through that process and how hecarried you through that,
because I mean, you're enteringthe space to help out the system
, to help out other fosterparents, but you're parenting
eight kids at the same time yeah, it was an interesting
combination for sure, I think.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
Starting off when I first became a social worker, I
did go into the child welfaresystem and work in children's
services and it was helpful tosee from the other side for sure
what social workers are doing,who do a great job.
They've got, you know,caseloads that are way too big
and not enough funding.
But I did see at the end of theday that even though when I was
(29:56):
just a foster parent and Ididn't understand the law just
like you didn't understand allthe different pieces, that
sometimes well, this isn'treally the social worker, it's
the judge or it's the case oryou know, whatever it might be
but when I was on the other sideI also saw social workers also
don't understand foster parents.
They have absolutely no ideasome of the trials that we go
through and the trenches that wewalk through, and there is this
(30:19):
disconnect, and so it was areally hard transition at first
to be on the other side and seesome of the things that went on
and the way things were talkedabout and the lack of
information that was sometimesprovided.
You know, a lot of people maybedidn't know about FASD when a
whole bunch of kids in fostercare of FASD, and if you don't
understand that it's really hardto support the kids and the
(30:41):
parents, you know the right way.
And so that was a bit of achallenging transition for me.
So again, I took some time as Inavigated.
That.
God really helped through allof that for sure, because I
think it would have been easy tojust give up a lot of times.
You know, in my head this iswhat I was kind of envisioning
is I'm going to move up theranks in the Children's service
(31:04):
agency, like it was the it's thegovernment one where I was
working, and eventually I couldbe maybe the director of foster
care or something and I can makeall the changes you know,
really see reform in the system.
And that was kind of my dream.
That was what I was picturing,and God was like that's not what
I have planned for you.
And so I really had to listento that, because to begin with,
to move up the ranks, you reallyhave to play it what they want
(31:26):
you to do, and I couldn't.
I can't send kids back homesomewhere where I know certain
things have been going agendaand listen to what God had for
me, which was really hard, andso that did lead to for myself.
(31:48):
I ended up focusing on doing alot of public speaking.
I ended up writing a book thatis becoming a textbook for
social workers, but also like asolidarity book for foster
parents, I think, so that theydon't feel so alone.
What I found through supportingfoster parents was that so many
just felt like no one listensto me and no one cares about
(32:09):
what's going on, and no onecares that they're asking us to
just drop everything and have notime to even have self-care or
anything like that, and so justwanting to really give a voice
to foster parents about whatthey were walking through and
what they were experiencing.
But at the end of the day,despite all of that, you know,
god really moved us through allof that.
It was hard.
I reached burnout, I'm not goingto lie.
(32:30):
I, I, we had to stop fostering.
I mean, we reached eight kids,and so I think that it was would
have been a natural time tostop anyhow, but we couldn't
keep like.
I couldn't maintain the likebeing within the system and
having to kind of drop your ownmental health and your own
(32:50):
well-being and the needs ofother kids in your home to
constantly meet some of thosedemands as a foster parent.
And then I had to take a breakfrom work too.
It was kind of just like, youknow, god wanted me to rest and
so I did.
I ended up stepping away fromthe charity and so, you know, I
went a whole other direction andnow I work in mental health,
(33:12):
supporting neurodivergentfamilies and the adoptive
fostering community, but notthrough the charitable lens,
cause that's it's a very tiringjob to kind of, especially when,
you like, add in fundraisingand different things like that.
But, um, I think it was justlike relying on God and what he
had planned, and not what Ialways thought was the best
thing, because, you know, likethe whole journey that we've
(33:33):
talked about, you don't alwaysknow everything and you're not
always going to have all thepieces, but you also, you know,
aren't the one who knows what issupposed to happen next?
God knows that, and so, justconstantly reminding myself that
I'm not driving this boat, Ireally have to let go of the
steering wheel.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
Well, and that takes a lot of humility, right To be
able to say, hey, I'm notdriving, I'm letting somebody
else, I'm letting God be thedriver in my life, and what
happens next?
And I think it takes humilityto step back right and to say,
hey, I'm in burnout, I need tostep away from some of these
(34:14):
things and I need to get back todoing the things that I know
are foundational, that God hascalled me to.
You know, really concentratingon some of those things.
But that is hard.
That is hard Once you are inthe space.
I joke around all the time withnewer foster parents.
I'm like, if you notice, allthe foster parents are driving
(34:37):
15 passenger vans.
It's because once you get in,you can't say no.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
It's 100% true and it's you know, it's funny.
I sometimes kind of laugh atGod's plan, but when we I don't
know if you have this where youare, but when you adopt you fill
out this form of what you'reopen to in terms of special
needs.
And so we were very passionateabout FASD.
We had gone down a rabbit holeof learning all about it, but I
(35:04):
said no to autism, like nope,that's way too scary, we are not
going to broach that.
And but that was when we werebrand new, right, we were very
young, we didn't know anything.
Of course, over the years welearned more.
Well, three of my kids ended upgetting diagnosed with autism,
and now that's my specialty formy my entire mental health
clinic specializes in autism.
(35:24):
And it's so funny that God'slike you think you're headed one
way, but you're actually goingto head another way, and so we
just we have no idea.
And of course, it's not asscary as I thought.
And you know, you just have tolearn.
Education changes everything.
But you know, just not beingtoo rigid and stubborn when he
is trying to kind of shift youin another direction, I think is
(35:47):
really important.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
Yeah, I think a lot of times we're scared of what we
don't know, like of what wedon't understand.
And I remember filling out thatfirst form and I'm like what in
the world?
Like I mean they're asking allkinds of things like on our
preference form.
I remember we started out ourage preference was zero to four
(36:11):
and I mean it was asking are youwilling to take a gang member,
are you willing to take a firestarter?
I'm like at four, yeah, and Imean, but some of that stuff is
really scary on paper.
Some of the diagnoses are reallyscary on paper, especially if
(36:32):
you don't have any experiencewith mental health or those sort
of things.
I mean we said no to all kindsof stuff and then ended up with
a lot of diagnoses in our houseI mean we've, and those things
aren't as scary anymore.
Like I understand you can havea kid with reactive attachment
(36:54):
disorder and guess what?
They're still a kid, right,like they at the heart of it.
They're still a kid and it'snot.
I'm not to say that it's notever scary, but it's not as
scary as it was, I think, onpaper in the beginning.
Or things like bipolar.
Some of those diagnoses canfeel very scary Autism, but when
(37:17):
you actually get into it it'snot quite as scary because you
see the child behind.
Whatever the diagnosis is, Iwill say those preference forms
are important though, because,like there are some things that
people don't need to do.
I am good with any kind ofmental health diagnosis, I am
(37:40):
pretty good with behaviors anykind of behaviors, any of that
kind of stuff but do not put achild that is medically fragile
in my home because I can't.
I mean, that's not my specialty.
My brother is a type 1 diabeticand so growing up I had to
(38:00):
learn how to give shots to himin case something happened.
Well, they had us practice onan orange, like giving the shot,
because I guess the flesh ofthe orange like simulates the
flesh of skin, I don't know.
Anyway, I passed out giving itto the orange, okay, so like you
(38:20):
don't need to put a medicallyfragile child in my home.
That is not going to go well.
Like that is not my when I saythat's not my gig, that's not my
gig.
Like I am pretty certain andlisten, this could change
anytime, I leave it up to God tochange anything but pretty
certain that God did not intendfor me to take that child you
(38:41):
know a medically fragile childinto my home.
But but he did.
He did stretch me into my home,but he did stretch me.
He did stretch me so that I hadto depend on him.
So when your first child getsdiagnosed right, like you're
saying I don't want to do autism, and then now all of a sudden
you're facing these diagnosesLike what was on your heart,
(39:04):
like where did you go at thatpoint?
Speaker 2 (39:07):
You know what, by that point we were so far down
the rabbit hole of differentdiagnoses that it didn't.
It wasn't like I didn't reallyfeel that fear in any way at
that point.
We were just trying to figureout what's going on and how can
we best support our kiddo.
There wasn't like the grief andloss like, oh my goodness, like
(39:27):
I wasn't expecting this,because they already had.
You know, all of them werealready prenatal, like all kids
that come to us were prenatallyexposed, and so we were already
used to so many differentaspects that it didn't kind of
hit us in the face like Ithought it would.
So and we were already socomfortable with deep diving
into research.
You know I'm an adult diagnosedADHD, so hyper-focusing on
(39:51):
things is definitely something Ilove to do, which I think is
why I was able to do all theseschooling pieces, so I was just
so used to it.
So it was like, okay, what'sgoing on?
What do I need to research?
Who do I need to find out moreinformation from?
So it was basically just aredirection a bit really to get
that information.
And then that just opened a biggulf really fast and, funny
(40:13):
enough, you know, god kind ofthrew it in my face immensely,
because then he's like oh, bythe way, your sister is autistic
as well.
And all these people in ourlife ended up, you know, being
diagnosed older as autistic andmembers of my family, and I was
like I've been surrounded by itmy whole life and I didn't even
know like, and so it's just thismisperception of how, how scary
(40:33):
it was going to be.
So it wasn't really a big shock, other than the fact that one
of my kiddos the first one thatgot diagnosed he has PDA
pathological demand avoidancewhich is a very unique
presentation of autism.
If anyone has a kid that hasever been diagnosed with ODD, I
highly recommend just peeking atwhat pathological demand
(40:53):
avoidance is to see if thatmight fit better.
But that was kind of the biggerpiece because it's such a
unique presentation and requiresa very drastic different
parenting.
So that was more the challengearound that piece.
Speaker 1 (41:09):
Yeah, we have toyed with that with one of our kids.
They do not have an officialdiagnosis of ODD because we did
not want them officiallydiagnosed with ODD yet.
Right Like we wanted to exploreother options.
(41:30):
But in the back of our mindwe've been researching some
things around, and one of thethings that I have researched
was PDA that that might be partof the background of what's
going on.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
Yeah, and it's interesting.
I have one child who has an ODDdiagnosis and one child with
PDA, and when you see them nextto each other it's very easy to
tell the difference between thetwo that they're just it's very
different.
So you know that's that's beenone of the things I've been
talking on other podcasts abouta lot actually, and you know,
doing some trainings forfamilies around that difference
(42:05):
and how you can tell and when tokind of seek assessment and
that sort of thing.
So.
But I think there's probably alot of kids out there that have
been misdiagnosed as ODD andthen parents don't know to kind
of do that low demand approachthat's really needed for PDA.
So it's a big topic that Ithink is starting to grow out
there right now.
Speaker 1 (42:23):
Yeah, I love all the knowledge and research and
education that is happening inthe space right now, because I
think there is so much talkabout getting accurate diagnosis
for our kids, reallyunderstanding what they've
experienced and how that'schanged their brains, how that's
(42:44):
changed the way that they thinkand the way they behave and all
the things right.
I can't imagine doing any ofthis without that foundation,
without that understanding.
And I mean to your point aboutworking with social workers, you
know, I think a lot of socialworkers don't have that
(43:06):
education when they went through.
I mean, the education on a lotof this stuff is so new that a
lot of them, when they wentthrough school, didn't get all
of this trauma awareness that weas foster parents have.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
Yeah, I got when I was in social work school.
I got nothing and I was toldthat all foster and adoptive
parents were kidnappers.
And I got zero training onattachment or on foster parents
and kids and all the diagnoseslike like nothing I was so if I
had never been a foster parentfirst, I would have been so ill
(43:42):
prepared for everything that thefoster care system entails
prepared for everything that thefoster care system entails.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
Yeah, I see that pretty regularly and I think
I've taken on the approach likeI can educate the people that
touch our lives right, like Ican give them as much education
as I possibly can, and that goesfor I mean school, I mean just
all of these areas that touchour kids' lives are not trained
to really or equipped to workwith our kids, with their
(44:15):
backgrounds and diagnoses andstuff, and so I love that we, a
lot of times we are equipped orwe can be equipped.
The information is out there ifwe look for it, if we, you know
, dig into the trainings alittle bit.
Well, amanda, I have absolutelyloved this conversation with
you and we're going to have tohave you back on.
(44:36):
We'll talk about PDA and ODDand the differences and stuff,
because I do think that thatwould be very helpful in just
the ways that parents view theirchild and the way that they're
equipped to handle differentthings.
I think that's very, veryimportant.
But where can people find you?
Speaker 2 (44:58):
Yeah, so I've got a couple accounts on Instagram.
One is the Foster Mom SocialWorker and that's kind of more
related to adoption and fostercare.
And then I've got theNeuroDivergent Bunch with
underscore under each word, sothe underscore NeuroDivergent
underscore bunch, and that'smore related to different
neurodivergent diagnoses andthat sort of thing.
I've got a website,amandaprestoncocom, and I offer
(45:20):
parent support and coachingaround the world and lots of
online courses.
That's really a passion rightnow is just to, like you say,
like educate and provide thatinformation for other people.
So that's where you can find me.
Speaker 1 (45:33):
I love that.
Thank you so much, and I willput a link to all of those
things in the show notes as well.
Well, thank you, Amanda.
Wow, what a powerfulconversation with Amanda Preston
.
I hope you felt both seen andstirred by her words.
She brings such depth and heartto this work and it's exactly
the kind of perspective we needmore of in this space People who
(45:56):
are really looking for theholes and different ways to
serve to fill in the gaps.
Since it is Foster CareAwareness Month, I'd love for
you to take a moment and sharethis episode, Tag a friend and
join in on the conversationonline.
You guys, social media is soactive about foster care right
(46:17):
now.
You can find me on Instagram atNicole T Barlow, and I'd love
to hear what resonated with youtoday.
And if you're feeling a littlenudge to take better care of
yourself so you can keep showingup for your kids in a
sustainable way, hey, I've gotsomething just for you this
month.
I'm hosting a free Facebookevent right now where we're
(46:40):
sharing practical, real-lifestrategies to care for your body
, mind and spirit as you do thisincredibly hard and holy work.
The link is in the show notes,along with links to Amanda's
work and some of the books thatshe recommended.
If this episode encouraged you,please subscribe, rate and
review the podcast.
(47:00):
It helps so much in gettingthese conversations into the
hands of more parents who needthem.
And before we go, let me take aminute to pray over us.
Father, thank you for everylistener tuning in today.
Thank you for the calling thatyou've placed on our lives, for
the strength that you give inthe middle of weariness and for
(47:24):
your constant presence when thisroad feels daunting and heavy.
I lift up every foster andadoptive parent, every child,
every family walking thisjourney Equip us, sustain us and
remind us that we are neveralone in this.
Give us wisdom and compassionand courage to keep showing up
(47:47):
each and every day, imperfectlybut willing.
Lord, we love you.
We trust you In Jesus' name,amen, Thank you.
Welcome to the Foster Parent Well podcast, where we
have real candid, faith-filledconversations about all things
foster care, adoption and trauma.
I'm your host, nicole T Barlow.
I'm a certified parent trainer,a certified health coach and an
adoptive parent myself.
This is a space where you canfind support so that you can
care for your kids with asteadfast faith, endurance and
(00:32):
joy.
I want you to foster parentwell, so let's jump in.
Hey friends, welcome back tothe Foster Parent Well podcast.
(00:58):
It's May, which means it'sFoster Care Awareness Month, and
let me tell you, the momentumis already so strong, you guys.
We're just a weekend and I'vebeen blown away by how many
conversations are happening onsocial media, here on the
podcast.
Even in my wellness groups,foster parents are showing up in
(01:18):
such meaningful ways.
They're asking deeper questions.
They're getting serious aboutself-care and really leaning
into what it means to do thiswork well.
It's encouraging.
It's also a reminder thatawareness isn't just about
raising voices.
It's about rising to meet theneeds that still exist all
(01:40):
around us.
Which brings me to today'sepisode.
I'm sitting down with someonewho knows this world from lots
of different angles AmandaPreston.
Amanda is an adoptive mom toeight children.
She's a veteran foster parentof 16 years.
She's a social worker andauthor and the founder of a
national nonprofit supportingadoptive and foster families.
(02:03):
She also leads a mental healthclinic that specializes in
supporting neurodivergentfamilies, including those
navigating autism, pda and thecomplexities of adoption and
foster care.
Today, we're talking about whatit means to step up, not in a
savior kind of way, but in areal honest, boots on the ground
(02:25):
kind of way.
Amanda brings both experienceand wisdom, and I think you're
going to leave this conversationreally feeling challenged and
encouraged, so let's get into it.
Welcome, amanda.
We're so excited to have you onthe show today.
Why don't you tell thelisteners a little bit about you
?
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Thanks, so much it's exciting to be here today.
My name is Amanda.
I am an adoptive mom to eightkids.
My husband and I fostered for16 years and I'm a social worker
.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Awesome.
I love that.
Now, how did you originally getinto foster care?
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Okay.
So it's kind of an interestingstory.
My husband and I had bothgotten a job at a restaurant and
I thought that chefs had to bequite older and I had this dream
of somehow working with orphans, and in my head that meant
opening up an orphanage.
And so I saw this cute chefcome back in the back of the
restaurant and I said, oh, whatdo you want to do with your life
(03:20):
?
And he's like I want to open anorphanage.
And of course, in my head I waslike, oh, that's exciting.
So we ended up dating and, longstory short, I found out that
he was still in high school.
I was in my first year ofuniversity.
There's only a year difference,but anyways.
So we got married quite young.
He ended up being 18 rightafter graduation.
(03:41):
I was 19.
And we started talking about ourdreams and about what we wanted
to do and where we felt God wascalling us.
And you know, just throughthose discussions we felt like
God was saying he wanted us toadopt.
And so we really had a heartand a passion for adopting kids
that were on the waiting childlist and didn't always get
picked, kids that had morespecial needs, different
(04:02):
neurodivergence, such as FASDand so we started the adoption
process and they kind of saidlike we went through the whole
home study, we were almost doneand the social work was like you
know, I know that you guys arereally mature, I know you guys
can do this, but when it comesto matching on paper you still
sound kind of young.
So why don't we put you guys onhold for a couple of years and
(04:25):
then you can come back and it'llbe much easier to try and match
you?
And so we're like okay, youknow there's nothing we can do
about that.
So we went away that week, cameback the following week to close
everything up and have ourfinal meeting, and she had this
weird look on her face and ofcourse we're like oh no, what
did we do?
Are we not passing our homestudy?
What's happening?
And she proceeds to tell us weactually have a match for you.
(04:46):
And we're like wait, what?
Like you just told us we werenot moving forward at this time
and apparently it was a littlebaby boy.
He was two months old.
We were expecting much olderkids when we went into the
process and he was ready to comehome in three weeks and I had
never cared for infants before.
(05:07):
I knew nothing about babies andwe had no baby items, nothing
like.
We were not expecting this.
And so, yeah, we got everythingready and we went to go meet
him to do the transition processand he ended up being in a
Christian foster home and weknew nothing about fostering, we
didn't know there was a need,we didn't know about anything
(05:27):
about that process.
And she just started telling usabout the huge need for foster
parents.
She was what they call here, asafe baby home, where they take
infants prenatally exposed todrugs and alcohol.
And so it just we realized, youknow, it was touching our heart
and we prayed about it and 10months later we opened up as a
safe baby foster home.
So that was kind of our originstory of fostering.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
That's very interesting and you know what?
I think that you said early onthat both of you had talked
about wanting to open anorphanage, and I think that that
is.
I hear that quite often frompeople like I've always dreamt
of opening an orphanage and thatkind of thing, and I think part
of that is because of storiesthat we know right, like what do
(06:12):
we know of foster care andadoption and kids that need
homes?
A lot of them may be inorphanages and so people think
that that's the best way to carefor kids, right, that
particularly don't have a placeto go.
But knowing what you know nowright, about what adoption looks
(06:33):
like, what foster care lookslike, what would you say to your
younger self that says, hey, Iwant to open an orphanage?
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Well I would say you know, you need to really know
what you're doing.
There's so many nuances.
I mean, for example, just eventhe word orphan does not fit in
at all.
That's something I've learnedover the years that doesn't
accurately reflect, first of all, kids in foster care, but even
kids that are placed foradoption.
That's not an accurate word touse anymore.
But also, is there a need forthat in these other countries?
(07:04):
Is there something that you cando to equip people, supporting
people in their own country andso just doing things that really
require more research andeducation?
And I think we went into itknowing absolutely nothing,
Feeling called for sure.
There was definitely somethingthat we were supposed to do, but
we didn't have that backgroundof information.
(07:26):
So you know, getting behindother people who have done
things before you is really asmart idea.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Yeah, I think that's great.
I think we have recommended thatto certain people that have
said to us that that's the routethat they want to go, you know,
is really take some time.
Get into this a little bit, getyour feet wet a little bit and
start to understand trauma,start to understand what it is
(07:56):
that is really the need, right,and then you can figure out how
to meet the need.
But when we set ourselves up tomeet the need, even if it's
with the best intentions I meaneverybody who I know, who has
gone into you know, who has saidI want to open up an orphanage
or something like that, or agroup home I think they go into
(08:18):
it with the best of intentions.
They just aren't educated yet.
So really, you know, if this isa space that you really desire
to be in, it's not a space thatyou just jump into and say, okay
, let's go, you know, but reallygetting some education, getting
some mentorship from otherpeople in this space to figure
(08:39):
out how best to meet the needsthat are really present for the
kids that need it.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Yeah, exactly yeah.
Couldn't have said it bettermyself.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
So, but it is tricky.
I mean, I have, in fact, acouple of months ago I had
somebody come through one of mypre-service I do pre-service
training for foster and adoptiveparents and I had somebody come
through pre-service training.
That was like I think I want toopen up a group home and I'm
like, well, okay, let's talkabout that a little bit.
(09:11):
And it's not that that's notneeded or that that's a space
that people should always shyaway from, but that's a space
where you really need to knowwhat you're stepping into before
you get into it where youreally need to know what you're
stepping into before you getinto it.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Yeah, exactly, I've had the exact same thing in my
own job.
We've had to explain to peopleyou know or they are wanting,
yeah, just all sorts of thingswhere that you can see the love
and passion there, but just notthe understanding of how it
works or attachment andstability and that sort of thing
and how important a lot ofthose pieces are and experience
and different things like that.
I mean not to say that newpeople can't start it.
We fostered and you know wewere very young and knew very
(09:50):
little about parenting, but itwas a slow process of you know
one child at a time and notjumping into some of those
bigger projects that I think dorequire so much more.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Yeah, listen, we jumped in feet first.
I mean, we had fostered for awhile before we got our kids,
but we adopted a sibling groupof five and so got placed with
five all at once and meetingtheir needs.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Even just one placement, it'sone placement because they're
all one case.
But five kids with very diverseneeds, diverse ages it can be
(10:28):
really hard to really meet allof their attachment needs at
once and help each of those kidsheal 15, 20 kids.
I mean you would have to havestaff, more staff at that point.
But I'm just saying I thinkthat that's a very big, a very
(10:51):
big leap.
So okay, so you take in onebaby and then you become a safe
home for other babies that needit.
How did that kind of transitioninto you adopting eight kids?
Speaker 2 (11:05):
So we ended up getting kids of all ages.
As I'm sure you know, in fostercare they never stick to what
your age range is, and we wereopen anyway.
So, you know, kids came andwent.
We were always, you know,supporting reunification and you
know it was a great experienceof having kids that would go
home and we'd still get to maybeprovide respite on the weekends
or stay in touch, and it was amarvelous experience.
(11:26):
But at the end of the day,there were cases where they just
weren't able to reunify withtheir parents, and sometimes
there was siblings.
So our oldest was just asingleton and, you know, a
straight adoption.
But then the second little guy,our very first infant that we
cared for when we opened up, hewasn't able to reunify and then
(11:47):
his birth mom had another baby,and so you know we were trying
to keep siblings together.
At this point adoption was notthe plan, and then reunification
just didn't happen, and so,instead of seeing them move to
an adoptive home and having togo through that you know, broken
attachment and that sort ofthing we decided that we wanted
(12:10):
to offer them permanency andadopt them, and I'm a proponent
for both.
I think there is a need forfoster homes that are able to
adopt, to help prevent some moreof that broken attachment.
But I also think that if everyfoster parent adopts, then we
don't ever have experiencedfoster parents.
So I love both routes, for sure.
And then we had another littleone that came to us and she
wasn't able to go home, and thenour number five.
(12:34):
That birth mom ended up havingmany kids over the course of the
year, so we ended up with foursiblings that we adopted after,
you know, a long period oftrying to reunify and it just
not working out.
So that's kind of how we endedup with eight of them.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Okay, so that sibling group of four did?
They come one at a time asbabies.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Yeah, they all came, you know, straight from the
hospital, which is always, youknow, it was a fun journey and
everything.
We're actually really closewith that family.
There's a lot of openness there, and so it was.
On the family side it was anamazing experience.
On the social worker side itwas like the most dramatic
experience ever, but it was nicethat we were able to keep them
(13:18):
together and, surprisingly, thechild welfare agency wasn't
always trying to keep themtogether.
We did have to fight to keepthe siblings together, because
they often will look and say,well, you've got a lot of kids,
or you know, that's probably thenumber one issue that they have
.
But at the end of the day, eachperson has their own capacity
and can manage.
You know, sometimes more,sometimes less when it comes to
(13:38):
kids.
But thankfully we had a coupleof key workers that were able to
help advocate some familymembers, that sort of thing, so
that we could keep them together.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Yeah, that's great.
I am a big proponent forkeeping siblings together and I
mean, I think having a lot ofkids is one thing, but if you're
getting them one at a time,right, like you're not making
these huge leaps, and I'll tellyou, like now that my kids are
settled, like we can have otherkids that come over and spend
(14:08):
the night, we have a formerfoster care placement that will
come stay with us sometimes andyou don't even notice.
I mean, after a certain amountof kids, it's like it just is.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
It's funny, we sometimes joke, you know if like
one or two will be out, we'relike, oh my gosh, six kids.
It's so easy.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
I know, I know that's my older kids are now kind of
moving on.
I have a 17 year old, an 18year old and a 21 year old and
um, and so it feels like most ofthe time it's just the little
three that are still at home,and I'm like three is a breeze,
like still at home, and I'm likethree is a breeze, like I mean,
(14:45):
it's the easiest I can'timagine you know, just because
when you go from such a bignumber down to that, it becomes
very easy, easy.
Well, I think one of the mythsthat often happens when people
enter into this space is that ifyou take a baby from the
(15:08):
hospital, that there's no trauma, that there's no loss and that
that child is going to attacheasier, that they're going to
have less effects of thatbrokenness or whatever, that
it's going to be more similar toa biological child.
So what would you say to that?
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Yeah, I would definitely say that's not
correct.
I like to always recommend thebook Primal Wound and the Body
Keeps the Score those are tworeally great books to better
understand that.
But you know, they're insidethat womb for nine months.
They are connecting and whetheror not you get them straight
from the hospital or not,they're going to have that deep
(15:48):
ingrained trauma in there andthey're going to as they grow,
especially at certain points.
You know they say it's commonat age seven, again when they
hit puberty, in the teen years,they're questioning their
identity and there's that traumapiece of why am I not with my
birth family, you know, did theychoose not to have me?
Even if you explain things tothem, even if you're open about
(16:10):
their story, they're going tohave these questions and really,
really be second guessingthings and that's a deep-rooted
trauma for them, you know, notbeing with the person who gave
birth to them.
And they still have that loveand attachment a lot of the time
I would say most of the time,you know, barring certain things
that might have happened.
But I've seen it through a lotof my kids and we've had all of
(16:32):
them, you know, other than myoldest who came to us at two
months.
All of them came to us frombirth, and so we've seen a lot
of them have those experiences,despite having a safe and stable
home with the same two parentsfrom birth despite having a safe
and stable home with the sametwo parents from birth.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Yeah, I see that as well.
I mean where I see a lot ofkids actually have and this
isn't always the case, but insome of the cases I have seen a
lot of times in the infants theyactually hold on to more of
their trauma because theirbrains can't process it at that
stage of life, Whereas sometimesolder kids are able to process
(17:16):
through what's happening to themor what has happened or what is
going on, because they have hadthe chance for their brain to
develop a little bit more and sothey are actually able to
process some of those traumas,some of those losses, and walk
through that grief in adifferent way, Whereas when you
(17:37):
have an infant, they're feelingthat loss, they're feeling that
trauma, they're experiencingmaybe some of the stressors or
chemical changes that may havehappened in utero, but their
brains aren't developed enoughto give voice or words or
whatever to that experience.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Yeah, exactly, and it starts to.
You know, it's thatsubconscious, they're not even
aware of what's going on or whythey might be reacting to
something, and it is deep rootedinto that very beginning.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Yeah, so how do you see that kind of play out in a
general sense in some of yourkids, right Like, what does that
look like as they get older?
Speaker 2 (18:18):
And it's different for all of them.
I mean they each have their ownjourneys.
But you know, I've even seensome of them where they're not
interested in openness, which issomething that you know we're
trained.
You know I'm not open to that,I'm not really interested in
(18:44):
that, and I think it's thatdeep-rooted trauma that they
just can't connect to why thatbirth parent wasn't able to
parent them, despite anythingyou know we say and encourage
and seeing openness with otherkids and how successful those
can be just not being able toget past that trauma piece.
And so that's kind of one ofthe big ones that I've seen.
(19:05):
And then another one issometimes just the self-identity
piece, and you know how theyfeel about themselves as well.
Despite being in a home wherethey're loved their whole life
and being, you know, encouragedand praised for the things that
they do, still having justlittle pieces that can pop up
that show that they still havethat abandonment feeling in them
(19:29):
from that trauma that startedall those years ago, despite a
healthy attachment their entirelife.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Yeah, we have seen that as well.
I mean, we have a couple of oneof my kids who came to us very
young he was the youngest out ofour group is is now having
questions where he hasn't hadquestions before, you know, and
he's he's processing things in adifferent way, like you had
said before.
I mean all of my kids.
(19:57):
I have a group of kids that aremoving through adolescence
right now that are all askingquestions and again, we've been
very open about where they camefrom and all the things.
But as they process atdifferent stages of life, as
they process their own identity,some of those questions are
(20:18):
changing and shifting the waythat they're thinking about some
of that stuff.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
And even you know you sometimessee in the you know community
outside of adoption and fostercare, where people might have
been raised in trauma and thatcan affect their relationships
and we've even seen that withhow they, you know, respond to
friendships or romanticrelationships that aren't the
way we've raised them, thataren't the way that we've taught
(20:46):
them different pieces andreally seeing that deep-rooted
trauma of you know, of attachedto the abandonment piece, of how
they view it, not, of course,how we've worded it, but it's
just, it's in a lot of areasthat you would never expect
after you know raising kids acertain way.
So it's been an interestingjourney for sure, kind of seeing
(21:07):
how different things play outdespite how you might be
parenting.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Yes, well, and not to take that personally right,
like letting our kids beautonomous and have their own
self, their own way of being,and understanding that each of
them are going to reactdifferently to things.
I think you know you weretalking about how we in this
community are trained to talkabout reunification, to talk
(21:32):
about birth, familyrelationships and that kind of
stuff and to really promotethose relationships.
And I mean we have seen thoserelationships.
And I mean we have seen myoldest adopted daughter.
She's 18 now.
(21:54):
She has been very vocal abouthow she feels, but early on I'm
going no, but you should feelthis way and it's okay if you
feel this way and you can cometo me if you feel this way.
And she was like but I don't,and I'm like it's okay if you're
not grateful, it's okay if youdon't want to be adopted, and
she was like but I do, right.
And so, realizing that, justbecause we can have this
background and thisunderstanding that some of our
kids may feel this way, and weneed to be accepting of those
(22:17):
experiences, really letting eachof our kids figure some of
those things out for themselvesand to have their own voice,
like each of them needs to havetheir own voice and needs to not
have us, one way or the other,promoting you know what they
should be doing or how theyshould be feeling, or whatever
(22:40):
right.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Because I was like no .
Speaker 1 (22:42):
I've listened to adoptees and they say I have to
be this way and I have to besupportive of you not doing this
and you feeling this way.
So I'm supportive and she'slike I don't feel that way.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Yeah, we have had the exact same conversations of
yeah, not lining up with some ofthe things that we've heard and
exactly remembering that eachperson is their own person and
has their own experiences andfeelings.
So, yeah, we can relate to that100 percent.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Well, and I do have some kids that that really
desire relationship with theirbirth family.
I have one child that did notwant to be adopted and is very
vocal that she didn't want to beadopted.
When she turns 18, she mostdefinitely will go back to her
biological family and we arevery supportive of that.
(23:30):
I mean, we are supportive ofthat relationship.
But really taking each kid attheir own stuff I think is super
helpful.
Yeah, exactly Okay.
So as you're taking in all ofthese kids, were you already a
social worker or did that comelater?
Speaker 2 (23:45):
No, no, I, it was around child six, okay that I
just started to discover likethere are major gaps in the
system.
You know there are issues thatI'm seeing and so I wanted to
just kind of get more involvedfrom another capacity.
So I went back to school andgot my social work degree and
(24:06):
then by around I think, eight,number eight I went back and got
my master's and kind of throughthat process, I started a
national charity here to supportadoptive and foster families.
Just really looking to, I thinkthere's a lot of support out
there for a lot of people of thetriad, you know, for adoptive
families or for adoptivechildren and for birth families,
(24:27):
for foster kids, that sort ofthing.
But I and that you know thecharity really was supporting
all pieces.
But the, the parents, also oftenhad not the type of support I
think that they were looking for.
They were getting burnt out,they were getting isolated, not
the type of support I think thatthey were looking for.
They were getting burnt out,they were getting isolated.
(24:47):
They needed training andeducation to help support their
kids and just feeling veryoverwhelmed.
And so I wanted to, you know,offer support for that.
So I did that for quite a whilewith the charity, just
supporting kids some of theirneurodivergent needs,
particularly through COVID, whenthings shut down and people
couldn't access support.
So we were trying to get thingsout to them, you know, like
Chromebooks and sensory kits andthings like that.
And so, yeah, it kind of justcame out of my experience as a
(25:12):
foster and adoptive parent thatI wanted to get into that world.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
I love that.
I love people that see holesright and seek to fill them, and
I think a lot of times Godprompts us to see those gaps
right, like he prompts us to seethis need for kids that need
homes, and we step in, inwhatever capacity we step in, we
(25:39):
step in to fill that gap.
But then, even as we're in thesystem, we are seeing gaps.
And so there are two, I thinktwo types of people that get
into this space.
You can very quickly getoverwhelmed by the gaps right,
by all of the holes in thesystem, by all of the messiness
(26:01):
of this ministry, of what we do.
They quit or they fight thesystem head on and they get shut
down.
I mean, that is a thing, and soI think it's very important,
because I think there's anotherbranch of foster parents that
(26:25):
come in and see holes and seegaps and say what is God calling
me to do to even serve anylittle hole that I might see?
We might not be able to changethe whole system, we might not
be able to change everything,but God, what little piece are
(26:45):
you calling me to do?
And listen, I'll be honest andto say when I first got into
this system.
I was the kind that was goingat the system head on.
I had a guardian ad litem onetime tell my case manager for my
agency.
(27:05):
She was like you need to getyour foster parent under control
Because I was seeing all ofthese injustices and I am going
into the courtroom going whatthe heck?
This is madness.
Like no normal person.
This is madness.
(27:26):
No normal person thinks thisway.
I remember one time I wasquestioning the head of our
state system at the time and Ijust asked him.
I was like why are we sendingkids home to houses that are
unsafe?
Okay, that was my question andI was kind of passionate about
(27:47):
it, like it didn't come off softand graceful at all.
And he said to me who are youto say that it's unsafe?
Right, which partially is true,but partially like it's common
sense, right.
But the problem was is I didn'tunderstand the law.
I didn't understand how the law, I didn't understand all the
(28:10):
complexities of how everythingfits together, and so I'm coming
at things head on going.
This is a simple decision thatthe judge can make.
When it's not that simple.
I just didn't know that Rightthat the judge can make when
it's not that simple.
I just didn't know that right,and so I'm very, I'm very
(28:31):
thankful that the Lord kind ofcovered me in that season and I
didn't get blacklisted because Iwas not graceful, I was not, I
was not humble and I didn'treally know everything I needed
to know.
I didn't understand everythingI needed to understand to really
enter the system the right way.
So I love that Number one.
You didn't go after whateverthe holes were.
(28:56):
The first child that comes intoyour home Like you took some
time to really like let meunderstand what is going on here
.
And then when you continuouslysee those gaps, you're like, hey
, I think I can meet this need.
So explain to me a little bithow you know God took you
(29:18):
through that process and how hecarried you through that,
because I mean, you're enteringthe space to help out the system
, to help out other fosterparents, but you're parenting
eight kids at the same time yeah, it was an interesting
combination for sure, I think.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
Starting off when I first became a social worker, I
did go into the child welfaresystem and work in children's
services and it was helpful tosee from the other side for sure
what social workers are doing,who do a great job.
They've got, you know,caseloads that are way too big
and not enough funding.
But I did see at the end of theday that even though when I was
(29:56):
just a foster parent and Ididn't understand the law just
like you didn't understand allthe different pieces, that
sometimes well, this isn'treally the social worker, it's
the judge or it's the case oryou know, whatever it might be
but when I was on the other sideI also saw social workers also
don't understand foster parents.
They have absolutely no ideasome of the trials that we go
through and the trenches that wewalk through, and there is this
(30:19):
disconnect, and so it was areally hard transition at first
to be on the other side and seesome of the things that went on
and the way things were talkedabout and the lack of
information that was sometimesprovided.
You know, a lot of people maybedidn't know about FASD when a
whole bunch of kids in fostercare of FASD, and if you don't
understand that it's really hardto support the kids and the
(30:41):
parents, you know the right way.
And so that was a bit of achallenging transition for me.
So again, I took some time as Inavigated.
That.
God really helped through allof that for sure, because I
think it would have been easy tojust give up a lot of times.
You know, in my head this iswhat I was kind of envisioning
is I'm going to move up theranks in the Children's service
(31:04):
agency, like it was the it's thegovernment one where I was
working, and eventually I couldbe maybe the director of foster
care or something and I can makeall the changes you know,
really see reform in the system.
And that was kind of my dream.
That was what I was picturing,and God was like that's not what
I have planned for you.
And so I really had to listento that, because to begin with,
to move up the ranks, you reallyhave to play it what they want
(31:26):
you to do, and I couldn't.
I can't send kids back homesomewhere where I know certain
things have been going agendaand listen to what God had for
me, which was really hard, andso that did lead to for myself.
(31:48):
I ended up focusing on doing alot of public speaking.
I ended up writing a book thatis becoming a textbook for
social workers, but also like asolidarity book for foster
parents, I think, so that theydon't feel so alone.
What I found through supportingfoster parents was that so many
just felt like no one listensto me and no one cares about
(32:09):
what's going on, and no onecares that they're asking us to
just drop everything and have notime to even have self-care or
anything like that, and so justwanting to really give a voice
to foster parents about whatthey were walking through and
what they were experiencing.
But at the end of the day,despite all of that, you know,
god really moved us through allof that.
It was hard.
I reached burnout, I'm not goingto lie.
(32:30):
I, I, we had to stop fostering.
I mean, we reached eight kids,and so I think that it was would
have been a natural time tostop anyhow, but we couldn't
keep like.
I couldn't maintain the likebeing within the system and
having to kind of drop your ownmental health and your own
(32:50):
well-being and the needs ofother kids in your home to
constantly meet some of thosedemands as a foster parent.
And then I had to take a breakfrom work too.
It was kind of just like, youknow, god wanted me to rest and
so I did.
I ended up stepping away fromthe charity and so, you know, I
went a whole other direction andnow I work in mental health,
(33:12):
supporting neurodivergentfamilies and the adoptive
fostering community, but notthrough the charitable lens,
cause that's it's a very tiringjob to kind of, especially when,
you like, add in fundraisingand different things like that.
But, um, I think it was justlike relying on God and what he
had planned, and not what Ialways thought was the best
thing, because, you know, likethe whole journey that we've
(33:33):
talked about, you don't alwaysknow everything and you're not
always going to have all thepieces, but you also, you know,
aren't the one who knows what issupposed to happen next?
God knows that, and so, justconstantly reminding myself that
I'm not driving this boat, Ireally have to let go of the
steering wheel.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
Well, and that takes a lot of humility, right To be
able to say, hey, I'm notdriving, I'm letting somebody
else, I'm letting God be thedriver in my life, and what
happens next?
And I think it takes humilityto step back right and to say,
hey, I'm in burnout, I need tostep away from some of these
(34:14):
things and I need to get back todoing the things that I know
are foundational, that God hascalled me to.
You know, really concentratingon some of those things.
But that is hard.
That is hard Once you are inthe space.
I joke around all the time withnewer foster parents.
I'm like, if you notice, allthe foster parents are driving
(34:37):
15 passenger vans.
It's because once you get in,you can't say no.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
It's 100% true and it's you know, it's funny.
I sometimes kind of laugh atGod's plan, but when we I don't
know if you have this where youare, but when you adopt you fill
out this form of what you'reopen to in terms of special
needs.
And so we were very passionateabout FASD.
We had gone down a rabbit holeof learning all about it, but I
(35:04):
said no to autism, like nope,that's way too scary, we are not
going to broach that.
And but that was when we werebrand new, right, we were very
young, we didn't know anything.
Of course, over the years welearned more.
Well, three of my kids ended upgetting diagnosed with autism,
and now that's my specialty formy my entire mental health
clinic specializes in autism.
(35:24):
And it's so funny that God'slike you think you're headed one
way, but you're actually goingto head another way, and so we
just we have no idea.
And of course, it's not asscary as I thought.
And you know, you just have tolearn.
Education changes everything.
But you know, just not beingtoo rigid and stubborn when he
is trying to kind of shift youin another direction, I think is
(35:47):
really important.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
Yeah, I think a lot of times we're scared of what we
don't know, like of what wedon't understand.
And I remember filling out thatfirst form and I'm like what in
the world?
Like I mean they're asking allkinds of things like on our
preference form.
I remember we started out ourage preference was zero to four
(36:11):
and I mean it was asking are youwilling to take a gang member,
are you willing to take a firestarter?
I'm like at four, yeah, and Imean, but some of that stuff is
really scary on paper.
Some of the diagnoses are reallyscary on paper, especially if
(36:32):
you don't have any experiencewith mental health or those sort
of things.
I mean we said no to all kindsof stuff and then ended up with
a lot of diagnoses in our houseI mean we've, and those things
aren't as scary anymore.
Like I understand you can havea kid with reactive attachment
(36:54):
disorder and guess what?
They're still a kid, right,like they at the heart of it.
They're still a kid and it'snot.
I'm not to say that it's notever scary, but it's not as
scary as it was, I think, onpaper in the beginning.
Or things like bipolar.
Some of those diagnoses canfeel very scary Autism, but when
(37:17):
you actually get into it it'snot quite as scary because you
see the child behind.
Whatever the diagnosis is, Iwill say those preference forms
are important though, because,like there are some things that
people don't need to do.
I am good with any kind ofmental health diagnosis, I am
(37:40):
pretty good with behaviors anykind of behaviors, any of that
kind of stuff but do not put achild that is medically fragile
in my home because I can't.
I mean, that's not my specialty.
My brother is a type 1 diabeticand so growing up I had to
(38:00):
learn how to give shots to himin case something happened.
Well, they had us practice onan orange, like giving the shot,
because I guess the flesh ofthe orange like simulates the
flesh of skin, I don't know.
Anyway, I passed out giving itto the orange, okay, so like you
(38:20):
don't need to put a medicallyfragile child in my home.
That is not going to go well.
Like that is not my when I saythat's not my gig, that's not my
gig.
Like I am pretty certain andlisten, this could change
anytime, I leave it up to God tochange anything but pretty
certain that God did not intendfor me to take that child you
(38:41):
know a medically fragile childinto my home.
But but he did.
He did stretch me into my home,but he did stretch me.
He did stretch me so that I hadto depend on him.
So when your first child getsdiagnosed right, like you're
saying I don't want to do autism, and then now all of a sudden
you're facing these diagnosesLike what was on your heart,
(39:04):
like where did you go at thatpoint?
Speaker 2 (39:07):
You know what, by that point we were so far down
the rabbit hole of differentdiagnoses that it didn't.
It wasn't like I didn't reallyfeel that fear in any way at
that point.
We were just trying to figureout what's going on and how can
we best support our kiddo.
There wasn't like the grief andloss like, oh my goodness, like
(39:27):
I wasn't expecting this,because they already had.
You know, all of them werealready prenatal, like all kids
that come to us were prenatallyexposed, and so we were already
used to so many differentaspects that it didn't kind of
hit us in the face like Ithought it would.
So and we were already socomfortable with deep diving
into research.
You know I'm an adult diagnosedADHD, so hyper-focusing on
(39:51):
things is definitely something Ilove to do, which I think is
why I was able to do all theseschooling pieces, so I was just
so used to it.
So it was like, okay, what'sgoing on?
What do I need to research?
Who do I need to find out moreinformation from?
So it was basically just aredirection a bit really to get
that information.
And then that just opened a biggulf really fast and, funny
(40:13):
enough, you know, god kind ofthrew it in my face immensely,
because then he's like oh, bythe way, your sister is autistic
as well.
And all these people in ourlife ended up, you know, being
diagnosed older as autistic andmembers of my family, and I was
like I've been surrounded by itmy whole life and I didn't even
know like, and so it's just thismisperception of how, how scary
(40:33):
it was going to be.
So it wasn't really a big shock, other than the fact that one
of my kiddos the first one thatgot diagnosed he has PDA
pathological demand avoidancewhich is a very unique
presentation of autism.
If anyone has a kid that hasever been diagnosed with ODD, I
highly recommend just peeking atwhat pathological demand
(40:53):
avoidance is to see if thatmight fit better.
But that was kind of the biggerpiece because it's such a
unique presentation and requiresa very drastic different
parenting.
So that was more the challengearound that piece.
Speaker 1 (41:09):
Yeah, we have toyed with that with one of our kids.
They do not have an officialdiagnosis of ODD because we did
not want them officiallydiagnosed with ODD yet.
Right Like we wanted to exploreother options.
(41:30):
But in the back of our mindwe've been researching some
things around, and one of thethings that I have researched
was PDA that that might be partof the background of what's
going on.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
Yeah, and it's interesting.
I have one child who has an ODDdiagnosis and one child with
PDA, and when you see them nextto each other it's very easy to
tell the difference between thetwo that they're just it's very
different.
So you know that's that's beenone of the things I've been
talking on other podcasts abouta lot actually, and you know,
doing some trainings forfamilies around that difference
(42:05):
and how you can tell and when tokind of seek assessment and
that sort of thing.
So.
But I think there's probably alot of kids out there that have
been misdiagnosed as ODD andthen parents don't know to kind
of do that low demand approachthat's really needed for PDA.
So it's a big topic that Ithink is starting to grow out
there right now.
Speaker 1 (42:23):
Yeah, I love all the knowledge and research and
education that is happening inthe space right now, because I
think there is so much talkabout getting accurate diagnosis
for our kids, reallyunderstanding what they've
experienced and how that'schanged their brains, how that's
(42:44):
changed the way that they thinkand the way they behave and all
the things right.
I can't imagine doing any ofthis without that foundation,
without that understanding.
And I mean to your point aboutworking with social workers, you
know, I think a lot of socialworkers don't have that
(43:06):
education when they went through.
I mean, the education on a lotof this stuff is so new that a
lot of them, when they wentthrough school, didn't get all
of this trauma awareness that weas foster parents have.
Speaker 2 (43:21):
Yeah, I got when I was in social work school.
I got nothing and I was toldthat all foster and adoptive
parents were kidnappers.
And I got zero training onattachment or on foster parents
and kids and all the diagnoseslike like nothing I was so if I
had never been a foster parentfirst, I would have been so ill
(43:42):
prepared for everything that thefoster care system entails
prepared for everything that thefoster care system entails.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
Yeah, I see that pretty regularly and I think
I've taken on the approach likeI can educate the people that
touch our lives right, like Ican give them as much education
as I possibly can, and that goesfor I mean school, I mean just
all of these areas that touchour kids' lives are not trained
to really or equipped to workwith our kids, with their
(44:15):
backgrounds and diagnoses andstuff, and so I love that we, a
lot of times we are equipped orwe can be equipped.
The information is out there ifwe look for it, if we, you know
, dig into the trainings alittle bit.
Well, amanda, I have absolutelyloved this conversation with
you and we're going to have tohave you back on.
(44:36):
We'll talk about PDA and ODDand the differences and stuff,
because I do think that thatwould be very helpful in just
the ways that parents view theirchild and the way that they're
equipped to handle differentthings.
I think that's very, veryimportant.
But where can people find you?
Speaker 2 (44:58):
Yeah, so I've got a couple accounts on Instagram.
One is the Foster Mom SocialWorker and that's kind of more
related to adoption and fostercare.
And then I've got theNeuroDivergent Bunch with
underscore under each word, sothe underscore NeuroDivergent
underscore bunch, and that'smore related to different
neurodivergent diagnoses andthat sort of thing.
I've got a website,amandaprestoncocom, and I offer
(45:20):
parent support and coachingaround the world and lots of
online courses.
That's really a passion rightnow is just to, like you say,
like educate and provide thatinformation for other people.
So that's where you can find me.
Speaker 1 (45:33):
I love that.
Thank you so much, and I willput a link to all of those
things in the show notes as well.
Well, thank you, Amanda.
Wow, what a powerfulconversation with Amanda Preston
.
I hope you felt both seen andstirred by her words.
She brings such depth and heartto this work and it's exactly
the kind of perspective we needmore of in this space People who
(45:56):
are really looking for theholes and different ways to
serve to fill in the gaps.
Since it is Foster CareAwareness Month, I'd love for
you to take a moment and sharethis episode, Tag a friend and
join in on the conversationonline.
You guys, social media is soactive about foster care right
(46:17):
now.
You can find me on Instagram atNicole T Barlow, and I'd love
to hear what resonated with youtoday.
And if you're feeling a littlenudge to take better care of
yourself so you can keep showingup for your kids in a
sustainable way, hey, I've gotsomething just for you this
month.
I'm hosting a free Facebookevent right now where we're
(46:40):
sharing practical, real-lifestrategies to care for your body
, mind and spirit as you do thisincredibly hard and holy work.
The link is in the show notes,along with links to Amanda's
work and some of the books thatshe recommended.
If this episode encouraged you,please subscribe, rate and
review the podcast.
(47:00):
It helps so much in gettingthese conversations into the
hands of more parents who needthem.
And before we go, let me take aminute to pray over us.
Father, thank you for everylistener tuning in today.
Thank you for the calling thatyou've placed on our lives, for
the strength that you give inthe middle of weariness and for
(47:24):
your constant presence when thisroad feels daunting and heavy.
I lift up every foster andadoptive parent, every child,
every family walking thisjourney Equip us, sustain us and
remind us that we are neveralone in this.
Give us wisdom and compassionand courage to keep showing up
(47:47):
each and every day, imperfectlybut willing.
Lord, we love you.
We trust you In Jesus' name,amen, Thank you.
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