October 22, 2025 • 19 mins
We share the one question that shifts perspective fast and helps us choose better actions in the moment. Through mornings, workouts, work boundaries, and big life choices, we show how honest answers cut stress and build agency.
• the core question that reframes thoughts and behavior
• awareness of thoughts driving feelings and anxiety
• swapping unhelpful morning scripts for simple motivators
• handling procrastination and exercise with truthful answers
• setting boundaries at work with authentic yes or no
• choosing social plans to match energy and values
• separating fear from wisdom in career moves
• applying the question to marriage and major decisions
• using honest reasons to power follow‑through
• building everyday habits from tiny helpful choices
So, as usual, come and see the video on YouTube where we have the YouTube version of the podcast, and please do write in and message us with text us with your thoughts
Of course, the podcast is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcasts
So definitely do write to us, come and see us on Instagram, wherever, wherever you want
We're here to help you
Lots of love and smiles from the English sisters
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
The one question that will change your
perspective on everything.
That's what we're gonna bechatting about in this week's
episode of Get Real With TheEnglish Systems Mind, Health and
Anxiety.
And listen to the full podcastto find out what the question
(00:22):
is.
What is that question?
Are you joking?
We'll let you know straightaway.
Straight away, yes.
Yeah, I think the very, veryimportant question you have to
ask yourself with a cheeky grin.
With a cheeky grin, yes, are yougoing to say it?
(00:43):
Is that helpful to me in thismoment, right here and right
now?
Yes.
Is that helpful to me?
So whether you're having um,whether you're thinking
something, a particular thought,imagine if you said to yourself,
well, is that helpful to me now?
So what's your answer going tobe?
(01:06):
Well, it'll either be yes or no.
Exactly.
Or maybe.
If it's maybe, then you canponder and consider the thought.
But if it's no, well, then youcan just discard it and say, I'm
gonna do something else.
I'm gonna flip it around or dodo the opposite or do something
different.
Something different to shiftyour perspective slightly.
(01:27):
Exactly.
Because there are many timesthat we have thoughts, and um
with thoughts come feelings,obviously.
Wonder and fears and anxiety andstress and and stress that comes
along with it all.
So it's like all stringtogether.
And we can have these feelingsand these thoughts, and we know
(01:51):
whether these we don't we know,we don't know.
The problem is we very often donot know because we're not aware
of how they're actually makingus feel and yet if we become
aware of them, we suddenly takea moment and we just stop and we
say, Well, what's going throughmy mind right now?
What am I saying to myself?
(02:11):
What am I actually saying tomyself?
Is this helpful?
Is this helpful?
I mean, many times I wake up ona Monday morning and I say, Oh
god, no, I do not want to getout of bed.
Is this helpful?
And I always say to myself,Well, is this helpful?
And no, it's definitely nothelpful because I know I have to
get out of bed, and I know thereis no other option for me but to
(02:36):
get out of bed, so it's muchmore helpful to think, for me to
think, oh, I'm gonna godownstairs and make myself a
delicious cup of coffee.
That's a more helpful thought,and then you can ask yourself,
is that helpful?
And it's yes, it is.
No, it is helpful.
I know that's helpful to adelicious breakfast because I'm
looking forward, I'm lookingforward to my breakfast.
(02:56):
So that's like for me, is amotivator for me to actually get
up.
So if you're screaming andshouting and thinking, oh, I've
got to rush off, I've got to dothis, and just stop a minute and
say, Is that helpful?
No, screaming and shouting.
Yeah, well, sometimes I mean howmany times does it happen that
we're in a really bad mood orwe're shouting at our partner or
(03:19):
or at ourselves, and we're justthinking, is this helpful?
No, it this will if you ask, ifyou start adopting this one
phrase, this one question, youwill notice such a difference in
your life, and a massivedifference.
Now, really and truly put itinto practice.
(03:40):
Ask yourself, is this helpful?
Whenever you're thinking aboutsomething or you're thinking
about not doing something, theother day procrastinating, you
can ask yourself, is this?
The other day, I didn't I didn'twant to go and do my exercise,
and I hadn't done any of the10,000 steps.
Yeah, you do have to do that.
And then I was I I mean, I don'tdo them every day, but I was
(04:04):
thinking, uh, I don't I don'twant to go on the treadmill, I
don't want to get off the sofa.
And then I asked myself, is thishelpful, Violetta?
And I said, No, and then I said,What would be more helpful to
you?
And it I said, Well, it'd bemore helpful if I start
imagining putting my gym clotheson, my outfit to work out in on,
(04:26):
and just going and doing it, andso then I did that, and then of
course I did my training and Ifelt great afterwards because I
always feel better aftertraining.
I think that's a that's a reallygreat thought to have, and to
think instead of saying no, Idon't want to train, to have
that thought and think I alwaysfeel better after training.
(04:47):
So that's a good thought tohave, isn't it?
Most people do feel better aftertraining, but they don't want to
train, they don't want to go andactually do the exercise.
Yeah, because they but is it youcan ask yourself once again not
to be repetitive, but this iswhat this podcast episode is
about.
Is it helpful for me not to notto do my exercise today?
(05:10):
Is it helpful?
And you might say, Yes,actually, it is helpful because
I've got a terrible migraine.
Oh, yeah, and you know, going todo my exercise is not going to
be good, so then you can say,Okay, so it's fine, I'm gonna be
just chilling, and you know, itmight take something like that.
In that case, obviously, is it'sgood, and it's helpful to listen
(05:30):
to the your body and to listento the feelings that are coming
through your body.
But a lot of the times thefeelings are just I don't want
to do it, not because I don'tfeel well.
If you don't feel well, then youit's good for you to listen to
your body and say no, okay.
I really do not want toexercise, I need to lie down and
just like what you were saying,just really relax and and and uh
(05:52):
maybe go and eat something ortake some uh medicine for it.
That's a different case, Ithink.
But the the question's stillthere, isn't it?
The question is, is doingexercise helpful?
That's a good question, evenwhen sometimes we're just
overkeen or we're overly we wetend to over we do too much, we
abuse our bodies, we abuse them,we do too much, whether it's
(06:15):
exercise or whether it's helpingother people and not taking care
of ourselves as women.
We often get into that, fallinto that trap, and you can ask
yourself, well, is it helpfulfor me to accept that invitation
today to my neighbour's housebecause I actually feel really
tired?
Is it helpful for me, or am Ijust not wanting to go because
(06:38):
can't be bothered or whatever?
I like the way you mention yourneighbour.
Well, it was an invite we had,and and and my first instinct
was to say, oh no, I don't wantto go.
But then in the end it was okay,it was nice.
They then ask yourself, is thathelpful to me?
(07:00):
I did ask myself, is it helpfulfor me to say no and to and to
say no to social occasions?
And in the end, I thought it'snot helpful for me because I
become too much of a anintrovert in the end, and then
it's just work, then it'stherapy, work, you know, it's
not it's not enough.
It's also important to seepeople in a social context.
(07:22):
So I had to say all of that tomyself while my my hubby was
just staring at me, saying, Oh,the neighbours invited us you
were going over, you know, andeven he knew the internal
dialogue like six seconds for meto think, oh, is this helpful?
Is it not helpful?
Yeah, that doesn't be fair toyour hubby, he just goes
wherever, he doesn't get ashower, he doesn't get dressed,
(07:42):
he's not bothered, you know.
You have to get out of your PJs,get dressed, put your makeup on.
Well, yeah, especially like onit was like Sunday evening, so
it takes more of an effort, yes.
Yeah, so for him it was justlike, oh, come on then, should
we just toddle over?
Just pop over for you, yeah.
But I think these thoughts outto myself, and I you're right.
(08:04):
Yeah, I mean, it's a massivedifference, I'm sure.
But I think if my husband didask himself whether his thoughts
were helpful, he would be ahappier man.
Could he?
Because I uh I tell him thesethings, but he does not fully
absorb them, even though I am atherapist, which is ironic.
It's always the same, isn't it?
(08:24):
It's the same family andfriends.
Yeah, I mean it's frustratingbecause I say, You I I know
what's going on in your head,you're repeating the same
negative thoughts, negative,because not because they're bad,
but because they're not helpfulto you.
So if you ask yourself thequestion, is this helpful to me?
I'm sure he would say no ahundred times to himself, and he
(08:48):
would that would force him tohave to make a change.
His perspective on it in theend, it's like um changing
ordinary experience.
If you really do ask yourselfthat question, it does change
things because for a start itmakes you aware that you're
looking out for your bestinterest here, and you have to
be objective, you can't justsay, Yeah, it's much better for
(09:10):
me to say no because I can't bebothered and I just want to be
in my pajamas and do the sameold, same old answer truthfully,
truthfully, yes.
The answer has to be coming froma place of truth and thinking,
well, it is good for me, forexample, in case of the the
neighbours, to to get out totalk to people that aren't my
clients and patients, and tojust see a different perspective
(09:36):
of the world, and just uh it'salso good to have uh you know
make a good relations with theneighbours.
But I mean we've known them foryears, and we know they're
lovely people and everything, soit's just to step over the
boundary, like over the hedge.
And but I have to ask myselfthose real questions, and then
you have you'll get a realanswer, and you'll know what you
(09:58):
have to do, and then it's up toyou, really.
But I mean it it's it's it's soit's so simple, and I think
often in life the most thesimplest of things are the most
effective, and they're likelittle life hacks.
When you when you know them, youcan just really apply them and
(10:18):
use them every day and likeevery moment of the day.
Like if your boss says to it,for instance, can you do this
for me?
You can quickly ask yourself, isit helpful for me to do this?
And if the answer is yes, youcan say sure.
Whereas if the answer is no, myboss has already been
overloading me with so muchstuff, and I have to really get
(10:38):
on with this.
You can maybe say, Well, I Ican't get on that yet.
Is there someone else that cando it for me because I'm doing
this?
Or you can say maybe tomorrow,but you can you can be more, you
know, you can be more authenticto yourself, whether it's just
saying yes or no, because if youjust say no and you and you
should be doing it, and it'shelpful for you because you
(11:00):
know, you know, your boss isgonna think, oh, they're really
good, they're competent, orwhatever.
Exactly, or it's gonna help yougrow in some sense, or or make
you see a different differentfacet of life into somebody
else's life, or just just seesomething different which is
good for you.
You know it's good for youbecause otherwise you wouldn't
(11:21):
say it's helpful.
I think once you answer thequestion, is it helpful?
and you answer yourself honestlyand truthfully, and you say yes,
then you've got to look into it.
And then that'll give you theanswer.
When you answer yes, that'llgive you the motivation to go
and do it.
So it will make it will empoweryou.
So it's a very powerful word.
It's a very powerful question.
(11:42):
It's a powerful questionbecause, yeah, because
ultimately you you say yes, andthen you can say yes, why?
Why?
Because it increases makes mesocialize more.
It's good to have relations withmy neighbours, it's good for me
to see other people's points ofview, see how other people live.
(12:02):
Uh, I don't know.
There's so many reasons why Ihad to say yes to myself really
quickly, and that's just about acasual infight.
There'd be many other reallyimportant decisions in my life
that I have made by askingmyself, is this helpful to me?
So many important questions,like in my marriage, I've asked
(12:24):
myself that same question aswell.
Whether, you know, when we had acrisis, I thought, is it helpful
for me to stay together?
Is this in my best interest?
Not financially, but in my life,in all of my interest.
What is the best thing?
What is it really that my heartis saying?
(12:45):
What is the best thing for me?
And that question has helped me,so it's not just a little
question about going to yourneighbour's house.
No, it's a very it can be verydeep.
It can be deep when you learn tojust you learn to listen to your
own feelings as well and askyourself, is it helpful for me?
Yes, that's what you're sayingin the relationships, whether
(13:05):
you're considering maybe adivorce or considering staying
together with someone or not,you can really say, Is this is
this helpful in the long run?
Because maybe you might be goingthrough a difficult time at the
moment, but when you look at theoverall picture, or you look to
see if the other person iswilling to adapt and change and
discuss, then you might say,Well, I think it is helpful for
(13:27):
me to stay in this situation, oror or not.
You might say, No, really, if Ithink honestly, it's not helpful
in one slightest bit.
Yeah, you'll know it because theanswer will just like blurt out.
Yeah, yeah, it's it's like aninstinctive thing.
You're you're when you askyourself this question in your
own mind, you'll find answerscome out really quickly.
(13:48):
You'd be quite surprised.
Yes, you will surprise yourself.
And I think if the answer is Idon't know, then you can explore
it.
Yeah, exactly.
Because sometimes it could be,but it can be either.
Is it like if you say no, is itis a no out of fear?
(14:09):
If you get offered a promotion,for example, and you're
frightened because you think,God, I don't know if I can take
that on.
That might be just fear.
It could be fear of the unknown.
Or it could be that in thismoment of your life you know you
really don't want to spend thatmuch time at work.
My husband refusing thatpromotion for many years.
I was thinking of it.
And he did not want to go, youknow, go further up because he
(14:31):
said, uh, if I do go further up,I know there'll be a lot, lot
more responsibility, and I'llhave to deal with problems and
difficult, difficult people.
That I am he's in IT, so hesaid, I don't really want to be
on that side of things, more onthe management side.
He said, I'm not, I'm notfeeling it.
I'm not feeling it, Violetta.
(14:51):
So I I mean I respect him.
I said, fine, you just have tobe, you know, it's important for
you to be happy.
Yeah, yeah.
He expects it wasn't out of fearthat he didn't want to grow or
he was, you know, he thought I'mnot capable of doing it.
He just didn't want all theresponsibility and the long
hours that went with it.
Exactly.
So, yes, ask yourself if it'shelpful.
(15:12):
Yeah, there may be a time inyour career where you want to
you want to wind down, you maybe wanting to start a family,
and you might be thinking,actually, I don't want to take
that promotion because if I do,they're gonna expect me to work
10 or 15 hours a day.
You might get paid.
And I might want to be thinkingabout having a baby and just
being calm and you know, cuttingdown on the hours of anything.
So yeah, and you can askyourself, is it helpful to me?
(15:36):
Is it helpful to me today orlooking slightly ahead in the
future?
Is it going to be helpful to mein the future?
There's so many, so many timesyou can ask yourself this
question for for anything,really.
Well, we've asked.
Looking a dentist appointment.
Is it helpful?
Is it helpful for us to do thispodcast, haven't we?
Many a time.
Yes, we have.
(15:56):
Many a time we've said, is ithelpful to us?
And we always say yes in theend, because when we talk to you
about things, we also it alsoreminds us to do, we take we
take on the same whatevermedicine, whatever we're talking
about, we'll actually rememberit and do it and do it more.
It's like once they say that ifyou learn something and then you
(16:19):
tell somebody else about it, itreinforces in your brain, it
like sticks to it, doesn't it?
It's the best way for you toassimilate something, yes.
So by speaking to you about it,even though we've learned this
so many years ago, but itre-refreshes things in our mind,
and and we we always put it intopractice again.
(16:41):
So we look so we we do it alongwith you.
We're gonna be asking ourselvesmore.
Even more, yes, even more.
Is this helpful to us?
Yeah, absolutely, definitelymore often because it more often
than not, it is helpful, butthere are many situations where
it really is not helpful, andthen that's when you have to
(17:01):
have your guard up and you haveto look after yourself and
think, no, no, this is nothelpful.
Doing this to go to this meetingor to meet up with my ex and
discuss this in in live.
We can just do it over thephone, you know, over a text.
We do not, I do not need tomeet, it's not helpful to me at
that moment.
(17:22):
You can say that, you know, ifit's not.
Because you can get dragged intoother people's agenda a lot as
well, where they they wantwhat's helpful to them, to them,
and it might not be helpful foryou at that moment, so you can
actually say, No, I'm sorry, butum I'm not willing to do this at
the minute.
You can put, you know, you canset up boundaries for yourself
(17:43):
as well.
It goes both ways, doesn't it?
It definitely goes both ways,but it definitely changes the
way you live your life and theperspective, it shifts your
perspective completely on how todo things, doesn't it?
Yeah, it's incredible.
Well, let us know.
It's a magic question.
It is a magic question, yeah.
But definitely use it and youwill be surprised by the
(18:07):
results.
Use it and abuse it because it'sone question that's gonna be
really good for you to really,really good for you to ask
yourself definitely uh aninspection inside your soul as
to say you will get from thisquestion, you will get your
answers.
So, as usual, come and see thevideo on YouTube where we have
(18:29):
the YouTube version of thepodcast, and please do write in
and message us with text us withyour thoughts.
Of course, the podcast isavailable on Spotify, Apple
Podcasts, wherever you get yourpodcasts.
And we do love hearing from you.
So definitely do write to us,come and see us on Instagram,
(18:50):
wherever, wherever you want.
We're here to help you.
Lots of love and smiles from theEnglish sisters.
Bye.
The one question that will change your
perspective on everything.
That's what we're gonna bechatting about in this week's
episode of Get Real With TheEnglish Systems Mind, Health and
Anxiety.
And listen to the full podcastto find out what the question
(00:22):
is.
What is that question?
Are you joking?
We'll let you know straightaway.
Straight away, yes.
Yeah, I think the very, veryimportant question you have to
ask yourself with a cheeky grin.
With a cheeky grin, yes, are yougoing to say it?
(00:43):
Is that helpful to me in thismoment, right here and right
now?
Yes.
Is that helpful to me?
So whether you're having um,whether you're thinking
something, a particular thought,imagine if you said to yourself,
well, is that helpful to me now?
So what's your answer going tobe?
(01:06):
Well, it'll either be yes or no.
Exactly.
Or maybe.
If it's maybe, then you canponder and consider the thought.
But if it's no, well, then youcan just discard it and say, I'm
gonna do something else.
I'm gonna flip it around or dodo the opposite or do something
different.
Something different to shiftyour perspective slightly.
(01:27):
Exactly.
Because there are many timesthat we have thoughts, and um
with thoughts come feelings,obviously.
Wonder and fears and anxiety andstress and and stress that comes
along with it all.
So it's like all stringtogether.
And we can have these feelingsand these thoughts, and we know
(01:51):
whether these we don't we know,we don't know.
The problem is we very often donot know because we're not aware
of how they're actually makingus feel and yet if we become
aware of them, we suddenly takea moment and we just stop and we
say, Well, what's going throughmy mind right now?
What am I saying to myself?
(02:11):
What am I actually saying tomyself?
Is this helpful?
Is this helpful?
I mean, many times I wake up ona Monday morning and I say, Oh
god, no, I do not want to getout of bed.
Is this helpful?
And I always say to myself,Well, is this helpful?
And no, it's definitely nothelpful because I know I have to
get out of bed, and I know thereis no other option for me but to
(02:36):
get out of bed, so it's muchmore helpful to think, for me to
think, oh, I'm gonna godownstairs and make myself a
delicious cup of coffee.
That's a more helpful thought,and then you can ask yourself,
is that helpful?
And it's yes, it is.
No, it is helpful.
I know that's helpful to adelicious breakfast because I'm
looking forward, I'm lookingforward to my breakfast.
(02:56):
So that's like for me, is amotivator for me to actually get
up.
So if you're screaming andshouting and thinking, oh, I've
got to rush off, I've got to dothis, and just stop a minute and
say, Is that helpful?
No, screaming and shouting.
Yeah, well, sometimes I mean howmany times does it happen that
we're in a really bad mood orwe're shouting at our partner or
(03:19):
or at ourselves, and we're justthinking, is this helpful?
No, it this will if you ask, ifyou start adopting this one
phrase, this one question, youwill notice such a difference in
your life, and a massivedifference.
Now, really and truly put itinto practice.
(03:40):
Ask yourself, is this helpful?
Whenever you're thinking aboutsomething or you're thinking
about not doing something, theother day procrastinating, you
can ask yourself, is this?
The other day, I didn't I didn'twant to go and do my exercise,
and I hadn't done any of the10,000 steps.
Yeah, you do have to do that.
And then I was I I mean, I don'tdo them every day, but I was
(04:04):
thinking, uh, I don't I don'twant to go on the treadmill, I
don't want to get off the sofa.
And then I asked myself, is thishelpful, Violetta?
And I said, No, and then I said,What would be more helpful to
you?
And it I said, Well, it'd bemore helpful if I start
imagining putting my gym clotheson, my outfit to work out in on,
(04:26):
and just going and doing it, andso then I did that, and then of
course I did my training and Ifelt great afterwards because I
always feel better aftertraining.
I think that's a that's a reallygreat thought to have, and to
think instead of saying no, Idon't want to train, to have
that thought and think I alwaysfeel better after training.
(04:47):
So that's a good thought tohave, isn't it?
Most people do feel better aftertraining, but they don't want to
train, they don't want to go andactually do the exercise.
Yeah, because they but is it youcan ask yourself once again not
to be repetitive, but this iswhat this podcast episode is
about.
Is it helpful for me not to notto do my exercise today?
(05:10):
Is it helpful?
And you might say, Yes,actually, it is helpful because
I've got a terrible migraine.
Oh, yeah, and you know, going todo my exercise is not going to
be good, so then you can say,Okay, so it's fine, I'm gonna be
just chilling, and you know, itmight take something like that.
In that case, obviously, is it'sgood, and it's helpful to listen
(05:30):
to the your body and to listento the feelings that are coming
through your body.
But a lot of the times thefeelings are just I don't want
to do it, not because I don'tfeel well.
If you don't feel well, then youit's good for you to listen to
your body and say no, okay.
I really do not want toexercise, I need to lie down and
just like what you were saying,just really relax and and and uh
(05:52):
maybe go and eat something ortake some uh medicine for it.
That's a different case, Ithink.
But the the question's stillthere, isn't it?
The question is, is doingexercise helpful?
That's a good question, evenwhen sometimes we're just
overkeen or we're overly we wetend to over we do too much, we
abuse our bodies, we abuse them,we do too much, whether it's
(06:15):
exercise or whether it's helpingother people and not taking care
of ourselves as women.
We often get into that, fallinto that trap, and you can ask
yourself, well, is it helpfulfor me to accept that invitation
today to my neighbour's housebecause I actually feel really
tired?
Is it helpful for me, or am Ijust not wanting to go because
(06:38):
can't be bothered or whatever?
I like the way you mention yourneighbour.
Well, it was an invite we had,and and and my first instinct
was to say, oh no, I don't wantto go.
But then in the end it was okay,it was nice.
They then ask yourself, is thathelpful to me?
(07:00):
I did ask myself, is it helpfulfor me to say no and to and to
say no to social occasions?
And in the end, I thought it'snot helpful for me because I
become too much of a anintrovert in the end, and then
it's just work, then it'stherapy, work, you know, it's
not it's not enough.
It's also important to seepeople in a social context.
(07:22):
So I had to say all of that tomyself while my my hubby was
just staring at me, saying, Oh,the neighbours invited us you
were going over, you know, andeven he knew the internal
dialogue like six seconds for meto think, oh, is this helpful?
Is it not helpful?
Yeah, that doesn't be fair toyour hubby, he just goes
wherever, he doesn't get ashower, he doesn't get dressed,
(07:42):
he's not bothered, you know.
You have to get out of your PJs,get dressed, put your makeup on.
Well, yeah, especially like onit was like Sunday evening, so
it takes more of an effort, yes.
Yeah, so for him it was justlike, oh, come on then, should
we just toddle over?
Just pop over for you, yeah.
But I think these thoughts outto myself, and I you're right.
(08:04):
Yeah, I mean, it's a massivedifference, I'm sure.
But I think if my husband didask himself whether his thoughts
were helpful, he would be ahappier man.
Could he?
Because I uh I tell him thesethings, but he does not fully
absorb them, even though I am atherapist, which is ironic.
It's always the same, isn't it?
(08:24):
It's the same family andfriends.
Yeah, I mean it's frustratingbecause I say, You I I know
what's going on in your head,you're repeating the same
negative thoughts, negative,because not because they're bad,
but because they're not helpfulto you.
So if you ask yourself thequestion, is this helpful to me?
I'm sure he would say no ahundred times to himself, and he
(08:48):
would that would force him tohave to make a change.
His perspective on it in theend, it's like um changing
ordinary experience.
If you really do ask yourselfthat question, it does change
things because for a start itmakes you aware that you're
looking out for your bestinterest here, and you have to
be objective, you can't justsay, Yeah, it's much better for
(09:10):
me to say no because I can't bebothered and I just want to be
in my pajamas and do the sameold, same old answer truthfully,
truthfully, yes.
The answer has to be coming froma place of truth and thinking,
well, it is good for me, forexample, in case of the the
neighbours, to to get out totalk to people that aren't my
clients and patients, and tojust see a different perspective
(09:36):
of the world, and just uh it'salso good to have uh you know
make a good relations with theneighbours.
But I mean we've known them foryears, and we know they're
lovely people and everything, soit's just to step over the
boundary, like over the hedge.
And but I have to ask myselfthose real questions, and then
you have you'll get a realanswer, and you'll know what you
(09:58):
have to do, and then it's up toyou, really.
But I mean it it's it's it's soit's so simple, and I think
often in life the most thesimplest of things are the most
effective, and they're likelittle life hacks.
When you when you know them, youcan just really apply them and
(10:18):
use them every day and likeevery moment of the day.
Like if your boss says to it,for instance, can you do this
for me?
You can quickly ask yourself, isit helpful for me to do this?
And if the answer is yes, youcan say sure.
Whereas if the answer is no, myboss has already been
overloading me with so muchstuff, and I have to really get
(10:38):
on with this.
You can maybe say, Well, I Ican't get on that yet.
Is there someone else that cando it for me because I'm doing
this?
Or you can say maybe tomorrow,but you can you can be more, you
know, you can be more authenticto yourself, whether it's just
saying yes or no, because if youjust say no and you and you
should be doing it, and it'shelpful for you because you
(11:00):
know, you know, your boss isgonna think, oh, they're really
good, they're competent, orwhatever.
Exactly, or it's gonna help yougrow in some sense, or or make
you see a different differentfacet of life into somebody
else's life, or just just seesomething different which is
good for you.
You know it's good for youbecause otherwise you wouldn't
(11:21):
say it's helpful.
I think once you answer thequestion, is it helpful?
and you answer yourself honestlyand truthfully, and you say yes,
then you've got to look into it.
And then that'll give you theanswer.
When you answer yes, that'llgive you the motivation to go
and do it.
So it will make it will empoweryou.
So it's a very powerful word.
It's a very powerful question.
(11:42):
It's a powerful questionbecause, yeah, because
ultimately you you say yes, andthen you can say yes, why?
Why?
Because it increases makes mesocialize more.
It's good to have relations withmy neighbours, it's good for me
to see other people's points ofview, see how other people live.
(12:02):
Uh, I don't know.
There's so many reasons why Ihad to say yes to myself really
quickly, and that's just about acasual infight.
There'd be many other reallyimportant decisions in my life
that I have made by askingmyself, is this helpful to me?
So many important questions,like in my marriage, I've asked
(12:24):
myself that same question aswell.
Whether, you know, when we had acrisis, I thought, is it helpful
for me to stay together?
Is this in my best interest?
Not financially, but in my life,in all of my interest.
What is the best thing?
What is it really that my heartis saying?
(12:45):
What is the best thing for me?
And that question has helped me,so it's not just a little
question about going to yourneighbour's house.
No, it's a very it can be verydeep.
It can be deep when you learn tojust you learn to listen to your
own feelings as well and askyourself, is it helpful for me?
Yes, that's what you're sayingin the relationships, whether
(13:05):
you're considering maybe adivorce or considering staying
together with someone or not,you can really say, Is this is
this helpful in the long run?
Because maybe you might be goingthrough a difficult time at the
moment, but when you look at theoverall picture, or you look to
see if the other person iswilling to adapt and change and
discuss, then you might say,Well, I think it is helpful for
(13:27):
me to stay in this situation, oror or not.
You might say, No, really, if Ithink honestly, it's not helpful
in one slightest bit.
Yeah, you'll know it because theanswer will just like blurt out.
Yeah, yeah, it's it's like aninstinctive thing.
You're you're when you askyourself this question in your
own mind, you'll find answerscome out really quickly.
(13:48):
You'd be quite surprised.
Yes, you will surprise yourself.
And I think if the answer is Idon't know, then you can explore
it.
Yeah, exactly.
Because sometimes it could be,but it can be either.
Is it like if you say no, is itis a no out of fear?
(14:09):
If you get offered a promotion,for example, and you're
frightened because you think,God, I don't know if I can take
that on.
That might be just fear.
It could be fear of the unknown.
Or it could be that in thismoment of your life you know you
really don't want to spend thatmuch time at work.
My husband refusing thatpromotion for many years.
I was thinking of it.
And he did not want to go, youknow, go further up because he
(14:31):
said, uh, if I do go further up,I know there'll be a lot, lot
more responsibility, and I'llhave to deal with problems and
difficult, difficult people.
That I am he's in IT, so hesaid, I don't really want to be
on that side of things, more onthe management side.
He said, I'm not, I'm notfeeling it.
I'm not feeling it, Violetta.
(14:51):
So I I mean I respect him.
I said, fine, you just have tobe, you know, it's important for
you to be happy.
Yeah, yeah.
He expects it wasn't out of fearthat he didn't want to grow or
he was, you know, he thought I'mnot capable of doing it.
He just didn't want all theresponsibility and the long
hours that went with it.
Exactly.
So, yes, ask yourself if it'shelpful.
(15:12):
Yeah, there may be a time inyour career where you want to
you want to wind down, you maybe wanting to start a family,
and you might be thinking,actually, I don't want to take
that promotion because if I do,they're gonna expect me to work
10 or 15 hours a day.
You might get paid.
And I might want to be thinkingabout having a baby and just
being calm and you know, cuttingdown on the hours of anything.
So yeah, and you can askyourself, is it helpful to me?
(15:36):
Is it helpful to me today orlooking slightly ahead in the
future?
Is it going to be helpful to mein the future?
There's so many, so many timesyou can ask yourself this
question for for anything,really.
Well, we've asked.
Looking a dentist appointment.
Is it helpful?
Is it helpful for us to do thispodcast, haven't we?
Many a time.
Yes, we have.
(15:56):
Many a time we've said, is ithelpful to us?
And we always say yes in theend, because when we talk to you
about things, we also it alsoreminds us to do, we take we
take on the same whatevermedicine, whatever we're talking
about, we'll actually rememberit and do it and do it more.
It's like once they say that ifyou learn something and then you
(16:19):
tell somebody else about it, itreinforces in your brain, it
like sticks to it, doesn't it?
It's the best way for you toassimilate something, yes.
So by speaking to you about it,even though we've learned this
so many years ago, but itre-refreshes things in our mind,
and and we we always put it intopractice again.
(16:41):
So we look so we we do it alongwith you.
We're gonna be asking ourselvesmore.
Even more, yes, even more.
Is this helpful to us?
Yeah, absolutely, definitelymore often because it more often
than not, it is helpful, butthere are many situations where
it really is not helpful, andthen that's when you have to
(17:01):
have your guard up and you haveto look after yourself and
think, no, no, this is nothelpful.
Doing this to go to this meetingor to meet up with my ex and
discuss this in in live.
We can just do it over thephone, you know, over a text.
We do not, I do not need tomeet, it's not helpful to me at
that moment.
(17:22):
You can say that, you know, ifit's not.
Because you can get dragged intoother people's agenda a lot as
well, where they they wantwhat's helpful to them, to them,
and it might not be helpful foryou at that moment, so you can
actually say, No, I'm sorry, butum I'm not willing to do this at
the minute.
You can put, you know, you canset up boundaries for yourself
(17:43):
as well.
It goes both ways, doesn't it?
It definitely goes both ways,but it definitely changes the
way you live your life and theperspective, it shifts your
perspective completely on how todo things, doesn't it?
Yeah, it's incredible.
Well, let us know.
It's a magic question.
It is a magic question, yeah.
But definitely use it and youwill be surprised by the
(18:07):
results.
Use it and abuse it because it'sone question that's gonna be
really good for you to really,really good for you to ask
yourself definitely uh aninspection inside your soul as
to say you will get from thisquestion, you will get your
answers.
So, as usual, come and see thevideo on YouTube where we have
(18:29):
the YouTube version of thepodcast, and please do write in
and message us with text us withyour thoughts.
Of course, the podcast isavailable on Spotify, Apple
Podcasts, wherever you get yourpodcasts.
And we do love hearing from you.
So definitely do write to us,come and see us on Instagram,
(18:50):
wherever, wherever you want.
We're here to help you.
Lots of love and smiles from theEnglish sisters.
Bye.
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