February 16, 2023 • 29 mins
Steve welcomes Jason to share their experience, strength, and hope with you, along with advice on getting and staying sober.
Check out Jason's podcast, Sober Solutions, wherever you listen to gAy A!
Thank you for listening. Please join our Patreon family for the post-show, along with more exclusive content at www.Patreon.com/gAyApodcast
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Episode Transcript
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Steve (00:03):
Hi everyone, and welcome to Gay, a podcast about sobriety
for the LGBT plus community andour allies.
I'm your host, SteveBennet-martin, I am an alcoholic
and I am grateful for how cleanmy office at work is for now.
I cannot guarantee it'll stillbe like that when this episode
airs.
But it made me happy today.
And as of this recording, I am598 days sober, and today we're
(00:25):
welcoming a guest to share theirexperience, wisdom, and hope
with you.
Welcome, Jason.
Hey, Steve.
How you doing?
I'm doing great.
How about you?
Jason (00:35):
Doing well, doing well.
Had the day off today, so it wasnice to just sit back and relax.
I haven't done that in a coupleweeks.
Work's been pretty busy, so, youknow, I, I need that for my
mental and physical health, youknow.
Oh yeah.
Steve (00:49):
I love me.
My days off where I get to donothing but hang out at home.
Jason (00:53):
Yep, exactly.
Netflix was on all day
Steve (00:56):
Excellent.
And why don't you introduceyourselves and tell us a little
bit about you for your.
Jason (01:02):
Sure.
So my name's Jason, r I am analcoholic and a drug addict.
I follow the steps of aa,although I am also part of the C
M A fellowship.
I live up in northern New Jerseyand as of today I have just over
900 days sober.
So coming up on my two and ahalf years mm-hmm.
(01:22):
Which I never thought would bepossible at all.
I have so many challenges forrecovery in my backstory that
actually I'm, I'm 40 years oldand I never thought that I would
hit this age because I was usingand drinking so, Yeah, I
Steve (01:40):
can imagine.
And before we jump into all ofthat, why don't we start with
just telling us a little bitmore about some of your favorite
hobbies or things to do insobriety and in life?
Jason (01:50):
Sure, sure.
Absolutely.
So I really started to discoverwhat my hobbies were since I got
sober.
one of my new hobbies has beengetting into fitness.
I always grew up as that highmetabolism, you know, twink
body, that I could eat whateverI wanted and never have to work
(02:13):
out.
And so I didn't learn how to goto the gym.
And then around my mid thirties,you know, especially when the,
the alcohol started kicking in,I, I started gaining weight and
gaining weight and gainingweight.
And I went into rehab and.
just found recovery and foundthe gym.
I didn't know what I was doing,but that really became a hobby
(02:35):
of mine.
So the gym, yoga, meditationreally making sure that my
mental, physical and spiritualhelp were all in aligned.
Really made sure that it wassomething that.
Kept pushing me forward.
And in fact, as of today, I'velost 70 pounds.
And so in 2023, my, my goal isreally to start building that
(02:58):
muscle.
So it's really become alifestyle for me.
More than a hobby, I would say.
But really, I, I really love togo out to shows.
I'm about, Maybe 15 miles awayfrom New York City.
And Broadway's a, a huge part ofmy life.
I love to cook.
I just start using a, a homedelivery service that allows me
(03:19):
to cook.
And, you know, it's, it'ssomething that I'm still
learning.
But it's fun, it's fun for meand, and it keeps me busy.
And I just like going out withfriends.
I never had a community.
I never had friends.
They were either drug dealers orother alcoholics that were still
actively using and drinking asmuch as I did.
(03:40):
And there was one point that Ijust woke up one day and there
was no one around me.
And so to go out with people andgo to dinner and go to movies
and go to comedy shows, it'sjust been such an enlightening
experience for me.
So my hobbies tend to.
(04:00):
Really go towards those groupactivities because I never used
to do that because I was soalone all the time.
Yeah,
Steve (04:07):
no, I can certainly relate.
And another thing that I canrelate to is we also have
podcasting about sobriety andrecovery in common.
Right.
Jason (04:15):
We do, we do.
So I am the host of SoberSolutions Podcast which you and
your listeners can find on ApplePodcast or any other major
podcast streaming network.
We have a link trace.
So even if you Google SoberSolutions Podcast, you can find
us on all our social medias onInstagram and Facebook.
(04:36):
So that's, that's become a, ahuge passion project for me.
I started that with two.
Friends from, from rehab.
We started it as a way to keepourselves sober and really we
thought, Hey, if, if we staysober through this and help
maybe one other person, thenthat's what we're doing this
(04:56):
for.
It was really around our earlyjourney in recovery, and as of
today, we're in over 33countries, so it's really become
something greater than ourwildest dreams could have ever
have.
Imagine.
Yeah.
That's
Steve (05:12):
awesome.
I can relate.
Like, cuz I started recordingthese even when I was like day
counting and like launched on my90 days and like during that 90
days I was like, this is keepingme, like, there was one or two
times where I was like, is itall worth it?
I'm like, I put so much effortinto this podcast, I have to
stay sober.
But like, yeah, exactly.
Since then, it's also just beenlike, like you said, like if I
just help one person, it helps.
(05:32):
And it's also just been cool.
Like talking about recovery, Imean, how has it affected your
sobriety?
Jason (05:39):
It, like you said, it's, it's kept me sober.
Yeah.
Because I know that I'maccountable not to my, just my
own actions, but I have thiscommunity and like I was talking
about before, if it's not withthe people who listen to our
show, it's to the people that Ido the show with.
Mm-hmm.
And it's really brought a senseof pride in my recovery.
(06:03):
I have been very open on thatshow.
More open than I think a lot ofpeople who listened to it, like
friends and family members.
Mm-hmm.
were expecting me to be.
Yeah.
But in that honesty and in thatvulnerability, I found freedom
and I was able to talk aboutthings that were holding me.
(06:24):
whether it's past relationshipsor the resentments that I was
still holding onto or the thingsthat I did that I.
I was branding myself as likethis bad person, but through the
journey of the podcast,listening to our guests talking
about their own recovery, I gotto learn that I might have done
(06:44):
bad things, but that doesn'tmake me a bad person.
And so it's really opened up myrecovery in in a whole nother
way because I think.
The 12th step, you know, givingit out and sharing it and you
know, talking about it, justlike we talk about in meetings.
I just have a different platformfor it and it's really been
(07:04):
something that's transformed whoI am as a sober person.
Steve (07:09):
I couldn't agree more.
So why don't we jump into itthen and tell us a little bit
more about what it was like,what happened and what it's
like.
Jason (07:17):
Yeah, sure.
So, you know, I, I think we canall relate to the war stories
and the feelings of lonelinessand the feelings of just, Pure
desperation.
Just to give a littlebackground, you know, I grew up
in a, in a upper middle classfamily.
I'm a, I'm adopted, but I lookjust like my parents, my
(07:40):
adoptive parents.
So there was none of thatoutsider kind of feeling, which
I'm sure my sister felt becauseshe was adopted from South
Korea.
But I never, I never felt.
you know, we had everything thatwe needed and wanted growing up.
There was no abuse or alcoholismrunning through.
So I really grew up in a, in avery normal, loving family.
(08:05):
And it wasn't until I was 18that I went to a party that a
friend was throwing on his farmin, you know, upstate New York.
And that's when I had my firstdrink and.
At the party.
His parents took all the keysand they bought us a bunch of
kegs, which I thought was socool because I never drank in
(08:28):
high school.
I was part of those kids thatthat never drank, never partied,
never did anything same.
So to be there was like, ohyeah, I'm actually here at one
of these parties.
Well, I think I parked my tentright by the keg.
There were boxes of cigarsbecause we just graduated and
that was the first time I drank.
And the first time I blackedout.
(08:50):
I specifically remember wakingup from a blackout, apparently
had vomited all over my tent,and the first thing I said was,
where's the keg?
And so it was like from day onethat I should have known that I
was an alcoholic, but I choppedit up to, it was my first time,
(09:10):
you know, I didn't really knowwhat was going on.
And you know, I've, I've neverbeen in this situation before
and I'm young and you know,it'll just, what it is, what it
is.
It's funny.
Well, situations like thathappened.
over and over and over and overagain.
The next four years of college,I don't really remember.
I actually technically failedout.
(09:31):
I had to graduate late becauseI'd gotten thrown out because of
a low gpa, a and I just reallylived to drink.
Now drugs weren't really a bigpart of my story back then.
I'll fast forward to moving fromupstate New York's small, small
town to New York City.
(09:53):
So huge, huge change in my life.
And you know, I really learnedlike.
what they meant by the New YorkCity energy.
It's always going.
Always going.
And I couldn't keep up.
I mean, I would be laying in bedand my mind would still be
racing from the day'sactivities.
And what I found is that toquiet, that would be a drink or
(10:18):
two or three.
And I was with my boyfriend atthe time.
and he, one weekend he was like,Hey, let's, let's go to a party.
But I have to warn you that it'sa sex party and there's going to
be drugs around and you can trythem if you want, but I think
they'll be more fun if we do dothem together.
(10:40):
And that was the first time Iwas introduced to crystal meth.
And throughout the years beforethat, alcohol was becoming more
and more of an issue for me.
I had lost.
Friends, I had lost jobs.
I had started to lose trust withmy family, but it was crystal
meth.
That really brought me to myknees because over the course of
(11:04):
the next six years, I started tolose everything.
I'd married that boyfriend andgot divorced from that boyfriend
and through it all, my fathermy, my mother had passed away by
this point, but my father wasthere supporting me and
supporting me and supporting me,and at one point he was like, I,
(11:26):
I can't do it.
I'm paying your rent, I'm payingyour bills, and you're using the
money from your unemploymentchecks to go get bags of drugs
and bottles of vodka.
And so I cleaned up for a littlebit while I was in New York.
I, I started going to meetingsand this is around like 12 years
ago.
So I started going to, tomeetings, you know, 12 years ago
(11:48):
and it was, I'll clean up for 30days.
I'll clean up for 60 days, I'llclean up for 90 days, get people
off my back, get a new job, havemy dad kind of, you know, start
trusting me again and then, youknow, go right back to it.
So I'll fast forward to I, Imoved to Central Pennsylvania to
(12:09):
get out of New York.
This is right before Covid and.
my last run had me so desperate.
I, I remember prior to thestory, I'm about to say, I was
so weak.
from the drugs and the alcoholthat I was only laying on my
couch and I could barely pick upthe bottle to drink it.
(12:33):
I wouldn't sleep in my bed.
I ordered in food.
I never showered.
My apartment was a mess and Ijust was really dying.
I wasn't living, I was, I wasjust existing to die.
And so this next.
Was such an eye-openingexperience for me.
(12:55):
I was in a six day blackout,which I didn't even think was
physically possible, but even tothis day, there are six days
that I just don't remember.
And I remember, you know, beingon my couch.
And the next thing is a flash ofbeing in a hotel room doing
whatever I was doing.
And then I woke up out of thisblackout driving on the highway.
(13:19):
and I was driving on the highwayand I, I didn't know where I
really was, and then I saw asign, and so I kind of got
oriented to where I was and, andI said to myself, I said, you
know, Jason, you can, you can doone of two things.
You can take this exit and youcan go back to a hotel or find
another hotel and keep doingwhat you're doing and, and
(13:41):
really just do this till you're.
and, and at this point I'dalready started telling people
that I had a terminal diseasebecause I didn't want them to
think that I died from addictionand overdose and like all this
stuff.
It was this disease that killedme, not the drugs and alcohol.
So I could go right and, andkeep doing that until I died, or
(14:02):
I could drive home and go to.
And fortunately I decided todrive home.
On the drive home, right beforeI got home, I called my dad and
I said, Hey, I, I need help.
I need to go to rehab.
And my, my addict's brain waslike, okay, if you go to rehab,
you really have a problembecause you've done like iops
(14:23):
and you've done groups andyou've done aa, but if you go to
rehab, you really have aproblem.
And so I got myself into rehaband I spent 28 days there.
really ensuring that I listenedmore than I talked.
You know, when I, when I startedto sober up, I, I just really
(14:44):
started to talk to myself andsay, you are here for a reason
and you need to make this work.
And fortunately I did and, andnow I have two and a half years.
That's excellent.
Steve (14:59):
And what are some of the improvements you've seen in your
life or the perks of beingsober?
Jason (15:05):
Yeah.
So while I was still starting todrink a little bit more, but not
as heavily addicted, I, I'dgotten a master's degree
somehow.
But I loved it.
And now in recovery, I amgetting a second master's degree
in clinical psychology with anaddiction.
and substance use disordercertificate to really help
(15:28):
underserved communities,specifically the LGBTQ plus
communities because I thinkaddiction runs so RAMP in our
community and, and a lot of, youknow, a lot of gay people think
that.
It's just part of who we are.
It's part of our community, andit doesn't have to be.
You know, one of the things thathas been the biggest thing for
(15:48):
me in recovery are true friendsand true relationships.
I, I have friends today that Ican count on.
I have a loving partner who I'vebeen with, and it's not based in
drugs and alcohol and sex.
And those two things are, arereally.
(16:09):
important to me.
I'd mentioned before that I'dlost jobs and I've been with my
company for, this is a newcompany for me.
It's, I, I've been there forabout two years.
I think it's the longest I'vebeen with a company so far
because I haven't, you know,fucked it up and quite honestly,
and I am getting moreresponsibilities at work and
(16:31):
senior leaders are, are trustingme with things.
You know, there's still timeswhere I have this like imposter
syndrome a little bit, where I'mlike, okay, do I have to let
them know that I'm gonna stepaway for an hour?
And, you know, I, I have atherapist, which has been great,
and she's like, you know, you'renot your old self.
And, and that's been a hugelearning for me.
(16:52):
And I just get to, I just get tolive authentically.
And, and that's the last thingthat I want to mention.
That's, that's really been thebiggest win for me in, in
recovery is, While I wasactively using drugs and
alcohol, I had built layer uponlayer upon layer of these
falsities of this armor.
(17:14):
And in rehab, that's when Istarted to break it away.
I didn't know who I was.
And I had someone in in rehabsay, do you love yourself?
And I was like, what kind ofquestion is that?
And then I was like, I don'tknow how to answer that
actually, because I.
even know what love is.
I've told people I was married,you know, and I told people
(17:35):
before, I love you, but I couldnever say that I love myself.
And so finding myself and beingable to truly live
authentically, instead oflooking at one person and
saying, okay, this is what youwant me to be.
I'm gonna mold myself into thatand looking at another person
and molding myself into.
I get to live my true selftoday, and that has been the
(17:58):
biggest gift of recovery for meoutside of all the cash and
prizes that I've, I've gottenover the last two and a half
years.
living authentic, authenticallyhas really been my biggest gift
so far.
Steve (18:12):
Yeah.
Excellent.
And I'd like to go back tosomething you were mentioning,
you know, which was actually oneof the questions I always dive
into is like, how oftentimessexuality, like plays a role in
addiction or recovery, or like,it kind of goes both ways on
whether the sexuality plays intothe addiction or the addiction
plays into the sexuality.
But how did it, how was thatkind of relationship for you
(18:33):
person?
Jason (18:34):
Yeah.
It's a complicated one for sure.
So I grew up, like I said, in avery small town.
It was blue collar, conservativekind of town.
Really great for like thatbuilding of family values.
Not so great for someone who'sjust figuring out that they
(18:54):
like, And so when I moved, youknow, especially to New York, I
started to explore that more andthat also brought in my
insecurities even more.
So I was comfortable with beinggay even though I thought I was
bi at one point, but I wascomfortable with being gay and
(19:18):
that wasn't necessarily.
what was it was I liked thistype of guy and I needed to be
this certain way for him, andthen I started dating another
guy and I needed to be that wayfor him.
Just like I was talking aboutthat, that chameleon syndrome.
And so I never really figuredout who I was as a sexual
(19:41):
person.
Mm-hmm.
And.
and, and I say sexual, not justin like sex, sex, but also like
intimacy.
Mm-hmm.
you know, intimacy in terms oflike really having meaningful
connections.
And it wasn't until I gotthrough rehab that I was able to
really understand who I was as agay.
(20:04):
you know, my preferences bothsexual and, and non my identity.
I, I would hide my identity frommy coworkers because I work in
the healthcare industry and, youknow, it's, it's more or less
conservative than, than mostother industries.
And now I'm not, you know,overt.
(20:27):
Making out with people in, inthe Christmas party or making
out with my partner at theChristmas party, but I am who I
am and I'm proud of who I am.
And I could never really saythat because it goes back to me
never being able to love myself.
And so I used, I usedrelationships specifically with
(20:49):
sex to manipulate people.
while I was actively using, andnow I get to be a role model.
I had, you know, a friend'schild come out to me.
I had my cousin come out to meand because they felt
comfortable and they saw how Ireally lived my truth, and so I
(21:12):
think that now it's, it's not somuch a something I need to hide.
It's something, it's a part ofwho I am.
You know, it, it's, it'severything of who I am and it
plays a, a huge role in how Irelate to myself.
Steve (21:31):
Yeah.
I can certainly relate to that.
I know that like, I alwaysstruggled with like feeling
comfortable like in my own skin,but like as part of the
community and then like, kind oflike when you put like gay and
sober together and like queerand sober, like I was like, this
makes sense.
Like this is my place.
Yeah.
These are my.
Jason (21:46):
Yeah, it's interesting because a lot of, like I was
saying earlier, a lot of peoplethink, you know, queer gay
equals drugs and drinking and,you know, I, I was part of the
circuit party scene and youknow, that whole, that whole
idea.
However, I know sober people whogo to circuit parties and they
(22:07):
stay sober and, you know, it'sall about.
are you on good spiritualground?
What are your motives like, youknow, all of those good things.
But I never thought that I wouldbe able to have friendships in
the gay community if I wasn'tdrinking, if I wasn't doing
drugs.
And that's so not true becauseI've met so many amazing people
(22:31):
in Philadelphia where I wasstarting to get sober in New
York, where I have a, a bigcommunity of, of sober friends,
and.
we could still have fun.
You know, we still go out todinners, we go to plays.
We have a ski event coming upnext month.
Like, there's so much more tolife that we get to do with my
(22:52):
people.
So, you know, I, I go tostraight meetings, but I feel
more comfortable in gay meetingsbecause I can talk about certain
things a little bit more freely.
And it's not like I've ever hadpeople kind of like, calm down
over there talking about the Thegay sex stuff.
No.
Yeah, I haven't had that, butall the gays are like, yes, I
(23:15):
totally get what you're talkingabout.
Popper's.
Okay.
Yeah.
And so it's just, it's just thatcommunity and just as, as bad as
I thought gay equals drugs andalcohol.
Now I've changed that too.
Like you said, gay can equalsober now too.
Yeah.
And that's a beautiful.
Steve (23:34):
Yeah, I love that.
And what are some practices orthings you do in your daily life
to help keep you sober?
Jason (23:41):
Yeah, so I do a daily gratitude list.
I started that out of recovery,so that one's been going for two
and a half years.
I am a very proud sponsor ofthree individuals two who have
completed the steps and one I'mtaking through right now.
I go to both in-person andonline meeting.
(24:02):
I am on the the Roundupcommittee for Rohoboth Roundup
in Rohoboth, Delaware.
I, I love to stay in service.
Mm-hmm.
and I love to be active.
And, you know, I think that oneof the other big things is that
for this year specifically, Idecided that 2023 would have a
(24:25):
word associated with it.
And that word is balance.
And I'm very big on the yin andyang symbol, and that balance
also carries into my sober life.
And so am I balancing myselfwith the number of hours that
I'm working.
Because honestly, I could work,you know, 10, 12, 14 hours days
(24:45):
every single day.
But that's not healthy for me.
That's not healthy for myrelationship with my partner.
That's not healthy for myrelationships with work, right?
And so balance has been a, a bigthing for me.
my boss gave us a, a dailyjournal where we get to write
down our accomplishments forthat day.
And so it's like a 365 dayjournal.
(25:06):
And that's something that hasreally, really shifted my
thinking because I think sooften I was used to what do I
need to fix?
What was broken?
What, what do I need to go backand, and clean up?
and I forgot that I'maccomplishing things on a daily
(25:28):
basis now.
Two, you know, I, I make my bedevery single day and I do small
things like that because justlike my gratitudes, it's not all
big stuff.
And by making my bed every day,I start my day with a win, you
know, and, and have to rememberthose accomplishments before I
(25:48):
dive into those opportunitiesfor improvement.
Mm.
Steve (25:52):
That's awesome.
And I'm like thinking like Ishould make my bed, but then I'm
like, I always get out of thebed before my husband, so that
wouldn't work.
That's exactly, that'll be myexcuse at least.
Anyway, there you go.
Excellent.
And what would you say are oneof your two of your favorite
mantras or quotes that you liketo try
Jason (26:09):
and live by?
Oh, that's a very good question.
So I would say that, andactually I posted this today and
I might butcher it, but it's byDr.
Martin Luther King Jr.
(26:31):
And the quote, or at leastparaphrased, is it's never too
late to do the right thing.
Mm-hmm.
and I really take.
Into perspective because I cango through half of my day just
being upset and sometimespitting myself or being in an
(26:54):
argument with someone and I canstop, I can clean it up.
I can reshift the way that I'mthinking.
and start my day over.
And so I can always do the rightthing and take a step in the
right direction, which willalways take me away from a drink
(27:16):
or a drug.
Yeah.
Steve (27:18):
Excellent.
And any last words of wisdom oradvice for our listeners?
Jason (27:24):
Oh, that's a, it's a good question.
There's, there's so many,there's so many.
The biggest piece of advice Iwould have would really be to
give it your all.
Mm-hmm.
I spent 10 years half-assing it.
(27:44):
I would stop doing drugs and Iwould start drinking.
I would stop drinking and dodrugs, and I was never in it to
win it, and it wasn't until Imade the commitment to it and
really, Dove into the processand did it fully rigorously.
Honestly, that is when I got itfor today, and that would be the
(28:11):
piece of advice that I wouldgive.
That
Steve (28:13):
is a great note to end on.
So why don't we let ourlisteners know just how they can
find you and your podcast.
Jason (28:22):
Sure, absolutely.
You can Google Sober Solutionspodcast and find our link tree.
You can find us on Apple Podcastand LinkedIn at Sober Solutions
podcast.
Same with Facebook at SoberSolutions Podcast.
Steve (28:36):
Perfect.
Thank you.
I will add that to the shownotes so listeners can find you.
It was a pleasure getting toknow you better, Jason.
Same Steve,
Jason (28:44):
thanks so much.
Steve (28:44):
Yes, and stick around cuz we will have our Paton after
Show.
Listeners, if you're not alreadyPaton members to head on over
and join today atpatreon.com/gay podcast to
continue to hear more aboutJason's experiences in sobriety.
Meanwhile, if you're interestedin sharing your story, we're
just saying, Hey, I'm an emailaway@gaypodcastgmail.com, and be
(29:06):
sure to follow us whereveryou're listening so you can get
these episodes when they comeout every.
Until next time, stay soberfriends.
Hi everyone, and welcome to Gay, a podcast about sobriety
for the LGBT plus community andour allies.
I'm your host, SteveBennet-martin, I am an alcoholic
and I am grateful for how cleanmy office at work is for now.
I cannot guarantee it'll stillbe like that when this episode
airs.
But it made me happy today.
And as of this recording, I am598 days sober, and today we're
(00:25):
welcoming a guest to share theirexperience, wisdom, and hope
with you.
Welcome, Jason.
Hey, Steve.
How you doing?
I'm doing great.
How about you?
Jason (00:35):
Doing well, doing well.
Had the day off today, so it wasnice to just sit back and relax.
I haven't done that in a coupleweeks.
Work's been pretty busy, so, youknow, I, I need that for my
mental and physical health, youknow.
Oh yeah.
Steve (00:49):
I love me.
My days off where I get to donothing but hang out at home.
Jason (00:53):
Yep, exactly.
Netflix was on all day
Steve (00:56):
Excellent.
And why don't you introduceyourselves and tell us a little
bit about you for your.
Jason (01:02):
Sure.
So my name's Jason, r I am analcoholic and a drug addict.
I follow the steps of aa,although I am also part of the C
M A fellowship.
I live up in northern New Jerseyand as of today I have just over
900 days sober.
So coming up on my two and ahalf years mm-hmm.
(01:22):
Which I never thought would bepossible at all.
I have so many challenges forrecovery in my backstory that
actually I'm, I'm 40 years oldand I never thought that I would
hit this age because I was usingand drinking so, Yeah, I
Steve (01:40):
can imagine.
And before we jump into all ofthat, why don't we start with
just telling us a little bitmore about some of your favorite
hobbies or things to do insobriety and in life?
Jason (01:50):
Sure, sure.
Absolutely.
So I really started to discoverwhat my hobbies were since I got
sober.
one of my new hobbies has beengetting into fitness.
I always grew up as that highmetabolism, you know, twink
body, that I could eat whateverI wanted and never have to work
(02:13):
out.
And so I didn't learn how to goto the gym.
And then around my mid thirties,you know, especially when the,
the alcohol started kicking in,I, I started gaining weight and
gaining weight and gainingweight.
And I went into rehab and.
just found recovery and foundthe gym.
I didn't know what I was doing,but that really became a hobby
(02:35):
of mine.
So the gym, yoga, meditationreally making sure that my
mental, physical and spiritualhelp were all in aligned.
Really made sure that it wassomething that.
Kept pushing me forward.
And in fact, as of today, I'velost 70 pounds.
And so in 2023, my, my goal isreally to start building that
(02:58):
muscle.
So it's really become alifestyle for me.
More than a hobby, I would say.
But really, I, I really love togo out to shows.
I'm about, Maybe 15 miles awayfrom New York City.
And Broadway's a, a huge part ofmy life.
I love to cook.
I just start using a, a homedelivery service that allows me
(03:19):
to cook.
And, you know, it's, it'ssomething that I'm still
learning.
But it's fun, it's fun for meand, and it keeps me busy.
And I just like going out withfriends.
I never had a community.
I never had friends.
They were either drug dealers orother alcoholics that were still
actively using and drinking asmuch as I did.
(03:40):
And there was one point that Ijust woke up one day and there
was no one around me.
And so to go out with people andgo to dinner and go to movies
and go to comedy shows, it'sjust been such an enlightening
experience for me.
So my hobbies tend to.
(04:00):
Really go towards those groupactivities because I never used
to do that because I was soalone all the time.
Yeah,
Steve (04:07):
no, I can certainly relate.
And another thing that I canrelate to is we also have
podcasting about sobriety andrecovery in common.
Right.
Jason (04:15):
We do, we do.
So I am the host of SoberSolutions Podcast which you and
your listeners can find on ApplePodcast or any other major
podcast streaming network.
We have a link trace.
So even if you Google SoberSolutions Podcast, you can find
us on all our social medias onInstagram and Facebook.
(04:36):
So that's, that's become a, ahuge passion project for me.
I started that with two.
Friends from, from rehab.
We started it as a way to keepourselves sober and really we
thought, Hey, if, if we staysober through this and help
maybe one other person, thenthat's what we're doing this
(04:56):
for.
It was really around our earlyjourney in recovery, and as of
today, we're in over 33countries, so it's really become
something greater than ourwildest dreams could have ever
have.
Imagine.
Yeah.
That's
Steve (05:12):
awesome.
I can relate.
Like, cuz I started recordingthese even when I was like day
counting and like launched on my90 days and like during that 90
days I was like, this is keepingme, like, there was one or two
times where I was like, is itall worth it?
I'm like, I put so much effortinto this podcast, I have to
stay sober.
But like, yeah, exactly.
Since then, it's also just beenlike, like you said, like if I
just help one person, it helps.
(05:32):
And it's also just been cool.
Like talking about recovery, Imean, how has it affected your
sobriety?
Jason (05:39):
It, like you said, it's, it's kept me sober.
Yeah.
Because I know that I'maccountable not to my, just my
own actions, but I have thiscommunity and like I was talking
about before, if it's not withthe people who listen to our
show, it's to the people that Ido the show with.
Mm-hmm.
And it's really brought a senseof pride in my recovery.
(06:03):
I have been very open on thatshow.
More open than I think a lot ofpeople who listened to it, like
friends and family members.
Mm-hmm.
were expecting me to be.
Yeah.
But in that honesty and in thatvulnerability, I found freedom
and I was able to talk aboutthings that were holding me.
(06:24):
whether it's past relationshipsor the resentments that I was
still holding onto or the thingsthat I did that I.
I was branding myself as likethis bad person, but through the
journey of the podcast,listening to our guests talking
about their own recovery, I gotto learn that I might have done
(06:44):
bad things, but that doesn'tmake me a bad person.
And so it's really opened up myrecovery in in a whole nother
way because I think.
The 12th step, you know, givingit out and sharing it and you
know, talking about it, justlike we talk about in meetings.
I just have a different platformfor it and it's really been
(07:04):
something that's transformed whoI am as a sober person.
Steve (07:09):
I couldn't agree more.
So why don't we jump into itthen and tell us a little bit
more about what it was like,what happened and what it's
like.
Jason (07:17):
Yeah, sure.
So, you know, I, I think we canall relate to the war stories
and the feelings of lonelinessand the feelings of just, Pure
desperation.
Just to give a littlebackground, you know, I grew up
in a, in a upper middle classfamily.
I'm a, I'm adopted, but I lookjust like my parents, my
(07:40):
adoptive parents.
So there was none of thatoutsider kind of feeling, which
I'm sure my sister felt becauseshe was adopted from South
Korea.
But I never, I never felt.
you know, we had everything thatwe needed and wanted growing up.
There was no abuse or alcoholismrunning through.
So I really grew up in a, in avery normal, loving family.
(08:05):
And it wasn't until I was 18that I went to a party that a
friend was throwing on his farmin, you know, upstate New York.
And that's when I had my firstdrink and.
At the party.
His parents took all the keysand they bought us a bunch of
kegs, which I thought was socool because I never drank in
(08:28):
high school.
I was part of those kids thatthat never drank, never partied,
never did anything same.
So to be there was like, ohyeah, I'm actually here at one
of these parties.
Well, I think I parked my tentright by the keg.
There were boxes of cigarsbecause we just graduated and
that was the first time I drank.
And the first time I blackedout.
(08:50):
I specifically remember wakingup from a blackout, apparently
had vomited all over my tent,and the first thing I said was,
where's the keg?
And so it was like from day onethat I should have known that I
was an alcoholic, but I choppedit up to, it was my first time,
(09:10):
you know, I didn't really knowwhat was going on.
And you know, I've, I've neverbeen in this situation before
and I'm young and you know,it'll just, what it is, what it
is.
It's funny.
Well, situations like thathappened.
over and over and over and overagain.
The next four years of college,I don't really remember.
I actually technically failedout.
(09:31):
I had to graduate late becauseI'd gotten thrown out because of
a low gpa, a and I just reallylived to drink.
Now drugs weren't really a bigpart of my story back then.
I'll fast forward to moving fromupstate New York's small, small
town to New York City.
(09:53):
So huge, huge change in my life.
And you know, I really learnedlike.
what they meant by the New YorkCity energy.
It's always going.
Always going.
And I couldn't keep up.
I mean, I would be laying in bedand my mind would still be
racing from the day'sactivities.
And what I found is that toquiet, that would be a drink or
(10:18):
two or three.
And I was with my boyfriend atthe time.
and he, one weekend he was like,Hey, let's, let's go to a party.
But I have to warn you that it'sa sex party and there's going to
be drugs around and you can trythem if you want, but I think
they'll be more fun if we do dothem together.
(10:40):
And that was the first time Iwas introduced to crystal meth.
And throughout the years beforethat, alcohol was becoming more
and more of an issue for me.
I had lost.
Friends, I had lost jobs.
I had started to lose trust withmy family, but it was crystal
meth.
That really brought me to myknees because over the course of
(11:04):
the next six years, I started tolose everything.
I'd married that boyfriend andgot divorced from that boyfriend
and through it all, my fathermy, my mother had passed away by
this point, but my father wasthere supporting me and
supporting me and supporting me,and at one point he was like, I,
(11:26):
I can't do it.
I'm paying your rent, I'm payingyour bills, and you're using the
money from your unemploymentchecks to go get bags of drugs
and bottles of vodka.
And so I cleaned up for a littlebit while I was in New York.
I, I started going to meetingsand this is around like 12 years
ago.
So I started going to, tomeetings, you know, 12 years ago
(11:48):
and it was, I'll clean up for 30days.
I'll clean up for 60 days, I'llclean up for 90 days, get people
off my back, get a new job, havemy dad kind of, you know, start
trusting me again and then, youknow, go right back to it.
So I'll fast forward to I, Imoved to Central Pennsylvania to
(12:09):
get out of New York.
This is right before Covid and.
my last run had me so desperate.
I, I remember prior to thestory, I'm about to say, I was
so weak.
from the drugs and the alcoholthat I was only laying on my
couch and I could barely pick upthe bottle to drink it.
(12:33):
I wouldn't sleep in my bed.
I ordered in food.
I never showered.
My apartment was a mess and Ijust was really dying.
I wasn't living, I was, I wasjust existing to die.
And so this next.
Was such an eye-openingexperience for me.
(12:55):
I was in a six day blackout,which I didn't even think was
physically possible, but even tothis day, there are six days
that I just don't remember.
And I remember, you know, beingon my couch.
And the next thing is a flash ofbeing in a hotel room doing
whatever I was doing.
And then I woke up out of thisblackout driving on the highway.
(13:19):
and I was driving on the highwayand I, I didn't know where I
really was, and then I saw asign, and so I kind of got
oriented to where I was and, andI said to myself, I said, you
know, Jason, you can, you can doone of two things.
You can take this exit and youcan go back to a hotel or find
another hotel and keep doingwhat you're doing and, and
(13:41):
really just do this till you're.
and, and at this point I'dalready started telling people
that I had a terminal diseasebecause I didn't want them to
think that I died from addictionand overdose and like all this
stuff.
It was this disease that killedme, not the drugs and alcohol.
So I could go right and, andkeep doing that until I died, or
(14:02):
I could drive home and go to.
And fortunately I decided todrive home.
On the drive home, right beforeI got home, I called my dad and
I said, Hey, I, I need help.
I need to go to rehab.
And my, my addict's brain waslike, okay, if you go to rehab,
you really have a problembecause you've done like iops
(14:23):
and you've done groups andyou've done aa, but if you go to
rehab, you really have aproblem.
And so I got myself into rehaband I spent 28 days there.
really ensuring that I listenedmore than I talked.
You know, when I, when I startedto sober up, I, I just really
(14:44):
started to talk to myself andsay, you are here for a reason
and you need to make this work.
And fortunately I did and, andnow I have two and a half years.
That's excellent.
Steve (14:59):
And what are some of the improvements you've seen in your
life or the perks of beingsober?
Jason (15:05):
Yeah.
So while I was still starting todrink a little bit more, but not
as heavily addicted, I, I'dgotten a master's degree
somehow.
But I loved it.
And now in recovery, I amgetting a second master's degree
in clinical psychology with anaddiction.
and substance use disordercertificate to really help
(15:28):
underserved communities,specifically the LGBTQ plus
communities because I thinkaddiction runs so RAMP in our
community and, and a lot of, youknow, a lot of gay people think
that.
It's just part of who we are.
It's part of our community, andit doesn't have to be.
You know, one of the things thathas been the biggest thing for
(15:48):
me in recovery are true friendsand true relationships.
I, I have friends today that Ican count on.
I have a loving partner who I'vebeen with, and it's not based in
drugs and alcohol and sex.
And those two things are, arereally.
(16:09):
important to me.
I'd mentioned before that I'dlost jobs and I've been with my
company for, this is a newcompany for me.
It's, I, I've been there forabout two years.
I think it's the longest I'vebeen with a company so far
because I haven't, you know,fucked it up and quite honestly,
and I am getting moreresponsibilities at work and
(16:31):
senior leaders are, are trustingme with things.
You know, there's still timeswhere I have this like imposter
syndrome a little bit, where I'mlike, okay, do I have to let
them know that I'm gonna stepaway for an hour?
And, you know, I, I have atherapist, which has been great,
and she's like, you know, you'renot your old self.
And, and that's been a hugelearning for me.
(16:52):
And I just get to, I just get tolive authentically.
And, and that's the last thingthat I want to mention.
That's, that's really been thebiggest win for me in, in
recovery is, While I wasactively using drugs and
alcohol, I had built layer uponlayer upon layer of these
falsities of this armor.
(17:14):
And in rehab, that's when Istarted to break it away.
I didn't know who I was.
And I had someone in in rehabsay, do you love yourself?
And I was like, what kind ofquestion is that?
And then I was like, I don'tknow how to answer that
actually, because I.
even know what love is.
I've told people I was married,you know, and I told people
(17:35):
before, I love you, but I couldnever say that I love myself.
And so finding myself and beingable to truly live
authentically, instead oflooking at one person and
saying, okay, this is what youwant me to be.
I'm gonna mold myself into thatand looking at another person
and molding myself into.
I get to live my true selftoday, and that has been the
(17:58):
biggest gift of recovery for meoutside of all the cash and
prizes that I've, I've gottenover the last two and a half
years.
living authentic, authenticallyhas really been my biggest gift
so far.
Steve (18:12):
Yeah.
Excellent.
And I'd like to go back tosomething you were mentioning,
you know, which was actually oneof the questions I always dive
into is like, how oftentimessexuality, like plays a role in
addiction or recovery, or like,it kind of goes both ways on
whether the sexuality plays intothe addiction or the addiction
plays into the sexuality.
But how did it, how was thatkind of relationship for you
(18:33):
person?
Jason (18:34):
Yeah.
It's a complicated one for sure.
So I grew up, like I said, in avery small town.
It was blue collar, conservativekind of town.
Really great for like thatbuilding of family values.
Not so great for someone who'sjust figuring out that they
(18:54):
like, And so when I moved, youknow, especially to New York, I
started to explore that more andthat also brought in my
insecurities even more.
So I was comfortable with beinggay even though I thought I was
bi at one point, but I wascomfortable with being gay and
(19:18):
that wasn't necessarily.
what was it was I liked thistype of guy and I needed to be
this certain way for him, andthen I started dating another
guy and I needed to be that wayfor him.
Just like I was talking aboutthat, that chameleon syndrome.
And so I never really figuredout who I was as a sexual
(19:41):
person.
Mm-hmm.
And.
and, and I say sexual, not justin like sex, sex, but also like
intimacy.
Mm-hmm.
you know, intimacy in terms oflike really having meaningful
connections.
And it wasn't until I gotthrough rehab that I was able to
really understand who I was as agay.
(20:04):
you know, my preferences bothsexual and, and non my identity.
I, I would hide my identity frommy coworkers because I work in
the healthcare industry and, youknow, it's, it's more or less
conservative than, than mostother industries.
And now I'm not, you know,overt.
(20:27):
Making out with people in, inthe Christmas party or making
out with my partner at theChristmas party, but I am who I
am and I'm proud of who I am.
And I could never really saythat because it goes back to me
never being able to love myself.
And so I used, I usedrelationships specifically with
(20:49):
sex to manipulate people.
while I was actively using, andnow I get to be a role model.
I had, you know, a friend'schild come out to me.
I had my cousin come out to meand because they felt
comfortable and they saw how Ireally lived my truth, and so I
(21:12):
think that now it's, it's not somuch a something I need to hide.
It's something, it's a part ofwho I am.
You know, it, it's, it'severything of who I am and it
plays a, a huge role in how Irelate to myself.
Steve (21:31):
Yeah.
I can certainly relate to that.
I know that like, I alwaysstruggled with like feeling
comfortable like in my own skin,but like as part of the
community and then like, kind oflike when you put like gay and
sober together and like queerand sober, like I was like, this
makes sense.
Like this is my place.
Yeah.
These are my.
Jason (21:46):
Yeah, it's interesting because a lot of, like I was
saying earlier, a lot of peoplethink, you know, queer gay
equals drugs and drinking and,you know, I, I was part of the
circuit party scene and youknow, that whole, that whole
idea.
However, I know sober people whogo to circuit parties and they
(22:07):
stay sober and, you know, it'sall about.
are you on good spiritualground?
What are your motives like, youknow, all of those good things.
But I never thought that I wouldbe able to have friendships in
the gay community if I wasn'tdrinking, if I wasn't doing
drugs.
And that's so not true becauseI've met so many amazing people
(22:31):
in Philadelphia where I wasstarting to get sober in New
York, where I have a, a bigcommunity of, of sober friends,
and.
we could still have fun.
You know, we still go out todinners, we go to plays.
We have a ski event coming upnext month.
Like, there's so much more tolife that we get to do with my
(22:52):
people.
So, you know, I, I go tostraight meetings, but I feel
more comfortable in gay meetingsbecause I can talk about certain
things a little bit more freely.
And it's not like I've ever hadpeople kind of like, calm down
over there talking about the Thegay sex stuff.
No.
Yeah, I haven't had that, butall the gays are like, yes, I
(23:15):
totally get what you're talkingabout.
Popper's.
Okay.
Yeah.
And so it's just, it's just thatcommunity and just as, as bad as
I thought gay equals drugs andalcohol.
Now I've changed that too.
Like you said, gay can equalsober now too.
Yeah.
And that's a beautiful.
Steve (23:34):
Yeah, I love that.
And what are some practices orthings you do in your daily life
to help keep you sober?
Jason (23:41):
Yeah, so I do a daily gratitude list.
I started that out of recovery,so that one's been going for two
and a half years.
I am a very proud sponsor ofthree individuals two who have
completed the steps and one I'mtaking through right now.
I go to both in-person andonline meeting.
(24:02):
I am on the the Roundupcommittee for Rohoboth Roundup
in Rohoboth, Delaware.
I, I love to stay in service.
Mm-hmm.
and I love to be active.
And, you know, I think that oneof the other big things is that
for this year specifically, Idecided that 2023 would have a
(24:25):
word associated with it.
And that word is balance.
And I'm very big on the yin andyang symbol, and that balance
also carries into my sober life.
And so am I balancing myselfwith the number of hours that
I'm working.
Because honestly, I could work,you know, 10, 12, 14 hours days
(24:45):
every single day.
But that's not healthy for me.
That's not healthy for myrelationship with my partner.
That's not healthy for myrelationships with work, right?
And so balance has been a, a bigthing for me.
my boss gave us a, a dailyjournal where we get to write
down our accomplishments forthat day.
And so it's like a 365 dayjournal.
(25:06):
And that's something that hasreally, really shifted my
thinking because I think sooften I was used to what do I
need to fix?
What was broken?
What, what do I need to go backand, and clean up?
and I forgot that I'maccomplishing things on a daily
(25:28):
basis now.
Two, you know, I, I make my bedevery single day and I do small
things like that because justlike my gratitudes, it's not all
big stuff.
And by making my bed every day,I start my day with a win, you
know, and, and have to rememberthose accomplishments before I
(25:48):
dive into those opportunitiesfor improvement.
Mm.
Steve (25:52):
That's awesome.
And I'm like thinking like Ishould make my bed, but then I'm
like, I always get out of thebed before my husband, so that
wouldn't work.
That's exactly, that'll be myexcuse at least.
Anyway, there you go.
Excellent.
And what would you say are oneof your two of your favorite
mantras or quotes that you liketo try
Jason (26:09):
and live by?
Oh, that's a very good question.
So I would say that, andactually I posted this today and
I might butcher it, but it's byDr.
Martin Luther King Jr.
(26:31):
And the quote, or at leastparaphrased, is it's never too
late to do the right thing.
Mm-hmm.
and I really take.
Into perspective because I cango through half of my day just
being upset and sometimespitting myself or being in an
(26:54):
argument with someone and I canstop, I can clean it up.
I can reshift the way that I'mthinking.
and start my day over.
And so I can always do the rightthing and take a step in the
right direction, which willalways take me away from a drink
(27:16):
or a drug.
Yeah.
Steve (27:18):
Excellent.
And any last words of wisdom oradvice for our listeners?
Jason (27:24):
Oh, that's a, it's a good question.
There's, there's so many,there's so many.
The biggest piece of advice Iwould have would really be to
give it your all.
Mm-hmm.
I spent 10 years half-assing it.
(27:44):
I would stop doing drugs and Iwould start drinking.
I would stop drinking and dodrugs, and I was never in it to
win it, and it wasn't until Imade the commitment to it and
really, Dove into the processand did it fully rigorously.
Honestly, that is when I got itfor today, and that would be the
(28:11):
piece of advice that I wouldgive.
That
Steve (28:13):
is a great note to end on.
So why don't we let ourlisteners know just how they can
find you and your podcast.
Jason (28:22):
Sure, absolutely.
You can Google Sober Solutionspodcast and find our link tree.
You can find us on Apple Podcastand LinkedIn at Sober Solutions
podcast.
Same with Facebook at SoberSolutions Podcast.
Steve (28:36):
Perfect.
Thank you.
I will add that to the shownotes so listeners can find you.
It was a pleasure getting toknow you better, Jason.
Same Steve,
Jason (28:44):
thanks so much.
Steve (28:44):
Yes, and stick around cuz we will have our Paton after
Show.
Listeners, if you're not alreadyPaton members to head on over
and join today atpatreon.com/gay podcast to
continue to hear more aboutJason's experiences in sobriety.
Meanwhile, if you're interestedin sharing your story, we're
just saying, Hey, I'm an emailaway@gaypodcastgmail.com, and be
(29:06):
sure to follow us whereveryou're listening so you can get
these episodes when they comeout every.
Until next time, stay soberfriends.
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