December 10, 2025 • 25 mins
What if the real difference between burnout and breakthrough is the story you tell yourself about who you are? We open up about the identity of persistence we’ve built over years, why it helped us keep going, how it sometimes misled us, and the simple ways we test whether to push forward or change course. No hustle clichés here, just grounded tools, candid stories, and a few laughs as we sort out what “not giving up” actually looks like in a human life.
We unpack the myth of overnight success and trade it for timelines that match reality. Think renovation, not magic: permissions, setbacks, delays, and unexpected costs. Still, meaning compounds. Therapy sessions, podcasts, and videos left us with a sense of service even when public milestones lagged. We share the small wins that kept us moving, those comments and emails that said, this helped and show how tiny steps turn into evidence for self-belief. You’ll hear our tulip metaphor in full: buy the bulbs, plant them now, and let time work; waiting for chance is not a strategy.
We also face the tender stuff: family needs, creative detours, and fertility struggles that demanded patience and perspective. The turning point came when we stopped living only for the outcome and started protecting the quality of today. That shift didn’t kill ambition; it made it sustainable. You’ll get practical questions to guide your next move: Does this align with my values? Does it make me feel useful and alive? Is my resistance about skill or fit? If it’s skill, learn; if it’s misfit, pivot. By the end, you’ll have a kinder, sharper framework for resilience that holds both effort and timing.
If this conversation helps, share it with a friend who’s at a crossroads. Subscribe for more honest episodes, leave a review to help others find the show, and tell us: what tiny step will you take today?
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Giving up.
When's it time to give up?
When should you throw in thetowel?
Or when should you staypersistent and resilient?
That's what we're going to bechatting about in this week's
episode of Get Real with theEnglish system.
Hi, welcome.
Welcome, welcome.
(00:22):
I mean, we have thought aboutgiving up a lot of times,
haven't we?
But never seriously.
Never seriously, no, no,absolutely not.
Because I think it's because Iin my head I've got this mantra
where I say to myself, I'm thekind of person that doesn't give
up on things.
Yeah.
(00:42):
I have that belief.
And I've had it through years ofhaving of struggles, of of
having things happen to me thatI thought, no, I'm not giving
up.
And so I really do have a strongbelief, uh sort of an identity
about myself that I've formedover the years.
That you don't give up.
(01:03):
I don't give up.
I I tell myself I'm that kind ofperson that doesn't give up,
even though sometimes I mightthink I should give up on
things.
Yeah, I think there's a fineline between being that kind of
person that's like either yougive up because you feel as if
you you can't make it when youreally could, and if you had the
(01:25):
right help, you would be able togo forwards.
And the and when you and whenyou just give up because you
think, well, that's it, and youjust think that well, I'm not, I
can't, you know, it's notworking, I'm gonna give up.
I think there's a fine linebetween the two.
Yeah, sometimes I think it'slike stupid continuing.
Yeah, but I do, I kind of do,and unless it's so obvious that
(01:50):
it's not going to be for mebecause instinctively I feel
it's wrong.
But if somebody said like theidea of the English is to just
give it up, I know him, I wouldbe like full of, I would say no
with my whole heart.
I'd say no, I believe in this.
Yeah, uh I remember when myhusband said it like about 10
years ago, he said, No, justcome and work with me full-time.
(02:11):
I really need you, you know,you'll be a great uh source and
come into the family business.
And I thought, look, I I can doboth, yeah.
But I I I felt in all my heart,it's not just because it's you,
and obviously I love you somuch, it's not it's not just
because of that, it's because wehad this idea, we had this dream
(02:32):
of slowly in our minds we couldhelp people, really.
Yeah, and I really didn't wantto give up on that.
No, and it hasn't been easy, ithasn't gone as we predicted, has
it?
It's definitely not been thiskind of thing, oh wow, you know,
this myth of overnight success.
No, it's been a long haul,hasn't it?
(02:53):
It's been so long and and andand hard, and and and there have
been so many steps to overcome.
Yeah.
But I think the fact that keepsus going as well is that when we
are the English sisters and wedo do our therapy, we do do our
podcasts or our videos.
We always, even though it'shard, because like what you say,
(03:15):
we've got families, we've gotthings we're doing, but it
always leaves us with something,doesn't it?
It always has that feel-goodthing afterwards that we've done
that.
It's something that's worthdoing.
That I was listening, forinstance, like this morning, I
was listening to Kevin Hart onthe uh Diary of the CEO podcast,
and he was saying that when hegot his first laugh from the
(03:38):
audience, he just he said, I gotaddicted to that because he said
I just felt as if I was being ofservice to someone, to somebody,
to some people.
He said, When people left mycomedy act, they were they felt
better, they were felt happier.
So he said that that that's hesaid it was really hard for him
as well.
But he said that's what kept himgoing, the the that first laugh.
(04:01):
And I and he wasn't an overnightsuccess either, because I
remember reading his story, andit took him a long time to
actually get to where he is.
I think a lot of people it'staken them a long time, and
they're put then afterwardspeople think it's an overnight
success.
Yeah, there is this myth, isn'tthere?
You know, the overnight, oh hewas just a big star, or she was.
What really is behind it?
(04:22):
Probably starts when they'rethree, sort of building up on
the dream, you know.
I think things that are worth ittake effort and time, and that's
another belief that I have thatI believe it to be true.
Things that are worth it do takea long time and they take
effort.
They do take effort.
(04:43):
You don't expect to live in abeautiful house, and if you're
building it, you don't expectthe constructor to just say, Oh,
here it is, it's ready.
Like in two weeks, you expect alot longer than what they said.
Like a couple of years.
Yeah, and normally you think,okay, the project, and then when
you read the papers, you think,oh yeah, and then he comes the
builder says, uh, and thenthere's a problem, and then
(05:04):
there's another problem,especially when you're
renovating.
You need more money, you needmore permissions, you need, and
at the end of it, it could itprobably takes at least three
years longer than what youexpected, but then the
satisfaction.
Well, I think it can make orbreak you because I used to
watch those house programs wherethey would put the do they they
(05:25):
would do their own build.
Oh, yeah, you usually actuallyend up separating couples, not a
lot of them, some of them.
Well, not so the struggle sohard on them as a couple, it
will there was so manysacrifices, and I think maybe if
one of them wasn't so keen onthe idea, yeah.
I think if you're both reallykeen on the idea, then it's
(05:48):
easier.
Well, that's like keen on it.
We're both keen on it.
Oh god, I mean, but we're wewe're still trying to monetize
our YouTube channel, which we'vebeen going, it's been like 15
years we've been on YouTube.
Yeah, at least 13.
I haven't counted, but we've gotover 1,500 videos or something,
(06:13):
and we still haven't got thewatch hours.
No, so I mean So sometimes youthink, What is it worth it?
Even putting these videos up,uploading, you know, getting the
video, but in the end, you justthink if it helps, we get some
comments that say this helpedme, I liked it.
Yeah, so you think, well.
Well, it's like when we wroteour first book.
I remember thinking, look, evenif just one person reads it,
(06:36):
even just one person, or justfor my kids, this could really
help them.
It wasn't like this big egothinking, oh, so many people are
gonna read it, and they haven't.
No, but one person in specificwrote to us and said that it
changed his life.
Yeah, I know, so it was amazing,worth it.
Yeah, yeah, he changed, and thenanother person wrote saying that
(06:57):
they were at an actual um aninstructor or something, they
were teaching uh mental healthor something.
In the hospital, in thehospital, yeah.
She was a doctor, and she saidthat that she would read our
stories, yeah.
And she said she actually putone in her office.
Oh, I forgot about that.
Yeah, so yeah, so I've forgottenabout that.
But these little gems that wecut that people give us, we
(07:20):
think, yeah, it's worth it.
Small little successes, I thinkyou have to focus on, don't you?
It's not all that it's not allthat glamour.
Because then in the end, whenyou do get all that glamour, and
then you think, was it evenworth it?
Then you usually get theanticlimax, don't you?
It's the gem.
Well, that's what we've heard,because we haven't got all that
glamour yet.
(07:40):
I mean, you see it, I've seen itin films and that, and they
think, well, is this it?
I mean, well, I guess it's kindof like when we first got an
editor to publish our book.
It was amazing.
We were jumping up for joy, andyay, yeah, yay.
And the joy lasts for a while,but then it's just back down to
normal.
Yeah.
Then it's about getting the bookdistributed and blah blah.
(08:02):
You know, it's a nitty-grittythings, isn't it?
It is.
But thankfully, we didn't haveto do because we had an editor
and we didn't have toself-publish.
Yeah.
But I know it's even harder whenyou have to self-publish.
It is.
We were just really lucky.
We were that we had a connectionand he helped us and we made it.
Well, they saw, they saw us,they saw we had an online
(08:22):
presence.
They said, Oh, yeah.
There, that that's where thevideos could have tied in
because we had an onlinepresence.
They had faith in us.
Yeah.
So it's all the things that youmight do in the background that
you think, are they worth it?
That I uh afterwards they add upto your so it's all those solid
tiny steps along with a goodsound belief in yourself.
(08:46):
And I think the re the way youcan build that belief, if you
say, I don't have that belief,because I'm somebody that's
always given up on everything.
Yeah, well, I think a goodpractice would be to just
accomplish one small thing everyday and then to form a larger
belief.
So today I'm going to go and dothat, no matter how small it is,
(09:10):
something that I want to do.
If I want tulips in my garden,what do I have to do?
I have to go and buy the bulbs,don't I?
Or order them.
So do that first step, and thenby the end of the day, you'll
look back and think, Well, I didthat.
I ordered the bulbs.
But you could be really luckyand have like your neighbour had
(09:31):
tulips, and the little birdbrought the seed over, the
little bulb over, and to plantit right in your flower bed.
Well, that's happened to mebefore.
I mean, yes, that can happen.
But that's the otherperspective, isn't it?
Of people that always wait forthings to happen.
Yes.
And they sometimes they dohappen.
Sometimes very rare.
(09:52):
It's it's quite rare.
It's much, you've much more of achance of getting tulips in your
garden if you go and buy thebulbs.
Well, if you want real, I mean,if you want lots of tulips, you
want to have a like a lovelytulip bed in spring, somebody
you can say, oh wow, look atthat.
You you're gonna need bulbs,aren't you?
Yes.
Unless you're you know, you'regonna need bulbs.
You're happy with the yardtulip.
(10:13):
Yes.
Okay.
And the great metaphor about thebulbs is that they will come
back every year.
So this is for you to thinkabout to say, if I buy that
first bulb or somebody I I getit gifted to me, the first
bulbs, then afterwards I amliterally planting the bulbs and
(10:34):
the roots for my success, and Iwill reap them for many years to
come for my future.
So it's that first step, nomatter what it is, for you to
take, for then for you to lookback in the evening and say,
Well, I did that, hey.
So maybe I'm not that kind ofperson that does give up.
(10:54):
Maybe I can do small thingstowards my success, towards what
I plan to get.
Yeah, and sometimes that whatyou said, it's not all black and
white.
Sometimes you do have to step insomewhere else.
So you might have to step in foryour family or for your partner,
or you might have to get anotherjob on the side, or you might
yeah, but we're not justnecessarily talking about work,
it could be that you want youryour dream was like to study and
(11:18):
to go back to university.
You might be slightly older andyou missed you know, university
when you're in your early 20s,and you might be thinking, Oh,
I'm dirty now, I would reallylike to do that course.
But it's too late, it'sexpensive, or I you know, it's
too late.
But you can find ways.
There's so many ways where youcan start like edging towards it
and putting little footsteps into get to where you want to go.
(11:41):
So you might find a course atyour local college or something,
or a course online that's free.
There are there are lots of themwhere you can start like you
know, dipping your toes into it,start seeing if you actually
like it, and then allow thepassion for it to sort of lead
you because if you likesomething, then it becomes so
(12:02):
much more easier for you to wantto learn more about it.
But you have to actually allowyourself to see those tulips
blossom.
You have to you have to takethat first step, and it's about
tiny, tiny little steps towardsthat road, towards success,
towards success, yeah.
(12:22):
And then you can quantifysuccess how you like because um
I mean we could look about andsay, Well, we weren't successful
because we didn't get to be likewe had offers for a television
and Netflix program at one time,it never happened in it.
Never happened, no, COVID camealong, we don't know what
happened.
We could say, Well, we didn't,you know, we didn't kind of make
it, but we we consider ourselvessuccessful and we pat ourselves
(12:47):
on the back for every littlesuccess that we've had, and then
who knows?
You know, we might not we mightnot if we're nice and soft, we
might not have even liked beingon I don't know because like
we're used to working on our ownand doing our own things, yeah.
In the end, there's always apositive to everything you look
at in life, isn't there?
If you want to, if you want tofind it, there always is.
(13:08):
There is because it it is it isabout you know just
understanding that your life isprecious, really.
So I mean I remember thinking,okay, yeah, we get put on
Netflix.
What happens to the family?
What happens to our system thatwe have now?
The kids were still quite young.
(13:30):
Yeah what do we do?
We get we we go somewhere to tofilm this thing, then what if
it's they try and somehow changeus?
Because they were already kindof suggesting to change us,
weren't they?
They wanted to change our name,they wanted us to be more uh
like hypnotic and dazzling.
(13:52):
Yes, because of the fact that wewe do hypnosis and we're women,
we're quite we're we are quiterare, we were rare in those
days.
Um like it was like it was fiveor six years ago, wasn't it?
Probably now, yeah.
Probably, yeah.
And I remember thinking all ofthose things, thinking, well,
other things, things are gonnachange.
(14:14):
And and I don't know what'sgonna happen because change can
also be scary, it can be good aswell.
It can be good, yeah.
I mean, if it happened, we wouldhave changed.
Oh, we were super delighted wewould manage to try and organise
stuff.
Yes, but at the same time, youdo think, okay, there are lots
of things going on.
Maybe it wasn't the right timein our lives.
(14:34):
Maybe not.
No, whereas now we have adults,yeah, adult children.
Now is time.
Now is the good time.
So if we wanted to sendsomething out to the universe,
we could say now is a greattime.
Now is a because we're freer.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm still prettybusiness, uh busy in the family
business because that's anotherpart of it, but um I'm probably
(14:56):
gonna hopefully get freer andfreer.
Yeah, and having more time forthat.
Definitely make time for that.
It's just about taking smallsteps sometimes.
It's about getting prioritiesright, isn't it?
Yeah, about not giving up.
I mean, I remember when I wasyou so young and I wanted
children, and then we sufferedfrom infertility as a couple, me
(15:18):
and my partner and my husband.
And I remember just thinking, ohwell, you know, this is horrible
being devastated at thebeginning because the news of
infertility is devastating,especially if you really feel
like you want to have a baby.
But then it's so difficult, andI saw you have your baby, and
(15:39):
just oh, the longing for thatcute baby, and just to be a
mother, and I couldn't.
And I remember thinking, I justI just continued through it, and
I thought, hey, this issomething I know I'm not giving
up on.
I remember thinking, I'm notgiving up.
But do you remember I also saidto you, you're wasting the best
years of your life worryingabout it?
(16:00):
Yeah, so just give up on theworry.
Give up on the worry, carry ondoing what you're doing, all the
fertility treatments, but justremember today is today, and
today's gonna be a good day, andyou're gonna enjoy it.
That was not gonna spend and itjust clicked with you, didn't
it?
It clicked, you just I I'dobviously reached about four
years of infertility treatment,injections, everything, fever,
(16:22):
I've yet we tried it all, and Iremember just thinking when you
said that to me, you said yousaid Jutka, you are you are 26
years old.
Goodness me, you're in your 20s.
Just remember that and rememberto enjoy the day.
Remember to just say, hey, youknow, it's not about checking
(16:42):
your cycle and saying, Oh, ohno, my periods come again.
Oh no, you know, it's aboutenjoying the time in between,
and it clicked because I thoughtof that so many times, but
sometimes it just clicks.
Thank goodness it clicked.
Yeah, that day it clicked.
That day it clicked, you poorthing, yeah.
(17:03):
That day it clicked, and Ithought because I saw you
suffering so much, and Ithought, yes, you know, do all
the fertility treatments, butreally, you know, just enjoy
your life as well.
And then also, I mean, they tellyou that when you're more
relaxed, you'll get pregnant,and when you're in when you're
in it, you think that's not trueand it's rubbish.
And how can it be all for peopleto say that because why do
(17:24):
people say that to me?
That how can I be doing that tomyself by being tense?
But the truth is that we're ourbrains are chemical uh labs as
we know now, and we do producehormones and feel good hormones
and relaxed hormones that dofacilitate all these things, and
now that we're older, we canlook back on and think, yeah,
that was true.
(17:45):
And what happened when yourelaxed?
When I when I decided to give upon all the treatments, and I
decided to adopt because Ithought this is my last
treatment, I'm giving up on itnow, and the adoption process
was so hard as well.
Goodness me, talk about notgiving up on that either.
We managed to get through all ofthat, and then I got pregnant,
(18:07):
just when I was about to adopt,I got pregnant, and so yeah.
I mean, this is a classicalstory that's so frustrating when
you're going through the IVF andeverything, and then a lady
comes to you and she says, justrelax.
Yeah, you know, I think you'dwant to slap her in the word,
you would, you would.
I just I don't I don't expect ifyou're going through this, I
don't expect any of you to sayno that relaxing is good.
(18:31):
Also because they told me it wasactually, you know, my husband's
problem.
They said he has extremely lowsperm count.
This is not gonna work.
So I mean, I thought, what'srelaxing gonna help?
Yeah, how can relaxing help?
This is a technical problem.
Exactly.
So don't talk to me aboutrelaxing.
I was so infuriated by it.
(18:52):
And yet somehow, somehow I don'tknow.
It's just been chance, butanyway, whether whether it's
think, if you just think of yourlife as you know, if you just
live mindfully and in the day,you know, you don't want to be
looking back 10 years on andthinking, I I spent the last 10
years of my life worrying aboutgetting pregnant.
(19:12):
And no, unfortunately for somepeople it never does, it doesn't
happen.
And you know, maybe it wasn't itwasn't meant to be for you, or
maybe it wasn't frustrating aswell, because you can say it was
meant to be for it was meant tobe, but like I mean like our
aunt, she could she never backin the day you couldn't get you
didn't have all these fertilitytreatments we have now, and she
(19:34):
never had children.
She always bought it.
Well, you don't have theresources because they're so
expensive.
I mean, this is a horrifyingstory, but in the end, she never
had children, but in the end, itturned out that her husband was
a paedophile.
So Yeah, that's terrible.
Goodness.
I mean, there you would say thatthe universe put it on her poor
woman not to have children.
(19:55):
But she used to say to us, I amso grateful I never had my own
children.
Because when I've discoveredthis, I I've been in the house.
Did she actually say that?
She told our cousins.
Oh, she told her.
She said, uh, it was the bestthing in the world not to have
our own kids.
She said, I couldn't.
It it was horrible.
I mean, she left him in the end.
(20:16):
They couldn't, they couldn'tseparate because uh they didn't
have the financial means, butthey lived separately in their
own houses.
She wouldn't talk to him oranything.
It was horrifying for her, itwas absolutely horrifying.
Yeah, it's so creepy, isn't it?
I remember how nice he was to uswhen we were kids.
Yeah.
And how protective she kind ofwas of us.
(20:36):
I remember her.
She had a hint.
She had an idea, but she had noconviction though.
No, no conviction.
No, because otherwise she wouldhave told me.
Why did she actually have a realconviction afterwards?
Afterwards, no, she found out itwas true.
Oh, she found out she found outit was true.
I gosh, no.
Oh, yeah, she did.
No, I think it was because shewas looking after that little
(20:58):
girl that she'd made friendswith, and she said he'd kind of
did something to her, liketouched her inappropriately, and
she realized it was it was true.
Thank goodness she was and thatshe was a bit like a daughter
for her.
She used to treat her a bit likea daughter.
This little girl, I rememberher, yeah, because her mum was
really busy.
Her mum was a single mum reallystruggling, so she would always
help her out and everything.
(21:18):
But anyway, this is a bigramble, but it's a ramble about
life.
It's a life story.
This is odd.
She was older and she said, I amI thank God that he didn't give
me children.
Because I mean I mean, she couldhave had her lovely children and
just pushed him away.
But imagine if he had donesomething.
(21:39):
I mean, this is not this isn'tthis isn't really, it's not
truth because it's got nothingto do with most people.
It's very rare.
But what I'm saying is that inthat case, she was very
grateful.
And she would have wasted herwhole life thinking in the end,
she was she was at peace withit.
She said, I Yeah, but she didwaste a lot of her life
pondering and wondering aboutchildren, didn't she?
(22:00):
It was a horrible time, yeah.
Yeah, because she was the onlyone of our mum's sisters that
actually didn't get a baby.
Yeah, she didn't have one.
The other ones had like fourkids, and yeah, mum, she had
two, she mum had moredifficulty, she had lots of
miscarriages.
Yeah, anyway, this is a bigramble, but uh the truth is,
yeah, that there are well inwhen sometimes going back to not
(22:26):
giving up, it's a question of astrong belief and and staying
convict staying constant, uh,how do you say it, consistent
with your idea?
And then looking at yourself andand saying, is this right for
me?
Does it make me feel good?
Do is it ecological for me?
Is it like yeah, is it a goodthing?
(22:47):
Is it a good thing?
Do I feel better?
I feel as if I want to give upjust because I feel as if I'm
not good enough, then no, thenyou say, How do I get good
enough?
How do I get better than you canget good enough to do if you
really want to do something?
Yeah, I have to dedicate moretime, learn more.
But I think you're absolutelyright.
(23:08):
I think it's about closing youreyes and thinking, is I knew it.
I I knew I was sort of likemeant to be a mum.
I felt it, I felt it so young,and I thought, no, this is gonna
happen for me.
I I knew it, so I persisted.
And I probably wasted time, alot of time persisting, but in
the end, I remember, you know, Igot it.
(23:31):
I got my I got my baby, I gottwo babies, and I thought, wow,
these are I mean, it was likethe best times of my life when
they were tiny and growing up,and they still are today, you
know.
It's my dream to think I gotthat.
And I think if you just it's asmall steps along the way, it
took about 10 years.
(23:51):
That's what I'm saying.
It wasn't easy and it wasn'tfast.
unknown (23:54):
No, it wasn't easy.
SPEAKER_00 (23:56):
So a lot of the roads that you're on are not
going to be short, easy roads.
They're not.
No, no.
If they're worthwhile, ifthey're worthwhile, they're
usually long.
They're usually long and quitearduous, and it's like one step
at a time to get where you want.
Lots of little challenges.
(24:18):
So many challenges along theway, but then life is about
challenges, and a life withoutchallenges wouldn't challenge
us.
That's why we like and itwouldn't be fun, really.
No, it wouldn't be boring.
You you appreciate things almostmore when when they're it's like
Christmas, isn't it?
If it's every day is Christmas,boring, every single day you're
getting gifts or whatever, youknow, even as a child.
(24:41):
What what it represents nothinganymore.
No, but the wait, theanticipation, the anticipation
is what it's all about.
So we're gonna wait for you tosend us love and comments on
YouTube, on at Get Real with theEnglish Sisters on Instagram and
help us grow.
And we love you all.
(25:01):
Have a good day.
Bye.
Lots of love and smiles from theEnglish sisters.
Bye.
We are therapists and we arehere to help you get in touch.
Bye.
Giving up.
When's it time to give up?
When should you throw in thetowel?
Or when should you staypersistent and resilient?
That's what we're going to bechatting about in this week's
episode of Get Real with theEnglish system.
Hi, welcome.
Welcome, welcome.
(00:22):
I mean, we have thought aboutgiving up a lot of times,
haven't we?
But never seriously.
Never seriously, no, no,absolutely not.
Because I think it's because Iin my head I've got this mantra
where I say to myself, I'm thekind of person that doesn't give
up on things.
Yeah.
(00:42):
I have that belief.
And I've had it through years ofhaving of struggles, of of
having things happen to me thatI thought, no, I'm not giving
up.
And so I really do have a strongbelief, uh sort of an identity
about myself that I've formedover the years.
That you don't give up.
(01:03):
I don't give up.
I I tell myself I'm that kind ofperson that doesn't give up,
even though sometimes I mightthink I should give up on
things.
Yeah, I think there's a fineline between being that kind of
person that's like either yougive up because you feel as if
you you can't make it when youreally could, and if you had the
(01:25):
right help, you would be able togo forwards.
And the and when you and whenyou just give up because you
think, well, that's it, and youjust think that well, I'm not, I
can't, you know, it's notworking, I'm gonna give up.
I think there's a fine linebetween the two.
Yeah, sometimes I think it'slike stupid continuing.
Yeah, but I do, I kind of do,and unless it's so obvious that
(01:50):
it's not going to be for mebecause instinctively I feel
it's wrong.
But if somebody said like theidea of the English is to just
give it up, I know him, I wouldbe like full of, I would say no
with my whole heart.
I'd say no, I believe in this.
Yeah, uh I remember when myhusband said it like about 10
years ago, he said, No, justcome and work with me full-time.
(02:11):
I really need you, you know,you'll be a great uh source and
come into the family business.
And I thought, look, I I can doboth, yeah.
But I I I felt in all my heart,it's not just because it's you,
and obviously I love you somuch, it's not it's not just
because of that, it's because wehad this idea, we had this dream
(02:32):
of slowly in our minds we couldhelp people, really.
Yeah, and I really didn't wantto give up on that.
No, and it hasn't been easy, ithasn't gone as we predicted, has
it?
It's definitely not been thiskind of thing, oh wow, you know,
this myth of overnight success.
No, it's been a long haul,hasn't it?
(02:53):
It's been so long and and andand hard, and and and there have
been so many steps to overcome.
Yeah.
But I think the fact that keepsus going as well is that when we
are the English sisters and wedo do our therapy, we do do our
podcasts or our videos.
We always, even though it'shard, because like what you say,
(03:15):
we've got families, we've gotthings we're doing, but it
always leaves us with something,doesn't it?
It always has that feel-goodthing afterwards that we've done
that.
It's something that's worthdoing.
That I was listening, forinstance, like this morning, I
was listening to Kevin Hart onthe uh Diary of the CEO podcast,
and he was saying that when hegot his first laugh from the
(03:38):
audience, he just he said, I gotaddicted to that because he said
I just felt as if I was being ofservice to someone, to somebody,
to some people.
He said, When people left mycomedy act, they were they felt
better, they were felt happier.
So he said that that that's hesaid it was really hard for him
as well.
But he said that's what kept himgoing, the the that first laugh.
(04:01):
And I and he wasn't an overnightsuccess either, because I
remember reading his story, andit took him a long time to
actually get to where he is.
I think a lot of people it'staken them a long time, and
they're put then afterwardspeople think it's an overnight
success.
Yeah, there is this myth, isn'tthere?
You know, the overnight, oh hewas just a big star, or she was.
What really is behind it?
(04:22):
Probably starts when they'rethree, sort of building up on
the dream, you know.
I think things that are worth ittake effort and time, and that's
another belief that I have thatI believe it to be true.
Things that are worth it do takea long time and they take
effort.
They do take effort.
(04:43):
You don't expect to live in abeautiful house, and if you're
building it, you don't expectthe constructor to just say, Oh,
here it is, it's ready.
Like in two weeks, you expect alot longer than what they said.
Like a couple of years.
Yeah, and normally you think,okay, the project, and then when
you read the papers, you think,oh yeah, and then he comes the
builder says, uh, and thenthere's a problem, and then
(05:04):
there's another problem,especially when you're
renovating.
You need more money, you needmore permissions, you need, and
at the end of it, it could itprobably takes at least three
years longer than what youexpected, but then the
satisfaction.
Well, I think it can make orbreak you because I used to
watch those house programs wherethey would put the do they they
(05:25):
would do their own build.
Oh, yeah, you usually actuallyend up separating couples, not a
lot of them, some of them.
Well, not so the struggle sohard on them as a couple, it
will there was so manysacrifices, and I think maybe if
one of them wasn't so keen onthe idea, yeah.
I think if you're both reallykeen on the idea, then it's
(05:48):
easier.
Well, that's like keen on it.
We're both keen on it.
Oh god, I mean, but we're wewe're still trying to monetize
our YouTube channel, which we'vebeen going, it's been like 15
years we've been on YouTube.
Yeah, at least 13.
I haven't counted, but we've gotover 1,500 videos or something,
(06:13):
and we still haven't got thewatch hours.
No, so I mean So sometimes youthink, What is it worth it?
Even putting these videos up,uploading, you know, getting the
video, but in the end, you justthink if it helps, we get some
comments that say this helpedme, I liked it.
Yeah, so you think, well.
Well, it's like when we wroteour first book.
I remember thinking, look, evenif just one person reads it,
(06:36):
even just one person, or justfor my kids, this could really
help them.
It wasn't like this big egothinking, oh, so many people are
gonna read it, and they haven't.
No, but one person in specificwrote to us and said that it
changed his life.
Yeah, I know, so it was amazing,worth it.
Yeah, yeah, he changed, and thenanother person wrote saying that
(06:57):
they were at an actual um aninstructor or something, they
were teaching uh mental healthor something.
In the hospital, in thehospital, yeah.
She was a doctor, and she saidthat that she would read our
stories, yeah.
And she said she actually putone in her office.
Oh, I forgot about that.
Yeah, so yeah, so I've forgottenabout that.
But these little gems that wecut that people give us, we
(07:20):
think, yeah, it's worth it.
Small little successes, I thinkyou have to focus on, don't you?
It's not all that it's not allthat glamour.
Because then in the end, whenyou do get all that glamour, and
then you think, was it evenworth it?
Then you usually get theanticlimax, don't you?
It's the gem.
Well, that's what we've heard,because we haven't got all that
glamour yet.
(07:40):
I mean, you see it, I've seen itin films and that, and they
think, well, is this it?
I mean, well, I guess it's kindof like when we first got an
editor to publish our book.
It was amazing.
We were jumping up for joy, andyay, yeah, yay.
And the joy lasts for a while,but then it's just back down to
normal.
Yeah.
Then it's about getting the bookdistributed and blah blah.
(08:02):
You know, it's a nitty-grittythings, isn't it?
It is.
But thankfully, we didn't haveto do because we had an editor
and we didn't have toself-publish.
Yeah.
But I know it's even harder whenyou have to self-publish.
It is.
We were just really lucky.
We were that we had a connectionand he helped us and we made it.
Well, they saw, they saw us,they saw we had an online
(08:22):
presence.
They said, Oh, yeah.
There, that that's where thevideos could have tied in
because we had an onlinepresence.
They had faith in us.
Yeah.
So it's all the things that youmight do in the background that
you think, are they worth it?
That I uh afterwards they add upto your so it's all those solid
tiny steps along with a goodsound belief in yourself.
(08:46):
And I think the re the way youcan build that belief, if you
say, I don't have that belief,because I'm somebody that's
always given up on everything.
Yeah, well, I think a goodpractice would be to just
accomplish one small thing everyday and then to form a larger
belief.
So today I'm going to go and dothat, no matter how small it is,
(09:10):
something that I want to do.
If I want tulips in my garden,what do I have to do?
I have to go and buy the bulbs,don't I?
Or order them.
So do that first step, and thenby the end of the day, you'll
look back and think, Well, I didthat.
I ordered the bulbs.
But you could be really luckyand have like your neighbour had
(09:31):
tulips, and the little birdbrought the seed over, the
little bulb over, and to plantit right in your flower bed.
Well, that's happened to mebefore.
I mean, yes, that can happen.
But that's the otherperspective, isn't it?
Of people that always wait forthings to happen.
Yes.
And they sometimes they dohappen.
Sometimes very rare.
(09:52):
It's it's quite rare.
It's much, you've much more of achance of getting tulips in your
garden if you go and buy thebulbs.
Well, if you want real, I mean,if you want lots of tulips, you
want to have a like a lovelytulip bed in spring, somebody
you can say, oh wow, look atthat.
You you're gonna need bulbs,aren't you?
Yes.
Unless you're you know, you'regonna need bulbs.
You're happy with the yardtulip.
(10:13):
Yes.
Okay.
And the great metaphor about thebulbs is that they will come
back every year.
So this is for you to thinkabout to say, if I buy that
first bulb or somebody I I getit gifted to me, the first
bulbs, then afterwards I amliterally planting the bulbs and
(10:34):
the roots for my success, and Iwill reap them for many years to
come for my future.
So it's that first step, nomatter what it is, for you to
take, for then for you to lookback in the evening and say,
Well, I did that, hey.
So maybe I'm not that kind ofperson that does give up.
(10:54):
Maybe I can do small thingstowards my success, towards what
I plan to get.
Yeah, and sometimes that whatyou said, it's not all black and
white.
Sometimes you do have to step insomewhere else.
So you might have to step in foryour family or for your partner,
or you might have to get anotherjob on the side, or you might
yeah, but we're not justnecessarily talking about work,
it could be that you want youryour dream was like to study and
(11:18):
to go back to university.
You might be slightly older andyou missed you know, university
when you're in your early 20s,and you might be thinking, Oh,
I'm dirty now, I would reallylike to do that course.
But it's too late, it'sexpensive, or I you know, it's
too late.
But you can find ways.
There's so many ways where youcan start like edging towards it
and putting little footsteps into get to where you want to go.
(11:41):
So you might find a course atyour local college or something,
or a course online that's free.
There are there are lots of themwhere you can start like you
know, dipping your toes into it,start seeing if you actually
like it, and then allow thepassion for it to sort of lead
you because if you likesomething, then it becomes so
(12:02):
much more easier for you to wantto learn more about it.
But you have to actually allowyourself to see those tulips
blossom.
You have to you have to takethat first step, and it's about
tiny, tiny little steps towardsthat road, towards success,
towards success, yeah.
(12:22):
And then you can quantifysuccess how you like because um
I mean we could look about andsay, Well, we weren't successful
because we didn't get to be likewe had offers for a television
and Netflix program at one time,it never happened in it.
Never happened, no, COVID camealong, we don't know what
happened.
We could say, Well, we didn't,you know, we didn't kind of make
it, but we we consider ourselvessuccessful and we pat ourselves
(12:47):
on the back for every littlesuccess that we've had, and then
who knows?
You know, we might not we mightnot if we're nice and soft, we
might not have even liked beingon I don't know because like
we're used to working on our ownand doing our own things, yeah.
In the end, there's always apositive to everything you look
at in life, isn't there?
If you want to, if you want tofind it, there always is.
(13:08):
There is because it it is it isabout you know just
understanding that your life isprecious, really.
So I mean I remember thinking,okay, yeah, we get put on
Netflix.
What happens to the family?
What happens to our system thatwe have now?
The kids were still quite young.
(13:30):
Yeah what do we do?
We get we we go somewhere to tofilm this thing, then what if
it's they try and somehow changeus?
Because they were already kindof suggesting to change us,
weren't they?
They wanted to change our name,they wanted us to be more uh
like hypnotic and dazzling.
(13:52):
Yes, because of the fact that wewe do hypnosis and we're women,
we're quite we're we are quiterare, we were rare in those
days.
Um like it was like it was fiveor six years ago, wasn't it?
Probably now, yeah.
Probably, yeah.
And I remember thinking all ofthose things, thinking, well,
other things, things are gonnachange.
(14:14):
And and I don't know what'sgonna happen because change can
also be scary, it can be good aswell.
It can be good, yeah.
I mean, if it happened, we wouldhave changed.
Oh, we were super delighted wewould manage to try and organise
stuff.
Yes, but at the same time, youdo think, okay, there are lots
of things going on.
Maybe it wasn't the right timein our lives.
(14:34):
Maybe not.
No, whereas now we have adults,yeah, adult children.
Now is time.
Now is the good time.
So if we wanted to sendsomething out to the universe,
we could say now is a greattime.
Now is a because we're freer.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm still prettybusiness, uh busy in the family
business because that's anotherpart of it, but um I'm probably
(14:56):
gonna hopefully get freer andfreer.
Yeah, and having more time forthat.
Definitely make time for that.
It's just about taking smallsteps sometimes.
It's about getting prioritiesright, isn't it?
Yeah, about not giving up.
I mean, I remember when I wasyou so young and I wanted
children, and then we sufferedfrom infertility as a couple, me
(15:18):
and my partner and my husband.
And I remember just thinking, ohwell, you know, this is horrible
being devastated at thebeginning because the news of
infertility is devastating,especially if you really feel
like you want to have a baby.
But then it's so difficult, andI saw you have your baby, and
(15:39):
just oh, the longing for thatcute baby, and just to be a
mother, and I couldn't.
And I remember thinking, I justI just continued through it, and
I thought, hey, this issomething I know I'm not giving
up on.
I remember thinking, I'm notgiving up.
But do you remember I also saidto you, you're wasting the best
years of your life worryingabout it?
(16:00):
Yeah, so just give up on theworry.
Give up on the worry, carry ondoing what you're doing, all the
fertility treatments, but justremember today is today, and
today's gonna be a good day, andyou're gonna enjoy it.
That was not gonna spend and itjust clicked with you, didn't
it?
It clicked, you just I I'dobviously reached about four
years of infertility treatment,injections, everything, fever,
(16:22):
I've yet we tried it all, and Iremember just thinking when you
said that to me, you said yousaid Jutka, you are you are 26
years old.
Goodness me, you're in your 20s.
Just remember that and rememberto enjoy the day.
Remember to just say, hey, youknow, it's not about checking
(16:42):
your cycle and saying, Oh, ohno, my periods come again.
Oh no, you know, it's aboutenjoying the time in between,
and it clicked because I thoughtof that so many times, but
sometimes it just clicks.
Thank goodness it clicked.
Yeah, that day it clicked.
That day it clicked, you poorthing, yeah.
(17:03):
That day it clicked, and Ithought because I saw you
suffering so much, and Ithought, yes, you know, do all
the fertility treatments, butreally, you know, just enjoy
your life as well.
And then also, I mean, they tellyou that when you're more
relaxed, you'll get pregnant,and when you're in when you're
in it, you think that's not trueand it's rubbish.
And how can it be all for peopleto say that because why do
(17:24):
people say that to me?
That how can I be doing that tomyself by being tense?
But the truth is that we're ourbrains are chemical uh labs as
we know now, and we do producehormones and feel good hormones
and relaxed hormones that dofacilitate all these things, and
now that we're older, we canlook back on and think, yeah,
that was true.
(17:45):
And what happened when yourelaxed?
When I when I decided to give upon all the treatments, and I
decided to adopt because Ithought this is my last
treatment, I'm giving up on itnow, and the adoption process
was so hard as well.
Goodness me, talk about notgiving up on that either.
We managed to get through all ofthat, and then I got pregnant,
(18:07):
just when I was about to adopt,I got pregnant, and so yeah.
I mean, this is a classicalstory that's so frustrating when
you're going through the IVF andeverything, and then a lady
comes to you and she says, justrelax.
Yeah, you know, I think you'dwant to slap her in the word,
you would, you would.
I just I don't I don't expect ifyou're going through this, I
don't expect any of you to sayno that relaxing is good.
(18:31):
Also because they told me it wasactually, you know, my husband's
problem.
They said he has extremely lowsperm count.
This is not gonna work.
So I mean, I thought, what'srelaxing gonna help?
Yeah, how can relaxing help?
This is a technical problem.
Exactly.
So don't talk to me aboutrelaxing.
I was so infuriated by it.
(18:52):
And yet somehow, somehow I don'tknow.
It's just been chance, butanyway, whether whether it's
think, if you just think of yourlife as you know, if you just
live mindfully and in the day,you know, you don't want to be
looking back 10 years on andthinking, I I spent the last 10
years of my life worrying aboutgetting pregnant.
(19:12):
And no, unfortunately for somepeople it never does, it doesn't
happen.
And you know, maybe it wasn't itwasn't meant to be for you, or
maybe it wasn't frustrating aswell, because you can say it was
meant to be for it was meant tobe, but like I mean like our
aunt, she could she never backin the day you couldn't get you
didn't have all these fertilitytreatments we have now, and she
(19:34):
never had children.
She always bought it.
Well, you don't have theresources because they're so
expensive.
I mean, this is a horrifyingstory, but in the end, she never
had children, but in the end, itturned out that her husband was
a paedophile.
So Yeah, that's terrible.
Goodness.
I mean, there you would say thatthe universe put it on her poor
woman not to have children.
(19:55):
But she used to say to us, I amso grateful I never had my own
children.
Because when I've discoveredthis, I I've been in the house.
Did she actually say that?
She told our cousins.
Oh, she told her.
She said, uh, it was the bestthing in the world not to have
our own kids.
She said, I couldn't.
It it was horrible.
I mean, she left him in the end.
(20:16):
They couldn't, they couldn'tseparate because uh they didn't
have the financial means, butthey lived separately in their
own houses.
She wouldn't talk to him oranything.
It was horrifying for her, itwas absolutely horrifying.
Yeah, it's so creepy, isn't it?
I remember how nice he was to uswhen we were kids.
Yeah.
And how protective she kind ofwas of us.
(20:36):
I remember her.
She had a hint.
She had an idea, but she had noconviction though.
No, no conviction.
No, because otherwise she wouldhave told me.
Why did she actually have a realconviction afterwards?
Afterwards, no, she found out itwas true.
Oh, she found out she found outit was true.
I gosh, no.
Oh, yeah, she did.
No, I think it was because shewas looking after that little
(20:58):
girl that she'd made friendswith, and she said he'd kind of
did something to her, liketouched her inappropriately, and
she realized it was it was true.
Thank goodness she was and thatshe was a bit like a daughter
for her.
She used to treat her a bit likea daughter.
This little girl, I rememberher, yeah, because her mum was
really busy.
Her mum was a single mum reallystruggling, so she would always
help her out and everything.
(21:18):
But anyway, this is a bigramble, but it's a ramble about
life.
It's a life story.
This is odd.
She was older and she said, I amI thank God that he didn't give
me children.
Because I mean I mean, she couldhave had her lovely children and
just pushed him away.
But imagine if he had donesomething.
(21:39):
I mean, this is not this isn'tthis isn't really, it's not
truth because it's got nothingto do with most people.
It's very rare.
But what I'm saying is that inthat case, she was very
grateful.
And she would have wasted herwhole life thinking in the end,
she was she was at peace withit.
She said, I Yeah, but she didwaste a lot of her life
pondering and wondering aboutchildren, didn't she?
(22:00):
It was a horrible time, yeah.
Yeah, because she was the onlyone of our mum's sisters that
actually didn't get a baby.
Yeah, she didn't have one.
The other ones had like fourkids, and yeah, mum, she had
two, she mum had moredifficulty, she had lots of
miscarriages.
Yeah, anyway, this is a bigramble, but uh the truth is,
yeah, that there are well inwhen sometimes going back to not
(22:26):
giving up, it's a question of astrong belief and and staying
convict staying constant, uh,how do you say it, consistent
with your idea?
And then looking at yourself andand saying, is this right for
me?
Does it make me feel good?
Do is it ecological for me?
Is it like yeah, is it a goodthing?
(22:47):
Is it a good thing?
Do I feel better?
I feel as if I want to give upjust because I feel as if I'm
not good enough, then no, thenyou say, How do I get good
enough?
How do I get better than you canget good enough to do if you
really want to do something?
Yeah, I have to dedicate moretime, learn more.
But I think you're absolutelyright.
(23:08):
I think it's about closing youreyes and thinking, is I knew it.
I I knew I was sort of likemeant to be a mum.
I felt it, I felt it so young,and I thought, no, this is gonna
happen for me.
I I knew it, so I persisted.
And I probably wasted time, alot of time persisting, but in
the end, I remember, you know, Igot it.
(23:31):
I got my I got my baby, I gottwo babies, and I thought, wow,
these are I mean, it was likethe best times of my life when
they were tiny and growing up,and they still are today, you
know.
It's my dream to think I gotthat.
And I think if you just it's asmall steps along the way, it
took about 10 years.
(23:51):
That's what I'm saying.
It wasn't easy and it wasn'tfast.
unknown (23:54):
No, it wasn't easy.
SPEAKER_00 (23:56):
So a lot of the roads that you're on are not
going to be short, easy roads.
They're not.
No, no.
If they're worthwhile, ifthey're worthwhile, they're
usually long.
They're usually long and quitearduous, and it's like one step
at a time to get where you want.
Lots of little challenges.
(24:18):
So many challenges along theway, but then life is about
challenges, and a life withoutchallenges wouldn't challenge
us.
That's why we like and itwouldn't be fun, really.
No, it wouldn't be boring.
You you appreciate things almostmore when when they're it's like
Christmas, isn't it?
If it's every day is Christmas,boring, every single day you're
getting gifts or whatever, youknow, even as a child.
(24:41):
What what it represents nothinganymore.
No, but the wait, theanticipation, the anticipation
is what it's all about.
So we're gonna wait for you tosend us love and comments on
YouTube, on at Get Real with theEnglish Sisters on Instagram and
help us grow.
And we love you all.
(25:01):
Have a good day.
Bye.
Lots of love and smiles from theEnglish sisters.
Bye.
We are therapists and we arehere to help you get in touch.
Bye.
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