May 5, 2023 • 50 mins
Welcome to Full Cow, a podcast about leather and kink where your host, Edge (he/him), shares his 30+ years of experience in the community. Daddy is our topic this time.
Edge shares his journey into Daddy and then shares insights about how complicated a term it can be. Then it's the new Ask Edge segment, where Edge answers questions left by listeners, before we end with a special leather bedtime story.
Some useful links:
- Don't forget to Ask Edge a question. Ask me anything! In your voicemail, let me know what to call you and if it's ok to use your voicemail in the podcast.
Ask Edge! Go to https://www.speakpipe.com/LTHREDGE to leave ask a question or leave feedback. Find Edge's other content on Instagram and Twitter. Also visit his archive of educational videos, Tchick-Tchick.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Edge (00:05):
Let's talk about Daddy this podcast contains material
intended for a mature audience.
Before proceeding, please checkyour local laws and confirm that
you are an adult.
(00:38):
Welcome to full cow, a podcastabout leather kink and BDSM. My
name is edge My pronouns are hehim, and I'm your host. Thank
you so much for joining me foranother episode as we discuss,
daddy. In the first segment,I'll share my own experience
moving into this identity andclaiming it for my own. Then in
(00:59):
the second segment, I'll try tounpack it a little bit, sharing
some of the insights I'velearned in part through my own
explorations. For the thirdsegment, we have once again ask
edge my answers to yourquestions. And I think we have a
really great batch. And thenfinally, as a special treat, one
(01:19):
of my listeners suggested aleather bedtime story, and
actually wrote something for meto read to all of you. It is a
pretty excellent episode. I'mvery happy with it, I hope you
enjoy it as well. So let's getstarted. I'm trying to remember
(01:40):
when I first identified asDaddy, it is a fairly recent
development, you know, when Ifirst made the move into
dominance, into what I wouldcall being a top around the turn
of the millennium, I was Siridentified, and I'm still
perfectly comfortable with thetitle of Sir. And you know, I've
(02:02):
said maybe probably in thesubmission episode, I've said
that boy is a capaciouscategory, lots, and lots of
different kinds of people canfit inside a boy. And I feel the
same thing about search, thesort of default positioning of
dominance, for me, that allowslots and lots of different kinds
of people. Lots of flavors ofdominance can sit inside of Sir,
(02:25):
and serves a very comfortableplace for me. And so in the
arts, and in the teens, I wasprimarily sir identified. The
first time I remember thinkingabout myself as a daddy was
probably when I turned 40. Sothis would have been 2010. And I
remember kind of this was backwhen Tumblr was a thing, right?
(02:45):
And I remember posting like, Oh,I'm 40. Now I'm a daddy. Now,
all the cute young boys can comeafter me, and actually have a
little little bit of flack aboutthat as this sort of assumptive
mode, which I thought wasactually pretty fair. But I was
also calling attention to thesort of stereotype of what a
daddy is. But that was a sort ofbroad gesture, it was a
(03:06):
rhetorical move. It wasn't aninner sense of identity. That
came later. And I want to say itstarted first, maybe three or
four years ago. And there were acouple of factors that
contributed to it. You know, inmy late 40s, so let's say, for
(03:29):
fun sake, let's say 2018 or so,I started noticing I was aging.
Now, we're aging all the time.
But there will be points in yourlife. If you are so blessed as
to age, there will be pointswhere you suddenly realize
you're aging. And I came torealize that I wanted to pass on
all the stuff I had learned. Iwas I was saying my leather
(03:54):
logical clock was ticking. Therewas a sense that I was reaching
the later stages of my life. Ididn't know how much time I had
left, I still don't know howmuch time I have left. And I
wanted to pass on everythingthat I had learned about leather
and about kink. And all that andthat was the first real sense
that I was connecting tosomething that I was starting to
(04:17):
call this sort of Daddy energy,it was very clear that there was
a there was almost biological,but we're gonna call it love it
illogical a sort of impulse toreproduce, but not reproduce,
biologically, to reproduce,culturally, to pass on leather
as I understood it. The nextmoment for me, I think, was with
(04:40):
my x well, sort of x and a half.
But when I was with him, he veryclearly was going to need a
slave in addition to having meas his partner, and somehow
watching him go through thatprocess really inspired me in
ways that moved me closer to toHurry. Then in 2000, let's see
(05:03):
2019 I think 2020 Perhaps therewas the year I met the boy who
changed my life who unlockedthis really natural, authentic
dominance. So now I had thisinternal impulse to reproduce
myself culturally, I had thisaspirational model in my x or x
(05:25):
and a half. And I had access tothis abundant authentic
dominance, those thingssynergistically came together to
really produce the data in me.
It's manifested primarilythrough my work on social media.
That is where I am doing my bestto pass on what I know. And that
is where in some ways I feel themost, Daddy, I feel like, you
(05:47):
know, I have a large segment ofpeople who follow me,
particularly on Twitter, who are19 year old pup gamers, and I
feel like, I'm Daddy to several1000 of them, which sounds
ridiculous, but also feels notentirely untrue. And that's the
(06:08):
work I do with these educationalvideos you see on my Twitter and
my Instagram, I'm trying to passon what I know. I've come to
recognize and learn what daddyenergy is for me. And it is
quite paternal, but not in akind of strict disciplinarian
way. But in a loving guidingfatherly supportive way. It is
(06:32):
about helping someone along intotheir leather adulthood. And
that's not necessarily theiradulthood, right? They there are
people who are maybe alreadyadults, but are children when it
comes to their leather journey,rarely, rarely, very early on
practically newborns. And it'sabout how can I help them grow
(06:55):
up in leather. I do now have aboy in Arizona, and he calls me
daddy. And it feels perfectlynormal. And perfectly right? It
really describes the way I feelabout our dynamic. But I'm very
invested in his growth and inhis development, as though he
were my son as though he were myoffspring. So it's been a fairly
(07:18):
long journey. If you think aboutthe 23 years since I've made
this movement into the identityof Sir, is that a fairly long
journey to reach daddy, it isdefinitely definitely something
I feel. And there are a few menwho call me daddy and in my
world. And with each of them, itfeels very, very right. It feels
(07:43):
like it is naming the dynamic,the energy that is between us
and that they tap into thatparticular aspect of me. And
there are a lot of aspects ofme, I'm a complex human being.
And even when it comes to mykinky identities, they can be
complex as they can be foreveryone. And I'm still very
(08:06):
comfortable as sir but I'mequally comfortable with Daddy,
when it makes sense when it fitsthat dynamic. My daddy is an
extension of my lovingdominance. So even when I'm Sir
I'm coming from a point ofloving dominance. And that means
Oh, you're a fag. Fantastic. iLet's make you the best fac
(08:27):
ever. Oh, okay, you're nothingbut a whole love it, I'm going
to help you become the very besthold you can be. You know that
loving dominance is aboutsupporting someone in the
journey towards their kinkauthenticity, whatever that
looks like today, daddy is sucha natural extension of that. But
with a slightly more specificinclination than just sir. And
(08:51):
with a stronger emphasis onguidance, support and
mentorship. In general,mentorship is an important part
of my life. You know, when I wascoming out into leather, I had
the most incredible teachers, Ihad the most incredible mentors.
And I'm blessed. absolutelyblessed in my leather journey
(09:14):
without a question. And there'sa real sense that it's time for
me to pay that forward and daddyis what allows me to do that. So
as I sit here at 52 as Daddysir, or sir daddy, as someone
able to equally occupied daddyanswer, I'm not sure what comes
next for me. You know, this isan evolutionary path for me too,
(09:37):
as I encounter new people, andthey awaken new things in me and
they call out new things to me.
I'm pretty certain though thathowever I continue to evolve and
no matter who entrust my life,there will be a very strong
element of daddy in me for therest of my existence. And I
(09:58):
think about the rest of myexistence. That's a lot. That's
something that happened to me inmy 50s. I don't know if it's
pretty common for leather folkof a certain age. But it was
very common for me that I thinkabout my existence a lot, I
think about where I've been whatI've accomplished more than
anything, I think about how muchtime I have left. And that I
(10:20):
don't know.
And that, and that's not justGod, it's just not, it's not
just Neil iStick negativethinking. But I'm at an age
where a lot of my peers arehaving strokes, having heart
attacks, having cancer. And Idon't know that I've lost
someone of my peers. I don'tknow that I've lost someone. But
(10:42):
I've had a lot of peopleencounter life threatening
situations. And that makes meextraordinarily aware of my own
mortality in a way that can bemotivating, that gets me to do
as much as I can in this worldwhile I'm in it. And in a way
that can be a little disablingand a little frustrating, and a
(11:06):
little. Not fun, shall we say?
So no matter what comes next, nomatter how much time I am
granted, I'm Daddy, and I'mgoing to remain daddy. And maybe
I'll be daddy for you.
(11:26):
Traditionally, the secondsegment is a how to, but I'm not
sure anyone can really how todairying, I think it ends up
being slightly instinctive, andin part, almost by necessity,
driven by a sort of trial anderror. You know, because Daddy
is weird. On the one hand, it'sa noun, it's an identity, right?
(11:51):
You can be a daddy. But at thesame time, it's an adjective.
It's a modifying descriptor. Soyou can be a Daddy bear, or you
can be a daddy pup, or you canbe a daddy, whatever. It both
describes an identity and anenergy. And it's an energy that
(12:12):
exists in two intersectingscales. So there's a scale from
submissive to dominant, anddaddy is on the dominant side of
things. But there's also a scaleof dominance. Maybe scales the
wrong word, because I don't wantto rank one over the other. But
there are many different ways tobe dominant and daddy is very
(12:34):
different from Master is alittle different, even from Sir
it is a very specific energy.
No, part of what's also weirdabout Daddy is that as a noun,
when you say you are daddy as anidentity, it suggests an age we
tend to think of daddies asolder. However, this is not
(12:55):
inherently true. Correlation isnot causation. So yes, a lot of
daddies are older, and a lot ofboys are younger, but you can be
a daddy at any age. And this isliterally true. You know, there
are literally young fathers whoare having children at 16. And
(13:16):
they are now daddy's. So we needto break through this sort of
cultural perception that daddyis related to an age and instead
see it as an identity availableto anyone who feels like they're
a daddy. It is equally claimableby anyone who wants to have that
identity. And then the challengebecomes living in it, honoring
(13:39):
it, growing in it, and thenaccessing that sort of Daddy
energy. At the same time, youknow, first of all, Daddy's
pretty specifically a gay malephenomenon, to the extent that
I, as far as I know, right,like, there are there, it's not
as big I don't think in lesbiancommunities, although I think
(14:02):
they are certainly lesbiandaddies out there, I want to
say, and from my limitedexposure to heterosexual kin
communities, Daddy's not a thingeither. It is not as big
anywhere, to my knowledge as itis in the gay male community.
And that's not superdupersurprising. A lot of gay men
don't have the best historicalrelationships with their
(14:26):
biological fathers. We oftenhave very troubled relationships
with our biological fathers, andfor many years, I had a very
troubled relationship with mine.
Fortunately, we were able tomend it towards the end of his
life. So it's not surprising tome that this is a particularly
gay male phenomenon. And as partof that, as much as as much as
(14:52):
daddy's available at any chanceat any age, it's also true that
if you're gay male, at somepoint, you will look Experience
what I call the daddy turn. Soyou're trucking along on your
apps and on your social medialooking for a good time. And
sooner or later, at some age,someone younger than you is
(15:13):
going to approach you on someapp or at the bar or on a
website and call you, daddy. Andthat can be an incredibly
complex moment. So if you areboy identified, then it can be
really troubling, because itsuggests that somehow you're
aging out of your boy Enos,that's not true. But that
(15:35):
cultural perception will bethere. And that can be
extraordinarily challenging toyou as a boy when you reach the
daddy turn. But for other men,it can be very powerful and
affirming. If you were a youngdaddy, say you were daddy
identified at 22, you might havefelt no one really believed you.
And no one really affirmed you.
So that moment when someone seesyou a daddy as Daddy and
(15:58):
recognizes you, that can besuperduper powerful. And then
there are a bunch of us alsothat sort of fall in between
where it first is like, no, no,I'm not daddy. No, no, no, no,
no, no, I'm not daddy, untileventually you're like, well,
actually, he's kind of hot. Iyeah, I want to get with him.
I'll be damned if he wants me,daddy. And so we try it on for a
(16:20):
moment. And then we discoverit's very comfortable. So the
daddy turn is inevitable, as faras I know, for all gay men, and
complex, depending on youridentity, your affinity, and
your willingness to grow,evolve. And whether or not
that's right for you at all.
(16:43):
Daddy energy for me is lovingand protective. It is fatherly,
it is paternal. It is aboutmentorship. And it is about
guidance. And it's about wisdomfrom life experience. And I
think that's part of the reasonI feel like young daddies are as
legitimate as any other kind ofdaddy's. Because this is not
(17:08):
dependent upon age, it isdependent upon experience. And
life tends to be distributedunevenly. So some people even at
a very young age, will have hada lot of life, a lot of trauma,
a lot of challenges, a lot ofroadblocks, a lot of pain. And
as they move through that, theygain wisdom and experience,
(17:31):
which activates that daddyenergy, which gives them an
opportunity to guide othersyounger or older. Right, because
you're gonna have a young daddywith an older boy, it gives them
the opportunity to guide othersthrough their own journeys. So
dad energy is, I think, reallybeautiful. In part, I think, for
me, it's beautiful, because it'sprotective. And for me feeling
(17:53):
safe is my God is the mostimportant thing in the world.
And I've spent a lot of my life,learning how to keep myself
safe, and it's a littleexhausting. And it's beautiful
to have someone in my life whomakes me feel safe. So Daddy
energy is really, reallybeautiful. And to that end, it's
(18:14):
also worth noting that sometimesdaddy's need daddy's that
there's absolutely nothing wrongif you are daddy identified, to
yearn to have a some own figurein your life that you can call
daddy, someone who makes youfeel safe. It doesn't make you
less of a daddy yourself. Itdoesn't make you less of a sir
(18:35):
less of a master less of apuppet doesn't make you less of
anything. It makes you human.
Because we all need someone whocan say to us, say to us and
have us fundamentally believethem. say to us, everything is
going to be okay. Everything'sgonna be okay. No matter what's
(18:56):
going on or our life, Daddy cansay, Everything's gonna be okay.
And somehow we believe them. Webelieve that no matter what
we're facing, we can movethrough it. Because we have this
anchor of strength, life, wisdomand experience, this loving
guidance that will be there,even when we fall, particularly
when we fall to help us get upagain, and keep going. So I
(19:20):
don't have any specificguidelines on how to become a
daddy, I simply have sometakeaways. A daddy is both an
identity and an energy, that itcan be something you are or it
can be a descriptor, a modifierof your kink identity. That it's
implied a certain age, but notnecessarily so you can be a
(19:44):
daddy at any age just as you canbe a boy at any age. That being
said, all gay men are probablygoing to hit the daddy turn. And
that will likely be for most ofus a very complex moment. But
regardless, as we gain lifeexperience and learn from life
and garner that wisdom, I thinkwe tend to accumulate that
(20:06):
energy that can be shared withothers. But even in that there
may be times when we need itourselves. And it's perfectly
perfectly perfectly okay to turnto someone to get it. And those
are my notes on daddies, I hopehas provided you some insight.
And hopefully in my own littleway, I've been a daddy for you
(20:28):
during these short minutes, andoffered you a little bit of
wisdom from my own lifeexperience. Welcome to Ask edge
where I answer questionssubmitted by all of you, my
listeners. I have severalquestions in this episode. And I
am so grateful for all of youwho took the time to leave me a
(20:52):
voicemail or email me aquestion, because it is pretty
vital to helping support thispodcast, because it gives me a
chance to interact and add newvoices without having to hunt
down interviews. And I'm justreally grateful that all of you
are willing to help me make thismore successful. That means a
(21:12):
lot to me. So our first questionis from boy print, and he asks,
In previous episodes, you'vetalked about highs and lows of
feelings in the leather scene.
What kind of things do you findhelp recover your mojo is
gearing up having a cigar havingan intimate scene, understand
(21:35):
giving yourself time ifnecessary for it to come back.
But I've also observed that whenone is ready to dip their toes
back in the proverbial pond,certain rituals can reignite or
kickstart that spark is a greatquestion. Since I'm still in
this place where I don't feelparticularly connected to my
(21:56):
leather, I went out because afriend was in town, I went out
to the ramrod last night. And itreally just felt like putting on
clothes. So for me part is acheck on what exactly is going
on. So I need to start bylooking at neuro chemical and
biological factors. And rightnow I am in a bit of a not in a
(22:18):
great mood. But I've worked withmy doctor to identify what we
think that's about and I'mtaking steps to address it. So.
So the first thing I always dois check to make sure like, is
there some fixable cause here,you know, is there depression
that needs to be addressed orsome other biological
neurochemical issue that needsto be addressed? Beyond that, I
(22:39):
agree with you, there arecertainly ways to reignite the
connection. And a lot of it hasto do with taking actions and
acting as if right. So there arestudies shown that if you smile,
whether you're happy or not, ifyou smile, your mood improves
the action and the acting as ifthen translates into your neuro
(23:03):
chemistry. And there's somethingsimilar for me with leather that
if I put myself into gear, if Iput myself in a highly erotic
context, if I put myself intospaces where normally I would
feel connected to my leather,then I have a greater chance of
reigniting that connection. Itdidn't happen last night, I have
(23:24):
a leather dinner to go to thisevening, perhaps it will happen
then perhaps not. But that alsocomes from recovery, my 12 step
recovery where we talk a lotabout acting as if. So when you
act as if you take the actionand then you you, you move the
body and then the mind comesalong. So I absolutely agree
(23:45):
with you that there are stepsyou can take and I think you
named some of them like havingthat intimate scene, putting on
the leather or having a cigar.
So once I've addressed some ofthe biological issues going on
with me right now then that'sprobably something I'm going to
pick up and do. And I love thatyou were able to share that
that's something that works foryou as well. So thank you. And
our next question comes from thevoicemail message on SpeakPipe
Unknown (24:11):
Hi, this is Rob from DC. I've been a fan of the
podcast for quite a while now. Ijust finished the leather care
episode and really enjoyed itbut I did have a question. Is
there anything that you dodifferently or know of anyone
that does differently forleather care specifically
regarding watersports and urine?
Is there some way to help getthat out a little bit better? Or
(24:34):
even if it's just you know,sometimes you get a little
dribble inside your pants andyou know cleaning that out?
Appreciate the time the answerThank you.
Edge (24:45):
Let me start by saying that I am no expert in
watersports. It's not somethingI do a lot, mainly because I'm
pee shy. That being said, Ithink first we need to really
figure out exactly what kind ofpiss we're talking about.
Morning Is is very, verydifferent from beer piss or well
hydrated piss, which has a lothigher water content. And if
(25:08):
we're talking about somethingpiss that's particularly clear
or not particularly strong, thenyou can probably care for your
lead or the way you wouldnormally wipe it off, pat it dry
saddle soap Leather Conditioner.
If we're talking about somethingmore like morning pairs,
something really strong, thenthat's might require a few more
steps. There's also a questionof how quickly you're taking
(25:28):
care of the leather. If you'retaking care of it immediately
after the scene, then thatdoesn't require quite as much
care as if you're taking care ofit one day later, or the next
weekend, two days later, right,something like that. So first,
consider the strength of the PIsand the length of time between
the scene and the care. Thosewill be factors in determining
(25:50):
what action to take. It did askmy boy, who is a boot black to
activate his boot black networkfor more information. And here's
the answer I got. And this isfrom my boy. Well, it's from
Tabitha, I'm supposed to creditTabitha, but my boy tapped into
his secret boot black network.
(26:12):
And here's the answer washefirst set out in son to open up
the pores, activated charcoalshoe deodorizer in a bag. It may
not be perfect, but it willimprove over time. So that is
the other tip you might have.
And I hope that gives you somegood guidance. And if anyone
else has other tips, I'm morethan happy to follow up on this
(26:34):
question in a later episode. Ournext question is also from
SpeakPipe.
Unknown (26:42):
Hi edge, I've had a question that's been in the back
of my head. And it really cameforward after I listened to your
connections video. I haveseveral leather pieces. I like
wearing them. I like the waythat I look when I wear them.
But I still don't feel like Ican call myself a leather
person. So I guess my questionto you is, what does it feel to
(27:05):
you to be a leather person?
Thank you so
Edge (27:09):
much. For starters, let's make one thing super clear. You
are another person when you sayyou are a leather person. And
that is simply a fact, when wehave now membership
requirements, we have no guildthat you need to apply to. It is
all about claiming, owning andaffirming your identity. That
(27:33):
being said, I can understand thesort of difficult journey it is
to do exactly that claim own andaffirm that identity. And there
are a lot of things to be workedthrough, including some things
where you're comparing yourselfto other other people and you
feel less than there might besome residual shame, there might
be some fear of how people inyour life might react. So this
(27:57):
is very much an inside job. Forme, when I feel connected, or
when I'm in leather spaces, Ifeel like I'm home, there's just
some part of me that settlesinto place some part of me that
is restless elsewhere. And I'mvery clear like when I go to the
(28:20):
ramrod I'm usually in full gearor significant amounts of gear.
And I'm usually one of the onlyones there and it doesn't matter
because that space belongs toleather people and I connect to
the history of all the leatherpeople who have moved through
that space. All of this isanother way of saying that, when
I'm feeling connected in myleather, I am feeling
(28:42):
comfortable in my skin. And inmy second skin. If we think of
leather as a second skin,getting there means spending
time in leather, actuallygetting used to wearing it,
getting comfortable with it,feeling yourself being sexy in
it. And it involves connectingto spaces of community where
(29:03):
people see you, there is nothingworse than being expected,
particularly a huge event likeIML you go to a big event, and
you feel invisible, you feellike people look right through
you. That's what makes you feellike, okay, I'm not part of this
community at all. However, myexperience suggests that even at
the biggest events, there's suchdiversity of kinds of people and
(29:26):
kinds of kink and ways of doingleather, that someone there will
see you and recognize you andall that it takes just that one
moment of recognition. You know,classically, I'm not sure we
ever set this down in leatherrules that don't exist. But at
the leather bar, I do this nodof acknowledgement when I see
(29:49):
another another person and itsort of slowly down into the
left. It's like Oh, hey thereanother person. Oh, yes, I
recognize you. I see you thoseMoments are moments of
validation and confirmation. Soif you're not yet feeling like a
leather person, continue tospend your time in leather and
feel it on you and feelcomfortable in it in your skin
(30:11):
and in your second skin. Andthen you need to seek out places
that validate your own selfunderstanding and
self-realization places ofcommunity, that can be really
challenging, that can be reallychallenging depending on where
you live, and what sort of socioeconomic resources and capital
are available to you. But I dothink that even if you look
(30:32):
virtual, you find places wherepeople see you. And then the
rest is moving through theemotional baggage we carry, in
part from being seen. So whenI'm at my best, I just feel
comfortable, I just feel athome, I feel whole, I feel
complete. I also feel verysexual, I feel like the erotic
(30:55):
energy of me, I feel who I am inthat space. And it feels very
powerful. And not particularlybecause I'm dominant identified,
but the power of this kind oferotic truth that resonates and
vibrates. So I hope that helps.
Our next question was emailedin, and it is, in an early
episode, you refer to leatherfolk as the priests of the LGBTQ
(31:18):
commanded community. Can youtell us more about that? Yeah,
okay. Wow, that sometimes I saythings and don't quite realize
that I say them fully. And thisis entirely my personal
perception, I don't want it tocarry any weight of truth. I
think for me, the reason leatherfolk, as always, have always
(31:40):
felt like if we were a tribe, wewould be the priests is because
leather is for me so deeply aspiritual experience. And, and
it's really, in the best scenes,what I'm able to do is to
connect the person with me, weconnect together to something
bigger than us. And the sum ofenergy we put into the scene
(32:03):
does not equal the energy outputthat the energy of the scene is
bigger than what either one ofus contributes. And that's a
sort of magic. And, and becauseof my personal experience,
because leather is so centrallyspiritual to me. I've always
imagined leather folks, as thepriests as sort of mediating
between the ordinary world, andthe sacred the out of the
(32:25):
ordinary world. And I as acorollary, I've always imagined
in this LGBTQ tribal community,that drag queens are the
warriors. And you just have tolook at the real world to see
that happening. If you thinkabout the roles they've played
in significant moments of ourhistory, including the Stonewall
(32:46):
riots, including the way they'reable to cut people down to size
on the street, I've always feltlike the drag queens are the
warriors, and the leather folkare the priests or priestesses I
should add. I hope thatclarifies things a little bit,
it's really driven by my ownpersonal sense of spirituality.
But also, actually, there's morethan that, too, right. So in in
(33:09):
tribal communities, thespiritual person often would be
on the edge, just outside thevillage. Because they were, they
were seen as little beers, theywere seen a little different.
They were seen as a littlefrightening and a little scary.
And they were happy to be on theedge, because part of their job
is to mediate between the worldsof the village and the world
(33:31):
outside. So the fact thatleather folk are at time seen as
scary or vilified, or, you know,that misunderstood even within
the larger LGBT Q community isanother reason why I think they
fill that priestly role. And nowanother voicemail message from
SpeakPipe.
Unknown (33:52):
Hi, edge. This is David from Kansas City. And I was
wondering, Where does your nameedge come from?
Edge (33:58):
That's a great question.
You know, a lot of times whenI'm on recon, or these other
leather fetish kinds of sites, alot of people are checking me
out who are into edging, as inbeing on the edge of orgasm. And
I'm in my in my head thinking,no, no, I'm not that edge. So it
goes all the way back to AmericaOnline. And that was a sort of
(34:19):
walled garden of an internetbefore the internet. So you
could chat you could shop, youcould look at travel, you could
read the news. And that's whatAmerica Online was and you would
have a screen name and I wentthrough several different screen
names and somewhere around 1995I had reached a place in my
(34:45):
journey and at the time, I was abottom not necessarily
submissive, but I was a bottomand I had reached a place where
I just felt like, no one couldgive me what I needed. And what
I needed was more And I wasreally frustrated that I had
sort of maxed out the capabilityof the tops I was able to find
(35:05):
locally. And so I made a couple,I think I made three or four
screen names trying to test outdifferent identities. And one of
them was leather edge. And, youknow, interestingly, there was a
limit to how many letters youcould use in a screen name and
America Online. And I want tosay it was maybe 10. So that's
why there are no vowels in thelthr. Because I was trying to
(35:30):
conserve letters. And that's whyit's lthr e v, G, instead of all
spelled out. The idea behindedge when I made that profile
was that I wanted to go further,I wanted to go to the edge. And
at the time, I was alsointerested in a lot of different
forms of edge play. And youknow, I do a class on mindfuck
(35:55):
Oh, I'm gonna have to do that asa podcast episode. Anyway, do a
class online fuck. And what Italk about is that every scene
has its own kind of edgeversion. So plaster bondage has
a lot of risk, a lot of dangers,a very intense, that is kind of
edge bondage. And, you know,Double fisting. Again, higher
risk, higher, higher intensity,higher skill, Edge form of
(36:17):
fucking really, if you go allthe way back to it. So I was
into things like weapons, sex,and knockouts and mindfuck. And
those things were, the eroticcharge of the scene, in part was
provided by the adrenaline thatcame from fear, risk, danger.
(36:37):
And so originally, leather edgewas all about this hungry,
dissatisfied bottom looking fornew experiences to take himself
further that were on the edge.
And in fact, that was the nameof my original website on the
edge. So that's where it camefrom, you know, and it sort of
(36:58):
morphed over time, particularlywhen I started teaching
nationally, people just startedcalling the edge much easier to
remember. I certainly appreciatethat. And you know, someone on
Twitter stole lthr EDG II didsomething super duper bad. I
don't know what but they gotthemselves banned. So Twitter's
the one place where I don't havethe lthr EDG II handle, it is
(37:22):
leather edge spelled out. Andthat causes some confusion. But
and since then, you know, I'mnot as into Edge activities. And
I think part of that is becausegrowth, evolution, but also
finding the kind of peace andsatisfaction on where I am with
my journey. So that sense ofneeding to go further kind of
dissipated. But I'm very fond ofthis sort of online moniker and
(37:46):
I've spent goodness, I've spenta couple of decades oh my god,
I've spent almost 30, almost 30years, kind of crafting that or
edge and being edge. So it meansa lot to me, and I'm keeping it.
But that was a great question.
Thank you. The next question wasemailed in, and it is, do you
have any tips for listenersexploring CBT? Oh, wow, that is
a big open ended question upreminder, I'm gonna have to do
(38:11):
an episode on CBT. At somepoint, thank you, that's a great
idea. First of all, listen toyour body, and all things and
listen to your mind. So part ofit is tuning into what you
fantasize about when you aremasturbating, and what's being
done to you. Because that'sobviously a clear indicator of
where your buttons are and whatneeds to be pushed. Then
(38:34):
listening to your body meansexploring your own body. I mean,
CBT is wonderful, because youcan do it yourself, you can find
out what you like, and not likeall on your own and then
communicate that with otherpeople. Some people are very
into pressure, things likesqueezing or pulling
particularly on the balls, somepeople are much more into impact
(38:55):
punching or something like that.
And so that's all worthexploring. I will say that
penises are tend to be highlyresilient, you know, it's
essentially a sponge. So you cansquish it, you can crush it, you
can roll it up into a littleball and shove it inside the
(39:15):
body. I mean, it's pretty,pretty resilient. Balls are
partially resilient, you know,can harm the testes, so we want
to be a little mindful of that.
But again, if we're listening tothe body, then we have a good
sense of where the biologicallimits are. The important caveat
to that is, there are some menwho produce so many endorphins
in response to pain, that theyliterally get high and can no
(39:40):
longer monitor safely their owncondition. If you know you're
one of those people, you need tocommunicate that to whatever
person you're playing with,because it's entirely possible
they could pull on your balls sohard that you're there causing
damage and you don't realize itand so you don't communicate it.
I'm not a medical expert, I'd bevery curious to hear from anyone
(40:01):
who is either into CBT a lot orhas some medical expertise on
the particular risks. My guessis there's a larger risk of
harming the testes than there isof harming the penis. That is my
guess. My general advice beyondthat, get education when you
can, if there are workshops, youcan attend at some of the
(40:21):
national events or locally, dothat. If there is a local
leather store, go in and askquestions. If there are local
leather players ask themquestions about their
experiences. It never hurts todo a lot of research about what
people do, what worked for them,what went wrong, and everything
like that. So personalexploration of your own body,
(40:42):
understanding what works andwhat doesn't work for you, being
mindful of your biological andmental erotic impulses, learning
to listen to your body. Also,when you've had enough or when
you've had too much, and alsoknowing whether or not you're
capable of doing that based onyour endorphin response. And
then seeking as much educationas you can. Finally, like all
(41:04):
things in kink, don't start atlevel 100. Start slow, build
slowly. And that's the other bigtip I would give you. So thank
you. And our last question forthis episode is also from email.
Do you have any favoriteleathers slash BDSM artists? You
know, I don't? I don't. That'sthe simple question is, I don't
(41:26):
thank you for asking. I wouldhave to say, though, that not a
single one of us can reallyescape the gravitational pull of
Tom of Finland. And there's noquestion that his work was very
impactful to me when I wasyounger, in terms of shaping my
identity, and crafting myleather aesthetic. But I'm not
(41:46):
really an art kind of person.
Which is ironic because I'm inthe office slash playroom,
looking at a wall full oforiginal erotic kinky art. So I
don't look at art a lot. I infact, I don't look at porn a
lot. I'm much more. Whatever youwant to say the written word is
(42:09):
it is visual, but it's notvisual. So a lot of my products
are driven by storytelling morethan particular images. I can
certainly appreciate a lot ofthe classic artists including
Rex and the Hun. These wereimages I was seeing when I was
coming out and so they resonatedfor me. The wreck Rex is a
(42:32):
little bit darker than probablymost of the stuff I would like
erotically the Heine, I thoughthad some beautiful artwork. But
I don't know that there's anyway of us avoiding tama,
Finland. And so I think if Iwere forced, if I were pressed
to say, Who's your favorite? Iwould have to say, Tom of
Finland, even though that is notan uncomplicated answer, in some
(42:54):
time as a community, probablynot today, but at some point,
we're gonna have to have aconversation about Tom of
Finland, and a reckoning aboutToma, Finland in relation to
many factors of his art, not theleast of which is body types
when concomitant body issues.
Wow, okay, so, great crop ofquestions, super grateful to you
all. If you would like toparticipate in this, you have a
(43:16):
couple of options. You can leaveme a voicemail at
speakpipe.com/leather Edge lthrE, TG E, or you can email me a
question at ask at full cow dotshow. Please let me know whether
it's a voicemail or an email,let me know if I can use
particularly the voicemail. Doyou want me to use the audio? If
(43:39):
not, make sure to make thatclear. You're gonna be a podcast
episode. And let me know what tocall you. Or if not, I'll just
keep it kind of anonymous. Thiswas just such a really deeply
fulfilling segment for me. AndI'm grateful to all of you and
I'm hoping the questions willkeep coming.
(44:01):
One of my listeners suggested itwould be a good idea to have a
bedtime story as an occasionalpart of the podcast. And in
fact, he wrote one for me toread to all of you. So thank
you, Maddie. This is for you.
Another bedtime story. Pleasetake a moment to close your
eyes. Relax your face your neck.
(44:24):
Breathe into your chest andback. Then allow them to relax
and let your breath out. Breathesoftly now. You're safe. You're
loved. You're exactly where youneed to be. He's panting
something wet moves between theskin of your back and his
stomach. Is it his sweat hascome. You're lying on all fours
(44:48):
on his large four poster bed.
Your hands and feet are tiedtogether with rough rope.
Everything is black with the eyemask covering your eyes. You
cannot move but you do not wantor need to? You are exactly
where you need to be. He isbehind you. God damn boy. He
growls you can take it rough.
(45:09):
Thank you, sir. You're trying towhisper and you would wear it
not for the gag in between yourteeth. HE CHUCKLES at your
attempt and ruffles your hairsoftly. It just gets better
every damn time. You sigh andbreathe him in the smell of his
leather oils, smokin sweat,mingling together on the end of
your nose and the tip of yourtongue. A deep, familiar musk.
(45:34):
One that is fast becoming ascent you think about on nights
you spent alone. If you couldonly bottle it up. Right kiddo,
his rough boys breaks throughyour reverie. Let's get you
tidied up. You swallow past thelump in your dry throat. You nod
silently, time to get untied.
Time to get dressed and headhome and not see him for another
week. Maybe more. Maybe his bigwarm hands on you touching from
(45:59):
your hair to your temples. softwarm light on your eyelids as he
removes the blindfold thosefingers his course calloused
fingers, leaving tinglingfurrows as they slide across
your skin to the buckle on thegag behind your neck. It pops
open under his touch, relaxingthe gag from your throat. He
(46:21):
carefully reaches around andopen boy. You open your mouth
for him right away. The gagcomes free. Your tongue is free
to Dart and dance and speakagain. You lick your lips
swallowing saliva tasting of ashand his cock. Thank you, sir.
Good boy. Now arms. You can feelhis eyes on the back of your
(46:43):
neck as you raise your arms intothe air. With your feet still
tied. This stretch feelsespecially vulnerable. As if you
were saying to him. Here I am.
This is me. The black ropeslackens and falls away under
his fingertips. How could itnot? Everything gives weight his
(47:04):
touch. Everything relaxes underhim. Everything is better with
him. Those risks look a littlebit chafe son, he remarks. You
look down and see slightlyprickled tender skin where the
rope has cut into your skin asyou arrived under his weight.
It's okay sir. I don't mind.
Your feet spring free from theirbonds. Your hips, thighs and
(47:25):
legs relax under his touch intoyour lying flat on your front.
he inspects you carefully,thoughtfully. Those marks on
your ass are quite impressiveboy. The result of his hands,
the strength he holds in them.
His arms, his chest. He slapsone of your cheeks playfully. It
(47:47):
stings enough to bring tears toyour eyes. He sees you stiffen
under his touch. I'm sorry, boy.
Did that hurt? No, sir. Youmurmur hiding your face in his
bed. Breathing in the trace ofhis skin and his sweat from the
fabric. Large hand turns you toface him and you look into his
eyes. How are they so blue?
(48:08):
Deep? Shining? crystallin you'venever seen eyes like them. Boy,
you need to tell me the truth.
If it hurts, then you need totell me if I'm using you too
hard. He trails off in thought.
His thick eyebrows knittogether. His gray mustache
curls into a frown. You've neverseen his eyes like this. They're
(48:30):
they're sad. Why is he sad? Youreach up before you realize what
you're doing. You reach up forhis your palm touches his chest
lightly, or really the leatherharness across his barrel chest
of forest have thick gray haircurls up and embraces the rings
and joints of the piece. Hissweat and calm has matted the
(48:52):
hair in several places, makingtempting places for your tongue
to seek out. I'm so sorry, sir.
I didn't mean to disappoint you.
I don't want to hurt you. Andyou not to be able to tell me
the truth. I don't want to hurtyou and end up losing you boy,
he Huff's looking away from you.
His words vibrate gently in hischest under your palm punctuated
(49:14):
with the regular drum of hisstrong heartbeat. I'm here sir.
If you'll have me sir. Yourwords take you both by surprise.
He looks at you, curiously,really looks at you. Like no one
has ever looked at you before.
sees you sees all of you, yourbody and your mind marked by him
(49:38):
in many different ways. Theyache and throb slowly in the
half light of his bedroom. Hepicks you up like you weigh less
than cloud. He lay his back inhis bed with you against his
chest. The smell of his leatherin Smoke is closer now hotter.
Like standing closer to the sun,your nose instinctively by
(50:00):
rather than towards his leftpit, and you breathe deep, sir,
boy do you think can I stay withyou tonight sir? His arms and
circle around you pressing yoursmaller body close against his
solid frame. You're not goinganywhere. Good night kiddo. And
(50:25):
that's it for this episode.
Thank you so much for joining meplease consider subscribing or
you can send feedback to edge atfull Cowell dot show. As always,
may your leather journey beblessed
Let's talk about Daddy this podcast contains material
intended for a mature audience.
Before proceeding, please checkyour local laws and confirm that
you are an adult.
(00:38):
Welcome to full cow, a podcastabout leather kink and BDSM. My
name is edge My pronouns are hehim, and I'm your host. Thank
you so much for joining me foranother episode as we discuss,
daddy. In the first segment,I'll share my own experience
moving into this identity andclaiming it for my own. Then in
(00:59):
the second segment, I'll try tounpack it a little bit, sharing
some of the insights I'velearned in part through my own
explorations. For the thirdsegment, we have once again ask
edge my answers to yourquestions. And I think we have a
really great batch. And thenfinally, as a special treat, one
(01:19):
of my listeners suggested aleather bedtime story, and
actually wrote something for meto read to all of you. It is a
pretty excellent episode. I'mvery happy with it, I hope you
enjoy it as well. So let's getstarted. I'm trying to remember
(01:40):
when I first identified asDaddy, it is a fairly recent
development, you know, when Ifirst made the move into
dominance, into what I wouldcall being a top around the turn
of the millennium, I was Siridentified, and I'm still
perfectly comfortable with thetitle of Sir. And you know, I've
(02:02):
said maybe probably in thesubmission episode, I've said
that boy is a capaciouscategory, lots, and lots of
different kinds of people canfit inside a boy. And I feel the
same thing about search, thesort of default positioning of
dominance, for me, that allowslots and lots of different kinds
of people. Lots of flavors ofdominance can sit inside of Sir,
(02:25):
and serves a very comfortableplace for me. And so in the
arts, and in the teens, I wasprimarily sir identified. The
first time I remember thinkingabout myself as a daddy was
probably when I turned 40. Sothis would have been 2010. And I
remember kind of this was backwhen Tumblr was a thing, right?
(02:45):
And I remember posting like, Oh,I'm 40. Now I'm a daddy. Now,
all the cute young boys can comeafter me, and actually have a
little little bit of flack aboutthat as this sort of assumptive
mode, which I thought wasactually pretty fair. But I was
also calling attention to thesort of stereotype of what a
daddy is. But that was a sort ofbroad gesture, it was a
(03:06):
rhetorical move. It wasn't aninner sense of identity. That
came later. And I want to say itstarted first, maybe three or
four years ago. And there were acouple of factors that
contributed to it. You know, inmy late 40s, so let's say, for
(03:29):
fun sake, let's say 2018 or so,I started noticing I was aging.
Now, we're aging all the time.
But there will be points in yourlife. If you are so blessed as
to age, there will be pointswhere you suddenly realize
you're aging. And I came torealize that I wanted to pass on
all the stuff I had learned. Iwas I was saying my leather
(03:54):
logical clock was ticking. Therewas a sense that I was reaching
the later stages of my life. Ididn't know how much time I had
left, I still don't know howmuch time I have left. And I
wanted to pass on everythingthat I had learned about leather
and about kink. And all that andthat was the first real sense
that I was connecting tosomething that I was starting to
(04:17):
call this sort of Daddy energy,it was very clear that there was
a there was almost biological,but we're gonna call it love it
illogical a sort of impulse toreproduce, but not reproduce,
biologically, to reproduce,culturally, to pass on leather
as I understood it. The nextmoment for me, I think, was with
(04:40):
my x well, sort of x and a half.
But when I was with him, he veryclearly was going to need a
slave in addition to having meas his partner, and somehow
watching him go through thatprocess really inspired me in
ways that moved me closer to toHurry. Then in 2000, let's see
(05:03):
2019 I think 2020 Perhaps therewas the year I met the boy who
changed my life who unlockedthis really natural, authentic
dominance. So now I had thisinternal impulse to reproduce
myself culturally, I had thisaspirational model in my x or x
(05:25):
and a half. And I had access tothis abundant authentic
dominance, those thingssynergistically came together to
really produce the data in me.
It's manifested primarilythrough my work on social media.
That is where I am doing my bestto pass on what I know. And that
is where in some ways I feel themost, Daddy, I feel like, you
(05:47):
know, I have a large segment ofpeople who follow me,
particularly on Twitter, who are19 year old pup gamers, and I
feel like, I'm Daddy to several1000 of them, which sounds
ridiculous, but also feels notentirely untrue. And that's the
(06:08):
work I do with these educationalvideos you see on my Twitter and
my Instagram, I'm trying to passon what I know. I've come to
recognize and learn what daddyenergy is for me. And it is
quite paternal, but not in akind of strict disciplinarian
way. But in a loving guidingfatherly supportive way. It is
(06:32):
about helping someone along intotheir leather adulthood. And
that's not necessarily theiradulthood, right? They there are
people who are maybe alreadyadults, but are children when it
comes to their leather journey,rarely, rarely, very early on
practically newborns. And it'sabout how can I help them grow
(06:55):
up in leather. I do now have aboy in Arizona, and he calls me
daddy. And it feels perfectlynormal. And perfectly right? It
really describes the way I feelabout our dynamic. But I'm very
invested in his growth and inhis development, as though he
were my son as though he were myoffspring. So it's been a fairly
(07:18):
long journey. If you think aboutthe 23 years since I've made
this movement into the identityof Sir, is that a fairly long
journey to reach daddy, it isdefinitely definitely something
I feel. And there are a few menwho call me daddy and in my
world. And with each of them, itfeels very, very right. It feels
(07:43):
like it is naming the dynamic,the energy that is between us
and that they tap into thatparticular aspect of me. And
there are a lot of aspects ofme, I'm a complex human being.
And even when it comes to mykinky identities, they can be
complex as they can be foreveryone. And I'm still very
(08:06):
comfortable as sir but I'mequally comfortable with Daddy,
when it makes sense when it fitsthat dynamic. My daddy is an
extension of my lovingdominance. So even when I'm Sir
I'm coming from a point ofloving dominance. And that means
Oh, you're a fag. Fantastic. iLet's make you the best fac
(08:27):
ever. Oh, okay, you're nothingbut a whole love it, I'm going
to help you become the very besthold you can be. You know that
loving dominance is aboutsupporting someone in the
journey towards their kinkauthenticity, whatever that
looks like today, daddy is sucha natural extension of that. But
with a slightly more specificinclination than just sir. And
(08:51):
with a stronger emphasis onguidance, support and
mentorship. In general,mentorship is an important part
of my life. You know, when I wascoming out into leather, I had
the most incredible teachers, Ihad the most incredible mentors.
And I'm blessed. absolutelyblessed in my leather journey
(09:14):
without a question. And there'sa real sense that it's time for
me to pay that forward and daddyis what allows me to do that. So
as I sit here at 52 as Daddysir, or sir daddy, as someone
able to equally occupied daddyanswer, I'm not sure what comes
next for me. You know, this isan evolutionary path for me too,
(09:37):
as I encounter new people, andthey awaken new things in me and
they call out new things to me.
I'm pretty certain though thathowever I continue to evolve and
no matter who entrust my life,there will be a very strong
element of daddy in me for therest of my existence. And I
(09:58):
think about the rest of myexistence. That's a lot. That's
something that happened to me inmy 50s. I don't know if it's
pretty common for leather folkof a certain age. But it was
very common for me that I thinkabout my existence a lot, I
think about where I've been whatI've accomplished more than
anything, I think about how muchtime I have left. And that I
(10:20):
don't know.
And that, and that's not justGod, it's just not, it's not
just Neil iStick negativethinking. But I'm at an age
where a lot of my peers arehaving strokes, having heart
attacks, having cancer. And Idon't know that I've lost
someone of my peers. I don'tknow that I've lost someone. But
(10:42):
I've had a lot of peopleencounter life threatening
situations. And that makes meextraordinarily aware of my own
mortality in a way that can bemotivating, that gets me to do
as much as I can in this worldwhile I'm in it. And in a way
that can be a little disablingand a little frustrating, and a
(11:06):
little. Not fun, shall we say?
So no matter what comes next, nomatter how much time I am
granted, I'm Daddy, and I'mgoing to remain daddy. And maybe
I'll be daddy for you.
(11:26):
Traditionally, the secondsegment is a how to, but I'm not
sure anyone can really how todairying, I think it ends up
being slightly instinctive, andin part, almost by necessity,
driven by a sort of trial anderror. You know, because Daddy
is weird. On the one hand, it'sa noun, it's an identity, right?
(11:51):
You can be a daddy. But at thesame time, it's an adjective.
It's a modifying descriptor. Soyou can be a Daddy bear, or you
can be a daddy pup, or you canbe a daddy, whatever. It both
describes an identity and anenergy. And it's an energy that
(12:12):
exists in two intersectingscales. So there's a scale from
submissive to dominant, anddaddy is on the dominant side of
things. But there's also a scaleof dominance. Maybe scales the
wrong word, because I don't wantto rank one over the other. But
there are many different ways tobe dominant and daddy is very
(12:34):
different from Master is alittle different, even from Sir
it is a very specific energy.
No, part of what's also weirdabout Daddy is that as a noun,
when you say you are daddy as anidentity, it suggests an age we
tend to think of daddies asolder. However, this is not
(12:55):
inherently true. Correlation isnot causation. So yes, a lot of
daddies are older, and a lot ofboys are younger, but you can be
a daddy at any age. And this isliterally true. You know, there
are literally young fathers whoare having children at 16. And
(13:16):
they are now daddy's. So we needto break through this sort of
cultural perception that daddyis related to an age and instead
see it as an identity availableto anyone who feels like they're
a daddy. It is equally claimableby anyone who wants to have that
identity. And then the challengebecomes living in it, honoring
(13:39):
it, growing in it, and thenaccessing that sort of Daddy
energy. At the same time, youknow, first of all, Daddy's
pretty specifically a gay malephenomenon, to the extent that
I, as far as I know, right,like, there are there, it's not
as big I don't think in lesbiancommunities, although I think
(14:02):
they are certainly lesbiandaddies out there, I want to
say, and from my limitedexposure to heterosexual kin
communities, Daddy's not a thingeither. It is not as big
anywhere, to my knowledge as itis in the gay male community.
And that's not superdupersurprising. A lot of gay men
don't have the best historicalrelationships with their
(14:26):
biological fathers. We oftenhave very troubled relationships
with our biological fathers, andfor many years, I had a very
troubled relationship with mine.
Fortunately, we were able tomend it towards the end of his
life. So it's not surprising tome that this is a particularly
gay male phenomenon. And as partof that, as much as as much as
(14:52):
daddy's available at any chanceat any age, it's also true that
if you're gay male, at somepoint, you will look Experience
what I call the daddy turn. Soyou're trucking along on your
apps and on your social medialooking for a good time. And
sooner or later, at some age,someone younger than you is
(15:13):
going to approach you on someapp or at the bar or on a
website and call you, daddy. Andthat can be an incredibly
complex moment. So if you areboy identified, then it can be
really troubling, because itsuggests that somehow you're
aging out of your boy Enos,that's not true. But that
(15:35):
cultural perception will bethere. And that can be
extraordinarily challenging toyou as a boy when you reach the
daddy turn. But for other men,it can be very powerful and
affirming. If you were a youngdaddy, say you were daddy
identified at 22, you might havefelt no one really believed you.
And no one really affirmed you.
So that moment when someone seesyou a daddy as Daddy and
(15:58):
recognizes you, that can besuperduper powerful. And then
there are a bunch of us alsothat sort of fall in between
where it first is like, no, no,I'm not daddy. No, no, no, no,
no, no, I'm not daddy, untileventually you're like, well,
actually, he's kind of hot. Iyeah, I want to get with him.
I'll be damned if he wants me,daddy. And so we try it on for a
(16:20):
moment. And then we discoverit's very comfortable. So the
daddy turn is inevitable, as faras I know, for all gay men, and
complex, depending on youridentity, your affinity, and
your willingness to grow,evolve. And whether or not
that's right for you at all.
(16:43):
Daddy energy for me is lovingand protective. It is fatherly,
it is paternal. It is aboutmentorship. And it is about
guidance. And it's about wisdomfrom life experience. And I
think that's part of the reasonI feel like young daddies are as
legitimate as any other kind ofdaddy's. Because this is not
(17:08):
dependent upon age, it isdependent upon experience. And
life tends to be distributedunevenly. So some people even at
a very young age, will have hada lot of life, a lot of trauma,
a lot of challenges, a lot ofroadblocks, a lot of pain. And
as they move through that, theygain wisdom and experience,
(17:31):
which activates that daddyenergy, which gives them an
opportunity to guide othersyounger or older. Right, because
you're gonna have a young daddywith an older boy, it gives them
the opportunity to guide othersthrough their own journeys. So
dad energy is, I think, reallybeautiful. In part, I think, for
me, it's beautiful, because it'sprotective. And for me feeling
(17:53):
safe is my God is the mostimportant thing in the world.
And I've spent a lot of my life,learning how to keep myself
safe, and it's a littleexhausting. And it's beautiful
to have someone in my life whomakes me feel safe. So Daddy
energy is really, reallybeautiful. And to that end, it's
(18:14):
also worth noting that sometimesdaddy's need daddy's that
there's absolutely nothing wrongif you are daddy identified, to
yearn to have a some own figurein your life that you can call
daddy, someone who makes youfeel safe. It doesn't make you
less of a daddy yourself. Itdoesn't make you less of a sir
(18:35):
less of a master less of apuppet doesn't make you less of
anything. It makes you human.
Because we all need someone whocan say to us, say to us and
have us fundamentally believethem. say to us, everything is
going to be okay. Everything'sgonna be okay. No matter what's
(18:56):
going on or our life, Daddy cansay, Everything's gonna be okay.
And somehow we believe them. Webelieve that no matter what
we're facing, we can movethrough it. Because we have this
anchor of strength, life, wisdomand experience, this loving
guidance that will be there,even when we fall, particularly
when we fall to help us get upagain, and keep going. So I
(19:20):
don't have any specificguidelines on how to become a
daddy, I simply have sometakeaways. A daddy is both an
identity and an energy, that itcan be something you are or it
can be a descriptor, a modifierof your kink identity. That it's
implied a certain age, but notnecessarily so you can be a
(19:44):
daddy at any age just as you canbe a boy at any age. That being
said, all gay men are probablygoing to hit the daddy turn. And
that will likely be for most ofus a very complex moment. But
regardless, as we gain lifeexperience and learn from life
and garner that wisdom, I thinkwe tend to accumulate that
(20:06):
energy that can be shared withothers. But even in that there
may be times when we need itourselves. And it's perfectly
perfectly perfectly okay to turnto someone to get it. And those
are my notes on daddies, I hopehas provided you some insight.
And hopefully in my own littleway, I've been a daddy for you
(20:28):
during these short minutes, andoffered you a little bit of
wisdom from my own lifeexperience. Welcome to Ask edge
where I answer questionssubmitted by all of you, my
listeners. I have severalquestions in this episode. And I
am so grateful for all of youwho took the time to leave me a
(20:52):
voicemail or email me aquestion, because it is pretty
vital to helping support thispodcast, because it gives me a
chance to interact and add newvoices without having to hunt
down interviews. And I'm justreally grateful that all of you
are willing to help me make thismore successful. That means a
(21:12):
lot to me. So our first questionis from boy print, and he asks,
In previous episodes, you'vetalked about highs and lows of
feelings in the leather scene.
What kind of things do you findhelp recover your mojo is
gearing up having a cigar havingan intimate scene, understand
(21:35):
giving yourself time ifnecessary for it to come back.
But I've also observed that whenone is ready to dip their toes
back in the proverbial pond,certain rituals can reignite or
kickstart that spark is a greatquestion. Since I'm still in
this place where I don't feelparticularly connected to my
(21:56):
leather, I went out because afriend was in town, I went out
to the ramrod last night. And itreally just felt like putting on
clothes. So for me part is acheck on what exactly is going
on. So I need to start bylooking at neuro chemical and
biological factors. And rightnow I am in a bit of a not in a
(22:18):
great mood. But I've worked withmy doctor to identify what we
think that's about and I'mtaking steps to address it. So.
So the first thing I always dois check to make sure like, is
there some fixable cause here,you know, is there depression
that needs to be addressed orsome other biological
neurochemical issue that needsto be addressed? Beyond that, I
(22:39):
agree with you, there arecertainly ways to reignite the
connection. And a lot of it hasto do with taking actions and
acting as if right. So there arestudies shown that if you smile,
whether you're happy or not, ifyou smile, your mood improves
the action and the acting as ifthen translates into your neuro
(23:03):
chemistry. And there's somethingsimilar for me with leather that
if I put myself into gear, if Iput myself in a highly erotic
context, if I put myself intospaces where normally I would
feel connected to my leather,then I have a greater chance of
reigniting that connection. Itdidn't happen last night, I have
(23:24):
a leather dinner to go to thisevening, perhaps it will happen
then perhaps not. But that alsocomes from recovery, my 12 step
recovery where we talk a lotabout acting as if. So when you
act as if you take the actionand then you you, you move the
body and then the mind comesalong. So I absolutely agree
(23:45):
with you that there are stepsyou can take and I think you
named some of them like havingthat intimate scene, putting on
the leather or having a cigar.
So once I've addressed some ofthe biological issues going on
with me right now then that'sprobably something I'm going to
pick up and do. And I love thatyou were able to share that
that's something that works foryou as well. So thank you. And
our next question comes from thevoicemail message on SpeakPipe
Unknown (24:11):
Hi, this is Rob from DC. I've been a fan of the
podcast for quite a while now. Ijust finished the leather care
episode and really enjoyed itbut I did have a question. Is
there anything that you dodifferently or know of anyone
that does differently forleather care specifically
regarding watersports and urine?
Is there some way to help getthat out a little bit better? Or
(24:34):
even if it's just you know,sometimes you get a little
dribble inside your pants andyou know cleaning that out?
Appreciate the time the answerThank you.
Edge (24:45):
Let me start by saying that I am no expert in
watersports. It's not somethingI do a lot, mainly because I'm
pee shy. That being said, Ithink first we need to really
figure out exactly what kind ofpiss we're talking about.
Morning Is is very, verydifferent from beer piss or well
hydrated piss, which has a lothigher water content. And if
(25:08):
we're talking about somethingpiss that's particularly clear
or not particularly strong, thenyou can probably care for your
lead or the way you wouldnormally wipe it off, pat it dry
saddle soap Leather Conditioner.
If we're talking about somethingmore like morning pairs,
something really strong, thenthat's might require a few more
steps. There's also a questionof how quickly you're taking
(25:28):
care of the leather. If you'retaking care of it immediately
after the scene, then thatdoesn't require quite as much
care as if you're taking care ofit one day later, or the next
weekend, two days later, right,something like that. So first,
consider the strength of the PIsand the length of time between
the scene and the care. Thosewill be factors in determining
(25:50):
what action to take. It did askmy boy, who is a boot black to
activate his boot black networkfor more information. And here's
the answer I got. And this isfrom my boy. Well, it's from
Tabitha, I'm supposed to creditTabitha, but my boy tapped into
his secret boot black network.
(26:12):
And here's the answer washefirst set out in son to open up
the pores, activated charcoalshoe deodorizer in a bag. It may
not be perfect, but it willimprove over time. So that is
the other tip you might have.
And I hope that gives you somegood guidance. And if anyone
else has other tips, I'm morethan happy to follow up on this
(26:34):
question in a later episode. Ournext question is also from
SpeakPipe.
Unknown (26:42):
Hi edge, I've had a question that's been in the back
of my head. And it really cameforward after I listened to your
connections video. I haveseveral leather pieces. I like
wearing them. I like the waythat I look when I wear them.
But I still don't feel like Ican call myself a leather
person. So I guess my questionto you is, what does it feel to
(27:05):
you to be a leather person?
Thank you so
Edge (27:09):
much. For starters, let's make one thing super clear. You
are another person when you sayyou are a leather person. And
that is simply a fact, when wehave now membership
requirements, we have no guildthat you need to apply to. It is
all about claiming, owning andaffirming your identity. That
(27:33):
being said, I can understand thesort of difficult journey it is
to do exactly that claim own andaffirm that identity. And there
are a lot of things to be workedthrough, including some things
where you're comparing yourselfto other other people and you
feel less than there might besome residual shame, there might
be some fear of how people inyour life might react. So this
(27:57):
is very much an inside job. Forme, when I feel connected, or
when I'm in leather spaces, Ifeel like I'm home, there's just
some part of me that settlesinto place some part of me that
is restless elsewhere. And I'mvery clear like when I go to the
(28:20):
ramrod I'm usually in full gearor significant amounts of gear.
And I'm usually one of the onlyones there and it doesn't matter
because that space belongs toleather people and I connect to
the history of all the leatherpeople who have moved through
that space. All of this isanother way of saying that, when
I'm feeling connected in myleather, I am feeling
(28:42):
comfortable in my skin. And inmy second skin. If we think of
leather as a second skin,getting there means spending
time in leather, actuallygetting used to wearing it,
getting comfortable with it,feeling yourself being sexy in
it. And it involves connectingto spaces of community where
(29:03):
people see you, there is nothingworse than being expected,
particularly a huge event likeIML you go to a big event, and
you feel invisible, you feellike people look right through
you. That's what makes you feellike, okay, I'm not part of this
community at all. However, myexperience suggests that even at
the biggest events, there's suchdiversity of kinds of people and
(29:26):
kinds of kink and ways of doingleather, that someone there will
see you and recognize you andall that it takes just that one
moment of recognition. You know,classically, I'm not sure we
ever set this down in leatherrules that don't exist. But at
the leather bar, I do this nodof acknowledgement when I see
(29:49):
another another person and itsort of slowly down into the
left. It's like Oh, hey thereanother person. Oh, yes, I
recognize you. I see you thoseMoments are moments of
validation and confirmation. Soif you're not yet feeling like a
leather person, continue tospend your time in leather and
feel it on you and feelcomfortable in it in your skin
(30:11):
and in your second skin. Andthen you need to seek out places
that validate your own selfunderstanding and
self-realization places ofcommunity, that can be really
challenging, that can be reallychallenging depending on where
you live, and what sort of socioeconomic resources and capital
are available to you. But I dothink that even if you look
(30:32):
virtual, you find places wherepeople see you. And then the
rest is moving through theemotional baggage we carry, in
part from being seen. So whenI'm at my best, I just feel
comfortable, I just feel athome, I feel whole, I feel
complete. I also feel verysexual, I feel like the erotic
(30:55):
energy of me, I feel who I am inthat space. And it feels very
powerful. And not particularlybecause I'm dominant identified,
but the power of this kind oferotic truth that resonates and
vibrates. So I hope that helps.
Our next question was emailedin, and it is, in an early
episode, you refer to leatherfolk as the priests of the LGBTQ
(31:18):
commanded community. Can youtell us more about that? Yeah,
okay. Wow, that sometimes I saythings and don't quite realize
that I say them fully. And thisis entirely my personal
perception, I don't want it tocarry any weight of truth. I
think for me, the reason leatherfolk, as always, have always
(31:40):
felt like if we were a tribe, wewould be the priests is because
leather is for me so deeply aspiritual experience. And, and
it's really, in the best scenes,what I'm able to do is to
connect the person with me, weconnect together to something
bigger than us. And the sum ofenergy we put into the scene
(32:03):
does not equal the energy outputthat the energy of the scene is
bigger than what either one ofus contributes. And that's a
sort of magic. And, and becauseof my personal experience,
because leather is so centrallyspiritual to me. I've always
imagined leather folks, as thepriests as sort of mediating
between the ordinary world, andthe sacred the out of the
(32:25):
ordinary world. And I as acorollary, I've always imagined
in this LGBTQ tribal community,that drag queens are the
warriors. And you just have tolook at the real world to see
that happening. If you thinkabout the roles they've played
in significant moments of ourhistory, including the Stonewall
(32:46):
riots, including the way they'reable to cut people down to size
on the street, I've always feltlike the drag queens are the
warriors, and the leather folkare the priests or priestesses I
should add. I hope thatclarifies things a little bit,
it's really driven by my ownpersonal sense of spirituality.
But also, actually, there's morethan that, too, right. So in in
(33:09):
tribal communities, thespiritual person often would be
on the edge, just outside thevillage. Because they were, they
were seen as little beers, theywere seen a little different.
They were seen as a littlefrightening and a little scary.
And they were happy to be on theedge, because part of their job
is to mediate between the worldsof the village and the world
(33:31):
outside. So the fact thatleather folk are at time seen as
scary or vilified, or, you know,that misunderstood even within
the larger LGBT Q community isanother reason why I think they
fill that priestly role. And nowanother voicemail message from
SpeakPipe.
Unknown (33:52):
Hi, edge. This is David from Kansas City. And I was
wondering, Where does your nameedge come from?
Edge (33:58):
That's a great question.
You know, a lot of times whenI'm on recon, or these other
leather fetish kinds of sites, alot of people are checking me
out who are into edging, as inbeing on the edge of orgasm. And
I'm in my in my head thinking,no, no, I'm not that edge. So it
goes all the way back to AmericaOnline. And that was a sort of
(34:19):
walled garden of an internetbefore the internet. So you
could chat you could shop, youcould look at travel, you could
read the news. And that's whatAmerica Online was and you would
have a screen name and I wentthrough several different screen
names and somewhere around 1995I had reached a place in my
(34:45):
journey and at the time, I was abottom not necessarily
submissive, but I was a bottomand I had reached a place where
I just felt like, no one couldgive me what I needed. And what
I needed was more And I wasreally frustrated that I had
sort of maxed out the capabilityof the tops I was able to find
(35:05):
locally. And so I made a couple,I think I made three or four
screen names trying to test outdifferent identities. And one of
them was leather edge. And, youknow, interestingly, there was a
limit to how many letters youcould use in a screen name and
America Online. And I want tosay it was maybe 10. So that's
why there are no vowels in thelthr. Because I was trying to
(35:30):
conserve letters. And that's whyit's lthr e v, G, instead of all
spelled out. The idea behindedge when I made that profile
was that I wanted to go further,I wanted to go to the edge. And
at the time, I was alsointerested in a lot of different
forms of edge play. And youknow, I do a class on mindfuck
(35:55):
Oh, I'm gonna have to do that asa podcast episode. Anyway, do a
class online fuck. And what Italk about is that every scene
has its own kind of edgeversion. So plaster bondage has
a lot of risk, a lot of dangers,a very intense, that is kind of
edge bondage. And, you know,Double fisting. Again, higher
risk, higher, higher intensity,higher skill, Edge form of
(36:17):
fucking really, if you go allthe way back to it. So I was
into things like weapons, sex,and knockouts and mindfuck. And
those things were, the eroticcharge of the scene, in part was
provided by the adrenaline thatcame from fear, risk, danger.
(36:37):
And so originally, leather edgewas all about this hungry,
dissatisfied bottom looking fornew experiences to take himself
further that were on the edge.
And in fact, that was the nameof my original website on the
edge. So that's where it camefrom, you know, and it sort of
(36:58):
morphed over time, particularlywhen I started teaching
nationally, people just startedcalling the edge much easier to
remember. I certainly appreciatethat. And you know, someone on
Twitter stole lthr EDG II didsomething super duper bad. I
don't know what but they gotthemselves banned. So Twitter's
the one place where I don't havethe lthr EDG II handle, it is
(37:22):
leather edge spelled out. Andthat causes some confusion. But
and since then, you know, I'mnot as into Edge activities. And
I think part of that is becausegrowth, evolution, but also
finding the kind of peace andsatisfaction on where I am with
my journey. So that sense ofneeding to go further kind of
dissipated. But I'm very fond ofthis sort of online moniker and
(37:46):
I've spent goodness, I've spenta couple of decades oh my god,
I've spent almost 30, almost 30years, kind of crafting that or
edge and being edge. So it meansa lot to me, and I'm keeping it.
But that was a great question.
Thank you. The next question wasemailed in, and it is, do you
have any tips for listenersexploring CBT? Oh, wow, that is
a big open ended question upreminder, I'm gonna have to do
(38:11):
an episode on CBT. At somepoint, thank you, that's a great
idea. First of all, listen toyour body, and all things and
listen to your mind. So part ofit is tuning into what you
fantasize about when you aremasturbating, and what's being
done to you. Because that'sobviously a clear indicator of
where your buttons are and whatneeds to be pushed. Then
(38:34):
listening to your body meansexploring your own body. I mean,
CBT is wonderful, because youcan do it yourself, you can find
out what you like, and not likeall on your own and then
communicate that with otherpeople. Some people are very
into pressure, things likesqueezing or pulling
particularly on the balls, somepeople are much more into impact
(38:55):
punching or something like that.
And so that's all worthexploring. I will say that
penises are tend to be highlyresilient, you know, it's
essentially a sponge. So you cansquish it, you can crush it, you
can roll it up into a littleball and shove it inside the
(39:15):
body. I mean, it's pretty,pretty resilient. Balls are
partially resilient, you know,can harm the testes, so we want
to be a little mindful of that.
But again, if we're listening tothe body, then we have a good
sense of where the biologicallimits are. The important caveat
to that is, there are some menwho produce so many endorphins
in response to pain, that theyliterally get high and can no
(39:40):
longer monitor safely their owncondition. If you know you're
one of those people, you need tocommunicate that to whatever
person you're playing with,because it's entirely possible
they could pull on your balls sohard that you're there causing
damage and you don't realize itand so you don't communicate it.
I'm not a medical expert, I'd bevery curious to hear from anyone
(40:01):
who is either into CBT a lot orhas some medical expertise on
the particular risks. My guessis there's a larger risk of
harming the testes than there isof harming the penis. That is my
guess. My general advice beyondthat, get education when you
can, if there are workshops, youcan attend at some of the
(40:21):
national events or locally, dothat. If there is a local
leather store, go in and askquestions. If there are local
leather players ask themquestions about their
experiences. It never hurts todo a lot of research about what
people do, what worked for them,what went wrong, and everything
like that. So personalexploration of your own body,
(40:42):
understanding what works andwhat doesn't work for you, being
mindful of your biological andmental erotic impulses, learning
to listen to your body. Also,when you've had enough or when
you've had too much, and alsoknowing whether or not you're
capable of doing that based onyour endorphin response. And
then seeking as much educationas you can. Finally, like all
(41:04):
things in kink, don't start atlevel 100. Start slow, build
slowly. And that's the other bigtip I would give you. So thank
you. And our last question forthis episode is also from email.
Do you have any favoriteleathers slash BDSM artists? You
know, I don't? I don't. That'sthe simple question is, I don't
(41:26):
thank you for asking. I wouldhave to say, though, that not a
single one of us can reallyescape the gravitational pull of
Tom of Finland. And there's noquestion that his work was very
impactful to me when I wasyounger, in terms of shaping my
identity, and crafting myleather aesthetic. But I'm not
(41:46):
really an art kind of person.
Which is ironic because I'm inthe office slash playroom,
looking at a wall full oforiginal erotic kinky art. So I
don't look at art a lot. I infact, I don't look at porn a
lot. I'm much more. Whatever youwant to say the written word is
(42:09):
it is visual, but it's notvisual. So a lot of my products
are driven by storytelling morethan particular images. I can
certainly appreciate a lot ofthe classic artists including
Rex and the Hun. These wereimages I was seeing when I was
coming out and so they resonatedfor me. The wreck Rex is a
(42:32):
little bit darker than probablymost of the stuff I would like
erotically the Heine, I thoughthad some beautiful artwork. But
I don't know that there's anyway of us avoiding tama,
Finland. And so I think if Iwere forced, if I were pressed
to say, Who's your favorite? Iwould have to say, Tom of
Finland, even though that is notan uncomplicated answer, in some
(42:54):
time as a community, probablynot today, but at some point,
we're gonna have to have aconversation about Tom of
Finland, and a reckoning aboutToma, Finland in relation to
many factors of his art, not theleast of which is body types
when concomitant body issues.
Wow, okay, so, great crop ofquestions, super grateful to you
all. If you would like toparticipate in this, you have a
(43:16):
couple of options. You can leaveme a voicemail at
speakpipe.com/leather Edge lthrE, TG E, or you can email me a
question at ask at full cow dotshow. Please let me know whether
it's a voicemail or an email,let me know if I can use
particularly the voicemail. Doyou want me to use the audio? If
(43:39):
not, make sure to make thatclear. You're gonna be a podcast
episode. And let me know what tocall you. Or if not, I'll just
keep it kind of anonymous. Thiswas just such a really deeply
fulfilling segment for me. AndI'm grateful to all of you and
I'm hoping the questions willkeep coming.
(44:01):
One of my listeners suggested itwould be a good idea to have a
bedtime story as an occasionalpart of the podcast. And in
fact, he wrote one for me toread to all of you. So thank
you, Maddie. This is for you.
Another bedtime story. Pleasetake a moment to close your
eyes. Relax your face your neck.
(44:24):
Breathe into your chest andback. Then allow them to relax
and let your breath out. Breathesoftly now. You're safe. You're
loved. You're exactly where youneed to be. He's panting
something wet moves between theskin of your back and his
stomach. Is it his sweat hascome. You're lying on all fours
(44:48):
on his large four poster bed.
Your hands and feet are tiedtogether with rough rope.
Everything is black with the eyemask covering your eyes. You
cannot move but you do not wantor need to? You are exactly
where you need to be. He isbehind you. God damn boy. He
growls you can take it rough.
(45:09):
Thank you, sir. You're trying towhisper and you would wear it
not for the gag in between yourteeth. HE CHUCKLES at your
attempt and ruffles your hairsoftly. It just gets better
every damn time. You sigh andbreathe him in the smell of his
leather oils, smokin sweat,mingling together on the end of
your nose and the tip of yourtongue. A deep, familiar musk.
(45:34):
One that is fast becoming ascent you think about on nights
you spent alone. If you couldonly bottle it up. Right kiddo,
his rough boys breaks throughyour reverie. Let's get you
tidied up. You swallow past thelump in your dry throat. You nod
silently, time to get untied.
Time to get dressed and headhome and not see him for another
week. Maybe more. Maybe his bigwarm hands on you touching from
(45:59):
your hair to your temples. softwarm light on your eyelids as he
removes the blindfold thosefingers his course calloused
fingers, leaving tinglingfurrows as they slide across
your skin to the buckle on thegag behind your neck. It pops
open under his touch, relaxingthe gag from your throat. He
(46:21):
carefully reaches around andopen boy. You open your mouth
for him right away. The gagcomes free. Your tongue is free
to Dart and dance and speakagain. You lick your lips
swallowing saliva tasting of ashand his cock. Thank you, sir.
Good boy. Now arms. You can feelhis eyes on the back of your
(46:43):
neck as you raise your arms intothe air. With your feet still
tied. This stretch feelsespecially vulnerable. As if you
were saying to him. Here I am.
This is me. The black ropeslackens and falls away under
his fingertips. How could itnot? Everything gives weight his
(47:04):
touch. Everything relaxes underhim. Everything is better with
him. Those risks look a littlebit chafe son, he remarks. You
look down and see slightlyprickled tender skin where the
rope has cut into your skin asyou arrived under his weight.
It's okay sir. I don't mind.
Your feet spring free from theirbonds. Your hips, thighs and
(47:25):
legs relax under his touch intoyour lying flat on your front.
he inspects you carefully,thoughtfully. Those marks on
your ass are quite impressiveboy. The result of his hands,
the strength he holds in them.
His arms, his chest. He slapsone of your cheeks playfully. It
(47:47):
stings enough to bring tears toyour eyes. He sees you stiffen
under his touch. I'm sorry, boy.
Did that hurt? No, sir. Youmurmur hiding your face in his
bed. Breathing in the trace ofhis skin and his sweat from the
fabric. Large hand turns you toface him and you look into his
eyes. How are they so blue?
(48:08):
Deep? Shining? crystallin you'venever seen eyes like them. Boy,
you need to tell me the truth.
If it hurts, then you need totell me if I'm using you too
hard. He trails off in thought.
His thick eyebrows knittogether. His gray mustache
curls into a frown. You've neverseen his eyes like this. They're
(48:30):
they're sad. Why is he sad? Youreach up before you realize what
you're doing. You reach up forhis your palm touches his chest
lightly, or really the leatherharness across his barrel chest
of forest have thick gray haircurls up and embraces the rings
and joints of the piece. Hissweat and calm has matted the
(48:52):
hair in several places, makingtempting places for your tongue
to seek out. I'm so sorry, sir.
I didn't mean to disappoint you.
I don't want to hurt you. Andyou not to be able to tell me
the truth. I don't want to hurtyou and end up losing you boy,
he Huff's looking away from you.
His words vibrate gently in hischest under your palm punctuated
(49:14):
with the regular drum of hisstrong heartbeat. I'm here sir.
If you'll have me sir. Yourwords take you both by surprise.
He looks at you, curiously,really looks at you. Like no one
has ever looked at you before.
sees you sees all of you, yourbody and your mind marked by him
(49:38):
in many different ways. Theyache and throb slowly in the
half light of his bedroom. Hepicks you up like you weigh less
than cloud. He lay his back inhis bed with you against his
chest. The smell of his leatherin Smoke is closer now hotter.
Like standing closer to the sun,your nose instinctively by
(50:00):
rather than towards his leftpit, and you breathe deep, sir,
boy do you think can I stay withyou tonight sir? His arms and
circle around you pressing yoursmaller body close against his
solid frame. You're not goinganywhere. Good night kiddo. And
(50:25):
that's it for this episode.
Thank you so much for joining meplease consider subscribing or
you can send feedback to edge atfull Cowell dot show. As always,
may your leather journey beblessed
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