January 23, 2025 • 18 mins
Episode Highlights
🌍 Traveling Sober & Building Community:
Johnny shares how he founded Sober Gay Adventures, offering intimate, 10-day trips for queer sober travelers to explore the world with accountability and connection. His goal was to create meaningful travel experiences for those in recovery, providing fellowship in small groups across the globe.
🏳️🌈 Embracing Queer Joy:
Johnny talks about loving the vibrant, campy, and dramatic aspects of queer culture and how that community connection has deepened in his sobriety.
💔 Navigating Loss & Addiction:
Johnny opens up about how the sudden passing of his best friend led to years of heavy drinking and eventual morning drinking. His breaking point came after a health scare that led him to fully commit to recovery.
🛠️ Sobriety Tools:
Johnny highlights the importance of daily meetings, meditation, gratitude lists, and building authentic connections as essential tools in his recovery.
🌿 Sober Gay Adventures in 2025:
Johnny shares upcoming travel experiences including:
- London to Paris: Iconic city exploration with day trips to Stonehenge and Mont-Saint-Michel.
- Italy Tour: Rome, Florence, Venice with immersive food tours and Tuscany day trips.
- Crete, Greece Retreat: A yoga and meditation retreat with daily excursions, evening sharing circles, and themed celebrations.
Connect with Johnny
🔗 Website: sobergayadventures.com
📸 Instagram: @sobergayadventures
📘 Facebook: Sober Gay Adventures
Stay Connected with gAy A
📲 Follow us on Instagram: @gAyApodcast
💌 Want to share your story or ask a question? Send a DM on Instagram or visit sobersteve.com to guest or connect!
🎧 New episodes every Thursday!
Until next time, stay sober, friends! 🌈✨
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Steve (00:00):
Hey there, Super Sober Heroes, it's your host, Sober
Steve, and welcome to Gay A.
I am here today with 1, 316 daysof continuous sobriety, and I'm
here with Johnny.
Welcome, Johnny.
Johnny (00:14):
Hello.
Steve (00:16):
Yes, and you are here with Sober Gay Adventures as
your company, correct?
It is.
Excellent.
Tell me a little bit about whoyou are, then, and what you do.
Johnny (00:26):
So I've done a lot of long term travel over the years.
And so I got sober about a yearand a half ago but yeah, so I've
always been a big traveler and Ialways wanted to start this
travel company and I couldn'twhen I was drinking and then I
got sober and then I startedlooking into things and I didn't
find, A big variety of what Iwas looking for, because one of
(00:48):
the things I was nervous aboutwhen I got sober was traveling
again, because obviously beingin Europe, wine, like Paris wine
is everywhere, Italy, and allthat.
So I was looking for A group ofa small group of like 10 to 12
people just travel with foraccountability, friendship and
whatnot.
And I didn't really find it.
I found there's another placeout there that does like bigger
(01:10):
groups cruises and whatnot.
But I was looking for somethingmore intimate where you could
actually get to know everyoneand hear each other's stories
and share and whatnot.
And so I started this company.
It's a 10, 10, 10 day trip forpeople to have fellowship and
accountability all over theworld.
Steve (01:26):
Excellent.
I love that.
And I definitely see the needfor that connection in all the
different types of ways.
And with you being a member ofthe queer community, what would
you say is your favorite part ofbeing queer today?
Johnny (01:38):
I just I'm a very stereotypical gay man.
I love all the camp and drama.
I will quote Moby Dyrus and allthat.
I love the bond of just having,The stupidness of it sometimes
certain people don't alwaysunderstand what I'm talking
about when I'm around otherstraight people but I just like
the bond that you have everyonehas a story and everyone has a
(02:00):
connection because, who we areas a community.
Steve (02:04):
Yeah, I can definitely can see that cause we have our,
gay experiences and our queerexperiences, but we also have
our sobriety to bond over.
What would you say is yourfavorite part of being sober
today?
Johnny (02:14):
I just went back to New York city.
And so I was out of New Yorkcity for four years.
And so I've lost a lot ofconnections with my friends, but
I was also, when I was here,most of my friends were drinking
friends.
And so I don't really have a lotof sober friends here, and I've
had a lot of support from thenormies out there, but it's just
been nice to people that havesurrounded me when I shared at
(02:35):
meetings and whatnot, and justcoming up to me and saying, Hey,
welcome, and, exchanging numbersand just the bond that I've made
You know, like I have 20 numbersin a month that I've been back.
So it's just great that theyhave that connection and people
care, like genuinely care.
So that's what I really loveabout it.
They want you to succeed.
Steve (02:53):
definitely.
And so tell me a little bitabout your journey with how you
got to where you were today withalcohol and addiction.
Johnny (03:01):
Yeah.
So like a lot of, Gay kidsgrowing up.
I came from a religious family,the bullying and whatnot.
I was a musical theater queen.
I never thought that I was gonnabe a big drinker.
'cause my first experience wasvery much horrible.
I went to an arts high schoolwhere that was statewide.
And so a lot of the studentswere.
In the dorms, but a couple ofthem had their own apartments
(03:23):
and because I was like this goodChristian boy My mom and dad
trusted me a lot and so I wentto a party at a friend's and I
had two screwdrivers and gotwasted and I Laid on the ground
crying.
I was like mom's gonna be so madat me Like God's really mad at
(03:44):
me and like it was just thishorrible experience that I hated
it And then flash forward to ayear later, I went to school for
musical theater in New Yorkcity.
I moved two weeks out of highschool.
I love my family, but I couldn'tget out of Minnesota fast
enough.
And that's when I starteddrinking.
I lived in New York city at atime when People, Didn't ID as
(04:04):
much.
And at 18, we could get intobars and there's this local bar
down the street from our dormsthat we all go to, and I
discovered Long Island iced teasthat you could drink for like 10
bucks and you could have one andbe done And then it just
spiraled from there.
I, there's another gay barthat's no longer open that I'll
(04:24):
fill this in, and they havefrozen Cosmos, and I almost
failed ballet class because itwas every Thursday, and then
ballet was on Friday at 9, and Ihad to struggle getting up so
yeah.
So I started there and then at21, I actually went to my first
AA meeting.
And so I knew I had a problem,but in my head I said I'm 21.
(04:45):
This is what everyone does.
so I stayed for about a monthand then I went out again.
I was a successful actor in thefact that I was working.
I never did anything huge but Itoured a lot and on tour, you
have the full day to yourself,do the show at night, and then
after the show, you go out andyou drink, and for me, when
(05:07):
everyone else was ready to go tobed after the show, I kept going
and going, and so I was stillable to perform for about 10
years.
I kept going and I was able todrink at what I thought was a
moderate level but in reality,looking back, it wasn't About
eight years ago my best friendpassed away out of nowhere.
(05:30):
he had inflamed pancreas, soSunday he went to the hospital,
and then Tuesday I got a bunchof text messages, because I was
in San Francisco when I met him,and I moved back to New York
City, and Everyone's Are youokay?
Are you okay?
And since I was here for 9 11 inNew York.
I thought something like thathad happened, because no one
said that he had passed.
(05:51):
And I looked on Facebook and myold boss wrote me a message and
he said, Hey, there's beensomething happening with
Patrick.
Please call me.
I don't want you to find out,another way.
And I just thought maybe heSomething like he got hurt or
something like that.
I had never in my head and I wasat work at the time and I was a
bartender at Broadway shows.
And so this is afterintermission.
(06:12):
So we're like setting out orbreaking down the bar and
everything.
And then I saw, I just looked athis profile picture or his
profile and it says, I can'tbelieve it happened.
Rest in peace, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah.
And I like, it's the first timein my life that I ever like, I
just got so weak in the knees, Icouldn't stand and I just
dropped to the floor.
(06:34):
And so that's when it actuallygot to the point where it was
out of control.
I started drinking daily,nonstop, I eventually became a
morning drinker and that went onfor a good, it was eight years
ago and, it went for a good sixyears in that pace.
(06:54):
And it wasn't always morningdrinking, but it definitely,
like I'd pass out occasionallyand then have a half of a
cocktail by my bed and finishdrinking in the morning, warm
diet, coke and vodka isdisgusting.
And so I went into prideInstitute.
I moved during COVID, I movedback to Minnesota with my
parents.
And, that's when they startedseeing it.
(07:16):
I was able to keep it a secret alittle bit, but they definitely
could see it then, because I wasdoing it there too, and I
isolated my bedroom, and so Iwent to Pride Institute in
Minneapolis for an outpatientprogram, and I wasn't there yet.
But I was refusing to go tomeetings, because I had gone to
meetings before, and I said thatit doesn't work, blah, blah,
(07:38):
blah, And at that point, I hadgotten accepted into school in
Prague in Czech Republic to goback to school to start, because
I wanted to start a travelbusiness.
It wasn't this one, but it wassomething I wanted to do, and I
just had no business experience.
And then my visa got denied, andI had an apartment there that I
had to have to get the visa, soI moved back home to Minnesota.
(08:01):
I was paying for the apartment,and I just, Started drinking a
lot.
And so I went back to Prague tomove out of the apartment
because it still has stuff thereafter the year at least.
And that's when I basicallydrank for three to four days
straight, like just nonstop andI flew back home.
We actually had a memorial for acousin that had passed away in
(08:26):
my parents backyard.
And I wasn't like, I wascoherent and I said his jet lag
more than anything.
And then that night at about twoin the morning, I had what I can
only describe as a minorseizure.
I couldn't move and my, I tensedup and I was shaking a lot.
(08:47):
And I just laid on the groundbecause I yelled and my parents
came out and my sister, wasliving at home as well because
she was going through somepersonal things in her marriage
and so she brought me to thehospital when I returned my mom
and dad were there and I justsaw their faces they have been
(09:08):
so supportive of me as a gay manas Everything I've ever done an
actor, this company startedeverything they're just amazing
parents And I looked at them andthat feeling just came inside I
can't do this.
but it was also like, it wasn'tjust for them before it was for
(09:30):
them.
This time, it was like, yeah,it's for them, but it's also I
don't want to do this anymore.
I don't want to be hurtingpeople anymore.
I don't want to isolate anymore.
since Patrick passed away, I hadclosed off everything.
I was not letting people in.
I wasn't allowing, Friendship.
Anything.
And I didn't want that anymore.
(09:51):
and I knew it was because of mydrinking.
so I told my parents, I waslike, if you want me to get a
breathalyzer, I'll come home andtake a breathalyzer every day.
If you need that for, security,if you want to you.
I go to a meeting every day,which I did either in person or
online at the time, and so yeah,for some reason it actually
clicked this time I wasn't asstandoffish to it, because I did
(10:13):
want to get better at thatpoint, because before I didn't
care I would never harm myself,although there times right after
his death that I did.
Have thoughts that wereseriously close to it, but at
that point, I decided I didn'twant to, and I wanted to live
again, I started going to thismeeting that was for LGBTQ
people every Saturday, and rightaway I just got this rush of
(10:37):
people's support and love that Ihadn't felt for a long time,
even though I have always hadpeople that have supported me,
but I actually was willing tolet them support me.
And let them come into my life.
There's still a little bit ofhesitation, but for the most
part, I let everyone in so yeah,I really started doing the work
(10:58):
on it and not just the work asan alcoholic, but also the work
of being happy again.
Because I think that's also animportant part, just getting
sober.
Isn't going to make everythingbetter and make you happy, you
have to actually work on thehappiness.
And the late, great LeslieJordan has a quote, and I'm
going to miss say it, but hesaid it takes a lot of work to
(11:19):
be this happy.
And so I started getting upearly in the morning, this isn't
for everyone, but I startedgetting up at 4am, I go to the
gym, I did a meditation, I had agood breakfast, I read something
inspiring, I had this whole like3 hour morning routine, and I
could really feel my lifechange.
And it felt great.
So it just was like, it was amoment in time where I finally
(11:44):
clicked that this is for me.
and it's been a year and a half,like I said now, and I just
moved back to New York andthings are not going as planned.
And I will be completely honestwith you, it's been a little bit
of a white knuckling situation.
But because I have the toolsnow.
I know what to do.
(12:05):
I'm going to meetings, two tothree times a day.
I usually go to an 8 a.
m.
meeting and so I was going toskip it, but I said, no, I'll go
for the first half hour andleave early.
And it was great.
I love this meeting.
It's a meditation meeting.
So I went for the meditation,and then I left a half hour
before I said hi to a guy who'sbeen really kind to me in the
(12:27):
meeting and said, I have toleave early today.
He's No, you're here.
That's great.
At least you're here, and soyeah, so it's just even though
it's, I, it doesn't always, it'severything's not going to be
perfect when you're sober.
And I think that's, Really whatI'm learning right now and like
it's like for the first year anda half everything was going
pretty great But then I have astumble and you know I have but
(12:51):
I'm grateful to have the toolsand the you know The community
that is there for you.
so yeah, so it's just been ait's been a journey and it's
been a good one
Steve (13:01):
Yeah, it sounds like it.
And I definitely understand howimportant having all those tools
are because, with me being threeand a half turning almost four
years sober, like later thisyear, it's been a journey and I
still have struggles and lifestill happens and kicks me in
the ass.
And so what are some tools youmentioned going to meeting?
But in addition to meetings,what are some other tools that
you still use on a regular basisthat helped you back then and
(13:23):
still help you now?
Johnny (13:26):
I think a big thing like I recently just talked to my
sponsor a couple days ago and,he said, because a lot of the
stuff that I'm dealing with hasto do with work and not getting
the hours I was promised andwhatnot.
And so I'm being very proactiveon that.
and he said, you're doing greatas the external stuff.
But I think you're not workingon the internal stuff as much
right now.
(13:47):
And I really want to encourageyou to get back into that,
because I know you were doingthat.
So start a gratitude list everynight, start remembering what
you do have, and, take tenminutes of just closing your
eyes by yourself, and, just dothe things that you know make
you happy, and get back intothat.
read literature, like notnecessarily even AA literature,
but I really like this.
(14:07):
She's a Buddhist monk, TemaShodron.
And so I have this little bookand it's just her words of
wisdom.
I read that every morning andit's just getting into a
positive mindset.
And it's not always easy,obviously.
When you're financiallystruggling in New York city,
it's not fun.
Yeah.
It's an expensive city, and it'swinter here.
So like in the summer, I can goand do all these great things
(14:29):
that they have going on in parksand stuff but yeah, it's just
really working on the internalside of myself right now with
meditation and all that.
and also just being in contact Idecided I need to reach out to
people.
And so every day I like send atext just saying, Hey, are we
doing whatnot?
and on my gratitude list, ifthere's a person on it, if
they're sober or not, I willsay, Hey, you're on my gratitude
(14:51):
list today.
I just wanted to let you know,I'm grateful that you're part of
my journey and thank you for,supporting me.
Steve (14:58):
that's awesome.
Connection has been so huge forme.
And now you get to connect withgay men during your travel
adventures.
But you also mentioned duringyour share that this isn't the
first time that travels been ainterest that you wanted to
pursue professionally.
So how did your relationshipwith traveling change through
your addiction and into yourrecovery?
Johnny (15:16):
Yeah, so it's just different.
When I was drinking before, itwas all about drinking in the
pubs and the bars and havingwine and whatnot.
So I didn't really do a lot ofthe touristy things.
In this like scouting trip, Igot to go to the top of the
Eiffel Tower.
I, like I said, I went to theColiseum.
I took a gondola ride.
And there's so much more to dowhen you're not spending money
(15:36):
on booze.
You have the money to go and dothese things instead of, doing
all the drinking.
And I have my, because Iromanticize it so much.
And but having a Diet Coke on,at a cafe on the streets of
Paris.
It's no different than having aglass of wine.
(15:57):
You're still having the samefeeling.
You're just not drinkingalcohol.
You can still appreciate thesurroundings and be part of the
environment.
But, you just, it's not asblurry.
Yeah, I can definitely relate.
It was a great experience, andyeah I can't wait to travel to
do places over.
And also just I, I made surethat I went to a meeting at
(16:17):
every new city I stopped in.
And cause every city has, anEnglish speaking meeting at some
point.
So yeah, so that, that way Ialso got to meet some local
Steve (16:26):
sober people and, hang out
Johnny (16:27):
with
Steve (16:28):
them.
Wonderful.
And we are just kicking off2025.
So what places would you love totravel this year with Sober Gay
Adventures?
Johnny (16:36):
With Sober Gay Adventures, I have three trips
one's from London to Paris andthen there'll be a little bit of
some little day trips as welllike to Stonehenge and Mount St.
Michelle.
And then there's The basic Italytour for people who have never
been to Italy, so it's Rome toFlorence to Venice as well as
there'll be some little daytrips in Florence where, we can
(16:58):
go see Tuscany and whatnot foodtours.
And then the last one is inCrete, Greece, which is my
favorite place in the worldright now.
The largest island in Greece andevery little city is different
from another.
the other two are more touristy.
But that one's more of a yogameditation retreat where we stay
(17:19):
in a villa.
So I've been in talks with thisgreat sober yoga teacher.
He's awesome.
And, one day we'll be At thevilla all day, at the pool, or,
you can go to the beach, andthen every other day we'll go to
a different city for the day,come back we'll do the morning
yoga, but then in the evening wedo like a sharing circle, and a
(17:42):
meditation, and then there'll belike a little like theme party,
like a luau party, or a greekgod party, it's just more
intimate, than the other two.
Steve (17:52):
Awesome.
All three sound like a blast,but I love the sober stuff and
my husband loves the meditationstuff.
So that's the one that I'll tellhim about.
Let's check it out together.
Yeah.
Because you were talking ourlanguage there.
So I love that.
If someone wanted to connectwith you and find out more about
it, how would they do that?
Johnny?
Johnny (18:09):
You can go to sober gay adventures.com.
There's also on Instagram andFacebook and Threads.
I'm no longer on the Twitter,but it's at Sober Gay Adventures
as well.
And yeah.
Steve (18:23):
Alright.
Excellent.
Thank you so much for coming on.
I will put all that informationin the show notes so that my
listeners can head on over thereto connect with you.
Thank you so much.
Johnny (18:34):
Yeah, thank you.
Appreciate it.
Steve (18:36):
And thank you listeners for tuning in to another episode
of Gay A.
Make sure you're following soyou get the new ones every
Thursday.
And until then, stay sober.
Bye.
Hey there, Super Sober Heroes, it's your host, Sober
Steve, and welcome to Gay A.
I am here today with 1, 316 daysof continuous sobriety, and I'm
here with Johnny.
Welcome, Johnny.
Johnny (00:14):
Hello.
Steve (00:16):
Yes, and you are here with Sober Gay Adventures as
your company, correct?
It is.
Excellent.
Tell me a little bit about whoyou are, then, and what you do.
Johnny (00:26):
So I've done a lot of long term travel over the years.
And so I got sober about a yearand a half ago but yeah, so I've
always been a big traveler and Ialways wanted to start this
travel company and I couldn'twhen I was drinking and then I
got sober and then I startedlooking into things and I didn't
find, A big variety of what Iwas looking for, because one of
(00:48):
the things I was nervous aboutwhen I got sober was traveling
again, because obviously beingin Europe, wine, like Paris wine
is everywhere, Italy, and allthat.
So I was looking for A group ofa small group of like 10 to 12
people just travel with foraccountability, friendship and
whatnot.
And I didn't really find it.
I found there's another placeout there that does like bigger
(01:10):
groups cruises and whatnot.
But I was looking for somethingmore intimate where you could
actually get to know everyoneand hear each other's stories
and share and whatnot.
And so I started this company.
It's a 10, 10, 10 day trip forpeople to have fellowship and
accountability all over theworld.
Steve (01:26):
Excellent.
I love that.
And I definitely see the needfor that connection in all the
different types of ways.
And with you being a member ofthe queer community, what would
you say is your favorite part ofbeing queer today?
Johnny (01:38):
I just I'm a very stereotypical gay man.
I love all the camp and drama.
I will quote Moby Dyrus and allthat.
I love the bond of just having,The stupidness of it sometimes
certain people don't alwaysunderstand what I'm talking
about when I'm around otherstraight people but I just like
the bond that you have everyonehas a story and everyone has a
(02:00):
connection because, who we areas a community.
Steve (02:04):
Yeah, I can definitely can see that cause we have our,
gay experiences and our queerexperiences, but we also have
our sobriety to bond over.
What would you say is yourfavorite part of being sober
today?
Johnny (02:14):
I just went back to New York city.
And so I was out of New Yorkcity for four years.
And so I've lost a lot ofconnections with my friends, but
I was also, when I was here,most of my friends were drinking
friends.
And so I don't really have a lotof sober friends here, and I've
had a lot of support from thenormies out there, but it's just
been nice to people that havesurrounded me when I shared at
(02:35):
meetings and whatnot, and justcoming up to me and saying, Hey,
welcome, and, exchanging numbersand just the bond that I've made
You know, like I have 20 numbersin a month that I've been back.
So it's just great that theyhave that connection and people
care, like genuinely care.
So that's what I really loveabout it.
They want you to succeed.
Steve (02:53):
definitely.
And so tell me a little bitabout your journey with how you
got to where you were today withalcohol and addiction.
Johnny (03:01):
Yeah.
So like a lot of, Gay kidsgrowing up.
I came from a religious family,the bullying and whatnot.
I was a musical theater queen.
I never thought that I was gonnabe a big drinker.
'cause my first experience wasvery much horrible.
I went to an arts high schoolwhere that was statewide.
And so a lot of the studentswere.
In the dorms, but a couple ofthem had their own apartments
(03:23):
and because I was like this goodChristian boy My mom and dad
trusted me a lot and so I wentto a party at a friend's and I
had two screwdrivers and gotwasted and I Laid on the ground
crying.
I was like mom's gonna be so madat me Like God's really mad at
(03:44):
me and like it was just thishorrible experience that I hated
it And then flash forward to ayear later, I went to school for
musical theater in New Yorkcity.
I moved two weeks out of highschool.
I love my family, but I couldn'tget out of Minnesota fast
enough.
And that's when I starteddrinking.
I lived in New York city at atime when People, Didn't ID as
(04:04):
much.
And at 18, we could get intobars and there's this local bar
down the street from our dormsthat we all go to, and I
discovered Long Island iced teasthat you could drink for like 10
bucks and you could have one andbe done And then it just
spiraled from there.
I, there's another gay barthat's no longer open that I'll
(04:24):
fill this in, and they havefrozen Cosmos, and I almost
failed ballet class because itwas every Thursday, and then
ballet was on Friday at 9, and Ihad to struggle getting up so
yeah.
So I started there and then at21, I actually went to my first
AA meeting.
And so I knew I had a problem,but in my head I said I'm 21.
(04:45):
This is what everyone does.
so I stayed for about a monthand then I went out again.
I was a successful actor in thefact that I was working.
I never did anything huge but Itoured a lot and on tour, you
have the full day to yourself,do the show at night, and then
after the show, you go out andyou drink, and for me, when
(05:07):
everyone else was ready to go tobed after the show, I kept going
and going, and so I was stillable to perform for about 10
years.
I kept going and I was able todrink at what I thought was a
moderate level but in reality,looking back, it wasn't About
eight years ago my best friendpassed away out of nowhere.
(05:30):
he had inflamed pancreas, soSunday he went to the hospital,
and then Tuesday I got a bunchof text messages, because I was
in San Francisco when I met him,and I moved back to New York
City, and Everyone's Are youokay?
Are you okay?
And since I was here for 9 11 inNew York.
I thought something like thathad happened, because no one
said that he had passed.
(05:51):
And I looked on Facebook and myold boss wrote me a message and
he said, Hey, there's beensomething happening with
Patrick.
Please call me.
I don't want you to find out,another way.
And I just thought maybe heSomething like he got hurt or
something like that.
I had never in my head and I wasat work at the time and I was a
bartender at Broadway shows.
And so this is afterintermission.
(06:12):
So we're like setting out orbreaking down the bar and
everything.
And then I saw, I just looked athis profile picture or his
profile and it says, I can'tbelieve it happened.
Rest in peace, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah.
And I like, it's the first timein my life that I ever like, I
just got so weak in the knees, Icouldn't stand and I just
dropped to the floor.
(06:34):
And so that's when it actuallygot to the point where it was
out of control.
I started drinking daily,nonstop, I eventually became a
morning drinker and that went onfor a good, it was eight years
ago and, it went for a good sixyears in that pace.
(06:54):
And it wasn't always morningdrinking, but it definitely,
like I'd pass out occasionallyand then have a half of a
cocktail by my bed and finishdrinking in the morning, warm
diet, coke and vodka isdisgusting.
And so I went into prideInstitute.
I moved during COVID, I movedback to Minnesota with my
parents.
And, that's when they startedseeing it.
(07:16):
I was able to keep it a secret alittle bit, but they definitely
could see it then, because I wasdoing it there too, and I
isolated my bedroom, and so Iwent to Pride Institute in
Minneapolis for an outpatientprogram, and I wasn't there yet.
But I was refusing to go tomeetings, because I had gone to
meetings before, and I said thatit doesn't work, blah, blah,
(07:38):
blah, And at that point, I hadgotten accepted into school in
Prague in Czech Republic to goback to school to start, because
I wanted to start a travelbusiness.
It wasn't this one, but it wassomething I wanted to do, and I
just had no business experience.
And then my visa got denied, andI had an apartment there that I
had to have to get the visa, soI moved back home to Minnesota.
(08:01):
I was paying for the apartment,and I just, Started drinking a
lot.
And so I went back to Prague tomove out of the apartment
because it still has stuff thereafter the year at least.
And that's when I basicallydrank for three to four days
straight, like just nonstop andI flew back home.
We actually had a memorial for acousin that had passed away in
(08:26):
my parents backyard.
And I wasn't like, I wascoherent and I said his jet lag
more than anything.
And then that night at about twoin the morning, I had what I can
only describe as a minorseizure.
I couldn't move and my, I tensedup and I was shaking a lot.
(08:47):
And I just laid on the groundbecause I yelled and my parents
came out and my sister, wasliving at home as well because
she was going through somepersonal things in her marriage
and so she brought me to thehospital when I returned my mom
and dad were there and I justsaw their faces they have been
(09:08):
so supportive of me as a gay manas Everything I've ever done an
actor, this company startedeverything they're just amazing
parents And I looked at them andthat feeling just came inside I
can't do this.
but it was also like, it wasn'tjust for them before it was for
(09:30):
them.
This time, it was like, yeah,it's for them, but it's also I
don't want to do this anymore.
I don't want to be hurtingpeople anymore.
I don't want to isolate anymore.
since Patrick passed away, I hadclosed off everything.
I was not letting people in.
I wasn't allowing, Friendship.
Anything.
And I didn't want that anymore.
(09:51):
and I knew it was because of mydrinking.
so I told my parents, I waslike, if you want me to get a
breathalyzer, I'll come home andtake a breathalyzer every day.
If you need that for, security,if you want to you.
I go to a meeting every day,which I did either in person or
online at the time, and so yeah,for some reason it actually
clicked this time I wasn't asstandoffish to it, because I did
(10:13):
want to get better at thatpoint, because before I didn't
care I would never harm myself,although there times right after
his death that I did.
Have thoughts that wereseriously close to it, but at
that point, I decided I didn'twant to, and I wanted to live
again, I started going to thismeeting that was for LGBTQ
people every Saturday, and rightaway I just got this rush of
(10:37):
people's support and love that Ihadn't felt for a long time,
even though I have always hadpeople that have supported me,
but I actually was willing tolet them support me.
And let them come into my life.
There's still a little bit ofhesitation, but for the most
part, I let everyone in so yeah,I really started doing the work
(10:58):
on it and not just the work asan alcoholic, but also the work
of being happy again.
Because I think that's also animportant part, just getting
sober.
Isn't going to make everythingbetter and make you happy, you
have to actually work on thehappiness.
And the late, great LeslieJordan has a quote, and I'm
going to miss say it, but hesaid it takes a lot of work to
(11:19):
be this happy.
And so I started getting upearly in the morning, this isn't
for everyone, but I startedgetting up at 4am, I go to the
gym, I did a meditation, I had agood breakfast, I read something
inspiring, I had this whole like3 hour morning routine, and I
could really feel my lifechange.
And it felt great.
So it just was like, it was amoment in time where I finally
(11:44):
clicked that this is for me.
and it's been a year and a half,like I said now, and I just
moved back to New York andthings are not going as planned.
And I will be completely honestwith you, it's been a little bit
of a white knuckling situation.
But because I have the toolsnow.
I know what to do.
(12:05):
I'm going to meetings, two tothree times a day.
I usually go to an 8 a.
m.
meeting and so I was going toskip it, but I said, no, I'll go
for the first half hour andleave early.
And it was great.
I love this meeting.
It's a meditation meeting.
So I went for the meditation,and then I left a half hour
before I said hi to a guy who'sbeen really kind to me in the
(12:27):
meeting and said, I have toleave early today.
He's No, you're here.
That's great.
At least you're here, and soyeah, so it's just even though
it's, I, it doesn't always, it'severything's not going to be
perfect when you're sober.
And I think that's, Really whatI'm learning right now and like
it's like for the first year anda half everything was going
pretty great But then I have astumble and you know I have but
(12:51):
I'm grateful to have the toolsand the you know The community
that is there for you.
so yeah, so it's just been ait's been a journey and it's
been a good one
Steve (13:01):
Yeah, it sounds like it.
And I definitely understand howimportant having all those tools
are because, with me being threeand a half turning almost four
years sober, like later thisyear, it's been a journey and I
still have struggles and lifestill happens and kicks me in
the ass.
And so what are some tools youmentioned going to meeting?
But in addition to meetings,what are some other tools that
you still use on a regular basisthat helped you back then and
(13:23):
still help you now?
Johnny (13:26):
I think a big thing like I recently just talked to my
sponsor a couple days ago and,he said, because a lot of the
stuff that I'm dealing with hasto do with work and not getting
the hours I was promised andwhatnot.
And so I'm being very proactiveon that.
and he said, you're doing greatas the external stuff.
But I think you're not workingon the internal stuff as much
right now.
(13:47):
And I really want to encourageyou to get back into that,
because I know you were doingthat.
So start a gratitude list everynight, start remembering what
you do have, and, take tenminutes of just closing your
eyes by yourself, and, just dothe things that you know make
you happy, and get back intothat.
read literature, like notnecessarily even AA literature,
but I really like this.
(14:07):
She's a Buddhist monk, TemaShodron.
And so I have this little bookand it's just her words of
wisdom.
I read that every morning andit's just getting into a
positive mindset.
And it's not always easy,obviously.
When you're financiallystruggling in New York city,
it's not fun.
Yeah.
It's an expensive city, and it'swinter here.
So like in the summer, I can goand do all these great things
(14:29):
that they have going on in parksand stuff but yeah, it's just
really working on the internalside of myself right now with
meditation and all that.
and also just being in contact Idecided I need to reach out to
people.
And so every day I like send atext just saying, Hey, are we
doing whatnot?
and on my gratitude list, ifthere's a person on it, if
they're sober or not, I willsay, Hey, you're on my gratitude
(14:51):
list today.
I just wanted to let you know,I'm grateful that you're part of
my journey and thank you for,supporting me.
Steve (14:58):
that's awesome.
Connection has been so huge forme.
And now you get to connect withgay men during your travel
adventures.
But you also mentioned duringyour share that this isn't the
first time that travels been ainterest that you wanted to
pursue professionally.
So how did your relationshipwith traveling change through
your addiction and into yourrecovery?
Johnny (15:16):
Yeah, so it's just different.
When I was drinking before, itwas all about drinking in the
pubs and the bars and havingwine and whatnot.
So I didn't really do a lot ofthe touristy things.
In this like scouting trip, Igot to go to the top of the
Eiffel Tower.
I, like I said, I went to theColiseum.
I took a gondola ride.
And there's so much more to dowhen you're not spending money
(15:36):
on booze.
You have the money to go and dothese things instead of, doing
all the drinking.
And I have my, because Iromanticize it so much.
And but having a Diet Coke on,at a cafe on the streets of
Paris.
It's no different than having aglass of wine.
(15:57):
You're still having the samefeeling.
You're just not drinkingalcohol.
You can still appreciate thesurroundings and be part of the
environment.
But, you just, it's not asblurry.
Yeah, I can definitely relate.
It was a great experience, andyeah I can't wait to travel to
do places over.
And also just I, I made surethat I went to a meeting at
(16:17):
every new city I stopped in.
And cause every city has, anEnglish speaking meeting at some
point.
So yeah, so that, that way Ialso got to meet some local
Steve (16:26):
sober people and, hang out
Johnny (16:27):
with
Steve (16:28):
them.
Wonderful.
And we are just kicking off2025.
So what places would you love totravel this year with Sober Gay
Adventures?
Johnny (16:36):
With Sober Gay Adventures, I have three trips
one's from London to Paris andthen there'll be a little bit of
some little day trips as welllike to Stonehenge and Mount St.
Michelle.
And then there's The basic Italytour for people who have never
been to Italy, so it's Rome toFlorence to Venice as well as
there'll be some little daytrips in Florence where, we can
(16:58):
go see Tuscany and whatnot foodtours.
And then the last one is inCrete, Greece, which is my
favorite place in the worldright now.
The largest island in Greece andevery little city is different
from another.
the other two are more touristy.
But that one's more of a yogameditation retreat where we stay
(17:19):
in a villa.
So I've been in talks with thisgreat sober yoga teacher.
He's awesome.
And, one day we'll be At thevilla all day, at the pool, or,
you can go to the beach, andthen every other day we'll go to
a different city for the day,come back we'll do the morning
yoga, but then in the evening wedo like a sharing circle, and a
(17:42):
meditation, and then there'll belike a little like theme party,
like a luau party, or a greekgod party, it's just more
intimate, than the other two.
Steve (17:52):
Awesome.
All three sound like a blast,but I love the sober stuff and
my husband loves the meditationstuff.
So that's the one that I'll tellhim about.
Let's check it out together.
Yeah.
Because you were talking ourlanguage there.
So I love that.
If someone wanted to connectwith you and find out more about
it, how would they do that?
Johnny?
Johnny (18:09):
You can go to sober gay adventures.com.
There's also on Instagram andFacebook and Threads.
I'm no longer on the Twitter,but it's at Sober Gay Adventures
as well.
And yeah.
Steve (18:23):
Alright.
Excellent.
Thank you so much for coming on.
I will put all that informationin the show notes so that my
listeners can head on over thereto connect with you.
Thank you so much.
Johnny (18:34):
Yeah, thank you.
Appreciate it.
Steve (18:36):
And thank you listeners for tuning in to another episode
of Gay A.
Make sure you're following soyou get the new ones every
Thursday.
And until then, stay sober.
Bye.
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