80. The Myth of Emotional Severance: 2 Girls With Grief

In today's episode, I chat with Rachel Dwyer and Kendel Rogers—the co-hosts of the podcast 2 Girls with Grief about integrating grief into your life, rather than emotionally severing.

What do we mean by integrate? We mean rather than shoving the grief aside, pretending it doesn’t exist, and putting on a mask to the world—we embrace the grief, feel it fully, and show the world our WHOLE selves.

We make comparisons to the show Severance (don’t worry, no spoilers!), and how it is a perfect metaphor for the idea of emotional severance as we grieve. All three of us used to emotionally sever, and through finding community, digging deep into our emotions, and rewriting our stories, we integrated grief into our life and now feel much more whole.  

QUOTES:

“I used to see my grief as a dark shadow that followed me and trying to like shove it away and put it in the corner and pretend it wasn’t there. And now I’ve learned how to incorporate it into me, because it’s what has happened.” – Kendel

“Because grief is so misunderstood, I misunderstood my own grief. I didn’t know what to feel and I felt so lost and sad, but it just seemed like you’re supposed to be over it and you’re supposed to move on from it…I just felt like I was in 2 different worlds: I portrayed myself as fine, but was crying at night or just really sad. And it was a really weird feeling of having two lives.” – Rachel

"Grievers still deserve a happy life and grievers still deserve joy." – Kendel

“I thought getting up every day and not staying in bed all day,was me doing everything. No one would look at me and be like ‘she’s depressed’… So in my head I’m like, I’m doing fine…it took a while, and it wasn’t until last year that I was like ‘I’m going to try something different.’” – Rachel

“It's almost like now I'm in this walk with my grief. I'm not running from it. I'm not hiding from it.” – Kendel

“How can I experience real joy WITH grief, and not separately? Because before it was always like, I’m happy but my grief is separate. But it’s like, no it’s all together, and how do I make that make sense to me in this world?” – Rachel

“If you’re going to try to outrun your grief, it will come back. You can’t hide from it, you can’t shove it away in a box, we’ve tried that and you can learn from us.” – Kendel

MORE ABOUT RACHEL AND KENDEL:

Rachel Dwyer is based in San Francisco and Co-hosts the 2 Girls with Grief Podcast & the Griefy Girls Book Club with Kendel Rogers.

Kendel Rogers is one half of the 2 Girls with Grief podcast & the Griefy Girls Book Club. After losing her father in 2020, she wanted to have more in depth conversations about death and grief. Along with destigmatizing the taboo around death and grief, she volunteers with The Warm Place, a grief support center for children in Fort Worth, TX.

RESOURCES:

Connect with 2 Girls with Grief:

IG: @racheldwyerinsf / @2girlswithgriefpod / @griefygirlsbookclub

TikTok: @racheldwyerinsf / @2girlswithgriefpod

Grief Groups:

Interested in joining a friend-loss peer support group? Fill out the interest form at ⁠⁠friendsmissingfriends.com/griefgroup⁠

Memorial Books:

Want to create a memorial book for your loved one? Get $50-off with affiliate code friendsmissingfriends, or go directly to this link. Learn more about Lifebooks at https://lifebooks.io/

 

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