July 23, 2025 • 26 mins
Your voice holds an astonishing amount of untapped power. In this fascinating exploration, we reveal how conscious voice modulation can transform your relationships, professional authority, and even your emotional well-being.
Most people never realize they're walking around with a magical tool they rarely use to its full potential. We dive into the psychology behind why speaking slower and deeper commands more attention than raising your volume. Remember that parent shouting "Hurry up!" while being completely ignored? We share the vocal technique that gets immediate results without the stress.
The emotional dimension of voice is equally compelling. Through personal stories, we reveal how a simple "hello" with the right tonality completely transformed a disconnected breakfast interaction, and how looking someone in the eye while speaking with intention creates profound emotional resonance. We also explore the fascinating phenomenon of personality shifts when switching languages – why do we become more vivacious, musical, or serious when speaking in a non-native tongue?
Drawing from our background as hypnotherapists, we share professional insights on voice training that initially shocked our family members ("Stop using your training on us!") but ultimately led to more effective communication. For anyone struggling to be heard at work, school, or in personal relationships, we offer practical techniques to develop vocal presence that commands respect without aggression.
Whether you're looking to speak with more authority, create deeper connections with loved ones, or even use your voice to self-regulate anxiety, this episode provides actionable insights into the remarkable instrument you carry everywhere. Your voice isn't just for communication – it's a powerful tool for transformation.
How will you use your voice for positive change? Come share your thoughts with us on social media, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Self-expression, healing and also authority when
you need it.
Yeah, I think a lot of thetimes, we don't realise that our
voice can actually be utilisedas a tool and we can use our
voice in a way such as tocommand respect, to convey so
(00:23):
many other things.
I think we all instinctivelyknow this, but we forget it.
To command respect, to conveyso many other things.
I think we all instinctivelyknow this, but we forget it.
We forget it and we can trainour voices, as we have as
hypnotherapists, to get the bestout of them Exactly so.
Listen to this week's episodeof Get Real with the English
Sisters Mind, health and anxiety.
(00:46):
The pauses are just asimportant, aren't they as the
voice.
You're absolutely right.
Do you remember when we firstheard Back in the Day?
We first heard Back in the Day,the first that heard our voices
on those cassettes we used torecord.
(01:06):
Do you remember we used torecord our voices for revision?
Really, you never did that.
No, I can't remember.
Oh yeah when we, when you, ohyeah in the 80s, oh yeah, we're
talking like 90s.
I said back in the day.
Back in the day was definitelyright.
When we were little, yes, whenwe were.
I was 13, 14.
Yes, oh gosh, yeah, oh God, Iused to hate the sound of my
(01:27):
voice.
Do you remember when we used tohave to press a button and when
you used to hear it, you'dcringe.
Is that what we sound like?
Yeah, isn't it funny that noneof, basically we can't hear
ourselves?
99% of people will not like thesound of their voices when they
can hear it played back.
So if you watch a video orsomething, oh no, why?
(01:49):
Why?
I don't like the sound of myvoice.
Isn't it funny when, yet, wecan hear it, but it sounds
different to us when we'respeaking.
I know it's weird, isn't it?
It is weird.
Yeah, that's what happens, wedon't?
I remember when, in the year2000, that our family was
videoing everybody and what areyour memories and everything.
(02:12):
And I remember here when I usedto watch myself back and I
think, oh, I was so.
I used to cringe when I heardmy voice.
Used to cringe so much I usedto.
I mean, I love my voice, I'm soused to hearing it, you're so
used to, because, with thepodcast and all the videos and
everything we do as englishsisters, I still don't like my
(02:33):
voice when I hear myselfspeaking italian, not italian,
because I think, gosh, I've gotsuch a bad accent.
I'm very, I'm very likecritical.
I never want to be recordedwhen I'm speaking.
A finger accent, no, no, justthe sound of my voice in Italian
.
Is it higher?
No, it's not higher, it's morehigh pitched.
(02:53):
Is it more high pitched?
Probably?
I remember when we first had ourlittle ones, I didn't want to
speak to them in English, Iwanted to speak to them in
Italian because it was more likelovey-dovey La.
I wanted to speak to them inItalian because it was more like
lovey-dovey La, la, la, la, la.
Yes, italian Musical.
Yeah, it is musical, isn't it?
Bella di mamma, quanto seibello, oh mio, oh mio, si, si,
(03:13):
it's got all these lovely, itdoes, and there's lots of E, the
I sounds at the end of it, soit creates this kind of
musicality.
Yeah, but I think we all have alot of power in our voice and a
lot of power that we do notrealize.
(03:35):
It's kind of like a hiddenmagical source.
I think that if we learn how touse our voice, we can really
put emphasis on what we want toobtain, and it's amazing how
people will listen to you.
I think that's one of the firstlessons I learned yes, the
(03:58):
slower you speak, the morepeople listen.
Not only the slower, but it'salso the tone, intonation, the
intonation, so your voice goes abit deeper than normal.
So do you think like, if you'renot, if you, if you find that
people don't listen to you much,do you think it's worth like it
(04:18):
, like going and taking a voicecoaching?
Yes, yes, I do, but I think, ifyou don't want to take a voice
coaching course, yes, I do, butI think if you don't want to
take a voice coaching course,because it might sound like it's
a bit much or it's aninvestment which would be a good
investment, I think that, evenif you just become consciously
aware of your voice, do youremember as mothers as well?
(04:42):
I remember the first time Iwould, I would would like be
shouting and thinking, my gosh,I'm shouting and I'm not getting
the results I want, like, hurryup, come on, let's not be late.
And then, once when Iremembered we started studying
NLP, I suddenly realised I hadwhat I had to do instead of
(05:03):
shouting is to actually lower myvoice.
I remember that and I did it.
And I remember saying come on,but no, no, not even like.
That sounds really high pitchnow, but I I don't know how I
said it, but I remember thesetwo little ones.
They just turned around and itworked and I thought, gosh, it's
(05:25):
working.
Why is it working?
It's working because the deeperyou go, even if you're a lady,
it doesn't matter, but you canstill use your voice.
The deeper you go, the more itsounds calming, I think, and the
more it sort of came off as acommand almost, but soothing, a
soothing command.
You must do this now.
(05:48):
Don't make me laugh, it's not.
You must do this now.
It's like, instead of well,even that you know, like you say
, in a voice that does notconvey command, you must do this
now.
I mean that does, and now sayit with a voice that you like.
You must do this now.
(06:09):
Exactly what you've actuallydone is that you've lowered your
voice on the word now.
So that means the word that youlower your voice on.
It's not lowering your voice,it's the tone of voice, the tone
You've deepened your voice.
Yes, that's correct, you'veactually deep.
(06:29):
You must do this now.
So the now you've gone downwith a good little look.
Yes, definitely, and I think, ifwe all learn to use our voice
as a tool.
Well, I think, if you use yourvoice like that and you're
looking someone in the eye, it'sa very powerful and emotional
(06:52):
and healing.
It is A tool as well, isn't itVery healing?
Imagine if you're talking toyour loved ones or your children
and you're actually giving themthat eye contact and not
necessarily telling them to dosomething.
But even if you say I love youso much and you actually look at
them and, you know, hug them,it's a different thing to say
you know how much I love you.
(07:13):
Yeah, oh, I love you.
You know, I think, when, whenyou hear that kind of sing song
voice, even like when you know,like when you pick up the phone
and they say, hello, this is, uh, there are motors speaking to
you and you can hear that kindof sales pitch voice, it sounds
false, doesn't?
It does sound false and youthink, oh, I'm not even going to
(07:33):
be listened to.
But I think if they took apause and they said, hello, you
know it's.
Well, I mean, don't laugh at menow, you know what I mean, but
I have to explain it, of course.
Yeah, so it's not like thiskind of voice.
They all sound the same, don'tthey, they do.
(07:56):
And also, I think, if you'respeaking I mean people in
authority if you notice theyspeak a lot slower, they have
deeper voices, they're a lotcalmer, they're not all frenetic
and you know, it's like as ifalmost as if they're thinking
before they're speaking.
So they're calibrating theirwords, they're looking at what
(08:17):
words to use, what's what'sgoing to convey the message
across, importantly, yes, andwhether you deserve importance
as well.
Yeah, that is very true.
And in the meeting, you'll findthat if you have four or five
people there, they'll sort oflean in to listen to what the
next word's going to be, asopposed to just like switching
(08:40):
off when you're in some kind ofa monologue, in some kind of a
talk, when you're telling themthings, that you can say the
same things, but with differenttones, exactly With different
tonalities in your voice.
If you think of it like amusical instrument and you're
just banging away the guitarstrings or just banging on the
(09:02):
piano, whereas instead you'reactually carefully plucking the
strings, carefully thinkingabout making this sound like a
melody, something that somebodywould want to listen to,
something worthwhile.
Something worthwhile,definitely, something worth your
time, yes, otherwise you justturn off.
(09:25):
It's like those robot voices,like if I ever hear this hate
those, yeah, on youtube and Ijust hear a description, I just
oh, it just doesn't.
I just don't like it.
No, makes me feel anxious.
Yes, in the future they'llprobably get a lot better at
that.
They will get better.
(09:46):
Ai will get a lot better atthat.
That's another discussion forthem, and they already have.
They have to, yes, but that's adifferent thing.
Yes, but do you think you canyou have like more persuasive
powers?
Then, if you know how to useyour voice, we know you
(10:07):
definitely have persuasivepowers.
I can see, even in my ownpersonal relationship with my
husband, how I used to speakbefore I knew all this and how I
speak now.
I can see.
I definitely.
I mean just like the other daywe were at breakfast and he was
(10:27):
reading the news on his phoneand all I had to say to him and
all I had to say to him, all Ihad to say was I just said we
were both eating breakfast.
Over it, I said hello, hello,and then he put his phone down
and, and, and then he heconnected with me, eye to eye
(10:49):
and I almost got emotional.
And he got emotional.
He said oh, sorry, and it wasjust one word.
I just said hello and I meantI'm here.
Why are we having breakfasttogether?
This used to be our moment forconnection.
And now he says, no, I'm justreading the paper.
But he's reading it on hisphone.
(11:09):
He says I'm just reading thepaper.
I don't get much timeafterwards.
But I thought, yeah, but wheream I now?
You know, before we would becommunicating, yeah, we would be
talking about something.
So, even just one word, and andI have learned to lower my
voice a lot with him, especiallywhen it's something that is
(11:32):
really important to me and Ifind that when I don't use that,
no, it doesn't work, it justdoesn't, it just doesn't go in.
So if I want to tell, he alwayssays oh wow, you do tell a good
story.
Is that like if we watch a filmand he falls asleep?
(11:52):
So I'll say tell me what thestory would tell me how it ended
.
Then I'll tell him and and and.
If I just tell him in a boringvoice, he doesn't like it.
I see he switches off.
But then if I tell him in aninteresting voice, there's a big
difference.
Well, that's like when you tellyour children's stories, isn't
it?
When you're reading a story, ifyou read it in a really boring,
monotonous voice, who's likewhen you tell your children's
stories, isn't it?
(12:12):
When you're reading a story, ifyou read it in a really boring,
monotonous voice, who's gonna?
Like?
You were saying you were at theum the lawyers the other day
and they were just reading outthe contract, oh yeah, in a
really monotonous voice, andeverybody switched off because
you just can't, your brain can'tabsorb the words.
It's all the same tonality,completely.
It's like as if they'd hadpauses and shifts and then
(12:33):
you're legally binded to obeyand sign this contract.
You think, hey, wait a minute.
Oh, hang on a minute.
What's going on?
Yeah, instead of just you'relegally binding to obey and sign
.
It's a bit like the news, theway they broadcast the news.
You know, that's kind of that,that kind of same voice.
They don't, they don't say, youknow they don't exaggerate too
(12:57):
much with their voices, no, it's, they would convey too much
pain, otherwise they wouldprobably get too involved,
emotional themselves.
Because how can you not, youknow, if you say, and there were
two people killed last night,you know they just.
And then, and then last nighton that area there were two
(13:18):
people who were shot and killed,and then they go on to the next
news and it's all like very.
I think you're right.
You know, that is also a way ofbeing kind of neutral and
they're taught from it.
They're taught to speak thatway.
But, um, imagine if they, theytold it like well, first of all,
(13:38):
it would be far too much forall of us.
Yes, I mean, some of them do dothat when they try, when it's
like clickbait, don't they?
Yes, but I mean you do that tohook you in and, yes, make it
sensational.
Yes, yes, yes, there's a kindof I'm talking about like world
news.
You know, not just thesensational news, yeah, but the
(14:01):
world news, unfortunately, hasbecome very.
It has.
Have you noticed how we'regetting really monotone, are we?
No, I have not noticed it.
We were.
We were getting really monotoneas we were talking about the
world news.
The interesting and curiousthing about your voice is that
you can really use it to to healyourself as well.
(14:22):
If you're feeling very anxious,you can just speak to yourself
very in calming, soothing tones,right, they're going to soothe
you a lot.
You can have an inner dialoguethat's calm, or just speak to
yourself.
You know when people talk tothemselves, they may hear them
talking.
Yeah, all the time, expletivesand all sorts, yes, yes, yes.
(14:44):
If you just changed an expletive, for instance, and you said
whatever it was, you're going tosay in a really calm, low-toned
voice yes, it's going to changeit instead of you're not going
to feel the same way.
It's not going to give you thatimpact.
No, especially if you're yousay it really slowly as well,
(15:06):
yeah, it'll probably just makeyou laugh or you just just you
make you disassociate it with it.
What are you thinking of?
No, I, I was not thinking of aword in particular.
What are you trying to get meto say a word?
Now, I know, because I was justthinking.
If you're thinking of a word inyour head, if you are listening
and you're thinking, oh, youknow, yes, f off, or whatever,
(15:30):
you say it really slowly, yeah,in a really low tone, right,
yeah, like in slow motion, it'snot gonna have the same effect
on your brain, is it?
No, and it's gonna slow youdown, it's gonna force yourself.
You will be slowed down by itand by slowed down, then you'll
(15:53):
be calmed, then you'll probablytake a deep breath and then
you'll feel calmer and you'llfeel less anxious.
Definitely, we have this littletoolbox that we forget about,
and it's in our voice.
It is, and it's a voice thatother people can hear and it
(16:14):
gives off so many unconsciousmessages that we're not aware of
Just the way we'recommunicating with other people.
We're just simply not aware ofit.
No, and have you noticed howbecause we did languages as well
have you noticed how, when youspeak a different language,
personality changes completely?
Not completely, but very, Imean definitely quite a lot?
(16:38):
Yeah, I mean like, once again,if I speak italian, I suddenly
become more vivacious, like whatyou said, my voice may be
louder, more frivolous.
Frivolous, well, it depends onthe subject, but maybe, I don't
know, yeah, frivolous, what doesthat mean?
(16:58):
No, I don't know what are yousaying.
Frivolous, more like easygoing,carefree, because it's not your
own language.
Oh right, yeah, never thoughtthat light-hearted, not really.
No, do you become the opposite,more serious?
Maybe because, yeah, I, I don'tknow how I become?
(17:20):
No, I don't think so.
No, you're right, it probably,probably is more frivolous.
Think about it.
Next, I'd have to think ofspeak.
Yeah, it makes you laugh whenyou speak italian, some words
make me laugh a lot becausethey're really cute, like some
words I obsess about that arereally funny, like spiffero.
Every time I hear that word,you know, spiffero, it just
(17:42):
sounds it's a gust of wind.
Yes, it's really funny to me,but I don't know if other people
find it funny.
It's just the sound of somewords are really cute.
In Italian it sounds comical,doesn't it?
Yes, to me it does, but there'slots of sounds that are very
musical in Italian.
They're different, but itsounds a bit like figaro,
(18:05):
doesn't it?
Spiffero, figaro, figaro.
They can.
Changing the language you'respeaking if you do have that
ability does definitely changeyou.
Yeah, it does change yourpersonality.
So it makes you think why?
Why is it?
Because you learned thatlanguage when you were in.
(18:27):
Obviously, I learned Italianwhen I came here on holiday.
So what goes on?
What's a background?
Yes, holiday, even though nowI've been living here for 40
years, the same as you, almost40 years, so it's not really a
holiday.
We still do feel it's like aholiday, don't we feel very
(18:47):
blessed?
Very blessed because of thegood weather?
Yes, I think it's also because,yes, coming from being born in
the uk and london, we certainlyfeel that the weather has a
massive impact on how weperceive that the our lives, I
(19:10):
think.
Also, I think when you speakItalian, your personality does
change a little bit and yourvoice tone changes a lot.
Mine used to be a lot higherbefore I studied hypnotherapy.
I had a very high pitched voicecompared to now.
I remember that you used to say, oh my gosh, how am I going to
(19:30):
use my voice?
And you had to sort of learnhow to use it.
I did have to learn yeah, Imean, I did as well, not just
you, but you had a naturallyhigher voice.
We studied conversationalhypnosis, which means we do
therapy while just using ourvoices.
If you like, you can go andlisten to one of our recordings
(19:51):
on YouTube, our meditations orsleep hypnosis and you'll notice
that before we did this, beforewe trained our voices to speak
like this, there was a periodwhere our family members would
be really horrified.
They would be annoyed what?
That's?
Not your voice, speak normally.
(20:11):
They would say to us Stopspeaking like that.
You're training, you're usingyour training on us.
I remember especially yourhusband when we went on a
holiday once.
He was saying you're both doingit.
Now You're training.
In a way, we were training.
We were training on the go.
Yes, we were training and wewere learning all our new skills
(20:33):
and we were putting them intopractice.
But maybe it made them feel alittle bit uneasy because before
they were used to us being allla, la, la, la la and all high
pitched yes, and then they feltthat we had a certain kind of
authority and they thought itwasn't.
It was destabilizing for them.
It was very destabilizing andit wasn't real.
They thought why are you fakingit?
(20:54):
You're like faking thisdifferent voice.
We weren't faking that, were we?
No, it was just the voice thatcame out naturally when we were
learning, after learning.
But I remember once, at theairport, I remember your husband
was saying no, this is just toofake.
Talk like yourselves now.
This is not how you both talk.
(21:14):
What is it?
And we were thinking isn't thishow we talk it?
Because the more you practice,the more it becomes an
unconscious competence.
And so there you thereforethink that's how I talk becomes
part of you, because how youtalk is is you, is you yes?
And when you're a baby and youstart learning language, you
(21:37):
model both parents or thecaretakers around you.
That doesn't mean that that'show you naturally talk.
That's how you were taught.
That's how you learned how totalk.
So if your mother perhaps had avery high pitch voice and very
anxious and talk very fast, yes,exactly, you will model it.
Or you might have, you mighthave had a parent or a caregiver
(22:00):
.
That was very calming, yes, andyou speak very calm and
monotone maybe, and when you'retalking to people you don't
convey enthusiasm.
So people think are you okay?
That's very common.
Are you feeling tired?
Are you lethargic today?
What's going on?
Are you all right?
That's so common.
(22:21):
You think when they say, how wasyour holiday?
Oh, it was lovely, thank you.
You think, really, was itlovely?
That's even quite exciting.
Yeah, the way you said it,because for me I put a lot of
emphasis.
I was like, oh, it waswonderful, no, but I mean the
(22:43):
way you said, oh, it was lovely,thank you.
That's already quite a lot ofemphasis.
Yes, I find it difficult notdifficult to be monotone.
Yes, yes, and more.
It would be probably lovelythanks, yeah.
That that to me conveys, evenif you're smiling and you
weren't smiling, no.
But if you say lovely thanks,yeah, and you put a little fake
smile, yeah, it sounds like itwasn't lovely to me, but maybe
(23:05):
it was.
Maybe you were brought up in afamily that didn't really use
either their hands or didn't useexpression much, and their
tones of voice were very um,were very um, like monotone,
(23:26):
like very, very quiet as well.
Sometimes you have that whenyou you learn to talk like your
mother and your father andthey're like whispering, so they
have.
You know, you may find that youhave difficulty in conveying
your ideas.
For example, even at work,people have difficulty listening
to you.
You've got to, you've got tothink about that, because that
can make a big impact on yourlife.
Yeah, and all you have to do islike, go on on youtube or
(23:49):
something and just look at a few.
There's even free videos, isn'tthere?
There's so many of them of howto train your voice to be more
confident, exactly yes, and howto use.
I'm also thinking of, like youknow, when you phone a doctor up
or something because you have,maybe you have to phone a
specialist or something, andthey answer, yes, how can I help
you?
Okay, yes, yes, yes, yes, okay,one minute, please, and and
(24:13):
they're so you can actually feelthe anxiety.
They just want to put the phonedown, goodness, and it doesn't
give you confidence, it doesn'tmake you feel good.
Afterwards you think, oh, was Ibothering them?
You know I shouldn't.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Whereas if someone says hello,yeah, how can I help?
And then they pause and thenthey give you the time to speak
(24:37):
and I can understand that.
Perhaps a lot of healthprofessionals are saying, yes,
this is it's easy for you to say, but if you have to answer, I
think if health, you know, we'veworked with a lot of yes, we
have.
When we train them, theyrealize that using the power of
their voice, even if they haveto speed things up, but it still
makes the patient feel listenedto.
(24:59):
Yes, yes, yes, there'sdefinitely ways of using your
voice in all kind of kinds ofwork.
You know, no matter who you are, whether you're you're still at
school, and you can use yourvoice to convey your ideas and
even speak to authority membersin a way that demands respect.
(25:24):
You can use it in any kind ofcontext.
Yeah, so how are you going to beusing your voice for change, to
make you feel better, calmer,less anxious?
Let us know, send us a text.
I was gonna say, send us avoice message.
I was gonna say that that'll be, that will be harder, but
(25:48):
whatever, uh, just come and sayhi on social media, on our
podcast episode, whether it'sapple podcast, spotify or
youtube.
Come and see us.
Come and say hi.
Lots of love and smiles fromthe english sister.
Bye for now, bye.
Self-expression, healing and also authority when
you need it.
Yeah, I think a lot of thetimes, we don't realise that our
voice can actually be utilisedas a tool and we can use our
voice in a way such as tocommand respect, to convey so
(00:23):
many other things.
I think we all instinctivelyknow this, but we forget it.
To command respect, to conveyso many other things.
I think we all instinctivelyknow this, but we forget it.
We forget it and we can trainour voices, as we have as
hypnotherapists, to get the bestout of them Exactly so.
Listen to this week's episodeof Get Real with the English
Sisters Mind, health and anxiety.
(00:46):
The pauses are just asimportant, aren't they as the
voice.
You're absolutely right.
Do you remember when we firstheard Back in the Day?
We first heard Back in the Day,the first that heard our voices
on those cassettes we used torecord.
(01:06):
Do you remember we used torecord our voices for revision?
Really, you never did that.
No, I can't remember.
Oh yeah when we, when you, ohyeah in the 80s, oh yeah, we're
talking like 90s.
I said back in the day.
Back in the day was definitelyright.
When we were little, yes, whenwe were.
I was 13, 14.
Yes, oh gosh, yeah, oh God, Iused to hate the sound of my
(01:27):
voice.
Do you remember when we used tohave to press a button and when
you used to hear it, you'dcringe.
Is that what we sound like?
Yeah, isn't it funny that noneof, basically we can't hear
ourselves?
99% of people will not like thesound of their voices when they
can hear it played back.
So if you watch a video orsomething, oh no, why?
(01:49):
Why?
I don't like the sound of myvoice.
Isn't it funny when, yet, wecan hear it, but it sounds
different to us when we'respeaking.
I know it's weird, isn't it?
It is weird.
Yeah, that's what happens, wedon't?
I remember when, in the year2000, that our family was
videoing everybody and what areyour memories and everything.
(02:12):
And I remember here when I usedto watch myself back and I
think, oh, I was so.
I used to cringe when I heardmy voice.
Used to cringe so much I usedto.
I mean, I love my voice, I'm soused to hearing it, you're so
used to, because, with thepodcast and all the videos and
everything we do as englishsisters, I still don't like my
(02:33):
voice when I hear myselfspeaking italian, not italian,
because I think, gosh, I've gotsuch a bad accent.
I'm very, I'm very likecritical.
I never want to be recordedwhen I'm speaking.
A finger accent, no, no, justthe sound of my voice in Italian
.
Is it higher?
No, it's not higher, it's morehigh pitched.
(02:53):
Is it more high pitched?
Probably?
I remember when we first had ourlittle ones, I didn't want to
speak to them in English, Iwanted to speak to them in
Italian because it was more likelovey-dovey La.
I wanted to speak to them inItalian because it was more like
lovey-dovey La, la, la, la, la.
Yes, italian Musical.
Yeah, it is musical, isn't it?
Bella di mamma, quanto seibello, oh mio, oh mio, si, si,
(03:13):
it's got all these lovely, itdoes, and there's lots of E, the
I sounds at the end of it, soit creates this kind of
musicality.
Yeah, but I think we all have alot of power in our voice and a
lot of power that we do notrealize.
(03:35):
It's kind of like a hiddenmagical source.
I think that if we learn how touse our voice, we can really
put emphasis on what we want toobtain, and it's amazing how
people will listen to you.
I think that's one of the firstlessons I learned yes, the
(03:58):
slower you speak, the morepeople listen.
Not only the slower, but it'salso the tone, intonation, the
intonation, so your voice goes abit deeper than normal.
So do you think like, if you'renot, if you, if you find that
people don't listen to you much,do you think it's worth like it
(04:18):
, like going and taking a voicecoaching?
Yes, yes, I do, but I think, ifyou don't want to take a voice
coaching course, yes, I do, butI think if you don't want to
take a voice coaching course,because it might sound like it's
a bit much or it's aninvestment which would be a good
investment, I think that, evenif you just become consciously
aware of your voice, do youremember as mothers as well?
(04:42):
I remember the first time Iwould, I would would like be
shouting and thinking, my gosh,I'm shouting and I'm not getting
the results I want, like, hurryup, come on, let's not be late.
And then, once when Iremembered we started studying
NLP, I suddenly realised I hadwhat I had to do instead of
(05:03):
shouting is to actually lower myvoice.
I remember that and I did it.
And I remember saying come on,but no, no, not even like.
That sounds really high pitchnow, but I I don't know how I
said it, but I remember thesetwo little ones.
They just turned around and itworked and I thought, gosh, it's
(05:25):
working.
Why is it working?
It's working because the deeperyou go, even if you're a lady,
it doesn't matter, but you canstill use your voice.
The deeper you go, the more itsounds calming, I think, and the
more it sort of came off as acommand almost, but soothing, a
soothing command.
You must do this now.
(05:48):
Don't make me laugh, it's not.
You must do this now.
It's like, instead of well,even that you know, like you say
, in a voice that does notconvey command, you must do this
now.
I mean that does, and now sayit with a voice that you like.
You must do this now.
(06:09):
Exactly what you've actuallydone is that you've lowered your
voice on the word now.
So that means the word that youlower your voice on.
It's not lowering your voice,it's the tone of voice, the tone
You've deepened your voice.
Yes, that's correct, you'veactually deep.
(06:29):
You must do this now.
So the now you've gone downwith a good little look.
Yes, definitely, and I think, ifwe all learn to use our voice
as a tool.
Well, I think, if you use yourvoice like that and you're
looking someone in the eye, it'sa very powerful and emotional
(06:52):
and healing.
It is A tool as well, isn't itVery healing?
Imagine if you're talking toyour loved ones or your children
and you're actually giving themthat eye contact and not
necessarily telling them to dosomething.
But even if you say I love youso much and you actually look at
them and, you know, hug them,it's a different thing to say
you know how much I love you.
(07:13):
Yeah, oh, I love you.
You know, I think, when, whenyou hear that kind of sing song
voice, even like when you know,like when you pick up the phone
and they say, hello, this is, uh, there are motors speaking to
you and you can hear that kindof sales pitch voice, it sounds
false, doesn't?
It does sound false and youthink, oh, I'm not even going to
(07:33):
be listened to.
But I think if they took apause and they said, hello, you
know it's.
Well, I mean, don't laugh at menow, you know what I mean, but
I have to explain it, of course.
Yeah, so it's not like thiskind of voice.
They all sound the same, don'tthey, they do.
(07:56):
And also, I think, if you'respeaking I mean people in
authority if you notice theyspeak a lot slower, they have
deeper voices, they're a lotcalmer, they're not all frenetic
and you know, it's like as ifalmost as if they're thinking
before they're speaking.
So they're calibrating theirwords, they're looking at what
(08:17):
words to use, what's what'sgoing to convey the message
across, importantly, yes, andwhether you deserve importance
as well.
Yeah, that is very true.
And in the meeting, you'll findthat if you have four or five
people there, they'll sort oflean in to listen to what the
next word's going to be, asopposed to just like switching
(08:40):
off when you're in some kind ofa monologue, in some kind of a
talk, when you're telling themthings, that you can say the
same things, but with differenttones, exactly With different
tonalities in your voice.
If you think of it like amusical instrument and you're
just banging away the guitarstrings or just banging on the
(09:02):
piano, whereas instead you'reactually carefully plucking the
strings, carefully thinkingabout making this sound like a
melody, something that somebodywould want to listen to,
something worthwhile.
Something worthwhile,definitely, something worth your
time, yes, otherwise you justturn off.
(09:25):
It's like those robot voices,like if I ever hear this hate
those, yeah, on youtube and Ijust hear a description, I just
oh, it just doesn't.
I just don't like it.
No, makes me feel anxious.
Yes, in the future they'llprobably get a lot better at
that.
They will get better.
(09:46):
Ai will get a lot better atthat.
That's another discussion forthem, and they already have.
They have to, yes, but that's adifferent thing.
Yes, but do you think you canyou have like more persuasive
powers?
Then, if you know how to useyour voice, we know you
(10:07):
definitely have persuasivepowers.
I can see, even in my ownpersonal relationship with my
husband, how I used to speakbefore I knew all this and how I
speak now.
I can see.
I definitely.
I mean just like the other daywe were at breakfast and he was
(10:27):
reading the news on his phoneand all I had to say to him and
all I had to say to him, all Ihad to say was I just said we
were both eating breakfast.
Over it, I said hello, hello,and then he put his phone down
and, and, and then he heconnected with me, eye to eye
(10:49):
and I almost got emotional.
And he got emotional.
He said oh, sorry, and it wasjust one word.
I just said hello and I meantI'm here.
Why are we having breakfasttogether?
This used to be our moment forconnection.
And now he says, no, I'm justreading the paper.
But he's reading it on hisphone.
(11:09):
He says I'm just reading thepaper.
I don't get much timeafterwards.
But I thought, yeah, but wheream I now?
You know, before we would becommunicating, yeah, we would be
talking about something.
So, even just one word, and andI have learned to lower my
voice a lot with him, especiallywhen it's something that is
(11:32):
really important to me and Ifind that when I don't use that,
no, it doesn't work, it justdoesn't, it just doesn't go in.
So if I want to tell, he alwayssays oh wow, you do tell a good
story.
Is that like if we watch a filmand he falls asleep?
(11:52):
So I'll say tell me what thestory would tell me how it ended
.
Then I'll tell him and and and.
If I just tell him in a boringvoice, he doesn't like it.
I see he switches off.
But then if I tell him in aninteresting voice, there's a big
difference.
Well, that's like when you tellyour children's stories, isn't
it?
When you're reading a story, ifyou read it in a really boring,
monotonous voice, who's likewhen you tell your children's
stories, isn't it?
(12:12):
When you're reading a story, ifyou read it in a really boring,
monotonous voice, who's gonna?
Like?
You were saying you were at theum the lawyers the other day
and they were just reading outthe contract, oh yeah, in a
really monotonous voice, andeverybody switched off because
you just can't, your brain can'tabsorb the words.
It's all the same tonality,completely.
It's like as if they'd hadpauses and shifts and then
(12:33):
you're legally binded to obeyand sign this contract.
You think, hey, wait a minute.
Oh, hang on a minute.
What's going on?
Yeah, instead of just you'relegally binding to obey and sign
.
It's a bit like the news, theway they broadcast the news.
You know, that's kind of that,that kind of same voice.
They don't, they don't say, youknow they don't exaggerate too
(12:57):
much with their voices, no, it's, they would convey too much
pain, otherwise they wouldprobably get too involved,
emotional themselves.
Because how can you not, youknow, if you say, and there were
two people killed last night,you know they just.
And then, and then last nighton that area there were two
(13:18):
people who were shot and killed,and then they go on to the next
news and it's all like very.
I think you're right.
You know, that is also a way ofbeing kind of neutral and
they're taught from it.
They're taught to speak thatway.
But, um, imagine if they, theytold it like well, first of all,
(13:38):
it would be far too much forall of us.
Yes, I mean, some of them do dothat when they try, when it's
like clickbait, don't they?
Yes, but I mean you do that tohook you in and, yes, make it
sensational.
Yes, yes, yes, there's a kindof I'm talking about like world
news.
You know, not just thesensational news, yeah, but the
(14:01):
world news, unfortunately, hasbecome very.
It has.
Have you noticed how we'regetting really monotone, are we?
No, I have not noticed it.
We were.
We were getting really monotoneas we were talking about the
world news.
The interesting and curiousthing about your voice is that
you can really use it to to healyourself as well.
(14:22):
If you're feeling very anxious,you can just speak to yourself
very in calming, soothing tones,right, they're going to soothe
you a lot.
You can have an inner dialoguethat's calm, or just speak to
yourself.
You know when people talk tothemselves, they may hear them
talking.
Yeah, all the time, expletivesand all sorts, yes, yes, yes.
(14:44):
If you just changed an expletive, for instance, and you said
whatever it was, you're going tosay in a really calm, low-toned
voice yes, it's going to changeit instead of you're not going
to feel the same way.
It's not going to give you thatimpact.
No, especially if you're yousay it really slowly as well,
(15:06):
yeah, it'll probably just makeyou laugh or you just just you
make you disassociate it with it.
What are you thinking of?
No, I, I was not thinking of aword in particular.
What are you trying to get meto say a word?
Now, I know, because I was justthinking.
If you're thinking of a word inyour head, if you are listening
and you're thinking, oh, youknow, yes, f off, or whatever,
(15:30):
you say it really slowly, yeah,in a really low tone, right,
yeah, like in slow motion, it'snot gonna have the same effect
on your brain, is it?
No, and it's gonna slow youdown, it's gonna force yourself.
You will be slowed down by itand by slowed down, then you'll
(15:53):
be calmed, then you'll probablytake a deep breath and then
you'll feel calmer and you'llfeel less anxious.
Definitely, we have this littletoolbox that we forget about,
and it's in our voice.
It is, and it's a voice thatother people can hear and it
(16:14):
gives off so many unconsciousmessages that we're not aware of
Just the way we'recommunicating with other people.
We're just simply not aware ofit.
No, and have you noticed howbecause we did languages as well
have you noticed how, when youspeak a different language,
personality changes completely?
Not completely, but very, Imean definitely quite a lot?
(16:38):
Yeah, I mean like, once again,if I speak italian, I suddenly
become more vivacious, like whatyou said, my voice may be
louder, more frivolous.
Frivolous, well, it depends onthe subject, but maybe, I don't
know, yeah, frivolous, what doesthat mean?
(16:58):
No, I don't know what are yousaying.
Frivolous, more like easygoing,carefree, because it's not your
own language.
Oh right, yeah, never thoughtthat light-hearted, not really.
No, do you become the opposite,more serious?
Maybe because, yeah, I, I don'tknow how I become?
(17:20):
No, I don't think so.
No, you're right, it probably,probably is more frivolous.
Think about it.
Next, I'd have to think ofspeak.
Yeah, it makes you laugh whenyou speak italian, some words
make me laugh a lot becausethey're really cute, like some
words I obsess about that arereally funny, like spiffero.
Every time I hear that word,you know, spiffero, it just
(17:42):
sounds it's a gust of wind.
Yes, it's really funny to me,but I don't know if other people
find it funny.
It's just the sound of somewords are really cute.
In Italian it sounds comical,doesn't it?
Yes, to me it does, but there'slots of sounds that are very
musical in Italian.
They're different, but itsounds a bit like figaro,
(18:05):
doesn't it?
Spiffero, figaro, figaro.
They can.
Changing the language you'respeaking if you do have that
ability does definitely changeyou.
Yeah, it does change yourpersonality.
So it makes you think why?
Why is it?
Because you learned thatlanguage when you were in.
(18:27):
Obviously, I learned Italianwhen I came here on holiday.
So what goes on?
What's a background?
Yes, holiday, even though nowI've been living here for 40
years, the same as you, almost40 years, so it's not really a
holiday.
We still do feel it's like aholiday, don't we feel very
(18:47):
blessed?
Very blessed because of thegood weather?
Yes, I think it's also because,yes, coming from being born in
the uk and london, we certainlyfeel that the weather has a
massive impact on how weperceive that the our lives, I
(19:10):
think.
Also, I think when you speakItalian, your personality does
change a little bit and yourvoice tone changes a lot.
Mine used to be a lot higherbefore I studied hypnotherapy.
I had a very high pitched voicecompared to now.
I remember that you used to say, oh my gosh, how am I going to
(19:30):
use my voice?
And you had to sort of learnhow to use it.
I did have to learn yeah, Imean, I did as well, not just
you, but you had a naturallyhigher voice.
We studied conversationalhypnosis, which means we do
therapy while just using ourvoices.
If you like, you can go andlisten to one of our recordings
(19:51):
on YouTube, our meditations orsleep hypnosis and you'll notice
that before we did this, beforewe trained our voices to speak
like this, there was a periodwhere our family members would
be really horrified.
They would be annoyed what?
That's?
Not your voice, speak normally.
(20:11):
They would say to us Stopspeaking like that.
You're training, you're usingyour training on us.
I remember especially yourhusband when we went on a
holiday once.
He was saying you're both doingit.
Now You're training.
In a way, we were training.
We were training on the go.
Yes, we were training and wewere learning all our new skills
(20:33):
and we were putting them intopractice.
But maybe it made them feel alittle bit uneasy because before
they were used to us being allla, la, la, la la and all high
pitched yes, and then they feltthat we had a certain kind of
authority and they thought itwasn't.
It was destabilizing for them.
It was very destabilizing andit wasn't real.
They thought why are you fakingit?
(20:54):
You're like faking thisdifferent voice.
We weren't faking that, were we?
No, it was just the voice thatcame out naturally when we were
learning, after learning.
But I remember once, at theairport, I remember your husband
was saying no, this is just toofake.
Talk like yourselves now.
This is not how you both talk.
(21:14):
What is it?
And we were thinking isn't thishow we talk it?
Because the more you practice,the more it becomes an
unconscious competence.
And so there you thereforethink that's how I talk becomes
part of you, because how youtalk is is you, is you yes?
And when you're a baby and youstart learning language, you
(21:37):
model both parents or thecaretakers around you.
That doesn't mean that that'show you naturally talk.
That's how you were taught.
That's how you learned how totalk.
So if your mother perhaps had avery high pitch voice and very
anxious and talk very fast, yes,exactly, you will model it.
Or you might have, you mighthave had a parent or a caregiver
(22:00):
.
That was very calming, yes, andyou speak very calm and
monotone maybe, and when you'retalking to people you don't
convey enthusiasm.
So people think are you okay?
That's very common.
Are you feeling tired?
Are you lethargic today?
What's going on?
Are you all right?
That's so common.
(22:21):
You think when they say, how wasyour holiday?
Oh, it was lovely, thank you.
You think, really, was itlovely?
That's even quite exciting.
Yeah, the way you said it,because for me I put a lot of
emphasis.
I was like, oh, it waswonderful, no, but I mean the
(22:43):
way you said, oh, it was lovely,thank you.
That's already quite a lot ofemphasis.
Yes, I find it difficult notdifficult to be monotone.
Yes, yes, and more.
It would be probably lovelythanks, yeah.
That that to me conveys, evenif you're smiling and you
weren't smiling, no.
But if you say lovely thanks,yeah, and you put a little fake
smile, yeah, it sounds like itwasn't lovely to me, but maybe
(23:05):
it was.
Maybe you were brought up in afamily that didn't really use
either their hands or didn't useexpression much, and their
tones of voice were very um,were very um, like monotone,
(23:26):
like very, very quiet as well.
Sometimes you have that whenyou you learn to talk like your
mother and your father andthey're like whispering, so they
have.
You know, you may find that youhave difficulty in conveying
your ideas.
For example, even at work,people have difficulty listening
to you.
You've got to, you've got tothink about that, because that
can make a big impact on yourlife.
Yeah, and all you have to do islike, go on on youtube or
(23:49):
something and just look at a few.
There's even free videos, isn'tthere?
There's so many of them of howto train your voice to be more
confident, exactly yes, and howto use.
I'm also thinking of, like youknow, when you phone a doctor up
or something because you have,maybe you have to phone a
specialist or something, andthey answer, yes, how can I help
you?
Okay, yes, yes, yes, yes, okay,one minute, please, and and
(24:13):
they're so you can actually feelthe anxiety.
They just want to put the phonedown, goodness, and it doesn't
give you confidence, it doesn'tmake you feel good.
Afterwards you think, oh, was Ibothering them?
You know I shouldn't.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Whereas if someone says hello,yeah, how can I help?
And then they pause and thenthey give you the time to speak
(24:37):
and I can understand that.
Perhaps a lot of healthprofessionals are saying, yes,
this is it's easy for you to say, but if you have to answer, I
think if health, you know, we'veworked with a lot of yes, we
have.
When we train them, theyrealize that using the power of
their voice, even if they haveto speed things up, but it still
makes the patient feel listenedto.
(24:59):
Yes, yes, yes, there'sdefinitely ways of using your
voice in all kind of kinds ofwork.
You know, no matter who you are, whether you're you're still at
school, and you can use yourvoice to convey your ideas and
even speak to authority membersin a way that demands respect.
(25:24):
You can use it in any kind ofcontext.
Yeah, so how are you going to beusing your voice for change, to
make you feel better, calmer,less anxious?
Let us know, send us a text.
I was gonna say, send us avoice message.
I was gonna say that that'll be, that will be harder, but
(25:48):
whatever, uh, just come and sayhi on social media, on our
podcast episode, whether it'sapple podcast, spotify or
youtube.
Come and see us.
Come and say hi.
Lots of love and smiles fromthe english sister.
Bye for now, bye.
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