March 7, 2024 • 23 mins
Learn to reverse-engineer your ideal lifestyle and unleash creative possibility.
This is arguably the single best approach for learning how to think for yourself and make decisions without pre-existing bias from societal norms. This isn't about casting tradition to the wind; it's about aligning our lives with our deepest values
Takeaways:
- Discover the 3 stop process for implementing first principles decision making
- Determine what are the most important decisions that will impact your life
- Confidently live your life without future regrets by investing effort now
From planning a wedding that genuinely reflects your values to reassessing the very pillars of education and work-life balance, my story, and the wisdom I've gleaned along the way, serve as a testament to the power of first principles thinking and the profound impact it can have on living authentically.
Sponsored by: SafetyWing Travel Insurance
About the show:
Sam Laliberte - entrepreneur, digital nomad and freedom seeker, hosts the Freedom Lifestyle Podcast to expose people to the many ways you can design your dream life and unlock your own version of the freedom lifestyle. Her guests have empowered themselves through flexible work as a way to “have it all” - financial, location AND schedule freedom.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's less about being alternative and more about
being intentional.
It's not so much aboutrejecting how things are done,
but more about choosing how Iwant things to be done for me.
You're listening to the FreedomLifestyle podcast series.
I'm sharing relatable storiesof freedom seekers who ditched
(00:22):
conventional office life andcourageously asked for more.
The energy just completelyshifted.
My entire being just felt sofree.
My business was stillgenerating income while I was on
the beach.
I decided to quit and just stayat home.
I really can't work for anyonebut me.
It's literally just doingwhatever the hell you want to do
.
As for me, I'm your host, sam,and I've spent the last four
(00:45):
years creating a business thatallows me to work from anywhere.
The Freedom Lifestyle looksdifferent for everyone.
What's your free?
When is the last time that youasked but why?
Why do we do something this way?
Why is it like that?
Why is the way that it's alwaysbeen done?
Why is that the tradition, I'mguessing, if you listen to the
Freedom Lifestyle podcast.
(01:06):
First of all, thank you.
Second of all, I'm guessingthat this is a common question
that you ask, that you aretrying to live more thoughtfully
and deliberately when it comesto making important decisions in
your life.
In this episode, I'm going toteach you how to make decisions
using first principles and howyou can use this methodology to
(01:27):
actually design your dreamlifestyle.
There are three steps that I'mgoing to walk you through, so
we'll go through each of thoseand I'll give you some examples
of decisions that I'm makingright now using first principles
, including my upcoming wedding.
And then I'm also going to talkabout the personality traits
and headspace that you reallywant to be in mentally in order
(01:48):
to be successful.
You definitely need courage,humility and a beginner's mind
in order to use first principlesto design your life.
So more on that in this episode, but first I want to tell you a
little bit about today'ssponsor.
This season of the FreedomLifestyle podcast is made
possible by some of my favoritebrands and companies that are
(02:08):
empowering the digital nomadmovement, one being Safe Doing.
They offer travel insurancethat, yes, includes COVID-19
coverage, which is a must rightnow for many countries.
To even let you in, safe Doingcovers quarantine costs even if
you're outside your home country.
Click on the referral link inmy show notes to learn more and
(02:29):
unlock some extra ease duringyour next adventure.
So, as I'm sharing thisinformation today's episode.
I'm expecting that there'sgoing to be some nodding along
as you're listening.
There's going to be somemoments where you realize that
you're already doing this andthat, intuitively, this is how
(02:49):
you've been acting.
That is exactly how I felt whenI heard about this concept.
This is something that comespretty naturally for me, but I
never really had a term for it.
I thought it was something thatactually was a problem of mine.
I mean, that's what I was toldmy whole life when I've been an
employee in the past.
On many occasions I've receivedthe feedback that I can be a
(03:11):
bit combative and questionauthority, and even someone
called me a little bit edgy whendecisions were being made.
It is common for me to ask whyare we doing something this way?
When there's a process that'sin motion that I see flaws in or
I see can be improved, I can'thelp myself but to ask for the
(03:34):
logic behind a decision or sharemy idea for an innovative
approach to traditional ways ofdoing things.
It's always come quitenaturally for me, but it hasn't
always been well received inmany settings.
My entire freedom journeystarted with me questioning
office life and the traditionalnine to five in the office where
(03:58):
we can see you dynamics.
I didn't understand why we werestill operating in this way
when we had the internet and wehad so many different tools that
allow us to really work fromanywhere, and I saw there was
just so much more that could begained than could be lost by
having more of a flexible workenvironment.
(04:18):
And following that why andfollowing that curiosity led me
to where I am today, and whileit hasn't always made me the
most popular person in the room,I'm now realizing that this has
been a natural instinct thatI've had all along, and I got
really excited when I learnedabout this concept of designing
your life using first principlesand making decisions using
first principles.
(04:39):
This methodology is most oftenused in startup environments or
technical environments.
When there's a lot of designwhether it's a website or a
physical product or a eventthat's taking place is to really
let go of all of theassumptions and let go all of
the biases that you have andstart from scratch.
(04:59):
When we design and when we makedecisions, it's very common for
us to use concepts and analogiesthat already exist.
We see these as almost likemental shortcuts and okay, well,
this is already how it's beingdone, so we're starting with
this base and we can disguisethese mental shortcuts as best
practices and proven bestpractices, without ever
(05:21):
questioning how we even got tothese quote unquote best
practices in the first place.
So step one is really beingopen to ask about why and to
have humility with yourself, toacknowledge that you may have,
consciously or subconsciously,been making decisions in the
past, or were about to make adecision that you're currently
(05:43):
facing, using a bunch ofpreconceived notions and
expectations about how thingsshould be done or have always
been done or expected to be done, or how you've seen things to
be done.
And so, first of all, just havesome humility with yourself of
you're human.
We're all going through thislife with a millions of
(06:04):
downloads and messages thatwe're receiving on a daily basis
from media, from society, fromour peer groups, from content
that we're consuming, frompeople that we're talking to to
our own monkey minds giving usinspiration all of the time, and
so it's a lot of informationthat your brain is having to
process and organize, and so,naturally, if it's doing its job
(06:28):
, it's going to be trying tohelp you by going into a
decision and making it easier,by kind of taking the first
steps, for example, planning awedding.
Right, there are a lot ofdecisions that are already made
for me.
If I'm going the traditionalroute, you are wearing a dress,
your dress is going to be white,you are going to wear a ring,
(06:51):
you are going to eat certainfood, have a particular type of
dessert, maybe there's livemusic, maybe there's some
traditions, maybe there'sreligion involved, but there's a
lot of decisions that are kindof already made for you.
And, yeah, that can be reallyhelpful to have a template.
But you want to start with justacknowledging hey, maybe that's
(07:12):
something to be questioned.
Maybe this concept of wearing awhite wedding dress, while I
never really thought about itbefore, when I do think
critically about it, isn'tactually something I want to do,
and I don't even really knowwhy that's a thing.
I don't even know the historyof why wedding dresses are white
.
I just know that my best friendjust did it for her wedding and
(07:33):
my mom offered to go dressshopping with me and she set us
up with a bunch of dress shopsthat specialize in white wedding
dresses.
And so what are those biasesthat are already shaping your
decision and shaping your life?
So that's step one, and forthat you need to have humility,
so you need to be gentle withyourself and willing to face the
(07:54):
facts that you too may havefallen victim to societal
expectations or preconceivednotions about how things are
done, but that it's okay, thatwe are awakening now and we are
looking at this information withnew eyes and we're deciding if
it's right for me.
So you need to have thathumility and you really need to
have a beginner's mind.
(08:15):
You have to be willing to startfrom scratch and actually take
all of that information out andhead to step two, which is what
are the actual truths?
When I think about the conceptof the 40 hour work week and
something that I've questionedfor a long time, actual truths
are okay.
Here are things I need to getdone this week.
(08:37):
These are commitments I've made.
These are goals that I have forthe month, the week, the day
that need to get done within acertain particular timeframe,
and I have an idea of generallyhow long this task should take.
That is an example of an actualfact that I'm going to now take
these facts and these actualtruths to decide whether I want
(08:59):
to work a 40 hour work weekversus the other option, which
is what most of society defaultsto is I'm just going to sit on
my computer until five o'clockand then I'm going to close my
laptop and I'm just going tokeep working and keep playing
around with things and keepmoving things forward until
around five o'clock and I'mgoing to start at about 9 am and
(09:21):
I'm just going to do stuffbecause that's when I'm supposed
to be working and I should beputting in 40 hours versus
questioning how long it is evengoing to take for you to do your
work and then base how manyhours you're going to work based
on that.
So it's like something thatcomes very naturally for me.
Something regarding my upcomingwedding is that I know Jared
(09:42):
and I both want to have anexperience where our close loved
ones are there and we want youhave a moment in time that
honors this transition in ourlives into married life.
So that's an actual fact thatwe have that we both share, and
then you build off of it fromthere.
(10:02):
Third example this is way intothe future, but honestly it is
something that's on my mindright now.
If I did have a family, whattype of education system would I
put my children through?
And so an actual truth withthat is I know that I would want
my children to have a learningexperience that would allow them
to explore things that they'repersonally interested in and
(10:24):
follow their own curiosity andbe able to go as deep as they
want into problems and ideasthat resonate with them.
I want them to have the freedomto fully go deep into their own
interests, and I start withthat.
I don't start with saying, oh,will the traditional education
system and putting them inpublic school or private school
(10:46):
with government regulatedclassroom curriculum is wrong.
I go into it with, startingwith like what do I want out of
this?
And then seeing if what thetraditional ways of doing things
will actually fit into the goal.
So that's actually looking atit with the hard truths.
And part of looking at the hardtruth and following that
curiosity of why things are theway they are is to look at the
(11:08):
history of where thesetraditions came from and why
society even got to where it was.
When we look at the 40 hour workweek, for example, this was
invented and started almost 100years ago and it was from Henry
Ford who came up with the 40hour work week as a way to
(11:28):
create more productivity in hisworkforce.
He realized that if he hadthree eight hour shifts then he
could have 24 hour coverage inhis plants all day long, and so
he started the 40 hour work weekto create efficiencies and
maximize productivity.
And then a bunch of othercompanies followed suit with
that best practice, and we'vekind of just been doing that
(11:51):
ever since, and I've seen theheadlines about.
Now there's discussions aboutmoving to a four day work week,
and all of that's great, but Istill think it's completely
arbitrary.
How can we just determine howlong something should be taking,
especially with the way thatjobs are changing?
It's one thing to be working inassembly plant where your
(12:15):
output is directly correlatedwith time in, but there are tons
of jobs, and increasing everyday, where your output is not
directly correlated to time in,and so to arbitrarily decide how
many hours a week we should allbe working in, what those hours
should be to me really needs tobe questioned, and it should be
done on a case by case basis,and you should be using first
(12:38):
principles when you're makingthose decisions, right.
Another thing that's reallyinteresting is if we look at the
history of the classroomsetting, specifically lecture
style education and havingchildren in classrooms for most
of the day that was actually setup to support society.
No one ever said what is thebest way for children to learn.
(13:01):
When we were deciding this, itwas just as much about child
care and supporting workingfamilies more than it was for
the education and the learningenvironment.
And so, first of all,acknowledging that, okay.
Well, if, if I'm changing mywork and I don't really need my
children to go to school for 40hours because that's not how I'm
(13:21):
working necessarily, and maybenow I'm more remote and I'm
flexible, does that traditionaleducation system even make sense
for my lifestyle and is thateven helpful?
Or, at this point, is theremore to be gained by questioning
that?
So, once we've worked on stepone and step two, we've asked
the question but why?
(13:42):
We've been honest withourselves about what bias are we
going into this decision with?
And am I trying to use thesemental shortcuts as best
practices without everythingquestioning whether these best
practices make sense?
For me, that step one and thenstep two is to look at the
actual truth.
What are the facts that comefrom you and that are the
(14:03):
reality of the situation?
And now for step three.
Right, you really need couragenow.
You need the courage to designfrom scratch.
You need the courage to resistthe urge to Google a template.
Yes, you can lean intoinspiration and ideas from how
other people are doing things.
I mean, you're literally doingthat right now by listening to
(14:24):
this episode and hearing how Samuses first principles to design
her life, and you know Iappreciate you listening
immensely.
But I don't want you torecreate exactly what I have in
mind for my wedding and myrelationship celebration and I
don't want you to think abouthow I'm using my 168 hours a
(14:46):
week to determine how much Ishould actually be allocating
that for work.
I want you to find inspirationin what I'm doing, but use your
own first principles about yourown truths in order to find the
solution that's going to workfor you For our wedding.
Things that we've really beenquestioning in particular is
whether we even want to belegally married, whether I will
(15:08):
formally convert to Judaismbecause Jared is Jewish and I
grew up Christian.
These are difficultconversations to have with each
other, but they're really,really important and we're going
into these conversations withwhat are the expectations that
other people might be putting onus or society might have led us
(15:31):
to that we want to decide.
Is that actually what we wantfor ourselves, and so those are
two decisions that we're makingright now that I, honestly, I
don't know.
Another one is having a familyone day.
Is that in the cards for us?
And the main reason that we'vebeen holding back from making
(15:52):
that decision is because we havethis fear of giving up our
freedom.
So many times I have been toldoh, that's all fun and games, to
live the remote lifestyle andbe a digital nomad until you
have kids, and kids changeeverything and kids ground you
and kids need stability and kidsneed security.
This is what we've just beentold over and over again, and
(16:15):
I've been listening to that andI've been thinking, oh crap,
you're right.
Well, that means I have to haveone or the other, and so I've
been now going out of my way tosource inspiration and examples
where that isn't the case,learning about families that are
using international schools andraising what they're called
third culture kids, and I'velearned that there are so many
(16:37):
different ways that you can dothis, and so the truth is is I
don't know if we want to have afamily, but I do know that, if I
did, I see immense benefit ineducating children through real
life experiences and having veryinteractive learning
environments.
I can picture my kids, you know, speaking more languages than
me and going to school with kidsfrom all over the world and
(17:00):
having them live in multiplecountries throughout the year.
But something that I do thinkis a real concern would be the
stability aspect, and so, if Ithink about my own lifestyle
living this, one of the hardestthings is you know, you meet
these friends and you meet thesepeople all around the world and
you get really close in threeor four months and then you have
to say goodbye and you don'tknow if you'll ever be back and
(17:23):
ever see them again, and itreally makes you wonder whether
it's even worth investing inthese relationships.
And that was something thatJared and I started to realize
about a year and a half ago andstarted to change how we were
doing things, where we're nowintentionally going back to the
same places so that we canmaintain those relationships,
and it's actually been reallybeautiful to have different
(17:44):
groups of friends andrelationships in different parts
of the world where it's like,okay, I'll see you in 10 months.
And so you know, using our ownfirst principles of what's
important to us and how do wedefine stability, while also
taking advantage of how we wantto live our ideal lifestyles.
It's thinking okay, well, if wedid that, then that's what we
(18:05):
would want for our children too,rather than goodbye forever to
your new friend.
It's you know, I'll see you insix months, and so that's like a
very real example of how youcan totally question how things
are done and what you're told,to design something from scratch
, and it can be a lot of fun andreally exciting and empowering
(18:26):
when you realize that all ofthese decisions are ultimately
yours to make.
Some people can hear this andfind it exhausting.
Wow, that sounds like a lot ofwork for you to constantly be
questioning things and toconstantly be pulse checking if
this is how things should bedone, and I honor that reaction.
I really do.
(18:47):
It's less about beingalternative and more about being
intentional.
It's not so much aboutrejecting how things are done,
but more about choosing how Iwant things to be done for me.
So it's not joining thesesubcultures and these fringe
movements for the sake of beingpart of them.
It's about aligning yourlifestyle with your values, and
(19:11):
there's a lot of societaltraditions that I am here for.
I really wanted to get engaged.
I've wanted to get engaged mywhole life and I didn't push
back on that desire.
I have a beautiful ring on myleft hand, on my ring finger,
(19:32):
and I love it and it makes mereally happy and that is a
tradition that I kept and wasimportant to me, and so I
wouldn't want you to think thatcommitting to using first
principles to design your lifeis committing to this lifestyle
of examining everything andputting in so much effort and to
(19:53):
pushing against the grain andfor making things being really
hard.
It's more just about figuringout what are the most important
decisions that are going to beimpacting your life and being
really thoughtful about theactions you're taking and being
really intentional about thetrack that you essentially put
(20:13):
yourself on.
But I get exhausted too, like tobe honest.
We have almost canceled ourrelationships Celebration like
five times, so we will see whathappens on June 4th 2022.
But every time we kind of getoverwhelmed and exhausted and
just think this sounds like somuch work.
Why would we even do this?
(20:33):
We take a moment and we honorthat.
We're feeling reallyoverwhelmed by the effort that
would be required in order tobring this unique vision to life
, and that is okay to feeloverwhelmed by it.
However, remind ourselves ofthe trade off.
So if I didn't do this or Itook that easy route or I
(20:55):
followed the templated lifestyle, what is the trade off?
And then also let's look backat the times where we did the
courageous thing, we put in theeffort and we worked together
and co-created and did the hardthing and how rewarding that was
.
So that kind of helps us whenwe're feeling a little bit
(21:15):
exhausted about it and alsoreminding ourselves like you
don't have to do it foreverything.
It's about deciding what'simportant to you and putting
effort into those things and,honestly, if you're not putting
effort into the most importantdecision that are going to shape
your life, what are you puttingyour effort into?
I really believe if you'rethoughtful about the most
important areas of your lifethat impact you for the longest
(21:40):
amount of time and shape more ofyour day to day is one of the
best actions that you can takenow to prevent a future scenario
where you're living withregrets.
I've seen people who live withregrets.
I've seen people in my life whoare at the end of the road and
wish they did things differentlyand wish that they acted more
(22:00):
courageously and wish that theyquestioned things more, that
they used their own firstprinciples to make decisions, to
design their own lifestyle.
And sometimes you see thatmidlife crisis but worse, you
watch people kind of wrap uptheir life knowing that they had
so many regrets.
And I just believe that a lot ofthese decisions that we're
making right now and beingintentional about them, while
(22:23):
they can be a lot of work, it'san investment in your future.
It's investment in feelingconfident and satisfied by your
life.
So I hope you can findinspiration in my own story and
the way that I'm using theseprinciples to design my life,
but I hope you don't copy mine.
I hope you just think about itnext time you're going to do
something and realize, hey, I'veactually never questioned this
(22:46):
before.
Or wait a minute, let's take astep back and really make sure
that I'm using my own facts andmy own desires to make this
decision that's ultimately goingto really shape the rest of my
life.
So thank you so much for tuningin.
I will be in your ears againnext week with another interview
at this episode.
I'm so excited for you to meetmy next guest and, if you
(23:10):
haven't listened to the ladieswho've been on this season so
far.
I really encourage you to goback to the last few episodes.
I'm super proud of this rosterin season four, but hey, if you
caught up, there's three seasonsbefore that.
We're almost 60 episodes in.
So have a listen and, evenbetter, share this with someone
in your life that could reallyuse this framework as a way to
(23:34):
start designing their ownlifestyle and to make decisions
for themselves, using their ownfirst principles.
Until next time, enjoy yourfreedom.
It's less about being alternative and more about
being intentional.
It's not so much aboutrejecting how things are done,
but more about choosing how Iwant things to be done for me.
You're listening to the FreedomLifestyle podcast series.
I'm sharing relatable storiesof freedom seekers who ditched
(00:22):
conventional office life andcourageously asked for more.
The energy just completelyshifted.
My entire being just felt sofree.
My business was stillgenerating income while I was on
the beach.
I decided to quit and just stayat home.
I really can't work for anyonebut me.
It's literally just doingwhatever the hell you want to do
.
As for me, I'm your host, sam,and I've spent the last four
(00:45):
years creating a business thatallows me to work from anywhere.
The Freedom Lifestyle looksdifferent for everyone.
What's your free?
When is the last time that youasked but why?
Why do we do something this way?
Why is it like that?
Why is the way that it's alwaysbeen done?
Why is that the tradition, I'mguessing, if you listen to the
Freedom Lifestyle podcast.
(01:06):
First of all, thank you.
Second of all, I'm guessingthat this is a common question
that you ask, that you aretrying to live more thoughtfully
and deliberately when it comesto making important decisions in
your life.
In this episode, I'm going toteach you how to make decisions
using first principles and howyou can use this methodology to
(01:27):
actually design your dreamlifestyle.
There are three steps that I'mgoing to walk you through, so
we'll go through each of thoseand I'll give you some examples
of decisions that I'm makingright now using first principles
, including my upcoming wedding.
And then I'm also going to talkabout the personality traits
and headspace that you reallywant to be in mentally in order
(01:48):
to be successful.
You definitely need courage,humility and a beginner's mind
in order to use first principlesto design your life.
So more on that in this episode, but first I want to tell you a
little bit about today'ssponsor.
This season of the FreedomLifestyle podcast is made
possible by some of my favoritebrands and companies that are
(02:08):
empowering the digital nomadmovement, one being Safe Doing.
They offer travel insurancethat, yes, includes COVID-19
coverage, which is a must rightnow for many countries.
To even let you in, safe Doingcovers quarantine costs even if
you're outside your home country.
Click on the referral link inmy show notes to learn more and
(02:29):
unlock some extra ease duringyour next adventure.
So, as I'm sharing thisinformation today's episode.
I'm expecting that there'sgoing to be some nodding along
as you're listening.
There's going to be somemoments where you realize that
you're already doing this andthat, intuitively, this is how
(02:49):
you've been acting.
That is exactly how I felt whenI heard about this concept.
This is something that comespretty naturally for me, but I
never really had a term for it.
I thought it was something thatactually was a problem of mine.
I mean, that's what I was toldmy whole life when I've been an
employee in the past.
On many occasions I've receivedthe feedback that I can be a
(03:11):
bit combative and questionauthority, and even someone
called me a little bit edgy whendecisions were being made.
It is common for me to ask whyare we doing something this way?
When there's a process that'sin motion that I see flaws in or
I see can be improved, I can'thelp myself but to ask for the
(03:34):
logic behind a decision or sharemy idea for an innovative
approach to traditional ways ofdoing things.
It's always come quitenaturally for me, but it hasn't
always been well received inmany settings.
My entire freedom journeystarted with me questioning
office life and the traditionalnine to five in the office where
(03:58):
we can see you dynamics.
I didn't understand why we werestill operating in this way
when we had the internet and wehad so many different tools that
allow us to really work fromanywhere, and I saw there was
just so much more that could begained than could be lost by
having more of a flexible workenvironment.
(04:18):
And following that why andfollowing that curiosity led me
to where I am today, and whileit hasn't always made me the
most popular person in the room,I'm now realizing that this has
been a natural instinct thatI've had all along, and I got
really excited when I learnedabout this concept of designing
your life using first principlesand making decisions using
first principles.
(04:39):
This methodology is most oftenused in startup environments or
technical environments.
When there's a lot of designwhether it's a website or a
physical product or a eventthat's taking place is to really
let go of all of theassumptions and let go all of
the biases that you have andstart from scratch.
(04:59):
When we design and when we makedecisions, it's very common for
us to use concepts and analogiesthat already exist.
We see these as almost likemental shortcuts and okay, well,
this is already how it's beingdone, so we're starting with
this base and we can disguisethese mental shortcuts as best
practices and proven bestpractices, without ever
(05:21):
questioning how we even got tothese quote unquote best
practices in the first place.
So step one is really beingopen to ask about why and to
have humility with yourself, toacknowledge that you may have,
consciously or subconsciously,been making decisions in the
past, or were about to make adecision that you're currently
(05:43):
facing, using a bunch ofpreconceived notions and
expectations about how thingsshould be done or have always
been done or expected to be done, or how you've seen things to
be done.
And so, first of all, just havesome humility with yourself of
you're human.
We're all going through thislife with a millions of
(06:04):
downloads and messages thatwe're receiving on a daily basis
from media, from society, fromour peer groups, from content
that we're consuming, frompeople that we're talking to to
our own monkey minds giving usinspiration all of the time, and
so it's a lot of informationthat your brain is having to
process and organize, and so,naturally, if it's doing its job
(06:28):
, it's going to be trying tohelp you by going into a
decision and making it easier,by kind of taking the first
steps, for example, planning awedding.
Right, there are a lot ofdecisions that are already made
for me.
If I'm going the traditionalroute, you are wearing a dress,
your dress is going to be white,you are going to wear a ring,
(06:51):
you are going to eat certainfood, have a particular type of
dessert, maybe there's livemusic, maybe there's some
traditions, maybe there'sreligion involved, but there's a
lot of decisions that are kindof already made for you.
And, yeah, that can be reallyhelpful to have a template.
But you want to start with justacknowledging hey, maybe that's
(07:12):
something to be questioned.
Maybe this concept of wearing awhite wedding dress, while I
never really thought about itbefore, when I do think
critically about it, isn'tactually something I want to do,
and I don't even really knowwhy that's a thing.
I don't even know the historyof why wedding dresses are white
.
I just know that my best friendjust did it for her wedding and
(07:33):
my mom offered to go dressshopping with me and she set us
up with a bunch of dress shopsthat specialize in white wedding
dresses.
And so what are those biasesthat are already shaping your
decision and shaping your life?
So that's step one, and forthat you need to have humility,
so you need to be gentle withyourself and willing to face the
(07:54):
facts that you too may havefallen victim to societal
expectations or preconceivednotions about how things are
done, but that it's okay, thatwe are awakening now and we are
looking at this information withnew eyes and we're deciding if
it's right for me.
So you need to have thathumility and you really need to
have a beginner's mind.
(08:15):
You have to be willing to startfrom scratch and actually take
all of that information out andhead to step two, which is what
are the actual truths?
When I think about the conceptof the 40 hour work week and
something that I've questionedfor a long time, actual truths
are okay.
Here are things I need to getdone this week.
(08:37):
These are commitments I've made.
These are goals that I have forthe month, the week, the day
that need to get done within acertain particular timeframe,
and I have an idea of generallyhow long this task should take.
That is an example of an actualfact that I'm going to now take
these facts and these actualtruths to decide whether I want
(08:59):
to work a 40 hour work weekversus the other option, which
is what most of society defaultsto is I'm just going to sit on
my computer until five o'clockand then I'm going to close my
laptop and I'm just going tokeep working and keep playing
around with things and keepmoving things forward until
around five o'clock and I'mgoing to start at about 9 am and
(09:21):
I'm just going to do stuffbecause that's when I'm supposed
to be working and I should beputting in 40 hours versus
questioning how long it is evengoing to take for you to do your
work and then base how manyhours you're going to work based
on that.
So it's like something thatcomes very naturally for me.
Something regarding my upcomingwedding is that I know Jared
(09:42):
and I both want to have anexperience where our close loved
ones are there and we want youhave a moment in time that
honors this transition in ourlives into married life.
So that's an actual fact thatwe have that we both share, and
then you build off of it fromthere.
(10:02):
Third example this is way intothe future, but honestly it is
something that's on my mindright now.
If I did have a family, whattype of education system would I
put my children through?
And so an actual truth withthat is I know that I would want
my children to have a learningexperience that would allow them
to explore things that they'repersonally interested in and
(10:24):
follow their own curiosity andbe able to go as deep as they
want into problems and ideasthat resonate with them.
I want them to have the freedomto fully go deep into their own
interests, and I start withthat.
I don't start with saying, oh,will the traditional education
system and putting them inpublic school or private school
(10:46):
with government regulatedclassroom curriculum is wrong.
I go into it with, startingwith like what do I want out of
this?
And then seeing if what thetraditional ways of doing things
will actually fit into the goal.
So that's actually looking atit with the hard truths.
And part of looking at the hardtruth and following that
curiosity of why things are theway they are is to look at the
(11:08):
history of where thesetraditions came from and why
society even got to where it was.
When we look at the 40 hour workweek, for example, this was
invented and started almost 100years ago and it was from Henry
Ford who came up with the 40hour work week as a way to
(11:28):
create more productivity in hisworkforce.
He realized that if he hadthree eight hour shifts then he
could have 24 hour coverage inhis plants all day long, and so
he started the 40 hour work weekto create efficiencies and
maximize productivity.
And then a bunch of othercompanies followed suit with
that best practice, and we'vekind of just been doing that
(11:51):
ever since, and I've seen theheadlines about.
Now there's discussions aboutmoving to a four day work week,
and all of that's great, but Istill think it's completely
arbitrary.
How can we just determine howlong something should be taking,
especially with the way thatjobs are changing?
It's one thing to be working inassembly plant where your
(12:15):
output is directly correlatedwith time in, but there are tons
of jobs, and increasing everyday, where your output is not
directly correlated to time in,and so to arbitrarily decide how
many hours a week we should allbe working in, what those hours
should be to me really needs tobe questioned, and it should be
done on a case by case basis,and you should be using first
(12:38):
principles when you're makingthose decisions, right.
Another thing that's reallyinteresting is if we look at the
history of the classroomsetting, specifically lecture
style education and havingchildren in classrooms for most
of the day that was actually setup to support society.
No one ever said what is thebest way for children to learn.
(13:01):
When we were deciding this, itwas just as much about child
care and supporting workingfamilies more than it was for
the education and the learningenvironment.
And so, first of all,acknowledging that, okay.
Well, if, if I'm changing mywork and I don't really need my
children to go to school for 40hours because that's not how I'm
(13:21):
working necessarily, and maybenow I'm more remote and I'm
flexible, does that traditionaleducation system even make sense
for my lifestyle and is thateven helpful?
Or, at this point, is theremore to be gained by questioning
that?
So, once we've worked on stepone and step two, we've asked
the question but why?
(13:42):
We've been honest withourselves about what bias are we
going into this decision with?
And am I trying to use thesemental shortcuts as best
practices without everythingquestioning whether these best
practices make sense?
For me, that step one and thenstep two is to look at the
actual truth.
What are the facts that comefrom you and that are the
(14:03):
reality of the situation?
And now for step three.
Right, you really need couragenow.
You need the courage to designfrom scratch.
You need the courage to resistthe urge to Google a template.
Yes, you can lean intoinspiration and ideas from how
other people are doing things.
I mean, you're literally doingthat right now by listening to
(14:24):
this episode and hearing how Samuses first principles to design
her life, and you know Iappreciate you listening
immensely.
But I don't want you torecreate exactly what I have in
mind for my wedding and myrelationship celebration and I
don't want you to think abouthow I'm using my 168 hours a
(14:46):
week to determine how much Ishould actually be allocating
that for work.
I want you to find inspirationin what I'm doing, but use your
own first principles about yourown truths in order to find the
solution that's going to workfor you For our wedding.
Things that we've really beenquestioning in particular is
whether we even want to belegally married, whether I will
(15:08):
formally convert to Judaismbecause Jared is Jewish and I
grew up Christian.
These are difficultconversations to have with each
other, but they're really,really important and we're going
into these conversations withwhat are the expectations that
other people might be putting onus or society might have led us
(15:31):
to that we want to decide.
Is that actually what we wantfor ourselves, and so those are
two decisions that we're makingright now that I, honestly, I
don't know.
Another one is having a familyone day.
Is that in the cards for us?
And the main reason that we'vebeen holding back from making
(15:52):
that decision is because we havethis fear of giving up our
freedom.
So many times I have been toldoh, that's all fun and games, to
live the remote lifestyle andbe a digital nomad until you
have kids, and kids changeeverything and kids ground you
and kids need stability and kidsneed security.
This is what we've just beentold over and over again, and
(16:15):
I've been listening to that andI've been thinking, oh crap,
you're right.
Well, that means I have to haveone or the other, and so I've
been now going out of my way tosource inspiration and examples
where that isn't the case,learning about families that are
using international schools andraising what they're called
third culture kids, and I'velearned that there are so many
(16:37):
different ways that you can dothis, and so the truth is is I
don't know if we want to have afamily, but I do know that, if I
did, I see immense benefit ineducating children through real
life experiences and having veryinteractive learning
environments.
I can picture my kids, you know, speaking more languages than
me and going to school with kidsfrom all over the world and
(17:00):
having them live in multiplecountries throughout the year.
But something that I do thinkis a real concern would be the
stability aspect, and so, if Ithink about my own lifestyle
living this, one of the hardestthings is you know, you meet
these friends and you meet thesepeople all around the world and
you get really close in threeor four months and then you have
to say goodbye and you don'tknow if you'll ever be back and
(17:23):
ever see them again, and itreally makes you wonder whether
it's even worth investing inthese relationships.
And that was something thatJared and I started to realize
about a year and a half ago andstarted to change how we were
doing things, where we're nowintentionally going back to the
same places so that we canmaintain those relationships,
and it's actually been reallybeautiful to have different
(17:44):
groups of friends andrelationships in different parts
of the world where it's like,okay, I'll see you in 10 months.
And so you know, using our ownfirst principles of what's
important to us and how do wedefine stability, while also
taking advantage of how we wantto live our ideal lifestyles.
It's thinking okay, well, if wedid that, then that's what we
(18:05):
would want for our children too,rather than goodbye forever to
your new friend.
It's you know, I'll see you insix months, and so that's like a
very real example of how youcan totally question how things
are done and what you're told,to design something from scratch
, and it can be a lot of fun andreally exciting and empowering
(18:26):
when you realize that all ofthese decisions are ultimately
yours to make.
Some people can hear this andfind it exhausting.
Wow, that sounds like a lot ofwork for you to constantly be
questioning things and toconstantly be pulse checking if
this is how things should bedone, and I honor that reaction.
I really do.
(18:47):
It's less about beingalternative and more about being
intentional.
It's not so much aboutrejecting how things are done,
but more about choosing how Iwant things to be done for me.
So it's not joining thesesubcultures and these fringe
movements for the sake of beingpart of them.
It's about aligning yourlifestyle with your values, and
(19:11):
there's a lot of societaltraditions that I am here for.
I really wanted to get engaged.
I've wanted to get engaged mywhole life and I didn't push
back on that desire.
I have a beautiful ring on myleft hand, on my ring finger,
(19:32):
and I love it and it makes mereally happy and that is a
tradition that I kept and wasimportant to me, and so I
wouldn't want you to think thatcommitting to using first
principles to design your lifeis committing to this lifestyle
of examining everything andputting in so much effort and to
(19:53):
pushing against the grain andfor making things being really
hard.
It's more just about figuringout what are the most important
decisions that are going to beimpacting your life and being
really thoughtful about theactions you're taking and being
really intentional about thetrack that you essentially put
(20:13):
yourself on.
But I get exhausted too, like tobe honest.
We have almost canceled ourrelationships Celebration like
five times, so we will see whathappens on June 4th 2022.
But every time we kind of getoverwhelmed and exhausted and
just think this sounds like somuch work.
Why would we even do this?
(20:33):
We take a moment and we honorthat.
We're feeling reallyoverwhelmed by the effort that
would be required in order tobring this unique vision to life
, and that is okay to feeloverwhelmed by it.
However, remind ourselves ofthe trade off.
So if I didn't do this or Itook that easy route or I
(20:55):
followed the templated lifestyle, what is the trade off?
And then also let's look backat the times where we did the
courageous thing, we put in theeffort and we worked together
and co-created and did the hardthing and how rewarding that was
.
So that kind of helps us whenwe're feeling a little bit
(21:15):
exhausted about it and alsoreminding ourselves like you
don't have to do it foreverything.
It's about deciding what'simportant to you and putting
effort into those things and,honestly, if you're not putting
effort into the most importantdecision that are going to shape
your life, what are you puttingyour effort into?
I really believe if you'rethoughtful about the most
important areas of your lifethat impact you for the longest
(21:40):
amount of time and shape more ofyour day to day is one of the
best actions that you can takenow to prevent a future scenario
where you're living withregrets.
I've seen people who live withregrets.
I've seen people in my life whoare at the end of the road and
wish they did things differentlyand wish that they acted more
(22:00):
courageously and wish that theyquestioned things more, that
they used their own firstprinciples to make decisions, to
design their own lifestyle.
And sometimes you see thatmidlife crisis but worse, you
watch people kind of wrap uptheir life knowing that they had
so many regrets.
And I just believe that a lot ofthese decisions that we're
making right now and beingintentional about them, while
(22:23):
they can be a lot of work, it'san investment in your future.
It's investment in feelingconfident and satisfied by your
life.
So I hope you can findinspiration in my own story and
the way that I'm using theseprinciples to design my life,
but I hope you don't copy mine.
I hope you just think about itnext time you're going to do
something and realize, hey, I'veactually never questioned this
(22:46):
before.
Or wait a minute, let's take astep back and really make sure
that I'm using my own facts andmy own desires to make this
decision that's ultimately goingto really shape the rest of my
life.
So thank you so much for tuningin.
I will be in your ears againnext week with another interview
at this episode.
I'm so excited for you to meetmy next guest and, if you
(23:10):
haven't listened to the ladieswho've been on this season so
far.
I really encourage you to goback to the last few episodes.
I'm super proud of this rosterin season four, but hey, if you
caught up, there's three seasonsbefore that.
We're almost 60 episodes in.
So have a listen and, evenbetter, share this with someone
in your life that could reallyuse this framework as a way to
(23:34):
start designing their ownlifestyle and to make decisions
for themselves, using their ownfirst principles.
Until next time, enjoy yourfreedom.
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