November 21, 2024 • 39 mins
Setting boundaries (guilt-free), especially during the hectic end-of-year rush!
Whether it’s protecting your weekends, managing scope creep, or gracefully declining requests that don’t align with your values - boundaries play a critical role in living a life on your own terms... especially as a service-based entrepreneur!
Hear my personal stories of confidently saying no to clients to preserve energy, professional integrity and respect. You’ll learn practical scripts for enforcing boundaries, unexpected ways they can attract the right clients and when to abandon boundaries (and over-delivery) to foster important relationships.
Takeaways:
- how to align on your business boundaries (time, scope and payment)
- tactics for enforcing boundaries with word-for-word scripts
- the root of boundary resistance (why others may react negatively at first)
- how to inspire others through your boundaries (and weed out wrong clients)
- when to adapt boundaries for special clients and future leverage 😉
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome back, friends , to another episode of the
Freedom Lifestyle, a show thatis designed to help you build
freedom and flexibility intoyour life so that you can live a
life that's unique to you,unique to your own desires and
your own lifestyle preferences.
I'm your host, sam, and todaywe are talking about boundaries,
something so important if weare going to live a life on our
(00:27):
own terms, and you know whatfriends, tis the season to let
them slip.
Earlier this week, I washanging out with a close friend
of mine here in Squamish and wegot into a discussion about work
.
For context, he owns anadvertising agency and has a
full roster of clients Formyself.
I have my own coaching and hasa full roster of clients For
myself.
I have my own coaching clientsand my own freelance work.
(00:48):
And in our conversation therewas a clear energy in the room,
this shared feeling that we arein this final push to end the
year strong.
We both really were likedoubling down before we get a
break type energy, and this isthe time of year where I realize
our boundaries might startslipping.
We might find ourselves sayingyes to things that we know we
(01:11):
shouldn't, or falling back intoold ways of working that we had
previously promised ourselveswe'd avoid, all in an effort to
end the year strong, all in aneffort to have that final push,
that final sprint to the end ofthe year before we relax and
indulge in the holiday spirit.
For me, my boundaries are beinglowered right now because I
(01:35):
have this pressure to save asmuch money as I can before going
on sabbatical.
Jared and I are doing athree-ish, maybe four-month,
trip, starting in january, wherehe's not going to be working at
all.
I'm still trying to figure outwhat I'm going to do, but I'm no
right now.
I want to be making as muchmoney as possible while I can.
My friend who owns the agency.
(01:56):
He is very focused on showinggreat results for his clients.
They're starting to makedecisions about next year
allocating budgets and, ofcourse, he wants to be in their
good books while they're makingthose decisions.
So he's finding himself sayingyou want me to jump?
How high as we're all in thisfinal sprint of the year.
I want to create this soloepisode to remind us why our
(02:19):
boundaries are valid and whythey are important and the
consequences of abandoning them.
When it comes to boundaries,it's about feeling confident
that your boundaries are validand a way to honor yourself, but
also to have the wisdom aboutwhen not to use them, when to
let them slip.
You may have heard the phrasestrong boundaries loosely held.
(02:41):
I really do believe this and myhope is that you're going to
leave this episode feeling moreconfident about saying no when
necessary, but, of course, havethe wisdom to know when it's
time to suck it up and dosomething.
I'm even going to equip youwith specific language and
tactics that will help you sayno with grace, because I know
it's difficult.
I get it, I've been there somany times Our natural
(03:04):
tendencies to people please andsay yes just to avoid a
difficult direct conversation.
They're real, but there is anart to saying no and I've really
learned by having boundariesyou can actually gain someone's
respect, so much more than ifyou're just a yes person.
So let's get into it byunpacking.
What are boundaries really?
(03:26):
When it comes to being anentrepreneur and having clients,
boundaries are really aboutestablishing clear limits and
guidelines about how you expectto be treated, the kind of work
that you're willing to do, howcommunication will happen, and
these boundaries are put inplace so that you can protect
(03:47):
your own time, your own energy,your professional integrity and
ensure that the relationship youhave with your clients, that it
remains respectful, that it'ssustainable.
Right Now, not all boundariesneed to be clearly stated up
front with clients.
Some can really just beestablished as you go based on
(04:08):
things that come up.
Sometimes I find just bychanging my behavior a client
can get the hint, they can pickup on the dynamic of how you
want to be working and whenthey've crossed a line.
So if you're somebody whodreads having the talk, direct
conversation isn't alwaysnecessary.
I want to give some examples ofboundaries, because maybe
you're someone listening to thisand you haven't really brought
(04:31):
into awareness what boundariesare important to you and you
like examples.
You want me to be specific, soI'm going to get there with you.
I'm also now going to getspecific in how you can enforce
some of these boundaries.
The biggest one, I would say, istime boundaries.
You'll often see people setspecific hours or days that they
(04:52):
work.
I know I have a friend who inthe summer they always do half
day Fridays or take Fridays offand they let their clients know
that they're not available forcalls or to be answering
messages or emails on Fridays.
Sometimes I'll see in an emailthread, I will only be
responding to emails betweenthese hours For me.
(05:13):
I've like entirely solved forthis by just having a calendar
booking tool.
When somebody wants to meetwith me, I send them my calendar
link.
For so many reasons do I love acalendar link?
It saves so much administrativeburden of going back and forth
to find a time.
But a really unexpected perk isI just control what my
(05:33):
availability is without havingto tell the client oh, I can't
meet with you on a Saturday.
I send them a link and it justshows that I happen to be
available between 10 am and 4 pmMonday to Friday.
And oh right, I take an hourbreak at lunch and oh right, I
don't start before 10 am or gopast four, and nothing is
(05:55):
available on the weekends.
The system just completelyworks for me, and so when I send
that to somebody, that's how myhours end up getting filled
With.
That said, some clients canstill try to test your
boundaries.
I have one client who likes tocall me unannounced, thinking
that, oh, I just have a quickquestion that could be solved
(06:15):
with a short call and sure I getit.
But one time they called meearly on a Saturday morning.
I was shocked that they thoughtthat was appropriate, but guess
what?
I just didn't answer the call.
A few hours later I justmessaged them saying hey, I was
still sleeping.
I'm not available to hop on acall today, but if you send me a
(06:36):
quick voice note I'll reply assoon as I can.
They made some joke about oh,you're a sleepyhead, I've been
up since 5 am, okay, butotherwise they just accepted it
and that was that.
If you want to be more directin this scenario, you could say
something like I'm happy todiscuss project updates during
(06:58):
our weekly check-in calls.
If you do have urgent mattersoutside of those times, send me
an email and I'll get back toyou within 24 hours.
Right, that could have been themessage I sent this client if I
wanted this to not happen again.
Instead, I kind of just letthem know hey, I'm still
sleeping and therefore don'tcall me at 8 am on a Saturday,
(07:22):
even though you've been up since5.
Good for you.
Another type of boundary wouldbe around scope.
So scope would be the type ofwork that you have agreed to do
for your client typicallyinvolves defining the specific
tasks, specific projects,deliverables that you are
agreeing to which helps preventscope creep, which is when a
(07:45):
client asks for work outside ofthe original agreement.
This is a boundary that I domake clear up front and ideally
in writing.
In this scenario, if you'refinding a client is asking you
to do things outside of what youagreed upon, maybe you've
agreed to sending them a numberof assets every single month, or
(08:08):
perhaps there's a certainamount of calls they get with
you as part of a package.
Whatever that might be, ifyou're noticing that scope creep
coming up and they're wantingmore from you, you could say
something like I'd love to helpwith that.
Since this is outside the scopeof our current contract, I can
(08:30):
provide an estimate for thisadditional work.
It could be as easy as sayingsomething like that and that's
going to let them know that I'minterested in doing this for you
.
I think it's a great idea.
I can still bring that level ofenthusiasm and professionalism
and reliability that you clearlyappreciate about me.
(08:51):
Considering you're coming backfor seconds and you want more
from me.
However, it's going to cost you, and then the ball is kind of
in their court about whetherthey have extra budget for this
project.
This does happen to me fairlyoften with the agency side of my
business and so I have a fewdifferent revenue streams.
(09:12):
But one is having a podcastingagency where I have clients
whose shows I essentially manageand I have a roster of
freelancers and team members Iwork with to help me manage
these shows.
Sometimes a client will wantmore than we've discussed, and
this is something I find I haveto use fairly often because it's
(09:34):
a slippery slope and the topthing is is sometimes you think
their idea is actually a goodidea.
Maybe the work that you'redoing for them is helping them
market something, and youoriginally discussed the various
social media channels or maybeblogs or different placements
(09:54):
where you're going to market,but then you realize that they
have this big email list thatyou didn't even know they had
and you're like, wow, we shouldtotally be sending emails to
your email list.
Of course you're going to wantto be doing that type of work
because you want to give themthe results, but it was outside
of your scope, you didn'tinclude that original contract.
So if you're going to startsending regular emails for this
(10:16):
client, you need to be gettingpaid for that and it's up to you
to advocate for that and toacknowledge that 90% of the time
the client is going to get it.
And if they don't get it, ifthey're offended by the fact
that you're not going to do morefor free, they're probably not
the right client, which more onthat in a second.
(10:36):
But let's transition to anothertype of boundary, which is
around payment.
These boundaries are aboutsetting clear expectations about
your terms, your pricing, thetimelines for when you're going
to get compensated.
Look, if you're not gettingpaid consistently, on time and
at the fee that you agreed to,you need to cut that client
(10:59):
immediately.
Of course, yes, we need to payour bills and I don't want you
to go in debt or not be able tobuy your groceries for the week
just because I'm telling you toquit this client.
But other than those types ofextreme circumstances, if a
client is not just respectingyour compensation, immediate no
(11:19):
immediate cut from my roster.
That's absolutely unacceptableto me.
I am very fortunate here.
After seven plus years of clientwork, only twice have I had
clients pay me late, and whileit was annoying to continue
working for them during thatdelay, I just kept putting on a
(11:40):
smile and eventually got mymoney and then I ended the
contract.
I mean, it wasn't just one latepayment.
I'm talking it was like monththree and I still hadn't been
paid for the month prior, andwhen I would send the new
month's invoice I would say, hey, I didn't actually get paid for
last month.
Can you send both payments atonce this month?
(12:01):
And after that had gone on fora few months, I was getting
worried.
I was never going to get themoney and so I didn't want to
start being passive, aggressiveor confrontational in fear that
they were going to take asignificant amount of money from
me.
I just smiled, kept doing thework, kept reminding them,
letting them know why it wasreally important.
I started to add some drama tothe story, like I have a really
(12:24):
big credit card bill that I needto pay off.
It would really help me if youcould send this.
I didn't have a credit cardbill, but anything you can do to
let them know that this issomething that you really need
there's some urgency here andyou're not actually making it
about their relationship I thinkcreates a harmonious dynamic
(12:44):
where they will pay you and thenyou just stop working for them.
What works really well in mybusiness is I'll sell coaching
calls, strategy calls, right.
You can either buy one callwith me or you can buy a package
, and how it's set up is thecalendar booking tool that I use
on the last page.
After they choose the date andthe time within the hours I want
(13:06):
to work, it then collects theirpayment via Stripe.
So before I've even gotten on acall with a new client, they
have paid, and so that is veryhelpful.
Of course I have larger clientsand freelance work on retainer
where I'm not just trading mytime for money.
I'm doing project-based workand for the most part I just
(13:27):
invoice after a month's worth ofwork.
So if I started with the clienton November 1st the first of
the next month I'll send aninvoice for the previous month
work.
If I have a larger projectlet's say it's a $5,000 or more
project to get started, then Iwill take an upfront deposit
before starting the work.
It's kind of like a safety netto make sure they are serious.
(13:49):
They do have money.
You've worked out all of thekinks to actually getting paid,
setting up all of the accountingand wire transfers or whatever
you're going to use to get paid,and then after that I'm
invoicing them monthly.
That seems to work really wellfor me, but it's just about
knowing that getting paid isprobably the most important part
(14:12):
of your relationship with yourclient.
I don't care if it's the mostamazing industry with the most
complimentary, easy to pleaseclient who allows you to really
be in your zone of genius.
If they're not paying you,paying you well, on your own
terms, on time, that's not ahealthy client relationship, and
(14:37):
I just don't agree or thinkthat that should ever be
happening.
Of course, you can be doingwork for free.
I do work for free all of thetime when it makes sense and we
are going to talk about that inthis episode when it's okay to
let our boundaries slip.
But I'm not working for freewhen I agree that this is a paid
project.
That's to me, is cray cray.
(14:58):
So, despite having these typesof boundaries and maybe when you
listen to this you're likecheck that in place.
Yep, I agree, yep, I do thatsometimes we slip and this was
the whole inspiration for thissolo episode is that I feel,
okay, I've got to drop my cat.
No, stay off my lap.
(15:20):
She loves to just like sit onmy lap and purr and move around,
especially when I come torecord a podcast.
It's so annoying.
The inspiration, though, forthis episode was that this is
the time of year when we startto compromise these types of
boundaries.
Maybe you're so close to hittinga revenue target and if you
just say yes to a little bitmore work, or a client is
(15:43):
willing to pay you, but you haveto work on the weekends in
order to get this done, surethat makes sense.
But it's also knowing aboutwhen it's coming from another
place, when it's less empoweringand more tied to some form of
scarcity mindset, some sort oflimiting belief that convinces
you that you need that client oryou need that revenue source.
(16:03):
Maybe you say yes to weekendcalls or agree to do work for
free because you're scared oflosing that opportunity.
You just want to please thembecause you really feel like you
need them and honestly maybethat's true Everyone's situation
is different.
Maybe you truly need thisrevenue, and when I think about
when I was first starting mybusiness, I didn't have many
(16:26):
boundaries.
I was saying yes to anyone thatwould pay me on my terms, which
, at the time, my terms wereremote work and work from
anywhere in the world, which wasstill a boundary right Like I
still wasn't willing to comeinto an office, but I was
willing to work whenever andpretty much at whatever rate in
order to get this business offthe ground.
(16:48):
But seven years in, I don'tneed this client and at some
point you have to promoteyourself right.
There's nothing wrong withworking hard.
Having a yes attitude isimportant early in our careers
and early in our business.
But at some point we got topromote ourselves to a new level
and it's tricky to stay with itFor me.
(17:08):
Earlier in this episode Imentioned that I'm preparing for
my sabbatical in New Zealandwith Jared.
I know that 20, 30 years fromnow, when I look back on this
time, if I am fully present andfully capture this experience
with my husband and everythingelse that you can gain from
(17:28):
taking several months to justpause on your life and live at a
slower pace and have morenature and be with the person
that you love most, I know thatthat is going to pay dividends
for the rest of my life.
I know I'm going to look backon that moment and be so happy I
did that.
I know being stressed aboutwork and trying to make some
(17:51):
money while I'm on the trip,just so that I don't have to tap
into my savings.
In the grand scheme of things,that money is peanuts.
This time with my husband is somuch more important, but it's
hard For me.
Making money is easy, butsaying no to money is the thing
that I really need to work on.
(18:11):
I've already decided that I'mgoing to keep one core client
during my sabbatical.
That's the plan.
I am going to work for oneclient.
I've thought about it, I'vethought deeply.
This client is primarilyasynchronous, so I don't need to
hop on calls for it, and I'vebeen working with them for over
five years.
I'd be so bummed if theyreplace me and if I just kept
(18:32):
this one client.
It will pay for all my tripexpenses and I won't have to dip
into my savings.
So that is a huge blessing andI've thought through it very
deeply and I am committed tokeeping this one client.
But once I started that, oh wow,it's a slippery slope.
Now it's like well, what's afew more clients?
You know what's just thisperson or this one's not too
(18:54):
much work.
Or in this date, I'm going tobe in this location.
I mean, I could do some videocalls on this.
It's so tough.
Even though you know what'sright for you, it's so different
actually enforcing it.
It really takes a lot moreeffort.
Now.
Boundaries truly no, no bounds.
(19:18):
It's up to you to decide what'simportant to you, based on how
you want to work and how youwant to live.
I've found boundaries are justas important in my personal life
as they are professionally.
One thing Jared and I oftendebate is this idea of doing
things out of obligation.
I value freedom and flexibilityso strongly that I actually
feel energetically drained andget very annoyed when I have to
(19:38):
do something I don't wanna do.
When I have to do something outof obligation and this is the
debate Jared and I have, becausenot everybody is bothered by
that.
Some people are totally finedoing things that they don't
wanna do and it's caused me toanalyze myself quite a bit.
And what does that mean aboutme?
Am I selfish?
And I've come to the conclusionthat life is too short to be
(20:00):
doing things begrudgingly.
But people don't always likethat, especially if they don't
have boundaries themselves.
And now I'm sure you haveencountered this experience
either in your professional lifeor in your personal life with a
friend or a family member,where someone is quite startled
or maybe even a little bitoffended by you setting a
(20:22):
boundary or you attempting togracefully say no to something.
This reaction has nothing to dowith you.
Okay, this reaction, almostevery time, stems from their
lack of understanding abouthealthy limits of their own time
and their difficulty assertingboundaries themselves, to the
(20:45):
point that they will think well,why can't you just make an
exception?
Because they're so used tosaying yes to everything and
they expect you to do the same.
When somebody else is enforcingboundaries, it can cause them
discomfort because it highlightstheir own inability to do the
same right, and so they respondwith trying to make you feel
(21:06):
guilty or trying to make youfeel pressured, thinking well, I
never set these limits, so Iexpect you to be as flexible as
I am.
People who are overly givingand they don't have strong
boundaries.
They are going to be the peoplewho are the most triggered when
you try to set yours, but thatis part of the process.
The good news is that peoplewho have boundaries respect
(21:28):
other people who have boundaries, but that doesn't mean that we
write off people who don't haveboundaries, because we can
actually train them, and it'spart of the process to train
these types of people and be aninspiration for somebody else.
I have seen this happen on somany occasions where at first
someone was offended and had areaction to me, trying to say no
(21:51):
to something, but then aftertime they came around, they
accepted it and then started toaccommodate it and then
proactively accommodated it.
Okay, and I'm going to give yousome examples of when you're on
the right track, of when thisis starting to happen.
So, let's say, a client reachesout to you outside of your
(22:12):
office hours, a boundary thatyou have previously set You're
going to know they respect yourboundaries and are starting to
accommodate them when they startsending messages after hours
that explicitly say hey, I don'texpect a reply until the next
business day, but just wanted toshare some information, right?
If they want to be workingoutside of the hours you've
(22:34):
agreed to, they should beallowed to.
I don't think you shouldprevent them from communicating
with you.
Maybe they just need to getsomething off their chest, maybe
they just want to writesomething down before they
forget it.
I mean, I can totally relate tothat, but when they start to
say, hey, I don't expect you toreply until the next business
day, you're on the right track.
Another example could be maybeif you are on vacation or it's
(22:57):
the weekend, they might say hey,I know you're off right now, so
feel free to get back to thiswhen you're back at work.
These are small indicators.
They are signs of hope thatyou're on the right track.
Okay, as long as you handlethese situations with calmness,
but also consistency, the personcan start to respect your
(23:17):
boundaries over time and youmight teach them and inspire
them to establish their own.
I do really want to emphasizethe word consistency.
If you give in to the otherperson's guilt and the pressure,
you've actually had theopposite effect.
You've actually trained themthat if they push hard enough,
you will cave, and that can beso damaging.
(23:40):
So I know it's not easy,friends, but stay strong.
Establish your boundariescalmly, confidently and
consistently calmly, confidentlyand consistently.
Now, one of my favorite storiesis a client that I have been
working with now for years.
We have an amazing relationship, but it didn't always start
that way.
(24:00):
It was actually a bit rocky atfirst.
I wouldn't necessarily say thatthey were a micromanager, but
definitely close.
They were very particular andthey had tons of feedback.
They would always want severalrounds of revisions Every time I
would send them my work.
They would send me very franticmessages on WhatsApp at all
(24:21):
hours of the day and they wouldalways want something changed
right away.
There was consistent urgency ontheir end and I thought first
crap, this is not going to worklong term and I just have to get
through this initial contract,which I believe at the time was
three or four months that wewere starting with, and I just
got to bear it and I just got toget through this, and then
(24:43):
they're going to be out of mylife.
This is just what they wereused to.
They weren't a bad person.
You could tell that.
This is just their norm andthis is how they've spent their
career, with this urgentattitude and high pressure
expectation that everything hasto be perfect and everything
needs to be done right now, andby me just very gently and
(25:04):
calmly sharing okay, I'm happyto do this.
However, things are takinglonger than we had initially
scoped out, citing the initialcontract and the approximate
hours that we had agreed to andletting them know that this is
now going beyond that.
I'm happy to do this, but I amgoing to need to increase the
(25:25):
budget.
Totally reasonable, and theydid agree, but that is not the
special part of the story.
The special part about thisstory is that now, years later,
not only are we loving, stillworking together, but sometimes
we'll get on a call and they'llsay I channeled my inner sam
today in a meeting and theywould have these stories about
(25:46):
how they've been putting uptheir own boundaries, now in the
workplace for the very firsttime, advocating for more
balance, a a more calm culture.
And at first I was like, okay,is this a passive, aggressive
jab?
But it wasn't.
I had truly inspired thisperson to, for the first time,
actually go and set boundaries,and now they come to me for
(26:07):
career advice.
So the takeaway here is that,yes, people who don't have
boundaries themselves are gonnafind it hard to accept someone
who does, but that doesn't meanthat people can't change.
Just like you've been inspiredby someone else maybe me right,
maybe this episode was a sourceof inspiration.
You had some other expander foryou and you can become that
(26:30):
level of inspiration for someoneelse which is so cool and
definitely an unexpected perk ofsetting boundaries, I would say
another one is weeding out thewrong clients.
There will come a time in yourentrepreneurial journey where
you transition from I need anyclient to I want more of these
(26:52):
types of clients and less ofthese types of clients.
Okay, and that is an excitinglevel to get to, where you start
to have more clarity about whois not only more fun to work
with, but more aligned, moreease, more respectful, and
you're going to want more ofthose and less of that other
type of person.
(27:12):
For me, I have learned thatsomebody who tries to get a deal
from me or a discount, 99% ofthe time they're going to be a
difficult client to work with.
And I'm sorry if you aresomeone who always asks for a
discount and always asks for adeal, but I'm not that sorry
because you're probably thistype of client and maybe you're
(27:33):
going to be nodding alongbecause, yeah, you work for your
money.
It's hard earned money.
You want to use it thoughtfullyand if you're going to be
spending your money, why not tryto get a bargain and why not
try to maximize the deal?
Okay, that's cool for you, butfor me the type of person who's
going to try to maximize thevalue from me and get every
(27:53):
ounce of the agreed upon scopethat isn't fun for me.
It makes me feel like the onlyway to delight this person and
to make them extraordinarilysatisfied is by going above and
beyond what you agreed to is bygoing above and beyond what you
agreed to, it's not necessarilythe quality of your work, but
(28:14):
it's often about the quantity.
Ultimately, it's a respectthing, especially in the
service-based industry, right?
Because when somebody is askingyou to lower your rate, they're
effectively saying that theydon't actually think you're
worth that much.
And who are they to decide whatyou're worth when they haven't
even worked with you yet at thatpoint, typically when they're
asking for a deal?
(28:35):
So if that's happening to you,remember all those amazing
clients who did come and pay youin full and maybe even came
back from more.
Those are my people and that isthe type of client that I am
for somebody else, and it's agreat way to weed out the wrong
people, those who want to deal.
You know, please stay away.
Another example that I havelearned in terms of weeding out
(28:58):
the wrong client is somebody whoexpects you to speak with them
on the weekend.
I had an example come up veryrecently where someone had
reached out to me and theywanted to book one of my bigger
packages and they wanted to makea decision quickly.
They were ready to move fastand it was Saturday morning and
(29:20):
they wanted to get on a callthat day and they thought I was
a great fit.
But they just needed to have aquick conversation to confirm I
was a good fit.
Well, two issues here One, Idon't offer free calls, okay,
and two, I don't offer calls onthe weekend.
So this was like a doublenegative, but tempting, because
(29:41):
they wanted to buy my biggestpackage.
When people ask me if they canhave a free call which you know
is normal Some people want tomake sure someone is a good fit
before they buy from them, and Iget it.
When I was first starting mybusiness, I did free calls all
of the time, and I still do.
For certain programs maybe thatare new ones that I don't have
(30:03):
as much of a track record, for,ones where I don't have a ton of
reviews or proof that theprogram is great, absolutely
let's get on a call, let's makesure you're a good fit.
Also, if I'm selling a higherticket package, sure, but if
you're just trying to buy astrategy call with me or a few
strategy calls like maybe apackage, I don't offer a free
(30:26):
call with that, and so analternative to having a free
call with someone is I basicallypoint them to a YouTube channel
where I have free videos thatgive them ideas of what I'm like
to work with, and they cansample not only my style, my
personality, but can also beconfident that I know what I'm
talking about.
Another thing I can now pointpeople to is all of the reviews
(30:50):
I have.
Especially, what's great withbeing a seller on Fiverr is now
I have hundreds of public fivestar reviews that they can read
through, and so that has workedreally well for me.
I say I don't even reallyactually say I don't have a free
call.
I'll just say if you want tolearn more about working with me
, I have hundreds of freereviews here, and here's my
(31:11):
YouTube channel with some freevideos that I've created to give
you an idea of my style and thedepth of knowledge that I have
in this space.
That works like 99% of the time, but this woman she was
relentless.
She wanted to talk to me onSaturday, she wanted to talk to
me now and she wanted to speakto me for free, and she was
dangling this carrot in front ofme, regarding this like big
(31:34):
package that she was going tobuy from me, and so I knew that
I wasn't willing to talk to her.
On Saturday I was literally onmy way back from hot yoga with
Jared.
We were heading to the market.
We had a whole day togetherplanned.
I'd had a busy week at work.
It was an easy like no friggingway.
(31:56):
Am I hopping on a call rightnow and getting camera ready to
go on my webcam.
I'm like a sweaty mess afterhot yoga.
So I said I can't talk todaybut I'm happy to have a quick
chat with you first thing nextweek.
And I sent her a secret link Ihave which allows someone to
book a free 20 minute call withme.
So she books it for Mondaymorning at 10 am, literally my
very first spot.
(32:18):
And Monday comes around and Iremember it perfectly because I
was going on a long run that dayand I was almost at the
distance.
I wanted to hit for my run butI had kind of got a late start.
I was being a bit lazy thatmorning and I was running at the
distance.
I wanted to hit for my run butI had kind of got a late start.
I was being a bit lazy thatmorning and I was running out of
time, and so I actually endedup having to cut my run a little
(32:39):
bit short, which was kind ofannoying.
But whatever, I agreed to thiscall.
So I like run home early, getin the shower, and I kid you,
not one minute 9.59 am oneminute before the scheduled call
.
She actually said to me hey,don't want to waste your time,
(33:00):
but I'm moving forward withsomebody else.
And in that moment I was sofreaking annoyed.
I was like this is exactly whyI don't offer free calls,
because this disruption in myday is so maddening to me, like
it completely threw off thewhole start to my day.
I went from having a runner'shigh to just being pissed and it
(33:23):
reminded me why I have thisboundary up in the first place.
And yes, some people will tryto push past that boundary and
dangle a carrot that seemstempting towards you to see if
you'll actually jump for themwhen they ask you to do it.
Those types of people are not mypeople and there were so many
(33:45):
signs that she wasn't going tobe the type of person that I
would enjoy working with,expecting me to talk with her on
the weekend, right away, withabsolutely no advance notice.
Like sure, maybe it's Wednesdayand you see my calendar is full
for the week and you'rethinking is there any way we
could chat on Saturday?
It'll be super quick.
You let me know the time.
Sure, you've given me someadvance notice, and maybe I can
(34:07):
plan for that depending onwhat's going on, but in this
woman's case, she expected me toget on a call right now, on a
Saturday.
That is a red flag for me interms of what you're going to
expect from the rest of therelationship more than anything
else, and I ignored that and Itook the free call, and it
completely ruined my day, and itjust honestly, just like pissed
me off.
Something, though, that didwork, that I wanted to give you
(34:31):
as a tactic, was how I got outof talking to her on the
Saturday, and this is somethingthat works 100% of the time.
As I say, something like theweekends are the only time I get
to spend with my family, sothey're so important to me like
essentially painting thispicture that during the week,
things are just so chaotic andbusy.
My husband must just be likeoff, working shift work, and my
(34:54):
kids are off at school, and it'sfinally Saturday and we're all
together and it's this moment ofbliss.
No one can argue with that.
Well, if they do, then they'rereally not the right person
because they don't respectpersonal life or family life at
all.
But it's not even true.
Like my husband and I literallyhave lunch together every
single day, we have dinnertogether every single day and we
(35:15):
don't have kids.
We have one cat who, as youknow from this episode, is just
like always around, and I'mworking from home and she gets a
lot of my attention.
So it's a bold lie, but itworks.
That is a great way of beingable to enforce your boundary
without having any type ofdirect confrontation.
So feel free to steal that.
But sometimes you don'tactually want to lower your
(35:36):
standards and enforce yourboundaries, because sometimes it
makes sense to be accommodatingand go above and beyond.
There's a very big differencebetween doing something out of
obligation and doing somethingbecause you have a general
desire to act out of scope, toexceed their expectations, to
meet their high demands andstandards.
(35:58):
Which brings me to my finalpoint, that sometimes you have
to lower your boundaries to dogreat work, to earn respect, to
build important relationshipsand to invest in your future
leverage with a client.
Okay, nothing feels more truefor that, other than this recent
promotion I received with oneof my favorite clients, and
(36:20):
guess how that happened?
I earned it.
I earned it by doing great workand by also being great to work
with.
You don't wanna be known asthat person who's difficult to
work with just for the sake ofbeing difficult to work with.
Sometimes you gotta go aboveand beyond, and for this
particular client, I was willingto do that because they hire me
(36:43):
primarily for the type of workI really want to be doing.
There's a revenue stream of minethat I'm particularly excited
about.
That's on the newer end.
It's one that I'm trying togrow.
It's one that I'm trying tobuild up my portfolio of clients
and proof of experience in thisspace, and so I'm willing to do
(37:05):
things out of the ordinary.
This is my revenue streamaround hosting and public
speaking, and for this client,right now they're hiring me to
host their new podcast.
It hasn't launched yet, butit's super exciting, and most of
the guests that they book forme to interview are in Asia.
So what does that mean?
It means that on multipleoccasions, I had to miss my five
(37:27):
o'clock workout and have anevening interview, and guess
what?
I was 100% okay with that.
They also hire me on site tohost their events.
They fly me around to differentlocations around the world as
their host and, guess what?
I'm the first one on the teamawake and I'm the last one to
sleep.
Even though I'm only paid a setday rate and even though I'm not
(37:50):
financially incentivized to goabove and beyond, I do whatever
it takes to exceed theirexpectations and do my best work
.
And, yes, I got a promotionrecently and that's a direct
outcome from being great to workwith.
But they're also just a clientthat's worth it, Even if there
wasn't this promotion at stakeor this new opportunity that's
(38:12):
come up.
They've been treating me wellfor years.
They pay me fairly, theyrespect my talent, trust the
work I do and they continue togive me opportunities to evolve.
So they're a client that'sworth over-delivering for.
In these moments, I'm able toput my ego aside and those
strong boundaries in the cornerin order to do great work, and
(38:34):
they continue to reward me withthings that matter.
So, yes, this episode is aboutgiving you the tools to say no
with grace and put up thoseimportant boundaries for
yourself and enforce them withconfidence.
But it's up to you to have thewisdom to intentionally choose
when to sharpen the tool and goto battle, and when to put the
tool back in your toolbox andshow up with an open heart, and
(38:56):
only you can make thosedecisions, and that part is up
to you.
I wish you well, friends.
That's all I have for thisweek's episode.
If you wanna hear more soloepisodes, or if you found this
information valuable, pleaseshare it on social media and tag
me at samlaliberty.
Not only does it help otherfreedom seekers find this
(39:16):
content and benefit, but it alsoindicates to me what are the
types of episodes that you loveso much.
You're willing to tell yourfriends, which truly is the
ultimate gift for a creator andentrepreneur.
I love you so much.
Until next time, enjoy yourfreedom.
Welcome back, friends , to another episode of the
Freedom Lifestyle, a show thatis designed to help you build
freedom and flexibility intoyour life so that you can live a
life that's unique to you,unique to your own desires and
your own lifestyle preferences.
I'm your host, sam, and todaywe are talking about boundaries,
something so important if weare going to live a life on our
(00:27):
own terms, and you know whatfriends, tis the season to let
them slip.
Earlier this week, I washanging out with a close friend
of mine here in Squamish and wegot into a discussion about work
.
For context, he owns anadvertising agency and has a
full roster of clients Formyself.
I have my own coaching and hasa full roster of clients For
myself.
I have my own coaching clientsand my own freelance work.
(00:48):
And in our conversation therewas a clear energy in the room,
this shared feeling that we arein this final push to end the
year strong.
We both really were likedoubling down before we get a
break type energy, and this isthe time of year where I realize
our boundaries might startslipping.
We might find ourselves sayingyes to things that we know we
(01:11):
shouldn't, or falling back intoold ways of working that we had
previously promised ourselveswe'd avoid, all in an effort to
end the year strong, all in aneffort to have that final push,
that final sprint to the end ofthe year before we relax and
indulge in the holiday spirit.
For me, my boundaries are beinglowered right now because I
(01:35):
have this pressure to save asmuch money as I can before going
on sabbatical.
Jared and I are doing athree-ish, maybe four-month,
trip, starting in january, wherehe's not going to be working at
all.
I'm still trying to figure outwhat I'm going to do, but I'm no
right now.
I want to be making as muchmoney as possible while I can.
My friend who owns the agency.
(01:56):
He is very focused on showinggreat results for his clients.
They're starting to makedecisions about next year
allocating budgets and, ofcourse, he wants to be in their
good books while they're makingthose decisions.
So he's finding himself sayingyou want me to jump?
How high as we're all in thisfinal sprint of the year.
I want to create this soloepisode to remind us why our
(02:19):
boundaries are valid and whythey are important and the
consequences of abandoning them.
When it comes to boundaries,it's about feeling confident
that your boundaries are validand a way to honor yourself, but
also to have the wisdom aboutwhen not to use them, when to
let them slip.
You may have heard the phrasestrong boundaries loosely held.
(02:41):
I really do believe this and myhope is that you're going to
leave this episode feeling moreconfident about saying no when
necessary, but, of course, havethe wisdom to know when it's
time to suck it up and dosomething.
I'm even going to equip youwith specific language and
tactics that will help you sayno with grace, because I know
it's difficult.
I get it, I've been there somany times Our natural
(03:04):
tendencies to people please andsay yes just to avoid a
difficult direct conversation.
They're real, but there is anart to saying no and I've really
learned by having boundariesyou can actually gain someone's
respect, so much more than ifyou're just a yes person.
So let's get into it byunpacking.
What are boundaries really?
(03:26):
When it comes to being anentrepreneur and having clients,
boundaries are really aboutestablishing clear limits and
guidelines about how you expectto be treated, the kind of work
that you're willing to do, howcommunication will happen, and
these boundaries are put inplace so that you can protect
(03:47):
your own time, your own energy,your professional integrity and
ensure that the relationship youhave with your clients, that it
remains respectful, that it'ssustainable.
Right Now, not all boundariesneed to be clearly stated up
front with clients.
Some can really just beestablished as you go based on
(04:08):
things that come up.
Sometimes I find just bychanging my behavior a client
can get the hint, they can pickup on the dynamic of how you
want to be working and whenthey've crossed a line.
So if you're somebody whodreads having the talk, direct
conversation isn't alwaysnecessary.
I want to give some examples ofboundaries, because maybe
you're someone listening to thisand you haven't really brought
(04:31):
into awareness what boundariesare important to you and you
like examples.
You want me to be specific, soI'm going to get there with you.
I'm also now going to getspecific in how you can enforce
some of these boundaries.
The biggest one, I would say, istime boundaries.
You'll often see people setspecific hours or days that they
(04:52):
work.
I know I have a friend who inthe summer they always do half
day Fridays or take Fridays offand they let their clients know
that they're not available forcalls or to be answering
messages or emails on Fridays.
Sometimes I'll see in an emailthread, I will only be
responding to emails betweenthese hours For me.
(05:13):
I've like entirely solved forthis by just having a calendar
booking tool.
When somebody wants to meetwith me, I send them my calendar
link.
For so many reasons do I love acalendar link?
It saves so much administrativeburden of going back and forth
to find a time.
But a really unexpected perk isI just control what my
(05:33):
availability is without havingto tell the client oh, I can't
meet with you on a Saturday.
I send them a link and it justshows that I happen to be
available between 10 am and 4 pmMonday to Friday.
And oh right, I take an hourbreak at lunch and oh right, I
don't start before 10 am or gopast four, and nothing is
(05:55):
available on the weekends.
The system just completelyworks for me, and so when I send
that to somebody, that's how myhours end up getting filled
With.
That said, some clients canstill try to test your
boundaries.
I have one client who likes tocall me unannounced, thinking
that, oh, I just have a quickquestion that could be solved
(06:15):
with a short call and sure I getit.
But one time they called meearly on a Saturday morning.
I was shocked that they thoughtthat was appropriate, but guess
what?
I just didn't answer the call.
A few hours later I justmessaged them saying hey, I was
still sleeping.
I'm not available to hop on acall today, but if you send me a
(06:36):
quick voice note I'll reply assoon as I can.
They made some joke about oh,you're a sleepyhead, I've been
up since 5 am, okay, butotherwise they just accepted it
and that was that.
If you want to be more directin this scenario, you could say
something like I'm happy todiscuss project updates during
(06:58):
our weekly check-in calls.
If you do have urgent mattersoutside of those times, send me
an email and I'll get back toyou within 24 hours.
Right, that could have been themessage I sent this client if I
wanted this to not happen again.
Instead, I kind of just letthem know hey, I'm still
sleeping and therefore don'tcall me at 8 am on a Saturday,
(07:22):
even though you've been up since5.
Good for you.
Another type of boundary wouldbe around scope.
So scope would be the type ofwork that you have agreed to do
for your client typicallyinvolves defining the specific
tasks, specific projects,deliverables that you are
agreeing to which helps preventscope creep, which is when a
(07:45):
client asks for work outside ofthe original agreement.
This is a boundary that I domake clear up front and ideally
in writing.
In this scenario, if you'refinding a client is asking you
to do things outside of what youagreed upon, maybe you've
agreed to sending them a numberof assets every single month, or
(08:08):
perhaps there's a certainamount of calls they get with
you as part of a package.
Whatever that might be, ifyou're noticing that scope creep
coming up and they're wantingmore from you, you could say
something like I'd love to helpwith that.
Since this is outside the scopeof our current contract, I can
(08:30):
provide an estimate for thisadditional work.
It could be as easy as sayingsomething like that and that's
going to let them know that I'minterested in doing this for you
.
I think it's a great idea.
I can still bring that level ofenthusiasm and professionalism
and reliability that you clearlyappreciate about me.
(08:51):
Considering you're coming backfor seconds and you want more
from me.
However, it's going to cost you, and then the ball is kind of
in their court about whetherthey have extra budget for this
project.
This does happen to me fairlyoften with the agency side of my
business and so I have a fewdifferent revenue streams.
(09:12):
But one is having a podcastingagency where I have clients
whose shows I essentially manageand I have a roster of
freelancers and team members Iwork with to help me manage
these shows.
Sometimes a client will wantmore than we've discussed, and
this is something I find I haveto use fairly often because it's
(09:34):
a slippery slope and the topthing is is sometimes you think
their idea is actually a goodidea.
Maybe the work that you'redoing for them is helping them
market something, and youoriginally discussed the various
social media channels or maybeblogs or different placements
(09:54):
where you're going to market,but then you realize that they
have this big email list thatyou didn't even know they had
and you're like, wow, we shouldtotally be sending emails to
your email list.
Of course you're going to wantto be doing that type of work
because you want to give themthe results, but it was outside
of your scope, you didn'tinclude that original contract.
So if you're going to startsending regular emails for this
(10:16):
client, you need to be gettingpaid for that and it's up to you
to advocate for that and toacknowledge that 90% of the time
the client is going to get it.
And if they don't get it, ifthey're offended by the fact
that you're not going to do morefor free, they're probably not
the right client, which more onthat in a second.
(10:36):
But let's transition to anothertype of boundary, which is
around payment.
These boundaries are aboutsetting clear expectations about
your terms, your pricing, thetimelines for when you're going
to get compensated.
Look, if you're not gettingpaid consistently, on time and
at the fee that you agreed to,you need to cut that client
(10:59):
immediately.
Of course, yes, we need to payour bills and I don't want you
to go in debt or not be able tobuy your groceries for the week
just because I'm telling you toquit this client.
But other than those types ofextreme circumstances, if a
client is not just respectingyour compensation, immediate no
(11:19):
immediate cut from my roster.
That's absolutely unacceptableto me.
I am very fortunate here.
After seven plus years of clientwork, only twice have I had
clients pay me late, and whileit was annoying to continue
working for them during thatdelay, I just kept putting on a
(11:40):
smile and eventually got mymoney and then I ended the
contract.
I mean, it wasn't just one latepayment.
I'm talking it was like monththree and I still hadn't been
paid for the month prior, andwhen I would send the new
month's invoice I would say, hey, I didn't actually get paid for
last month.
Can you send both payments atonce this month?
(12:01):
And after that had gone on fora few months, I was getting
worried.
I was never going to get themoney and so I didn't want to
start being passive, aggressiveor confrontational in fear that
they were going to take asignificant amount of money from
me.
I just smiled, kept doing thework, kept reminding them,
letting them know why it wasreally important.
I started to add some drama tothe story, like I have a really
(12:24):
big credit card bill that I needto pay off.
It would really help me if youcould send this.
I didn't have a credit cardbill, but anything you can do to
let them know that this issomething that you really need
there's some urgency here andyou're not actually making it
about their relationship I thinkcreates a harmonious dynamic
(12:44):
where they will pay you and thenyou just stop working for them.
What works really well in mybusiness is I'll sell coaching
calls, strategy calls, right.
You can either buy one callwith me or you can buy a package
, and how it's set up is thecalendar booking tool that I use
on the last page.
After they choose the date andthe time within the hours I want
(13:06):
to work, it then collects theirpayment via Stripe.
So before I've even gotten on acall with a new client, they
have paid, and so that is veryhelpful.
Of course I have larger clientsand freelance work on retainer
where I'm not just trading mytime for money.
I'm doing project-based workand for the most part I just
(13:27):
invoice after a month's worth ofwork.
So if I started with the clienton November 1st the first of
the next month I'll send aninvoice for the previous month
work.
If I have a larger projectlet's say it's a $5,000 or more
project to get started, then Iwill take an upfront deposit
before starting the work.
It's kind of like a safety netto make sure they are serious.
(13:49):
They do have money.
You've worked out all of thekinks to actually getting paid,
setting up all of the accountingand wire transfers or whatever
you're going to use to get paid,and then after that I'm
invoicing them monthly.
That seems to work really wellfor me, but it's just about
knowing that getting paid isprobably the most important part
(14:12):
of your relationship with yourclient.
I don't care if it's the mostamazing industry with the most
complimentary, easy to pleaseclient who allows you to really
be in your zone of genius.
If they're not paying you,paying you well, on your own
terms, on time, that's not ahealthy client relationship, and
(14:37):
I just don't agree or thinkthat that should ever be
happening.
Of course, you can be doingwork for free.
I do work for free all of thetime when it makes sense and we
are going to talk about that inthis episode when it's okay to
let our boundaries slip.
But I'm not working for freewhen I agree that this is a paid
project.
That's to me, is cray cray.
(14:58):
So, despite having these typesof boundaries and maybe when you
listen to this you're likecheck that in place.
Yep, I agree, yep, I do thatsometimes we slip and this was
the whole inspiration for thissolo episode is that I feel,
okay, I've got to drop my cat.
No, stay off my lap.
(15:20):
She loves to just like sit onmy lap and purr and move around,
especially when I come torecord a podcast.
It's so annoying.
The inspiration, though, forthis episode was that this is
the time of year when we startto compromise these types of
boundaries.
Maybe you're so close to hittinga revenue target and if you
just say yes to a little bitmore work, or a client is
(15:43):
willing to pay you, but you haveto work on the weekends in
order to get this done, surethat makes sense.
But it's also knowing aboutwhen it's coming from another
place, when it's less empoweringand more tied to some form of
scarcity mindset, some sort oflimiting belief that convinces
you that you need that client oryou need that revenue source.
(16:03):
Maybe you say yes to weekendcalls or agree to do work for
free because you're scared oflosing that opportunity.
You just want to please thembecause you really feel like you
need them and honestly maybethat's true Everyone's situation
is different.
Maybe you truly need thisrevenue, and when I think about
when I was first starting mybusiness, I didn't have many
(16:26):
boundaries.
I was saying yes to anyone thatwould pay me on my terms, which
, at the time, my terms wereremote work and work from
anywhere in the world, which wasstill a boundary right Like I
still wasn't willing to comeinto an office, but I was
willing to work whenever andpretty much at whatever rate in
order to get this business offthe ground.
(16:48):
But seven years in, I don'tneed this client and at some
point you have to promoteyourself right.
There's nothing wrong withworking hard.
Having a yes attitude isimportant early in our careers
and early in our business.
But at some point we got topromote ourselves to a new level
and it's tricky to stay with itFor me.
(17:08):
Earlier in this episode Imentioned that I'm preparing for
my sabbatical in New Zealandwith Jared.
I know that 20, 30 years fromnow, when I look back on this
time, if I am fully present andfully capture this experience
with my husband and everythingelse that you can gain from
(17:28):
taking several months to justpause on your life and live at a
slower pace and have morenature and be with the person
that you love most, I know thatthat is going to pay dividends
for the rest of my life.
I know I'm going to look backon that moment and be so happy I
did that.
I know being stressed aboutwork and trying to make some
(17:51):
money while I'm on the trip,just so that I don't have to tap
into my savings.
In the grand scheme of things,that money is peanuts.
This time with my husband is somuch more important, but it's
hard For me.
Making money is easy, butsaying no to money is the thing
that I really need to work on.
(18:11):
I've already decided that I'mgoing to keep one core client
during my sabbatical.
That's the plan.
I am going to work for oneclient.
I've thought about it, I'vethought deeply.
This client is primarilyasynchronous, so I don't need to
hop on calls for it, and I'vebeen working with them for over
five years.
I'd be so bummed if theyreplace me and if I just kept
(18:32):
this one client.
It will pay for all my tripexpenses and I won't have to dip
into my savings.
So that is a huge blessing andI've thought through it very
deeply and I am committed tokeeping this one client.
But once I started that, oh wow,it's a slippery slope.
Now it's like well, what's afew more clients?
You know what's just thisperson or this one's not too
(18:54):
much work.
Or in this date, I'm going tobe in this location.
I mean, I could do some videocalls on this.
It's so tough.
Even though you know what'sright for you, it's so different
actually enforcing it.
It really takes a lot moreeffort.
Now.
Boundaries truly no, no bounds.
(19:18):
It's up to you to decide what'simportant to you, based on how
you want to work and how youwant to live.
I've found boundaries are justas important in my personal life
as they are professionally.
One thing Jared and I oftendebate is this idea of doing
things out of obligation.
I value freedom and flexibilityso strongly that I actually
feel energetically drained andget very annoyed when I have to
(19:38):
do something I don't wanna do.
When I have to do something outof obligation and this is the
debate Jared and I have, becausenot everybody is bothered by
that.
Some people are totally finedoing things that they don't
wanna do and it's caused me toanalyze myself quite a bit.
And what does that mean aboutme?
Am I selfish?
And I've come to the conclusionthat life is too short to be
(20:00):
doing things begrudgingly.
But people don't always likethat, especially if they don't
have boundaries themselves.
And now I'm sure you haveencountered this experience
either in your professional lifeor in your personal life with a
friend or a family member,where someone is quite startled
or maybe even a little bitoffended by you setting a
(20:22):
boundary or you attempting togracefully say no to something.
This reaction has nothing to dowith you.
Okay, this reaction, almostevery time, stems from their
lack of understanding abouthealthy limits of their own time
and their difficulty assertingboundaries themselves, to the
(20:45):
point that they will think well,why can't you just make an
exception?
Because they're so used tosaying yes to everything and
they expect you to do the same.
When somebody else is enforcingboundaries, it can cause them
discomfort because it highlightstheir own inability to do the
same right, and so they respondwith trying to make you feel
(21:06):
guilty or trying to make youfeel pressured, thinking well, I
never set these limits, so Iexpect you to be as flexible as
I am.
People who are overly givingand they don't have strong
boundaries.
They are going to be the peoplewho are the most triggered when
you try to set yours, but thatis part of the process.
The good news is that peoplewho have boundaries respect
(21:28):
other people who have boundaries, but that doesn't mean that we
write off people who don't haveboundaries, because we can
actually train them, and it'spart of the process to train
these types of people and be aninspiration for somebody else.
I have seen this happen on somany occasions where at first
someone was offended and had areaction to me, trying to say no
(21:51):
to something, but then aftertime they came around, they
accepted it and then started toaccommodate it and then
proactively accommodated it.
Okay, and I'm going to give yousome examples of when you're on
the right track, of when thisis starting to happen.
So, let's say, a client reachesout to you outside of your
(22:12):
office hours, a boundary thatyou have previously set You're
going to know they respect yourboundaries and are starting to
accommodate them when they startsending messages after hours
that explicitly say hey, I don'texpect a reply until the next
business day, but just wanted toshare some information, right?
If they want to be workingoutside of the hours you've
(22:34):
agreed to, they should beallowed to.
I don't think you shouldprevent them from communicating
with you.
Maybe they just need to getsomething off their chest, maybe
they just want to writesomething down before they
forget it.
I mean, I can totally relate tothat, but when they start to
say, hey, I don't expect you toreply until the next business
day, you're on the right track.
Another example could be maybeif you are on vacation or it's
(22:57):
the weekend, they might say hey,I know you're off right now, so
feel free to get back to thiswhen you're back at work.
These are small indicators.
They are signs of hope thatyou're on the right track.
Okay, as long as you handlethese situations with calmness,
but also consistency, the personcan start to respect your
(23:17):
boundaries over time and youmight teach them and inspire
them to establish their own.
I do really want to emphasizethe word consistency.
If you give in to the otherperson's guilt and the pressure,
you've actually had theopposite effect.
You've actually trained themthat if they push hard enough,
you will cave, and that can beso damaging.
(23:40):
So I know it's not easy,friends, but stay strong.
Establish your boundariescalmly, confidently and
consistently calmly, confidentlyand consistently.
Now, one of my favorite storiesis a client that I have been
working with now for years.
We have an amazing relationship, but it didn't always start
that way.
(24:00):
It was actually a bit rocky atfirst.
I wouldn't necessarily say thatthey were a micromanager, but
definitely close.
They were very particular andthey had tons of feedback.
They would always want severalrounds of revisions Every time I
would send them my work.
They would send me very franticmessages on WhatsApp at all
(24:21):
hours of the day and they wouldalways want something changed
right away.
There was consistent urgency ontheir end and I thought first
crap, this is not going to worklong term and I just have to get
through this initial contract,which I believe at the time was
three or four months that wewere starting with, and I just
got to bear it and I just got toget through this, and then
(24:43):
they're going to be out of mylife.
This is just what they wereused to.
They weren't a bad person.
You could tell that.
This is just their norm andthis is how they've spent their
career, with this urgentattitude and high pressure
expectation that everything hasto be perfect and everything
needs to be done right now, andby me just very gently and
(25:04):
calmly sharing okay, I'm happyto do this.
However, things are takinglonger than we had initially
scoped out, citing the initialcontract and the approximate
hours that we had agreed to andletting them know that this is
now going beyond that.
I'm happy to do this, but I amgoing to need to increase the
(25:25):
budget.
Totally reasonable, and theydid agree, but that is not the
special part of the story.
The special part about thisstory is that now, years later,
not only are we loving, stillworking together, but sometimes
we'll get on a call and they'llsay I channeled my inner sam
today in a meeting and theywould have these stories about
(25:46):
how they've been putting uptheir own boundaries, now in the
workplace for the very firsttime, advocating for more
balance, a a more calm culture.
And at first I was like, okay,is this a passive, aggressive
jab?
But it wasn't.
I had truly inspired thisperson to, for the first time,
actually go and set boundaries,and now they come to me for
(26:07):
career advice.
So the takeaway here is that,yes, people who don't have
boundaries themselves are gonnafind it hard to accept someone
who does, but that doesn't meanthat people can't change.
Just like you've been inspiredby someone else maybe me right,
maybe this episode was a sourceof inspiration.
You had some other expander foryou and you can become that
(26:30):
level of inspiration for someoneelse which is so cool and
definitely an unexpected perk ofsetting boundaries, I would say
another one is weeding out thewrong clients.
There will come a time in yourentrepreneurial journey where
you transition from I need anyclient to I want more of these
(26:52):
types of clients and less ofthese types of clients.
Okay, and that is an excitinglevel to get to, where you start
to have more clarity about whois not only more fun to work
with, but more aligned, moreease, more respectful, and
you're going to want more ofthose and less of that other
type of person.
(27:12):
For me, I have learned thatsomebody who tries to get a deal
from me or a discount, 99% ofthe time they're going to be a
difficult client to work with.
And I'm sorry if you aresomeone who always asks for a
discount and always asks for adeal, but I'm not that sorry
because you're probably thistype of client and maybe you're
(27:33):
going to be nodding alongbecause, yeah, you work for your
money.
It's hard earned money.
You want to use it thoughtfullyand if you're going to be
spending your money, why not tryto get a bargain and why not
try to maximize the deal?
Okay, that's cool for you, butfor me the type of person who's
going to try to maximize thevalue from me and get every
(27:53):
ounce of the agreed upon scopethat isn't fun for me.
It makes me feel like the onlyway to delight this person and
to make them extraordinarilysatisfied is by going above and
beyond what you agreed to is bygoing above and beyond what you
agreed to, it's not necessarilythe quality of your work, but
(28:14):
it's often about the quantity.
Ultimately, it's a respectthing, especially in the
service-based industry, right?
Because when somebody is askingyou to lower your rate, they're
effectively saying that theydon't actually think you're
worth that much.
And who are they to decide whatyou're worth when they haven't
even worked with you yet at thatpoint, typically when they're
asking for a deal?
(28:35):
So if that's happening to you,remember all those amazing
clients who did come and pay youin full and maybe even came
back from more.
Those are my people and that isthe type of client that I am
for somebody else, and it's agreat way to weed out the wrong
people, those who want to deal.
You know, please stay away.
Another example that I havelearned in terms of weeding out
(28:58):
the wrong client is somebody whoexpects you to speak with them
on the weekend.
I had an example come up veryrecently where someone had
reached out to me and theywanted to book one of my bigger
packages and they wanted to makea decision quickly.
They were ready to move fastand it was Saturday morning and
(29:20):
they wanted to get on a callthat day and they thought I was
a great fit.
But they just needed to have aquick conversation to confirm I
was a good fit.
Well, two issues here One, Idon't offer free calls, okay,
and two, I don't offer calls onthe weekend.
So this was like a doublenegative, but tempting, because
(29:41):
they wanted to buy my biggestpackage.
When people ask me if they canhave a free call which you know
is normal Some people want tomake sure someone is a good fit
before they buy from them, and Iget it.
When I was first starting mybusiness, I did free calls all
of the time, and I still do.
For certain programs maybe thatare new ones that I don't have
(30:03):
as much of a track record, for,ones where I don't have a ton of
reviews or proof that theprogram is great, absolutely
let's get on a call, let's makesure you're a good fit.
Also, if I'm selling a higherticket package, sure, but if
you're just trying to buy astrategy call with me or a few
strategy calls like maybe apackage, I don't offer a free
(30:26):
call with that, and so analternative to having a free
call with someone is I basicallypoint them to a YouTube channel
where I have free videos thatgive them ideas of what I'm like
to work with, and they cansample not only my style, my
personality, but can also beconfident that I know what I'm
talking about.
Another thing I can now pointpeople to is all of the reviews
(30:50):
I have.
Especially, what's great withbeing a seller on Fiverr is now
I have hundreds of public fivestar reviews that they can read
through, and so that has workedreally well for me.
I say I don't even reallyactually say I don't have a free
call.
I'll just say if you want tolearn more about working with me
, I have hundreds of freereviews here, and here's my
(31:11):
YouTube channel with some freevideos that I've created to give
you an idea of my style and thedepth of knowledge that I have
in this space.
That works like 99% of the time, but this woman she was
relentless.
She wanted to talk to me onSaturday, she wanted to talk to
me now and she wanted to speakto me for free, and she was
dangling this carrot in front ofme, regarding this like big
(31:34):
package that she was going tobuy from me, and so I knew that
I wasn't willing to talk to her.
On Saturday I was literally onmy way back from hot yoga with
Jared.
We were heading to the market.
We had a whole day togetherplanned.
I'd had a busy week at work.
It was an easy like no friggingway.
(31:56):
Am I hopping on a call rightnow and getting camera ready to
go on my webcam.
I'm like a sweaty mess afterhot yoga.
So I said I can't talk todaybut I'm happy to have a quick
chat with you first thing nextweek.
And I sent her a secret link Ihave which allows someone to
book a free 20 minute call withme.
So she books it for Mondaymorning at 10 am, literally my
very first spot.
(32:18):
And Monday comes around and Iremember it perfectly because I
was going on a long run that dayand I was almost at the
distance.
I wanted to hit for my run butI had kind of got a late start.
I was being a bit lazy thatmorning and I was running at the
distance.
I wanted to hit for my run butI had kind of got a late start.
I was being a bit lazy thatmorning and I was running out of
time, and so I actually endedup having to cut my run a little
(32:39):
bit short, which was kind ofannoying.
But whatever, I agreed to thiscall.
So I like run home early, getin the shower, and I kid you,
not one minute 9.59 am oneminute before the scheduled call
.
She actually said to me hey,don't want to waste your time,
(33:00):
but I'm moving forward withsomebody else.
And in that moment I was sofreaking annoyed.
I was like this is exactly whyI don't offer free calls,
because this disruption in myday is so maddening to me, like
it completely threw off thewhole start to my day.
I went from having a runner'shigh to just being pissed and it
(33:23):
reminded me why I have thisboundary up in the first place.
And yes, some people will tryto push past that boundary and
dangle a carrot that seemstempting towards you to see if
you'll actually jump for themwhen they ask you to do it.
Those types of people are not mypeople and there were so many
(33:45):
signs that she wasn't going tobe the type of person that I
would enjoy working with,expecting me to talk with her on
the weekend, right away, withabsolutely no advance notice.
Like sure, maybe it's Wednesdayand you see my calendar is full
for the week and you'rethinking is there any way we
could chat on Saturday?
It'll be super quick.
You let me know the time.
Sure, you've given me someadvance notice, and maybe I can
(34:07):
plan for that depending onwhat's going on, but in this
woman's case, she expected me toget on a call right now, on a
Saturday.
That is a red flag for me interms of what you're going to
expect from the rest of therelationship more than anything
else, and I ignored that and Itook the free call, and it
completely ruined my day, and itjust honestly, just like pissed
me off.
Something, though, that didwork, that I wanted to give you
(34:31):
as a tactic, was how I got outof talking to her on the
Saturday, and this is somethingthat works 100% of the time.
As I say, something like theweekends are the only time I get
to spend with my family, sothey're so important to me like
essentially painting thispicture that during the week,
things are just so chaotic andbusy.
My husband must just be likeoff, working shift work, and my
(34:54):
kids are off at school, and it'sfinally Saturday and we're all
together and it's this moment ofbliss.
No one can argue with that.
Well, if they do, then they'rereally not the right person
because they don't respectpersonal life or family life at
all.
But it's not even true.
Like my husband and I literallyhave lunch together every
single day, we have dinnertogether every single day and we
(35:15):
don't have kids.
We have one cat who, as youknow from this episode, is just
like always around, and I'mworking from home and she gets a
lot of my attention.
So it's a bold lie, but itworks.
That is a great way of beingable to enforce your boundary
without having any type ofdirect confrontation.
So feel free to steal that.
But sometimes you don'tactually want to lower your
(35:36):
standards and enforce yourboundaries, because sometimes it
makes sense to be accommodatingand go above and beyond.
There's a very big differencebetween doing something out of
obligation and doing somethingbecause you have a general
desire to act out of scope, toexceed their expectations, to
meet their high demands andstandards.
(35:58):
Which brings me to my finalpoint, that sometimes you have
to lower your boundaries to dogreat work, to earn respect, to
build important relationshipsand to invest in your future
leverage with a client.
Okay, nothing feels more truefor that, other than this recent
promotion I received with oneof my favorite clients, and
(36:20):
guess how that happened?
I earned it.
I earned it by doing great workand by also being great to work
with.
You don't wanna be known asthat person who's difficult to
work with just for the sake ofbeing difficult to work with.
Sometimes you gotta go aboveand beyond, and for this
particular client, I was willingto do that because they hire me
(36:43):
primarily for the type of workI really want to be doing.
There's a revenue stream of minethat I'm particularly excited
about.
That's on the newer end.
It's one that I'm trying togrow.
It's one that I'm trying tobuild up my portfolio of clients
and proof of experience in thisspace, and so I'm willing to do
(37:05):
things out of the ordinary.
This is my revenue streamaround hosting and public
speaking, and for this client,right now they're hiring me to
host their new podcast.
It hasn't launched yet, butit's super exciting, and most of
the guests that they book forme to interview are in Asia.
So what does that mean?
It means that on multipleoccasions, I had to miss my five
(37:27):
o'clock workout and have anevening interview, and guess
what?
I was 100% okay with that.
They also hire me on site tohost their events.
They fly me around to differentlocations around the world as
their host and, guess what?
I'm the first one on the teamawake and I'm the last one to
sleep.
Even though I'm only paid a setday rate and even though I'm not
(37:50):
financially incentivized to goabove and beyond, I do whatever
it takes to exceed theirexpectations and do my best work
.
And, yes, I got a promotionrecently and that's a direct
outcome from being great to workwith.
But they're also just a clientthat's worth it, Even if there
wasn't this promotion at stakeor this new opportunity that's
(38:12):
come up.
They've been treating me wellfor years.
They pay me fairly, theyrespect my talent, trust the
work I do and they continue togive me opportunities to evolve.
So they're a client that'sworth over-delivering for.
In these moments, I'm able toput my ego aside and those
strong boundaries in the cornerin order to do great work, and
(38:34):
they continue to reward me withthings that matter.
So, yes, this episode is aboutgiving you the tools to say no
with grace and put up thoseimportant boundaries for
yourself and enforce them withconfidence.
But it's up to you to have thewisdom to intentionally choose
when to sharpen the tool and goto battle, and when to put the
tool back in your toolbox andshow up with an open heart, and
(38:56):
only you can make thosedecisions, and that part is up
to you.
I wish you well, friends.
That's all I have for thisweek's episode.
If you wanna hear more soloepisodes, or if you found this
information valuable, pleaseshare it on social media and tag
me at samlaliberty.
Not only does it help otherfreedom seekers find this
(39:16):
content and benefit, but it alsoindicates to me what are the
types of episodes that you loveso much.
You're willing to tell yourfriends, which truly is the
ultimate gift for a creator andentrepreneur.
I love you so much.
Until next time, enjoy yourfreedom.
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