October 24, 2024 • 19 mins
Hey, Super Sober Heroes! In this episode of gAy A, Sober Steve welcomes back Jaycee K. Clark for a powerful conversation on the impact of social media on mental health and sobriety. With over 1,227 days sober, Steve sits down with Jaycee to discuss how social media plays a dual role in our lives—both as a tool for connection and a source of distraction. Jaycee, who will be one of the keynote speakers at the Here, Queer, Sober event next September, shares personal insights from her recent social media hiatus and how it transformed her recovery and self-care routine.
Key Takeaways from the Episode:
- Social Media Hiatus: Jaycee opens up about taking a break from social media to focus on her mental health and emotional well-being. She highlights the importance of recognizing when social media becomes a distraction and how taking a step back helped her reconnect with herself.
- The Power of Disconnecting: How disconnecting from the online world can create space for deep emotional healing, self-reflection, and improved mental health in sobriety.
- Being Intentional: Jaycee emphasizes the need to be intentional with social media use—knowing when to engage, when to take a break, and how to create healthy boundaries.
- Balancing Creation and Consumption: As someone who uses social media for activism and sobriety advocacy, Jaycee shares tips on balancing content creation and consumption while staying grounded and present.
- Lessons in Recovery: They dive into the parallels between social media dependency and addiction, discussing how both require self-awareness and personal boundaries to maintain balance.
- Being Vulnerable and Staying Connected: Jaycee talks about the importance of staying connected with her recovery community, even when offline, and how being open with others about her struggles helps her stay grounded.
Key Moments:
- Jaycee explains how her relationship with social media changed after entering recovery.
- How taking a break from social media empowered her to focus on her mental health and sobriety.
- Steve and Jaycee discuss the pros and cons of social media in the recovery space and how to navigate the pressures of being online.
- Jaycee talks about using social media as a tool for advocacy and sharing her recovery journey out loud.
Connect with Jaycee:
Follow Jaycee Clark on Instagram: @officialjayceek
Resources Mentioned:
- Here, Queer, Sober event in NYC, September 2024
Stay Connected:
Follow us on Instagram: @gAyApodcast
Find more resources and episodes at www.sobersteve.com.
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If you enjoyed this episode:
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Stay Sober, Friends!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Steve (00:03):
Hey there super sober heroes.
It's Steve here with JC back onthe show.
Welcome back JC.
Jaycee (00:09):
Hi Steve.
How's it going?
Steve (00:12):
It is great.
I could barely wait the three tofour month window that I
normally wait to ask people tocome back on because I knew I
wanted to have you back on.
So thank you for agreeing.
Thanks for reaching out.
So we had been talking recently.
You reached out because you weregoing on a social media hiatus
and just wanted to make sure Ihad your number because you are
also gonna be one of our keynotespeakers at here, queer sober
(00:34):
next September in New York city.
And that's going to be soexciting.
Are you ready for it?
I, I know
Jaycee (00:41):
it's so far away but I'm so stoked.
I haven't been in New York andover a decade.
And the last time I was there, Iwas.
filming porn.
And so now that I'm living alife of purpose, I get to do it
different and I'm so excited.
Steve (00:54):
Yeah, I'm excited to as I'm like getting working more on
the program and what's to come,I'm just looking forward to it
next year.
We would live one day at a time,but next year also it's going to
be a really good time.
But with that, Wanting to makesure that I can keep in touch
with you during a social mediahiatus.
People normally, in myexperience, don't take hiatuses
because everything's peachy keenand their followers are growing
(01:16):
and nothing's toxic at all.
So what's going on or what wasgoing on?
Jaycee (01:21):
Oh God.
So life on life's terms, right?
Some things that I'm not goingto get into like specific
details, but some things thattranspired within, okay.
My relationship.
And I needed to just, I had alot of shit coming up
emotionally.
And I needed to just take sometime away just to go internal
(01:43):
and see what the hell was comingup.
And like, where do theseemotions come from?
And, it's honestly a luxury thatI have the ability to even do
that and feel emotions and notmake them wrong.
And like I said, nothing likecatastrophic happened.
But I just had to put myself inthe equation and just do some
deeper internal work.
(02:03):
And I didn't realize just howmuch power I was giving social
media.
Not that I'm trying to proveanything to anybody.
But there was an aspect of methat was still like giving it
power.
And, it was honestly like thebest two and a half weeks of my
life.
Steve (02:22):
I can definitely relate to, cause we always learn that
the world, doesn't revolvearound us in recovery.
At least that was a lesson tome.
I'm sure my parents tried toteach me that growing up, but it
never stuck.
But in recovery, I learned likeI'm not the most important
person in the room at all timesand that like people's comments
oftentimes have nothing to dowith me.
But there's a difference betweenbeing able to know that in your
(02:42):
head and then feel it in yourheart.
I feel like especially when it'sgeared at you, even when it's
not.
about you.
So how do you handle that?
Both online with social media aswell as in person.
Like, how has that changed inyour recovery with handling
those situations?
Jaycee (03:00):
It was just like, once I started to recognize like that,
I had all these things likeinternally, like coming up.
Like this damn thing is adistraction and anybody that's
new in recovery knows that likeour addict is going to attach
itself to different objects oncethe drugs and alcohol are gone.
And so I know for myself, myaddict is going to attach itself
(03:21):
to the phone and I will usesocial media to disassociate and
avoid what I'm feeling.
And they were some big emotions,and it's Some deep emotional
clearing that I needed to do formyself and for my relationship.
And so I was like, you knowwhat, this is within my control.
This phone is something that, orsocial media, that's something
(03:41):
that I have control over.
And if I have the ability to saydeactivate and not lose any part
of myself or my identity Why thefuck not?
And so that's what I did.
And I felt very empowered inmaking that decision for myself
because I've never done that.
I've been on social media sinceI don't fucking know when, but
(04:03):
over a decade ago, and so it'sjust like I felt really
empowered to just be like, youknow what?
This is what I need for myselfand for my growth and my healing
and my program.
And Like I said before, it'shonestly one of the best
decisions I've made next togetting sober.
And I know that in, in thefuture at any given moment, if
(04:26):
something big like that comesup, I can always just take a
break if I need to.
And there's nothing wrong withthat.
Steve (04:32):
Yeah, I think that it's definitely an important lesson
to learn because so many of uswhether it's taking a break on
social media or taking a breakeven in real life from some
things, I feel like social mediais one where generally people
announce it more because if notpeople think you like died or
went missing or got hit by a busor something.
But there's been even times likewhere I'll just like distance,
like I won't do, as much, likeI'll miss one or two kickball
(04:54):
games, like I'll miss one or twothis or do step back if I need
to take a week or a couple ofdays for myself to recover or.
Online, taking a hiatus andlearning that it's going to be
okay and having that time toheal.
What did you learn aboutyourself or how did you heal
during that time away?
Jaycee (05:10):
First, like taking a break and just like disappearing
off of social media.
Of course, those immediatethoughts of people are going to
think I've relapsed.
People are going to think I havegone off the deep end or people
are going to all that bullshitthat we make up because that is
very real for people inrecovery.
when we go, offline or we stopposting, like we typically do
(05:33):
nine times out of 10 in thepast, I was fucked up or I was
in jail or in the hospital causeI had overdosed or whatever.
And so going into it this timeand knowing that's not even the
case, and I can get back on atany given moment and I forgot
what the question was.
Steve (05:49):
no, you're good because I also something that like, it's
I'm trying to like, put thequestion into words, but I know
that I'm not going on socialmedia, like by choice, and then
being able to like, come back onto it.
I feel like I've never reallydone that intentionally for More
than like a day because I wasavoiding spoilers for some TV
(06:10):
show or something like that, butI've never actually taken a
hiatus because only until I'veonly really been creating like
on social media heavily in thepast year beforehand, I was very
much like a consumer where Ijust like log on here and there
to like a couple of things orlike stock a couple of people.
But it's like now that it's partof my business and part of my
life, it's become part of myroutine that I've tried cutting
(06:31):
back, but I feel like it.
Addicts in general, we strugglewith that all or nothing
thinking or all or nothinghabits.
Like for me, if I drank there's,there was never just a little,
it was all of the drinking.
If it was drugs, it was all thedrugs.
So like I've tried to be likeI'm going to cut back less.
Like even with like my friendand I were having an argument
over the amount of time that Iwas on my phone at the gym while
(06:52):
I was working out with him.
But I was like, I can try andsay it's for work or for this or
for that.
But at the end of the day, I'mnot present in my situation
because I'm glued to my phoneand I'm telling myself whatever
story for it, but learning thatI could put it down and be okay
is something that's hard withthat all or nothing thinking.
Do you have that in other areasoutside of social media and
drugs and alcohol?
Jaycee (07:12):
If I do, I can't think of it right off the jump, I was
able to see in the two and ahalf weeks or whatever that I
was off.
I was able to see just how muchtime I was spending towards
social media, and it's am Iusing this to disassociate?
Am I using this to not bepresent?
Am I using this to avoid whatI'm feeling?
And so it was really eyeopeningto just see the difference in
(07:33):
how I felt internally, whilenavigating through what I was
going through and yeah, and Ithink, I had given myself like a
date or like a timeframe of, I'mgoing to take this much time off
of social media just to see, andfor myself, if I can set a goal,
I'm going to.
(07:54):
Obtain that gold nine times outof 10.
So it was like, I'm going toprove it to myself that I, one,
I can do this.
And two, this fucking socialmedia does not define who I am,
but then, like it is a veryimportant part of my purpose.
I do live out loud.
I do.
Do a lot of things like this.
Whether it's an interview orspeaking appearance somewhere,
(08:17):
so it's like things are startingto come up and I was like, you
know what?
I feel better internally.
I've cleared a lot of stuff andthese opportunities are starting
to come back up.
So it felt like the universe wassetting me up in divine time.
And so I got back on And I havebeen so busy
Steve (08:33):
I was gonna say, what was that experience like coming back
on?
was it like you had never leftor was there an adjustment of
sorts?
Jaycee (08:42):
I think it was just, there was definitely an
adjustment, I think the firstlike few hours I was back on, I
felt like, Okay, this kind offeels a little I was a little
hesitant, but then, it's justreminding myself that I get to
be intentional with my actionsand, yeah, just being
intentional with what I'm doingand the conversations that I'm
having and my surroundings andjust being more present, and
(09:03):
knowing that I will use this todisassociate, and so it's Doing
better.
I feel like I gained some toolsin my little break for sure.
And, like I said, I've been abusy woman in the last two
weeks.
Steve (09:19):
Yeah.
You are a busy woman and as muchas that tool in your hand could
play the devil for us at times,you also are using that and like
the technology and social mediato really Make a big difference
at the same time.
So like, how can you balancebeing on, on there and what I've
learned to call a creator modewhere you're creating content
(09:39):
for people that they can see andlike you engage with versus
consuming content where youmight go on and you're looking
at other people's posts andwalls and checking in on your
friends and loved ones.
Like, how do you balance thosetwo when you're spending your
time on socials?
Jaycee (09:54):
know, it's just about being intentional, like what, I
have to ask myself, what is myintent for getting on here right
now?
What is my intention for likingthis post?
What is my intention for notliking this post?
Same with sharing content.
And it's crazy because I didn'teven seek out all the
opportunities that have justlanded in my lap here lately.
But let me just tell you in thelast sense, getting back on
(10:15):
social media at this time, I'vedone a magazine interview.
I did an interview withuniversity of Texas health last
week.
I did a in person speakingengagement at a recovery high
school.
I'm on here today, and it's likeall of these things just
happened.
I listened to the universe andthe universe is you should get
(10:37):
back on here.
I was like, okay.
And I don't always have to knowwhy.
I just Listen,
Steve (10:43):
We're glad to have you back because even though I don't
normally spend a lot of timescrolling through other people's
content, Facebook does know thatyou are one of the people that I
like to see where I will stopscrolling and hit like more
often than most other peoplethat I just keep on scrolling
through.
Keep on scrolling.
Yeah.
I was gonna say, cause I've alsobeen talking with a couple of
(11:05):
different guests recently isit's just in life about when
you're on social media.
Because oftentimes people willhave different rules about how
they post, how they engageversus how.
We do personally everyone hasthese own different rules where
I have friends who like if theybuy a house or buy a dog or
anything major happens in theirlife, they won't text us about
(11:26):
the shifts or the changes.
They'll just post something onFacebook and kind of assume that
everyone in their life thatmatters will see it because it's
on Facebook.
And I've always been.
The type where I'll post forwork, I'll post professional
stuff, but I was never untilrecently really even posting in
my own life if I was out doingsomething that's new for me to
be able to post.
What was your relationshipbefore you got into all this
(11:49):
activism, and when you're notdoing the activism work where
you're making your voice beheard, what is your social media
behavior like on a regularbasis?
And like, how do you deal withthose people's rules that might
conflict with yours over howyou're using it?
Jaycee (12:04):
I don't know that I necessarily have rules when it
comes to posting, I know that ifwhatever's happening in my life
is bringing me joy and it'sfilling my cup up I know that
I'm going to post whatever thehell I want to post, there's no
like schedule which is verydifferent for me because in the
past like I've been When I wasfilming porn all the time and in
the adult industry, I used mysocial media platforms to
(12:28):
promote that and to promote thatpersona.
And I was trying to constantlylive up to that all the time,
whereas now people who have beenon this journey with me can see
where like it has transformed,like I post.
I post literally everything andI'm not just posting like adult
content or promoting adultcontent, I'm posting real life
(12:52):
shit.
And yeah, it's just very, it'svery different and I'm very
proud of how I have navigatedthrough that because, they say
Or at least they said to meperhaps you should delete your
social media and start fresh.
And I was like, Nope, I'm notwilling to do that.
Because I get to change thetrajectory of what this image
(13:15):
is, and I'm not the same personI used to be.
I'm not a porn star anymore.
I'm not promoting adult content.
And so it's, I think for me,it's like I said, in the last
interview we did is like turningmy mess into my message.
And that comes with socialmedia.
Steve (13:31):
Yeah, I love that.
And so with social media, whatwould you say are one of the
few?
We're talking about our recoveryhere.
What are some other passionatetopics that you love talking
about?
Jaycee (13:43):
So I, let's see, I just did a speaking engagement on
recovery.
This one was very different.
It was with high school kids andwho are also in recovery.
And so that was veryinteresting.
It was very interesting.
I was not prepared for thosechildren.
Steve (14:02):
I was going to say, how is that different than college
kids or adults in recovery?
What's different?
These kids are God
Jaycee (14:10):
bless them.
They shit.
Their stories are crazy, butit's, I guess when we were
young, but damn.
Steve (14:22):
Yeah, I was gonna say, I guess if I was able to wake up
like at 16, 17 over the factthat I was an alcoholic, like
some shit must've gone downbecause it took me a lot longer
than that.
Jaycee (14:31):
And it was inspiring to sit in a room with 20 high
school kids and to see,essentially see myself sitting
in those chairs.
And I was like, damn, I wish Ihad the courage to do what
you're doing at your age, but ittook me a little longer and
that's okay.
But some other things that I,I'm open.
About talking about, HIVawareness being trans my journey
(14:52):
through addiction my journey asan adult film star.
all that comes with that.
I've lived a pretty public lifesince the age of 19.
So I'm pretty much an open bookand I'll talk about anything
that I can relate to.
Steve (15:08):
Yeah, and I'm curious because I'm someone as well that
I've always been very publicwith telling people I'm an open
book.
Ask me anything, but I've alsowhen I'm struggling when things
are difficult for me, I am theking of omission of Hiding
things.
Would you say that as much asyou are open online about the
things that you believe in andthe passions that you're
(15:29):
passionate about are you also asopen about when you are
struggling or about when you'rehurting or are there things that
you'll keep off limits oroffline?
Jaycee (15:38):
There are some things that I don't think are necessary
to go on social media for myrelationship, for example.
I don't post everything justbecause it's not everybody's
business.
But typically I'm in constantcommunication with my sponsor
and the people around me.
And so while I don't always posteverything, I'm always in
communication with somebodyabout whatever I have going on.
(16:01):
Just because I know that'swhat's going to keep me sober
and I don't always have goodideas.
Sometimes I do post.
On social media when I am goingthrough something, I may not say
I'm fucking struggling rightnow, but it's like a subliminal
message.
If I'm laying in a field and I'mposting pictures of my feet in
the grass and I say, talkingabout connection with the God
(16:23):
I'm probably going throughsomething, which is something
that has happened in my journey.
Steve (16:27):
Yeah.
I'll do breadcrumbs rather thanjust say that I'm struggling.
Jaycee (16:32):
Yeah.
I don't want to say.
And I think, that's probablyminimizing Hey, yo, I'm an
addict and I'm fucked up rightnow.
But people that know me know Ohshoot.
She's trying to get right withGod right now.
Steve (16:45):
it is what it is.
Yeah, and you talked about likeconstantly being connected with
fellows because that's one thingthat even when I look at my
screen time of being on socialmedia apps versus being on
messenger and phone calls, likeI'm still spending just as much
time if not more time likemessaging and staying connected
with people that way versus thetime that I'm spending posting
(17:05):
things online.
What would you say is an examplefor listeners who don't follow
you already have something youmight post?
on a daily basis versussomething you might text a
friend or fellow about?
Jaycee (17:16):
question because I will, I don't always post or repost
some of this shit that I watchjust because I have a sick sense
of humor sometimes.
And I may send Some of myclosest friends, some things
that I don't want to post onsocial media just because I'm
like, Oh, what are people goingto think of me and my fucked up
humor?
(17:37):
It really just depends.
it's like a case by casescenario.
I don't go black and white withthat.
if something in me says postthis, then I'm going to post it.
And if something in me says,Girl, if I can send that to
somebody else, then I'll dothat.
I just listened to what my gutsays.
Steve (17:53):
Yeah, I can definitely relate to that.
I do know it is more of, if I'msending someone something
directly, it's chances are likepart of it's like either it's
time sensitive.
Like I know it won't even likematter in a couple hours.
because it's just like goingthrough the motions or it's
because of my fucked up humor orit's something like also like
sexually explicit in a fucked uphumor kind of way that also
wouldn't work where it's likeyou have to remember on social
(18:15):
media like for me at least likeI was like I have like my
parents my in laws and workpeople all these other people
following me that aren't likethe people that will like Vibe
with me like this right now.
So having to learn like that'swhere I've also learned.
And this is a great question.
Do you have a different onlinepersonality across different
platforms?
Because like I've personally onFacebook is what I will add like
(18:35):
anyone in my life, includinglike business people.
And connections and people fromchurch while like my Instagram
has become like Steve's spacewhere it's that's like my
friends and like the people thatwere like and post the funny
memes or the inappropriate stuffand not have to worry as much.
Do you switch it up betweenplatforms ever?
Jaycee (18:54):
No, I tried that back in the day when I was in the adult
film industry, I tried to be alittle more thought ish.
On Twitter.
I'm a little more refined onFacebook and that shit gets hard
to whatever.
So now I just keep them linkedtogether.
That way they post.
And if I don't want something togo on Instagram, I just click,
do not post this post.
(19:15):
And cause if I repost everythingon social media, God, I have so
many posts.
Steve (19:21):
I hear
Jaycee (19:21):
you.
Steve (19:22):
Excellent.
And if someone to follow you andfind you on social media, if
they don't already right now.
How would they do that?
Jaycee (19:29):
At official J.
C.
K.
That's O.
F.
I.
C.
I.
A.
L.
J.
A.
Y.
C.
E.
K.
Steve (19:37):
Excellent.
And any final thoughts on socialmedia and how it plays a role in
sobriety, pros and cons?
Jaycee (19:44):
Social media does not determine who the fuck you are
as a person.
And it is not part of youridentity and you have nothing to
prove to nobody.
Steve (19:52):
Love it.
Thank you so much.
It's been a pleasure as always.
And I'm sure we'll see you backon real soon.
Jaycee (19:57):
All right.
Sounds good.
Hey there super sober heroes.
It's Steve here with JC back onthe show.
Welcome back JC.
Jaycee (00:09):
Hi Steve.
How's it going?
Steve (00:12):
It is great.
I could barely wait the three tofour month window that I
normally wait to ask people tocome back on because I knew I
wanted to have you back on.
So thank you for agreeing.
Thanks for reaching out.
So we had been talking recently.
You reached out because you weregoing on a social media hiatus
and just wanted to make sure Ihad your number because you are
also gonna be one of our keynotespeakers at here, queer sober
(00:34):
next September in New York city.
And that's going to be soexciting.
Are you ready for it?
I, I know
Jaycee (00:41):
it's so far away but I'm so stoked.
I haven't been in New York andover a decade.
And the last time I was there, Iwas.
filming porn.
And so now that I'm living alife of purpose, I get to do it
different and I'm so excited.
Steve (00:54):
Yeah, I'm excited to as I'm like getting working more on
the program and what's to come,I'm just looking forward to it
next year.
We would live one day at a time,but next year also it's going to
be a really good time.
But with that, Wanting to makesure that I can keep in touch
with you during a social mediahiatus.
People normally, in myexperience, don't take hiatuses
because everything's peachy keenand their followers are growing
(01:16):
and nothing's toxic at all.
So what's going on or what wasgoing on?
Jaycee (01:21):
Oh God.
So life on life's terms, right?
Some things that I'm not goingto get into like specific
details, but some things thattranspired within, okay.
My relationship.
And I needed to just, I had alot of shit coming up
emotionally.
And I needed to just take sometime away just to go internal
(01:43):
and see what the hell was comingup.
And like, where do theseemotions come from?
And, it's honestly a luxury thatI have the ability to even do
that and feel emotions and notmake them wrong.
And like I said, nothing likecatastrophic happened.
But I just had to put myself inthe equation and just do some
deeper internal work.
(02:03):
And I didn't realize just howmuch power I was giving social
media.
Not that I'm trying to proveanything to anybody.
But there was an aspect of methat was still like giving it
power.
And, it was honestly like thebest two and a half weeks of my
life.
Steve (02:22):
I can definitely relate to, cause we always learn that
the world, doesn't revolvearound us in recovery.
At least that was a lesson tome.
I'm sure my parents tried toteach me that growing up, but it
never stuck.
But in recovery, I learned likeI'm not the most important
person in the room at all timesand that like people's comments
oftentimes have nothing to dowith me.
But there's a difference betweenbeing able to know that in your
(02:42):
head and then feel it in yourheart.
I feel like especially when it'sgeared at you, even when it's
not.
about you.
So how do you handle that?
Both online with social media aswell as in person.
Like, how has that changed inyour recovery with handling
those situations?
Jaycee (03:00):
It was just like, once I started to recognize like that,
I had all these things likeinternally, like coming up.
Like this damn thing is adistraction and anybody that's
new in recovery knows that likeour addict is going to attach
itself to different objects oncethe drugs and alcohol are gone.
And so I know for myself, myaddict is going to attach itself
(03:21):
to the phone and I will usesocial media to disassociate and
avoid what I'm feeling.
And they were some big emotions,and it's Some deep emotional
clearing that I needed to do formyself and for my relationship.
And so I was like, you knowwhat, this is within my control.
This phone is something that, orsocial media, that's something
(03:41):
that I have control over.
And if I have the ability to saydeactivate and not lose any part
of myself or my identity Why thefuck not?
And so that's what I did.
And I felt very empowered inmaking that decision for myself
because I've never done that.
I've been on social media sinceI don't fucking know when, but
(04:03):
over a decade ago, and so it'sjust like I felt really
empowered to just be like, youknow what?
This is what I need for myselfand for my growth and my healing
and my program.
And Like I said before, it'shonestly one of the best
decisions I've made next togetting sober.
And I know that in, in thefuture at any given moment, if
(04:26):
something big like that comesup, I can always just take a
break if I need to.
And there's nothing wrong withthat.
Steve (04:32):
Yeah, I think that it's definitely an important lesson
to learn because so many of uswhether it's taking a break on
social media or taking a breakeven in real life from some
things, I feel like social mediais one where generally people
announce it more because if notpeople think you like died or
went missing or got hit by a busor something.
But there's been even times likewhere I'll just like distance,
like I won't do, as much, likeI'll miss one or two kickball
(04:54):
games, like I'll miss one or twothis or do step back if I need
to take a week or a couple ofdays for myself to recover or.
Online, taking a hiatus andlearning that it's going to be
okay and having that time toheal.
What did you learn aboutyourself or how did you heal
during that time away?
Jaycee (05:10):
First, like taking a break and just like disappearing
off of social media.
Of course, those immediatethoughts of people are going to
think I've relapsed.
People are going to think I havegone off the deep end or people
are going to all that bullshitthat we make up because that is
very real for people inrecovery.
when we go, offline or we stopposting, like we typically do
(05:33):
nine times out of 10 in thepast, I was fucked up or I was
in jail or in the hospital causeI had overdosed or whatever.
And so going into it this timeand knowing that's not even the
case, and I can get back on atany given moment and I forgot
what the question was.
Steve (05:49):
no, you're good because I also something that like, it's
I'm trying to like, put thequestion into words, but I know
that I'm not going on socialmedia, like by choice, and then
being able to like, come back onto it.
I feel like I've never reallydone that intentionally for More
than like a day because I wasavoiding spoilers for some TV
(06:10):
show or something like that, butI've never actually taken a
hiatus because only until I'veonly really been creating like
on social media heavily in thepast year beforehand, I was very
much like a consumer where Ijust like log on here and there
to like a couple of things orlike stock a couple of people.
But it's like now that it's partof my business and part of my
life, it's become part of myroutine that I've tried cutting
(06:31):
back, but I feel like it.
Addicts in general, we strugglewith that all or nothing
thinking or all or nothinghabits.
Like for me, if I drank there's,there was never just a little,
it was all of the drinking.
If it was drugs, it was all thedrugs.
So like I've tried to be likeI'm going to cut back less.
Like even with like my friendand I were having an argument
over the amount of time that Iwas on my phone at the gym while
(06:52):
I was working out with him.
But I was like, I can try andsay it's for work or for this or
for that.
But at the end of the day, I'mnot present in my situation
because I'm glued to my phoneand I'm telling myself whatever
story for it, but learning thatI could put it down and be okay
is something that's hard withthat all or nothing thinking.
Do you have that in other areasoutside of social media and
drugs and alcohol?
Jaycee (07:12):
If I do, I can't think of it right off the jump, I was
able to see in the two and ahalf weeks or whatever that I
was off.
I was able to see just how muchtime I was spending towards
social media, and it's am Iusing this to disassociate?
Am I using this to not bepresent?
Am I using this to avoid whatI'm feeling?
And so it was really eyeopeningto just see the difference in
(07:33):
how I felt internally, whilenavigating through what I was
going through and yeah, and Ithink, I had given myself like a
date or like a timeframe of, I'mgoing to take this much time off
of social media just to see, andfor myself, if I can set a goal,
I'm going to.
(07:54):
Obtain that gold nine times outof 10.
So it was like, I'm going toprove it to myself that I, one,
I can do this.
And two, this fucking socialmedia does not define who I am,
but then, like it is a veryimportant part of my purpose.
I do live out loud.
I do.
Do a lot of things like this.
Whether it's an interview orspeaking appearance somewhere,
(08:17):
so it's like things are startingto come up and I was like, you
know what?
I feel better internally.
I've cleared a lot of stuff andthese opportunities are starting
to come back up.
So it felt like the universe wassetting me up in divine time.
And so I got back on And I havebeen so busy
Steve (08:33):
I was gonna say, what was that experience like coming back
on?
was it like you had never leftor was there an adjustment of
sorts?
Jaycee (08:42):
I think it was just, there was definitely an
adjustment, I think the firstlike few hours I was back on, I
felt like, Okay, this kind offeels a little I was a little
hesitant, but then, it's justreminding myself that I get to
be intentional with my actionsand, yeah, just being
intentional with what I'm doingand the conversations that I'm
having and my surroundings andjust being more present, and
(09:03):
knowing that I will use this todisassociate, and so it's Doing
better.
I feel like I gained some toolsin my little break for sure.
And, like I said, I've been abusy woman in the last two
weeks.
Steve (09:19):
Yeah.
You are a busy woman and as muchas that tool in your hand could
play the devil for us at times,you also are using that and like
the technology and social mediato really Make a big difference
at the same time.
So like, how can you balancebeing on, on there and what I've
learned to call a creator modewhere you're creating content
(09:39):
for people that they can see andlike you engage with versus
consuming content where youmight go on and you're looking
at other people's posts andwalls and checking in on your
friends and loved ones.
Like, how do you balance thosetwo when you're spending your
time on socials?
Jaycee (09:54):
know, it's just about being intentional, like what, I
have to ask myself, what is myintent for getting on here right
now?
What is my intention for likingthis post?
What is my intention for notliking this post?
Same with sharing content.
And it's crazy because I didn'teven seek out all the
opportunities that have justlanded in my lap here lately.
But let me just tell you in thelast sense, getting back on
(10:15):
social media at this time, I'vedone a magazine interview.
I did an interview withuniversity of Texas health last
week.
I did a in person speakingengagement at a recovery high
school.
I'm on here today, and it's likeall of these things just
happened.
I listened to the universe andthe universe is you should get
(10:37):
back on here.
I was like, okay.
And I don't always have to knowwhy.
I just Listen,
Steve (10:43):
We're glad to have you back because even though I don't
normally spend a lot of timescrolling through other people's
content, Facebook does know thatyou are one of the people that I
like to see where I will stopscrolling and hit like more
often than most other peoplethat I just keep on scrolling
through.
Keep on scrolling.
Yeah.
I was gonna say, cause I've alsobeen talking with a couple of
(11:05):
different guests recently isit's just in life about when
you're on social media.
Because oftentimes people willhave different rules about how
they post, how they engageversus how.
We do personally everyone hasthese own different rules where
I have friends who like if theybuy a house or buy a dog or
anything major happens in theirlife, they won't text us about
(11:26):
the shifts or the changes.
They'll just post something onFacebook and kind of assume that
everyone in their life thatmatters will see it because it's
on Facebook.
And I've always been.
The type where I'll post forwork, I'll post professional
stuff, but I was never untilrecently really even posting in
my own life if I was out doingsomething that's new for me to
be able to post.
What was your relationshipbefore you got into all this
(11:49):
activism, and when you're notdoing the activism work where
you're making your voice beheard, what is your social media
behavior like on a regularbasis?
And like, how do you deal withthose people's rules that might
conflict with yours over howyou're using it?
Jaycee (12:04):
I don't know that I necessarily have rules when it
comes to posting, I know that ifwhatever's happening in my life
is bringing me joy and it'sfilling my cup up I know that
I'm going to post whatever thehell I want to post, there's no
like schedule which is verydifferent for me because in the
past like I've been When I wasfilming porn all the time and in
the adult industry, I used mysocial media platforms to
(12:28):
promote that and to promote thatpersona.
And I was trying to constantlylive up to that all the time,
whereas now people who have beenon this journey with me can see
where like it has transformed,like I post.
I post literally everything andI'm not just posting like adult
content or promoting adultcontent, I'm posting real life
(12:52):
shit.
And yeah, it's just very, it'svery different and I'm very
proud of how I have navigatedthrough that because, they say
Or at least they said to meperhaps you should delete your
social media and start fresh.
And I was like, Nope, I'm notwilling to do that.
Because I get to change thetrajectory of what this image
(13:15):
is, and I'm not the same personI used to be.
I'm not a porn star anymore.
I'm not promoting adult content.
And so it's, I think for me,it's like I said, in the last
interview we did is like turningmy mess into my message.
And that comes with socialmedia.
Steve (13:31):
Yeah, I love that.
And so with social media, whatwould you say are one of the
few?
We're talking about our recoveryhere.
What are some other passionatetopics that you love talking
about?
Jaycee (13:43):
So I, let's see, I just did a speaking engagement on
recovery.
This one was very different.
It was with high school kids andwho are also in recovery.
And so that was veryinteresting.
It was very interesting.
I was not prepared for thosechildren.
Steve (14:02):
I was going to say, how is that different than college
kids or adults in recovery?
What's different?
These kids are God
Jaycee (14:10):
bless them.
They shit.
Their stories are crazy, butit's, I guess when we were
young, but damn.
Steve (14:22):
Yeah, I was gonna say, I guess if I was able to wake up
like at 16, 17 over the factthat I was an alcoholic, like
some shit must've gone downbecause it took me a lot longer
than that.
Jaycee (14:31):
And it was inspiring to sit in a room with 20 high
school kids and to see,essentially see myself sitting
in those chairs.
And I was like, damn, I wish Ihad the courage to do what
you're doing at your age, but ittook me a little longer and
that's okay.
But some other things that I,I'm open.
About talking about, HIVawareness being trans my journey
(14:52):
through addiction my journey asan adult film star.
all that comes with that.
I've lived a pretty public lifesince the age of 19.
So I'm pretty much an open bookand I'll talk about anything
that I can relate to.
Steve (15:08):
Yeah, and I'm curious because I'm someone as well that
I've always been very publicwith telling people I'm an open
book.
Ask me anything, but I've alsowhen I'm struggling when things
are difficult for me, I am theking of omission of Hiding
things.
Would you say that as much asyou are open online about the
things that you believe in andthe passions that you're
(15:29):
passionate about are you also asopen about when you are
struggling or about when you'rehurting or are there things that
you'll keep off limits oroffline?
Jaycee (15:38):
There are some things that I don't think are necessary
to go on social media for myrelationship, for example.
I don't post everything justbecause it's not everybody's
business.
But typically I'm in constantcommunication with my sponsor
and the people around me.
And so while I don't always posteverything, I'm always in
communication with somebodyabout whatever I have going on.
(16:01):
Just because I know that'swhat's going to keep me sober
and I don't always have goodideas.
Sometimes I do post.
On social media when I am goingthrough something, I may not say
I'm fucking struggling rightnow, but it's like a subliminal
message.
If I'm laying in a field and I'mposting pictures of my feet in
the grass and I say, talkingabout connection with the God
(16:23):
I'm probably going throughsomething, which is something
that has happened in my journey.
Steve (16:27):
Yeah.
I'll do breadcrumbs rather thanjust say that I'm struggling.
Jaycee (16:32):
Yeah.
I don't want to say.
And I think, that's probablyminimizing Hey, yo, I'm an
addict and I'm fucked up rightnow.
But people that know me know Ohshoot.
She's trying to get right withGod right now.
Steve (16:45):
it is what it is.
Yeah, and you talked about likeconstantly being connected with
fellows because that's one thingthat even when I look at my
screen time of being on socialmedia apps versus being on
messenger and phone calls, likeI'm still spending just as much
time if not more time likemessaging and staying connected
with people that way versus thetime that I'm spending posting
(17:05):
things online.
What would you say is an examplefor listeners who don't follow
you already have something youmight post?
on a daily basis versussomething you might text a
friend or fellow about?
Jaycee (17:16):
question because I will, I don't always post or repost
some of this shit that I watchjust because I have a sick sense
of humor sometimes.
And I may send Some of myclosest friends, some things
that I don't want to post onsocial media just because I'm
like, Oh, what are people goingto think of me and my fucked up
humor?
(17:37):
It really just depends.
it's like a case by casescenario.
I don't go black and white withthat.
if something in me says postthis, then I'm going to post it.
And if something in me says,Girl, if I can send that to
somebody else, then I'll dothat.
I just listened to what my gutsays.
Steve (17:53):
Yeah, I can definitely relate to that.
I do know it is more of, if I'msending someone something
directly, it's chances are likepart of it's like either it's
time sensitive.
Like I know it won't even likematter in a couple hours.
because it's just like goingthrough the motions or it's
because of my fucked up humor orit's something like also like
sexually explicit in a fucked uphumor kind of way that also
wouldn't work where it's likeyou have to remember on social
(18:15):
media like for me at least likeI was like I have like my
parents my in laws and workpeople all these other people
following me that aren't likethe people that will like Vibe
with me like this right now.
So having to learn like that'swhere I've also learned.
And this is a great question.
Do you have a different onlinepersonality across different
platforms?
Because like I've personally onFacebook is what I will add like
(18:35):
anyone in my life, includinglike business people.
And connections and people fromchurch while like my Instagram
has become like Steve's spacewhere it's that's like my
friends and like the people thatwere like and post the funny
memes or the inappropriate stuffand not have to worry as much.
Do you switch it up betweenplatforms ever?
Jaycee (18:54):
No, I tried that back in the day when I was in the adult
film industry, I tried to be alittle more thought ish.
On Twitter.
I'm a little more refined onFacebook and that shit gets hard
to whatever.
So now I just keep them linkedtogether.
That way they post.
And if I don't want something togo on Instagram, I just click,
do not post this post.
(19:15):
And cause if I repost everythingon social media, God, I have so
many posts.
Steve (19:21):
I hear
Jaycee (19:21):
you.
Steve (19:22):
Excellent.
And if someone to follow you andfind you on social media, if
they don't already right now.
How would they do that?
Jaycee (19:29):
At official J.
C.
K.
That's O.
F.
I.
C.
I.
A.
L.
J.
A.
Y.
C.
E.
K.
Steve (19:37):
Excellent.
And any final thoughts on socialmedia and how it plays a role in
sobriety, pros and cons?
Jaycee (19:44):
Social media does not determine who the fuck you are
as a person.
And it is not part of youridentity and you have nothing to
prove to nobody.
Steve (19:52):
Love it.
Thank you so much.
It's been a pleasure as always.
And I'm sure we'll see you backon real soon.
Jaycee (19:57):
All right.
Sounds good.
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